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Fucking good. Grief of spit head.
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Brilliant, I affected. I am joined by Rory James o'tool
this kitchen in Sanya from his vast library.
And tonight we are diving moderately deep into the
moderately successful moderately Tom Clancy ish Jack Ryan shadow
recruits. Hello, welcome.
Please, if you haven't already, subscribe like do the follow on
Spotify, click on the sub stack. One day I'll get back to writing
on it. I've just been real busy and.
Come with a discord as well. Discord is fucking empty.
It's become. Discord It's depressing to be a
discord mod with new new discorders and and spoiler
warning this is a spoiler cast. We're going to spoil the movie
all the way through, but this movie came out in 2014 and if
you didn't watch it then not many other people did either, so
that's fine. OK, right.
How we doing? Should we just get straight into
it? Yeah, this quarterback had the
situation. Somebody tried to kill me.
Jack, Jack, Jack. Is work OK?
Yeah. You know you sold this as an
office job. Why don't you sit down Now talk
me through your very scary scenario.
Keep in mind I don't have your PhD.
Tokyo, London, United States. It's going to be a wipeout.
We'll never see it coming. You're not just an animus
anymore. They're operational now.
Jack, I have to go to Moscow. Why don't you want me to come?
And we'll be working the whole time.
They play rough over there. Jack Victor Cherven is
unpredictable. You Americans like to think of
yourselves as direct. Perhaps you are just rude.
Perhaps you're just touching Jack.
You got another problem. What are you doing here?
You lied to me for three years. Somebody come on?
Of course not. Are you?
Can we have a a minute please? No, this is geopolitics, not
couples therapy. Partnerships are delicate news
today. Sometimes they end violence.
What? The hell is going on here?
Sometimes the ones closest to us are the ones we should trust to
leave. OK, let me let me do a spiel.
Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit is a 2014 stroke origin story entry
into a long running film franchise based on the Jack Ryan
character by Thomas Clancy. Repositioning the hero this time
is a post 9/11 analyst drawn into economic terrorism rather
than the Cold War, the Gold's Cold War.
This particular entry was directed by Kenny B Kenneth
Branagh, written by Adam Kozad and David Kep.
You talk about David Kepp maybe a bit later on.
I think you mentioned it before because this isn't the first
David Kepp penned film we've done.
That's because a lot of films are penned by David Kepp, films
like Jurassic Park and 2017's The Mummy starring Tom Cruise.
Anyway, it stars Chris Pine as Jack Ryan, Kenneth Branagh,
Kevin Costner and Keira Knightley and released
theatrically on the 17th of January 2014.
Not long before I joined the Royal Navy.
About about about 8 weeks before I joined the Royal Navy and
including an IMAX release that began the same day.
As I mentioned, the film was a modest success at the box
office. It opens to $17.2 million in the
North America and ultimately earned about $50 million
domestic, which and then worldwide about 135 mil and it
cost about 60 mil to make. So if you add in pretty much
double it for marketing stuff, it kind of broke even.
Just about to make a comparison this weekend, Project Hill Mary
on its first weekend made over 50 mil, which is the entire
domestic product of this one and it's only dropped 30% in its
second weekend. So that's a huge big ass smash.
This is not that. OK cool.
Who had seen this film before? Not me.
Nope. I'd seen it once.
I watched it in, I watched it on a plane in 2016, and that's all
I and I remember that Kevin Costner was in it, and that's
all I remembered about it. And obviously Chris Pine was
Jack Ryan. And then I watched it again
yesterday, and if I hadn't made these notes, I'll tell you what,
I'd probably remember that Kevin Costner was in it.
And this time I might remember that Keira Knightley said it.
And that's about it. This is the second Chris Pine
film we've done that one of us watched on a plane.
Because I watched Unstoppable for the first time when I was
flying back from Iceland after the airspace was reopened.
Now that movie. That movie ruled, though.
This was my pick as well. It was my pick and I hadn't seen
it. What did you think then?
What did you think? You know what wasn't terrible?
It was OK as a film. It's not great as a Jack Ryan
film. I think it's the worst of the
Jack Ryan films, but you are up against some stiff competition.
Parts of it followed pretty badly.
Some of it was kind of fun. There was some massive missed
opportunities in the film. The whole there was essentially
almost a subplot in it that should have been treated as
because it was meant to be part of the air plot, right?
So there's. So I mean, we're jumping way
into spoilers. Yeah.
But there's a family, a family of Russian sleeper agents in the
US who got activated and they're going to carry out this
terrorist attack in New York. And just seems like it's just
that set up a final action scene.
And they could have done so much more with it and still kept it
within the realms of a really good thriller.
Yeah, I'm excited to talk about that.
I've got I've got opinions about that as well.
Sonia, what did you think of the movie?
You've said it's not great, not terrible as far as just the form
goes. I'd rated 3.5 Rundkin as well.
Yes, concerning the quality of the film in comparison to other
Jake Ryan products, I rated the actual amount of Rankin's
released by the Incident. Not great, very terrible.
I am. I am not sure what to make of
it, but it's not getting a very satisfactory from me.
BS the serial through scrub OK Fost bounce not so.
That's the thing we just did. This is what sets us apart from
other podcasts. Niche.
This film didn't find all the leftover food wrappers during
sweepers. Unsuccessful Ford plot of a
movie. So OK, right.
I'll, I'll, I'll get to the plot.
So we mentioned at the beginning this is a post 911 film.
Not in the sense that it was made immediately after 911, but
this reframes Jack Ryan's recruitment and entry into the
military. So he's at the London School of
Economics 911 happens and then he basically immediately enlists
as a Marine will not enlist because he's an officer.
And then we see him cut, cut ahead 2 years.
It's 2003. He's in he's in Afghan.
He's a helicopter that gets shot down over Afghan, which is his
Castorfic back injury, which is like a bit of it's almost like
these are all in a parallel universe, isn't it?
And that and but they're like, there are fixed constants and
every Jack Ryan must have to have fuck up his back.
Yeah, in the in a helicopter crash and it's all different
kind of ways because obviously in the what's his name?
Jim, Jim, Jim from the office, Tenzinski, Jim Straczynski,
Whatever it. Is Randall Park.
He his his back injury helicopter crash is fucking
horrible because like, I mean, Mike, I think you've seen season
1 of the Jack Ryan show Sonya, I don't know if you have but him,
him and his team like evacuates to make civilians from from the
some village in Iraq. I think it is and this one child
just literally suicide bombs the helicopter like it cut like it
cut like Jack Ryan's POV and his kids just dropped a bunch of
poking grenades and it's like that that's heroin.
This one you've got gets gets shot down and I believe is a
cannon for the novel Jack Ryan that his helicopter crash was in
an exercise. I think it was, yeah.
And I think that's sort of mentioned in Hunt for October as
well. Yeah, I think, I think you're
right. It does come up when when they
put him on the carrier and the this yeah CEO is like, what is
this fucker doing on my ship? That's right.
And they're like, oh, well, actually he's not just a twat
from. So yeah, he was.
He was in the what? Also was at the Academy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, it obviously makes sense
for like Booby Jack Ryan's who have not done it during an
actual war because they weren't as many wars.
Go on then. I mean, they could have.
Yeah, no, they could have done some like shitty you could have
been Panama, could have been in the death squads, but you, you.
But it wasn't, so it's OK. He could have been living out
the living out the plot of the Cobland song, student visas and
getting shot down in Latin America because he was with the
death squads. So about 5 minutes into the
movie, he is in a field hospital and they go, oh, this guy's
back's really fucked up. We got to go, him got to go out.
He's he's done with this war. So then he's he's back in the US
And then we kind of catch up with him as he's doing some
painful physical therapy. Classic thing, the whole walk in
with a crutch whilst someone's like come come towards me thing.
But you always see he meets Kathy Mueller who becomes Kathy
Ryan, of course. And this is R12.
Three. This is our 4th Kathy Ryan.
There are only four. Kathy Ryan's isn't there because
one of them is actually in two films.
Hold on the original. Gates McFadden.
Then we have the the main Kathy
Ryan from I think that's right. Yeah, no relations still then we
have. I've forgotten her name in.
All the TV shows Arsenal fields, Bridget Moynahan.
I forgot about her as well. Yeah.
Then we have TV show and then we have Keira Nightly.
So there's 5. There's five.
You're right. I forgot about Bridget Moynahan.
Yeah, Yeah. Cool.
Yeah. So let's just do this now.
Power rankings for power rankings.
Power rankings for Fizz Ryan. Who's who?
Who wins? Right?
Who would win the fight? And who and who's the Who's the
most convincing? Actual Kathy Ryde.
Hand fight all at the same time or like do I have like a kind of
a kind of like structure thing that's like of course, it's the
limited. Can look out that tournament.
Like the World Cup of of Kathy's riot fighting.
No, I want to go for like a rage in the cage.
Yeah, welcome to the Thunderdome. 5 Kathy's enter
what Kathy leaves. Leaves on my left, Kathy on my
right, Kathy right ahead of me, also Kathy behind me.
Two more Kathy's. Oh my God, it's Kathy with the
steel chair. One knife.
I'll be, I'll be. Cornish's the Kathy Ryan from
the TV show. We haven't even said her name.
Yeah, just don't throw that out of.
Respect on her name. With the rest of the Kathy's
ride, Gates McFadden is getting physically beaten first.
I think I just don't see her as being fighting particularly.
No, no, no. Keira Knightley looks like, I
mean, she's, she's very lean, she's very rapid.
Sorry, I will say, I will say about Gatesburg for them though
that her outfit for for the fight would be like like the
neoprene like jumpsuit like aerobic city that she was
wearing. She wearing, Yeah, it's Beverly
Pressure in Star Trek, which is doing like the aerobics with
with Deanna Troi. Fucking aerobic scene.
Good grief. Fan service.
So I think, I think that the the Keira Knightley, the Keira
Knightley, Cathy Ryan looks pretty rapid.
I think long reach as well. I think she's a bit taller than
some of them she seems. She is.
She's Yeah, she's tall. She's got let's get a tale of
the tape on them. First of all, podcast.
We just want know how tall these women are, how much the way, how
long the reach is, how big the. Age.
She's. Currently going to call for
Polly. My God.
And she's just going to come in like full domino mode and just
like dual wheeled guns and just I.
Remember, that film was normal. That was close.
All right, Kian, that is actually surprising. 5 foot
seven. I thought she'd be taller.
Hey, Sam. Hey, it's me.
Cool. It's not in normal units. 170
centimetres. Let's get out of here.
So what what I suggest is that the next Kathy Ryan should be
Elizabeth to Becky because she's like 6 foot 5, which would make
her the most powerful for Catholics.
She would be incredibly powerful.
Holy shit. It would have been like Jack,
are you having an affair? Oh my God to be so much like
rule 34. Giant ass stuff made of a.
Yeah, this is taking its own. So lovely weather we're having
today. Bridget, Bridget Moynahan, do
you think she's got she's got that dog in her.
I think she, I think she could throw down.
Yeah, actually that's fair. Yeah, it will be a tight run
thing. I think it would be pretty close
apart from Gates McFadden who was a national treasure and we
do love, but she is getting beaten in like the first two
minutes. Yeah, listen to her franchise.
They're saying her franchise. It isn't her fight either man.
It isn't her fight. I mean she can't bring a phase
out. The referee took a phase or off
just before she went in. Otherwise they'll have been
blood buff. She had like one line as well
and like Hunter October she was barely there I think right.
I don't know if this is just nostalgia talking, but I think
an Archer for me is like it's kind of mainly I'll tell you why
because I don't know Ann Archer from much of the stuff as well.
Yeah, Ann Archer seems indefatigable.
Like she seems like she's got. Like the flagship of the fleet
in CS Foresters. She seems like she can dig in
deeper, I think, for more fight. And I'll actually be kind of
like, I didn't hear, I know a bell.
Like, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
You know. Because she's got a little
forward to look after. I think I think she's got the
most Catholic trot wife energy. Oh yeah.
Have have we considered the amount of pent up anger they are
bringing into into the fight? Because I feel like Keira
Knightley Cathy is like she, she finds one cinema ticket and is
immediately like you are having an affair and I'm going to give
you shit. Can a man not go to the cinema?
Yeah, man, right. This is this is bright.
This is a key point of the movie I want to talk about.
So Keira Knightley is is Kathy Miller is, I think, a bit
unhinged. I.
Think she's a lot unhinged. I love.
Her. She's a lot unhinged crazy
energy. And I love her, I love her.
She's mint. It's just funny because it's
like it's she has a whole rule about like, oh, I can't tell a
patient, can't tell a patient. It's not because HR has gone to
her because she already has, because I'll tell you what it
is. It's not her like moral code
that's doing it because she is. She's getting she's not afraid
to break some rules. I mean, The thing is right,
like, you know what he said, just give me a couple of
Percocets and just like you'll have one and it's like that's
that's not from the hospital, like dispensary.
That's her personal like she's carrying.
Let's just hold it. He's like.
She's already been stealing. No, these are mine.
These are my emotional support perks.
Jesus, one thing about this, like is that Chris Pine, we do a
time jump, sorry, he gets he gets recruited by the CIA, which
we'll talk about in a minute, I guess as well.
But he there's a time jump and then all of a sudden he's
working on Wall Street and it's 10 years later and he goes to
see a meaning of sorry, wrong number, sorry wrong number.
And he goes to certainly doing. I like this because it's like
all these schooly old fashioned spy movie stuff, like a guy
going to a cinema to watch an old man, a showing of an old
movie. And they meet up with a contact
and they share some Intel. Yeah.
But yeah, as you say, Sanya, she she finds that 1 ticket stub and
and from that 1 ticket stub, the natural endpoint for her is
flying to Moscow to confront her business trip.
But it's like she's like, you know what?
How about Paris like instead? Like, how about Paris instead?
I can get time off and just just just give you Paris.
And that's great. Just brilliant.
Well, I've got. Yeah, it's like, well, I'm going
to, I'm going to Moscow to, to as a, as a compliance officer in
Wall Street to, to interrogate these guys accounts.
