Smells like something cooking. This is flail to the face.
I'm Daniel Harella Carlson and we are playing my adventure
Black antlers. Heads are on fire, nipples are
frozen, and things are only about to get so much worse with
me around the table. I have your regular crew of
scum. Hello, my name is Levi, I'm
playing Braless. Braless.
Sound like a Dragon Ball Z
character. Oh and I'm I'm Jake and I'm
playing pyro. I'm Thomas and I'm playing Kath
Vin. Pyro's best friend.
For now, until Pyro dies again again.
I'm Pruegel and he was talking about my nipples.
I'm Kevin, I'm playing Yotna and I, he was talking about me being
on fire. Flail, flail.
All right so as the stench of burnt meat and hair as creating
like a tendril smoke that disappears into the violent
lashes of snow and tundra whipping against the wet
whatever exposed skin is still on your body.
Yukna you take AD 4 damage from as your your head is burning?
Well you needed to make a fire so that part is is over solved
well. That's a four.
Don't you have? Three help.
I have three hit points and 0 omens so I am dead.
No, no, no. I I'm right there.
I am going to take because everything I own is I just
shoved into my bag because I can't.
I'm I'm hot. I'm going to try and swing that
bag around and put her head out. I'm going to.
I'm going to try to put her head out.
All right. I don't think it'll be very,
very difficult. I mean there's snow all around
you. So you can basically just just.
Whack her into a snow bank Just. Try to avoid getting getting
hotter than you already are in in your delusion and give me an
agility and see if you avoid the firewall pushing her.
I got a six. Oh shit.
So. I guess it fucking spreads.
Like the good thing is you managed to put out Yutna's fire
as you like as she falls over into the snow and comes up with
like a bold scalp and like burnt eyebrows and kind of like a like
black suit all over her face, hair flossing off as a vile
woman could get any uglier. However, it does smell like face
bacon pyro and never have a piece of scum have a more
appropriate name. As your arm is currently on
fire, it's spreading up your neck.
You're just waving it. No clothes or armor.
Put it out, Put it out. I'm not wearing anything.
I'm on fire. Help me.
Yeah, Catherine's going to just tackle him.
Yeah, I'll, I'll scratch a hit point from you there as you're
it's easy when all of you get gain awareness of what's
actually going on as you plunge over and I kind of like
quarterback tackle pyro into the snow and he's he's really
fucking cold. Like you can feel like his, his
skin kind of like sticks to your armor as you get up and he's
like, like hanging after it. His jaw is shivering, but it
doesn't seem to notice as his teeth clacking together or
breaking every now and then. Yeah, it's a.
Little, little. It's chilly out here and now and
then. Now I I forgot I'm also very hot
too. This is a bit of a conundrum,
Caspin. This.
Can you peel me off of your breast?
You're. Just like.
Thanks. Slowly, like peeling and pushing
him back. Oh.
Yeah, no, slowly, slowly stop. And then at the very last bit,
I'm just going to force real quick.
Have. You ever seen those videos of
like or remember from like being a kid in cold areas or whatever?
Like you stick your tongue to like a pole, you know, And it's
like when you're like ripping it off.
All right, That's kind of what's happening here.
How much damage have I taken so far?
I said I was being nice because I can't do D4 damage to like I
can, but it wouldn't be much of A show.
So we're just gonna scratch like one hit point from you.
Because when when all of you realizes it after like, you can
start catching a fire one by one, it becomes fairly easy to
just like like choke the fire against the snow.
How much damage did I end up taking from?
It was three, wasn't it? I took I, I rolled 4 and then he
bashed me into the snow bank. Am I?
Trying to keep him from dying. Yeah, Am I dead?
Normally I would have said I would have said yes.
A lot of things kind of happened there.
So yes, I'll say you're dead. No, I'm just kidding.
You can scratch one hit point as well.
So yeah, you're all kind of like getting up there.
And as you're like, realizing that nothing else is burning
anymore. But the center on burn flesh is
still in the air. You see approval.
And as we got a bare glimpse of And last episode, she is
surprisingly unbothered by this sudden cold that you have
apparently been sleeping in all night.
There is no sign of the cabin around you.
The rug of the dogs are gone. Paul's remains.
What about the donkey and the mule that we had?
That is a good question. Somehow, between stepping a
little bit closer and letting out a unsatisfied and
disappointed side, the donkey that is not a sadistic fuck
steps closer with icicles hanging from from her mule as
the other one is eating, trying to nibble up one of the pieces
of armor that Pyro dropped earlier.
Perfect. But you managed to pack up.
You got quite a bit of of hooks and rumors in the last episode
where you were told that if you wanted to know more about what
actually the lies of the of the twin Ellen's and Pyro's words,
mad conspiracies of the Vida, the witch was exiled.
From there. You can go talk to that
Chieftain at the graveyard. You're also given a bottle of
Infernal Spiritus and told of the agony of horn and hide that
will bring forth winter eternal that will devour you all unless
you please the the deity for the the the injustice that has been
caused upon her. There is no way out of Tuanela.
