Greeting scum and welcome to Flails of the Face.
My name is Cannibal Chris. I will be our GM as we continue
to play Doomkirk. This is Doomkirk Part 6.
This is 6. Is he?
6 it is 6. I wrote it down.
Oh my God. Good thing I did.
It's odd that we've been This is Doomkirk.
This long we have, yeah. Yeah.
Hello, I am Levi. I play lefty.
I'm Thomas. I'm playing Weebit.
I'm Kevin and I'm playing Rundle.
Oh God, now I'm Jacob. Yeah.
I'm, I'm Nate. Yep.
I'm going to play out so Lefty, Weemut, and Rundle are
all that's left of the party. Currently, the worms are gone.
Cedric finally died. Ouch.
It was mayonnaise. Not like, not like, like.
Oh, I'm relieved he finally died.
It was more like, wow, he lasted a while heard.
It in your voice. I saw it in your eyes.
OK, OK, so I feel that way. Whatever I was trying, it's not
like fortunately, Jake did it for me.
I I was just playing the part. It's not my fault that all these
grown ass men couldn't handle me.
That's fair. That's true.
And it's because you played him because your previous character
died as well last episode, who for the life of me, and only
because you've had so many, I can't remember which it.
Was he just he was the guy that? Tried milking worms and then
die. Oh yeah, No, Never mind.
Barnaby. Talkable.
Yeah. Yeah.
Here's an important piece of the story, I guess.
Yeah, he would. That means we still have a bison
walking around these gems too, don't we some?
Quarter pound pounder. You know you can milk that
bison. Yuck.
Anyway, you could I. Guess you're going to get some
sort of milk out of there. I wouldn't drink it, but.
I. Have to say I do have to say the
lime 3 minutes into the show you hate the show 'cause he has to
do I. Fucking hate this show.
OK, so Lefty, Wiebert and Rundle, the two of you or the
three of you are talking to two guards you.
They said some stuff to you the end of last episode.
We don't need to repeat that till later.
So what are you guys doing around here?
Like you got business here or what business here or?
What? Yeah, we're supposed to be
finding the necro priestess. Didn't we have this conversation
before? You're different guards.
Yeah. You all look alike, so that's a
little hurtful. I mean, you're wearing the same
cloaks. OK, I get that.
Don't you guys know, peasant? The weird thing is, you're all
missing one sock. Oh, pheasant.
Yeah.
He's up.
He's up there somewhere.
Kind of points to general
direction. He's not wrong, but he he's big.
I thought you were him. Nope.
Little bitch didn't like him. Apparently I don't.
Know So you what? You said you're here to see the
Necro priestess, right? In a manner of speaking, yes.
Why our? Business is our own.
Business is our own, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Not with the Necro priestess it's not so.
Is she your mom? No.
Is that how this works? No.
You scratch her back, she scratches yours.
That part yes, but not like mom partner.
You lack secret lovers or something?
No, no, no, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah. You know, the other guy too was
just like, vehemently shaking. He said No.
That's not what you're into. No, you.
Go to her bone yard every now and then.
Or what? Oh God.
You don't go down to Bone Town. The fact that you were saying
this really shows you haven't actually seen her, because if
yeah, you wouldn't be saying these.
I mean, we're looking. Yeah, apparently you know where
she is. Oh yeah, yeah, of course.
Hold on. Let me grab this stuff on the
ground here by my buddy. All of his dust blew away.
One second. Let me pick it up.
They're literally waiting and watching you feebly do this.
Yeah, I want to pick up the spear and the shield.
OK, fair enough. And I'm going to pick up my
warhammer, OK? Yeah, that fucking thing.
Useless. What are you guys doing here?
So are you. We're here to see the Necro
priestess. Oh yeah, yeah.
I thought it was. I mean like here specifically in
this. She You're walking away from,
no. Well, you lack her.
Are we going through this conversation again?
Please don't. Will you take us to the next
reprisis? Ain't happening, ain't
happening. Can you point us in the
direction where she might be? No.
Do you do you know? Or you just ignorant fools with
one saw call. Oh no no no, I know where she
is. The ignorant 1 here is the one
saying the word well, not me saying you.
You're saying the words, Yeah, I realize.
What? I'm just saying.
So are you going to stop us? Going to stop us?
Yeah. Yeah, I want to make.
That's going to fare well for you, my friend.
So I guess I'm not going to find the Necro priestess.
I'll be die and start walking up are.
We going. We're just going to walk right
past them, I'm whispering. Well, I mean, that's what I'm
doing. I'm just walking right past
them. They're walking that way too.
And you guys, you guys can remember you guys are in the
worm tunnel right here. St.
Bully. Yeah, you guys are in this worm
tunnel. And you guys are walking towards
the light and the smoke that you saw in the last episode.
And you guys come into this large room, the room, it's very
wide, very tall, very good scriptures, very wide, very
tall, very good. Very nice.
To the left of you in this this room which goes left to right
from where you currently are. To the left of you, you see a
short stairwell that leads up to a a large ornate metal door.
It's closed and you see both of these guards heading in that
direction. Now in the on the opposite end
of this, to the east, which that door with the guards are going,
that's the West. Just to give you guys better
bury. I like to say these words to the
east. On this wall you see a huge
relief covering the entire wall and displaying a battle, a
peasants uprising against Knights.
The main focus is on two people that stand out as statues,
growing out of the relief. A knight kneels before a
peasant. Both reach out, but there are no
weapons to the north directly at the other end of this worm
tunnel, and it leads to it. The tunnel continues on the
other side and then you see that there's an entrance to some kind
of round cave opening which seems to be blocked by a
makeshift wooden wall, kind of blocking off the entire end of
this tunnel and a large wooden door built into that that
blockade. 2 guards continue off to the to the West off of up
that little stairwell and they both just stand on both sides of
that door and then they turn around and just kind of face you
with their arms crossed. One of them is carrying a spear,
the other one carrying a Helbert do.
These guys look beefy. Yeah, they do.
They look formidable, like like they were hired to do exactly
this. Explain this to uniforms but.
At this point, I'm going to like kind of drop some of my stuff
down. I'm going to dig out my Med kit
and I'm going to use one of my doses.
