Greeting scum, and welcome to Flail Face.
I am your Holmeister, Kevin. Actually, I guys, I've been
thinking about it. I think I'm going to change that
up again. I know I called myself
Holmeister a couple episodes ago.
Yeah, I'm thinking Flailmeister. I like.
Flailmeister, What about? I'm still doing it, So what
about the? Sex thing.
What about the could be? If you play your cards right,
huh? What about a hole keeper or the
holy? No.
Does it sound like another sex
thing? It does sound like an I think
the hole keeper sounds more like a sex thing than the other one.
Do meisters keep mice? I don't have any.
Mesters keep maces. So holes.
OK, who the fuck are you guys? Hi.
I'm Thomas. I'm playing Dalton Walls, who
happens to be in the body of the Ghoul.
Hi, I am Tom and I'm playing Colette who is in the body of a
zombie. I'm Mr. Paschke and I'm playing
Donnie, who's in the body of a ghost.
With that all being said, I guess there's only one thing we
can do now is is fly out. Fly out.
The last time we left you guys, you found yourselves in these
bodies, and you had met up with Zayla in some places.
She called nowhere, and you were in a room that had a bunch of
doors. You picked one of the doors,
which turned out to be like a fishing hamlet, and you're on
your quest to find this necromancer to bring it back to
hole. You go through.
You find yourself in front of a huge black puddle, which would
have been really good for you if you would have handled it right,
but you didn't. But it's OK.
You, a little girl named Elizabeth who is strangely OK
with you guys being who you are. Terrible.
Human being. Terrible human being, this this
small child. And then you end up running into
a bunch of hunters. Most children are, that is true.
You did end up running into a group of monster hunters and
dispatched with them fairly all right.
And after all the said and done there, said necromancer rose
from the marshes, confronted to you, and then subsequently
dipped out. I tried my darndest to to
confuse them. Yes, you did.
And trying to entice them with black Jelly beans, as Mr.
Patchkey was. Trying to disgust a human being
you normally are. Point of order, our devices that
were given to us to get the Necromancer, but what were they
called again? The waste it's.
Waste it's. There's basically just like a
Peep, you know, a little pudding filled marshmallow little gooey
thing. It's a Muppet pop tart filled
with pudding. Yes, that is the best way to put
it. So not the Jelly beans that I
imagined the last time. My bad.
No wonder I I didn't sell any of them.
No, obviously not. I mean, but if you're looking to
push some black Jelly beans, we can talk later.
It's me and about it. Hey, baby.
You want some Jelly beans? I got you.
You. Know the street value of those
beans is. That a windowless van that says
free black Jelly beans and then just.
A dime bag black Jelly beans you want to have good get.
Abducted. Again.
Yo, you want them good Jelly Bellies?
But I bet you could fit eight of those up my nose.
So right now you're in the middle of a cross hallway.
Ahead of you is the beach that the necromancer had walked up.
Behind you is the area where guys fought the monsters.
There's a locked gate to one side and there's another hallway
leading to your E Looking towards the east, you see a bit
of a glow coming from the down that hallway.
OK, Colette goes well. OK, So don't you still with me
bud? I'm hungry.
I'll take it as a no. Donnie, how are you doing?
I'm all ready to go. All right, OK, good.
I might need your help again. The corral, our bloodthirsty
murder hobo. But other than that I think,
well, we either go in the direction where our target
necromancer came from or this glowy door which gives me the
heebie Jeep. Well you can't go into work safe
in general, so I might as well follow the heebie jeebies.
Yeah, we're we're going to encounter heebie jeebies either
way. So, so glow you in for the glow.
All right, to the glow. So as you guys make your way
down the hallway, you do in fact see a door that you can see
light coming through all the way around it.
It's not like a piercing blinding light like you'd seen
earlier, it's just kind of a faint shine through.
OK, hey Donnie, how about you give your give your head a
little look, see his face through it?
I'm on it. So Donnie just kind of, you
know, floats on over there and turns a little invisible just in
case, you know, from the neck up, and then puts this invisible
head through the door. OK, as you put your head through
the door, it is in fact the same chamber that you guys initially
came in through where Zalia is meandering around.
Oh, yeah. Well, Oh yeah, she's trapped
there. She can't leave until we do
something about the necromancer, OK?
Well, we already learned that, that he's aware of us here.
We want to just try a different universe, place, planet, thing,
doorway. Well, I don't think we could go
back. I don't think we could come back
until we get this guy first, right?
Those are our orders. Follow me on this here.
We we showed up and hallway with a bunch of doors and that led us
to the fish people cannibal island thing where we killed a
bunch of dudes. I'm under the understanding that
the Lich isn't just here. No, it's well, it's either back
through this way. Well, no, actually, no, that's
wrong. It would have to be where they
came from, right through the I. Feel like the lich is a
transdimensional being that we used for doorways to control
different people. Well, it's not a liches
necromancer. Liches are a whole.
Necromancer, my bad, I'm saying the wrong thing.
It's all good. Well, all we know is not a
Dalton pooped it and he disappeared.
Where to? Who knows?
I'm thinking blaming me. I'm not blaming you.
You did great, buddy. I'm giving you a pat on the
back. And I give Dalton a pat on the
back. I briefly snapped at the ham.
You took the pinky, but that's OK.
I like I like enthusiasm. Keep that up.
So that way is a no go. I say we go into the spooky
woods. Marsh, right?
You said a Marsh, Kevin. It is basically just a beach
that leads off into dark water that just goes beyond.
And the necromancer came out from the.
Water. Yes, He rose from the water, out
from the dark, all right into so.
I go towards the water's edge and like a Colette just starts
looking out into the water, like looking to see if she could see
anything. It's pitch black.
Any light that you're bringing to it is basically just deadened
by the time you get towards the water.
I'm going to find a rock and I'm just going to skip the rock
along the water. OK, Do you feel a breeze coming
up from the water? This sand is wet underneath your
feet. It's eerily silent on this beach
area. If you go to skip a rock, it
bounces a couple times off the surface of the water and then
just disappears into the darkness.
And there's no sound. No, it's eerily silent in this
area. Like, not like that.
And there's nothing along the shoreline that like resembles
like a boat. Nope, there's really nothing
there. It's just sparing from that
point on. OK, so this necromance is
probably going to be like a fish person or something.
What the hell? I'll take a few steps into the
water and just start like splashing it.
Punching the water. Actively punching the water.