Well, we might as well go to the graveyard.
You're all going to end up there anyway.
Some of us sooner than others. Look.
If there is, if there is a living.
Being there, maybe they have more soup.
You know. The stuff that kind of boy, it's
fucking cold and hot. I hate this so much.
I mean like your, your head is probably like not hypothermic.
No, your arm is like not hypothermic and rather like has
first degree burns while the rest of you well.
That thing's fucked. I don't want to hear shit about.
First degree burns as I'm patting my head with some snow
just to try to soothe the burns. Honestly, no.
It's a beautiful. You look great. 10 out of 10, I
don't see a single problem. He's.
Lying. We should probably get you some
bake up to distract from the ghetto.
And a gesture to the top of the head.
Fuck all y'all. And I'm going to load up on
Craig Allen's corpse that's tied to the mules, and I'm going to
head off towards where. It's like there's a little bit
of frozen meat left on his like ankles, but the rest of it is
barely a skeleton. Most of the ribs have been like
ripped off. And it's clear that last night
was not a delusion. You definitely work in a cabin
even though there is swift witch and dogs, but there's no remains
of it anymore except the frozen foundations of it.
The smell of that piss was real, I'll tell you that.
Yes, and still delicious. I I feel kind of weirded out
that you guys talk about my piss like that.
I feel kind of weirded out that you're a bone man and they use
some help eating the soup. That's why I.
I peed before this all happened while I had flesh.
Does that make him a soup boner? So let's let's go to this
graveyard and find this this guy and see what we can figure out
with the the agony. I mean, I, I guess I can join
with you guys. I'm just.
Well, it's not like you have a home to return to you and I
gesture to the nothingness. For sure I'm going to die again
at some point. I have no idea.
I've never been bones. Don't fuck with me or I'll kill
you myself. No, you can try, Allen accepted.
I'm just bones. I got no muscle.
So you trek on through that poor excuse for shelter.
The naked branches of the tall fir trees bring you the
whiplashes of the northern wind that always seems to be coming
from a N seems to be many different directions up here
into a network. And constantly there's these
sounds, these like howls and laughters, maybe like the smell
of fire and other things that like puts you on an edge.
But whenever you look in the direction, there is nothing
except the static white. The only thing that leads you on
is, well, how far behind you the remaining layer of redness is,
for it disappears completely. You see South of you the
silhouettes of the ruins of Tuanela down there in the alley,
as you're right in the valley, as you're apparently like a
small trek up like the foot of what could be a mountain.
You're not sure. And they're in the distance at
the opposite edge of the horseshoe that is this forest.
You see a little hill where there's these these two molesis
these like old kind of like chief graves far in the
distance. And somewhere behind it is
another little trail of smoke. Further away again, like deep
down W is is lake frozen and quiet Well.
I I suggest we just keep roofing it.
Yeah, as you've been walking for quite a few hours, I I do hate
to inflict this upon you, but but it's time for another
another hypothermia chick. Is this 18 now?
Not yet. I'm still 16.
It's a dirty 20 for me. Good.
I got a three fuck. I got a four.
I'm 16 on the nuts. And if you wonder if these
effects stack, they're a listener.
Of course they fucking do Of. Course they fucking do.
So since my last result said that I couldn't freeze to death,
do I still roll pipe with? No, you did not.
OK, I just wanted to double check the cosmic northern winds
that comes from everywhere but N.
Is is familiar and homely to you now, but warmth will harm you.
Hurray. Which means you're perhaps more
trapped here than anyone else. Damn it.
So who failed their roles? Kevin myself.
Yep. OK Pyro and Yokna, you have been
unlucky but yet surviving so long.
Let's see what then? How the frost fever changes you
this time. D12.
Again. D12 Seven given.
Well, you're sick of this. Damn straight.
Hold and this fucking like tundra and it just seems to get
worse by the day. Like someone has to fight it.
That someone will be you and you will fight it with fire.
You the only way out of this and this is so fucking fitting.
You're going to lose your shit. Scorch something immediately and
devote yourself to pyromania. Oh my God.
OK, So what did I don't know get because I'm I think I know
what's going to happen. I got a six.
Cool, you can roll me an additional D4 and we're going to
do, I think we're going to do Yokna first here before Pyro
does whatever she is intending to do, which I'm very excited
about. 3 You're trekking a little bit behind the others and
even like the chuckles of the the now abandoned mule of Craig
Allen, who's who's laughing at his misery and how hard it is
nibble up a chainmail gauntlet and actually digest it as well.
The wind is kind of like caressing your inner eardrums,
as if a deep voice is whispering to you.
Everything else turns to a muffled mumbling.
You're irrelevant, but this voice has something to tell you
and you're kind of like sewn out for a second.
The grey ones, a Walker. Everyone's like you, fragile
beings of flesh, much like yourself.
The eyes it hides unimaginable riches under its surface.
