Is masculinity the problem or is it the lack of masculinity?
It's the lack of maximum masculinity, hands down.
It's the lack of it or the proper, I would say.
I, I'm not even go as far as to say proper masculine masculinity
is what it is. It is what it is.
It's black or white. It's not going to be.
And the lack of correct or proper masculinity
interpretations to the world today and what they say
masculinity is, that doesn't make it real.
You know, masculinity is not defined by the culture, OK?
It's revealed by the truth. It's revealed by responsibility.
That's what masculinity is. Yeah.
And what what do you think about this term toxic masculinity
that's bounded around so much now?
I, I think it's a creative term. It's a creative word.
And I know people say, well, all words are created and that's
fine. But toxic masculinity starts out
at the very beginning to degrade masculinity in general.
They come up with that vague definition that really means
nothing. It's up to self interpretation
on three or four different the words that it is and what it is.
It's a reactive definition. It's a reactive created word to
stifle what true, you know, manhood, true masculinity should
be in our society today. That's what it does.
From what I've seen, I mean, this is my own personal
experience, it's become a weapon that people sort of can use
against men now to, to define any, any slight behaviour that
they don't like. That's toxic masculinity.
And now it's almost become what
the definition of masculinity is.
All masculinity is toxic. That's what that's that's how I
see. It that's, that's what the
world's trying to teach. Again, that's what the culture
is trying to teach. And again, what they're doing is
many a times and again, I, I don't know 100% of the people
out there and who chooses to, to use that phrase here, there and
everywhere else. I don't know if that's what
their, their intent is. I'm not even going to begin to
say I know what their intent is. I do know this, when you put the
word toxic in the front, in front of anything, whatever
follows is inherently negative. It doesn't matter.
It's a negative on that. If I was to say toxic car, OK,
toxic cow, toxic burger, whatever comes in the back end
of that toxicity is something that is going to be interpreted
as being negative. And that's what we find today
while he's just just toxic masculinity.
Well, why? Is it because of independency?
Is it because of stance? Because strength, you know,
'cause like you said, that definition is so wishy washy.
It's all over the board. I mean, what stereotype, what
interpretation, what society, what culture, what negativity?
There is no definition to it. And to be honest with you, I
find it comical that it's even in the dictionary.
I really do. I find it insane that it that
phrase is in the dictionary. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, like, so we spoke about sort of the manosphere and you
know, this toxic masculinity culture that that people are
trying to combat now, is that a problem or is that a result of
something else? Is this is this being caused by
something else? Is there a bigger issue at at at
the in time now at the forefront now?
I it's a result of something else And and by by all means, I
mean, here's what I say this back up a little bit.
Address that question, you know, with the issue of the
manosphere, with the issue of Louis Theroux, who does
typically really, really good, non biased work, you know, you
know, very informative does seems like he does his research.
But that side in that group of people that they are that
they're calling a toxic masculinity, which I may just
say they're toxic. Let's just leave it like that,
you know, but the reality is where there's it's not
masculinity. Masculinity again, is defined by
by something over here by, you know, things we'll talk about a
little bit later on, not by what somebody's interpretation is.
I think it's the lack of true masculinity that people are
interpreting as being toxic today.
And that's the problem to be addressed.
It's a foundational problem. It is not.
It's not a problem that's on the surface.
It's not superficial. It's a foundational problem,
pure and pure and simple. That's what it is today.
And that's what needs to be addressed, you know.
I got I got some stats now. So Gen.
Z, the people born from 1997 to 2012, it says this cohort show
high polarization on gender equality with a significant
portion of young men, 57% feeling that equality efforts
have gone too far, a higher percentage than any in any other
generation. So this is the latest generation
of people are sort of pushing back against something they're
influenced by online influencers, examples Andrew
Tate creating a rise in alpha male ideology with 24% of Gen.
Z men believing women shouldn't be too independent compared with
just 12% of boomer generation. So there is there is a shift in
how people people's attitudes, especially with this younger
generation, What what's causing that?
Is it these manosphere influences or is it something
else? I think it's twofold.
It's the lack of something and then it is the influencers.
So the influencers, let's address that issue, you know,
you know, off the top there, they have found a niche, they
have found a sounding board, they they found rage bait.
They have found something that is going to bump their likes up.
It's going to get them followers.
Whether it's good, bad or indifferent.
You know, it's, it's just like we, you know, we had talked
before about the children, whether it's good attention or
negative attention, they don't decipher between the two.
It's just attention. And that's what these people
are, are, are looking at. That's what these influencers
want. They want attention.
They want numbers they won't like.
It's kind of like the old phrase, the shock and all phrase
in the midst of war, you know, it's, it's shocking it and
they're all, they look back and then there's a reaction to it.
That's what they want. You know, the other side of it
is the lack of involvement that we have found going into that
particular generation, if you will, of men in their life, you
know, of fathers in their life. You know, one of the highest
predictors of juvenile incarceration, one of the
highest predictors of overall poverty is a fatherless or an
absentee father society or or individual growing up, hands
down. That's proven in, in the
numbers, it's proven in the studies and we see that.
So you see a 2 fold culture. You see these guys are reacting
OK. And then you see these guys over
here of doing nothing, if you will, you know, leaving children
to fend for themselves, leaving the families to fend for
themselves. Just absentee fathers, absentee
husbands, absentee men. I'm going to go to the pub, I'm
going to hang out. You know, women and children go
to church. And then what's happened in our
country over the last 50 years, the churches have died.
At one time in Wales, one church was closing every single week.
We don't have enough churches left for that statistic to
continue going on because the men who thought the man's place
was the pub, which is ridiculous.
It's it's it's insane to think that, you know, men have a
responsibility because they're men, OK.
