Welcome back to Flames and Face. I'm Daniel and I'm running Black
Antlers for this miserable scum. An adventure I'm putting out on
Exalted Funeral this winter which will last forever.
Who do I have with me around the table?
Hello, my name is Levi. I am the miserable braless.
Yes, Moby is here. I always been here, still
trapped, still drunk. I'm Thomas and I'll be playing
Bomb Fred. I'm Kevin and I'm playing Grubs
the intoxicated. That's it.
Just Walt. Hi.
Hi, Walt. And well, in the last episode we
got it. We got a beautiful montage of
approval building a snowman, making snow angels, building an
igloo and reading erotic Harlequin novels while the rest
of the gang after drinking infernal Spiritus bargaining of
the goose devil, promising a demonic Jingle or drinking song
in his honor before fighting the remaining cannibalistic to an
elements lurking and stocking them in the woods.
After setting half of these little crops of trees on fire,
you're now surrounded by 4 dead bodies and burning narrow trees.
Some of them are like branches are falling down before like
like smoke from putting out fires rising from from the scars
and the and the and the frosty surface.
You're all getting to your feet, drenched and alcoholic Sweat,
blood. You can see campfire far in
between the trees. The the new brow is noticed
between the between the fight. That's where the the four
villagers were reciting before you got their attention with a
bigger fire. Balfour, grab a corpse, you know
that the fresh ones make the best pillows, especially when
that Bella get plumped with all the maggots.
We'll go over their little campfire that they got set up,
maybe we got some stick snacks and Paddy wacks and take a
little nap. And Mobius will grab the closest
corpse he can and start dragging it towards their campfire.
Yeah, Boneford will grab another corpse by its foot and just kind
of like drag it like someone like behind Mobius.
Grubbs is going to grab the one that he was wrestling with, take
the spear out of the nose cavity and drag it from the the roof of
its mouth over to the fire. Jesus, what do you plan on
needing those things or what? Actually I I plan on taking
because he he said he had runes at or carved into his flesh.
Yeah. Being as I couldn't hit him for
fucking anything, I figured that these runes had something to do
with his prowess. So what I'm going to do is I'm
going to take the scalpel that I have and I'm going to carve the
runes off off of his head. You.
Want some alone time or something?
No, why? And I'm going to keep carving as
I'm staring off at the the monolith and still listening to
the them talking or whatever. And I want to take the runes and
I want to wrap it around my my wrist like a like a bracelet to
just hoping that it will give me some sort of edge because.
That's that's so creative. I would be that would that would
be really bad game master if I didn't reward that.
So yeah, I'll I'll say that with this as it is 2 and Ellen Ruins
and you're if you're familiar with them, they will lower your
PR on defence rolls and close combat by 1.
Oh hell yeah. Your your silver tongue is still
clattering like out of your foot.
It's it's it's hard to like speak properly because you don't
really have nerves in it. OK, so it's like effects you
know your articulation, your testicle articulation and
approval just to see if if you're doing all right Roman D4
is even if it's a random encounter.
I do global reading your novels interesting.
So approval. Meanwhile, you're you're you're
nice and cozy and in your little little igloo or more like a
little like a little snow cave. I will say you could have you
could have actually just crawled into one of the tubalesses has
plenty of space. And why don't you give me a
reaction. You need 2D6. 52D.
You hear like a panting and kind of something from something
lacks lungs steps crushing the snow outside sounds like 16 feet
stumbling around those a. Giant centipede.
You also hear the clackering of bones and smell like stench of
them going closer. Well, I like this less and less,
but if I'm going to die, I might as well be in a burial chamber
when it happens. You see a mule kind of like a
Bony mule picking in through the tunnel and a pair of pair of eye
eye holes and the lips of this thing appear to be replaced by
frozen human fingers, almost like a mustache as they're like
they're kind of like searching around inside, like every
reattached, almost reassembled lips by something clearly
doesn't know much about human or not anatomy.
You see another mule kind of like trying to push it aside and
trying to get in to get like a like a good sniff.
I see the fingers wiggling and I guess I wave back at hand faced
donkey mule. Yeah, give me AD six.
I got a six. That means that whatever limb is
reattached still has memory with its previous life.
Yeah. So you see that like for a
second that finger mustache, that skeleton reindeer mule kind
of like stops as you wave to it and kind of like waves back look
like ring joints. I wait and see what happens.
By this, as they realize that you see that like that the
reindeer start like can count from little silhouettes you can
see underneath every time it lifts his head a little bit, but
there's at least three of them. And you see they start kind of
like like scuffling with their hooves trying to like, try
trying to make the hole bigger to be able to reach you.
Well, I guess I grabbed my shield and my warhammer.
Yeah. I'm still staying inside, not
going out. Yeah, yeah, there's no other way
out. I'm.
Sitting here, I I got, I got some snacks, I got my book.
I'm living my best life. I'm in my lane, I'm focused, I'm
thriving. If your she sheds.
The hole becomes bigger by the 2nd.
Oh my God, as one of them is like stepping, stepping down,
trying to force the other one like like dogs fighting over a
piece of meat. See that it's it's hooves are
replaced by lungs of what appears to be dead heretical
preacher man. And as it steps on it, you hear
like screams coming out of it. And they're going to get to you
in the four minutes. So OK, being the ladies man that
Mobius is, he would have seen this as a very romantic night
and I would have been trying to bring like some sort of flowers
over to prove he's little love nest.
Yeah, there's. 2. You're still absolutely fucking
obliterated, just letting you know.
God. So give me a presence check and
see if he's bottom. OK, that's a 2.