And proof to most of all, you must see kids under the ice.
No one else can hear this OK? And you can almost see yourself
in that ancient well. Maybe the end of this world
isn't so close that it's that these treasures cannot be
redeemed to at least give you the life Craig Allen surely
couldn't. All right.
Well, with that being said, and you said off to the site, I
could see that the lake was over there.
Yes, you can see the lake. I am going to pull the reins or
move Craig Allen's leg to pull the reins, point the mule
towards the lake and slap it on the ass and have it just go full
bore towards the lake. Because I want that treasure.
I need that life. I need something to happen,
right? I've, I've, I've had a really
bad go of it and I lost my hair and I, I want that treasure more
than life itself. You know.
What? All right, Pyro, you all hear
like AI just see like a like a like a galloping or as as close
to a galloping as a donkey can get, I guess, as it's like like
like tumbling down like the snowy, snowy hillside in the
completely opposite direction of where you were supposed to go.
Well. This is very murdery of me, but
I would like to once I start feeling like this.
I wanted to start sneaking up on Yotna and you said that she was
getting distant from the group already.
So I'm I'm going to try and like sneak on to the back of the
corpse sled and and I'm going to try to let her back on fire.
So when he was sneaking, that's that presence, right, isn't it?
Yeah, I'm. I'm just, I'm not sneaking so
much. It's more like that creepy
horror movie. Like I'm I'm I'm moving with a
purpose. And, and Yogna was already zoned
out like yeah, it's a. Pretty.
Interesting. No, it's more up to how much
would the others of you care. If Pyro did this, oh God.
Oh, my son of a bitch, we have what I mean.
Pyro's been my buddy so far, so I got to see how this unfolds.
I. Just met these.
Guys, I care about what happens next.
If I can be like on on the back of his haunches and or whatever
while she's galloping away zoned out, I'm going to take this
candle and I'm I'm just going to reset her head back on fire.
Yeah, what do you notice this? Not if I'm completely zoned out
of the the whispering in my ear telling me to find riches,
realizing that I the the closest way to get to the riches under
the ice is to go right into the lake.
You can. You can like eat a glittering
surface there, almost like imagining how close the coins,
diamonds and and silver skulls are to.
I'm completely oblivious to everything around me.
Now my question is, is Pyro actually seated on the corpse
sled? This is this is what I.
This is how I imagine this happens.
As we're galloping away, I he grabs the last scrap of the hair
on your head and pulls back. And you're still like trying to
fight to witness this glory, I guess.
And I'm going to take that Candlestick and I know how to
get rid of this all, Yotna. I know how to feel better.
I have to set the fire free. I snuffed it out when I save you
and this is how it has to be. I stick this candle right in her
neck and try to light her head on fire again.
OK, I'll say roll D6 on evens. You manage to do so on odds you
managed to do so, but you're both pulled after the slate.
Fuck. Yes, so it's like all of you,
like here it is a picture of the rest of you who are not like
hypothermic lunatics right now are kind of like turning your
heads and just seeing like this, this wild devotion and Pyros
eyes as he sets. A butt ass naked too.
Fire just because they're both like pulled down on the sleigh,
down like the hillside and towards to Annella screaming at
each other and the donkeys has no fire, it starts running
faster. And.
Burning like little torch light, just like like clearing the way
into the storm as the lake is revealed to you.
Oh my. Fuck, what do you do in my legs?
In my legs, my foot? Get caught up in the rains or
something. I guess so like your foot got
caught into the rain or or or you're not grabbed onto your
wrist like to try to stop you, something happened.
I would say that his foot got caught in the armor of Craig
Allen because it was like he still had that.
He still had that armor like in his.
Body so it looks like a opened can of baked beans and tomato
sauce, with the interiors still halfway.
There I stabbed Yotna in the neck to try and set her on on
fire and and from what you've described I've succeeded.
What does that do to Yolkna health wise?
We're we're getting to that Yolkna, why don't you give me
how much damage does AD 6? Right?
So let's let's do AD six there. You don't want to try to save
yourself. Are you really that in tuned
with this? I'll leave, it's up to you guys.
This, this is my prime directive now is to get all the riches
that are underneath this ice so. Oh well, that's a fucking six
brother, so. Tell me about it.
All right. I stab Yotna right in the neck
and for whatever reason her head just engulfs in flames and
feeling that that warmth wash over Pyro's self.
He's like Oh yes I've done it, I've succeeded.
I praise it and he goes to throw his hands in the air.
Let's go of that Candlestick. And then falls back and gets his
leg launched up in like the belt loop of Craig Allens poppies.
Amazing. And then there's now there's
just this fucking flaming torch traveling at about 20 miles an
hour through the wind with this name mulling donkey or whatever.
This is the fucked up scene. God.
Dude, I got a fucking goosebumps.
Kept listening to that. I think like the rest of you are
seeing this happening and they're like, they're almost by
town square to Anella right now. And Kafman, you were the only
one who showed any concern whatsoever, if even.
