Ollie, let's address this straight away.
When people hear mindset coach, they think it's probably a bit
wanky. Why are they not wrong?
That's a good one and I love that we're starting this strong
like this. I think my belief was like that
at the start, before I had any form of adversity in myself,
like injuries, you know, breakdown in relationships or
like always getting a certain stage in life and always kind of
self sabotaging myself. And a lot of people who are
never experienced working with a mindset coach will probably say
things like, you know, they just kind of throw motivational words
at you or mindset fluff for you. But I always tell people like
the background I work in is conscious and subconscious mind.
And how that works is let's just say your mind is, yeah,
conscious and subconscious. 10% of your mind every day we only
use as temp is conscious and 90% is subconscious.
But we only the only every day, we only use 10% of our mind.
So let's just say, for instance, now I'm trying to think of a
scenario. Let's just say, for instance,
right now, a lot of people go new year, new me, I'm going to
start something new. I'm going to cut booze in, I'm
going to go to the gym more. I'm going to lose weight.
And after like a week or two of feeling good and then like
motivated and energy's up, all of a sudden they like stop doing
that really good habit and they fall back to old habits.
And what happens then is a negative thought comes up,
negative experience, past stories and events.
Now what actually happens in the subconscious is when we get to
that crossroad and we, we can't break that barrier of like
actually understanding why we can't sustain this change just
because when we get to that area and we, we, we fall off the
wagon. Past experiences have happened
to us. The emotions that say, you know,
I'm never going to break free from losing this weight.
Maybe when I was younger you was a big boy or maybe your parents
always fed you or maybe someone called you fat or someone
knocked the confidence out you. And what actually happens is a
belief system that like I'm not good enough or a belief system
that I'm stuck in this. So even though we train really
hard or what not, we always get to that area and a lot of people
fall off the bandwagon and start again.
They try even harder and then they fall off the bandwagon
again. And all that does is knocks
yourself esteem and confidence until you shift the beliefs in
your subconscious. That's when we start to build
sustainable habits. That's when your belief systems
and who you are are different. You don't let past emotions and
stories hold you back from taking new levels.
Whether it's in a relationship, whether it's in a job, whether
it's in a pay increase, or maybe it's in your body or in how you
see yourself. But that's all in the
subconscious. So the biggest thing that I do,
which is mindset fluff to people is working on the subconscious.
Because when someone tells me what's going on in the surface
or you don't understand, like I'm so busy with life now I am
got time to meal prep, I'm listening what's going on
underneath the surface. I'm telling me, what's that
fear? Well, if I actually set myself
up to have sustainability in my life and it doesn't work out,
then I'm putting myself out there to fail.
So what I'll do instead is actually stop myself from doing
that. So unconsciously I never put
myself in the shop window to actually succeed because I I
might not do that when I'm saying people self sabotage
themselves. Yeah, I hope that helps.
Yeah, no, it helps it. It must be tough because if it
is in the subconscious, you're not conscious about it.
You don't even know it's there, right?
Yeah, you're not not aware about it until you work with someone
who makes you aware of these patterns.
Why do people go into relationships all the time?
And nine times out of 10, if they've been through a handful
of relationships, why does the same common issue happen in all
of them and they normally point the other person?
Just remember, when you point the finger to another person,
there's three fingers pointing back and you're recognising that
you are the root of a problem. So you need to recognise your
own behaviours, your own patterns and your belief
systems. When you start to do that and
you recognise and start to unwind these patterns and the
emotions and the words you say to yourself, that's when you
have more confidence. That's when you actually
recognise that we're A-Team here.
This is how I can communicate to this person before you know it.
Like that's how you build a team instead of two individuals.
Yeah, I mean, for me, definitely.
I think, I mean, I'm a, I'm a guilty as anyone when it comes
to new year, new me and stuff like that.
I'm always trying and it usually I think that motivation fades
after Week 2. It does.
And then like you haven't got that urgency to stick to what
you're doing. What is, can you rely on
motivation or is that fleeting? Like what, how and how do you
combat that then? So motivation is not the key.
And I think anyone who's ever done a sport or a or a goal or
achievement, which is longevity, like I know you've done some
high, long, long durance trainings.
You have to have a goal and you've probably got the right
people around you to keep you accountable on the way.
For a lot of people, when they want to make changes, when
they're in pain, financial pain, physical pain, relationship
pain, they know they need to make, Maybe their partner's
giving them all to main you either sort your shit out and
I'm leaving you, or maybe that they their bank balance is
really low and they've got bills up their eyeballs and like shit,
I better work harder now because people only use the urgency of
paying to get where they are. But let's just say right now,
you were 20 kilos overweight, but after 10 kilos you started
looking good. You maybe had a little bit of
ABS coming on definition in the arms.
People are complimenting you. Well, that pain of being big is
gone now. That motivation's gone too.
But what keeps you going is actually the discipline actually
having structure in your day, setting yourself up and removing
the friction out of areas. So like the the growth is still
there even without the motivation because people only
change when they're in in an emotional feeling of negativity
in themselves. Yeah, no, absolutely.
I, I always say that that's one that's one of my catch phrases
is suffering is one of the best catalysts for change.
I did it myself years ago when I was in a bit of a pickle
mentally, physically. It was the suffering that kicked
me up the ass to do something about it.
And if we Fast forward to now, I love a vape.
I love a vape. I don't know if you love a vape
or whatever. And I'm struggling to kick it at
the moment and I know I should, but there's not enough pain
there because one vape won't hurt you.
It tastes nice. It's quite discreet.
It's it's hard, harder to give up because I'm not experiencing
any pain because of it. It's only later down the line
that you're going to see that. How do I stop vaping?
Like what as a mindset coach, if, if I'm saying there's no
pain, it's so easy. What would you prescribe to
someone like me? The hardest thing is you've got
to get someone in the place that they want to change.
Like if someone said to me at all, I want to quit smoking, I
would like to quit smoking. It'd be like, OK, do you
actually want to quit smoking? Or the thought of quitting
smoking's there? Because if it's no urgency to
quit, you're never going to do it.
You've got to be like, I'm again in an area of like your backs
against the wall. Like if I said to you right now,
you can't pay your bills at the moment.
Your wife is leaving you because she wakes up every morning and
there you are vaping in bed. And she said to you, like, you
either sort your shit out or I'm out of here.
