In 1839, George Washington Bethune, he was a Dutch Reformed
pastor. He made this statement.
He said perhaps no grace is less prayed for or less cultivated
than gentleness. I think I would agree with him.
You might hear someone say I need to be more loving or, or,
oh, I need to be patient or I need more peace in my life.
But you're very unlikely to hear someone say I need to be more
gentle, right? Have you ever heard somebody say
that? Probably not.
Perhaps you have. But many Christians lack the
gentleness that we desperately need.
And in our Christian witness, often a curt or sharp response
is simply talked up to. Oh, that's just personality.
That's just how he is. It's no big deal.
Sharp response may just seem normal, but it's not God's
desire. When we look at God's character,
generally speaking we can place his attributes into one of two
categories. That is the masculine or the
feminine, the fatherly aspects as well as the motherly aspects.
Scripture offers us a multi faceted view of Yahweh's
character. At times His masculine
characteristics of strength and power are on display and at
other times God's more feminine characteristics, His motherly
traits like love, patience, mercy, and gentleness are in
view. Now please hear what I am not
saying. I am not saying that God is a
woman or that God is our mother. How did our Lord teach us to
pray? Jesus taught us to pray our
Father. I think if Jesus addressed God
as Father, I believe that's how we should address God as well.
God is perfect and he embodies all that is necessary to being
God. And I think that is also model
for for why we need husbands and wives because because we
complement each other, we both bring different things to the
table, fathers and mothers. So we see this dual nature play
out in Isaiah 40 verse 10. Behold, the Lord God comes with
might and his arm rules for him. Behold, his reward is with him
and his recompense before him, his might, his his arm ruling,
having the power to pay, pay back.
All this speaks to God's strength, his his masculine
fatherly character traits. But then Isaiah quickly shifts
gears in verse 11. He will tend his flock like a
shepherd. He will gather the lambs in his
arms. He will carry them in his bosom
and gently lead those that are with you.
A shepherd has high concern for every last one of his sheep, and
especially the most vulnerable among them.
The lambs who are particularly needy, he carries them close to
his chest and gently leads them. And to think of our great and
mighty God working in such a gentle way is a wonderful and
compelling picture. Almighty God stooping down into
our little lives and gently tending to our needs.
Both the Old and New Testament sometimes picture God as a as a
mother hen. Mother hen gathers her chicks
and takes care of them. She shelters them under her
wing. Psalm 91 four reads.
He will cover you with His opinions.
That is the outer parts of the wings, and under His wings you
will find refuge. His faithfulness is a shield and
buckler. God is His people's protection
and He shelters them. He parries the blows of the
enemy. When the enemy comes in to
attack us next, we can look at God's gentleness as it is
displayed in Jesus. Matthew 1129 I predict I'm
probably going to go through another whole water bottle this
morning. I don't normally go through a
whole bottle, but last couple weeks I have and this morning I
had throat coats. I do not do hot drinks.
I did not like it. It just made me really hot.
So now I'm like trying to cool down, but I don't feel as bad as
I sound. Just so you know.
I know I sound horrible. I was talking to someone the
other day. They said, oh, I had this cough
that lingered for three weeks. I'm just like, oh, I don't want
another week of this, but perhaps next week I'll have my
voice back. We'll see.
Matthew 1129 Jesus says take my yoke upon you and learn from me,
for I am gentle and lowly in hearts and you will find rest
for your souls. Jesus told his followers that he
was gentle and lowly. The word used here is is prowess
and it and it's basic meaning is meek or or humble.
And we can contrast this with what the writer Hebrews 1/3 the
writer there says Jesus upholds the universe by the word of his
power. So Jesus as God embodies both
the masculine and the feminine, the fatherly and the motherly
traits of God. He says come to me, learn from
me. I am gentle and I am humble.
Matthew also quotes Zechariah 9. Matthew 21 says, say to the
daughter of Zion, behold, your king is coming to you humble and
mounted on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a beast of burden.
Matthew and Zechariah are describing the coming king.
The coming king is humble. I don't know if you realize this
is or not, but this is nonsense. Kings don't describe themselves
as humble. You may recall that when I
candidated back in February, I mentioned that the Romans
considered humility a vice and not a virtue.
Humility carried a negative connotation, and it was
associated with low social standing, even shame.
This was the culture of Jesus day.
No king worth his salt would have called himself humble.