Yeah, I'm going to look at the rest of the guys.
It's like I, I guess we should help her and like turn and start
like trying to go after the mule.
I guess it's running off in the distance.
Lizards can run really fast sometimes, so are you one of
them types? No, no I'm not.
I'm not a fast running lizard, I'm more of a meandering type of
lizard. So let's see here as you're how
many minus how far are you below 0 now?
You're now. -4. -4. Oh yeah.
You're toast. I hit you with the.
Big in this. Yeah, I'm toasted with a fucking
marshmallow and a campfire. It seemed.
Like a common occurrence, everything I do, I.
It's. Don't do it.
Yeah. Just don't do.
It the monkey's paw like it works for a little bit and then
I get something greater taken for me.
So everything below 0 if I remember correctly, it means
that straight up that so it's like as you can hear groan, the
pain in the wind coming closer as the you you.
You can almost hear the crackling of the ice now.
Maybe the burning of your flesh will actually make it easier.
Down to those ancient treasures underneath there was.
He dead. You see like this strange two
silhouettes by your feet far off on the other side of the lake,
almost like reversed icicles, like where a sticking up from
the ground from a from a huge mound on the other side of it.
And you fade, fade away into a cold eternal slumber, as winter
eternal. Will not I torture you anymore?
Question so because Jake started Yotna on fire, are you also on
this ride? Yeah.
Does he get caught on fire too? I was going to say Whitney Yotna
just fall back and then catch a fucking oh.
Come. On what do you mean?
Come on. Oh, let me show you mercy there.
Jake. Let's I mean, that sounds like
an insect insect's chance that the body would land on you.
I'm not prepared for the situation.
There's no. Way forward.
And anything, I'm gonna roll my way.
Out of that. Yeah, make make me in a guilty
check to avoid her, her body. You have like a -, 2, A +2 to
your difficulty rating and it's a natural 14.
I got a 19 good. I was like.
Do you have homans? I don't I will say that parts of
the sleigh because this will be far too interesting to leave up.
It's it's still on fire. Yeah, I'm still being drug by a
flaming. You might get your wish.
Yeah, but you are not. However, I want you to give me a
toughness to avoid, like your head bomping on all these like
stones that you're passing. And like, it's not first class,
I'll tell you that much. 15. 50 yeah, you're good, but the rest
of you are like, is it just Keflin running after them?
OK, I. Don't know what you guys are.
Doing. Catherine, you're like you can
make it, but you're gonna be like you can catch up, but it's
gonna be like exhausting and you will be very out of breath once
you reach them. So that will affect your
difficulty ratings. I mean so you you get leg
through like the piles of now even even frostier corpses, but
barely get a glimpse of them as we are legging it after them.
Probably the the the least scummy of the whole party, I
must say. As the the lake becomes like
like wider and wider in front of you, you approach it.
The the hill disappears like over now that the slate
disappears over like the hill and down down the slope as you
just stop yourself from falling, catching your breath and resting
against like the sign. Do anyone remember what it said?
No fishing. You wear molars.
And you can't help but I wonder what the what the fuck is a
Molrus? Wait, we're headed towards the
Molrus. Yes.
No three me. Yes.
That's what I'm trying to do. Help.
Save me. You hear like Kefwin, like in
through all the like, like screaming donkey noises and your
own like ouching. As you're you're bumping your
head comedically on your way down, you come to the
realization that, yeah, you are passing the sign towards the
Mallrus. Whatever.
The one time I wish I couldn't read.
Get Ben, catch up, do that weird lizard thing where you run side
to side real fast. And I'll say Keflin can make it
with an agility check of 18 if he runs down to like before you
hit the ice, Otherwise he will catch up to you when you're
already sliding on the ice itself.
If there's like a frozen tree type thing, like a small enough
for like to limb, can I try to like fashion like an impromptu
sled to ride down the snow to try and catch up to him?
Yeah, two wins, six chance. Yo Hutton's yo, her body's lying
right there. I rolled the two.
There's no tree, but you have no
bodies there. There is a tree there because
you got a 2. I'm gonna knock that down and
just like try to like ride that down to try and catch up with
the with the donkey in the snow. You're like surf down on your
belly on the tree as you're like you're rapidly approaching as
you see like the first hoof is now hitting the ice a little
crackle and you swear you see those icicles sticking out of
the snow on the other side there.
They're like they're like tall like fir trees.
It's like shaking a little bit. Now I'm going to try and like
jump off the back of my sled to try and knock Pyro off of the
donkey. That would be another agility
chick I think. Difficult rating 16 Not as hard.
As. Doing I should have described
what you just did way cooler because it was actually very
impressive. They managed to get a 16 on the
nuts. Nice.
I'm gonna let you narrate how this happens.
So yeah, it's if we're like going that donkey screaming as
it's running the hooves hammering through the snow and
I'm like sliding up with the sled and Pyro's just kind of
bouncing off the back end, I give.