Well, the pain of the pain of changing, yeah, let's get this
right. The pain of changing outweighs
the pain of the the vape. So like you potentially losing
your wife and everything else, it's far great that you like,
you know, for the bigger picture, that's better for me.
But if it's like, you know what, I can still train every day.
I can still work. It's not impacting anyone.
It's just a little bit of a vape.
It's OK because you're not in discomfort, but it's got to be
something else underneath it that recognises that.
Like it's so it's hard to just say off the top of my head or I
want to quit vaping. It's like, do you want to or you
like the idea of vaping? I'd like the idea to quit.
Like what? What happens when you vape?
Yeah. So why would you want, why would
you want to quit someone that makes you feel less?
What's the what's the negative? What's the negative things you
get from vaping? Cost.
OK, Costly.
Who else does it impact? Minimal people.
I think that's, that's because if it would be easier if it was
smoking because you do it, but you stink, you have to go
outside all the time. Again, there's a cost with that.
But vaping, they've made it so much easier.
And that's that's the issue with that.
I find vaping and stuff like that.
Do you, would you, would you say like you maybe you have to
manufacture these pains If there are no pains, really think down
the line and make that sort of vision so strong that it
motivates you to quit, stuff like that.
Well, I, I think like if you have a look at like the great,
great people of the world, let's say Cristiano Ronaldo, Michael
Jordan, like they didn't stop after one championship or
Premiership. They have a different mentality
that spews them on the go. I'm regardless of that win tick
precedes starts the next day or the days after.
It's the it's what you the outcome.
You've got to have clarity on the outcome, what you really
want. When you're clear on what you
want, I think the journey's a lot easier.
But if you literally like just thinking in front of your nose
and like surviving every day or grinding every day or getting by
every day is OK for you. But like if we went back to the
vape, do you like, let's say every time that you wanted a
vape, you had to charge that up for two hours and you had to
walk 3 miles or 4 miles to have that vape every time.
What do you want? The vape still can't be asked.
So the the oh, sorry, the friction in between you wanting
the vape and not you wanting the vape is far greater now the
friction right now there's no friction between you another.
You can literally just pull out your pocket bang and keep
talking this conversation. So they what they've done in the
marketing front is they've reduced the friction so much
from people that it's so easy to access.
It's brilliant, Yeah. What they've done, Yeah, it's
amazing. Like, yeah.
Look at people now doing like, you know, Manjaro or the other
one, like the weight loss thing. You don't have to go to the gym
anymore to lose weight. You don't have to eat better,
but you can have this injection which is going to help you lose
weight, removes the friction, removes the friction of the
thing. It's easier.
It's a short term fix. Now we don't know the benefit
the we don't know the long term pains from that yet, but they'll
come out at some stage. But yeah, I think the the the
friction is reduced. If we make it harder for you to
have that vape, you'll probably weigh it up and go, I can't be
asked, you know what I mean? Yeah.
And I suppose on the flip, the other side of the flip of the
coin, if you want to do integrate good habits, you
reduce the friction because then it's easier to do, right?
Yes, Yeah. Well, yeah, let's ask.
Can I ask a question, what's something that you did which
wasn't an overnight win, which you had to like show up every
day for a most days fall and then it was a positive outcome?
It's going to be my world record for the world's largest GPS
drawing of a cock and balls on foot in a single continuous
effort. Definitely.
Are you serious? I.
Didn't know that. I didn't know that.
I'm so sorry. It's a fair man.
Wow, 72 miles of a manhood masterpiece on the wall.
Wow. What was the why behind it?
What made you want to do that? It was first and foremost
charity. South who was the charity for
Was it November? Somebody connected to.
You. Yeah.
So as I said, I was a bit of a pickle before, and that was
through binge drinking, drink, drugs, living sort of the party
lifestyle. It got me into a bit of a
pickle. I needed something to kick me up
the ass and challenges were a way of doing that for me.
It was setting a big goal that like I had to do it.
If I didn't train, then I'd fail and in front of everyone because
you'd make it public. It was also sought my life out
again. It was that suffering.
It was the catalyst for change. Fast forward now to when I did
the challenge. It was about sort of giving back
and being that voice, that message for people and saying,
look, you need to challenge. That was the whole message
behind. It was like you, you need a goal
bigger than yourself. Like if you're stuck in these
places and you're finding it hard to get out of, you need
something so big that it's going to almost force you to, to do
these things. And that's, so that's why I did
the the world's biggest GPS drawing of a cock and balls.
So obviously, you know, there's selfish reasons as well.
I needed the challenge again. I was falling off a bit with my
weight and my fitness, so I needed something big.
But also, yeah, just to inspire people, yeah.
Love that. So you really figured out why
this was so important to you. And let me guess, did you?
You obviously put it out there to promote it, to raise money
for charity, right? So you put yourself in the shop
window and if you failed and didn't follow through on doing
it or even attempted it, what would that, what would that
make? How would that make you feel?
Yeah, I'd look, I'd look like a fool.
So you put some, you put some, you invested and you put some
money where your mouth is essentially on this.
And if you failed, it's not just you.
You let down. You let down people who invested
in you charity, you put people's, you know, you really
put yourself in the shop window. And that's where people really
succeed. Like I one thing I love to do
and not everyone does is like, if I'm going to do something,
I'm going to tell a few people beforehand before I do it.
Just to let you know, I'm going to be doing XY and Z soon.
Oh yeah. Well, when are you doing it?
I'm doing now. I'm starting now, but it's going
to be XY and Z. Why do I do that?
I do it because if I put it out there, I've got to stick to my
word now. And you know how much of A
wanker I look like if I don't follow through on my own word,
you look like a prick. And the biggest one is yourself.
But I think that's the that's the the need of it.
You know, how many people do you know, man, that have amazing
ideas, Amazing ideas, but they don't put them out there?
Kim himself. Yeah.
Why do they not put them out there?
Fear. Fear and the fear is if I put it
out there and it gets rejected or people criticize it or people
don't actually compliment me on it, well that actually shows
that I'm not actually good at I'm not actually good at it.
So what I'll do instead is I'll put all of my amazing Mantel
pieces inside here. You can't see them.
And I'll tell everyone how good it is and I'll tell you XY and
Z, but I'll never put it out there because the fear of
rejection is so hard. So they played safe in this area
and the the massive fact and the root behind most things in life
is fear do. You know what I like about that
is you've manufactured pain, you've set it up, you've raised
the stakes to to sort of forge a pain if you don't follow through
that, thus creating an accountability, right, Yes.
