All right, you bastards, welcome back to Flail to the Face.
I'm currently stuck here in Daniel Carlson's hypothermic
nightmare crawled black antlers like following these jackasses
around. Speaking of jackasses,
introducing. Hello, I am Levi and I died last
episode. I shit my pants.
Moving on. And I'm Jake, and I'm playing a
badass blacksmith who likes to punch people.
I mean naked apparently. Oh shit, that's right, I'm
Naked. Fuck.
Hi, I'm Thomas and I'm playing Kathvin.
I am Pyro's buddy. Yeah, sure are.
I'm, I'm sorry, are you his buddy with privileges?
Buddies. Depends on how this adventure
goes. I'm Walt.
And I'm prugal and I hate these assholes.
Love you too. I'm Kevin, I'm playing Yotna and
I just watched my husband die. Cry.
It's a fucking river. You're a true bitch, aren't you?
Yes. Well, let's play all these
motions. I guess as well we we faded to
black the last time. Craig Allen's handsome, handsome
as a subjective I guess face was still attached to the head
currently resting in his decapitated state and his his
wife's shivering, frostbitten hands while Pyro was making
naked snow angels telling everyone how incredibly hot it
is look. At them, they're beautiful.
Frozen morph. Well, a donkey was laughing.
You're, you know, one hour away from the village itself.
There is the red mist that it becomes everclearer as darkness
falls upon you, and a weird northern light dancing across
the waste to the north underneath the ominous black
monolith. What it's ever changing?
Antlers I mean. So, Yoda, you're gonna eat all
that. If he just, I don't know if he
just died, I mean he was a piece of shit, but he was my piece of
shit. So I guess his dying wish, which
I don't know if that's true or not, would be to consume his
flesh. So I guess go for it.
And as I'm doing that, I'm taking this stuff and the life
elixir he had and the femur that he had so I can try to stay
alive as much as possible. How many items have on you?
Craig Allen? When?
You it was one dose OK. How many items in general just
that, just that, that heavy or three and six pants that your
donkey has eaten it before you get to it?
Oh yeah, that's right, my mule. You want me to roll it?
Whoever feels. Oh, that's 50.
That's bad, donkey. Do we have the potion or no?
Yeah, you do. Oh, we do.
Oh, OK, I thought the donkey. OK, yeah, I've got. 21 different
reactions. Yeah, I mean that the potion was
eaten, OK. Well, at least he gave you that
before he died. Oh, Jesus.
Yeah, well, and then I'm gonna just kind of drop his head into
the snow and grab the reins of of Jackass and tie it up with
the reins of Boris my donkey. And now I have two donkeys.
You almost have a chariot. I do, unless I tie the reigns to
Craig Allen's body and just ride on top of Craig Allen's body
until it a. Donkey sled.
So what I'm going to do is I'm going to maneuver Craig Allen,
tie each reign to his feet, and I'm going to sit on his back as
he's face down so that I don't. Neck down, I guess.
I think I also had 30 feet of rope so.
Use that, I will still have 30 feet of rope.
I know he has armor on him as well.
I if anybody else wants that. I mean, that kind of just makes
the sled, right? Oh, that's true.
All right. Well, husband, you will be
useful even beyond death. All right, Where are we going?
I was going to ask for girl if she wanted to hop a ride but she
can go fuck right off now. Yeah, so can you.
Oh God, why are you so fucking crabby anyways?
It's not a oh fuck. Yeah, fucking twat.
So I believe you. You said you wanted to head
towards the red mist, correct? I believe so.
OK, cool. So.
Real quick, what is what is Pyro?
Is he still rolling around in this?
No, I. Don't like it rolling around
like? I, I got up and I, I, I feel
like I'm not going to cool off, but I got up and I was just
watching this whole conversation go down in my codpiece, my medal
called peace. So we're heading out.
Then I'd I'd like to maybe talk to the Switch about transporting
me to a fucking cooler place. We sure are.
Let's go and I'm going to just give her a nice tail slap across
the butt cheek. Oh yeah?
Oh yeah, you read my mind. It's like a slow realization on
your your your nameless companion walking behind Pyro,
now heavily armored and equipped, that he's probably the
most capable member of the party right now.
Yeah. It's a sad state of affairs.
So it's occurred to me you've been working for me for a couple
hours now and I still haven't gotten your name.
What do you mean working for? We never signed a contract.
You know, when you lost that fight, it's just, you know, man
to man, kind of. That was that was uncalled.
For oh wow, so I fucking give you a job, feed you and then now
you want to backtalk me earlier going on about all this hair
kick shit. Trigger my PT you son of a
bitch. I'm.
Just saying I help you. Wow.
So maybe you owe me now. Come on, let's go.
Give me your name. I'll fire.
You generally laws of the land. He kind of like rubs his his
frosty beard for a second. I hold some intestines in front
of him. Did you give him and did you
give him any weapons? I still have my.
Candlestick. But I'm I'm going to hold some
intestines in front of him. Come on.
He's like he, he, he, he rolls his snow blind.
Eyes all right, all right, like, let's let's get on with it.
You better kill that bitch once we find her.
Well, I mean, if that's how we're going to fix this hole,
we're not getting reindeer meets.
Then Oh yeah, it's her fault. Everything is her fault.
I believe you. Oh sure, it's always the witch's
fault, blah blah blah. Oh, shut up, Fuji.
If I had a nickel for every time I'd heard that, I'd have a lot
of fucking nickels. Yeah, you're starting to sound
like. He looks at Pyro and goes like.
Are you are you eating that later?
Kind of like nodding towards frugal you.