That's not 2. So I'll say that like just just
a pain. This is like classic ROM com
material. So as you're like, so stumbling
through the night here, you're like, perhaps you're practicing
look. Say perhaps wait for art to
thou, Trugy Bear. I wished you switched a few.
And. No, that's not the right thing
to say. Come on, Mobius, you know how to
swing with the ladies. Come on.
Something good? And as you do so, you suddenly
like as you look up, you bump into something.
Something that's hard yet soft, a hard interior, but it's kind
of like soft and lettery exterior as you stare into the
shit stand remains of what you assume to be an Inquisitor's
face as a piece of reindeer curd kind of like drops out of its
mouth. It's been attached over on that
reindeer, right, that's currently trying to get into one
of the burial mountains in front of you.
You see, there's four of them standing, kind of like and
fighting. They haven't noticed you yet,
and you're not sure if that face has belonged to Braless or not,
but it has a strange resemblance.
Oh. Good.
She would do like a like a like AD 6 to see if it it remembers
his previous life as well. That's your family, you can roll
that one. Before.
No, it seems like it's vomiting a little.
Like it's it. It can feel the fecal remains.
I'm. Going to take the sleeve of my
coat and wipe its face. The face kind of like it's, it's
motionless and stretched over the the Vander skeleton ass, but
still it's like there's a there's a sense of gratitude
there somewhere. Could I ask you to vacate the
premises? I've already got claims on this.
This fine lady in here. I believe you do have the chance
of if you attempt to somehow and the excitement of them finding
approval, they have not noticed that they're bumping around
drunkenly behind them. Maybe because you smell like
shit and it's pretty cold outside.
But give me a Gilly check and you can see if you've got a free
brand attack, because the odds are not really exciting.
OK, that's 15 with my defect of being drunk.
Damn. All right, that's enough.
OK, there's four of them. You can hear that screams at the
occasional screams of the lung hooves as it's about to turn its
head. There's like four of them,
almost like that, the two most with like a feeding tray.
What do you? What do you?
Do Oh, are all you boys hungry? I got some food and I'm going to
take out my sack of soggy grain. You looking for this?
You want a little bit of this, little bit of this, a little
something something. And I'm going to, with all my
might, I'm going to twirl it around my head and then fucking
let my rickety bones throw that thing as far as I can and see if
to follow them. Give me a presence check.
I'm bad at that. And this one matters.
OK, well it matters how much because I got a natural 10.
No. Like damn.
Look in his eyes. I'm like how can this get How
can this get any worse? You're like drunken standing
behind like 4 undead reindeer who you currently revealed
yourself with after managing yourself check and chucking your
what did you call it? My soggy sack of grain.
Your soggy sack of grains. Yeah.
And you throw it impressively far, actually.
Actually, you throw it all the way to the frozen lake where it
plunges into the water. And they, like, follow it for,
like, a good second. You all kind of, like, stand
there in unison and follow like, that's like, that's a home run
easily. Unfortunately, the reindeer
notices a bit before you start the initiative round approval.
You see that stuff for some reason, you hear like a drunken
mumbling outside and you see that to reindeer.
Turn your attention away and stop thinking.
The rest of you are enjoying the campfire.
By the way, it's 100. Percent.
Yeah, Yeah. That's great.
It's like a a slow like look between US and it's like anyone
seen Mobius lately I. Haven't seen them at all.
No, no, I mean. I'm like, too busy watching
these bodies back to eat. Back to eating, you notice that?
There's almost like a like a strange sense of like, like
brotherhood forming here, like a like a like a camaraderie.
Three's company for force. Force a bundle.
Well, yeah. So yeah, you can try to defend
yourself. They're Mobius against.
Mobius completely misread the situation.
He thinks it's just like some I'm not defending myself.
I'm still, I'm like watching the food and I turn back to the
other four the like the four reindeer men or whatever they
are. They're like undead, skeletal,
skeletal reindeers of Frankenstein monsters, Yeah.
Yeah, I'm still fucking drunk. Yeah.
Hungry, huh? Oh, that's that's too bad.
I still need you to scoop. Scoop.
Get on. Get on out of here.
Come on now man, got some work to do tonight.
You see the one of them, they're the kind of like like smallest
one of them at the back, which appears to have been like a calf
has has like like feet for antlers and it it's straight up
like lashes out of your rhythm dealing D6 double kick damage.
I'm sorry, what'd you say? It kicks you with its antlers
basically. Yeah, just D6.
Holy fuck. Oh, no, yes.
It was a. 6:00 So it was a six. But did you defend yourself
first? No.
Because you're going to I'm I'm like, even though you're fumble
like the punishment is like you it.
Was a natural one. Times in a row.
Yeah, it's going to kick me. How many times?
The first one only like kicks you with antler is one.
This killed me already. Good.
Did you roll to defend first? Oh.
Yeah, roll your agility. Oh.
God, I don't have any fuck. And I'm drunk.
Oh. Man.
Yeah, you hear like it. It turns around to you as old
Granddad Mobius gets a no on the nose, falls back.
They're they're frozen children's feet, by the way, you
say fuck and. It was a very small.
Inquire. Yeah, Yeah.
So this is a family show. You whose?
Family. Reap your Rangers as as as
you're falling backward state they rush in to rip out and
decorate themselves. Live your own trails.
Are you on zero or are you on minus?
-1. -1 that means die. So Perugal, there's a party
outside and you're not invited as you hear Mobius kind of like
confused mumbling is something appears to be ripping out his
entrails. I peek outsider.
They all distracted like. Yeah, they're super distracted.
And you see, like his, his, his arms are kind of like
gesticulating. He has like, like some twigs
that he mistook for flowers and one of them, his legs spasming.