You a dog? Wilder look.
And I managed to kind of like stand up and like almost like a
surfing pose on this piece of wood.
And then I dive over and I managed to like wrap up Pyro in
my arms and my momentum would carry me off and it snaps what
the strap had wrapped up Pyro's foot.
And it allows us to like, kind of tumble in the snow as the
donkey continues off running onto the ice.
So you're both like on the edge of the ice as you're like
sliding on your back with pyro there.
So you're not like off the lake, but it's it's sturdy and you see
like how it's like melting in a perfect trail behind the sleigh,
which is now completely on fire. Donkey's on fire too as it
reaches the middle of the lake as you're both looking up like
pyro in your arms, like up towards the the center of the
lake as the donkey just goes. This is beautiful.
Into the lake, followed by a silence.
A few bubbles pop. Catherine, you can put me down
now. You.
Just slowly put them down on the snow.
And starts to shake him I'm. Going to take that cod piece and
just put it on real quick, says Craig Allen on the front.
Yeah, the sleigh that was Craig Allen is is heavily abused,
burnt and primarily a a rib cage and of what it was.
However, you do start feeling like everything is trembling a
bit and it's not Pyro. Was Catherine.
Out of your own shaking too? Or is it just me because I'm
still pretty fucking cold. You do see as the donkey has
made a perfect melted hole in the ice, these like glittering
rays coming from down there. And you do see beneath the frost
that is like stretched back in the surface, the silhouettes of
chests, that golden statues, and a lot of other cool shit down
there. However, as you look up, you see
that the two icicles are shaking off their frosty surface and
launching out from the mound. That's the snow powders.
Off you see this giant leathery beast with huge tusks.
That was the icicles a a morbid mustache, tiny dead little eyes
as it does a straight up undertaker launching towards
you. It's about the size of like a
truck and you're now very aware of why they call it the Model S
Roll. Roll for initiative are.
You. Fucking kidding me.
Soup. Soup.
Can you see the size of it? You're fucked.
You. Oh well, I'm gonna take a break
on the mat, dude. Flail to the face and we are
currently about to see a Smackdown Smackdown.
Smackdown from what is apparently not a typo, as the
Mallrus is currently approaching, casting a shadow
over Pyro and Keflin who are helplessly trying to crawl away
from the icy surface as this truck of a Tusk beast.
I've been waiting and pray for quite some time.
It's currently launching towards the two of you.
Its body weight is very likely to kill you unless you get away.
Even a four on the initiative check, is that right?
Yeah, excellent. So that means the two people
first. I don't know about you, but I
think this is a good time to. Get the fuck out of here.
Nope. Agreed.
Cats been. And yeah, we're going to turn
and try to outrun this thing. Yeah, you can.
You can both test and a guilty DL12 to get away.
I'm going to go ahead and spend my last omen.
As a as pyro as hypothermic AF you can get a plus two well.
It don't fucking matter because I got a four.
Yeah, I re rolled into a four as well.
Rear correct, yeah. You're in it for the long haul,
right? So the monstrous Tusk piece
launches down towards you and you just like see kind of like
fiber on its belly as it slams down and you see like ice
shards, like smashing open cold water bucket everywhere.
You each take the 8 damage. You too watch out for that.
Looks dangerous what you get. I took six damage.
Jesus, I have one health. Welcome to my world.
God. I took three, which also leads
me at 1:00. Well, this this encounter also
has this this fan favorite wrestling move also has the
special side effect that you're currently trapped under the
Beast's weight unless if you're submerged, which you're
currently not yet, at least not more than your feet as you're
kind of like sliding down into the ice under its belly.
You'll take D4 damage every round and must be in the guilty
Dr. 12 to get free so. We got to do one right now.
Yeah. You're dead.
Oh my gosh. You're dead.
Oh my Atlanta, you're dead. Oh fuck me.
Yeah. Oh shit.
OK, wait, how much damage does it do?
It's AD. 4. OK, I I'm going to do something.
Hold on. No, hold on.
I'm hold on, hold on. OK, so I took three damage, but
I'm going to use my power and use my skeleton as a shield, OK?
I'm going to try every. Arm in your body.
You feel your arm kind of like breaking as it.
I'm at 0 so I'm. I I that's where I'm at.
I'm at 0. I roll the one for the depot.
So it's like a claustrophobic dead.
Dead. Frosty kind of like squish as I
think we hear like slowly as it just as it breathes, as it's
waking up from its slumber after having smell of your puny little
bodies and the bacon roasting in the morning.
Donkey bacon Your your your bones are kind of like slowly
crushing as it breathes out with its belly as you're squished
against the ice. And make it that safe.
Zero. I roll AD four.
I got a 2 which is. I also got a 2.
You got a 2 bow here, all right. Well, that's very suitable.
That means that you have a broken or decapitated body part.
I have a Swedish version by the way.
I don't have you roll AD 6 on A1.