It's it's, it's incredible. Are are you fucking the Russian
finance guys? Are you?
Yeah. Man, I was obviously so I I
watch this with Emma because I watch like pretty much every
film for this show with, with my wife and because because we're
inseparable and it's disgusting. But like she was like, yeah,
she's a bit like me in terms of like, if, if, if like I kind of
sometimes give any resistance to Emma Rod, anything.
Like if she says let's do something.
I said not right now. She'll be like what I'm hearing
is you hate me. What?
Why die? Why is it like?
What did I do wrong? And it's like, so once again,
this is like I, I have wife clearance to say this because
I'm not like making fun of her. She's she absolutely has cooled
me saying this. But that's, that's Kathy Mueller
in this film energy. It's like you're not going to
bin your job off and go to Paris with me.
What I'm getting is you're having an affair at cinemas and
you fucking hate me. You want me to die?
Gosh. Yeah, man.
Oh, yeah. Let's just do it right.
I don't, let's not lock ourselves into the sequential
order of the of the movie. Let's just let's just freewheel
this thing. OK.
So he's, he's been in Moscow. He's had that bathroom fight.
He's killed that dude. We'll talk about all those in
due course. But what happens is Kathy
Mueller calls him as he's like, fleeing around Moscow on foot,
terrified of every single taxi that he sees.
He hangs up on on the first time after he's like shot the guy in
the hotel. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then and then she's calling him and, and he's obviously got
like a lot of anxiety and saving his voice, but he's also trying
to play it cool. He rings like the CIA contact
centre. Yeah.
And and they give him the whole are you intact thing, which is
very much condos cruellest. Condor, yeah.
Do you think they've they've replaced that with a terrible AI
agent by now as well? Well.
It's also sorry. It's also It's also a Mission
Impossible because David Kepp also wrote the first Mission
Impossible. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, so if the TV series The Night Agent has anything to say
about it, it's it's still just a guy in a basement room with no
windows with a big fucking folder, like a big like
documents with, with code words and shit.
And like these like agents ring him and he's like flicking
through and they're giving him code words and shit.
And he's like, fuck my calls on that short life.
Yeah, then she's rocked up and she appears what she appears in
the hotel room in in, in Moscow. I just SAT like on the bed man
I'm that's creepy as fuck with his.
Gun next to her, indeed. A note that it's pointing at the
door. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then and then she's like, she does this whole like spiel
at him. Yeah.
And like the energy she says it with is like unhinged.
She's not like frantic or upset or like words up or crying.
She's like. Got a cold?
Kind of like this. This could end with you like
shooting me so. I dropped everything and I
called it every favour that I knew.
And I spent 4 hours at the consulate begging for a visa.
You know, I wanted to make this, this grand gesture.
I wanted you to see what you meant to me.
So I'm here and you have to say something.
Well, maybe it's maybe it's awful or hurtful or shameful.
I don't know. But.
You have to talk to me. You can't let me think that I'm
crazy anymore, because now I know that I'm not.
Just talk to me. Will you meet me halfway?
I'm in. The CRA thank.
You brilliant in this film? Honestly, I think she's a
brilliant Kathy Ryan. She's she's just so fucking
pissed off. But is that, is that who Kathy
Ryan's meant to be? I mean, I guess she is in the
books, right? Tell me about Kathy Ryan in the
books. Kathy Ryan.
'S a lot more kind of opinionated and fierce about
things in the books and like sure, like even even in even in
the pair and the dragon Jack Ryan President Jack Ryan is, is
having to smoke cigarettes secretly like like he's got a
tab habit that he keeps from his wife because he's scared of her.
She's a doctor, right? Like that makes sense.
Yeah, but, but, but, but also she's like a Catholic trot wife.
He was going to fucking hit him with like a spoon or whatever,
you know. And it's like, but I'm like
she's like, like she's not like a shrinking Violet in the books.
Like and she gives Jack Ryan shit and pushes back at him, you
know, when he's when he's out lying and stuff, as far as I
recall. So I like her in this even not
as a Kathy Ryan, even as just a character in general.
It's there's a stark difference as well from when Ben Affleck
Jack Ryan tells Kathy that he said the CIA and the some of all
feels like what goes it goes straight on Reddit and posts a
thread about it and but Kathy Ryan in this is like, Oh my God,
thank fuck. I thought you were having an
affair. It's like about it now the gun
makes sense. Right.
OK. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, exactly.
Yeah. It's like because, I mean, it's
a whole different ball game. If you're off, if you go into
Moscow to have an affair and you've put a fucking sidearm
with you, right? That's.
Yeah, well, that sounds like maybe sex tourism.
Yeah, that really does. It's like fucking hell, but it's
like, I'm a passport bro. I was so worried about you.
I thought, why did you go to Thailand?
Like so much more dangerous in Moscow.
OK, anyway, let's circle back to Kira.
Like his reaction to finding out that Jack Ryan's in the CIA
because I want to go back to Jack Ryan's recruitment to the
CIA first, which is an incredible scene where he's he's
he's done rehab and watching really obviously from a
mezzanine floor, which is all panel of the glass is, is Kevin
Costner as commander top at U.S. Navy and he's talking to
somebody off the screen. I don't, I can't remember who
he's talking to going like, tell me about this kid.
And this guy's like he's a Lieutenant, the US Marines and
he, he wrote a report when he's at School of Economics about
money. And they wrote another report
when he was in the Marines about.
Traffic patterns. Traffic patterns in Holmand, all
of it. And he's like, so do you want to
recruit him? Was like, I want to talk to him
not today, but soon. And then, like the next scene,
they're talking, but this time, like Kevin Costner has rocked up
in like, he's nose ones. And then like Chris Pines, like,
Christ, Chris Mann's like, why the uniform this time?
And he's like, what do you mean? He's like, you were watching me
the other day. And it's like, my God, Jack Ryan
is such an observant, intelligent guy.
He's spotted the guy who was stood directly in front of him
in front of a giant placed glass window looking down on him while
he was doing exercise. Well, you see, the reason he
spotted him was because you hadn't taken the Percocets yet,
so. His mind was still.
Clear Don't. Don't do drugs, kids.
Because he's a Marine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah and then
and then then Kevin cost was like I just want to thank you
for your service. OK, That's like yeah imagine if
my if my boss rang me and was like Mike, how you doing?
Yeah, I'm good. Thanks yeah What's going on?
Just want to thank you for your service mate that your.
Response is like thanks you too. Yeah, thank.
Thank you too. Yeah, thank you for your
service. Yeah.
OK, cool. Is this circle jerk over there
like what the fuck? Yeah, right.
So. What's so?
What's the real reason you called me?
Yeah, well, about that report anyway.
So, yeah, Yeah. So that happens.
And then and then Kevin course is all like, right.
I actually, I want to recruit you for the CIA because he he
does that. And then he goes for then Jack
Ryan goes for a run. And as he's out for a run in the
in the piston rain, he sees him again in a darkened room, stood
there imposedly in a darkened room.
So he enters the room to talk to him and he's like, why are you
watching me? And he's like, I've been the
CIA. And I want to repeat you.
I heard that. I saw that work you did.
And it was astounding. It was incredible.
And I think you should be in the CIA.
And then and then Jack Ryan's like, oh, the CIA aren't aren't
you guys like really bad for torturing people and rendition
and like, you know, installing dictatorships in South America,
death squads in the death squads.
Are you just generally or you know, just a general like force
for evil in this post 911 world? And, and, and Kevin Goza says my
favourite thing in the movie, which is that's not our unit.
My unit is a different. My unit is in a different say.
It goes to a different school. Actually, it's from Canada.
Actually. My say, hey, my say only stops
9/11's happening again. I'm like, what do you think that
the torturer guys are trying to do?
You all think you're doing the right thing.
It's incredible. I was like, no, that's the guys
down the hall, that's the, that's the rendition and torture
at the parliament. We don't talk to those guys.
We're on a different softball team.
Yeah. Jack, do you talk to the guys
from HR? Man.
We're we're on different sittings for lunchtime, yeah.
I don't even know those guys. Yeah, they're on.
They're on 1st sitting, We're on 2nd sitting.
None of the waterboarding guys are going to be your line
manager. Like don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it, but it's fine.
Don't worry about it. It's.
Cool. Anyway, we we are in a secret
nerds department of the CIA where we hire nerds to look at
money. And since you've got a
qualifications and money and you're a Marine, you're the guy
for the job. And then we kept like 10 years
later, he was working on Wall Street.
And he hasn't aged at all. He hasn't aged at all.
Yeah, 10 years later and he looks exactly the same.
Yeah, so good. You see, that's like the CIA
anti ageing technology that they put in him, you know?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they just make a bit of
mortal like the like, like the still the thing, like the like
you're driving the CIA and the shoot you just in case you're a
Highlander Eskimo, which is why the CIA is just full of these
like undying guys with catanas and ponytails.
Well, yeah, right. Yeah, the same same price for
Keira Knightley as well. This one's from 2014.
So let me just do some quick maths.
She was 17 when they filmed Love, actually 17 plus that was
in 2000. So probably plus plus 14, you
know, like 30 odds, which means that she should be in her 40s by
the time we're in the current timeline.
Yeah. Yeah, I'm not getting that vibe.
Be a woman and and remain so. So yeah, it's sort of weird
about women's appearances, but no one's aged is 1 trying to get
to including Kevin Costner as well.
It just doesn't even like hang a lampshade on it.
It just kind of like let's you buy into the fact that all these
people are just like Pret and naturally youthful.
It's not like in, it isn't it isn't like in like previous Jack
Ryan films when like Admiral Greer gets old and dies, you
know, it's like, Nope, eternal American youth.
I don't know what right and they only did this because they had
to have 911 being the inciting incident for his joining of the
military. Yeah.
But like, you didn't have to join the day 9/11 happened, do
you know what I mean? Yeah, I can.
I can just imagine because like he's in London as well.
Like it's imagine, like rock it up to the US Embassy and being
like, get me on a fucking plane. And they're like, step right
aboard, son. You're halfway through a
dissertation at the LSA. Oh, we're going to send you to
Marine school, man. You're on to the islands.
A lot of people come here so they can get degrees, and you're
bidding off your degree to be here, OK.
Fucking amazed that it's like, yes, you're a wild one my
friend. You're going to do so much
writing about traffic. God, you're going to write an
incredible book about this. Oh Jesus Christ.
Which his senior officers won't read, but the CIA will.
So the CIA is essentially spying on American troops, right?
Yeah, that's quite well at. This point because I just.
Keep submitting the same report like like like a hastener to be
senior officers. I wrote this and he got.
Flagged. I got flagged by the algos.
Put my head. Yeah.
Because, right. Anyway, while he's in Wall
Street, he's doing his compliance officer job, working
on his own. Nobody knows he's in the CIA.
He just thinks he's working for some firm.
And he does some type E, type E. And his and his mate who's a
total fuck boy turns up on. Like just a try boy too.
Hard, but a bike. And he's like, Oh yeah, you're
going to yeah, Maddie, want to try and fuck that girl from
arbitrage, Right. And it's like, yeah, man, can
you? It's mad.
He's just so sharp. It takes a special breed of
person. It's not messed up.
Yeah, it takes a special breed of person to keep working on
Wall Street after 2008. He's just incredibly built
different. There he is, like in his little
levers and his little motorbike and he's like, he wouldn't even
know the girl's name. He's just like that girl I like
and. Yeah, it's like, oh, this, this,
there's a girl. I really want to smash an
arbitrage. I'm going to get a get a
motorbike and tracks like, yeah, named Sarah, by the way, just
now we've got a motorbike. You're totally going to.
What the fuck? Man, I don't understand.
I don't understand about Wall St, bro.
Can't. Can't talk to a girl.
That's just a strange combination of factors.
That's so weird and and like almost like kind like
whitewashers. Wall Street reputation is just
like a bunch of high speed cranked up dudes who love Laco
Carina are the fucking decadent, and this is just one guy who's a
little bit of a clumsy fuck boy. Yeah, man, so strange.
I know a few people in the obviously I know a lot of
officers and they because I'm one of them.
But I've known and a few who joined and then left because
they were just doing it for a few years to sort of develop a
bit of ACV. But then they were like, I don't
think I like it anymore because it's, you know, it's a hard and
unpleasant job a lot of the time.
So he was like, I don't think I don't think I like it anymore.
I think I'm just going to go and work in the city.
What you had that as an option. You could just wander in and
make a shit, tell him Canary Wharf or whatever.
And then just like in the city. And then just like, that's
something that's two people. I know at least you were just
like, you know what, I'm going to Jack in being another gay
because it's difficult. And instead, I'm going to just
handle shits of money for banks instead.
Good grief. Good grief.
Yeah, Good grief. Indeed.
Anyway, he finds a bunch of anomalies in some Russian
markets, all linking to a firm by a guy owned by this guy
Chevron, who is Kenneth Brunner. And he basically has to go to
Moscow to check it out. So he has this discussion with
Keira Knightley about how he has to go to Moscow.
And she's like, what was the end of this movie you were looking
at? And.
So I want to circle back to this film.
Jack, who are your? Fucking you're hiding three
different women under the floorboards, aren't you?
He's a super marriage pillar as well.
So like he keeps saying, he keeps saying like, well, look,
it wouldn't be a big deal if we were just married.
What would you get married? It wouldn't be a big deal if we
were married. Like why you worried so much?
Just marry me already. And it's like.
But I mean, he wants to, like, it's like, gets explained later
that he wants to marry us so he can tell her he's in the CIA.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Seems like a bit of an arbitrary distinction, but yeah.
So he goes to, he goes to Moscow.
He's met at the airport by a big burly bodyguard dude who drives
into his hotel and they're having and there's a bit that
I'm sure you're going to talk about in a bit, mate, where he
there's a big table full of handguns and he has and he shows
a little Chevron card and picks up his handgun in the airport on
the way out. I'm eagerly awaiting the rundown
of every single handgun on that table.
I'm not going to rundown on every single handgun on that
table, but I do have a few comments to make though.
Good fun. And then he gets to gets to gets
to the gets to the hotel and he should and he's like, I've got
to check the room first. So they go in the room together
and it's like, look at that view isn't an incredible view.
