Hello, April 1805. Napoleon is master of Europe.
Only the British feet stands before him.
Oceans are now battlefields. Quicks the word and sharp is the
action. Welcome back to Clear and
Present Dudes, the podcast that does not have time for your
damned hobbies, Sir. I I'm Mike and Barn.
I'm joined by Roy, James O'Toole and Sonia Dawson.
Hello. And tonight we are running like
smoke and okem towards the great franchise that never was, Master
and Commander, The far side of the world.
Lovely, made with extreme detention detail by Peter Weir,
starring Russell Crowe, Paul Benny and the superb cast of
that guys. Are we going to cover in great
details? We go ahead.
It's one of our my favourite films.
It's one of my dad's favourite films.
It's one of Sanya's favourite films.
So let me ask you Sanya, why? Why are we here talking about
Master and Commander? Well, we've brought up the genre
of chase forms among thrillers before, and this is definitely
one of the chase films of all time.
It has politics, it has spies mentioned is that it has
intrigue, it has mostly guy stuff.
To be honest. It is definitely one of the guy
films of all time. I just enjoy it very much.
Rory James, what is your history with Master and Commando?
You must have seen this one before.
It's a guy. Thought yeah, the first time I
watched this film was actually when Sonia was over here a few
years ago and he was like, we're going to watch Master and
Commander and I'm like, I've heard nothing but good things
about this film and holy ship boys, this film is so good.
This film is incredible stuff. The competency porn throughout
it is amazing. Just seeing people being
incredibly good at the jobs as as British sailors.
It's absolutely class. The suspends, the action, the
writing, it is so cool. It's immersive.
It's an immersive, immersive feeling.
The fact that it's a cast of that guys mainly, rather than
like a tonne of big, big, big stars makes you feel really in
among the action. Like, suspension of disbelief is
very, very easy when like, you have to IMDb deep dive to remind
yourself what a lot of the support and cast have actually
done, you know, brilliant stuff. Someone gets aced with a knock
gun, which is very, very exciting for me.
And yeah, there is, there is a heady mix of drama, violence,
thrills and spills. And as Sonia says, it's an
excellent chase film, a kind of thriller that we're not, you
know, unused to doing because of course we did Unstoppable, which
is one of the, in my opinion, one of the greatest kind of
chase chase films of all time. So it's well within our
wheelhouse. And of course, Sally has wanted
to do with this film since day one of the pod.
This was Sallye first pick a year ago and it took.
Us initially I don't we didn't really think it counted but
we've opened the doors wide open now now that we've just that
because because Stephen Matron is a spy in the books and the
word spy is also what's. In this room.
We've decided it counts. Technically correct?
Which is the best kind of correct?
Yeah, and. You know that means though, that
means the entire gamut of Sharp films is now open for it as well
because because of Major Hogan and all the spies that he deals
with there as well. Now.
Now this is a 70s to Nosy's thriller movie podcasts and
Napoleonic film podcast. And why not?
Why not? Fantastic.
Nothings more dad coded than thrillers in Napoleonic millery
history so and this is a dad as fuck podcast.
Everybody listening to whom you're listening to clear
present dudes at the filler movie podcast.
Please, if you are listening to this, remember to like subscribe
if you want. That includes Spotify where it
might just appeared on your feed and it might just appear there
on your home page all the time, but you haven't pressed the
follow button. Do you hit the follow button
really helps out the algo. Same thing for the old Youtubes.
You may have trained your computer to give it to you
anyway, but just hit the button anyway.
It helps us out big time and with that I'll also say that
this is a spoiler podcast. So if you have not seen 2003's
Mastering Commander, The Far Side of the World, pause, go and
watch it and come back. Because it's an incredible film
and I'd hate to think that all of our hot takes are going to
ruin what is an incredible film for you.
So with that, let's just crack on.
Seven weeks sailing and he happened on our exact position.
Well, then perhaps he was looking for us.
Damn, he was good an act of. War will cripple them.
With basic repairs we can get home as we are.
We're not going home. The power of nature will
threaten them. Our enemy has.
More than twice our guns, more than twice our numbers.
And we are supposed to stop them.
Torn between fulfilling his duty.
Captain's not called Lucky Jack for no reason, Phantom or no
Lucky Jack a lover. And the lives of the men he
commands. Steady.
He must face the invincible. Fights like you, Jack.
A hunter becomes the haunted. Well then, there's not a moment
to lose. Cool Mastering Commander The Far
Side of the World is a 2003 American epic period war drama
film Co written, produced and directed by Peter Weir.
Set during the Napoleonic Wars. The films plot and characters
are loosely adapted from the novels of Patrick O'Brien in his
Aubrey Matcher in the series which includes 20 completed
novels about Captain Jack Aubrey and his naval career.
He is loosely based on Lord Cochrane, Bill of Dundonald and
also the same guy was the same inspiration for a Hornblower.
So just a fun Jack Aubrey fact. The film stars Russell Crowe as
Aubrey captain in the Royal Navy post captain I should say Paul
Bettany as Doctor Steve Maturin and the ship's surgeon.
This is the second on screen collaboration for Crow in
Tibetany, who was previously Co starred in 2001's A Beautiful
Mind That's. Right.
The film is a personal project of 20th Century Fox executive
Tom Rothman, who recruited We had to direct.
So basically one well meaning dad really wanted to make this
movie. Filming took place on the open
sea on replica ships and in water tanks in Baja Studios and
in the Galacticos Islands, actually on location, which is
incredible. Incredible film, absolutely love
it guys. Any final words before we get
into the plot? This is one of the films that's
like the easiest film to download as your entire
personality. This is what I'm to me, mate.
I yeah, yeah, yeah. That's pretty much what happens
like 12 years in as a Royal Navy officer.
Now I watch this film all the time and it's one of those films
where like you see stuff in it and get something.
Yoda every time it's it shares a place with the cruel scene for
that films that are like set in a in a Royal Navy of the days of
your most like cruel season was like 78 years ago now.
And this is like 220 years ago. And this stuff in it still
that's still going on today. And it's wild.
There's some yeah, really rewarding on a on a rewatch.
And if you're a big like naval history dude, I imagine you get
the same sort of vibe from it as well.
Sonia, is that correct? Well, as as both someone who
ended up on the same career path and someone who's both a giant
history nerd and a naval history nerd, yes.
Yeah. I also have a deeply personal
connection to this film because the first time I ever watched
this film was on my then still living grandmother's television.
We didn't have our own and I had to literally cycle through some
thunderstorm to go and watch it. So the first time watching this
film as a wee lad, already a story of personal hardship and
it's stuck with me ever since. Very.
Amazing man. That's evocative through
Hardship Reborn and that's amazing, dude.
Amazing. OK, so we'll get into it.
The film starts with a beautiful shot of the open ocean and this
incredible ship HMS Surprise, and she's introduced with the
number of her guns and the size of her complement on screen.
And then we see the shimmering sea her sitting along.
April 18 O 5. Napoleon is the master of
Europe. One of the British feat stands
before him. The oceans are now battlefields
and we get to see Captain Jack Aubrey's orders on the screen.
He is to was it Bern sink take as a prize the Akaron, the
French private which is stalking around the the South Atlantic,
around South America. When I rewatched this film just
earlier today, I literally shouted out sink, burn or take a
prize and it's like Jesus fucking Christ man.
It's like, say the line part. Say the line Admiralty, Sink,
burn or take a prize. I think of this at least once a
day. Based.
I never something pisses me off. I am sink, burn or take her a
prize. So OK so in the opening scene we
got the sound of 8 bells, which to me well right.
So in the Navy we have a bell system for how the watches
progress. 8 bells as the end of a watch, IE the start of the new
watch and judging through context clues IE it's dark
outside and we're in the same watch as the stuff happens it
gets light. I'm going to assume this is the
morning watch. So 0400 in the morning.
Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding.
Each bell is half an hour, so the next bell will be 1 bell
4:30 and so on. We see the the watch changeover
guys coming down the rigging, more guys climbing up the
rigging. Very cool stuff.
Let me cut forward. Judging by the bells, we soon
hear about 3 hours and it is midway for the morning watch.
Midshipman Holland has the has the watch and he hears from a
starboard lookout that there's a Bell's hood off the starboard
shoulder of the ship. He questions whether it's a
local fisherman. The lookout says it's a
potential reef marker. So navigation is in the Leuclair
area because it's shallow water. As I'd said, the take a sounding
from the over the side using an old, old sounding equipment.
So they measure basically like how how far down the line it is
to to doing how deep it is. And they take a soap and pull
from like the sea bed, pull it back up again and, and, and, and
get it. So they say it's 5 fathoms and
it's sanded, broken shell. This all kind of stuff that
still kind of goes on. It's that we have echo Sounders
now to do the the actual steps piece.
But yeah, I've done that. And what happens?
We're into a fog bank. And Holland sees briefly a dark
shape in a fog bank and in a moment's hesitation doesn't
quite know what he's seen. Your second opinion from another
young midshipman, Mr Calamy. And Mr Calamy reminds him that
he's off to the watch and he must make a decision about what
to do. And the question here is will he
beat two quarters, which is they basically call a quick draw,
there's a threat detected to the ship and you get everyone closed
up in their proper places because of the amount of stuff
they do on the ship here. So what happens is they do call
beat of quarters of out of precaution, which is the right
thing to do. Never be wrong for calling a
quick draw. You see like all the rush of
activity on the ship and it's brilliant.
You see like the doctor getting closed up and the surgery and
they're like putting sawdust on the deck and they're removing
doors and stuff and all the gun crews getting closed up and
everyone's running around and the shops, shooters are going
aloft, all that kind of stuff. Really, really cool sequence.
And it just shows you like how the entire ship comes alive and
it's more akin to like full action stations.
And for for a ship today that is like just a quick draw, but it's
the same reactions, I suppose. Captain comes up has a look.
Captain Jack Aubrey, the steady hand of great leadership and he
asks what what they saw and Holmes like I, I think I saw a
shape and he asked Mr Calm move. Mr Calamy saw it.
Mr Calamy says he didn't see it. And he says, well, you did the
right thing and saw said below. But then Captain Aubrey spots a
flash of gunfire from over to starboard.
All is the entire deck. I get down on the deck, down on
the deck. And then an explosive battle
sequence starts within the field like 2 minutes.
It's incredible. It's amazing.
It's so good, man, It's so good. So the Akron basically appears
raised a surprise suddenly with cannon fire.
The surprise has hit repeatedly, causing severe damage and
massive casualties. The splinters flying everywhere.
Just for people listening back home that you maybe don't do
this, but the majority of injuries that took place in the
age of sale through naval battles like this, we're
actually not sustained for like cannonballs hitting you or
explosions from grenades or getting shot by muskets.
But actually the splintering would puncture people, hit
Aries, get people the organs people would die of like impact,
but also like infection laser, all that kind of stuff.
So pretty pretty dangerous. Everyone's in the deck getting
hit by like bits of splinter and we see that in the films it goes
on. They also hit the the hole
pretty loudly the ship. So there's the significant
flooding below the wall line and you see the the the pumping
effort to try and get out and the damage control effects.
You hear like one of the I think it's a Carpenter, the carpenters
mate saying that they need to get oakum to plug the hole.
So like first stage leak stopping again, stuff that still
happens today. Not with oakum though.
But yeah, really, really cool. And then we see like the the
very bloody work that's going on in the surgeons compartment as
well between the surgeon and the Lobla volley boy Padin, the big
giant guy. So yeah, pretty, pretty, pretty
epic. You see, like the internal and
the external battle as is happening, Akron is completely
overpowered. Surprise, surprises not ready
for this fight, even though the crew are relatively switched on.
But she's been out manoeuvred and outgunned by by Akron.
And as they later stayed, the Akron had the weather gauge.
But luckily for for surprise, she has weather gods.
And even though she's had a rudder shot out and is unable to
answer the helm and they get the boots away and they make as best
possible with the lads on board, ruing their whalers to drag the
ship into a fog bank in order to be concealed from the Akron,
which after a lot of hours, they they eventually do.
Pretty pretty epic starting scene for the movie.
My guys. What do you what do you make of
it? Yes.
Splendid, yes. Amazing scene.
Absolutely great. Really sets up the film as
something where the heroes don't have any sort of advantage.
So you you sort of immediately get this feeling of this isn't
something that can actually reasonably be expected to to
win. Even though that ship is
commanded by Lucky Jack, you you get that sort of underdogs set
up. And even though that was
something that was culturally ingrained very much into Royal
Navy captains of the time that they were supposed to have the
the ability and the confidence to take on bigger and stronger
ships than they were commanding, you get a very grim sense of
that reality and how dangerous that actually was.
Oh yeah, that's. Right, man, you see you see all
this like companies at the start of it and you say like the like
you said, like the beat the quarters, which is like their
equivalent of like current is like quick draws.
You've told us. And you see even like earlier,
like you said, like the establishment shots of the
cannon with all like the different cool names paid on
them, like jumping Billy and quick death and stuff.
And the film manages your expectations that this is an
incredibly switched on crew with a really good captain.
And they just get chained by the usher, run like they they got
dog walked by him. And and it's it's like it
underlines the seriousness of the affair.
And it sets you up for what's obviously going to be like
eventually, like a real kind of successful vengeance quest kind
of thing against this monster that came out with the fog bunk,
you know? Yeah, I tell you what I like
about it is it's the kind of movie that you wouldn't get made
about a modern day surface ship engagement anymore because
sensors have got to the point now where you detect each other
too great a range for this kind of stuff to happen.
The modern day equipment to this now is is submarine against
submarine combat. So it was a 2200 killers fight
each other. It would be like Crimson Tide
kind of stuff or two of that kind of stuff rather than
service of engagement. I also really like what what you
said, Tanya. And I think there's one pivotal
scene where they kind of get into this, which is in the
aftermath of the bowel. You having like all the initial
reports coming in. I like actually that they go
straight into as soon as the, the, the gunfire starts.
You hear the same pullings, yell outs to Holland, damage
assessment when you're when you're ready, as you please.
It's quite good. Like.
That if you don't fucking mind. Just at some point when you're
ready. Yeah, very different nowadays.
It's like my BDR priorities will be warned.
Like it's my surprises the life of standing platform to
accounting for workforce like 3 damage assessment.
Yeah, but there's the scene where they're all in the
wardroom and it's the they're having like what is now calling
a command planning group. So you get like the the command
team of the ship, which is comprises of obviously the
captain, the lieutenants. You've got the sailing master
there. So like a senior Warrant Officer
and matcher in there is the ship's dock, the role in the in
the wardroom around the wardroom table doing over what's
happened. And it's not in a CPG format.
But they are just like talking like, you know, like she
outgunned us and her hell must have been just sick because our
cannonballs bounced right off them and all that kind of stuff.
And they're just kind of addressing it.
But that's where they kind of you highlight like because we
didn't get, because the film didn't show us the, the Akron
very clearly. Because you don't, you don't
show Jaws in the 1st 2 minutes. You don't show the you don't
show there's any morph straight away.
Like it kept a hidden like as a phantom.
Can you imagine if it did though, if if if like they like
xenomorph? Is it one of the first things
you saw with aliens and like and and it and it just like doesn't
go freeze frame and like in the like the James Gunn suicide spot
like some facts about it appear. Oh.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, it's like.
That's me. You're probably wondering how I
ended up in this situation. Oh, it's like the start of like
The Devil Wears Pride away. You see the Xenomorph getting up
and brushing its teeth and walking to work.
It's actually just gotten a new job at this firm.
It's about eating people. Everyone before the Xenomorph
got I had immediately but. Yes, that's me.
I'm a Xenomorph. It's my it's my job to
impregnate the stomachs of viral borehosts.
And this is my first day in New York City, and I'm late for the
I'm late for the subway. And if you think I'm a monster,
you should see my boss. But what I also really love is
that this first scene just sets this film up as absolutely rich
on detail and on realism. You you immediately get this
sense that this is a small ship. It's cramped.
It's probably damp, but smells. You, you, you see the the shot
of the crew sleeping in hammocks.
I don't know if any of the listeners ever had the pleasure
of spending two months in a hammock.
I cannot recommend it. And even down to the the
bureaucratic detail while this the ship is already taking fire.
Aubrey goes to to I'm assuming one of the most junior
midshipmen to please enter into the ship's lock engaged enemy
frigate at 8 bells because that's the most important thing
to him as the captain in the moment.
The the minute detail of having this clear for the off direction
report. Since myself, this
accountability culture has existed for hundreds of years.
How? How do you think Hageman's
surprise would have performed at Forst?
If they're, if they're maintaining a log in the middle
of an engagement pretty well, I think actually, you know, it's a
possible, it's possible to do everything right and still not
win, you know, yeah, there's a yeah, it's pretty cool.
I do, I do. I love all that detail.
And it again, it's sets the stall up very, very early on
because you don't have to reasonably expect that the
average cinema go is going to know that this is period
accurate. And I think if you'd lost a lot
of that detail, maybe they might not have noticed that, but I
think you would have lost something in the feeling of the
film. Whereas this film kind of makes
you feel like, yeah, you are transporters to the world
because it's so rich and so, so much detail.
