1 00:00:00,760 --> 00:00:03,720 There was a few things left that I wanted to give you and I and 2 00:00:03,720 --> 00:00:06,240 rather than try to cram all of those in, I decided to give them 3 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:10,040 to you tonight instead. And so Ephesians chapter 6, just 4 00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:12,760 to bring us back into what we've been talking about. 5 00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:14,320 The Bible says this in verse number one. 6 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:16,880 Children, obey your parents and the Lord for this is right. 7 00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:20,280 Honor thy father and thy mother. Honor thy father and mother, 8 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:22,000 which is the first commandment with promise. 9 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:24,360 Now, obviously, that's two children, right? 10 00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:27,040 And the obedience to your parents, I think that's 11 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:29,400 especially when you're younger. But the honor thy father and thy 12 00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:31,560 mother, that is, they're always going to be your father and 13 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:33,400 mother. That's never going to go away, 14 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:35,920 right? And I think many times as 15 00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:39,320 parents get older and they start doing things that don't make a 16 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:42,760 whole lot of sense sometimes. But I'm not saying that from my 17 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:46,920 own experience, but I've been around long enough to understand 18 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:49,400 that there are times when you get really frustrated with your 19 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:51,920 parents, right? That they don't do the things 20 00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:53,680 that you think would be the best thing for them to do. 21 00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:55,480 And maybe it's because they're getting old enough that they've 22 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:58,160 lost a little bit of what they used to have and they're not as 23 00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:00,600 sharp as they used to be. And it is easy to get 24 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:02,920 frustrated. It's very easy to dishonor your 25 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:05,519 parents, but they're your parents and you still should 26 00:01:05,519 --> 00:01:06,960 honor them. And I think that's one of those 27 00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:08,640 things that you'll be thankful that you did. 28 00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:11,160 But that's the first commandment that comes with a promise is 29 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,800 what the Bible is saying, that it may be well with thee and 30 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:15,520 that thou mayest live long on the earth. 31 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:17,520 That's another promise that comes along with it. 32 00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:20,600 But verse #4 then says, And you fathers, provoke not your 33 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:23,920 children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and the 34 00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:26,480 admonition of the Lord. And we've talked a lot about 35 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:29,800 that over the last few years. Bring them up in the nurture and 36 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:32,160 the admonition of the Lord. That's the responsibility of the 37 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,560 Father. And that means then that the 38 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:37,520 wife, the mother is supposed to follow the husband's leadership, 39 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:41,200 follow her husband's leadership and do what he has set as the 40 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:44,360 standards in their home and, and follow that leadership that he 41 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:46,960 that that he's established in the home. 42 00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:49,400 If you expect that the home is going to go the way that it 43 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:52,840 should, because everybody has a defined biblical role to follow. 44 00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:56,240 Husband leads, wife follows the husband, children obey the 45 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:58,080 parents. Everything goes just the way 46 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:01,600 that God planned for it to go. But all children have moments or 47 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:04,160 seasons when they struggle with obedience just like their 48 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:06,640 parents. By the way, many times we're 49 00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:09,280 very hard on our children when they disobey and then we turn 50 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:11,160 around and do the exact same thing to God. 51 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:14,640 I think if we were willing to give our children the same grace 52 00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:18,880 that we give ourselves, we would not bring our children up in 53 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:20,600 wrath. We would not provoke our 54 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:23,320 children to wrath as the Bible says not to do. 55 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:25,760 But some children, I think, particularly in the teenage 56 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:28,800 years, become defiant. They become overtly 57 00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:33,320 disrespectful and you wonder why, why, why is this happening 58 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:37,360 now #1 it starts way back when they're little kids, starts way 59 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:39,280 back when they're little kids. But there are some things that 60 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:42,640 you can do, especially as they get older and start to show some 61 00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:44,680 of those signs of rebellion. There's a lot of contributing 62 00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:47,880 reasons for why kids act that way, I think, including the free 63 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:50,600 will of every person of to follow the Lord or not follow 64 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:53,000 the Lord, right? Sometimes kids, you could do 65 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:55,640 everything right, and they're just going to do their thing. 66 00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:56,920 They're just going to do it their way. 67 00:02:56,920 --> 00:02:58,520 They're just not going to follow. 68 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:01,840 And especially you have kids that as they grow up and they, 69 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:04,200 they get out on their own and they marry somebody and they go 70 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,440 straight for a while. And then they start to deviate 71 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:09,440 because they get into a church that's not strong or they, they 72 00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:12,480 start to get away from the Lord because the situation that they 73 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:15,600 found themselves in that they don't have some accountability 74 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:17,640 or something like that. And so they just start to stray. 75 00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:19,960 And the next thing you know, they've made the decision to not 76 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:22,720 even be in church or whatever that happens to be, right? 77 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:25,600 It doesn't necessarily reflect that you raised them the wrong 78 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:26,880 way. It reflects that they had a free 79 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:28,840 will and they could choose what they wanted to do with their 80 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:32,960 life. But I want to give you 7 things 81 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:38,280 tonight that are common factors for why teenagers rebel, why any 82 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:42,440 young person rebels. Whatever amount of of discipline 83 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:45,360 and example you do give, if you're participating in any of 84 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:48,440 these seven things, then you're undermining your own influence. 85 00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:51,440 You're undermining your own authority and you're you're 86 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:54,080 almost teaching your children to be disrespectful. 87 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:58,400 So here are seven ways tonight that parents undermine their own 88 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:01,600 influence. Let's pray and then we'll jump 89 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:03,440 into these things tonight. Father, again, we thank you so 90 00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:05,560 much for your goodness to us. We thank you for the opportunity 91 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:07,680 to be here together. Pray that it would be a help to 92 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:09,320 us. And again, we thank you for all 93 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:11,440 that you do for us in Jesus name, Amen. 94 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:16,240 Number one is this when when they hear their parents 95 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:19,800 criticize authority, you're undermining your own influence. 