OK, good call. You got four out of seven
correct currently, Yeah. That's D6.
Yep 3. That's four to seven.
Beautiful. You know I'm I'm doing pretty
decent over here, but I could use a hit off that juice if if
if you got an extra. If I've got an extra.
Little dies. You're not that pretty.
That pretty. What are you implying?
He's just bones. Talking about I've got like
glowing complexion here. Maybe your eyeballs, but nothing
else. No, I have a glowing complexion.
Yeah, you do. I slap his foot like pass you on
top of the head and sits back down or lays back down,
whatever. Or just like Sigh and I'll just
toss one of the doses over. OK, I'm gonna shoot it up.
As you guys see if you're doing this, you hear footsteps
approaching from the worm tunnel.
The direction that you came sounds like a couple people
eventually. How many assholes are down here?
Yeah, right. Turn on YouTube, YouTube, a
couple and you see two people enter this room from the worm
tunnel as well. What do they look like guys?
Oh God, I am a tall, lengthy man with.
Lengthy. Oh no.
With a very robust red like nice smoking jacket and a pipe and a
pipe. And my hair slicked back into
this awkward bun. Is he smoking in that awkward
bun? It's just dirt in there.
Just smoking dirt? Yeah, that's pretty weird.
Jesus Christ, what about the other dude?
Super hunchy guy doesn't exactly walk on all fours.
Does he give me big pink Penguin vibes?
No, Not in. Not in the least.
Not cobble potty at all. Cobble potty?
No. No, I don't know Quasimodo with
no kind of. Tarzan energy like feral.
A little bit. Kind of punch back of Notre
Dame? Where?
The hero Killer.
The Hero Killer stain. Yeah.
Oh yeah, kind of. Honestly.
That kind of weird energy. Like long black hair, but like,
just like, down. Like mine.
Down. Yeah.
Down in his face. No shoes.
Just fucking like jeans on jeans.
Jeans in a vest. Got denim.
The vest, is it completely denim?
Sure, now he is just kind of dirty.
Who's this denim daddy? Why?
Why does he look so emotional? Emotional.
That's what I want to know. What I want to know?
Rundle, the one in that jacket, looks kind of like your type,
like your. Type.
Possibly. That was seriously let anybody
down here, won't they? What I want to know is why
everybody's wandering around down here.
Kind of weird. Kind of weird.
It is. I've I've been down here for
years and I've never seen these two before in my life.
I mean, it just seems like it's a big circle.
We're standing right here. You don't have to keep talking
about us like that. Who's this fancy boy, fancy boy?
Name is Todd Word Ingrid. You gave him that name?
I am of the theatre Theatre of the.
Theatre. Oh, he's cultured nice.
More culture than you swine. I've given you my name now.
Name now what's yours? Yours rundle mcraben is just
service. I'm sorry, what?
I'm sorry. What Rundle Mcrabinus.
Macro penis, both of the guards. It's kind of odd proving we
like, wow, wow shit. Yeah, this this is Lefty and I
believe it. I believe.
It what? What the other guard, you say
your name's William, Your name's.
William, maybe That's my name. That's my name.
Have you guys met before? Nah, Never met anyone with my
name before, even though it's relatively common.
That's great. That's great.
So now that we got something in common, why don't you let us
know where the Necro Priestess is?
No. You are also looking for the
necro priestess. That is correct.
We heard she can give us some
nice. Shrooms helps with my acting.
The guard, one of the guard elbows we met.
The other guard. The guard.
The other guard, not this we met.
Confusing. Now elbows him.
These just like nods like these. That's that's what he does.
I'm going to as well start digging through the dirt over
here. Through the dirt, yeah, of the
worm tunnel. Yep.
And I'm going to, I'm going to start tripping.
Start start tripping balls. Oh, OK, yeah.
Tell me, why don't you read that ability?
OK. It's been the power to do so,
yes. I'm kidding the the.
Effects of that shroom must have lasted for a while.
You see things that aren't there.
You also find things that weren't there.
Once per day, you pull a magical artifact from a seemingly
nowhere. This item turns to shimmering
dust when a new one new item appears.
Oh, I'm a by the way, I'm a narco man, Sir.
Yes. Created by.
Do you remember Brain Rat? Yes.
Yeah, very good. That is what I am.
So what we're going to do, we've already pre decided this is that
when you do that we're going to pull from the D66 Flails table
by Linderon. The art for this.
It was done by Guitarro. So give me AD 66.
OK, 63, 63 party bladder. What the fuck DX damage.
You can fill this deflated balloon with whatever will fit,
work out the damaged eye. A downside and any special
abilities with the GM crits on a 19 and 20, but the bladder
bursts and the contents are lost as they fly out.
So you pull this like stick out of the dirt and on the other end
of it is just this empty, like sack of like some kind of cow
bladder or something. Worm bladder.
Worm bladder, Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the worm swim bladder.
Swim bladder, yeah. So they stay afloat.
I yeah, I dig this out of the fucking dirt and just start
filling it with rocks. With rocks.
OK, I'm going to call that. Terrible stench.
I love it. We're going to call that AD 8
that's not there to you. Yeah, sure.
That was weird. Yes, the guard's not as well.
Fuck you. Fuck you.
He does that. He does that.
We. Find this guy.
I have a way with words came across him and he just follows
me. Is he your special little boy or
something? You're a freak.
Don't go there, girlfriend. I am assuming that Rondell's the
one in charge. If you think this Princess over
here is in charge, you're you're looking at a human, a skeleton,
and a guy that is pretty much just a corpse full of flies.
And you're like the corpse full of flies.
Looks like he's in charge here. But to me, he's the one that's
made the most common sense. Yeah, I get it.
I just. Met these people or none of you
are in charge, apparently. I I met these two.
Pretty accurate description. We've known him for like 10-15
minutes, tops. It hasn't been long.
It's been hours. I'm really though I'm.
Going to look at one of the guards.
You know where the neck Necro priestess is then?
Yeah, where? Where I'm not telling you.
Yes, you will. Yes, you will, will I?
Yes, and I use my ability. OK, wait, what?
Twist of the arm? Yep.
Read it out here. Twist of the arm.