OK, punch all you like that. All you're doing is just making
ripples and splashes. There's really nothing.
Even the sound of the splashing seems deadened by the darkness
that is just beyond your guys's being.
Thomas, how far into the water do you go?
Just up to like my knees. OK, actually I join you in the
water too, but I go a little bit farther.
Am I? Am I getting a sense of how if
the water gets deeper and deeper?
It's progressively getting deeper the further you get into
it. It doesn't have like a sharp
drop off or anything, it's just gradually descends into an
abyss. OK, I stop at the waist and I'm
just going, OK, I'm getting bad vibe from this, so I'm just
going to get out. Dalton, I think, I think you got
to come out too. But there's nothing good in this
water. It's a freaking satellite.
I'm going to come get us. Where's his necromancer?
Let's just find them so I could just RIP them apart.
Easy as saying they're done, big boy.
What are our other options? The other options were to the
east was the hallway that led to the door where the light was
coming through, to the West is a rusted gate and to the north is
where you guys dispatched at the monster hunters all.
Right, well I say then we picked those guys clean.
So I say we the only other option is that gate and I can I
go walking towards the gate? What is the gate look like?
It's just looks like it's been corroded by the just sea water.
The salt is just broken down the metal on it it.
Looks like if you were like no lock.
There's no lock. If you were to give it a swift
kick, it'd probably just fall apart.
Look at Dalton and I go Dalton smash.
With pleasure and goes up and just flails at it.
Then this thing just crumbles at the mere touch of you punching
at it and beyond it. It leads to a turn that looks
like it's heading north. Right.
Well, now we're getting some ways and I lead the way.
Is there like an indication of light up ahead?
Actual like light. Not really, no.
It seems pretty dark and dank in here.
As you guys round the corner you get to an area where there's
just piles of rotting flesh and partially eaten bodies with
bones laying everywhere. It's basically the same room
that you guys initially came into when you first came.
Well, walk through the door. You guys have made a full loop
back to the beginning of the. What the hell Back where we
started from? Damn it, they're just punching.
Corpses. Again, the corpses.
You wrote that time I I I brought up that it may in fact
be much of its pocket dimension. I'm, I'm getting what you're
putting down, Don. So logically, if we went through
this room again, we would basically go back to to see a
girl. Yeah.
And I imagine right now like off in the distance while they're
discussing you just here in the background just.
Bones crunching and wet meat slapping.
If you were to head north, it does take a 90° turn, which
would lead you back to that big black puddle we.
Already did the big black puddle.
I don't think we want to do that.
Again. And then beyond that, it was the
room that the little girl Elizabeth was swatting in.
And then to the South of the black puddle is where you
dispatched of the monster hunters as well.
It's basically just a big loop there.
Just South of where the monster hunters are is the beach.
And then there's the the doorway to the to the east from there,
so. In the east, indoor, the east
brings us back to brings us back to.
Mainly, you guys are right here. OK?
This is the beach down here. This is where the doorway is
down that way. Monster hunters were dispatched
there. That's a black puddle.
This is where Elizabeth was. OK, so gentlemen, we're at.
We got a conundrum on our hands. So Donna, you think maybe the
our ghost friend might give us some hints?
Ghost friend I'm the ghost friend.
I mean like like search for subconscious of what my ghost
me. Remembers the the zela or
whatever. Zalia.
Zalia Yeah, that that damn it. I mean, we can go find out.
Yeah, 'cause I don't remember any glow.
Let's use our inside voices now. It's really hard to keep this
person's temper and lying. But you're doing a good job.
You're doing a good job so far, boss.
I got to say I do like this new attitude.
It it's it takes no shits and gives no fucks.
I enjoy that. Believe me, I do much better
than the then the douchebag professor that you normally.
I'm going to choose to remember that.
I say out of love and respect. Of course Dalton remembers this.
Tagline. But you know, I'm just, I'm just
kidding with you and I just give him a play punch in like the
shoulder. There's a a tense scene as I
have to restrain myself from latching back out.
So aside from the lady out the glowy door, like she wasn't
really like, right hostile to ours.
So she was just more indifferent, like why are you
here? Basically.
Yeah, we know that the necromancer has been like, oh
fuck you guys and left us alone in here.
Like, why don't we just go pick a different door?
Yeah, we we found him here. We explored the room world
thing. It's a giant loop, unless it's
some kind of puzzle we have to solve.
I'm just saying try door #2 see if there's a donkey in that one.
I mean that's stem like good logic to see if there's anything
different on the second pass around.
Wait, whatever happens with the little girl?
Elizabeth, she should still be there.
She should still be there, yeah. We didn't kill her.
No, we didn't. Water.
Cute. Yes, Dalton, we know.
So what do we want to do guys? Go possess the little girl, have
her go through the door just to mix things up.
Oh. OK.
I like this idea. You guys head back to the room
where Elizabeth's at. Sure.
OK, You open the door. She is in there.
She is reading through a book by candlelight.
What are you are? You guys still here?
No, no, we're not possess. OK.
What is it for? How many rounds is that?
It's like D4 rounds. I think it is D4.
OK, go ahead and roll me AD 4, then two.
OK, you've possessed the body of a small girl and what would you
like to do for the next two rounds?
Make a beeline for the glowing door.
OK, you guys make your way past the black puddle, past the
corpses of the monsters. You hang left and go towards the
door. You open the door and as you
open the door you feel this, this huge vacuum pull you
through the door. Oh fuck.
Holy. Shit, as you guys are pulled
through the door, you are back in the main chamber where Zalia
is standing there staring at you guys.
It might steal the little girl. Though you are not the little
girl anymore. What?
Did we learn here? Can't take people from door to
door. Apparently not.
Can I poke my head back through and to see if she's standing
there confused as heck? Sure, I poke my head back
through. She's standing there looking
confused, your head poking beyond the door, and then just
turns around and walks off. She doesn't say anything.
No, she doesn't say a damn thing.
She doesn't have much to say. She was just possessed by a
ghost. She's got a lot to process.
So I guess turn to Zayla and I go hello again.
Welcome back. Did you find Nabetha?
Oh, yeah, we, we, we found them. We found them.
But unfortunately they they they left just as soon as they can.
That does sound about right. She does not like to stay in one
place for very long. Yeah.
Does she got like a little like hangout?
Does she go to any like a she have a little like bod that she
likes to go to after doing what necromancers do?
No. Her necromancer gig is a full
time gig. She sort of passes between these
doorways whenever she feels like it.
