Greeting scum and welcome to flail of the face.
I'm Kevin. I am back again in the high
chair. Got my my Dino chicky nuggies in
front of me with my goldfish and I'm here with the rest of the
guys my. Mouth is watering.
Hello, I am Levi, I'm back to play Phil.
Hi, I'm Thomas. I'm playing Quill Knock.
Hi, I'm Jake and I play SIF loss.
Yeah. And I'm Walt.
I'm back again. He's the most famous of us all.
He really is. All.
Right. The last episode we left off
with Quill Knock and Tommy getting out of the Dusk funnel
and instantly getting down poured on as they're washing off
all the muck and shit thanks to Turd Wad coming to the rescue
and picking up Screech as they're cleaning off all the
muck and shit. Wagon rolls up and it's a bunch
of guys from the Arch Rogues crew telling Tommy that he needs
to go back and report in with the Arch Rogue and one thing led
to another. Tommy takes off with either the
pad of and Quillnock rolls out with these new guys because the
arch rogue got a message saying that his aunt and uncle Yotna
and Craig Allen had passed away mysteriously and he acquired
their home and thinking that OK well you know time to spread the
the business across the dying lands.
He sent Phil and Syphilis to be his emissaries to the town and
talk to the guy who holds the deed to the house, which was on
their way up. They got ambushed by some
bandits trying to rob them. Syphilis's bird, Ted Buddy end
up getting infected and he's not on the mend.
They killed most all the bandits except for one that Phil kept
trying to make the the the old bandits the poison out of the
out of the Ted Buddy. Yeah, that was fun.
OK. And then eventually they made it
up to the logging town of Eiger Thorne.
Well, Kevin, when you put it like that, it sounds like
horseshit. I'm just giving a brief recap.
I'm. Sorry.
Listen to listen to the last episode and you'll get all the
details and tell your friends got to Accra Thorne and talked
to the first kid they found. As you know kids are running
around to try to get figure out where this rock set is going to
be and it turns out he was in the Tavern called the Wet
Knuckle. Yep, Yep, memory clears me.
You are correct. Delish.
And that's where we left off. So you guys are in town?
It is dark, Wet Knuckle seems to be fairly lively right now.
Every all the other shops are pretty much done for the day.
Not to railroad you, but where do you want to go?
Well, so Phallus, I think we should go check this out.
You fucking talking to me? What do you call me?
Yeah. It's so phallus.
Oh, shit. God damn it.
OK, You know, well, is this the character where I I bring out
the dead? Yes.
OK, I'm just making sure. All right, I think that maybe we
hit up the back of the bar first because they always put, you
know, the loose odds and ends after a beer smashing across the
face. So we pick up whatever's in the
back of the bar. Maybe we get a free lick lick
off the pavement in the back too.
Oh yes, we got to get all the silver.
That's silver for your dad. They drop silver, they drop the
booze and throw up. Get a little lick.
Good to go. His favorite is siphoning the
throw up. I don't know it's.
Good for his pox. You guys sound terrible and I'm
just gonna walk forward you door, front door.
I mean, even imagine. The acid from the throw up does
seem to affect it a little bit different.
Yeah, when you mix in the dirt, it's great.
And. Already walking away, guys
already walking away. Catch you on the inside.
As you walk in you'll notice that it's fairly lively, but
it's more kind of families gathered around and around
tables and stuff. Kind of kids running around the
Tavern running amok as they do the parents and all the
grown-ups. Kind of just like having a big
boisterous time. And at the end of the Tavern you
see a a long bar with a single man sitting there just cleaning
glasses and pouring drinks, couple of waitresses walking
around taking orders and and the like.
It's like the Applebee's of the dying world.
I was thinking Chuck E Cheese. I was thinking new China buffet
got a smoking section. I want to smoke with my family
after I get done breaking up these crab legs.
Did you come in with beef? Oh yeah, I'm sneaking around.
I smell the chicken. It's OK.
Yeah, so I'm going to go ahead and walk up to the barky as I'm
like kind of shaking some of this dampness off of my my
cloak. Well, hello there.
You're you're you're new. Who are you?
Before we get really into pleasantries, I don't need to
get familiar with any of you. OK.
Wow. That's.
I'm looking for. Pretty abrasive, but OK.
Yeah, well, he's he was he's been in and out here off and on
all day. He should be busy here now.
At the moment, No, but I mean, he comes in and out all day.
Does he normally show up? Well, I don't know.
He's does he have a usual table? He usually does.
Yeah. The one over on the side there.
Can I get you? OK, thanks.
And I I, well, walked off. Wow.
OK. Well, he's fucking rude.
Boy, you're, you're, you're pretty fucking aggressive with
that man. Sitting there just cleaning my
glasses, trying to be friendly. Yeah, I know, but you can't talk
to him like that. You clean your glass, but you
are really me. I mean as a bartender you should
be a lot chiller. Oh my goodness, What?
What are you talking about? I'm.
Just saying, like I've been doing.
I travel a lot. I pick up a lot of dead.
You're about to end up beating your own dead, man.