And it's Moscow. And obviously the reason this
whole movie happened at all was that because they were allowed
to film in Moscow for a bit, because they've got lots and
lots of location footage of Moscow.
Cool. And then the guy tries to kill
him and there's a big fight sequence and there's a big
bathroom fight. I love a bathroom fight.
One of the better bathroom
fights that we've actually watched.
Yeah, I think. Yeah.
I was talking about when we were doing the Firefox episode, we
were talking about maybe doing like a power ranking of bathroom
fights. And this one didn't even feature
on my list because I didn't didn't, didn't remember it.
But actually, it's a pretty good bathroom fight, right?
Yeah, yeah, we'll have to start ranting them because it's a
great bathroom fight. There's there's also because
there's a 11 the Mission Impossibles, right Fallout.
I am sure there's a really brutal one in Shaft in Africa.
Wow, OK. I mean, it might be, it might be
a misfire on here, but I kind of do remember there being like a
brutal bathroom fight scene Shaft in Africa.
Richard Roundtree just beaten some guy to death, which is you
always love to see it. Yeah.
A friend of mine sent me with X zero contacts the clip from like
a Russian action film of the grimiest and most insane
bathroom fight scene I may have sent you one night when I was
drinking actually. You sent it to me last year.
Yeah, but I remember. It's fucking nuts like this.
Like vibrator was used as a weapon.
At one point the protagonist pisses on his enemy because his
enemy jumps somebody's at the urinal and it's like there's a
lot going on in that scene. I had I had zero contacts to say
my friend like texted us up one night and then like out of the
comment wise piss attack and it's like so yeah, fuck me bud.
What else? We got Casino Royale.
We've got Eastern Promises, almost certainly the rare I
can't remember. There's a there's a pretty
decent bathroom gunfight in that ridiculous Arnold Schwarzenegger
one that would want to do a clear and present bruise episode
on True Lies. True Lies, yeah, yeah.
Bathroom gonna fight in the punch up, but it's got some
great kind of comedy beats. So when we get into the when we
get into the bathroom fights, right guys?
Here's what I propose. OK, I think one of the scoring
criteria has to be do they use the features of the bathroom in
a unique fighting capacity? So you know exactly an
environmental kill using a sink or a shower or a bath or a
shower curtain or a toilet brush or any of the item you might
find in the bathroom. The.
Hard dryer. Hand dryer.
Electric toothbrush. Jason Airblade electric
toothbrush. Gorot, somebody with some floss.
What what are those? What are those machines that
sells like condoms and sex pills and stuff like that?
You just, you just like smash a guy's face against that.
It floods his like throat with like those Borna pills and he
chokes a. Guy has a heart attack because
he has too much Gorana in his system.
Oh. My God, do you think it's actual
real Gorana? In those I was just like dust.
So it gets real. Gorana, you're tasting right
now. Son, you don't know Jack.
You don't know how deep the rabbit hole goes.
The the the Sainsbury's toilet burn uphill rabbit hole.
This is a fucking weird episode. Welcome.
To the world that is surreal, OK.
Snake snake, you've got to activate the burn uphill
machine. What is something I learned from
one of my enemies? OK, anyway, I like this bathroom
fight because he drowns the guy in the bath, which is horrible
for the guy, but a pretty pretty cool, inventive way to dispatch
a foe. I really like how we how he
drowns him and like a small about the water as well as kind
of coming up and he's fighting them and there's this real look
of exertion on on Chris Pine's face.
You know, it's a fucking great action scene.
Actually I really enjoyed. It I like it because I mean,
after this we have but we have all the the food is the condo
stuff we're talking about. And we have the bit where he
phones Cathy and explains. Well, he doesn't explain
anything. He hangs upon her and she's like
he must be having an affair because he said he was he was
really jetlag not to go and he wants to call me in the morning.
Oh my God, he must be used to be about to go and fuck a hooker.
And then and then he meets up with Kevin Costner on the park
bench and Kevin Costner he's got like a Oh man, what do they call
it? It's like a special action dog.
It's a it's a quasi personal dog that he's he's stealing from
someone's yard. A bit of trade craft, steal a
dog and. And it's the same sitting, so
the. Publication with it.
And it's, and it's sitting so calmly as well.
And it's like, that's not behaving like a stolen dog.
And that's. Surely, surely stealing
someone's dog is a bad thing to do as a spy because now when
people are out looking for the dog and showing, showing his
name and stuff and you're sat in a public place.
So people are real. It's it's not ultimately
attracting people towards you because they're going to go
like, why have you got my fucking dog?
Yeah, and and Kevin Costner probably isn't working under
legal cover, right? He's not.
He's because I mean, it's your. Mission, should you choose to
accept it, is to steal this beautiful dog from someone's
front garden. You'll be disavowed if detected.
Well, he would, that's the thing.
He's an illegal, he would be disavowed.
He hasn't got like fucking embassy cover or whatever, you
know, like he's he's not a quote unquote diplomat.
So he's gotten fucking disappeared.
He's getting taken out in the woods and getting doomed.
There's no reason for my steal someone's dog yet.
It's so funny how also like I sort of chill and fucking like
just calm. The dog is like you've been
stolen from some fucking Muscovites garden.
I also love these in like the middle of a very urbanised city
and there's a backyard with a dog in it.
Yeah. Another thing I don't
understand, for Kevin Costner's rules, this is like where does
he sit in the organisation? So he's in a, he's in a state
where he's in first name terms of the president of United
States and they've got like witty banter flying around all
the time. At the same time at the CIA he
has like unit level command, which isn't that big because
he's obviously my unit. My unit does financial and nerdy
crime. That doesn't sound like a very
big or important part of the CIA.
It's more than. Yeah.
He's not like a deputy director. That that kind of stuff.
Wouldn't that like get bend off like other subordinate like
departments and shit? If it's like financial crime
effect in the US, wouldn't like an FBI kind of thing or like an
NSA kind of thing? Maybe probably, I don't know.
But I mean, the, the real truth is that he's in the IMF, you
know? Exactly.
That's that's that's why he's not the team that does like, you
know, the renditions water board and with testicular torsion.
He's he's in the team that does. I know, I know, somebody got
testicular torsion once. We're in an exercise in
Dartmoor. Jesus Christ.
Not the worst particular torsion story I've got from the Navy,
anyway. Got a worse one.
Let's spit it. Okay?
Right, So okay, here we go. So.
Welcome to Welcome to ball chat with clear and present dudes.
They were looking at the terrible things that happened
with man's testicular region. Right.
OK, so this story goes back to HMS Raleigh, which is the phase
one training establishment for junior rights in the Royal Navy.
I went through that myself a long time ago and somebody else
went there. And what is right is you have a
various duties you've got to hold in the training block that
you're all accommodated in, right?
They're just things to do in anything to keep occupied,
basically. Like one of them is you've got
to manage the visitor log on the door to your building.
Nobody comes to your building. So you're just there feeling
every time someone comes in out, you could basically write their
name down again, sign it. And it's just like, why?
It's just people going to the NAFI, coming back from the NAFI
and stuff. Just just busy body shit.
But it's preparing you for being AQM, the gangway, I suppose.
Not that you write everything down.
OK, whatever. Anyway, this.
So we do like evening cleaning stations, which is like a quick
20 minutes clean of everything. Everyone has their little place
they go to hence stations. And I used to do like actually
like buff the floor because used to get covered in like, like
rubber marks from from our boots every single day.
And twice a day I have to go and rub them all off again with with
like steel, wood and a bit of brass.
So it was a fucking stupid job. Anyway.
One guy's job was like taking all the gas out from all the gas
bins and throwing them into the skipper on the back in the
courtyard. And one time this guy did it,
but he had like heavy bags and he had to jump up to like throw
the bags into the bin. And when he jumped up, he was
like, he jumped up and like made contact with the bin, right?
And on the big skip that there was, there was a big jitty bit
of rusty metal, like sticking off it.
And on the return journey down, it went up his scrotum through
his trousers. And he was like, and then he and
then the next thing anyone saw was the guy coming into like the
quad and the little jitty bod who was like filling everyone's
names saw him. And he kind of walked into the
room holding his like his hand around his groyne, OK, covered
in blood. And his two testes were like in
his hand having exited his scrutum.
And he kind of like did that showed him and then like
collapsed on the floor. And then everyone's like
screaming, crying, throwing up. And the ambulance came but.
Yeah, you see, Cathy, Cathy Muller, witness that automatic
knowledge. Go Stage 3, isn't it?
You die. You got what, two months to
live? Your your skin's looking a bit
yellow there. Incredibly not sallow looking
person at all. Spider web Blunt things in the
back of your hands painted in the last scene, Yeah.
God, gorgeous great man. Didn't know I was talking to
Super dark. Holy shit.
I am honestly the biggest Kathy Bueller Stan, and I'm getting
for you, bigger Kathy Bueller Stan.
Specifically this one as we're going through this episode, by
the way. Wild be a struck what I was
talking about Yeah, so they're on the they're on the park
bench. They're talking away came across
this hall. But like the first person I
killed blah blah, blah, blah, blah.
And it's like who was he? He's like it was a she oh we've
got a bad ass over here and then and then they have a little chat
and he says to him like you're not a land list.
You're operational now, which I think is I'd be like entering a
service complaint, they reflected in my annual report,
like operating with you on my tours.
It's like, I like how we specifically ads as well.
She wasn't like she was innocent.
She was like a bystander like she was, she was a fucking
bystander. And he still remained in the
CIA. Sounds like you're not very good
at your job, Kevin Guster. At least in the Jack Ryan
series, to have this background thing of how Jim Grier straight
up threw somebody out of a window and that's why he got
sick. The kind of shit assignments and
they get like he's like, isn't the thing that Jim, Jim Grier
was in line for like the Moscow job, but then he threw somebody
out of a window and like Turkey or Pakistan or something and
then like actually Jim, you fuck now, mate, eventually does get
the Moscow job. Yeah, he just got the Moscow job
eventually, but. Yeah, yeah, he gets it because
the storyline needs him again, basically.
Yeah, like, what the fuck? So basically, yeah, this guy
kills an innocent civilian. Really bad luck for the CIA
here, by the way. Incredibly bad.
She came up behind him too quick.
What does this mean? Kill his wife or something?
Did he? Did he did like his daughter?
Go like, oh dad, you're back from work.
He turns around just like a name is your neck.
Snap on her. He's gone from never killing
anyone before to killing somebody who sneaked up on him
or just was behind him rapidly. Jesus Christ.
Oh no, no, like. I've got to kind of start a
reaction sometimes, but like just there's like a million what
happened to my mate, how he killed her.
You know, he did do the job. Or like he just like rips out a
phone karambit or something like slices them open and it's like,
shit, you're just like my elderly neighbour who who was
about to be on the shore like she needs help with a car or
something. And it's like, I hope this
doesn't affect my high-powered job in the fucking CIA.
Did it even happen at work? Oh my God, probably.
Some random unmedicated 20 year old on her way back to college
or something. It's like she stopped walking up
behind me. It's like Oh my God.
I mean followed stop. Specifically said unmedicated as
well. I might know someone who might
fit that description. Unmedicated is right though,
because you've got to keep taking those anti CIA pills.
Does dark as big as big as big as if you're full of like the
contrast CIA and all that. Can't attack you, can't stab
you. Well, somebody who is full of
contrasial is Kathy Ryan, who confronts Jack in his hotel
meeting after this and is delighted to find out that Jack
is in the CIA. Because obviously she has.
She has fewer qualms about it than Jack himself.
Who's inside. Yeah.
They could. And cool also be in the CIA.
When's when's the next mandatory fund day?
When's the next company BBQ? I want to meet all your Co
workers. I want to be a CIA wife.
I want to, I want to like, tell people to like, call me by your
rank, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Can I can I put like CIA spouse on my CD if you?
Can I put a CIA bumper stick I run by Prius?
She's in the HOA and she's going to be turned over.
It's like if you don't repaint your bins, my husband is going
to make you disappear. It's more like if you don't
repaint your shit, my husband's boss is just going to kill you
with a combat knife for being too close to him.
That's insane. Yeah.
He's like, I'm in the CIA. Thank God.
I think I started laughing before she even said I thought
you were having an affair. So I just was laughing really
hard at the idea she was going. Thank God you're in the say.
Like what the fuck? It is.
It is like, let's face a fucking safeguard.
It's an absolute male fantasy to like that, that it's like kind
of catering to to tell the woman you've got a really fucked up
secret and goes off that fuck for that.
Get in. So glad you told me that I'm not
angry at all for you hiding this world for an entire 10 year
relationship. Yeah, you've been lying to me
for a decade after I helped you literally back on your feet,
literally walk again. You've not given me the fucking
respect and dignity to break the CI as rules, rules that they're
breaking by giving the fucking Barretta and telling you to kill
people. By the way, you're an analyst.
And like, she's like, oh, thank God for that matter.
I feel so fucking respected and so goddamn cherished.
Thank you, John. It's insane.
Yeah. It's catering to a particular
fantasy, isn't it, of even for guys in the military.
There is one of the funniest scenes in the movie, which is
Kathy Ryan just getting drafted into the mission now because
she's here. It's wild but but like before
that just quickly skip back. We've got the scene when he
meets to Raven for the first time.
What's my Internet? Yeah.
And and to have this like proper, like fucking like super
villain, kind of like conversation, which this is one
of the points when it really doesn't feel like a track Ryan
movie. Yeah.
You know, it's like a Bond movie, doesn't it?
Yeah, and yeah, yeah, it doesn't feels like a Bond movie.
And so there's a whole that kind of back and forth.
Oh, you know, I don't know where my where BB.
Dang, my fucking security guy's gone.
No, he'll come back hungover and remorseful.
It's like you fucking killed him.
The track Ryan fucking makes himself by saying, oh wow, well,
I was well, I was injured in fucking Afghanistan.
And you know, like sheriff and cigar.
Yes, me too. Same same same empire was it
Same graveyard, different empires?
It was, it was. It was like a different time,
different empire, same graveyard.
Yeah, yeah. And my sons too.
