Greetings come and welcome to Flail to the Face.
My name is Cannibal Chris and I'm with BRTM as we play Merck
Borg. This is Church of the Worm and
this I believe is the 5th installment we would put that we
also got. There's spit all over your mic.
Hello. I'm Levi.
Oh yeah, I'm looking at it. Oh, dude.
God. Damn it.
That one's from. That one's from a while ago,
actually. I watched that one land.
It was solid crystallized. I'm Thomas and I'm playing wee
bit. I'm Kevin.
I'm a Libra. I like long walks on the Beach.
And my favorite song is Sandstorm.
Also, I'm playing Tommy. Wipe left.
Or is it right? I have no idea.
Which one do you ignore him? I have no idea.
Left Always. With you, Levi.
Oh, then I got the reliable. And I'm Jacob and I'm playing
turd word turd. Word.
I'm Turd Word. Turd Word.
I'm Nate. I play Screech.
I'm going to play him. OK, so we are in kind of a deep
situation here. If you guys recall the cult
leader, here's some worm dude called a giant great worm
through the wall of this church. He has mounted it.
We are fucked. Wait, is he still there?
Oh yeah, I'm a shit demigod. Fuck him.
Also that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll get to
that. Surrounding it I believe is not
surrounding it, but in that same room is screed and Sasha and.
I'm at the end of the room, Sasha, OK, I was chasing down
the worm guy. He was leaving the the room and
that's right. Like the door.
You got to him to see that. That's true.
Yep. I'm in that larger room.
Yeah, leave it. So I was trying to knock some
sense in the weem it so oh. You're over there.
That's right. Yes, I'm over there.
Then we also have Todd Word, who is now some shit cocoon.
We'll get to that. I'm not sure what exactly he is
yet, but we'll discover that as we go.
We met a cultist who is, I think, believe, worshipping this
or something. That's on we met, I guess.
Yeah, I believe I'm a holy paladin for this monstrosity.
I love it. And Pultroon is also just He's
also worshipping you, but he is the weeping kind, crying over
your corpse. Your corpse, but your your
cocoon, your form. You are not aware of what
they're doing necessarily, like physically, but you feel their
energy. I feel Paul Troon's tears on my
face. Sort of, but like, not actually.
You feel his tears on your soul. Yes, you feel this all on an
existential level. And you understand though, the
energies that they're putting out and they're pouring their
love into you, which feels like, I guess.
I I. Warm shit feels like warm Tommy.
However, though you feel him and Tommy, you're, you were fighting
off Wima, trying to stop him from what he's doing, yeah?
I was trying to knock some sense into him, but it's there.
Towards the end it it was just like kids fighting each other.
Just OK? Yeah, back and forth.
So. So then third wad Todd word you.
God damn it, you. It kills me.
I can't handle that at all. You feel Tommy's essence out
there and it feels angry. You don't like it?
OK. So First off was role initiative
because we are still in. The Am I?
What am I considered then? A good guy or a bad guy if I
don't like his. I'm going to consider you
what's. My level.
Of shit, OK, considering. My level of conscious.
I'm going to put you on the the one through three side, you know
what I mean? Only because you're technically
on this with the cult, but because Tommy is not with the
cult, right? And the Cult is the one through
three guys, the enemies. And you're now seeing Tommy as
an enemy because of this hatred or does this?
I was a cult member before I turned into the shit that is.
You were so yes, you are. That's that's all we need.
I. Don't know if my mind state
changed. Apparently I would say, I'd say
like it kind of went with it, You know what I mean?
Because you hate that in servitude, actually.
OK, so then that case, Sasha, give us the initiative.
Let's leave that, by the way. It's us.
That's you. So, yeah.
Sasha, Tommy, and and Screech. Where did this giant worm come
out of? The wall he busted through the
So you guys are in the large Chapel area with all the pews
and stuff. The pews are partially
submerged. This is the same room that those
frolicking shit eaters were frolicking in.
They're still there, but between you and them, this crashed
through the walls. OK, 'cause I was chasing the
worm priest guy down. Yes, Yep.
And what you saw when you busted through this room was that thing
crashing through the wall. Oh yeah.
In the next room, yeah. Yeah, I got you.
You're now in the breach of that room.
Yeah, in the doorway. Which was that silk cocoon
thing. So you guys were walking out of
that, remember? Yeah, you both are there.
And of course, Tommy. So I'm gonna let you guys think
for a second while we just come to Tommy.
Didn't we do touches on this guy?
I think we. Did you have?
Yep, Yep, Yep. He's actually looking at him.
He's very damaged. He looks like he's on death's
door, man. I'm going to grab Weemit by his
Bony shoulders and I'm just going to head butt him, try to
knock some fucking sense into him, OK and see how that works
out. OK, so weemit when he grabs you.
Are you resisting that? Oh yeah, yeah.
He's not a believer. OK, so I I like.
Well, we'll boil it down to 1 roll.
That's going to be D Well, OK, what's your agility?
0. Oh, so it's a 12?
OK, well I rolled the 16, so oh. That's D2 damage.
That is one point of damage. OK.
And then we met that's a presence test DR14 for you to
potentially snap out of the mind control that you're under.
Oh, and just. Roll the 19 oh.
God. The moment that your craniums
collide, you make like perfect eye contact and Tommy you see
weemits pupils just like it's just shift completely like they
went from very wide to very small.
Are you back, Skelly friend? You tell me you were I.
Let's go. These these fuckers are dead to
me. Fair enough.
Outside of this silk cocoon chamber that you guys are in,
stand Screech and and Sasha in the doorway of it.
What do you guys do? I have caught up to this dude,
yes. I feel like you would, yeah.
You're close enough to interact with him now.
At this point he is. Keep in mind, he is mounted on
this great worm he got on it. Yeah, he got, yeah, he like,
mounted it as you as you sucked. From the last episode I
remember. The very end.
We did. We did touches on him and then
the worm popped out. He climbed up on the worm.
Yeah, we. Did touches on him.
Yeah, accurate hard touches. How far away is this top of the
worm from me? How far is the top of the worm?
