Greeting Scum and welcome to Foil to the face.
My name is Cannibal Chris, of course, and I'm going to be our
GM again as we jump into a new adventure.
We are going to be getting into Church of the Worm from JDC
Perry and well, you'll see how it goes I guess.
Hi, I'm Levi. I play.
Pee Wee. That's.
Your neighborhood friendly creepy guy, whatever he is.
I'm Thomas and I'm playing wee men.
I'm Kevin and I'm playing gruno. And I'm Jake, and I'm playing
Todd Ward, and I'm also a Merck Borg addict.
Hi Jade. Hi, Jade calling you out dude.
Well, it's him too. It's all of.
Us and I'm Nate and I play Screech.
Hi, Nate. Hi, Nate.
All right, let's Layla. Got any cookies back?
So the five of you, Pee Wee, Weemut, Gruno, Todd, Word, Now
Skeletal and Screech, along with your entourage that consists of
Gouldad, Klotzpund and now Paul Troon, but also a donkey, I
believe, pulling the court. An OX.
Wait, wait, no, that it was.
There's Kabot Spoon and also the thing pulling the cart.
There was an OX and a Bison. Okay, there Bison is the Quarter
Pounder. Quarter Pounder.
They're not the same. Nope.
And I feel like you're going to offend all the bisons and oxen.
Listen, we have a whole family this.
Is a family. Trip It kind of is.
It always is. So the gates of the city of
Sleshvig are about 1/4 mile from the ground that your feet now
walk. You finally made it after the
last oh what, 8 days or something?
Or it was it was less than it was supposed to be.
I know that I think it was 7. But the dark grows darker and
the torchlight grows brighter as the day turns to night and you
see a cloaked, hooded figure walking in your direction from
Sleshvig. As the figure gets closer, you
see a familiar long white beard billowing from within the cloak.
I grip my crossbow. Hey, hey, hold on now.
I bet you were expecting. Well, me probably.
But you made it. Well, you guys did.
Wait, who's that guy and that guy?
Replacements. From.
No, it's still me. Fucking.
Oh, you too. Wait, have we met?
Yeah, we. Have.
It's Todd Word. Yeah yo, now I I ween it.
Oh, you're Ween. Oh yeah, yeah.
Well, the crossbow was a good indicator, and it's pointed at
me as usual. No.
Anyway, I'm honestly no. I'm kind of taken aback by the
fact you actually made it, and I'm glad.
But yeah, just talked. Anyway, I did a little Recon
around. You remember I was talking about
some worm cultists up around here?
Remember that? Do you?
Yeah, no, we do. It's just there's a difference
between remembering and just not caring.
That's fair. That's fair.
Like, I thought, maybe care about it, he.
Holds over a a scroll to wean it because he knows wean it more
and maybe it'll get him to let off on the cross.
Yeah, I I set the crossbow sling off to my side and yeah, I
grabbed the scroll. OK.
Do you read it? Yeah.
OK. You unroll it and it's a wanted
poster and it's it's a picture of like a dude who's clearly a
cultist, just by the robe and the the creepiness.
Yeah. And the you see that he's this
drawing of him is brown stained around the mouth and it says
wanted shit eating called this Oh my God, yeah and it says
bring the head of whoever's responsible.
It wouldn't say King Fong with the 9th right.
However, it just is King, and then it's just like a bunch of
letters that looks like someone else took over and didn't know
how to write. Like curl murdered the man
writing the poster and then started.
Yeah, that looks like that could have happened for sure, yeah.
All right, yeah, we met is reads that and then like kind of holds
the the scroll next to the old guy and just like comparing the
picture. It's not me.
Smell like shit. So I'm.
It's just it's good to you. What's the price?
You You. What's the coinage on this
poster? It doesn't say, but you know
it's the king, so probably not as much as you're thinking.
Honestly, no, but but but I know a little bit of something that
you might not like. I'm wet with anticipation.
It's this. He opens up his robe and there's
a lot more scrolls in it. Oh yeah, as you do that, you do.
Realize and that you're taken aback by the fact yeah he is he
did just bear all oh cool, you know, open his robes.
Yeah, I I I start to draw my crossbow again.
Pay attention to the wrong things here.
It's the scrolls. Not that.
Yeah, he hands them out. I don't know if you got the
right ones, but let's take a look.
What? OK, what's mine say?
You unroll and it says wanted, and it's a picture of Screech
and it says Doctor. And then it's like it does a
bunch of the same kind of scribbling again, Doctor, Yeah.
I keep looking at the poster and then just my eyes shift to the
left and look at. Screech.
And I kind of squint this doesn't make sense.
It says wanted dead I'm. Gonna roll that poster back up.
I don't get to see it. No, I'm going to.
Wow, great. Thanks.
Just fucking have a gun to the back of my head without me
knowing it. Thanks, Todd.
We're. We're.
Best buds? Yeah.
It always, it always was. So you're not going to tell me
that there's going to potentially be people out for my
fucking life? Sorry, I for whatever.
Reason I open the scroll that I. Thought this was the only.
One I don't know why, it's a picture of of of Pee Wee and it
says wanted dead. For what?
No reason. It's ripped off on the bottom
where it's like it would have said it says four and then that
part's missing. Convenience.
I just throw it. Open my scroll.
You open your scroll. Yeah, I'll open mine.
You open your scroll and it says wanted dead and it's a picture
of somebody that you've never met before.
Oh no. And the name again, it's just a
bunch of nonsense. I open mine.
What's the picture look like? It looks like a dude in robes
that almost looks like it sort of looks like Vincent d'onofrio
and Men in Black. Race.
What the fuck? OK, like the skin is just, like,
not on, right? You remember that part when,
like, the alien thing takes over?
Yeah. Yeah, he's wearing a skin suit.
Exactly. Or he's wearing an Ed suit.
Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah.
Good. What's on my What's?
On yours scroll, you open it up and it says wanted dead.
And it's a picture of a skeleton.
It doesn't have a name, but the skeleton is a full body photo
and you see that he's got these, like, anal beads.
I mean rosary and eyeballs and eyeballs, yeah.
I want to do that for me. Does it say for what?
It doesn't. So does anyone want to share
what their scrolls are? Any magical things or?
I threw mine down. No, I I turn it and show it to
everybody. Oh yeah, you.
He handed you a second one there.
Weemut as well. And yeah, different than the
one. So in addition to the shit
eater, yeah, it's got this. And that one shows a a picture
of of it says wanted dead and it shows a picture of Todd word,
but it doesn't realize he's a skeleton.
Obviously. It shows him as you knew him
previously. None of these are of gruno.
He's the safest of them. No, none of them are of gruno.
Well, Todd, word. And I'm, I'm actually going to
show him this one. Looks like you're safe.
Go fuck yourself. What?
You've got the best disguise right now.
You don't understand. My livelihood was in that skin.
Shut up, Screech. Yeah, How's that working out for
you? Got to be honest, if if your
looks is all you had going for you, no wonder your career
wasn't taking off. Not just the looks, half half of
soul you'll never understand. Is there any way to fix this?
That's what I'm saying. I think if you can deal with
this shit eater cult thing and maybe they'll pardon these the
big maybe. But I talked to some people who
said. That worried about being killed.
I want my skin. Oh, Nope.
And the skin everywhere. Like, not everywhere.
But I mean, you know, you can find it.
Don't. Don't worry, we'll find you some
skin. Oh God.
Yeah, it's me. I still can't get used to that
guy's voice. No, it's terrible.
Trust me, it takes a little bit to get used to.
I'm going to hold my squirrel out like in front of women.
It's like, does this guy look familiar to you?
He does. It's Rundle.
Did You Know? Damn, we should have kept his
body. It's not like any of you could
turn him in like you're all wanted.
Who's going to turn it in? I don't know what I did.
I don't know. I don't see my face on any of
these pictures, so I think I'm pretty good.
Well, maybe he's in one of these and he.
Opens up the other side of his robe, right?
And he grows even more than he had before.
Yeah, there's a lot of people the one who did.
The left side hangs lower. I hold.
I hold my hands out like. These pipes are clean.
I don't. I don't have A1 poster.
Fuck all y'all. Yeah, that's true.
He doesn't. That's true.
He doesn't. That's he.
So in order to take care of the posters and The Wanted status,
kill who? Well, if you can find these
cultists, which I know where I I've been doing some Recon.