You could always attract a crowd, and afterwards there's
silver. You can pass a presence test for
persuasion without rolling if the GM considers the persuasion
to the NPC. Effective enough, OK.
Effective enough? OK, then what are you doing to
persuade them? I'm going to Do you know
anything about the arts about? The arts?
Nope. That's why we are here.
It is above your pay grade. Yeah, I've heard that a lot.
Yes. And I tell you what, And I pull
out a piece of parchment and a quill, and I sign my name on.
Onto this and then I stuff it into his collar.
Take that to the next Tavern and you can sell that for quite
quite a lot. I'm well known and from these
parts very famous. Probably a pile of shit.
I'll give you even more. Plus some actual silver if you
shut him up. The next time he speaks, they
they they look at each other and then he looks back at you.
Yeah. Yeah, I got you.
All right, so where Right here. And he he opens the door for you
and just. There I take.
I take him, though. He said just him.
And I point to the I point to Screech.
He yells a lot, but not always. Nonsense With you.
Yes, these guys aren't. No.
OK, Yeah. I I turned to the other three.
And I just hold up my middle fingers and walk in backwards.
Very, very fast being of you. I love it.
I turn the guard. I actually rather like that one.
I turn the. Dick, I turn to the guard.
Your mother's a lovely lady, Thank you.
She really is. And I pat him on one shoulder.
I stare in his eyes. Far too long comes and then I go
in. All right, go.
Ahead. We have no time for the
peasants. For the peasants, Rascal.
Have you seen my eyes? Yes.
Screech. Follow me.
You. Guys slip into the door and he
closes it by me. That was weird.
The two of you then are standing
at the bottom of a long dark staircase, and you see
candlelight flickering. And as you can see at the top of
the staircase too, that it clearly turns to the left and
continues on. But you see flickering
candlelight from within the stairwell.
We continue. Yes, you guys continue up and
you you come to you go up that first flight of stairs, you
turns to the left, another flight of stairs and at the top
you see a door very similar to the one at the bottom of the
stairs, and we'll cut to the guys on the outside.
The three of you see these two new randos get like ushered in
by the bouncers like they made it into the club.
But you 3 can't. Those guys.
Were Dicks Dicks? Yeah, yeah, I can't wait.
To see though. Well then we just need to act
like we we are supposed to be here, like we told them.
So I'll just like start power walking forward.
Strutting like to the door. Yeah.
I'll follow him. They both like, they're standing
in front of the door, just arms crossed, and they're just
watching you walk up to him. You you know he didn't give you
any silver, right? You said he will later.
I don't think he will mind your own business.
I don't think he's coming back. This ain't your payday.
What if we were to grease these palms, if you will, and I pull
out about 5 silver? Kind of.
Not what I hold in my hand. I could spit on it.
That's a lockout. You you, the guards are just
looking at your open. The guards are looking at your
open hand with your 5 silver and you're like not greasy enough.
Greasy enough 5 silver you could.
Do you want me to spit on it? Spit on it.
Yeah. In his hand.
Yeah, yeah. OK, I spit on you fucking.
Mess. Pull out another five and hold
it in either hand, in, you know, in front of them, five each to
let me pass these areas. Five's over.
That's that's pretty good. What?
OK, how about this? How about this?
What's a good number for you? We can negotiate. 100A, 100
each, 100 each. I mean, you gotta offer more
than the person paying me well. You know what?
But you don't know what he was
offering you to begin with. He could stiff you, yeah, but he
gave me this and he points, pulled out the, the, the
autograph that. That's not worth shit.
You don't know you're not culture.
You're not. Culture.
Look at you. Yeah, we're not either.
I'm not saying. But he was, and he said that it
meant. Something.
Look, look at this guy over here.
He's he's a fancy guy, too. Hi.
I don't want any part of it.
We're going to sell him. You know what?
Let me go down. I'm going to go get, go get the
silver. Hold on.
Wait a minute. Go down to the steps.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Him point to the gold skeleton. Oh Oh no, you can't help him.
He looks like he's worth something.
Yeah, you know what? Take him from him.
That's true. I mean, you know what?
Yeah. How will we come up with a deal
here? What's the deal?
You let us in, We'll get your silver.
And my gold friend couldn't stay with you until we get back.
Wait, so you're going to leave? Get 100 and silver each?
Yeah. And then you're going to leave
him here in in the meantime? I mean, all he does is just sit
around and say witty things, yeah, but he also can you can
sell him to somebody to say witty things.
He for go for silver. He is a human being.
Well, he was. I'm really not.
Don't worry about it. Don't worry.
I want. You really want to leave?
I mean, how bad do you? Want to get in there?
I'm totally fine with leaving. I mean, I'm cool with whatever,
to be honest. All right.
Well, I'm going to, I'm going to just hold on.
I'm going to go down to this bottom of the steps here.
I I got some silver down here. Yeah.
I don't get to the bottom of the steps.
I'm going to turn around and shoot one of the guards.
Oh, yeah. OK.
So we're going to let you take
that shot off and then call it initiative because they didn't
see that coming. That's a 7 A7 that does not hit.
So that arrow hits the the bolt hits the door, bounces off and
roll initiative. They both draw their weapons.
Kevin Roll it. Yeah, yeah.
No, because I'm at -3 for everything.
We made you roll it. You started it all right.
Don't let Kevin roll anything. That's a one, A1.
That's them. So the guy with the spear who?
He did not get his name but he's done most of the talking.
He with his spear lunges at lefty.
No, he would lunge at the other guy.
He lunges down at Weeman with his spear.
Cuz wait a minute. Yep, I did offer the next time
that he speaks up. You didn't pay them.
I said if he did, we asked you that.
You know what? We.
Already had this idea? Say that.
He did say that, and he does. He goes for a lefty.
Then with the spear. Give me ADR 12 agility.
That's a fairpoint. Thanks for keeping me honest,
Jake. We're in the garden.
Honest. He makes Jacob.
Same team bro, same team. Oh.
No. What's a 10?
Give me gives you spear in the rib take D4 damage.
Fuck you, Jacob. What are you at now?
5 five Oh shit. So the other one we MIT with his
hell bird comes down to attack at we MIT with his crossbow.