I like it. Well, that's what it's all
about, man. It's like you got to create your
own pain. And you know, sometimes, like
people might think this is crazy, right?
But that if I'll even create stories sometimes.
Like what? You don't think I'm good enough?
Like what? Like you think I'm not a good
mindset coach, or you don't think that I'm capable of doing
XY and Z, or you don't think that I can work with this type
of fucking. Watch me.
Watch me do this. I'm going to prove to you, but
prove to myself. And I create this on my head
because sometimes we've got to build this level of urgency in
ourself, level of motivation, level of determination, because
some days you're not going to have it, but some days you've
got to find the the needle that moves you again.
And sometimes just building that up in yourself.
And people might think this crazy, but you know, it's part
of it. It's part of growing, it's part
of achieving, it's part of doing things.
That fuel, that fuel. You doing this man?
How many times did you want to quit on that?
Every week, after every session, like it's, it's about revisiting
the sort of why am I doing this and I have to do it and yeah,
nothing, nothing worthwhile ever came easy.
You know, it's hard for a reason.
What's the biggest load of nonsense you see in the mindset
space at the moment? Good question.
Jesus, I love that. Yeah, I was going to say,
there's a lot of rubbish out there.
There's people telling you do XY and Z and you'll become there,
so do that, OK, I believe. I believe mental health is a lot
of nonsense. OK, I almost agree.
Let's see why. My, my belief is right with
mental health is if I sat here and I vented to you my problems
and thank you mate feel a lot better and then I get up and I
just walk away right and I do nothing about it and I just get
on my life. Then in a week's time I come
back here and I'm in the same position I was last week and I
do the same thing again to you. Like I'm literally like creating
problems on myself if I don't have like OK, XY and Z has
happened to me and there's an action that I can do, but I'm
not taking that action. Well, you're at fault now.
But if you take the action and the outcome is a positive
outcome, which you will if you took the action, then that's
that's where you that's what you need to do.
But if you're avoiding that, we no wonder you're going to be in
negative feeling. No wonder you're going to be
feeling anxious. No wonder you're going to be
feeling depressed. Now, I'm not saying that mental
health is a lot of rubbish because there's people out there
suffering, but I do feel like that if you or you're just
venting and this is the thing people talk about.
I was like, you know, speak up, speak to your mate, blah, blah,
blah, OK, but ones, if your mate is not equipped to hear your
problems and he goes, oh man, I've I've never experienced
depression before. I don't even know what anxiety
is. This is weird.
How does that make you feel? If you said that to me and I
said that back to you, you feel worse, you feel more lost.
So like, I think it's like, OK, seek professional help if you
want to. But I, I'm just not a big
believer. The way I work with, the way I
work with my clients and the way I've been taught and the way my
people work with me is OK, problem, solution, action.
We don't just stay at problem. If we stay at problem where
intention goes, our energy will flow to, to just grow
negativity. If we put a solution on it and
we're like, all right, OK, let's build an action plan to that,
That's when we get an outcome. So even though I said mental
have a sort of rubbish, my belief is if we're just venting
about it all the time, we're not doing nothing which we know we
can be doing. That's why it's a load of
rubbish. And there's levels to it, right,
Because like there's there's levels like we're not talking
mental disorders now, I mean, that's professional stuff.
Seek help. And obviously there's there's
levels where you could be so far on the whole, yes, bloody go.
You know, if you're thinking about doing some of the worst
things, please bloody get help. But the people who just sort of
not satisfied day-to-day, a bit down, a bit glum, but they're
not doing anything about it. That's the worst kind.
Like I always say, like you can't meditate your way out of a
shit situation, a bad bank balance, a toxic relationship or
anything like that. You can't do cold baths until
that all changes. It's about taking action.
Like, you need to identify what's wrong, find out what you
need to do, and then bloody do it.
And it doesn't have to be grand. It could be like, right.
How can I just improve the situation just by just 1% and
then do that day after day after day, Yeah.
I massively, 100% agree with you, and that's the biggest
thing for a lot of people though, because they're stuck in
the conscious and they don't get into the subconscious.
I think that's why it's really important, the three ways that I
believe that you can make positive change.
It's physical first, so change your physical, physical action.
So move your body, which is going to make you mentally feel
better, which you're going to be in more of a place of taking
action, changing, which is then going to start to let you.
And then the next thing after that then is, is being around
the right people. If you surround yourself with
the right people, you are 99% of a chance going to improve your
life 100%. But if you can't see staying
around people who play the victim, gossip, whinge about
people sell, everything's a problem that you know, what's
that do to your feeling? Like what does that do to you
internally? You just feel like shit.
But like, if I'm around people who are like, oh, what are we
doing today? What what are you like, what's
exciting you at the moment? You know, what ideas have you
got? Are you doing anything in
business right now? When's the last time you took
your partner on a date night? Like how do you set your day up
for a structure? Oh, cool, cool, man, awesome.
Like I'm not saying that you'd have to go the full end.
You can go have a beer. You can have whatever.
Like I'm not against that. I like a beer too, but like I
think there's. Environment plays a big part,
moving your body plays a big part.
And then what comes from there then is like you feel more
confident to speak up, do things, implement boundaries
yourself. Worth is so much different.
It's so much better. If you weren't allowed to use
the word mindset, how do you explain to us, the listeners,
what you do and like, the types of things that you help people
with without using that? Word.
That's a hard word mate. Without using the word mindset.
Mine is eliminating self sabotage tendencies so you can
build more self worth and confidence to achieve the things
you deeply want. I love it, you did it.
I was battling not use that N word then.
So what's it all about essentially then is mindset like
a bad word? Because people have sort of
preconceived notions of that word mindset, when in fact
you're saying it's, it's more about it's like problems
solutions, but in a way to help you succeed, right?
What so, So the question you're asking is, yeah.
So like life coaching, which I remember when I started saying
it with life, I used to laugh at it.
I couldn't tell people, oh, that's like I'm credited in this
or XYZ. It's kind kind of like action
coach. So like, let's just say you're
telling about your problems all the time and I'm going to call
you out on your shit. So people think you're going to
self soothe you or not. I'm going to actually be like,
all right, OK, let's listen to what's going on.
And I'm going to be like, OK, So what are you normally doing
which is preventing you from resolving this issue?
