Greeting scum, happy holidays and welcome to flail to the
face. What is that?
Just put champagne sounds for a. In the back.
My name and I will be our GM as we we have something special
today. A holiday special with a special
guest. We are going to be playing
Unholy Nativity. This is fair warning.
Non canonical. Out of sync.
First time ever. First time ever.
I'm not sure why. So yeah, that's what we're
doing. Without further ado, I guess we
have. We have a bunch of people here.
Hello. Hi, I'm Levi, and I will be
bringing back such a delightful character, Deuce Piggly.
Yeah, I'm Jake. No, you're not.
No.
It's it's not your. Turn.
Oh my God, it's not your right. I keep doing it.
I'm Thomas and I'm continuing to play wee bit.
I'm Kevin, and I'm reprising my role as Scoots.
And I'm fucking Jake. Nothing.
No. OK, fine.
I'm Nate and I will be playing Melville.
Hugo Lesteborne. We have somebody else here today
That's it's actually kind of blowing my mind.
I'm sure that I'm not the only one, but we have we have an
extra guest. Yes.
Sorry. Hello.
Yeah, yeah, I'm a you one know from Stockholm Cattell, who is
responsible for drawing all that skeletons in this game.
They're beautiful and all the others shit as well.
But yeah, I'm excited to be here as well And I'm.
I rolled up a character called Hatchet.
Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I'm, I'm an esoteric Kermit with one HP.
So we'll see how long I'll be in this.
Oh my gosh. All.
Right. It'll it'll be fun.
Oh no. Oh man, yeah, yeah, I'll be.
Fine. I mean, the one HP characters
are usually the ones who live the longest.
Yeah, you hold it dear though, yeah?
Yeah, I feel very, very confident.
He'll be good. Oh, let's fucking flail it.
None. So the six of you are together
for reasons that are your own. But before you and you're in
Slushvig. That's important.
We've been propositioned by a young couple.
Well she's young. Whoa.
She's a very not like that. She's very pregnant.
Which still plays in I guess he's very old.
But she claims that she is escape needs to escape
persecution from King Fatima the 9th because she's claiming that
she's carrying the child of Necrobelle.
Whoa. She is asking for escort to
Gellgenbeck. Oh curl, curl would like to curl
would like you know name. Mari Mari, my husband.
Oh, chew on the nose. Yeah, it's quite on the nose.
The whole thing is on the nose. The blasphemous parody for a
reason. You know this?
Seems really. This seems like heavy shit.
Yeah, the old man I'm. Not nice.
Are you pregnant? Can't say that her.
Very oh. Wow, I don't think that's what
he meant. Curl.
It's very inconsiderate to talk about a woman's weight, you
know? I still can't decide why I hang
out with you guys. We're going to say it's a child
of of of Necro, but what do you what do you mean exactly though?
He came to me at night and when I woke I was with child.
Right. Are we talking like just?
Cut it out and get it done with then.
Like Ghost Rhombus? Is that what you're talking
about, bro? Oh yeah, And you're going to
tell me that. My question my if that's how you
vision it to be, then yes. I mean, me and Pilgrim are we.
Going to look over the fact that he wants to cut the baby out.
Yes. I mean, it's it's a blast of his
baby, isn't it? Well, it.
Should this this demon thing should never see the light of
day or whatever it is outside? I mean, that's not really a hard
choice to make. Her botany?
Her choice? I mean, that's true 100%.
That's not where it was going to like.
The four day more more important matter What's?
What's in it for us? What's the coin?
I agree. I'm sure the the church who
wants they have riches, they whatever you need for helping.
I'm sure they would pay an appreciation.
That's definitely. That seems I got to be honest
here, I'm I'm not too convinced that I've seen a lot of charity
contributions by the church. Right, that seems dubious at
best. That's what I was told.
I'll I'll I'll sort of like whisper to the others like
trying to not have her hear it like maybe maybe it would if she
tells the truth. Maybe this baby could be quite
precious and and worth a lot of money.
So maybe we shouldn't give it to the church.
Maybe we should just tell her that we're giving it to the
church and then, you know, find someone else.
Well, Middleman is taking. Her to the church, aren't we?
Black. Black.
Oh, to. Calgonbeck, but not necessarily
the church I'm. Going to.
Be standing with Bari. And I mean if the church.
And ask. Her If the church doesn't pay
up, I mean, we could just My hands are on fire ransom.
Oh, right. God.
I'm. I'm a damn professional, man.
Holy shit. That's actually true.
Yeah, well this is turning out pretty well.
I mean, if if this kid truly is, like, important to the faith,
I'm kind of obligated to make sure that I see him to this
place. Yeah, you are.
I was really hoping that the end of that sentence was going to be
the opposite, Like if it's my faith, my faith convinces me
that I need to keep him away from the church.
Well. As a man of someone else's
previous faith, I assume that's that's where I stand.
Right. Can we see some of this money up
front, by the way? The old man with her.
Yeah. I guess I'll come with you.
I have. Here give me.
This is just one Silver will do. Oh, really?
Don't tell him that. Give me a D100.
Oh shit. Who's that roller?
Oh, anybody. I don't care.
You say. Who's General?
You just say let our guest. Yeah, you go ahead.
Go ahead. Roll.
Yeah, You asked. I didn't bring.
I didn't bring dice you. Didn't bring it's.
Like 1 HP I'm going to laugh you.
Didn't. Think it was going to be?
I got a bank dice here. Was that 300?
Yes. Yes. 5454 Shit.
Well, I've got, I've got this. And he throws you like a coin
pouch about like A50 someday. 50 some coins, 50 some silver.
OK. I mean, that's not a bad down
payment. Yeah, you want to like.
Bring that up in the 1st place. Well, you don't like, you know,
start whoa when you're bargaining Or yeah, but that's
zero when we were asking. Oh, you do you still start high?
There you go. What the fuck?
I don't bargain. I just pay what's listed.
All right. That's great.
Oh, well, then let's do it. Why not?
Yeah. Wonderful.
So how? Quick, do we have to get her
there? Well, you know, as fast as you
can, I I imagine, Can we take a moment to make a few investments
here in town? You mean like, prepare?
Yeah, like the idea that I'm going out here in a T-shirt and
booty shorts is not, like the greatest idea for me.
I mean, that's kind of my normal repertoire, you know?
It's not bad though. I mean, I'm just saying.
I I appreciate that thoroughly what the wink.
I'd honestly prefer if we leave leave town as soon as possible,
but. Yes.
But then the idea that we're going to yet another city that's
even bigger, that's sort of, I don't like that, but.
We don't have to be that long. No, maybe we can just is there
any specific location of the church?
Yes. Yes.
We can't just dump her at the city walls.
Here we go. We.
Just dump her on the on the stairs of the church and we're
good to go. But we still have to get paid
from the church to jump her off. So we still have to talk to
somebody, don't we? Right.
Are we forgetting that we're getting paid too?
Already got paid? No, we already got a down
payment. Yeah, that's what we were asking
about, wasn't it? Can we can we just move on?
I'm late for a lift. I'm late for a lift.
When did you have the time to call?
Oh, you bet. We.
That was dumb, but that was good.
That was Uber funny. Really.
Wow. Wow, that was dumb bad.
Oh my God. Fucking hell.
Oh my God. I really just want to like a
shirt. Something that I can wear.
That's a little bit of protection.
I'm going to pull the rug from the ground if we have money and
then hand it over to Mel. A what?
Hello curl, give you a rug. The rug off the floor.
You. Wear this also.
Like armor? I assume that you guys wrap it
around your torso and then give it a little slap.
What just happened? That's good for sure.
Just hold tight. Listen, if you need to take some
time, we can lay low overnight and leave in the morning, but
doesn't really seem safe leaving the city walls in the morning.
That, that not norm. Let's just get whatever supplies
we need now and leave. Yeah, right.
Right. Yes, I better.
Mari, I've been in this. Wrench is sitting here long
enough. Let's, let's, let's go.
Agreed. What?
Do you guys want to help me lift her under this donkey?
No. OK.
And I always do it you like. I would, but my hands are on
fire and I don't think that's going to be beneficial for
anybody. I.
Wasn't asking you. I'll drop.
I'll drop down. Fair enough.
I'll drop down. On all four.
So she could step on my hunch, Step on to the Get over the
donkey. That's right.
You're like a little 4 foot tall something with a hunchback.
Aren't you? Something covers it.
It's like it's like Gollum with hair.
Hello with hair, OK? That helps just a little bit
bigger. I know that honestly, like,
probably begs the question to describe you guys because, you
know, maybe we don't know. Oh yeah, fair enough.
Oddly enough, I've always pictured curl with like Severus
Snape's like face. Super.
That's not what I. See.
And and fucking Alan Brickman playing Gollum.
That's horrifying. Alan Rickman playing Gollum?
Yeah, that's perfect. If Gollum was like 2 1/2 times
bigger than what he was. And a hunchback.
Yeah, nice. Good deal.
Got a goiter? That that's about what I kind of
thought of the. Mass I guess What?
The rest of you guys I wear, I wear like a poor King's outfit.
Like it's pretty much just like grubby Burger King.
Very similar face. So default Burger King.
Yeah, very similar face, honestly.
But obviously moves to real face.
Except for the eyes. They're terrifying and huge and
nobody's ever seen them blink. Oh, right.
Wow. Manic, stirring gaze.
Yes, you like. You wanna describe?
Deuce Deuce is wearing like a white tank top with Jean cut off
shorts with a pair of pit Vipers and he has long brown hair and
covered in hair. And he has wolf eyes.
He's the man out of time. Where do you find Pit?
Vipers in the dying world. No, we always have a character
in our story that makes no sense for the time period.
No, they're they're glasses that are made out of pit Viper.
That's cool. There we go.
That's a bit cooler than it than than initially Thought Snake.
Snake scales. Just filed down.
Real. Fast.
Yeah, yeah. Just.
Big snake eyes like real thin skin pulled over to make like a
or glass. Probably because glass is a
thing about the other three. Weemit is a skeleton in
patchwork scale male. You could still see the the
beads kind of weaved around his pelvis.
Well, you're a literal skeleton, Norris.
That's just. A.
Yeah, you're a scattergate. You're catacomsi.
Oh, right, right. And I still have eyeballs in my
sockets. And you have rosary anal beads,
right? He already brought that up, but
thank you. Yeah.
I just need to declare. They rattle as I walk.
Yeah, so. Who doesn't?
It's a bucket. Well, so hatchet is also a
skeleton, but with skin and organs so very frail.
I got one HP and -3 strength all right, so I'm just like super.
So when he. Walks.
It sounds more more like 1/4 filled jug of milk, 1/4 filled
jug of milk. Will die.
Breaks the hip sitting down. Don't imagine this super like
Ash Grave pale guy with long hair, like spidery hair.
And I'm also, yeah, super size. I couldn't hermit.
No one likes him. And he's carrying around this
giant book that is like wrapped in chains and bloody Oh my God,
there was straps and everything. Very cool.
Yeah, it can summon, you know, blood demons from from hell.
