Greetings scum. Welcome to Flail the Face.
I'm Kevin. I'm back again.
Contrary to what we said off air when I first logged in, I'm here
with the these hooligans. Hello, I'm Levi.
Are we playing Phil? Phil.
Phil.
I'm Thomas and I'll be playing Quill Knock.
It's me. It's Jake, it's my turn, and I'm
Arnie. Arnie.
That's it. Hi, I'm Walton.
This has all been very abrupt. Let's get our flail on.
All right, last we left these guys, they were traversing the
forest of Sarkash, trying to find the lost children of Eiger
Thorne. Through their travels, they've
lost some friends, made some friends.
My. Boyfriend.
Made. The lineage shall continue.
And been attacked by some of the weirdest abominations known to
man. And as it sits right now, we've
lost Cephalus, syphilis, Cephalus, whatever.
But we got, Artie Got. Little.
Boy, Artie and Phil's got a belly full of weird wolf egg
babies. I.
Don't feel so good. You're glowing.
You shouldn't. Literally.
It's weird. Probably do something about that
guy. So it was right around midday,
dead quiet out as you finally killed the last wolf that was
depositing its babies into Phil and you were on still the same
path. What would you guys like to do?
I want to feel them kick. Are they kicking?
I don't know. Artie's going to take off his
glove and walk up to Phil. What are you doing?
Don't worry, I'm a, I'm a scout. Have you seen this condition
before? I sure have, OK.
And I I'm going to take my hand and put it under his breastplate
and feel around his belly. Do I feel any eggs?
Do you feel what it seems to be? Probably softball size, but kind
of oblonged eggs moving around. Like there's stuff moving around
inside of the eggs. Oh God, why don't you take that
spoon and help help me out? Dig in there.
Just dig in here. I'll take my breast plate off.
But leave my helmet on. The helmet always stays on.
How much do you have 4? OK, do we have any idea, dude?
Just dig in there with your spoon.
Are you? Fucking come on.
What? I'll start.
You know, I'm going to take my side.
I'm going to scratch the surface like a scalpel.
Oh my God, are we going to do surgery right here in the middle
of this battlefield? The sword.
Just dig deep with that spork. OK.
Still got this sword right here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just nice. This is such a break.
This bad idea? OK.
I'm very courageous. I'm going to look through Phil's
helmet visor into his eyes. Or try to.
This is. Going to hurt.
OK. Oh.
Yeah, yeah, Single tier rolls down my.
Arm I take my sport. I'm I'm going to go over and try
to like. Hold me down, Hold me.
Down fills arms, down I'm. Going to try to resist.
You need to do this. Get over here and get his other
arm. I I go and get his other arm.
And I'm, I'm like crouched over him with, with my sport held
above my hand and two, and I just, I bring that thing down
and just pull it down in gut. And RIP them open.
We got to get it out of them. What the fuck is happening right
now? OK.
We're hold on, let me let me see if I.
Understand this one? Who inserted the eggs into it?
You know what you did? Yeah, you did.
This you did. This.
This is my fault. OK, so let me get this straight.
I've got Grin and Quill Knock holding the arms of Phil while
Artie is trying to already straddling you, OK?
And we're doing an emergency C-section.
With a spork. With a spork.
Holy fuck. What do I got to roll, Daddy?
I want opposing strength checks from the three and an agility
check from Arty. OK, lucky it's not presents.
I got to roll over the strength check.
Yeah, because you're resisting them, aren't you?
I. Rolled.
Two twos so. They got me pinned.
I got it in 11. OK, well with those two twos
which you only had to roll one, both Green and Quillnock have
got you pinned to the ground. What do you got there, Arty A.
12. OK, so as Quillnock and Grin are
holding filled down, you take your spork, and as he's wiggling
around, he moves just enough to get an incision underneath where
the eggs are laying roughly about four inches wide.
It's bleeding. But.
There's an incision. There you go.
Reach in there and get them. You gotta know.
I know, I don't know what to do. And I take my my uncloved hand
and I just jam it right in there and start fucking pulling shit
out. Be.
Careful for my guts, man, Don't pull my guts.
Out. They've got to be super
noticeable. I don't.
Know I've never been printed. I don't know I've.
Never had my hands inside another man before.
So after some time to fill, it seems like forever, you end up
pulling all eight of the egg sacs out.
Now Phil has got a four foot incision, A4 foot 4 inch
incision. One is lower stomach area that
needs to be tended to and I would say rather soon.
Man, we. Still had some Lantern oil.
Yeah. I was going to say, do we got
any more Lantern oil or anything that we could like cauterize
this? You do have the body of
Cephalus. Oh yeah, that could be
reignited. Oh yeah, I've got to do it.
We got to do it to save Phil. And I'm going to use my fire
steel and. Chop No.
Set the fouls on on fire. That's the whole thing.
Just chop off a finger. To waste the whole body, the
thing will burn for hours. I don't, I don't have AI, don't
have AI, don't have a knife. So I'm going to just use my
warhammer and just like hammer his wrist until it's like mush
enough that I could just like pull the hand off.
Do you hand it over to? Start start igniting it.
It goes up as quick as it did before.
Oh my. Boyfriend, I got this.
This four hands. I start heating my short sword
over the sapphire. Yeah.
Let's call it that, the Sapphire.
Perfect, your short sword is heating up.
Wait before that. This is for the.
Bacteria and I jam a bar of soap in there.
Where'd you get this bar of soap?
I haven't. In in the incision.
Yeah, I'm sure I'm a boy, to be clear.
I'm sure that's what you tell everybody.
Don't worry, I'm a Boy Scout. Yeah, prevent sepsis, don't
worry. Yeah, keeps you clean on the
inside. Let's hurry up.