You can't see his his face, thankfully.
They're all focused on disemboweling him though, right?
All four of them. You can give me a, you can give
me an agility check and imagine and see if you managed to sneak
your way away from. I was just going.
To run past him. Like not even sneaky, I'm just
going to bolt. Agility check still to rolled
away. Oh -1 this is going to work out
well. Yeah, difficulty rating is 10
because they're pretty distracted.
I got a four so I'm going to burn an omen to re roll that.
That is an 18. Good, so you'll like it.
Into the night, towards the fire.
Yeah, towards the fire. Thanks Mobius.
Yeah, I'll, I'll, I'll give you like a like a last chance of
romance stare. Mobius Phil Blue Narc as you,
you see, Perugal kind of like legging it between the spraying
of your old, your own guts and one of the reindeers.
Kind of like like making up one of your testicles and chucking
it into its eye hole. Yeah, the the last words that
leave Mobius's body. All right, Yeah.
So, so by the fire, you've like you've opened up a fair bit to
each other. You're sitting there and like
eating human meat. That's.
Well, somehow it did. You almost managed to season it
a little bit, almost taste like Varnasin as you're as you hear
like tiny little little frugal steps running towards you Brutus
now and well, you're stopping at a fair range I guess already run
all the way to the fire. No, I wouldn't get close to the
fire. I'd probably go around to the
other side so that they and the fire between me and the range
here. Yeah, it's a good idea.
Did did anybody hear that little pitter patter of frozen feet?
No, no. Mobius is pretty light footed.
Yeah, him just creeping. No, it's me.
Oh God damn it. God, you're fucking terrified.
I I guess probably you can have climb one of the trees if you
want to to stay a little Barber on the.
Door. It's a good idea.
I'll do that. I thought you don't.
Nice. That wouldn't.
Do. Yeah, you're surrounded by trees
and fire. Oh.
This is fucking terrible and plus these guys are here.
Bad news buddies just did and we got rained here.
Oh, and I'll look over at Thomas's characters.
Like looks like he got promoted. More shares for me, but I'm
sorry, reindeer. Yeah.
What? Reindeer.
You know, big antlers. Why did you bring them over
here? I didn't.
They followed me home, I think. I don't know if they're actually
they were kind of distracted and I don't know.
No, we can't keep it. We will not get our deposit back
on this part of the forest. I think you already ruined that
by burning down that tree I mean.
Good on you. Yeah, you know.
I mean there. Can I do a a check to see if
these reindeers followed? You can clearly see.
I'll say you're, you're gonna like, stop, listen, look towards
the fire. Hold your breath.
One of you probably fart. And.
Cute and nothing you can't see that far into the darkness that
you can see all the way to the tumulus, but the only here to
win struggling to to to snuff out the fire, which it
eventually will if it's not maintained for the entire land
on shifts. It appears that the reindeers
have not been following you one. Of them is screaming lung feet
so well no. Yeah, here somewhere far away in
like you hear like, but it's far away.
So why didn't you help Mobius out?
He was already dead. OK, that trips I.
Guess. Yeah.
Thinking back on The Last Battle, it's like, yeah, no,
that that checks out. How?
Do you mean just like, dead? He was like super dead.
Like, really, really very extremely dead.
But Are you sure? Yes, well.
Really dead for me. Yeah.
Not much we can do about it now, I mean.
If he's dead, he's dead. Yeah.
What's that you all? You'll stay at the fire, Yeah.
You're gonna get some good night's sleep.
There's a full, full course meal out on the fucking outskirts.
Great time. Yeah, I'm not going anywhere.
So why don't you all roll for your rest and where do you wish
to go the next following day? I mean, you all have to roll for
the fucking cross fever as soon as soon as well.
It hasn't cleared up by any stretch of the imagination.
No, the next morning as you're waking up and and you grubs
might remember heretics like Vida, her grandmothers and
whatnot and talking about winter eternal and heritical lies of of
vengeance from from the anther to godmother.
The rest of you remember very clearly that she said winter
eternal will swallow you all and unless something is done, there
is no way out to an hour until she is dealt with or pleased.
OK, well, I will relay some of these memories that I'm starting
to get back and I'm kind of going to look to everybody.
It's like we should probably go to the the monolith and see if
we can figure out what the hell is going on there.
I'm fine with that. I'm trying to get vengeance
there anyway. Yeah, it's going this whole
time. It's the one place that Mobius I
hadn't checked, so it makes sense.
All right, buddy, that's probably.
Where all the. Loot is I I hope so.
So you're all awakening, you're you're all like getting your
stuff up and start long and treacherous trek towards the
monolith. As you walk through the frozen,
now snow covered pink piles of horses and to Anella out towards
the north, the snow now reaching you up above your waist, you
bring the keg. The keg of Spartacus, by the
way. That means.
And a wheelbarrow. Would Bumphreed leave the
wheelbarrow behind? Got all the tools and my random
object of mystery. I think I would be dragging what
I could from the wheelbarrow. If the keg is too heavy I'm just
going to dump the keg. Just roll that out.
My type of fermion though. Yeah, I'll take.
I'll take a shot of it out of the keg and then.
Oh, you're getting. Drunk.
What's your? What's your toughness like?
My toughness is straight. Even so, it's a 0.
Yeah, what's? Your Toughness 00.
You can get a pull of it as well, and my toughness is -1.
All right, that means you lower toughness.
Well, that's 19 good. Probably you can of course also
drank smart cars even though you you don't really need to fight
hyper fermia. But I mean, being drunk is is
fucking sick so. No.
I'm good. Yeah.