And they may, they may say, I didn't ask for it doesn't
matter. Take your responsibility, pick
up the mantle and run with it. Because these guys over here,
they're going to run with what's not there.
They're going to chum the water and they're going to get,
they're going to do everything they can to get as much
attention looking at them over there.
And then they're going to shift it and they're going to go to
something else. Whatever gets them the attention
today. And it is, this is toxic.
I'm going to say that it is, but it's not masculinity.
No, absolutely no. I mean, it's almost So what
you're saying is like it's an avoidance or a negligence of
teaching young boys or all men really giving them the proper
traits or the being the proper example for them that then these
other, these the toxic, I'm not going to say toxic, maximum
unity. These toxic people, they can
they can only seem deeply alluring because I don't.
I think certainly myself as a man growing up and you see it
with kids now, men have got a bit of a bad rap.
I've got so in recent years, was it 41% of children now are
taught that men are the problem in society?
We've got 1/3 of schools teaching toxic masculinity or
teaching about it. And I think that these when
you're, when you're told, if you're a young person being told
you're bad just because of your genitalia, effectively you are
inherently bad. You need to rein yourself in.
You need to check yourself. It's it's no wonder when you've
got these people on the other side who are trying to entice
you. If you're, you're powerful,
you're strong, you can do these things well, that's going to be
deeply alluring. You know that that is going to
get your attention. You go, well, these people are
sort of they're treating me well.
They or they, they're giving me the, the respect that I deserve.
Who are they going to go to? We, we've neglected these young
people, these young men. We haven't, we haven't brought
them up properly. You know, we haven't treated
them right. That's how we sort of see that
this whole toxic masculinity or manistia is a reaction to our
negligence or putting down of men now, right?
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Absolutely. I idle.
An idle man produces destructive men, hands down.
An idle man who does not do their job.
Does it take on the responsibility?
You know, the reality is this, you know, however your son or
your daughter came into this world, OK, Whether it's
intentional, whether what it was not intentional, OK, that's
beside the point. The child's there and now you
pull your big, big boy trousers up, then you play the man.
You know, the Bible tells you quit.
Ye like men. All right.
And that word quickie, like men means act like a man.
The Apostle Paul said when I was a child, I spake as a child, but
when I became a man, I put away childish things.
There are things in our life that we just have to, as the
phrase goes, man up. And we got to do what we need to
do else we're leaving our children, we're leaving our
families, we're leaving our
wives, we're leaving our partners.
We're leaving them to do it on their own.
And that's not fair to them. And what ends up happening is
the gang mentality. You know that you have the I
grew up in the era of when you had the big Crips in the Bloods
gangs that was going on the gang wars and all of these things.
And the way they built their gangs, the way they built their
their persona and built their numbers were they took that
young boy. They even took the young ladies
as well, you have them. But they took that young boy who
had no manner of their life that was treated like rubbish, was
treated like, like garbage, was treated terrible in the world.
And they loved on them and they show them you belong to us.
And they became part of something that this guy, hey,
they're, they're, they're, they're, they're lifting me up.
They're teaching me to do this and, and they're making me part
of them and they belong to something.
Now, even though that belonging resulted in crimes and death and
terrible things, they didn't rationalize that they still
belong. And it's the same thing we see
with the, I guess they're called broadcast and all this and that.
Oh, you deserve to be, you know, looked up to you deserve to be
respected. You deserve to you the man you
deserve to lead and Dada, Dada dad.
And she's lesser than you. No, she's not.
You know, the bottom line is today you deserve what you
produce and man was was created to produce, not to just sit
around and be idle. And that's the allure.
You're exactly right. They're they're drawn over to
this, these toxic people, let's call them like that.
Maybe we can change the buzzword, we can change the
dictionary. I hope you know.
Toxic people. It's not a gendered issue.
It's not a gender issue because there's plenty of toxic women,
There's toxic men. I mean, you know, good night.
There's toxic everybody in positions today.
But you know, I'm going to look at a person, whether it's hiring
or firing, it's based on merit, not based on anything else.
But purely merit has nothing to do with their gender, their hair
color, their eye color, their accent, whatever it may be.
If you can do the job and you're good at it and you're better
than all these, you get the job. If you can't, you don't.
Yeah, it shouldn't be anything to do with your superficial
things like gender or race or sexuality even like you know it.
Can you do the bloody job I've got?
Sorry. So like almost a confession.
But there was a time BJ where I listened to Andrew Tate.
I followed him. It was just when he was coming
up. So it was, I think it was around
COVID time. And I did find it deeply
alluring because it was, it was all most of his messages about
empowerment, motivation. If you want something, you know,
you need to work hard for it. He's all about, he is all about
working hard and you, you know, go improve your life.
But then there was spatterings of messages of sort of
resentment to your partners, like they're holding you back.
If they're nagging you, if they, they're keeping on at you, they
don't understand you're, you're the man.
And I did over time see it actually affect my attitude
towards my partner. And it was at that point where I
was like, oh God, I got to, I got to stop listening to this
like, because it it, it changed me.
And I'm not an impressionable young boy, you know, I was in
late 30s, you know, like I mean, and it still affected me.
It's it's a strong message. And I think we like that as men,
you know, we like to be a belonging is a big part, but
also feeling powerful, feeling respected.
And if, if, if people like me can't, can get sucked in, you
know, I didn't go ho ho, ho hog. I didn't shave my head and start
smoking cigars and stuff like that, you know, I mean, but it,
it was, it was attractive to me. And and that's the thing, that's
the messages out there. It's an it's an attractive
message. Just a quick disclaimer, I
shaved my head a long time ago before I ever heard.
Nothing to do with Andrew Tate. No, no.
