Greeting scum and welcome to Flail the Face.
I'm Kevin. I'm in in the big boy chair and
I don't know why. Somebody go.
Oh yeah. It's me.
Hello. Hello, I'm Levi.
I will be playing a character named Craig Allen, one of the
best. I know that guy and I'm Jacob,
and I'll be playing a character named Pyro, and not for the
reasons you think. I'm Thomas and I'll be playing a
character named Kathvin. And I'm Walt and I'll be playing
in Knocks Hex. No Knocks Hex.
I don't near of those how you say it and I'm not going to get
it right. So I'm going to keep going.
Which is a class by my good friend Strega, Wolf and and
Bear. Oh, and I'm playing the
character too. I'm playing Yotna and we'll go
into who these characters are after we explain what's going
on. Got a note earlier in the mail
the from appears to be from Chris and Nate saying they're
headed off to Grift to pick up some milk and cigarettes.
Be back soon. I've heard that before.
So with that, we have somebody jumping in to run their game.
You want to introduce yourself. Sure, thanks for having me.
I'm Daniel and I wrote The Adventure of Black Antlers,
which should be hitting the shelves sometime late this
summer. Beautiful with that.
Oh, there's something at the bottom of this note here.
Hard to read. Oh, Flail.
So I want you to imagine this white static noise like a like a
like a distorting storm obscuring everything.
There is this rumor that staying in well, a very featureless
frosty landscape for too long slowly kills your brain.
And it's it's clearly, well, as we're talking about these scum
in particular, we're kind of like zooming in through this
white static Blizzard like they say in Cyborg like ATV channel
set to a dead set to a dead station.
And who do we see kind of like slowly and miserably dragging
their bodies through the frozen frontier?
It's miserably cold, by the way. All right, boys.
So do we know each other off the bat?
Because in my in my head, I assume we just bumped into each
other accidentally through this Blizzard.
We can't see shit. I don't know you guys.
Well, we rolled that group purpose for.
Being what the fuck? What was the group purpose That
was the? Salty reindeer meat you were.
The salty reindeer meat. Yeah, we're trying to figure out
why the meat. You were whole.
Well, God, something like that. You were hired.
That makes sense at at a Tavern Curgus by by a meat merchant
who? Well, one of the delicacies he
has been selling was that the salted reindeer jerky from a
desolate place you've never heard of north of Krgos called
Tuanella. The shipment stopped months ago
and well, the supply does not meet the demand.
It's not much silver involved, but to a scum like you it's a
fortune. I had Daniel.
I have one question. This.
Meat vendor? Does he wear the equivalent or
the exact sweatpants? I think he he had like very,
very flamboyant salmon leather overalls, OK.
That's a good look. I have AI have a golden drool at
work. Never trust a chef in
sweatpants. So just making sure, see if he's
trusts. Me picture like like alligator
leather but it's like salmon. God damn all.
Right. But overalls, they're kind of
like suspenders, so you know they're.
They're suspenders cause and I respect this man.
What is Gray shine I think we're supposed to be describing?
Yeah. Just tell me how you're, how
you're suffering through that, through that, like you're not
sure if you went the wrong or the right direction or not as
you've been, you've been travelling for what could have
been hours or or days that the tundra is starting to to get to
you. Well, the first guy you kind of
see, I guess, would be Pyro, because he's asking all these
questions here, talking to himself.
And so my previous work environment has apparently
hardened me, but it hasn't done much for my mobility.
So you you probably see this man just limping like he's got a
shoddy knee and a you. Have like snow up to your waist
so we see the path kind of like carving through the crisp snow.
I would be crawling through the snow.
Then I have AI have a shoddy knee.
Wonderful. You got snowshoes?
No, I don't have snowshoes. OK, well, I'm I'm, I'm just
trying to, I'm just trying to keep up with the group.
Then I guess, limping through the snow.
Dragging your your your good leg and and well in in front of the
the limping and nagging pyro who's ahead.
Ahead of the limping man is a large, like kind of hulking
mass, has the head of a lizard and down its back is it has like
what looks almost like coarse fur.
But then it extends more into quills running down his spine.
And he's just kind of like trudging along.
And he hasn't like a large muscular tail off the back,
which I imagine actually the old guy limping along is holding
onto the tail to kind of drag him through the snow a little
bit. Oh yeah, that's.
Fine. And as I'm just like walking
along, he has like he reaches into his pouch and pulls out
herbs that have like crawling insects and stuff as well.
And he just, like, jams it into his mouth.
And as he starts drooling, he collects bits of his drool in
these little blacks. They've actually turned into
like a like a popsicle by now of like these insects.
So it's like one of those like, disgusting, like cabaret
desserts. Perfect.
So then he just like will pop it into his mouth, and then as it
melts down and drips out of his mouth, he'll bottle some of it
up. Like a Jolly Rancher.
Yeah, All right. As he is pulling out the bag and
going for a snack, the black hooded and cloaked figure ahead
of him turns around and says. Hey, let me get one of those.
I'm out. Jesus Christ, my God, uncalled
for. This is mine.
Yeah, but it could be mine too keep.
Walking. You need to learn to share.
We're all in this together. And then just motion to just
keep going forward. Yeah, fuck you too.
Well, then ahead of this cloaked figure, you see a really like
real thin, gaunt, pale woman, stringy hair, just tattered rags
that's walking a a donkey next to them.
And she's got her other hand that's not holding the the range
for the donkey on the back of the gentleman in front of her.
And she's not not so much like holding on, but kind of like
pushing him along. Try to keep pushing him.
Forward and I I guess before introducing Levi's character
that Levi to the other members of your little adventuring
party, know that you have no fucking idea where you're going
whatsoever. No, no, not at all.
But the mule in front of him is kind of leading him the.
Way. And from the mule there is a
long rope wrapped around my neck, pulling me along, and all
you see is this really short in stature, wide man who's dressed
as a old timey. Is that like the the Beast Chill
variety of autoerotic asphyxiation or something?
You could say that. You think Casey falls?
Asleep at the wheel because I I I do believe that you have
spoken with a great confidence until it got below a certain
temperature that you absolutely knew where you were going and
was innated to this lens. Oh 100%.
Don't worry, I will lead us to justice and victory against this
reindeer meter, whatever we're doing here.
Is there a reason my crippled ass cannot sit on top of this
this this mule instead of being dragged around?
Oh, he doesn't like being ridden.
He just likes to drag me along. And you never bothered to ask to
be on my end either, so you could kindly fuck off just.
As you're you're kind of like evaluating the two of you in
front there, which ones of your your compatriots have the
fattiest meats on their bones. The storm kind of like kind of
like gives up for just a moment and you start seeing, let's say,
because he's being dragged along on his back, that pyro you see
like this bundle of flesh frozen next to you.
It seems to be like a collage of of various body types and and
faces and then fingers and and insides under likes made into
one horrific ice sculpture as more of the wind clears out
these silhouettes of little ramshackle.
It was like biking cabins like these these like the the roofs
reach all the way down to the snow where they're almost half
buried there. There is like a like a great big
town central fireplace. If you ever seen Asperx and
stuff, it's kind of like like that.
And it's also like like snuffed completely out.
Then it's like like half covered in snow.
Everything is painted in blood, which has long, long ago frozen.