96 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:24,000 When your children hear, you undermine and criticize 97 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:25,760 authority. If every night you come home 98 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:28,720 from work talking about how worthless your boss is and 99 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:31,160 saying all the things that you would not say to your boss's 100 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:33,840 face, you're undermining your own authority. 101 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:37,200 If every Sunday at lunch you talk about all the mistakes that 102 00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:40,440 the pastor is making, you're undermining your own authority. 103 00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:44,640 You're teaching them that it's OK to not respect the authority 104 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:47,400 that's in their life. And it sounds very subtle. 105 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:50,280 It may not be a, it may not seem like a big thing, but when you 106 00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:53,080 are tearing down authority in front of them, you are also 107 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:55,400 tearing down your own authority because you are telling them 108 00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:58,640 it's OK to tear down authority as long as there's a reason to 109 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:01,280 tear that authority down. And I'm not saying that you have 110 00:05:01,280 --> 00:05:03,360 to agree with everything that your boss does. 111 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:05,760 I'm not saying that you have to agree with everything that the 112 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:08,360 pastor does. Talk about it in private. 113 00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:10,960 Have a conversation with your wife in private. 114 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:14,360 You're talking you, you do this criticizing in front of your 115 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:15,880 children. You are tearing down your own 116 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:18,920 authority. Same thing when it comes to your 117 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:21,640 children's teachers or coaches or whatever it happens to be 118 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:24,800 when you disrespect them in front of your children, you are 119 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:26,840 also disrespecting your own authority. 120 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,200 You're tearing your own authority down and it's going to 121 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:32,480 hurt you in the long run. And it may be that it happens 122 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:35,560 when, when your kids are in first, second, third, 4th grade, 123 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:38,720 but they see that and they know exactly what's going on. 124 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:40,960 And by the time they get into 7th, 8th, 9th grade, when they 125 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:43,640 start feeling a little bit of their Wheaties and they're not a 126 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:46,840 little kid anymore, they're going to disrespect your 127 00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:49,880 authority because you've taught them to do that by criticizing 128 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,560 the authority in your life. Here's number 2. 129 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:55,800 When they see their parents violating scripture, you are 130 00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:58,600 tearing down your own authority. You are undermining your own 131 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:01,200 influence when you violate scripture. 132 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:04,720 Now, none of us are perfect. We're always going to fall short 133 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:06,840 in some way or another. But when your children see you 134 00:06:06,840 --> 00:06:10,680 flagrantly disobeying God's Word, you are undermining your 135 00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:13,480 own influence. Especially if you're in a church 136 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:16,440 like this. You hear it preached over and 137 00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:18,960 over and over, especially about the things that you watch on 138 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:22,120 television and the things that you spend your time doing and 139 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:24,040 the things that you know are wrong. 140 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:26,360 And then you go and participate in those things, and your 141 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:28,440 children are sitting there watching those things with you. 142 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,840 They know that you should not be watching that. 143 00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:35,360 They know that they shouldn't be watching it listening to music 144 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:38,200 that is displeasing to the Lord, and you're sitting there 145 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:39,880 listening to that music together. 146 00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:42,000 They know that they shouldn't be listening to that. 147 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:45,440 They know that you shouldn't be listening to that, and yet 148 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:49,880 you're doing it anyway. When you violate scripture, they 149 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:52,480 know that that that is not right and you are tearing down your 150 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,880 own authority, but you're also tearing down your influence 151 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,320 because how can you then turn around and tell your kid don't 152 00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:59,880 do that. You know better than that when 153 00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:01,520 you were literally doing the exact same thing. 154 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:03,360 Well, I'll tell you what happens. 155 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:05,680 Most of the time the parents don't do that because they know 156 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,080 they're doing things that they shouldn't be doing. 157 00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:08,920 So they just don't correct their children at all. 158 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:12,160 And now the kids can go on and do whatever they want to do and 159 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:14,440 live the life that they want to live because the parents want to 160 00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:17,040 do the exact same thing. And you're undermining your 161 00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:19,120 influence when you're doing those things. 162 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:21,320 And, and they know that you don't really believe that the 163 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:25,280 things that you're teaching them, that they know that you 164 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:26,920 don't really believe the things that you're teaching them. 165 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:28,240 And you're going to lose that respect. 166 00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:30,920 You can sit down and have devotions every single night. 167 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:34,280 You can come to church every single time the doors are open. 168 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:37,880 And you can listen to all the different things that you should 169 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:41,440 be doing and here and, and, and knowing all the, all the 170 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:43,400 different things that you should be doing in your life. 171 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:44,600 And your kids know all those things. 172 00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:47,280 And then you get up there and do the exact opposite of that. 173 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,000 It doesn't matter what you're doing. 174 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:53,160 They're, they're watching your life and they're watching your 175 00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:56,680 example and you are undermining that example #3 and we've 176 00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:58,480 already kind of touched on this. And I'll be honest, a lot of 177 00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:00,960 these things are just kind of a summary of a lot of things that 178 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:03,680 we've talked about already. But #3 when they feel that their 179 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:06,760 parents don't love one another, you're undermining your 180 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:09,640 influence. When they feel that the parents 181 00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:12,520 don't love one another, it could be that you do and you get along 182 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:14,640 fine, but you're constantly bickering and arguing and 183 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:18,800 fighting and then you, you know, you, you, you go back into the 184 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:20,640 room by yourself and everything's perfectly fine. 185 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:22,880 You have a great time, but then you come out and you're 186 00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:24,200 bickering and arguing and fighting. 187 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:25,720 Then you go back into the bedroom and everything's 188 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:27,520 perfectly fine, and then you're arguing and fighting. 