And, and just full confession, I never even heard of this guy
until about 18 months ago maybe or 12 months ago.
And what I heard was not positive.
So I mean and I and and and and again, just to be full on open.
I I know I know very little about the guy.
You know what I know in his in a response that he made to a a
very, very well known American football player by the name of
Ben Watson, one of the comments he made toward him very
derogatory. Who this man's a Christian man,
a godly man, a godly husband, a godly, you know, Father Ben
Watson is you know, I mean that I admire tremendous ball player
as well. And a statement he made toward
him on one of his post is what really kind of brought this
guy's name out to me. And that was enough for me, you
know, the, it was a derogatory statement, you know, and toward
him and actually toward women. And.
Yeah, so I was like, well, mark them off.
I, I'm, I can easily mark people off.
I have a limited time in the day and you know, you, you, you
better have something real strong to say to hold my
attention span. I got, I got other things I want
to read and I have to do to it. So.
So the shaved head, I probably had it before he did.
Yeah, and and you don't drive a Bugatti.
I don't drive, I drive a Mazda now so it's the.
Mazda because I think if we talk about sort of maybe the, the
attitudes towards men and maybe sort of why they're being alert
by this message is I think we get tarred with a bad brush
sometimes. There's these people on the
fringes. You know, if we want to talk
about toxic masculinity or if we want to talk about that, it's
usually the people on the very far extremes, very far the
scenes, they represent such a tiny fraction of the populace.
But it's like all men get tired with that brush.
Because we ran a survey with our Rachman members and we asked
them what are the three main priorities in your life right
now? Number one, I've got it here
#162% was family, 52% was marriage, 47% was physical
health. That was the top three.
But if you were to read the news, the media, you'd think it
was all about go getting money, you know, taking power and stuff
like that. And it's not.
I think the majority of men just want a good family life, good
partners and a loving home sort of thing.
But the last one was 6% was Korea, you know, and that's into
terms of money and stuff like that.
So on that thought there with, you know, family being, you
know, the top one of your listeners who of what they
desire in life. You know, when we look at who we
are as men, we have a desire because we're created to lead.
Men are created to lead, to work, to produced and that's
that's who we are hands down. From day one.
It is altered. It is changed.
You have this side of the coin who went to this extremism.
They threw the pendulum way over here to where you know, they got
they want to rule by violence, you know, but the reality is
this and you have the other side over here.
They do want to do nothing. And I've already said that an
idle man produces destructive men.
And it's, it's the balance is where it is.
And when you begin to look at family and you begin to look at
taking care of yourself, you can look at health and, and those
those things that are really important to someone.
That's that quality, that innate quality.
It has a desire of belonging. You've already mentioned that
already about belonging. I know in our last, the last
episode we did, I made a statement that everybody on this
planet, everyone, they desire two things where they want to
admit it or not. There's two things that desire
that is to be loved and to be heard, and that is that
belonging. And that's why family is number
one on list. That's what it is.
Our position as men is not to rule the closest or with with a
dominating foot. There's a verse in the Bible,
there's a verse in Nehemiah chapter 2, and it talks about
King Azersius. Here is a Persian king, OK, that
Nehemiah is the cup cupbearer. And Nehemiah's countenance had
changed because he had heard of what was going on in his
homeland and his people were were living terribly and things
were not going well for him and they're starving.
And so it's he was, he's broken hearted, all right.
And so, and that's a death sentence.
If you're if you're countless change, you look sad in front of
the king. But here's the parenthetical
statement that is inside that verse.
It says kings or she's talked about him, king of his rose.
And here he is. And it said in parentheses, it
says and the queen by his side. And then it goes on to the
contextually speaking, zero purpose for that to be in the
Bible, zero purpose for it to be in the verse.
It it she doesn't say anything. She doesn't interject.
There's doctrinally, nothing's there.
There's 9 recorded prayers in the book of Brook of Nehemiah.
It has nothing to do with the context except in my mind.
God's telling us no matter who you are or whether you're a
Christian, no matter who you are in life, non Christian.
This is the design. She's not at his feet and she's
not above his head. She's by his side.
He was created from the side, the rib of Adam by his side.
And we, we need to get back to that balance because what we're
finding in the world today is that we've created this, this
imagery of competition between I'm not in competition with my
wife, all right? She completes me.
We're a full circle together, you know, and that's what we
need. And I said she doesn't
complicate my life. We're not competing, you know,
we complement one another. That's the reality of it.
And that's, I'm convinced that's why that parenthetical statement
is there. And that's why you're the number
one priority that people with their desires or what was
important to them of your listeners was their family,
because that family, that family comes first.
It comes first. That is our role.
We have a sacrificial role, which we'll talk about later.
Yeah, and it's I think that's what we're seeing is the men are
being pitted against women. If if you were to read
everything, believe everything you see on social media and in
the media, social media and the media, but we're not we're we're
one unit. That's how I see it as that's
how and that's what we need to get back to.
We need to work together on these things.
It's not men V women UV me. It's we, we need to work
together on these things and sort of bring each other up, not
pushing the one down just so you can get ahead.
Like it doesn't work like that. It doesn't work like that at
all. We need to bring each other up
because I work in marketing so I can sort of see how these things
are marketed, these manospheres, these these these masculine
alpha training programs or whatever, you know, whatever
they're trying to sell. And a lot of the time is you
find a problem which everyone faces and they do address that
in their stuff. They talk about, you know what
you're not making. You're not where you want to be
in life. Or maybe you, you feel like you
put down. It's like, yeah, maybe I'm not,
maybe I'm not. But one of the most powerful
ways you can get people on board is framing an enemy, someone to
aim that out. And that's what they do.
They frame it at women, they frame it at your own partner,
they frame it at the government, they frame it what they call it
the matrix, you know, keeping you a slave to the system.