I found some. Are they in the sewers?
No, although maybe but but I didn't think of that they.
Do each hit. Big either way, no.
I figured. If you can find out where they
are, where they, where they do their whatever it is that
they're doing, yeah, probably. But it's more than that, though.
There's something else doing. It's kind of like clogging
things up around here. If you haven't noticed, it
already smells like shit. Well, I I could have been any
one of us to be. Honest.
I mean, I've always just assumed that's what happens when we get
to every city. Yep, that's actually probably
true. OK, OK.
But if you could find these dudes, find out where their shit
happens and, you know, kill whoever's involved, whoever's
responsible, and turn that head into the king, maybe we can.
I talked to what is it, Marshall?
I really don't know. What he was the warden?
Yeah, that sounds right. And he said that this kind of
thing is the how you generally how you get pardoned.
It's like a one for one thing, maybe a 2 for one thing,
depending on how you look at it, I guess.
Either way. So, so, so we deal with the shit
eater and get one of us pardoned.
We're city workers unplugging the sewage.
Yeah, Public works. Yeah.
In a way, it's like outsourcing. No, that's a great point.
What if it's all of you, I guess?
What if it's all of you I? Guess we're a scab crew.
Yeah, yeah, kind of. Well, you I I found out where
they kind of pop up a couple places.
I've seen them. All right.
The picked pocket. The pig's what?
The picked pocket it's. A pig's pocket.
Picked. You know like yours might be
when you walk in. Yeah, it's a little shitty bar
they hand out, they hand out. They hang out there sometimes
night soil Street. Where the dung farmers live.
The dung farmers shit farmers you know about to keep
explaining it. They they live there.
Yeah. No, it's you know they they
smell like shit. More than you know, usual than
than you usually run into. They're not really allowed to
live with the rest of the citizens in Schleswig, so they
live in a nice oil St. occasionally.
I've seen cultists, the shit eaters pop up there also,
whatever his name is, the king, his Privy.
I've seen some walk out of there before, just shit eating grin
and the stable yards. They get kind of desperate
sometimes and I've seen him there eating horse dung.
You know straight from the source or.
Yeah, some. Well, you know, I saw him Crouch
down on the ground behind the horse and I saw him get kicked
in the head, OK. And that seems gratuitous.
Yeah, a lot of shit. I'm a little uncomfortable.
Well, just wait till you Yeah, just wait.
All right. So we got to find the guy Munch
in the box. Got it.
Well, if you want to go down to the horse stables, you go right
ahead. I was considering checking out
probably just, you know, the the farmers themselves.
What do you think? But I think, you know, you're an
entertainer. Maybe we go to the picked
pocket. I can't entertain without the
other half of me. Well, more like 2/3.
Screech is right there. I look, yeah, I do.
I look. I look at Screech although.
Paul Troon, who is there, just kind of like dances, obviously.
Like he wants you to notice. Like he's potentially there too.
Oh God, he's so quiet I forgot about him.
Look, you've got a traveling troop already.
I'm going to take my hand and rub it through my where my chin
should be, but then it's just bone, so I my beard.
Is gone. It is still a chin bone.
It's a bone. I'm going to like, pull on my
beard hair. It's gone.
Paltrun is also doing. That all right?
I I changed my vote. You've swayed me.
I I would like to go to the bar. Great.
All right, old guy, what direction is the bar in?
Yeah, that way in town. We're not even in town yet.
Somewhere in there it's been finded.
Nice Oil Street is an immediate right.
When you get in, you'll notice the smell.
Head that way. The pickpocket is at the other
end of it. Great, thanks.
And I'm going to try and shoot him with the crossbow again.
OK, give me. And I realize that when you do
this, I don't know if I ever called the presence test, but
we're going to do it this time. And we did.
Last time we're. Going to call it year 10
because, you know, seems pretty damn easy.
That that's a natural one. That's a natural one.
I love. I love that you're bad at this.
Me too. You're like, you're like real
quickly just loaded. Oh, it was loaded.
You just real quickly jerk reaction like hip fire at Adam.
But like as you do that, the bolt comes off of its cradle and
as the as the string, you know, throws it, it throws it kind of
upward and it's like it goes straight up and it kind of
disappears into the night. But you hear it kind of and
everybody. No.
Yeah, since I realize it's one bolt and I'm having everybody do
it, we already top how many people are here.
There are five party members. There are 4 NPCS.
Technically, here, that's nine. And and oh.
Roll AD 9. Yeah, Well, yeah, Roll AD 10,
Thomas, you guys get fired off if it's a 10/10 is nobody pick.
Yeah, 10 is nobody, 10 is. No.
It's a natural one. Somebody gets hit.
I I was going to say I got a I got a one on the D10.
A1, the one on the D 10, So that's I'm going to call that.
I mean that's only because we go in the order that I go in, You
know what I mean? The left is law because you
know, it applies everywhere. Come on now, I apologize but.
Run a fucking agility test. Yes, run an agility test.
We're going to call that. You said you're just standing
there or like, yo, is anybody really aware of what's
happening? To be fair, we'll call it a
normal agility test. OK.
This is going to be fucking hilarious.
I have a -2 two agility. Oh my God, you guys have no idea
how amazing this is going to be. Oh.
My God, that's a 16th. Yeah, it's a 16th.
Just a reminder, I have one HP. Yeah, I have one HP.
So that crossbow also breaks. The string snaps from this whole
weirdly jerky reaction, right? No.
And that crossbow bolt lands completely straight down between
Pee Wee's feet, like if it would have been like another
millimeter closer to him, it would have thought out the end
of his nose. I'm already so close to death.
What the fuck, Skeleton? Why did you do that?
Oh my God, we'll never make it into town.
Yep not. At this rate.
Or you can go just tend the maggot gardens with the attitude
like that. Look, I really don't want to
talk about the smell of my bones right now, OK?
Look, I tried the bleaching in the lake and it didn't do
anything. I couldn't get the smell of rot
out. Yeah, but that was a lake of
shit too, so I don't know why you did that.
I. Didn't know a lot of.
Backed up and I'm going to start walking towards the town.
Fuck all of you. Fuck you too.
I'll see you later. Yeah, fuck up.
I'll see you later, stranger. I thought my existence was an
unending nightmare of unparalleled scope.
I. Love the street planes.
They're just so I'm going to yeah, I'll just grab the bolt
out of the ground as well. OK.
I find the new strolling it. You guys, as you guys get closer
to the gate and you expect this, but you see that there are two
guards standing at the gate. The portcullis is down as usual.
I want to get better. You want to get better?
Hey, you know what? That's a fantastic idea.
I did say a couple episodes ago that if you guys survived this,
the two that didn't get better will get better, right?
Yep. I get better too.
And we'll get Bruno. You came in.
What on the last? Episode just like Pee Wee.
Just like Pee Wee. OK, that's not enough.
Yeah, same with Pee Wee. OK, fair enough.
That's sad. Weman also did this too.
Though Lefty would have been so powerful.
I would, I would have assumed like since I got better at the
very end of the last. You did a Dukerk.
Didn't really. Count.
OK, so at this point. Every other type of skip.
Yeah, that. Works OK, so you So yeah, for
sure. Toddward and Screech both will
get better. Or at least attempt to.
And I guess the next time we'll do that, is that the end of
Church of the Worm? We'll see who these people are
still alive. There'll be a point, I feel like
when we're through it, where when we cut it off, you know,
like anyone who's coming in now won't in this adventure, you
know? So it's not going to be for a
couple episodes, I feel, because we can probably hit this one for
a. Few We need a Squad Wipe.
No. Maybe we actually.
That would be very weird and I yeah.
That's the misery. I like it.
We'll see what happens. Either way, let's let's get you
guys better. Oh God.
OK, so here's my problem. I want to get better.
Yep, But I don't want to fuck up my ability scores.
Yeah, I'm a heroic feat. But I don't want to become a
murderer, hey? So let's.
Like, like like like an unintentional murder.
I want my murderers to be intentional.
You have a one in 36 chance of that being the case though,
yeah? Are there more on heroic feats?
There's there's a lot of cool 66.
Lot of no. I mean like a, a, a.
Another variant from that one. Maybe the more more of them,
yeah, from somewhere else. I don't, actually.
Are there third party ones? I gotta.
I like to think I I. Would imagine there probably is.