Well, I probably need simple things like it might be like I
need to go to bed earlier so I can wake up earlier so I can get
to the gym before the kids get up.
OK, cool. And when you do that, what would
happen to your life? I'll have a bit more better
routine. I'd feel better because I'm
going to the gym. Ah, cool.
And then like, right, what action do you think you could be
doing moving forward? And they'll be like, well, I'm
going to set my alarm something simple like that for this
scenario. OK, cool.
So you're going to so that's the action you're going to take,
right? Yeah, yeah, cool.
Like this is simple. And then like, cool, well, let's
implement that into your day. Let's implement that.
But what I'm big on, which is again, is journaling every day.
I journal every day. I set them up my all of my
clients or when anyone working with you, you're journaling.
So got 30 plus men in the journal every day and they're
all in a better headspace. They all got businesses, they've
all got kids, they've all got a wife.
They've all got other things going on, but they show up first
for themselves. So it's probably a bit off from
the question you asked, but don't spot on.
Action man. Everything's action man.
Action, man. That's action.
Man, I like it. That's better.
I'm I just believe, right? The first ever, first couple of
sessions, we're going to go deep into you and understand what's
going on subconsciously. Then I'm going to change those
beliefs and I'm going to make you believe and yeah, I'm going
to make you believe that you're capable of achieving far more
than you're doing right now. And then we're going to build an
action plan to it because you know the, the saying, right?
You know, if you wanted to do something you've never done, and
if you said the word, how can I do that?
Like your mind instantly goes into uncertainty mode because
it's like, how is this is new? How can I achieve that?
I've never done it before. So your mind goes into no
clarity. But then if you go, who can help
me, your mind thinks in a different way, like, well, Oh
well, that person started the podcast.
I'm going to reach out to Tear because Terry's got a podcast
and he can give me some guidance and clarity on how to start the
process. But as soon as I went, how can I
do this? And I've never got no contact,
so I've never done it myself. Like, you're probably going to
stop pretty quickly. Do you know what I mean?
Yeah. Like the scale of the goal
intimidates you or stops you, like straight away what they
call it paralysis by analysis or something like that.
It's like you're stopping dead in your tracks because it just
seems too big. But then you can seek help.
You can break the goals down and stuff like that.
Jesus, the 72 mile cock and balls.
Like I'd never run that distance before in my life.
But then spoke to people, broke it down and and we got there in
the end like. Yeah, that's unbelievable, man.
I'm, I'm, I'm so grateful to tell me this.
But like I'm just looking at it on that, on that paper on that
frame is amazing just looking at it.
Yeah, my mum was very proud and. Well, I'll tell you you'd you'd
rode a cock and ball so. I don't have to do anything else
in my the rest of my life now. That's why I'm going to go down
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via the link down below. Now let's get back to the
episode. What's the first thing then you
notice about someone who's self sabotaging and even though they
may look successful? Yeah, well, in multiple areas,
but let's just say like if they're self sabotaging is like
maybe like they've got a good business, maybe they've got a
good relationship, maybe they have a nice house and car, but
they just feel empty inside. They've lost their drive and
instead of recognising that they might stop looking after their
health, maybe they start picking flaws at their partner.
Maybe they start to drink a bit more.
Maybe they stop avoiding the things they need to be doing.
Maybe they're in sales, or they have to like reach out to a
client, or they have to get some quoting or they have to reach
out to people. They stop doing the things they
know they should be doing and before you know it, it starts
small and it let goes more and more and more until all of these
tasks they've avoided are there and then they're like, shit,
This is overwhelming. Shit, I'm going to hit snooze in
the morning now. Shit, I'm going to eat fast food
because I am meal prep before. Before you know it, they feel
like their world's just coming on top of them and they get to a
stage. Like I thought I was going to be
happy at this stage. I thought it was all meant to
work out at this stage. I'm at this stage of my life.
I've ripped my butt off. I've got 2 beautiful kids, I've
got a wife, I've got a house and a car, but I feel empty inside.
Yeah. And that's where they start to
sabotage. What's the importance of balance
then? Massive, let's just say I was,
I'm a big believer in like health, wealth and
relationships. You have 3 pillars, right
mindset should be in there as well.
Let's just say right now we had four legs to a chair and for all
our life, we put all our focus in our career.
I'm going to be successful. I'm going to do whatever it
takes and that's when I'm going to become happy and one day work
goes bust. You, your health is atrocious,
you don't really have any relationship with anyone and
your mindset and self worth has always been connected to this.
I'm successful when I do this. So when that goes, they normally
spiral because they've got no other legs on their chair to
support them. And it's just so important and
it's big for me with the clients I work with and myself is like,
I don't put all my life into just work.
I'm far bigger than that. But it's like spending, making
sure that I have date nights with my partner, making sure
that my health is as best as I can be, making sure that I sleep
enough, making sure that I have quality time outside.
I play rugby still. Like, these are all the things
that come form and combine into me tuning up every day as I am.
And I, I learned that the hard way, though.
I learned that the really hard way.
Yeah, do. Do you want to expand?
Yeah, yeah, like so when I was in Australia, well, when I was
younger I went to Australia to play rugby league, but just
before that was with a team called Leeds Rhinos.
I had my first, third, first knee reconstruction on my right
knee when I was 18 or 19 in Leeds Rhinos.
Contract ended and then I went to Australia.
But all I ever wanted to be was a professional athlete.
That's all I cared about and my worth was connected to that.
Life was amazing if rugby was going well and growing up my I
felt like mum and dad loved me because of rugby.
This was the belief that I created.
But if I wasn't playing rugby, like I wasn't getting
complimented, I wasn't getting missed.
So this was all my worth was based on performance.
Two years after that when I went to Australia, When I went to
Australia I was 19. I did 10-10 years there, but two
years after that I did the ACL knee reconstruction on the same
knee again. Then when I was on, when I did
my second ear instruction, I realised that like these
anxieties were kind of my life overthinking, self doubt, things
that I must because of sport. And then I bought a house with a
partner I was with at that stage and I pushed that away Terry.
And then after that, I found another partner for my own
happiness and I massed that relationship.
And then the worst thing was then was I was like, right, I'm,
I'm happy again. I found a new partner in the
honeymoon stage, you know, six months and my, my, I'm finally
rehabbing my knee the second time.
And then like, it was like the universe was like, right, you,
you want to learn still third knee reconstruction And I was
out for 18 months and the surgeon said, me, you're done.