I have not seen her if you were going to ask.
How long has it been since you saw this?
The Nabetha. Time is irrelevant here.
It could be minutes, it could have been years.
I I truly don't even know how long I've been here.
So what's your favorite? Door.
Oh, I don't go through the doors.
I'm literally stuck in this area.
There's quite a few folks that if they find their way here,
they go through whichever door piques their interest, but I
don't have any sort of personal preference which.
Door Have you heard good things? About, I mean, they all lead to
everyone's demise. So anybody goes through, doesn't
come out. I'm surprised to see you guys
here. Well, we are better than your
average adventurers when you agree.
I mean come on, look at all this here.
And I shake my zombie body and my hand falls off like.
Shit, you may want to pick that. Up.
Yeah, I have to come like snap it back on.
There we go. It's you sitting the Beth that
just travels between these doorways.
Yeah, I mean, beyond these doorways are different areas
that she has taken over. So she comes and goes as she
bleeds. But it's just one big circle.
In here, in this area, yeah, it's a big circle.
But beyond those doorways are, who knows, could be open fields.
It could be. So what you're saying is?
We need to just go through 1 and I'm just going to go towards the
closest door and just kick it open and go through.
OK, I get to yell. Surprise.
As you open the door, you feel again that vacuum pull the three
of you through. All of us, All three of you.
Here we go again and see is a lot.
And as you guys are pulled through, you are at the top of a
spiral staircase going down. Oh shit, OK, there's my Vertigo.
And here we go. And then I'm like half on all
fours. Just start.
Like running down the stair. Yeah, as you're going down, the
staircase just keeps going and going.
Donnie, we need to look for a leash for the.
I'm trying to help but you know waves hand through your.
No, I got. No, you are.
You're you're a good now. You're good.
Well, let's follow our beastly
boy now. Ronstone stairs alone or in
pairs. I do not know the song, but if I
would know, I would contribute. As you get to the bottom of the
staircase, Dalton, you find yourself in front of a huge,
heavy stone door. I'm going to start raging at it
and just like flinging, clouding my fist on it, clawing it.
OK, yes. Is there any light coming from
the door or like from the crack or is it just like so heavy that
it's like sealed off? It's pretty much sealed off.
You do see that there are torches that are, you know,
distributed throughout the staircase.
Throughout the staircase. Yeah, as you're going down the
spiral staircase, there's like torches lighting the way down.
I get to the door, well, I think Donnie would beat me to it, and
then I follow closely behind. Is there anything like else on
this door? Like any apart from Dalton's
hands? Like any markings, any etchings,
any semblance of how to open this thing.
No, unfortunately there's nothing there.
It's just a big solid stone door that as Dalton is pounding on
this thing, it's starting to slightly move inward.
OK, I I take notice of this and I just like brace myself and I
go well coming through and I just run at it and I shoulder
charge it. OK, as the both of you guys are
kicking the shit out of this door, it does slowly slide open
enough so that you guys have room to slide through.
Cool. As you guys get into the room
proper, you see a hallway with a a small desk off to your right
and a gated area in front of you with a long hallway beyond that
and a doorway to your left. This area appears to be like a
guards room, but there's no guards here and it's now empty
and silent except for a huge drunk owl.
It's wearing a leather jacket and has a sharpened iron beak.
It's over on the side on its perch, just swearing and
vomiting as it sees you guys coming through the doorway.
It lies up to you, chewing you back the way you came.
Well, who do we have here? Look at you, Mr. Mr. Owl.
Who who, who, who the fuck are you?
Get out of here. Well, come on now, let's not be
too lazy here. Fuck off.
Get out of here, OK? There's nothing in here.
For you. Whoa.
Well, well, there's something in.
Well, you are here. You're something.
What? What?
Who are you? What do you want?
Well, more importantly, who? Are you?
Where's Nebetha? Oh, oh, Nebetha, what do you
want with Nebetha? I want you to tell me where she
is before I start throwing these and I bring my fist up.
I mean adult less, not like too hasty at me.
Surely an owl of this smart looking nose where everything is
pissing me off. Yes, now that was made
abundantly clear. The fuck No no no, fuck this and
it starts to fly away. No, OK, I'm gonna try to grab
him and try to tackle him as he's trying to fly away.
OK, go ahead and make a make an agility test.
Agility. OK, sure.
That's the 13th. OK, you've grabbed this piss
drunk stale liquor stenched out and it's flapping and it's
pecking at you. I.
I am going to slam him on the ground, like since I grabbed him
by his feet, I'm just going to be like, I'm just trying to like
slam his face into the ground. I am going to do my best and
hold it down by the head and I yell at Donnie.
Donnie do I can Magic Bunny. All right, done.
It's time to shot. I possessed the owl for four
hours. OK, point of order.
Dalton has slammed the bird against the ground.
Go ahead and roll damage. OK, yeah, it'd be probably my
claw attack then. Probably.
That's five you. Killed the owl.
Tell me how you killed this drunken, vomiting, cursing owl.
So basically as he's like trying to fly away and everything, I
grab him by his feet and I follow through with like
dragging him to the ground and then just repeatedly like a club
which then turns into like a sack of organs just repeatedly
face slamming it into the ground.
And as you're turning this once majestic avian into a pile of
goo, you notice that a ring of keys falls out of the leather
clothing that it was wearing and lands just beyond the puddle of
dead owl. I'm just, well, I think the
owl's still alive and I'm still trying to hold.
It's like it's fighting back. Am I still possessing?
It you had not got a chance to possess it yet as the.
Attack was very fun, we got a four.
Maybe we'll let you. Make one good one I.
Imagine that you managed to like possess it for like that half
second before the head hit the ground and it just kind of
ejected you ghostly form out of the corpse.
In that one instant you saw it's whole life flash before your
eyes and then. How many tops do I have to die?
And I like I realized like, wait, what do you mean die?
And I look down and I see the owls not moving anymore and I
see just blood and viscera. I'm like, oh, you killed it a
while ago didn't you, dog? Just like, just pounded him.
I'm still holding on to it. I'm like OK, OK, EW, gross.
Just beyond the puddle and where the key ring had lie, there's
another doorway that seems to be closed and then back behind you
is a hallway to the east and then a hallway to the South that
has a gate that you can see through that the hallway
stretches beyond. OK.
Where did the owl hide his booze?
I can't drink it being a ghost but.