But that's how the Hebrew Scriptures describe Jesus, and
that's how Matthew describes him here in Matthew 21.
So looking at these verses moves us closer to a definition of
gentleness. But we're not quite there yet.
Before we define gentleness, I first need to dispel some myths
about gentleness. First of all, gentleness is not
weakness. There's there's a natural
tendency for people to believe that gentleness and and meekness
are weak, but that is simply not the case, as you'll see when we
get to the actual definition. So gentleness is not weakness.
Also, gentleness is not passive aggression.
Gentleness is not passive aggression.
Being passively aggressive is a way to get back at someone for
something without actually being aggressive.
It's manipulative, and when we engage these negative behavior
patterns, we do so in order to get our way and avoid
communication with the person that we're at odds with.
There's nothing gentle about passive aggression.
It's just another way to exacerbate conflict and act in a
petty, childish manner. And it occurs to me that even
the the vague Facebook complaint or post can be passive
aggressive. So I would caution us to be
careful in that manner also. Also, gentleness is not, this is
a strong word, codependency. Codependency is an over
dependence on others. But in a sense where the
codependent focuses on helping other people, navigates the
problems of life or they think they're helping the codependent
loves even needs to be needed and they're quick to rush in and
to save the day. And it's difficult for the
codependent to give up this role.
It's it is after all what they live for being needed and and
they are as resistant to giving up this role as the addict is to
staying clean. These are people pleasers who
struggle to say no and often play the role of a martyr.
As it relates to gentleness, there are a couple to
codependent traits for us to consider.
The codependence can be a pushover.
The codependent is a pushover, always rescuing others, even
when it involves bailing in them out of the consequences for
their poor choices. The codependence heart is huge,
so they'll always rush in to rescue, but as they do, they
minimize the problem and the consequences.
Gentleness is not being a pushover.
The codependence is also a dishonest peacekeeper.
I know this is strong, but let me explain.
The codependent avoids honesty and truth telling for the sake
of keeping the peace. We have to avoid conflict at all
costs, so the codependent does whatever they think that you
want them to do so that they can maintain the status quo and and
not rock the boats. The top priority in life is all
about pleading, pleasing others. So they seek to avoid conflict
and in that they often are dishonest and are not honest
about the truth. Honesty in our conversations is
an important part of gentleness. So Aristotle defined the word
proud taste. The word translated gentleness.
As he said, it's the mean between excessive proneness to
anger and incapacity for anger. Thanks, Aristotle.
I'm not sure that you've really defined anything.
Excessive proneness to anger, somewhere between excessive
proneness and incapacity. There's a lot of ground between
these two opposite poles and and it's not good to be at either
end. Obviously, we don't want to be
excessively prone to anger, but neither do we want to have an
inability to become angry, as this can cause us to not see
right from wrong or to or it can cause us to just sit idly by
when injustice has been committed.
Now, it's regrettable that the word gentleness today has come
to have a connotation of weakness, A wimpy lack of
strength. However, as an expression of the
fruit of the spirit, first of all, gentleness is strength
under control. If you go to figure out online,
you Google what is gentleness, you will come back with strength
under control. This is how every pastor defines
gentleness. So this serves as our basic
definition. Sure, gentleness can can heal,
uplift, inspire, and it involves choosing compassion, patience
and love over anger, judgement and coercion.
But gentleness is not, in a strict sense, soft.
It is having the strength to control your emotions and
actions, especially when when you find yourself in challenging
circumstances. Someone who's gentle won't
attempt to push others around or arrogantly impose his will on
subordinates or peers. However, it's also important to
realize gentleness isn't compat. It isn't incompatible with
decisive action and firm convictions.
Consider the fact that that Jesus, who is our premier
example of gentleness. Jesus could be gentle and
forgiving with repentant sinners, yet he also cleanse the
temple because of the abuses of God's house.
The word gentleness denotes a submissive and teachable spirit
toward God that manifests itself in genuine humility and
consideration of others. Now, this strength under control
isn't something we we simply manifest on our own.
It's not forced. You can't force.
Its gentleness and meekness only come about by the power of the
Spirit working in US. And gentleness is a sign of the
Spirit's transformative power. It's a sign of the Spirit's
transformative power. Let's talk about the Apostle
Paul for a moment. Before Christ, he was a horrible
man. He hated Christians, and he
devoted his life to persecuting followers of the way.