It's just where they are, yeah. On your character?
Is it like character abilities
that you could just pick a second one?
That's a great point. I bring that.
Up. I did that with Melville.
I remember now. I mean, it was just a thing that
we had gotten into because people got so far along, you
know, here's. The thing too like what is our
protocol? Because I know that we like to
like swap out some options sometimes, so I think what we've
been doing is we always do the HP increase always, regardless
of pick. But you have the opportunity of
upping your abilities, or picking an unheroic feat or
modifying a class, modifying or gaining class abilities
depending on the class you guys do with that.
I mean, that's like, those are the that's pretty much the full
range of options. Oh dude, we did it.
We we did it with. Both Melville and Rumba too.
I remember a. Different show though, no?
No, no, I know. But like, like like there was
just kind of like it became kind of like standard of how we did
things there. And it was like the longer that
people survive in here, the more the less opportunities they get
to do newer, cooler things otherwise, you know?
Yeah, without the addition of those weird third party rules we
come up with. So do you have that class?
Yeah, yeah, I can find it. Okay.
Then we use the destitute Thesbian too, right?
I mean, he does. I.
Know what I want? You do okay.
We'll check this is to you first, then.
So obviously, what's your current Max HP 66?
OK, you can't possibly roll under it, so just give AD 6 and
that's your new additional perfect one.
You know what 7? OK, I found it.
And then what do you want? Do you want your abilities?
Do you want unheroic feat or do you want a class ability?
Give me an unheroic feat. Sir, I was hoping you'd say
that. I was hoping you'd you didn't
want me to say that. OK.
Still watching a lot of The Office.
Sorry, I rolled my HP. I got a six.
Oh, OK, cool. Oh, you fucking animal.
Oh, you had five. So, yeah, you couldn't.
Don't worry about the 6010. OK, So give me AD 66.
There, Jake. OK, let me get I got a 26.
Faithful visions Oh God, the Fates steer your journey across
the dying world. One can only hope they lead to
redemption, not destruction. Consume an omen and spend a few
moments in quiet meditation. Ask a GMA question pertaining to
the current situation. You will be granted A bizarre
vision that provides enlightening information.
GM rolls the D4IN secret? Well, I never do that on A1.
The vision is deceptive. Okay.
Well, how's it do that? I just start bringing dice to.
This nice or borrow dice from us.
No, I'm just gonna bring a single D4 cuz it's all you ever
need now. Okay.
So that's you. Also, there is a whole finding
new things, right? Oh yeah?
What did you find in your coat pocket?
All right, I got my smoking jacket.
Actually, yes. Oh, are you the skeleton in a
smoking jacket? Yes, I like it.
So there are 6 abilities for the Narcomancer.
Yes, OK. Which one do you currently have?
I have the third one tripping balls.
Ah, that makes sense. OK, so then I guess OK, So what?
Read that one first before we can do.
Something the effects of that shroom must have lasted for a
while. You see things that aren't
there. You also find things that
weren't there. Once per day, you pull a magical
artifact from a seemingly no This item turns to shimmering
dust when a new item appears. OK.
So roll AD 6, and if you get that one again, we'll modify it,
improve it. Oh God.
Is that OK? OK, sure.
You'll figure it out maybe two a day or something.
One What the hell, my surgic brain?
OK, oh, you may spend an omen to regenerate your daily powers.
Oh, OK Oh. I mean do.
You spend your powers on your flail thing.
Yeah, and it really like I have. Ohh and Scrolls are just useless
in our entire campaign now. You know what?
They just do not exist. No, fuck that.
Fuck. I'll omen that role.
You're gonna open the role. Why not?
Yeah, fuck it one again,
motherfucker. Useless shit.
Can I spite? All I'll be able to, I'll be
able to really wear. That's not really spiteful using
it. I'll be able to, I'll be able to
change the flail I use seven times a day now and then spend
an omen and do it another seven times.
Only do it once a day. I mean, maybe.
I think that's what it said. Once a day you can do that.
And he was going to do a case. How about this then?
Instead, he says, that's worthless for you.
Wait. Oh yeah.
Once per day. OK.
So that's what the misery did to us, though.
That's kind of true. That's how it works, baby.
That's true. True.
OK, Yeah. Fuck it.
We'll see that. All right.
It's Mark Board. It doesn't have to be good.
I'm a. Lawyer.
It just has. I only follow the law.
So yeah, the entourage here, of who he's yet to be determined, I
suppose, approaches the gates and sees, yeah, the portcullis
is down. There are two of the kings
guards here, gentlemen. They both walk forward.
Don't say it. They don't respond.
They look at your group. I wave and just keep walking
like I'm going to pass through. One of those pointing out,
picking off the individual one and he goes the toddler.
No, no, no, no. Look, I already I understand
what's happening right now and I'm going to use my twist of the
arm ability and. OK, no, I'm glad you mentioned
that. I read that.
Yes, I read that not too long ago.
Are doing it wrong. Only only only slightly though
what it is really? Is that like in a situation
where like you're doing something like this and I will
have you do a presence test? If I feel like it's something
that you would be able to just do based on the fact that you're
good at this kind of thing, then I could just forgo the role.
That's all it is. What we've been doing is
something, I don't even know what we've been doing.
It's Jake lawyering his way through his abilities to morph
them. It's fine.
It's Jake. This is what we do.
Sounds like something I might have said yesterday.
Oh really? Oh, that makes it wonderful.
I'm glad you're self aware. OK.
That's why I'm always trying to cut him down.
Because I'm like, you're fucking.
You're fucking bullshit, Jake. This is this is weak.
This is weak at best. All right, All right.
So anyway, I do feel though. OK, well how about this?
Give me your rhetoric and that's what'll make the determination.
You know what I mean? I feel like that makes sense
because so far you just posited. It I I understand.
This happens all the time. Look, I know we're guess what?
I am an actor. This is part of my theatre.
We are here to play a new role in an upcoming play for these
wanted men. And I pull up my scroll of of
Screech and I show it to him. These are for us to study.
We're here to really experience it.
This is all make up and pretend. Wait, he's not him.
No, and I'm not me. I'm not Dustin Diamond.
I love that. That's fucking beautiful.
What perfect use, dude. I love that.
So you're actors? Yes, that's what I said.
All of you. Yes.
That's what he said in him. That he he literally just said
that. Yeah, I know you.
Have to be more specific than just him.
No, he looks there's a guy that kidnapped some people in town.
Look. Paul.
He.
Looks he looks OK. He looks just like Pee Wee.
No. Whatever.
His name? Did you say People or children?
People or children? That's what I heard in my head.
I heard children. And he looks in the cart too,
sees Gouldad, just waves at him. Hi.
All right, let him through. Oh, thank you.
Good. That was you twisting the arm
and not having to roll because the story is believable.
Like your actor's in costume. He's like.
Yeah, I guess. And I I take a slip of parchment
out and I sign my name on it and then stuff it into his
breastplate. You.
Sign. Actually, Todd word Ingrid on
this. Yeah, but he can find it later,
like. You grab, you grab the one
scroll with your image on there, and then you find that.
I don't want it. But yeah, we've.
Got mine. It doesn't look.
Oh yeah, we've been. Has it?
Yeah. He looks at it.
Can't read. I figured I'd walk on by.
The Port Colas gate opens, yeah. And then you let through close
behind you guys. You look around, you see the
town is it's a city. Rather it's not busy by any
means, cuz it's dusk. I mean it's night.
At this point the few people milling around are either drunk,
doing something that you probably don't want to get
involved in, or do you? I don't know, maybe you do.
Or potentially dead, Not sure. Most businesses that you see
which look like they've been looted, kind of.
I mean it looks like everything in this town that you see is
pretty much bare bones like ramshackle.
But as you can see down this main drag that leads straight to
the King's keep about that things closer are in much better
repair and the the keep itself is pristine, almost not pristine
but like they they maintain that they clean that.
However, the smell of shit is very heavy in the air,
especially as the wind blows from the east and you see you're
whistling down this dark St. residential St. and it just just
has this. Whistling through my nasal.
Cavity. It's bad.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nasal.
Yeah, exactly. Smells loud in here.
Well, gentlemen, proceed to the keep.
Or would you like to? No, we're supposed to go to the
end of the the lane to go to the picked pocket.
I don't think I'm allowed in there.