I mean, that would have been a question for the owl, but he's
dead now. How did the owl open the
bottles? He has an iron beak.
He just popped the top of like a beer.
That tracks. OK, no more OWL related
questions for me. So I pick up the keys and you
said there was a desk. Yes, it looks like there's a
small desk. There doesn't seem to be much of
anything on it. It looks like this area was once
like a a guards station. It's been long abandoned.
I. Don't know.
I think we just killed the guard, and I think so.
What do you mean we Dalton killed the guy?
Dalton went ham on that owl. You had to come in.
It wasn't so wise. Can I inspect the desk?
Yeah, I mean, inspecting the desk, you see scattered papers
that have information that doesn't mean anything to
anybody. Schedule for his AA meetings.
Yeah, and they're all littered with owl pellets all about.
Just like piles of little bones exactly mushed into.
Circles. The big one used to be a
squirrel. Several squirrels.
So I take the keys. You said there was a door.
Yes. It could just be a doorway you.
This whole area smells like old piss and vomit and it just reeks
in. Here I thought you're making a
Cinnabon. It could smell like a Cinnabon
if the Cinnabon smell like piss and shit vomit.
Well, I mean. It depends on what mall.
You're in just smell. Like or which airport?
So I go to the door and I check to see if it's locked.
The door is not locked, it opens up to it appears to be a small
storage room and as you open the door, yet more piss and vomit
just attacks the sense. Oh my God, it smells like a
crazy cat lady's house. You do see that off to the side
there's a small chest and it looks like it's somebody was
sleeping in the storeroom. Was the owl sleeping there?
Like is it like feathers or any other like shit to indicate that
this is the thing that was that's been living here?
Yes, yeah. You can see more pellets in here
and it it basically of the owl. Pellets and yeah, I would like
to look at what's inside the chest.
Fantastic opening the chest. I don't have to open it.
OK, well, he can't open it. I can't open it.
I can still look at what's inside.
OK, roll me AD 20. Oh.
That's the 13. Looking in the chest, you see a
bouquet of flowers, and as you poke your head in there, the
flowers seem to be communicating with you.
You like you're hearing voices coming from the flowers
themselves. Oh.
Shit. They're not saying anything
intelligible, it's just random gibberish and muddled letters
together. Calm down that little one at a
time. Can't make it out what you're
starting to tell to hear flowers.
Even when you try to calm them down, it it's an intelligible
language that they're they're speaking in.
Or pull my head out of the chest and it's like, yeah, there's
talking bouquet in here, but I can't make sense of it.
What do you guys want to open this up?
I don't know if it's really worth it.
I go bouquet. Yeah, stranger things have
happened. And I go, and I open the chest.
As you open the chest, ear piercing screams come from the
chest the the flowers just start screaming.
So they're screaming meanies. Yeah.
I punch the bouquet. As you punch the bouquet, the
pedals scatter about, the ear piercing scream dies off and it
is silent once again. Thank.
You Don. Other than that, there's really
nothing else in this room all. Right.
I'm really beginning to hate this place.
I agree with that. What do you say we get the fuck
out of this place? Sucks.
This seems pointless. Well, apart from the owl seemed
really nice. Owl was an asshole.
I mean, he told us we should just leave and there was nothing
for us here. If anything, we could have just
listened to him. It saved a lot of time.
You're trying my patience too now.
As you guys leave the room, you get back into the hallway proper
and there's a hallway beyond gates of going to the South, and
then there's a doorway that's open with a hallway going to the
east. And that's the only way to go.
That's the only two ways you got.
South or east? Aside from the staircase behind
you that you guys walk out so. South or east?
Let's go E just I start start heading that way.
OK, as you guys walk down the hallway, you come up to a door
just as you're getting 20 pieces in and the store is locked.
I take the key ring, actually wait, wait.
Hey Donnie, want to give a little Pixie doodle butt that's.
What I'm good at? Hell yeah.
And I give them a pat on the back and my hand falls through
it. All right.
Damn, all right, I do the whole invisible first, head second.
OK, as you peek through, you do see that is just more hallway
leading down that leads to an open room.
Actually as you're poking your head through.
Donnie, go ahead and make me a presence test one, OK?
It just appears that there is a hallway going down.
The Room. Explodes.
All right, it's just the hallway.
Nothing to be concerned about. It's just a straight shot.
Donnie, I trust you with my life and I check the door to see if
it's locked. The door is locked.
All right, I take my key ring my my brand new key ring and I
Jingle the keys and I just start trying.
I try the first key on the the key ring OK.
Do you hear the lock open and the door?
Actually, point of order. How many keys are on this key
ring? Oh.
Fuck, I don't know. Roll AD 13.
There's two. Cool.
So you pick the right one, so as you turn the lock, the lock
opens and the door is free to open.
And I just walk in. As you walk in and step down you
hear a click fuck and this is a good time.
Take a break I. Did not see that
coming. Bad news, scum.
News scum. You died.
Sorry.
Even worse news.
Worse. You've been resurrected by a mad
necromancer. Necromancer.
Why? Why does it matter?
Doesn't matter. What's dead should stay dead.
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Turns, turns. You are sent sent.
Come one, come all, join us as we dive into the dying world of
more Ford and the Board universe.
Whispers of the Dying Lands is a podcast with 1 mission to spread
the word of Mecker Bell. As third party content creators
share the prophecies of Verhoe I.
Your host Oloskos teams up with everyone's favorite scum, Iron
Tusk Tevin. From Flail to the Face, we sit
down with content creators to help promote and try to give
maximum exposure and efforts to support their crowdfunding
campaigns. Welcome back to Flail the Face.
These guys have gotten themselves in a situation going
down a hallway and stepping on the stone plate and you hear a
click. Colette, go ahead and roll an
agility test. DR10-O here.
We go, come on baby 01010 on the dot.
Actually wait, let me see if I have anything.
It was a what role? Agility.
Agility, obviously there's any modifiers to that?
Well, would that be like I had a meat mouth?
You'd use the zombie one. Oh, a zombie one, right?
That's -2 fuck. No.
Do you have an omen? Do you have an omen?
I have oh God do I use it. It's my last one.
I. Mean it's this a use it or lose
it situation where if you don't use it, you're completely aft.
I mean, well, if any damage would happen, fuck it, you know
what? I'm going to use it.
No. Cast omen.
Last omen. Here we go.
Come on. Fuck.
That was an 8. Even worse.