See, we're all taking a swig before leaving.
That's a panic barrel behind. And you can only.
Everyone who crank can only D6. That's a three.
Got a four? That's a one, Yeah, excellent.
Oh, is it though? That's.
Excellent for someone. So as you're all kind of like
trekking on the the storms, literally like whipping your
whatever exposed skin you have on you.
Now it comes to that point where like you all start looking a
little Jack into something like like icicle and like frost is is
is gathering your your nose like pink and comedicly swollen.
I start looking like frugal snowman.
As you're going, you you're pretty sure you can see the
Aurora borealis ahead. It's it's really red.
You're all fucking wasted as well.
And the snow blindness starts turning into this red steam
that's returning that grubs can certainly remember as the sound
of a fiddle. It's heard somewhere, and for
the first time in a long time, you can't hear the Blizzard.
Well, well, well. Look what too.
Look what too? Look what the what the
treacherous little little corpse monkeys drag to to my fine
establishment. I know you have a song for me
now. Oh yeah, no, not yet, not yet.
I didn't have a time frame. No, I didn't.
I said 1211123 episodes but. Well, that we've only been
through one episode. I mean, I mean ish.
Assuming they would be don't work greedy enough to Oh no no
no no no. No, no, no, no, no.
I mean, I mean you. I welcome the I am well, the
carrier of many names to many generations, but is always
forgotten in the clock and well, I assume.
You can all hear this. You're in the same fucking
drunk. Yeah, right.
Now, Oh, yeah, no, this is this is the guy that gave me this
silver tongue thing here. He wants me to make him write
him a song. I, I told him I would.
He's he's being really pushy about it.
I mean, choose, choose your words wisely.
I, I, I understand that. And I will honor your agreement.
I just haven't had a chance to write a song because I had to
fight a bunch of cannibalistic hillbillies and then, well, I
mean, it wasn't much of a fight. It was I don't want to get it.
You probably saw it, Whatever. And then?
We. I'll get you your song.
I'll. Get you your presence?
Check. OK.
I am unfortunately already in a different contract at the
moment. Even though my previous employer
has passed, I still have to deal with the notary office first
before I commit release myself from this existing contract.
What'd you get there? I got a three.
You feel that like one of your arms is starting to like kind of
like change, like the flesh becomes kind of like bubbly.
And that's like, oh, I. Understand you will have time to
remove people. Maybe this will do some artistic
inspiration on the. Way and you you see that like
your your veins are starting to reshape the outside of your arm
kind of twisting and warping and naturally until it grows eyes
and a mouth and turns into like the head of an incredibly brain
damaged Bard, always making inappropriate rhymes whenever
it's the least appropriate. It's kind of like drooling and
its face is like kind of like Elephant Man style.
Like it doesn't. It has a dumb little hat with
feather in it. I hate all this, I hate all
this. Who wants?
To play the Bard. Oh God.
We could all just. Be Jason to do anything right
now. Oh yeah, that's.
An idea if they can just. Chime in as the Bard.
Yeah, whatever rhymes or as inappropriately in context, feel
free to spit it out. You see like it drools and like
smiles, looks like waiting at you, up at you, with like Big
Blue eyes. Well, who the hell are you?
Who are you? What what are thou?
That is the question. We are all searching for
something deep inside doesn't it?
Like clenches one eye and you fart as you realize that it's
kind of connected to your internal anatomy.
Think you're better off if. You just put that thing.
Out. Yeah, I can help you with that.
I got this blade. For the rest of you, I believe,
well, I do have to have more. Well, if you are.
If you are more willing to honor your contracts and and I will
warn you there Boneford was it that my bargains don't come
along very often very often. This is well this is well must
be a very spectacular circumstances.
You appear to be well very very opportunistic individuals.
My gifts, my gift are not are to be rejectable likely and its
rewards and its prizes are extravagant.
See, I'm still going to have to decline on that because Mobius
has made me a airport reasonable offer in this partnership and
this is what got me in this mess to begin with.
So I'm going to kind of I'm politely decline.
He rolls his eyes and you see like kind of like in front of
you, it appears a little a little wooden cup the floats in
the air. You're like.
That powder keg must have been that keg of my blood must have
been like, must have hard to carry like.
Wouldn't it be better to carry it all and all the over the
reach of a little wooden cup but never empties?
And, and he's gonna like kind of like politely just push that
away. And he's like, no, no, no, the
drinking random crap got me here too.
Like I'm starting to have moments of clarity.
This is I'm I'm I'm waking up some weeks.
This is not I mean, I'm good, but but but this guy over here
pointing over at like he's a drinker, he's a.
Drinker No, no, that one was for you.
The cup ears and you pops up, you pop away and the red smoke
as you feel like a cold return to your body as far crushed will
no longer help you when you get rejected.
A boost devil and braless. He turns his his red eyes
towards you. So I can see you are, well, a
crafty carrier of your bones and broken pledges to false gods.
How about how about another contract?
What do you want? What do you need?
Oh, it's not what I want, it's what I can give an endless
supplies of shinies and of riches to carry you out of any
situation. Romeo D6.
Oh geez. All I want is return.
Return is your liver is your liver.
I don't think I can help you with that I.
It will be incredibly pain. It will be incredibly painless,
I assure you. And I know how to leave you.
Locate some strings, you will. You will feel well of a phantom
prick, that's all. So it's you can say it's almost
like losing nothing. Go ahead, take my liver.
You see kind of like your liver vital more vital than ever pops
up next to him as a shadowy claw takes it up and he starts like
munching on it as you definitely feel the pain from it.
Still, you're not sure where you got it from, as your toughness
is forever decreased by what I. Thought that was soup.