189 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:30,200 When your kids, when your kids perceive that the parents don't 190 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:33,200 love each other, then you're undermining your own influence. 191 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,640 The seeds of that insecurity that's shown in a young person's 192 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:38,679 heart when they feel that their parents don't love each other 193 00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:42,120 run very deep. If you have difficulties in your 194 00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:44,800 marriage, you need to determine together that you're going to 195 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:48,000 work through them. Now, I would think that 196 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:51,920 everybody that's in here is in a position where divorce is not an 197 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:54,240 option for you. You're going to stick together 198 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:55,840 no matter what. You're going to fight through 199 00:08:55,840 --> 00:08:59,640 those things no matter what. But many times marriages like 200 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:02,680 that are miserable because you don't want to be together. 201 00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:04,840 But you have to be together because you can't get divorced. 202 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:07,240 And so instead of getting it fixed and figuring out what you 203 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:10,000 can do to make the marriage better, you just both live in 204 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,160 misery. That's no way to live. 205 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:15,960 That's no way to be an example to your children, right? 206 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:21,360 Ask for pastoral counseling, get individual counseling if you 207 00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:24,280 have to, right? There's there are things that 208 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,880 you can do to help get your marriage on more of a solid 209 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:29,360 footing, but you've got to get your marriage right if you're 210 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:30,880 going to have a family. That's right. 211 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:33,920 The marriage is the foundation of everything I mentioned this 212 00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:35,960 last week. You know, how can you live for 213 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:38,880 30 years together, married and then get a divorce after you've 214 00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:41,240 been married for 30 years? It's because you're not spending 215 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:44,720 that time pursuing each other. You need to pursue each other. 216 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:46,760 Hey, didn't you do you do that before you got married? 217 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:52,160 All right, all the love notes and all these different things 218 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:54,640 that I'm going to do for you because I'm trying to win your 219 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:56,240 heart. And then you get married and 220 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:58,480 it's like, all right, the old lady is, you know, doing this 221 00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:00,520 tonight. You know, whatever it happens to 222 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:02,400 be, you stop pursuing each other. 223 00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:05,120 And that's when the marriage starts to degrade from day one. 224 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:08,720 And then you have kids and and they get frustrating sometimes 225 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,240 and there's a lot of responsibility with children. 226 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:13,600 You can't just pick up and go to Waffle House at one O clock in 227 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:15,920 the morning because that's what you feel like doing, right? 228 00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:18,960 Everything changes when you have children and it changes the 229 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:21,360 dynamic of your relationship because now you got something 230 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:24,160 that you got to take care of or it's going to die, right? 231 00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:27,080 Remember those little pocket animals that people had? 232 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:30,280 Remember that? I think it was probably in like 233 00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:35,320 the mid 2000s, you know, 2006, seven, 8:00 somewhere in there, 234 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:37,440 everybody's walking around with these little animals in their 235 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:38,800 pocket that you had to keep alive. 236 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:40,840 And if you didn't push the button and feed them, they died, 237 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,480 right? But then what happens? 238 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,400 Well, you just go buy another one, right? 239 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,080 Well, I figured this out. You can't do that with kids. 240 00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:48,920 They die. You're done, right? 241 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:51,600 And and I'm not, I'm not trying to be morbid, but that's exactly 242 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:52,880 what it is. You got to keep them alive, 243 00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:54,640 right? You have, they have, you have to 244 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:56,400 take care of their needs and everything else. 245 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:59,800 And what happens is if you are not purposely pursuing each 246 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:03,280 other in your marriage, then you're going to let those things 247 00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:05,960 take over, right? And, and your kids are going to 248 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:09,080 be gone someday. Your spouse and is, is not 249 00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:13,840 right, 18 years, 20 years, 25 years depends on how many kids 250 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,360 you have and how long they're in the house. 251 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:17,400 They're right. Eventually you're going to be 252 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,200 back on your own. It's just going to be the two of 253 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:20,880 you. And if you live a normal life, 254 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:23,480 you're going to have 20 or 30 years with just the two of you 255 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:26,040 again, right? You started off that way. 256 00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:29,400 You're going to end that way. It's what you do in that in 257 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:31,960 between time, especially when you have those the, the 258 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:33,520 children. It's it's what you do with those 259 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:35,600 in between times that are going to determine how your marriage 260 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:38,200 is going to go, right? And you've got to make sure 261 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:39,760 you've got to prioritize those things. 262 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:41,520 Well, I can't because my kids are too young. 263 00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:43,040 We can't go out to eat. We can't do this. 264 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:45,400 Listen, there's a whole church full of people that will watch 265 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:48,640 your kids for you if you want to go out, right? 266 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:50,960 There's a lot of people who are retired that would love to watch 267 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,680 your kids and spank them for you while you're gone. 268 00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:56,200 I'm just kidding. Please let me watch your 269 00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:58,280 children. No, I'm just kidding. 270 00:11:58,280 --> 00:11:59,920 But listen, there's a lot of people that would do that. 271 00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:02,360 You've got to prioritize spending time together. 272 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,960 All right? It's it's we're at a great stage 273 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:07,560 in our marriage because my kids are old enough that I can just 274 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,720 leave them home and we can go out and, you know, go to dinner 275 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:12,880 or do whatever, right? When the kids are at school, 276 00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:15,360 it's a great opportunity. They're at school and we can go 277 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:16,720 out for lunch or different things. 278 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:20,200 We do it at least once a week, sometimes more when we have the 279 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:23,400 opportunity to do that because I'm not I, I, I don't want to be 280 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:26,640 one of those ones that I don't know my wife when my kids are 281 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:28,440 gone. I'm, I want to continue to 282 00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:31,480 pursue that relationship now the same way that I pursue now. 283 00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:34,280 The, the structure is a little bit different, right? 