As you step down and you hear the click, the floor falls out
from underneath you and it opens up to a shallow pit.
As you look into the shallow pit, a series of spikes shoot up
from the floor. Go ahead and roll me AD 4.
Well, this is on brands for me out of the three.
You take 3 damage. Ouch.
All right, so I am down. Let's see to 4.
OK, fuck. Oh, your personal pain seems to
have lessened this body's rage. Do more of that.
And there is the Dalton I know and hate.
This sucks. And I just see like a spike
through like my thigh, one sticking out of my shoulder and
one sticking out of like my kidney.
And I'm thinking, you know, this is how I always thought
acupuncture would know. But at least it doesn't hurt.
This is 1 benefit to being a fleshy meat bag.
And hang on one second. And I just sort of just like
slowly pull myself out of the spikes and shake myself off.
How far down am I from my compatriots?
You didn't actually fall down into the pit, the spikes shot up
from it. Oh, so I'm just oh, oh.
You're still on the same level as you are, pulling yourself
from the spikes. The spikes themselves help you
by retracting the plates and the floor reengage, and that trap
has already reset as you are composing yourself afterwards.
Note to self watch where you step.
As you say that, you hear fucking he.
Walked back onto another trap and reset the trap again.
You hear shifting on the ground and you hear like a flickering
noise, flickering. As you're standing there,
confused by what you're hearing, you see a huge imposing black
snake making its way down down the hallway towards you.
Oh. Shit.
This thing is probably 5 gallon barrel size around oh fuck at
the head and gets bigger from there.
Well. This is a big boy.
It is, and it is making its way down the hallway towards your
direction. Well, we know where the switch
is to make the spikes come out, so if we time this just right,
we might get stabbed too. I suggest we do something
because I feel in a very, very strong urge to just go punch it.
I could become a spiritual weapon for D4 rounds stealing
Ted damage. I bring this up because it's on
my character sheet and I haven't done it yet.
OK. I mean, there's options that we
could do. And as you guys are discussing
this, the snake is growing closer and closer.
OK, well we don't know how many other triggers there are, just
in case there are other ones like litter around.
Is there debris or anything on the floor?
Yeah, there's random stones and old burnt porches on the ground.
I am going to like because I don't really have a lot of
manual dexterity in my hands. I'm just going to like grab a
decent sized rock and like two hand over throw it.
OK, go ahead. Make.
I guess I'd be a presence test, wouldn't it?
Yep, I miss with a 3. It's like, yeah, and I go to
throw it and it like actually slips out of my hands behind me
and just falls on the ground behind.
Me. As you do that, the snake stops
and rears up and slithers back into the room that was in.
That motherfucker. It just.
OK. It backtracked into the room
that it was in. I go running after it OK.
The dog. Go ahead and make an agility
test to see if you can avoid the trap.
That's an 8. That is an 8.
As you step down, you hear the click.
The doors open up and the spikes shoot back up through the floor.
2 -1 so one point of damage. All right, so as you are stabbed
through the foot, it is just enraging you even more.
This is the most infuriating situation that you could
possibly be in right now. Fuck this and I'm just continue
running. OK, you make it past there.
You get into a room where this large snake is basically stuffed
into this room with its head underneath its body.
It's coiled up to the point where its body is basically on
top of its head. Oh, I go running, charging right
at it. I'm going to try to dig my claws
right into its face. OK, go for it.
It has no armor. The more you look at it, it
doesn't look as imposing as as. It just looks pathetic.
That makes me even more angry. So it's.
Just a scared little guy. And that's a 12 to hit.
He's scared. Scared little guy?
Well. Now he's dead.
That will hit it. Four damage.
All right, you hear it just hiss in pain as you slice at it.
It's still up, but it is not looking good.
Just blood and goo just dripping out of where you've slashed at
it. I would assume we go to
initiative at this point. That would be correct.
D6 That's a one. All right, so out of fear, this
snake lacklusterly goes and snaps at you.
What is A7? OK.
And it makes purchase. The bite is as pathetic as the
snake looks itself. So it's AD 2 damage.
That's. 2. An armor of two.
Yeah, I forgot I had armor too. So.
OK, what was your armor? D2.
OK, so go ahead and roll the armor and take off the damage.
That is A1 all right, so 3, so 3 damage.
OK, perfect. So no, actually.
Oh no, two damage, I'm sorry. So I'm down to 5.
So that was the snake's turn. I could heal people if anyone's
really that bad. As long as I eat brains I'm fine
because according to the zombie I can't die.
I just I just get negative modifiers to my stats.
As long as I eat brains I gain back 1H.
Pit I can just okay, I'm just I feel like I can do more than
just possess things through. Balls if anything Dalton.
Like you can heal Dalton. Hey, buddy, you want some heal
there? I'll take that as a yes.
Yeah, that's a four on my D4 for D4 HP to heal damage from living
thing. Oh, from a living thing. 00.
Yeah, fine. Print there.
Shoot. You took damage from the spike
and two from the snake, right? Snakes are alive if I'm cracked.
I blocked the. I blocked the damage from the
snake. Oh well then I can't heal you.
I've just wasted our time. Now hang on unnecessarily, I
guess I'll I'll take a swipe at this bad boy.
You're still on the other side of the spikes.
Oh shit. Dalton's the only one that
rushed. To drop just taking another
swing. Make it happen.
That is a 14. OK, we're all your demise.
Five damage. Tell me how you do it.
Yeah, so I basically like claws down through the top and I hit
that soft spot on the on the top of the head and just kind of go
right down the fontanelle through and my fist goes
through. And now my like forearm is stuck
in the skull of this snake as my hands out the bottom and I'm
just OK waving around and the body's just kind of flopping.
OK, as you're doing this you see that beyond the snake there is a
gate and the gate opens and you see shadowy type hands grabbing
the snake and pulling it into beyond pitch black darkness.
The Colette tries to get past the spikes to try to get some
brain matter that might have fallen out of the snake's head.
I will allow it. Wait wait and I guess I will
roll see if I see any chunks of brain matter.
You know what, with all the what Dalton's done, there's bits of
brain chunks around. The finesse of Dalton.
Yes, and as you're picking it up that you can see these shadowy
hands are pulling this huge snake body Into Darkness.
And as the head gets pulled into this weird dark pitch blackness,
the gate closes back behind it. Oh shit, I'm just making
horrible slurping noises, slurping up brain matter and I
look at my buddies and I go well that's weird.