You cannot play the sport ever again.
The height the risk of doing it is crazy.
And it was like who who am I without this?
Like these guys only like me for this or this person only talks
to me about this. What am I without this?
And I just my world ended and I I wanted it was like I didn't
know it wasn't like I got a plan to kill myself but it was
definitely like a stage of like I need to end this somehow
without the plan of attack. It was just the thoughts in my
head were so negative. It was because I didn't know who
I was without this. My self esteem was attached to
this, my worth and like 25 was the year I just really looked at
myself in a mindset, mind fluff way, but like but like literally
looked on myself. And then I went to this.
I went and did, I worked for this demolition company in
Australia removing asbestos masks in suit all day, 35°
stinking hot. And this was like the transition
out and I was so lost inside. And the boss said to me, hey, we
got a job going up in a country called Nauru, do you want to go
do it? I said, yeah, let's do it.
I want to get out here. I just want to get out this
Australia for a while. And I was working on this little
island called Naru, which is right next to Papua New Guinea.
And you could drive it in 30 minutes.
And while we were on this island, it was stinking hot and
we were removing these asbestos sheets off this power plant and
we could have the locals work with us.
And then there was an A little porta cabin on the top of
refugees and the locals didn't want to work with us.
So we asked the the refugees to work with us.
And this one guy come down from Bangladesh called Saji.
And I've never seen a guy Terry so happy.
He was bubbly, he was energetic. And I was like, this guy's
working with me and we'd like I'd pass it.
She'd sell to him every day. And he'd be like, Ollie, do you
want coffee? Do you want tea?
What do you want? And I was like, wow, this guy's
so nice. And one day we had this like
trench of rain come down. I took him to my hotel.
I said, where's your clothes? What spare clothes you got?
He goes, oh, no, I wear this every night.
And then I Chuck it on the line and I put him back on in the
morning. I was like, what the heck?
I was like, have my clothes. I said, tell me how you got
here. And he said, I'll tell you in
the morning. So I was walking down to the job
site. I see him there sitting on the
side of the road with his legs crossed, eyes closed.
I was like, what's he doing? I didn't want to interrupt him.
And then when we got to the job site and he come around, I said,
Saji, what are you doing? Then he goes on, I'm meditating.
I said, what's that? He goes, it stops me worrying
about my past. I can't worry about my future.
I'm just where my feet are. And I was like, wow, what?
Like what was that? I said, tell me like a spill of
beans, why are you here? Because you're obviously not
from Nauru. He goes, oh, well, four years
ago, we had these people come through my village in
Bangladesh. They shot at my village.
They shot my mum and dad. And they said, and my wife was
in the village somewhere. And they turned the gun, like
towards our way and we just ran away.
And he goes, so I jumped on a boat and it was taking me to
Melbourne, Australia. I was like, wow.
And he said, and the offshore police took him from there and
took him to Nauru. So there I am listening this
guy's story, bawling my eyes out and I'm thinking, wow, I am so
empty externally. No, I'm so empty internally.
We're in a westernized country. I have so much.
This guy, he's been here for four years in this little
island, hasn't seen his his wife, his mum and dad got shot
in front of him and he's smiling.
He's happier than I am. I said, mate, teach me, teach me
whatever it is. So he was like, show me how to
meditate. And then like I took that
practice then to me with Australia and it was just
building habits like this everyday.
But the reason why I listened, learnt that habit was because
the pain I was in was so strong that I needed to change.
And that's when we started to build change.
And that like honestly that guy today I tell this story on
podcasts and speaking events and it's, it's amazing.
But that guy transformed my life.
That's a mad story. Like to be so happy as well like
that. That's that's a pretty bleak
story. But yeah.
But I suppose he put things into perspective for you as well of,
you know, there's you in this, as you say, the Western world,
you've got everything, you've got a roof over your head,
you've got food in the cupboards and stuff like, and all right,
you can't play your rugby, all right.
Oh, come on, I'll you know. Like poor me, I can't play rugby
anymore, Poor me. Like I was like screw this, I
can still train every day, I can still move.
OK I can't play this sport anymore but what a blessing it
is now to actually discover other aspects of me.
My belief was as well like no one actually cared about me but
rugby. No, not many people care about
the sport as much as you think. But it's the belief systems
Ukraine yourself. But the biggest thing that made
me realize was I put my worth on performance and instead of just
being accepting who I actually am as a person, that was a
really hard thing to look and accept the ugly aspects of me,
except the parts that I've hid away from and worked really hard
to mask. When I shone a light, shone the
light on those areas of my life and give love to it instead of
shame to it. That's where like real
confidence come to me and being able to speak authentically and
fear of not being judged for what I'm saying and knowing that
like it's going to resonate with someone at some stage of their
life or wherever they are in life, you know, So that was big
I. Suppose you you fell in love
with who you were, not what you do.
I suppose too many people put the the concentration on what we
do in order to get that validation when it's it's just
who you are as a person which has the deep meaning which can
really if you know who you are, that can never go away.
What's one of your proudest moments?
One of my one of my world's proudest moments.
It's hard to think. I mean, I, I keep going on about
the cock and balls, but it, it probably was, you know, it did
really well. It went international all over
the world in, in the New York Post, the Guardian, the Daily
Mail, the Metro. But it was, it's all a status
thing. Yes, I raised loads of money for
charity and that was always my primary driver.
But it became a thing of I got status from this, Pete, I'm
getting adoration from people for this.
And I don't know if that's the, the right way to look at things
because I've realised that it's almost similar to what you're
saying in, in terms of that you, you thought that you're the way
people liked you is because of how you performed.
And maybe like, I'm putting my concentration now on I, I need
status And it, it strikes down into the social media.
You know, I'm trying to promote Rockman, I'm trying to promote
the podcast. I need those likes, I need those
views and then maybe you lose a bit of touch or sort of, well
actually I've got a family in there that have unconditional
love for me. Maybe I should put some more
concentration and time into that.
And it's something I consciously tried to do now because I know,
you know, all this stuff can go in a day, like your rugby
career, one need thing, it can go.
But yeah, I understand agree. But I do believe at the same
time, like, you know, you have to to have to to really enjoy
something, you have to have a level of passion.
And when you have level of passion, you're willing to do it
regardless of the pain that comes with it, because that's
what passion actually is. But with with yourself, like I,
I wanted to ask you like, you know, when your Paris moments
and you said that was so when you think about that, how does
that make you feel when you think about it?