284 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,200 I already got her. She can't leave now. 285 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:40,320 I'm not trying to, to win her over, but I want to keep her. 286 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:43,040 I want to have my wife's heart, right? 287 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:46,480 And I want her to have mine. And, and that that does not come 288 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:48,640 by accident. If you are struggling in your 289 00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:50,320 marriage, you've got to get help with that. 290 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:52,560 You've got to get that marriage on the right foundation. 291 00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:55,320 No matter how many times you tell your kids that it's not 292 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:57,480 their fault that we're struggling in our marriage, 293 00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:58,640 they're never going to believe you. 294 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,480 And they're always going to think it's because of me. 295 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:03,400 It's my fault. Something's wrong with me. 296 00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:07,080 And that's why my parents are are having problems in their 297 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:08,920 relationship. And you can tell them it's not 298 00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:12,320 and many and sometimes it is. It is not the kids, it is the 299 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:13,880 parents that just can't get along. 300 00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:15,560 But the kids aren't going to see it that way. 301 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:21,880 And it's going to undermine your influence #4 you undermine your 302 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,480 own influence when your children are not disciplined for 303 00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:28,240 disobedience. This all comes down to one word, 304 00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:32,840 and that word is consistency. You have to be consistent in 305 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:37,040 your discipline, right? It's the same way that that the 306 00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:38,640 law works. And one of the reasons why the 307 00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:41,400 law doesn't work very well is because the justice system is 308 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:45,400 very inconsistent, right? Somebody can, somebody can 309 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,520 murder somebody and they get 10 years in prison. 310 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:49,680 Another person can murder somebody and they get 4 life 311 00:13:49,680 --> 00:13:52,200 sentences, right? There's just, there's no, 312 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:55,160 there's no consistency to it. So I got 10 years. 313 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:56,720 Now I'm going to go kill somebody else. 314 00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:59,400 I'm probably only going to get 10 years again, right? 315 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:01,640 And it happens. I mean, it happens more often 316 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:05,160 than you think, but when you're you're kids, you know, 317 00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:07,560 especially as they get a little bit older and they have a little 318 00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:10,120 bit more freedom, maybe they break the curfew that you 319 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:12,120 established. You learn that they've been 320 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:14,800 hanging out with kids that you told them not to hang out with. 321 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:17,840 This is as they get older, obviously, you know, and there's 322 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:19,760 no consequences. They're going to learn not to 323 00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:23,640 respect what you say because it doesn't matter if you say this 324 00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:25,720 is what's going to happen. If you do this and you don't do 325 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:30,080 it, then why would they ever? And by the way, I said this at 326 00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:31,320 the beginning, it all starts from there. 327 00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:33,920 Very little. If you tell your kid don't touch 328 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:36,200 that or you're going to get a spanking and they touch it and 329 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:38,200 you say, I said don't touch that or you're going to get a 330 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:40,040 spanking and they touch it again. 331 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:42,520 And you say, I'm telling you, you're going to get a spanking 332 00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:46,520 if you touch that again, right? Why wouldn't they touch it? 333 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:50,280 Because the next time you tell them something, they're going to 334 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:52,040 say, well, this is probably another one of those times where 335 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:54,840 I'm going to get another warning before I get in trouble and then 336 00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:56,800 I'm probably going to get another warning before I get in 337 00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:59,520 trouble. If you say it, you better back 338 00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:01,400 it up. Don't touch that or you're going 339 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,480 to get spanked. They touch it. 340 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:04,480 All right, let's go. All right. 341 00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:07,800 And there's battles sometimes back and forth and they last a 342 00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:10,000 while. You're not trying to break your 343 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:13,960 children's spirit, but you are trying to break their will the 344 00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:16,240 same way that that it happens with God, right? 345 00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:18,840 I don't want to, I don't want to beat my children to the point 346 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:22,600 where they're just, you know, a BLOB of me that, that I can just 347 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:24,360 fling around and do whatever with, right? 348 00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:27,760 But at the same time, they've got to understand that your will 349 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:31,000 has to become subservient to the will of the parents the same way 350 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,840 that our will has to become subservient to God's will, 351 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:35,760 right? You want your children to do 352 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:37,440 what God wants them to do with their lives. 353 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:39,760 Don't expect that that's going to happen if you've never 354 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:43,040 brought their will under your will, right? 355 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:48,840 God gave you them so that you could teach them and raise them 356 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:51,080 to into something that God can use. 357 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:54,040 And if you don't do that, God's not going to be able to use them 358 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:56,120 either. If you raise a rebellious young 359 00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:59,680 person, if you raise a young person that doesn't have any 360 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:03,040 desire to follow what you what, what do you think the Bible says 361 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:05,560 in in Proverbs, my son, give me thine heart. 362 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:09,160 What do you think that means? That means bring your will under 363 00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,800 my will, right? This is what I want. 364 00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:14,520 I've been around a while. I don't know everything, but 365 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:17,200 I've been around a lot longer than my kids have, right? 366 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:20,040 I was there once. I know the dumb things that kids 367 00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:21,520 do. I know the mistakes that kids 368 00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:24,160 make, and I don't want them to make the same mistakes. 369 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:28,520 By the way, kids, when the Bible says children obey your parents, 370 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:30,320 that's exactly what it's talking about. 371 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:34,800 You bring your will under their will so that one day they can 372 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:37,760 transfer that over to God and you can bring your will under 373 00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:40,800 God's will. But this, the whole idea there 374 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,680 is that when you know, it's if you're not consistent in your 375 00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:46,680 discipline, you're teaching your kids to just do whatever they 376 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:49,240 want to do whenever they want to do it and hope that this is the 377 00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:52,880 time that the hope that this is not the time when you finally 378 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:54,040 decided to follow through with it. 379 00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:57,440 And by the way, that's what leads, that's what leads to a 380 00:16:57,440 --> 00:17:02,520 parent losing their temper and just going off on their children 381 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:05,200 and actually moving into child abuse. 