Pretty soon I'm going to have to, you know, 5 silver.
I pick you up in about, I don't know, maybe six hours.
You keep that up. Just watch your mouth, boy.
I. Will knock.
Wow, this is. You got Dino duggies.
Let me check with the kitchen. Hold on just a second.
Yeah. We'll be at that table over
there. OK, great.
I'll be. The guy that's clad in armor?
Yeah, you're kind of hard to miss.
You can't see it. No, Did you?
Yep, it's the fucking over there.
Dino duggies and you just watch them walk off into the back and
muttering himself. What the fuck is a Dino naggy?
Better figure it out. That John Cena motherfucker.
Fuck your ass, Jesus Christ. As the bartender walks into the
back, you'll notice that the Tavern doors open up and there's
a a short slender man, fairly well dressed, being accompanied
by another person that looks like they have Walt who's
walking with this guy. So he's.
On the tall side, slender clothes are stained and raggedy
and filthy, but he's wearing a pristine white mask and he's tip
tapping around on two peg legs. And they seem to walk up to the
table that you guys have taken over.
And can I help you Three. Yeah.
We're here to speak to her. Roxette.
That's me. How can I help you?
I look over at Cephalus. Show him the letter.
What's that? Which one?
And I hold up my middle finger. I'm just kidding.
Hold on. I grab it and I try to break.
It oh God damn it, I'm just playing a little fucking peachy
bootsy with the with the kids. Hold on, I'm going to grab it
into my. Trousers and pull out the
letter. From between my butt cheeks
because I don't have pockets. Sorry.
Hand it to him. Oh, here you go.
He'll take the moist and fragrant letter that you've
handed to him. I spray rosary over there.
Yeah. Rosary beads.
Oh, you guys are with the arch rug of Slushvig, are you?
I figured he would speak to me directly about the.
Yeah, we're basically here on his behalf, so whatever.
OK, well, and you know what? This is this.
I'm sorry. Allow me to introduce myself.
My name is Roxik. I am actually the, the deed
holder for his aunt and uncle's property.
Great. So it sounds like you're just
like holding this hostage for us now.
No, no, no, no. I'm, I'm presenting an
opportunity for the archbrogue as well.
I mean, I, there's been talk where he's been trying to spread
his organization and being as I have the property here, he could
absolutely have a base of operation here as well.
I mean, I I don't like to brag, but I I'm, I am kind of a big
deal in this town as well. So is that why you got twig leg
with you over here? Oh grin.
He's become a good friend of mine as of recently.
He well. Boss, I say.
For that, we burned the place down.
Well, hold, hold on. To run from a fire with two
wooden legs, Motherfucker. Hold this.
Be hard for you to run from my sword when going these wooden
legs up your ass little man. I think I had.
Something pulled in my butt. My boyfriend.
That way, everybody, everybody, I think we got on the wrong.
Yeah, talk about him that way. I think we, I say we burned the
police down. I.
Just riddled. Hold on, wait a minute.
Riddled with pox? Look at.
Him. I think we're getting off to the
wrong. I mean, I can, I think.
Porter is that offensive. Well, I was, I was going to say
it as well, but that yeah, I think we have gotten off on the
wrong foot. And he's going to look back at
the very confused bar keep. That's like, I still don't know
what Dino net these are. They're shaped.
Like. This and I I hold off.
My hands in just a weird awkward like trying to represent like AT
Rex but my hand. Looks like a hand Turkey.
Well, they're covered in pox, you know, so it's really hard to
tell. He looks at the barkeep and says
it. Let's let's get a round of
drinks here. Well, I liked him too.
Yeah, guys, guys, I'm here to not only show you the the house
that the the Arch rogue has inherited, but to make a
business proposal for the arch work himself to kind of make it
so that he can have his organization up here as well.
Yeah, this this quick question. This.
Yeah. This House, you syphilis.
Syphilis. I don't know.
Yeah. Family given name.
Let me ask you something. This house come with a family
graveyard. Got bodies there.
Something. No, I got a few shekels.
Well, I mean, there is a graveyard in town.
The house doesn't necessarily come with one as well, but.
Either way, I've got the big fancy house to try to push off
on the fucking. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no. Settle down guys.
Let's have a couple of drinks. Let's get some food in.
You guys look like you been on the road for quite a while
there. Relax, enjoy the night.
OK. OK.
And then we can talk, we can talk business in the morning
after we have food, after we have some drinks, I will take
you to the the newly acquired Arch Rogues home, show you
what's going on. And then in the morning we can
we can talk business. Does that sound OK to you guys?
That sounds great. And I visibly on tense and pus
leaks from multiple parts of my body.
You should really get that checked out.
That's how my second cousin died.
Oh, you and I might have something to talk about.
You want to get a beer? I could drink.
OK, I probably can't, so you're gonna have to give me a super
straw. Waitress comes over, brings a
bunch of bread and Stew, couple of ales.
Yeah. Let's hear this business plan
and then we'll get that down on the dining nuggies if I have.
To No, no, no, no, guys, no business tonight.