I'm sleepy, OK? That's OK, you don't have a
concussion. I'll shove that bar of soap in
there and then I'll hold the two flaps of skin together with my
fingers and then and then Wolf can take his his hot iron sword
and press it up against the flesh and we just sizzle them
real quick. OK.
I do so taking no real concern not to burn Artie's fingers.
I'm wearing, I'm wearing thimbles.
Don't worry. I'm I'm a Boy Scout.
Where did you get thimbles? I'm a Boy Scout.
They're his mountaineering thimbles.
Yeah, the. Thimbles.
He's sewing. What was I thinking?
I'm sorry, Phil, go ahead and make a toughness test standard
Dr. for this whole scenario and. Does the soap help?
No, makes it worse. I'm going to say that Dr. was 12
and every point underneath the Dr. is how many points of damage
you're going to take. Oh, good.
OK. Three at 1:00.
So what's your current head points at 2?
Fantastic. If memory serves me being as I'm
the one that wrote this adventure, somebody should have
a medicine box. Yeah.
I have the medicine box from my dead.
Boyfriend I. May not be a bad idea to use it
not to tell you what to do, but I mean it was like I.
Appreciate you guys. I'm a little woozy.
Can't wait to get my badge for this one.
For entering another man. I'm lusted.
I didn't know they had that badge.
They're important. I'm going to stick with you boys
because I don't want to be impregnated by another wild
animal of nature. What do we do with these eggs?
And I'm just. Holding eight baby eggs.
First you put them down on the ground.
No, inside those eggs it looks like small wolf pups that have
clubbed tails and every time they'd open their mouth we'll
proboscis. We'd kind of stick out but not
penetrate the eggs. I'll put a mover on that rock.
It's easier this way. I would like, they're kind of
cute. Though I would like to keep one.
No, no, I know what you're going to do with them.
I'm keeping one. I'm gonna I'm gonna put all 7
sacks on the rock, OK? And sleight of hand, the other
one in my pocket. I make an agility test versus
Grin's presence 11/3. I'm.
Not good at rolling. No, no, that one too.
You're not. Sneaky.
Sorry. Sorry, I wasn't thinking woozy
and I put it down. Yeah, clearly kind of normal for
you, really. Maybe.
Then I just start squishing these things with my peg leg.
With your peg leg, are you just tap dancing on the eggs?
Yeah, let's go with that. Aren't they like the size of
potatoes? You're not supposed to break the
yolk. Yeah.
Oh darn, must have missed. All right, so all these.
Wolf whoops. They're all dead now.
You guys have done surgery on Phil and what would you like to
do now? Well, it's probably better than
staying here. Yeah, now that that circus is
all on said and done, let's let's go ahead and keep moving.
You OK there to walk there, big guy?
No, it's fine. Yeah, yeah, I'll be fine.
I'm just going to take a little bit over here.
It looks the most important thing you can do is get up and
move around and be active. Get that blood flowing again.
Yeah, get it flowing. Let's roll.
Get that? Soap in there moving so it
starts to froth up and lather in there my.
Skin is so pale I put my armor back.
On a tinted jaundice. I would like to use a a dose off
this medicine box I believe it had.
I think that would be a great idea.
I think. I didn't use any of it.
Yeah, we did on Ted Buddy. Oh yeah, then it's got two more.
So 1 dose left. I've lived so many characters, I
don't know who's done what anymore.
OK, good. All right, so as you guys keep
moving through the trail, like I've said before, it starts to
narrow so that it's barely wide enough for one person, then kind
of widens out to about two, maybe 2 1/2 people wide for a
good majority of the day. Every so often you kind of catch
little drag Marks and torn bits of clothing and such until
eventually often the distance you see it kind of opens up a
little more than it has in the past and you see a flickering
light coming from the distance. It's starting to get dark, but
you can kind of see this looks like a candlelight through
possibly a window or something off in the distance.
Well, I guess art you managed to see this in your wanderings
here. Well.
I've been working on my end of days badge for about 20 years
now. It was only supposed to be gone
for about 3 days, but it's I I could do I could work on the
whole making an acquaintance badge.
Maybe the the asking for a sugar thing.
You know that badge talked about that the guy in the window, the
light. Go ahead, go ahead and knock on
that door. OK.
Yeah, get your knocking on door badge.
That door's kind of far away though.
Are you guys going to wait here or you want me to like?
Walking to the door badge. OK.
It's fine. I'll join you.
I'm feeling really good kind. You're frothing at the belly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just don't look at.
That. Okay and I'll I'll grab I'll
grab bills hand and kind of guide him since it's getting
dark and he's all woozy. I'm.
Going to cover my belly with my crunchy blanket.
This is gross. All right.
As you guys get closer, you you come upon a small clearing with
what looks like a dilapidated structure, fairly noticeable
beyond what appears to be like overgrown bushes.
Faint glow seems to be coming through a broken window, and the
distant smell of a smoldering fire can be detected well.
I'm a good-natured. You can notice that the the drag
marks sort of stop roughly about 15 feet away from the entrance
of the store on either side. It seems to be just overgrown
with foliage and trees and stuff.
So I. Think this is the place.
You're right, I do have an investigation badge and judging
from the drag Marks and the clothed PCs and the building
here, I would say that we have approached the right
destination. Yeah, we should.
We should go get the others. They wanted us to knock 1st and
then go back and complete the quest for our batch are.
You sure? That's what he said.
You might be a little woozy from all the loss of blood and just
having your kids taken from you. I'm sorry about that.
You're right, I probably should have brought that up.
That was very traumatic of me. Okay, you just stay here with
your. Crunchy mustard ketchup blanket
thing you got going on over there and I'll I'll step up the
stairs and then cross the porch if there is one and then knock
on the door kind of doors. This they got a like a wood
knocker or. No, the door is barely there.
It's more of a shanty than anything.