382 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:09,359 Spanking a kid is not child abuse, but losing your temper on 383 00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:12,599 your kids is child abuse, right? How do you keep that from 384 00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:14,520 happening? Hey, I said, no, let's go. 385 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:17,200 It's just as simple as that. That's the that's the rule, 386 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,440 that's the law, right? That's what we've laid down in 387 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,160 here. You disobeyed, you're in 388 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:23,720 trouble. What happens is I said don't do 389 00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:24,920 that. I said don't do that. 390 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:26,839 How many times do I tell you not to do that? 391 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,320 Get in here, right? And that's when you whip the 392 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:31,640 belt off and you start whipping them everywhere, right? 393 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:35,120 That's what happens when you, when you're not consistent, you 394 00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:38,000 lose your temper and you lose, you lose control of the entire 395 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,480 situation. You're not in control, your kids 396 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:43,280 are. And you undermine your influence 397 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:47,920 when that happens #5 you undermine your influence as a 398 00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:51,000 parent when they're rewarded materially in spite of bad 399 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,840 behavior. A parent that thinks, well, I'll 400 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,120 just, I'll just keep giving stuff to my kid. 401 00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:59,800 He's really going to love me if I just keep giving him things or 402 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:02,440 if I refuse to buy him what he's asking for, then we're going to 403 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:05,920 lose our relationship. That's being lazy. 404 00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:08,960 The truth is your, your, your kid, your teenager especially, 405 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:11,840 he's not going to love you more for what you buy him. 406 00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:14,600 He's going to enjoy what you buy him, right? 407 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:18,000 If he's begging you nonstop for some kind of whatever these game 408 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,640 stations are and you buy it for him and he wants this game and 409 00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:22,720 you buy it for him and that game and you buy it for him and a 410 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:25,040 phone and you buy it for him and this and you buy it for him, 411 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:28,200 he's going to enjoy it. But he's not going to, he's not, 412 00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:29,840 it's not going to build your relationship. 413 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,520 He's going to lose that respect for you when he knows that you 414 00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:36,880 won't ever tell him no. And I think maybe this is one of 415 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:41,760 those things that comes later on when they're 19202122 years old 416 00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:43,960 and they realized my parents didn't give me everything that I 417 00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:46,200 wanted. I'm glad for that, but I'm very 418 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,640 thankful for that. Now there was things that I 419 00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:49,920 asked my parents if I could do it. 420 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:51,760 My dad said no. And I was like, why not? 421 00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:54,800 Why? Well, give me a good reason. 422 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,520 And then I never would have said that to him, right? 423 00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:00,360 I thought it. I thought it. 424 00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:02,200 But looking back, I'm saying, you know what? 425 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,440 I'm glad he said no. I'm glad he said no. 426 00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:06,840 That proves that my dad was willing because he knew that I 427 00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:07,960 did. I wasn't going to like it, 428 00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:10,120 right? But he was willing to do the 429 00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:13,280 hard thing, to do what was the best thing for me. 430 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:16,120 And when all you do is buy your kids everything they want and 431 00:19:16,120 --> 00:19:19,000 all you do is just cater to whatever your kid wants and you 432 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:22,200 make their life just a bed of flowers so that they don't have 433 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:23,840 to struggle a day in their lives. 434 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:26,760 And they want to go hang out with these friends And you don't 435 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:28,640 want to tell them no because then they're not going to like 436 00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:29,760 me. So go hang out with those 437 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:32,200 friends. And look, I've heard it from 438 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:35,440 teenagers, teenagers that that had parents who let them do 439 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:40,400 anything they wanted to do. They didn't like it, they didn't 440 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,560 like it. I've heard them say, I wish my 441 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:45,520 parents would tell me no sometimes because I know it's 442 00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:47,200 not good for me. But I asked them and they say 443 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:49,920 yes. And what happens is, you know, 444 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:52,440 eventually when a parent never says no, they, they just stop 445 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:54,480 asking and they just start doing whatever they want to anyway. 446 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:56,360 They're the ones that are sneaking out of the house in the 447 00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:58,160 middle of the night and going and hanging out with friends and 448 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:00,040 doing whatever they want to do, right? 449 00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:02,200 Because the parents are not going to tell them no anyway. 450 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,240 So why not? I just don't want them to know 451 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:07,240 that I'm doing it. And that's what happens, number 452 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:11,680 six, when they're compensated materially by parents who pity 453 00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:13,520 them. You're undermining your own 454 00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:15,480 influence. Give your children gifts. 455 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:16,840 Yes, there's nothing wrong with that. 456 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:18,400 Buy them something for their birthday. 457 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:20,720 Buy them things for Christmas. I'm not saying don't ever buy 458 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,680 anything for your children. But if if your teenager 459 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:27,480 particularly is always asking for money, but it's not willing 460 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:31,520 to work, not willing to budget, you keep giving them money, 461 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:33,000 they're going to lose respect for you. 462 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:38,920 Give give your kids things freely because you're their 463 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:41,680 parents, that's one thing. But financially bailing them out 464 00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:45,160 of every situation and every time they need money, you just 465 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:48,320 you just throw it at them. That's not helping them at all. 466 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:53,160 Make them work. Go go get a job, even even if 467 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,600 it's just going next door and raking leaves for somebody and 468 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:58,440 earning some money. All right, Learn what it means 469 00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:02,280 to, to, to not only, not only are you undermining your 470 00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:04,840 influence, but you're teaching them very, very bad habits of, 471 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:09,360 of financial stability. There's nobody there that's 472 00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:12,520 going to bail you out when you don't have money to buy 473 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:14,960 groceries, right? Nobody's there. 474 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:18,760 Well, the government is, but do you want them to be dependent on 475 00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:20,720 the government their entire lives, right? 