Just relax, Enjoy the night. Yeah, well, well, no, not the
kind of the nugs, not that kind of establishment.
And you were very awkward, Which one?
The last time somebody told me to just go ahead and take an
evening to relax, I ended up losing my eyes.
So. You know what we're going to?
Yeah, we're probably going to tense up over here in this far.
As you guys are saying that, the Tavern doors open once again and
a hush falls over the room. A short round picture of Danny
de Vito as a Penguin Gentleman walks in with a very large, very
stocky kind of lumbering cadence to his walk.
Gentlemen walk in and they sit at a table on the other side of
the Tavern in the back. As they sit down, the
conversation starts to pick up again.
You'll notice that all the waitresses rush over to them,
bringing them food, bringing them drink, forgetting everyone
else in the Tavern and attending to their needs.
Oh, man, I think, I reckon, no, I think I recognize him.
I honestly think that he's one of them fucking theater folk.
I'm going to get a fucking autograph.
That might be the the fucking rap man, you know?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no guys, guys.
No, no, no, no. That's that's the mayor of the
town and his son. That's erman Dehru.
They they don't take too kindly to, well, new people in town.
So I would I would disinsert yourselves at at least until.
They. We're here on the Arch Roads
behalf. It would behoove us to go ahead
and start to develop a repertoire with them,
Absolutely. I completely understand that,
yes. I know nuggies are.
I bet they know. They seem refined.
I, I would, I would, I would let them eat their food and I would
let them get their drink before before even approaching them.
I'm going to go approach them for sure.
I leave. Looking around them and I'm
like, well, there's certainly well to do, so we'll let Shiny
Armor Boy have a chat. I never see his face.
OK, Phil, do you head over to the table?
Oh yeah, yeah, OK, I need to see if they know how to make the
diner noogies. They sit there, drink their
drinks, eat their food, pay you not even an inkling of
attention. I'm gonna drop my sight on the
table. Oh good.
Hey, how's it going? Hello.
You see the the shorter of the two look up you gonna help you?
You seem like a very well quaffed gentleman.
I've been told, yeah. What can I do for you?
You, you, you run this place, this town.
I do look over this town, yes, myself and my son Deru here, and
you see as soon as he says Deru, the man shaped human stands up,
very stiff, very stern, kind of flexy.
Sit. Down you're going to break.
Something. It's OK.
Sit down. How?
What can I do for you? Obviously you're not from around
here. No, no, no.
We understand what's what. We just moved in kind of for the
Arch rogue, you know, he inherited some property and
where's, where's. God, the art.
The oh, the arch rogue. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
OK. All right.
I just wanted to know. Yeah, what can I help you with?
Why the heck aren't there Dino nuggies in this establishment?
I mean come on, you're you're high class broad or I mean man,
sorry, no assumptions here. And you don't have an
establishment with nugs. Explain to me a Dino nug.
Please enlighten me, because right now you're disturbing my
meal and my drink and you're it feels like you're wasting my
time throwing around names. Obviously you don't know who
they are. Smell this piece of paper.
It smells like shit, but there's your all your proof you need,
you know, fuck. Do you present the letter that
was? You'll get that paper.
I grabbed my site and just kind of knock some shit off the I
could grab the shit paper did not give.
It to I'm going to lean over to cephalis and just be like, do
this all the time. It's simple.
Yeah, he does. That's what I said.
Yeah, I heard you. You know what?
We starting to sound like Arthur all of a sudden.
Who? The fucks, Arthur?
A fucking angry part of me. I think we might need to get him
out of this situation because he's only going to he's he's
going to make a fucking mess of this place.
And we just moved in. I don't want to be known as that
family that gets kicked. Out.
He's your boyfriend, get him back under control.
I could get my boy under control, you don't worry about
that. What I'm worried about is
whether or not 2 fucking you Sir walks on Dicks.
Are you coming with? I look over it to Crocs and say
boss hear me out, we just burned this place down with them in it.
Yeah, I, I know. I know that.
I like a lobster in that armor. Yes, absolutely an option, but
we're we're green. We'll we'll put a pin on this
and as he says, put a pin on this.
You hear that the town leader, erm calls over her Oxy and you
see him scurry over there quicker than you've seen him
move. And ERM and her oxy have a a
private conversation between the two holding up the letter.
Little bit of angered concern on Erm's face and a more of
concerned look on Proxy's face and they talk for another 3045
seconds and erm hands the the letter back to Roxette says Oh
well it looks like you guys are with the Arch Rogue please drink
some food are on me. We will find a way to get Dino
nuggies for you my friend, please.
I I can tell you seems very intent.
Yeah, I can tell. It's it's probably out of that.
Why don't you take the armor off and.
Just relax. OK, Hey, hey.
No. Wow, that sounds it sounds like
it chafes a lot. OK, well, if you don't mind, my
son and I are going to finish our meals.
And as he says, my son Daeru stands up again and gets all
stiff. Oh, God.
Just like, just real flexy. Yeah, I'm sorry.
He's a. He's a.
That's a red thing for me, buddy.