Oh fuck yeah. I like how in your that's dope
as hell. But I like how in your
description you pretty much just write in hey be mean to me for.
Character. This is what we do.
Fair, fair, fair. It's like, hey, let's have Johan
on the show. None of these people you
actually want to know. Like none of these characters.
That's the thing, I think. This guy sucks.
Also, he smells of piss like. That's a default.
I feel like that's a default. Yeah.
Oh, that's smell. Yes.
Sounds like home. What about you, Kevin?
I am playing the scorched bedlamite from the trapped
within from wool Jensen. My hands are on fire and my eyes
are on fire as well and basically everything else.
If it isn't like scorched flesh, it's scorched clothing and I've
got a a crowbar and a short sword and everything hurts and
I've got this weird hole in my leg and it's just like
festering. Yeah, your RoboCop doesn't.
Seem to be. Here this this description.
For. Half a second was like, are you
talking about you or him? I don't understand.
You're just modeled Scoots after my own self.
It's it's a lot of method acting.
I think it's. Very inspiration.
Just have a halt, right? Well.
Thank you. You know, because instead of his
hands being on fire, it's wrong. It gets.
Me. In the fields.
It's the bird. Oh God, so that.
Almost regret asking, but I'm glad I didn't.
So you guys gear up, whatever that entails.
I already thought about it, because I don't want it to be a
shopping episode. I just want to fucking.
I just want to get a fucking tier once set of armor.
Yeah, just yeah, you have the coin, don't you?
I have some and just got paid, right.
Oh, that's fair. No, you have 54.
Yeah. No, that's it.
You think that we're going to let this skeleton with organs
and skin hold on to? Me, I can't carry the the pouch
of coin, so I have to give it to someone else.
Like it's just. Going to It's way too heavy.
It's just too heavy. Put it up through two of your
ribs. Scare him.
Do you? Threw it, Adam.
Yeah. Because they want they want
damage. Just.
Hits the ground. Confident blood.
You wanted tier one? Yeah. 20 silver.
OK, perfect. Just go ahead and make it
happen. Could I?
As well, because I have no armor as well.
Yeah, beauty. The only chance to prep really.
So I mean if you know you didn't slash that, it makes sense that
you could do this things. Like how long is the is the
journey Like do we need food or anything?
Yeah, probably. Yeah, it's days that too.
Well, out of transparency when you take off, we'll roll one D 6
+ 4 days. So, and then just for
transparency of the mechanic of the gameplay of the oil, every
day you'll roll for an event. All right.
I'll buy AD six days worth of food.
OK, one day. OK, You'll be good today.
You. Can't carry anymore, so that's
it if. You don't want two apples.
No, it's apples. That's just too much.
Schwarzenegger to you come up. This guy, though, the other guy,
is just a meat case. Yeah, whatever that means.
Meat case, I don't know. Meat case sits on the guest full
of meat. He's a case of meat.
Yeah. Oh, man.
Yeah. I guess rations fucking make
sense. All right, I can do the same.
I came. One as well.
We're going to do well, yeah. We can eat the donkey.
We have a bunch of yeah, there's a donkey a.
Walking a walking fireplace, you know, and and a donkey, so.
Yeah, yeah, right. We also have an old man that's.
Just that's something we can. Remember.
Oh, is he coming as well? Yeah, No.
I'm Skipper, old man. The name, The name's Josephus,
by the way. Needing me, apparently.
Yeah, of course it is. You're going to say that through
everything? Of course it.
Is oh man. So they were Josephus and.
Mari MAR. I I'm not.
Can't put my finger on it. It's a familiar story, but I
can't, yeah. Cool, original stuff.
Breaking new ground here, yeah. This is really.
It's a Christmas special, man. It's hilarious.
Why would you tell a different story on a Christmas special,
man? You can't.
Fuck any bad. So you guys take off, you leave
you, you sneak out through the sewer grates, broken sewer
grate. They know things.
You guys know you guys know how to get in and out of Schleifick,
perhaps without getting having to go through.
Just get that donkey down there. He's probably got the docker up
in your neck. I'm not sure how beside.
Oh, don't don't worry Bros, I'm squatting this.
The swamp donkey. He's doing squat walks.
Oh yeah, he. Probably is.
I'm plunging everywhere. Plunging the best.
Guy. No, I'm digging deep.
OK, so somebody give me AD 6. Oh, you want curl, I'll do.
Kevin, go ahead. OK. 4.
Four. OK, oh, write that down.
OK, Jake, give me AD six. Wait.
What you gonna call call baby Jesus?
What? What?
Jesus, Jesus. I got a 10.
What are you gonna call the baby?
Jesus? No.
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. So you guys travel under the
cover of night initially and then of course it turns to day.
You guys travel across. I guess it would be Vosland,
wouldn't it? So you guys travel through the
entire day and not a damn thing happens.
What? Yeah, well, night falls again.
You guys are still travelling. Mari is obviously tired.
The donkey is. Hard to tell he's a donkey, but
he's probably tired. I suppose this is probably not
the time to bring it up, but did anybody bother to pick up any
rations for the pregnant lady? I don't care about that.
She's eating food. No, no, I thought to eat just
their own. I mean, I brought my.
Carl's got 2. Food.
I'm going to give her one. Oh, you you know what?
You could go ahead, take it. What?
Carl.
Carl, don't think she won't eat you.
She takes the ration from you, nods and whispers.
Thank you is you get a good look at her too, because you're close
to her at this point. You see that?
Like there's something off about her in general.
She she's she's a younger woman in her mid 20s.
Dirty as everybody else is, and but it looks as though she was
wearing real heavy mascara at one point and spent a lot of
time crying. I'm going to lick my palm and
then wipe it away from her face. It it smears on across her
cheek. Good.
It's OK curl take care of you be.
Careful, lady, you don't know where his hands have been.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure he was born in those clothes.
Pretty nasty stuff. I sit down and I'm like, so
listen, I I don't really care. But how do you feel to the lady?
It feels appropriate to ask. That's why I'm asking.
Tired. And cold.
Right, but except everyone is tired except from that.
Oh, I guess then fine. Hearing her say cold, I'm going
to try to kick over a bunch of brush and stuff and then start a
a campaign. And then put her in it, right?
We're we're putting that thing down.
What deuce? No, you son of a bitch.
No. No, we got to get paid before we
put her down. I mean, no.
Yeah, that's right. Yeah.
As you as deuce as you say that eye.
Of the tiger, yeah. Josephus, you see him kind of
reflexively reached to a hammer on his belt.
Oh, I don't. Think you want to try that, bud.
He just kind of let's go. What are you nailing exactly?
Yeah, yeah. Are you already?
Did it. Whoever something, well, I mean.
Who wasn't her. She claims to be a virgin.
I mean, yeah. OK.
Are you a Carpenter? Yes.
Yes, yes. OK.
Yeah. I mean, well, I get, but
technically, yeah. But I mean, I really don't get
any work, but whatever I do get. Suck.
Well, he's not very good. Yeah, he's kind.
Of sound like marry the work, the work that I do get, though I
rarely finish. OK.
Wow. Man, you might be why I don't
get much work. Maybe that why you not my dad.
After a day and a half, I I after, yeah.
After a day and a half I was starting to feel bad.
But you really made me feel a lot better today.
Thank you. I'm going to go down and.
Sit down and eat. You like Patsy on the back.
You're. Welcome.
That was weird. So what's your story then, old
man? Are you like her father or?
No, I'm her husband. Wow.
OK. I know, I know.
I thought. I thought it too.
How unfortunate for Mari. Well, she loves me.
I take care of her. I'm just kind of curious now.
Like what? What's this age difference here?
Like 20 years. Seems a lot.
It is a lot, you know. Well, he's blind.
She's legal. It's fine, yeah.
She's the ripe age of 18, right? I'm like it's it's the medieval
times. I guess that makes sense.
She's in her 20s. It's cool.
So. So dude's like, what, 4045?
Yeah, he sounds a lot older. You know that's old for this.
You've had a lot of life. That might be old for that, but
then again, some of you guys are probably like, I mean, Remit's
probably like in his 100 and 20s.
Damn, son, you couldn't tell. Yeah, but with this fine bone
structure, you can't. Really.
I know. Like Jesus.
Here I think, I think he has a calcium.
I'd like to think that skeletons in like Merc board are never
white because white, no. No, no.
They're always dirty and like. Yeah, well, I've always seen
Weem it as red. Well, like, OK, that makes
sense. But like.
Blood red or something like soap.
Yeah, yeah. Well, you think like a white
bone. Exactly.
Yeah, exactly. So he's.
Yeah. So like the the color of dried
blood on him. But like, white bones are sun
bleached right? And there's no.
Sun. There's no sun.
So yeah, that's important. Is there anything else weird
going on with old Mari? She is tired.
She's just, she spends a lot of time just kind of sleeping and
you know, laying around like a pregnant one.
But yeah, other than that she's she's also when you felt her
face, you noticed that she is like uncharacteristically cold
people. People shouldn't be that cold.
I'm going to share my amble firewood with her.
That makes sense, considering character.
Yeah, I'll snuggle up with her and throw my birth curtain
around us. I.
Hate that? It's not your birth curtain.
We've been over this. It's a complex back story.
There it is. We don't have to do it again.
At least no. She thanks you again and kind of
snuggles into the blanket, pulls it in.
You guys are camping by the fire that Scoots made, so you guys
camp. Another day dawns and give me AD
20. Anybody.
Let's have Nate do it. 9. OK, and again, so just a little
background lore currently in the world at this time period, 6
miseries have already happened. Yes.
My Lord, so it's getting close. Curl don't do anything.
Probably part of the reason why the Church is so.
And why this shit happens like with her?
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's coming down and sure
that there are people who are desperate, knowing that it's
close. Have that, like, affected the
world in Anyway, that's six mysterious like, what's the
status of the world? OK, I was waiting for somebody
to ask that 'cause I wasn't gonna explain anything unless it
was asked, in which case there are curious.
No, there are six players, so everybody roll the D60.
Six. Holy shit.
And we can determine, we can determine what they have been.
This is actually dope now. Well, that's what I was thinking
of. Like I'm only gonna bring it up
if they ask. All right, 65. 65 it's.
The 1st 165. Yeah, Yep, Gotcha 13333330.
My God, why can't I find it? I got 31. 31, OK.
I get a book. 11. 11 And Jake, What you get 6464 OK, the
miseries that we we rolled here. Oh yeah, 65 The earth shall vain
bringing black serpents forth from within the earth.
That's going to cause problems. All of these snakes in this
planet. This motherfucking snakes.
Snakes on these. Fuck so 1/3 of all of those who
build mightily stone by stone, so shall they fall stone by
stone. So maybe that's why it was so
easy to get out of. The wall.
Yeah, the wall is gone. That's perfect.
So fuck that whole sewer scene. NO33 and hunger shall come among
you. You shall dig roots and pull
children from the breast. The Gaunt shall put you upon the
Gaunt. Just fucking look at me.
I don't have any ration. It's got one ration.
