Greeting scum, and welcome to Flail of the Face.
My name is Kevin. I'm going to be the GM and
actually I am changing that up right now.
I will now be referred to as the Holmeister and I'm here with,
well, I'm here with these inmates.
Greetings, I'm Thomas and I am playing Dalton Walls.
What is up hole enterers? My name is Tom Bago on the
discord and I am playing Colette Stellano.
I'm Mr. Peschke and I'm I'm playing Donnie, who is here to
save you all, to save you all from what will come after what
is here and now. Kevin, I noticed you flinched
when I said hole enterer. Should I change it to Gabers?
Flail. All right, so last episode we
were introduced to this trash prison planet and the trash
prisoners that are in it. Hi.
Hello.
They were out working in the diaper swamps looking for a
cubic zirconia earring that was left there from one of the
princesses. Not left there.
Lost there when after they were approached by their other crew
member, Paul, to grab a drink after the shift was done.
Turns out this bar bar was kind of a Speakeasy sort of thing in
the back of the church and Munch, which is like the
cafeteria slash religious sect slash fast food.
It's a complex back story. We'll get into it soon.
They get down to the Speakeasy called the Wet Knuckle.
They met up with the bartender Jack Hoff, and they proceed to
drink gasoline with maraschino cherries in it until they pass
out and are possibly colorblind. After they pass out they were
thrown down a chute into what appears to be some sort of of
saw as escape room sort of thing.
They got down there, the first room, the roof was coming down
with a bunch of spikes coming through it.
They got through, they met up with the short order grill cook
stuck past them, came up on some loot, end up making a bunch of
noise and the grill cook was there to greet them at the door.
They dispatched with them and we are left in the doorway with a
dying grill cook and three prisoners, one of them looking
very famished. I'm going to just get out my
sales bearer boy knife here I. Think this is like you to turn
around and cover our ears? Oh, I think he's done now.
There's plenty more if y'all want.
Some no, no thank you. Good, good.
My my Salisbury boy not supports gravy.
There's there's plenty of gravy. Oh, God, Professor, I died.
I don't know about you, but I think we should get going.
Yes, yes, yes. That's horrific.
Yeah. Oh God, it's like watching my
grandpa drink soup. RIP off part of the shorter
order. Cooks shirt and wipes off face.
You know, because you got to keep up appearances.
I get that. I may have been raised by
wolves, but. You're not an animal, okay?
Not an animal. All right, so you're back in the
room where the short order cook was.
There is a door to the right that led to the hallway that
leads to the other room where the roof was coming down.
So you can't really go that way. You have a door behind you where
you guys found the ice skate duct tape to the Golf Club.
And then you have it is an Axe and not the body spray.
And then you have a hallway ahead of you that jogs to the
right. So logic stands to reason that's
the only way out. Very astute.
Why don't you go check it out? And and run into the patrons
that this guy's cooking for. I don't think so.
We could take his outfit and wear it, pretend to be him.
You know what? That's not a bad idea.
Is it going to fit you? Because not me.
Well. Since you are dressed so
fancily, why don't you be the Maidra D?
And I'll just start walking down the hallway.
Good. OK, you walk down the hallway
roughly about 2025 feet. AT jogs to the right and it
leads to a smaller hallway where there's a closed door.
Well, Entrevu. And I'll go to push it open.
May I see, Monsieur? The door opens towards you.
So it's a pull God. Damn, and since you've opened
door, go and roll me a D10. 3. Okay, now roll me a D6. 5.
Fantastic in this room, you see. I mean as I'm holding the door
open, lady. 1st I identify as a day, then.
Close enough. I hug the wall.
I'm just like hugging the opposite side of the wall so I'm
not even looking into the room. In the room you see 3 desks and
there's three people sitting behind the desks.
Oh fuck. Large computer monitors,
calculators off to the side with the paper coming off like just
for a huge pile at the end. The desk are in the middle, kind
of in a triangular formation, and you notice that not only is
there a bunch of files and paperwork just scattered about
on the desk itself, you notice that there are limbs and body
parts that have these massive chew marks through it.
As you look further, you see one of the people sitting at the
desk clicking away at the Calculator 10 keying like a
madman with a thigh in their other hand, just gnawing on it
as they're clicking through. Is it raw?
It is raw. Is it dead?
It is dead. Lady is disgusting.
Who eats dead flesh? Honestly, slow turn and look at
Donnie. Yeah, I just.
Mirror Daltons. We're, we're going to circle
back on that and like, I'm going to walk in, I'm going to see, is
there like a clipboard somewhere?
Yes, you'll notice that on the wall where the the doors that
you walked in, there's rows of clipboards kind of hooked to the
wall. Perfect.
I grab one of the clipboards and then start walking to the center
of the room where those things are working.
OK, they look like as they're clicking away at the calculator,
the receipt paper just piling up like it never ending.
Just a huge stream of paper chewing on random bits of flesh.
You see that with all the files all spread across the desk and
everything. They don't really seem to pay.