You lose an eye instead you're incapacitated for D4 rounds and
after that retrieve D4 head points.
I rolled the one. One round and you will be back
D4 head points if you survive. You cannot do shit for that
round. Hey.
Daniel, Yeah. What's A6 do?
I don't think you can get a six on a D4.
I thought I was rolling AD 6 for this part.
Well, first it's a def save, which is AD 4.
You got a two. That means you roll AD four.
No D6. Yeah, you do roll AD six.
It means that you lose part of your body, or you're unbroken,
or. I have a broken skeleton.
I used it as my power for the day.
My entire skeleton. Show but the whole arm kind of
like is broken off and you feel it kind of like being like like
crushed to oatmeal now resting in a sack of skin as yeah, the
pain is enough to black you out if you can roll me at your route
for B4 rounds and we'll then come back with B4.
That's four rounds 4 rounds. Let's see if you make it that
long. You're still at zero hit points.
So the rest of you hear like echo of screams that like makes
a little avalanche like fall down from one part like almost
buried into an element snow as you you see like this little
shadow, just like plunge onto where you assume where your
friends and quotation marks were standing on the ice.
You you want to get out of here. Yeah, pretty much.
I mean, I just met you guys like literally like an hour ago.
Well, it's just the two of you right now.
Yeah, I don't. I don't really.
I don't really like you, but it's got to be better than that.
I'd imagine so. Can we stay and watch that?
That's fine, yeah. You guys, Yeah.
There's there's no way in in a frozen hell that they would make
it to you guys in one round. So I believe Kefl and Romy,
we'll do this simultaneously. As the two of you are watching,
you're kind of like, are you eating a ration or something
while you're watching the the match?
Yeah, I'll eat my ration for the day.
I'm just bones, man, I don't eat.
That's true. So keflin roll me D4 is healing
the damage. You take this from here.
I don't think it matters 0 right?
-4. -4 that's too much by that, I think, like it's needless.
I don't know, like how much do you want to do this?
Do you want to do this, Jake? Because you're you're.
You have some pretty impossible objects here here.
I can't do anything. I'm dead.
Yeah. I'm dead.
That's like the definition of impossible.
Lives, yeah. So like the the ice kind of like
crushes underneath the two of you as your eyes shift in fear
under the weight of the walrus. You can like probably like one
of Keflin's eyeballs is like, like squirting out of his skull
and smashes inwards in most claustrophobic manner possible
as the water is like rising to his nose and he gets bluer and
bluer from your vision and the fire won't save you.
Now, what are your last, your last, last thoughts?
Tears to each other. Yeah, Oh my gosh.
I reach out and I hold Kespin's hand as his eyeball pops out
onto my face. And the Mallrus takes the two of
you down to the icy depths where there are indeed glittering
hordes of treasure. Beautiful they'll.
Always have Cancun, so I'm fucking glad we did that.
Meanwhile the two others, Braless and and Pruegel.
Are you still still going grave robbing or what?
You. Mean heading to the graveyard.
Yeah. I I think so.
That's one of the better leads we've got is we can go talk to
the ghost of the Chief, I think, OK.
As long as I can avenge my Inquisitor brethren, I'm down
for. Whatever.
Yeah, I need to do that. As as long as we stay away from
that water, I'm good. I think you mentioned your
Inquisitor brethren to your your stiff nipple friend with the
with the attitude. The the the witch mentioned the
Inquisitors to us though. That's true.
The two of you are like trekking up this little hilltop, more of
like a knob. You see six kind of like
tumilises here, like old Chieftain Braves decorated and
antlers with twigs and just like chimes, jewelry hanging down
them, engraved with with rooms you do not understand.
Underneath or in front of one of the mounds sits like a frozen
corpse, clad in the remainings of an inquisitor uniform.
He has like crude kind of like stab wounds and blood trail
leading down into the village. Behind them.
His face, his eyes are stabbed out.
This is definitely not the wounds of a knife as the
stabbings are way too crude. I look down at him and say.
He serves you right and he he definitely looks like he got the
short on the the the shorter stick.
As. He was probably trying to escape
whatever you can't remember much of from your last hours alive.
What do the two of you do? I look around and say.
Hello ghosts spirits. I don't see anyone.
No, me neither. He's a good idiot, but I don't
think he counts. Oh yeah, there's this corpse on
the ground too. Yeah, you do see these, these
graves, as I mentioned, rising up as the only meek shelter from
from the storm here. They would be possible to, well,
excavate if you so wish. Or you can try to call for
ghosts if you have any have any equipment to do such or any
other powers. All right, let's start digging.
So I think as you start like digging, how do you dig?
What do you use? How are you trying to my shield
your shield? I'm threatening it out.
I'm. Going to use this dead body's
only legs. Yeah.
Sounds sounds about right. You start like like chucking as
you hear like cough behind you and and and Mobius.
It appears that someone beat you to the prospect thing.