Which doesn't make sense. Doesn't make sense.
Doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't fit.
Doesn't make any sense. That's evidence of a rewrite, I
think. Yeah, I was plenty of that, I
think. And it's got my grenade on his
desk as well. And it's like, your grenade is
my grenade. And I'm like, am I?
Yes, that's M 67. That's an American grenade.
It's roughly the size of a baseball.
We've been through this already. We have been through this
already. It could be propelled by one of
the Imfs man. Portable, easily broken down.
Fucking mobile tactical baseball pitching machines.
We've covered this. You are Americans, you think you
are direct, but perhaps you are just rude.
Which is wild because like, Slavic people have like the
reputation of being incredibly the most fucking direct about
things, right? The.
Most the most quote direct people I've ever been a life of
all being Easter European. Yeah, I mean, I fucking spend
between 5:00 to 9:00 days a week sitting next to a Ukrainian guy
at work and yeah, they are. They do not beat around any kind
of fucking Bush. I don't.
We are lying. I thought an SMCG 1 deployment
in 2020 and one of the weeks during it was a Polish pass X
and there was a Polish OPS officer on the battle staff and
routinely every week he would call me and be like, hey, Mike,
it's I thought your name is actually.
So that's a shame. He was like, hey, Mike, I just
remind you your Sid Diaglabs are shit.
And I was like, what? What do you mean, man?
Like you're not using the proper format.
I'm like, send me the format then and I'll use it.
But in the meantime, you're going to keep getting the shit.
It's every single day, mate. I'm not like it's every.
Day, bro. Like every single day, it's
like. Fucking amazing.
At some point I'm going to like roll my hands up here like
unless you've got a better format mate by my CEO signing
off of these and we can fuck. Yeah, and and then Jack's like,
Oh well, you Russians think you're poets and stuff, but, and
I forget like the the last bit of that sentence, but it's like
you think you're poets and whatever, but you just stand up
pussies or non American or whatever.
Oh, ridiculous. Then there's the This isn't Geo
couples therapy, it's geopolitics.
Yeah, that's brilliant. What's like we We've got 8
minutes to make this plot. We've wasted four of them.
Yeah, that's wild. Like Eat fucking Kevin Costner
does get some of the best. The lines he has often don't
make sense, but they are bars. Some of his lines are quotable.
Most of his lines are like that. There's loser lines in this
movie where it's like it's a piffy little line, but I'm like,
you won't be able to say it. Yeah.
So how Sharif and returned? Somehow Sharif and returned yeah
so they're doing this plan and right they're in a they're in a
safe house and their plan is question mark.
I zoomed out so bad. I think, I think, I think
there's like, he's made plans to go to dinner with Shraven.
He's bringing his wife Kathy along because Shraven is aware
that cafe's around before he even was aware.
And yeah, they're going to. Because Shraven's a fucking home
bracker and he loves having sex with married women.
Exactly right. And he's like, ah, so someone's
observing your hotel and knows that your wife's here.
I'm a really bizarrely horny man, you know?
Yeah, yeah, for a guy he's about to fucking die, by the way.
He's he's he's just say keeping track of his body count is like
trying, like he's, he's probably got a mate from from the Afghan
war That's, that's had sex and more women than him.
And he's like keeping tally. And on his last day, he's like,
yeah, Sergey Ivanovich, I beat you 273.
I'm going to shoot myself now. Yeah.
Man, I would do the voice but I feel like that's only one of the
meerkats from the advert. Fucking hell.
Right. So I think that part is they're
going to like steal his wallet and then in that wallet is like
an access card. And then they're going to go
into his building where he works, and they're going to
unlock a. Yeah.
Vault of some kind and hack into a computer and steal some
packets of data about accounts or something.
They need to plug something into the mains electricity and that's
going to let them access the laptop.
And it's like Tom Clancy was alive when this film was being
made, but you can tell he just didn't give a fuck.
Yeah, man. Yeah, exactly.
I think this is the thing I think this movie might not have.
I've got no evidence to put this up with, right?
But bringing David kept on board, I think he had like no
inkling of a tad of respect for the any Tom Clancy source
material at all. It was just like, I'm going to
make a generic spy movie and we're going to slap the the Jack
Ryan branding on it and turn it into an origin story for Jack
Ryan and have another crack at making this franchise a thing.
Because it doesn't, it doesn't feel like a Jack Ryan or a Tom
Clancy product because there's nowhere near dense and stupid
enough. Yeah, it's just like a pretty
standard. We're going to do a little heist
and I'll be that. That's it.
It's a heist movie, primarily with with fake, what feels like
a terrorism subplot tacked on. That, as I said, shouldn't be a
subplot. It should be.
There should be two ear plots, right?
Yeah, I feel like strongest bit of this movie is the dinner
scenes with. That's great.
Yeah, that's the best bit where like, Jack Ryan is overacting
and being drunk and obnoxious and boorish to get to a point
where he can, like, it's basically tool, I want to fuck
off so he can go off and do his mission.
Yeah. And then?
Like pickpocket and kind of like drop off thing of the wallet
which is pretty fucking slick. Absolutely.
And then? Shriven's like we're going to
fuck. Exactly.
And it's the Shriven and Kathy scenes that I think are
brilliant. Kathy is like just so up for
this and another reason why I think Kathy's a bit fucking
mental because she is so up to this from the off.
Like she's, she's went from like you're in the CIA to I'm in the
CIA. She, she is literally this
point, a better field agent than him.
You know what it is? This this this is more like a
Mary Pot Foley origin story, really.
Yeah, man, like she's like a proper, she's being a real honey
drop here. Yeah, just just just doing
proper cowboy shit in Russia against the Russians.
That's that's like the shit Mary Pot Foley was doing and Cardinal
the Kremlin, you know, Yeah. That's a cool pull.
Yes. We have the soul sequence with
like Kathy Ryan talking to Shereeven and that's when she's
like, how advanced is your cirrhosis?
And she like diagnosis them across the table and they talk
like about Russian literature and they.
Yeah, that she kind of, yeah, there's a bit of a bit of
backwards for, there's a bit of bit of bit of sexual tension
potentially brewing, certainly from, from horny old Shereeven
side at least. And she's doing such a good job
of it that she's getting like phone, he's getting calls and
stuff and he's like ignoring them so you can keep talking to
her and stuff. Much, much, much like Jack
ignored her phone call earlier. So it's like.
Perfect. The heist kind of happens.
I don't really like there's, there's there's a lot of tension
in it, I guess, because it's like, you know, he's got a good
limited amount of time and stuff and he's he's running out of
phone signal and like good jazz. And there's a oh, there's a
mobile op centre in a in a van as.
Well yes, there's a van which will love love an OP centre van.
Yeah, love that. Tom's also providing Overwatch
with a sniper rifle. Just straight up causes an
international incident by shooting some innocent private
security guards mercilessly. This.
This man's a rogue fucking agent.
This man's not in the CIA. Nobody in this film's in the
CIA. The CIA is blind to this
operation, mate. Completely, this is actually the
FSB posing as the CIA in order to to create a false flag
attack. And remember, no Russian.
Yeah, nice. Yeah.
Yeah, God right. Can't.
Chase with Land Rovers. I was going to say I zoomed out
so bad from this. So what happens is.
Kathy gets kidnapped. Well, before that, so Triven
gets his his his wallet kind of like backwards inserted back
onto him again as his all security teeth still come up and
be like something's wrong, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And everyone's like on a bit of a stand off.
And yeah, then yeah, you're right.
There's a there's a Land Rover chase a lot of violence here as
Land Rovers. Sonia, come on, pipe up.
There's a Land Rover owner. Yeah, I've sent this about a
Bond film as well before. I I think as much as I love
mine, I think there are better cars to pick for a car chase.
You want something that's able to go fast and that is.
Pretty liquids in size, yeah. Keep liquids inside and keep
other liquids outside. Not breakdown.
I kind of.
Personally I wouldn't if you want to.
If you want to to chase someone I don't know, I think you you'd
be better off in AVW Beetle than.
You know, say what though, as a. It looks great as a gangster
car, but. As an as an innocent, rude user,
I I do think there's something quite plausible about the the
image of seeing a bunch of Land Rovers driving like twats in my
vicinity. Yeah, I mean, that's something
I've seen. Fair enough.
I mean also I I've experienced this, people do leave you more
space if you're driving one of them because they don't want to
be rear-ended by a three tonne box of biscuits.
So it's probably a good choice if you just want to throw a
plastic card of the way if you you just don't want to be able
to stop. Yeah.
Yeah, I think the story calls for as well, because it needs
like the physical space within it for him to do that
legitimately horrible scene with.
There, it's not a. Physical space inside the land
roller, though certain. Yes, but the point is for the
story. The story needs physical space
for him for him to do this now they could have gone like 3 days
of the condo and and had like a Ford Bronco, which which has an
insane amount of physical space to like interrogate people, but
wouldn't make sense in Russia. The could He was one of those
like Lada. Is it the Lada Neva, the
Russian, the Russian 4x4? Yeah, which which probably would
have the physical space, but also looks shit inside and isn't
a kind of oligarchy mobile is. I mean, a lot of us are chosen
because the intimidate. Is driving a Russian made car.
Yeah, and, and, and the show, the show the wealth and almost
kind of like Western alignment in the capitalism kind of sense
of, of virtual even, you know. But yeah, they needed someone
that like projects a sense of bigness, even though as we're
all aware, there's no spits and Land Rovers.
They're not fucking TARDIS. But this one as an observation
would do. I put light bulb in your mouth
and you bite it the door on your lungs and you fucking die.
Yeah, but he should. He should be calling Jack, like
squeezed into the side of the car like I have your wife.
I cannot sit straight inside my car because I am more than
heaven. But I will kill it as.
Soon as I have stopped being stuck in the door.
The the the chase ends pretty properly.
So like he one thing, he's calling him on the phone and
they're having and having the the phone chats every now and
again. And I think they're not as good
as they could because like Chris Pine doesn't doesn't have any
bars. He's just like, I will find you.
I will find you. It's like, yeah, OK, right.
Yeah. I mean, that's not that good.
Near green levels of of sass. Yeah, yeah, repeat this.
You must be. Getting away with my wife.
I can't believe if you're kidnapping my wife, this can't
be happening. Yeah, then they do catch up.
I do like. I do like when he catches up
though, because he just kind of runs at the car and smashes the
windscreen with a with a like a. Pipe.
Pipe, yeah. And then you must, you must
knock out the driver because then it stops and then it zooms,
it crashes into the car in front of it, which is cool.
And then just when you think that actor Raven's going to get
like some kind of piffy line or something, you just get punched
in the face and knocked out, which I really, which I really
enjoy. I really enjoy just by Chris, by
just banging them out. He's good.
I mean, that's the Marine in him, right?
That's it. You want to win a war?
Tell it the Marines you know you want.
You want to stop a Russian oligarch just before he launches
it? The main portion of his
monologue? Just tell it the Marines man,
fucking switch them off. Really enjoy that and then
obviously, yeah, Kathy Ryan's rescued and and what we thought
might have started to be like the dramatic climax, the movie
which in all the other dark Ryan movies, not all of them, but
like Patriot Games, for example, ends with like a big kind of
attack on his home and his family's in danger and stuff.
So you think you would be forgiven for thinking that the
big kind of worry here is something's happening to Kathy,
but no, she's rescued. And then as you said earlier on
what should be the airport of this movie but it's been shunted
into like a weird 2 scenes worth of subplot background first.
Revealed. Yeah.
Is the main, yeah, which is the main attack of the movie.
And I, I think, right. So I, I, I, it's weird.
It's definitely an evidence evidence of rewrites because
when I was watching the scene where they're sat on the park
bench and Harper is explaining the whole issue to the movie to
to to Jack around what you're saying like, you know, they're
going to trade all this stuff off.
I honestly zoned out going to do all these trades.
They're going to do all the trades at the same time.
It's going to crash the markets and like China is going to be
affected weirdly worse than Russia.
I don't know why because because they don't have oil reserves,
but Russia's got oil reserves. So they're going to bounce back.
But America hasn't got any manufacturing anymore.
Bad lids and. Fucking shit lips.
America doesn't have manufacturing anymore.
Smash cuts to the sleeper agent working.
It was more part in Michigan. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But yeah, yeah, yeah. So Americans are manufacturing
more Americans. Six Americans are going to
bounce back, and people are going to start calling it the
American crisis, but then they're going to call it what it
really is, the second Great Depression.
And what's not going. Yeah, OK.
That's not like a compelling movie fuel, though, because if
that was to happen, there's not like a really obvious visual
image of like, oh, the second Great Depression's happened or
it's about to happen. Like, like unless, unless like
the end shot of the movie is like some dude from Wall Street
stepping out of his window and and flinging himself at the
pavement like like Jack Ryan's Powell.
At which at which point? Which point, you know, in
A202014 not too long after the financial crash, a little bit of
it would have been like. Oh my God, no, the fucking the
the rights. Like the worst case scenario,
this financial crash happens. Jack Ryan's fuck boyfriend roll
the bank has started for the National Archives and they're
like, wait, I I as a bank have carried out so much corruption
nationally and internationally. Let's like, shoot themselves in
the fucking hair as a cute sick, commit suicide and increasingly
gory ways which this film's budget would be better than the
way the Neil Breen film showed it.
They would like run into like the bank, they would, they would
like run face 1st and like static chainsaws and stuff like
that, you know? So what they did?
That plot point doesn't really work if half of the people are
just waiting for the economy to crash so they can can afford a
house. Yeah, point of shit and the
money, it's like this isn't this is the problem this movie is.
Actually worse than in the 20s. Can we just, can we just maybe
just kill the bankers anyway without terrorist plot?
This is the problem is that it's it's too complicated for the
average movie goer to kind of really like an emotional handle
on because we're not watching margin call or like like the big
short. Even I need I need a scene this
movie where Mogger Robbie in a bubble bath drinking champagne
explains to me like, like, like, like why this is a bad thing?
Because, like, because like, unfortunately, like Kevin
Costner sat on a park bench in Moscow is not doing it for me.