You know, I think it's. Pretty reassures you of its
accuracy, even if you're not like knowledgeable about the
period, just because the way it's delivered and just the
granular detail, let's take it sells it.
It really sells. The fact that with confidence it
sells and tells you this is very accurate.
Just in the way it's delivered. The film has an absolute air of
charisma about it. Yeah, it does it again and again
as well, like it does this for the whole film.
There is so much stuff going on in there that you don't even
even if you know about naval history, you don't notice it
until you watched the the behind the scenes.
And what I found out after I watched this the 3rd or 4th time
is that they actually made period accurate rope for this
film. I was going to get the Milds
because it was stood the other way around in.
The name of the fibre cottage is like it's like right to left in
like modern day and it's left to right in those days.
So they. Yeah, absolutely.
Insane amount of of care into this.
And even if you have stuff like shots where Aubrey is watching
through his telescope, you can see that the lens is uneven and
and stuff, the sort of historical things that you you
wouldn't have today. It's absolutely class and most
people wouldn't even think about that.
That's incredible. You're absolutely right about
that. And when you think about how
many times you see shots in modern movies with people
looking through an image enhancer or, or said binoculars
or a telescope and they look wrong for the current day when
they're when they can just get something that's on the market
now and and shoot through it. Yeah, it's yeah, it's really,
really great detail, so better keep going otherwise we'll never
get through it. After After inspecting the
damage, Aubrey decides to refit the ship as best they can at
sea. Oh, I'm going to stop again
straight away. This is what this is one of my
favourite conversations is like. So the silly bastard quite
rightfully is saying, well we've got enough.
I don't really trust the mast. We should be able to limp back
to A to a friendly port in order to get to make necessary repairs
before we proceed back to Portsmouth for a full refit.
And then Aubrey, because he's the captain of a ship and can do
this, just has what I like to call a corgi commanding officers
really good idea and goes, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll refit
at sea. Like that's not, that's not
really refitting if you're still at sea.
So like, so like refitting is, is like the Oval hall and and
mass repair and just swapping out of stuff of of a warship.
And ordinarily like this ship would go into a port, might go
into dry dock to get significant work done in the hull.
And they would then they would do stuff like careen the hull.
You'd have like a big loads of like list of jobs that you want
to get done in a refit period. And then the ship would be
crawling all over with with various tradesmen and master
tradesmen in their various parts.
So you've got obviously got a Carpenter on board, but he'd be
back to fire a bunch of other carpenters from shore who'd come
on and like do loads and loads of extra work and stuff.
Not 1% knowledgeable about this stuff in the time, but like
you'd have because a lot of the skills are also written on
board. So like things like new sales
getting made by the sale makers who are trained on board because
everyone on board has got some experience maintaining and then
making sales because that's just being a CL.
I was like in those days. Nowadays ship goes in a refit
and you are crawling all over with like various contractors
from like all the different companies that make all the
different bits of your ship and the ships company do very little
of the work in a refit on basically doing administrative
tasks. Face officers are shore now
while like the man from man fixes the minimum government for
your engine and like you know, the guy from tallies comes and
works and you soon are and all that kind of stuff.
Oh God, yeah. Yeah, So to say we're going to
refit at sea and he just points at the chart and goes, there's a
shore patch here. It's like, all right, so go to
anchor and we're just going to just going to use the nothing
we've got on boards to try and fix the ship as best we can.
They will have Tinder and stuff on boards to do repair work with
and they'll have loads of like rope and they'll have sails and
stuff all stowed away that we'll be getting out.
But it's not the same. It's like it's not really
refitting. And then the other suggestion
they have is they go to the Brazilian rainforest and steal a
tree and do that. But again, the Tinder for like
for for masts isn't just in case you cut the tree down and that's
it, it's ready to go. You know, it takes time to like,
age the, the, the, the, the woods and have it to be a point
where it's like, you know, dry and treated and ready to be
used. But yeah, that may be enough.
Yeah, So about the the dry dock refurb, the ship of the period
would be replaced to about a fifth of its original how every
time it went into dry dock, I just would obviously rots when
it comes into contact with water.
Another interesting time thing about ship refit.
At the time we are just a few decades post the American Wharf
independence, which had a significant impact on Royal Navy
shipbuilding because a lot of timber, especially for masts was
sourced from the United States. Used to be that which allowed
for longer mass parts. And it's now or then
predominantly from the Baltic, which led to shorter bits and
masts being actually made from several different parts rather
than one massive tree, which woods actually allow for sort of
the sort of self repair they're doing.
There's actually I've seen this recently in an oil painting ship
setting its own new main masts using the other masts to to pull
out the old stump. So that is in theory probable.
It still implies that you have the the material on board to do
it and the the access to that, which which isn't the case.
And as you've said, uh, just picking a random tree from the
jungle isn't going to cut it. Umm.
So mast wood is usually a lot softer than than the one you use
for for the hull. So it so it does break or bend
rather than just stay in one piece and flip over the ship if
if the wind gets too strong. And it requires 5 to 10 years of
dry storage before it's actually usable.
Especially in a period where you don't have the industrial
capacity to just dry wooden like that.
Amazing. The other thing I imagine they
probably struggle with is like the the whole business of like
hauling it up there because they've obviously got like
blocks and tackles and and they can Joey register for a day
long. But they actually need to go to
like crane it up and and move it hand over hand.
And you'd obviously have to like build some kind of giant
airframe or something like that to facilitate.
It it's one of the reason the the Royal Navy lost so many
ships after the Battle of Trafalgar, because it was
immediately followed by a by a bad storm and a bunch of the
English ships and a bunch of the prizes had obviously severely
damaged rigging and they weren't able to properly repair those.
Yeah, so they're 21 nil. So the crew who works to repair
the ship while Doctor Matron worked hard to save the lines of
the council E including a young midshipman.
This might be my MVP of the movie, Young Midshipman Blakely.
Blakely, whose arm he has to amputate and enable Seaman, whom
he gives surgery near his brains is what this this says.
So he has a suppressed fracture of the skull.
And there's that brilliant bit where he's like, he's got like
one guy who looks dirty as fuck, like polishing a coin.
It's. Just.
Well, matron is like cord out a section of skull that he's going
to play it over with this coin and like 20 or 30 Matt Lewis
were all like stood over like the the soft patch bit of bit of
open hole as they like stare down at him.
And that one guy's like doctors his brains and he's like, no,
no, no, these brains and everyone like looks a little bit
closer. And then and then and then a
bloke I have to assume must be the buffer like because he's
screaming his head off like what you doing?
You love for about get back to work you And then he probably
like gulps in as well. Fantastic.
He has his own. He has his own look.
It's like they don't call and operate and theatre for nothing
dude. Yeah, fantastic.
Meanwhile, Aubrey learns from a crewman who saw Akron being
built that is bigger, heavier and faster than surprise.
And the senior officers who saw now consider the ship to be out
of their class. So this is when the cobbler's
mate, Joseph Nagle, comes in with his best mate, Will.
And his best mate Will saw the ship being built in Boston.
It's American mate, and Nagle knocked a model firm.
So he shows them the model as well and they get an extra tot
of rum for their trouble. We can't watch saving faster do
today. I love this, I love this
because, yeah, because catches straight away is like we'll
drink wine on saluting day. Like he's heard this drip.
He's heard these drips from him like 1000 times and he's just
like straight back with a response.
We'll drink wine on saluting day.
I love the killer. The killer he was called.
He's played by David Threlfall, who was People they knew is
Frankie Gallagher in the British Shameless?
Incredible acting pedigree I'm going to dig into later on.
Yeah, phenomenal actor. He is tremendous in this.
And I have worked with some senior rates who are extremely
similar to Killick in this. Just like grumble, grumble,
grumble, grumble, grumble, answer back, answer back, answer
back. You're like, it's never enough
to go over the line, so you can't be like, shut the fuck up.
But you do like have to roll your eyes at night.
All right? Fucking hell.
OK, here we go again. Like, yeah.
I like how those two lads provided open source
intelligence though. It's like the OSINT Bros but
like the eh century. It's like it's like OSINT before
discord exist. I love it because that that just
Neil is he's obviously not a bad lad.
He has a bit of a wobble later on, as we see.
But there's those two guys also like care about what the ship's
doing and they're invested and bought into like what their
mission is like. And that's partly because the
Akron presents an existential threat to the ship, Right?
But also they just like they're good.
Madness. Oh, yeah, it's good.
And it shows you the ingenuity of Jack.
Cool, right. Yes.
And then we see the senior officers obviously talking about
how the Akron presents too big a ship.
She's too strong. She's you're outgunned.
And she's too fast. The hole's too thick.
The bitch is too bad, they'll kill you.
And. Smoke too hard.
But the Aubrey notes that such a ship could tip the balance of
power, Napoleon's favour, if we were allowed to plunder the
British whaling feet at will. And matchering drops the first
of many full pars here and says like, compared to the surprises,
rather old. And then everyone looks at it
like, you fucking want me, am I not correct?
And then you get like the captain, like touching because
she's bluff, lovely lines, stiff seabird, fast, very fast in the
right hands. No, she's not old.
She's in her prime, which is which is fantastic because you
know, like still, I think today a lot of ships on the fleet are
pretty, pretty old now, but they're still pretty fucking
good. You know, not all, but, but
that's what I see. Some, some are better, some are
better than others, But I but I feel the same way.
I feel pretty protective if like people sort of like talking shit
and just like, you know what actually, like this is my home.
So, like, how about you fucking pipe down?
And that is why I'm a fucking throbbing officer.
Not allowed. Brilliant.
They resumed the pursuit of the Akron after stopping at a
Brazilian port. This is worth mentioning because
we see our only female person in the whole film.
Yeah. And the whole job is for sailors
to just like, blow kisses and try and trap.
She like twirls her little like battered up parasol.
It's like looking pretty just to remind everyone that there are
women there. Aubrey has like a glance that
lasts a little bit too long just to just to be sure that the
audience knows at home. Look, he's not gay.
There's just aren't any women around.
He's not gay, but he is. Underwriting a letter to to
whoever the hell Sophie is. But yeah, he immediately gets
yelled at indirectly though. I love this scene.
I was like. Oh, that woman down Styles of
His Majesty's Navy. Not a floating bar, Jello.
And it's just the the second Jack looks at the woman.
Yeah, that's so funny. I love that stuff.
I was I was told my wife in the day because we're talking about
idioms in the English language. And obviously like a lot of
idioms came from Shakespeare that we use today.
A lot of idioms, A surprisingly large number of idioms come from
like gardening, which I wasn't really tracking, but actually my
wife feels of an incredibly long list.
And I said like there was. There's also similarly large
amount of them come from Jack speak, which is to say like a
lot of old naval sailing terms and slang and other bits and
bobs. And the one that's relevant here
is people talk about shake a leg, as in like to get up and
get about. But it came from when sailors
were in hammocks. They had to like, stick their
legs out to make sure that there wasn't a woman in the hammock
with them. And so they didn't have like,
they trapped a prostitute ashore like in Pompeo Guz and then and
then, like, smuggler on board and was trying to stir away from
the sea. And so she could do her business
there. So it was like, right, shake a
leg and then, like, thin them out because it's more floating
bordello. But yeah, dirty laugh and then
cool. The Akron surprises them yet
again, however, as they sail from this Brazilian port and
they begin a day long pursuits. And as Captain Jack notes, this
is the second time he's done this.
There will not be 1/3. And this is when they run like
smoking over him to to get away from the Akron because they know
that they were in another peer-to-peer engagement.
They would get they get tracked again.
So they are sailing as best as they can away.
And this is when they come up with one of their great bits of
Royal Naval guile, which is the make the the decoy to get the
the Akron off their trail, which I think is phenomenal.
They basically knocked together a raft and put some Lance on it
and they stream it off the back end.
So that and then as they send youngster Callamy out as his
quote UN quote, first command to to go on there, clamber up there
and light those lanterns on it at the same time.
They like those lions. They snuff the lights out on the
back end of of the surprise. And then they pull him back in
hand over hand. We caught a fish.
And then and then once he's back on board, they settle the line
so that that's dragging this this raft away.
And as soon as they've settle that line, they turn hard
support, do a 90° turn bug out so that the Akron is now
pursuing and still trying to land wrenching shots on this
this raft and that they've taken the bait and and they sail away.
And just to make sure that he does properly, Captain Jack
Aubrey very gratefully offers to take the watch, which is
something you'd love to hear from your captain, but never
ever, ever, ever, ever happened. I love that sequence.
I love that that kind of underhand Kyle is being
represented in the film because it's that's the kind of stuff
that like wins battles and wins warns to something that he's got
like a lot of a long pro tradition of doing underhand
school degree like that. And we'll see some more of it in
the film as we go ahead. Cool.
I missed any cool stuff that's happened so far.
I think I think you covered everything.
I mean, I could go on a tangent here about how Akron is
basically a justified uses constitution.
Justified. Fucking hell.
Well, all the show has to maximum.
Yes, I mean they made a fringe. I think that counts as justified
for a ship. We, we are fight.
About yeah so the the films Akron is heavily based on the
USS Constitution of the the US Navy off the same period which
is one of six of class of frigates which were the first
ships the United States Navy ever built themselves for an
actual proper Navy. These are very heavy ships for
frigates with AI think is a pair built complement of 44 guns and
then every captain just cramming additional ones on them because
they're bloody well could. And they are built from, I think
it's American Red oak, which is a particularly hardwood, which
actually led to that described sequence earlier of lower
calibre shots bouncing off the hull, which gave you as
Constitution the nickname of Old Ironsides.
Eventually those ships have become somewhat problematic
during the later war, 1812. And there is actually somewhere,
I don't remember the exact exact wording, but there is a Nelson
quote regarding one of them actually as seeing them as a
potential source of trouble for the Royal Navy in years to come
should there ever be war with the United States.
Because he immediately recognised how capable these
vessels were. And eventually, and this is in
part because Royal Navy frigates tended a lot of the time to be
stolen smaller French frigates as the surprise in this case
actually is as well. Actually English captains were
during the War of 1812, later banned from doing single ship
engagement with these large American frigates.
So there's a lot of actually existing historical contacts
that goes into these two ships and this the whole film and the
the ongoing engagement between the two.
That's brilliant. Oh, thank you for that Sonia.
That's great. The the only that I have missed
I've just sort of on which was during the the pursuit of the
Akron, there's a short scene where the captain is helping the
young midshipmen take a Mer pass or a Meridian pass with their
their sextants, which. Is bollocks luxurious accident?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you, yeah, you can put like clips
around the other goal, Like look at your extent.
I love that. But he's explaining like what
what is happening is they're using the the marine sections to
to take an angle of when. Well, they set the angle really,
really high and they're waiting for the sun in the horizon glass
to actually get to the angle they've set, which is like the
90° and they hold it flat. So you have like the, the
horizon on one glass and you have like the, the zenith of
where the sun's going to be on the other glass.
And you're waiting for the sun to hit it when you take it.
And basically you watch, you're watching for the sun to going up
and reach its top and it'll pause there for a second, then
it'll start going back down again straight away.
And you're waiting for the sun to reach its height angle of the
day. And that's when you mark when
the noon time is. And it's part of what you can do
for when you're doing Astro navigation to determine kind of
where you are. So there's, there's kind of two
big things you can take like star sites in morning and
evening twilight. And that's basically like the
same as you, the same way you would take a visual fix.
You'd have multiple points of reference and each interval, one
of these is like measured down to the second when you took the
observation and you pull out together to make a big pool of
errors of like overlapping circles and bang yours somewhere
in the middle of it. But the mirror passes.
You have to kind of, and that works basically by going like
you vaguely know where you are. You take elemental observations
and they tell you how far away from where you think you are,
you are. That's how it works.
It's really weird. So you have to kind of know
where you are already to know, to refine where you are.
The same thing goes with the with the Mer pass, except
because you're only observing one thing, you only really get
latitudinally where you are because that's, that's the only
thing that changes around the world is like what time of day
noon is at. So by doing that, you, you get
an idea where you are on one of those planes and you can kind of
figure out where you're going. It's a, it's a way of like
checking along your journey, like roughly where you are.
So that's what they're doing. It's been a long time since
Astro navigation. So I've got any of that wrong.
I'm gating away for that in the in the comments.
Well, I take it like 10 years ago.
I haven't really done it since. So, so yeah, well, I practise,
but yeah, so that's what that's what they're doing that secrets.
And what I like about it is that obviously like we're watching
thriller movie. They are in the middle of a hot
chase. They are going to they've
already been engaged once and they're going to go and kill
them again. But because it's the Royal
friggin Navy, we haven't stopped training our guys.
We haven't stopped coaching. I'm stopped mentoring.
We haven't stopped like trying to like.
You know, better ourselves to say that it's like it hasn't
like, oh, jobs on guys, we haven't got time for you midship
anymore. Real jobs on.
It's like, no, we're still going to do.
We're still going to do the the the day-to-day business of like
navigating the ship and teaching you how to do it because, you
know, train your relief. You're not indispensable.