And there is this like hanging sign with great set of antlers
on top of it that's like barely creaking in the wind.
The the ice attempts to to keep it suspended.
That reads welcome to to Anella. You're right in the middle of
City side of Town Center. I think we made it to our
location. Oh, it looks like you actually
know where you're going after all.
You can always trust the Jackass.
Hey, hey. I knew you could do it, Tommy.
No, you. Didn't I know?
It didn't I just got never mind. Should we get inside and out of
the weather? Yeah, probably.
How do we get in? We'll start digging.
I'm going to take my Candlestick and break off a chunk of like
that ice flesh or whatever and then throw it through a window.
Yeah, you, you, you break off what appears to be previously
healthy and able bodied child's forearm with cracks with
satisfying a snap. And you see there's still like a
little a little spot of like like warm and and soft
intestines in the middle, almost like like slightly defrosted
around you. You either There is, by the way.
It's completely quiet. There is this smell of salt and
iron. Well, you put me in an awkward
position, Daniel, because I'm a I'm also not a not so secret
cannibal and I pull out some intestines.
Oh yeah, I'm a I'm gonna look at Pyro and just to cure a monster.
Yeah, it's like that part of them cracks in your fingers as
you as you rip them out. Then like releases this, this
Dane essence more than the smell as the the the smell of like
death is so strong here. Your animals are almost like
like pulling back at their reigns as as death is everywhere
in this village. And even though the reason for
this mass murder is unclear, it is still pretty fucking obvious
why the deliveries have halted. I'm gonna nudge Craig Allen.
Are you gonna give me any intestines as well, or are you
just gonna let me starve? Well.
You have two hands yourself, you know.
Yeah, but be a gentleman. Feed your wife.
What the Hell's wrong with you? I'm.
Just floating along here getting pulled and tugged the way I like
it. Can I fit through a window that
I broke? There's not many windows some
days these these houses as they are these like almost like lean
to long houses. There's a couple of couple of
people here seem to even have lived in like big tents made of
like reindeer hide. There's about 12 houses here all
together. Fairly fairly humble habit.
Which one looks like the biggest Vestas?
Oh, there is a long house that seems to be like the like the
the the meeting hall or the need hall or something.
Is there any chimneys with smoke coming out?
As you look around here you see like one of the bigger tents
towards the back has like a dying snake of of black smoke
escaping up before disappearing into the the snowstorm up above.
So the smoke is it's signs of life.
Let's go investigate that. I can use some warmth.
I mean, I might be big, but fat freezes cold.
So do you all, do you all go towards the smoke or do any of
you attempt to enter the most impressive long house?
Oh yeah. I'm going.
I'm, I'm vain. Great, right?
I'm going to, I'm going to stumble my way up to that one
and try to find a way in there. Just hack through the roof.
With my Candlestick is. That.
All you have for a sore back and a shoddy knee and a Candlestick.
Are you entering the longhouse by yourself or anyone else?
Anyone else? If, if none of these guys
followed me, I'm, I'm just trying to get, get out of the
cold so my knee will warm up and you know.
Kevin's going to follow Pyro, hence the guy had been riding on
his tail most of the trek up here so.
No, I wouldn't say I was riding it.
It was more like just you were pulling me.
I was pulling you. Out sleeping half the way.
I've slept in worse. Conditions so you you kind of
like shuffle the snow away from the front of very rustic door to
central longhouse, which also like most most other things here
have like antlers and A and a reindeer skull mounted above the
door and something written in a runic language that your your
your literate minds surely can't read as a Creek open.
The first thing that meets you is well, hanging from one of the
beams in the ceiling as the torso of what could have been
your grandmother swinging back and forth with a missing jaw
that completely flayed and well, let me see.
We're going to use a generator I made for the first time here.
Can one of you roll me D12? I got you 10 and give me another
one as well just to see where it went.
Two. OK, so you notice that it seems
like child or a dog that would have attempted to do surgery
that that the stomach of this woman is removed and, and the
the crudest and least delicate manner possible.
It's like a mockery of butchering the way this
completely played flag Buster ladies like hanging upside down
in front of you, like right in front of your face.
As you open the door. It takes a moment before you
realize that she's she's dead. All right, I'm going to prod her
forehead. Hey, you're in my way.
Oh shit, I think she might actually be dead.
I'm observant of you. Yeah, well, I'm just going off
of what my details are around, you know, opening this.
Door and yeah, there's there's a fireplace that's long frozen.
It's like this little icicles that like hang down and and
almost like penetrate the ground underneath and into the dashes.
And it seems to be a a quite a fight here.
There's a table with a wooden cutlery and plates.
It's been flipped over. There's the wind is still
blowing in through cracks and and walls.
However, it appears to be a neat excuse for shelter.
I'm going to skirt around that dead body and try to pick up any
Tinder I can find, head towards that fireplace and use my
Candlestick to start a small fire.
It's. Going to take a while, so we're
going to go over to the. I'm a blacksmith, I know all
about fires and stocking it. I'll follow behind him, but I'll
try to cut the body down and just kind of take in the
surroundings. You're right, we're gonna need
something to eat later. Hey, aren't you cold blooded?
No, that's just an assumption. Oh right, my bad, I don't.
How the fuck did you get in here?
I'm not. I'm actually with the other
guys. Oh.
And we're in here, too. So meanwhile, by the tent
outside, you're like following this like trail of murder and
death. And some of the pink snow behind
you has even turned yellow as one of your donkeys is in fact
pissing itself in fear at this moment.
But you do come to this like, bigger tent.
And as you open the tent and look inside, you see a little
pretty impressive pile of children's skulls burnt and
flayed recently, snuffed out by something.
And before you step into the tent, you'll notice, just as
it's like where the entrance of the tent begins, these these
hoof Marks and the snow underneath your feet.
Well that's a terrible idea. Everyone knows skulls don't
burn. What a bad idea for a fire.
Yeah, no, I mean, could he use coal or something else that,
hey, we're getting that go inside to go out of the weather,
move the skulls. I don't know why there's so many
kids skulls here. We we all know adults are the
way to go when you're hungry. Well obviously fuck them kids,
but let's get out of the fucking weather and inside the tent.
And we need some tender old meat.
Some fucking old people jerky. As you you step inside and
you're like kind of like brushing off the ash.
Although some of the like the like rugs that are still
stretched out here, you notice that one of them is not reindeer
hide but in fact made from very poorly cured human skin with
some weird actions in it saying heretic murderers frozen to
death for all eternity. It looks like it was written by
a three-year old who barely learned how to write.
Dips. That one's fine.
All yours, Krogel. That where it is a Cape.
Great. I name it Mort.
It's gonna be. Mort.
Oh, thank you. Hey, quit trying to mow my lawn.
Shut up, don't take orders from you.
Hey, we're settled. With the hostility here, we're
all cold. Yeah, but she started it and now
I'm getting hot. Why you got to make me so hot?
He's coming. Guns, please.
Is this? A cool situation.
All I was say, hey Craig Allen, shut up.
The grown-ups are talking me. Up.
Craig. Allen.
Yeah, tell me what to do. I'll.
Tell. You what?
To do. All I'm saying is this is.
Fucking. Obviously we're all hungry,
we're all cold. We need to fucking calm down and
I don't know, I'm I'm fucking starving and I'm tired and I'm
cold, Craig make a fucking fire. I.