Oh. I'm going to put my wheelbarrow
handles down. Hey, the kids are digging that
all wrong. I got I got AI got a whole pot
here. I got permits all right, and I
don't see nothing to do with any of you all having permits on my
fucking prospects. So I'm going to ask to, I'm
going to kind of ask you to take a step back.
And brandish a broken wine bottle, Adam.
Hey. Soup are you the help I I sent
for from from the town are you the help or not?
My name is Braless. As you look behind, well that I
think you're like a gold feverish, like Klondike kind of
kind of scumbag there. That's what I'm seeing.
And who's your bodyguard there? Or wait, not a bodyguard.
That's like a my business. A raggedy looking woman if I
were someone. So you see, he's just kind of
like a just mass of muscle, but like the side of his face is
completely just really badly burnt and he's just holding an
iron rod and looks over at Mobius and just say the word
boss. No, no, no, Sonny.
They might be the help that I sent for earlier.
So let's just you two got names, say Basilisk or something My.
Name's Braless. Yeah, he's soup.
I'm frugal. Where the hell start digging?
Well, ain't you a fine looking lady?
Oh yeah, something of flavour around here.
This is horrible and I hate it. I'm.
Going to wipe some sweat off my brow.
Yeah, I don't. I don't mind a good hate
neither. I, I can't, I, I, I kind of wish
that Pyro was still here. Like this guy on the fire I'm.
Talking to soup. Four hours.
I'm going to pull some shovels out of the wheeled wheelbarrow
and hand them out. All right, so y'all about, I
hope we get this digging done, get us some treasures.
Yeah. Hire Don Hill.
Good idea. And I hand this shovel back to
you up to oh. Oh, it's fine baby girl, I'll do
all the digging. Just sit back and look pretty
for me. Now that that this is this is
going my direction. Now look.
Look pretty good. I'm uncomfortable.
You sure? You know why?
He's just hit him, boss. These.
Overalls are just getting so damn tight right now.
I'll be over here and just to see how far we can fucking
derail this situation. Like I'm going to take a step
away from the grey robbing table because I think I know what's in
the first casket. It takes you like a few like
heads of the shovel before you hear the FUD and strange
groaning. Maybe that lying and misled
Chieftain that the witch told you about.
You see like a casket that's like decorated in the same rooms
and saw above it but covered in frost.
It has like some kind of a story engraved with like this.
This little characters looks like they were carved by a by a
three-year old who was probably way overpaid thousands of years
ago. But you hear like a the thumps
of the shovel is is is responded from the other side by desperate
thuds, like something that's been waiting to get out forever.
Well, that's that's interesting Watch you all right, son?
Crack it open. Yeah, let's get this dead
bastard out of there as it creaks open.
I don't know what it smells or looks like, but it takes even me
as your referee by surprise. Kevin, what's in there?
When it's Paltrow's head, no, what they find is a severely
frostbitten man. Extremely stringy hair,
extremely long fingernails, but seemingly still not like,
completely emaciated from being in there.
A full nasty beard. Oh great ghost Chieftain, reveal
to us your secrets and give us like magic weapons and armor and
shit. It's about time somebody opens
up this fucking box and lets me out.
Oh well, you're welcome. Are you the other help?
I I have I had a platform. No.
It came out of this grave. I'm going to swing my like bar.
Oh gosh. It's the undead thing came out
of this grave. Do you want to deal with damage?
I'm a talking skeleton. Yeah.
I got a 5. Can I go and try to catch said
bar coming at me? Yeah, absolutely.
Because what I was going, what would you like me to boulder?
I'm leaving this up to the two of you to kill or not kill each
other in whatever manner you wish.
I think we had the audience's blood first is already clenched.
But if you wish to be generous, then that is up to.
You all right? I will try to catch it.
Well, it's a 13 + 1. That's fourteen, yeah.
You grab it, you go. All right, so I'm going to grab
it. I'm going to pull him in here
with me. Yeah, you bump in there and it's
it's it's nice and tight than that coffin, but in fear of the
the lid shutting again and trapping you in here and to your
premature grave for another 1000 years, I assume that you quickly
get out. Oh yeah, I like panic.
Climb back out. Malford, don't, don't.
Don't assault the help now. All right, everybody, calm down.
What you got? You got a name, Sonny boy.
Got something you go by. What are you doing?
Just hiding. Hiding around like that?
This is my land I got. I own this land.
A long, long time ago I was known as Grubb, but I suppose
you can call me grubs. Oh grubs it is.
OK, that's that's not a bad name.
Wouldn't have chosen for my kids.
Well, two Braless and Brugal. The only ones here with a
purpose other than grave robbing.
Well, another purpose than than profitable grave robbing.
It is perfectly clear to you that this is not the casket you
were looking for. Damn it.
All right, dig up the next one. You think a ghost is really just
going to pop out? I mean, the dead guy popped over
this one and now he's alive. So yeah, we're never.
Going to get a ghost at this rate.
All right, each one, each of you grab, grab a casket and start
popping, popping open. Get the bodies.