The person someone's going to replace you eventually and you
need to train them up. Then Nelson touch want good
jazz. So that's that's something else
I really liked. Cool as they approach Cape Horn
the surprise is closely following the Akron, but they
lose sight of the Akron as blue ships are bringing sails or
rising winds. This bit's pretty epic so keep
on us apartments of America and they are chasing the Akron and
it's really really stormy. It's a very dangerous part of of
the world. You still kind of shudder a
little bit when we're going around the horn because it's
like pretty pretty horrible seas.
And in this case the mizzen mast, the mizzen top mast story
breaks falls into the sea and open up better rigging is Will
Warley, who is the the the blonde sailor who his pals with
Joseph Nagle who saw the acronym build.
So we've got established friendship between Nagle and
Will. What is happening now is that
bit of mast and or it's rigging still attached to the ship.
It's dragging in the sea behind them and they are still trying
to catch and chase the Akron, but also they're still trying to
stay afloat. And what's happening is this big
load of of rigging is acting like, as they say in the film,
acting like a sea anchor or a drug is dragging the ship back.
It's putting a lot of extra pressure on the remaining bit of
mast. It's also dragging the ship
underwater and affecting its stability.
So as they say, they used to cut it free.
Otherwise, you know, they're going to really, really stroll,
especially as they're going through like heavy, heavy seas.
What tends to happen if you if you want maintaining speed
directionally, you'll become four foul of the overwhelming
conditions probably go beam on to sea and capsize brooch and
that's that's like the most interesting that can happen.
So they're really really worried about that.
And so captain Aubrey with Nagel, the guy's best friend is
there the back end shopping through these lines to to set
him free. And this is another really good
example of times where this would be emergency stations in
in the modern Navy, probably equivalent is where the ship is
a life sustaining platform takes priority of the life of one
sailor. And it's pretty horrible choice,
but they make it and they do it. It's probably saying at this
point in the film as well that this film has actually got quite
a base of CG in it, but it doesn't look like it.
This is some of the best CG work I think I've seen in any film
ever. And it's made in 2003 and you
can't tell. I don't think they filmed a lot
of it in the open ocean. They filmed a lot of it in tanks
though. And I can't, I can barely tell
where there's ACG shot on this film.
There's only like 2. I think I can identify one where
you got a really good shot of like Blakely's fake arm all like
the stump, the stump which is which is managers and there's a
one of the backdrop on the Galapagos later on.
Yeah. Where there's a definite shot
that looks a bit dodgy but everything else looks.
All this stuff at sea looks amazing.
Yeah, I, I think half of the, the acronym isn't actually real
as well. So they they've build a
basically 1 to 1 hull and parts of the lower rigging.
But everything above the main salt I think is CG, which is
absolutely amazing because you don't notice at all.
Yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't have thought of
that unless you've mentioned it. I think there's a bit where they
added a lot of smoking towards the end, but apart from that,
like the film looks incredible. Yeah.
Yeah, really, really well, really well done.
And then this sequence for me is like probably the the most
impressive. Just like that big, huge boiling
sea. It looks treacherous.
It looks horrifying. Yeah, like that's, they do an
incredibly good job of making the sea one of the one of the
villains, the peace in a way, you know.
Yeah, that's it. Yeah, the heroes of the men, the
heroes of the ships. And there's only one enemy, the
sea. It's a cruel sea for surely
which Madison has only made more cruel.
Yeah. And Stasardly French.
Yeah. And the French different,
different level, different ships.
Cool. So also, like, probably one of
the emotional peaks of the film, I guess.
And the score here is incredible as well.
So we haven't we haven't talked about the soundtrack yet, but
this this is an absolutely fantastic soundtrack.
There's there's some original music composed with the film.
There's also a lot of great all the needle drops.
These are this is Ray. So during this sequence, it's
rayful Williams Fantasia theme by Thomas Tallis and man, like
it's just perfect for me. That is the piece of music now I
think of when I look at the scene.
Like it just it just is just so moving and it's just like this
huge, lumbering, mysterious epic thing.
It's big thick tones washing over each other.
Just so dramatic like Sturman Drang.
Absolutely phenomenal and great soundtrack for this one.
We haven't talked about the violin cello stuff yet either,
have we? No, that's so cool.
That's awesome, man. There's been one of those.
There's been one of those as well.
So it's during the refit sequence.
I think it's when we get the first jam session between
Captain Aubrey and Steve Maturin and they they play a little bit
of Mozart, don't they? Which again, very jaunty, very
fun. Just as they're wing and care
from their from their initial refit.
Very, very nice. Cool.
Never a tune you could dance to. Skype Skype, Skype, Skype again.
Got them officers and their goddamn hobbies.
Yeah, So Aubrey then, so this then tells his officers he's
figured out where the Akron is going to be.
And this is I mentioned in our chat earlier on that I had a
conspiracy theory. My conspiracy theory is this.
So Aubrey tells his officers that he's heading for the
Galapagos Islands during one of their their dinners in the
boardroom. I've also missed out.
We haven't talked about yet some of their other dinners in the
boardroom before we talk about that.
So there's been one of those as well, I think already by this
point, which is the chat about Nelson.
I think it's I think that's celebrating after decoying the
Akron away on the first time. And we have, like the first,
like, captain holding court in the wardroom.
It's worth pointing out in naval tradition that the captain is
all a member of the wardroom. He has his own grey cabin, and
that's where he normally takes the majority of his meals.
He's invited into the wardroom on the request of the first
Lieutenant for executive officers.
It's to him nowadays who is the president of the wardroom.
And the same was still true in those days.
So the captain would have come in as a guest into the wardroom
for a special meal when they would put on like a mess dinner
for it. This isn't like a nightly
occurrence. He's not there.
I'd taken all these meals every day.
So this is like a special occasion and he's in there and
he's holding court about they're talking about Nelson and his
great victories of his past and he's talking about how he's
dined with Nelson a couple of on a couple of occasions and you
get like the proper like everyone's everyone's but
stalking a little bit to to to get to captured Aubrey because
they love him. Go like, Oh, it might be
trouble. You'll serve for an.
Anecdote. I love that bit.
Sake may have a crumb of anecdotal evidence about about
the man himself, Nelson. So we get all that stuff and
that's great. And we're going to, I think
we're definitely going to cover pretty much that whole
conversation in quotes. So I'm not, I'm not labelling it
here. But yeah, so we get those.
They're great. And we have another one where,
again, they are now talking about where they're going to go
next. The captain calls for the
Killick and the Killick's already in the room.
This is another example of like, see you rate grumbling.
It's like killer class. I'm already here.
Right. All right, man.
Jesus Christ. Yeah.
He's like, so this is where we're going to go.
And he presents this pudding and then all the officers all
crowned around it and look over it and they go, that's the
Galapagos Islands. As if they haven't heard the two
deck buzz from the killer. Who's good?
He's got a Bernie Potter that's a shape, but the Galapagos
Islands, blah, blah, blah, blah. I guarantee you they've
definitely moaned about having to make that pudding already on
board. And it's like the talk of like 2
deck and like everyone, all the all the officers have like heard
it through other people. Oh, why you got maybe going to
put into the we're all good at the Galapagos Islands, lads.
Have you heard? And then suddenly it's like,
look at this. Oh, it's the Galapagos Islands.
Fantastic. And he's got a little model
Akron there, and he has that whole bit.
He's like the Akron for me. They need to.
Fantastic, fantastic. Love that.
Yes, still going there. Because that is where Britain's
winning feet may be found. And the winning feet has been
identified as a target of the Akron.
Matron later tells Aubrey that the Galapagos are legendary to
naturalists such as himself, and Aubrey promises the doctor that
they'll be granted several days of exploring the islands.
I think this was a foolish promise to make given, given the
urgency of their mission. But his heart's in the right
place. But yeah, this, this, this goes
on to annoy me. Aubrey then tells his officers
they're heading there, Da, da, da.
And then when the surprise reaches the islands, we have a
loving sequence here with, with the the bit of bark in G And
they're everyone's really excited to see the islands.
They're all observing the wildlife.
They're looking at the iguanas. They're looking at the
flightless birds. And they're like, oh, they're
disgusting, they're covered in warts.
It's amazing. They have travelled like the far
side of the world and they're looking at these envious and
features. Oh fucking gross.
Killer with hammers. I like Mr Bowen, who's like a.
Woman anywhere. Not a woman, not a woman to be
found. I love Mr Bowen is like those
turtles will make good eating. What if that is I got.
I fucking kill you. Leave it.
God. Fantastic.
Yeah. So when they reach the island,
they see a small whaling boat. I say whalers in like the little
sea boat is the shape of. It's called a whaler and there's
some surviving crew of the albatross or whaling ship burned
by a big black 3 master and everyone knows it instantly to
be the Jack Sparrow. You have heard of the Jack?
That is the set stage set for Jack on Jack Violence.
Just two jacks fighting the gala.
Call that a Jack off man. Yeah, so Jack has all hands to
make sale and pursue the Akron and this upsets Dr Matron who
protests that Aubrey is breaking his word so him explore which
point the capture applies. We don't have time filled and
hobbies. I am.
I am with Aubrey on this, mate. This is not a science
opposition. This is a warship we've got,
we've got to stop to do. Really pisses me off and I feel
like she. Said we could stop it for ice
cream and spit heads. I don't want to intercept the
Russians in the channel again. You promised.
Because he has like, because yeah, he goes into a full big
whinge. I understand, right?
There's, there's, there's almost almost two sides to this.
Because we, we find out that that Jack is massively exceeded
his orders and going this far down absolutely shouldn't have
gone this far. He, he's bound geographically to
a certain area of virtual possibility and he has left it.
So fair enough. That's not matching this
complaint, though. Matching complaint is like,
Daddy, you promised we could look at the we could go to the
zoo and that's, it's like, get the programme, dude.
We're here to kill French people, not look at iguanas.
I want listen, Doctor. Frogs.
We have frogs at home, Doctor. Listen, Doctor, I will turn this
ship around and nobody's going a fucking Disneyland.
I've had a day here with you. Now look at your iPad and shut
up. You didn't even do your homework
before we left. But then he's just a big wind.
You're like, Oh well, you see, like I rather sympathise with
mutineers. Actually, I think it's and it's
like people should be oppressed and people should be taken out
of their chose occupations and said to see.
And it's like, yes, but you weren't, were you Steven?
Like like you're a volunteer here.
No impressed gangs the doctor imagine imagine the ones like
oh, you're a drunk and A and a Tavern a shore here's a.
Scalpel. Like it's like you're being
pressed down. Oh, no, you're being pressed
down. Dinner was probably one of the
best paid rules on the ship. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Take that motherfucker, you know?
Yeah, I understand press ganging obviously wrong.
It's basically sending people to prison into the into the
military service. However, you know, compared to
like poverty in the day, like you know, if you, if you were
put into the Navy, you're like, well, you're, you're getting
fed, you're getting paid a wage. You get a little bit of rum
every day until 31st of July. 19th you basically have it 24/7
and you're being paid for it rather than being shipped away
to Australia for stealing one piece of bread or being left to
rot in a prison. Yeah.
Literally been arbitrarily executed for things that like
minor misdemeanours that. We get, yeah.
You you looked at your land owners chicken Funnily.
We're going to hang you now. I mean, sure.
There's I think we should bring us back.
I think we should just make drunk people wake up on frigates
20 miles from shore. You know, some nations do still
exercise conscription into the into their navies.
I did a Botic deployment in 2021 and the Estonians had conscripts
on board. Yeah, so I didn't get to I did
go on board. I spent a bit of time talking to
the rec so but I didn't really meet any of the conscripts.
But yeah, interesting isn't it how we how we do things
differently around Europe. So we'll get back to this this
this dissenting talk from mature in a bit after we've had some
some civil disobedience on board immature in shift it, Yeah.
Got him his writing. Is this fire?
Mike, I have a question. Yeah.
Do you think this exceeding his orders months ago thing is an
ongoing theme with Jack? Because it would, and if I
understand it right, and this is where where his rank clashes
with the film title as well, it would be a bit odd for a post
captain to be in command of a 28 gun frigate.
I, I think it must be like, I think he's known as a bit of a
bar lad. It's my, it's my, it's my read
on it is that he's really, really good.
But he's not going to make the I haven't read all the books, but
like he's not going to make the top super tier of the Navy
because he's he's not, he's not a rule a buyer.
He's a he's a real breaker. Again, like he's he's roughly
based on Lord Cochran of Don Donald, who left towards the end
of his career and basically posted up into South America and
basically created the Chilean Navy and like helped them make
various South American navies and was really influential and
spreading that, that good message to the world.
But he wasn't like he wasn't part of I mean, he's a Lord,
right? But but in terms of like the
approved list of the establishment, yeah, he wasn't
he wasn't on the in club as. It was something that irked me
earlier when I looked at the I think it wasn't Disney.
The the summary of of the film was describing him as a young
captain, which he definitely isn't.
Surprise is barely classed as a frigate.
She's more like an oversized Sloop of war and he's definitely
not young for that. You'd.
I'd be old for that. You also captain, you also
highlight that he's been in over 20 years because he you, you see
that script on there and it has like JA 1785 and it's like Jack
Aubrey wrote that, but it was a big Shipman.
But it says there's enough blood in the wood on here that he
could be a distant relation. What shit could you imagine that
like like nowadays there's enough blood on this GRP?
That I identify this vessel as my cousin, and God help anyone
who upsets my cousin. So some days into their voyage
from the Galapagos, surprise is be calmed and the dead heat is
starting to affect the crew to the point where they believe
there's a bad woman on board or a Jonah.
They sing out Midshipman Holland as said Jonah, citing that the
Akron first appeared on his watch and that he was scaling
the mizzen when it broke as he was heading on Cape Horn.
And the focus of all this Aya is a man named Seaman Nagle, Joseph
Nagle, who knocked up the model, the carpenters mate, and he is
disrespectful but insubordinate towards Holland.
So Holland is, I think I have to have a little chat here about
Holland. So Holland is probably the most
tragic character I think in this film.
He's not by any means a bad guy. They even he has a few chats
with with Aubrey. Aubrey even says like the
knowledge is there, you're a good sailor, you know what
you're doing. He just fundamentally lacks
confidence and A and a bit of backbone and he falls foul.
I think of a of a really easy thing for for a new officer to
do, which is to get too friendly with the people under their
charge, which is awkward because as the film states, you can't be
like a friend, like quote unquote, full on friends to
them. But by no means I used to be a
tyrant either. And I put you in a really weird
space where like you have to remember there's a professional
boundary. And I think we're probably more
able to deal with that in the current day where this the
bounds between stations and life are, are, are like basically
kind of gone. And that we, we, we don't, we
don't live in that society so much anymore.
And that there are the hyper elite really knows and everybody
else, right. So, and everyone is everybody
else by sheer didn't that we have jobs.
OK, So it's, it is based more or less on.
So the whole rank structure, which some people might say is,
is outdated, is based basically on administrative functions
primarily. And, and a lot of the prestige
and the class of, of, of holding rank is, is now kind of gone.
And it is basically time based skills based and based around
the administrative necessity of, of having to have a divisional
system that, that that makes the name work the way it works.
Right. That is all to say that in those
days when Holland's interacting like he's supposed to occupy a
completely different social class from, from the, the lads
on board. And when Aubrey says you can't
be too friendly with them, they will come to despise you for it
and see you as weak. It's because in those days, and
this actually still went on up until like the Second World War,
because there's an officer's pocketbook that is like widely
available. You can buy online from by 1940
odd, which explains like the the average junior age who was meant
to come from in these days, not so much totally not these days,
but back in those days not meant to be educated, probably
speaking like oftentimes illiterate and and occupying of
a completely different social class.
The kind of people who would get press ganged because they didn't
have homes or jobs or a standing society.
You could just be put off the streets without any any
consequence. OK, so if you are, they are
meant to be viewing officers as a better class of person than
them. They are meant to understand
their station in life and go this person is fundamentally
better than me in some way. And if Holland is trying too
hard to get on their level, they will just go, well who the fuck
are you then? If you're not better than me,
who the fuck are you? And that's basically the trap
he's fallen into here by by being too nice.
It doesn't happen the same way now, but there is a similar idea
that if you're too friendly and too familiar, you know, and
spend too much time in their mess and being informal with
them, that when the time comes for you to change your bearing
and delivering order, you're going to get an answer back
instead of quick action, which is obviously also detrimental to
naval discipline and the efficiency, the wall fighting
efficiency of the service. So I feel really bad for Holland
because he's hard in the right place, but he's fundamentally
fucked up like and say so like completely incorrectly.
And he's in the chip as well, which is the hardest rank, I
think to occupy in the Navy at this time, especially the ages
that so again, midshipmen that are meant to be children of like
in this time 13 and up, sort of basically children who were sent
off to join ships. They do like their their
learning there. They are basically under
training. They don't live in the wardroom.
They have a little gun room that that is theirs instead.
And their whole reason not to be on board is to learn their
trades so they can set the example Lieutenant and then they
will get a complement position where they do a proper job and
hold actual responsibility on board later.
They don't, I'm not home. So sure if they hold the
Commission yet. I know that when in the role,
maybe now you do get a Commission and then you you come
out the window as midshipmen. They changed that a little bit a
little while ago though. So when I went for my training,
I was an officer cadet, but I also technically held the rank
of midshipmen. And then I held the shipment for
a further about 12 months until they changed the policy.