I don't know where the heck. Came from.
I'm at 0 toughness now. And you you feel your pouch
becoming significantly heavier as it almost like like radiants
radiates silver. I'm sure this will come in handy
at some moment. That's all of you who are
currently there, right? Yeah.
He snaps his shadowy fingers. The red mist disappears as bone
for it. You can roll me.
I perform me a check against 18. Not even a chance.
All right, that's AT12 and what's?
It for. Oh damn.
Well, you're absolutely certain as you feel like this
realization you came back. You feel your your drunkenness
kind of like leaving you as as cold as a reality returns and
and whoops you into shape. But it's it's it's you're you're
pretty sure that this cold can't ever hurt you.
Yeah, let's just say that it's fine.
You don't believe in the cold? Like a real working man.
And you see the rest of your fellow scum are standing there,
shivering to their bone. Except Rogue.
It looks OK, a little bit blue. OK, what was that?
You all just like you guys never shut up but you just stopped
talking for like 5 minutes? What was that?
What was going on? That was just us.
We had to take a break. As you wake up, a feeling of
dread washes over you. A low level adventuring party
killed you again. You hate their laughs and the
stupid feasts they throw in the town nearby, celebrating their
victory, and you flee again to yet another layer.
Here you plan their demise, their destruction.
Destruction, your revenge. Oh, if only Father can see you
now, he would be proud. What a piece of shit he was.
And that's exactly what you aim to become.
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Well, some of you are sobering up.
Some of you are still being whipped into shape by more
bloodfirsty northern winds. You cannot see three feet ahead
of you as one of you, whoever's leading.
Kind of like, can you just see like this, this radiant green
right in front of your eyes, like you're looking through veil
as you see kind of like almost like like steam coming up from
right by your feet. And as you look down, you're
almost about to walk off the edge of a giant Canyon
stretching as far as the eye can see.
And grubs, you certainly remember that this did not used
to be. Here this this did not used to
be here. It's it's about like like 30
feet wide from one side to the other. 10 meters.
I was way longer. It's like like 30 meters.
It's stretches so far up. We've seen men so far both of
east and West that you do not see any end of it In between the
lashes of the northern wind and and through the Borealis, you
see that the monolith closer than ever.
It's it's and there's reaching towards you from far distance,
like almost like claws. As you look down, you do not see
that the bottom of the Canyon itself just as like cream thick
river, neon smoke swirling up. It's it's smoking tentacles from
down there. So how?
How are we supposed to get across this thing?
I don't know, it wasn't like that when I left it.
Was it just a small little crack or what?
No, you can just go straight across.
I mean, I don't know what the hell happened.
What'd you guys do to this place?
Or why you got to blame us. I don't know.
I wasn't here. It was your ancestors.
Yeah, fair. Yeah.
Anyone got rope? Some rope, you know, like.
Well, these did. 100 feet worth of rope.
Maybe, maybe we can shimmy across we're.
Going to go with Nope on the rope.
Nope. On the rope, no.
So gotcha. That was the Bard.
If only we had a monkey to throw into this crevice.
Deep. So from east to West, all we see
is. Just anxious, yeah, does not
seem to be getting any slimmer to each side.
But evaluating the whole Canyon would take hours, positive days
and then this weather. Yeah, you're not sure?
And it looks like just light coming up or like a liquid.
It's like smoke like like the steam almost getting getting
creamier and thicker further down you'd get.
So I feel warmed by the Canyon. Not warm, but definitely
humidor, yeah. But bones?
Gotcha. Like something has melted
recently almost. It's like a weird slightly below
0 kind of thing. Well, I say we just kind of walk
this Canyon a little bit and see if we can find a way around
maybe. I don't think I want to go
through. I got this big old sack here.
Now look at this. Thing.
Wow, wow, wow. Keep your sack to yourself.
There's a lady presence. No, no.
Well, maybe not. Right now, yes.
Everyone bonded after Mobius died.
Your death was the bonding. Moment, yeah.
So as you're going to like like trying to follow the Canyon up a
little bit, you see another silhouette standing fairly
visible, almost like the first time we met Paul the impaling
kind of like looking down into the steam be.
Ready. We might have to kill that.
Thing I'm on it. I I want to be sitting on the
ledge and trying to fish off this Canyon.
That was beautiful. Yeah, I'm like a little, I look
like a little. I have regular human legs and
I'm wearing like swim trunks. And then the top of me is like
the a crustacean, almost like a hermit crab a little bit.
What? Classroom.
I have, I'm a blighted murder man.
Yeah. And I have like for my head,
it's it's actually like a shark, shark mouth.
So I'm, I'm kind of a weird mix going on here.
I'm I'm covered in sticky substance too.
You know, you don't want to touch me.
I. Don't want to touch you in real
life. I kind of want to touch you in
real life. He's like.
Swinging his legs across the ledge, stair looking down.
I think it's a reindeer. I don't think you know what a
reindeer is, Frugal I. Don't think you shut up.
Hey there friend, you catch anything?
Oh, what's up, my guy? No, I I don't think I have yet
You know I'm it would probably help if I had a fucking string
for my fishing. You're.
Just. Been out here for a while.
I'm supposed to be like in water and shit, but the lakes fucking,
it's frozen over, you know? So I'm kind of lacking in the
water department. Well, that the mall rusts like,
you know, that's oh. Yeah, the mall.
You got any? Water on you by chance?
Squinchy, is that you? I don't know anyone named
Squinchy. How about you just hand over
some of that water and I don't have to get you covered in my
juice? This is all fucking terrible and
I'm going to walk up. Where are you going?