So we MIT give me Dr. 12 agility as this hell bird from swinging
at you. That is an 11 an 11.
That's a fail. Give me AD 6 damage.
That is five damage down to four, and he takes one damage.
OK, he will. Oh boy.
Rundle Escape. And now it is, you guys.
Yeah, so. I guess so.
You're at the bottom of these little stairs there We met with.
We met. And the other two guys are on
the top of this platform, on top of the stairs, along with the
guy with the spear. So what do you guys do?
I'm gonna go through the door. Just gonna go through the door.
I'm gonna go through the door. OK?
Yeah, you walk up, you're right there.
And these guys are, like, clearly engaged with everybody
but you. So you walk up to the door, it
opens, you slip in and. I'm gonna leave the door open,
OK? And yeah, I'm just gonna go up
up the stairs, OK? Yeah, you see too.
As you go up these stairs, you see the other two new guys,
Todd, Word and Screech just remind you of ridiculous.
Their names are at the at the at the landing halfway up the
stairs, and they're heading up the other other flight of it.
What about the other two guys out there?
Weinit and Lefty. Oh my God.
Well, obviously I have to try to kill this guy.
Or the door's wide open. Or the door's wide open.
Door's wide open. I'm going to try to break for it
for the door. You running for the door.
I don't see why you couldn't. So yeah, you run off into the
door, right past the other weenit and right behind Rundle
without left either. Well, if I see my compatriot
that I've known the longest now run, run past you, watch
everybody who's with you leave I.
Am going to also move past and I want to shut the door OK and OK
so in my mind cannon. This door looks like it locks.
From the inside, it doesn't look like it locks.
Like it has like one of the the 2 bars and then a piece of wood
I can just slide right over. It's more big stone slabs than
anything. Give me a presence test though,
to determine the reality of that.
OK, OK. If I needed anything in my life,
it's right now to kill Weave it. No, to make it past the door as
well. And then close it.
Once we met inside, didn't he make a pass?
We met, went in before everybody.
You're the last one. I just went in the order you
said it, which makes sense. You don't see anything on here
that lock it. You assume looking at this door
now because you, like dashed in, closed it behind all through all
of the five of you. And you you're looking around
for some of the lock and you're like, these doors don't even
lock. Can I use an omen?
Do what? For what reason?
We're not friends, Jacob. I but I I approached the bench.
I approached the bench. I'll use an omen where I want
him to feel up. He's obviously upset with me in
real life, so I want. I want his.
I want Lefty himself to remember how he was told that he was
uncultured and that that's how he.
That's how I affect his ability to actually find something.
OK, so so you're spending your omen to make him succeed.
That president says to find that.
Yeah, like he is pissed off enough where he wants to survive
this and come kill me. Yeah, OK.
So yeah, it has something like fit of like of like some kind of
like age drive. I'm on culture and I'll show you
kind of. And then you see you're like, oh
wait, no, there's this bar that you can slide.
Like it's kind of built into the wall, but you can slide it
across the door. You find that and do so, and you
you're banging on the other side of the door.
You're welcome. You get so fired.
Terrible. All right, Lefty.
Like, here's my last doses and I'm going to hand them one of my
last doses and I'll use the last one myself.
Well, I appreciate that you see this as you guys are sitting
there healing yourselves, you see or you're you're healing
yourself rather you see. You both are.
That's right. You see the spearhead and like
the halberd, like blade, like between the two blades.
And then just like you can see that they're prying, they're
trying. So this.
Can I take my hammer and try to snap the heads off the spear and
the halberd? Oh, OK, I like it.
Do that. Well, yeah.
Wait, you already ran up the stairs, didn't you?
I can run back down and do it. That's fair.
Why not slide the bar across to lock them out?
I don't want them prying in, so that's fair.
OK, yeah, go ahead you do you run down.
I don't. It's not really much of A roll
to take for that. Well, I would say he's.
Got -3 on all his rolls, right? That's a fairpoint.
He's really bad luck. There's a good chance.
OK, you know what? That's true.
We're going to go Strength Dr. 12, which in your case I get.
That's the name of the. Episode.
I'm OK with that. Just fuck you, Jay, We'll just
asterisk it, we'll say. We're not friends, 17.
Sorry. 17 on the die. So it's 14.
OK, Yeah. So you you like, come leaping
off the halfway down the stairs and with this hammer and you
just swing it down that both of the blaze and snaps, both of
them. Oh fuck, you're the other side
of the door. Can we fucking go now before
they find another way in here? That was probably the coolest
thing I've ever seen you do. I I'm, I'm willing to accept
that you're the leader of the group for now.
Mommy, that's fine. I wanted to leave this whole
time. This whole.
Time. But you can still go.
We can move the bar and you can go out with your.
First think I'm gonna go back that way.
You're crazy. Well then, shut your fucking
mouth and let's go. What is shit on Lefty Day?
That's the name of the episode Lefty on Lefty Day.
And then I'm gonna head back up the the stairs.
OK, so the five of you then stand at the top of this double
staircase in front of this big ornate door.
Oh, I assume you brutes use force over wit.
I mean, I just walked past the door.
We just ran through it. Yes, we didn't have to sign it.
Some sort of parchment we? Didn't lie about how cool.
We are right. Judging by all the sweat and
shame I can smell in the air, it must have been easier.
Jokes out, you I don't sweat Dick.
And I have no shame. Wipe under your nose.
It's all lefty. Levi's going.
I ignore them, turn around and knock on the door.
You knock on the door. Yep, I'm here to see this, This
necro priestess. That's true.
So you knock on the door and then you just stand there and
wait, right? And then eventually the door
opens and you see a robed figure.
Crimson robe, almost pointy, very, just like they almost look
like one solid shape. Like, almost.
Matches my smoking jacket a similar shade of red.
Sure. Yeah, plus.
Damn, one of us is going to have to change now he he doesn't even
respond to that. As he opens the door, you see
that there are a total of six of these dudes and the room itself,
It's a large candle lit room. They're all pretty large
polished stone. And as soon as this door opens,
the stench of blood is intense, like just copper Tang in the
air. You see on the far side of the
room this twin altar covered in candles, 2 stone basins laying
under the heads of the large 2 headed basilisk statue.