This thing is pretty damn big. I got a 20 foot bubble I'm
thinking about right now. 20 foot bubble you're thinking
about. What a touch.
You know what? Give me.
Just give me AD 2 On A1, it's a no on a 2 with a yes.
And he's that big enough. A1 It's a one.
He's about 30 feet tall. Shit.
This is a giant cathedral. Keep that in mind.
We'll call him 25, OK? Just to make it so that, like,
yeah, maybe not really. OK, just.
Doing fucking math now, I mean. He's, he's not his character
sheep. He's he's landing something.
Do you have any omens? No.
Oh, unfortunate. What about you, Screech?
No. No.
Is anybody? No.
It it was the IT was it was morning when we first fell
through the shit pool, yeah. That's good to know.
Whose turn is it? It is.
Screeching that turn. Yeah, right.
Just deliberating. Yeah, fuck.
We need this dude. It probably looks kind of like.
To clear your name. Like a mermaid riding Gyarados.
That's exactly where I was picturing.
Really. Yeah, sort of blue Trident and
everything. Yeah.
And nobody doesn't Trident. He has this.
Worm. It was Ash Ketchum.
Weird it was. It was aerial.
And just literal gyarados. Aerial with leprosy and mostly
worm. Yeah, damn it.
The worm's down. Oh.
This is a shitty situation, boys.
Shut up. Yeah, that's the thing.
Everything is shit smeared. Let's not forget that.
Try to forget that. What?
What are we doing here? Doing here?
Are we coming? Are we going?
We leaving? Leaving.
We stand. Stand.
You shitting or you pissing? Get off the pot.
We could get out of here. Out of here.
I I just met you guys. I don't give a fuck.
Just don't touch me. Touch me.
Oh. Shit.
Oh God. Screech is crazy, but he's not
stupid. That's a big old worm
difference. Yeah, chasing this guy down was
a little bit different before. He might be dumb, though.
I do have a bow though. Yeah, I could try and shoot this
guy in the whatever. Maybe face?
As you're looking at it too like he's big, you're making a quick
decision and it's huge, it's easy to hit.
The worm. Yep, Dr. Tend to hit him.
I was thinking, oh God, it's either him or the worm man.
Yeah, so if we hit the worm, man, the we still got the
problem with the worm. Yeah, but if we kill?
The worm man and we just like, is he gone?
Is he like head or something? Is he like a puppy where the
worm is just going to run away because his owner is gone and
dead? I don't know.
Well, if we run away from the the worm, if it's anything like
the other ones, it's not going to chase us, it's not going to
catch us. It's different than those ones.
Oh boy. Well, fuck a buddy all.
Right. No this those.
Ones we don't have time for that, Kevin.
OK. I'm sorry.
Those ones were the Those ones were the size of a person,
roughly. I think it's that's like a big
dog or something. This one is about the size of
the school bus. Oh, like a short bus or like.
That other big worm was. Big a full size like you're
getting all the. Kids like that one big worm.
We saw the. One that puked you up.
No, that one was that was the size of a person.
No, the worm in the other place. Oh, yeah, OK.
Yeah, we gave him sort of smaller than that one.
Yeah. The one that you're thinking of
from back with. The smaller one that though.
Yeah, that's it. So it's it's oh, God.
Oh my God. I'm sorry guys.
Or why? Because I don't know what to do
and I I still need. To do something, you should roll
AD two and decide on which one you're going to shoot.
Fuck this. I'm going to run up and jump on
the worm's body, no. Please no, you're.
Going to jump up and. Yeah, I'm going to try to climb
this worm. This is what I didn't want.
I'm. Going to climb the worm.
Climb the worm. Climb the worm.
OK, give me strength, Dr. 10. He looks easy.
He looks big. Big.
He's quite ribbed. He is too.
Yeah, he's ribbed. And you see, like, pretty easy.
What's your flail? Do.
I don't have a flail. That is a natural 20 Oh my God.
You you watch this little man, your little man, right?
You feel something? Yeah, yeah.
You watch this little fiery dude just go running and just leave
and he leaves to like right behind the worm dude.
Looks like a shooting star. Can I, can I go all Kyle Cannon
use my ability? Yeah, when I make it to the top.
Do it. I feel like that's what you did
when you got up there, you know what I mean?
Like that took. I've turned to do okay because
it was a rolling ball. Next time.
Oh fuck. Maybe.
Well, then again, you got on that 20, you know what I mean?
That, like went above and beyond you created.
Yeah. So yeah.
I used my movement. Go ahead.
Yep. Yep.
That's Okay. Yeah, that's technically true.
Yep. Okay so once per day my flesh
transfigures and the sun walks on the earth.
All creatures within 10 feet are scorched by Stellar Fury and
take 2D den damage it. Just happens.
It just happens. It just happens.
Mortal flesh is not meant to contain such a power, so
afterwards my armor is broken, my HP is halved.
Halved. Until dawn.
OK, OK.
So before we do that, what is your armor currently?
Boiled. Boiled That's D2, right?
Boiled armor that's light. Yeah, it's just.
Gonna break that. Just gone, All right?
And then what's your HP at? 4.
So is that a 2 then? It's that a two God.
I wish. I wish I had an omen for this.
Okay. And of course you're using a
power to do that. Yeah, whatever that is.
We never really rolled those. I guess to be fair, I.
Roll them. But it's for me specifically,
it's negligible. A lot of times you don't.
Need to oh, I've been rolling mine this whole time.
You should. It's presents plus 4D4D4
presents plus D4. Yeah, yeah.
I just been rolling really shitty.
Lately. Every.
Yeah, every dawn. You do that.
I call them powers per day. Yep.
Yeah. So 2D10 damage to both of these
things. 7. Seven, OK.
Damn. Nope, that's all good.
Give me AD two, get some grips again. 2.
OK, so your explosion, like, look at this previous explosion,
right? Yeah.
Explosion of fire light. It damages the worm pretty
heavily. But tell me about the What
happened to the worm dude? Oh, the cult leader.