Bet I can tell you how many skulls are in that pile.
I don't care. Make a fire please, honey.
With the friction in this room, there's no possibility we won't
start a fire in here. I can't tell where this is
going. I don't.
I don't either. This is gonna be a second time
or angry time we're. Gonna have to put a mature
warning on there for sexual content.
That's just Levi. Rated L for so you all just like
get cozy in in each your your tent and and and longhouse.
Almost like a system of class is already establishing.
Oh. Yeah, I'm gonna say right now,
Thomas and I are gonna be the winners.
We're going to survive this. Well, yeah, because you're not
in the room with the. I'm not in the angry sex room.
The potential catfight at any time.
Tension is killer. Oh.
Fuck you up. I'm, I'm going to take some of
these skulls and try to like friction, the fire, you know?
What are you, Tom Hanks and Castaway?
I've. Never done this before, usually
Yutna does it for me. Eventually you do manage to
Starfire and you'll get like like warmed up.
For now, it is it's it's a hassle to maintain it.
And and I'll say that like during during this time, as
you've gotten nice and and cozy in the scenic landscape, you
you've also like gotten some glimpses of the landscape
whenever there is like a little little break in the storm.
The most obvious thing is, of course, the giant black antlered
monolith to the north that appears to fade in and out of
vision. Oh yeah, that's always been
there. It seems to be either well
decently sized monument pretty close, or a huge impossible
construction further away. You've also seen a little little
pond down to down to the West, and from the trail behind you
there's apparently a a a forest that you must have completely
walked around while getting here.
Can I cut those trees? You have tree hate in your eyes,
don't you? I do.
But I think while like while gathering wood, then getting
ready to well, choose your next course of action, you see, you
see a couple of a couple of like signs of the lake, the woods and
the giant monolith up to your north.
OK, aside from just the skulls that are in this the tent,
there's nothing else in here. Not really, except, well, the
the roads or whatever does give you a a fair advantage against
cold outside. So it's like thick and shag?
Like, yeah, it is. It's like, it's, it's like, it's
like human shaved leather with emphasis on shaved.
I'm gonna grab some of that and put it around me like a cloak.
Didn't Prugel just put that on? Isn't there a lot of?
It it's, it's, it's, it's more than enough human letters to go
around here. You find like and and it, it
almost seems like, well, I'll say what's Craig Allen from
your, which is a fine native name for a, for A to an Allen
settler. By the way, that that through
your through the, the pacification of this culture
that you claim as your own. You have you can, you can see
that this is almost like a human poaching station, but you're
pretty sure that tunnel is famous for reindeer meat, not
human. You've seen a, a, a salt mill,
which is grinding human bones, tanning racks with more human
leather on it, all of it with, with the precision of a drunken
child. And it's, it's, it's almost like
like it became like the whole village became more suicidal
than you after you stole that land.
Oh wow. Oh, this is very interesting.
All this human flesh, there's little bits of hair covered in
in it. It's weird.
Look, Catherine, some yellow snow.
Eat it. It's banana flavour.
Eat it. I instead take another of the
like frozen herb and insect ice ball and stick it slowly in my
mouth. OK Gers, I'm watching you.
That's rightfully disgusting. Why is she so angry?
Will somebody feed her and myself?
I'm fucking starving. What the fuck do we do now?
I mean, we have to find what the hell happened to all the
reindeer beach, right There's. Not a sign of reindeer here.
Nothing except the anthers that are mounted on certain certain
houses and on on signs and stuff like that.
I've seen this before. Hostile takeover marketing
schemes. All that used to work with a guy
named Spin went back in GESHPIC. It looks like the reindeer may
have finally just said fuck this, we're going to sell you
guys. So mystery solved.
Should we just go back and tell tell the boss This cold's really
getting to my knee? That sounds like a real complex
back story and I doubt it's that.
Failed it. But we should probably continue
to look for any sort of signs of struggle or survivors.
Well, there's struggle over there, struggle here, struggle
under my foot, there's struggle everywhere.
Right, but where did it come from?
Fair enough. Kath's been.
I'll go and, you know, sit in the long house for a hot minute.
Maybe I can find a long cabinet full of long folders.
Maybe some details in there? Yes, cause 'cause sitting and
waiting for stuff to happen is always a good.
And I'm gonna point at my knee and give it a little slap.
Slap. Yeah, You know, shoddy knee and
all. Plus my back's getting a little
sore. Just come grab me.
I'll I'm gonna go check things out over here.
Yeah, sure. And I will turn.
And as I like, turn, my tail's gonna whip and hit him in the
bad knee. God, God fucking what the fuck?
Are you kidding me? Cheap shot, man, Cheap shot.
And then I'm gonna go and just kind of like check the perimeter
of the village to see like I can find like any additional tracks
of something that caved. In I'm gonna follow Keswin and
just keep arguing with him. You know, you don't have to do
that kind of bullshit. Look, I woke up.
Hey, actually, it was a little bit better.
Where you going? Wait for.
Me tail slap again knocks it back out.
You piece of shit. So Kevin is checking the
proximity of the village or anyone else going with him or
checking any other directions, I'll say.
I'm gonna go with him and try to get him to fucking knock my knee
back into place. Right on.
Would you consider these antlers as like an improvised weapon,
and if So, what sort of damage would you?
Say I'm rolling old school and these antlers would definitely
do D4 damage in its pure state, but could easily be chiseled
into something more accurate and stab worthy.
Stabbable no like stab works for.
Me, I like stabbable either way. Yeah, it could be chiseled into
something that would deal these six, but at its current state,
it's a, it's a, it's AB4. Right up my alley.
OK, perfect. What I'd like to do 'cause I the
only other weapon I have is a femur, which, yeah, I'd like to
take one of the antlers off the wall or wherever it is and try
to lash it together to my femur. So it's more of like a like a
pokey pull arm sort of thing, or it's like a staff and then
eventually whittle it down so I can get more damage out of it.
But that's neither here nor there.
So do I need to make a roll to put it together or just it?
It just takes some time. That's it.
What you're doing is is fairly, fairly foolproof.
You know what? We'll do it at A.
This is Markborg. We'll do it at A at a difficulty
rating 6, so everyone gets a chance to laugh at you if you
fail, so you can do. AI laugh at him already.
Yeah, let's do a pre over challenge rating of 6.
OK, well I got a three. You got a three somehow your
your femur breaks and you accidentally stab yourself
slightly in the eye in a in a loud and and worthy way for
scums such as yourself and take D2 damage.
Son of. A fucking.
Bitch. It's the first time you've taken
it in the eye. He might be.
Dead. I'm at one hit point.
Oh my God, I took two damage you.
Did. One thing.
I know, never do that again. Take a hit of your life elixir.
You might need that. Oh.
Fuck, right? Flash that bad ride in your eye,
yeah? I'll say one of you are are near
enough you can you can definitely try to waste your
resources on on on saving this this very frail.
He tried to help himself. He's on his own.
I was trying to help the rest of the group.
Craig, get these fucking bones out of my eye.
Please. I'm gonna just hold my bloody
eye open as it's pouring down my cheek.
Oh. That's so gross I can't even
look at you. You do notice that that the bone
is jagged fairly deep in there and removing it would possibly
paralyze them, so I think it's best to just leave it in there
actually. Yeah, find Pyro.