And actually I should have been because I had prior service
should have been a sublime the entire time.
The exam for Lieutenant now is a different thing.
Fundamentally, it's now it's broadest closest equivalent is
the navigation watch keeping certificate exam that you take
place after you finish your SFT. So ships specialist feet time,
which is like you learning your trade by holding watches on
board a ship, which is basically what the the middies are doing
here. You do that, that time to get in
a lot of amount of hours. It's changed fundamentally now
it's not just an interior Navy thing.
Now you're also achieving a standard required to hold like
SCW, which is a, a International Maritime Organisation level
qualification in ship driving. So you do all that, you do your
exams, you do your simulator runs that we do nowadays and all
the various bits of that. You get to have an oral board
during that kind of thing as well because you're you're
required to explain your decisions.
And at the end of it tick Fiji, your, your black book of bridge
qualifications occurs and then then you become local Senate.
So, so all this is to say is that Holland is still into
training, but he's like 30 years old.
He's way too old for the role he's doing and he's fucked up.
What should have happened is Aubrey should have got around
him a lot earlier as his commanding officer and should
have set him on the right track. And also so should have all the
lieutenants and kept Lieutenant Pullings in particular as as as
the XO, someone's in charge of training all those guys.
Ultimately, everything's responsible to the captain, but
someone on board would have been responsible for making sure all
those midshipmen were progressing properly through
their training as well. And Holland has been let down by
the system. He also has failed the
examination of Lieutenant twice. And I don't know what he did,
obviously because he's a fictional character, but like at
some point during that journey, they probably should have said
shit, mate, it's not happening for you.
Like leave the service because he's he's getting to the point
now where he's like more danger to be on board than not.
Just unfortunate. But yeah.
Anyway, that's my hot take on Holland.
What do you guys think? I think it's really great
painful to see him just get kind of thinned out by his 13 year
old mates when he goes back to the when it goes back was caught
as at one time with them. And like, you know, like when,
when you're when you're 13 year old shipmates giving you shit
and telling you how much you've biffed it, you know, and and and
they keep not so much that, but you get that kind of vibe from
them. Like, wow, would you fuck this
one up, dude? It's painful to say.
I cringed from when he joined in the sea shandy singing.
That's like a key moment that's pivotal.
I think he just he is one of those managers who kind of try
too hard to be a friend. Like he's up there with the
whole, we're like a family here. When they interview you for a
job and it's like a gigantic red flag, you know, like it's like.
Yeah, I think, I think that's insidious.
Yeah. I don't think, I don't think
Harlem is. I think Harlem is no generally
just out your depth I think. Yeah, that's that's actually
fair. I want to attract my statement.
No, that's all right. But yeah, because I was thinking
we had we were talking in the group chat earlier on before
this. I don't think Holland is Holland
is dangerous. And that if you were to come
left head and and then crack on, he'd be I think ineffectual or
it would take an incredibly long time for him to develop the
trust of the men and then they would work for him because they
liked him. But that's and and this is like
exploiting more different kind of power basis.
So we talk about power basis. So we talk about leadership
training for like different, different power bases that that
you can sort of draw upon in, in different situations to, to get
people to follow your word of command.
Right. And what he fundamentally lacks
is like legitimate position because he's a midshipman.
He, he, he is, he doesn't rank them.
They should listen to him. But that on it's own isn't
enough because the people who he's talking to, yeah, right.
Maybe the lads and the folks will partnership down there.
The the ABS, not so much. But he's he's dealing with like
the serving master on a daily basis.
He's dealing with like the the people who know hold name
positions, the senior rates if you like.
He's going to struggle with that because he hasn't got any
legitimate legitimacy because he's still under training and
he's just, he's basically a spark.
He's not though, because he's so old.
But he basically is, right? That that also comes with him
having a reputation now. Oh, he's like the oldest
midshipman in the fleet, probably.
He's 29 years old and he's a midshipman.
That's so incredibly bad because like how long has he been at
this for? He's a knowledgeable sailor, but
has fundamentally failed as a personality to to progress and
get through get through his examination of a Lieutenant.
Also, how good a sailor is he if he can't get through the
examination? Because there's a lot of
technical proficiency required for that as well as we've all
seen probably probably seen it dramatised and Hornblower, the
examination of a Lieutenant Fatterback, Dover cliffs, What
kind of stuff? And a mastered.
Mr Hornblower. Yeah, maybe if there's been a
fire ship into the harbour during exactly might done
better, but yeah, ridiculous. So so yeah, he's.
He's, if he's kind of bored at the same age as the other guys.
He's been been a midshipman for what, 17 years?
More than more than half his life, like the majority of his
life at this point. And it's like when he's talking
about the century of him back in an entry level job for that long
and it's literally taken up a significant part of your life.
Years of tragic character. I mean, it would be, you know,
horrible to be in his shoes from much of the day, I think.
Be humiliating I think to to be sharing like the gun room with
again like this 1314 year olds Calamy is I think even I had
Holland lived Calamy still would have been mid local acting
lifting ahead of Holland and I think yeah that would have been
like yet another brutal humiliation that he's probably
got like a listen of these over the past like for 10 years of
his career. You know it's you shouldn't be
in under training for that long God in the Navy going back
probably about in the last sort of 30 or 40 years.
The going rate for the length of time in the shipment being the
shipment for was used to be for the entire duration of your of
your specialist free time training periods.
So about three years and I think that's probably about true for
these times. The other thing that's, uh,
specifically about the Navy at this time is that a large
portion of your progression for your career was look at the draw
in terms of the ships you were on, the jobs they were given to
do and, and your commanding officer as well, who had a
humongous say and whether or not you progress forward.
So the problem with Holland is, is that because he's cast him
perfectly with the angleby and they've done a great job on the
makeup and stuff. They've made him give off the
bearing of someone who's just a bit like awkward and cliky and
uncomfortable and unheimlick and his clothes don't seem to like
fit and all that kind of stuff. And such a personality driven
Navy at the time that you can just see that like every
commanding officer he's had has probably had given, it's been
given the ick and it's gotten worse and worse.
He's gotten older and older and they've just been like, I don't,
I don't I don't want this. This fucking guy is not going to
promote in my watch. And that's what's kind of
happened to him, I think, which is a bit of a shame.
He's not like a, he's not an antagonistic bad person by by
any means, but he's just not fit for the job that he's trying to
get into at the standards of the time.
His life would have been saved by him getting dismissed a few
years ago. And just like give him the sack
and said you know what, try something else man.
Go into finance. I mean, it's an option for
officers apparently. Work at the Torpoint ferry like
just like. Just go be a high women or
something like that, you know? Be a doorman at the Navy Board.
Nice. It's a shame.
I often think about what would happen with the modern, the
modern day Navy equivalent of stuff that's from like media
from like that covers this time period.
I was thinking about like, you know, when home blower gets like
landed on shore with half pay and I was thinking like, what
would be the modern day equivalent of that?
And it's like, well, you would. Me no longer getting my being at
sea money. That's it.
Yeah, you lose. So you lose your CPA, use your
longest separation allowance because you're not at sea.
You lose your X Factor. Probably.
It's probably the closest thing that would happen.
And then but then I also always think because what does home
load is he starts going around various like gentlemen's clubs
playing whist or something gambling to like make more
money. And it's all like the sad
equipment of that nowadays. It's probably like someone like
at 3:00 in the morning, like half cut in the Groves in the
casino in Lincoln. Wolf Keys.
Like. To earn back enough money to pay
their off Sky high rent. Some awful landlord.
Or to buy their porn and sword back.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ponzi Ponzi sword as well, which
is absolutely terrible. Just starting laying like mad
esoteric bets on polymarkets that like somehow, somehow and.
Trading 212 Yeah. Yeah, Oh my God, gets in a
crypto, let's be real here. Gets an ad FT.
All my ships gone. I wasted all my land pay
allowance on on huge coin. I know a guy who's got.
Somebody buy my sword back for. Me on.
The I have am no longer getting C pay.
I have spent all my C pay on a stupid car anyway.
Oh shit. Taylor's orders time.
What's the 8th century version of By the Land Rover by by the
horse with like lots of health problems?
This is a horse. It leaks.
That's a really big like impressive, like like really big
impressive fucking industrial year or whatever they call those
a big fuck off war horses, But like it's but it's but it's got
like a lot of problems wrong that this is gummy as fucking
the vets constantly coming out and fix it and it's like it
essentially does leak. Okey dokey, where we at later
Hollom believing himself should be the Jonah has he's been
involved in many unfortunate incidents on the voids commits
suicide by jumping into the ocean clasping a cannonball in
front of fellowshipman Blatney. Eerily, the wind picks up and
rain starts falling again soon afterwards.
So this is this is sad. It's also a bit of a bit of a
meme splash joke in the daily, which is the you've always been
very kind. And then he stops a set of the
ship holding the cannonball very very sad.
I also feel. The saddest thing is that this,
this adult man's last words on this earth before he jumps
smooth off the ship to a 13 year old kid because he's got no like
kind of peers of his own age. And then that's like, man, that
kind of fucking hurts. That's so sad because like
Benton, he's like, I think the window will pick up soon and
he's like, I'm sure of it because he's about to commit
suicide, so. I'm sure of it because I'm going
to Kermit suicide right now, yeah.
It's awful. The funeral for him is also like
pretty chilling because you have you've got you've got Aubrey
doing first of all, Killick, who opens the Bible on like the
section like Jonah. It's like you fucking twat, like
a guy died. And then and then Aubrey gives
like his address, which is, you know, we're not always as
fortunate to be the person we wish we'd be in life.
And it's just like, man, you appreciate the the tragedy of it
all. But also like, don't talk shit
about him. But he's a funeral.
Jesus. Like this guy sucked it, but he
knew it. Yeah.
Jesus and then and then the film doesn't a little bit dirty or or
not where yeah, it starts to rain in the wind picks up at the
funeral. It's like, but maybe he was the
journal. In fact, it's a bit a bit mean
to say about someone who obviously tragically take in
their life. Although you made the good point
in the group chat, Sonia, that that it might be because he
asked forgiveness of those who who did them wrong and and
that's would be why the curse was lifted.
But yeah, very sad. So the next bit we get is a
little montage of everyone happily washing their air and
you see how incredibly long the Killick's hair is.
So which is fun whiles and then the next bit is and then he said
Peregrine took Billy Boys calls out to matron and says, have you
seen this great big bird? There's an albatross flight
around. So Matron's running around the
deck trying to see this Albatross is flying around at
the same time as the the Royal Marines.
Captain Howard is being an absolute rogue.
Fuck me, man. The first.
Rule of firearm safety is always shoot the ship's surgeon.
The second rule of firearm safety is just be yourself, and
the third one is have fun. Yes.
So yeah, he's not pointing the weapon in a safe direction and
that he's flinging around the place on the deck.
Everybody's on the deck. And then sure enough, he shoots
a matcher in in the side going I'm sorry the bird went low, as
if that was a justification for aiming the gun anywhere within
the ship. Yeah, as if that's a
justification for fucking trying to shoot an albatross anyway.
I mean, Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner etcetera isn't meant to
be incredibly bad luck on an already fucking cursed voyage,
by the way. It isn't like everything's been
incredibly jammy up to this. Like they haven't had anyone of
good luck at all. It's like, oh, let's double the
fuck down by shooting albatross. Christ.
If you run a short. Right, Captain of the Marines.
Would you like to break a few mirrors while you're at it?
Indeed, very, very cursed. So he gets shot.
He loses consciousness. The surgeons mate.
Higgins, to his credit, realises that a bit of the cloth from the
shirt is in the wound with the ball and explains that to to to
to Captain Jack that it will, it will separate investor unless it
is removed and they need to, to remove it.
Aubrey asks him politely but firmly.
Are you up to this job? And, and Higgins is like, Oh
yeah, once I've read some books to get me there and, you know,
it'd be a bit easier to, it's a bit easy if we weren't, we
didn't have all this. And it was like, Jesus fucking
Christ, mate. Oliver, Jack's responding.
Look at pictures, yeah. Look at pictures.
Maybe, maybe if you word it and said consult some diagrams.
Yeah, it's all about how you speak to management at this
point, like instead of saying fuck off, say OK, I'll do that
and then just don't do it. That's that's how we deal with
management. Yeah, Higgins.
Yeah, get this into you OODA loop.
Yeah, so pretty, pretty bad news.
Also a sailor spot on the horizon ahead, which is believed
to be the Akron. Aubrey is now faced with a
difficult choice, to follow the old ship or get the ship
alongside on dry land and give Stephen a fighting chance of
having a successful operation to remove the bullet.
And to his credit, they go alongside Stephen against
consciousness. And he realises that he's in a
tent on the Galapagos and they've abandoned the the Akron
and order to save him and Matron.
He forms surgery on himself with the of a mirror and a fantastic
scene and successfully removes the musket ball, which is
phenomenal because you have the whole bit of like the comedy of
of like, oh, if you don't need me, I'll just be outside say,
Oh, actually, actually, Captain, I do need you to like put some
pressure on the wounds. And he's like, oh, I've been
around wounds all my life. I should be fine.
And he's like visibly queasy and unhappy, right, Which is
fantastic. And you have the whole thing of
Padine, the lobbly boy is like trying to hold the mirror, but
and he's like grossed out. So he turns away and all that
stuff. Lolly boy, this is one of the
most obviously Jack speak. You've you've you've run out the
lob, lolly boy. The lob lolly boy is yeah, it's
a is is a term of Jack speak. If I got my Jack speak
dictionary nearby Lob lolly boy all the term for a young lad who
is the ships surgeon as described in the novel Roderick
Random by Tobias Smollett, still senior to a fox doctors clerk.
Loblolly was the nickname given to a thin watery gruel served in
the sick birth. So basically it's it's named
after the thin gruel that people have served in like sick days.
Not some ships the line, but in naval hospitals.
But there you go. Imagine your entire job being
named after hospital food man. Pretty grim.
Pretty pretty. That, that, that, that.
Your ranks gruel. George, by the way, get back to
it. It's it's like, it's like you
can have like in Burundi, U.S. Navy equivalent named after
that. We had mystery meets it.
We've seen all those photographs that were going around from that
from someone's meal on some U.S. Navy ship that it just looks
like some like animal's tongue has been ripped smooth out of
its head. Yeah, absolutely.
Mystery meets. Absolutely foul.
I did. I did do some digging onto that
particular bit of naval vittling and and discovered that it was
meant to be like kebab, basically.
Yeah, like fat packed pre pre cooks kebab meat that they just
throw into like a pan to heat heat through.
Well, this is what. Would be better for morale is if
they had to get the proper like meat tornado kind of set up and
and and and it's like a Turkish guy you call your boss man.
It's like cut strips off this slowly rotating meat tornado
that you know. You had me at the Meat Tornado.
Yeah, yeah. That was that was a scram
picture of on USS Abraham Lincoln, which is obviously
currently currently stationed out in vicinity of the probably
the Gulf of Oman. But yeah, Grimm proper grim
indeed. So the performance syndrome
himself successfully removes the musket ball and the bit of cloth
which will patch up nicely, Sir. And he now has the opportunity
to explore the Galapagos. He makes many scientific
discoveries, including his type of flightless cormorant, and he,
Padine and Blitney are catching iguanas, little lizards and bits
of plant and bobs, bugs and stuff, and having a rare old
time. It's great.
It's such a good dudes rock ADHD side quest.
It's great and he's like David doesn't doesn't doesn't exist
out here. We've got we're going to walk to
this out there. And that's what my fighters
comment was. So that's 10 miles will be
better get going. And he loves it.
He's super excited. Unfortunately, on the wander
across he's some sort of a hill, he notices a large free master
ship sailing into one of the island bays flying the French
flag and he knows it must be the Akron and that the Akron has
returned. He is visibly crestfallen, but
thank Christ for this. Matchan knows that he has got a
sworn duty to inform the ship and they get back as as a
posthaste. Which is good because all that
whinge in earlier on about about, you know, going or doing
stuff unnecessarily and this being a tyrannical regime and
all that kind of stuff. He's he's not disloyal.
He was just a bit grumpy. So that's nice.
They rushed back because he. Foster Report Not disloyal, just
a bit grumpy, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
It's probably because Aubrey drank the last coffee half an
hour earlier. Yeah, most sense of humour
failure during foster training are are related to coffee supply
on board or the billing of coffee on board.
I always bring my own doctor requestfallen that his trek has
been cut short, but he has to return to the ship and as the
running back obviously gets a bit slowed down because of his
wound, so Padine has to pick him up and carry him.
And all the specimens have to be left behind in the open, all the
cages. And you see all the creepy
crawlies flee from their cages and it's very sad.
But also nice that you thought to open the cages.
That's nice. After observing the deceptive
qualities of a stick insect, which was shown to him by
Blatney and Steven, Aubrey has an idea the surprise will be
disguised as a slovenly unsaler like whaling ship.
And I love all this because he's he's basically saying like with
the with the whaling ship master right there, like right, we're
going to make us also like these pricks, but.
Not not like him specifically. Yeah, yeah, prison company
accepted, But people like all that dipshit.
But these, these tickets, these. And a lot of that.