They're marrying Gross in their work.
I'm going to, like, circle around them and like, kind of
look over their shoulder a bit while shielding this clipboard,
like, yeah, and pretend like I'm checking stuff off.
OK, I just look at one of the clipboards and just like.
Read it. It's in a language that you
don't understand. Unfortunately, it basically just
looks like scribbles with numbers.
There's there's really no information to be gleaned off of
it. Oh well, this is great.
And then I'm just going to slowly just walk around and try
to make as little noise as possible, OK?
And you said there was a door on the opposite side of them.
No, there's a door to the left and a door to the right that you
can see from just walking in this room.
I'm going to just silently point to Dalton to the left door and
like, shrug my shoulders. I I'm going to sit down
gentlemen here. I'm.
Here for your inspection I got to say food in the workplace
already you are not looking. Great.
What, what, what, what are you talking about?
We we got, we got permission from from the uppers that we can
have our food, we can eat our lunch at our desk as long as we
don't leave. Sorry to break the news to you,
but corporate already handed down a new mandate.
You must not have gotten the memo.
No, no food in the. Workplace.
I'm sorry. And then I follow up.
Yeah, gentlemen, I'm going to have to also ring in here.
This food does not meet hygiene standards.
I mean, you have open, there's no refrigerator anywhere near
here. You're creating an efficiency
issue. Who sent you guys the corporate?
No, we would. We would have gotten some sort
of notification that corporate was coming.
Here this is a surprise inspection.
There's no surprises on hold. We were sitting here by higher
power than you understand, fool. Now take your disgusting piles
of of leavings to the break room where they belong.
Break room. This used to be the breaker.
They shove this in here. Then you find another room to
shove me into and. You'll see, as they're kind of
confused on what's going on, that once they stand up, you can
see that all three of them are chained together around the
outside of the desks. Oh, so like they're but they're
only attached to themselves and not to their desks?
They're not attached to the desk, they're attached to
themselves. Lift those chains above you like
I know you can over the desk and then grab the bottom parts and
go down the hallway. Because if, if, if I could give
you a hint, there is much fresher meat down that hallway.
It is delicious, Spotify. Yeah, what do you mean?
Corporate, corporate delivered it.
They said it's a, it's a Nancy's pot.
It's where it's her birthday today.
So they got something for the office and they just dropped it
off fresh hot. It's like a pizza party.
All three of you make a mouth test to see if any of them.
Even start my mouths out of one. OK, here we go.
I got A7. That's a 616.
The three of them look at you, Colette and Dalton, and they
don't believe you. Oh.
Shit. Well, then, then I'm going to
need you to go ahead and sign on this report here.
And then I'm going to just jam the clipboard into his face,
flat side, like right into his mouth to just like punch a
dagger style with this clipboard right into his throat and then
yell. Run.
All right, meats test. Oh, all of us.
Just Tom it since he's attacking the clipboard.
I'm going to use my last ketos OH.
No. That's a natural 20.
Fantastic. I wasn't expecting you guys to
fight my cannibal accountants, but I guess that's just what
we're going to do today. Go ahead and I'm going to say a
clipboard. It's going to be.
D4D4. D4 damage, We'll go with that.
Times 2, four damage. Tell me how you kill this guy.
Yeah, it's right there. And I didn't realize that
basically chained to this desk, they weren't as healthy of an
individual as I thought. And so, yeah, pushing it
forward, I just, like, dislocate his jaw and then, like, crush
his windpipe by, like, forcing this clipboard into it.
And as he collapses, this. Yeah, I turn run, run, run, run,
run, run and just bolt toward the closest door to Colette.
OK. And then I say bon appetit and I
follow Dalton. Which store were you going
towards again? Well.
I pointed to the left. OK.
Do you gentlemen follow suit or what?
I think before all of a sudden then we should roll initiative.
Oh fuck me. All right, I got this D6.
Yes, Sir. 2. That is them.
So seeing their fallen friend drop, they are going to make
morale test. Seeing their fallen friend drop,
they look at the three of you and they look at their fallen
comrade that's gurgling and fighting for life as he's
choking on his blood. And they leap over their desks
and they start chewing and biting and gnawing on their
former Co worker. That is much more respectable.
Yeah, great. Come on, let's go.
So you go to the door, it is locked.
Oh shit, oh fuck, I go to the door on the right.
The door on the right opens to a small hallway, but you'll notice
that on the other side of that hallway, the other door is
crinkled and crushed and damaged, as if it was on the
other side of the room that the roof fell in.
Oh. So what sort of things are on my
Salisbury Boy knife? Do I have a lock pick that I can
flip out? I'm sure you have a toothpick
that you could use as a lock pick.
Oh well, what? What do I need to roll to fumble
my way through that? I would say a feets test all
right as it's a dexterous. That's a -2 for me.
Oh boy. It's not 0.
Oh, what was it, 2? OK, so it's 0.
No, no, I rolled 4. It's 2.