Oh wait boy. Not all they had in the whole
this week so. Oh, that makes sense.
Oh fuck. That's why.
Legitimately. All these two MPCS that we
picked up. This is fun.
Good things together rations so. Three.
One at Graventosk. The soil shall grow warm, and
those who rest be made to walk. So the dead have risen in
Graventosk. Now what's new?
That feels pretty regular, to be honest.
I've been. Saying that for years.
I guess it happens in NASA at this point.
I feel like I understand that a little bit, but I don't know
why. Oh wow.
Yeah, 11 The city shall be made hollow of those who rest in
hollowness. They shall not be seen.
We'll see what. Other words.
Oh, I got I got you there. I like that.
And 6/4 for those who walk on two legs shall be nameless as
the beast of the field. We had to have the idiot so
nobody knows their actual names. Shit.
Here we go again. Is that?
What that's supposed to sadly do?
Like nobody knows their name anymore, because we had that
happen. Actually, it's actually helpful
when you play because I always forget names anyway, so.
That's true. No.
That happened on an earlier episode of Flail and everybody
had to have new names, so. Yeah, we don't have any names at
all. We just point.
Are you? Oh, I suppose there's no these
are real. Good.
There's no names at all. That's good podcasting.
Yeah, well. Yeah, these are our new giving
names. Punts and their names and
everything but. It's OK.
So moving forward, keep these in mind, All right.
And then also give me D6, Thomas.
All right. We're going to add 1 to that.
That is A1. One Dang it, really.
Another day passes of travel, and another completely
uneventful day. Oh my God.
I'm keeping an eye on her, like whatever she was called.
I can't remember her name, but like, she's progressing.
Something. Paul or something.
It's just getting worse. Or if it's getting.
Right. She she doesn't look to be.
It looks like the the blackness coming from her eyes with the
the smeared mascara. The corpse paint is growing.
It looks like it's kind of spreading across her face.
And you see, her hands are starting to her, her veins on
her flesh. She's very pale as is, but her
veins are starting to be more pronounced.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna walk over to now Nameless but curl.
Exactly. Hey, since since you hear the
one he's been up with her at night, has that thing been
moving around on you? What you mean?
That seemed weird. Yeah.
Didn't you say she was cold? No, she says.
She cold. I I just give her.
I just warm her. I hear.
Take care. Normal.
We could say name don't like this.
Be the muppet. I think that.
I think that that lady's probably dead, no?
She's not dead. I'm going to go over and and
grab her. You haven't seen all the dead
people walking around? She will be dead eventually.
I mean, we all will. I mean, I mean, speak for
yourself. Well, you're an exception.
You've banned it. Are you dead or alive, really?
If Eck allows. Yeah, I mean, yeah, it's a it's
an existential thing, man, right?
Grappling with for a while. The logic of skeletons in
general. I really don't like hanging out
with skeletons. Does she react when I grab her?
She he does he as you grab her wrist, she he you'll see this
like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What?
Are you doing? I she doesn't react at all
really. And she looks, she's looking at
you and she moved. So that's the confirmation.
She laughed. Move.
I understand. You keep your hands on yourself.
I appreciate the help and all but being a little forward.
What? Yeah, he doesn't understand
those kinds of things. I lay with her, keep her warm,
may not do nothing. How does that make you feel?
Well, I was there too, and that was.
Weird. It was weird because he was like
the the the cream inside the Oreo.
I go hang out with everybody else.
So does Josephus. Just.
Walk away from. Deuce.
Yeah, as a he walks over to the rest of us.
I'm like, how's that conversation sounding?
I mean, he was just the meat in the sandwich, you know?
Like that. I bet.
Trying to avoid the situation, Scoots is going to start a
forest fire. Actually.
I want to. Try.
I want to try and see if there's anything I can shoot and kill
for food. You want to shoot and kill
something? Yes.
All right. I mean, if we're living in a
world where I ate my one ration as well, Yeah, I get that.
Oh, you guys should have been prepared like me.
Can I assist him in his hunting? Yes, absolutely.
I'm going to be your dog. I won't.
Ought to be your duck. Dog.
If he's not helping, he's going to negate the bonus that way.
OK. OK.
So sabotage. Yeah.
No, they'll give me a presence test.
And since Curl is helping you on your hunt, we'll call it ADR 10.
Yeah, that doesn't matter. That's a nine friend.
No. Nothing.
Huh. Nice.
So, you know, I could because it is just a day.
Just reduce. I think you could.
Yeah, for sure. Gets back out again.
Yeah. I mean, I'd rather not start
starving. Yeah, no, I get that.
I'm our. We're.
All starving, terrible disadvantage.
OK, so since you're using an Omen to reduce, give me AD 6. 5.
Another D6 We Joseph. Two.
OK You see as you guys are kind of walking through the brush of
kind of it's kind of marshy around here and notice two pigs.
Pigs in the field in front of Oh my God.
They're kind of running around looking for something.
They're just digging another pigs do oh.
Carl, done this before. Now I'm going to chase one down
and tackle it. You don't know how you're going
to chase one down and tackle it you.
Don't know how to whisper. Tackle OK, so we're going to
call that agility. I'm going to.
That's probably pretty tough to do because I imagine catching
pigs is tough. They make.
It also the ground is full of snakes.
Is it still? They do, The better point.
They do this at farms all the time for like, festivals of
shit. OK.
Since you brought up the snake thing, I feel like there needs
to be something where like every time that you fail while you're
out here, you get bit by a snake pretty much, and you're picking
at you. And that makes sense.
Damage. So we'll call it D2 damage, just
to minimize the the pain of that.
But also, I was in this test due for infection.
Yeah, OK, Love it. Love it.
So fail something, you're gonna get bit.
Just straight. Fail.
Just straight. Fail something.
Oh, wow. It's a it's a misery.
So I mean like the world. 'S not long for this world,
though. Oh no.
Fail something And he died. None.
Of us are. Oh.
There we go. Yeah, I'm just more likely to.
Fall and shatter. Now true, true.
So you're going to try to run. In soft snakes are soft.
Snakes are soft, probably. They are, yeah.
Aren't they? I've never.
Done. They just bite you to death.
That's not the soft part. Yeah.
Anyway, you're trying to catch the pig, right?
We're going to call it Agility Test Dr. 14.
Oh wow, nice fail. Girl not get it?
So so. You you go, you go running after
one of these pigs and you don't even get close to it because you
slip on this massive wriggling pile of snake and fall face
first into it. Take D2 damage.
Does my armor take effect in this at all?
It should. It's armor should.
Yeah, it's a bite. Unless I'm telling you it like
bites you in the face or something, it does not matter.
Nice the snake bit me in the in like the butt plate or
something. It's the only part in your armor
that you bought. Oh shit.
Baby. Yeah, just to prevent that.
In that case, I imagine the toughness test isn't necessary
because it would never got into your body.
So cool. What about you, Melville?
I'm going to try and shoot the one that he didn't try to at the
same time. Yeah, OK With your crossbow.
Yes. All right, DR12, watch this.
Not work. Oh, that's a 16.
Nice. There you go.
OK. Crap.
Do I do some damage? Is that what I do?
Yes, you do. Of course.
I figured you knew that 4/4. You plant this this bolt from
your crossbow directly into like the back of its neck.
It doesn't go down and it goes down, but it doesn't stay down.
You hear it squealing, as does the other one speaking out
because of that exist. And then you hear.
Hey. Oh shit, you.
Need D4? OK, four.
You see it come out of the brush with like a little thicket
nearby 4 farmers, and give me four coin flips.
Oh. Oh God.
OK. How far away is this from camp?
Not far to. You can see that.
Yes, I would say so. OK, OK, I'm head out, I'm head
over. There.
So two twos and two ones, 2 twos and two ones.
So two of them have knives, the other two have like farming
implements for the sake of differentiating the two.
The knife does D4 damage, obviously the farming implement,
which is like a hoe or a rake. Does D4 damage?
D2 damage, just to differentiate the two.
Otherwise, what's the point? Yeah, right.
Because it literally says 50% chance they carry a tool.
That's what the coin flips are for.
OK, All right. So let's roll initiative then.
Hold on. I got my numbers.
That is them, the farmers them. It is them.
Well, wonderful. So I got to imagine, considering
what these farmers saw, that every one of them is running
after Melville. Yes.
Well, actually, they also saw curl running after them.
So I feel like we're going to send one in the mud.
I'm camouflaged. That's fair.
You're really small and you're laying on the ground, though.
That makes a lot of sense because the squeal is what
caught their attention, right. That happened after the I have a
crossbow, there's an arrow. It's very clear that you're
shooting their pigs. Yeah.
So all four of these guys are going to come at you.
Wonderful. And they get close enough to
attack. So I need 4 agility tests for
me. Holy, yeah.
This will be great to fail. Do the one unfold, get attacked
by this? And also a snake.
Oh that. No, that's a fair point.
No. Since that's the case, though,
should we call that in combat? That doesn't.
We're not for combat. Yeah, that feels way harsh.
It's too brutal. OK, I like it.
OK. I made that one.
Good. You could stab in the neck and
bit in the job. That one.
Oh my God. Absolutely not.
OK, you're. Going to be fine.
Wait, what? Did you?
What did you? Roll you.
Say I'll use a -. 1. I'll use an omen for you to re
roll that. Oh God, I'll jump from the mud
and you're 1 omen. I have two.
Wait, no. I'll throw. 1.
Every time you use that omen it, it triggers every no, no, He had
the power to gain an omen. Oh fuck.
Oh God it. Was one omen.
OK, and the special like omen rules.
He's his character class. He's and Kylie.
I got 4 omens, I'll use one on you if you want to.
That would be wonderful. Do a reroll.
Yeah. Yeah.
OK. Well, on the transparency,
Jake's character class and Kylie, I cannot.
If I use my power this this session read, you will all hate
me. He gets 1 omen and if he spends
it, he can. Afterwards, he can spend the
power to gain an omen back, and if he does, he rolls AD six I
think. And on A1 he triggers another
misery. Yeah, you can take Michael Mars
for that character class, Yeah. Not a great ability to have for
this one shot, no? No.
So use with caution I guess. Or don't you?
For the. Biscuit.
You roll the fucking. 1. You rolled the one that was on
that re roll, wasn't it? Yeah, that was a re roll.
Yeah, that was my omen. It's all omens for a reason.
Was that a spider omen? Let's deal with that one.
First it was a spider. It was you spite.
It was, yeah, the spiteful result.
So fumble on a defense, you're going to take double damage and
your armor is destroyed afterwards.
And a snake. Let's just deal the damage on
that one first. Isn't that armor brand new?
Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah.
Never been touched. It was just painful.
So roll that first damage. What is it?
Oh, I didn't tell you. D4 Two doubled for four.
Holy fuck. So your armor still applies for
this hit because it breaks after we got breaks from it.
So you're taking three down? How?
Much help do you have. I have one now.
Oh my God. And there's still 3
motherfuckers here to attack you.
Yeah. Oh great.
The second one hit as well. Let's call him the one of the
No, no, no, the first one missed.