Have had it. If she dies, she dies.
Like don't pass up a good thing. Now, what's your?
What's your name? Oh, it's been it's been so many
frustrating nights. I'm no longer demand that I was.
I feasted on on my own blood. I do not deserve to carry a
name. Well, I'm going to give you one,
Paul. It is.
Did you say Paul? Paul.
Paul, Paul. Paul.
I I am grievously appalled by my own actions, so I guess it's a
simple for my remaining days. Yes, Yep, Yep.
It's a bit of a name to be honest, but.
Totally appalling. Has a nice ring too.
Yep. So, and I'm going to DAP them up
real quick. I'll, I'll let you out of these
chains if you, you know, just stick to the work plan, you
know, for your shift six months. Eating odds one for resignation
time. Like notice, right?
You'll have to talk to HR about that.
He looks back towards the only one that's making resources out
of humans at the moment, and you continue towards the the red
mist. That would have been yuck.
Now it's clearly the head of even resources at the moment.
Quick question, Jake, what's the damage on your Candlestick?
Before. OK, 'cause I know that Craig
Allen, rest in Peace Hubby had a femur as well, and I know you
have some sort of feature that deals with bones.
Oh fuck, that's right. Okay, yeah, while we're walking
here, I'm going to I'm going to try something crazy.
All right, don't mind me, but I have this ability where I do a
DR14 presence, I think to turn bones into a one time use
shield. So God with that head that that
everyone was just kind of kicking around.
I'm going to stick my hand up there and try to use this as a
as a fucking shield on my left. Arm the head of my dead husband,
Yes. Oh my God no, please tell me
it's not what I think. Oh fuck.
I use an omen to reduce and I'll succeed.
Damn, I think this is the most useful Craig Allen that's been.
2/3. So with your new nifty head
shield on your hand, you're tricking in between the negative
dead fur trees. These trees.
And you see like this, this Crimson kind of like swirling
like tentacles between the three trunks.
There's a reek of volcanic salt, the methane here that that
penetrates your nostrils. Everything is almost like the
further into the mist you get. Everything is reduced to
darkened silhouettes. And who has anything related to
anchors on or reindeer at all? I have the one in.
His eyeballs, yeah. I do.
I I need but I just wanted to reset it.
You notice that like as you kind of like step.
Into the mist you feel this burning sensation in your.
Eye and the rest of you can see that it starts kind of like
glowing, like a successful day at Pyro's job at blacksmith.
Like smoke starts coming out around the antler as you take D4
damage as it burns into your head.
Oh no, these fucking trees growing up toward the sky, like
they're all great and shit, like, I don't know.
Holy shit your eyes on. Fire.
Yeah, that might be a forest fire issue.
Let me call Smokey. Retroactively, can I take one of
my life elixirs? Because my best possible
scenario is the fact that I since I have one hit point if I
roll A1, I'm just on the rolling on the broken table.
Let's see, should I? Should I be?
Yeah, yeah, sure. Sure.
I mean, we, we talked about him. Yeah, you mentioned that
previously before we ended the last episode.
What's the what's the role for the livelihood?
Is it D6? I think it's D4.
Is it D4 is? It D4 well that's three.
So that brings me up to Max because I only have three hit
points. Gonna die right here.
You shut your filthy horse mouth and then you said D4 damage so
I'm back to one hit point. And you take for every minute
you take the four damage until the antler is out of your eye,
OK. Oh my gosh.
Hold on, I'm a blacksmith, I'll get that thing out of there.
Stop doing so much. No, keep the hammer away over
your panicking. Yapping.
You also hear what sounds like dogs barking and you see Paul
the appalling's kind of like snow.
Blind eyes are kind of like burning.
They're like. We're close.
Kill her. Kill who?
We can't kill her. She's part of the team.
Oh, you know, it's killing. Me.
Let's get this fucking answer out of my eye.
Yeah, OK, and I'm I'm going to grab the antler, cut the cut the
help help you use your lizard fucking accuracy or whatever.
These fucking rusty hands aren't what they used to be.
If fucking burns get this hand. Standstill, I'm trying to fuck
this out. Very good.
Just yeah, pull all. Right, let's say for for
everyone who helps, you will get a A + 2, and I would say it's a.
It's a presence check to avoid, well, pulling it out wrong or
too forcefully. I'm not doing the roll.
I'll hit around the back of the head with my hammer and knock it
out if you want. No, no, no, Holder still.
So who is helping normally? I asked Paul to help and then
I'm helping and so yeah, +4 if Paul helps.
Yeah, Paul's blind first. He's like kind of like fumbling
around the wrong face and like grabbing onto kef when's like
temples and shaking it but. I'm going I'm since he's like
randomly like running around my face and body.
We're going to we're going to add a little wrinkle into this
because I do the quills on my back because I'm part porcupine
could potentially damage him AD. 40 my fuck.
I love it. So I'll roll agility to see if I
can at least try to like, wiggle my way out of his grip.
And yeah, we'll just call that a A10.
I roll the three. So he's going to take AD 4?
As the. Quills go into.
It wait a minute. He has my armor on.
Yeah, he has your armor on, which means that.
I'll roll, I'll roll the armor. Great.
What'd you get though? I roll the D4.
I got a one. OK, so it's the game.
That's oh fuck, don't kill my pole.
What about me? No. 1.
Cares. Oh, come on.
All right, Make your make your pole on the antler, whatever
it's supposed to be. All right.
What do they come up? With like.
Reflexes, right? Was it?
Was it going to be agility or presence?