In Acts 7, Stephen gives a powerful gospel message, and he
highlights some of Israel's past from from Abraham all the way up
through Solomon. And the Jews who heard Stephen's
message were enraged at him. Then Acts 758 says they cast him
out of the city and they stoned him.
And the witnesses laid down their garments at the feet of a
young man named Saul. This young man, Saul, he seemed
to kind of be overseeing the operation, if you will, giving,
giving his approval of the stoning by by guarding the
clothes of those who were engaged in stoning.
This follower of Jesus, Stephen. Now, most of you know that Saul
is Paul, but I want to correct something here.
If you've been around church long, you've likely heard that
Saul's name was changed to Paul when he met Christ, right?
We've heard this. However, we don't ever see
Saul's name changed in Scripture and there are several instances
where after his conversion experience on the road to
Damascus, he was referred to as Saul.
First of all, Jesus referred to to him as Saul at the moment of
his conversion, Later a disciple named Ananias.
This is not the Ananias of Ananias and Sapphira fame.
This is a different Ananias. A good 1A disciple named Ananias
was told to find Saul and Damascus and and to restore
Saul's sights. Acts 922 reads.
But Saul increased all the more in strength and confounded the
Jews who lived in Damascus by proving that Jesus was the
Christ. Who did this?
It says it was Saul who was proving that Jesus was the
Christ for some time after his conversion.
Saul used his Hebrew name, however when he became the
apostle to the Gentiles as it says in Romans 11, he started
going by his his Roman name which was Paul.
Remember his goal was to be all things to all people.
So using his Roman name instead of his Hebrew name only made
sense when he was trying to reach Gentiles.
So the apostle Paul was was no weakling.
He had convictions and he very well could have hounded
believers into obedience as he had in his former life.
But now, after Christ, gentleness flowed from his
experience of God's grace. He exercised his strength in
order to serve others and draw them to God through obedience.
In spite of his his strength and strong personality, he was a
very strong, driven, driven person.
He was able to say in First Thessalonians 27 as he writes to
them, but we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother
taking care of her own children. So.
Before his conversion, Paul goes from breathing threats and
murders against followers of the way to comparing himself to a
mother who shows gentle, tender care to her baby.
This was truly a sign of the spirits transformative working
in Paul. Then in Ephesians 4, he writes,
I therefore a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a
manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called with
all humility and gentleness, patience, bearing with one
another in love. Walking in a manner worthy of
Our Calling means that as Christians our lives will
demonstrate humility and gentleness.
It's only fitting for us to walk in this manner and show
deference and patience and love to others.
So another way that's the strength under control is
demonstrated is in kindness. We show this in kindness.
Proverbs 1821 tells us death and life are in the power of the
tongue. We can tear people down, or we
can build them up with our mouths.
First Peter 315 reads In your hearts, honor Christ the Lord as
holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who
asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you, yet do it
with gentleness and respect. Have you ever had a conversation
with someone who's contrary to the Christian faith?
When we get in discussions about the veracity of the Christian
faith, things can get heated. We're strongly convicted of the
truth of the gospel, and the other light other side is likely
convicted. That's the Bible and Christian
faith, or false, or that Jesus wasn't really as exclusive as we
claim he is. It can be easy for us if we're
not careful to become unglued and completely lose it and
things get a little heated, but that's not what God wants.
Peter told these Christians who were experiencing much
persecution for their faith. He said be ready to defend the
gospel, to offer an apologetic for the gospel and the hope that
is inside of us, but do it with gentleness and respect.
Don't lose your mind trying to defend the gospel.
Don't let the other person get better of you and cause you to
become angry, but utilize that strength under control and offer
your firm and convicted response and humility and gentleness.
The gospel is offensive, but we ourselves should not be
offensive when we offer a gospel apologetic with kindness.
We serve the gospel and our own personal witness well.
Let people be offended by the message of the truth and not by
your actions and demeanor. Our gentleness should also be
displayed as we are gracious in correction.
We want to be gracious in correction.
Have you ever been confronted by someone in a gracious manner?
I hope so. It's profound and can actually
lead to life change. The tone of the correction isn't
accusatory, but rather it's gracious, calling you to live
life in the right way in spite of your past failures.
When we confront with gentleness, there's a higher
likelihood of being heard and not being immediately dismissed
and talking about the character of the leaders of the church,
Paul told Timothy in Second Timothy 224 through 25.