And if you proceed without finding a source of heat to
digging up the next body, it will mean for everyone except
approval that we have another hypothermic check coming in, no?
Everyone just dies for hypothermia.
The only one's still left with one goddamn hit point.
I'm going to take a piece of that then casket.
Yeah, the boys, you guys get it all done.
I'm going to try to start and I'm going to grab some.
Wood and just start rubbing it together and try to.
I'm not going through this again.
I don't want to die. You managed to start a fire,
just take some time. I'm getting a little old.
I don't need to be robbing all these graves by myself.
So that means like the three others keep four others keep
digging. Do you dig the same grave, or do
you choose various ones to cover more than?
I'm not digging any graves, I just came out of one.
I'm still trying to get my bearings straight.
I'll dig just to stay away from the fire.
It was not a miserable infernal storm blocking out everything,
including reality, as you know, like when you were crapped in
that coffin. However, this looks alien,
desolate, desolate and strange. So where?
Are you from? Sunny.
Here. Born and raised, huh?
I've been in that box for I don't know how long.
I couldn't say from from my point of perspective viewing, I
would say about, I don't know, 30 seconds.
You have absolutely no concept of time dude.
Give me AD 4 roller Kevin, because you have one memory that
is not the lost in the ice. OK, D.
Four. Yeah, so you remember that
feeding the goddess of of the herd, her own children was a
terrible mistake and that she is not a a goddess of harvest, but
a goddess of fertility. You know that probably 1000
generations, you motherfuckers are probably going to pay for
this, but not your problem. Oh, wait.
And if I'm looking around you at the storm, you're pretty sure
you know what's going on. You sacrifice her children to
her for many eons, far after your expected expiration date.
Hurricanes, What exactly are you guys doing here?
This isn't safe for anybody. I lay claim to this land me and.
You don't. You're just here to click on our
our I. Don't know it's true.
We're we're here to get paid, yes.
Bi yearly. What about you, skeleton and
little little lady? You can say we are amateur ghost
hunters. How's it that's what we're doing
now? I've seen that in the delusion,
staring off into the stove and you never brought.
It Oh damn, you must, you must get a lot of channels.
Yeah. You've been out here for weeks
on end and you see a whole lot of differentiator.
Nothing is fine. Oh great ghost, what wisdom have
you brought to us from across the.
Your girlfriend's weird. Oh well, you know I like the
feisty. I'm not his girlfriend.
We're just friends. We actually kind of just met,
but he's not so bad yet. I see.
Oh, anyways, I'm not here about no ghosts, but you guys have
your whole little conversation bound for then I got to get
paid. Open up another one, Sonny.
You got to give him Robin. You're you're stumbling out
there and you see the the altar that you're, you told your
children Youngs ago I've sacrificed the deer caps too.
And you see it's growing larger and even more sinister far in
the horizon, which is warping antlers as the only thing
visible for the violent storm. It's your fault and well.
I'm going to look at all these guys.
And as I kind of move around, you can notice that on the side
of my neck there's a what appears to be like a lamprey
this attached to my neck. And I'm gonna pull it off and
I'm gonna watch it kind of just like move its little teeth and
mouth around, pull the hair back and look over at Pruegel and be
like, does this look infected? Before we go, Daniel, is there
anything you'd like to plug? Yeah, you can find me on X or
Twitter or whatever you want to call it under Daniel Harila.
You can find me on HIO, and Black Anthers will soon be
available from Exalted Funerals web store or hopefully a brick
and mortar store near you. You can listen to the whole
soundtrack by Killer Morris's on Spotify or Band Camp.
Don't sleep on it because there will be deluxe bundles that are
going to sell out pretty rapidly, as well as scenes and
PDFs for those who only want the adventure.
Hell yeah. Hey everybody, Kevin at the end
of the episode. This episode features the
adventure Black Antlers by Daniel Carlson with Levi playing
braless, the Catacomb St. by Makootie, Jake playing Pyro the
Brazen Blacksmith by Seth and Mobius the Indomitable
Mountaineer by Rugos Cone Thomas playing Kevin the Bog Water
Apothecary from Dwellers of the Bog by the Dungeons Key and
Balm, the death witch by Bracken McLeod, Kevin playing Yotna the
restless wanderer by will Rickson and Grubbs, the
misbegotten relic by Nick Tragijo and Walt playing frugal
the knock decks by Strega wolf Vandenberg.
Check out all these cool things and their respective ex lookers.
More for entries in the description accompanying this
episode, as well as the flail to the face Episode 28 companion,
which at this point is a mystery.
And while you're at it, check us out on our social medias, our
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doing over there, think about joining their Patreon.
It gives you access to their Discord, which you can talk to
us as well because we're on there.
And just for $3 a month. With that, thanks for listening
and we'll catch you guys next time.
I think those last 15 minutes were the highlights of my game
that was. Pretty fucking insane.
That's Sunday, Sunday, Sunday and we are recording.