Oh, that is true. That's where all my victims
came. From skinless I cannot enjoy the
sins of the flesh. All right.
We'll continue so. Where you headed?
To the fucking. The fucking.
Pick. Pocket the pick.
Pocket So you guys take an immediate right through Knight
Soil St. as you cross through this street.
It smells terrible and just it's nauseous in here.
Like it's it smells so bad that it's just like it's in your
head. Like you're starting to get kind
of dizzy from it. Every single person here test
toughness. I can't smell nothing.
Fucking skeletons included. Nope.
For a fucking troop. I feel like you guys can't get
infected. Correct.
Yeah, so never mind. Yeah, they can't.
So yeah, every non skeleton anybody who can get.
Screeched in the Skellies, yeah. Anybody who can.
Get back. So who's doing checks for
Pultroon and Quarter Pounder? How'd you guys do it?
Yeah, yeah, the two that counts. God damn it.
I don't own them. Pultroon got a 15.
OK, he's good. What am I trying to?
Get you just I just told this to SO 12/17/17 I got a 55 what
about called klotzpend? 15. 15 Okay, What did you get
there, peewee? 11. 11 So peewee and gruno,
oddly enough, both just double over and just vomit profusely on
the ground around the street here and you're both infected,
so that's important. Really, guys like you can't just
keep it together. Smells like my moms house.
It's terrible. Yeah.
She's dead. The puke and shit.
Oh God, she's. Dead.
Somebody roll me a D4. Anyone on?
I'll do it. Yeah, go do it 7th, Kevin.
Stairway to Kevin. 4. Kevin.
That's my favorite before. Oh, damn the four.
So you as you guys are vomiting, creating kind of a lot of
cacophony. It's like projectile like
vomiting leading into dry heaving.
So like you know how loud that can get.
I've seen this. You see people looking out there
like no glass windows is turn. You know, looking through their
their hovels. Essentially these are just dog
farmers, but you hear a cacophony of dog barking from
around one of these little alley streets.
Eating onto this nice oster, you see four dogs of pretty good
side running towards you. By the slick and shaft of Gander
flask. You're right, Screech.
We should probably. I don't fucking know what you're
saying anymore, I think. I think he wants us to run.
The the dogs are big in skeletal frame, you know, but they look
emaciated and fucking hungry. They look hungry.
They'll lick up my shit. What it might Yeah, So give me
initiative at this point. That's very obvious what their
intent is. Oh, Jesus Christ.
I don't want to do it. I hide behind everybody.
I got to imagine, though, these skeletons mean nothing to these
dogs. I have a dog.
No, it's a four. It's a four.
That's you guys.
So you guys have an opportunity to react to this pack of dogs?
I blow into my pink Saber and I call my minion things.
You blow, you can. You can do something with
animals that has nothing to do with fucking mushroom.
King Shit. We've gone through this.
I I want to. They're dogs.
Yo, if I would have heard somebody say something about a
Mushroom King, you don't think I would have fucking snagged?
That way up. That makes sense though.
Holes in the grip means you can play it like an instrument.
The lovely tunes have a two in six chance of enchanting
creature +2 to their reaction role.
You really? What it would be then is you do
that. You don't have lips or wind.
Yeah, but they still do other things.
He talks. Yeah, we still talk.
Yeah, there's enough breath, apparently, to play with them
I'm not going to prevent. Them from doing that sex with a
human being. I don't know what you're talking
about A. Human being what?
Happened. Never mind.
What happened behind closed doors, friend?
Oh. Yeah, that's right, you creep.
That's true. So the way that you if you
really wanted to play that you'll do your do two and six
chance, then we'll roll a reaction with that +22.
I'll fucking I'll give her a try real quick.
OK, so give me AD 6. Give her a quick blow and a one
or two. It works.
I use my omen. You can wait.
What's my other thing? Do oh vision.
Wait. How many moments do I have?
I don't know. It's on you.
Fuck. You play this real pathetic
flute and the dogs seem a little more upset.
Great. I guess between vomiting I'm
going to pull out my crypt worn crowbar and I'm just going to
swing at the first one. That or the one that's closest
to me. OK, so they're they're not quite
to you, but you can do one of two things In that case I would
say you can advance to them to kind of run at them and do it or
wait for them to get to you and do that if you like.
As I can I'll. Just, I'll pull it out and then
wait for them to get to me. I'm cool with that.
Yeah, you do that. I'm gonna run.
You're gonna run. I'm getting out of.
Here you're just booking. Yeah.
OK, that's fine the way you came I obviously.
They came from where we were they.
Came. Yeah, they came.
They're coming at you. So you guys have to like, turn
around and click if you're running.
Is there an alleyway to our besides?
There's plenty of little alleyways, yeah.
I'm not. OK.
So I'm wanted for kidnapping people?
Yes. Yeah.
Have I been here before then? You live here?
Probably, yeah. The direction you came, that's.
On you. Actually that's on you your.
You've said it already. Yes, I have okay my victims.
Since I know this place so well, I'm going to shoot down one of
the alleyways to avoid these dogs.
I like that a lot. Follow me.
So just give me a presence test since you know it well.
We'll call it a Dr. 10. Any elses vision of this man
getting creepier? I'm surprised that when I said
kidnapping, he's okay. Yep.
I do it from there. I don't care.
It's funny, but it's funny. I'm surprised they found the
bodies. He just feels like a creepy with
kidnap people, that's all. Sounds like one too.
I am a toy maker. Exactly.
Just all fits. Doesn't look good though.
Go ahead. Hill boss.
Well, is that a presence or? Yeah, Year 10 presents just kind
of navigate your way to your spot where.
You could. That's the 17.
Wonderful. Yeah, you you see, you guys all
see he we just book it down an alleyway.
He's gone. I grabbed while I'm seeing him.
He did say come with me. He did.
I'm. I grabbed Todd Word's Bony arm
and like, not in that direction. If you can't beat them, arrange
to have them beaten. And I nod at the other two, and
then I just fucking try to pull them along with me.
Oh, that's my next chess piece. Screech speaks the true true
follow. The true truth.
So you guys are both running then?
Oh, you are in your thing. So I got to imagine you told him
that you ran off, right? Yeah.
OK. Try to tell me in the right
direction, but yeah. Bruno's waiting for the dogs to
come. What about Weeman?
Weeman looks down at his crossbow with the broken straw.
And yeah, the plan for retreat sounds really good.
So. You're running after him too?
Okay. Wonderful.
God, come on. Okay.
So. What about?
Pultroon Pultroon does the goofy like cartoon run where the doing
in place when you take off too. Klotzman stands there.
There's dogs. They're they're as big as him.
You. Yeah, you.
No, not quite. I mean, you know.
Yeah, maybe. Who knows?
It's a Wolf Pack with and Gouldad.
You see, as you guys run past the cart, you see Gouldad just
covers himself with the hide. What do we?
Have. Dogs like Bones and I.
Goblad. Oh, you're next to them.
OK, then. I guess that puts us to them.
The only people standing here are Klotzbund and the donk on
the ox with the wagon. They look really hungry.
And yeah, they do. They do.
They might want to eat that ox. And then this skeleton who
probably isn't as appealing as meaty people.
I just pissed them off. That is true.
OK, so there are four. In that case, if you add
yourself to that, there are 4 feasible targets for these
things and there are those four dogs.
So let's. Fucking go.
No, we're going to start with Gruno as he was ready.
As this dog comes at it, comes within range, you're ready for
it. Come on.
Gruno. OK, so.
Just. Lunging.
Out of your balls are so give me your normal DR12 strength.
Here comes that cinema. What 11?
It's. An 11.
It's an 11. That's a That's a miss, unless
you don't want to keep it. We can reduce and hit.
I'm going to take the miss. You take the miss okay.
Yeah. Then as it's lunging at you
because it like, takes a leap, you take this swing, you swing.
Whoa. Thinking it wasn't going to leap
right, I got to imagine. And it leaps at you.
He's bare. Give me an agility test.
DR12. Okay all for.
The love of Atlanta. And my agility tests are plus
four because I've got the plate mail.
Okay. So then it makes it already 16
that you gotta try to get. I rolled the two.
God. Can I omen to save them?
You can try, for sure you can. Yeah, that's a bad is a bad bet.
But. I mean, how much HP do you have?
I got 5. Take a hit.
I'll save it. I'll save it for when it
matters. He's got some.