476 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:25,280 Do you want them to, to, to be constantly sticking their hands 477 00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:27,400 out and, and asking for everything, right? 478 00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:31,640 Make them work, make them go, make them go make their own 479 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:34,920 money, right? Make them learn the value of a 480 00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:37,800 dollar, right? If your kids want to go buy the 481 00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,680 latest basketball shoes and they're 150 bucks and you just 482 00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:43,080 like, well, whatever, here's $150.00, they're not going to 483 00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:46,120 take care of them. My dad when I got into 7th 484 00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:47,920 grade, he said, I'm going to, I'm going to give you a place to 485 00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:49,680 live. I'm going to put food on the 486 00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:52,800 table and I'm going to give you, you know, a place to sleep. 487 00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:54,560 You want anything else, you're paying for it. 488 00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,160 And you know what I did? I had, we had basketball season 489 00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:01,640 come up and I went to Kmart and I bought AI didn't even know 490 00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:03,360 they made these. I've never seen them since. 491 00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:06,000 I went to Kmart and I bought a pair of Warner Brothers 492 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:08,840 basketball shoes for $15 in the clearance rack. 493 00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:15,000 And those shoes lasted me for three years because I paid for 494 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,640 them. If my dad gave me $150.00 pair 495 00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:18,880 of shoes, guess what? Whatever. 496 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:22,000 He'll give me $150.00 next year after I tear these things up. 497 00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:25,160 I didn't wear them anywhere except on the basketball court. 498 00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:29,520 I wore tennis shoes to practice. I put tennis shoes back on after 499 00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:32,240 I left practice. I I bought tennis shoes at 500 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:34,920 Payless Shoes. I don't even know if Payless is 501 00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:36,200 still around anymore. Is it? 502 00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:38,960 But they were the ones that had those plastic bottoms on them. 503 00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:41,160 When you go running across the gym and you try to stop, you 504 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:43,960 skid another 5 feet before you can turn around and take off 505 00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:47,600 running the other direction, you know, and, and middle of winter 506 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:50,280 when the, when the shoes get cold, the bottoms cracked on 507 00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:52,560 them and I had a line across the bottom of my shoes. 508 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:54,160 Some of you know what I'm talking about. 509 00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:56,280 But guess what? I took care of them. 510 00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:59,480 I didn't leave my clothes laying all over the place because I was 511 00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:02,320 going to, I was going to have to buy something to replace it if I 512 00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:04,640 didn't, right? I shopped at Goodwill. 513 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:07,480 I learned what it was like to be frugal with my money because I 514 00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:09,480 had to pay for it. And I'm not saying that you have 515 00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:12,920 to do that with everything that your kids have, right? 516 00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:16,400 But at the same time, if all you do is just give, give, give, 517 00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:20,040 give, give, they're never going to learn the value of a dollar. 518 00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:22,720 And it's not going to mean anything to them when they need 519 00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:25,160 something for 150 bucks and they just come with a handout. 520 00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:28,400 Dad, I need money. Dad, I need money. 521 00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:32,360 Dad, give me, give me, give me. You're undermining your own 522 00:23:32,360 --> 00:23:35,120 influence when you do that. They're going to learn to see 523 00:23:35,120 --> 00:23:38,240 you as a financial source to manipulate rather than a loving 524 00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:41,480 provider and a teacher. And can I add to that, that when 525 00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:44,320 you baby your children because you pity them, you're not only 526 00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:47,120 not helping them, you're hurting them, right? 527 00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:49,760 Well, he gets bullied at school, so I'm going to give him 528 00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:53,400 anything he wants because I feel so bad for him, right? 529 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,480 Listen, there's the time to stand up for your kids. 530 00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:59,640 There's a time to go get some things taken care of and get 531 00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:01,680 some things right if that's the case. 532 00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:06,760 But being bullied actually makes you tougher, makes you stronger. 533 00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:09,560 And if all you do is baby your children, then they're just 534 00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:12,040 going to come running home to Mama every time something bad 535 00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:15,440 happens in their life, right? A difficult situation that they 536 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:18,040 deal with. And so mama's going to make his 537 00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:21,400 life a better roses just because I feel bad for him, right? 538 00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:24,480 I say Mama because most of the times dad don't dads don't do 539 00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:25,280 that. They don't care. 540 00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:28,880 Go go deal with it. But Mamas do that often, right? 541 00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:31,240 It's a it's a it's a natural desire. 542 00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:34,720 You want to you want to make your kids life better than your 543 00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:37,440 life was. You want to make your kids life 544 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:40,840 easier than your life was. But, but in a lot of ways, it 545 00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,960 made you what you are. Having to deal with the 546 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,880 difficulties that you dealt with in your life made you who you 547 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:48,800 are. Could you imagine what your life 548 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,080 would be like without those difficulties that you had to 549 00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:53,160 face? Could you imagine what your life 550 00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,800 would be like if your parents made all of your problems just 551 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:59,040 go away, never had to deal with anything? 552 00:24:59,960 --> 00:25:02,760 No, you need that. You need those difficulties. 553 00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:05,640 You need those things because they make you who you are. 554 00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:08,920 And if all you do is bail your kids out and make their life so 555 00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:12,880 easy because you pity them for whatever reason, you're 556 00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:16,320 undermining your influence in your children's life #7 The last 557 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:18,560 one is this. When they're allowed to 558 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:21,840 participate in activities which they were told they would not 559 00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:28,120 enjoy unless they obeyed. Teenagers need you to hold firm 560 00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:32,400 boundaries. They need you to do what you 561 00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:36,800 said you were going to do. There may be occasions for 562 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:41,240 mercy. You told your kids that this was 563 00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:43,560 going to happen if they did this or this was going to happen if 564 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:48,200 they did not do this and the day comes and they didn't do it, or 565 00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:49,760 the day comes and they did do it. 566 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:54,440 There are times when you can use that as a lesson and you can 567 00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:57,120 allow them to do something that you said they were not going to 568 00:25:57,120 --> 00:25:59,000 be able to do because you give them mercy. 