Oh I'm with you. OK, you're in there.
You're fiddling around with the lock and it you just can't get
the tumblers in the right positions as these two are
completely preoccupied by gnawing on their Co worker.
So they don't give a shit about us.
They don't give two shits or a good God damn I'm.
Just going to just Mosey up to one of the desks and see if
there's a key like in the drawers of the desks.
OK, go ahead. And you know what?
As you're starting to fumble around watching out for what
they're doing. Excuse me.
Excuse me, gentlemen. Excuse me.
You. Do see a set of keys that is in
the back of one of the drawers? Oh, I will just just excuse me a
moment then. Thank you.
And I just start how many keys are on this thing on this key
ring. 23. I just start.
It's like, you got to be fucking kidding me.
And I just start trying the keys one at a time.
Fumble with them, No. Son of A.
Do you even know what you're doing?
Yes, I do. Can't.
You can't do what? Do you want to know what I'm
doing? Getting us the fuck out of here.
Really. Because it looks like you're
kind of just fumbling with some keys.
Shut it and I am just continuing to try.
I may have had better luck with my toothpick if you want me to
try again. Yes, please.
I'm fine. And I take a turn and then like
I just, I just throw off all the keys that I tried that haven't
worked. And I, I think in the span of
that I'm just going to roll AD 10 to see how many I've been
tried. I will allow it.
OK, I tried 10 keys so far. All right, after that 10th key,
go ahead and make me a Gray meta test.
Great Gray meta is that -2 here we go.
That's a 2. For some reason half of these
keys don't even fit in the lock itself.
Do I notice that? Like they're potentially trying
to put the key in upside down. Yes, you do.
So as like she's chucking or as they are chucking them down on
the ground. No, I I got to start by the
sheet. That was a joke.
Before you're going to pick up all the keys that I've used.
Yep. OK, go ahead.
Make a Gray Mata test for me, Thomas.
Oh. That's a six.
No matter how hard you try, no matter how many keys you pick
up, you're like, maybe she was right, Maybe these keys don't
fit right and they're still going at it.
You can see in the panic of trying to go through the keys
and keep an eye on these two cannibal accountants that
they're making their way through this corpse, but quick.
OK, I I go back to the door and I try, I'm just going to roll AD
four. I try four more keys.
OK, give me a Gray Mata test to see if you find.
Don't. I'm talking to my dice.
Come on baby, that's a 17. All right, after fumbling
through 17 of these keys, you finally find one that fits into
the keyhole and turns it and opens the door.
I have never in my life been so thankful for something to fit.
Let's go. As you go and open the door, you
hear absolute silence in the room.
In the room we're in or the. In the room you're in.
Ohh. Ohh God I'm getting away.
Oh. Fuck.
And as you hear that, you hear the wet footsteps of them
walking, trudging through blood and chain as they're dragging
along the room, coming towards you.
Oh. OK.
Well, I think that's our indication that we need to get
out of here. Vamos vamos.
Do we think they ate through the part where their friend was
chained up? They might be dragging a part of
a body. Right, which means we don't have
time. We need to just go.
We can outrun them at the moment I've.
Run. All right, you guys are already
at the door, fumbling with the keys.
You guys get through the door, slam it shut.
You hear them beating on the door on the other side, like
they're working their way trying to get through to you.
You are in a hallway now that's as lit as every other room has
been. That has got a left hand turn to
it. As you pass that left hand turn,
there's another door. You know what, this time I'm
going to put my ear to the door and see if I hear anything on
the opposite side. OK, go ahead and OK, Mada.
I cursed at that one. I don't want to metal it.
Let me see here. Let's get the big metal boy that
is a 15. As it sits right now, you don't
necessarily hear anything through the door.
You've noticed that these doors are Victoria heavy metal doors,
solid. You don't necessarily hear
anything through the door itself at the moment.
As I put my side of the head to the door do I feel any like
temperature change in the door? Like is it hot, is it cold, or
is it just I can't tell shit? It is the door.
It's cold to the touch, just ambient cold metal door.
But the door does seem to be unlocked if you were to test the
handle. I just slowly press it and it
like feels like it's unlocked. Is it pull or push?
It is pull. All right.
I look at the two gentlemen behind me and I'm like, ready,
boys. I don't see us having much more
of a choice, so I guess. It's a better option than what
is back there. You are so right.
And A1. And A2 and A3.
OK, go ahead and roll me AD 10 there, Mr. Gambino all.
Right 5. OK, and go ahead and roll me AD
4. Here's.
One of my new D fours that I got.
Those creepy fucking D fours. Yeah, they are pretty cool.
That's what I meant. It's a 2.
OK, in this room as you open the door, you see that there's piles
and piles like the floor is littered with just rusted jagged
metal and broken glass. And this room looks like it goes
on for at least 20 yards. Big, long, massive room.
And every so often you'll hear like an aperture open in the
ceiling and it's just dumping more rusted metal and glass into
this room. Great.