Heavy armor. That's true.
Christmas face I don't. Like it?
These dogs are big. These little dogs.
Oh no. That's fine.
All right. So what's the damage?
OK, so yeah, it wonders that you.
It sinks in. Give me AD 6 cuz that's the
damage. Okay, yeah.
That's. Four, and then it's a D6 for the
armor. Nice.
Two. So I take two points of damage,
not. Bad.
Yeah. So this dog lunges at you.
He bites. He manages to kind of get you
around the chest plate, right? So it's like some of his teeth
scratched your throat, drawing blood where the rest of them
kind of catch on on your armor. It the force of it, though,
pushes you back with him on top of you.
So that's what you're on your back.
This dog is on top of you. Butt get the fuck off me.
Then we'll go with the other PC, then this one angry dog who did
not like that song at all, who lunges at you as well, teeth
bared, and he looks like he's not going for like the like, the
like the throat like he was too. Nice Poochy.
He's going for the femur. For the bones.
Yeah, he's going for the bone. So GR12 Agility.
Before. You taking it?
I have to. OK, I'll use no one for him.
You are? Yeah, because I told him to
leave all. Right.
That makes so much sense. I was going to ask you how to
justify it and you already did it.
Oh. Please 20.
Hey. That's, that's 17.
That fucking makes it so. Do you see that this dog is
coming at your leg? I should really.
What does tubber do? I should really listen to
Screech more often. Like Duck, just as he's about to
guy duck and turn and he he just zips right over my head.
Nice. That's perfect.
OK. And then the other two on
Klotzman and the Ox, I guess, God, they're just big old
things, right? And they're not very fast.
And they're both attached to carts as far as I know.
Or one of them is. The ox is Clotsman is just
running around. However he could run.
So I guess Dr. 12 Agility somebody want to just roll it
for Clotsman. Anybody who did?
He's my baby boy. Go ahead.
Yeah, he's my dead baby boy. I got a.
Name. Oh man, so give me the D6
damage. We're about to talking to.
Then the dog leaps and grabs clots and around the throat and
he's got a real thick bushy, you know mane.
He's a thick boy. He's a thick boy.
You see that he there's blood running, but he's just he's dog.
I keep getting your dogs. I don't forget that, I guess
doesn't talk a lot. And then somebody want to roll
Agility for the ox, but we're going to call that ADR 14
because he's got a cart on him. I do it.
That's a natural. One, Oh my God, you see this?
The other dog then leaps at the ox, grabs them by the throat.
You see the teeth sink into the throat, the blood running out of
the wounds as the ox's legs go weak and seem kind of go down
and the dog just eviscerates them.
Wonderful. I guess that's everybody roll
initiative. This is going.
I'm not rolling into. I didn't.
Expect OK. OK.
You're. Going to give this to Jake.
Two. Fuck yeah, right, that one that
is on top of gruno. OK.
Goes for another bite at you because it's got you pinned.
He's going to try to gnash at your face pretty much.
Go for the go for the throat. So spit in your mouth.
You are on your names. He's holding you down, so I'm
going to call that a 14. OK, that's Natural 20.
The natural 20 OK, so obviously, obviously you succeeded.
That gives you another opportunity to attack him.
Tell me about what you do leading up to your actual
attack. OK, so as he's coming down and
like like biting at me, I'm going to take my crowbar.
And as he's taking his head with his mouth open, going to bite, I
want to shove the crowbar right down his throat and hopefully
through his head. OK, so give me the strength on
that. Since he's right the fuck there
and you got a Nat 20, we're gonna call that a 10.
Kevin, you need a one liner. Can it be he's kept?
18 What's that, Kim? I'm sorry.
As a 15. As a 15.
Oh yeah, wonderful. That definitely does it.
So give me the damage, 'cause you're hitting him in the mouth
with this, I feel like there's gonna be a little additional
damage bonus to that, right? It's not just OK.
Well, the crowbar itself, since it it came with the class, it's
already AD 4 + 1. OK, so.
Add a + 3 then instead. Five points?
What's? That add a + 3 then instead.
So I'm gonna add a + 2 on top of whatever damage it down because
you're. OK, so.
Seven points, pretty soft. Seven.
OK, so yeah, you push, you push your crow, this crowbar into its
open mouth. You see, like, push through the
back of its head. You see that the tip of it come
out the back. And he's kind of, like seizing a
little bit, like you definitely got him in some some brain
parts. But he's not dead.
He's just kind of seasoned. While I have it in there, can I
just like, push it and roll him off of me so I can stand up?
Absolutely, Yep. Then I will tell me beautiful
so. He's kind of having like a
seizure at the moment because you put a crowbar in his brain.
Not dead, though. Bad dog.
Bad. Dog.
Hey, there's this one liner. That's another that's another
point of damage. Psychological damage?
Psychological damage. Oh, that's pretty good.
But no. So the other one that leaped
over Todd word just spins around, pretty much sees
Toddward right there in his face, and makes another leap out
of this time. This Toddward's kind of in a
Crouch like I got to imagine like though for the front chin
bone. What is that?
The Patella? Your kneecap.
Connected to my leg bone. It's.
Either the TBR or the people, I don't remember which, but the
front leg bone there, he's kind of snatching for that.
Fucking fuck. It's an 11.
It's an 11 keeping it. I have to.
Anyone else making OK cool so give me the D6. 3 So I have a
thing. You have a thing.
You have armor. He did two damage.
I'm not sure how the armor covers the bare leg bone, but
will allow it. Jacket is lead lined.
Fair enough. It doesn't deal with the amount
of damage that it would have done, so it only intake two
damage, but he did manage. As he snatches that leg, he
pulls it apart from the rest of your leg, separating it,
bringing you down. So you're you're not prone,
you're just kind of down, you know, I guess you're not prone
in a way. You're on one.
Knee I really am down. Yeah, I have no skin.
I get it. The other two, the one fighting
Clot Spoon, attacks it again. It's it's it kind of.
You know, it's walked in combat with Clot Spoon.
Fuck. Get some, Huh. 5D6 damage.
Damn it. Oh my God, it's a. 6/6 you see
like it lunges at him again. It gets roughly the same spot,
kind of probably digging deeper into the wound he already
created and you see like his eyes, eyes open wider and his
knees buckle. No, please, He's not dead.
But he is like he looks like he's going to be.
He's not a tough. Story Yeah, sure.
The other dog still kind of fucking with the oxen.
It's taking it down at this point, and it's eating the ox.
It's just going ham, going ox, going beef, going beef.
Either way, it found the beef. It found the beef.
Yep, that's on you guys. Yeah.
Can I send my bird to go Peck at some of these dog guys?
Yeah, Do you need line of sight for that?
Do you need any kind of it's? Made out of an eyeball.
No, it's made out of. Is Linus?
Yeah. So go ahead.
I like that. Cool.
How does that work? Again, I don't know.
I'm not too fucking far away it. Just says HP3.
It says morale minus attack minus will.
Not it'll have them. Hold on.
So. It just seeks out a hidden
target. I'm going to blow on my flute.
Yeah, it pretty much calls about something that's hiding.
Yeah, okay. So it's going to be.
No, it's useful. For.
Useless for this scenario. And you're hunting down some
cultists? It might.
You can maybe make something. I do have other cool things.
You guys are hiding like just in some little some little dugout
area. That's really kind of someone
the back of someones house. I lived here for three years.
We're going to die in someone's yard.
How? How?
I can't be too far away, can I? You're not too far away.
No, you. I mean, you are away from the
from the fray, but you're not too far away.
Jump back in. Because there's part of me
that's thinking I might go and toss my flail at the one
attacking tog word because it has an ability.
Nope. But I don't need to get.
I don't need to get a new flail today because it doesn't specify
that I have to do it every day. It just says that when when when
when I make a new one or find a new one, the other one goes
away. That's all it is.
Yeah. Oh, OK Yeah.
I've been doing it in a far more painful.
Yeah, painful way because there's some of them that would
have been very useful to keep having later on.
But which one you have It's the it's it's the ball and chain one
where you can throw it and. It's a bolo one.
A cannonball and chain, yeah, DA damage or special.
Instead of testing strength to yield damage, you can test
presents to wrap the chain around the target, immobilizing
them for D4 rounds. Beautiful one.
That's what I'm doing. So you're going to test
presents? Do it.
Yep. All right.