It's kind of like when you take a magnifying glass against like
a Ant or a worm and it gets really dried up and then it just
Crump crinkles and falls and. Lottie.
Just shrivels up. Gets crispy.
Just turns to like a like a dried out worm.
Yeah. So it's very light.
Like a husk of. A OK.
No. Yeah.
I like that. Yeah just fried them Good.
And the worm itself below you is rising, as from the pain of this
you see that you didn't hurt it as much as you were holding the
worm itself. However, give me an agility test
as this thing thrashes around to not fall off of it.
We're going to call that a 14. I'm.
Going to grab it's Reigns. Actually, you know what you use,
probably holding on to something, so you probably grab
that. Like I would say.
You saying that would be enough to justify it going down to a
deer 12O. Good.
What'd you get? 1111?
Damn. So yeah, you you reach for the
reins in front of you, See where he's holding on to?
And it's not raining as much as it's just like it's like a flap
of skin, but it's like stringy. You slip because he's a little.
He's kind of slippery because he's covering Shit.
Yeah. And you, you fall.
Taking. Let's see.
Well, you're falling about 20 feet. 25 feet was what we
figured. It's a fucking D2.
Not D2. What we what we figure is D6 per
10 feet. Oh my God.
This could kill him. I'm dead.
But you're faulting it, but it's.
In but it's into shit, so. That's true.
Like take some of that off, let's call.
It it might, let's call it, yeah, I like the idea, 'cause
it's splashing into waters. Let's just call it 2D.
Two, I'll catch him. 2. You're gonna catch him two.
You haven't done anything yet. On your turn.
OK, I like that a lot. So give me an agility test.
We're gonna call that easy. Oh yeah, please catch me,
please. 'Cause you.
See it happening? Catch this boy?
Yeah, that's 22. You catch him as he.
Falls, oh, thank gosh. Printing it in the roll because
two. D2 By the way, I would be
broken. You would be, Yeah.
Broke two HB. That's true.
Yep, that's fair.
And in the water, Yeah. Now good.
I just. I I set him down off to the side
and I turn around with the fucking hammer stick.
I appreciate that. I went all fucking fucking flame
on on, you know, you know, You know, as the kids say.
This worm is now thrashing and still going.
Keep in mind. But the walls of this place.
Sasha, you killed him, right? The worm.
Cult leader?
Yep. All right.
Give me two D 60. No.
Fuck. I'm scared get magical powers.
Did I split him in half? Does he multiply?
No. Six and a four. 10, OK.
Is that good or is that bad? See.
That's good. Oh, good for you, sweet.
For you, for you. You notice too, as you guys are
kind of taking inventory of what's going on.
As you see the worm still thrashing, you know that the
guy's dead and he's just, his body is up there just kind of
floating on. It's like you just stuck to the
to the great worm. Very.
Wispy. Crispy us in a in a burn patch
up on the back of this thing. But you notice that this Chapel
around you and all of you guys in the silk cocoon there
probably don't realize this. Actually, Yeah.
They think about it because the silk cocoon thing, the Chapel
itself is just starting to like, melt, like if it was made of wax
and all of a sudden, like, it gets really hot.
Yeah, but it's made out of shit and it's just starting to like,
drip off slowly as we move on to the other side of the
initiative. So we're going to come back to
the worm scenario, we're going to go inside the silk cocoon.
And what's up with Todd Word? And so, understanding my
position, sort of, I can't move, but I can feel other people's
feelings. Do I feel this giant fucking
worm in the next room? Yes.
I'm wanting to try and reach out to this worm and make him like
when a wild dog shows that they no longer want to fight, I'm
going to try to do that on the outside, tell him to calm down
and come pick my ass up because I can't fucking move.
OK, the creature that would be able to okay What the fuck and.
You've got that read that ability to me.
Which one The one that you that Todd word is?
Known for the fucking weird hand thing that I can do the twist of
the arm. It just means like if I use a
power which I don't have for that.
You don't have power. No.
So I don't know if I can use that, but I figure if I can at
least talk to him well. In that case, because I remember
that just circumvents having to roll for it, right?
Yeah, OK, in this case and I. If it makes sense, then yeah, I
I. Would say considering.
OK, So what you're saying is is not an unreasonable thing I
suppose. So we'll start with a 12.
It's it's it's a weird barrel thing.
Go up to 14 and then who you are now reaching out to him
telepathically. Drop it quite a bit.
I would say though 10 VR-10 I would say a presence test.
I think the majority of what you're doing is presence test.
Oh my God. Presence, you say?
Yes. OK, that's an 18.
Holy shit, that's an 18. Yeah.
You feel this thing's consciousness like submit.
Like you feel it kind of flowing energy into yours and you feel
it's proximity shrinking is getting closer to you.
But you guys, you. Yeah, Sasha and Screech.
You see this worm as it's thrashing completely.
Stop and it turns towards the silk cocoon behind you guys now
and it just lunges at it. Oh no, it's it's turn now and.
Agility for who? Oh, for everybody in it?
No, we've got, we lunge is. Really over the way?
No, everyone is over, you guys. Yeah, Paul.
Troon is in there. I want Paul Troon to pull the
cocoon up and get get ready for us to enter the worm.
Weimut is in there. What did you say, four of those
guys? I want Paul Troon to like, pick
the cocoon up and get ready for us to enter the worm as it
crashes through this thing we're.
Kind of sending that command to him.
I'm going to try, OK? Like Paul Troon we're about to
be bomb brushed I guess. He is.
He's loyal as all hell to you at this point, you know.
This is so strange. I know, but so he he realizes he
is frail Figure. Yeah, I I figure him the size of
Morty for some reason. Rick and Morty.
You know, Morty, adult but little.
Like an invisible Jack underneath my.
Yeah, he's. Yeah, he's trying.
He's doing stuff like that. He's trying to like, he's like,
he's like using pulleys that aren't there, like going to lift
you. And he's just like keeps getting
it, gets frustrated, but he's doing it all very quickly
because the war is coming and instead he just holds you like
like the guy hugging the missile.
Oh my God, you're talking about Doctor Sia.
And this thing crashes through. Yeah, we must.