It's in shambles, but parts of the door is missing and you can
kind of still see like a faint light from inside.
The knocking on the door, it just starts to creak open ever
so slightly. Is anyone in there?
What do you see? Nothing, and I push.
The door open and I'll take a step in.
Hello, it is I already the Boy Scout.
Is anyone home? It's quiet, Bell.
Back with Grin and Quill. Now Quillock's just going to
look off in the distance and see that they basically pushed the
door open. He's going to look at Grin, I
mean. You guys can hear me yelling for
sure. I know logic dictates that we
just let him like, suffer the like consequences of his own
actions, but I, I hate to admit it, I kind of like the guy a
little bit. Just give it a few more minutes,
I want to see if he gets matched.
I can't. I got to get, I got.
I walk off, start heading towards the towards the Hut.
Well, I'm not staying here by myself until my third cousin
died. My tip tap after him.
As you guys go into the the hovel proper, you can tell it
smells of stale air, rotting foliage and mold, and they're
scattered debris. Smells like scout master base
basement. Do you spend a lot of time in
this basement? Yeah, chains.
Oh. It's for training.
How old are you? 42.
Oh, OK. Yeah, yeah, training.
I gotcha. I understand now, young, young
man. Scout, I get it.
Really. You.
You've been trauma. Oh boy, that's a scout.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh boy, that's.
So. So you you were chained in his
basement like wow, saw a horse. Yeah, he was willing and able.
Gromach. You caught the ass into that.
Good. I'm glad I wasn't the only one
to hear it. Yeah, I already caught the ass
into the two. I don't, I don't quite follow
what you're. Saying and I'll push my glasses
up a little bit. It was a double entendre.
Too educated? Sounds like a carrot cake.
In the room to the north you notice that there's two doorways
to one to the northeast and then one to the northwest with a
hallway between. Looking around to the east you
see a desk barely holding its form with shelving around it
with a bunch of weather worn books.
To the South is the door that you guys just came in, and to
the West you see a fireplace still warm with the neglected
fire and more shelving and decaying books.
I start checking books in the fireplace.
OK, fire starts to roar. Yeah.
Son of a bitch. We got more fire, I guess.
Yep, like I said, there's the there's a desk to the east and
the two doorways straight ahead with the hallway between you and
I'm. Gonna pull the rug up.
OK, just neglected flooring underneath.
Yeah, good idea. Let's burn the rug.
OK. And I I pulled the rug up and
put it in the fireplace. Wow, maybe you don't suck after
all. Good job already.
OK, so the whole rug's not going to fit in there, so you just
have it sticking out that you're just going to push it in as it
burns down or just outstanding. Just jam it in there.
I'm going to turn around and walk over to this desk and grab
the chair. Put that over by the carpet.
OK. Get that ready to go in, then
I'll go back to the desk. Perfect.
Another one time for like any loose papers.
Go ahead and roll a presence test. 12.
Roll a D66. One T1. 11.
One T1, yes. Okay, it's like we can do this
all fucking day on the desk. You just find the remains of
something worthless. When you pick it up, it just
crumbles in your hand. Good, burn that too.
I look at the dust on the floor. We, we could keep like throwing
stuff into this fire, but I'm going to go ahead and take a
look at the, the, the left door. All right, walking into the
doorway to the left, you notice what appears to be a kitchen
area long table covered in refuse in the center of the room
with a door beyond it. On your left there's a butcher
block table with a cleaver stabbed into it.
In the northeast corner appears to be a barrel and a bone dry
wash basin between the two. To the South is the door that
you walked in, and off to your right is a long bare shelf and a
white hot stove that seems to be burning pretty hot, about as hot
as that fire is going. Quill, knock.
What'd you find? I'm.
Going to go grab that cleaver and pull that.
OK, you've got yourself a Butcher Cleaver that does D6
damage. Looks like we got a kitchen.
You got a, you got a cooking badge there for you Scout there.
The name's already and and then I turn.
Over. And I look.
I look over my shoulder while I'm sitting on the chair and I'm
burning some of my rations on a stick over the carpet.
I got it right here. Do you want some?
No, no. And I'll walk like across.
I'll go take a look at that barrel.
Roll me AD 4. One, none of my scores 1.
Inside the barrel, when you pull the lid off of it, it's like a
cloud of pickling vinegar hits you in the face.
Just this huge cloud of it. And inside there appears to be
right to the brim. Rats.
Just a barrel full of pickled rats.
Are they alive? Well.
They're pickled. They are pickled.
I've been pickled, man. We're playing Mark Porsley.
There could be anything in there.
He's got a point. True too.
Nope, not alive, just a barrel full of pickled rats.
Got some rations here for you, Scout.
Oh yeah, those, those, those will.
Those are good. I'll I'll be fine with this for
now. That's more of like in case of
emergency rations. Bring me you want to want to
burn that too? You don't want to eat that.
What is your problem? You seem like you are all pegged
up. I mean pent up, like you got a
lot of anger of something. You're walking a narrow line
there, little man. I'm quite rotund, thank you.
Are there like small cups in this kitchen?
Sure. I grabbed one of those cups and
I fill it with the pickling juice, OK?
And I hand it over to Phil. Drink this up.
It'll help you recover from your surgery.
Oh yeah, I need my my electrolytes, yes, yeah, I don't
know. All set.
You got a. Straw or something?
A Reed. No, but I do and I.
Whip out a fucking like a retractable straw for my
backpack. Yeah.
OK. Thank you.
You're welcome. Suckle down the pickled.
Go ahead and make a toughness test being as there were rats in
there. Good, gonna get infected.
Cool. Yeah, what the fuck?
There's still. Pickles.
It kills all the. Germs.
OK, it is very potent and you do end up stomaching the pickled
rat juice. Just just potent enough.