Yeah, like puffed your chest out, wouldn't it?
It's like, yeah, I did well there.
I did something. So you feel, you feel proud,
happy, right? So that emotion back then has
come back to where you are right now.
You thought about that. And what has brought has brought
up a positive emotion, right? So it's a bit like what we put
our intention on brings that emotion back to us because we've
all experienced fear, sadness, guilt, happiness, all of those
areas. So one thing that I do every day
with Richard Jordan helps, which the meditation helps is is
brings bring parts of you like what, what's something in the
past you're really grateful for? What's something you're past
you're really proud of? And you're always going to bring
peace to your life. If you're grateful for
something, if you're ever always going to look back into the past
of something you're grateful for, you're always going to
bring level of joy, happiness. So I'm bringing that emotion
back into my life right now instead of waking up going, oh,
I'm on my phone scrolling vape, sorry, tag vape.
Before we know we've gone out the door, we're already in a
negative state. So it's always bringing positive
states back into this day, which is going to amplify our day.
That's when we start the stack wins.
I've got a funny story just as a little side note.
So on TikTok once I watched a video of a Komodo dragon eating
a newborn deer that literally just fallen out of the mother
and it came off and ate it because I watched it all.
I got stuck in an algorithm and this is because just before I
was going to bed, next one Komodo dragon eating something
else, next one Komodo dragon eating something else.
I felt awful. I was about to go to bed and I
was like, Oh my God, all I've got is Komodo dragon.
But it's a prime example of a sort of like what you're
ingesting, whether it's even through your eyes can affect
that mental state. Like, and if you're ruminating
about all these bad things, then that's that's what's going to
happen. It's bringing you down.
But if you can concentrate on the positive, it has the same
effect. And apparently your brain can't
tell the difference between you thinking of something and it
actually happening happening. It's you get those same
endorphins, the same hormones are being released just through
thinking about something rather than actually happening.
That that's actually the same men of if you we're gossiping
about someone negatively, our brain doesn't pick up that we're
talking about someone else. So it believes that we're
speaking about ourselves in a negative way.
So we're actually talking poorly to ourselves, and our brain is
subconsciously taking all that information in about ourselves,
about ourselves believing. So be mindful what you talk
about as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I want to move on to burnout a bit.
I don't know what if you've got thoughts about burnout because
I've got personal story of that, but I'll ask you some questions
first. What does burnout look like
before people admit that they're burnt out?
Burnout looks like they can't stop that.
You need to keep going. They're struggling to sleep.
They're stopping prioritising themselves because they can't
afford to stop the other areas of their life.
Whenever I've experienced burnout, it's always like it's
because I'm pleasing everyone else except myself.
And I feel like I've held myself to this bar that I have to
maintain and it's not sustainable.
That's what burnout normally comes.
And normally you're like anxious coming, coping mechanisms and
other things come up, stress factors.
You're on your phone a bit more to kind of like give yourself a
little dopamine hit to like get yourself out that realm or have
a cigarette or vape all of these things.
Tell me about your. Your burnout extortion because
there's I've seen people online saying burnout isn't real.
Have you seen those clips? No, maybe my algorithm's not
giving me that. Burnout's not real.
I think it was on the diary of a CEO, one of the guests on there.
Well, like burnout's not real. And it was somewhat like high
flying businesswoman saying, and I wonder if she's saying it just
to get clicks. But the first, and maybe before
it even happened to me, I I'd maybe thought like, come on,
just pull your socks up. Why you being so soft?
Just get on with the job. But it was when I was working
for a company, it was quite a well known sports company, high
pressure, lots of work, which I loved.
I thrived in it, but I had a boss on top of me all the time.
Demanding. The way he spoke to you was was
terribly shouting, swearing, threatening your job.
I could handle it. But then it was seeping into
outside of life. So it was text as when I was
getting home. Text late at night, 10:00 PM,
midnight when I'm on annual leave.
And it became to a point where there was no escape.
And I suppose that it's like that stress mechanism was
constantly turned on and you don't see it happening.
It's like a slow burner, isn't it?
And I think it was over about probably 12 months, honestly.
Like you last that long to the point where I can't do this
anymore. I could see myself getting I'll
like mentally ill if if it continued.
So I know it's real and I know the pains like and all right,
maybe not everyone's being abused, but I think it's excess
can never endure. And I think if you if you,
you're constantly stressed and whether it's big stress,
sometimes they say that even low level stress is just as bad for
you as smoking because it's it's not stressful enough.
We talk go back to that pain that you do anything about it,
you put up with it for long periods of time.
Do you deal? You must deal with people on
burnout and stuff like that. Similar stories.
So we've just proven the burnout's true.
It's real. Yeah.
This guy, this I think the thing
with that diary CEO guy, he gets guests on that say this thing
contradicts things and then you'll get someone else on that
says the total opposite. He's an extremely smart guy.
He he's not stupid. But yeah, like 100% Bernard is
real. Like the two areas of that,
though, is again, if our if we don't have enough worth in
ourself to communicate our needs.
So what? You might have had a fear of
speaking up to him. They're going, hey mate, I'm
actually on annual leave now or hey mate, it's 10:00 at night.
Like I'm out the hours now. Like appreciate if you want to
have this conversation, let's save it for first thing in the
morning for a coffee. That's how we could have
delivered that. We're also on him.
He's got no boundaries. He has no awareness to his
actions and he probably has a level of a control issue.
That's why he's constantly on the thing.
Do you know him? Yeah, I've just, I've just
background checked him. I just found him on Facebook or
LinkedIn. No, yeah, yeah.
So like it's when you understand this going on underneath people
for myself, I have people please a trade.
So which I've extremely worked on via mindset is I would never
communicate my needs and I would never speak up and I would let
it all happen because I didn't want to cause confrontation, but
I wanted to please my boss until it got to the breaking point of
12 months or nine months where I go, he's just asked me for one
simple text and I've gone F you. I'm out of here.
I quit this job. I don't care about the money
anymore. My sanity's important because
I'm losing myself, but if I was able to communicate with my
needs back then and take accountability myself to go hey
mate. And I like I just said about
let's speak in the morning first thing or look, I'm with my kids
tonight, man. Like like I don't appreciate the
text, but I understand that you care a lot about the business.
It's how we deliver it as well, innit?
Maybe that could have changed the whole demeanour.