And Tommy both give me agility tests.
I forgot they were in there. Yeah.
I got an 11. 1414 So, Tommy, you see this thing crashing.
You see the form of it through the silk cocoon, You know what I
mean? And you're like shit.
You just kind of bolt out the door.
I got to imagine. Only place to go to get out of
the way we met. Turns around quick, like you see
why you ran and it comes crashing down.
We might take 2D6 damage. No.
Fuck it. That's not that bad, that.
Could be nothing. That's five.
OK, OK. I had the shield and my plunger,
so that would negate one, which puts me at 4:00, which puts me
at 0. Oh my.
God, you're broken. He was.
Yeah, he. Was what about?
Give me AD four. We met.
You got your anus beads. Does that is if I go negative
wait wait wait? Wait, wait.
OK, wait a minute. All right, all right, all right.
No, no. Give me AD 4.
All right. Get the good one.
That is a four.
He's dead. So, so this worm.
Yeah. Oh yeah, That's break.
That's break. This is basically.
So what ends up happening is, as that worm is crushing in, it's
that slow MO you see Tommy rolling out through an opening.
You see Weemit with the shield in one hand, the toilet plunger
with the nails threw it in the other, look up and just shit
love it. Oh my.
Fuck I, that was I. That was breakdown.
Oh my. God,
welcome back to Flail to the face.
So I'm dead. We was dead.
Now that's pretty much everything for that round of
initiative. Wow.
We went through an entire round of initiative in half an
episode. There's a lot going on.
Who says Merc Borg's quick? No.
OK, so Todd, word you feel this weird.
Made my name right. Turdwire.
You. See, you asked me earlier if you
feel like you're going through a transformation.
Yeah, I feel like at this point you do you feel that that the
presence? I'm a shit cocoon inside a man's
skull inside a worm now. You're a lot of things now all
at one time now you feel the essence that was Pultroon kind
of become one with yours and you feel the essence of this worm as
it like you become one with it. You feel that that's just what
you are now is all of these things now the guys inside there
and Tommy of course all all right the other three guys but
not crazy ones or dead. See this right worm rise up from
that crashing through the cocoon.
It looks like it's mouth because you see this open, you know
graduated toothy hole ma I I always try to avoid saying
toothy ma, but come on that but you see like in the throat hole
of it like something prolapsing. Oh God, why that?
Why? Stop it and it you see like it's
almost like, it's like and you see Paul Troon's face oh Oh no.
Kind of like slodged into that spot and his eyes are just gone.
Oh. My.
God and his mouth is just like, well, it doesn't even exist.
It looks like it's just kind of melted over.
It rises up and it just stares at you guys with these blank,
vacuous holds. I.
Come with me if you want to live.
And yeah, in your mind you hear Todd well what was what Todd
word but is now maybe this in your mind what is?
Happening. I don't know.
It's Todd word I've I've become. Say it right.
It's Turbwad. Look, some shit went down.
Be cool about it. Absolutely.
That's the way to be. That's so funny.
Well. I I don't think I'm, I'm going
to be sticking around much longer.
I got bigger things to do, you know, Bigger, bigger piles of
shit to crawl through. But I can at least get you guys
out here. Oh, also, we must dead and I and
I I spit. I spit out his body and shield
and plunger from like the pulsating whatever prolapsing
thing. It's head, I guess.
So it kind of just like pushes out of this like his orifice and
its forehead. Yeah, there we go.
And it just like, plops out and falls out the nails.
And I'm into the shit around you guys.
What was it? That's it.
What was it? What was that thing you spit
out? Him.
We met. We met all this shit.
Yeah, yeah. Just a bunch of random bones
just kind of popping out of this forehead orifice and paltrun's
face in the throat of this great worm.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, sorry about that.
I thought him and Tommy over there had left.
But look, this place is melting. You got this extremely warm in
here and shit doesn't hold up well with heat.
I hate all of this already, but so if you want to, pop on in and
I'll have fucking Paltrun's little hand come out.
And like, yeah, like out of the folds and the ribs and the sides
of the worm pull through his arms, just like emerge.
Like he's Frick, he's burling them, but they're like three
times bigger than they were because this guy's very big.
And but they clearly pull through his arms because they're
very pale and tattooed as they were.
Time. Time to go.
You step in, I'll bring you to the top, get you out of here or
otherwise I'm. I'm going deeper.
This is a lot, and that's coming from me.
Yes, Dorian. But sometimes.
Sometimes you just got to go deeper in that toilet and really
figure things out. Really get to the bottom of
that. Whatever is clogged in there.
I'm over that. I know, I know.
I'm going to leave Dorian with a parting gift.
I guess a little pultrun smooch on the forehead.
It's just a shit like like lipstick.
Yeah, this whole great word Jew. Just like coming at your face
just so that I can get to you. It's so big.
It's just like kind of salivating all over you.
It's just doing it. I can't play as a God damn giant
word. I mean, I'm giving you the
opportunity to, if you want to do what you want, but as you do
that too, as you give them that kiss, like from that weird
little like disappearing orifice.
Almost like I got like a blowhole in someone's forehead,
right, that's spitting out all these things.
It spits out the anal bead just one at a time, and it just seems
like he was extremely get out of this.
Oh God. I won't be able to have your
back anymore, Dorian. So whenever you're getting the
shit kicked out of the prey on these beats.
He gives you someone else's good because that guy.
Sorry killed. To be fair, though, he's your
buddy like he was the one you came with.
Oh man. Several times.
You guys are quite friends. Different scenes, not the same
stage. OK.
Sure. Don't want details?
No further questions, your honor.
Well, I'll give these boys a fucking taxi ride out of here
and then I think Turdwad is actually going to go and do some
demigod shit. Like why would he stick around?
I If that's what you want to do, I why would I stop you?
I mean, unless you guys got something you can say to him to
make them stick around. You can tell pathically
communicate. With it's not like I can go into
fucking town or something, put a mask on, be like, Oh yeah, I'm
one of the guys. Yeah, you are a worm the size of
a Greyhound bus with a Mimes face for your throat.