Or oh, that's it's going to be. It would be an agility to pull
it out slickly, and the ability check would be a 16 for anyone
who helps, which is not all of snow blind.
Nope, it's just me, let's just use it.
That would be it would reduce it down to 14. 14, OK, so with him
helping that's plus or no that makes it to 14.
That makes it. 14. OK, I am going to burn one of my
two omens to lower the difficulty.
Two or four I can't remember. I I had two so I'm down to one
now. Extract it.
That so it it almost feels like he's going to rip out your your
brain First. It makes like a slick U-turn
with the antler over Paul's appalled howling in pain as the
porcupine spike stabs him or whatever, and you you slide it
out over wet. And.
That the antler kind of like flies out and and crumbles into
a mist, spin in her mouth or spit.
On her eyes. I'll do it.
No, not you. He's.
Got here. I have this and I actually have
a medicine chest. They will administer first aid.
Too. Yeah, as you're administering
the first day, you also hear now clear as you're, you're not
shouting over each other. That's like loud barking
currently from two dogs somewhere in the mist.
And you also see like a silhouette further in there of
of a very ramshackled building between the trees somewhere
ahead of. Them.
Is that where she lives, Paul? What?
Where?
Oh. Fuck, that's right.
There Porcupine, no. No, don't.
Don't touch that again. Paul.
Come here. Come on.
Right here and back on. Yatna is healed, two hit points
and I have one. I have one you slut.
Job. You're surviving.
Pyro you and all you're called are are are walking a little bit
further. You see that like two moving
silhouettes and here over there barking the rattling of chains
as they're like pulling at it tight like a like a noose
supporting a recently hung body as they're like stretching
towards you, barking loudly as you've been out in the cold for
another hour. I believe it is time for our our
naked blacksmiths will be another frost fever.
Oh, man, so that would be a toughness.
The guilty rating 18 No 16, Yeah.
I got 16 on the nuts. Somehow you're not affected by
this. Like like my description says
brother, I'm I'm used to the environments.
Oh yeah, that's true. That would act would have
actually been a 14. I want to go ahead and try using
my future telling ability. Oh no.
What does it look like when you use it?
My eyes roll back in my head and of course even more pours out of
the slash in my throat. So would you mind telling our
dear listeners what the future time does?
Yeah, I test presence Dr. 14 once per moon.
Very ambiguous what that means, so I'll leave it up for GM.
But if I pass, I get to ask the GMA yes or no question, and they
must answer me truthfully. Oh, I'm going to spend a moment
to revoke. That.
So what happens when you fail? It doesn't say anything.
It's not like a power. So I don't take any of like the
usual like the the detriments for failing power usage.
I think it. Just doesn't happen.
OK, that's boring. But I.
Don't know, tell, Feel feel free to tell me if something does
happen, make it less boring. There's just nothing written for
failure. On yeah sure, I think like as
whatever heretic fortune God is rejecting you, you could be kind
of like squeak like a rat castrated as you hear like a
door shutting open behind the dog says.
Wait, who's? Who?
Who goes there? I said.
No, no. No fucking antlers in the
vicinity of my real estate, no. No antlers here ma'am, I
promise. You ain't.
Got any antlers on? Me that's that's her.
No, I'm aware it's her, but you? You you look at everything.
Yeah. All right, cool.
Yeah, No, no antlers here, ma'am.
She you see like a silhouette crook, tall stack, kind of like
jingles like a chime. She like steps down and kind of
like hits one of the dogs. Hardly over the head.
Sorry though. I I take a really shoddy, shoddy
leg step towards her too. Oh, I got, you know, bad, bad
knee. You know how it goes, right?
You wouldn't happen to be witch hunters or those pesky
Inquisitors, would you? I already have one of them
inside. No, I'm not here to inquisitate
anything, to be honest. I'm I'm I'm here to find out why
our shipment stopped. What about we got, we got, we
got to fucking you? See, you see, Paul is like
getting like some roses back in his cheeks, like raving heavily
behind me was he's about to shout out something very I'm
going. To hold up a piece of intestine
over my shoulder and try to stuff it in his mouth.
Why? Don't you give me a presents
check there to see if he managed to like calm him down and and
and subdue him. Well if anyone wants to help me
with that, I got a screen which is actually a dirty one.
I'm dead so. She he like stands there points.
At her you. You are the cause of our our
children's demise. Your file which we threw you out
and yet you you keep tormenting us.
Paul, we don't need this to be like a a fucking bad
neighbourhood thing. Let's have a block party, all
right? Just chill out and discuss this
like civilized people right? Already been enough bloodshed?
You see the witch kind of like, shifts her eyes and starts like,
like mumbling something quietly as she looks towards him.
And you all have the feeling that something very, very
violent isn't about to go down unless someone does something
radical or instinctual. Yeah, it's it's an instinctive.
Well, let's call it a hunch as he is is looking for a sword and
is not there anymore. The dogs are barking, ready to
go at his throat and. I hit him in the face with my
warhammer. I was gonna say Captain is just
going to like kick him over and then like step away from him.
All right, why don't you give me kick my.
Paw over. Because your paw is definitely
ready for some sacrilegious murder.
So why don't you roll me a reaction check and see how he
takes it. 2:00 to 6:00. That's a six.
Angered. Huge surprise.
He he basically like, he basically like tries to get up
and and get. No, no, no you don't.
And and the witch shakes her head as he runs closer and it
comes to your realization that Paul is not aware of the two
dogs that are currently between him and the witch.
Oh shit. I'm, he's pretty much standing
in front of him. So as soon as he takes off, I'm
gonna Oh, fucking here we go again.