569 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,600 But if you regularly go back and all the conditions that you 570 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:05,160 established for your children to participate in events that they 571 00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:09,000 enjoy, your child's not going to respect you. 572 00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:12,640 And don't expect that the next time you say if you do this, 573 00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:14,600 you're not going to do that. Or if you don't do this, then 574 00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:18,560 you can't go here. And every time they don't do it 575 00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:21,040 and you let them go there anyway, they are never going to 576 00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:23,480 listen to what you said they should not do or they should do. 577 00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:26,280 There's no reason for them to do that because there's there's no 578 00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:29,240 consequences for not doing that. I can promise you this. 579 00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:32,920 If you say, well, you can go on this activity or you can go do 580 00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:35,080 this thing or whatever else it is that you want to do. 581 00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:39,680 If you get this done and they don't get it done and you tell 582 00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:41,840 them they can't go, guess what they're going to do the next 583 00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:44,600 time. OK, they're serious about this. 584 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:47,440 I better get that done if I want to do that right? 585 00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:50,920 Again, it all comes back to that one word, consistency. 586 00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:54,640 If you're not consistent, they're going to learn how to 587 00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:57,280 manipulate you and you're going to wonder why you're being 588 00:26:57,280 --> 00:27:00,280 manipulated and why you can't just tell your kid no. 589 00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:03,240 And they accept it because you taught them how to do that. 590 00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:06,240 You taught them to manipulate you because you weren't 591 00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:08,640 consistent and you didn't follow through with the things that you 592 00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:12,080 said you were going to do. Even the times that you do hold 593 00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:15,440 the line become a wedge in the relationship if you don't always 594 00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:19,840 hold the line. You see, I say don't do this or 595 00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:22,760 let's just use this example. Do this and then you can do that 596 00:27:23,120 --> 00:27:24,720 and they don't do it. Well, fine. 597 00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,080 Do you just just make sure you get it done. 598 00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:30,360 You can go, right, do this or you're not going to go. 599 00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:33,840 They didn't do it. I told you that you couldn't 600 00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:39,200 fine, just go, just go, right? And now the day comes when you 601 00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:43,240 say do this or you can't do that and they didn't do it and you 602 00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:46,680 say you're not going and they think that you're going to ha 603 00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:48,760 ha, OK, I'm going to go. My parents are going to let me 604 00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:49,920 go. And then they, they hold you 605 00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:51,680 hold the line and you say no, you're not going to do that. 606 00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:55,040 Then guess what, it's not going to be like, wow, my parents are, 607 00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:57,400 you know, they're serious about discipline. 608 00:27:57,600 --> 00:27:59,280 I didn't do it. So that no, they're going to get 609 00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:01,400 mad. And that's what turns into the 610 00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:03,840 rebellion and everything else because you're not consistent, 611 00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:06,200 right? So how do you start being 612 00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:08,440 consistent? Just start being consistent, 613 00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:09,840 right? Start today. 614 00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:12,520 If you haven't been doing it, it's it's, I mean, you're behind 615 00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:14,840 the 8 ball, but start doing it, right? 616 00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:17,120 Start doing it today. Sit down with your kids and say, 617 00:28:17,120 --> 00:28:19,680 listen, I've made mistakes, right? 618 00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:22,440 Sometimes that's what really is necessary, a little bit 619 00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:24,600 humility. I've made mistakes. 620 00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:26,360 I've done things wrong. But this is what we're going to 621 00:28:26,360 --> 00:28:27,840 change. This is what we're going to fix. 622 00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:33,800 And then start doing it and let them understand that you turned 623 00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:37,640 the corner, that you made some decisions, that you changed. 624 00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:39,520 They're not going to lose that respect for you. 625 00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:42,440 They're going to gain respect for you because they understand 626 00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:44,040 that you're willing to admit when you're wrong. 627 00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:46,600 They understand that you're willing to admit that you need 628 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:48,480 to do things better. They understand that you're 629 00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:51,200 willing to say we need to do things better as a family. 630 00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:53,320 They're not going to lose respect because, oh, I thought 631 00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:55,640 my dad was perfect. They know you're not perfect. 632 00:28:56,680 --> 00:29:00,280 They know you're not perfect. But then you make those changes. 633 00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:02,960 You don't undermine your own authority. 634 00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:07,520 You build it. Years of a, of a child's life 635 00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:10,600 that we most commonly associate with disrespect. 636 00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:15,320 The teenage years are often not the beginning of the disrespect. 637 00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:18,400 It usually starts way before that. 638 00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:23,080 But you dismissed it when they're six or seven years old 639 00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:26,560 and they, you know, they usually feel a lot more dependent on 640 00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:29,000 their parents. And so they're less likely to 641 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:32,800 show that overt rebellion, even though the seeds of that 642 00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:34,640 disrespect have probably already been sowed. 643 00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:36,720 And they're growing in there and they're getting deep. 644 00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:42,160 And then they're 89101112 years old and those things are just 645 00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:44,720 getting deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper. 646 00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:49,040 And then at 131415 that little fruit starts to grow up. 647 00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:53,400 And then at 161718 it's a full blown tree and you can't do 648 00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:55,760 anything about it because you miss the opportunity. 649 00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:59,440 At least you can't do anything about it without some serious 650 00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:03,000 digging and some serious plowing and all of those things. 651 00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:06,600 That's why it's so vital to cultivate that respect in your 652 00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:08,080 children's heart when they're young. 653 00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:10,120 That's what I've been talking about all along these last 654 00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:13,160 couple weeks. And it is true that the concept 655 00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:16,720 of respect is unraveling in our society today. 656 00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:24,680 The, the, the, the lack of respect is so prevalent in 657 00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:29,280 schools with law enforcement. I mean, in, in the, in the 658 00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:33,040 workplace, the guy that tells his boss off is the big man, you 659 00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:37,240 know, never used to be that way. We're losing that respect in our 660 00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:39,200 society. But may there be a new 661 00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:45,520 generation of Christian young people that grow up learning how 662 00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:48,120 to respect their parents, grow up learning how to respect 663 00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:51,040 authority, grow up learning how to respect God's authority in 664 00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:53,120 their life. That's ultimately what we're 665 00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:56,360 trying to do, is teach them how to follow the Lord with all of 666 00:30:56,360 --> 00:31:00,720 their heart, right? But it starts by teaching your 667 00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:02,840 children to give you their heart. 