OK, what if I give you like? I don't know.
Perfectly normal. I'll give you Paltrun's trachea
that's never been used before, and if you blow into it, you can
call me and I'll come fight for. You toddler next Modular.
Yeah, I honestly, I don't know what I would I I think that
Turdwaad would actually. He would feel like he's just
beyond. Things now.
This is the greatest stage of them all.
Todd would You're a God, man. Yeah, you're a God now you're a
turd. Walk.
Ether turd. Walk.
He just feels like too far. Kevin just looks shocked by
what's going on. He just looks like he's like, I
don't know how to proceed here. There's so much shit going on
right now. To be fair, I barely do either.
We're just flying by the seat of our pants.
We're flooring it. Like I said, I don't care what
they have. Tommy Tommy's just in complete
awe of what's going on right now.
He just saw his Skelly friend get crushed and or eaten and
then everything that Turdwad just did.
And while completely shocked, he's still reaching for that
shield of faith because he is still a goblin.
And he's going to grab that and he's going to look at Screech
and Sasha and be like, what do we do?
I walk over to Where's the Worm Lords body?
Just laying there all kind of just like floating in those shit
water. I walk over to it and I cut his
head off. Just crack his head off, yeah?
Oh yeah. I don't need to, Yeah.
And it's it looks it looks gross.
It barely looks like a head, but it does.
Wonderful. Anyone else really
uncomfortable? Yes.
That was weird.
You're telling me you're telling?
Me. He's like gesturing with the
hands again, still in the mind. Hands.
Yeah, because you can't hear him.
He's in your mind like he doesn't speak.
Yeah, that's true, Can. We should we take him up on his
offer and make like a baby and head out?
I'm just going to keep gesturing with my little weird paltrying
fingers. We got to get in your mouth,
that's what you're saying? I the the mall gets bigger.
I mean, you are like a bus of all things.
I feel like that's a trap. If we go in there, that's for
sure. It's the blowhole in this
forehead. It's even big enough for you
guys to perfect get into. So Screech walks into the
blowhole. Yep.
Yeah, you guys just got. Like as as calm as a
motherfucker. Could like it's like a tight fit
because it's like a you know it's it's like.
Not torch boys, yeah. Yeah, it's but you're you.
Yeah, you squeam your way into it.
Squeam I'll. I'm going to follow Screech.
I guess I will too. Do I see that dope ass sword
that that mime had? Yes, yeah, it just lodged in
into the skin of the worm. I'm I'm just going to take this.
The Paltron figure just slowly nods with its eyeless.
Oh fuck. I hate it.
As you pull that out though, to grab it it, it bleeds like
internally, like can you feel your throat kind of filling with
blood? You guys all slide down, water
slide your way down, just chilling in the stomach.
I'll fucking. Am I going to get shit out
again? I'll just take the nicest,
easiest path out of there that's not going to have any cavings
and. Straight up.
You mean pretty much. You can probably tunnel your way
up. Before we get out of here, hey
Turdwod, can we stop and get that chandelier I was eyeballing
earlier? There or not?
Was he was about to like dash off I imagine too.
And he's just like, OK, I'm just going to slumbers his way.
Yeah. Just like slithers his way over
to you see too. The dash sandalier that's there
is melting. It's not gold anymore.
It is shit. Shit.
Is it shit plated gold? Bad news brother, if you want
it. For gold plated shit?
Or is it just melting just for for the sake of melting?
It's it's melting. The whole place was fake.
It was all shit, all. Shit.
It will always be in forever. Shit.
The real shit were the friends you made along the way.
You. Fucking You're absolutely right.
Well, we exit. This sugar?
Never mind. Sorry.
You Are you going back to the same Sespit that you guys came
from? Yeah, yeah.
Oh, you. Are OK, yeah.
So you you, you find yourself knowing where you're going even
though you can't see physically. You you have like this tremor
sense in a way specific word, yeah.
And you know where you're going very efficiently followed the
tunnels with winding tunnels. Just like the lower intestines,
yeah. And you find the orifice that
you guys came from and you start up it and shoot out of the
cesspit like orca. Yeah, just in.
Like. You just see like a castle in
the background. You see the city of slice big,
Yeah, you breach out of that thing and I just imagine it's a
I. Can show.
You the world, but give me a 2D8 as you do.
A2 what? 2D8 Oh yeah, from the.
Shit. Does Jake die as this thing and
we have to cut our way out? No what?
Could I die from? This, like Gears of War. 2
fours. Two fours.
OK, you see nine guys, guards of fat moves around this thing with
torches, because it's very late. They are.
Are they in landing? Prepared.
They are not prepared. No, that is very true.
I mean, this is what they prepared for.
But no. What's that?
Are they like him? I'm going to crush them, is what
you're saying. You breach out of this thing and
you see all of them around the pool and all of them immediately
when they look up and see you, all of them draw their swords
and. Does the worm land on them?
Are you going to land out of
this? Yeah, I'm going to steer and
land like a beach whale, yes. And like and like part of that,
because these are enemies, right?
Yeah, yeah, they're like, they're guards.
They're Fat Moo's guards. And Fat Moo had our fucking
faces on posters. OK, so they they, I'm going to
send them a signal that there's danger and to prepare to fight.
And when I land like a fucking Bradley, I'm going to lower or
I'm going to open my mouth and let out the troops.
Lower the tongue. Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. So I'm gonna aim for the group
of them. They're like having a campfire,
right? It's late at night now.
Though they're, I think there's like they were standing there
waiting. Oh fuck.
Perfect. Yeah, in formation, right.
They're bringing around it. I'm gonna.
Try. I'm gonna try to drift this
bitch then. OK, OK, well, OK, we'll go
agility at this point, I feel like.
What are your stats? You're a different creature now.
I know. I think you're just rolling raw
on things, OK. I mean, to be fair, you're you
do have. A Wait a minute, I have tremor
sense. Would I have felt them
beforehand? They.
Were just standing. There, I'm telepathic.