God damn it, Paul, this is coming out of your paycheck and
I'm gonna try to run alongside him as he's sprinting towards
the witch. I'm not speaking to any of you
unless you get rid of that idiot.
Pyro as you're you're stumbling after Paul D, appalled as he
heroically and foolishly rushes right in between the two.
Black blood, first E and hostile hounds Keflin or and the others
just managed to like grab onto your shoulders as the two beasts
launch onto him and it takes him a while to get through their
armor as he walks like his his face.
Bastards. Rick, Rick this.
Is bullshit, you see, like the very unamused which looks down
at the struggling and slowly devoured all the appalled being
with the parking in front of you and splashing these insides all
over your miserable bodies. She takes a deep side, lifts her
crooked and stone like Chen, smacks her lips and says.
All right, well, that's a fucking enough of that.
Let's take a break. All right.
Welcome. Back to flail to the face we've
just been witnessing what what it's, well, nothing but a Paul
slaughter outside of outside of the house in the red mist.
The the party went to the cabin just before the break to seek
out the heretic witch that pyro's new employee slash
hireling slash thrall slash throw some accountability blamed
for all of Tuanella's miseries, including his own cannibalism,
his own daughter, which we will not be exploring in further
detail as we're well hearing the the ambient sounds of of black
and scruffy plants. There were speed dogs ripping
apart strips of flesh that's being like slapping wetly
against the bone. Paws need the rated body.
Well, if if corpses could cry in fear, I can assure you that the
human slave that is Craig Allen will be pretty fucking
horrified. However, in side of the cabin
there is this almost invasive stench of broth, salty and thick
like the mist outside of it. But there is a fireplace and a
big bubbly called what what kind of like kind of like an
anonymous goo just pop grinding down the sides of it.
It's not a lot of space here and you got to get uncomfortably
intimate with one another as you're kind of squishing
together on the way in. You you walk across a a
improvised rug of what appears to have been a fur black dog.
Sorry, what Once Upon a time, but you're not alone in this
little shitty excuse of a household.
Between the fir trees you hear the mumbling of the rich as you
know it points over to a a shadow in the corner.
These these these fucking lost fortune seekers inquisitors.
Different name for its names for same suicidal idiots.
Just just line up next to that guy and I'll feed your
miserable. Bones.
I'm sure you'll have questions. And Levi?
Who do they see? You just see a pile of bones,
nothing left of them, 'cause he was boiled to death and he has a
big old. Glave.
Sitting next to the perch. It seems like your friend has
already passed. Not enough meat on those bones
to to feed anyone. There there is a we're kind of
like septic to anyone coming from the Stew itself.
And she's like turning her back towards you and kind of like
start just like slushing it into these like like wooden bowls.
And that's a nauseating effect given to the more even did once
of you with more liberal diet, so to say.
I would not be in here. So what do you think?
I think that I'm hot so I would be outside so.
Fuck, that ain't going in there. Oh, that's right.
Back in here, you fool. And I'm going to like try and
like collecting. It's like force.
I'm going to. I would have got I would be
trying to get my armor back from Paul's corks outside.
Yeah, he said. Whenever you're like kind of
like stretching your hand in between the two snarling dogs as
like love and fat as like spraying on your face, They
they, they turn and growl at you.
It's like, it's like, it looks like a like a like a hat, a a
massacre Thanksgiving dinner, kind of like the red bones
sticking up and the the the flesh and peeled off on the
sides. The organs are kind of like
pawed down into it, digging in the turning towards you for how
violently you're sure they could kill you.
Captain is going to like come up behind Pyro and he's gonna take
a large chunk of this lard that he had in his pack and it's
partially frozen and I kind of wave it at the dogs.
And like, yeah. That would be very convenient
for you, but they do have quite a lavish meal in front of them,
so why don't we presence test there and see how it comes?
That's a three. For three, you kind of like toss
the lard in between the trees and they, they stare at you.
They look at the lard. One of them kind of like lifts
his leg and starts peeing in awkward silence.
And they they turn back. And keep like as it pees.
It keeps like unwavering eye contact with them.
Yeah, and they keep like like kind of like side eyeing.
We love eating and like we invited this guy I.
Don't know what you're throwing around, but they didn't seem too
keen on that. He's like tried to grab a piece
of my fucking armor and pull it towards me a little bit.
Give me an agility check that to see if you managed to do so
unharmed. Even if they wouldn't try to
bite you, you're still kind of like touching their dinner.
So like. No, Sir, no.
Idea so you managed to to snag up the shield that you're
reaching for just as a pair of rough and hardened dog teeth,
both jaws snapping around your wrist feeling as is accidental.
I'll I'll be nice. The normal bite bites are V6,
but let's make it AV 6 -, 1. There's two of them.
OK, three on there and then I have my hand shield which goes 2
so. -1. -1 which is 0 damage. I I stick Craig Allen's lifeless
head into that jaw, grab my armor and sacrifice his head.
It's pretty resourceful. Yeah, got a, you know, my master
made that and I watched him brutally die just the same.
So got a whole lot of trauma here, actually a lot, but
bottled up, understandably so. Pretty complex backs to me.
Yeah, and I wipe a tear for my eye.
His name was. Oh.
I feel so bad about it. Oh.
God, hey, you got soup on in there?
I'm going to walk inside with my armor that I finally got back.
Yeah, Captain, Just falling behind at that point.
I. Just did you notice that you
step inside that the white static that is Winter Terminal
is growing denser as darkness is slowly sneaking in over the tops
of the fur trees as you close down or pull aside the the rug
and that blocks the door inside. But the witch is is mumbling to
herself as she's like sloshing this gulp.