Oh. Yeah, it's kind of sharp tasting
good. I'm good.
Already just shakes his head. Throw more books on the fire.
When it done? That OK, fire is roaring.
So if if I was a kidnapper. I would hide the kids pass the
kitchen. I don't know the cellar.
Yeah, I forgot you were here for a reason.
Pass the kitchen in in the cellar.
Oh, this door. And I'm going to walk through
the kitchen and slowly open that other door.
I believe this would be the cellar.
It's probably not. Unless it is.
Getting I'm getting some Ash
versus Evil Dead vibes right now.
So opening that door, you do find that there is what appears
to be a dry storage room. I know my sellers when I smell
them. But what do you see in there?
What he sees in there is. I don't know, I can't find the
light. The the narrator hasn't
explained it. It's a it's a small, dry yet
drafty room. Empty shelves line each wall,
with crates haphazardly placed throughout.
It's a small, dry, drafty room with crates haphazard strewn
throughout. That's what it looks like in
here. Go ahead and make a presence
test. Am I navigating by chance I.
Mean you're navigating A room. OK.
I'll let yes, you're navigating this small, dry yet drafty room,
OK? All right, 16 then.
You notice after kicking around some of these crates, there
appears to be a door that has got a huge lock on top of it.
Big, big heavy chains of lock. I take my spork and swirl it
around to my fingers like I'm really deft at using it, and
then I'm going to stick it in there and try to Jimmy the lock.
Make an agility test. All right.
Oh baby. Oh.
Baby that's after. Fiddling with it, the lock of a
bit with your spork, they're a little tight.
Looks like it's been quite a while since this has been open,
but the locking mechanism does click open.
And as it clicks open, the folks that are in the living room air
the foyer hear a commotion in the hallway.
We haven't been there something. Hang on just a second.
I grab Arby's chair next to the fire and smash it on the floor
and then start throwing the pieces into the fire.
It's time for a break. Welcome back to Flail with Face.
Last we left these guys, Artie was picking a lock in a
storeroom. Phil was nursing his wound with
some pickle juice grin and quill knock.
I can remember words were in the living room when they heard a
ruckus coming from the hallway. What it sounds like it was big
heavy chains being drugged from this long hallway down towards
the front in a very heavy lumbering walk and some heavy
panting getting louder. This sounds ominous.
Daddy's home. Right, we should probably get
ready for whatever this might be, and I'm going to go and
press my back up against the wall next to the opening for the
hallway to see what might stick its head through, and then I'll
just hit it with my hammer. I hide behind the kitchen door.
Yeah, let's go in there. Artie, I have something for you
to investigate. Come here.
What did I find in the chest? We'll get there.
The lock open and as soon as the lock opened, there was the
commotion in the hallway. You are in the other room.
Do you want to open the trap door that the lock was locking?
The trap door. Oh boy.
Oh God. I don't know.
I'm in the other room. Give me one second, curiosity is
going to kill me. And I'm just going to peek, peek
through this a little bit. I'm going to open it very slowly
and slightly and peek it before. I go hide down with my sport.
Trap door is a ladder going down Into Darkness.
I hate you. OK, I I slowly close it and then
I'm going to go and hide next to grin Grin, OK?
All right, I'm going down the hallway.
You hear heavy panting and what appears to be, well, it's a
fucking bear. The eyes are glossed over and
it's got scars coming from its mouth.
Like it's been drooling, but it's like been drooling like
acid and it's got a very oily coat.
It's lumbering out and it is sniffing either side of the
entrance of the hallway. Doesn't seem to be doing
anything else as of yet. The moment it's head gets near
my foot I dropped a hammer on it.
OK, go ahead and roll damage. 5. OK, with a huge, wet, fleshy
smash of the hammer on top of the bear's head.
The bear bellows this huge roar and starts swinging wildly.
Roll Initiative. Yeah, you started.
This. That's on you, Thomas.
All right. What?
That's a six. OK all.
Right, yeah, Quill knocks. Going to continue.
Like just swinging the hammer at this thing.
OK, so this bear is going to be flailing around that flail.
It's going to be flailing around wildly.
Go ahead and make an attack roll.
I rolled A-17. Oh, that is a hit all day long.
Go ahead and tell me how you do it.
So like basically I brought the hammer down once to like club it
on the head once it stood up to roar, field back and then
continue my momentum to swing it down and up and into the stomach
of the bear. As you hit it in the stomach it
lets loose everything that was in its stomach and vomits organs
and bile and everything. But as the vomit hits the floor
it starts to burn and it creates 5 foot hole in the floor and the
bear falls dead. So, so glad that you guys were
here to help out. Guy.
Good, good job. Good job.
I was taking a strategic approach that.
Was quite impressive. Yeah.
This juice is really good actually.
Got that main character energy also.
I found this hole in the and I picked this lock.
But you you did more damage to the IT goes the same place.
May we just go down there? That was that was quite
impressive. I will not be stepping on your
toes anytime soon. I glare across the room with my
rude eyes. Get the shit out of me to be
honest. The flames flickering in the
eyes. Hear me out, this is coming from
another place, but we could burn the bear.
Yeah. What is with you and burning?
What is with you and not burning?
Never mind, chew on that one. Let's go down.
Let's. Wherever the hell that place is
down there. Do we want to look at down this
hallway first? Yeah, let's look down the hall
first. Can I see anything down the
hall? All that's there was a big heavy
chain fixed to the back wall and a a big metal bowl with the word
BEHEMOTH etched into it. Oh, you killed somebody's doggy.
It's kind of sad, actually. I can't.
This is an outside animal. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We should have let it outside then.