Guy I'm we're going to love our sailors like this Dick probably
does not even seeing the ship, but we're going to love
ourselves like this. Pratt probably does right.
We're going to take all caps off Go don't dress so well.
Stop watching. We're going to we're going to
look like assholes like this guy.
Do a fence. Yeah, bang, bang your head off
the bulkheads to make yourself a bit stupider while you're at it.
We're going to have to pretend to be people who are fucking
subnormal at this point. They do all that.
No offence, no offence, we're like I, but you know, you're,
you're a credit to your career, I'm sure, wink.
There's this one moment of cliche military comedy.
They're just hard to get in their way, so stop saying yes to
everything. And the entire room was just
yes, Sir. We're almost still struggling on
for that. I think that's good.
I like that a lot. Before the this, they did a
little bit of gunnery drill as well.
I enjoyed that very much because that's we haven't talked about
it. We'll do it in the quotes I
guess. Yeah, yeah.
Man God damn that was such a fucking cool sequence as well
though. Yeah, it really was, really was
enjoyed that. We'll talk about that in a bit.
And then as this is happening, he has his hearts in mind.
Speech to ship's company saying like, you know, even though we'd
be on the far side of the world's title drop, this ship is
England and all that good stuff. Really.
Yeah. Makes your heart glow.
If it would come from somebody else, you'd think, oh, what
pitiful stuff because it comes from Jack Aubrey, you know, you
feel. You feel your heart.
Go see. What you did there And they'll
pass me the solve. So there they asked Dujin about
with their their Luff and sails which.
Smoking cigars and drinking tea. Drinking tea and they've got
like all the smoke from the the whaling with with two.
Ions of sugar in there, the decadent bastards that are.
Free he gives him because he likes him.
I like that. There's another, there's another
thing about Killick that that shows because he crumbles and
crumbles and crumbles, but he's he's all right, really.
And I and I love that. So that's really good.
So we get an incredibly cliched French accent yelling out like
stop busy English Wheelers, you have no hope, you silly English.
I was gonna. Say that's that, that's that.
That's the error. She was like.
Your. Father was a hamster and now?
Go. Back to another island or I
shall think you a second. Time that's exactly so good, so
good, man, it's like. Say that or it's like some like
that like iconic. You have no chance to survive.
Make your time fucking video game intro meme.
It's you. Someone set us up the bomb,
gentlemen, you have no chance to survive.
Make your time, move everything for great justice, etcetera.
All your best to belong to us. Yes, that's the one.
Yeah, yes, yeah, fantastic stuff.
Yeah, so I love this. And then there's a
conspiratorial look on the upper deck of the surprise and an epic
call of Let's Fly goes out and and the King's colours are
hoisted and the battle is on. And with that, a amazing
broadside close range, all aiming towards the main mist of
the Akron. And then there's a great tense
sequence where we the smoke is literally clearing.
We wait for the report of what what happens.
And then we see the main nest of the of this the Akron Creek
Creek. And for everyone's tune, like,
yeah, get on and and and and the fray begins.
Just before this, though, we had some dishing out some jobs.
So as I mentioned earlier, Mr Calamy gets locally rated up to
acting third left in him and will lead a bowling party to to
rescue the whalers. There are 30 Whalers imprisoned
on board the the Akron who will turn the tide of the battle if
they are released. That would be a secondary
objective if this was a video game level and.
You don't need like rescue like 10 of them though like like it's
like the rest of them will just like stand there like repeating
the same like animation cycle. Yeah, and Mr Blatley is
disappointed because he is not allowed to go in the bowling
party because he's a tiny child and because one.
Arm. One arms child.
I don't know what he thought he was going to do but but actually
we see in a bit so it's great yeah so he's disappointed.
He goes he goes to entrance the captain.
I love his his gumption. I love his balls.
He's brave as because he wants to get in the in the thick of it
and so props to him again, envy the GP of the movie for me.
Captain Jack tells him. Oh no, I need you to command the
quad deck for when the boarding begins you will be in command of
the ship. He's like command the ship.
Oh, thank you, Sir. Boy, oh boy, oh boy.
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. Which is actually great because
like, all you have to do is reframe the ask a little bit and
and suddenly he's like all over it, you know?
Masters given Dobby a frigate. Make ears free there are as none
as so free as the sons of the waves That should be OK hello
mentioned Oh these ships jolly tart are all men all right so
yeah absolutely fantastic. So the boarding commences having
having swathed to the the upper deck of the of the Akron and we
were talking about very sad final people's lines.
Oh yeah, at the boarding party, Horizon board, a big group of
French guys are all playing possum on the other deck and
nobody knows as the smoke is clearing who's alive and who's
dead. They all think they're dead.
And the silly master goes, seems to me like the job is done.
And just as he says that, he gets shot like squarefielder
Forest. And, and that's a real shame
because he's like one of my favourite characters.
We haven't talked about it, but he let the sing along of don't
forget your old shipmates. Yes, earlier on during one of
the next dinners, Great, great voice, really wonderful
rendition. So if that sounded home again,
yeah, wonderful. Also he had like one of the
great lines earlier on the movie, which is like 100 miles
of shining scene between me and her and he brings up on our
stern. That's seamanship.
Just wonderful. So he's a big loss when he goes
down. Felt that.
I feel like I tell you what, again, like I said, this film is
full of that guys. There are casualties during this
final confrontation and you feel every single one of them because
they're all familiar faces by this point because you've been
living with them. That's another thing this film
really captures is that you've actually seen, you're actually
more embedded in the crew than you realise because you see
these like faces and you see them go down.
You're like, oh shit, no, not that guy.
So like pretty much all of them. It's because it's so immersive.
It's because it seems how well the work you see the seriousness
with which the perform it the on any it's easy when you write in
a war film, but throw in a bunch of like super like kind of easy
character archetypes, since I've got like, oh, the crazy guy, the
wild card, the Super religious guy that's going to snap at the
end of the second act and stuff like that.
And you don't really have this in this, this seem all very kind
of real kind of like that about it.
And it makes all the deaths kind of you might have a like like
emotional effect on you. And it's it's just powerful
movie maker. Yeah, it really is.
It reminds me a little bit what you're just saying there of
surfing Private Ryan or Band of Brothers as well achieves a
similar feat. Band of Brothers is phenomenal.
It's, it's less impressive there because it's done about 10 hours
and you've got all that time. But this, you know, this is only
a 2 1/2 hour film and this happens about a 2 hour mark and
and it whips along. It only really stews on a little
bit during the Galapagos sequence.
But like the rest otherwise it's they've achieved all the
character work like during during action sequences or
during the buildings and action sequence.
It's actually phenomenal how they've done that.
Yeah. The only the only the bit where
it slows down a little bit, I think, is when they're you've
got because it Joseph Neagle is talking about.
Well, think about your share of the prize money.
That ship will be loaded up with gold and the grease and all the
jewels of Araby and then all that stuff anyway, right, sorry,
final fight leaving the surprise Jack and Lieutenant Pullings are
do the boarding parties onto the Akron and are ambushed
themselves. Meanwhile, acting third
Lieutenant Peter Kalmi leads the group to rescue the captured
Wheelers. Blatley notices that they are
trying to shoot out the quarter deck of the surprise, aims his
guns into to knockout their guns, blasts a massive hole on
the side of the Akron, and then noticing obviously there's now
an easy point of egress from the Akron reasons that he also must
board the Akron and abandoned the surprise.
Funny old thing that the guy who really wanted to be involved in
the boarding is fun to way to get involved in the boarding,
eh? Listen here, you little shit.
We've got a board, we've got a board and he jumps on board and
he's again, he's like 9 years old or something.
I don't know how old he actually was but he has like 1 arm with
his other arm he's got there. He's like tooled up with a
little pistol and he's like just like blasting up.
It's like Oh my God, he's loving it.
Great. Just what a what a what a loud,
artsy legend. It was him from the end of the
gun deck with the Doctor and which obviously Steve Matron and
the surgeon's mate Higgins. And yeah, they're in there like
stopping them from using their guns and stuff.
There's a hilarious little bit where Higgins like puts his hand
in front of the hammer on the cannon.
It's. It's, it's one of the few bits
in the film. It's like playing like physical
humour kind of laughs. And it's like, and it's just
like legitimately funny and it isn't a fucking big sigh.
Again, there are ways to put comedy bits and films that just
ruin them. And they they fly now.
They fly now, that kind of shit. And this guy jammed his hand
under the flintlock mechanism. It's it's funny, it gets your
laugh, but it's not fucking stupid, you know what I mean?
It's good as well because this character we've we've got to
know a little bit through his not being sued at all,
performing surgery. So he's been a bit of a, he's
been a bit of a punchline of the last point, but now he's good.
He's given a win. Yeah, because he does something
that's funny and in line with his character.
But it was also like objectively for the good.
So it's a nice, it's a nice, it's a nice, it's a nice way of
tying him up as with a little victorious moment.
I think that's really, really nice.
Yeah. Great.
So yeah, lots of bloody course, close quarters come back takes
place, lots of swordplay, all that kind of stuff going on.
Really, really cool. It's a great sequence.
I love how how how Blakeney just looks like, well, 18th century
Rambo going on the ship because he's all the the pistols for the
imprisoned whalers slung around his neck and.
He's just like, Oh yeah, yeah, that's classy.
Yeah. Then when, when, yeah, when,
when Calibie gets to releasing all the Whalers and he's they
kind enough to them as they're all flooding out and they're
like they're they're fixing for a scrap.
It's really, really good. It's.
Like yeah, 22 alot boys, let's go.
It's hunting. Season.
And it's not long inside of that where it starts to die down.
And it's like you have that moment where it's gone quiet and
like, are they still going? Are they still fighting?
If they strip their coast? I think they have.
If you find their captain, Yeah. Just keep looking to cut it on
and all that kind of stuff. And then eventually it has died
down. They've seized control of the
ship. And Aubrey searches for the
captain of the of the Akron. He goes into his great cabin and
gets ambushed by a guy who tries to stab him but fails.
And that just kind of kind of like slowly, shamefully retreats
back down like. Back into.
His yeah, like, like, I mean, I mean, Russell grows a fucking
unit, right, Isn't he? I don't mean he's playing
character who's a unit, who's like, you know, I mean, yeah,
you would. You're fool.
Save myself out now. Awkward.
Yeah, yeah. And he's like, do the
inferiority. So he goes to the he goes to the
ship's Infirmary and you see what appears to be the doctor
just finishing up confirming the death of what appears to be the
captain, because he's got he's got a coat and everything on.
And then he says to to to Jack Aubrey like he just died, but he
wants you to have this. And he hands the sword over,
surrenders the ship. So then you think that's the end
of it. Cool, he says.
So then Aubrey basically nuclear rates pullings up to to master
and commander and says like you're going to, you're going to
take the ship back to Valparaiso to middle port in Chile.
And we'll offer the prisoners and fix her up and we'll
rendezvous in in Portsmouth. And I will take the surprise
back to the Galapagos to be nice to my pal and all that kind of
stuff. It's only when they're tuning up
to do another jam session in the great cabin of the surprise that
Maturin tells them that Doctor Devin the front died of fever
several several months ago. And that the French captain that
they thought it was killed was actually the guy pretending to
be the doctor. So that obviously there's like
the captured, the friendship is one of the is among the
prisoners and we'll probably be trying to plot against a captain
pulling to retake the ship kind of stuff.
So he's like going to have to go and catch up with a Valparais,
catch up with the Akron and escort her into Valparaiso as he
calls down for Mr Moet and tells him change of course side by
side W will be going to Valparaiso and 01 more thing
beat the quarters and then absolute bang and Neil drop
comes on as they start. Yeah, as they start playing that
bit of Boccarini and we got a beautiful sequence where that's
playing and then you see the piece of what's happening like
silently you get. And it's really, it's wonderful
to see the contrast with like this really jaunty music and the
the drums drumming and ship turning around and oh, it's so
good, it's so good. Epic.
And then? You forgot what one of the
quotes of the film there. Correct, bro.
Yeah, go into it. I know.
I know what you're here to say. So there's this because of the
Galapagos thing, there's this ongoing thing between between
Jack and Maturin about him really wanting to to find the
flightless albatross that he's seen there.
And that bird's the main reason he's always upset that he's not
getting his playtime on the island.
And the final sequence Jack looks at just looks at him like
Stephen. But yes, it's flight lit
flightless, isn't it? Yes.
Well, it's not going anywhere. Perfect.
Yeah. And that is the end of the
movie. Absolutely incredible.
Leaves on a little miniature cliffing up, but you know
they're going to be victorious. It's just lads on adventure.
They should have made like, right, final impressions more of
these. They should have made 15 more of
these. Usually This should have been he
should they should be making one that should be they should be
making the 10th 1 now. And Russell crew should be like
a Commodore and like captain pulling should be like a captain
of the ship and oh man, this should have run four home lover
these It should be films of all these and it's it's a travesty
crime that there aren't good good.
I've just it just pisses me off that this film is so amazing.
It's so great. Are we always doing prequels
with the same actors who have 820 years, 20 years later
though? That's like, no, just do a
sequel. But yeah, but my, my, my point
is, is that we've got like fucking 200 Marvel fucking
Cinematic Universe films, which are all a bit shit.
And like one of these, that's what annoys me.
I don't really see fucking Iron Man in 10 films.
I do want to see Jack Aubrey. And do you?
Do you think that maybe Midship and Holland will return in
Avengers Doomsday? But somehow the Jonah returned.
That's obviously mean. I'm going to cut on our socials
in the next. Ray.
Hollom.
Fucking hell, that's gold. That's gold, Jerry.
Captain Pullings will return, I love it.
The chip and Blakely will return a.
Fucking a fucking post credit sequence when when fucking
Aquaman just grabs on a holler but just like pulls up a safety.
Like a hand plunges down and puts.
About and like, the camera cuts up and it's Aquaman and he's
just like, yeah, I got to work for you yet.
But boy, oh. My God, you ask for Sea for
Mercy? That's still a hard fucking line
from the Aquaman film though. Yeah, I I want a sequel of Lucky
Jack burning down the White House.
Fuck yeah. Or, yeah, connecting some
attempts at renovations, as the King said this week.
Yes, well, we brought you a bell for like no reason.
A bell Bell from HRS Trump. You Bell and.
Did I mention that all my family were in the role?
They've in the role that he actually kicks ass.
Love that. Look at you present bone spurs,
right? Guys, this is one of my
favourite films of all time, which obviously talks about in
great detail, so my feelings are pretty unambiguous.
Final impressions though, before we get into categories.
San Diego and 1st San is first on the enemy ship's deck with
five pistols on them. And a sword.
And fucking and fucking 10 pints of grog in them as well as 2
STDs. You got my sword.
I'll get my sword. I'll tell you what, I'll get my
sword. Yes, swords time.
Rory, where are your flintlocks? I.
Don't have any? You have from Flintsburg.
They're not flintlocks, they're cup and ball.
Close enough. There's somewhere I took them
off the wall when I thought I was going to be getting a police
visit in case looked a bit too worried.
OK, there. There's obviously podcaster and
audio medium, so I just got up and got my sword.
There we go. Nice.
What a nice So we're all in costume now.
Two out of three of us have swords.
Two out of three of us have silly ads.
Perfect. There we go.
What what's my final impression? I just love the damn thing, to
be honest. It's, it's so much, it's
everything. It's the it's visually stunning.
The amount of detail is amazing. Every, every shot of inside the
ship really gives you that, that cramped feeling.
The whole, the whole vibe of being on a ship of the period.
Every outside shot looks like historical painting of a, of a
naval battle. It's, it's just amazing.
I think it was unfairly treated by critics at the time, really
suffered from coming out during a period of generally great
films. That's true.
It was it was a little good stuff happening at the same
time. It's obviously happening in and
around The Lord of the Rings, which was taken away by some
both in the box office and and in awards.
I think this came not too long after.
Obviously A Beautiful Mind we talked about at the beginning,
but also like Gladiator and I think there was some baggage
there for what we expected a Russell Crowe film to be, which
this doesn't quite conform to because he's doing a different
voice and he's doing the I remember a lot of press at the
time about the the violin lessons that he took and all
that kind of stuff. And think I think this film is
it's chuckle of action and it just barrowed along like I
mentioned. But because it's like the one or
two moments of quietness, because the subject matter is
the age of sail, I think people just weren't ready for it.
Pirates of the Caribbean? Sort of, yeah.
Yeah, I think. I'd.
Say it's the same year as well. Yeah, Yeah, that's true.
So you have, you have a very sombre film and you've got a
very funny film. Yeah.
You've got, yeah, you've got one film that's based on a fucking
Disney ride, Yeah. Which, which in itself is really
similar to, like, Monkey Island. Young guy wants to be a pirate
and falls enough for the posh English girl.
I guess it gets mixed up with funny pirates kind of thing.
And then you've got, yeah, this film, which is painstakingly
researched, full of heart, very, very dense source material.
I think another thing about this film is that it's hard to get
into for some people because the books are quite hard to get
into. They've got quite a high buyer
of entry. I think I've bounced off the
books a couple of times because there's a section that goes into
grave detail about like how how the masks are rigged and stuff,
which is fine. I've done I've done sailing on a
on a sailing like a 44 masted bark before.