You guys got your tetanus shots? Yes, we're going to have to
probably not go underneath the aperture.
We're going to need to just get off the wall.
This would be a horrible place for a slip and slide.
Indeed. Oh God, I don't want to slip
anywhere near those things. All right, everybody give me a
nuts test DR12 as they're traversing the Rook.
Colette. Has no nuts.
It's a figure. 12. On the nuts.
Hey. Oh, that's a 5 on the nuts. 7.
OK, as you 3 are trying to circumvent where the aperture is
and dumping the rusted metal in the glass, Dalton, you seem to
find a path where you can kind of get through with, you know
with dodging everything. Collette and Donnie not as lucky
as the glass and the metal just start scraping and slicing at.
Your legs peel in the room. Which is crazy.
Why would there be a banana peel in a room full of rusted metal
broken glass? Insurance isn't going to cover
this. Donkey Kong was here.
Both of you guys roll AD 6 for damage.
Oh, now I roll high. That's fine.
That's a one I rolled OK. OK, five points of damage and
one points of damage and they'll both you roll me AD 6 as well.
Another one, yes. That's 6.
OK. That's a three.
OK, perfect. That was to see if you guys get
an infection, but no, for some reason if you got scraped up,
but you guys are fine. You guys get to the other side
of the room and there's a small hallway that leads to a closed
door. Well, I got the last one.
Dalton, how about you? You're up with Donnie.
I can go, I guess. I haven't gone yet.
Yes, it only makes sense. OK, Yeah.
Doors unlocked. I guess I should just open the
door and yell surprise. Maybe Nick's the last pot, Don.
All right, then I guess I'll just turn the knob and looks at
the hinges to determine which direction to open the door like
a normal human does. Dalton's going to turn Colette.
Do you think he's even capable of being quiet?
I mean, if he tries really hard. OK, I'm going to say why don't
we count to 5 before we follow him in?
You can do that, right? Yeah.
Yeah, up to 5. Yeah, Colette's like, yeah, I
can. Not to you.
You are a son of a bitch. All right, so so I I say that
and then I slowly open the door and kind of peek my way in.
OK, As you open the door and you peer in, you see a very small
desk with a very, very large, very muscular man sitting behind
the desk with with a pen in his hand that looks like somebody
holding a toothpick. This guy is just monstrous and
he's just writing on some papers and he looks up and he motions
you to come in. I nudge Dalton forward, but I
feel like I like. I pretend to cough and I nudge
him in the back. Before you you do that though.
Like I only open it like this far so he sees me peering in.
He sees your eyeball. So you guys are still back there
and I'm just like from behind the door, one finger up, just
like I go in. OK?
You guys are welcome to stay obscured.
Yeah, I'm totally staying outside of the line of sight.
Oh no. Oh fuck.
You'll notice as you walk in Donnie that he's motioning you
in and he points over to a a small chair off to the side.
Point point of the chair nod my head I I go and I have a seat
and I just kind of hands in my lap just around the.
Corner of the door, I just knock a stone ready in my slingshot.
I'm I'm just like, I like, I'm like having my back against the
wall and like I'm sort of leaning towards the entrance and
I just, I'm just readying a shot.
I don't want anybody to talk with my boy Donnie.
OK, Donnie, you notice that all he's done is point to the chair
where you're sitting in and he goes back to writing.
Like I said, very small desk, very large man, just a single
clipboard and a single pen in his hand.
OK, so after an awkward solid moment, 90 seconds.
So are you ahead of Accountant? He lifts his head and you notice
that his mouth is stitched shut and he looks at you.
He just. Oh well, that's who I need to
see, so I guess I should go then and.
He points to the chair to sit back down.
Oh. Well.
I, Dalton, will walk around the corner of the doorway and into
the room. OK, he sees you, he motions you
in, points to a chair right next to Donnie, and goes back to
writing I. I instead I walk up to the desk
to try and see what he's writing down.
As you get close to the desk, you feel this weird electrical
vibration coming from just beyond where his desk is, like
there's some sort of field between you and him.
Okay, is there a point where like the resistance comes to a
point where I can't progress farther?
Just beyond where the desk is, maybe the six inches from the
edge of the desk. I suppose if we have to wait
here, do you have any sort of literature or anything?
But thank you for nothing. It gives you a thumbs up.
I'll go sit next to Dobby. OK, Colette waits another 90
seconds and realizes nothing's going to happen and she just
sort of puts the stone back in her pocket, puts her slingshot
away and she she rounds the corner and goes hi, Jeff.
Good. I got some words for you because
I am here to report sexual harassment that happened to me.
No, no, I was told to come here and talk to you directly.
Then he points to the chair to sit down.
Well, isn't that typical of a man?
I raise my eyebrow. Man.
All right, so you're going to make a woman wait like this?
I look at my. I look at my guys to like to see
what. I just shrugged back.
I'm thinking of a word that rhymes with grass and we want to
guess what it is. And.