I feel like you're far away enough to or close enough to be
able to run up and give that a good weapon.
Yeah. All right, all right.
Whip it good, damn. It.
Did you get? There buddy. 7.
Seven, you whip that thing and it flies into someone's window.
Screech line. That's a good place for that.
I don't. Just leave it over there.
That's the saddest fucking thing I've ever.
Remember to mock your floors. Okay, that's you.
I'm gonna blow my. Float you do it again, you have
the power to spend on it to do it.
You could take your flute and. Stab more.
Okay do it. That's what we spend the power
to do. It What's A5 get me?
A5 on the two to six, two and six chance he doesn't do it, so.
Fuck this game I. Quit.
You blow the same like the next line of that song.
Like maybe? Like, maybe not.
Nobody taught me how to play this thing.
And the dog then drops your leg bone on the ground and it's just
completely warm. I'm.
Going to use my movement to grab that.
Dual bone. I leg bone the one that I need
to move. That's fair.
So I think that's why the song is so bad.
He's like one hand in it, like one hand in this thing.
I grab his leg. I had to grab your leg bone,
too. OK, so that's you, 20 my gruno.
I feel like you're at the heat of things.
OK, the one that's seizing in front of me, I'm just going to
take it and I'm going to just come straight down on his back
and try to snap its back. You OK.
Thank you. We're going to call that ADR 8.
He's on the ground and he's seizing, You know what I mean?
That's two levels down. I'm going to use an omen because
that was a one. Do that.
What a murder sode. OK, 16. 16 OK, very good.
Tell me about it. Just as this dog is just
seizing, I'm just going to come down with the crowbar and I'm
just going to snap its back and I'm going to look over at the
one that was attacking Todd word and do the whole.
Bring it on, yeah. Bring it.
OK. The weemut, and I think it's
just weemut and then PCs. Weemut at this point, this best
Todd word. He's like, if you're not playing
around with this, we need to get out of here and just keep going
you. Could do something else and play
with your. Beads.
What about? Pee Wee.
Can I still see these people? You're probably not from If you
kept running down alleys, probably not, because you
probably turned enough corners. And then that's what we do.
You just keep running kind. Of I'm going to send my bird out
to try to find this shit eater. OK, what's the bonus it gets?
He doesn't have one, does it? We'll seek out hidden target.
See. Got a hidden target.
Yeah man, that's a class of it. So I'm gonna have you cuz
there's a protocol that I have finding these dudes, and it's
like there's a presence test in each area, right?
What I'll do then we'll have you roll it, but we'll lower the
doctor for it, right? By like 2 steps.
Okay. Right.
So it's a 14 by default. So give me a Doctor 10 presence.
He's a kid. No, wait, he he knows these
streets. He's a kidnapper.
He does this all the time. Let's lawyer him down a little
bit. You could do it more than, yeah,
I mean, welcome. I adopted by two points for
what? He's a prowler.
Think of what one of those points is for sure.
Yeah, yeah, I'm a prowler. I had one One reason and two
results. I know exactly where these shit
eaters are. So yeah, Dr. 10.
Holy fuck. Don't you have?
A. That's a 10.
God, as you're doing this, you're like, you're running
around, you're you're you're popping the bird up, you know,
to like kind of send them out for one of these shit eaters.
Yeah, that bird. It like, it immediately goes
into the window, right across the alley from you and you hear
and then you you see in the window because the bird is
squawking and stuff that there's just this, this scraggly little
dude with like ribbed skin and just this brown smear around his
mouth. I think that's our guy.
And he just takes off. Starts he's.
Starting to OK, OK. We are spread that's.
Everybody except for NPC's Paul Troon.
You see him, he's with you. He's with he's, he's in the
running. He's by the way, too.
He's on the other end of the alley, and he pulls an invisible
tripwire. Well, he has.
Sword doesn't mean he pulls that sword and the sword again, just
and and he gestures to to Pee Wee like he didn't say it, but
he's like gestures to you. That's the guy.
And then that's. Him.
He takes off after him as well and swings this fucking sword.
Give me his attack role, Pee Wee, since you're there with
them. Oh, Boise, What's that?
I'll use my omen. Oh.
My God, Nope. And just whiff over this thing's
headed, you turn a Bob and weave.
It's OK, you'll get him next time.
Then you hear? So we just like, come here,
motherfucker. His voice is different all of a
sudden. Yeah, whatever.
He's an actor too. Yeah, he's an actor as well.
He's an actor. Sword anyway.
Who else is there? Google God.
Who knows what he's doing. Kvatsvund.
He's struggling, man. He he he's pretty much, at this
point, kind of lost his ability to fight death.
Throws attack him once. He could, Yeah.
Let's go for that. Yeah.
He, he's got horns. Bison's have horns, right?
Yes. I hate.
So he does go for a quick, like buck with the head.
Let's go for that. Give me the attack role 13 nice.
OK, so he give me a damage D12. He's.
D6 I feel. Like getting gored by a Buffalo
is definitely going to do some damage, so let's call it a D8
just for the sake of heavy damage.
There's an 8, now it's. Someone with the eight sides.
Well, I. I They were not an 8.
So, so Klotsman grabs this dog by like his left horn, 'cause I
pictured this thing on his left all the time.
He just gores right through the dog's midsection and he whips
his head back and it throws the dog down the alley.
It lands on top of one of the houses.
One of these hovels and you hear it just crashing.
Through the Oh yeah. And use your I like the
escalating people. He's always different people.
Too. We're like The Avengers Crab
City right now, no? Insurance for these guys?
No, not at all. That's everybody.
Oh. Oh, it is let's.
Have Gruno do us. He's right here in the ship.
Yeah. Is he real denishative already?
I can't remember. I have not.
Should we take a break? I'll take a break.
Oh yeah. Coming soon to Kickstarter.
An ancient forest. An ensemble of lost souls.
A spiteful curse, This place has been desecrated. 10 new classes.
Even more cursed relics. A forest hex crawl, Hordes of
withered creatures, and much more.
Welcome back to Flail to the. Face.
Oh, I just flailed. To the harder one than usual.
I flailed. So we have two dogs left in this
fight. One of them is eating the ox,
the other one is still meleeing with Todd Word kind of down the
alley. Pultrun is locked in Mayo, like
kind of trying to do something with his sword to this shading
cultist that you guys happen to spy with your little eye.
Peewee. Bird eye.
Get that shit, eater? Yeah.
Eat them and it's initiative. I believe so, yes.
So anybody who hasn't. Rolled it.
I do's it. I did it because you said I
could before and it's before, so we get to go.
Oh, love it. It's OK.
It's OK buddy. You can.
Roll the one. OK.
So go ahead guys, What do you? Mean we Met's going to start
following Paul Troon and he's going to try and tackle the Shit
Eater. Nice.
Get him from behind. I like it.
Take him. From the back, yeah.
They like that he's well, OK, so currently he's not running
because he's well, He kind of is.
He's kind of in like a take off, but he's also dodging, you know,
Paul Troon's hits because he didn't hit him.
I feel like an agility test to be able to grab him because he's
in mid run in a way. All right.
That is an 18. Fuck Damn, you got him right
around this shitty, yeah? So I'm imagining basically what
it is, is as he's like dodging pultrunes attack.
I just like a running and like spear into him.
I was picking and it's like collapse.
Yeah, and just. Right into the muck.
Put like a clank of bones on because he's currently in a
house. But yeah, probably Muck.
Yeah, hold. Him down and poke him in the
eyes. You realize too, as you're in
this room with him now that he is in like the out room of
somebody's house. Probably not his and his hands
are, because his hands are on you now and they are freshly
shit smeared. But you've got him and he's
down. What about the rest of you?
Can that shoot a blow dart into his eyes?
You have one, Yeah. That's you do.
Yeah, so my guy walks around with kind of like a cane, but
it's a blowtark. Gun.
What is that? What he uses to take down his
victims? Probably.
Yeah, it's a blue gun. You're a creep.
God, he's a creep. Paralyzing agent on it is that.
The paralyzing. No, if only it did just the D2
damage. Okay, you're just gonna shoot
him in the? Eye.
I'm gonna just hit him in the face with the boat.
I just shoot him. Okay.
Go ahead. Yeah, and actually, since he's
currently grappled by Weemut, it's Dr. Ten.
However, if it's a low roll, it's gonna hit Weemut.