Yeah. He well wilt insides or outside
so same difference. He's a funny guy, This guy, he's
funny. I don't want to hurt my inkies,
so I'm going to take the cellar. Door over there and I'll walk
back to the trap door that I opened up and then scoop down
that ladder. And then you think you have
ankles. I'm going to walk and follow
behind Hardy. I'm going to take the flaming.
Rug and throw it in the. Hole, OH.
Good. Fantastic.
Just so there's some. Light source.
You know. That's when we find out it's a
methane pocket that blows up the whole house.
It's a septic. Tank grin if it makes you feel.
Better and I I bend down and I'll pull up my socks to cover
my ankles. Does that help?
I'm not here. To offend.
Oh, OK, never mind. Well.
It's just too late. Just go down the hole.
Just just go down the ladder. All right.
The ladder appears to be roughly about 20 feet in height going
down into what appears to be a crudely dugout hallway.
Standing in the hallway, you notice that there is ambient
light coming from the far end of the hall, which we really can't
tell how far it is down this hallway going down the hall,
which I'm assuming you guys are. You guys here, the echoing
melody of anguish, screams and droning chants at the end of the
hallway. No, you do not see a flaming
rut. That was my band in college.
Right now the the chanting is starting to hit on some memories
and I start power walking towards the direction of best
chance. OK, well.
Picking up speed. I like a good hike.
The hallway runs roughly about the 100 yards.
At the end of the hallway is an enormous cage line and razor lit
room. You'll notice that the cages
seem to follow all the way around the edge of this cut out
area, and then there's a stairwell that goes further down
into the room. In the room itself you see that
there are three figures around an altar and appears to be a
very large creature chained down to the altar.
They don't seem to notice you at the moment, but you can tell
that the cages themselves are filled with children screaming
in agony and half mutated, some with extra eye stocks, some with
hard plated skin, some resembling animals like rabbits
or deer or wolves, kind of in between.
A transition between man and beast.
Quelock's going to turn to the rest of the group.
OK, so before we deal with this, let's get our story straight.
Oh yeah, I figured out my complex.
Back we killed. We killed monsters, not other
people's children on our way out here.
We killed nothing. I don't know what you're talking
about. I definitely, I definitely
killed Ada Phil's babies that. Part didn't happen but that
wasn't on the property. So I think I figured out my what
Scout Master Kevin sent me to do is to get my hero badge and save
all these kids. I finally figured it out.
Oh, good for you. And I turn and will not start
running and charging towards one of the.
Fastest, OK. No one left behind that.
You're running towards one of the the.
Closest cultists because I'm going to attempt to behead one
with my panel. That little PTSD.
OK, here, go ahead and make an attack roll.
I'm going. To go ahead and use it over
there. We probably should not have
brought Will Knock down into this room.
That is an 18. OK.
That we should have. Yeah. 18 is going to hit and as.
For damage. As you're running up, you're
noticing that the three figures around this altar are clothed in
tattered robe, and as you go and swing with the hammer, you hit
the robe and the body just shatters.
Next. OK.
What? What would the rest of you guys
like to do? I can't.
And. I hold it with two hands close
to my chest. But I will help in my own way.
And I scamper off into the dark. I'm going to try to, I'm going
to try to enter like a stealth mode.
I want to get, I want to flank these guys with my grappling
hook. OK.
I got a Boy Scout trick up my sleeve.
Hold on, don't yell. All right, so Artie scampers
off. Yeah, I'm going to take my turn
to move to the other end and get behind all the action this big
room. OK, who's who's next I guess.
Yes, I'll run to the closest figure and hit it with my short
sword. OK, go ahead and make your
attack 15. That will hit.
Are they wearing any armor? No, Sir.
All right. I do one damage.
All right. So as you hit this, the second
one, I'm assuming the one on the far side of the altar, you hit
it square dead center and it shatters as well and the robes
fall to the ground. I can see why they had a bear
guarding. Right, I don't, I don't think
these are real things. Unless there's some kind of plot
twist coming, I. Don't think it's real.
I don't know if it's the pickle juice, but I don't think this is
real at all. It's just the blood loss and the
soap talking. Calm down and go hit something.
Yeah. Can I go RIP off one of the
ropes of one of these guys? Sure.
I'm a dress down 1. OK, you take the robe off of one
of them and you see what it nothing, They're just standing
there chanting or the one is now just standing there chanting.
You take the robe off and it is a frail female figure that is
just aged forever, wrinkled, brittle, just bones being there.
On the altar itself though, you notice this huge, massive
hulking figure that's part bore, part human.
Phil, please Romeo presence test. 1415.
Looking at this. Half.
Bore half human. You've noticed that there's some
features that you in particular would remember.
A tall hulking mass, bit slow, looks like they were shoveling
chicken nuggies into their mouth.
You notice that it's the body of Daeru, Erm's son that is being
mutated into this hog beast, and he's chained and he is furious.
He's ripping at the chains trying to get loose.
I mean, honestly. It was weirdo.
He was weirdo the whole time. I knew it was going on.
He's been transformed and these people are just chanting away.
Well, the one is the other two have been crushed and as the two
of these figures have been crushed, all the creatures slash
children that are in in the cages are just going nuts.
They're screaming and rattling the cages and just losing their
fucking minds. I.
Have a plan? There's only one more cultist.
She finishes her chanting as she's being drowned out by the
sound of the mutated children. She'll she puts her Rd. back on,
looks over to her two compatriots, starts mumbling to
herself, and the two bodies start to rise again, back into
form. Not a fan of this.
And as they rise back into their form, they look at you, Phil,
and they hold their hands up in submission.
And you hear, you don't hear anything.
But all of you guys don't hear anything outwardly because of
the noise of the the mutated children.
But in your heads you hear. Wait, wait, don't kill us.
Let us explain what we're doing first.
Nope, they're called this. They need to be destroyed.
The three figures, they can hold their hands up.