I look back at the stitched mouth man and I just put my
hands up a surrender and I just sit in the chair.
By the way, what do these chairs look like?
They're just normal chairs. They're, you know, those plastic
chairs that you would see in like elementary schools, like
the orange and blue and and red ones.
Yeah, very uncomfortable. It is three of those chairs just
sitting there. And I had a room that is barren
of anything else aside from the small desk where this large man
is sitting, those three chairs and the door you walked in.
And nothing else in this room other than the weird electrical
field that Thomas. Correct between you guys and
him. So I just park myself in a chair
and just go to the tough crowd crowd.
As you sit down, the door that you walked in through closes
shut and you hear a series of locks lock behind it.
Fuck. Me.
He looks up at you guys and you see him writing furiously and he
holds up his clipboard. I'm sure this guy has a really
complicated back story. And I'm sure he's drawing us a
pretty picture of a pony. Now when you said he was large,
did you mean that he was muscular or just fat?
He is. Said Muscular.
Muscular. Muscular Like just a huge poking
mass. He's the opposite of Mr.
Creosote. So as you see him furiously
writing down, he holds up the piece of paper that he's
writing. Time for a break.
Ah, you fuck it. Come one, come all, join us as
we dive into the dying world of More Ford and the Bored
Universe. Whispers of the Dying Lands is a
podcast with 1 mission to spread the word of Mecca Bell as third
party content creators share the prophecies of Verhoo.
Hi, your host Alaska's teams up with everyone's favorite scum,
Iron Tusk Tevin. From Flail to the Face, we sit
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You are that tool. You walk the dying worlds with
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Based on the MERT Borg Engine, compatible with Cyborg, Pirate
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Welcome back to Flail the Face. We have our three inmates seated
like they're waiting to talk to the principal as this large,
hulking man with his mouth stitched shut behind some sort
of force field basically just kind of sits there and lets them
Stew. What's what's going through your
guys's head right now as you're sitting here waiting to see
what's happening next? Right now I am going through
some popular items that some of the inmates in my cellblock use
and I'm trying to see what I could barter with.
How I can mark up prices or trading values.
How I can influence some buying potential around the commissary
and the and the rooms for things like intergalactic pop tarts,
triple ply toilet paper, maybe some refried beans?
Dalton's just gone. I can't believe I'm going to
perish with these buffoons. Donnie is trying to think of a
word that rhymes with desk, but it's not too easy, so that way
they don't guess it right away. So as you guys are sitting there
contemplating all this stuff, you can't tell if it's been
minutes or hours have gone by, but it seems like you guys have
been sitting there forever. Then out of nowhere, you hear an
air horn echo through this otherwise silent room and you
see the hulking man with the mouth stitched shut look at his
wrist and opens one of the drawers, pulls out a little box
with a button on it, presses the button, and then it feels like
the floor has been taken out from underneath you.
As this room plummets, the whole room drops.
All three of you and the hulking man himself.
All four of you free fall. Like like for the Tower of
terror at some park that's mouth themed.
Yes, something to that effect. Just like the button could have
been on the desk. Oh shit, it's more fun this.
Way I hold up my arms like Donnie showed me and I go, no
it's not. It's not fun at all.
And before you know it, the room stops abruptly.
And I take it we all land without damage?
Of course you do not. You guys were sitting in the
chair. You free fall.
You're basically just up planted to the roof, and then you fall
as soon as the room abruptly stops.
Nobody gets hurt and you see the the hulking man stand up, walk
from around side where the force field is, picks the three of you
up, opens up one of the tiles in the floor, grabs and drops all
of your weaponry down there. Come on.
Over everybody from the dungeon? Or does that include anything we
brought in? All of us on our persons.
Yeah, the stuff that you found in the dungeon, if there's
anything that you were hiding, he's not patting you down.
He's just taking the stuff that he can see, dumps it in the
hole, closes the tile, opens the door that you guys came through
and ushers you guys through. Point of order, before we came
down here I remembered I stashed 2 bottles of homemade wine
because Paul said we were going to go party.
So I still have those on my purse since he didn't frisk.
Me. I still have them.
OK, I feel good about it. I do too.
You guys are. Going down this very narrow
hall, you guys are just walking and walking and walking until
eventually you get to yet another door.
He opens it, he ushers you guys in and there's another three
chairs with another desk and an older woman back behind the desk
sitting there writing stuff down.
It's supposed to be your mother or.
Something. No.
This is the head of accounting. Any ushers you guys?
Over to the chairs. The woman behind the desk
doesn't even look up. She's furiously writing.
Furiously writing, Yes. OK.
And is there anything on her desk that could signify like her
name or if she's with a department also, do we hear the
same electrical hum that Thomas encountered?
That's good question. Everybody go and.
Make me a Gray matter check. 16. OK.
That's a natural. One I'm just.
Gonna start whistling. That's a 17 all.
Right as Dalton. Is staring off into, well,
nothing. Since it's another sterile white
room. You do notice that the room is a
lot larger than the one you were in before.