I've done sailing at sea like this, But even I was like, yeah,
OK, this is like getting a little bussment holiday.
I need to like. So I think the average person
who was expecting to be like Gladiator, which kind of plays
it being historically accurate, but actually is just an action
film is a different vibe. Personal.
That's my my hot penneth. For me, this film was an
absolute joy. That was amazing.
As far as re watches for films for the pod go, I watched this
immediately before I sat down in my kitchen and started recording
this episode. And honestly man, I'm still
riding a high from it. I'm still riding a high.
Emma wasn't fortunate enough to witness me watching the 1st
about 30 minutes of the film before she then went and did
literally anything else. And I'm literally like putting
my hands up with my fists clenched like shouting out the
words on the screen. Oceans are now battlefields, you
know. We do some categories.
Yeah, I pull up some stuff from casting, so let me just open up
my notes here. The first thing.
If I would speak, let's open up my notes matey.
Well, put up the WhatsApp that I sent Besaft messages to.
So yeah, casting. The first thing I looked up was
trying to find out who was also considered for the Jack Aubrey
role. I didn't seem to find much
online about that, but right, there's been some discourse
online about who people would cast as the character now.
Like enough to make this shit pop up on the Google AI summary
that's ruining everyone's searches at the moment.
So Google's fucking scraped the Internet and found out.
Like the fan casting decisions for for like a remake or a
sequel. This is kind of fucking mad.
People have suggested Chris Hemsworth, frequently suggested
by fans, is a modern choice for a scruffed up Jack Aubrey.
A big sigh from Mike there. A big sigh from Mike.
Well, I think that's coming from because he was, he was in that
Rob Ron Howers film In the Heart of the Sea.
Yeah, where he played a slovenly whaler.
So I wonder if that's where that's coming from, maybe.
And his and and his blonde and his Australian.
Yeah, this one will make you even more angry.
Chris Pratt. Oh he can fuck wipes off Jesus.
My question. He's got he's got no business
touching into the role movie. And he'll go right sighted for
his ability to handle both action and comedic fratty rules
with the capacity to show the necessary physical bulk.
God all mighty. Fratty rules.
Fratty rules like he's a frat boy.
He's a flake. Say that man up, jug up your car
for chi or whatever. Fuck you I.
Hate that? Gerard Butler, yeah, mentioned.
He's not, he's not, he's not the worst one.
But yeah, but I mean, he's Quander, a submarine before he
punched out his office, All right, punched out with CEO.
He's not a great. Actor in.
Mind mentioned as a possibility, provided he could Buster the
accent that's fucking shit on Gerard Butler, a professional
actor, Provided he could, you know, a bastard of posh English
accent, you know? Yeah, provided to.
Come on, someone suggested Charlie Hunnam.
Wow, OK, yeah, this, this, I always think, I always think of
that video of Charlie Hunnam where he's talking about how he
got, he was outside the gate in Newcastle and he gets A and he
gets accosted by like a bunch of young lads because he's he's cut
about, he's got a beard and he he thinks he's been recognised.
They're like, how are you an actor?
He's like, Oh yeah, I am actually, yeah, I've just been
filming. He's like dandal for fucking
Wizards. You're beautiful and cunts.
That's fucking amazing, man. That's so good.
And the explanation of why people pick Charlie Hunnam.
It's just suggested in community casting discussions.
There's like, no, no, like kind of kind of argument put from how
old Charlie Hunnam Henry Cavill mentioned as a potential fit.
But not the worst. Not not the worst.
Alexander Skarsgard. No.
Mentioned provided he could I quote thicken up for the role.
Hey, Henry, hey, hey, hey, hey, Alexander.
You got to get fat, dude. You got to start food.
Maxim, you got a bulk. It's bulk in season.
Again, the basis on the fact that he's played a Mariner
before in the Northman. Yeah, this is wild.
Alan Richardson, Reacher. Come on man, be serious.
Noted for the guy, but. Noted for his physical stature
as a match for the quote. Absolute unit description.
Yeah, but I just. Yeah, no.
No having Bistrom X-Men. I mean, I mean, he's too
massive, he's too gigantic, that's the thing.
But he'd be bringing his head on things.
All the time motorcycle at the Akron.
It's like he just does like the boarding action himself.
Snaps the the mast by hand and uses a weapon.
He just jumps on the deck with a Desert Eagle.
No one tells Alan Richardson he can't even know it's
anachronistic because he'll just dog walk him in front of the
children and get it all on his GoPro.
And finally, Sean Bean mentioned particularly for a potential
role in a story featuring a more sombre Aubrey.
Presumably he dies at some point as well That.
That'd be such a weird bit of a because he's obviously sharp,
right? And Boromir, but sharp?
If he says the word Napoleon or Bony.
Yeah. And he's not.
And he's not Richard Sharp. Something's wrong.
Sometimes something's wrong and it's like so going on to actual
casting now, people who really did have the job in the film.
Russell Crowe currently got a lot of stuff in pre production,
a film called You and Obama. He's got the billion dollar spy.
He's playing Ramirez in Highlander.
So he's taking the Sean Connery role for Highlander playing
Ramirez. So another inexplicably Spanish
named ancient Egyptian immortal with the Cortana.
Awesome. A fucking love Highlander.
And that's not the only Highlander link we'll have to
this show this this film by the way.
So is that a he's not a creative gun in the 70s that I didn't
realise he was that kind of get getting stuff on film that
early. He was in a show called Spy
Force, an Australian TV series about Australian intelligence
officers during World War 2 playing a character called
Orphan. So that's like 6 decades he's
covered. We need to find that.
We need to find spy force, man. We need to find spy force.
This. This actually sounds class.
I think he's the first of our guys with the WWE credit.
He was in WrestleMania 39. He's credited as playing
Gabriel, the Pope's exorcist. Amorph or Amorph?
I've never seen the film A daughter, how it's pronounced in
WrestleMania. So you only assume he comes in
and Kfab exercises some demons out of fucking?
Yeah. Yeah, you cannot.
Think that's like recently. That's like a.
Yeah, yeah, 2023 was WrestleMania 39.
Incredible right? So well, that's sort of oddball
stuff. Our our guys.
He was Henry Jackal in the Mummy 2017.
Do you think we were hard done by by the end of the dark
universe before we began? Or do you think we're ready for
the Dark Universe to make a? I've been over the years
listening to a podcast about this very subject, Julian
Dalton's The Dark Universe Pod. I think it's got a new name now.
Oh. My God.
Because they've, they've broadened their Nets, but they
had a whole podcast where they went through like every film in
the dark Universe and also wrote some new ones and then wrote
their own kind of like basically carried on the universe as if it
should be where they got every single like.
So they started by talking about the money, right?
And then after that they like wrote their own version of like
the Creature from the Blue Black Lagoon.
And then they wrote their own version of like Dracula and
their own version like Frankenstein and all that kind
of stuff. And they made like a big
Avengers Assemble kind of movie with all of them in.
It was incredible. It's actually a really good
podcast. Oh man, I'm just not listening
to that. And you find it.
That's actually fucking really cool.
Shout out of that podcast. I'm actually, I'm actually
mentioned of one of the episodes because I wrote into it.
That is. Yeah, hell yeah.
It's so good. Yeah, I'll put a link to that on
on on this pod. Definitely.
It's so good, really good post. But of course the guy one of the
guys who runs it, sorry, the guys who run it so so one of the
guys who runs it is a guy called Dalton Deshane.
He also does music and he has a he has a band, a game, which
I'll link to. But the other band that he has
is as a side project is a band called the B60 Nines where they
do covers of modern pop songs in the style of the B50 twos.
And their cover of WAP is just one of the greatest business of
music ever made. I.
Hate how cool this guy is. I hate how cool those guys did.
You know I mean scores. Russell Crowe was in Rumba
Stumba, which if if you were a teenage edge Lord in the 90s
you'd do them from that. I was.
He had 4 episodes run in Neighbours.
Do you want to hear the tale of Kenny Larkin?
We've lost, right? But I'll explain to you what
Neighbours is in the meantime. So like for, for anyone who's
not Australian or British, it's an Australian soap opera that
run like twice a day here. And I get you on at lunchtime
and I get you in the evening as well every every weekday.
And it follows the exploits of Bush people who all live on
Ramsey Street, which is a cul-de-sac in a suburb outside
of Sydney basically. And yeah, there's like a small,
there's like a, a cafe and a bar.
And there's like a local businessman called Paul
Robbinson, who's a bit of a bad guy.
And there's like that old fella called Harold Bishop who plays
the Tube and his wife Madge and stuff.
And there's like a local family doctor called Doctor Carl
Kennedy and his wife and his three kids.
And this show had like tonnes of people who would then go on to
become really, really famous. So like, Kylie Minogue was, it
was in it at the beginning. Guy Pearce was in it.
People who are still thinking it's not Holly Valance who was
in Taken was in it. Margot Robbie was in it.
Yeah, just big long list of anyone who's famous, who's
coming. Australia.
Jesse Spencer, who played Billy Kennedy in it is like was the
main character in all the Chicago Fire stuff and was in
house, MD Yeah, like those lives in the school who would get
various lives of fame. Yeah, but for some reason it was
like massive in the UK and Australia and nowhere else.
Hey, guys. The return of.
The what? Welcome back.
I just explained to Sonia what Neighbours was in the interim.
So he plays a guy called Kenny Larkin who is an ex-con and is a
friend of guy called Henry. So this is copied from a a
neighbours kind of open source wiki type thing that I found.
So the grandma's a bit fucked and it doesn't all fully make
sense but Henry turned up in 1987 and comes to the local pub.
The water hole at lasted us where Madge Ramsey and Henry
work. Madge's boss, Paul Robinson
accuses her of theft after Henry pays for a round of drink with a
$50.00 bill and Kenny claims to paid for the second round with
another $50.00 bill. Marge cheques the till and finds
only $150.00 note. Henrys and Kenny proves he's
given our $50 by reciting the last three digits on the note.
Paul fails Marge, I don't understand why, and Henry
accuses them of running a scam. Henry becomes determined to
prove his and his mother's innocence and tracks down
Kenny's sister BB. That's that's that's her name.
Like Paul Baron, who reveals that Kenny pulled cash scams on
a regular basis. They tell Paul, who reinstates
Madge and Henry. When Kenny begins informing
Henry's customers about his criminal past and revenge, the
two men fight and Paul Robinson bars Kenny from Lassetas
permanently. Kenny then leaves the area,
never to be seen again. He got taken to the fucking
train station. More customs.
We've got a Paul Vision Battany. You know IMDb says that.
So the like, you know, the IMDb known for section.
Yeah, yeah. No one for one division.
That's all it says about. He's no one to wear more than
fucking one division. I mean, you're you.
So was one last week on the Davinci code.
Yeah, Eve Lee Ingleby Holland fucking everything up Harlem,
God bless him. DCS Neil Adamson in the hunt for
Raul boat like a Hollab hunting for Raul boat like him, him
doing it as Harlem just fucking up constantly and everybody on
like the search part is just like he's had us walking around
in circles. He's a Jordan.
He did 120. On the submission of realm you,
you were in the Brockwell that time when the quiz master asked
the question where the answer. It was the name of the policeman
who who got shot by him and then his son was in the pub at the
time. No, but holy shit.
Yeah, I think spend that deal of a time just to tease that and
then move on. Jesus hyper hyper local,
crumbling and drama mentioned 125 episodes of Bob the Builder
we're. Going to say line of duty next
because he was in, he was in that, wasn't he Lingleby?
Yeah, yeah, He plays bubble build as dad.
He had 25 episode run of Inspector George Gently as Diaz,
John Backus, Chris Lock and playing Captain Trigger
Discipline, Howard Royal Marines.
He did 3 episodes of Doctors, the daytime medical soap opera
that ran for like a million years on British TV.
Doctors, Doctors Doctors Doctors Doctors as it's title card ran
over a 10 year period playing three separate characters.
So it's not just American syndicated TV shows of like the
1970s, early 90s who do it. This guy beat Edward Roxburgh,
Father Sebastian Wood and Richard Waters I think.
Doctors is one of those shows that it was like a a bit of a
lifeblood of the British film and TV industry and that it was
a proving ground for a lot of crew members and actors to to
cut their teeth in their trade and then and then move on over
other things. So it's a, it was a bit of a
size. It was a shame in that that show
got cancelled. Yeah, yeah, it was definitely a
good like a jumping off point for a lot of actors.
If you would need an insane deep dive into about, there's quite a
few actors who've been in films that we've enjoyed.
We've got like early starts and like he's had a lot of crew as
well, a lot like, you know, cinematographers, directors
sound. I kind of think who, who starts
and doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors.
Umm, he was in Black Sails. Oh nice.
Good. Yeah, He had, I think a one
episode spot in Endeavour. Again, fantastic.
And I know he's the first of our guys to have been in an episode
of the Highlander TV series have.
You seen the onset? That was from the new film with
Henry Cavill. Tell me.
Yeah, it looks good. It looks good.
Yeah, Mr Higgins, the surgeon's
mate, this guy Thriller Max is to an extent Eye in the Sky,
which is 1. I knew off top of doing Constant
Gardner. Constant Gardner he was, he
flexed his British actor of a certain era credentials in
Notting Hill back in 1999. He was in an episode of Spooks
and he was in an unaired Game of Thrones prequel Pilots.
Yeah, OK. I can see that.
Set set set 5000 years before the events depicted in the
series. That's a fucking stretch.
So that so the so the people of the however many kingdoms it is.
7 king as well. That's old Valeria isn't it?
Before the fall of the area. So people are riding Dragons and
shit and the city isn't in Romans?
That whole area. So with that man, yeah, kind of
work I guess wouldn't. You know where?
It's all Dragons and shit, yeah. Do you remember when Jesus
Christ, Game of Thrones come, if we talk about this, do you
remember when Sidora gets the great Sidora played by Ian
Glenn, gets to the grey scale because they've gone to that
that continent where it's all just jungle and horrible now.
Yeah, And it's been taken away play.
It's that part of the world which was like a thriving
civilization. It's the old Valeria.
So like. I.
Guess Game of Thrones is a bit more kind of post apocalyptic
than I can give credit for, right?
I mean. In the way that, like, Adventure
Time is, yeah. Yeah, yeah, fucking amazing,
man. Blakeney, Max Perkis, this guy
is now big time involved in worldwide sales for movies.
He's he's big time industry. He's got loads of sales work.
He's got a fair bit of a source to produce our work.
IMDb still says he lives at home with his parents and he's like
in his leg late 20s now. So fuck yeah.
You know, be a stay at home son. I love it.
He's born in 1989. He's he's in his 30s.
Yeah, He's not. He's not living in Jesus.
He's late 30s. Late so so I'm Debbie says he
still lives with his parents. So if so, hats off to our stay
at home sons out there. They're doing the gods work by
Muchen, Muchen and Lofen. Part of the production of The
Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Yeah, Father and the wife.
He was He was in the TV show Rome.
He played Dyess Octavian for 13 episodes, then he did a film
called The Quiet Ones, then a film called Racing Hearts, and
they just dipped out of being in films completely nearly 10 years
ago. We've talked about the killer
already, David Throwfall, his work as Frank Gallagher,
obviously fucking iconic British TVI haven't watched the American
version of Shameless. Kind of don't want to, don't
want a chancellor. I thought it's pretty good.
I mean, it's really good with that's good Bill Messi and
what's his name, Jeremy Allen White and that.
That's excellent actually. Thanks man, because I was
worried. I mean, I'm I'm attracting an
holy, but also he he Thriller maxed in Patriot Games,
Inspector Highland and Patriot Games.
Yes, that's right. Yes, I do remember that.
No, I guess, but we'll look over it in due course, I'm sure.
But I don't think it ends well for.
Him he did 6 episodes in the season 4 of RIP Our Street and I
fucking love RIP Our Street. Dude.
I met the guy who played Inspector Abilene at convention
a few years ago. It's just the fucking nicest,
coolest guy. But I swear to God man.
I think Rebel St was appointment Graham Linen start getting weird
online because I remember he was really mad about it.
He was like, oh, this is a terrible show to promote
violence to women. No, fucking doesn't do what it
says. Violence against anyone in
general is really bad. I think like you thought it was
going to be a show that like fucking glorified Jack the
Ripper and it doesn't. It's about, you know, it's about
a fucking police station in the area of, you know, White Chapel.
And this is scene when in fact, Abilene uses the phrase got his
cock out in a park to like the main character.
And Graham Lenihan went on Google Books and did a Google
book search like the 19th century for got his cock out and
couldn't find any mentions of it and thought that was a total
gotcha and a mate Roth and nobody seemed to kind of kiss
his ass for it at all online. And I think that was the point
when he started getting weird about things.
I. Think I had an argument with
Grimo online once. Amazing.
A short one on Twitter.com in like 2910, I want to say.
And it was about it must have been 2010 and it was about Red
Dead Redemption. Basically all I was I was
talking about how it was a like a revisionist Western and it was
it's based around like movies like the Wild Bunch.
It was it was it was very close thing to the story to it and all
this kind of stuff. And I can't remember the exact
nature of the argument, but I do remember him basically being
very dismissive in a bit of a cock and then me basically
arguing back a little bit and then there's him speaking out.