Would I have known their? Attention to your telepathic you
would have felt their. But that I'm going to fucking
right underneath them. I just want to shoot up like a
rocket and send them flying. I don't fucking care where.
OK, we're going to give me AD 4, and that's how many dudes you
hit. OK, yeah, then I'll let the boys
out. Unless you guys want to just
run. Get three guys, OK?
Your damage for the mouth is 2D6.
Oh my God. That kind of slamming damage is
1D6. I would say.
Well, you're a big old thing. You're 1D eight.
I would say God 1D8I like AD 8. Is this a total player kill here
or whatever? What do you mean TDK?
There's so many of them. No, you killed three.
I mean, you hit three. So the slam is one.
I'm calling it AD. Eight.
Yeah. You can apply that to all of
them if you like, or you can roll them individually.
It's up to you. Do I have to roll to hit?
No, OK. Wait.
Yeah, you. I just give you the four.
I just think you're breaching it.
And the fact that you knew it, you buy how much damage 8. 8.
And you're spreading it to all three.
You're gonna use it for all three.
Yeah. Okay.
I would. You.
Yeah. Yeah.
You just annihilate all three of them.
You feel their bodies crumbling under the weight of you as this
happens. You feel as you combine your
energy combines with theirs, that you're no longer a separate
entities and they like. You're like absorbing them as
you kill them. Oh my God.
And you, their arms and legs all dangle out of your I.
Love this creature. All broken.
It's so fucking Eldon Ray. He's great.
Grafton. Yeah, I guess they realize
that's what I'm doing now. I love it.
I, in my weird turdwad voice, Are you prepared to fight, or
are we going to just haul ass out of here?
Here. The Bot Moth's guards are here,
waiting for you. Todd word because of what you
just did mean Turd one. Sorry, I'm.
Going with the intentions that I don't look hostile right off the
bat. It's just a fat ass worm that
dropped in front of them, OK? Are these guys like?
That's good. That's good information.
That's all. OK, just.
Like, just drop us off. Oh.
I don't know. Just don't blow up inside of me
and I'll lower my fucking my lips.
I like to think it's like because because like pull
through his head is like feeling that whole throat.
His head pops back. Oh.
My God, you guys. Just like he.
He extrudes you guys. What do these fat mood guards
look like? Well, we're getting spit out of
here. What do you mean?
What do they look like? Like, are they?
Oh, they're armed. Yes, they're all it's a.
Reaction, yeah. So they're all taken aback.
The ones that survived by this, they're all drawing swords.
One of them, he's clearly higher ranking.
Dude was just his armor. You see these carrying his lie
handed and they're just like in shock of what's going on here.
I pull out the Axe spear Pamber thing I got.
Oh, it's a Lucerne hammer. Lucerne hammer?
Yes. And I'm like, I Crouch down.
Don't go there, girlfriend. And I pull the fucking worm head
out from behind me because it's the only thing I know that could
fucking save our asses here. The decorated guy with a sly
hander kind of rests his sword on his shoulder, walks forward.
It's not the one responsible for the shit, you know, the shit.
The shit eating. I'd assume so, yeah.
Yeah, we tracked it back to this location.
We we just found this worm. He's not part of this.
He's just, he's just dipping. That's a worm, I think.
Paul Troon's little arm sticks out and waves all crooked like.
He just gives you the the Samuel Jackson eyes.
It's like hell. Fuck.
That that's a huge bitch. Yeah, one random guard for that.
One of the other guards looks up, steps up to him in the back
and kind of says some things in his ear.
And he looks. He scans the three of you, and
he points that screech don't Three of you and the worm,
obviously. But that's a second point.
Pointed screech. You want it?
Your tenuous compulsion. I grab Todd Word's thing and I
throw it on the ground. I don't have my own.
That's true. Realistically, he doesn't know
what. He is never told.
That's true. He doesn't know it.
It's news to him. But you've accomplished this, so
it's time to see the king. I just I.
Think that's what he said? Yeah.
Is he Is he part of your your
thing? The the worm the.
I don't know what that is. I wouldn't say anything.
This is a. Tear rolls.
I would put my hand on him quick.
Yes. And I just wipe the shit off on
my shirt that. Was all over discovered in shit.
Yeah, you're already just like. You're you're wiping it on a
dead card. Yeah, just wipe it on a dead
card. Just the pieces that are left
that are not assimilated with the.
Worm, before I do leave, I'll I'll reach out to Screech and
I'll try to connect to his actual Dorian self, if I can do
that. I feel like you're a telepathic
sense can do that. It's silent for everyone else,
but yeah. Hello old friend friend.
Oh, hello. Hello.
Looks like it's time for me to
go. What are you what are you
talking? To me, just I can feel every
every part of me slipping and every time I I kill I suck
something else up. Shit soup in here.
So this is goodbye friend, and I'm going to reach out and give
him a a mind hug. You.
Yeah. You're sending those vibes some
pro vibes. Hug vibes, sending him the gift
of, like the two bodybuilders hugging.
Oh miss you miss. You won't tell you're on your
deathbed, but I'll be back for you.
And we'll be one. It'll be strange, but you'll
enjoy it. Goodbye.
And he just slithers back into the.
I I go back into the to the earth.
I'm going to head to different like graveyards and just feast
on dead bodies and start, you know, sucking in more whatever I
was doing and we'll. Come back to that when we come
back to that. For reference, Chris's eyes were
bigger than I've ever seen them when he.
Said that, and that was usually very big.
Yeah, I'm saying. No, I think this is where Todd
actually would. I don't see him being involved
in that's very much. Yeah, just because it's it's a
fucking different thing now. It's trivial.
Now it's all the rest of it is trivial.
So the captain, All captain. Well, let's go guys.
All the retinue they leave kind of pushing you, kind of
surrounding you guys as you guys continue on to slice Dick.
You guys are doing this all willingly?
Yeah, we've been, I mean, actually for me.
At least for you at least, yeah. But that's why I'm asking,
because I want to genuinely not following this.
Then let me know. I didn't have a wanted poster as
far as I knew. I was there interrogating the
cultists on the arch rogue's behalf.