The desk is dead center with the chairs just in front of the
desk, and you don't hear any sort of buzzing.
It seems to be just an open room.
OK, as far as? Anything on the desk to.
Identify who she is. You don't see anything.
Is I cleared desk with a single sheet of paper that she is
writing on? Does she look like annoyed?
Or like indifferent? She looks indifferent.
OK. Then to start whistling louder.
And that while you whistle. I'm just going to go up to her
and I'm just going to use my skill.
Damn dude. Who Dat and Colette will go.
I finally another woman. Thank God.
Am I right? So hey there.
Hey there. Hey there, lady.
I hate it. Hey, listen, how long you've
been here and how long has Frankenstein been under your
employee? Go ahead and roll the nuts test.
Oh. Yeah, Oh.
That is a I'm going to spend a kudo to re roll.
OK yes, that is a 16 perfect. You see that she.
Stops writing and she looks up you and she says Harold has been
employed. With us for a very long time.
OK, now please, the three of you have a seat.
I would like to speak with you, but but before we do that, can I
please request your name? All in due time.
Please have a seat. Oh, OK.
And as I turn around, I bend down and I pull out a bottle of
wine from my jumpsuits and oh, look what conveniently fell out
of this crazy thing. And I give her a wink and I go
to the chair to sit down. And she takes your bottle.
Of wine and sets it at the very edge of the desk.
Looks at it for far too long. Like where exactly was that
hiding and why is it cold? Why is it cold and motions?
For the rest of you. Guys to sit down?
Sure, why not? I was already seated.
He just looks. Over as you sit down.
Good boy, Donnie. I know.
Who the three of you are. But you do not know who I am.
My name is Doctor Bristol Throckmorton.
Well, we have a proposition here for you.
How would you like to get off of this rock?
Go back to your home planets, live your life?
My eyes widen. Is this this a?
Rhetorical question, No, I want an answer.
What would you do to get out of here?
There's not a lot of things I probably.
Wouldn't do I try to hide? My enthusiasm not to give up
anything. I'm trying like to hold this
like kind of poker faced. OK, I'd be like.
Well. Donnie starts to unbutton his
shirt. No, no, no.
No, no.
The Donnie, Donnie, Donnie. No.
We love the enthusiasm there, pal.
But as you can see, Doc, all of us are not to give up the ghost
chomping at the bit to taste that sweet air Freedom.
Well, I have a proposition for you.
Proceeds to remove another. No, no, no.
Donnie. Donnie, please.
Please actually go ahead. That's enough.
And as she. Motions to Donnie to either stop
or keep going. She's very confused as well.
She backs away from the desk and stands up but not on normal
legs. You see that from her mid waist
down it is all cybernetic spider legs.
So she's standing up on like 8 mechanical legs, Yes.
She got the Darth Maul procedure.
So and she. Skitters around the desk in
front of the three of you. We have Mecca Lama.
Be praised Mecca Lama, be praised another.
Another button comes off. Donnie, you are one horny kinky
fellow. I did not need to.
Know that about my. Companions.
Well, buckle up buttercup, because I.
Think what she's propositioning involves something even better.
Exactly. We have been watching the three
of you and we feel that you can help us as we help you.
I'm part of an organization called the Multiversal
Investigation and Law Enforcement Force.
What we do is make sure that prisoners in this facility,
wherever they may come from, stay in this facility.
So get let me get this straight. Yes, your organization is called
MILF. That is correct.
Final buzz off. I think you're on the right
track, Donnie. Because I think we're about to
get fucked. No, no, no, no, no, no.
We. I'm.
Here to to make an agreement with you guys to to to help you
guys help us help you. Long story short, there were a
team of law enforcement that would go to all these different
multiversal planes that would take the worst of the worst from
those planes and bring them here.
Something happened to these agents.
Agents of. If, if you don't mind, I do not
at all. Something happened with them.
They were warped as they were traveling back and forth
collecting all these prisoners to inhabit our beautiful
landfill prison planet. They would come back after and
they were changed. They were different.
They were not who they were. They formed a Group, A cult,
some sort of following, calling themselves Hell Spawn.
Eventually they gave up every responsibility they had as an
agent of MILF and dispersed through the multiverse to all
these different planes. And we don't know what their
plan is. What I'm proposing to the three
of you is for you to travel to these planes, bring back these
agents so that we can question them and see exactly what is
going on. In return, every mission that
you go on and bring back an agent, we will reduce your
prison sentence just as quick and easy as that.
I got to admit I am. A little at odds here because
you want us to help cops. I understand that it.
May go against your beliefs, but I can tell you right now this is
going to be the only way you'll be getting off this rock, okay?
I mean, absolutely discuss it amongst yourselves.
And she skitters back behind. Her desk so we can we can bring.
Them back. Battered and bruised, right?