This is the second one. The second one.
Yeah. OK, so.
So we have more omens, right? I mean.
Yeah, there's tons. Yeah, Okay, fine.
You're. Fine.
Omen reduce. Omen to reduce.
Yeah, okay. That one succeeds.
And then you got one more and a 19.
A 19. Thanks.
OK, All right. So yeah, you Bob and weave
around. These dudes get stabbed right in
the chest. Yeah, gets it right in the liver
and but curl popping up draws the attention of one of them.
But that's all four of them. The pigs, because they're still
round. The one with the crossbow bolt
in the back of. His head.
Is just kind of feebly crawling away because it seems like he's
dying. The other one just runs off.
All right, squealing. How's you guys?
OK, I'm not. You're in the thick of it, huh?
Yeah. I'm gonna let I think you.
I feel like you should probably take the leap.
Yeah. Wonderful.
OK, so I have one power today, OK.
And I'm going to use it to sticky Icky.
Yeah. Try and icker this dude with the
dagger. Nice.
I hate when his hands does that. Yeah, just rub my hands together
and get that nasty black gross shit.
It's kind of funny. And then just wipe it all over
this guy, OK? OK.
Yeah, I'm ceremonious as fuck. Just I'm bleeding out.
Icker of rot. Yep.
OK. It's a DR12 attack.
It's a tough well, it says that's ADR 12 attack.
You could wipe your hands on an assailant's bear skin.
Who must pass ADR 12? Toughness test.
Or descend into frogging spasms for two times.
Wonderful. OK, he made it.
Now he's made the attack. OK, so he's got to fail it.
And he does. Nice.
OK, so yeah, you. Whatever.
Works. You rub your hands together,
clap the ears, and he just immediately goes down and looks
like he's having a seizure. Oh.
Fuck, that's the guy that stabbed you.
Let's say yes, just for the sake of red revenge.
Well, yeah, when he stabbed me, that's what I did.
I just grabbed his face and that's perfect.
And drop him to the ground and I start running in a different
direction. Yeah.
Running back to the camp. Yeah.
OK. Wonderful.
You're also woman. I'm the one that's got attention
on me. I'll.
I'll tackle to the ground. OK.
He's the other guy with the knife.
Yeah. OK.
You're gonna tackle him. I don't have my sword out.
Oh, you can take it. OK.
All right. We'll call that a tough.
We'll call it strength. Let's call it strength test.
OK. Were you just gonna wrestle a
pig? He.
Was 18. 18. Yeah, yeah.
So you you suit, you like, you like spear him.
You come out of the brush this horizontal, grab him around the
waving, tackle him to the ground.
We'll call him grappled and unable to move.
And if he on his turn, he can. We'll have you roll to see if he
gets out. I'm gonna roll over on my back,
so he's on top of me, your Gator rolling him.
Yeah. OK.
What about I? I think that was a good.
Oh my God, that. Was pretty good.
What about the four dudes at the camp?
We were watching this happen, right?
I gotta imagine the hay and the and the squeal.
You. Should have.
How many guys are still alive too, right?
You've got one guy currently rolling around with curl, you've
got one guy on the ground having a seizure, and then the other
two guys all alive. The two pitchfork dude, they're
all standing up. Get all alive.
Yep, Yep, the two farming implement guys are standing
there still. All right.
I will produce my giant book that I have.
Oh yeah. Oh shit.
And I will and I will try to use it.
I will try to use it to summon some circus from the dimension
of blood because they might help us.
I mean but I'll run away first plus I'm like far away from camp
so that you and then I open this thing up and it has like like 5
locks and everything on it. I just have to try to open it up
and try to find a correct page and everything.
I don't want to use the wrong page, but I yeah, I'll try and
like I think one of them has to roll a just a test against the
art well to try to stop me. Yes.
OK. So yeah, go ahead, give me that
roll then. How can they stop you exactly
far away? So like, how can they?
Maybe they throw a snake or something out there.
Actually, he says your enemy must make a test to prevent
this. I feel since you're so far away
from him, that's not really. I feel like it wouldn't.
You can't really fail because he can't even interact.
Really. That thing can't.
They're all interacting with. So his test would fail.
So I mean this, I think it would automatically happen then
because of that, cool, because he's kind of tied up, you know?
I mean. So what happens then is I create
sort of like a ritual circle. Very.
This happens very fast. So it's like a ritual circle
around me. And all these snakes on the
ground, they die and they sort of like, they open up like you
would open up a bag of candy. Oh.
God. Just like like turns inside out
and it sort of creates this portal, blood and out from this
comes this lurch looking. You know the guy from the orc
from Lord of the Rings? Oh, this dude comes up from
like, the mud pit. Just.
Comes up. And I'll have to roll the D6 to
see if he's friendly or not. He sounds.
Real familiar? And he is, yeah, good, good.
I cannot control him, I imagine. So he just like comes up and he
just runs screaming towards these farmers.
OK. Yeah.
Fuck yeah. Armed with whatever.
Like, I don't know, you decide. But he yeah, he's fucking blood
and gourd. Just gross.
Well, that was really fucked up and you'll see if you stand
there watching it like. That never works.
He's taking a piss on a tree next to him.
Yeah, he's just standing like, oh God, what's going down here?
Oh, OK, What about the rest of? The I think these have the same
stats as the Berserker's. There's like 13 HP and whole
random. OK, they're big.
After the battle, they returned to their imprisonment, OK.
Yeah. He was.
Fucking shack in. Oh wow.
No. It says if they failed that they
would turn on you attempting to kill you and destroy the book.
Yeah, OK, so they would come. So.
That was, yeah, that could have happened.
But it didn't. It'd come straight for Hatchet.
That's amazing. OK, what about Scoots, Scoots
and Weemen? Scoots is gonna run over to the
guy that's fighting with Curl. And since Curl flipped him up so
the guy's on top, Scoots is going to try to Superman punch
this guy right in the back of the head.
Oh, fun. OK, give me a strike.
Hopefully catch him on fire. So that's a 12 on the die plus
one. So that's a 13 to hit.
That's AD 4 + 2 for unarmed. Damn.
Son. It's a four on the die, so
that's six damage. Damn.
Fuck. And what in sixth chance of him
catching on fire? Just tell me about it.
Instead, tell me about it. So as I come up and run, I'm
just going to do the Superman punch and I'm going to catch him
in the back of the head and just punch right through and then
have the fist come out through his mouth and then like over
Curl's head and I'm going to wave.
It's like, right his face. Yeah, like, right.
His face. I'm going to throw that.
It's like something you draw on a skateboard.
Lovely, yeah. I understand.
For real. Or.
Or a flail of the face T-shirt? Oh, hell yeah, Let's do it.
Yeah. You said you're going to high
five them. Jake, I retract that statement.
Why? Because.
I saw the fire. Yeah, the fire you go.
I go to high five them and then pull back my hand real quick.
It's like. Pretty rare.
I understand. Weemut and Deuce, I'm going to
knock knees. With Knock them What?
Does that mean like a knock? What, with your knees?
Gotcha. We can bump elbows dapping.
Carol. Can't reach.
Do the kitchen dabs? No.
That's fair. OK.
So we go ahead. Yeah, we would seen Mel running
back towards the I will step aside to let him run past and
try to take a jab with my knife at the farmer that's chasing him
down. OK, gotcha.
So. These.
Guys work together better than the other group.
Right. Yeah, it's true.
And I still miss. So OK, I just like, as I like
Jab Adam Farmer just kind of sidesteps.
Yeah, sidesteps. And you see that he's as you as
he's he sidestep because he saw it coming and he's he's bringing
that pitchfork. He's that guy with the
pitchfork. I guess he's bringing it down
like he's going to just put it under the chin.
That's what he's attempting to do, but.
Deuce is going to run in and do a bite attack on one of these
chaps. Do you just you're not going to
silently didn't talk about the fact that you have a?
Wolf face today. Yeah, you're a werewolf.
Dude, when I gave him my description, he's all wolf all
the time. All wolf, all the time.
Right now. Oh yeah, you're the mendacious
lycanthrope, which is a class we made ages ago, and he lies about
being a werewolf, pretty much. Oh yeah, that's.
Right. That's why he's mendacious.
Yeah. So in other words, he's like
full wolf. And he's like, Nah, bro.
Just. Hairy Can you rub this oil on
me? I.
Forgot to shave? It's like Teen Wolf with Michael
J. Fox, but he's not hiding it and
he's lying about it. Actually, yeah, considering how
he dresses. I can see him in a varsity
jacket. Oh my God.
Gross. Denim shorts.
Yeah, denim shorts.
So I'm going to do a bite attack on one of the farmers, whatever
one's not occupied. Oh.
That'd be the other one, cause one's with curl, one's foeman.
Oh, did. You get a 2A2.
Wow, I'm gonna use an omen. Yeah, do that live like
checking. What is it?
Toughness. Strength.
Checking it's. Gonna check, Yeah, it's like the
five plus whatever you have is not gonna.
Say that was 5, that was an 8. Oh, it was an 8.
Oh, I can't read. I can't read numbers.
Just kidding, I can't see it. Yeah, that's only a nine, so OK.
Cool, I. Don't do anything.
Do. You want to owe him into oh,
that's yours. Your reroll.
Never mind. Yeah, OK, so yeah, you go and
you try to bite this dude and the farmer looks at you kind of.
Hey, he ducks. He, like, moves out of the way,
but as he does, he's like, the fuck.
Get back over here, Let me bite you.
And I guess he's the one with the rake, so he's gonna attempt
to bat you with it, but that's another round of initiative.
So, Johann, why don't you give me?
All right. That's a piece and we go first.
All right. Good deal.
Yeah. That bite again, Yeah.
I'm going to try to bite him. Yeah, go for it.
OK, yeah, I do it. Yeah, I do it.
D8 Damn. Is there a wolf?
Sheet. Yeah.
Is he like a full on snout? Like a Like a yeah.
OK. So you're an actual wolf?
Yeah, so my mouth grows massive, I have razor sharp teeth and I
feel hunger. My, what big teeth you have.
Yes. So it's AD 8 for bite.
That's a that's I know. Come on.
I saw it first. Oh.
One damage, one damage. Thankful I.
And then? I omen Max damage.
You're going to omen Max damage and there's D10 damage, right?
D8D8 OK, then tell me about it. Oh, I I just.
Rip his throat out. Oh fuck.
Wonderful. And then I swallow it.
Why nice? Why not?
He's hungry. Got it.
He gives Ration a lot of protein.
That's just one Ration. Yeah, actually, that makes a lot
of sense. However, give me a toughness.
A toughness test? Oh no, they're fucking infected.
We don't know. Maybe.
Full of snakes. Yeah, it's a snake That makes a
lot of sense. What's the snake farmers?
God damn it, Snake. What's an 8 give me?
An 8 gives you a fail that you're infected.
No, no, Somebody omen. For him, No, it's.
OK. No.
I have 3 omens but I'll. You're fucking insane, Yeah.
You feel like as you swallow that you just don't make turns.