He's a blacksmith. He can.
He can get that out. It's a good look for you, it
looks so nice. Do you think I look pretty?
Am I still beautiful? Oh.
Don't point just. Cover it.
What I'm gonna? Do now human skin, and I'm gonna
cover his eye with human skin. Yeah, I was actually gonna say
I'm gonna try to fashion a fucking eye patch out of the
flesh and just like a secondary eyelid.
Well, yeah, you, you want to hold that Shard in place.
You don't want your eyeball moving around a whole lot with
that in there. You're just gonna have more
damage over time. Yep.
Well, you know, with this broken antler, it's pretty sharp.
Now it looks like he could do D6 damage or something.
Oh, it's the femur that he sharpened.
That was the femur. No, what I was trying to do is
tie the femur and the antler together so but it I fail
anyways. Well, you can head butt for
damage now, so that's something. But is that gonna shove the the
bone right into my? I'll say there's a one in six
chance of that happening. Yes.
Oh my God, that's so awesome. I love.
That you know, you said head butt for D6.
Before one in D6, chance of well, and I'm gonna make a quick
table for effects of what can happen when that happens, just
for fun. That's awesome.
One of them is definitely a parallelization, like from from
the waist and below. Nice, I like this game.
Hell. Yeah.
Let's let's make us more of a problem.
However, let's move to that the boring this Gooby gang.
And then I go to Keflin, who is currently checking out the
proximities. Would you slow down?
I don't understand how fat you You're a lizard in the middle of
winter out here and you're moving so much faster than me.
I'm also part porcupine. Yeah, I don't know what that is.
Sorry, never seen one. I just thought you had some
weird lizard acting going on. So Kevin, you're like kind of
like carving your own path through the pink snow here.
And you do see a see a blood trail that is seemingly
stretching to the north towards that giant monolith until it
kind of like gets into like this, this spot a couple of 100
meters outside of town where it's just like completely snowed
over. But the monolith becomes like
clearer and clearer. And underneath it's further away
than it seems. And underneath it, it's almost
like this dancing strange Aurora borealis and like almost like
this, this like retro wave neon colours dancing in the distance.
As it gets a little bit darker, it becomes more radiant.
Wow, look at. That Technicolor?
Oh yeah. Yes, this is not a great sign.
We should probably. Go get the answers just moving
because the the monolith definitely has answers.
You know, if I were going to find reindeer meat, it'd
probably be at the giant and I'm going to gesture towards the
monolith. I'm just saying like there's
nothing back at at home base there.
Sure, let's go get the others and let's go check this out.
Are you the you want? You want to get involved with
all of them really our. I feel like our survival chances
are better if we just keep moving, but we.
Just we need meat Shields here and I'm also going to like.
Do you see what I'm wearing? And I point at my fucking armor.
And I I grab him and I actually like give him one more tail
flick to his knee to like try and straighten it back out.
Hey. Oh, thank you.
Thank you, Catherine. All right.
Now you can run away from them and leave.
Them behind I just didn't want to it's further to go back and
my knee is fucking was killing me.
But now, now I feel comfortable walking a few extra, you know,
meters, whatever, 300 to one. Let's let's get them now.
OK, you're dueling again, by the way.
You want me to get that for you? Or uncork and collect a little
bit more into a vial. You got any more of those hard
candies for me too? As you're and as the two of you
are moving out here, I think it's time to make our first
Frost Fever check. At a difficulty rating of 12 for
both of you, that would be a a toughness check and you can just
let me know what you get. I approached the bench.
It says in my description your working environment has hardened
you. Yes, I would.
Say so. So let's make yours A10 instead
of a 12 for this particular, all right?
I got a dirty 20 so. Let's stop. 2920. 920.
No, all of that panic and you just roll out of it anyway, so.
It's kind of warm out here and I'm gonna take off a like a
woolly sweater underneath my plate armor.
You need this Kaspen You're you're looking a little dry.
Thanks and I'll like as I put it on my quills will just like rip
up the back. Of the yeah, thank you.
I I didn't need that back. Oh, so it's a Snuggie now?
And as you're like, well, getting getting rather
comfortable and and and this God forsaken cold as you've been so
used to your own annoying voices for so many, so many days,
hours, months, who cares? Now you hear like the first kind
of like alien voice from what appears to be like NE of you,
almost like a like a like a after echo carried by the wind.
We should have we should have listened.
It's not our fault. And there's like a silhouette
out there hunchbacked, kind of like aimlessly fumbling through
the snow up towards the North East.
I'm gonna look at Captain real quick.
Are we going back or do we want to investigate this, this
gentleman out here? This is more clues, I think they
can catch up. OK, I mean, we left a pretty
good trail. All of my look back at the weird
awkward trail will be left with your tail, like obviously WAVY
making a a sidewalk. Pretty much they'll be able to
find us. It'll be fine.
And we'll we'll have spinning face of the ugliest character in
the group do a do a scooby-doo transitioning to the rest of you
who are back at the longhouse. Fire is cracking.
As long as one of you maintains it and and actively lookout so
it doesn't snuff out you, you have like a well.
I don't know what your current presence that was, but your
dating career as is is over. I'm married anyways, it doesn't
matter. This is true, you're all getting
rather comfy as it has been a while since the others left.
What are the rest of you you all doing in the long house?
It's it's eerily quiet. I don't know about them, but I'm
taking a break. Oh God,
So welcome back to Flail, Flail to the face.
I'm Daniel. I've been running Black Antlers,
which is my very new adventure, which I'm very proud of for all
the scary people in this podcast.
God, that fucking hurts. Yeah, when we left off, we were
still exploring and getting comfy in the desecrated winter
Wonderland that is to Anella, where no one has gotten to taste
sweet side effects of hypothermia yet.
Which, because it points me a great deal.
I I. Some of us can't afford to,
yeah. Well, there's a lot of
affordable real estate up here, as a reasoned.
However, I believe Craig Prugal and Yutna are still in the
longhouse after performing some improvised surgery and Kef, Wynn
and Pyro saw someone who mysterious rogue figure kind of
like stumbling through the snow and talking to themselves or
practicing their lines. You're you're not completely
sure as yeah, you were, you were considering whether to go as a
dynamic duo that you surely are not, or go and tell the others
like, like cowards. Yeah, calls you up.
Yeah, straight up. So what do you do?
They they can follow our trail. Let's let's check out this
shadowy figure. Oh, I completely agree.
You know, we've been travelling for a while, Captain.
Do you people only have like one name?
No. OK, I'm just trying to open up
to you man. So my full name is Pironius Tax,
if that means anything for you. Like maybe you've heard of me.
No, I haven't. I haven't heard of you at all,
and I don't really have a people.
I was assembled this way from some mad scientist and it's
interesting. It's very interesting.
Yeah, it's, it's complicated. More like a complex backstroke.
Wait, we already did that. OK, well you know, with my knee
feeling better, I'll lead the charge on this one.
Here have some of this and I hold a a vial.
Oh, is it? Is it tasty?
It tastes like like axle grease and it has a consistency of like
cold syrup. Just like what I used to make.
I'm gonna pocket that and then turn around and.
Oh no, you need to drink that. Oh oh.
'Cause I need the glass back. Wow.