I investigate. I'm just like flinging my arm
and the few chunks and stuff are just.
I grab your hand and I just start licking your fingers for
any more brain matter. Get off of me and just like,
chug away. What?
Come on, what? What are you investigating
there, Miss Basking the door closing, yes.
I do the the third time today I move my head through invisibly.
OK, you push your head through the gate and it is pitch black.
There's just darkness. There is the darkest darkness
you've ever seen. What'd you see, Donnie?
I looked into the abyss. There was nothing but darkness.
Cold. Sounds like my first marriage.
I hear that that beyond that, there's nothing else in this
room. Is the door heavy?
Into the darkness. Oh, I thought it was closed.
I wouldn't know lose hand through door just.
All right. Well, I guess my question is, is
it like the wooden door? Is it a stone door?
It's like a metal gating. Oh.
It's a metal gate, OK. Yeah, All right.
That's just a big wall of darkness.
Beyond that. Oh.
It's just a big wall of darkness.
Yeah. Holy shit.
OK. And there was no other door
through the spike room. No, it was just a long haul
hallway going east to West. Well, once more into the breach,
gentlemen. And I just fuck it.
I just go through. Into the darkness.
I will follow suit the only way.
It's the only way to go. Yeah, all the cool kids are
doing it, Peer. Pressure.
OK, as you guys jump into the darkness, you feel this
deafening silence completely encompassing you.
You can't see anything. You can't feel anything.
You don't know where any of you are in relation to each other.
Oh shit. Doesn't feel like you're
falling. It doesn't feel like you're on
stable ground. You're just existing.
And then the next thing you know, you find yourself at the
top of a spiral staircase. Does it look like the spiral
staircase we were at before? Yes it does.
Motherfucker. And then just start scrambling
down the steps again. OK, scramble down the steps.
You find the hallway that you guys were initially in.
Where or Dalton dispatched that drunken owl To the east is the
hallway where the spice and the make was, and a straight ahead
of you is a hallway that's blocked off.
It has a series of gates blocking this hallway off that.
In the hallway itself, it's illuminated by green torches
staggered through to the hallway beyond these gates.
It's just screams necromance and now it, doesn't it?
Let's look at the gates. Yeah, let's go the way we
haven't been yet. OK, the gates do appear to be a
lot more solid than the ones you've seen before.
OK, I I go up to the middle one and test it to see if it's like
locked. It is locked and it is solid.
Oh. You know Keyhole to speak of.
There's a keyhole. All right, right.
One more key left. Video game logic says it has to
work. Well, I take one key and I just
put it in the hole and try to see if it works.
Go ahead and make a presence test.
That is A7. The key goes in, but it doesn't
seem to activate the tumblers. All right, so I got one more
key. I'll try the other one.
OK, I can use that die. This time I'm going to use
another one and that is a 16. You hear the tumblers click and
this big solid, heavy gate is free and open.
Cool. As you walk through the gate,
you see to either side large empty cells with strange
mushrooms growing on one of the walls.
I walk over to it and I just actually wait.
I go to the South. There's nothing else in the cell
other than these mushrooms. There's cells on either side on
the West and the east. Appears to be hay beds in there
for whoever was here being held in there.
Both of the cells are open and you notice that to the east that
the mushrooms seem to be growing more predominant and just a huge
bushel of them on the southeast wall.
I'm going to take a couple of. Them OK as you pick up the
mushrooms they have a weird fragrance to them, almost a
sweet smell to them OK? Smells like a Cinnabon.
It does smell like a Cinnabon but they have a weird texture to
them, almost like if a layer of like a spore like dust kind of
on them. OK.
I pluck a couple and like I feel like the moisture like on the
tips of my fingers like. Go ahead, lick it.
I would if I could put it in your.
Mouth. Well, Dalton, since I licked
your fingers already, how about I give you the courtesy of you
lick in my fingers? I will bite them if you put them
near me. Well noted.
All right, Yeah, I'm bite the tips of his fingers.
Do that, big guy. OK.
How many licks does it take to get to the center of me one?
You've just bit off the fingers of Colette, but you can also
taste the sweet powder that's on there as it touches your tongue.
You can feel that it's got the burning sensation like a poison,
but being as you're already dead, it can't kill you.
So you can feel that it's, it's burning and kind of foaming up
in your mouth. It's.
Trying to kill you. But it's not like affecting you,
if that. Save those for later.
Way ahead of you, big guy. I assume that Dalton bit off my
index and my middle finger, so I'm just holding some mushrooms
in between my ring and my pinky and my thumb and I'm just
putting them in my pocket. Perfect.
As you were pulling these mushrooms off the wall, you'd
notice that back behind where the mushrooms are appears to be
like a small tunnel like dug into the wall.
Hey now. Does this look like something we
could possibly crawl through? It does.
It looks like somebody has already crawled through it and
burrowed from the cell to who knows where.
Wasn't Elizabeth, was it? No, now she doesn't go in this
area. All right.
I guess I will just start leading the way now.
OK, squeeze through. You would probably have to get
on all fours and kind of army crawl through.
This seems like forever, roughly, you know, 30 to 45
feet. As you get to the end of the
tunnel, you see that it leads into yet another cell.
You basically fall from the tunnel onto a hay bed.
And this cell is small and cramped and it's reeks of rotten
bodies and littered with bones. Colette, you're the 1st this
went through. Yes, go ahead and roll me a
presence test as you get in there.
Roll. Presence that is actually, let
me see presence if there's anything more to that.
Hang on, I don't believe I do. No, it's just a flat 10.
A10 OK, it's just reeks in here and you don't see anything of
worth or note. Just the just the hay bed and
just the cell. I'm just littered with
desiccated bodies and a bloody mess.
Well, room surface hasn't been here.
Apart from that, you're all clear, boys.
Let's go. I follow my way, my actions as I
go. Is there any way out of the
cell? The cell door is closed As you
guys get into the room proper, it is fairly cramped.
You can see the cell door is closed.
You're kind of walking amongst the bones and the bodies in this
room, but you know you're not alone.
On the other side of the gate you see again a cloaked figure
with a skull mask holding a staff.
Well, this is more like. It now maybe you'll answer my
questions. Who are you, who are you?
Where are you from and why are you here?
We're but Lola, Pop Tarts salesman.
You care for a first sample. And as you hold out the waste it
in your hand, the being freezes are you less.
From Hold No, it's a bit of a complicated back story.
What? I'm a ghost?