I don't feel so good now. Yeah.
Oh, no, that. Didn't taste good at all.
You feel a fever? Take over immediately.
Anyone else got the meat sweats? Fucking hell.
OK, so that's the rest of these then.
What are you guys doing as a SIT Rep?
Nate, you just dropped that one guy.
He's still got another round after this one.
Yeah, to be foaming. The other guy who's still alive
is currently about to attack Wima with a pitchfork.
Actually, I think this is the last round for him because he
didn't act. Oh, I doubt it'll be.
I'm sure it'll be the last round for him, period.
So that's what's going on. There's only two guys left.
I'll just take a. I'm just.
I'll just do no you're. I'm just going to take a shot
quick and keep running. OK Just look back and yeah try
to shoot. Which one?
The one laying on the ground or the one that's going to attack
week? The one that's going to attack
Wheeler. Gotcha.
While he's doing that, I'm going to strangle the one that's
laying on the ground. Fun.
It hits for four damage. OK That's.
You put that crossbow bolt right into his throat and he.
Yeah. And he like, stops a throat
action today. A lot of throat action.
Yeah. So he's he's in this mid swing
and as soon as I hit somebody, like knocks him off his feet a
little bit, he stumbles. But you see he's bleeding from
the throat, from this crossbow bolt.
He's not dead. He probably wishes he was.
Yeah, just keep running. And I was like.
Oh God, who's this beefcake and run past?
Yeah, that dude. Just about to wonder, like, what
that dude is going to do. Yeah.
He's, yeah, he's running at the guy who just got the crossbow, I
imagine, like. I'm not sure that he is like he
sees them all as friends of me. I just think he like he wasn't
attacking me, but maybe he doesn't like discriminate
between. I like that all.
His targets. I like that a lot.
Yeah, he's just running around. You're just screaming.
Actually, that being the case and I think all the way, oh,
never mind. I mean, it was a good idea when
there were more farmers than it was PC.
Now, yeah. That's fair.
It shouldn't matter. Like his perception of enemies.
I mean, he is sort of like blood.
LinkedIn A. When are you summoned him from a
void or from another dimension? He sounds like a prick.
So it's. Yeah, honestly, my character
doesn't know either how this works.
OK, fair. That's fair.
So I would just strangle this man.
I have an idea. Oh.
Boy are. You gonna strangle a man on the
ground? Yes.
OK, I considering that he is having a seizure, it's not hard
to do. I fucked up.
But you can fail. So let's call it ADR 8 'cause
it's pretty fucking easy. Do you roll?
The three I got to load. He has very small hands.
Yeah, that's fair. He's covered in mud.
Also, Gollum hands are so used to strangling though.
Well, I'm covered in mud. He's got this weird shit all
over him. It's just a slippery situation.
What about? Sorry, curl don't have this
problem before. I'd like to think now at this
point that the Berserker dude continuing that run like as he
saw Melville, like run past him. He, like, almost like you saw
him like take an odd step as if he was about to attack Melville
and. He's like, Oh yeah.
And then that's like he wasn't sure what he's doing.
And then he just runs up and clotheslines this fucking
pitchfork farmer. There's a full clothesline bolt
in his neck. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it just. And it just takes that guy off
his feet and just floors him. It's like it's like the the
Predator comes running you. Know.
Yeah, yeah. That's size.
Yep, exactly. Just a knock down.
No. Did homage.
No, it it took him down and you see like you can his eyes just
roll back in his head and he's just lifeless.
And the guy in the berserker just roars, screams he's crazy
and what? So there's just the one guy
laying on the ground getting bundled by strangled, strangled.
It's just a warm up, all right. I'd like to go over to the one
that's on the ground that curl was trying to strangle, and I
would like to take my flaming hands and put it over his eyes
and his mouth and just try to sear his.
Face shut. Up.
That's brutal. I choke him.
You You suffocate. So what is the damage of your
flames? Isn't it D6?
D 4 + 2. D4 plus two.
OK, that's D6. Yeah, for unarmed attacks.
OK, OK, I got you. So tell me about it, 'cause
there's no way you're not gonna. I'm just gonna hold one hand
over his eyes and the other hand over his nose and mouth and just
push him into the mud while searing every opening that I
possibly can Closed. Oh my God, he.
Just suffocates. You're melting his face.
Hand shaped burnt hole down to the skull pretty much.
Oh, bad ass. So that's that's combat.
You see then that this berserker, as he's just
screaming and it's kind of the only thing left happening, is
this guy just belting into the air And you see him like he's
kind of like a bloody mess, to the point where it looks like
he's almost pure blood and you just see him kind of melt as you
scream. He kind of melts into nothing.
Oh, thank. God, somebody grabbed that
fucking pig. Oh, I'll chase down that pig
again. The one with the with the arrow
in its neck. Yeah, it's got to be real easy
this time. Yeah, It's just laying there
dead that out conveniently. I'll grab it by the hoof and
pull it back to the to the base. OK.
Looks like meats back on the menu, boys.
That was perfect. That's five rations right there
for that page. Wonderful.
Nice. Yeah.
Nice. Beautiful.
That's a great time for a break, coming soon to Kickstarter.
An ancient forest, an ensemble of lost souls.
A spiteful curse. This place has been desecrated.
10 new classes, even more cursed relics.
A forest had straw hordes of withered creatures and much.
More. Welcome back to Flail of the
Faith. I hate that.
No, there was a thing where I'm realized I scream every episode.
That's the bit. Is it?
Oh, I thought, I thought for this Christmas special, It'll be
funny if I didn't. That's what I'm saying.
That's my bit. So you guys, after fighting
those farmers stealing their pig?
No, we saved the pigs from the weird pig gropers.
And then we killed it and ate it.
Yeah, that's. New.
What does sailing mean? The one pig still got away.
It's fine. Sailing.
Yeah, of course. You guys camp through the night
again. Next morning you pack up, camp,
continue on. Give me AD 20.
I'll do it. Woo.
You said that I was worried. Yeah, me too.
All right. And then we'll go.
Kevin, give me AD six. We're adding six Reading 3 to
this. Oh.
Boy, it's a one. OK Oh.
OK, well that's good. Oh, this is fun.
I'm actually stoked you rolled that.
I like playing games. Me too.
Games, too. Games and dice are fun.
I just rolled for weather. If you don't mind, it was a
cloudburst. Oh, wonderful.
Oh, OK. So yeah, that might actually
work out really well with what's happening then, because the
cloudburst is like that. Really quick storms, isn't it?
Really short quick storm I. Don't know it's your language.
Up there, I think it's what it is.
I think microburst is what I'm thinking of.
I I'd like to think that that's a fairpoint.
That's a fairpoint. It's just a cool world word at
the end of their bike. So.
It is pretty good, no? I think a cloudburst is like
when like like there's just a massive deluge of rain all of a
sudden and it. Doesn't have very heavy
rainfall. Yeah, exactly.
OK, Yeah. OK.
Like someone pours a bucket of water on top of you.
Oh, that's amazing. So you guys, you're travelling,
hours pass and then you start hearing something in the
distance, you start hearing this, this is really rhythmic
and it just continues, it continues.
And as you go, as you carry on for another hour of this and
it's, you still hear it and it's kind of growing louder and
louder. And suddenly you see on like you
guys are kind of walking through like little hills and valleys
across Bossland. And on the precipice of one of
these hills you see silhouette of the very short man.
Carrying a marching snare, marching drum and he's just
sitting there blasting away just by himself, yeah, by himself.
And as as as this happens, rains are pouring down around you
guys. Ah, could you could you stop?
He just continues. He's just standing there ahead
of you. Continue.
What a prick. Just leave him, Vader.
We have no use of him. What has?
Has he been following us, by the way?
I've been hearing this for a long time.
The rain part is the one that I give a shit about, to be honest.
Yeah, you can barely hear the drumming probably, but you can,
and it's kind of like matching the the rain in a.
Way. Oh yeah.
Yeah. Enhancing that.
I'm kind. Of concerned too, with my hands
at all. I think, considering that your
hands are very magically lit in a way I.
Actually, just Steam, basically, yeah.
Steam. I'd like to think that like it's
it's new because it's such heavy rain.
It's probably nearly putting them out but they're just kind
of still smoldering and as like it's.
Any. Reprieve from that, from that
rain is probably feels good putting them back.
Yeah, it probably does kind of feel good.
Probably soothing. You know what I'm going to do to
enjoy it. Wait, how?
Far are we here. Tell this man to fuck off.
No. That's that's a great, that's
funny, but we're not too far away from this dude.
No. OK, I'm going to walk up to this
dude. And while I'm walking up, I'm.
Just going to start rubbing my hands together, Oh no.
And I'm just going to slap. This motherfucker in the face.
OK, as you walk up to him though?
Yeah, well, I don't want to be rained on for the next fucking
half an hour you as you're walking up to this guy.
The rain suddenly stops as quickly as it began and he
continues blasting, though as you're walking up, you need for
the test year 14. Wonderful.
This is a bad idea. Natural one?
Oh no.
No. Is that standing?
That's standing? Yeah.
Why not? OK, that was the shit.
All right, so you are. Give me AD 4.
Yeah, I get the book ready. 4. Four.
OK, so you are so fucking impressed by how fast he's
blasting that you are like entranced.
I'm like mid swing, yeah, And as you're standing there too, you
feel around your ankle a bite because you feel that fucking
role. Give me a D2 for the damage.
It makes so much sense. Holy shit.
Oh, please be a 2. Oh my God, it's 20 That took you
down, didn't it? To 0 to 0.
You're broken. Isn't it?
Isn't it a new day? Don't you heal?
I I healed because I ate. I healed the One.
Do that. In retrospect, you healed 10.
You did. Oh, you already did it.
OK, Wonderful. All right.
So. We just continue walking,
honestly. Never interact with things D4.
It's a three. You have a hemorrhage.
You will die in D2 hours unless treated.
Can't do that. Anything about that?
Well, no, that's the thing. Actually, Yeah.
There's no way to treat you with what you.
I mean, you probably could think of something, but that's on you.
So give me the D2. Oh, my God.
Funny one.
OK, so you have one hour. It says an hour.
All tests are Dr. 16 for the first hour and 18 for the last
hour. There is no.
Well, the first hour hour is the last hour for you, so I'm just
going to call it the Dr. 18 to make it worse.
OK, so hold on now. The drumming snare.
Does it look like there's enough?
The drum snare? I want to take that drum and rip
the skin thing off the skin. You're going to approach him and
do that and try to use him to use it on fucking Melville?
I suppose. Him.
I suppose you saw him drop the only person who would care.
Okay. So Curl, you walk up.
Give me that presence test. You walk up still, yeah.
Right. Yeah, it's fair.
I mean, you should. Some people never learn.
You say a 14. Yeah, DR14.
Presence test. What'd you get?
But I God, I will. I will use an omen.
My only omen. You're going to use your only
omen. I'll use my only omen. 3 roll.
Remember? You had zero in there.