All of it has like boiled to death lumps of of what is most
likely meat. But there is this yeah, this
vinegary stench to it. Your your hunger and and
sickness like that. The playing a weird like staring
game with one another as the balls are placed in in in front
of each other. They they never listen to, they
never listen to the warnings, never from history.
Well, it is hard when your father is a fucking heretic,
isn't it? I'm going to enjoy the soup.
You going to enjoy the soup? Well.
Go over and inspect this skeleton.
Along the wall. Here me too.
I think this whole time Yoten has been kind of looking around
like this is a nice place. I wish Craigato would have
gotten me something like this miserable fuck.
I mean, I'm sorry he's dead at all, but I mean, goodness, this
is this is really nice. I really like what you've done
with the place. I'm not.
Oh. No.
Hello. Well, thank you.
Good interior designers are hard to come across from along these
parts. I would say so.
And as we slurp in wild Stew, there is something that reminds
you of more embarrassing episode that that surely have come upon
you when you accidentally got something in your mouth that was
not intended. A liquid, without going further
into detail. And you can give me a toughness,
toughness checkup DR8, please. Oh good 9.
Yeah, but you feel like as the embarrassment and and kind of
like like painful childhood memories kind of like fades away
pirate. You feel like it's warmth coming
back to real warmth and an additional temporary.
Let me see if I got this right. One to your Max HP until the
four days. What?
Yeah. And it's definitely piss.
The secret ingredient is a is a mother's love.
She says and kind of like smiles, a warm smile and she
keeps stirring in it. You do remember that this this
witch was well blamed for a lot of yet unexplained misfortune
that came upon to Anella. Then from the quality of the
house, you guys can definitely see that she built it herself.
It will probably not stand in another winter this.
Place you got here, Think about putting it on sale.
You know, winter eternal, that shall devour us all as well,
yeah. You've been saying?
Kind of making a big hit on the the market prices I would have
given it to to my heirs. But, but, well, you know, dogs
can't really can't really understand the complex chips of
real estate. Where'd you get this brothbrum
by the way? Just curious.
Well, you know little, little here and there.
Not much grows here. But you, you.
Where there's a will, there's a way.
Oh OK, keep your secrets. It gives you like, pokes her
nose and and and and gives you this, this very like mysterious
smile. No, I just thought of a bad
relationship. I'm sorry.
I don't think. She tells you all that you're
more than welcome to stay the night if you wish and she will
answer any questions you have regarding.
Well, I don't think she can assess with.
Did I actually get rid of my Ross trauma or?
Whatever. Not yeah, no, they were.
You can go I. Read into the you feel your real
warmth coming back. Yes, yes, I will make a judgment
and say that yes, they definitely balance each other
out as you pass the test that is your.
Is that a? Cure or for the D3 days that I
rolled. That is a cure.
Oh shit. OK, Grandma's.
Good might have a little bit of life left in there for all.
There's that many helpful concoctions that well, ignorant
faves of of misguided men tries to warn you about.
We do know whether if you are in a pickle, the.
The Spirit Devil might be a helpful friend at times.
Talk your both bones over there that that spirit devil.
Oh I I forget it moves. She looks over up that they get
a kind of like grinning skeleton and puts a bowl of soup out to
him as well. Oh, I don't want to pick that.
Not one bit. I pissed him.
Why taste familiar? This is just like back home.
Oh yeah, that's funny. Most of that's my flesh and my
meat. Well, I didn't know you were
still moving when I put it in there and I I just salvaged it
from a wretched alt. Yeah, yeah.
I don't know why I'm alive either.
Well, where Where there's a will, there's a way.
My will is to get out of here. But we're still trying to figure
things out. So this Paul, before he got
devoured by your dogs, was claiming that you were the
reason that the the village was suffering.
There's an HR complaint. Any any sort of truth to that?
Heretics, the idols, sheep and sheep and a Dun, the well Dumber
cattle than a reindeer they bred.
They've been misled by the by their forefathers.
Liars and gas lighters, all of them.
Oh, I warned them. I tried to warn them that what
they were doing. Was wrong, she just does this
all day. She said this right before I
died. Oh, that's.
Good. That's for gold, anyways.
Completely unfazed by this whole conversation, Yoda is just going
to keep chowing down on this soup.
Make me a definitive check as well there.
I wasn't mine, that's my piss. I've had Wes and.
Jordan, she's not. She's used to a golden shower.
So you have met create a gallon that was a 5.
That was a 5 like your system does not take well to it and you
kind of like perp it up is like stomach acid.
Then what's significantly more concentrated than flavor?
Tries to escape your bowels or rejection?
Okay, you just shit right on the floor, right?
On your mouth. Sorry I got a little too
comfortable here. It happens.
Don't, don't, don't, don't worry.
Just stoop it up after yourself. Well, we'll find a use.
Well, just. Kind of kick it underneath the
table, think Oh well this is awkward.
As I mentioned, welding I was exiled for.
Warning. Them, the ignorant reindeer
herders, do not wish to know where the fruit driller comes
from, what they were really worshipping the whole time.
Oh, you're one of the astrologers, so.
What were they worshipping the whole time?
Then the agony of horn and hide, an ancient, well misread deity
dealt a great deal of injustice by Chief Yupa's forefathers.
He is the fool LED that bloody village.
By the way. Good riddance to him.
I hope they crucified his testicles by that altar.
That seems violent. Pretty pretty extreme.
Yeah, so about that slum party you offered earlier.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, yes, with my kids.