Like I zoned out big time. I mean.
The thing is like they actually, they actually talk about like
real kind of financial crime things like like dark pool.
Algorithms, algorithms and stuff.
So like, I did a little bit of reading in the dark pools.
I didn't fucking understand it at all, you know, I mean I'm
about to start a course on like anti money laundering and
financial crime and stuff and that's going to be a fucking
hangout When I do that. I've got to see how it's going
to be hard. But at the minute I don't fuck
about Dick about it. And because I'm the average
moviegoer at this point, you know when someone think of the
economy. Right.
Yeah. So, yeah.
So terrorist plot, Yeah, Yeah. So terrorist plot kicks in and
it turns out that there's, as you mentioned, a sleeper cell
operating in Pennsylvania or in Michigan, but apparently it's
like nobody bombs Pennsylvania. No, they're in Pennsylvania
because they've obviously moved from after they've been, they've
been dicked, I think. Yeah, because it's that kind of
like bomb factory, like getting shifts.
It's like bomb factory stuff for Pennsylvania.
He's got like, there's like a bit of a rat line this to this
like shack in Pennsylvania where he's where he's going to make a
fucking Alfred Monroe Federal building style truck bomb, you
know, Oklahoma City redux. Another thing that didn't ever
make sense to me, but I guess kind of does if you read it
between the lines but isn't really said explicitly in the
movie, is that the young man, he was the operative I guess, in
the cell, I think is meant to be Chevron's son.
Yeah. The determinant when they're on
that flight back from Russia, when to do with the incredibly
rapid intelligence analysis. Indeed.
So all the bullshit that he was saying earlier on, my son died.
And when he's eight, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's, yeah, it's for
Dunk. Like if you had access to that
already, then surely this is already swept up, right?
Like, like, OK, cool. Anyway, yeah.
So they determined that he is the guy and that they're going
to attack New York and Wall Street.
There's one really good bit where Anatoly during the plot
his determined is being followed by like an FBI agent or
somebody. So he kills him, the knife finds
his badge, finds his FBI and has to go on the run.
But he turns up to his old work and the most incongruous thing
happens, which for British people is seeing Sinbad from
Brookside. Like, hey, how everyone's
looking for you. The.
FBI has been all over this place.
Please, what's going on? Are you in trouble or something?
Says a guy who ordinarily has a really thick Scouse accent.
And then what's going on anyway, right?
So then so Anatoly stabs him and this is like weird little camera
thing where it pushes in as you. Get each of the fence dolly's in
on him. Dolly's in.
Yeah. It's like, what the what?
The Movie. Was.
For a second, why did it like, yeah, Well, by this one shot in
this movie directed by Tony Scott, like what happened?
It's like, is, is, is this a forbidden fucking jutsu?
Because it's all of a sudden an anime scene, right?
Yeah, yeah. And it's like yeah, weird.
So yeah, Sinbad from from from brute side.
Hard to mention it. So strange.
Sangie, you want a Brookside? Brookside was a soap opera and
for a time in the United Kingdom there was like each of the major
terrestrial channels had like one or two tentpole soap operas
going on. So you had like EastEnders,
Coronation Street, ITV, also that Emmerdale.
But oh, coming in off the top rope was Channel 4 with its
attempt at this, which is Brookside, all set in a in a
cul-de-sac in Liverpool. Everything happened, everything
went down. And like Brookside was like, I
mean, they're all pretty like far fetched, like dramatic
stories. Coronation Street was probably
the least Coronation Street had. Like every couple of years or so
they would do like one big tentpole thing to try and like
reset the balance a bit. And if they had to like.
Someone would get murdered or something.
Yes, when we get murdered or there was like the famous train
crash and and like, yeah, there was nasty Nick and all that kind
of stuff. This is like deep cultural law.
You're not going to, I'm not going to bother with you.
But like, Emmerdale did the same thing.
Emmerdale had its own version of the Lockerbie crash.
When an ally that crashed into the village pub, by the way.
That's not a joke, Sonya. That actually happened, yeah.
And I like I took out like 7 major cast members were taken
out basically reframe Basically what happened was I watched an
incredibly long YouTube video about this several months ago.
I know right. So, So what what happened was
they they changed the filming location for like the, the the
village that Emmerdale was set in because before this point it
was called Emmerdale Farm and it was like almost single camera
between different shots and they didn't have a single location to
wrap everything together. And then they got like their own
basic like small village, which they had to secure the rights to
like film or in and they had like sets built and stuff.
And they're like, we need to like rebuild and transition to
like the new Emmerdale. How we're going to do this?
We'll fucking drop a plane on the old one and then we'll and
then we'll like transition to the new Emmerdale on completion
anyway, right. That's a different show,
Brookside that. Kind of see that there was,
there was that iconic scene when someone delivers Lane, Mr. Prime
Minister, a second plane has hit the Woolpack.
That didn't happen. That didn't happen.
So yeah. Oh what are you now a fucking
Woolpack truther? A fucking a fucking a fucking
1994 or whatever it was? Emmerdale plane crash truther?
I see what's going on here. This is not a conspiracy theory
podcast. I can't remember, I think it was
92. It was anyway.
Anyway, right? So Brookside was like the Scouse
version, and it had a bunch of obviously Scows characters, same
sort of level of drama. Key things from Brookside.
The United Kingdom's first lesbian kiss ever took place,
and it was Emma Freel you might know from Marcella.
It was Anna Freel, my wife. Is.
Emma Freel. It wasn't.
It wasn't, it was it wasn't. It wasn't Rory's wife.
It was the actress Anna Freel. Please leave that at the
podcast. That's.
Different for real. Why are you surprised?
Yeah, so. She's not.
She's just to the CIA. Oh my God, Oh man.
And then, and then the only thing I was going to say after
this was this one thing that ties it back to our podcast,
which is in it was a who got her start in acting was a young
actress called Lisa Faulkner, who I don't know if you remember
Rory. She was like, I forgot who's
family she was in, but she had like a nose ring and it changed
my life. Yeah, when I saw her, I was
like, Oh my goodness. And then and then she would be
in the first episode of Spooks. Spooks was an amazing like show
on BBC about MI 5. And every week they'd be like a
terror plot they've got to like unpack and resolve.
But the thing about Spooks was it was the first like big major
TV show, at least in the BBC, where like anyone could die.
Well, well before Game of Thrones.
So in the first episode you're introduced to this team that
you'll think is going to be like the like bugs.
It's going to be the team that's going to do what every week
bugs. And then and then in that first
episode, like Lisa Faulkner just gets her head put into like a
chip, like a deep fat fryer and it's just killed.
And there was brutal win. It's like, I guess she's on the
fucking team anymore. Yeah, real bad.
And then she would go on in real life to Mario celebrity chef
John Turot and that's and win Slippery Master Chef and that's
Lisa Faulkner. Anyway, right back to the movie.
There's a fucking bomb underneath Wall Street.
I guess it's going to go off and.
It's going to bring six to seven buildings down.
You caught that right? Yeah, yeah, 6 to 6-7 are going
to get for a 6-7 building to get again, a knockdown.
Jack Ryan stops it by stealing a police van and having a fight
with Anatoly in the back of it and he crashes.
Cardio. Crashes off the dock into the
puds and I guess he. Borrows the fuck by motorcycle.
He does borrow the football motorcycle.
He does, yeah. That he's like super good at
driving. Don't worry, man, don't worry
about it. It's just Clancy, don't worry
about. It it's just Clancy, don't worry
about it. And then, yeah, the van crashes
into the organ and then a really unnecessary big explosion effect
happens and it looks a bit junky and I don't like it very much
anyway. All the bad guys die.
There's a bit like some of All Fears.
There's a little clean up scene where Chevron gets killed by the
FSB and it's Mikhil Porchikov. The ballet dancer shoots him.
Yeah, that's wild. Ratz Wilds, Burschakov even.
He's an interesting guy. He defected from the SSR in
1974. We had to see him playing in the
FSB. But very fun.
So he shoots him. Shoots a guy who's going to die
anyway. Seems unnecessary.
I. Mean it's just like euthanasia
at this point, right? Yeah, yeah, exactly.
I put him out his misery. Yeah.
Like now your son actually is dead, you know, but OK.
And then there's a little scene where Jack Ryder Cafe or the
hospital, because Jack's all beaten up and they do a little
kind of their version of that bit and Britain's Lost Ark,
where she's like, where can I guess you were?
It doesn't hurt. He's like, I guess he doesn't
hurt, that kind of thing. And the very final scene of the
movie is Kevin Costner and Jack Ryan going like talking about a
meeting. That's what happened.
And he's like, if he doesn't ask you about it, he doesn't want to
know. Keep it short, keep it concise.
And did you ever get that Boy Scout on a field trip look off
your face? And he's like, no, that's one of
the things I love about you, Jack.
And then they go into the the room and, uh oh, it's the Oval
Office. And he goes, nice to meet you,
Mr. President. I'm Jack Ryan.
And it ends and it's like. My God, it's fucking President
Mitt Romney. Yeah, Yeah, that's it.
Yeah, Yeah. So, so the dude's voice is like
really clean, like a white dude. And this came out in 2014 just
before the the 2015 sort of primary race for the 20 well,
end of 2015 elections in the 2016 presidency, right.
So before Trump. And this is from a simpler time
where everyone thought like a normal Republican would be on
the ballot, right? So to these guys who love the
CIA, love American manufacturing, and are deeply
passionate about having a white dude in the White House,
clearly, clearly put a guy there whose voices sound like a bit
like Dick Romney is my is my hypothesis.
I floated it past my wife yesterday and she was like, what
are you based not on? I'm like vibes baby but just
vibes. Do you think we're going to
going to see like films like that where where they do a
Donald Trump like voice? Gosh, could you imagine?
What? What is the name?
It's Ryan. So oh, beautiful name.
Wonderful name. Somebody.
Well, well, well, well. I mean, in this like version,
him, him and his CIA boss go into the Oval Office and they
just got like bollocks by Donald Trump acne against the Russians,
right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's like, where are you? Dare you fucking idiots.
They killed your friends. He was a good man, very good
man. You killed him.
You like Raven? I like Raven.
I let him fuck my wife, rather I all set him fuck all the porn
stars that I'm paying to have sex with.
He's great. He's going to make Russia great
again. He's going to make America smile
again. Fucking hell.
Man. But instead they had like, they
had like fucking Mitt Romney style drum.
Like at the time there was a Gangnam Style parody song, Mitt
Romney style Mitt, Mitt Mitt yellow.
I got a horse in the Olympics man, but I don't even watch him.
Bad Mick Romney style. Jesus Christ.
So that was we kind of through the end there because it's just
a tight 90s. It's a standard kind of like
action movie. It didn't feel like a Tom Clancy
movie to me. That could have and probably
should have made him more linked to the FSB, not just a rich guy
who's doing a little bit of kind of dirty work on on their
behalf. Because on one hand, he's got
the ability to set up sleeper agents and stuff and he's
obviously very, very wealthy and very, very influential.
But also he's being captured a bit too much arm's length from
the FSB. And I wonder if this was kind of
like because context of when the film was made, Russia was
certainly being a shitty country to people on on the global
stage. 2014 was when it's initial invasion of Ukraine
began. And I think this film was out a
little bit before that. Is that right?
Well. No, this is 20.
This is January 2014. 2014 there you go.
So at this point, Russia has obviously it's.
Already started very. Shitty they've invaded Georgia
beforehand. There's 2018, 2008, sorry.
Yeah, there's, there's, there's been two Chechen wars, but I
think there was maybe this kind of the Russians are our friends
now kind of thing, still still in, in Hollywood.
Yeah. To an extent, To an extent.
And I wonder if it's kind of let's make him just a guy who's
doing wet works for a certain nastier part of the government
because, you know, maybe we'll want to sell this film to
Russian language markets, you know?
Well, isn't it? I think they should have leaned,
I think I mean, OK, they probably would have also some a
massive litigation, but they should have let a little bit
more heavily into him being basically rumour Abramovich,
right like that. 'D be fucking amazing, actually.
He just happens to own Chelsea as well.
It's like, you know what the film so much this movie in
England, then they could have easily, they could have easily
got away with that. Actually it's like, are you on
generic English football club? Richmond AFC.
From Ted. Letter you, you, you come even
sit in executive box with me. We watch game of your
Anglosphere football. What would not have done to the
You're having an affair. It's a plot no it would have of
the psychotic wife getting on a plane to Moscow scene.
She's taking a domestic flight to Dearborn, MI instead.
That is a good like. Unannounced, gets on a Greyhound
bus to the next town. You know what I love the energy
that she thinks is having an affair, but she but she decides
to like do a red eye Greyhound bus to it, surrounded by like
screaming kids and people who've got warrants and stuff like
that. It's like that the astronaut who
like put on an A nappy and like drove across the country.
It's like confront her husband and these new misses.
Yes, incredible, incredible scenes.
So yeah, you could have you could have like had that kind of
thing, couldn't you? In summary, hard agree, Mike.
The could have could have made them more government connected,
yet they did not. And I think it's because, well,
you know, we're going to make it like the, you know, maybe some
people aren't as villainous a nation as they used to be,
cough, cough. Cough cough.
France. France.
Wow, caught a budget and all. The ending, when the camera cuts
away at the end of the film, was just Emmanuel Macron taking his
fingers to the desk, going. Just.
Bland. Like Nicholas Sarkozy and his
wife Carla Bruni? Yeah.
Fucking Sarkozy. It was like legitimately like
Chevron maxing in real life, right?
I mean, Sarkozy has become a fucking Bond villain.
You know what he did like 10 days of prison or something that
just walked out. It's like what even is with all
due respect to a French list, that's what even is France.
There's there's there is an insane document in your Netflix.
I forget it's name but it's but it's like regarding the
apprehension of 2 French private pilots who like allegedly
smuggled a load of coke into some Latin American country and
the French put on this egg special operation to get them
back. It was lead was arranged by some
politicians, some MP and it was like kind of the tactical lead
on it. The John Clark of it was.
Basically fucking Jean Marie Le Pens big minder like he was
incredibly linked to air front Nationale and it's wild.