So yeah, I'm going to try to dip out and catch up with the Arch
Rogue. OK.
Actually, and then see if I can catch up with these guys after
the fact. Give me an agility test, because
you're kind of sneaking away from this scenario, right?
Yeah. OK, we also just met the guy, so
we should be easy for him. We'll.
Call it Dr. 10 because they're all very fucking shocked by this
weirdness. Sasha also doesn't have.
Wanted. Are you running off with him?
No. What do you do?
I don't know what I'm. Doing He's all beat up and
naked. I'm just hot.
I'm hot right now. I.
Mean. It could.
It could look like a reward. Yeah, I'll just tag along.
I'm. OK, Yep.
OK, you're going willingly with Screech then.
But yeah, what did you get for that agility test?
You said it was a 10. Yes, I got.
I rolled A9 on the die and I got a + 1.
So I got 10 on the nuts, apparently.
Yeah, you scoot it out, you, you sneak out kind of the way that
you guys got to this hit here and one of the guards looks at
you, makes eye contact and just kind of nods needs dip off.
Yeah, we'll come back to that actually, though.
Let's see where you go from. Yeah, that's a bad.
Yeah. So, Tommy, take the floor.
Where you going? I'm gonna cut back to the the
pickpocket and go to the backroom where the arch rogue
is. Right.
You go to the pantry, you open up a specific cabinet and not a
pantry. It is stairs going down into a a
cellar that is not the basement of this place, but another one
next door. Actually head down into the arch
rogue chamber. He's sitting on his his throne
of stolen shit, surrounded by stolen shit and a lot.
Not a lot of shit from what you've seen, no.
Compared to walk in just completely covered in shit and
kind of nod to the arch rogue. Tommy, get off my Carguzzi and
rug. Now you're getting shit out over
it. I'm.
I'm sorry. Take your shoes off.
You know what? Stripped down completely, you're
covered in it. That stripped down to the to the
to the skivvies and you know just kind of kick him off to
the. Come on, Tommy.
Touch your balls back. That's gross.
Nobody wants to see that. Yeah.
Yo, get some fresh clothes. Yo, get him some good clothes,
some good stuff. Thank you.
I I got good news and I got some
some bad news. Let's start with the bad news.
Wait, no, no, no. The good.
You know what? Dealer's choice.
I brought you some stuff and I'm going to pull out the stained
glass key with the key inside of it.
I'm assuming this is the bad news.
And I'm going to pull out the scroll case and I'm going to
hand them to him, kind of set them in front of him while I'm
getting dressed. And whatever they they gave me,
OK. But I'm keeping the shield of
faith on my back, kind of trying to keep it under my cloak so
that he doesn't necessarily see that, because I really don't
want to give that up. You know what, Tarly?
I know you're hiding stuff. I saw you stripped down naked.
The only thing that you hide is inside your asshole prison
pocket. Prison pocket.
Yeah. Sorry.
Thank you. Yes, Master.
That's that's that's that's fair that the cult as he had me
interrogate, well he I end up meeting up with some other
people that were interrogating them as well and 1st off I can't
do that other voice so I'm just going to talk like this now.
That's fine. Yeah, No, this one's getting
hard too. Yeah, no, you you you told me to
change my voice up and I just couldn't hold it.
So I'm just going to keep this one going.
No. That's good.
I like it. Yeah, so these guys, they were
doing the same thing, interrogating.
We end up going into some shit hole, literal shit hole.
Not like the one upstairs and all sorts of fucking nuttiness
happened. And but I did find this, this
stained glass key with a key inside.
I don't know what it does. I mean.
I got this scroll key, this case here, here, this, this.
This is what I got. He hands it.
To one of the dudes standing there.
Yeah. Did did Uncle Raz ever come back
that? That bird.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. My, my bird.
Did he? Did he come back?
Yeah, I think he's around here somewhere.
He's calling for him. There's him.
Screaming in Oh no. There's my boy.
That was a hard one. That hurt doing it wrong then.
I also have the blow dart cane from.
Kiwi. Yeah, I remember.
And I'm going to kind of set that in front as well.
But you want to keep the shield, huh?
It's pretty nice. I get it.
Yeah, I'd like. I'd like to keep it if I could.
No, you're my favorite nephew, right?
As far as I knew, I was your only nephew.
Yeah, let's keep it that way. It could be my least favorite.
Of what? It's defensively the same thing.
Just keep it. OK.
Thank you. Thank you.
I got a place I need you to go. OK I.
Need you to. Bring some of your friends
there, some guys you know. OK.
The guys that I was just with or do do we got some other?
No, guys, you already know. I don't know who your other
friends are. Yeah, that's fair.
That's fair. Yeah.
You haven't met them. They're they're not.
They're weird. It's fine.
I need you to take him up north on the way to Galgan back
there's there's some some shit going on up there.
They'll they'll know what it is. It's they need us an escort
though. And if you got some other
friends, fuck, I don't care what you do with them.
The big city, huh? Galgan back.
Well, it's on the way there. You don't have to go all the way
there. Oh, OK.
You could come back when you're done.
I don't care. I mean, I do care.
You're my favorite nephew. Thanks.
Oh, OK. When, when do you need me to go?
I mean, whatever's, whatever's convenient for you, just meet up
with. Convenient for me.
When has that ever been an option?
It's usually get the get the shit.
Going on. Be facetious, yeah.
I figured as much. Just head on up to the cabin.
They're sitting at the table. You know the table.
The table. Yeah, yeah.
You know the one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The sit. Your mother met your father.
Yeah. The only table.
Yeah. The one with the blue French
horn. Oh, the the blue French horn.
Yeah, it went over your head. Maybe.
I don't know. It wasn't very good.
OK, it Am I supposed to take something there?
Bring something back? You said escort.
What? Them and maybe Zach when they're
done doing what they got to do, yeah.
OK. They'll know more.
Maybe sounds good. OK.
Bye. Bye I'm.
Going to turn around and go back up the stairs and add up to the
the table. Yeah, you see the table in the
corner. You know the table.
Yeah, the table. You know the table.
It's that in the corner of the room.