You know you got your kid on fucking high alert.
Yeah, it is crazy. He's taking a a mule kick to the
head once or twice, but I mean. Who is a mule or you?
It's a complex back story. Can you believe he's only 10
years old too? Anyways, so.
Fuck tall. Yeah, you shouldn't have seen
his mother. Anyways, you guys have.
Have a great night. Like I said, everything's on me.
Roxy is going to. After everything's done, he's
going to show you the house. It's nice little plot of land.
That's awesome. Yes, you know, I'm a man of
shaking. Hands and I I put my my
outstretched pod pox filled hands out for a handshake.
OK. Hold on and I spit in it and
then put. It back out.
He will daintily grab the tips of your fingers, turn it, and
just shake it so slightly. That's delightful.
He'll pull a kerchief out of his pocket and I got to make.
The most of this one health point I got.
Sorry about that. That's getting excited.
When I'm around celebrities. That, well, I I don't, I
wouldn't consider myself a celebrity.
Just trying to keep these people safe in this little outskirt
town. Anyways, please, please eat,
drink, have fun. Let's not cause a ruckus though.
This is still a family establishment.
Let's, let's, let's just have a good night.
Yes, yes, you with the, the, the beautiful eyes.
So we'll, we'll do that. We'll just hang out here and
just take a break. Ninja Borg It's an RPG about
ninjas. Ninja board get pumped, go
berserk, take your boss or teacher in the face.
Ninja Borg fight bears, demons and Mecca Hitler.
Ninja Borg team up with luchadors, T rexes and John Cena
generators for ninja names and backstories and one liners
weapons and swag and magic secret ninja missions and way
the. Fuck more.
Tons of enemies, bosses and allies.
A5 act Epic introductory mission.
So many freaking tables that your cat will be all like meow.
Ninja Borg now with way too many exclamation marks.
If you don't back this shit on Kickstarter then you're a stupid
crybaby Pirate Ninja Borg. Welcome back to Flat of the
Face. Last we left these guys, they
were eating and drinking and relaxing.
They've met the leader of the town, They met the Arch Robes.
Contact here in town about this new house, and as the night's
going on, drinks and food are being passed around.
Everyone seems to be doing pretty good, even though at
least 5 miseries have gone on in this world.
Yes as the night progresses, the patrons start to kind of filter
out and noticing it's starting to get late, her ASIC kind of
corrals you guys come here. Let's let's take you to the arch
rogues new spot and we'll we'll get you guys situated in there.
Her ASIC looks back at erm, who's still at his table with
his unproportioned son Deru, and who is just eating some sort of
mashed poultry that's breaded to end to odd shapes.
Kind of really can't figure out what it might be.
But he's just, he's just powering these fried animal
shaped things into his head. And erm tips his head to Heraxic
and Heraxic kind of shoots you guys out and starts leading you
through town, pointing out all the all the hot spots in town
like the blacksmith and Baker and stuff like that.
It seems oddly wholesome in this town, especially being as it's
on the outskirts of the the force of Sarkash.
And he kind of goes over the fact that they've been logging
the tree line from Sarkash. It's basically the main income
in this town is logging and they're slowly chipping away at
the at the forest. But not to get too far in,
because who knows what the hell is going on.
I was just wondering, I have a ridiculous amount of silver for
no reason. Can my boyfriend and I get
matching silver rings at the blacksmith before we move on?
Right now, no. Every everything is closed down
for the night, sure. We're drunk, we don't know.
No. Well, of course.
Yeah, but we're actually it looks so you guys.
Yeah, we're friends. I need.
Boys, just so you, just so we're clear.
I can tell you guys look very close.
Yeah. Well, oh, you have no idea.
I don't want to know anymore. Save on Tanz if you sleep 2 to
one, yeah. Great, fantastic.
Oh, look. Hey here.
Here's Craig Alaniotina's house. You guys been walking for a
while, kind of on the outskirts of town.
There's a an old log cap. Looks like it's kind of been
left to its own devices for a while.
Kind of dilapidated, but but still livable.
Oraxic opens up the door and he ushers you guys in.
As you guys go in, he says all right, I will leave you guys for
the night, but please find me in the morning.
I'll be at the Tavern, we can get breakfast and we can talk
business. This thing isn't haunted or
anything, is it? Good question from Evil Dead
vibes. Thomas R20 sided shit.
That's a 1919. All right.
In the corner of the room, you see what appears to be.
I'm actually using the Heraxx Humble Homes, written by Noam
Lackey, one of the brother husbands on the discord.
Yeah, I know. Yeah, and Alaska is giving some
shit. Anyways, you see off in the
corner a haze of hookah smoke making a weird smoky wall.
As you open the door you see this weird shaped creature stand
up hunched over, long gangly armed, sees you guys come in and
he starts to scamper around trying to well he's trying to
avoid you, but the only way in and out is the door that you
guys are in. You said this place was empty.
No I didn't. Well and I'm going to swing my
hammer at this thing. OK, go ahead and roll it in
sack. Like an Airbnb got bad.
That is an 8. I'm going to use an omen to
reroll. OK.