You should check it out. It's really fucking good.
The everyman, isn't he? I mean, I suspect that's I mean,
although you can't really be at the every man looking like Chris
Pine. But but you know, I mean, I
think that's sort of the the idea of it is that it it is, as
I said before, instead of this kind of double O 7 character or
the kind of Jason Bourne, it is the guy that's kind of found in
the middle of something that he can't quite cope with and
friends that, you know, he can. So it's it's more along those
lines than the kind of absolute trained killer, although he is
also a trained killer. So we've got some hot takes and
some mild takes, some cold takes on the casting of this film.
It's got big name actors at the top of the bill, doesn't it?
So we've got got Chris Payne who has been in a lot.
Kevin Costner has been in a lot, Keira Knightley, who's been a
lot. And we've covered Chris Payne
and Kevin Costner in previous episodes.
So probably more fat looking at Keira Knightley in her work.
Right. I mean Keira Knightley.
You're a knightly. You mean Elizabeth Swan?
Much of course like a Shelvin try wearing your courses and
then just like fucking shoots them with multiple flintlock
pistols that you pulls out of you see that's an old turn
abandoned. She appears from the bushes and
merks them with a blonde eppos one of.
My favourite one of my favourite bit of of movie commentary is
Keira Knightley talking to Orlando Bloom about the the
first Pirates of the Caribbean movie, and she's talking about
how she'll have a stunt double run up a flight of stairs for
her in costume because Gore Vibinsky didn't want her falling
over while running up a flight of stairs wearing a dress.
That's. Almost with Orlando Bloom.
Wasn't that with a guy who plays Commodore Norrington, who's like
just sits there and looks at her like.
Yeah, that's right. Yeah, people.
For running up the stairs. Oh, yeah, that's right.
Yeah. Sorry.
It's Yeah, it's yeah, that's right.
It's Jack Davenport. You're absolutely right.
Yeah. That's that's almost as good as
Steven Seagal using a stunt double for walking scenes.
And you can just hear the powdered wig in his disgust, so
it's just like. You what?
So good. Angry powdered wig noises.
And then he tells me how he took.
Days to to. Try and learn how to fling
around his sword just in the background, but he's just out of
shot and not in focus so nobody really sees it and he's
disappointed that nobody pays attention to it.
I. Said fucking Mike Wazowski.
Paid, covered by the barcode or whatever it is, and Monsters
Inc. This was so hard to do.
Nobody asked you to do this. Brilliant.
So good. Keira Knightley.
Obviously she's she's done some previous thriller Maxing.
She was in the film London Blvd in 2010, a crime thriller with
Colin Farrell, Michael Fillus and Ben Chaplin, known from the
first season of Game On before he dipped on Game On and went
for a serious ass film career. We have hit some obscure British
TV series. Yeah, Sonya's not going to know
what Game On is it's awesome theme tune.
We're at family heaven. Jesus Christ, Yeah.
OK. OK, yeah, fucking.
Wheels on the bus, right? Keira Dudley.
Yeah, she was on a Tony Scott movie.
Yeah. Domino.
Domino we're. Going to do that eventually I
think where she puts an assassin.
I think we need to because, because you know what?
I haven't seen the film. It looks really fucking cool.
I was. The ones that are going to Keira
Knightly with guns, so I guess. I visceral memory of being at
when I was at uni and Preston 2004 to 2006 seven.
There was like a giant big billboard immediately outside my
window in my in my third year. And then I just remember like a
good like one month long stretch of just being a giant pitcher of
Keira Knightley. So everybody like there's Keira
Knightley, good morning, Keira Knightley and there's and
there's. That's incredibly city living
pill that. I actually love it.
Yeah. Like that's like this.
This was a season of your life that was a neo noir kind of
film. What every morning you wake up
your blinds? That's.
Like you're like Kieran Heightley's looking at me again.
Oh. My God.
Yeah, it's like that bit. From from the new Blade Runner.
That's exactly it. That's not good, Joe.
You look lonely. I can fix that.
God no, she couldn't fix that. She could make me worse.
Yeah. Yeah, she, she has been in quite
a few pretty fucking great films.
But then again, she is like one of the big actors in this movie.
So I wouldn't look at like, like I said, one of the ones like
below the lines kind of thing, you know?
Can we talk about Com Fiore? Yes, he plays Jack Ryan's boss
in this at Wall Street, at the Bank, Yes, but we saw him very
recently in the Summer of All Fears, as the South African arms
dealer who gets his throat slipped by John Clark.
Yes, get in. That's all I want to say.
Fucking amazing. We have guys rule the top line.
Like I said, we've got Constantine, one of the one of
the local CIA team in Moscow as a guy called Len Kuldrovsky,
actually born in the USSR. This guy's done some major,
major thriller Maxing. He's done lots and lots of
German cinema. Intriguingly, I'm going to pull
some of these up and just like, run names of films by Sonia.
Actually, let's watch Sonia's reaction.
Yeah, let's just fucking really quickly pull this guy's pedigree
or land stuff he has done in German.
Katherine Wundt Vladimir was his first role in ATV movie in 1996.
No reaction. Yeah, no Russian fua Allah fella
Stephanie TV series. No reaction.
No reaction Operation Phoenix. A slight furrowing of the brow.
Slight furrowing of the Brow ATV series from 1997.
I have no explanation of this at all.
Hold on. When it first aired in 1997, it
was discontinued or discontinued after only one episode.
Sonia was a baby. Yeah, Sonia was literally just
born. The remaining 10 did you to poor
feedback and like, if you asked, the remaining 10 episodes were
finally aired in 1999. Wow. 3 Of course he was in
Babylon Berlin, by the way. Oh.
I was Babylon Berlin. Yeah, Babylon Berlin mentioned,
right, Look. Look this guy up.
Yeah, dear Koos, this guy Grass hoop fuzz?
Is that the kiss of the grasshoppers?
Sadly. The what Come again?
Dear Koos des Grass Hoop Fuzz. You know he was in.
I'm just looking up. You know he was in Tom Clancy's
Jack Ryan TV series, right? Yep it was indeed.
I was coming like saw Han Lichkin that was in the series
that had the Russians in it as as villains I believe.
This. Oh, I've not, I've not got off
to that one yet. Right.
It is not the best. Yeah, it isn't the best.
He was like, I mean, this, this guy is like, Russian boxed in a
lot of his characters for obvious reasons.
I love these TV movies that have English and German in the title.
Starfighter Z Volten, Dan Himel. Aeroburn.
Blinking. Blinking from the sun.
Yeah. Yeah, I'm just getting German
pulled PTSD from Starfighters being mentioned.
We bought these and we decided to use them for close air
support instead of as an interceptor and then wondered
why everyone kept running their into the ground at Mach 3.
And so there there's an ongoing joke in in Germany that used to
go, if you want to buy a Starfighter, just buy an acre of
land. Incredible.
Well Sonia, do I have a series summary for you?
Young pilots of the German Air Force only want to fly the new
Starfighter, but after a short time, more and more pilots crash
and die, and the German government and the Air Force
cover up these incidents. And for synopsis it reads.
It looks like we don't have any synopsis for this title yet.
Amazing. Gemma Chan playing Amy Chang,
the other CIA officer involved in like the little surveillance
van thing who gets very, very few lanes.
Yeah, I remember. Which is a shame.
I'm a. Creator.
Yeah, she's a big run, humans. Big run.
That's that's right. She's going to be in the new
Double O 7 First light game by IO Interactive.
The hit, the hit the hit the hit.
My developers making their Bond movie game.
Sure, that'll be awesome. Looking forward to that.
Yeah, she was in Don't Worry Darling.
Yeah. And the Eternals.
Doctor Who as well, because yeah, she was the Eternals.
Sigh. She was in Doctor Who.
Like I think every every British actor has to have go at that in
in one point. Elena Velikonova the the
assistant of Chevron, another Russian born a USSR born actor
in this film mainly worked in Russian TV and cinema.
Most recent role was in a PSP, the Russian remake of the TV
show Medium. Wow.
Which is a thing that exists. She was in that she was in that
sort of one season run in 2024, Jack Ryan shadow recruits one of
the few Anglosphia films she's worked on.
According to Wikipedia. In 2022, she was like, I'm
fucking off from Russia and literally fled to Ukraine and
moved to Kiev. So this was like a Russian
actually made it to Kiev, OK. Move.
So, yeah, like she was like, so she obviously took took the kind
of the right side of history move there.
I think we can, we can all agree, maybe even the FSB
officer who probably has to listen to this because we do
have one listen. From Russia before he's turned
on his VPN. Fucking hell he has.
Like, no, no, I am. I am Johnny Americansky.
Fuck the Dodgers. Yeah.
Can you? See by Vladimir Putin's red
light. So yeah, she she she's done a
bunch of Russian stuff, a lot of comedies, a lot of serious
stuff. She was in a film called the
best movie in 2008. And here is a summary.
Vatic Volnov dies on his own wedding of cannabis overdose and
has to prove to God that he is worthy to enter heaven.
During this conversation with God's secretary, Vatic recalls
numerous memorable moments of his earthly existence.
It's like I'm the first man to die of wheat overdose.
I would I would stand up to hell just for being so weak with his
drugs. The sleeper agent assassin
played by Alec Witkoff. Yes, another Slavic actor
playing a Slavic character. Holy shit.
This film is Slav maxing with its costume, which is pretty
impressive because it's like a lot of these films, you'll see a
bunch of guys like kind of Branner.
He'll just don't don't have the. Brass neck of that man, Yeah, to
fill his movie with actual Eastern Europeans and Slavs and
then him to go. But I will play the big Russian
bad guy. I classically trained Kenneth
Branagh from from a Royal Shakespeare Company both to this
Russian crime boss. Yeah, so Alec Ludkov, born in
Kiev, moved to the UK at an early age, obviously born the
Ukrainian SSR at the time that came that Dan got his
independence. After he moved here, I think he
was in slow horses. He isn't slow horses.
And he was in Mission Impossible Rogue Nation as an A400 crewman.
His his first his first role in Anything was playing Chief
Hacker in an episode of Spooks in 2010.
There we go, Spooks mentioned. A show that is now shown on the
IMDb is being called MI 5. I don't.
Know what it's about and this is syndicated.
Probably syndicated in the States I imagine, but he's best
known as Doctor Alexi or Alexi in Stranger Things.
Assure that I've got no knowledge of at all.
It's a total cultural blind spot.
For. Me.
He's also in the show called River or was in a short river
with a friend of the podcast, Stalin Skarsgard, the man who
burned his future for Sunrise. You'll never see the man who was
an arrogant ass and he killed us.
So that's that's like a guy who's gone from say gone.
He's gone from being a kind of major character in Jack Ryan
shadow recruit to being a fucking random pilot at the
start of Rogue Nation in the big A400 stunt.
Right? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Oh that's cool.
Nonsu and Nosy played BB Deng. Yes.
He's done a lot of voice acting work.
Mandalorian, Doctor Who, he's done video game work for games
such as Brink, the game I'm aware of, Golden Compass, the
game I'm aware of, the flopped conflict denied OPS a game I'm
not aware of. But boy boy oh boy.
If it's got one word and a colon and then 2 words after it, all
bets are off. Man, that's a fucking go.
He opened his career with Thriller Maxing as well.
He was in Prime Suspect. He was in the 2011 Conan.
That I still think's good. He played Idi Amin in Seven Days
and Tabby. I think he's well cast in that.
I'm going to throw this to the Shakespearean boys in the team.
Do you think he was well cast as Oberon in The Midsummer Night's
Dream? Yeah, probably.
I'll say he's got that kind of gravitas about.
Him. Yeah, I think so, yeah.
He played Samson in the biblical miniseries The Bible.
I'm not getting shit fights about the casting of a series,
but the Bible stories. But I can see him pulling those
pillows down, man, you know, and on a total domestic living
situation. My wife has been trying to cut
my hair all weekend. Do not to SAP my energy to.
SAP. My energy and last bit of
casting, we've got Pieta Anderson, Smita Shaktar playing
Dimitri Evans, head of security. This guy's Swede Max, he's
Nordic Pills. He was in fucking Wallander for
a start. Plus you can't get.
Yeah, yeah. You can't get more Nordic.
More than that. He was in all three of the
original. Another European, I was going to
say another European accent kind of runner feels confident that
he's that he can do. Yes, holy shit, the brass neck
of kind of bra man. I bet he.
Fucking, I bet he fucking goes to McDonald's drive through and
like all those things and like a fucking Venezuelan accent or
something like that. And then and then he pulls up
the window and just like the audacity, the audacity of this
man. Kenny B What the hell?
Kenny B? But yeah, Anderson was in all
three of the Swedish versions of the girl with the XYZ tattoo
girl, The drum tattoo girl Who? Playing one of the one of it to
the fire. Antagonists.
He was in it's spin off TV series Millennium and he's
recently was in a drama series called Estonia about the sinking
of the Ms Estonia that I would prefer not to watch because that
would be harrowing. Yeah.
Fucking harrowing. So yeah, there goes some
interesting notes, I think about the casting weapons free.
It isn't like a super, super gun heavy film.
I do like the kind of quite silly gun check table they have
at the airport, like. They're just lying there.
They're just lying. On a fucking folding table
magazines out next to them on under the gaze of some probably
underpaid civil servants you know and like DB Deng retrieves
as as ACZ 100 from it. There's some other stuff on
there. There's there's some kind of
parata. There's there's an IMI sorry,
iwi Jericho. And what like about this is when
he gets to the hotel, he puts a suppressor on it at some point.
So Jack Ryan doesn't really leave a sight.
So he doesn't leave Jack Ryan's sight really on Jackie Boy walks
ahead of him in the hotel. So we can assume that when he's
turned his pistol in to the, to the border guards or whatever,
right, he's kept the suppressor on his pocket.
So he's like going through like fucking security cheques with
just this fucking can just in his trousers.
And they're like, what's that? And he's like, oh, it's just a,
it's just a Ugandan oil philtre. Don't worry about it.