Are you not a lot of space, But you can, you can stretch out, I
guess your head. You can put in the rib cage of
of the of soupy over there, I guess.
But as I was saying, if you if, if you do wish there is, we can,
we can consult with with the regretful liars of of all
themselves. I believe one of them is still
crying and is tumulus up by the graveyard.
Well. I said we go ahead and just warm
ourselves for the night and we'll go to the graveyard
tomorrow. I could deal with that.
I'm always down for a slump party.
But. As I mentioned, there is no way
out of doing hella for you, not while she is still away.
You want to clarify things little old lady like?
The agony, the age she has returned for too many of her
children have been spelt upon her presence, slaughtered
recklessly. They thought it would please
her, the fools. Got like some sort of drawing of
this agony or her description that beg.
You know the the Church of her, that's what she's talking about.
I'm not. I don't follow the.
Religion, the Church of well, another, another another misread
God. That will surely lead you to
more miseries. Well, if you ever get out of a
storm, that is. No, I'm not Speaking of her.
You're. Two headed pet Blizzard of the
of the so-called civilization. No, the Agony of Horne and Hyde
is an older dog, vengeful and imprisoned by her followers, the
mother of Rainy. Well, she sounds nice.
There's that awkward silence. That's when I I start slurping
some of the suit. You know what that means.
Make me a toughness check. Yep.
I'm waiting for someone to die from this suit.
That is a 16. That's a 16 all right.
I'm waiting for someone to beat an 18.
I got a. Liver.
You got to you got to get a plus one there and it tastes, tastes
really Hardy. Plus one temporary Max HV for B4
days. Two days.
Good for you. I don't really have guts or
anything so I'm just going to dump it back on myself, maybe
it'll stick. Are you saying that you're just
bones? I am just bones.
You should have like a a pair of like like a cheek flesh.
You're getting more like used to that.
The darkness in here now and Chef wins Spoon is is
surprisingly symmetrical and looks like it fit right in on
the skull of of Rallis there I'm.
Sorry, is this yours? Like I said, she cooked me
alive. Rip my guts up and me pissing
that you're. Delicious.
You got to do more of the lower intestines in that little broth
bath you got going on over there.
That's there's there's plenty every they're dipping like like
happy little release on a pond. Awesome, you think I could have
just second helpings? Maybe.
Perhaps. Well, certainly.
Just no. No more weak stomachs, please.
And. I'm cheap.
No, no. No, no, I, I'm.
Happy to sit down with most. Of my life.
You do not get additional plus one Max HP.
I'm not worried about that. Just check it.
Oh God, oh God. But unless, well, unless you are
willing to. Or someone and well, you're
you're. The sanest ones of the handful
of us that are still alive in the center of the storm.
So to say. Unless you are willing.
To. Repay for the for the injustice
that has been. Been cast upon.
Her and her, her for thousands of generations.
No, I'm not here to pick up someone else's dad.
That sounds terrible. Yeah, so this second helping
actually makes me feel a little fuller than normal.
I think I'm just going to lie down.
Thank you, Grandma. It brings down like a like a
bottle and looks between all of you and which one of you has the
high or is like the least ugly and.
And miserable. Oh, I'm definitely the most
handsome. I don't know, bones look pretty
good. Unfortunately, I have to be
vain. I've got a flesh colored eye
patch over one of my eyes where the phone went in so I don't
think I'm doing. Craig Allen thought you were the
most beautiful, whatever you are, ever.
Yeah, and he's dead now, so he's not really known for good
decisions. All.
Right. Let's let's go wake up.
Is it boy? It's between Prugal.
And Pyro. I think well in that case she's
she's eyeing Prugal and Pyro and as she's.
Juggling this bottle in her hand of what seems like a like a
unnaturally red liquid and even in this like septic extension
pissed broth, it it stinks of the of the most potent,
flammable, deadly alcohol you have ever.
Smoked Oh, look at that for a. Little tequila and you do
realize that she's just just from like your, your the little
the, the very tiny social antennas the two of you have.
You can tell that that that she's evaluating which one of
the two of you to give it to. I'm just going to do it like
this because I really want you to use this during the game so
you can roll our presents against each other and see which
one of you get the highest. Good news Prugy Bear, I have low
presence. I have high presence.
I got 5. I got 8.
No. Excuse me, I got 7.
I got 7. God, we're terrible.
Not that any of you deserve it, but, well, if you find some
appropriate ashes or. Coffee.
Or similar black tarry liquids to mix this with.
Give her some of that tequila tonight and you'll have that
tomorrow. Like check the outhouse it'll be
destroyed. An old friend might might help
you out in a pinch if you're willing to pay the price.
And she places the bottle in your hand and it's, it's really
warm. Not that warm that it will
protect you from the elements outside, but it almost feels
like a like a calming whisper. Prove it and you'll hear like a
feather somewhere in your deepest, darkest desires.
I have a question, did you send this to?
Oh, so that's why you don't talk much.
What? Your voice.
It's it's, it's hideous. Oh well, thank you, yours is
lovely, like a spring day. No, no one likes a butt licker.
I'm spit out. I spit on the floor I like.
The butt licker. And as I spit like a little bit
of like a lot of bit of blood like spews from the slash in my
fruit. She looks at you, awaiting your
question with. Did he piss in this too?
Oh, yes, no, wait. Not that one, not that one as
you point to me. You see like like a row of like
bottles that are labeled with a drawing of a skeleton that is
literally peeing in a in a bottle.
I have, I have a follow up question.
Yeah. Is he collecting that or are
you? That would be me.
Don't. It's a mother's love.
OK, no further questions. Don't want to know?
More than happy to not know that.