It's the one with the the light, the lanterns, A rounded art, lit
for, you know, shady reasons, creating shade.
And you see two guys who you do know pretty well, and Thomas and
Jacob. Who are they?
Well, I don't fucking know. I don't have a guy lined up.
You don't. Put me on the spot.
I thought you did. Oh, it's me, Jimmy Dean.
What's up, Jimmy? Dean, we'll have to come back to
that. But Jimmy Dean, you got a job.
For us. Tell him you're what I've been
waiting this whole time. Yeah, sorry.
I was. I was neck deep in some shit
earlier. Sorry.
Yeah, yeah, we know. We ain't.
We ever neck deep in some shit? No, I mean, I'm talking literal
shit here. It's.
Like just more of the same. No, it's a complex back story,
but we'll get into it on the way up to fucking Galgambeck.
Oh, perfect. That's the best place to get
your salami lick. You know, just a great, just a
nice taste of the lick and all that good stuff or whatever the
kids say these days. You're you're a terrible, sick
person, Jimmy. All terrible about is your meat
it. Was lick of a teeth.
Yeah, when fucking Billy Bob sit in the back there.
Yeah, no, Billy's right. Yeah, it's get a look at that.
Can you stop breathing down my neck right now?
Hey motherfucker, this is. And the fight breaks out.
Where are they? Where are they?
Conspicuous zone. You are.
If you see this happen around you with this bar fight goes off
and and we cut, you don't even react either.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's normal. It's pickpocket, so Screech and
Sasha are being escorted into King Fotmu's courtyard, not
necessarily in his throne room, but into the courtyard.
And it's it's late and you see on the balcony above you,
incredibly rotund man, just slovenly.
Even in fine clothes, he still looks gross as he's in, just
like the biggest nightgown you've ever seen, because the
angle that you were standing down below him and his shape and
the Sheerness of his. Sheer.
Clothing. You're seeing more than you want
to, and you're not impressed. Show, show, show.
Here's the guys, huh? Oh God.
You're the ones you finally got into that shitty here.
That shitty here, That shitty here.
Yeah, we we did it. We did it.
Whatever we were doing, we were
doing, we're. Doing other one, other one.
You talk, you talk. I throw the head on the ground.
Killings as easy as daddy. Daddy, let me fool keep doing
it. That's true.
Like these guys.
Gestures to the guards around
you. Well, you said.
Should we let him wherever? Should we fucking send him to
the grave? Send him to the grave.
This very.
Frail, man. Yeah, you know what?
You're the guy from the fucking water poster.
Ninja. Ninja.
Yeah, yeah. No, I remember your face.
Your doctor. Fuck.
Forget your name. Forget your name.
Doctor words. Yes, Doctor words.
That's the word. Probably.
What? It doesn't matter anyway.
You did something pretty. You got rid of some annoying
dude. They fucking steal this shit out
of my fucking toilet. Toilet.
It's mine. It's my shit.
All this shit's mine. This shit's mine.
They wanted it. The idiot of all things.
Of all things. So, so, so thank you, I guess.
But I need you to do something for me and it'll get you the
fuck out of sled. Fuck out of sled fuck out.
Need you to deliver something to Gal Gadot did yourself, Flamigo.
Sell me yard. Poisis fucking.
What did you say? Don't sell flamigo, you know.
Don't fucking art poisis. Take.
This after he says that he snaps his fingers at one of the guards
and the guard runs to this staircase in the back of the the
courtyard and you hear him like up the stairs, like quickly
running up them while. And then you see him come
hearing by him up on the balcony and he hands him this piece of
paper of some sort. He kind of pulls it out of his
fold and you see the guy run back and you hear him going down
the stairs going down the other side of stairs.
He he comes back and hands you a wax sealed envelope.
Screech. Bring back, bring back.
And don't fucking come back to my city or I'll fucking kill
you. I'll fucking kill you.
OK? OK.
I mean, gotta take a shit again in peace this time.
Peace this. Time.
It's amazing going away. Guards kind of all just gesture
to you. 2 to get the stuck out of here.
Sasha I. Screech has been confused more
today. Come on, buddy.
Let's get out of here. Let's get out of here.
Now one more thing.
Yes, it looks intact. Hey everybody.
Kevin at the end of the episode. This episode featured the
adventure Church of the Worm by JPC Perry with Levi playing
Sasha the Sun Score Zealot by Nick Turgijo, Thomas playing
Weemit the Catacomb St. by Makuti Rest in Peace Weemit,
Kevin playing Tommy the Shonky Skulker by Tommy Sundznauer,
Jake playing Turdwad the Feculent One Rest in Peace,
Toddward and Nate playing Dorian Screech John the Narcomancer by
Brain Rat. Check out all these cool things
and their respective Xalibus Mark Borg entries in the
description accompanying this episode, as well as the Flail
The Face Episode 19 Companion Turdwad, The Feculent One.
And while you're at it, check us out on our social medias, our
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Blue Sky and Thread.
And wherever you listen to podcasts, make sure to rate,
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It gives you access to their Discord, which you could talk to
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And just for $3 a month you get a Discord access.
With that, thanks for listening and we'll catch you guys next
time. So I'm just glowing hot and I
and now I can just go back to my.
You you smell like burning shit. Oh yeah.
Cool. Yeah, cool.
OK, cool. Cool.
Just another Monday. Goo goo goo goo goo goo goo.
Why do are we calling this episode Turdwad?
I hate that, Yeah. I hate it, but yeah.
Oh my God. In here like a bunch of armor
clap. Downstairs.
Kevin's going to have fun with that in there.
You can do this. Kim's going to have fun with
that and telling. All that.
What? Am I doing like you're in that?
I'm going to get in. I'm fixing my belt like.
His whole wall opened. Up.
You're like, no, no. It's like the sinus cavity.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You just you're riding in his
sinus cavity. Go help.
I don't know where I came from with that.
No, he's staring at my gear. No, it's so.
No, I just want him to be grossly fat.
Like, how much is Kong? He's like too much for his
mouth. I guess I can.
I always get, Yeah, dental.