I need them barely. Conscious you can bring them to
the brink of death some of them you may have to sweeten the pot
yeah, that sweeten the pot just a little bit now now I
understand that your bodies are well not what they used to be so
you won't actually be traveling in the body you're in you will
be transported into a body in that plane and you'll be
inhabiting their body so we're just going to what like plug
into something and then bang boom become another person in a
manner speaking yes I mean I'm not sure if you guys remember
the old show quantum leap never heard of it OK well it's a
classic Scott bacula. It's a historical text.
I'm quite. Familiar.
I don't know. That Scott Bacula I know.
Another Scott Bacula, but that's for a whole other complex back
story. But so if you're giving us
bodies to go fetch your employees for, what is stopping
us from taking said the body and just going around doing whatever
we want? Ziggy says.
We can't. I did say you couldn't, but no.
You will be monitored, and if you do decide that you're going
to go rogue, sounds like they'll just pull the.
Plug on us there, Colette. That is absolutely correct.
And you don't know what happened to your, your guys, these, no,
these hell spawn. They've gone off and they've
taken resist chips out. They have gone completely rogue.
So how are you locating them in the first place?
We know of their last known locations through teleport
signals. It's beyond that that we don't
know. We can get you to roughly where
our last known location is and it'll be on you to bring them
in. You will be monitored and you
will be safe. If for any reason that while
you're in these bodies on these planes and you die in that body,
you do not die here. You're simply brought back here.
Unfortunately, as part of the give and take, I do have to give
you added time on to your sentence.
So more incentive to do good. All right.
And so So what are we just supposed to go back to what jail
cells after this or how does this whole thing work?
Well, if and when you come back with these hell spawn, you're
going to go back to your cell and back to your normal life
because this needs to be hush hush on the down low and as she
says that. A door opens on the side and a
small, frail man that Colette knows all too well walks in with
a tray of drinks in one hand and a small cat in the other.
Do I know you? What?
Collette, it's me. It's Saul.
What are you doing here, sweetheart?
Oh my God, I haven't seen you forever.
Fuck. Darling.
Son. Of.
A Sal What the what? How where I got pinched down
there too so. I I got up here and I I don't
know, I talked to the wrong person at the right time and I'm
here helping Dr. Bristol. Yeah.
What? What did?
You do? What did you fuck up?
You know what we don't have time to?
Get into it. We'll talk later.
We'll we'll catch up. We'll catch up.
It's been too long. You look gorgeous.
It's been. Got it.
Yes. You're shut your mole infested
mouth and as you tell him that. He's like, yeah, OK.
And he sets the drinks down, and he sets the cat down on the desk
and sits down, a tube of lipstick right next to the cat.
And he looks at the doctor. Dr. Bristol, is there anything
else you need from me? No, Sal, you you've done.
More than enough. OK, well, I'm gonna.
I'm gonna go. Take care of the bathrooms now,
Letty, my sweet. It's so nice to see you.
I can't wait to see you again. We got to catch up.
Yeah, yeah, we'll, we'll do that.
We will do that. And I go over to the bottle that
I gave the doctor and I just crack a top open and just take a
big swing of it. And she looks approvingly.
Okay. Sweetheart, I'll talk to you
later. Doctor Bristol, if you maybe
I'll be in the bathroom cleaning.
This shit is okay. Bye.
So is that your ex-husband? Or something.
Yeah, it sounds like a pretty. Complicated back story.
Do you want to elaborate on that dynamic a little bit?
He called you, sweetheart. In in the Church of the the the
Mecca Lama. That is a very affectionate
term. Unfortunately, we got.
Married in a place that is far from holy.
You ever heard of Vegas? Yes, I've heard of the place.
Yeah, it was. It was a combination of well
shots and more well shots. Plus the wedding venue gave out
free tattoos and I show the tattoo I got and it's of a 2
headed butterfly. Classy on my.
Left shoulder. And I go to the doctor and I go
Doc. Yes.
What are you doing? Pinching my ex-husband and
inside, man, that helps get me stuff to barter people in here.
Trust me, Collette, we're not here to interfere with any of
your extracurricular activities. What are we thinking about this?
Are you guys interested? Do you need a minute?
I can tell you right now. If it's our best chance of
getting off of this dump, I'm in Collette takes a.
Big swig of the wine and goes fuck it, let's do it.
Anything get out of the shit hole and I give it.
I give my bottle to Donnie and go.
You win, reverend. Yes, Mommy, Donnie.
Please make me a mouth. Test with advantage with.
Advantage, OK. All right, all right, all right.
Now. So with advantage that's an 18
as you say that. You look over at Dr. Bristol
Throckmorton and you can't be 100% sure, but you think you see
her blush ever so slightly. Fantastic.
Well. Everybody have a seat and we
will get started. Oh wait, we're doing this now.
Well, there's no time like the present and as she says that.
The large hulking man walks up and starts pulling leather
strapping from the back of the seats.
Ohh. I didn't know he was into.
This OHH Harold he's into. It I I pull out the other bottle
of wine from my pants and I go, well, now it's a party, so
Harold starts. Strapping you guys in and pulls
out. It looks like a a drying cap
that you'd see on a old school hairdresser.