It's a powerful technique in marketing.
And they, and that's what they've done.
They've just, all they've done is framed.
And then that's when you're going to get the feelings.
It's like they're bloody right. Because you've said yes, yes,
yes to everything they've said. When they're highlighting all
your problems, you're not where you want to be.
You're not as fit as you want to be.
You haven't got the money you want to be.
You haven't got the house you want to be.
Yeah, maybe I'm not and it's your wife's fault.
Yeah, OK, let's get behind it. Maybe it is a fraction.
But no, I'm joking. But it's it's crazy.
Do you do you think that it's easier to sell anger than it is
to sell responsibility? 100% you can gather people
around a pseudo cause, and I'm calling it a pseudo cause
because people create these things.
It's a pyramid scheme and, and the only people that are getting
the house they want, the car they want, the woman they want
and that they're that they're talking about is them.
It's the lip, lip, lip, lip. And all of these drones buy into
that thing and they destroy their family, they destroy their
relationship, they destroy their home, they destroy their job.
Because I, I can tell you right now, if if a guy shows up, you
know, it was was to show up in my office, OK?
And he started lipping this stuff.
He gets about one, one strike and you're done.
You're out of here. You're not going to you're not
going to bring that type of mentality in here.
You know what we need to remember when we talked about
alpha males, all right? Everybody wants to be an alpha
male, all right? The bottom line is this.
Every person, every man is not going to be an alpha male, All
right? Now they have a choice to make,
OK, you can be an alpha male and be a leader, all right, but the
reality of it being an alpha male has zero to do much of
times of how of how you react about how you choose in your
life what to do, OK. And what I mean by that is knee
jerk reactions are not made by alpha men, all right, Think
about the difference between a predator and a prey, all right?
A predator plots and plans. They know what they're going to
do 2 to three steps down the way a prey reacts.
We had horses in Tennessee. We had sixteen horses, OK.
I've never wanted to be kicked by a horse.
I don't know anybody who does want to.
Doesn't feel very well. We had big horses, you know, we
had Clydesdale, we had a Percheron and a couple of those.
We took on some rescues and everything.
And, you know, I would hear stories of people saying, Oh
yeah, that horse kicked me. It did this, it did that.
And I was like, well, where were you?
Because a horse is a prey. A horse is not a predator.
A horse is not a an alpha leader.
It's not that a horse is a prey animal.
It can be trained. You can train a horse when
they're a full, it's called imprinting, OK?
And when they're 2000 lbs, they still think you can pick them up
OK, and they'll go wherever you want them to go.
But what the point that I'm making is a horse doesn't kick
someone because he thought about it.
He kicks someone because he reacts.
And when he kicks him because he's reacting as a prey.
He thinks afterwards. Yeah, but he didn't plot when
you were 10 steps back. They're going, yeah, you wait
till he gets here, I'm going to kick him.
That's not what happens. And that's what happens with
prey in businesses and homes and families and in life.
Prey. Non alpha men react.
And what do they react to? They react to the situation, to
the circumstances, to the culture.
They're moved by the climate of what's going on.
But an alpha, true alpha is someone who's consistent in
their life. They're living a disciplined
life, a dedicated commitment life to their position according
to their purpose, providing and protecting their family, their
home and their ways. That's what a true alpha is.
You find someone that's always changing their direction left
and right. You don't know where they're
going. That produces nothing but
instability. And that is the perversion of
manhood. That's the perversion of
masculinity. All talk, you know, Big puffing
up but nothing behind it. That's a facade.
What's the difference between an alpha male and a leader?
I don't think anything is the difference between an alpha male
and a leader. You know, alpha male is not this
bravado guy. You know, I love what Teddy
Roosevelt said. He says, he said walks off and
carry a big stick. You think about that for just a
second. He didn't need, he didn't need
to be announcing himself that he was coming.
He didn't need to be the loudest man in the room, but he sure
enough could be the toughest man in the room.
The man was shot in the chest and still continued to speak for
an hour and a half. And it was his speech notes that
kept the bullet from Pierce and his Pierce in his chest.
So yeah, he's the he's the one that's instead of the man of the
arena, one of my favorite species of all time, I believe
from 19 O 9 in Paris. But you know, the man of the
arena is the one, the one with the blood, the one with the
sweat, the one with the the tears, the one who has fought
the battle. That's the one you look to, not
the naysayers. You know what I'm saying?
ACH Spurgeon said that if you stop at every dog that barks,
you'll never get your job done. You'll never get the job done
that you're called to do. So, you know, let a dog do what
a dog does. Let them yap and let them bark,
but keep on moving and being the man that you're chosen to be.
Yeah, see, I see almost alpha males are leaders, but what is a
leader now? For me, a leader is someone that
doesn't bark orders and tell people what to do.
You people, you're leading, they're not there to work for
you. You as a leader are there to
work for them, to get the best out of them, to sort of to, to
empower those people. And I think that's, there's an
often a misconception there. These alphas, these leaders,
they need to rule with an iron fist or, you know, and, and I
don't think it's, it's all about support and bringing people up.
Would you agree with that? I would, I'm going to, I'm going
to change one phrase on that. All right.
So a leader's not someone, you know, the group that's not there
to work for the leader, they're there to work with leader
because if you're leading someone, you're working with
them. You see what I'm saying?
I had a guy one time in our business in, in the States, I
had an old man in our church who we were talking about the, the
business we were talking about, you know, where it was going.
And our company, our practice had kind of plateaued off just a
little bit. We wasn't, wasn't, you know,
wasn't down, but just kind of plateaued off.
And that happens. I understand it happens and I
had mentioned it one time and he told me this story.