Yes. And then and then me just being
quite sad that I'd got into an argument with the guy who
created Falla Ted and just kind of just leaving it.
And then then just watching him continue to spurg out.
I was just like, what the fuck is going on with this guy?
And then ever since then, really I've just noticed him speaking
out, speaking out all the time. That's basically he's
professional outs Burger now isn't.
He is a pressure outs burger. I remember when when he was like
pulling this for like, oh, hey, hey, fellow gamers kind of
thing. And he was saying, oh, I've just
completed Dishonourable and it's all like, do you mean
Dishonoured? It sucks.
And so yeah, I'm David Frosold. Thrall was also in Scum and he
was an alien autopsy as well. Fucking yes the comedy.
The act. That comedy?
Pack it in, Santilli, that you know what I'm I'm going to say
at my full chest. I love that film.
I don't care what anyone says, I'll fight in the streets.
Really not opposite, man. I'll fight in the goddamn
streets. And of course, one second, I
don't remember, I'll tell you what I would have done.
I would have logged on that box. Let's do that now.
Yeah, and of course, saving, saving The Hobbit is for last.
Billy Boyd. Yeah, as Pippen.
Come on, man. I mean.
Full of a took. He is, he is, He is just fucking
iconic Hobbit and honesty you you can't.
You can't separate from from the rule obviously that all the
films has done an insane amount of voice work for them.
He probably doesn't even have to work that much, but he still
does. He was recently at the TV show
Doom Patrol. He sang the end credits music as
a guest in an episode of The Simpsons, which I think is
mental. That is mental.
Do you think he did like the actual song from Lord of the
Rings or on on now? Did you mention that?
Yeah, I like that in this movie that to like they give him like
a big scar on his eyes to to make him less pretty.
Yeah, it's like, son, we've got to fuck you up.
We've got to make you look slightly chopped for this.
I'm really sorry. We've got to make you look a bit
chopped. You were.
You were no longer Pippen.
Your Pippen's Your Pippen's Choppel Ganger.
They should have got, what's his name?
Dominic. No, they should have got Dominic
Monaghan. Dominic Mary.
Dominic has been Mary. They should have got hidden in
this and he should have been cutting around somewhere in the
background as well. Absolutely.
So Billy. Billy.
I should have. Put him on the Acura.
Should have. Maybe all like turning up and
dancing around on the on the deck.
They should have like had them to like Lincoln arms and skip
around the place barefoot for the reason I.
Was going to say fucking fucking like fucking aggressively
shoeless. Or just just smoking in the
corner with the pipe. Yeah, a gigantic long pipe.
Like theatrically fucking long. And Habitus.
And his first role, he did 3 episodes of Tagas in 1996.
Because of course he did. Geographically, I guess, man,
honestly. And he was in an episode of
Still Game as well, playing like bearded man or something like
that immediately after this film, which I think is
incredible. You guys probably have loads and
loads and loads of trivia about this film.
So should we dig into some of your favourite bits of trivia?
Well, let's do it. Yeah.
All right. OK.
So, I mean, there's obviously all the MTV trivia about how the
movie was made here, which is fine.
I've not got too much like Navy trivia to talk about that I
haven't already mentioned apart from the the one thing I
spotted, which on further reflection watching it several
times back, I'm not 100% sure I'm right about just that.
There's a sequence. It's I forgot exactly when.
I think it's, I think it's as they let fly.
There's a call out on the bosons call and the way the bosons
call. Have you got your bosons call
there, Sonia? Yes.
Yeah. Can you can you hold, can you
hold it up to the camera so that people can see it who are
watching it just right. Yeah.
Cool. So as you can see, right, it's a
it's a whistle with a long narrow bit which you blew into.
And at the end of it, it has a rounded bulbous piece.
And above that there is a hole. And in that hole, basically what
you can do with it is you can block it with your thumb or your
actually not your thumb, it's your, it's the part of your
finger here to block the whole. And what I can do is it can
produce 2 notes. So you can have a low note and a
high note and you've got to blow into it quite hard.
Don't do it, Do not do it. It's a horrible noise.
Don't do it. Do not do it and it'll sound
bad, but the way it works is when the when the grip is
slackened it's the low note and when you grip onto it it's the
high note and keep talking. About a fucking delivery dressed
like this, sorry. Why would you?
That's well, that's obviously stay again, really didn't think
I went through didn't we boys? That's fantastic.
So, yeah, you see the you see the buffer or presumably the
bosun use the bosun's call at one point and he grips it, but
the note then he let's go of it and the note gets high as he
let's go and it's the way around.
That's the that's the only thing I noticed as a as a potential
goof, But that's it really. Other than that, I think it's a
which is small fry and also it's not home percent clear on the on
the on the footage. That's what's happening.
This film is like phenomenal. There's so much stuff in it that
we still do now that is in that film kind of kind of blows your
mind a little bit. The nanny conventions for the
watches are exactly the same on in the Navy the watches are
divided into 4 hour periods and so you have like the following
watch starting at 0800 to 1200. The afternoon you have which is
12116 hundred. Then you have like the the dogs
which is 1600 to 2000 and it's called the dogs could split into
two a first dog and a last dog which is like a 2 hour watch.
So you have different watch bills you can cross over at that
point and swap around. And then you have the first,
which is 2000 to midnight, the middle, which is midnight to
4:00 in the morning and in the morning watches 0400 to 0800.
And it's the morning watch that the film starts on.
And so you get that kind of stuff that all that is about log
books. Well, so there's lows in this
film. All the navigation stuff, the
the sextants, obviously the sale terminology is all there.
What else is still in action today?
I mean, the gunnery stuff is like surprising.
You hear them cause a clear away on the on the cannons.
We still use that term because of clear away.
Just do it a little stuff like that is it's still going.
Yeah. So that's that's it for me on
trivia. Just thought there's loads of
it. Where to start even there's
there's so much going on with these.
What's struck me now rewatching and rewatching this after I've
joined the Navy myself and start really so much really hasn't
changed, whether it's customs or just actual time periods.
We've brought this up earlier and it's going to come up when
we get to the quotes sections. But there's that gunnery drills
bit and the whole the amount of times and the the captain
keeping time whenever something is done, whether it's the quick
draw or going to action stations.
And it's, it's a little bit that even the time frames haven't
really changed in today's Navy, even though the equipment and
the ships are vastly different. So that's a bit funny to me how
modern frigate with almost 200 people on it would still take
roughly the same time to get to action stations As a man of war
from the age of Sale, you don't need to run around and rigging
and shore up sails and whatnot. So that's gets to me.
I think there's all, there's so much tradition in the role maybe
that that we maintain that it's is on display in this film
that's still there. So like the quotes of the day.
So yeah, there's a there's a toast.
There's a toast in the in the in one of the in the wardroom
sequences and he toasts, swags and sweethearts.
May they never meet. And I say and I say classic
naval toast that's been going for hundreds of years.
It was changed for the second Sea Lord in 2023 because of woke
to to our family. But there's a.
May they never meet because there's two.
Because you're because you're yet another record-breaking lens
patrol. Yeah, ridiculous.
Yeah. Because so there's, there's a,
there's a naval tradition of toasts for different days of the
week depending on what day your mess dinner is taking place on.
And so that's one of them. Sunday is to absent friends and
then the alternative is absent friends and those at sea.
On Monday, it's our ships at sea.
And then the alternative is our native land king and country.
Tuesday was our sailors and before 2013 it was our men.
So this isn't the first time this has happened.
And then alternatively, it's our mother's health and wealth.
Wednesday it's just ourselves, usually with the informal reply
of nobody else will consume themselves with our well-being,
as you say. And then it's ourselves, our
swords, old chips as the alternative Thursday, a bloody
warrant, sickly season, as I said.
And then just the king as the alternative Friday a willing foe
in sea room. I like that one.
And then fox hunting and old port and ships at sea.
And then finally our families, which before 2013, it says 2013.
Yeah, it was more recent than that to our wives and
sweethearts with they never beat.
So obviously the one that which is the one that appears in the
film. So that's fantastic.
As we said, like the just the make up of of like the ship's
company hasn't hasn't changed a good deal.
Some of the jobs have changed. So, like, you don't have, you
know, a master Carpenter and a carpenter's men anymore, but you
do have the M3 section head who's responsible for home
maintenance, Same job, basically.
You know, you might not have a qualified butcher on board, but
you still have the galley. Yeah.
And the scablifter, you know, you still got like, so you know,
you've got like you've got like exactly.
You've got, you've got a ship's Doctor Who now is normally a
General practitioner, surgeon, Lieutenant, still called
surgeon. And on smaller ships, you might
have the Cox and who gets the scablifter kind of moniker.
And you've got MAS on big ships as well, also called that.
You've got, you've got the whole breakdown between, you know,
they've got the officers and the midshipmen.
Midshipmen are no longer really found at sea too often as WARF
officers. And they don't have to have
their own separate gun room, but they still have that at
Dartmouth, the midshipmen's gun room and the wardroom for the
actual officers who who work there.
So, yeah, there's all that kind of stuff that hasn't, hasn't
changed. It's pretty pretty amazing.
So on the set, they actually had different wardrooms for for the
film crew and for for the actors, depending on what role
they were playing. So they had an officer's
wardroom and they had an had an enlisted crew wardroom and they
weren't really allowed to mingle.
They had to wear different colours and shirts.
Yeah, that's right. And they actually did sailing
training and took out the ship in there, different colour
T-shirts. So they sort of got a real crew
dynamic into the actors. Yeah, I love that.
That's really cool. And I think I chose on on screen
as well. I think it paid off.
Yeah. Just just like the scene when
the Rolex sarcastically show and there will be since to Harlem
and that and draw like kind of talking to forelock and stuff.
And it's it's legitimately sinister and intimidate.
And that makes sense when you see they've been segregated like
that. That's really cool.
I like that. They even did did sort of the,
you know, the sort of thing you would do in in basic training on
the on the first night so people don't do stupid shit.
And they got everyone together and gave the people name tapes
and they had to sue them on their T-shirts.
Yes. Yeah, literally, so they don't
run off and get drunk on the first day on set.
That's amazing. That's legit.
I think, I think they did that for Tom Sizemore in every film.
I think they just like did that for Tom Seizwell, arbitrary
mornings, even when he wasn't work and someone would come
round and say, Tom, there's a team this that show your name on
it. There's an emergency telephone.
The boss in the back don't do anything fucking.
Stupid just catching screws. I love that there's whizzer
data. Do you go through the go through
the extremely long list of quotes?
Let's hit the quotes. Maybe pick up favourites?
Let's let let us hit the quotes because they're so fucking good.
Man. I'm just pulling up my notes on
the quotes. My notes on the quotes.
Jesus Christ, that was an unintentional rhyme.
Well, while you're doing that, do you see those two weevils, Dr
I do. Perfect.
Which? Which would you choose?
Neither. There's not a scrap of
difference between them. They're both the same species of
Coolio, but if you had to choose, if you're forced to make
a choice, there was no other response.
Well, if you're going to push me, I would choose the right
hand Weevil. A significant advantage of
length and breadth. I have you.
You're completely dished. Do you don't know that at the
service one must always choose the lesson of two weevils?
People pick a pocket. Yeah, got them boys, claps.
Incredible. Do you want to see a guillotine
in Piccadilly? No.
Want to call that Raggedyos Napoleon your king?
No. You want your children to sing
Lamassa is. Exactly.
Go again lads. Yeah.
Fucking yeah again, that's lard battery.
Oh, that is another great trivia by the way.
They they actually stood calling it starboard and lard.
Yes, at the time, because they only changed that after the War
of 1812. Wow, because they realised that
lard sounds too much like. Starboard that that's.
Why I changed it? That's where where port came
from. So another one of the bits that
is a quote, but but it ties into the trivia piece, which is
there's a bit here where Doctor Matron's like Jack, if you've
forgotten your promise. He was subject to the
requirements of the service. I kind of in all conscious delay
for the sake of an iguana or a giant peggery fascination, no
doubt, but have no immediate application.
But that phrase subject to the requirements of the service is
still in use today. Like seriously like no, no, no
jokes like you are constantly reminded, but any any leave you
may take or any the thing that has been told to you is subject
to the requirements of the service and that still that
still appears in official writing.
That's amazing. I have known you to obsess over
a beetle for 10 hours. There's there's.
You forget yourself, Doctor. Major there's.
I can't afford to leave an anarchist on this ship.
You've come to the come to the wrong shop, Anarchy, brother.
Does he see it? Oh yes, that is, so does.
He say I can only forward on anarchist on the ship because I
watched the disc one rebel, one rebel.
I wasn't say because. I've mixed mixed the two up.
Punished as a boy? No, because I just think
obviously watch on Disney Plus and they said Rebel and I wonder
if maybe they'd like kind of butlerised and cleaned it up for
for Disney. Star Wars it.
Yeah, yeah, they flyed out. They flyed out the usher rods
launching TIE fighters. Fucking hell man, which one that
I really like. Just a really great bit of
Bandai here from Nehemiah Slade. Abel seaman never met a dead man
that bought me a drink and it clap back from true a place able
seaman and I never met a live one that bought that.
You bought one for neither. I.
Like that I love. That.
I fucking like that. And of course, like you said, is
them as brains, Doctor? No, that's just dry blood.
Those are his brains. The IMD then follows the crew,
oohs and ours. Mr. Allen, like the silly
master, is my it's probably my favourite characters and he has
like it all by years. I've never seen anything like
it. It has to be more than 100
seamiles. And he brings up on his tail
that seamanship. Mr Puddings.
My God, that's seamanship. Fuck, I love that.
So good. It's a bit of a bit of witch
from Blakeney. Tie your neck bands on your
right upper arm and tell friend from Foo Blake and he pointing
Davies, this arm star, but arm quad Davies able Seaman.
That's who's credited as is that the one you've got or the one
you don't got? Blake and he all right, That's
enough cheek Davies. I also like to like to do like
him. Iff on there.
It's like, you know, that's that's like being and in and in
2026, when every army in the world's wearing fucking bully
Cam, they're doing it again because time is a flat fucking
circle. The moribund masses of Troy corn
hats. It is important.
That's a great moribund bully. Cam masses call back my damn
son. Where do you find this call
back? 400% real reclaimers.
After me it's also great. Oh my God.
And of course, like you said, the hello we caught a fish quote
was just great. So much of the tag logs just
really natural and I really enjoyed it that that that's
great. And of course.
Hurrah for captain, for Lucky Jack, for England, for home and
full of prize this ship. Is England.
This is the second time he's done this to me.
There will not be 1/3 subtle foreshadowing.
Fucking foreshadowing indeed. Run like smoking or can because
I might not have VR fifteens, but I did that.
But it did do some weapons identification, a bit of
research and stuff. I like how the film handles
guns. So had a quick look on like the
IMF DP and they've all like kind of research on all that pages to
double check was right. So I like how pretty much all
the Royal Navy CLS officers have .56 Calabar sea service pistols
made by the gunsmith tower. I think that's really cool that
like they've actually got like standardised historically
accurate ones because that's fair.
So what they could have done was they could have had like most of
the extras and like the low rated like bottom of the
castlist kind of sailors, just with some fucking brass wall
Hangouts he got from from from a car booter or just like the most
generic kind of flintlock pistol.
You could guess get some muskets right.
And so far as it's brown buses when a .75 big yeah, bullets
son. And the French have accurately
sourced weapons too. They have the pistol model 1777.
I haven't looked up the calibre of that because it's written in
French and French is a waste of time.
And of course we're seeing knock gun being used and I love knock
guns so much. Anybody who grew up watching
sharp and doesn't fall in love with the volley gun from the
sand knock of London is a lunatic.
And I told by them on my ship. Sergeant Sergeant Harper, God
save Ireland. I especially love that it's
fired from the hip by a sailor who has a side job at the best
department, probably schwacking a bunch of franchise and I don't
know how historic actor is for it be fired from the hip.
But I do know that firing from the short I was responsible for
sometimes breaking bones. So probably likely that I may
have been fired from the hip, you know, which is pretty
fucking cool. I mean, you know, it's hard to
get precision weapon. So yeah, really, really brief
one in to the guns and shit, but I've got another category.
I have more guns, yes. Because you're going on the
cannons and stuff, right? Thanks For information about
live firings taking place in the Scottish exercise areas, please
talk to Channel 07 OK Gun Facts. Sunny around luncheon gun cannon
facts. Yes.
So one thing I've actually noticed which noticed recently
only and not the first few times they stern chase guns, actually
brass cannons, which are the only ones on the ship.
Which does add up though, because brass guns tend to hold
up better to prolonged use than cast iron guns which were
cheaper to procure. So they were used for the main
batteries, but for the chase guns where you need something
more precise. Makes sense to use them and it's
an amazing little detail that they've actually got brass
cannons on the quarter deck. Also, fun fact, the term long
nines for cannons or guns does not refer to the calibre, but to
the length of the barrel and foot.
Cool man. Get it?
So that would actually be your average 12 LB cannon, which was
just the most precise because it had the longest barrel in
relation to. Manual of big guns.