You see standing by that altar of an incredibly large woman,
clad in the colour of dried blood and just huge menacing
empty black eyes. I'm going to take in the room
and oh, I've seen, I've seen plenty of orgies gone awry.
That was funny. I I like you.
She's holding this massive iron staff with this gigantic, gnarly
looking black prism atop it. Screech.
What do you make of this? You make of this.
Thank you, Screech. I'm a ghost of the latrine.
I understand. Aren't we all?
Yes, So. So.
You must be the ones here to kill the worm board.
Are you the Nectar Priestess? I am, yes.
I thought you'd sound cuter, I. Honestly sold.
It out. I hear that you have some
powerful shrooms that will help me with my with my, my vocal
acting. Let me get a lick of that taste.
I haven't heard that since, yes. I know nothing about this warm.
The worm? No, I don't.
There's a lot to unpack here. I don't know what you.
I don't know what you've heard or who told you about shrooms.
Whatever that is. Mushrooms.
I pursue it. Oh, my manager lied to me again.
Yes, that's him here, this unwashed fellow is.
Rich. No, he's more like my, more like
my Butler Butler. He talks sometimes.
Sometimes. Right now with worms.
You you're here. You must be the people who are
here to kill the Worm Lord. You mean these three?
These fools? These.
Perhaps you're making a lot of assumptions here.
Well, I have to. You guys are just walked into
the room and then stood there while this clown danced.
I was just trying to figure out what he was doing.
So am I. I don't know why they're here.
Well, I tell you what I have an offer for.
I have an offer. Kill the worm.
And and I'll give you freedom and riches and.
Riches. What you mean didn't he want her
to die? Or is that?
Is that not who we talked to earlier?
I'm going to grab the other two and like, do like cartoon
huddle. Yeah.
Oh yeah, we're familiar. So.
Yeah, So that is just a whisper. Like, what do we want to do?
Do we want? She's a lot bigger than the worm
guy. Yeah, but the other guy, the
worm guy, had all the worms with him.
I mean, I don't really care about none of this.
Anyone else's palm sweaty. I mean, I'm I'm kind of the
point I I just want to shoot the next person that talks.
Got awfully quiet in here. Say something, Levi.
Yeah, you got to go. Crazy point.
I don't care who we kill, I just want to get out of this place.
This place. Wonderful.
So you'll kill the worm Lord for me?
Hey, we were having an aside, OK?
Oh, right. I didn't hear any of that.
Yeah. Sidebar.
Yes, we speak, we speak so. So we're going to, we're going
to do a double jeopardy and lie to the worm cap.
Double Jeopardy being charged for the same kind of life.
Yeah, I I'm, I'm kind of the thing.
I'm just like, I mean, looking at her, she's.
Like she's just sitting. There.
Like, why don't we just, I mean, shoot her.
She's like doing your toes lunges real hard and it's like
intimidating. It's very deep, Very deep, yeah,
the deep. She's got a very deep, deep V
going on over there, one of those people.
Actually felt impressed. Yeah, he is impressive.
Like disturbing himself. OK, we'll we'll flop sides
again, I don't give a fuck. Like I said, whatever is going
to Get Me Out of here, I I can't be in this place any longer.
OK all. Right.
All right. Well.
Break. Yeah, yeah.
And at that point, I'm going to grab Rundle and push him
forward. Yeah, our leader will talk to
you about that. He's the negotiation guy,
negotiation. Guy OK, The adults, The adults
of the group, and and then she, as she says that she like,
gestures to the two cultists standing by the altar.
There's two. Two of these cultists are
standing by the altars with like a completely nude prisoner on
each of the two basins, and they both slice the throats and lead
them into the basins. Oh.
What are you doing with that? You can just throw it away
afterwards. Is that is that what goes on
here? Don't worry about this.
I mean, I could take it home with me.
What? Do you mean the body?
Sure. What about the rest of those?
And she like gestures to the far corner, which is kind of behind
you guys. And you see that there's just
like a pile of corpses. You can smell them.
That's probably where the smells from.
Yeah, that's that's a little too far to home from my tasting.
Tasting. What?
Madam Necro Priestess, What? What is your name?
Your real name? Your real.
Name. Oh, I've forgotten.
Hasn't been spoken in so long. Sarah.
I think Sarah could be wrong. Well, we'll just go with Necro
priestess then. You.
You're saying you will give us our freedom and riches for
killing this worm? Lord, Yes.
Is that right? That's correct, yes.
What has this warm Lord done to raise your eye?
Raise your eye. Why is he?
Why is he so on your radar, if you will?
Keeps interrupting our business here constantly with that
fucking giant malworm. Then why not kill the malworm?
Good rock with that. Have you tried?
I'm going to walk up to Rundle and I'm going to whisper in his
ear. Sounds like a domestic dispute.
It's a complex back story, OK? Do you 3 actually have a mission
here? Mission here.
I mean, my mission is to get out of this area.
I I I've been here far too long. I didn't really want to come
away anywhere really. Oh my well.
What's? Up you seem fairly unreliable
anyways anyways. What if you pay us?
You pay us. Five of us.
Go on half up front and when we
have finished the job we can come back and let you know and
you give us the other half. Honestly, I think we're going to
end up on that pile over there, don't worry.
About it, simpleton please. Simpleton give me a where's.
This guy. He's not wrong, though.
It's wrong though, 12120 perfect.
I suppose we can do something like that.
You're only getting all of your freedom, though.
Done. I felt pretty free when I walked
in when. You walked in.
Do you really think that if you don't accept this bargain, she's
like walking to you, only, like, have hidden this staff against
the ground as she walks you kind of menacingly?
But we're really going to let you out alive.
See I told you on that pile, this magic.
Magic. What?
How are you keeping me here? Physical.
Magic. Magic.
You want to find out. I don't know.
Fuck around you. Know what?
I need to consult with my associates here.
Let's take a little break. Welcome back to Flail to the
Face. You guys are talking to the
Necro Priestess, so let's just do that.
So so are. You going to kill the Worm Lord,
or are you going to become like them?
She gestures to the recently sacrificed people.
I I have a thriving business. I have to get back to you.