Son of a bitch. Chance.
I'm willing to take. DR10 presence then shoot that.
That's a low. I used my last home.
For two damage. Oh yeah, I suppose.
OK, so we met then Dave, it was only a four actually.
I was thinking two were lower and so you got a four one
damage. It doesn't do any damage to We
Met because it wasn't low enough, the worst.
He has a shield on his back anyway.
That's also true. Yeah, there you go.
OK, so you launched that thing. You're aiming at the cultist,
but you see, like we met, take him down at that moment, right?
And instead it just pings off a women's seal and launches into
the ceiling. At that point, like we.
I just like face palm onto the shit eater and I'm just like,
look back. What the?
Fuck, I'm sorry. I'm out of practice.
He's like trying to talk to your hand, but also through like the
the brownie batter consistency shit in his mouth.
Brownie, I swear. How do I read this adventure?
I was like, oh, there's so much shit.
Outside, where there's less shit, but still a lot of shit.
It's always shit. Screech is going to take his bow
now that I don't have a flail. I just whipped it into
somebody's fucking window. Yeah.
I. Destroyed their kids.
I got to imagine the scene of their in their house and they're
just like washing their dishes. They're putting them on this
shelf and this flails like shoulder dish.
Flails here. There's like it also took out
Grandma's urn on the very last. Of shelf, too.
The person doing the dishes is just coated in their grandma's
asses. Why is it in the kitchen?
That's weird. It's in the dining room, which
is the kitchen and also the living room and also the toilet
and also the. Yeah, it's not very.
Big studio apartment. Everything's in one one little
section. And there's seven people living
in that house. Well, three of them might be
dead anyway. Let's get too real.
It's getting too real. Fuck.
So you're attending to do what again?
Sorry, I. Was going to shoot this dog that
was attacking Todd. You missed.
Yeah, it was a nine. OK, so again, this place is very
cramped. It's a very like it's a narrow
St. This arrow flies past the dog
and toddward, nearly taking off Toddward's ear if he had one
anymore it. Just takes out a pass survive.
No, he just goes into a house and you just hear him so quiet.
Like I got to always escalate. We're not escalating it for you,
We're escalating it for everybody around.
You it's only a nine. Yeah, that's fair.
So what about the rest of you? Oh.
Fuck. Oh, I was gonna go and try to
kick the dog that is attacking Todd.
Word. You gonna kick him?
Try to catch him square in the chest.
Oh yeah, yeah. Go for the rib cage.
Yeah, And that is, oh, that's an 18.
Holy fuck. Hell yeah, you're a monster.
Give me that dumage, Sir. So that's unarmed.
So it's what D2? Oh yeah, true.
It's one point of damage. OK, you got him in the ribs.
You felt one of the ribs crack under your the force of your
foot and the dog whimpers and kind of missteps a little.
And then as after that I'm going to look at Todd Ward and tell
him to go or just kind of like usher him to get out of there.
Remember, reiterate what you said.
How did Grill become such a badass?
And why does he care about Todd word so much?
Yeah, that's weird. Because they want the dogs.
Want the dogs? Yeah, Don't.
Worry about it. He wants the prison.
The dogs aren't. Carrying pouches.
You know what? Stay, I don't.
Figure it out. We'll figure it out.
All right, as a as a dog gets kicked off of me, I'm going to
stand up and swing this Saber at this dog, OK?
Yeah. Don't hit Gruno's leg, did you?
What'd you get? 3.
Three. OK, Well, I mean, that's a
fumble at least. Yeah.
So you swing and gruno, kicking the dog, kind of put the dog out
of the place that he was in. I had that.
You slice just like the ankle of his jeans or whatever pants he's
wearing. I don't think he's wearing
denim, but maybe he is. Denim.
Yeah, they're Dickies. Oh, very cool.
Got the controversy? Now that I have my bone back.
As a cholo. Standing up, I'm going to
prepare my run for the next turn because I am shit in combat.
Oh, yeah. OK.
So so gruno went, went, yeah. Oh, yeah, we went screech went
toddward, went you, I. Think it's.
Here we go. Wait, I shot the blow dart.
Oh. Yeah.
No, you shot the blow dart.
Yep. Yep.
Quarter Pounder. At this point, he's just kind of
laying there huffing like he's labored breathing.
Can you make eye contact with or whatever you?
Have Can you make another death throw?
He's kind of too far away. He's not.
He's not next to all, OK, it's a it's a swag.
It's kind of a narrow place, but he's he's pretty weak.
God, I hope he crawls into a cottage and hides somewhere.
He's not moving at this point. Shit.
And he's alive. He's breathing, but he's labored
and he's bleeding out. You can see it.
Ghoul DoD looks up. No.
He looks up out of the cart, sees the ox.
God girl's back over again. Paul Troon standing there with
reseeds. Slowly and just looks at Weemet
like and puts his hands on his hips like he's been
inconvenienced. And that's them, I guess.
So then it will be the two remaining dogs and the shit
eater. So the dogs.
Oh, there's only one remaining dog.
No, there's two still. Yeah, the ox ox.
The one eating the ox. He continues to do so because
why wouldn't? And the other dog at this point
turns to gruno. Then, seeing as how he's not
really going to get a meal from Todd word, absolutely no.
Just an after an after meal toothpick.
But turns to gruno makes a leap for him.
You see this leap is a bit feeble because of this broken
rib, right? So I'm gonna make it ADR 10 to
avoid the agility test. OK, what's one?
Get me. I will use my omen.
Oh my. It gives you a use of Levi's
Omen. No.
Unfortunately. That's a 12.
OK, very nice. Yep.
So this this thing, it can't quite make it to you because of
it's a falterated step because of the broken rib.
It lands damn near in front of you, though.
Like it. It nipped.
It got close. OK, what a very up and down
sesh. It's a lot of highs and lows.
That's an ish, I think. Nope, It's the shit Eater.
Oh shit eater. The Shit Eater is attempting to
escape from Weemut, so you're going to have to have make a
strength test. Using the piece of truth, this
is rough. Yeah, use your body.
Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and Norman that.
OK. I have a -, 2 strength.
So it makes sense he's a skeleton, not the strongest
muscle definition. That's a four.
That's a four he so slippery and shitty that he got a Wiggles his
way out from under you when it. Attempts to take a man.
Just. God fuck you just.
Like a Big Mac? Yes, now.
No one knows why. Yeah, now.
OK, fucking listen to the bloops I guess.
Name of the episode. Just like a big man.
Not really. Slippery.
OK, we'll think of something now.
It's initiative time. Yeah.
That's one. That's one.
You. Thomas.
So shit boy here takes off out of this house and he just
disappears around the corner and down.
Well, you don't have to worry when he can run away from you
out of this building, potentially through a door
anyway, you know, I'm not entirely sure.
If you're not, you're not entirely sure, either in this
building or if it's a good place.
Either way, disappears. Well, shit.
Don't get up or anything you get.
Them. Be useful?
The other, the dogs, then the one that is eating the ox at
this point starts to like take off away from the kind of
direction that they came from at this point, clearly enough, as
you can see because he threw up in the corpse, you know how dogs
can be dogs, dogs, dogs be dogs. And the one fighting you though
still attempts to nip at your legs at this point because he
down low like that. So, and since that's not going
to affect I guess, his his ribs not going to affect it that
much, we'll call it ADR 12 since he's not leaping.
That's a 2. That's a two.
So give me AD 6 damage, then fuck.
No, no. Please.
That's a six. D4 Armor.
And I've got D6 for the armor, D6 armor that's A1, Grunos dead.
No. Damn it, it's.
Broken. Broken or dead?
-2 So. Gruno, tell me about.
So he eats Uranus. Gruno's walking back, trying to
get some footing in this slippery muddy streets and ends
up slipping, falling on his ass. And Dog takes the opportunity
just to start chomping on Gruno's face, just ripping flesh
and everything side to side, and starts eating his fucking tongue
and his eyeballs and. Oh my God, all the good bits.
The lot's been seized. Not like this.
Not like this, Bruno. All right.
Our turn. Yeah.
Oh God. Our turn.
Oh, your turn. I go pick toddward up, start
fucking dragging him down the alley.
Pick him up, Yeah, He's just bones.
He's bones. He's just bones.
I just witnessed the most horrifying.
I didn't. I was think of seeing Kevin die.