It's like wait, wait. Please, before you try to
destroy us, please let us explain.
It's the least you can do. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Go ahead. There won't be any trying, I
promise you. Let's just hear we need.
One of them live to explain. Yeah, they made good juice
upstairs. It was great, you know?
Generations ago, we lived in the village we were once known as
Borda, Agneth and Captain Sisters, who warned the village
of the calamity that would befall them if they kept logging
the forest of Sarkash. Having heard enough of our
protest, the village leader and namesake Cristera Eigerthorn
banished us to the very forest we warned them about.
Wandering, lost and on the brink of death, the three of us
bargained with the forest to spare our lives in exchange for
our undying loyalty. The spirits of the forest agreed
on what condition that the three of us devised a plan to rid the
forest of the town and that constantly threatens its life.
We complied with the wishes of the forest.
We abducted the children who lost their way in the forest and
transformed them into hideous beasts.
With the ranks of beastial soldiers growing by the year, we
have had a strong enough force to raid the village in the night
and abduct more of the offspring, transforming them and
planning to send them back to rain hell on the town that
forsook us. Please.
That town has been taking the forest that has given us
everything, our only shelter. They've kicked us out and left
us to die. All we ask is that when you let
us return the favor and rid the forest of this town and the
settlers. I'm sorry, could you give us a
second, boys? Let's huddle up here.
Yeah, that's a good idea. We're going to fucking are.
We gonna let them do this? Is this gonna happen?
This is weird. I mean no.
No, we don't let this happen because this city is supposed to
be making a deal with Orange Rose.
Great, I forgot all about. It I don't know where that is.
I mean, like, yeah. We have a prior obligation, so
this has to be done. I gotcha, gotcha.
Look, as a Boy Scout, I know two things.
Got to, got to preserve. Mother Nature.
But he also can't sacrifice human life at the same time.
So there's a bit of conundrum and I'm going to, I'm going to
bow out on this one lads. You do what you want.
I'm just I'm here to make sure that he's kept one way or
another. What if we find out if this is
permanent? Like are they going to change
back into kids? I really don't care.
Looks pretty permanent. That's a future then problem.
What we need to do is take care of these right now.
They're cultists. They need to go.
All right, I'll go off to the lady.
I'm going to go swing my sight better.
I mean, they were going to send the kids back anyway.
All right, Murder. It is murder.
It is All right on three. All right. 123 murder.
God, Yeah. Rolling it.
And then we turn, and then we turn around and our theme music
kicks in. All right, initiative, I'll do
it. Do it, Phil.
Do it, Levi. That's us.
All right. I swing my sight on the skinny
lady. OK.
That's a. Natural one, What happens?
As you swing the sight, you miss her completely, but you end up
hitting the chain that's holding Deru the Hog Beast down and he
is broken free. I hope we have the most bat like
and then this shit happens. I freed them.
You're free now. Kill your avenged avenged
yourself. Kill that girl that.
Was just a warning shot. Yeah, it meant to do that.
Oh. God, I'm, I'm, I'm ready.
I fucking, I jump at them with my arms kind of flying back like
I'm a ninja and my spork in one hand.
I'm going to climb this hog beast and kill it, OK?
I'd like to see you try go and make an attack.
We could have been on our side. You don't know yet.
The hog beast? I really don't know.
And of course, comes to work. See only kills arty.
That's probably what's going to happen.
I have one omen left. I don't use an omen.
I failed this one. I got a.
OK, so as you go to jump on the back of Deru the Hog Beast, he
moves out of the way, getting himself into a position to
charge at Phil, Grin and Quilnock.
What would you like to do? Quilnock is going after one of
the old lady cultures again. Okay.
Keep that library in a lesson. And at this that time got a six.
That will miss. She wasn't fully in her form as
she's breaking her bones back into place and your Warhammer
swing just narrowly misses one of her arms as it resets itself.
Yeah, Mr. Grant. I see it in my head.
The same please do. I don't hit.
Okay. By a lot.
All right, so as you swing with your short sword, the lady was
in a back bend and then ends up going up right and the sword
just goes narrowly misses right behind her.
My God, they're all the Matrix, whatever that means.
All right, so Daeru, the Hog Beast has got his sights set on
Phil, and he's going to charge at you.
I would like you to make an agility test DR14 to get out of
the way. Yes, I will do it.
Swear to God if you die down I've.
Been rolling so bad. Damn it, that's nice.
OK, All right, so the Hog Beast charges at you, ramming right
into you. Go ahead and take D8 charging
damage. Oh.
No. Why don't you just roll that
last moment now? Oh.
My God. All right.
Oh, that's eight damage. Let me roll some armor.
Oh, it doesn't matter. Oh, it does matter.
Hold on. Oh no, I could just be.
Broken. I want to use my almond to
reduce. No, hold on.
To to one damage I. Have two D4 for my armor.
Let me roll. I could be fine.
That's four. OK, one more.
OK. That's 40.
Damage. Wow. 0 Nothing.
Wow, so as as the hog beast charges head first into you,
catches you center mass, knocks you on your ass and just barrels
right past you. Close.
Wow, that was so close. I'm glad I slipped.
Holy. Shit initiative, yeah.
He's. Lucky I'll I'll fucking do a
roll here. Oh, I shouldn't have done that.
Role 3. It's the hog, the hog beast and
the break dancing Which? Before the Hog Beast turns
around and starts charging for one of you, the cloaked figures
plead for your guys's mercy to let them finish what their plan
is. As they're pleading to you guys,
De Rue turns around and and I'm going to roll AD 4 to see which
one it charges at. One being Levi, 2 being Jake, 3
being Waltz, and four being Mr. Coffee over there.
All right, so as Deru turns around, it locks its sight onto
Grin and and charges Grin. Go ahead and make an agility.