All right, I'll, I'll uncap this thing and just slam it back real
quick. As you're kind of like
approaching the figure I, I assume you've been like you've
been moving carefully and slowly up through the snow.
Why don't, why don't you go ahead and roll me a a reaction,
an NPC reaction? Quick quick thing Jake.
That was one of my little drool potions you gain 1D6 temporary
hit points for. 15 minutes. Damn.
OK, I got one. There you go.
You feel slightly better. Feel slightly.
Better. Yes, you can roll a reaction
check for for the hooded figure to see how hungry, delirious or
lonely he currently is. Oh my, Atlanta, you roll one,
I'll roll the other. All right.
Teamwork. I got a one.
I got a 2. All right, as you approach it,
you see the figure kind of like stops moaning for yet a moment
as it's like hoax, almost like like merely like merely moved by
the wind, as if there was no will to live left in it.
And you see what is apparently about like 40 feet away from
you, a a, a covered in dry blood, frozen snot and tears.
What looks more human than what you might expect, if a bit
malnourished. His his clad and, and a reindeer
hide that he wears as a Cape and has kind of like a like a helmet
or warm horn that's like facing downwards.
And the other appeared to be broken off, probably for for for
drinking purposes. And he like, points at you, you
heretics, liars. And he starts like slowly and
dramatically halting towards you at an extremely slow pace.
What do you do? I'm gonna.
Look over at Kathben. Don't worry about it bro, I got
this one. I'm a walk over and just kind of
push him down all. Right.
Let's let's try that. So as you will also with well
pull your your incredibly sturdy leg, even with the additional
hit points not move at 2 great speed.
I think you can roll me an initiative between the two of
you as you're kind of like slow moving through the snow.
What a. What an anti climatic start to
the fight. Just two old grumpy men
approaching each other. I got a four.
That's you all right so you like you you notice that if you lean
forward through the firm snow now you can you can gain an
uppercut I'm. I'm gonna, I'm gonna brace
myself and I'm gonna hold my fists up like a like an old
timey boxer and call me a liar. I'll show you what for.
You lied of our ancestors of our heritage foul Chieftain.
I don't even know and he like reaches out his hands as you're
able to do whatever you want before he like slowly a very
comfortable pace comes towards you for the snow and.
I swear to. God, I'll put you down.
Give me your strength. Check there.
God, that's a 14 and I give him a quick swift uppercut.
Perfect. So you're like, you're gonna
like sock him right in the jaw, roll your damage.
That'll be you don't have a weapon right now, I presume or.
I have a Candlestick, but I'm just giving him an old left,
yeah. Give me D 40.
Oh, those are big numbers. Kill this hungry gentleman if
you if you have the opportunity. Or do you want to knock him out
of the project? I don't know yet what's what's 3
damage do. Three damage that could
potentially kill him. It's on his last pref it seems.
Oh my gosh, yeah. I, I fucking give him that
uppercut. And then I, I, I pull up into a
boxer stance, old timey one. I told you son, I'll fucking
make you shit grease. Yeah, kind of like falls down
comedically towards you. So like smashing his nose
against your kneecap as he slides down slowly And is it the
bad kneecap? Absolutely.
Oh what? What?
God damn it, get the quick while he's down.
He's like twitching on the ground in front of you, almost
like a like a epileptic attack. As as the low amount of
adrenaline he had left in his brain is quickly making way for
his sensory systems that now realizes that he's very cold and
closely dying. Yeah, Captain is just going to
like dogpile on him and try to like start like binding him.
And you, you, you hog tie him like, like a prophetic excuse
for a rodeo bowl. And he's, he's kind of like
grunting and opening and closing his mouth with the eyes rolled
to the back of his skull. He could just as well step on
his head and kill him right now with no, no effort whatsoever.
I'm. Trying to get information from
this. This Yeah, Let's drag him back
to the others and see if we can warm him up.
I have 30 feet of this rusty chain, so we'll just hog time
and then, you know, use the rest of it and pull.
This is cool. Unfortunately, Catherine landed
on my jotty knee, so you're gonna have to, you know.
It's fine, let's let's just do this again.
And then there's like the loud pop as I put it like back into
place. God, OK, I don't think I can
take much more of this today. I need to rest my knee here,
regardless of what it's sitting. You you just pull them all
right? Sure.
Here, you're a good, you're a good boy, Kaspen.
Dragging him behind us as we head back to where?
As you're looking towards the direction where he came from,
you see that like his trail goes up to like a northern wood that
stretches almost like a horseshoe around to Anella and
to down towards that frozen lake that I mentioned earlier.
And just as it seems like the storm is about to wake up from
from it's little nap, you see like a like a trail of smoke
coming from the woods. I wonder if they.
Caught up to us. It's definitely not the one from
the longhouse, and I believe we'll change to the other gang
now. Well, inside the longhouse, it's
been about like half an hour since the others left.
You're trying out your new eye antler head extension.
Probably bulking into a couple of things there.
Here is it again, Yotna. Yeah, as as you, you hope this
won't complicate you and your your husband's.
Love life oh, we've been through worse.
I wonder where those those shit bricks said we're with?
I wonder what they've been up to they.
Probably did. That's unfortunate for them.
The dumbass is running off into fucking nowhere.
Hey, cool down there. You're probably not far behind.
No, I'm sorry. This, this fucking antler in my
head right now. It's it's got me all, all fucked
up in the never mind whatever, I'm gonna sit down for a while.
She stands just standing there. I'm just awkwardly standing over
the pile of skulls. I'm gonna sit down for a while
and just staring with the one good eye at the pile of skulls.
As she's sitting down on the skulls, or as as frugal as
sitting down on the skulls, whoever of you is most annoyed
and wished there were somewhere else can only a presence check
that's. Probably me.
Probably. Yeah.
See my. Friends +2 at least.
Lucky. Almost like a video that was
like slightly out of sync, 'cause you're about to sit down
on the pile of skulls, The rattling of bones comes a little
bit sooner and you hear like, what sounds like the clacking of
joints hitting together, but it seems like it's coming from
outside the longhouse that. Doesn't sound too good.
I grabbed my warhammer. Oh wait, do you have a fucking
warhammer? Yeah.
Prugy Bear. Prugy Bear.
So that's why no one, no one's killed him yet.
Craig Allen, go see what that was.
Oh, I'm so comfortable here wrapping I'll.
Give a shit go, I don't. Really like you to boss me
around. Actually, I couldn't.
Do that, and as I'm telling him to go, I'm actually just staring
completely in the opposite direction of where he's at.
Like I'm sure she's fine. I'm fine, go see what the fuck's
going on outside I. Guess so.
I'm gonna meander over to the the doorway and.
Don't worry, I'll take care of you.
No, as I tap my warhammer against the palm.
I fucking heard that. I don't know where you are
though. To Craig Allen, as you step
outside, would you mind rolling me AD 4 and 2D twelves please?
Yeah, all the dice. Interesting.
So on my D4 I got a 12D, twelves 5 and a one.
Five and a one. That's gotta be good.
Sounds great. Why does it gotta be good?
What What about any of this is good?
Oh yeah, and, and I would like AD 6 on top of that too.
Yeah, you know, low, low numbers on the dice, but a lot of dice,
buddy. A #2 As you step outside you,
you get this like weird almost like this associating sensation
as we look towards the lake and see in between the houses.