And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome, that is the
leaders of the church pastors not to be quarrelsome, but kind
to everyone, able to teach patiently enduring evil,
correcting his opponents with gentleness.
God may perhaps grant them repentance, leading to a
knowledge of the truth. Gentle correction helps people
better see their ways and understand God's desires for
their life. Paul also gives us warning about
confronting others in Galatians 6.
He says brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression.
If if someone, one of one of your your peers is caught in a
sin, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit
of gentleness, keeping watch on yourself lest you also be
tempted. Gentleness and in correction
doesn't only help the other person to be able to hear what
we're saying, but gentleness in in correction also helps us as
we are maintaining humility. It helps us to keep watch over
our own selves so that we aren't tempted to fall into sin.
Also, as we confront someone else, so our actions in
restoring someone should be in humility and grace.
The last point I want to make about gentleness being strength
under control is that gentleness is a sign of wisdom.
It's a sign of wisdom. You know when you've met the
gentle person, their strength is under control and they tend to
have measured, wisdom filled responses, James 313 reads.
Who is wise in understanding among you by his good conduct.
Let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom.
The person who has wisdom and understanding isn't just smart
and filled with information. This person doesn't simply
acquire truth. They apply truth and wisdom is
demonstrated in their gentle, humble spirits.
You won't see this person fly off the handle.
Wisdom has has shaped them and taught them that true wisdom
acts in humility and gentleness. So gentleness is strength under
control. It's a sign of the Spirit's
transformative power. It's kind, it's gracious and
correction. It's a sign of wisdom.
So how do we come by gentleness in our own lives?
The first thing we do is we seek God.
We seek God. And I know this sounds trite and
I say this every week, but it has to be said.
We're not going to manufacture gentleness on our own.
We're not going to coerce ourselves into gentleness.
It must be something that the Holy Spirit works in US.
And in order for that to happen, we need to spend time with God.
Zephaniah 2/3 Seek the Lord, all you humble of the land, who do
His just commands. Seek righteousness, Seek
humility. Perhaps you may be hidden on the
day of the anger of the Lord. Seek Him.
I would also encourage you to pray for gentleness.
Pray that the Holy Spirit would grow this fruit inside of you.
When you know you're going to encounter a situation that'll
press the limits of your capacity to model gentleness,
then pray for the Holy Spirit to fill you up and empower you to
respond in the spirits and not in the flesh.
Another key to gentleness is mindfulness in our thoughts and
actions. This is mindfulness in our
thoughts and actions. I found that having a heightened
awareness of this need in my life and interactions has helped
me immensely. If you're blind to something,
then it increases the likelihood of you acting out that sin.
However, when I am mindful of this need, I approach
circumstances differently. A couple years ago I went
through a particularly difficult season of ministry.
Some of it self-inflicted, some of it not.
God had revealed some blind spots to me.
Generally speaking, you see, I am very in tune to what is
happening in the room when relationships aren't right or
someone is upset. I can tell, I can feel it.
I just know. However, I had been blind to
something I had done, and God wanted to round off this this
rough edge of my character. I'd hurt some people with whom
I'd I'd had the privilege of ministering for a number of
years. They were friends, even family
to us. Really.
They were very dear to us. But I'd hurt them and hadn't
realized it. In a meeting with them, they
told me how I'd hurt them with my words and how I'd been
dismissive of them. I had absolutely no idea that
this was happening and it and it hurt to know that I hurt others
and I wasn't aware of it. I apologized explicitly and I
asked for forgiveness, and the relationship has been even
better ever since then. But you see, there were other
people who are not aware of this conversation, but who also
wanted to talk with me because I'd hurt them as well.
Again, I had no idea. But you know what?
I was more prepared for these conversations because I was
mindful of the hurt that I'd caused that other couple.
So I approached these conversations, as difficult as
they were. I approached them with a
different posture to listen and to try to respond in humility
and to confess my sins and to make things right.
Being aware of a liability in our character is half the
battle. The rest of the battle is taking
action to overcome that deficiency of character.
Some questions to ask yourself, how can I demonstrate gentleness
in this situation? Is my response indicative of
humility and pride? Humility and pride?
Humility or pride? I should actually read what I
wrote. I wrote it correctly.
Am I showing humility or am I showing pride?
What does my response say about me and my attitude towards this
person when I'm mindful of my potential response and and I'm
prayed up that I'm more likely to respond in the spirit rather
than in the flesh? Something else that has that
also helped that initial conversation was the manner in
which that couple approached my offenses.