Test agility tests are reduced by two for me.
I got a 16. 16 will miss as it runs past you.
As you narrowly avert it, he runs directly into the wall and
then just stops. As well.
Continue to people, Yes. Your guys.
Stick it in the butt in Dark Souls.
Cool knock at this point is going to look at the altar and
decide to start smashing that it is.
Perfect, you are making one big rock into a bunch of little
rocks. Does it work?
Is that what you're supposed to do?
It's the end of time is bad. No idea losing my.
Mind they were focused on it it's going to pieces I've.
Never been in this situation before.
I just used to gather the dead for 15 years.
What a sad, bad story. Who's next?
Yeah, After missing completely on my first jump, I'm going to
whip around and try to snag this break dancing witch that we're
fighting this hog beast. Running around got me a little
worried I'm going to get squished 13.
Does that do something? You you were grabbing her or are
you attacking her? I was going to stab her in the
back of the head with my sport. Oh OK.
As you stab her in the back of the head, you see that she
starts twitching about and the body just goes limp in your
arms. Oh, that did not take much.
See, Artie can do it too. Now, should we free these kids
and get out of here? Maybe leave this giant wandering
bowl in the China shop and. There are no kids.
They're all beasts. We can't judge them right now.
Not at the, not at this. Point and I'm going to I'm
that's my turn. I fucking murdered this break
dancing witch and now I'm really concerned that we made the wrong
choice. So I got a bad vibe from this
room though. Was that everybody?
I think so. No, no, no, I'm going to grab my
siph and swing on this bore. Do you still have that weapon
after and after one? I don't know.
He didn't say it broke, he said it just cut a chain.
Yeah, no, it didn't break it, just it cut the chain, freeing
Daewoo. So I'm going to grab it and that
would swing on Daewoo. That's a truck stop 3020.
That is going to be a solid hit 7 all right.
D4 for a thick bristly hide. 1 so 6 damage.
Oh, that's a lot of damage. So as you swing through with
your sight, you catch Daeru across the chest and he screams
in pain and focuses back onto you.
Come. On Big Man.
I'm going to give this guy pokes with my sword.
Going through the hog beast. Yes, and I got. 12 on the dot.
All right, 12 will touch. Go ahead and roll your dimage.
I don't damage him, I just don't damage him.
The guy says no. The guy said no, it didn't give
me a number, it just said fuck off.
Wow. I rolled the one and he can't
not negate that. So just someone else, please go.
All right, so. How you been playing with an 8
balls? No more magic 8 balls?
Is that what? This is so as you swing at it,
he's writhing in pain and it just barely grazes him and not
doing any damage. Now we'll do initiative.
Roll again you. Don't want me to roll it, not
the way I've been. Rolling.
Yeah, rolling he. Says your redemption arc.
Redemption arcs. That's a three.
All right, the ladies, and I'm going to use that term loosely,
still pleading for you to let them fulfill their lifelong
plan. Can the three of you just calm
down for a few minutes while we kill this thing, and then we'll
take care of you? Goddamn debut focuses on Rin
again. This is you got this slip around
like buttery starts. 16. All right.
I'm never going to dodge him, but I can't do any goddamn
damage. Once again he comes at you.
You. Dodge roll right between.
The legs perfect. And then he just runs right past
you, right into the wall again, dazing himself.
Once again. Your guys's turn damage.
I want to someone splash. Over him again while he's dazed.
OK, make an attack. That's a 13.
All right, 13 wheel hit. 08 damage.
D4 thick grizzly hide. 5 demo. All right, he is not looking
good as you swing your side that crosses back.
Spray of blood just shoots from the wound and he turns around
and regains his focus back on you.
I've never chosen kids. Before this feels terrible.
I feel so bad about this. Now you get used to it after the
next 7 times and I attack him. OK.
But hey, that's a 19. 19 will hit. 2 when we see how much
damage I don't do, yeah, he soaks 3 of it, he gets a hit
point back, I'm done. Oh wow, gay me all right, so as
you swing again it glances off of him and he just shrugs it
off. Will, Knock and Artie who would
like to do what. There's still two of the witches
up. Yes, ma'am.
Yes, Sir. Yes, ma'am.
I am going to stop my hammering of the altar to crack one of
them. OK.
That is an 18. That's a hit all day long.
For damage. She drops to the ground.
And I'll look at the next one and just like you're next.
Just blow on her, she'll be dust.
While this thing's still kind of rampaging around in days, I'm
going to just, with two hands, hold my spork out and try to
stab the stab Will the boy this is.
Starting to feel dirty? OK, please attack. 11 I miss. 11
is going to miss as you swing with your spork on a hulking
half man half bore. Yeah, you.
Just got to dig deep, get your stance ready.
I'm trying, Phil. I'm so nervous.
This is for your hero badge. I know I get my friendship badge
too. All right.
He's. So old.
It's initiative now. I'll try again.
Oh Jesus, the. 1. This board's going to kill him.
You're fine. All right, Sabine, as the three
of you have swung on said 4, I'm going to turn his attention to
Artie and charge at you of. Course.
Go ahead and make a defense role.
Don't look at him. Look at me.
I heard about you, Chicken. He's.
Going to be agility test DR14. 11.
OK so he is going to hit you. He does D8 charging damage.
Does 0 damage to me. I got a 1, he got one on the D8
and then my buckler hat. My adventure hat blocked it as I
was holding my spork up it like went through between his legs
and then fucking. Dick at you in that it's the
glancing blow. I did not think that was how
that was going to come out. I did not plan on that being how
that sorry. You can, you can cut that.
I don't care. No physical damage, but
emotional damage. Emotional damage.
Flashbacks to the basement being changed.
Just like Scout Master Kevin. Anyway, so Daeru passes right
past you and does not do any damage.