668 00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:08,320 My son Solomon said in Proverbs, give me thine heart, right? 669 00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:11,880 And he tells fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but 670 00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:15,160 bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. 671 00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:19,400 We have a responsibility to teach that to our kids, and it's 672 00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:22,880 a very serious responsibility, not just the idea of respect. 673 00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:26,200 It starts there, but not just that idea of respect, but the 674 00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:29,960 idea that I've got to follow God with all of my heart. 675 00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:32,920 I've got to follow His will for my life with everything that I 676 00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:34,680 have. And that's what I'm trying to 677 00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:37,960 teach my children. But it starts with respect. 678 00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:40,920 And I don't want to undermine my own influence in my children's 679 00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:42,320 life. I want to have all of the 680 00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:44,880 influence that I can have. Because here's what's happening 681 00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:48,000 right now. If your kids are young right 682 00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:50,360 now, you have authority, all right? 683 00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:53,400 You can tell your kids go do this and they better go do it. 684 00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:57,760 You have authority right now, but one of these days, all that 685 00:31:57,760 --> 00:31:59,480 you're going to be left with is influence. 686 00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:03,320 You're not going to have authority in your children's 687 00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:06,920 life forever. You are building that influence 688 00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:13,040 right now so that someday when your kids are 2120220530 years 689 00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:16,120 old and you come to them and you can say, hey, I think this is 690 00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:18,200 something that you need to really seriously consider. 691 00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:22,440 Guess what they'll do. You've got that influence and 692 00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:23,920 they're really seriously considerate. 693 00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:26,960 You can't tell them don't do that because you're not the 694 00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:31,360 authority in their life anymore. You have authority now, but 695 00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:33,360 you're building influence for later. 696 00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:39,240 And when you tear down your respect for authority, when you 697 00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:42,520 tear down respect for authority, you, you ruin your own 698 00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:44,360 authority. When you do all of these 699 00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:46,240 different things that I talked about tonight, you lose the 700 00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:47,880 influence that you can have later on. 701 00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:51,120 You can have influence while your kids are young, but you 702 00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:54,640 have authority right now. Your kids better do it or else. 703 00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:57,840 But there's going to come a day when you don't have that 704 00:32:57,840 --> 00:32:59,960 authority. All you have is influence and 705 00:32:59,960 --> 00:33:01,800 you're building that influence right now. 706 00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:05,480 So what kind of influence are you building for later? 707 00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:09,880 What kind of what kind of respect for authority and for 708 00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:12,440 your authority are you teaching in your home right now? 709 00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:17,560 Because it's on you to bring them up in the nurture and the 710 00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:19,800 admonition of the Lord. Are you doing it, or are there 711 00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:22,120 things that you need to change, things that you need to fix, 712 00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:24,760 some things that you need to stop doing so that you're not 713 00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:27,480 undermining the very influence that you're trying to build in 714 00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:30,280 your children's life so you can direct them to where God wants 715 00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:34,680 them to be? There's no point in going one 716 00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:37,680 step forward and two steps back. You might be taking a step 717 00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:40,320 forward by doing the things that you should be doing, but then 718 00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:43,120 then you go and undermine your own influence and your own 719 00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:45,560 authority and you're taking 2 steps back and that's not 720 00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:49,560 helping anything. So what are you doing in your 721 00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:52,200 family that you need to change so that you can have the 722 00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:55,000 influence that you need to direct your children to follow 723 00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:57,400 the Lord with all their heart as they get older? 724 00:33:57,400 --> 00:33:59,720 That's that's the question, and that's what I want you to think 725 00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:01,520 about tonight. Let's pray. 726 00:34:01,520 --> 00:34:03,680 Father, again, we thank you so much for your goodness to us and 727 00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:05,680 for an opportunity that we've had to spend some time here 728 00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:08,840 together. I pray that it would be a help 729 00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:10,960 to us, God, and I pray that you'd help all of us to have 730 00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:12,560 families that grow up and live for you. 731 00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:15,480 I pray that we would not lose one single young person to the 732 00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:17,520 world. God, I pray that every single 733 00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:19,920 one of these young people that's in this room tonight would grow 734 00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:23,199 up and live for you with their hearts and with their souls and 735 00:34:23,199 --> 00:34:26,239 with their their minds and with everything that they have. 736 00:34:26,840 --> 00:34:29,199 I pray that you'd help us as parents to follow through with 737 00:34:29,199 --> 00:34:32,120 these things that'll help us to get our children to the point 738 00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:34,719 where they need to be. Help us to have the influence 739 00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:37,840 that we need to have, to direct them to what you want them to do 740 00:34:39,239 --> 00:34:40,520 and where we need to make changes. 741 00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:41,960 God, I pray that you'd help us to do that. 742 00:34:42,639 --> 00:34:45,320 Thank you again for all you do for us in Jesus name, Amen. 743 00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:47,280 If you would stand at your seats with your heads bowed and your 744 00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:50,400 eyes closed and we'd give you opportunity to respond to the 745 00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:53,760 message tonight. I know it's mostly for parents, 746 00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:57,920 but it's not unuseful for the kids either. 747 00:34:58,080 --> 00:35:00,960 You are commanded to obey your parents and to honor and respect 748 00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:02,680 your parents. And maybe you're just not giving 749 00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:06,240 it to them. Maybe they don't make, maybe 750 00:35:06,240 --> 00:35:08,640 they don't do everything right. Maybe they do make mistakes here 751 00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:12,400 and there that does not give you a right to disobey or dishonor 752 00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:15,360 your parents. Maybe you need to get some 753 00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:17,680 things right with the Lord tonight too, so that you can get 754 00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:19,000 some things right with your parents. 755 00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:21,080 I don't know. But I think especially for 756 00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:23,160 parents, we need to make sure that we are doing things right 757 00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:25,920 in our own home so that we can direct our children to honor and 758 00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:29,080 respect and obey the way that they should so that God can use 759 00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:31,880 them. However, God's worked on your 760 00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:35,280 heart tonight. You respond as the piano plays 761 00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:36,720 the invitations open. You can come.