Thomas is here the murder. Right, that's a natural 20.
Fantastic. Tell me how you do it.
All right. So like as this zigzag running
around and it's just like making whatever guttural noises and
it's breathing out the hookah smoke.
I just managed to like swing right down and it is like full
warhammer right into his face, collapses it and flings him
against the wall and it just like splats and just like runs
down. Yeah, you know, this place is a
little left to its own devices maybe.
A little worse than me. More.
Yeah. That's how my brother-in-law
died. Or hammer to the face, yeah.
Really sorry to hear. That.
Where I'm from we call them jumping spiders.
Didn't yeah, go all vigorous on them like that.
That's pretty fucked up. What this is pest control at
this. Point No, you're right.
That was good fall through though, yeah.
It was impressive. Thank you.
Yeah, very, very nice guys. Have a good night.
And before he closes. Or Usher's grin to come along,
leaving the three of you guys in the cabin to get situated, you
find all the amenities that you need.
Old dusty blankets. Old dusty pillows.
You think Grin is like that guy's boyfriend?
I mean it's it's a pretty common 3.
Yeah, I mean, he is a boy that is a friend I.
Mean, yeah. They're friends.
They're boys. We we are almost boyfriends.
Yeah, we've known each other long.
I saw them brush hands. Whoa, whoa, walk.
That store? I think you're getting too.
Deep. That's too deep that yeah,
that's. I know.
I know what I saw. From the window grins, peeking
over the sill. And actually, you didn't see
that at all. Jesus, whoa, what the fuck?
What are you doing here? You, you.
You're going to have a slum party with us or what?
Don't mind me, go ahead and do your boyfriend stuff, I'll be
over here. OK.
Window. I'm going to start taking off my
jacket. I I close the blind.
Boss, they close the blind. You know what?
It's probably for the best, just leave that for them, OK?
Next morning before sunrise if you hear blood curdling screams
coming from all around town. Just shrills and anger and as
soon as you guys hear that, the door busts open and roughly
about 12 people bust through the door and grab you guys up and
drag you out of the cabin. Oh, I am going to freak the fuck
out because this is the cult members all over again.
Oh whoa, yeah, I'm going to start flailing around and OK,
make a strength check. Oh God.
That is a dirty 20. What?
OK, you bust free. But as soon as you bust free,
they start coming after you. They're they're drugged, the
other two guys out of the house. And you see just everyone in a
panic screaming, where are my children?
Where have my children gone? Where are they?
What have you guys done with the kids?
Where are all the children gone? Get your filthy fucking hands
off me. OK?
And one of the one of the guys goes and takes a swing.
Go ahead and make a defense role.
Jesus. JD that is a 16.
OK, so he misses with the swing. There's panic.
There's everyone's running from house to house and running from
every building searching for the children, and everyone's
starting to congregate in front of the cabin where you guys are
at. Both Raxik and erm, come up, erm
looks at you. Where is my son?
Where is Daeru at? Where are the children in this
town? What have you guys done?
Well, yeah. Grin's been outside this whole
time. Look at him.
And Philly and I have just been nothing but doing boyfriend
stuff. You know, we, we're just here
to, you know, collect the dead. So got a lot going on.
Anyone died tonight? You could ask Peggy over there.
He knows he'd been standing on our window the whole time.
Now, my point that fucking. Grin.
There's there's utter panic going through the town.
OK, if you guys didn't do anything with the children, what
that where the hell are they? I don't know.
I don't want nothing to do with your kids, to be honest.
We just got here. We just have a slump party, a
couple of boyfriends and us, you know, just friends and boys.
We're just here and. That's definitely no place for
kids. You filthy muckraker hands just
come into our house and grab us. Just so you know, he's been
kidnapped before. You're triggering that ball over
there. He's going to fuck.
I don't give a shit about that, But where are my children?
Where's my son? You're.
Going to give a shit when you have two broken eye sockets.
He's got PSD. Yeah, he sure does.
QRSMT. Look, look, her accident comes
up and hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, look, they just
got here. They're they're they couldn't
have done anything. We just Grant and I just left
them here. How?
How many kids are we talking? Every child in town is gone.
Every child and. With knapsacks on her head.
In fact, all four of you make a presence test.
Let's go. Move on, but let's go wear my
helmets. That is an 8.
Kevin, I've been rolling with this dice I won for the longest
time. Boyds let me down lately 6.
I got that dirty truck stopped only.
I got an 18. All right, so as this panic is
going on, both Phil and Grin notice that there are what
appears to be just a herd of animal footprints and drag marks
going from the from a bunch of buildings in town out towards
the forest. Phil, look at all these animal
footprints and drag marks. I think from all.
These houses out into the forest.
That's the problem right there. You got animals on the loose.
Look at that. Yeah, you need to set some
traps. Animals themselves.
What are you all looking at me for?
I'm just like. As everyone is starting to
notice these drag marks, you can see that there's like torn bits
of clothing and like a stuffed animal that's out in the middle
of the mud and just hordes of looks like struggled drag Marks
and footprints of all manner, mammal and otherwise.