You know any good open water sources?
Or I I let. Let's see what it got here in
this wheelbarrow. I don't.
Know what's in there? What's a wheelbarrow?
I started like digging around what was in Mobius is.
There any water? Oh, is there a?
You were the. One that was doing a mystery
item there. Oh yeah.
Because it was a scroll or something, was it?
Yeah, I had an unclean scroll. See because you don't usually
use scrolls. Would that be water or fish?
Yeah, I'll, I'll say there. So I'll say there's a there's a
a water scandal with one ration of water left in it.
There we go. We got.
I'm going to.
I'm going to stick my meaty claw in there, grab it real quick,
and then uncap that son of a bitch and just start dumping it
on my head. Yeah, like a little like a like
a like icy little crumble. Yeah, man, that's the good
stuff. Thank you.
Where are you guys headed? We're trying to get to the
monolith over there. That big fucking thing.
I don't know. I haven't been there yet.
Yeah, have you seen any sort of method of getting acrossed I've?
Been thinking about climbing down into this ravine.
I just want to get wet. There might be water down there
somewhere for all you know the. Problem is I have these click
clacks and they're not good for rocks.
So clean. Yeah, the the barge dump isn't
has nighter grubs. No, I don't think so.
So anyone been to the trees? Been around?
Yeah, fuck them. OK.
So you've been there. OK.
Any open water on there or? Just the lake.
I'm hoping that the monolith might have something.
If you're headed that way, I might join you.
You know a. Little a little bit.
Unless you're weird these. Guys are fucked.
I'm not even with you all. I walked off.
I don't even know why I'm still here.
So I'll follow you or. Yeah.
You're welcome to join us. In fact, here let me and I pull
out Mobius's contract that he had with me.
So I just need you to like put a signature here.
Just just put a claw clamp like right?
Here, sure. And I'm going to, I'm going to
take like I'm going to scrape across my weird crustacean chest
with all the glue and then wipe it on top of I got some big
meaty claws, man. If you get the stuff on you, it
might fuck you up a little. Bit.
I'm just like holding it kind of like to the side.
I'm not. Yeah, I don't want to touch you.
Touch you. This is new to me, I'm going to
just slap that thing real hard. Perfect.
All right. Welcome aboard.
And as you're about to shake hand and claws as a contract is
signed, a terrible gust of wind rushes towards you and the two
of you standing standing closest to the edge can make me a
gallery check. Oh boy.
Wait, I have AI have a really low center of gravity, does not
help. Me any I'm.
Going to go heading home in that oh.
Shit. OK.
That was an 11. Fuck, I'm.
I'm using my only omen. We got a, we got a five, we got
a. Five.
All right. So I'm going to say that the
wind kind of like blows the contract and both of your well
fellows come one of the well, the crap man who just signed the
contract would make makes him technically part of your party
off the edge. As you look through look at the
fear in each other's eyes as a plunge down and you just see
like a poof from the creamy smoke down there as they
disappear into it. I'm going to get back to the two
of you in a bit as you hear their screams as well.
Grubs as you're you're kind of like trying to follow the trail
further up and see if see if there's any way of passage here.
And I hear their screams coming from the the chasm.
Yeah, you hear them like their their screams become more and
more guessing. For me.
Just clicks. They they don't really stop, but
they echo loudly as they go on for a long, long time.
Oh God. Gotta be kidding me, I just got
here. Wait for a time.
I'm gonna peer over the edge and see if I can see where their
where their voices came from, or if I could see where they fell
through. You still hear their screams.
It's been seconds. They're still falling and
clackering of of mandible things.
OK, well. That guy looked like dinner and
I'm. Going to start climbing down.
OK, yeah. Did anyone follow Frugal?
I guess I will. I'm trying to get to the
monolith, so that's the only way across.
You're on the justice mission. Come.
On soup, let's. Go Should we?
Should we tell grubs? To a minute.
I'm down. I did watch.
We're going across the cavern. Come on.
That seems like a terrible idea. What other choice do we have?
Life I have close to your presence.
You go back. As you start whoever starts
climbing, make mitigating checks.
Well, unless you have climbing gear of any sorts.
Oh, these? Dude oh God I have very heavy
armor on so Oh no. I imagine actually the
wheelbarrow would be left up on the ledge. 16 Is that enough to
make it? That's more than enough.
Yeah, I. Got it.
Good. I got. 12:00 You got 12?
Yeah, that's also enough. All right, I'm going to walk
back to where the wheelbarrow is and I'm going to look over the
edge. Come.
On down I'm. Going to look over and I'm going
to look at the wheelbarrow and I'm actually going to take the
wheelbarrow up to the edge. Oh.
Yes, you can add that. And I'm.
Going to hop into the wheelbarrow and then I'm going
to say hi, my name is Grubbs and this is Jackass and I'm going to
go down the hill. It's meanwhile camera kind of
like assumes as we see that that little wheelbarrow kind of like
like just going off the Cliff and there's no edge.
And just like falls, camera pans down into the smokers dancing
various hues of a natural neon fades through and someplace down
there, deep, deep down, the screaming stops as bone fret.
It feels as if your your gut is about to escape your mouth, your
throat as you see you're suddenly caught midair after
falling for what seems like an eternity.
Your eyes lock lock with strange crab creature in front of you as
you're both kind of like hovering on your stomach,
surrounded by these tendrils of mist that are reflecting colors
in the ice around you and you're hovering in thin air.
This is really unexpected. Yeah, this is new, Huh.
It's kind of like AI don't know. I've never been in this.
It's almost like bed in water, but it's not quite muzzling.
Not much enough. Oh.