So I I will more than willing kill that worm guy.
He wanted us to come up here and kill you.
I. Bet he did.
Yeah. So you met him already?
Yeah, He gave us a couple of worms and they died.
What a little weenie he can be. I mean, yeah, he's quite, quite
proud. Weenie.
Yeah, so, so. I'm me and I'm going to miss
head this way. Don't don't mind him, he's.
He speaks a lot of smarts, no? See you later.
No. I'm out of here.
Very uncultured, you seem like. A fuck that guy.
Strong mighty warrior. Indeed, yes.
I don't like backtracking or wasting time.
Mayhaps you take on a slowly subjects by yourself.
The rest of them watch then. Watch.
He wants you to jerk them off. That what you?
That's what I heard. Oh my God, a duel.
Oh, a duel like you and me. No, us like a Power Ranger
squad, like the five of you versus me.
That seems fair enough. You're strong.
I'm not stupid. I'm wearing a smoking jacket,
that is true. Don't make me turn your arm,
Turn your. Arm.
That mean sorry, I just came back because I was interested in
seeing what was happening. Here.
All right. I'll use my last power to
succeed on this. All right, all right.
That was easy. The five of you think that you
can take me. The five of us could demolish
you. Unless you feel like you're not
enough and you need help from all of.
These. She's already taking off her
jacket. You see her arms like she's.
She's just quite. Small.
Very swole? Yes, disturbingly so.
She's wearing some heavy black metal armor, though.
So, black metal armor. Oh, she is stunning.
I like it. I'm sad.
The picture. If you saw the picture, well,
I'll show you the picture. We've like you've been.
Seeing, yeah, I've been seeing. Oh my God.
She's. She's quite girthy indeed.
You. Can see that.
Oh, Dang. Does this happen before we mutt
and lefty get out the door? No.
So they they're out the door. Oh, oh, oh.
I'd like to think that those guards stepped in front and
blocked him in. Yeah.
OK, so that's perfect. Lefty.
No, Lefty is you open the door to leave this room.
Those two guards are standing there.
I wouldn't go up there that that your fancy lad's going to attack
your woman, I mean. Get up there.
Actually, go take care of it. I'm going after the worm guy.
Worm guy. You know, the Dick Wrangler.
Oh, you're killing the worm guy? Yeah, yeah, fuck that guy.
Yeah, fuck him. Yeah, go on ahead.
OK, cool. And I DAP him up and I walk
away. He doesn't reciprocate.
You just kind of hit him in the upper arm.
Oh, sorry, that's a little weird.
What the fuck? You're like.
Super awkward. Come on, Weemus.
We're getting out of here. We're getting out.
Of here. Are you getting out of there
with him? Fuck these guys, all right?
This guy, this rich bastard that just tried to get me into fight.
That's what I'm saying. So you're taking off with Lefty
as well? Yep.
All right, what about Rundle here?
Rundle's gonna slink back to keeping an eye on everything,
just kind of walk back slowly and pull out Phoneton's.
Like, what do you think we should do?
Oh yeah, I love it. Give me AD 8.
It's a 3. And then give me a presence
test. All right.
That's an 18. 18. -3, so 15. OK.
You're still good there? No.
I don't know. Not much help now my friend.
I just don't fucking answer the morning, you know?
No, trust me, I don't want to either.
I mean, she's. I mean, she's glorious.
Look at her. I mean, yeah, but you think she
got to do with you a bag of fucking flies?
Well, I don't know. I mean, it's just fucking, I
don't know, man. Lefty and Weimer just.
Left. So yeah, they did.
And I don't even know these two. Cowards.
All of you? Yeah.
Let's just fuck it. I don't know.
What should we dip out? Yeah, let's just go.
All right. Yeah, that's probably a good
idea. And.
And then I walk out. Fortunately, your presence test
succeeded, so you don't gain any negatives from that.
But he was giving you the unmotivated response.
I just picked him, like, sitting on the couch, even though it's
not he's in the skull. He's just like, I don't.
Know, man. Oh my God.
Anyway, so it looks like your friends have left you here.
We're not friends. You made that clear.
Fuck him. So it's just the two of you
versus me? I'll take that at all odds, yes.
I'm going to turn to Screech. Why don't you look at me during?
And I and I hit him on the shoulder and I just kind of nod
towards the door. I I nod my head and I fucking
take my pipe and throw it at her and start running towards the
door. OK, it's got it's it's a pocket
sandpipe. I got the dirt in there.
You did it dirt in there. You know what?
That's so fucking stupid. I want to have you roll for it.
We're going to call that a presence test.
That's a 16. Nice.
It hits her in the fucking face and like the dirt in the ball,
just like shoots out and like, blinds her.
She's like, you fucker run. Straight from you, dude.
But you see those two guards standing at the top of the
fucking stairs between you and the other three, and they're
just shaking their heads at you guys.
That wasn't cool. Not very cordial.
I run straight into him. Do you I?
With the flail. Fucking.
Swinging. Just swinging.
Give me. I'll make you bleed my blood.
Dr. 12 strength my man. You know what?
Let's call it ADR 10, because that was fucking cool, all
right? That's 9 + 211.
Oh, good thing I dropped it. Give me that DA damage then.
Seven damage. Seven damage.
Tell me about it. I I.
I land right on top of him, just smashing his skull with the with
the balloon full. Of rocks, Yeah, with a bladder
full of rocks in the end of a chain.
I turned to the other guy. Oh, pluck your eye hair.
And then I'd start running down the other.
You just like you just staring at, like the guard is just
staring at the the the exploded skull of the other.
Yeah. I jump over that that exploded
body. Yeah, Skull.
And then I just sorry about that and I just.
Started down the stairs. Yeah, so all five of you then
come print down these stairs. You bust out the bottom door
after you guys have already unbolted.
Well, the guys clearly unbolted it.
The guy in here. Meetings over boys.
Time to go. And.
And you're back in that room with that relief on the wall and
the room with the stairs where you had to fight with the
guards. Oh, so you changed your mind,
did you? I just keep running past him.
You're all running. Where you guys headed?
Yeah, you guys. As you guys enter this room, you
see that you can take a right head down the worm tunnel that
you came from or does the left where like that worm tunnel
stops at a wooden wall with a door in it.