Kids won't even pick up after themselves these days.
I know, it's so wasteful. Oh man, these two are going to
get us. Look Sir, whichever one of you
boys that have me covered, can you take my hood off for a
second? I got a proposition to make with
Cat. OK then He pulls the hood back,
grabbing the bit of hair in front as well, just
accidentally. You pulled out the last six
hairs I had on the top of my head.
Thank you for that. That will take fucking 17 years
to go back. Thank you.
He's been going that far. What?
Yeah. Firm looks at you.
What's your proposal? Look what?
You know what? Obviously we didn't take the
kids because you got us and there ain't no fucking kids
here. So what if we do a little
exchange Roux, and you give us some shekels?
We go find your kids. And your dad?
Look, we're just a couple of
boyfriends. Hold on a fucking adventure to
head check out our new art trogue, our pop boyfriend.
You know he, he's the one. With I'm not your boyfriend.
Now, I'm not talking about you cool knocks like a boyfriend in
prospect, kind of. Absolutely not.
He's. Slowly becoming a friend.
We haven't patched him in yet. Yeah, you see her accent, kind
of lean down and talk to erm, whispering in his ear and erm,
kind of looks back up at you guys is OK, you go find our
children and then kind of comes in close.
Or at least De Rue I don't give a shit about.
The rest of these kids, What do you mean that?
Favoritism. Yeah, that weird tall
motherfucker. Yeah.
No one. That's that's that's that's my
yes, that's my only son. He.
Looks like he was designed by God himself, but he left all the
fucking marbles out of his head. Yeah, he may not be the sharpest
peanut in the turd, but he's still my boy.
Oh, I hate sharp peanuts in my turds.
Holy fuck. Let me tell you a story.
Look at this point, her accent kind of pushes arm back because
he's he's looking just distraught that his son is gone.
He's like, this might actually really benefit you guys if you
guys get out there. No, we get your thumb back
because one way or another I'm getting paid because I collect
dead, so I'll. Shut up, you're right.
And I cover my mouth with my hand and just a bunch of fucking
pox juice spills out and quickly dries up.
You're araxic looks back at Grin.
It's like, look, I need you to keep an eye on these three and
make sure they're on the up and up too, because I don't want to
ruin this business venture between myself and the arch rug.
This is going to be beneficial for everybody.
Say no more boss, I got you. And I use my sword to stab the
stuffed animal that's on the ground and pick it up.
And I wave at you. With Little Paw I I knew I
could. I could trust you.
Anyway. I know somebody rolled me AD
one. I'm pretty creeped out.
AD 20. AD one as all I mean, AD 1D1,
that's not good. As as all this is going on, you
hear a thunderous gong echoing through the trees.
Somebody. That was tremendously thunderous
Gong I just heard. Now, did you guys hear that?
Very loud, very vibrant. No, I can't.
Can you pop the pox in my ears? Open up my ear now.
I'm going to do that. OK, All right, I'm just going to
tilt the side a little bit, Let that shit I've.
Actually been down for just a second to hold up my sword.
What's that? Boyfriends always check
underneath. Not like that I'm not.
Doing that again. Sorry.
I seriously just threw up on my mouth just a little bit.
Somebody rolled me AD 66. I'm.
Waiting for the misery. 621 All right, we have 24641 fours, 1-6
and three, two, and what'd you do?
212121 All right, as the gong is echoing through the trees, you
see one of the ladies that's been screaming for her child.
Just stand straight up and just start screaming.
And as that happens, it's almost like Rundle is back, because all
sorts of like, flying insects start to come out of the
woodwork and just start hovering just above town in Swarm.
This reminds me of a guy I used to know, though this time
buffer. It looks like he finally took my
advice and started lifting deep. Deep cuts.
Syphilis. So many flies just flew out of
your bus. That's not how that works,
actually. You know what the best part
about this is? They're probably not going to
affect us or be a detriment to the sound effects guy because
they're going to be chilling on my body, eating the pus.
They ain't going to be buzzing around as much.
So we have a safe zone around my my immediate character.
As you're saying that, you do start to get swarmed on all of
your open pustules and the flies are kind of eating away at the
whatever is oozing. Off, you handsome sexy
motherfucker underneath. Not so much.
You're really, you're really OK. You're, you're a pretty man.
We'll just go with that. As all this is happening,
everyone starts freaking out again and erm is like everybody,
everybody these guys volunteered to go find our children.
I don't know if they had anything to do with it.
I fucking hope not for their benefit, but they're going to go
find them. And they he looks back and looks
at you guys and it's like, please allow me to give you guys
at least something to help you guys on your on your trip.
Everybody roll me AD four and any repeats will re roll kind of
one. OK, I got a 2.
OK, it's. A three get me.
OK, you did now. Perfect.
As he's doing that, there's a couple people coming out from
the outskirts and, erm, just starts grabbing stuff off of him
and he hands you cool. Knock a fire.
Steel grabs an oil lamp and hands it to you.
Grin. Syphilis.