I guess let's try and get to the other side and climb back.
Up yeah, just, you know, push off my crustaceous body and and
maybe we got some like the zero. Gravity stuff.
However, you're you're kind of like stop half sentence as
whoever of you is the most, well, the least oblivious to
your surroundings. Notice something looking back at
you from right behind the scum floating in front of you.
A giant strange slug like about the size of like a truck
creature trap behind the ice. Its eyes are moving wildly
around, all 24 of them on its head as giant warping antlers.
It looks looks like a abomination of a different age.
You don't know how long it's been trapped behind there.
And as your eyes move around, survey the area, you see there's
plenty of similar strange and alien creatures.
All ants they're wearing. I have the ability to talk to
fish. Are you these aquatic related
animals? Oh man.
Damn, give me a give me a these text one in six chance.
V6. There's like hundreds of them.
Oh my fucking God. Alright, we're going to get get
back to you on that. That's a, that's a perfect
moment for sure. So yeah, the rest, the rest of
you that who are climbing down have noticed that the screaming
has stopped until it starts again as you see the silhouette
of a wheelbarrow, kind of like peering into the smoke falling
downwards. And it just feels like it was a
terrible idea. What?
The heck was that? Am I still in the wheelbarrow,
just plummeting? You're falling out of it now,
like it's erasing it towards the bottom, more or less.
Hammers and tools and rope all kind of like, like floating in
the air. Drawings approval.
Yeah. As you're coming because you're
all going downwards or falling, you notice that it becomes
significantly easier or or well gravity starts working with far
against you depending on how you see it as as your legs start
kind of floating and you have to pull yourself down as your
vision is obscured and and soon you're all met with these
strange alien sites down here as you also find your friends
floating around in thin hair. Oh, here you live.
Kind of this weird kind smells of Stouffer.
These are all terribly disturbing.
So so. Glad you could join us.
I brought your wheelbarrow. It's.
There's something that looks like a 2 headed crow with like 6
antlers sticking out from its head and down its spine.
All these creatures eyes are moving and following you.
I'm going to try to Willy Wonka swim my way through the bubbly
air and get to the closest fish looking one and try to like lick
the ice away. I'm I'm hungry.
Please, tongue gets stuck to the ice.
And it does. As you lick the ice, you feel it
like it sticks. As your eye lock, eyes lock in
of the creature. OK, I'm covered.
In female can I? Use that as an escape method.
And you feel like a strange connection with it.
Oh fuck. As it locks into you and
telepathically it connects you. You are not like them.
Like them you have you have you did not.
You didn't carry their their sadism, their.
Their hatred. Hatred for us and our.
Children, our children. Pretty simple laid back
crustacean if you amazing. Amazing.
So long. So long since we've met with
unspoiled, spoiled young meat. Such kind meat.
Peaceful meat. Oh yeah, I'm I'm all about the
peace, but you smell delicious. You are the the moist.
It it blinks sideways and kind of like more more.
You want me to lick more or? More, more, yes, yes, more.
Keep licking and you see that like I, I drop plates away and
it's like, no, the ice is too strong.
For now. For now, our time has not yet
come yet come. But she this mistaggler S she is
already seeking vengeance for a kind aeons of imprisonment.
Yeah. I you know, I'd like the keys to
the front door too. I've been dry for a long time.
And all the rest of you see like this strange like like notion
going on there as you can give me like a like a presence check
to see if you're clean enough to receive the message as well. 17.
1612. Damn.
Yeah.
Damn, son. We're the cleanest.
He's. Dirty.
He's dirty. Who is the only one who didn't
make it the vibe? Yeah, Bone Freddy.
You see all of their their kind of like eyes lock in on the
creatures at the same time as they start like their their arms
are kind of like lowering as they TuneIn and you all receive
these strange images of almost like Neanderthal like people who
are like running away from these terrible ancient creatures now
out now well not trapped in ice. They feast on humanity for eons
before they are eventually captured and trapped in ice.
One of them older and well more blood thirsty than the others.
For the first eons she's forced to breed their children and you
see like more and more dysformed alien creatures being squished
out from the ice and brought up to be well domesticated and
slaughtered until many generations later.
They look harmless, 4 legged and homogenic.
They're trapped in pens and butchered, flayed and eaten, and
even fed to the altar connected directly to Staglaris herself.
Calm to God. Your answer?
The goddess of your ancestors were claiming to worship.
But you do realize that that is far from the truth.
Children are being lied to, including yourself, as they will
never know like the truth about that, the truth about what
really happened here. Not until today when it's been
revealed to you. And this is pretty fucked up to
all of you, as it's like a very sensory experience of exactly
what has happened over the entire, well, history of what
you call unliving humanity. So all of you can roll me AD 6
to see how it fits you. Except.
I'm a I'm of the crustacean type.
Yeah, you know. I I feel like these warm blooded
mammals are just. Oh, it's AZ 4, not AV 6, by the
way. So yeah, yeah, of course you
would have to roll grab Man and. Not me, because Valfrom didn't
get this vision. You know, what the fuck are they
doing? They're just like fooling
around. They're like morons.
I'm. Climbing out of this thing.
Yeah, you start, you start swimming upwards, Yeah.
I got a two, got a 2. You got a 2.
I got a three. So whoever, no one got a four,
really. Okay, no Christmas special I
could. Reroll.
Yeah, but one of you who got a two or let's reroll, just see if
we got four and. We'll make it a four.
Excellent. Wait a minute.
So probably you got a two. You feel eaten a lot of flesh
and it starts feeling heretical, like dirty, like you.
You'd really like I like the meat was not well, didn't have a
chance against you. You will not be able to eat meat
ever again unless it's human. Typical Monday.