He told me this story he said about a farmer and this guy was
going through the same things. His crops were not yielding the
amount of of agriculture that should.
It wasn't doing what it should to do this that and the other.
And the old man said, go take him, put a box in every one of
your fields and he goes, don't put anything in the box, just
put the box there. And I said, OK, so he did it.
I went back to the old man and he said, well, now what do I do?
He goes go check your boxes out. Go look at the boxes every day
at 3:00. He said, OK, I can do that.
And he started doing. All of a sudden, about six
months later, those crops started yielding what they
needed to. They were producing whether they
were on the money. And she goes to the old man.
He goes, what if the world changed?
He said nothing but just checking the boxes.
What? And he goes, yeah, I was
checking them. I was inspecting them.
Well, the staff knew that you're going to come by sometime,
inspect those boxes. And they worked.
They're working with you. They're working together for
that single goal and that purpose because you're part of
them. The man who's the leader, who's
absent usually has the less following and has the less
talent on their hand that's going to be producing the way
they should. It's kind of like the old eye in
the sky, you know, the eye in the sky don't lie, you know, and
that's the reality of it is you got to be part of the team.
You know, you can't just rule with an iron fist.
And that's what a true alpha is. True alpha does not knee jerk
react. They do not have quick responses
and and knee jerk reactions to this, especially in business and
especially in homes. You know, here's an analogy for
I'll give you, I want you to think about this.
I think if you and I got on a road, road trip and I said, come
on, Terry, you jump in the car and you jump in the car and we
take off and you said, where were we going?
And I don't answer the question right.
You don't know where we're going.
You don't know how far it's going to be.
You don't know how long it's going to be.
What's it going to in in your heart and your mind?
If you don't know how long we're going to be in the car, what's
that going to produce? Being uncomfortable.
Being very uncomfortable. What if we come to a junction
and I without warning, without break, without indicating I just
take that junction hard. You hit your head on the window,
now what are you going to be? Hurt head.
Hurt head, irritated, insecure, unsure about what is going on.
It's the same thing happens when betas scholar what it is our
knee jerk reaction in business and homes and in families, if
people don't feel secure, they're not going to be their
best. That includes your wife, that
includes your children, that includes your employees, that
includes your teammates, your staff members, whoever it may
be. If they don't feel like that
stability and that security is there because they don't know
what you're going to do next, it's never going to be a
productive company, a productive home, or at least unoptimal
home. You're going to be constantly in
the high stress, high cortisol, you're never going to be in a
relaxed state because things could change like that and
that's not good for a team. You're going to just run those
guys into the ground ready for burnout?
Let me add to this. That's what the toxic people
produce is. You never know what they're
going to say next. The next statement that the rage
bait, the next thing that ruffles this feathers, You never
know what they're going to say. And what does it produce?
Anger, discomfort, insecurity. And then it produces the
backlash we have today with the creation of words like toxic
masculinity and all men are bad and da da da da da.
It's all because of an insecure non alpha because those guys
aren't alphas. Absolutely not I.
Don't know what they are, but they're not what they should be.
It's, I think you phrase it pseudo masculinity.
That's what it is. It's faux, faux masculinity.
It's, it's, it's absolutely. It's, it's, it's almost like a
caricature, isn't it, of what people think it should be, but
in reality it's not. I got this question because I
did I want I want you picked up on it earlier and I wanted to
ask you it have we removed the role of men without replacing
it? Yes, yeah, we have.
Yeah, we've removed it. And The thing is, anything in
life, anything that you remove, you need to replace it with
something. You know, you if you have an
empty void that's going to cause a problem, either it has to be
replaced. And so we've removed that role
by saying man is bad, men is bad, masculinity is bad, da da,
da, da. And the problem is I was going
to say this just a bit a little bit ago when I wanted to
interject that part. Here's the problem.
The the other side over there, and I don't know what side it
is, left, right, middle, dot, bottom, whomever they are.
But the ones that are shouting out the toxic masculinity and
are teaching the youth today that men are bad and they're
toxic and all this and that there's there.
It's you're teaching negativity. What you're doing is you're
teaching people what to avoid, what not to do, rather than
telling them what to do, You know, and I've seen that.
I've seen it over and over and over in my life.
I've seen people raise children or, or raise up employees or or
whomever it may be, and they've given them a list to follow.
All right. This is what this you don't do
this, you don't do that, you don't do, this you don't do.
And if you, you know, if you don't do all these things,
you're good. But that's all negative and you
haven't replaced it. Here's what you should do.
You should love your family. You should sacrifice your home.
You should work to get a career to provide for your home.
You should this is this is what you do all right?
You give yourself over to your family.
You are the sacrificial role. You have to love them innately.
You know, you know. OK, fine.
I've had people talk to me and say, well, my wife's nagging me
all the time telling me to take the rubbish out.
My wife's nagging me all the time telling me to do XYZ.
Well, if you do XYZ without her saying it, she probably wouldn't
nag you. And I know that may sound, that
may sound a bit odd because I understand that's not a fix all
for everyone. I do understand there are
there's toxicity on both gender sides.
We understand that. But the reality is if we would
just do our job, Bill Belichick said that all the time.
And you know, as a coach of the New England Patriots, do your
job. It's it's that simple.
Today, we have a role that needs to be played, but we don't need
to tell children what not to be. Why don't we teach them what to
be on both sides of the coin? That's where you find that role
being replaced, as you say, OK, or the proper role being
replaced. I think you're bang on because
all those things that I read out earlier about the school kids
being talked about toxic masculinity or being told that
men are the problem within society, it is all about what
not to be. Why aren't we empowering these
boys, showing them what to be? Because the other people who are
showing them how to be are the ones that we shouldn't be
listening to. Yeah, breakdown your four PS.