He has, he has fucking 20 rubles for the value of about 7 cents
or something. It's got whatever, we don't
care. Fucking love that sidearm is a
hack run cock USP. Now we've established in Canon
of the show that the G36 is the rifle of cunts, right?
Very few decent people in these films or throughout films in
general seem to use the G36. However, we don't have the data
yet to show if hack run cock make sidearms exclusively for
cunts in movies as well. Sonia, what's your service
pistol? I have to check who actually
produces that piece of fuck. Come.
The main issue with the with the P8 is that it's too big for most
people. I have.
A very big, they're very big aircraft, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, exactly. I have.
I have, I have hands the size of frying pans.
But most people don't. And it's got a rather large
trigger weight if you compare it to to every other service pistol
available to anyone else, especially if you compare it to
German police weapons. And always fun, because this
leads to mostly women not being able to use the damn thing,
probably because their hands are just too small.
But yeah, it's. It's accessibility issue.
HK yeah. There we go.
So Sonia's. Sonia's certified Not a cunt so
however. You say not now, just give me 5
minutes. I'm shifting it a cunt.
I am a terrible pistol marksman as well, so that's not.
I mean, you know, if you're using a pistol, the situation's
gone too far, right? I mean, you use your pistol to
fight where the enemy's rifle or whatever they say, you know so.
I'm a Navy man, I use the pistol to blow my brains on so I don't
capture. It just like lies down on the
fucking like naval head sight himself.
Oh, Hans Lansdorf mentioned. I have the behind me.
Jesus. Fucking Christ.
What was that? Was that just do we just do a
reference to the pocket battleship?
Grass Bay? Oh my God.
Whoa. Back too soon.
I. Mean we've talked about like
911. So I think we talk of the grass
at this point. I don't think it's too.
Soon might be for real though. In which?
In which situation? In the Navy?
Yourself. Do you see yourself needing a
handgun if you're not part of a boarding Team I?
Was going to say unless I'm in a boarding team I don't know
representative sport. Possibly actually a fun time.
Last fun fact, last time I had a handgun mentioned, one ship was
during trying to do annual handgun qualifications at sea
and it took about 1 shooter for the first which came to fall
into the Baltic Sea. Beautiful.
Stuff and I was sat in the OPS room at the time and we're just
watching the the firing drills through the flight deck camera
and we're just something like, did he just.
He did. There's nothing better.
There's nothing better than than watching someone fuck up at work
but through a camera feed where you have nothing to do with the
evolution. Yeah, I love that on the bridge
of a worship boards watch watch the aft deck camera.
Surely the William Lambie David slew in board one of our sea
foxes the training round and just watch the fall out of the
fall out of it's like launcher onto the deck.
It's like, So what the fuck that?
But it wasn't me. It's like watching a very mild
version of LiveLeak where it's just people having embarrassing
accidents. It's not people like being
gunned down in like the streets of Mexico City, that kind of
thing. Yeah.
And just just last bit like a pistol maxing and like
storytelling. I think it's actually because I
always say that like with like the armouring of these films
that often like a kind of odd stuff for the story, that's it's
mainly aimed at people like me who were like undiagnosed.
But something's not right and. By the way, I'm using T-shirt
for me, for you Mike, probably as well the screen crop, it just
says diagnosed for me. Luckily, looking at our YouTube
figures, nobody watches this, so it's all right.
We'll put so much fucking visual humour in what goddammit as well
that's. Probably a bad thing for a
podcast dude. We'll check it out.
Can you? Audibly wear a costume.
We need audio kind of descriptions, right?
But it's got to be Brian Blessed doing it.
We Oh my God, we should, we should do like Shakespeare scene
or stage directions like Enter Rory wearing a green shirt.
I have a delivery coming. Excellent.
What you egg so? It's an Internet connection.
So don't. Don't fucking jinx it.
Let's move this thing along before it happens.
See, I've asked, but like I said, a little bit like a little
bit of a bit of kind of storytelling is the only like
really representation of Soviet weapons apart from like an AKS
74 you you briefly see at the airport is Trivium gets iced
with a suppressed Makarov. And that's like the the old
school Soviets getting rid of the guy who's done the wet work,
Baryshnikov. This fucking turns up an Icism.
I have a fun fact about Russians doming people with Russian guns,
by the way. The KGB used to be just internal
things and their main job used to be just doming people in
prisons, and they tended to use Russian guns for that.
But Russian guns in that time were shit so they actually
bought German guns. Holy.
Fuck, so they were actually using PPKS to Dome people in
prisons? Bloody hell.
Technically, shooting someone with a Makarov isn't very
Russian Secret Service. Yeah, but it's like Soviet Union
coded. But you're totally right there,
Miss. You're you're.
We are shooting so many people so fast the guns jam doesn't
leave. Does someone have a gun that
doesn't jam? German efficiency The NKVD
officers who killed the Romanov family used Browning pistols.
Oh man, yeah. There you go.
America mentioned, American industrial complex mentioned
Yeah, Baryshnikov is in the film that was filmed near where you
work. It was a film called White
Knights and it was filmed in Campbeltown at the air base
there of. Course, Yeah, well, it's an
airport now, but yeah. Yeah, yeah.
So that that that was a friend and former guest to the podcast,
Jen Messers. One like, holy shit, there was
this film. It's a kind of your ally kind of
thing. It's like thrill movie that was
filmed like where I'm where where my moms from, you know,
so. That's wild, though.
I keep getting that. Moms from Campbellton.
I'm there always. I'm driving there immediately
after this call. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, just go go fucking say hi, your Jones extended
family when you're there and like, hey, she's not a podcast,
why don't you start listening? To it.
I did have a funny, funny Americans moment in Campbelltown
last week when I was in a fish and chip shop and there's two
American tourists there talking to the guy and the guy owns the
fit shop. It's like they're like a
Bangladeshi family. And they were talking for a few
minutes. The wife had to step out and get
some cash and come back and she was talking to me.
When she came back, she was like, he was like, I've just
been talking to the guy and she was like, oh cool, where is he
from? And then he went, I don't know.
And it was like, mate, you were talking to her about Bangladesh
for like 5 minutes. I stood right here, listen to
the whole thing. You've already like brain dumped
it. What the fuck?
And then it's like so rude. And then Oh my God.
And then the woman, because she's never been on a chip trip
before and doesn't know how it works.
Obviously just go in there, you ask for what you haven't and
then you pay for it when it's already.
But because she wasn't given a ticket and there wasn't a
fucking McDonald's screen that said like collect your order or
anything. She's she went back up to the
counter was like, do I have to order again?
I was like, it's good. Tuesday evening, kind of calm
down. Oh my God.
Like, yeah, amazing cultural differences.
So yeah, weapons. Quotes Who's got any good bars
from this film? I was just going to ask Mike,
since we've talked about Ryan's CIA bosses position on in the
organisation before that guy gets on a sniper rifle, do you
know any commanders you trust around a sniper rifle?
Because I can't think of a single one.
Yeah, I was going to think about like a yeah, U.S.
Navy, like 3 ring commander come, but with a sniper rifle.
Jesus Christ. Yeah, that's seriously
dangerous. Yeah, that's like battleship
levels of plot nonsense. She's paid Officer Rihanna
running the Yeah butter the minigun.
At least we don't ever seen when he assembles it from its fucking
component parts, puts a scope on it, doesn't even bore sight or
anything, and is immediately perfect and got to go.
So you have quotes from the film bars?
I think the quote about being it's it's a QP dog.
Quasi personal. I took it from someone's yard.
I'm paraphrasing but that was good.
That was a bar. Yeah, I don't think, I think
it's like epically written enough for it.
I have like loads and loads of bars, but like there's lots of
stuff that's weird, like the I'm in the CIA, thank God.
And like the reaction to that, Different time, different
empire, same graveyard. That's pretty cool I guess.
I mean, The thing is when when most people look at the room,
did you know that I know the Afghanistan's graveyard
vampires, man. It's a bit like guy down the pub
who's like listen to runs like the one guy in the gym who gives
you shit and he can't lift man, and you got to punish him.
That kind of shit kind of. Brana does actually sound kind
of cool and wise. There's another one.
Yeah. So kind of Brana sells a lot of
this dialogue for all the sass we've given him today.
Yeah, he does do pretty well with what he's got.
Kathy Miller, if if we're going to be married, I like to know
that I can trust him. Victor Shevrin.
Trust truth, I think is like. I think it's like most opinions.
Best unexpressed. Yeah.
Sorry. That's good.
Oh, Jack Ryan. Jesus, you weren't kidding.
You are in the CIA, Harper. Somebody has to be.
Someone has to be. Someone has to be.
It's a living. It's a fucking living, right?
Victor Cheravin. I liked where our.
You flew all the way to Moscow to surprise him or to catch him,
which was. I like that.
I like that regret. It piles up around us like books
we never read. Oh, that's good.
Actually I like. That that is actually a fucking
bar. Very poetic and.
And it kind of like kind of pushes him.
It's like this very intellectual kind of guy.
He was always like aware that time was fucking short from.
So that is a decent little line. Oh, this is a good one actually,
from Com Fiore. Who's his boss, Rob Behringer.
Viktor Scheffern is completely unpredictable and it's, and it's
Russia. Insider trading is legal over
there. It's the Wild West.
They're still ideologues, but the new ideology is money.
They're not a country, they're a corporation, which is why we're
here in the 1st place. I don't, I know I don't, don't
rock the boat, Behringer. It's not a boat.
It's a goddamn luxury yacht. And we're all together, so don't
fucking sink us. It's Roman Abramovich's luxury
yacht with the fucking sea Wiz. System on it.
So yeah, I think that's decent. Sonia, any, any bars from you?
Any good quotes that you enjoyed?
No, I, I, we, you've covered it pretty much.
I think overall this film was fairly unquotable.
Yeah. There is one more Amy, Amy Chan.
It's like when when Chevron like leaves the building, she's using
all the code words. She goes exit.
Snowball is rolling. Yeah, and.
That's a what? Doable.
I like it. And also they have they have
they have like a bird code name, don't they?
As well like the units got a bird related code name, which is
very Condor pill. And also going back to my
absolute adoration of Mary Pat Foley from the from the Tom
Clancy, Jack Ryan novels, all of the agents she ran had bird code
names like Cardinal of the Problem, etcetera.
So this is just another post from Rory, the chief of the Mary
Pot Foley Fan Club. One thing annoyed me.
He's cool. Oh, that's yeah, that's cool.
Sorry. One thing annoyed me, which is
when Jack Ryan pieces together that it's a diversion, the
bomb's going to be somewhere else.
Think he goes, it's a diversion. The painting in Chevron's
office, it's right out of Napoleon's playbook.
It's Waterloo. And I'm like, he fucking lost
Waterloo. He.
Famously lost Waterloo. That's not like a strategic
genius that was a second run son of.
A bitch. It's his dad son's birthday.
He always destroys the American economy in the bottom half of
the hour. Biggest missed opportunity this
film the the Domingo Chavez Missed Opportunity Award.
Now I've got a few, but you guys go first think.
The Heists wasn't in an interesting enough building, you
know what I mean? Like they could have staged that
in a more interesting location. So the restaurant was just like
a restaurant. The building he has is just a
building and he's got like his logo, all of the walls and stuff
inside it's. A shit logo as well by the way.
It looks like a fucking secret sigil you see outside in Vampire
nightclub in Blade. I was thinking, as I often do,
like in terms of what would be a good hitman level.
And the good hitman level for this right is like the Kremlin
itself, right? I know that you obviously can't
do it in the Kremlin because he's not part of the
establishment, he's not part of the government or whatever.
But I was also thinking about what what's one of the most
maligned hitman levels, which is that one in Colorado where it's
just like a terrorist training camp in the middle of like rural
America? I don't know.
No, I just didn't feel like the middle of efforts like go to
Russia and go to Moscow, and I feel like they didn't use it
well off. I mean, will it be like the
film, that particular scene that buildings in London of?
Course it is. Yeah, I mean the film, the car
chase scenes in Liverpool. Brilliant.
Yeah. There you go.
This one talking about like, that's cool.
That's like moving magic or whatever.
But like if you're gonna, if you're gonna have the whole
thing of having Moscow there, like don't just have it be like
set dressing for like a couple of key scenes, like fold it into
the plot properly. There's the same thing on
Firefox where they had like they filmed Mr in Vienna, didn't
they? Then had like a few shots.
That were like, I think in in like Czech Republic or Finland
or something like that. Yeah, I mean, but that was like
real, real, real fucking hate the Cold War kind of shit.
They couldn't even get like AK-40 sevens and any like real
numbers to to like equip the actors used Finnish Valmet
rifles. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, so I don't know, I just I just felt like that was the
thing I think I think I think our earlier points about folding
the sleeper cell plot more into the movie because I thought is
easily the more interesting film.
If I was going to watch like a multi series TV show, like, I
don't know, like the Americans, like what, what would I prefer
to watch it about? Like this financial box or
sleeper sleeper agents in like industrialised America in in in
the five of the states. That's really interesting.
Yeah, and and it's like, that is interesting.
I've got a thing I'm just going to kind of swing into regarding
the locations as well, because I think a missed opportunity was
to have more location shoots in the places that they're meant to
be. Because I think some points
really does show that. A lot of it was filmed in
England. The forest scenes clearly feel
very English. I did get some interesting
location notes. I'm going to quickly divert into
super, super quick. So I said there's a bare minimum
of US location shots. A lot of the New York stuff is
London, a lot of the Moscow stuff is London and Liverpool
and Dearborn, MI scenes are shot in South Hatfield in
Hertfordshire. The the church is the Church of
Saint John and the strip ball is the old South Hatfield shopping
parade. And now the thing that kind of
made me go to rabbit hole on this is like the kind of goofs
section or IMDb size. There's a National Lottery sign
visible during the scene when the young sleeper agents had run
in to catch the FBI guy in Shankham.
And it is like, you still like the National Lottery kind of
like circular signs taking off. It's got an M on it now for
Michigan, I guess. Yeah, it could be you.
The sleeper agent could be you. You might not even know that.
Use The Winter Soldier activation words on you.