Oh, OK, That succeeded. So you were impressed for a
second. And then you're like, Nah, I see
better blasting and other black little hands.
And I grabbed that drum and I ripped in front of his hands.
OK, so give me then a strength test.
Oh my God. Oh, natural.
One natural one, so nobody uses a note, but as soon as you touch
his drum, as soon as finger makes contact with it, he like
blasts you in the face with that drumstick twice.
I figured this guy attacks twice because he blasts so fast,
right? Fast.
So he's going to attack you for doing that since since since you
rolled, you fumbled that, we're going to consider that first one
to automatically hit. So that's going to be D4 damage,
and then I'll have you roll the agility for the second I.
Hate you what? Was the best case scenario here.
There actually is. There isn't.
No, I mean, like, what was the
purpose of going up and slapping this case?
From my perception, from my perception, it was his bullshit
that started the rain and that was a.
Slight to me. That makes.
Sense I'm not going to get rained on this motherfucker
stand. You thought he like, brave you?
No. I negated.
I'm sold. Yeah, I'm with you on this one.
Awesome. Thank you Okay.
Then give me the agility test for the second slap.
No. I got a two on the dice okay so
take D4 damage. Fuck you, I'll.
Spend an omen. No, don't do it.
No. No, he deserves.
This. I spite it.
When you're open, I took two damage.
You took two damage. OK, I'm at 5.
You're at 5 now. Oh God.
OK all. Right.
He started with tons of health. No, I I took it down a lot.
No, I know that. But like curl did anyway.
Oh, yeah. Well, yeah.
Yeah. 7. That's a lot.
OK, So what are you guys doing there?
Melville fell girl is getting slapped by this.
I'm bleeding out. You're bleeding out right next
to this dude. You're hemorrhaging.
I I go over and start like dragging Melville to like bring
them over and just drape them over the donkey.
Oh God. And I like.
Just put some dirt, can you? Stop fucking with that guy over
there. We got to keep going, OK?
Fine. I just want to stop.
Maybe we fix Mel. You're dying.
Meanwhile, this dude is still blasting and like the look on
his face through the whole thing.
Is this no expression like And what I wrote was uncaring,
endlessly staring. This creepy little man just
wants to blast and ceaselessly does you just sitting there.
I got him. Clay.
You got a picture for him and everything.
Can I cauterize Melville's wounds?
Oh fuck. Hey, that makes sense to me.
How much? How much do I get?
Stuffed. Well, OK.
So it says, unless treated right now, ideally you'd think like a
medicine box or something like that.
But I don't think that cauterizing A wound is going to.
I mean, I think that cauterizing the wound is going to prevent
you from hemorrhaging for sure. Yeah.
So the hemorrhaging is what's killing you and he stops it.
Then they ask, that would prevent that.
I would say, yes, this is a good boring.
But let's have you make a let's have to make a presence test for
that only because I feel like it's not strength based, it's
not agility based and it's not toughness based.
Do you need help with that? Because I do have a scroll that
could help you. I have grace for a Sinner that
will add AD 6 two year old. Oh my gosh.
I I will have to roll up. Yes, please roll up presents to
use it, though, and it might kill me.
Yes, let's. Do it?
Yeah, let's do it. All right.
OK. I will put this scroll and I
will roll on it. And I roll 15, so you actually
get a plus D6. That one Hell.
Yeah, yeah. OK.
Yeah, and I'll see how many powers I.
Love. And then I'm going to roll.
I rolled A6. Roll.
Roll AD six. Oh no, that is a six.
So that's 12 and I have. 2. Impressions that's. 14 Oh man,
that that was that was used to full effect.
Teamwork basically work. Absolutely.
All right. So, yeah, you cauterized
Melville's ankle wound. Where you got that?
And big snake. OK.
How do you, how does HP work in this situation?
You. I think you got one then, right?
You just stabilized. I think you're just going to put
you at 1:00. Wonderful.
That makes you alive? Or wait, are you still at zero
then and you're just, like, stable?
But I don't even know like this is mostly or something.
We'll give you one just so that you're not, like, unconscious.
Yeah. And you have to just silently
snot. One if it's all you need, yeah.
We need to find. Food.
You have food? Oh, you ate it all.
I got to imagine that whole pig was eaten last night.
Yes. You know I I have 6 rations I'll
share with you. What the fuck?
I mean three rations as well. I mean, no one's got food but
you? No one asked me.
I just eat every other day, honestly.
Dude, you're a big old bodybuilder.
I got to imagine you take two rations per day.
You're saying it's not on this adventure?
He's, he's, he's swimming down. It's cut week.
Yeah, it's cut. I'm trying to cut this week.
That's a real thing. Yeah, I know.
Have a free. Russian.
Guy going. Right, I'm not sharing.
I guess we move on from this fucking drummer boy.
Can we ask him to join like I'm trying to communicate with him?
Oh God. Hello there.
Sorry, can you hear me? He nods.
He continues laughing, but he silently nods.
You see, the lady over there not points to whatever her name is
anymore. Who?
Gets shit right, Yeah. She she carries the child of of
of necrobel. He nods, baby, He nods.
Big. Yeah, yes, yes, yes.
And we need your help to bring the drum to Galgenbeck.
He nods. Just come.
Come. He will join.
He follows Awesome. Here we go.
I'm trying to like, observe his drive.
He's not a regular drum. Or is there any like you?
Know it looks like a. Glitz or you?
Know no. It looks like a regular drum.
You do notice, like, on the side of this snare because it's a
tall marching snare. Like the rims around the heads
are pulled tight with some kind of cord, likely some kind of
gut. Sydney.
Yeah exactly. And you see like as a relief
around this thing there's like a a thin metal plate around like
the the the barrel of the drum and you see the it's got the
Crest of of the two headed vasilisk on it.
OK, maybe this is our key to the church.
Who knows? He might be useful.
Since it's the next day, do I have to roll anything from my
infection or I just can't heal? I just can't heal?
Yeah, I. Just don't heal.
Cool. Oh, also OK, I'm I'm curious
about this. This isn't AD 6 damage each day
though. Infection, no healing when
resting. D6 Damage each day.
Oh. Shit.
Did you take that? Oh, shit.
I think you got to take that. So roll D6 then.
Oh, no. Yeah.
Oh shit. Can I use an omen to reduce
that? Why not I'm?
Going to do that, I'm going to do that.
Yeah, fair enough. Go ahead.
OK, good. So.
You take one then. Yes.
All right, reduce. That's fair.
I didn't know. It's the Dr. of the thing that's
reduced by 4. That's not ADR.
You could take minimum that much.
Yeah. Minimum.
There we go. OK, that makes a lot of sense.
I kind of got a little headache. It's very.
Weird. Got a sore throat.
So you continue on. He follows with you.
It's getting a little aggravating.
I got to imagine you can't listen to black metal all day.
Do you do it through the night? Yes, actually, as you guys are
getting down to camp, he doesn't stop.
I want to die. Yeah.
And as you guys try to sleep, he doesn't stop.
Give it. Try to like, grab the drum from
him. What happens then?
How does he react? Are you going to try to?
No, no, I'm, I'm just hypothetically.
OK. Well, you're not going to know
hypothetically. Well, to give you something that
happened already when? When HP I'm not touching.
It. No, it's there.
When Curl tried to grab it, he got slapped.
So that's to tell you what happened, yeah.
You know, you know, I'm used to tethic, just screaming all
night, but could you just chill out for a while?
That's. Right.
He screams through the through his nights, the incantations
that night. Yeah, yeah, he just screams them
all. That deuce.
Can I go? Can I have, can I have some of
that, that food you got? Oh, yeah, for sure.
Sure. Yeah.
Thank you. Yeah.
It's like sushi. Don't ever tell anybody I asked
for anything. Oh, I got you.
Thank you. I mean, it's like sushi, I mean.
It's like sushi. Are you microwaving salmon?
You fucking. Yes I have help with.
You. It's just slightly cooked.
You. Just while Scoots is asleep, he
sits there and he fucking uses his hands easily.
Exploitable. Yeah.
All right, cool. You guys continue on You More
break camp in the morning. Roll AD 20 Thomas.
Right. That is an 8.
OK. And then somebody give me a six.
Levi Levi do it. I'm really sweaty.
I got a good feeling about this. Yeah, from the sweat.
What's a three plus whatever? 3 + 4 Seven Oh my God, we're
real close. Real close with any And then
give me AD 4 Levi. Oh, OK, OK, let's see here 3.
Three. And then got a bunch more.
That's actually, you guys travel again.
You continue on travelling through Boston and you hear
hooves from behind you. How many hooves?
6. You look back to see and you see
three horses. 3 barrels. Barrels.
Yeah, not 312 hooves. Assuming they all have four
legs. All three.
Three horses just barreling down the road towards you guys, and
you recognize atop these three horses some King Fatwoo's
guards. Oh.
Shit. I will sidestep out in the ditch
and just get out of the fucking. I am going to are they coming
for her? What I'm going to try and.
Do. Just because I mean.
They said they. Were trying to escape King Fat
Move's prosecution. They did?
Yeah. Persecution.
No.
We said trap. How got?
Time for that. I don't think so.
What I'm going to do is why don't you figure it out?
Is there a tree next to me? Be Princess.
We'll call it. We'll call it Dr. 8, because
it's gotta be one. You're creating the world.
Hey, there is 17. Yeah.
There's a tree. I climb up on top of the tree
and wait for them to approach. That's my thing.
OK. Are you trying to do it without
being seen? Yes.
You mean agility? Do Fuck it.
Okay. 19 on the type you got it. Yeah, you're up in that tree.
They don't see you up there. You pretty confident.
I look down at Mel. Actually, can I?
Sorry, can I try one thing though?
I have a grappling hook and I assume a rope to that.
Can I just try to attach the grappling hook to that tree and
run across the road to the other side?
Yeah, yeah. Because I want to try to like,
you know, stretch stretch. I'm not sure if I can, like I
have 1/8 point and -3 strength, maybe not.
Even carry that thing. You have a burly guy?
Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
OK, so he's going to do that if he's going to if you're.
Going to do that. Maybe I can double down on this
one and help you out somehow. OK, I want to get this acre all
over my hands. All over the road.
Fucking get it all over the rope that's going.
In the. Road nice Okay.
What level are you guys holding? So it's going to be loose until
we pull it tot. They're on top of horses, yeah.
So. It's got to be like 6 feet tall.
If you want to hit the horses or do you want to hit the people?
I wanted to hit the horses. I think I want the.
Horses going to be you can't go up to the people.
They're going to get damaged pretty high up, yeah.
Well, that's why I say we tie tie it high on the tree and then
when they get close, we pull it taut and then it.
Brings it up. Oh, that.
Makes sense. Yeah.
And you're a big, huge dude who
can probably add the strength. Yeah, OK, I like that a lot.
I don't even the tree. I don't even want to have rolls
to prevent that from working. So yeah, so you take that
grappling hook, you tie it around a tree real quickly
because they're coming and. You do?