You can take a left or a right. Left.
You going left, You know, go open that door.
I'm going to, yeah, I'm going to.
I'm going to try to hide. Yeah, you jump and you go run
open that door. You're kind of running down all
these stairs across the room. You open that door.
You see that? Guys, I think we should follow
him just because he's going to be a meat shield for us.
So all five of you are not wrong.
I mean, are you guys all heading behind in that door with him?
If we just go up the worm tunnel, that's that's our exit.
You don't right? Am I wrong?
I can't.
I don't want to get the shrooms. Well, I don't give a shit about
some of the shrooms. What?
You.
It's it's the fact that that because you can't see Nate just
staring up at the ceiling when he does the shit.
So you're waiting. For him to say.
Something. So you guys bust open this door.
You you kind of go into the room.
You this immediate, potent miasma of rotten decay just
overpowers the senses. That behind the door you see?
You want me a 2D4, Jake? 2D four, yeah.
Add them together. In other words, what's that
three, three, and a one. So 4.
You see four of these red hooded cultists sifting through bodies
of like the basilis undead begotten those weird little 2
headed basilis babies you guys bought a while ago spilling out
of a huge crack in the ceiling in the wall.
And then they turn around immediately.
You're not supposed to be. Oh, hello gentlemen, friends of
either the Necropresis or the Worm, Lord Worm.
Lord. They like gesture to the robes
like it's kind of obvious. Was it the worms?
No GET. The fuck out of here?
He starts charging at you. Oh, come on.
Just shut the door. And get trapped in this little
section. You could turn around and shut
the door. With you on the outside of.
It. Oh God, no.
I mean, because we're being chased too.
Yeah, you're being chased from, Yeah, actually.
Because yeah, you ran, you're being chased into this room.
You went came into here, these guys who are essentially the
same dudes, kind of giving you the same reaction.
Oh God, I slammed the door. Just running.
Yeah, this way, Chief, Chief. So you guys are just running
down the worm tunnel now? We're we're leaving.
Yeah, as you slam the door behind you too, like they don't
follow you as much as you can tell anyway, and you guys just
start booking it down the worm tunnel.
They were doing weird things in there.
They were doing weird things in there, so you you.
Run down there for a ways before you come to a room with a black
pool of this tar in the middle of the worm tunnel.
Here it looks like it's splitting a room in half.
You've been here before. You know that if you were to
climb out of the worm tunnel into this room and go to the
right, you would end up at the room where the skeletons are
playing cards. Remember that where you fought
the basilisks. That's towards the entrance,
right? It's closer.
Then if you were to take a left, you would end up at the top of
the staircase that brought you down to.
Both the Worm Lord and to that room with all the doors where
you guys did weird stuff behind them.
Oh God, that's right. I don't remember that.
You you specifically, but I mean the players.
You always struggle. Yeah.
Other women knows he was there. That was lefty.
Yeah. Survivors.
That was awkward. I mean, we we just got to keep
going. Oh, also you can keep going
forward to keep running down the worm tunnel.
And you know since you guys have been here, that if you keep
going past this room, you'll come to that break in the
hallway where the chains and the hands.
And then eventually that that that pale one who is still
around, that's. Right.
Yeah, also give me let's. Not push our luck with that one.
That's fair. Give me AD four too, as you guys
are standing in this room between the card room and the
word Lord Stairs. I'll do it.
I guess 3, OK. And what do you guys do?
You guys going right to the card room left.
To down the stairs to the doors in the Worm Lord, or ahead to
more to worm tunnel? I go the way of the exit.
You go the way of the exit, That's it's.
Been many a month since I remember the exit.
No, that's fair. And I know that like you would
have a pretty decent, like, mental layout of this because
you've been in a lot of these. You've been in all these places
that you've been to, you've been to.
I mean, you bend at one point to the place you've been to
recently. I know, right.
Mind blow, no. OK, So thinking.
About that, you know that if you were to continue running down
this worm tunnel that it would eventually lead to the entrance
room where Toravel locked the statue over.
Oh. Yeah.
Ah, yes, that really. If you.
Continue to run, You'll end up there.
Where where the worm milker's body is.
Yes, yes, exactly that. All right, quick squeech.
Quick, Squeech. Follow him.
He looks like a coward. He knows where the exit is.
I mean, I'm not even running. Squeech.
Is it screech or squeech?
Screech either or. It's OK, little fellow.
It's hilarious to me that he gave.
Me the name and I'm and you're just like, hey, that's not the
name you gave me. I enjoyed that.
That was the most common thing that come out of his mouth
squeeze. Yeah, maybe what?
He's so offended. So you're running down the worm
tunnel still. Yeah.
OK. So you run and your intention is
to head to that room, right? I'm leaving.
OK. Anybody else?
I'm not on that on that same train.
I'm following right behind him. Yeah.
So you all get out of here, continue running past this room.
Yeah, you run past the the hallway that led to the chains
in the hands. You take that that sharp right
across the pathway. With there's body, you're
running past bodies too. It's almost like we're running
behind of saw two when you see a doctor.
We run past the pile of swords with our dead friend under it.
Yeah, well, no, you were actually didn't go there 2.
Lovers. Oddly enough, I thought that was
all part of the one path. Well, you took the wrong turn to
the end up there, but oddly enough, you mentioned the one
thing you didn't see. I seen it from the corner of my
eye, You see. The bodies of the worms that you
brought with you. Eventually you come out to the
room where you see the knocked over statue.
You can see the pool of blood. And the spray of blood from
Barnaby's body. And you know that if you were to
take a left, you would come to the stairway that enters this
dungeon. If you were to take a right,
there's a couple unexplored doorways, but also you would
come down to the down the stairs to the room where the skeletons
are playing cards. So left exit, right card playing
skeleton room directly ahead, more worm tunnel that you
haven't been across. I mean the exits this way, exits
this way. We can live to fight another
day. You're ruined.
A perfectly good business opportunity.
Me. Me.
I blame you. You've seen that thing.
I mean her well manicured toes and all.
As you guys are standing here too, you start hearing a
rumbling, like in you. I'm not rather hearing, but
feeling a rumbling. Oh no.