And for a moment, it's like almost like this this per
version of a very idyllic like postcard because in front of the
lake between the houses, you see what first appears to be a
dancing reindeer playing in the snow right uphill from the lake.
It's like pouncing every time it lands.
You hear like bones rattling. However, where a regular
reindeer would have would be covered in soft and fluffy fur,
you see a bundle of human livers stitched together kind of like
stretched out over it and like juggled it like the butters on a
cow, but all over it. Like it's it's just covered in
this sacks of liver where would prefer would be.
And it's like it's playing and jumping in like half circles and
like reaching it's now towards the sky and and tackling
together it deep and it stops and looks at you and then it
keeps playing. That thing does not look right.
There's something wrong with this deer over here, honey.
There's something wrong with you too.
Oh, you don't judge. You got to come look at this
thing. It's.
Creepy. OK, and I'm going to start
walking towards the opposite side of the tent.
You're in a longhouse right now. Around.
Please. You're you walk towards the back
of like the fireplace to work like that.
The far end of the smash table and staring to the wall, I
guess. Yeah.
I grab her by the shoulders and maneuver around in Central.
Oh, yeah. Thank you, sweetie.
OK. You got to look at all these
milkers. Yeah, it takes a second as
you're standing outside there. I have a roller reaction.
Roll for the reindeer here. Oh, damn, that's interesting.
Got an egg. So.
I like the sound of that one bit.
So as you're, you're just like looking at it and it's like it's
notice to you. Like it absolutely certainly
has, but it's like it just keeps playing like it.
It lays down and like kind of like starts rolling around on
its back in the snow and like jumps on a frosty corpse like
and like kind of smashes it with like light and elegant steps
followed by this juggling guts hanging down its side.
It's kind of. Beautiful, beautiful.
It's having fun. I'm gonna go make friends.
I feel like. That's a bad.
I'll go. Well, there you go thinking.
Again, I'll go with you, and I'm going to put my hand on Krugal's
shoulder and let her guide. Don't touch me, hey?
That's my shoulder. That fuck off Craig Allen, you
fucking turd. And.
This is the most toxic marriage I've been, right?
This is not from experience. So did you push?
Do you push you up now? First, Like, almost like, almost
like a polearm infantry. Yeah.
Like both hands on her shoulders, guiding her head.
Oh yeah. OK, let's go make friends, I
suppose. Come.
On Jackass. And you step closer and you see
that, like the reindeer turns around and starts like just as
you're like getting about 10 feet away from it, it turns
around and starts like pouncing teasingly, like downhill.
And it reveals a sign behind it, wooden and rotten, almost like
having flipped over in the snow, only held up by like the very
firm layers of ice. And it reads warning, no fishing
mall rush. Mall rush.
Yeah. And if I tossing down towards
the lake and you see it like, like keeps playing down there
until it eventually disappears out of sight.
You had no time for your eye exam, Can you read that?
I'll put my hand on the antler like I'm blocking my eye so I
could try to read with my good eye warning involved less I did,
yeah. So.
No, it's just free fish man, your eyes are really bad anyway.
Go play with that deer. No, no, come on.
It's creepy and disfigured and beautiful and elegant.
So we're not going to go play with it.
So I. Think that's a.
Bad idea getting you on down. Almost like it's like it want
like you're not sure if it wants you to follow it or if it just
thinks you're like ruining it's beautiful, elegant liver, liver
filled play time. Yeah, I would say at this time
is when Pyro and Kefin show up. You're just gonna like see all
three of them like standing there and like looking,
scratching their heads and like insulting each other, looking
down over to the lake as they're looking at something.
That must be very cool you. Just waiting for the sunset or
whoa, hey, how, where? The.
Hell, did you come from? Oh, you know, we're just out
doing our fucking jobs while you three are making home and doing
whatever weird shit you do together.
And the you know what? Glad you're alive I guess.
Yeah, we thought you were dead. Kind of disappointing, actually.
We found clues and I'm like, hold up the person we've been
dragging behind us. I don't, so don't sound so proud
of yourself. We found clues.
Forgive us for our ignorance. And is he kind of like the the
hog tied to an Ellen native that looks very much like the people
you pillaged and burned and held up like a like a price hog,
completely delirious, almost dead from frostbite and a solid
uppercut from a cripple. Yeah.
So as you're like, like coming out catching up to the others,
you see like, well, the the behind of of this, this reindeer
as it as it prounces in between the trees and disappears out of
sight. And you see this this big frozen
lake probably would to take you like an hour to walk around it.
On the other side of it, you see nothing but like static white
storm that seems to be almost like like circling around the
village. And for Kevluin and Pyro, what
are your what are your presence like?
My presence score is -1. -2. No, Sir.
Read. Yeah, you see, you see this lake
down there and, and the sign which I don't know if you can
read or not. Oh, I can read.
I'm literate this time around, yeah.
Morning. No fishing Mallrus.
All right, I've been around obviously a little bit here.
Would I know what a Mallrus is? Yeah, you heard what?
You've been around here. Well, not here, but I've been,
I've I've been traveling as a blacksmith.
No, it seems like a typo. Seems like a typo.
It's like it seems like it's maybe it's supposed to be an an
an M, but it clearly makes very little sense.
I mean, if you there's, there's not much else besides the
reindeer, which you haven't seen a sign of, except that that Bony
leg that just disappeared into the forest to to live from.
I think that's supposed. To say walrus, but I'm not sure
why they illiterate. You can't trust anyone that's
illiterate. What are you?
What are you guys fucking staring at?
To be fair, Like we have a job to do.
Why are Why are you just staring?
Look, it's been a long, rough day.
I've got a fucking Atlas stuck to it.
Stuck in my. Eye I don't care about.
That I didn't think you fucking would either.
Anyways, who's your fucking friend?
Thank you, dear Smooches. Oh, keep that atom away so.
Sharp doomed for our ancestors crimes.
Please relieve or reveal. It just keeps.
Talking a lot about. Crimes and save us from our
misery. We are our children.
We need to thaw this guy out. I think he's killing all the
kids. That's what it sounds like.
Back in the tent in interrogate I suppose.
Yeah, I like me a good beat down.
All right, so you, you, you bring him back something on the
floor. It's not a problem.
He's like, he's like, looks like he's trying to like, like he's
been out and and he's only got like snow blindness.
So he's like turning his head. That's like that that the
shadows and and actual structures of this house seems
familiar, yet very disorienting to him.
He's just like bumbling on the on the floor, not trying to get
out. More like a confused dying
animal. I'm going to put my Candlestick
to his throat and try to interrogate him.
What do? You know about this place?
Why were you out in the in the middle of nowhere wandering
around? Why you saying all this weird
shit? I don't have time for this,
Sunny. I give him a little slap with my
left hand. He kind of like looks and
slightly and off direction to your face as if he's talking as
if he thinks you're you're like a bit further away like her
fault to witch. Bruegel, did you do this?
I thought it was Yutna. I didn't.
Who's the witch? Tell me and I'm going to I'm
going to throttle him again with my left.
Hand, blasphemous, cut, angered by exile, the 1st and truest of
heretics, hiding in a red mist like a coward.
Should have killed her long ago. Spared our children.
I think this has to do with more of a cult then it is the beef
jerky part or whatever the reindeer jerky.