They didn't come to me angry or yelling at me in judgments.
Instead they came to me in kindness with a soft demeanor
speaking the truth and love as Paul says in Ephesians.
Proverbs 15 four says a gentle tongue is a tree of life, but
perverseness in it breaks the spirits.
A gentle tongue brings life while sharp words can completely
tear someone down. That couples approach of
gentleness allowed me to better hear what they had to say and
take it to heart. It's much easier to take
correction when you don't feel like you're being scolded.
You're not immediately placed in a position of defensiveness.
Another key to gentleness is practice humility.
Practice humility. Look for opportunities to
demonstrate humility, not in the sense of false virtue signaling,
but actual humility. Remember what Paul told the
Philippian church in Philippians 2 verses 3 and 4.
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility
count others more significance than yourselves.
Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to
the interests of others. Don't be selfish or conceited,
but consider others as actually more important than yourself.
This is one of the hardest things to do because if I'm
being honest, I think I'm pretty important.
But when I when I think of others more highly than myself
and I start to look out for their interests, starts to
transform what's inside of me. I'm not deceiving myself into
humility. No, I'm actually changing on the
inside. Practice humility and value
others above yourself. Even even when you don't agree
with them, value them. The last key to gentleness is be
patient and forgiving. Be patient and forgiving.
Gentleness requires us to be patient with others in their sin
and extend forgiveness when they've wronged us.
We do this because God has already forgiven us.
He has demonstrated His own mercy, kindness, and gentleness
to us and forgiven us for violating His ways.
So when we exercise patience and forgiveness, we are being like
God. I love the account and John
eight of the woman caught in adultery.
Jesus was at the temple and all these people had gathered to to
hear him teach. Suddenly he was interrupted by
the scribes and Pharisees declaring that they'd caught
this woman in the very act of adultery.
Now their goal was to catch Jesus in opposition to the law,
and they reminded him that the law says she needs to be stoned.
They hoped that he would just write her sin off and therefore
show himself to not care about the law so that they could have
something to charge him with. Jesus bends down.
He starts writing in the sand. I'd love to know what he was
writing. He starts writing in the sand.
They, they kept going on and on about the situation.
At some point he's done listening to them.
He he stops writing in the sand. He stands up to speak and he
says, you know what he says? Let him who is without sin among
you be the first to throw a stone at her.
He says. That drop the mic goes back to
writing in the sand. What do you do in this situation
if you have a rock in your hand? Jesus had, with a single
statement, put everyone in their place.
The oldest among them, the wise ones, realized.
Their own sinfulness and they walked away.
This happens over and over till every last accuser is gone.
Jesus turns to the woman and asks who was left to condemn
you? And she rightly responds, No one
Lord. Now the word forgiveness isn't
explicitly used here, but it is assumed when Jesus says to her,
neither do I condemn you go and from now on sin no more the
condemnation she deserved. Jesus could have condemned her
for her sin rights, but no, He forgives her, chooses to not
condemn her. That condemnation was eliminated
and she was called to repentance as Jesus offered her His grace
and forgiveness. As we close this morning,
consider this. When someone you know is
struggling or when you face conflict, what is your first
instinct? Is it to control or dominate, or
to have an outburst of anger? Or is it to offer gentleness?
Think of Jesus, who, when surrounded by chaos, offered a
gentleness that completely diffused the situation.
The same power is available to you and I.
My hope and prayer is that we not be known for our outbursts,
but rather for our understanding, our willingness
to yield into the good fruits of gentleness and mercy that spring
from hearts transformed by Christ.
As it says in Philippians 4. May our gentleness be evidence
to all. Let's bow our heads and close
our eyes. God, in these closing moments
this morning, I pray for your gentle spirit to fill this
place. Bring loving conviction where
that is needed, but also lift people to understand that they
can walk as you desire. So we pray, God, give me
gentleness, give me strength under control, give me humility
and meekness, the ability to control by the power of the Holy
Spirit working in me, the ability to control my emotions
and responses, especially in light of difficult
circumstances. Holy Spirit, would you form this
fruits of gentleness in US as we seek you, as we attempt to be
mindful of our thoughts and actions and and practice
humility and forgiveness. Work your way in our hearts and
lives. It's in Jesus name we pray these
things. Amen.