Maybe he could have had you know that I'm saying in a seek to
understand before being understood.
And when we do these patterns, it changes it all.
But some people you can't change either.
Like you can change your behaviour, but you can't change
his unless you said those things.
But but you know, it's real. I actually was speaking to a guy
the other day who's a builder and he's a client of mine and he
is fit like great, you know, 3 kids, wife, self-employed and
he's healthy. But he, you know, over time, he
struggled with guilt to prioritise his own needs because
he's got two young, three young children or two young children,
his wife, and he wants to make sure they're OK while managing
the business. Until it broke him.
He had a heart issue. So the stress, even though he
wasn't verbalising it, is stress shown in his body.
Then now he's got to maintain his heart rate.
He can't go over a certain threshold because of the stress
that it caused him. And now his heart's in a
different dynamic. So if you don't speak it in a
right way, your body will show it, your body will show signs of
breakdown. And the biggest one for me is my
sleep gets impacted when I'm struggling and if I'm not
sleeping well I'm a grumpy bugger so.
Oh yeah, I know. I know that feeling.
Like I know that feeling. Well, you know the feeling.
I'm a grumpy bugger. Yeah, yeah, I know so as.
Soon as you walk through the doors, here we come.
He's a. Prick.
Look at him like his mindset wanker.
How do people make themselves stressed then?
How do they unconsciously head towards a path of burnout?
What are they doing that is causing this?
Is it a lack of time because no one has time, or is it a lack of
clarity in prioritisation? I think both of them
prioritisation and like anyone who's really like how to go and
successfully figured it out is it you can't put more things.
You got to take things off your plate before you put new things
on your plate. You can't just double down and
load it up because that's why new you new me happens when
people fall off the wagon quickly is because the plate is
already full. So we got to take things off in
order to do that. But I think a lot of things
stand back from my childhood as well.
Again, if you were with the family members that you wanted
to please them all the time so you did whatever they said or
you wasn't able to communicate because parents never taught you
that, then you've never been taught that as an adult.
And normally how people deal with it is they they suffer and
they don't say nothing. Especially men.
Men are really good at it and speaking from my own
experiences. And then it gets to a stage
where you like meltdown, you socially don't want to be around
people anymore. It's overwhelming.
You're not the bubbly person that used to be.
You can't be asked to go to the gym anymore or look after your
health. You you'd like you're shallow,
the person that you once was. And that's all the signs from
it. But like it is also your duty as
a human being to rectify that and change that.
Because if we constantly blame our parents for our childhood,
depending on what it is, that what happened, we're always
going to be stuck. So we have to like recognise,
OK, but mum and dad was this, that doesn't make me this.
It's like that story of the the father was an alcoholic and he
had two twins and then one then become an alcoholic and the
other one wasn't. And they went to the doc and
they said, why are you an alcoholic?
And he's like, because my dad was and then went to the guy who
never drinks the other son. He goes, why are you, you don't
drink? He goes because my dad.
So they both make a decision depending, even though they both
had a dad who was an alcoholic, both of them made a decision on
what path they wanted to go down.
But I think again, it comes down to you experience a negative
experience and you make decision and to change that behaviour,
that pattern and learn to communicate and make it a safe
place to do it. I'm mindful of just rabbling on,
So if I'm rabbling, I'm sorry, Tara.
It's all good. I was What's your opinions on
grind culture? 4:00 AM Club.
Well, I well depends. Are you a morning person or a
night person? What are you like a night?
Oh or a morning person? I used to be in this is the
thing. So I used to wake up early, get
my training in. I, I, I think it's quite
romanticized this. You get up at 5:00 AM, four AM,
whatever it is, you've got 3-4 hours before anyone else gets up
to get stuff in. It sounds great.
And you know, obviously I've got a full time job, I've got kids,
I've got my side business I'm trying to do.
I did it. It lasted maybe a month because
I found that it just drove me into the ground because what
they don't tell you about stuff like 4:00 AM club is you're
going to bed at 8:00 PM. Like that's what they don't tell
you. But then you're missing out on
that time with the wife. I guess it goes back to sort of
balance. Priorities.
What do you want? Yeah, exactly so.
So like for instance, this side hustle thing, what could
potentially happen if you achieved it?
Have more time. But it's that fallacy.
Would I have less time because now I've got something?
Where you're going to go backwards first, aren't you?
Like you're, you're pulling your sleeves up and doing more.
You're, you're running a, your full time job and a side job and
you've got children and you've parent and you've got a wife.
So you've got to kind of be realistic on how much hours you
can devote to it. Maybe you get up at 4:00, but
you've had a shit sleep. It's like your output is going
to be bare minimum. So like logically you probably
go out. I could do with another hour or
two in bed while and get up at 6:00 and spend half an hour, 40
minutes on just doing the one aspect of it.
But like, it's just being more realistic if you put so much on
your plate. It's like a lot of things I'm
saying are very common sense, but common sense is not as
common as we believe. So, so be more realistic about
what you're doing and be more realistic about like, OK, that
that's not, that's not smart to do that today.
So we won't do that today. But scheduling is the best
thing. It's kind of treating your life
like a schedule because structure creates freedom and
you'll realise you have more time in a day.
Like best way is like if you want to whip your phone and find
how much screen time you are on a day, you'll quickly realise
it's shit that I have got hours in the day available.
But it literally comes down to what?
Like I when I started coaching I didn't have much risk.
I was single in Australia. I didn't have kids.
I had a mortgage. I had I was renting at another
place and I just went. I hate my job this much.
What I was doing. I need to change.
This doesn't just bring me joy. It actually like the outcome
could be amazing, amazing. Like living a life where I like
I have true meaning every day and like impacting people.
I want to go down that path. I've I did.
I wouldn't recommend the way I did it to anyone else because
I'm probably a bit more, I don't know.
I like risk, like being in the fire, but it it worked and it
was long and it was hard, But if you've got other commitments,
you've got to you've got to think about your wife and your
kids as well. But I do, I just think, I just
think you've got to be realistic with it all.
I mean, Ted, you know what I mean?
Like. That's exactly what I've done.
So I don't do any of that stuff now.
And it's basically you take a knock to the ego.
That's what I've done is that there's me going, I need to do
this, this, this. I need to get all this in, you
know, whether it's posting, whether it's podcasts, whether
it's challenges, whether it's my training.