I don't know, it sounds like she has a nice personality.
Did you say jerky? Yes, you want some.
Yeah, he kind of smacks his dried out lips and he's a part
of one of them is so frosty that kind of like crumbles and
flosses off a little bit. Yeah.
I'm going to take some of the intestines that I pulled out
earlier and shove them in his mouth.
He's tied up so. OK, as he like, smacks on it,
you see, he regains a little bit of like pinkish color around his
frosty lips as he kind of like gets a little bit of clarity in
his eyes and he starts crying. Oh my, my dearest daughter, I'm
so sorry I had to do this but it's so tasty.
Well, there's more where that came from if you explain what
you did. Did you do this?
And I just heard all the well, no, we're talking about it now.
Actually, I hope you would talk more about it now.
We are humble trade interrupted by the vile which is heresy
after being exiled. Don't.
Make me slap you again. Kind of like tries to move away,
like hits his head back into your new cap again, the bad one,
but going to avoid well, where you think you're coming from.
And he's like, oh fuck no. We exiled the witch.
She turned our trade against us. The antler the herd murdered and
terrorized our village only survived.
All her fault. Deer did this.
Those were what was left of our herd.
Flayed our our fathers, salted our children's meat.
He smacks his lips, kind of like it's almost a pleasant memory,
and he'll be kind of like looks towards where the more more
intestines might be. I I shove a little more
intestines in there and then turned around to the group.
He he cries some more as you do that, as like more tears flows
down and his cold eyes and you're picking at some kind of
weird trauma guilt thing here, but you're not quite sure what
it is. Or maybe you are.
I have an idea. If we're dealing with occult and
the witch, I mean we saw that monolith out there that is true,
just to get that. Unless you three slack offs
found anything interesting. No, not at all.
I haven't seen shit as I'm like just touching the antler.
Why are you talking to that wall?
Captain And what? Where are you, Captain And Pyro
saw something else. What?
Did you see out there a monolith, you said?
Well, I thought as we were coming back that maybe you guys
caught up to us and there was a little bit of smoke out in the
woods. We could swing by there and then
head towards the monolith. Oh yeah, that sacrifice altar,
that's that's where we sacrifice our well, you're talking.
About that is. Calves.
Your finest calves, huh? And would there any be any
reason for this witch to be there?
Oh, she's hiding in the red mist, up north, up, up E, like a
coward hiding from her own sins. She cannot hide from Loaferlawn,
not when Kalma seeks revenge on her.
I should have more intestines in his mouth.
I think like his his kind of like like frosty head is now
kind of like getting comfortable in your lap like a big like a
cat puppy thing suckling on the intestines that you're feeding
him baby bird crying about his dead daughter that something
happened to. Well, I I think we pack up this
this circus and go check out this Ulta real quick.
We don't have to carry this thing around, do we?
No, I was planning on leaving him here.
No, I, I think I'm gonna hold on to him, actually.
I'm gonna free up his legs a little bit and then wrap the
chain around my waist and grab some more intestines around the
area, whatever more I can get. And then, like, lead him with
me. Yeah.
Yeah, it's it's it's fairly. Let's say you you got.
Look, I got my own Jackass now. Craig Allen. 30 feet of
intestine rope seems and we'll we'll decrease it by the 10 feet
each hour for how much he manages to suckle up as he's
walking behind you. And he is just going to town on
that stuff. He looks like he hasn't eaten
for very, very long. He's slurping it like a
spaghetti noodle. Yeah, or he's going to eat me
out of house and home. I should have picked up a stray.
Yes, This is why we don't get pets.
It's. Probably better you put it down.
Oh, oh Tuvid, I'm so sorry. I I I wish you could grow up to
be more than nutrition. OK, you can talk less now.
Remember the unspeakable part? And I said more sense in his
mouth. He nods and suckles on the butt.
15 Pest. You're a good boy.
And I'm going to, I'm going to start walking towards where the
altar was with hopefully, hopefully my companion Kespin,
my, my amigo, my bro Chacho. We are we are going to
investigate this. You're the rest of you are
welcome to join us as well or if you're going to continue to play
homemaker, whatever. Or domestic violence case.
She. Tripped and fell.
It wasn't me. I've heard that many times.
Though it's going to true though.
I don't believe either one of you.
I don't want to be involved in whatever your weird triangle
relationship is. I don't either.
I want to get the fuck out of here.
Keep this triad to yourself. I would have my hand on Craig
Allen's collar so he can lead me.
That's what I'm into. I know kinky fuck.
As you're all going out, you do realize that that yeah, it is as
it's getting darker, it is definitely getting windier,
almost like like whiplashes of of frost banking your cheeks and
into discomfort. As you're you're you're marching
northwards towards the monolith. As it seems to be getting
slightly closer, you pass the trail where where Kathman and
Pyro went earlier. You see that as it gets darker,
also, like the distance where the edge of that force shoe
trees that I mentioned was previously, this like red mist
becomes clearer and clearer. So there's the Aurora borealis
right above the ground, which looks very weird, and those neon
radiant colors and and that red, red mist up to your E Wow.
Signs of a witch, allegedly. And I look at my my toad
companion. He's like, Oh yes, that's that's
that's where she hides red mist with those wild dogs.
All right. Oh no said anything about dogs.
Teen Vogue, fellas and. Well.
Ladies. Yeah, I I know Krugal's one, but
I'm not sure about the wife. She's.
I'm right fucking hear you prick.
She says. Goodnight.
Lady. Shut up as a.
As you trek on for like a like an hour, the the model lifted,
coming ever so closer and disappearing kind of like into
the the darker and darker sky. Why don't all of you give me a
toughness check and we'll see how you're doing on the
hypothermic front real quick. What?
Where are we going again? You're going north towards the
big altar, Do we? Do we want to investigate this
mist is what I was getting at. I think the mist.
Is before the monolith. Oh, it's directly in front of
us. No, no, no.
It's the opposite direction. The monolith is to the north,
while the red mist is to the east.
Oh fucked out. No, I, I, I vote for the mist
since our our lovely toad pet person keeps going on about the
mist. About the witch and the dogs and
everything. Well, it seems to believe that
it's her fault, at least from what you managed to gather.
It seems like she was exiled from the village at some.
Point Yeah, we'll just go have a friendly talk with her.
All right, but you can all give me toughness checks, especially
with that detour. Nonetheless, I will see if we
finally get to try the Frost Fever rules. 1818, you're good.
Do I have some sort of a buff with all this child leather?
And my surrounded in my wolf frock I gave.
Him. Oh yeah, absolutely.
You have a plus 1/2 rolls against Frost fever.
Let's see, you are not the reptilian.
So that's about it. Yeah, and the difficulty will
always be too lower for you kef when than for the rest of the
group. Perfect, I'm in trouble.
I rolled in 18. So.
This is a toughness check. Yeah, a toughness check.
You're so good. So I rolled a 4 -, 2.
Plus one Excellent. I got a 5.
Did anyone else get below as it's getting increasingly colder
and and more hostile here? The difficulty rating is now 14.
So who got below 14? Yep.
Yeah, everyone involved. Yeah, I did not.
I got a 16. Excellent.
Well, Thomas also got an 18 I think, right?
Yeah, I got an 18 as well. So it's just US 2.
Great, great, awesome. Cool Jake.