Yeah, Siffy Syphil. He hands you a medicine box and
then he kind of looks at you films like I I sorry, I got
nothing for you. I only.
Need it's sitting on my back and I pull out my side.
Perfect guys thank you I please bring my son back and like I
said I don't really give a shit over it these kids are all
little fucked asses but. We'll bring him back, dead or
alive. No, no, alive bring all.
Bring all the children back alive, Alive.
We'll bring them all back. Live.
Says on the cart. Pick them up dead bodies.
And as you guys go ahead? No, we're just, we're just
riffing here. You do you.
And then he points you towards the the the forest, there seems
to be some like openings where there's all the drag marks are
going towards and say go get them back please.
Yeah, I've been ushered before. We should probably hightail it
out of here. I would like to approach the
band for one second though. OK.
Being that I'm covering flies, do I maybe get plus one health
or maybe a -1 to my damage received?
Like a. Fly type armor.
Or maybe AD minus DR2 or whatever for fucking like I'm
covered in flies I'm your face shit, you know, you need a
little something something. Better.
He's just straight up so fucking gross.
Nobody wants to swing. Out, but maybe Ted Buddy is
eating the flies on your body. He's infected.
I don't know if that's going to help him.
I'm trying to trying to. Yeah, he's right now.
He's tucked underneath my groin, right in that bird cage I got
dangled in between from riding a horse all the time.
He's in the big all of shit on around your neck.
My favorite part is developing back stories for our characters,
but we probably shouldn't do it on there.
I know this gets said a lot but I hate everything about this.
Oh. Yes.
Oh, you're going to be a fine. You're.
Going to make a good boyfriend, I can tell just by the sound.
Really doesn't get any better. It only gets worse.
Go ahead and give yourself a Tier 1 armor.
Oh, thank you of flies, I'm. Going to write that down right
now, Cameron. Pretty pussy guy.
You're right, it does keep getting worse and worse.
It's never going to get any better.
Good news is tomorrow we roll AD 20 for the for the miseries.
So that's fun as the flies and the Wasps start swarming around,
the temperature just seems to drop and it it's just frigid
cold, like down to the bone cold down past your flies, past your
leaking pustules, cold, just aching cold as you guys get
underneath the canopy of. A cold and.
Shit the the of the forest. You know, grin.
Tell me a little bit about yourself.
You got them. Two legs without are definitely
not fucking legs. No, these are these.
These are pieces of wood. I got them after.
I well, I'm aware they're all. Crawled through the snow after
some assholes tried to kill me with a tree branch and then cut
my feet off and left. Wow, that's pretty fucked up.
You got, you got your, you got your Dick beat in by a tree
branch. You tell me.
You tell me lost. You tell me true lost.
It's actually. Impressive.
Do you want to see it? Your Dick on the tree.
Branch, I'm a little lost. It's hard to tell them apart
sometimes, I bet. It is with the name Wood.
I hate all this. As you guys are getting into the
into the forest proper, it's starting to not only is it
getting cold, but the canopy of the forest is really making it
like dark. You do have presents plus six
hours of lamp oil. Oh, really?
In that oil lamp the whole point.
Starting that conversation was to say that I got an oil lamp
with new goddamn oil. There's oil and then.
How much? How much oil was it?
It's yeah. Presents.
Presents plus six hours. Fucking dude I guys I fucked up.
I don't, I don't have I cannot see at night.
It's actually I have cataracts where I cannot see as well at
night. So I'm useless this time around.
Don't mind me. I mean, what else is new?
Yep. Continue.
Hey Quill knock light me up bro. Use that fire steal.
Get that Lantern going. You know why we're pussyfooting
around you? You should definitely help that
buddy. He's just screaming in your
loincloth. Yeah, but.
Maybe it is well turned down there.
I'll take them off for a little bit, but I have no medicine at
whatsoever to fucking clean this boy up.
You just got that box. Oh, I got the box.
Oh, oh, look at. That I got nothing.
Sorry all my pox in my eyes. Make it a little hard to see at
night. I'm going to RIP open this
medicine. Box.
What is that? D4 to see how many I got.
D6. It's presence plus D Presence
plus 4 uses. Oh, presence plus.
Oh, and I have 4:00. Then so it's D6 to heal then
yes, but a fucking Ted buddy God all right, he's at half health,
but he has no infection. I got.
One how many uses do? You have 3 left.
Nice. All right.
So as you guys are walking, making your way through.
I imagine it's him just taking a giant syringe to his loincloth
and then injecting where he thinks the bird might be.
I swear to God if pox comes out of that I am out.
The trail that you guys are going on seems to narrow and
widen just ever so slightly where you could go maybe 2 at a
time down to 1 and kind of twists and turns.
A lot of dense roots kind of make traversing it really hard,
especially for Grin there since he's walking on two peg legs.
Yeah, there you go. As you guys are getting through
that, you can feel like you've been traveling for a good
portion of the day. It's just been real difficult to
get through. And eventually, towards what
feels like it would be, you know, closer to night time, you
come to a fork in the road that goes off to the left and then
off to the opposite of left. Well, I'm going to let go of
Grin's hand. Oh, that was you.