Also on the boarding scene at the end of film, what's
Blakeney's firing at? The Acron is a coronate, which
is a short type of naval gun with a very heavy calibre and
judging by the hole it's made, this should be right up your
alley. Rory.
It's more the naval main armament calibre of a sword of
shotgun. It's probably.
Probably loaded with a 68 lbs of grape shots.
That's fucking beautiful. So you're just really shooting
35 kilogrammes of iron shrapnel into the French at a distance of
five metres. Per my last e-mail.
Yes, per my last load up. And it's already amazing to me
that you actually have the the amount of detail where you see
all the required instruments for loading and unloading a naval
gun on display and actually in use.
Yeah, that was cool. And the the little detail of
Higgins putting his hand in the firing mechanism.
It's amazing to me because you barely ever see accurate,
accurate firing mechanisms on guns.
Flintlocks have been on naval guns for for quite a while at
that point. But whenever you see a film it's
just always someone like burning torch to it, which is nonsense
and makes actual aiming, which is what they were were going for
despite its difficulties, quite impossible.
Jesus man, that's really good 'cause.
Which is actually one of one of the the this is what makes the
the gunnery drill. It seems so so real and so
important is that one of the things that made the Royal Navy
vastly superior in comparison to the French Navy was the
importance they put on naval gunnery drills.
Trafalgar. They actually fired roughly 3
broadsides to everyone French broadside.
So you can imagine the absolute punishment of French ship of the
line will have taken meeting Hatred's victory face to face
taken into account the absent horrid training on on Spanish
vessels where their flagship actually had part of the the
muzzle covers still on after the battle.
Incredible scene. Just goes to tell you how
unprepared these crews weren't in part.
Also interesting side tangent, this whole apart from from a
difference in firing doctrine between the Royal Navy and the
French Navy which was the royal neighbour would just fire into
the hull to cripple as many crew members as possible while the
French were generally trying to dismiss ships to take them as a
prize. This got way worse because
during the French Revolution the Naval Artillery school was just
torn down and everyone executed because they were giving off
aristocrat vibes and we didn't like.
That executed. Quiet everyone who could have
taught them about naval gunnery. So for the 1st 10 years after
that they were pretty much starting at being very shit at
naval gun race. Wow, imagine that.
Imagine, imagine a military force getting actively worse
into a secure leaders premiership because they didn't
agree with their policies so they thought they would just get
to have always incredibly experienced people arbitrarily.
Wow, make you think, doesn't it? Yeah, I wonder where I've seen.
That happen Intriguing. Intriguing.
I'm going to anybody here heard heard of a website called Kids
in Mind? Kids in Mind is a film website
designed to allow people to kind of know what their kids will be
getting into to watch a film with them.
And to be honest, I don't disagree with it.
I'd rather a kind of parents had more of a kind of you kind of
can't watch this thing than like the government, you know, So
kids in mind is nuts because what it does basically it is it
has like sex, gore or that kind of ratings, which is already
pretty fucking cool in my opinion, and it atomizes all of
the violence. So for mastering commander
right, I have got some some examples here.
A ship is pummelled by cannon fire.
Men are thrown back by the blasts.
We see bloody wounds. Some men are treated by a doctor
Brackets. The floor is slick with blood.
Black brackets, masts and seals collapse.
Men dangle from ropes and a boy has shards of wood sticking out
of his arm. We hear that nine men die in 27
wounded in this encounter. Men suffer from wind and
sweltering heat. The zillion drift at sea.
A man dissects a fish. We see slam and organs. 2 men
stand at the top of a high bast and men dangle from one side of
a ship to help Balancer. 2 men argue bitterly.
A man has a scar on his ear. 2 weevils crawl off and around a
piece of bread. That's not a fucking joke.
That's not a joke basin. It's it's it's like those two
kids from like I think it's like the last season or second last
season of league of gentlemen who go in this video shop like
how how many killings? How many killings will the seven
sounds sounds rubbish. Nobody kills him in like in a
different ways like Sexy, Grumpy and Dobby I.
Hope they got the News 7. So, yeah, and this this website
also has like obviously there's that the there's a bit of like
the sex stuff and it's so it's like a man looks at a woman
admiringly and other man on a ship call out women.
This is rear at 3 for sex and unity and other man on a ship
call out the women who are apparently interested in keeping
the company. Three, There's only one woman in
it. She's only.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 3 for sex and Unity because.
That's so 20. We see a man in his shirt we
with no pants and his bare legs are exposed.
Many men brackets sailors are seeing bad chests in many
scenes. Indigenous men from islands wear
loincloth type clothing with bad chests and the women wear
dresses that are off the shoulder.
Won't somebody think of the children?
That's rated 3 out of 10. That's crazy, right?
That's mental. But the best thing is, it also
has like the message of the film.
Oh yeah, I would like to hear the message of the film.
If you are strong in lead respect and look will follow
that's. A good motto though.
I actually can't disagree with that.
I cannot disagree with that. If you are stronger in lead luck
and successful following. Yeah, I can't disagree.
That should be like it A that should be like a Chinese like.
Fortunately. Amazing.
So fucking good. Would you like us to spin the
wheel of directors? Just once?
Just once. I get that, don't spinning
spinning. I can't really see it setting on
yellow it looks like and it's going to be John Mctiernan and
Die Hard. And die, harden, loads of the
stuff. Would he do a good job with
this? I think probably, but it would
be quite a. Good job.
Thing that he would have made it a more popularly consumable
movie, if you get what I mean. Yeah, I I wouldn't go as far as
as to to say he's made it. He would have made it wholly
inaccurate, yeah, but he would have probably cared more about
certain dramatic aspects rather than about historical.
Accuracy. We wouldn't have, yeah, we
wouldn't have spent as long in the Galapagos.
I don't think we would have got as much development on Maturin's
character, would have focused more firmly on the on the ship
combat. We probably wouldn't have got as
much excellent, excellent cello violin stuff.
There'll be no rock. And we would have.
Gotten more rigid back talk possibly, Yeah, we certainly
wouldn't have got gotten several miles of rope being made.
Absolutely. Yeah.
Mashrin would have fucking died and it would be in like I wish I
could have seen the Galapagos. I.
Tell you what, though, in in order to get eh Mcteon attached
through that, we've had way more of a Hollywood kind of cast.
Wouldn't that wouldn't have had like guys who'd been in been in
like doctors and we're going to end up doing a few episodes of
Spooks and people who were alumni of Highlander and stuff
that would have gone hardcore in the Hollywood, like fucking umm,
Toby fucking Toby McGuire would have been attached.
It'd have been one of the midship and it'd have been
Harlem because at that point in his life, old enough to be like
the kind of feel son, you know? Yeah, it's not like after the
Wonder Boys, isn't it? Yeah, and you would have had
like Elijah Woods is one of the, it's one of the midshipmen.
Definitely. That's actually, that's
something, didn't they? I think they actually just
picked age appropriate actors for the ages of the people they
were portraying. Is that something you see,
especially when it comes to to young characters?
You see so many early, these late 20s actors portraying
teenagers. That's crazy, right?
It's like Sidney Sweeney, a 30 year old. 16 year old, Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. You would have like Killer would
have been like Jason Lee or somebody.
Oh my God, we could have put. Some air in the boat to be
looked at. No man killer could be Ethan
Supley. Yeah, fucking Ethan Supley holy.
Shit pre hand chief and Supley. Yeah, definitely, definitely pre
hand Chief and Supley. I think I wouldn't have had the
same power to us, especially because it would have had it
would be like a stacked, stacked cast from attached to big
Hollywood that. That's where that's where the
budget goes. You would have they.
Don't they don't see? No, they wouldn't do that.
What will mean you've got, I mean, I mean on the insurance of
getting like a load of like Hollywood actors on, on, on
literal ship at sea. That might be one of the reasons
why the shows like loads like British, British, like umm,
weekend TV kind of people. I've done 2 episodes of the
Bill. You won't be that expensive to
ensure more than, I don't know, Jason Statham or whatever or
like Bruce Willis or something like that.
Who would, who would, who would, who would play Lucky Jack?
Who we're going to cut in the Mcdeanon's version, bearing in
mind 2003 film was who was at the Reapex then?
Who was at the Reapex in 2003? It would have been good for the
role. Brad Pitt, age appropriate.
Yeah, it seems to Troy run this time.
Oh my God, imagine Tom Cruise. Oh my God, there's so much
running. It's the way to run on the ship.
The ships are only 40 metres. Why are you running?
That's like. I just wanted to stretch my
legs, he says. He's in rods past him on the
Galapagos. I just.
Want to stretch my? Little laps.
That bird flightless, isn't it? It ain't going nowhere.
So yes, I'd know some maybe, maybe, maybe maybe that Bradley
Pitts me Brad Pitt is the as lucky Jackie it's.
An awesome movie. Normally that and like, you
know, I would have to be like I would have to be USS Surprise.
They'll have to find a way and the God damn British the push it
back to like 1776 and the fight in the British and the Galapagos
stuff is just like like it's like like they kind of discover
the Galapagos Islands by accident and they're like the
first people that discover them. Like they're not even like doing
about like you must say baby. And then like the seal them the
steel. I'm going to be drill for oil.
So the so the whole like whale oil thing is just like no longer
relevant because they've got black gold baby Texas tea
cursed. Yeah, OK.
That was a good spin of the derps as well.
That was notes from the peanut gallery.
Letterboxed notes from the peanut gallery.
But do this every episode now. This is one of the good people
who use the website letterbox.com.
Provide us with funny content. Five stars from Comrade Huey.
I need everything. Full sail.
All caps in in bold and italics.
Then I'll even do that on the letterbox.
Move those cannons to the stern. Come on, you get to it.
She's got a broadside bearing down on his full bore.
All hands on deck. Clear the rig and hold fast at
my word. Fly the collars with the boat.
Seven O's Jesus. 4 1/2 stars. That's where Pippen went after
the ring was destroyed. Five stars From someone called
Margaret. I love men.
Exclamation mark. I love men.
And I love all capitals. Boots.
Well, Margaret, I've got a career for you in His Majesty's
wrong name. Five stars.
What a miracle that we got a giant old tiny naval war movie
that stops for a couple minutes so we can watch Russell Crowe
and Paul Bettany have a violin. A cello duet.
Agreed. Five stars from Benjamin.
Not me Googling old Chip hot looks.
I love movies where people are good at their jobs.
Me too. And this movie has an entire
17th century Royal British Navy ship full of them.
Two exclamation marks brackets and they even sig hearty tunes
of the high seas. 3 exclamation marks, close bracket.
Four stars. My brother's been trying to get
me to watch this for 18 years. All caps.
He should have tried harder. A lot of all caps in these
reviews. 5 stars. She's in her prime April 18, O
55 stars. This one.
Napoleon is master of Europe who only toxic masculinity stands
before him. The discourse is now a
battlefield. HMS Surprise, 28 guns, 197
brews. These are some high ass rated
reviews as well. Four stars from Katherine
Kruger. Unfortunately I must admit that
dudes rock. Dudes do indeed rock.
Someone called Stuart Wellington just gives a heart rather than a
star rating. Else you can do.
I missed a chance for sex because I was too busy
rewatching this. March 9, Heart.
I'm just manifesting the shaking hands emoji in in my main palace
right now. Spending the time I did that for
the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
Is that film within our remit? Probably not.
No, no, we can still watch it, baby.
Yeah, I'm still watching just a podcast about it for like, OK,
an obvious choice for the dudes. Rock movie, Mount Rushmore.
Absolutely, I just want to give Mount Rushmore movies for dudes
that rock, and it's a rock as well.
So really Mount Rushmore needs repurposed just like replace it
with with with still images of movies about dudes fucking rock.
Four stars. I now truly count as a dad
because that band. And I'm mad that the that the
intended franchise never took sale.
Sorry, Ocean Warfare, where everyone is soaked, stressed,
injured, and weirdly well and mad about it.
Captain Jack would approve. I don't know if you mean Captain
Jack Sparrow or Jack or at this point, but I'm too afraid of.
Captain Jack in my house. Someone called Priscilla Page
asks the hard question. Best movie ever made.
I love when men love men. Exclamation mark with their
bodies and souls. Exclamation mark Hearts and
mags. Exclamation mark.
Huzzah. Exclamation mark says Someone
called says says someone called. Am I giving it a 4 1/2 star
rating? 4 1/2 stars from Jeremy
Kaplowitz? I would do anything right now.
I'd be hanging out with 100 of my best brews on an old shitty
boat, drilling holes in our brains and writing about
lizards. Shitty.
She's in our prime, she's in our.
Fucking prime. Exactly.
Man punished as a boy for this guy.
Jesus, Bettany. Oscar snub, says someone.
Yeah, five stars. A movie about a bunch of very
nice boys out on the high seas. Inarguable dudes, Dock says.
Someone give it a 5 star. Well, clearly they don't.
They refit. At sea they do.
They do Refit at sea. Five stars in Callum Marsh.
Me brackets, Nobias. I will never be a master and
commander. Me brackets, phobias with the
boys. Avasti lads.
Beat the quarters, set the sails to southwards, strike the top
gallon. Do you want to see a guillotine
in Piccadilly? For England, for home and for
the prize, and we're going to end it with let's find something
nice and unhenged to finish it with and then we'll ask fucking
questions about the CIA in Colombo.
I guess. Fuck the Marvel Cinematic
Universe, give us the Master and Commander universe for four
stars. Exactly.
I want it. Is this film pro around ICIA?
Bear in mind that that. Didn't exist for several 100.
Years, but the Americans are arming Britain's enemies.
I mean, that's. It's still going to be, but.
This is, but this is, Yeah, this is from the perspective of the
Royal Navy, isn't it? So even if uniform America is
doing that, they're barely mentioned.
But I guess, yeah, she's arming, arming the French.
So I would say no. That's still mutual.
That's the film. The film doesn't acknowledge the
existence of an agency of the American state that won't exist
within 100 years. Would this film be better with
with the Harrison Ford question? President Jack Ryan President
James Marshall. He knows I'm sorry calling Jack
Ryan President Jack Ryan sorry doctor Jack Ryan President James
Marshall. Fucking hell, Doctor Fugitive
guy whose name? Just Doctor Richard Kimble.
Richard Kimble. Richard Kimble.
Richard Kimble could replace Matt Sheeran.
Wow. Yeah, and he's got experience
with prosthetic limbs. He does indeed.
He'd be. He'd be very useful on the ship,
but also he wouldn't make all the discoveries of animals
because I don't think he cares that much.
Yeah. So do you think about him the
the the thought process to use the ship as a phasmid wouldn't
have come about? I think you're absolutely right.
It would not have come about because that he gets everybody
on the ship dead. So fuck that.
Maybe, maybe President James Marshall would be more like OK
with the Brits and wouldn't arm the French in the 1st place.
I based that on literally nothing at all.
Who was the US president at the time this film was set?
Thomas Jefferson. Thomas.
Jefferson was the president right?
In 1805, motherfucker. Daniel Jefferson.
And Colombo, would Peter Falk fit in in this movie?
And if so, by we're going to put him, he's obviously not wearing
like The Dirty coat that he brought from home for Colombo.
He's obviously dressed like you know.
Period of previous. You're attire and he's got like
a little fuck ass ponytail as well.
Maybe depend on what his role is in the film though.
I could see him as a whaler. Oh yeah, that's a really good
choice. He's the master.
Is the master of the Albatross, isn't he?
Yes, get in. That's fucking class.
I love it. And he can just pop out as glass
eye and and just look look more kind of tough.
He's just pops a glass eye out. One looks even more fucking
tough. Yeah.
So you want to see my impression of Nelson?
Amazing, I'm so. Nelson.
Speaking of the impression of Nelson, I think it's funny that
they put his dress uniform back on Jack when the action at the
end starts, which is a very Nelson thing to do.
Very Nelson to do. Just go ah I must find my
biggest and shiniest hat with a diamond on it and my most gold
liced beautiful. Because I'm going to be in close
quarters with a. Frog.
Nothing, nothing bad can come from this.
Wonderful stuff. Shooters do not exist.
You support that. Here's the point out.
From the one nerd listening I know that Nelson didn't lose his
eye. Just say that.
We'll be turning a blind eye to that one.
There you go, nice, you know, gifts catch up.
So that's us towards the end of a another fantastic episode of
clear and present dudes for only all our films that we picked was
this is good. Up ahead, our next sort of
midnight, midnight episode is going to be Jack Reacher versus
Reacher, Jack Reacher, Reacher, Reacher round, Reacher on
Reacher action. You're right.
Well, I guess we kind of just talk about the two movies and
the TV series in a vaguely disorganised rabble because I
think in the 1st 2 minutes, we're going to say Tom Cruise is
really short and Alan Richard's really big.
And I think that's going to be the main first event gone.
And and then we'll probably talk about the video of Alan
Richardson Shin and his knee about just for like half an
hour. And just like just like do like
do like. Critique.
Of it and stuff. I apologise for distributed
being being British. What an embarrassment.
Yeah, all right, cool. Otherwise, unless there's
anybody got any any any any final loose rounds around the
room before we end this meeting? Oceans are still battlefields
and this film is always going to be fucking timeless, man.
Yeah, totally agrees. Absolutely awesome film.
If there's nothing else, in which case we've been.
Clear.