Why are you here? To find you for.
What? At this point is he close enough
to the bars and if I throw myself against the bars I can
reach through and grab him? I would assume no.
She has got a safe distance but the bars could be broken through
I'm. Going to throw myself at him.
OK, go ahead and make a strength check.
That is a 12. As you hit the bars, the door
comes off the hinges and lays open at the Bethas feet.
Ohh shit guitar OK. Is it worth to try and possess
her? I mean if it'll immobilize her
for like a second they could just take a waste it and then
just like just slap it on her. If I eat a waste of water that's
seen her, does that send me back to hole or does that send me and
her back to hole? Well, you can't really eat
anything. So then once I stop possessing
her, I can then eat my wasted. Oh, oh, wait, yes.
So if you possessed her, you can get her to eat?
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I mean, you could always try.
I would like to possess her for four rounds.
OK, as she's standing there in shock, focused on the gate
that's at her feet, you enter her body and you enter through
her body and out the other way. Shit, that's only one round.
As she realizes what has happened, she looks back at you
and says I created these and dead.
They have no effect on the effect role initiative.
OK, I got, I got it this time 5. OK, let's do what I'll.
Go first. Fuck it.
I'm just going to say. So you know what we're all
about, right? I'm pretty hungry, so you know
what I want, bitch? And I just go at her, OK,
Strength +2, right? So that's 11.
Both my strength it's 2, so that's at 13.
OK, that would be a hit, yes. And it says D4 weapon of choice.
Whatever D4 weapon you would have, but it's going to do D4
damage. OK, I don't have a weapon.
I think I just have No, no, I remember now I had like a bone
that I like made into like a dagger.
So I'm just going to attack with my dagger.
OK, bone. And that is a four.
OK, you take a swipe at her with this dagger and it catches her
cloak. There's quite a bit more
resistance than you're expecting.
It's a D4 armor, so go in real D4 and see what gets through. 1.
OK, so was that three points? Yeah.
OK, so it catches the cloak and it tears and you feel that it's
caught something beyond that cloak.
And she winces ever so slightly. Who's next?
I would like to become a spectral weapon before her Oz
Guilt and damage. OK, hell.
Yes. When you've been hot, you've
been hot. That's a three.
I'll take it. All right, who is going to be
wielding the spectral weapon? Dalton.
That's got to be Dalton. What type of weapon would this
be? It is explained Owl.
I transform into the ghost of a drunk owl wearing a leather
vest. Dalton grabs the special owl by
the legs. Sounds.
Allow it. That is an 18.
That is a solid hit. So it's AD 10 damage.
Yes. That is A9.
Right. As you swing this spectral
leather vested iron beaked owl you catch Nabetha square in the
chest and she is thrown back off of balance and not looking good.
Now as she's doing this, you see that she taps her staff against
the ground and a large long blade comes out of the top and
now it resembles A scythe. Oh shit.
And she is going to swing at, well, actually being as Donnie
as a spectral owl. Odds will be Colette even will
be Dalton swings at Colette. Oh goody.
So go ahead and make a defense role.
Bring it you. Undead whore.
That is a 17 -, 2. That's a 15.
OK, so as she's off balance swinging wildly with the site,
she does miss so initiative. As she's misses, I just hold up
the middle. Well, I try to hold up my middle
fingers, but I forgot that Dalton ate one of them, so it's
just the one finger. Got it A.
Little stub A. Little stub it.
All right, I'll roll initiative at this time.
I'll do it again. That is a. 4.
All right. Us again.
All right, I'll continue swinging my my buddy Donnie
here. That is a 12. 12 is a hit.
Probably 4 damage. And D4 armor that cloak.
That is 2SO2 damage. All right, still reeling from
the last Owl attack, you catch her again, and she's seems to be
staggering as she stands. I'm, I'm swinging at her now.
Fuck it. I don't need to do anything
fancy. I'm just, I'm just swinging,
swinging. OK. 5th fucking Teen +2.
That's a hit. Fuck yes, I take a hint out of
Dalton's playbook and I run at her and I pounce and I just
like, take my dagger and I stab her in the shoulder.
OK for one different one damage and it's not even worth it.
One that completely negates it. OK shit, you jump on here and go
to stab her. Yeah, like God, yeah.
Like OK, I'm hoping like my body weight will help topple her too.
OK, so as you jump on here and you go to stab her in the
shoulder, the cloak is deflecting this.
Yeah, and as she's got a hold of you, she takes the tip of the
site and taps you with it. Go and roll me AD 4.
Oh shit. That are the four.
Nothing seems to happen, you just merely feel the touch of
the scythe on you, but you don't feel different.
It's not like she's attacking you with it or stabbing you with
it, just merely tapping you with it.
I don't feel anything else. You don't feel anything else
yet? Yeah.
Yeah, OK. Role Initiative.
OK, anybody else want to do it this time?
Sure. D6 Razor that's 5.
Another round house with the Owl Club.
OK, now know that she is holding Colette's still swinging zombie
body. OK.
That is a 12. That is a hit.
I am dazed at like the fact. Like what the fuck was that for
you stupid? Oh my fucking God, that's ten
shit. D4 armor. 3 so 7.
OK, as you hit her with this, she lets Colette go and she
drops the scythe and she drops to her knees and you just hear
her muttering I can't go back. I can't go back.
I cannot go back.
You can and you will, and I'm going to jam a waste it into her
mouth, OK? Hell yeah.
As you jam the waste it into the mouth, you see the body start
melting in front of you into a pile of goo, and then that goo
forms into a ball and then that ball blips with a flash of light
and is gone. OK that was the coolest shit I
have ever seen I guess. That's mission A comp.
My turn next. I I go to inspect the scythe,
I'm like Gimme, Gimme the nice shiny.
Pointy thing. As you go to look at the scythe,
the blade itself starts to instantaneously rust and crumble
into dust. Wow.
In your hand. That was just a fucking stick.
Yeah, well, that's fucking boring.
Well, I guess all's well that ends well, gentlemen.
So call the doc. Yeah, let's go back to Hot Mom.
She she said we were just supposed to eat the wasted when
we accomplished the mission, right?
Yeah, that is correct. Now it's.
Yeah. All right.
Bottoms up. I attempted to eat mine, Kevin.
OK, as all three of you eat the wasted, your bodies melt,
including yours Donnie into like some sort of ectoplasmic goo.