I can't see for shit and you can't walk for shit.
Let's let's not fucking try to deny our our mutual problems
with with the weather current situation.
We'll just keep it to ourselves. Yeah.
And you, you, you have no functional hands and I have no
functional feet. Yeah.
As long as you think. Burned up 8 hours of lamp oil
walking during the day. I know that was fucking weird,
but it's OK, I got Ted buddy with me.
Also, I'm glad that you thought that was my hand you were
holding. OK, goodbye now.
OK, I love you. Bye.
I'm just glad you guys are getting they just I have not no,
no. So you guys do come to a fork of
the road. It's it seems to have like
opened up just enough where you feel like you could probably use
this area as A to take shelter, being as you pretty much
traveled the whole day to get to this fork.
Yeah, I know cul-de-sac when I see it.
You want to lay down some timber and lay with me, Phil?
Oh, oh, BB yeah, yeah, sure. I mean, well, knock he he might
be warm enough to above. I think we.
Might have. Absolutely not.
I mean, we should have brought the cart.
I tried to but he ain't going to fit down these trails here.
Just a bunch of go pass. Oh, I suppose, yeah, yeah.
I mean, I got, I got the blanket.
We can make a nice little. No, I really don't want to lay
in your. Brain No, no, no, we won't put
it on. He never put it on your skin.
That's insane. Yeah, that might.
You know what else is probably insane is the fact that we're
even doing this because Dark Rogue didn't say that we're
going to have to do all this shit rest with kids and.
Shit, you know, it's if we don't help out, they're going to
they're going to kill us and take off my helmet and we don't
want that. You're right, we don't want the
helmet. God grin.
Can you tell us a little something about maybe the kids
that we're saving? Aren't they even worth saving?
I mean, a body's a body. We could just wait it out for a
couple weeks. Maybe the people that get in
that move on and we just take the bodies.
Chuckles and mishmap. I I I feel like I don't actually
have to answer the question. You pretty much answered it.
Yourself, yeah. Yeah, he does that a lot, that's
what. That's one of his great
qualities. Great.
I mean, boyfriends take care of each other.
We just, we support each other where it counts.
And yeah, I'm going to set up my hammock over here.
This spot looks nice. I'll be over here pitching my
tent. You want how pitching your tent
not? Not from you, thank.
You. Thank you.
I'm just going to unfold my my my crunchy.
And. Then.
Like put it across like 2 branches.
That's a little protection from rain.
And as you guys are doing all this, you do notice that there's
a lot of skittering off in the brush, like all around.
But just every so often, like off to the the opposite of left,
you'll hear something. And then off to the left hand
side, you'll hear something. And kind of behind you, just
almost like forest animals, kind of try and keep an eye on what
you guys are doing, but they're not getting anywhere near where
you guys are. Quillnock's going to walk up
closer to Grin, help him set up his equipment as he's just got
into looking around. He's like something's not right
about these woods, but it's better if we stay closer
together. And I can't honestly say that I
trust those other two. And.
Phil and syphilis are like getting into a you.
OK there, buddy. It's a sleepy lady made for one.
Those two are. Slipping inside of it, that's in
my mind. And I think that blanket would
have made a better lean to. I don't know, don't.
Like the boy from the bed. No, I'm into it.
We're boys, we're friends, nothing wrong with that.
Just a couple. Of lads fowling around.
Just fowling around, nothing weird about that.
As close as those two are together, I really hope that
neither one of them is infected. Hey everybody, Kevin at the end
of the episode and Happy Merctober.
This episode features the adventure actor Thorn by Kevin
Welch, which can be found in the Mercorg anthology Journey
through the Dying Lands released through Madness Heart Press with
Levi playing Phil, The Fugitive Night by All Eyes No game,
Thomas playing Quillnock, The Profane Survivor by Jared Barnes
of the Cult ossuary, Jake playing Cephalus.
Cephalus, the course pointer by Harkinstone and Walt reprising
his role as Grin, the Gutterborn scum.
This episode also featured Proxyx Humble home from Gnome
Lackey. Check out all these cool things
and their respective ex Librious.
More court entries and the description accompanying this
episode. And while you're at it, check us
out on our social medias, our Facebook, Twitter, Instagram,
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Make sure to great review and share with all of your friends
so we can get out there to more people.
While we're at it, if you haven't already, please check
out our sister podcast, The World Standard.
With that, thanks for listening and we'll catch you guys next
time. And he's totally not into
pegging, no. No, no, we don't touch that's.
Our what's pegging? I've I've been docking before
but never pegging. Am I there?
Are you? Aren't you?
Are you? I would say yes.
Oh, OK, I thought. OK.
He's. From behind a Willow.
Do me a solid wait, I can't. Do any salt anymore?
Son, do me some. Peanuts.
Like the the big like clouded, you know, swarms that they do.
And do you know, ever so swoops around why did I do this is
going to be fucking terrible for the sound.
Yeah, not me. It's it's all about fading.
Yeah, I know. Anyways.