And yeah, Pyro. And pyro and.
Fragon. So you can roll for, well, you
you. You're definitely getting
colder, but the ways that that the tundra enhances and alters
your perception of things varies.
So why don't both of you give me AD 20?
I'll see how this fucks you up. I have one.
HP so hopefully. What's a natural 20 give?
Me, it's a table so well, I'll, I'll, I'll read it, but let's
see Pyro's result first. So we'll do Pyro first.
Pyro, you're noticing that like your, your leg doesn't feel
quite so bad. And there's like this this comfy
warmth that starts spreading from the inside.
It's like it's just you. Or is it getting hot here and
you're like, you feel like the clothes are kind of like bogging
you down. You almost feel like like
getting naked. I don't know, I, I guess I
start, I start unbuckling my fucking plate armor and I make,
I make my, my new companion hold on to it.
He's like, what? What?
Oh, OK. Yeah, carry my stuff for me.
It's real warm out here lately and I'm going to take my pants
and my my shirt off. Whoa, whoa.
Damn, wants to see that. I don't care.
Don't look, I I'm getting fucking hot out here.
I'm gonna dress up my new friend in my clothes and armor.
Oh. Shit, at least put your armor
back on, that'll help. Oh no, no, pull you down.
It's plate metal. It's fucking it's, it's heavy as
shit. My knees hurting a little bit
but my leg feels phenomenal. Where are you?
I'm at. 50% right. Now take that sock and just
cover your bits. At least it's.
I was gonna say, let the codpiece back on.
We don't need to see your ankles.
Fine. I'll wear the codpiece at least.
So much shrinkage. Oh God.
You can you can keep your socks on if you like, but but
everything else is like it's it's it's like uncomfortably
warm, almost like like like you would get a heat stroke.
If you like, don't, don't under. Will you please start fanning
me? I'm it is so hot.
My God, I'm gonna roll around in the snow and try to cool off.
Yeah, to the rest of you, he looks absolutely fucked up.
Like he's like he has no color in his cheeks.
He looks like his skin is clinging to the flesh.
Dear, dear life. And kind of stuttering when he's
talking. Kim, what have you put just
going down to the lake, get some ice cold water and and just
fucking douse me right now. It's it's like there's I.
Don't think that's exactly what you need right now.
I. Think it's exactly what I need.
Stop arguing with me. Go get the God damn water.
I'm going to die here. I'm on fire.
Bad news, he's got the snowman that's going to have.
To put him down. Wait, good news, Good news.
He's got the snow madness. We're gonna have to put him
down. Rugal, what are you waiting for?
Pull me out. Pull me out and I stopped.
Drop and roll. Yeah, you, you do.
And you make you make glorious snow angels.
And. And meanwhile, you might notice
one member of your party is not currently with you as Craig
Allen is fucking them is is is missing.
However, when you look back, you see the silhouette that's kind
of like standing there and a bit too far to make out his his
features clearly. OK, so I had my hand on his
collar as he was dragging me through.
You're standing behind him pushing him.
So there's actually two members of the party missing in that
case. So you're like pushing him.
He's just not moving. You're just like, you just stop.
And he's like a impenetrable wall.
And you hear he like, kind of like, you hear like, a loud fart
coming out from the back of him and realize that he's emptying
his bowels. Oh, did I die?
And upon further inspection, you're not sure if, like, this
happened just now or if it's been a degrading effect for a
long time. But yeah, he's been dead for at
least a couple of hours while walking around here.
You mean to tell me that my husband?
Which is really weird to say. In an Oval Place has been a
walking course and then turned into a fucking Jack Nicholson's
character from The Shining. Pretty much, yeah.
To be fair, my Jackass has been pulling me along this whole.
That's true. Oh, my God.
It's true, actually. Yeah.
Like the Jackass has been pulling him along.
You notice that, Like, it didn't make very tiny baby steps, if
even on the way of walking. And it's.
It's funny how he just like stood straight up and kind of
like plowed through to snow in front of you.
But the Jackass is like standing there and looking at him trying
to kind of like get get away and eventually like it.
It rips the rope and around his neck.
And yeah, that's right. And his head falls into your
your hands. And if you're one good eye, you
can barely see the donkey gnawing at the rope and
chuckling like in the back there and laughing at him.
I'm gonna turn around to the rest of the group and kind of
hold the head out. Does this look infected?
Oh. My God, what?
Happened. Here, before we end this
recording, Daniel, is there anything you would like to plug?
Yeah, for sure. Like I'm not a big social media
person, but you can find some of the stuff that I've made on
Daniel Harilla dot H dot IO. Black Antlers is already
featured on the Exalted Funeral Web Store.
There will be a trailer coming out soon and if you subscribe to
their newsletter, you will be notified when the adventure
drops in physical form. It will be available both as a
PDF, a bundle. Now a PDF is a physical scene
and deluxe bundle which will be limited screen printed and hand
numbered by me and my wife and come with a very cool cassette
tape with the soundtrack of one hour of music made by my good
friend Gallo Morris who well is pretty much the viewing on this.
You can find a soundtrack on gilliammorris.bandcamp.com and
the cassette will also be Feet Be, featuring a undead reindeer
generator, which we had the joy of trying for the first time on
this episode of Flail to the Face.
Oh, it's. Musical.
Well, yeah, we'll link all that stuff in in the description for
the episode. But yeah, Daniel, fucking
awesome, bud. Thank you all.
Right, we'll see you next week. Yes
Hey everybody, Kevin at the end of the episode.
This episode features the adventure Black Antlers by
Daniel Carlson with Levi playing Craig Allen, The Suicidal
Settler by Daniel Carlson, Jake playing Pyro the Brazen
Blacksmith by Seth Thomas playing Captain, the Bogwater
Apothecary from Dwellers of the Bog Fight the Dungeon Keys,
Kevin playing Yodna, the Restless Wander by Will Rickson,
and while playing Prugel, the Knock Dicks by Straggle Wolf
Vandenberg. Check out all these cool things
and the respective X Lucas morph Porg entries in the description
accompanying this episode, as well as a flail to the face
episode 26 companion, the suicidal settler.
And while you're at it, check us out on our social medias, our
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, blue sky and thread and wherever
you listen to podcasts. Make sure to rate, review and
share with all of your friends so we can get out there to more
people. While we're at it, if you
haven't already, please check out our sister podcast, The
World Standard. And if you like what they're
doing over there, think about joining their Patreon.
It gives you access to their Discord, which you can talk to
us as well because we're on there.
And just for $3 a month, you get a Discord access with that.
Thanks for listening, and we'll catch you guys next time when we
jump back into the episode. Daniel, you can just say welcome
back to the file of the face. You can scream it like Chris has
done countless times blowing out our ears or or however it's
comfortable for you. Oh.
No, I'll, I'll scrape it. That's fine.
You could, you could be sexual. It doesn't matter.
Oh my. God.
Don't listen to Levi. He's been drinking all day.
Or do or do. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Almost dead from frostbite and a solid uppercut from a cripple.
I don't know. Can I say that?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I'd, I'd said it about my knee.
I'm a crippled bastard. So I can use slurs, but only if
it's about Jake, right? Yeah, yeah.
That's 100%. Oh shit, that one caught me off.
That was good. Happy birthday to you.
Happy broke up day.