Takes the other end of it across the road there and Mari and
Josephus just going to stand there almost as bait for this
trap, right? And you hear as they get close,
you guys are all watching from your various perspectives and as
they get close, you hear one of them and you can pull that
tight. Give me a strength test for
that. Oh, please put my.
Room horses on. That I mean.
I'll help. I mean, I'll help them too if I
can. Like.
Otherwise, like I don't make it easier than.
Yeah, if you want to add on to a body to that.
To that pulling. Yeah.
No reason to be just hanging out otherwise.
Like that's true. Dr. 10.
Yeah. That is a natural 20.
Natural. God, they yell that you pull
that line tight and all three of these horses hit it.
And they all, like their front legs, just scabbed from the
impact. Like that scene from Ghost Ship.
Yeah. I don't know what their legs get
cut off. Oh, wow.
Oh, well, sure that works. Yeah, well, it's just gonna lose
a while. Didn't.
I tell you, yeah. Real thin, really high filament.
Not only that, but they were also paralyzed the moment they
hit it. Too.
So yeah, that's. True.
Any barring toughness test? Yeah, any attempt to catch
yourself in that situation is just instantly.
OK, so yeah, that pulls. It cuts right through the front
legs of all three horses and brings them down to like a
screw, like a pile. Of course I'll roll foam with
the mouse. They're just rolling in, like on
the seizing. But all three of the guards got
whipped from these things, just thrown like, like like like like
a like a car hitting an embankment.
And you got one of the seat belt on.
You're just flying through the windshield.
While one of them's. Flying.
I'm going to aim for them with my sly hander from the tree top.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, do it, dude.
Frank obviously if you get 12 normally, but I feel like it's
tough because they're flying so 14.
Motherfucker. Oh my.
God give me before you, before you give me your damage.
Give me AD six first. Nice.
One cut and that'll give you your damage.
Tell me about it. So, so as the as the fucking
hooves get cut and the guys start flying through like they
get launched, I aim for the center one and jump from the
tree. Go fuck yourself.
And I bring That's why I had to write down through him and the
and the horse hitting him to the horse and then riding it,
skidding blood marks all the other two fly past me. 22 guards
and a head. Fly.
Yeah, yeah. The head continues its momentum,
I imagine. Oh fuck.
OK, so let's roll initiative. Actually have those two guards,
then that one obviously did, but the other two give me D6.
Give me two D sixes and 2D fours.
Anybody want to roll them? Column out.
I'll roll A6. OK, four.
OK. 5. Five.
I need 2D fours. I'll roll the D4. 33, OK.
Go on, go another D41. One OK, OK, so yeah, one guy.
Well, both of those two guys land face first in the ground,
just just skidding face across the across the gravel.
The one guy, he sits up from it like he kind of pops up because
momentum. And you see his face is just
skinned to the bone. There's no face left on him.
He's just crying. The other guy gets up and he's
just like he's scratched. He's fine for the most part.
It's like the other guy scoffs at him.
What are they wearing? Like what kind of armor?
Great question. Give me AD six.
Do it twice. It's a one. 1.
I do. They're naked.
Actually, yes. Well, the the one guy with no
face now has no armor, and the other guy give me another D6.
Fine. He's got medium armor.
He's got some decent chest. Please it's.
Like chainmail or something? Yeah, yeah.
I made all of these because there's guards you might see
frequently, not frequently, but there's potential for them to be
there a lot. So I figured all of their
details are randomized. So like D6HP, that's what the D6
before the damage is, and then their armored unit table and
their weapon table. So yeah, and just, you know, I
like it. So I didn't want it because it's
possible to roll those guys a lot and I didn't want it.
So that's the same fight every time.
So like if they randomize their weapons, it feels different.
Sure, their equipment can tell you something about their rank
or their. Oh, do that.
Yeah. So that being said, let's also
just roll two more D sixes for their weapons.
There's the other guy that. Pearl killed.
Too. They got a four.
He did one of these. Fixes.
OK, that guy's got a sword and a one.
OK, so the guy that's doing fine in the Chainmail armor has a
short sword, and the guy with no face has a normal sword.
So that's real initiative. All right, Jake.
Go. Ahead Fuck you.
Don't know what you're saying. That's them.
So the somebody give me AD eight.
I don't know why I also randomized the morale the six.
OK, And then now give me his morale test, the two D6. 2D6 Say
2D6. Yeah, yeah, 4.
Four. OK, so that guy on the the guy
with no face, he just, he doesn't get up off the ground.
He just sits there and. Please, please don't kill me.
Don't kill me. He's bleeding.
They're doing you a mercy, to be honest.
Probably true, but still don't kill.
Me. The other guy scoffs harder and
charges that Curl who is on the ground.
No, I wrote. I no.
I fucking rode this horse with no of that horse.
You're the closest one there. I thought you were making me
prone. No, no, no, no, no, You're
standing. With that sly hander, but you
are there, so he comes charging at you with this short sword.
Give me your agility chance. I'm going to use my omen today.
You. You get a fresh one, didn't you?
Yeah, yeah, I'll give it the new day.
Oh, OK 7. What's he get me?
That gives you a decent D4 damage.
He's out of short story. He did not do damage.
Your armor absorbed it. I got a one on that.
Wonderful. He comes running up to you and
slashes at you with his sword, but you got this is armored
however, due to like the blow had enough force to push you but
not enough to cut you through your armor rather and it knocks
you off of your bounds and your sly hander though is left in the
thing. Oh, so you fell always escalate,
right? Yeah, fair enough.
At least you guys know. Yeah, so I want to run up and
wrap this guy up with my rope. OK.
I feel like that's a speed kind of base thing, so we'll go
agility. That is 819.
Yeah, it is Fucking deuce big he's.
Been doing calisthenics. He's the he's he's physically
fit. Yeah, he can handle this.
Can. You hold this rope while you're
doing this. By the way, how does that work?
Because it's all ickered up in this.
It wasn't ickered on the side I was holding.
Fair. OK, conveniently though.
You. Wouldn't though you think about
it, you have to anchor the part that I had the.
Whole thing. Yes, he's sneezing on the
ground. He.
Uses. I'm sure.
He failed that agility. Without wide opening.
That's how you slide on without the fight opening.
OK, so that. I said that, I think.
That word. You run across and you just wrap
this dude around the throat because what is that, that
height? Yeah, I'm just wrapping.
Him up a quick. Little and give me a.
Whatever Nate has to roll for. Oh, take a.
Good thing. Oh, he takes his office test, I
suppose. You're not actually, like,
hurting him with it. You're just in contact with.
You. I'm just bounding him up.
Gotcha. No, he failed.
He failed it. Okay, So he's oh, wow.
That's. Funny.
Dude. No, not the dude.
It's the other guy. This is the other guy.
We annihilated this. You did.
So you run this thing around him, and as soon as that thing
hits his neck, 'cause you kind of got him around you almost
like. I'm just running in a circle and
then I just pull it taut. And as you do, he like, starts
convulsing from the icker and it's like, because you're
holding it tight. He's like, his body drops, but
like, he doesn't cause, like if the rope catches his head and
he's kind of like, yeah, tied to the tree, so he's standing up
like that. Sure, Right in.
The middle of. The I mean, canonically, Levi is
really bad at tying ropes. No, that's true.
Yeah, yeah. So you.
Yeah, you wrap him around the tree and he's just kind of like
convulsing while he's hanging by the throat.
Pretty much. Good.
I'll leave him there. And then the crying guy in the
street still crying. I'm going to pick my white
hander up and point it at the crying guy cries harder.
He's a little. You leave now or curl tie you up
with friend. Oh come on.
Fuck that. And I just put it at the
crossbow to him and. Shoot him and I'm.
Like what? What does?
What? Does the king wander this little
and then you kill him? That's.
Pretty good. Guess we'll never know.
She's holding on. To the child of Necrobel,
apparently. I'd assume that that's reason
enough. Meanwhile, this guy's seizing
down a tree. We.
Still have one more? Well.
Maybe it'll dissuade people from coming and trying to kill us
again. A bonus thing, sorry.
You need good ornament for waiting.
He's turning the little purple. As you guys have the
conversation through that body, he's like he's freezing, but
like he's doing it less and less as he's It's just happening in
the background. Yeah, it's just happening in the
background. Eventually, he's just still and
do. We still have the drummer boy
with us is just a beat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's blasting through the whole thing.
He's always. So he's slow.
Killed this guy too. I'm going to look at Mel.
Maybe we tie up the drummer. The drummer can help us into the
church. He's still bring him, but we
fucking stop. He starts, like, doing like,
fancy things with the sticks, as you're saying this, like, almost
almost threateningly, like try. I honestly, I I can't be
anything but enamored by him. So I'm, I'm sorry, I think
that's over. But if you want to, I think it's
best. For us to not press our luck
against this kid. OK, fair.
You like points a stick at you like good idea, but doesn't
really doesn't break cadence at all.
You still have purple bruises on your face.
Shut up now, all right? You just.
Go now, guys. Somebody want to loot these
fucks and let's go or what? That's smart.
Yeah. The the one that I completely
murdered. What's it?
We're going to find out His weapon and armor.
He's got 2D6 on both of those. Oh, we'll go armor first.
One. He's got no armor.
OK, And two and a short sword. D4.
All right, Are you checking his body entirely or you just
grabbing? Got any food on him?
Give me AD 66. Oh shit, one.
Of my favorite tables. Got 4040. 141 You find a map in
his pocket. Oh, good.
And can you look at? It's a.
Picture map with no word. Technically all maps are well,
they have words, but yes, it's a picture map.
I mean, like a fucking X smarts the spot.
Kind of. Well, what you're looking at, it
looks like it's supposed to be the the local area, but it
doesn't look like it is. I'll give it to Mel.
I took I look it over. Give me a presence test.
Oh, I understand. I know you give me a presence.
Test OK, fine. 12, OK, you're. Fine.
All right. Yes.
There you go. I look over it.
Oh, I get it. Now this is a map as to where
you can find to go fuck yourself and can.
I see the map. Yeah, sure.
Yeah. And.
It just bursts the. Flames.
Well, it literally says map to a
place that cannot possibly exist, no.
So it looks like it was leading to somewhere in the area, but
like that's not what this area looks like, even though it's
labeled as such like the. Southwest, like inverted like
the lakes, are land on the Lambs Lake.
Something, yeah, yeah, there's like.
I will actually go up to this, this still living garden that's
tied up to the tree and just kind of ask him like what's the
deal? Like why are they asked after
this lady? He's he struggles to speak with
the pressure on his throat. Well, let's hear it.
Let's hear it. Come on, throw it all this way
for this. Why?
I pull it tighter. What's?
Up child and then what would happen?
The End. The End.
It will. Regardless who gives a shit?
OK, let's let's go. See, I told.
You you're you're pulling tighter, right?
And as you say, let's go, like loose pole was too tight and it
just cuts right through his head, right through his back and
his head. His body drops and the head
pulls. He's the one with the big, big
armor. He was one of the big armor.
You can. You can have his armor, Bro
Melville. I wouldn't dare cover up this
physique with that. I would.
Think you fit? I would offer it to the hatchet
man over. Here.