Your guys are sure. I'll try to sight them one more
time. It's OK, please kill it.
This is oh, that's a 21 dramatizing.
That's so many. Oh no.
One damage.
He's got D4 armor. Yeah, that was after the armor.
He is still a. Big.
This poor boy. And as you go and swing your
sight at him after he tea bags already, it's just a a glancing
blow across the arm grin and will knock.
Will knock use a hammer and finish this guy off?
Will Knock was just getting ready to take a swing on a
compass. OK, please do it.
Is a 21. That will hit for.
Another four damage. That will kill as you hit her.
You tell me. Yeah, so as she's like, no, no,
no, no, I just like bring the hammer straight down and it just
grumples her and just like, you know, old withered ash dust out
after it slams into the ground. And as you kill this last old
lady, a hush falls over the room.
Deru stops dead in his tracks, not a peep out of any of the
other children. Slash animals in the cages.
What's and what's? Happening.
As you are staring at the animal slash children in the cages,
they start turning back into the children partially.
Some of them still have the extended eye stocks, some of
them still have scorpions tails coming off the bat.
Some of them really only have a face a mother can love.
Yes, and they start pleading with you and crying that they
want to go home. Ah, fuck it, it's good enough.
Oh gosh, Are you sure? They're they're pleading with
you that please take us home, please, please, we don't want to
be here. Please.
Deru sitting there just in tears.
He's not turning back. He's still part 10 year old man
boy, part hog beast, and he's just crying and he does he he
doesn't move. Someone please I'm I'm I'm not
good with kids. Someone do say something.
Give him a fucking cookie. Already get your like like
consoling badge or something? Just talk to him.
Yeah, I only have a Level 3 in that, but I'll see what I could
do. Maybe if we let the kids out of
the cages first that. Might be a bad idea.
Well, what about this one that stopped trying to kill?
Us and I'll walk up to Deiru and I don't want to touch him
because I'm afraid if I touch him I might accidentally kill
him. He got like one health right?
Does he does he notice? He notices you, he's sitting
there, he's just bleeding out, he's in tears and he's just
mumbling to himself. I'm not going back.
I'm not going back.
Where are you going to go back to champ?
I'm not going back to my father. He was terrible.
He's, he's ruined everything. He's no, I'm not going back.
You'll have to kill me first. Oh yeah, I don't think we have
to do any more of that today. You could join the Boy Scouts.
You could maybe be like a leader of these kids or something.
You could have purpose in your life.
I don't know. I'm only a Level 3 in consoling
badge so this is not my strong suit.
Yeah, I heard it was like a 400 level system.
So he's basically a beginner. He looks at you and he says.
You said leave these children. Yes, well, the I'm sure that you
know they're going to. I can't take care of them.
I have I have badges and honors and ceremonies to progress
through. I have to become a scout leader
like Greg, Scout leader, Master Kevin.
So I can't watch them. Phil can't watch them.
He's I've only known him for a few days and he's a mess.
Quill knock and grin. I go.
Well, you saw what they did when we walked in here.
So, you know, honestly, Yeah, we're.
Not the the caretaker type. We didn't mean.
To. Slash he up slowly and and he
looks at you, standing over you, towering over you.
Open the cages I want. I want my brothers and sisters
free. Oh.
Sure. Yeah, I can do that.
Yeah. Still, I'm going to do that
right now. I'm going to fucking run around
and open these cages with my spork.
Don't just stand there, Phil, help me.
I I untwist the wire and I open a cage.
After quite a while, all of the cages are out.
All of the children still partially in their mutated forms
come out and circle around Dehru.
Some with rabbit ears that are glowing, some with rat type
tails and looks like the flesh is still kind of stitched on
some deer that seemed to have way too many teeth in their
mouth. Just standing around Dehru and
Dehru was like. Are we ready to go home and kill
everyone in town? And you hear a muttering amongst
the children and the muttering is turning into cheers and a
glorious laughter and they all start to single file go towards
the hallway that you guys came down to get into this area
proper. Well, I'm glad I could do my
part. I made a big mistake.
I think we just wash our hands right here and move on.
We. Brought a family together?
Good idea. I've done this many a * 20 years
on the road as as working on my hero badge.
Sometimes you win some, sometimes you lose.
I've lost all of them. That's why I don't have the hero
badge. But there'll be other
opportunities already. Already knows failure very well.
The archbishop's going to be so pissed.
I don't know we. Fucked this up royally.
Well, look on the bright side. We freed all of the children and
Phil didn't get infected. Yeah.
Hey everybody, Kevin at the end of the episode.
This episode features the adventure Ikerthorne by Kevin
Welch, which can be found in the Merc Borg anthology Journey
Through the Dying Lands, released through Madness Heart
Press with Levi playing Phil, The Fugitive Night by All Eyes
No Game, Thomas playing Quill Knocked, a Profane Survivor by
Jared Barnes of the Cult Ossuary, Jake playing Artie, the
Indomitable Mountaineer by Rugos Cone, and Walt playing Grin.
The gutter born scum. Check out all these cool things
and the respective exlibrous Morphoria entries in the
description accompanying this episode.
And while you're at it, check us out on our social medias, our
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Blue Sky and thread, and
wherever you listen to podcasts. Make sure to rate, review, and
share with all of your friends so we can get out there to more
people. While we're at it, if you
haven't already, please check out our sister podcast, The
World Standard. With that, thanks for listening
and we'll catch you guys next time.
I have xenophobia or whatever the fuck it is.
I don't like the movie Aliens. This, this shit's coming out.
Xenomorphobia. Xena Warrior Princess.
Yeah, unless it's lingering. You guys solved my child
imprisonment. Puzzled we I.
Feel like this was in me though. We let them free.
I felt so gross murdering them and then then you send them to
murder the. What, what, what?