Hairdresser. Yeah, exactly.
Puts that over and as he puts those caps over the top of the
three of you, you see him go to a panel, open it up and click on
the power to it. As he clicks on the power it
starts to were up and Dr. Bristol Throckmorton looks at
the three of you and says thank you, this will not be forgotten.
Looks at both Donnie. And Colette at your legs, it's
like, oh gosh, you guys got cut up that.
Looks like it could get infected.
This episode of Flail Face features.
The games you made occupied landfill by Todd shaughnessy,
Daniel thrawn and Chris Elliott, and hell spawned by Richard
marker and Lee iovis, with Thomas yunos dummy playing
Dalton walls, Tom gambino playing Colette stellano,
Charles patchke playing Donnie and Kevin Welch as game master.
Season 2 theme music is Boy Construct by Alex Grill, editing
by Kevin Welch, episode art by Tom Gambino, and video editing
by Dan Finney. And on behalf of the cast and
crew of Flip Fill the Face, we want to thank all the listeners
for sticking with us. Without you, season 2 wouldn't
be a thing. So if you could do us a favor,
like subscribe and follow on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram,
Blue Sky and YouTube. We're on there too and share
with all your friends so we can get out there to more people.
With that being said, thanks for listening and we'll catch you
guys next time. Eat your socks and you have
mismatched socks. You see you, you got.
The one sock that is pink and you have that other sock that
was once white but has turned pink because of the laundry.
But you know deep down when you put them on your feet that that
is not the true partner to that sock.
That is in fact a a a lie, just like the lies of of those who of
the alpacas I'm trying to like. I didn't think of any.
Llama versus alpaca facts other than one is smaller and like
alpacas. Alpacas go into petting zoos to
lie to you. Llamas are too big to fit inside
of them. That is why they are like good
beautiful green farms except for the mechanical ones that will
change your oil. Preach.
He speaks truth, OK? I.
Think I found him. There you go, beautiful.
There you go, there's there's. A.
There's a religious lunatic that we all know and love, folks.
Now I must eat the flesh of this.
Raccoon I found. And he's lost the plot.
There he goes. There he goes.
They're all making sounds. Why are you turning your back?
I would. Too catch.
Just like Noah. Look at my.
Butt hole. I'm a cat I think I feel all
right about. That.
Yeah, until I think of something else that explains my urge.
Ouch. Ouch, Ouch.
Cut out at the 12 minute. 48 that's.
Where you. Beep it, that's where like
that's that explains my urge to beep audience you.
Too bad you missed that censored joke.
Those poor children. Hey, we killed Gambino.
God, you ever put cat on or? Lipstick on your cat's asshole
just to see where it places it around the house.
No, can't. Say that I have I have two cats.
My wife's got a. Lot of lipstick.
There you go. This is.
I'm gonna get yelled at. That's a surefire way.
For Kevin to get divorced, but I mean, it's only no, no that the
divorce. Will only happen after the
questions like what are all these lipstick stains around the
house and why are they? I can explain and I'll hold the
cat's ass. Sorry, Windows crashed in my.
Brain for a second are you just imagine what I.
Feel like I think Dolphinium learned how to put on lipstick
and it just started kicking the house.
No, our daughter did not figure that out.
She's 2. No, it's me.
I'm an asshole and I put cat lipstick.
I'm a cat's asshole. I'm an asshole and that's the
cat's. Ass.
The three of you wake up in. A round room with four doors.
But you don't feel the same. You feel different.
You've you know who you are, but it doesn't feel like you're in
your own body. Looking around.
The room is dimly lit and barren, with just four doors
looking around at each other. You don't look the same I look.
At my colleague Dalton and I look at him up and down, his
ghoulish appearance, his frightening face and visage, and
I go you look exactly the same, exactly the same.
Well, that's fine, because. You look like shit, look like
shit, look like shit. What?
And I look at my hands. And I notice that they are
decayed. My skin is like a shade of
bluish Gray. And I could feel like my
something I haven't. I touch my face and I feel
something I haven't felt in years.
My cheekbones. And I turn to Donnie.
And I go Donnie, Donnie on a scale.
I want the 10:10 one being bad, 10 being good.
How favorable is it? The ten, the 10 well, like the.
Great, Mcalama Wong said 10001001.
That does not sound good. By the way, is anybody else
hungry for brains? Brains.
Strangely, no. No.
Just me then normally. I would say.
Brains are always a yes, but I just want to lift a Candelabra
and I want to float around and round.
I turn invisible. Can I turn?
I can just do that at will, right?
I can just do that, right? Well, how'd you do that?
How'd you Daddy? And I I sort of like reach out.
I walk through objects. I'm feeling it.
Out I'm getting in my. Ectoplasm all over the place.
Yes, I want. To kill somebody right now.
I hold my fingers. To my wrist feeling a pulse and
I go. Good luck with me, Bow.