So you can just drag me. You can just drag me.
Me too. Alley.
Yeah, that's exactly what I'll do.
I'll just grab him by the I'll just grab him by the neck and
start dragging him. By the spine.
Yeah, OK, I like it. You pick him up like a
briefcase. That's fine.
I just lay there. Might as well.
Just terrifying. That's what you're doing for
your turn, just accepting it. Yep, that was fucking.
OK, we met. What about you?
Yeah, I'm getting up. I'm running after that that shit
cultist again. OK, you got to imagine he didn't
get far away in the amount of time that it took to, you know,
so far. So what's called agility?
Normal old agility test. That's a 2.
God damn it, get off the show, you.
Take off the way that he went. You look around, he means you
don't see him. Oh yeah, we.
I imagine more like I go flying around the corner where I saw
that he went and I just kept sliding.
Got this? Oh, that's Skeleton.
Oh. God.
Shit is just running around causing chaos.
Just shit bones. Yeah, it's a complex.
And then, I guess, Pee Wee. I'm going to send my bird after
him and then follow my bird. Oh, that's wonderful.
Yeah. OK, Since we had him roll for
that before, he's already found him.
We'll call that Dr. now for that presence test the Dr. 10.
It's kind of keeps getting easier because he didn't go far.
That is a natural time. That time it.
Is your bird flies like you send the bird back out after it and
it just bolts. It's like it's like a heat
seeking missile. He's seeking eyeball and very
gross. And it you hear like you hear
like an impact of like a small thing in a person and you hear a
person go down and again and also like we met, you saw as you
slid and kind of lost your footing you saw this bird go
flying past you and it kind of bolted around another corner.
Do you know where you went? And that leaves just Klotzman
and and Paul Troon does his goofy little taken off after a
little cartoon run off again. He follows the eyeball.
He's kind of right on his heels pretty much or whatever on his
wings. And you hear, because you see
again Wima, you see Paul Troon bust through one of these very
thin walls and go running out to that bird kind of hot on his
wings. And once you hear like the bird
impact the dude and that dude crash, you hear Paul Troon
disappear into that door. You see him disappear into that
door and he crashes down. He just, he doesn't make a
sound, obviously. It's a drop of water.
Just. Hear the sound of the body, but
there's no verbal, you know, confirmation to what happened.
Kvatspund kind of goes. You seem to go to sleep.
You just you weed weep. Not the big.
Sleep I I drug him away and I didn't see it so.
Nobody saw that, actually. Yep.
Yeah. OK.
So not like you. Don't worry about them.
It is like this I. Saw it as the as the alley was
taking over my vision of him. That's true, actually, yeah.
OK then I guess it's really at this point the actual party
proper or who's left rather, is no longer in the street with the
dogs. Yeah, besides the NPCS that I
left behind. So Initiative role again,
because it's really just you guys in the shit cultist us,
that's you guys. Do I make it to the shit
cultist? You launched.
You're trying to run your way there as well.
OK. So you run there, you do.
OK. So actually, you know what?
Since considering what's been happening in the way to that
place where he is, as you see Wemo laying on the ground, you
notice that it's real fucking slippery.
So give me an agility test. We're going to call it a 10
because you realized it. Yeah, wait.
That's a nice nice. You're.
Slipping. The shit.
Yeah, you're slipping the shit land on Weeman's bones.
It kind of hurts. Doesn't do.
Damn. What about the rest of you guys?
What about Weeman, then, at the perfect timing?
I like chaining the people together.
Oh man, try to inside you. Now get out of me.
And just like, push him aside and use him to like basically
stand back up and go running after the the bird.
OK, I like that, you know you yeah, you get back up, take off
down the hall, you see that door that everybody disappeared into
and you see Pultroon laying on top of this cultist who is and
the bird who smashed like splattered against the back of
its head. You can see it's almost like
it's almost an exit wound or like someone threw an egg at it.
It exploded. But you see that the the, the
cult is unconscious, it looks like.
And Paltrude is sitting on his body like, like, proud of, like,
like he just caught himself with like a big game picture, you
know what I mean? Like he's just sitting, like,
like posing next to the deer kind of picture.
He's opening the head up. Yeah, he's holding his head up
like with. A blade to his throat.
Oh, your bird became super fucking useful.
Actually it. Makes sense.
There's not much impact. The fact that you could hear it,
I feel like it's not just like a.
It had three. HP You did it, yeah.
That works. It's fine.
It's funny. Yeah.
So you see that and I feel like you have enough time to kind of
make a decision with what you can do here.
I think overall that I'm just gonna.
Kill. Him turn to let the rest of the
group know. Yeah, we got him now.
Kill that shit, eater. And I like the idea that, like,
half the crew doesn't even know what you're talking about.
Half the crew's dead. No, no.
Well, that's all. Well, no, but I mean, Todd, Word
and Screech probably don't know what you're talking.
About. I bet we're pretty far back
there. Yeah, well, not with that.
But like, you guys were dealing with that.
Yeah, they caught that. So really, it's yeah, just a you
and a Pee Wee. I was going to call them Pepper.
You and Pee Wee know what's going on.
Yeah, we don't even know where those guys are.
I'm drenched in fecal manner. That's their point.
Great. Yeah.
OK. And I'll go over with Pultroon
and I'll use some of my beads and just start to tie him up a
bit. He don't smell any worse than he
does, So now they do. I don't smell it all.
I smell like incense, honestly. Yeah, OK, I like that a lot.
So yeah, you tie up this cultist with your rosary and you
captured him and he looks up at you.
He kind of wakes up as you're doing this.
He looks up at the kind of like, gestures to the back of his head
like. This is looking back in.
Hey everybody, Kevin at the end of the episode.
This episode featured The adventure Church of the Worm by
JVC Perry with Levi playing Pee Wee, the Tormented Toy Maker by
a Reverend Uncle Bastard, Thomas playing We Met the Catacombs,
St. by Makuti, Kevin playing Gruno The Corpse Plunder by
Harkinstone, Jake playing Todd Word, The Destitute Thespian by
Linderon, and Nate playing Screech, The Narcomancer by
Brain Rat. This episode also featured
content from D66 Flails, also by Linderon and 4D20 Swords which
are not plus one by Full Frontal.
Phil Jensen, check out all these cool things in their respective
Exelibrus Morporg entries in the description accompanying this
episode, as well as the Flail The Face episode 15 Companion,
which at this point is a mystery.
And while you're at it, check us out on our social medias, our
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Blue Sky and Thread.
And wherever you listen to podcast, make sure to rate,
review and share with all of your friends so we can get out
there to more people. While we're at it, if you
haven't already, please check out our sister podcast, The
World Standard. And if you like what they're
doing over there, think about joining their Patreon.
It gives you access to their Discord, which you can talk to
us as well because we're on there.
And just for $3 a month you get a Discord access.
With that, thanks for listening and we'll catch you guys next
time. Said, said no lawyer ever.
Fucking loud, Levi Oh. Yeah, baby.
You. Son of.
A super fucking loud, all right? Jesus H Macy.
You want to suck all that teat? Coffee and lots of dark coffee.
Yeah, it's been always it's been on all day, even though the
meeting started an hour ago, anyway.
Why are there always flies here? Are there fly?
Oh, it's from the corpses, naturally.
It's We're in a church. No.
Yeah. Yes it does.
I'm a Kevin. Alright, me taking Kevin are on
one side, They Levi are not. No.
Levi and Thomas are on another. And they said somewhere in the
middle of no, I'm just fucking. Baffled is what I am.
I'm. Where I am though, yeah.
The only slippery food I know of is a Jimmy John's gargantuan.
Oh, that's slippery. Spot is slippery.
Maybe slippery is nothing else. Because there is nothing else is
so. Much Not another there is in the
world of slippery you. I'm sorry, Which?
Is dog. Somebody recorded me talking
about cramming a bunch of meat in my mouth.
Yeah, that too. Got that?
We'll loop it. We'll put a techno beat behind
it. I like a bunch of massive meat.
Just so I can. Rave it in my mouth.
I like a. Bunch of massive meat just so I
can. Rave it in my mouth.
I like a bunch of massive. Meat just so I can rave it in
my. Mouth.
I like a bunch of massive meat. Just so I can.
Rave it in my mouth. I like a bunch of massive meat.
Just so I can. Rave it in my mouth and in my
mouth and in my mouth.