Then in simple terms, you've got 4 PS.
What? What does and what does it look
like day-to-day? Is this these the four PS that
sort of how we should be living? Yeah, I believe so.
Yeah. And again, here's what I want to
say on the forefront. I don't have the answer for
everyone. I just think what I, what I do
know is I know by where I live and what lens I live through
which we, we understand that my life has lived through, you
know, the Bible. That's that's my life and and
it's and it works. I mean, I'll tell you that
mankind, man in general, men, we have we have been given a
position. We have a position before we
have a placement, OK. If you go back to the beginning,
we talked about Adam. He was placed in the garden
before he was given responsibility.
So you have a role of who you are first and foremost as a man,
OK, You say, well, they didn't ask for that.
It it's not up to you whether you asked for it or not.
You're born a man, all right? And I get the the fluidity in
the world today and the interpretation.
I can be anything I can be. And no, you can't be anything
you can be. You can't be a bird, all right?
You can't be a dog, OK? You are who you are, all right.
And you know, leave that one out where it is.
But you were placed first. So we have a position of who we
are as men. Men have a purpose.
Men's men's purpose in life was to produce.
We were created to work, to labor.
You know, any men who do nothing, say, well, I'm just not
going to do anything. They produce an idle mind, and
an idle man, as I said before, produces destructive men.
And that's that that is that's what we find.
We find the destruction of the foundation of men in society to
where they're growing up to be, not what member supposed to be
not working. We see an element today.
As a matter of fact, I just saw statistics the other day that
our our welfare program, our welfare and benefits program
here has exceeded the tax income of our nation by like like £2
billion. That that's unbelievable.
You know, and I understand there's a group out there who
people who cannot work and I get it but can't and won't.
Those are two different spectrums.
As a man, I'm commanded to work and I am commanded to provide
for my family, which is the next one.
That's the Providence. I am to provide for my home.
I am to provide for my, my, my wife, my children.
I am to provide for them and I'm to protect them.
And protection is not just physical.
Protection is both physical and spiritual.
I'm to I'm to protect them from the toxic side of this world
today. I need to have the answers.
I need to be able to tell them no, that's not what it is.
But I need to be the example as well.
I need to to be the example who's living according to our
purpose. A person who lives without
purpose is a person who ends up falling behind the lines and
they live in an insecure life. If you don't have that purpose,
you're not being driven by something.
If you don't have that purpose, you can't protect and you can't
provide. You can't do any of those things
in your life that you're supposed to do as a man.
And then all of a sudden you're heard, well, this is who you
need to be and you need to do this and let the woman do that
and let this and, and what's happened is men have forsaken
their role in society and being leaders today.
That does not mean when when I say that here's the here's what
people will hear when I say, men, you need to get off your
ever widening horizon, which means get off your backside.
You need to go to work and you need to lead your home.
Now here's what the here's what the skewed interpretation of
that will be. Women aren't leaders.
That's what that side hears. And I didn't say that at all.
I'm saying, man, you got a role to do.
Your role is not to mess around with anybody and everyone that
you can. Your role is to be committed to
that one. Want that one woman.
Your role is to be committed to her in her life.
Your role is to treat her like who she is, to treat her like a
queen. You know, You know, I, again, I,
we said it earlier, we talked about it.
My role is sacrificial. All right, I take that from
Ephesians 525 that I'm going to love my wife as Christ loved the
church and gave himself for it. All right?
He died for the church. And you say, well, preacher,
you're going to die of your wife.
I'm willing to, I'm willing to give up every organ I have if,
if it would mean to, to give my, my wife life.
I have no quarrems with that whatsoever.
Matter of fact, there's no hesitation in that.
You know what I'm saying? The reality of the of the matter
is this. I have a role and it's been
given to me. It's designed.
It's not my choice. It's not designed.
It's not defined by culture. It's revealed in the
responsibility that I have. If I love my wife and love my
family and that sacrificial position that I understand the
house is hers. You decorate it the way you want
to. Hands down there you go.
You know, it's it's her home, it's her abode.
That's where she is. You know, she got to get a
little study and I got we got the gym together, you know, and
it's nice, but I have no problem with that.
That's not me taking a step down and not being a man.
That's me sacrificing for my wife.
You see what I'm saying? And to treat her like who and
what she is, you know what I'm saying?
And and I should do that. And so when I look at that as as
my position, that's not, that was a sacrificial position in
the home is not a lesser than or a weak position or soft
position. It's actually a leading
position. And you are leading by example.
We do leave the home together. We do make decisions together.
She understands. Yeah, you know, I'm going to
have the final decision. But I got to be honest with you.
I'm going to trust her because I've been married to her for 28
years this year, you know, I know exactly where we are on the
page and we make these decisions together.
But I'm the one that's going to be held accountable for it.
OK. So if I relinquish that role and
dump it on her thinking, Oh well, you know, it's going to be
her fault. No, it's my fault.
It's my responsibility to do the job that I need to do.
And so men today need to set their ego to the side, all
right, set their bravado to the side, quieten down just a little
bit. Lead by example.
Lead their family, lead their workplaces, lead their schools,
lead wherever they are, wherever they're employed.
But lead by a good example, one that will produce good citizens,
one that will produce boys to become men.
Not the Andrew Tates of the world and not the other group in
the world who have nice little buzzwords, who are sitting at
the tip of the pyramid scheme, but men who are willing to get
in and work and sweat and fight and fight for their homes and
fight for their families and leave their homes in a manner
that we were designed to do. That's all that.
That's all it is in a nutshell today.
I like it. And it's, I think we've lost
that responsibility. I think because we're being told
that it's not your responsibility, it's everyone
else. It's, it's not your fault where,
where you are, it's him or her or them.