I pop the lid off the bottle and take a little sniff.
This. This.
Yeah, I knew you open it just. To sniff it.
I'm not drinking it. A red fume, kind of like comes
out almost like a ball obscuring your face to anyone watch and
you smell power and hellish intent.
It's almost too alert. Not drinking a beer would surely
kill you. Yep, just like Cancude when.
I put the lid back on the bus. I think at this point Yotna is
going to find a nice corner or a decent she's going to find a
corner. Just kind of tuck her back up
into it, sit down in like a a crouched position.
Just try to go to sleep. She's had a she had a rough one
today, so she's. Just shelling up.
Yeah, I think you think about.
What you've done? As you you you snuggle up, you
hear about the the ambient growling and howling of the wind
outside and a little little object kind of like, like flies
in from the excited dogs and your your husband's ring finger
lands in your lap as you're about to go.
With the ring. Yeah, with the hey, I'm a
romantic, what can I say? Yo, and it's going to take this
and she's going to hold it in her hand, slide the ring off,
put it in in one of her pockets, and then start gnawing on the
ring finger. Oh.
It's what he would have wanted. It's really what he would have
wanted until it's down to the skeleton part.
And then I'm going to, I'm going to set that in the in my satchel
as well. Just make a Shank out of your
dead husband's finger. Damn, this is like a it's like a
Valentine's special or something.
You guys have a weird relationship.
I think I've always fucking dead.
Like I said, weird. Yeah, so do anyone wish to ask
or do anything else before you rest your miserable and
undeserving house? Yeah, what do you got here?
TiVo or. Well, signals terrible out here.
I don't know if you saw that. The dead channels haunting the
skies. Oh, that's what you got going
on. That's what you watch the
airwaves. Well, it's, it's a snowstorm.
When you look at it for for long enough, you, you, you, you see
some weird shit. What about Yeah, you know, look,
if if you want us to do all this crazy stuff for you that you
keep bringing up, like I know a lot of conspiracy theorists have
guns and, you know, weapons. We're hiding that old lady, you
know, just going to send your warriors of whatever religion
you followed fight to the desper with nothing.
She hasn't actually asked us to do anything.
Yeah, I know, but she's really whacked.
Maybe we can get. Something you're really whacked.
What the fuck are you talking about?
I'm going to go watch TV. And I sit in the doorway and
watch the dead static channel outside.
I love the show. It's getting dark and you're
looking at the storm. All right?
So yeah, you all, you all. If if no one wished to ask her
anything more, you're free to at least attempt to sleep.
Yeah, I'm going to put a couple of plants together and crawl
those. I guess so she, she, she gave
you a couple of pens just to clarify her like, like pointers
and and she also specifies to you quite well that.
You're a little shit stir. I don't know how to give well 22
frozen fucks if you if you stop this or not.
I just think it's important that someone knows at least.
Part of the truth. As much as I do before we're all
devoured, I went. To.
I love a good conspiracy tell. Me about it.
You all fall asleep. Yes, I don't sleep.
Also, I ate a ration because I'm not eating bone man's piss.
Yeah, anyone who's not hypothermic can either check 8
hours off their remaining hypothermic hours and you can
you can do the long rest and HP recover.
That's why you always try to suit boys.
But the next morning you're you're awakened by howling wind
that really chills your bones, freezes your blood, and stiffens
your nipples. Because you do realize, as you
open your eyes, that the ruins of the foundation of this
cottage appears to have been long abandoned.
Oh, spooky. Damn that that bitch told me she
was going to tell me about putting on the market.
It went so fast. I knew this was going to happen.
Look at the opportunity we've lost out on.
I can still get help you get paid good rate on a mortgage
from Hampis Lundquist, OH. Gosh.
OK, fine, fine, whatever. Fine, see if I help you fuck
off. No, Brugal, it's not like that.
Brugal, Brugal come. Back.
Stop, stop, stop. And why don't you all roll me?
It doesn't check in to see how we're.
Dealing with this the. Difficulty waiting is now 60.
How's this work when I'm just boned?
Oh my fuck. Oh my God.
So as winter eternal is something cosmic and and the
cold up here is better insistent, I think you you'd be
decided to. Wasn't it just a -?
2 because I had something similar for mine because of my
back story or my complex back story.
Yeah, you get a A difficulty rating that's lowered by two.
So you got to be to 14. Everyone else got to be to 16.
Oh good, well I got a three so fuck me.
Yeah, I burned an omen and I still failed.
I got an 18. I'm going to re roll.
I roll the two. I'm going to re roll.
Oh. Yeah, I got a 10, so I'm going
to burn. I know man, Keep.
Remember that you refurb Romans when you.
Yes, roll for Romans. I got a 17.
I'm fine. Oh yes, hold on, we're going to
do a thing. Maybe I can save myself.
No, Jake, you almost got me really worried there for a
second. I got a 5 on my rewill so I'm
still proper fed. Bralis, how are you doing?
I got a 17 I'm doing. All right, so let's go around
the table and see how the frost fever changes and alters your
minds and bodies. And we can start with who failed
now it was Jake and. I did.
Oh great, the three main
characters. Kevin All right, so just to
keep. So why?
Why break a good tradition Pyro? Give me the first one.
Oh great. Your name will not save you
eternally. What's that?
That looks like a 16. 16 Interesting.
So it's not. Though oh, it got a little
chilly and my nipples are hard. Sorry D12, my bad.
It's AD 12D12. A. 330 damn.
No. You got that one last time.
I got the same exact thing. You got the same thing.