But just look at my frail, you know, presentation.
I can't. Probably.
He couldn't even lift it up, honestly.
It's too heavy to wear. Walk with it.
I'm sorry. I I I appreciate the gesture,
but but no, no, no, I am. I'm destined to walk.
Chainmail's incredibly heavy scoobs.
Yes. Scoobs.
Weem it. It has your black yucky on
there, so yeah. I wouldn't touch it, Yeah.
No, it's got your stains on. It fucking one, man.
Strap and I. Put it.
On Yeah, How does the lady look? Rough, like sleepier.
As as you guys travel to, you know that she's getting like,
it's like if she's sick, she's continuing to get sicker.
I'll ask again. Does somebody else think that
this woman's dead and she's giving birth to death?
Why is she so great? Do you think The Thing insider
is killing it? Has she said anything about
this? Like, what's her, what her?
What's her perspective on this thing?
I don't know. She doesn't really happen.
Probably in and out, probably just trying to stay alive.
She pretty much, yeah, she's in and out of consciousness most of
the time. It looks like she's like a lot
of times just the donkey's just walking with you guys and she's
just kind of nodding off on it. Yeah, she's struggling to stay
awake. Something's completely wrong
with her. And as you see, like she's being
more pale too. And so it's.
Clearly, like this older guy who is, who is like the driving
force in this whole operation, like she, it's not her idea to
go to Galileo back. Like maybe or is it?
Maybe OK. Seems to be.
Should we kill them? I mean, let's have an aside.
Should we? Should they die?
Good. That's fine.
I'll wait. I haven't said the thing in
days. He hasn't.
He hasn't been a word in days. I got to imagine idle change.
That happens. Yeah.
I feel like too early tell maybe we just keep going.
For now, yeah. We'll wait one more day and then
we'll see, yeah. That being.
Like the old man is pretty useless though, yeah?
Wait, maybe he's a liability. He's a bad Carpenter.
Generally, yes. Generally you like meat bags and
stuff. This is like a walking meal,
right? You had to have been a meat bag.
I mean, I'm a little. That's been a while.
I mean, I'm a snack. It's.
Been a while since you were him, like did.
You you think I made it to that age?
I have no idea. I I don't know many skeletons
and the ones I know, I don't like.
So did you actually die and then rise from the grave?
That's what I'm saying. Just deteriorate until to the
snow. I.
Were you born that way? Maybe.
It's family. Damn it, I was going to do.
The same job. Anyways, let's move on.
Fine, let's go. None of this matters.
Nothing bad could happen anyway, right?
You carry on. What could possibly go wrong?
I carry on. You can.
The woman is like, almost unconscious to the point like it
almost feels like she's dead. Like I'm going to keep trying to
cater to her during the You sleep with her at night, I would
assume. Yeah.
So you notice too that she's like, she's always been cold,
but she's colder now, like corpse cold.
You can and the morning comes and can you do 20 Levi?
Sure. Oh God.
A5. 6/6. OK.
And then give me D6 and we will add. 5 Johan Do.
It. Yeah.
Johan you. Do it. 5.
Perfect timing to be honest. Oh my God.
Yeah, perfect timing. So you guys pack up camp, you
continue on, you know that you're a few days left from
Galton Backstone, but throughout about mid morning you Mari wakes
up and she's starts screaming he's coming.
What He's coming. What girl do?
Josie, this is yo. What?
What girl do what? Girl do who'd not get this?
Before get me down. Then she's like reaching out to
somebody help her get down from the girl's going to help her
down. OK.
And she just, she's like she's got contraction breathing.
You know what I mean? She's she's got the Lamaze
going. Yeah.
And are.
You still going? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
For. Sure.
And he's right there for you. Right With the blast beat.
Breathe with the blast beat. She passes out.
Yeah, yeah, he's just hyperventilating.
Like he just breathe too. Fast.
Oh no. Put her, put her down in this
horse meat. What?
And as she so yeah, you guys layer down on the ground and
just see this is panicking to the point where like, he's
becoming more useless. If you can imagine.
He's like, he's just idle. He's just, I'm gonna push him
over. And.
You decide. Loser.
He just does. OK, fine.
And I get. The good book Ready.
Yeah, you're a good book. Get the Merc Borg hand.
Is she like this big yellow book?
Are we getting ready to deliver a baby?
I think so. Curl wants to catch this baby.
OK, so she's she's you're there. You're you're ready.
You're seeing God. It's like gaping hole of gold
while that's. More accurate than you think.
It's not like you you're not seeing.
I mean, you're a world now. I know you are.
You see there's nothing crowning because you're not seeing
anything but void darkness. And and as she's like screaming
harder and harder and she's pushing and and you see this
void the growing like like a black hole pretty much growing
from within her. And it's starting to like it's
starting to like whole thing like it's starting to get windy.
It's starting to it's already but it's getting dark.
The sky is getting darker. Everything's just getting.
Colder. Oh hang on, I want to open my
book and I'm going to try to like when when this berserker
emerges from the dimension of blood, I want to jump into that
portal instead. Oh, my God.
Yeah. OK, OK, OK.
No, that place. OK, so here's the presence test.
I think it's the presence tested.
I can't remember. Oh man.
Test for someone to to. Oh, you're right.
You're right. No.
No, hang on, is it a present test?
Because I just wrote the. One, so okay.
So the present test is irrelevant because it says your
enemy makes a DR12 test. That's no enemy.
So you're really just summoning him too for the sake of opening
the door? Really right.
Pretty pretty much, yeah. Yeah.
So to witness this glorious event.
Right. OK, so give me the D2 for
determine how many. It's actually two of them and
they are helpful, so they will actually help deliver this void.
Of doom and I will jump into the portal that they open.
Oh yeah. See ya guys and.
He does. Bamped out you've.
Gone. Bamp I've gone.
Son of a bitch, you're fucking you're.
Too very confused. Berserker Demons.
Yeah, they're like help. Help Carol.
We he not know I go. They look at their look at the
situation, they're like, oh. No.
Both of them considering that like as this happens you see
Hatchet disappear into the portal as as it starts to close
and they're like both of those guys can just melt down as well
and disappear and you. Can I can I have a reaction to
jump into the portal? Too you want to try?
You're. Going to get sliced in half, big
man. Give me an agility.
Test. Give me an agility test.
It's happened so quickly and you have to really think about it to
be able to do it. You know what I mean?
Oh, give me a what do you call it?
Agility 14. I wonder for you to put the
pieces together to do it as well.
That seems pretty rare. Oh yeah.
God, that always looks like a one on there.
I know he sets himself like one that would set.
It's honest. I think that's just probably
letting all your blood like leave your body and then like
you leave the the the bloodless corpse behind in a way.
Oh my God. OK, I'd like to think too.
That has his corpse left behind. It barely looks different.
Yeah, it's like 3-4 drops of blood.
Damn near bloodless as it is. Yeah, you don't notice anything.
Yeah, yeah, it. Just falls asleep on.
The side I don't see anything. Yeah, OK.
But yeah, this void, it starts to, like I said, it's growing
cold and it's starting to get darker and darker as it happens.
I go to shove Josephus in it. You just grab them, the bum
rushing in there. You do, You throw them and he
disappears into the void. It didn't.
Stop. I know that sounds so wrong,
considering where it's coming from.
I know I realize what we're doing this to you.
I know. I know.
I realize what we're doing here. And I.
Think it might be time to put her down?
This does not look good. As you say that too, that boy
just deuce, expands. Deuce.
Where's the necklace, please? Oh yeah.
Where's the necklace? And that that boy does take
everything. Just it's not even that like
you're somewhere else. It's that you are off, you know,
like nothing. It's not like, yeah, it's not
like you got pulled in somewhere.
It's that you just got deleted. Existence, just existence got
deleted. Nothing exists.
It's the never ending story. Nothing.
You know that thing? Oh, I love that story.
Nothing. So the world doesn't exist
anymore, so it doesn't look infected.
We won Oh. You fucking.
So before we wrap it, nor you've got anything to promote.
Not really, to be honest, I mean.
Anything new? Anything old?
Artwork coming. I'm gonna open up like late
pledges for that, but other than that we don't have anything like
there's new stuff coming though, so you're not sleeping.
Look, yeah, I got old stuff. I got old stuff as well, yeah.
You got an online store. Have you heard of a game called
Murkborg? Probably.
No, no. I have nothing to promote, you
know. You know what?
Oh my God. Oh yeah, awesome.
Just all right. Good lucks.
None. Hey everybody, Kevin at the end
of the episode and Happy holidays.
This episode brought back some fan favorites with Levi playing
Deuce, Bigley Thomas playing We Mitt, Kevin playing Scoots, Jake
playing Curl, Nate playing Melville, Hugo Lesterbourne, and
special guest Johan Noor playing Hatchet Whoops.
Almost forgot. Special Thank you to Cannibal,
Chris or GM for writing Unholy Nativity, the adventure that
we're playing in this episode. Great job Chris, and now back to
the rest of the credits. All of the classes will be added
to the credits below, and I just want to personally thank
everybody on the Flail to the Face crew on their Discord for
the World Standard and just everybody out there.
For listening and sharing, it means the world to myself and
the whole flail crew. Thank you so much.
Happy holidays again. Special thanks to Johan Noor for
being our guest and everyone else's guested.
Walton Wood, John Baltzberger, Rugos Cohn.
Thank you guys so much. We'll talk to you later.
And while you're at it, check us out on our social medias, our
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Blue Sky and Thread.
And wherever you listen to podcast, make sure to rate,
review and share with all of your friends so we can get out
there to more people. While we're at it, if you
haven't already, please check out our sister podcast, The
World Standard. And if you like what they're
doing over there, think about joining their Patreon.
It gives you access to their Discord, which you can talk to
us as well because we're on there.
And just for $3 a month you get a Discord access.
With that, thanks for listening and we'll catch you guys next
time. Anything.
I didn't bring anything to the table.
OK. That's.
All right, Whiskey. You're just kind of lubing up
his throat. That didn't sound right.
No, I don't like that at all. OK.
Well, let's move on then. Yeah.
And these are. Just innocent farmers from a
particular like livestock we. Don't.
We don't know that. As far as they know, because
they're trying to kill their animals, they might be pig
molesters. Isn't that farming?
It's. Swine rappers.
No. What do they even mean?
Moving on. Well, Silverlight.
The Berserker gets it. He's gone.
He's gone now. Yeah, he's gone.
Oh, well. The dimension of blood again.
Yep. Yep.
Oh, good. Probably really confused as to
what happened. Probably really stoked you got
to kill someone though. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He gets back real happy. Very, very.
Pissed if he didn't. I'd like.
To isn't happy. I'd like to think there's a
scene where like that's what happens.
You see him go back, he goes home, hands his coat on the on
the jacket hanger and honey, I killed someone today.
It's a good face out. How good for you, dear.
Who wasn't a warlord, Not a. No, it was so far.
Yeah. And it like takes the wind out
of the sails a little. So it's a waves of four.
Not true. Not true.