And you people have changed their their concentration, then
they're looking at the outside world for all their problems.
When it actually lies within you, It is your responsibility
to pick up that slack. If you're not where you want to
be, it's on you. No one's coming to save you.
You've got to do that. And and there was another bit as
well. That's right.
They preach about it's almost like self-serving activities.
Get the cars, get the fast cars, get the money, get the nice
clothes, get the expensive watch.
These are all self-serving for you.
When in reality, the true purpose is found in serving
others. It's building that team around
you. It's about helping other people.
And that's where you're actually going to get the more fulfilment
in life. These materialistic things, they
they're not going to fulfil you. They won't last because we we're
creatures of aim of goal setting.
Our whole biological system with the dopamine system is set up
for achievement. And you'll know this as a
student of neurology as well. So you've got 2 two ways the
dopamine can be activated. It's through the pursuit of
goals and through the achievement of goals.
But then you've got the incentive reward system.
It's through the pursuit of goals that you find deep and
meaningful to you and you don't even have to actually achieve.
It is for something with bigger purpose.
And if you go after things with bigger purpose, helping people,
it's often it's always tied with helping people or supporting
people. You'll find never ending buckets
of fulfilments and just life, life fulfilment through
channeling that through the material ones, through achieving
fast car. But once you've got it, it's
gone. That dopamine's gone.
Do you do you see stuff like that?
Yeah. You know, the things with the
materialistic, materialistic things in our world today, you
know, I'll, I'll go back to us just just as a quick example.
I mean, our, our business, our practice in the States, you
know, man, it grew quick. It grew really, really, really
quick. And I mean, I was 30 years old
when I hit a particular, you know, I'm not going to go into
all the numbers, I think, but I hit a particular number that was
really amazing. It was unreal.
And we ended up designing a methodology of giving, you know,
it was, you know, church based, obviously emissions based around
the world to where we ended up living off 34% of our total
income. We were debt free, still debt
free today. We were debt free at the age of,
I was at the age of 31 and he was 29 and have remained debt
free ever since then. OK.
And except for a few things that we've done on purpose to
maintain that credit score, you know what I'm saying?
But that's what we did and that's how we lived our life.
But it was based on an agreement.
You know, I'm going to work hard.
I'm going to, I'm going to do this.
Lord, you provide in a great way and I'm going to give.
This is what we're giving away. And we never wanted for we never
wanted, never hurt for anything. We were sensible in our purchase
and we had no problem going to thrift stores, going here, going
there. We had all that, we had all the
cars, we had the property, had all those things.
And I'm not saying anything wrong with that.
Again, 34% of the income provided all of that for us.
And we were able to help people around the world.
It's nothing on me. I didn't do that.
That was a blessing that was given, but the fulfillment of
it, as you're talking about the fast cars, there's always going
to be a car faster, all right? The shiny cars, there's always
going to be a shiny car, a shinier car out there, you know
what I'm saying? The big house, there's going to
be a bigger house. You know, the property, there's
going to be more property. There's that.
Those are never, ever ending goals.
And what they do is they provide a spark of dopamine for a
millisecond and then they're gone.
There's no lasting legacy in that.
There's no lasting fulfillment in that.
But I can tell you this right now, you take someone at your
local gym or you take someone at your at your home or your church
or or your neighbor. And they're in, they're in the
darkest moment of their life. And you sit down with them in
the midst of their dark days and you say, talk to me, I'm here
until you're done. You see what I'm saying?
You're sacrificing it and you're giving and you're not doing it
for praise. You're by all means not taking a
silly photo and putting it out on, you know, social media.
You know, you're just in the moment.
That right there is fulfilling the role.
It's both man and woman. I understand that.
But that's what that's what an alpha does.
An alpha puts himself to the side and looks to improve.
The better, the better the the better part of the group and the
team without him or her, but him getting the glory.
That's what an alpha does. So we look at that masculinity
today and we address that moment of, you know, the temptation of
get the cars, get the house, get the career, get the position,
get all this and that. You know, and again, I'm, I'm
not necessarily against having this.
I'm not saying be I'd be against it.
But if that's your goal, you're never going to be satisfied.
If your goal today is to take care of your family, to
sacrifice with them, to love them beyond degree and to help
everyone that you can in your community, that's what's going
to last and it's going to outlast you.
If you live to be 80 years old, that is nothing but a blink on
the eye of a turn. That's a grain of sand in the
bucket of time. OK, You know, our life is a as a
vapor here today, gone tomorrow. All right, If I, if I'm gone
tomorrow, Terry, you're going to continue on doing everything
that you've done every single day.
Everybody in Cardiff, everybody in well, you know what, they're
not going to miss a beat. They're going to do everything
that they've always done every single day there, Monday through
Saturday, that's what they're going to do.
Sunday, they're going to do what they do.
If when my life comes to an end. But whilst I'm here, if I can
make the smallest of amount of a difference in the people I come
into contact with by leading, by being a man, then that's exactly
what I need to do. What I'm not going to do is make
a positive impact on people if I'm filled with that manosphere
stuff. However, what I'm not going to
do as well is fulfill that goal if I'm passive.
So 1 is what we call the sin of omission.
Refusing to to do your job, becoming completely passive and
dumping your responsibilities on everyone else.
That's that's the omission. And the other side is extremism.
You know we're going to buck up. I'm the man I deserve.
I deserve this. I deserve that.
If we all got what we deserve, we'd all be in a lot of trouble.
It's right down the middle. It's a balanced life, the way it
should be, and it's given yourself to others so that you
improve our society, our group, our church, our family as a
whole. Where where does discipline fit
into all this? Discipline is the foundation of
it all. Again, discipline is doing
things you do not want to do to reach the goals that you desire
and not doing the things that you want to do to continue to
reach those same goals that you desire.