They all form into a ball and then within a flash of light you
guys are gone and you wake up back in the chairs that you were
strapped to. Fingers.
Back on hole in front of Doctor Brock Martin.
Feels good to be myself again. I just count all the fingers on
my hands. Me, for such a dark vision of
reality, I was under the impression that when you died,
you went to either a beautiful Meadow full of Cyborg grass and
Cyborg trees, Cyborg flowers, or you went to the other place that
was full of alpacas. And as you guys start to regain
your vision and get back to consciousness, you see Doctor
Throckmorton standing in front of you, just slow clapping.
Well done. Well done everybody.
Harold, please take Nabetha. And as you look over, you see
Harold, the big hulking mask has what appears to be the
necromancer Nabetha, but it pulls off the skull mask and
pulls down the cloak. And the person in front of you
seems very familiar. It looks like Zalia, the lady
that was in the hallway. Oh motherfucker.
And she's screaming and. I can't the health spawn will
they'll have my head for. This.
And as she says that, Harold puts his hand over her mouth and
carts her off into a different room.
Well done everybody. This that was that was great.
You guys worked terrible as a team, but you got the job done.
Thank you so much. How many years off do we get?
Good points. Yes, you guys did earn this.
Everybody roll AD 10, D 10. 10 You know what, Doc, forgive
forgive me for being a little nosy busy body, but what are you
going to do with with Nabetha at there's Alia?
What's she going to do now? That's none of your concerned
guys. We're going to.
We'll take care of that. OK, I rolled A5 by the way.
I rolled A10 and all I'm hearing from you is that this means
she's going to come back at a later arc as our unlikely ally.
Everybody gets 10 years off of your sentence.
Only 86 more to go. 41 I have. Oh, I have 30 more years.
Wonderful. Well with that guys, I will will
let you get back as you guys work on we set up some
accommodations here for you. There's no reason for you guys.
So but go back into general population.
You guys are you're doing amazing.
So you're going to be staying here with us and we'll call upon
you once we get more information to send you back out again.
But I had a good thing going, then Gen.
Pop, I got a good side business now is finally getting to be a
reputable saleswoman. Yeah, but do you really want to
spend time with your ex-husband out there?
Money ex. Husband Money ex.
Are the booze here better than gasoline?
Well, I guess suppose you'll have to check with that.
Guys, rest up. This is the first of many
missions that we'll have you on. And keep an eye on yourselves
because being in this state can can cause some oh gosh, how do I
want to put this? I could fuck with your head.
Yeah, point of matter. When I was a zombie, Dalton bit
me. And is this going to get
infected? Yes, it is.
This episode of Flail the Face features the game's human
occupied landfill by Todd shaughnessy, Daniel Thrawn and
Chris Elliott. Kill Your Necromancer by Paul
Kickman and Hellspawn by Richard Marker and Lee Iovis with Thomas
Gino Stummy playing Dalton Walls, Tom Gambino playing
Colette Stellano, Charles Patchkey playing Donnie and
Kevin Welch as the Holmeister. Season 2 theme music is void
construct by out scroll editing by Kevin Welch, episode art by
Tom Gambino and video editing by Dan Finey.
And on behalf of the cast and crew of Flail the Face, we want
to thank all the listeners for sticking with us.
Without you, season 2 wouldn't be a thing.
So if you could do us a favor, like subscribe, follow on
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, blue sky and YouTube.
Yeah, we're on there too and share with all your friends so
we can get out there to more people.
With that being said, thanks for listening and we'll catch you
guys next time. Escape from reality.
Open your eyes. Look to the skies and.
She. This is where I say hate Queen.
Kevin's a poor. Boy I hate this.
We. Won't get sued for that, right?
Who? Listens to the show anyways.
I feel like. Lawyers would listen to this and
be like, there they tried. Yeah, fuck.
Why? Because we like you.
Yeah, do you? That was awesome.
Oh, those. I certainly like you more than I
like myself, so yeah. I like you all more than I like
myself. Me and me and a Boo Boo stick
your head and Doo Doo I. Was going to say sing but.
Oh no, no more. No more fucking singing.
No, Queen, not, not on my watch. OK, so we're not Queen, but.
But. I don't know pretty much
anything else I suppose, until I find it.
Tornado. Results.
Thomas was going to take that one and run with it.
No, not today. OK.
The disgusting human being you normally are.
What the hell is wrong with black Jelly beans?
They're the fucking delicious. Amazing.
They're you talking about? They're amazing, yeah.
They're amazing as punishment. I don't care for this attitude.
I feel personally attacked. I am offended.
Under siege? That's OK, You can wash the sand
out later. And that was.
Like I can tolerate people gutting others, I can tolerate
cannibalism, and I can tolerate lots of things, but black
licorice and anything in these flavored is generally delicious.
I 100% agree, but I also know we can agree to disagree.
I will eat anything, no? That's how he got on the watch.
List. There he is, there it is.
That'll be fun. You're welcome.
Good luck. You can work on your Foley by
just getting some chicken breast and just oh me, I'm.
Not doing that chicken. Thighs are the better one.
Writes down donkey behind and. Ogre mourns the dead donkey.
So the owl's vest, I'm just trying to think about this from
like how many pockets did it have?
You said it was leather, did it didn't the way of his wings?
Well, obviously not because it could fly.
I'm just trying to visualize an owl wearing a leather vest.
It's not that strange. I mean, it's not beyond the
realm of possibility. I mean, owls could wear vests.
I've never seen it before. If an owl can eat lollipops, it
can wear a leather. Vest, it's true.
Yeah, that is, that is science. In fact, that's true.
I was going to say I was going to go to Dalton, and they're
like, hey, Dalton. You'd think he was a member of
Alcoholics Anonymous. Ouch, Ouch.
We never learned his name. That's the joke there, right?
Because he's anonymous. There we go.
That's another layer to the joke.
All right, take two and you look at you look at an owl and what
do you think first? How do you feel when you see
these birds is. That an egg man up there, Why
can't I? Wow, I can get to the center of
my, I'll tell you that much. My head is egg shaped.
Sit on me, Mommy.
Oh God. Chloe.
That is Donnie's catch phrase. Perfect.
Sit on me, Mommy. Sit on me.
Mommy, I got a face right here. It's seat shaped.
It's seat. Shaped.
Try it out. Oh my God.
It does look like a saddle. Mommy, you're a car and I have
an empty space. Come park it on me.
You guys defeated my necromance or take.
That bitch. Necromance or nothing?