That's who got a three. Me.
Grubs, I got a four, so that's that's that's very suiting.
Well, these creepies alien gods are lying to you.
This is pure heresy or dumb and makes you sick to your stomach.
These lies will not bite on you. You will wage war on the antlers
for the antlers freaks, just like your father, just like your
father and his father before and done for generations.
You will attack anything with horns.
And there's a line here that I'm going to leave out because it
will make itself, but I mean anything.
Was that for me or was that for Levi?
That was forever for whoever got it through.
That was Levi. OK, It was Levi.
Yeah. OK, so forget the fathers and
fathers stuff. It says Levi.
You, you hate them. Everything goes bad.
There's some forever. Attack it inside.
Awesome. I mean that fits for him since
he's the Inquisitor. That worked out Will.
Yep, they they slaughtered you. Well, that's what you came here
for. And you feel your hatred burning
even purer now, now. Well, this is very fitting,
especially considering the stump on your your arm and your, your
very complex background. You feel a pain as your bones
rearrange and you all hear these groans and screams from grubs as
his skull crushes outwards and his his his body's changing.
Something is like his hair starts growing like like creamy
brown and naturally fast as something is like like
puncturing his forehead stretching out like tendrils,
blood shedding and skin flaming from them until he is.
It looks like antlers. Yeah, until Grubbs is turned
into a beautiful, majestic reindeer.
This is insanity. With a Barb hand.
With a with a Barb hand, Yeah, Barb hand.
You can still speak. You can still do human stuff,
except wielding weapons. But yeah, you also get a set of
beautiful antlers. Let's roll on the antler table
and see what they look like. OK, that way we roll AD 4.
AD 4 for antlers. That's a 2 on the antler table.
You have tiny horns that peek out of the skin on your
forehead. They are adorable and deal 2D2
damage and. I see this.
Yeah. So then I hit them with my
fucking glave. Yeah, you.
I hit it. With my glave.
You rush towards swim like kind of like against the current of
anti gravity. Someone else swing my glave at
him. OK.
How do you guys want to do this? The initiative, I guess, Yeah,
No, no, because I wouldn't expect him to come after me.
So he would get a free a free. Tax mutation would actually get
him. Anamorphed for the first time
ever, I would not be suspecting anything to happen to me.
No, absolutely not. No.
Yeah, while Levi is swimming over, I'd say.
One question. One question, yes.
Can I bide you? I'll give Frugal a little wink.
That's a guess. No, the blame comes towards your
head. I want to use an omen to roll
that 17. You want to try to try to beat
that. Yeah.
He looks defeated. That's a one.
A natural. 1A natural one. Is that double damage?
That's double damage. Is that Max?
Yeah, Max damage is right, yeah. Fuck, that's 16 damage.
Damn, so you see, like frugal takes kind of like seat on grubs
his back. No, no, I hadn't grabs.
I was still, I was like floating there next to him, talking to
him when Levi came in. Yeah, so you're like, take your
hands on his neck, ready to like, lip raise your leg
astronaut style. I suddenly like this like as you
and the head kind of like hover off away from the rest of the
body as you see like grubs terrified eyes shocked in a
beautiful reindeer scream as the rest of the body is floating on
the other side. You all die by my blade.
No busty. Every single.
My royal mount, new monster. Wait, did you say 16 damage?
Yeah, my blade does 8 double. Oh damn, that's fucked up.
Proper. Fucked up.
And as approval is like floating away with the head there and
like reindeer blood as as kind of like a lava lamp going out in
in the air. You see like Sebastian's and I
just got that joke. Sebastian's is locked onto
locked onto the ice wall. Yeah, the 24 eyes on the strange
crowdfing behind their locks into yours and then over to
degrubs body as it's antediluvian lips form some
words that sound a little bit like something like Does that
look infected? Anything you want to plug,
Daniel? Yeah, you can find me on Daniel
Harrillo dot H dot IO. Black Anthers will be available
in Zen format and Deluxe edition both as PDFs and physical from
Exalted Funeral in September or October.
You can find the soundtrack on Gila morrises.bandcamp.com and
I'll be shooting the Shit and Roll Standard discord I guess.
Beautiful Hey everybody Kevin at the envy
episode. This episode features the
adventure Black Antlers by Daniel Carlson with Levi playing
braless the catapult St. by the cootie, Jake playing Mobius to
the indopo Mountaineer by Rudos cone and some nameless slighted
merman by chalk down and June Thomas playing ball for it.
The Death witch by Bracken the cloud, Kevin playing Grubs, the
mystery gotten relic by Nick Trujillo and Walt playing
Frugal, the knocked X Wolf Vandenberg.
Check out all these cool things and the respective X livers.
More fork entries and the description accompanying this
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Make sure to rate, review, and share with all of your friends
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With that, thanks for listening and we'll catch you guys next
time. Lick my butts and suck my nuts.
Let's rain this here. How many butts do you have?
Yeah, multiple butts. You don't have to.
He's got a front butt. You got that front butt.
Yeah, that manager's body. Some of a face butt.
Just like that more Inquisitor. Welcome back to Flail to the
Face. What?
I'm sorry, Kevin. That that's.
What a way to? Go.
I was at reindeer for .5 seconds and.
Then, like you were recapitated. And you were beautiful.
You had adorable and horns. Everything was like I'm.
Taking grubs head with me. Oh.
Please. Tell you what, that's what you
get for following your heart just leads in heartbreaking
death. Like any good horror movie,
horny in the woods means death. Well, that's what we can.
Call this one Horny in the woods.
Means death. Nailed it.