That's what discipline is in the nutshell.
So discipline is the format of it.
When you're tempted to not do the work that you need to do to
help your family, to provide for your family, when you're tempted
to, to lay down and be lazy and say, well, somebody else will
get it. Somebody else will do it.
You know, that's being that's, that's not being disciplined.
You show me someone, this is going to get touchy and I'm sure
we'll get some hate mail on it, but I'll say it anyway.
But you show, show me someone who is undisciplined in an area
of their life. And let's just let's just say
they're undisciplined in their emotions, OK?
They're emotionally all over the place.
They're emotionally this, they're emotionally that.
They're undisciplined in other areas in our life as well.
The thing with discipline is, is it's contagious.
It's contagious through all four categories in your life.
It's contagious to be in the physical well-being, the
emotional stability, the spiritual strength.
That's the mental discipline driving the bus.
It's got to drive the bus. So when you're disciplined as a
man, you're able to put aside your own feelings.
You're able to put aside your own emotions and get done what
needs to be done. Because sometimes, guys, the
life is just the grind. It's just grit.
It's just getting in there and doing it without the praise.
OK? You know, I, I, you know what,
what my wife says to me, honey, I love you and I love doing life
with you, of which we tell one another that quite often.
We do that. And I do that for a reason.
All right? Do that for a reason.
Because I want her to know that, all right.
And I want to be, you know, I don't know when my last words
are going to be, but I want her to know that I love doing life
with her. We, you know, all of our
children, every single night, no matter how far we're away, they
get a good night. I love you text or or if they're
in person, I tell them in person, all of them without
fail. I do that because I see that as
a responsibility so that they know I love them.
They know that I'm thinking about them.
And then on a whim, I'll just say, hey, we tell matter of fact
text all our children yesterday and says, Hey, I just want to
let you know I love you and I'm proud of you.
All right, Do those things. So I'm proactive in their life.
You see what I'm saying? And they know that and it makes
a difference and it helps them and it blesses them.
Those are the things that that take discipline to do because
your mind goes, meh, you know, I'll do it tomorrow.
I'll do it the next day. You know, one thing my dad
taught me is tomorrow never comes.
Don't put off, don't put off, don't put off today for
tomorrow. Get it done right now.
And sometimes in our life, we just got to dig in.
We got to, we got to get down, put the motions aside, put
everything to a side and do what needs to be done.
That's the discipline for man today in this society who is
tempted to lay down, to be soft, to fit the cultural bill of what
they say a man should be and what they're saying a man should
not be. You know, that's the problem is
you have so many things being told.
We're not teaching our young men to be men the way they should.
They think that, hey, I'm going to be respected.
I need to be told that I'm great and wonderful just because I'm a
man. No, you don't.
You don't deserve that. Do something to be praised and
then you'll get the praise. But don't look for it.
You should do what you ought to do because it's the right thing
to do. Not for the Atta boys or the
paths on the back man. Absolutely.
And if you fix this discipline and you found your purpose, what
could your life look like in, say, 666 days?
There you. Go nice plug for the book I
gotta. Say 60 days, but I was like,
Nah, 66. There you go.
Plug for the book Renewed Total Transformation 66 Day Challenge.
There you go. Links below.
Links below, please.
Yeah. What?
What could it look like? I think what it could look like
is, is a brighter day, in all fairness.
I mean, Terry, again, we go back to this.
If I was to ask you one word, one word in your life, what do
you want? And I'm going to answer it for
you, if you don't mind. OK, because everything in this
world today, it comes down to one thing that you want in your
life and that's peace, don't you?
You won't be now. Peace is doesn't come with
comfort, OK, Success. You got to fight for peace.
No one has peace in this life. Sitting on the SETI playing a
video game. No one has peace.
There's complacency, all right? There is, you know, laziness.
There's that peace comes in our life today through work, through
labor, through intentional living.
So when you say a person, you ask the question, what would it
look like in 66 days? The work, the sweat, the grit,
the calluses, they're all going to be there.
But there's going to be a peace that's there as well.
If they have exercise, the discipline and they do what
needs to be done and they exercise their position as a man
to love their family with every drop, they have to sacrifice
themselves to do what just do the right thing.
You know, we talked about, you know, weights and all this and
that, you know about putting the weights back in the trolley last
time. You know this this group, I know
we're acting like Andrew Tate and all them we're sitting over
here, but you know, we're we're saying this right, this group
that's over here, this pseudo masculinity.
We see it in gyms today. You know, we see it in the guys
who, you know, throw their whopping 15K dumbbells down on
the floor to make it sound like they're lifting more.
You're not lifting more. It's like a fool.
We see guys working on the cable machines like bam, they let it
slam to make them look like they're they're doing more.
You're not doing more. Do it right, do it hard.
You know I'm saying work hard and reap the benefits.
Do it in silence sometimes. You see what I'm saying?
That's the pseudo, that's that bravado, that's an exterior
that's over right here and that's not real because you let
the hard times come in their life, they're going to crumble
like a little child. You see what I'm saying?
It is that discipline point. What will it look like in 66
days applying the discipline in your life?
It's going to look like peace. Even in the midst of trauma,
even in the midst of storms, it's going to look like peace.
That's what it's going to be. I.
Love that BJ, where can people follow you?
Websitesbjstagner.com, find the books there, devotions there,
challenges there. That's probably the best way
right there. Just go to our website and reach
us out. Any questions whatsoever, shoot
them to us. Just letting them know.
I'm not a keyboard warrior. I'm not going to argue with
somebody online. I'll show up at your door.
I I believe in. I believe in.
Thank you very much BJ, Enjoy it.
Thank you so much. Cheers.
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