They might just say I'm tired of this orgasm when you become like
a killing machine. But I did like a quick bit of
like super undiagnosed looking into things about this bit of
set dressing because they really did go all out and go quite hard
making this look like an American strip mall with all its
like shop fronts and stuff. And it does look quite legit.
And I think there's a goof on the iron baby gives it a bit of
short shrift and says, oh, look, these fucking idiots are still a
National Lottery signal. The signs fully changed, but I
found it online. I found the location.
The South Hadfield Shopping Parade is now being demolished.
It is. It is just next to the church as
well. So it's kind of hyperlocal
weight shot, which I do like. But there's a pub in the air it
that's still there. And you know what man, that
pub's got a flat roof. There's a flat roof pub called
the Hatfield Tap just next to it.
It was called The Harrier, I think at the time the film was
made. So this is the first film that
we've done when you see legit, actual, factual, probably
ultraviolent flat roofed pub. This is very British.
Has Kenneth Branagh ever had a point in a flat roof pub?
I think he probably has. He's not had a fight in a flat
roof pub's car park. He's never won a meat raffle in
a flat roof pub. He's he's never done that thing
when a member of boss half drops a glass and he goes in in the
flat roof pub. I.
Think he's been in an FRP? Definitely.
They could have made Kathy more psychotic.
How? Oh.
Or he could have had an actual affair.
Yeah. Ryan doesn't do that.
Far too Catholic. Missed opportunity.
He doesn't like skid the border bike and look down the camera
and go, I'm Roman Catholic and what?
He could have done is is made that I have to think of that
when when he calls the the operator and she goes calm down
you're a Marine. They could have done a scene
where Kathy makes him do that super cringe TikTok video of
that. He's a Marine, loyal, pestified.
They could have done. That.
That would have been a great unhinged couples activity thing
to to just show how weird these two really are.
I really love that actually. She could have been like made
making people call her like Mrs Mrs Lieutenant Jack Ryan, like
doctor, doctor, Lieutenant Jack Ryan, a Lieutenant Jack Ryan,
Kathy Ryan, Fucking dependent spouse unhanged.
Surgeon, Lieutenant Kathy Ryan, ME Mueller, Brackets, Spouse.
Thank me for my service. She's brilliant.
Honestly, I was with my my hometown.
Guy a Lieutenant for. Yeah, well, a matter.
Of weeks long enough to learn how to use the, the the.
Second left side Jack Ryan. Yeah, he.
Was Gentleman Jack Ryan? Could you imagine that sprog
British? Did like that's what he was
doing. I don't think he's a.
British Jack Ryan. It's this movie.
Pro artist. Man this is the most pro CIA
film I've ever seen. I I have to rewatch Zero Dark
30, which might be like give it a run for its money, but like,
but this is like the most pro CIA movie I've ever seen.
So the point which was I did the CIA and they go thank God and
then like and then they even like and they tip a lampshades
of the fact that the CIA might be a little bit problematic and
then they just go not my unit, not my part of the CIA.
Not my circus, not my monkeys, mate.
Yeah, I'm, I'm the good guy, CIA.
I'm the CIA intelligence agency. Yeah, exactly.
God. Yeah, we're not like the other
boys. Yeah, we only do good stuff.
We only investigate real baddies, and we don't do
anything that crosses any funky lines.
Even though you're a spy. Yeah, it's ridiculous.
Yeah, it's. Full throated chest out, pro
CIA. Big time.
It's it's also Marine Corps propaganda.
Oh yeah, big time. You're Marine.
You can handle being a super spy like he he was.
He was a marine out of Academy for like 5 minutes before he
took an RPG to his back. So.
He doesn't know shits in. Terms of being a Marine.
It was. It was in exactly long enough to
know how. Like the kind of harnesses work
in the helicopters. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Which is. It's also British Leyland
propaganda because none of the cars breakdown.
Yeah, yeah. Jack Jack Ryan doesn't
immediately slip on an oiled slick trying to run after the
defender. There isn't a scene when an
oligarch's driver gets out and starts kicking the wheel of a
smoke Land Rover. It's also not rusty.
It looks like the AC works. There's no condensed water on
the inside of the windows. Condensed water.
The scene begins and like sure Evans drive out, grabs like a
towel that they keep in the fucking passenger seats, wipes
the window down. That's how I get going between
September and April. I'll just have you know.
That's a significant amount of the year, Sonia.
I mean, it's hamburger, it's it's wet, we get sun for like 2
days a year. So it's it's always moist, but.
Yeah, there's another scene where like, Kathy Ryan gets
pulled a Land Rover and she just complaints the jacket smelled
like an old leather jacket. People should change their
minds. This is just, this car's just a
toy for grown-ups, to be honest. Yes, I will stop at a traffic
light and random family fathers will stop, grin at me and give
me two thumbs up. Just something like, okay, cool
guy, I'm just trying to get to work.
But thanks, I appreciate it. Yeah.
Brother man, it's a truck and it's British, okay, there's
thousands of these, but thank you for your.
Dozens of us. Dozens of us.
Dozens of us, 70% of all Land Rovers are still on the road,
the other 30% made at home. But.
It's amazing. It's, it's weird and I've, I've
like Emma, not you. And Emma has been like, what,
what are you doing with this car?
And then she sat inside of it like 5 times.
I was actually, this is kind of fun.
And then we had to drive, drive it for once.
And she was like, maybe I want one too.
It's like make up your mind you're not getting this one at
least. I I I think the only thing more
difficult than a relationship with 1 Land Rover is a
relationship with two Land Rovers involved.
We really should have, like serious conversations before
they commit to having Land Rovers.
And if you and if you're having a Land Rover to try and save the
relationship, that's for the wrong reason.
Yeah. If you're cool, yeah, cool,
bring them indoors. You live an hour away, I will be
there too. Possibly on the back of a tow
truck. You never can't tell.
Anything can happen there. This is great.
This is the podcast of where I think we've discussed the film
the least, but in good but it's been very good fun.
But back to the movie. So grossest oversell of them.
Oh, I thought it. Was.
Done. Boy, oh boy, oh boy.
I mean, it's got that bit in the plane where they just like
analyse a little data that anybody knows how they got, how
it got collected. In the first place, in just
rapidly as well. Just just typed kind of branner
into Google and just go. That's like, I know that like
the sea in any real state that the NSA can read the time off
your fucking wristwatch. The CIA is not going to be able
to pull up some dead Russian kids death certificate in
moments. This is something that you need
a scene when someone gets into archives in Russia.
This is the scene. We need a John Clark kind of guy
who speaks fluent Russian and bribes his way in with a packet
of cigarettes. Who's digitising worship?
Exactly like, and you're going to do a better fucking job of
hiding your sleep out agent. You're going to scrub things off
the Internet. You're going to get rid of
documents, you're going to hide stuff.
There's no need for a death certificate because this kid
became fucking ghost mode, right?
You know, to say this kid died in some some random Russian
Republic where they didn't have a decent amount of documentation
for things or whatever, or, you know, he never had a son.
He never had a son. No, it's a mystery.
It's a mystery. You know, the rapidly go through
a lot of things that could have been another 25 minutes of the
film. Yeah.
And that's a massive oversell. Would it have been interesting
though? That's my that's my question.
Yeah, yeah, you are. You are tension at the
investigatory things by them saying we've got to get a guy in
the archives not know fucking Saint Petersburg or.
Whatever. Yeah, No, I get you.
Yeah, I'm just thinking like the tone of the movie they're trying
to make. I think the thing about the Jack
Ryan movies, right, is that they are.
I think Jack Ryan is character actually is like deeply
entrenched in like the 80s and 90s, I think.
And the kind of movie that supports a Jack Ryan type
adventure is a thing of the past.
I don't think. I think.
I think I think some of our fears was behind the times when
it came out. Yeah.
And got and got supported by by made and born.
Major 90s DNA in that film. Yeah, exactly.
And I think this whilst it's trying to be like a a 20, it's
mid twenty 10s. This came out.
It doesn't feel like it. It feels like again feels like
early noise, but kind of behind the behind the curve a bit.
Yeah, I just, yeah, part of that that DNA is that they've they've
simplified it too much. Yeah as well.
Join the docs for you. Yes.
Oh, we've got it. We've got it.
We've found it. We've found awesome, awesome.
Let's move on. And it's like I don't know man.
Also jokes aside they could have had them like pouring through
kitchen cells on Reddit and and like find like the Assassin's
kitchen cells post. Like, jokes aside, kitchen
cells, man. Like, he thinks there's jokes
coming. Yeah.
Fuck, fuck, fuck my sleeper agent Russian cell life.
Talk to a female today. She told me to go back to told
me to go back to Canada. I'm not even from Canada.
Look at my pot of Porsche that I made.
I'm going to rope Max tonight, you know.
OK. So reviews, reviews, reviews.
3.6 runch and not great, not terrible. 2 1/2 star review from
Mike right. OK, so the recent reviews I'm
going to go again like we normally do through the half of
stars through to the actual good reviews.
Solid one stars. Am I weird that this is the
first Keira Knightley movie that I've watched crying emoji.
But I mean, depending on your age and you know your your your
proximity to Keira Knightley films, maybe not watched by
Harrison 12th of February 2026. Absolute dog shit Charlene says
could smell that scenario from far away.
And then there's some stuff in French, which is it's a waste of
time. I've got one of these ones.
When people reference their friends, opinions, quotes.
This is like Mission Impossible with all the action scenes taken
out. Chandler.
Thanks, Chandler. Well, our friends.
Kenneth Branagh is not a convincing Russian.
Yes correct. Watched at the nail salon and it
suck. I love you Keira Knightley.
Find some slightly better ones now. 1 1/2 stars.
How many? Jack Ryan and Jack reach Sharon.
Jack Bleach. Sharon.
Jack Bryan. Can we Jack up here?
There's too many five star reviews this film.
Oh my God, this is just sorry, 1/2 sauce.
This is just Tony Dinozzo, the character who was already being
played by notorious sexual harasser Michael Weatherly in
the long running Naval Criminal Investigative procedural NCIS
and is to this day played by notorious sexual harasser
Michael Weatherly and Tony and Zeva, a Paramount Plus original.
This is simply not Jack Ryan. S005C0032003M005 Total 016 to be
tuned with fucking Russian number station.
At this point the review goes on the worst looking Harris Zamba
Lucas picture I've seen. But part of that is the edit and
part of that is 2014. Imagine being kind of runner
threatening a woman in a moving car in the set of tenant and
having to admit, yeah this is way better than how I was doing
a scene like this. My own movie.
Funny to watch a movie about a Russian agent betting on the
prospect of a successful terrorist attack in America
after a successful terrorist attack by America was
successfully bet on, possibly by the president himself. 4th of
January 2020. Sixth, by the way, this was this
was around the Venezuela attack time.
Obviously it's always a dude named Jack for some reason.
Well, obviously this person doesn't know Jack.
Oh, it's half stars. That just reminded me.
Yeah, sorry. Something somebody pissed me off
about the movie. Jack Ryan doesn't wear cargo
shorts. Jack Ryan would not wear cargo
shorts. Fuck no.
God damn. Jack Ryan would wear exclusively
dad coat jeans pulled a bit too high up, even like the modern
like Ted Kaczynski. Jack Ryan wouldn't wear cargo
shorts. It was nice, John.
Krasinski. I know what's his name but I
could get him confused. I suppose slacks you wouldn't
with cargo. What's carry on please?
Yeah, 3 1/2 stars. It feels too over hated.
I don't think anyone really hates this film.
I don't have. It's not, it doesn't.
It's not strong enough to to engender hate.
Insanely over hated. Yeah it's predictable and a
little cheesy, but what do you expect from a Jack Ryan movie?
Well no, I I I expect different from a Jack Ryan movie.
Dawson 2. Did your first account get
deleted for wrong opinions? Overall entertaining and fun
movie. Cool heresy here.
Better than pay it. We get games.
No. And that Amazon series version.
I would throw away my oligarchy to flirt with Keira Knightley.
Cirrhosis or no cirrhosis. Come come soon to ITV.
Cirrhosis or no cirrhosis, Jack Ryan fires me the fuck up.
I legit believe I can do what he does.
The whole digging into financial stuff, not the fight against the
Russian agent and the sewers. The problem is that I like to
drink as much as kind of the Branner of this movie.
Also it kind of cracks me up that he there that he directed
this movie. Dude likes to do all these
Shakespearean plays and serious shit, but I respect that he can
enjoy something like this. Oh mate, you're going to love
Poirot. Amazing.
Very similar Tom Clancy's in rainbows thumbs up emoji You're
there are two rainbow emojis. Very epic rainbow emoji.
Rainbow flag emoji from ladies Man the birth.
I love this shit and just I want to finish on five stars.
Watch it at 3:00 AM and it becomes a cinematic masterpiece.
Wow, beautiful. Beautiful stuff, insightful as
always. Might be tempted to do it, maybe
not, Who knows? OK, probably not.
Guys, let's be real. Yeah, I gather that thinks it's
to the end of this wonderful episode of Clear and Present
dudes. So he does.
Next time we will be watching the movie Cisco Pike from 1971
starring a young Kris Kristofferson.
Yeah. And Gene Hackman, so pretty
pretty excited about that. Haven't seen it, so that should
be good. I don't have any of us seen that
movie. I have seen some of it.
The main reason I picked it is that our episode is going out on
the weed day the 20th of April. Blaze it indeed.
And I I just did a bit of a Google about thrillers that
involve weed and this one came up along with like Pineapple
Express. It's more of a comedy thriller,
and if I'm not going to fucking do Pineapple Express, I'm going
to do this really, really obscure Kris Kristofferson film.
It's on YouTube twice. There's two versions on YouTube.
One of them has been copyright hit big time, and a load of it's
muted. I think we're going to have to
like, post a link to the one that's not been copyright struck
when we put that episode up, just so people know what the
fuck we're talking about. Yeah, cool.
Brilliant. Well, I look forward to that,
white chaps. I've got to do a long drive.
So let's let's, let's, let's wrap this thing up.
So guys, we have been clear and present dudes.
Got them boys, easy claps. Nice.
Did it, boys. Right, OK.