Yeah. You're like, you wake up and
you're, like, feeling fine, getting up, doing your squats,
making your snow angels, getting like a pig.
This, this, this tropical letter is surely overrated.
What remaining clothes are we wearing?
I got all of my heavy shit on again so.
Take it off. Not anymore, you don't.
Well, how many hours was it? What do you got?
To roll for the time. Well, it's not you.
This is incurable. There's an amount of hours it
takes to cure it. God, that's right.
That's why you drink the goddamn soup.
And. And let's move on to then Yokna.
So Yokna rolled me the D12 as well.
OK, Yeah. Where's the D12?
That's an 8. All right, it's bad.
You require urgent care Ancient. Start a fire within D4 hours or
die. Start an orgy.
I am going to find anything I possibly can frantically running
around this this shack and try to burn this fucker to the
ground. Yeah, there's like a frozen
foundation left of building as you're you're, you're running
like panicking and deliriously around, kind of like freezing
and gradually growing wider and wider.
Hey, Jonah, I, I hold my Candlestick out to her.
Do you need something to light that with like you kind of?
Freaking out, yes, I'm going to grab it out of his hand and just
start trying to create some sort of spark.
If there's like a rock or whatever, just kind of bash it
up against it to no not. Like already joking.
It's already lit. Stop.
What are you doing? You're going to put it out.
Cheek stick here. Is it?
Can you carry a lit candle? This is fucking insane.
Give me a feel like it will be toughness just to keep yourself
kind of like both the physical thing you're trying to do and
not shivering and curling up to a frozen mess.
So let's say, let's say toughness 16 for you.
It would be fairly easy for anyone.
Else, OK. So toughness test, Yeah, OK,
that's a one. As you like, you feel so tired
yet panicking, and you quickly exhaust yourself as you kind of
like you don't realize well how this cabin doesn't light up as
you're rubbing the torch at the back of your head and it catches
on fire. So, well, let's see how you're
doing. Yeah, hold on.
Am I on fire? You're on fire.
Yeah, we're gonna deal with the effects in just a bit.
OK, fuck in 11. 11 Interesting. Absolutely.
You wake up with a frozen demeanor and a new purpose and
yeah, warmth and fire now. Kind of like you feel the fire
from very annoying and painful fire from Yokna's head that
she's screaming and Pyro was trying to put it out.
It really fucking hurts just to like the what would normally be
a comfort now feels like like prickling needles, and if you
feel there's this instinctive need to back away from it, you
must freeze to live from now on, and this has forever frozen.
The blood in your brains, however do give you a + 1 to
social theft, plus one difficulty to social checks.
You look like a corpse, but hypothermia can never hurt you
again. Well, that's nothing new.
I back, I back away from Butina obviously and say.
You idiot that's going to get infected.
Daniel, do you have anything you want to promote?
Yeah, absolutely. As we're dying in the cold, it's
important to remember that. Also, you can freeze to a
popsicle and shit yourself with your phone group of friends.
Black Antlers is going to be available late this summer from
Exalted Funeral, both as Z and PDF and deluxe bundle with a
whole bunch of other crap that I'm testing out on you guys.
You can find a soundtrack by Gillian Morris's on Spotify and
Band Camp or wherever you prefer to stream your dungeons in.
You can find me on Daniel Harilla dot H dot IO.
And yeah, I believe that's it. Awesome, we'll have all that
set. LinkedIn the description.
Hell yeah. Hey everybody, Kevin at the end
of the episode. This episode features the
adventure Black Antlers by Daniel Carlson with Levi playing
braless, the catacomb St. by Makuti, Jake playing Pyro the
Brazen Blacksmith by Seth Thomas playing captain, the Bogwater
apothecary from dwellers of the bog by the Dungeon keys, Kevin
playing Yotna, the restless wanderer by Will Rickson and
Walt playing Prugel the Knox deck by Stregel wolf Vandenberg.
Check out all these cool things and the respective ex slippers
Morkborg entries in the description accompanying this
episode, as well as the flail to the face Episode 27 companion,
which at this point is a mystery.
And while you're at it, check us out on our social medias, our
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Blue Sky and Thread, and
wherever you listen to podcast, make sure to rate, review, and
share with all of your friends so we can get out there to more
people. While we're at it, if you
haven't already, please check out our sister podcast, The
World Standard. And if you like what they're
doing over there, think about joining their Patreon.
It gives you access to their Discord, which you can talk to
us as well because we're on there.
And just for $3 a month. With that, thanks for listening
and we'll catch you guys next time.
Pruegel, take us to your fondest memory as you're staring into
the storm there, and we'll just like get a little.
I know where Pruegel's fondest memory lies.
Jake, you tell us what part Pruegel's fondest memory is
then. It's a giant like California
king size bed full of all of her bro hubs.
That's what Pruegel's fondest memory is.
It's like red leather velvet all over the place and just.
Isn't this before the bro hubs? Huh.
You. Well, she's got to be some weird
time traveller. Yeah, remember she goes through
a bunch of like bro hubs anyways.
Yeah, prugal pruning. Season.
Yeah, she she's remembering last year's pruning season.
And there's a studded jock straps from here to beyond I
assume? Yeah.
It was. Healing.
She sent them into the Dusk Funnel, looking for powder under
the guise of the Arch Rogue. Oh no.
Well, at least one of them spinned.
That's the one that broke her heart.
Some complex back story right there.
I think that's three in this episode.
Yep, you had a good idea for that, Walt, didn't you?
Wasn't it just did I sure you could have soup in your mouth?
It's it's hot. Somebody piss in my mouth right
now. It's so.
Hot soup, Soup, soup.