I go over to Barnaby's. Body and I smell it.
Worm milk. Girl.
You can just smell it on I. Mean he is covered in shit.
It's all like bleach and mayonnaise, very distinct.
As you do. You guys are standing in this
room. You that rumbling continues to
grow, and you see the Mal worm emerge from the far end of the
room. The word.
Doesn't look beefy. Yeah, it's fucking huge.
It's the size of a troll. But like.
You know, make that its diameter and make it the troll's height
at this worm's diameter. Its radius.
And it kind of just, it doesn't. It ignores you.
It seems like it's ignoring. It's really hard to tell what
has its attention. It's a worm, but it like it runs
through the room and it kind of goes down the tunnel past where
you guys were. Coming from SO it's either you
fight big girl or that thing, so.
We had the upper hand I. Don't think so.
Yes. No, no, no.
You don't want to end up like this, warm milker fuck over
here. I've been around for a long
time, can't remember my name but.
Well, the the intent is that we're trying to make sure that
we stick around for an even longer time.
Oh yeah. It's called self reservation.
I'm a huge fan of it. He knows.
Yep. Yep, He's been around for a.
While I don't do shit, I don't do shit.
You just offend me. You just offend me.
Keep it shiny. So which way is out of here?
Follow me. Lefty heads to the left.
Gould dot is constantly pointing to it.
He knows the way he's. Been there he came from place to
you, carried him. Forever.
He's been around for a while this.
Is like episode 2. Wow, the original trio.
Gould, dot, Lefty and Weemut, 2 1/2 Skeletons.
Let's beat feet. Let's get the fuck out of here.
I mean, you're welcome to join us.
Or I guess you could try to arm wrestle her or something.
I like the gym of his cut. Screech, you can come with us.
You're in the cut of his gym, yeah?
I know what it I know what I'll say.
I'm fair enough. Fair enough.
I like the smell of his toes. Like the?
Taste of his skin. What do you say, Screech?
Say Screech. You follow these fools.
Bleak metal poison calculation. I agree.
Do you have this all written down or some shit?
Taste the flesh spawned by the birth of Steve.
The man knows what he's talking about.
I mean, are you in that kind of an absence?
He's got to have it written down.
Fine, but I give it three days before.
Otherwise, yes, you win the bet. Your mother is also a lovely
lady. And he just loves moms.
I'm I'm myself a mother lover. Oh.
My I won't. Continue it.
I go up the stairs. The other weird thing?
You're leaving and will. Leave.
Collectively, you're all leaving OK and you all head out, go
across the worm trail. Fortunately the worm is not
there at the moment and you head up the stairs, open the doors
and are immediately bombarded with the cold of Bergen crypt.
That's why I have my smoking jacket.
And you immediately see that old man that told you that this
place was here. He looks at you guys.
Woo. There were different dudes than
there was that went in there. Hey, don't recognize half of
you. We've we've been through some
shit. Yeah.
No, I bet. Yeah.
Why'd you send us here again? I didn't send you here, I just
told you it was here. What a bad idea that was.
It's your idea. I don't think it was.
Maybe. I think it was Weeman's.
You could not step twice into the same river.
He's right. I mean, I definitely could.
Why are you fucking blaming me? No, I'm just saying.
Oh, we met. You're still alive.
That's amazingly surprising. Not not like a personal
judgement or anything. I'm just saying.
That's not another cowardice. Sir, who are you?
Oh, I forget, you know, because the miseries.
Yes, the miseries. You fucking geriatric.
Yep, that's pretty accurate. I'm pretty old, so oh, and then
fingers. Those look pretty.
Don't do it. Those are pretty infected.
Hey everybody, Kevin at the end of the episode.
This episode contains the adventure Doom Kirk by Kotero,
which appears in Monolith issue #1 entitled Harvest from Our
Good Friends at The Bog Folk, with Levi playing Lefty the
Cannibal Cook by Ian Grey, Ted Long, the Cannibal curator of Ex
Deliberous Mork Borg. Thomas playing We MIT the
Catacomb St. by Mccutie, Kevin playing Rundle The Lord of Flies
by Eduardo Carbano, Jake playing Todd Worth the Destitute
Thespian by Linderon, and Nate playing Screeched, the
Narcomancer by Brain Rat. This episode also contained
content from D66 Flails, also by Linderon.
Check out all these cool things and their respective Ex Liberus
Morcorg entries in the description accompanying this
episode, as well as the Follow the Face episode 10 Companion,
which at this point is a mystery.
And while you're at it, check us out on our social medias, our
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Blue Sky, and Thread.
And wherever you listen to podcasts, make sure to rate,
review, and share with all of your friends so we can get out
there to more people. While we're at it, if you
haven't already, please check out our sister podcast, The
World Standard. And if you like what they're
doing over there, think about joining their Patreon.
It gives you access to their Discord, which you could talk to
us as well, 'cause we're on there.
And just for $3 a month you get a Discord access.
With that, thanks for listening and we'll catch you guys next
time. Just so everyone knows, I'm
leaving. Yeah.
I am not, that's. Surprising.
No, but I am not gonna die by this woman.
What was that again, Nate? Oh motherfucking.
Oh, hold on, I got it saved. What is it motherfucker?
Coward. Ass bitch.
No, it's better than that. Even you had a whole bunch of
shit. Coward ass bitch.
No, it wasn't even that. It was more.
It was really good. I saved it because it was.
Really good. It was more.
You motherfucker walk away from every fight.
Bullshit ass bitch. No, I I saw in the in the on the
transcript like the AI transcript and it was like, man,
that's exactly what he said. And I'm Jake.
Wait. Oh fuck.
It's because we did it different the last.
Time. I was even excited.
I'm like, Oh yeah, here's my chart.
That guy. Blue balled.
Yeah. Flail OK Oh no.
I flailed it. Goes right at the end.
My knees, weak, are heavy. My knees weak or heavy?
Sure. Flex the vomit.
Mom's spaghetti. I have a a bustling a a bustling
bustling. In your hedgerow.
Bustling in my bowels. Oh, I got to take care of
bustle. Oh, I'm going to bustle.
Damn it. Bustle.
Oh, bustle. OK.