But then nowadays I go what's realistic and what is
sustainable, What can I sustain? Yes, growth isn't going to be as
quick whether that is fitness, job, work, but it's sustainable
and I can maintain it for long periods of time.
Whereas before it was, it was like up and down crash, you
know, go hard, crash it, crash back down and stuff like that.
And then imagine what that does to you.
Like your, your, your mind, your mindset, your emotions, You're,
you're a roller coaster with them.
You're up when it's going really well and you're down when it's
not going great. And you're like questioning
every time you're doing this, like, is this worth it all?
What's the outcome? I don't really have a clarity on
what the future looks like right now.
I'm like, I'm not, I can't train as much.
I socialize, I think like, OK, if I if I was single and this
year I wanted to prioritise dating, high chances, my health
is probably going to go out the window a little bit more than
it. I'm not going to be in peak
performance because I'm going to be going on date nights more.
I'm going to be eating out more. I'm going to be socialising
more. So I've got to accept that
something's got to give. But if I accept that I'm going
to be flying in my business this year, I'm going to have the best
health ever. I'm going to be going on an
amazing date and potentially meet in person.
Like it's not realistic as I've set myself up to fail.
So I've got to be like, OK, what do I want to achieve this
quarter? What am I willing to let go of
in order to to pursue that? That would be it.
And it's not forever. So it's like you've just got
goals at that moment. Your goals will change in the
next quarter and stuff like that.
So I suppose it's what do you value right now?
Yeah, something's going to have to give.
You can pick it back up in a bit.
I suppose it's like you must hear about hybrid training.
Is that in between like high rocks and is that like hybrid
training is like between high rocks and like CrossFit or not?
It's basically. You, you would have just called
it training as a rugby player, you do strength, you do
endurance running, that's it. And what they do is you just
take those two plans and you layer them on top of each other
and you do them at the same time.
And that is called hybrid training.
And a lot of people that do hybrid training go into
CrossFit, they or they go into high rocks because it sort of
lends itself well. But what will happen is when you
have an event coming up, so you've got an endurance event,
well then your strength will come down a bit and your
endurance running will go up. But it's not forever.
It's just for that four month block as you train.
And then once you hit that event, it comes back down and
stuff. And I tell you, I tell you one
with balance and stuff that I know so many people guilty of,
it is again, it's the new year, new me.
I'm going to get fit. They put an unsustainable
training plan together. I'm training six days a week,
hour and a half a day. And then they wonder why they
fall off, don't they, after two weeks And you're better off just
going, being real. I can train three times a week
for half an hour each time, but I can sustain that for the whole
year. That's what I've felt.
That's what I've that's. So true there.
Yeah. Yeah.
Like, literally, like I had something the other day go to me
like, oh, you know, this my goal for this quarter, let's say.
So I break the year up in four quarters, three months of each
quarter. And they're like, I'm going to
train it. I'm going to train every day.
This for this quarter. I'm like every day.
Are you serious? I was like, have you got
children? Yeah.
What happens if one of them gets sick and you can't train that
day? So you've failed already.
So your mind is now telling you, well, there's no point of
continuing this because you've already failed.
But if I put my goal on for this quarter, I want to drop 3 kilos,
well, that is more achievable. And it's like, well, I can, I
got a bit of give like you just said, three days.
It's more about what I'm eating depending on my body as well.
It's just, it's just your brain. You've got it like you've got to
give your brain and mind a bit of it.
Breathing room. If I said I'm, you know, I'm I'm
I'm going to do something else crazy like I, I don't know, read
a book every day, like I failed one day.
OK, I'm not going to go anymore. Like the negative roll on effect
from that is that it's not sustainable.
So like be a little bit more, shrink your goal or rescore,
plan better on your goal. Because you, you hear everyone
shoot for the stars and then if you don't get there, at least
you've gone so far. And I, I sort of, I, I disagree
in a way. I think shoot for something
slightly outside the comfort zone because then it's more
achievable and it will set you up for the next one.
What does David Goggins get wrong about mindset?
I think he's, he's built different to anyone else.
I know that guy. I think he, like, I think again,
trauma plays a massive part on what we do in our output.
And he's, I've read, I think half of his book.
That guy has got a tough, ugly upbringing.
He's riddled full of it. Is probably is to get the demons
out of his mind where like you don't have to be David Goggins
to just be better. But like if you Chuck David
Goggins on YouTube, the high chances are you probably want to
go for a run after it. But I don't know man.
I'd love to hear your opinion. David Goggins.
I love it. I think he's he's a bit sort of
is it chalk and cheese? Not chalk and cheese.
What's the term where you even love him or he's a bit Marmite?
I heard David Goggins is a bit Marmite.
I think I personally love him and the people who don't like
him. I think it's just because that
message doesn't resonate with them because there's millions of
people that need to hear what he's saying about no excuses,
get out there and do it. He carries a good message.
1,000,000 tens of million people cannot be wrong.
Like if it resonates with them, but then there are people that I
don't, I think they just don't want to hear it.
I think there's there's a lot of ego in people don't like to
admit that they're wrong. And there was a time I bought
all his books. I've done all his like
challenges. It's 44 by 4 by 48 and stuff
like that. I love it.
It's just 0 excuses and stuff like that.
I think it just says a lot about you as a person.
You, you thrive. You thrive in like someone
calling you out in your bullshit.
The reality is we all 5 in someone calling us out in our
bullshit. It's just some people like you
just said, don't want to hear it.
And that's the ones who don't change, unfortunately, the ones
who are constantly playing victim of my life.
You don't understand, Terry, this happened to me.
You don't understand. They like got that bitterness to
them. They got that sadness.
They got this guilt about them. And I just think it's it's just
not, it's not healthy to carry that anchor of negativity with
you. But I'm a big fan of David
Goggins. I like what he does.
And hey, man, he's making our world better and he wants
better. But like, yeah, I just, yeah, I
don't have to explain it, but I just, I think people need to
need to buy into it more, need to buy into his into him more
and what he does. And he's got, he's got some
people out of holes in their life.
Do you know? What I mean, Oh, so yeah, I'm
I'm a big fan of him. I like, I like Jordan Peterson.
I like, you know, some people hate that Andrew Tate.
I think he says OK, some OK stuff, not all of it.
Yeah, I'm a big fan of more. I like Tony Robbins, but yeah,
cool people. Yeah, I like Jordan Peterson.
Big fan of him as well. And even Andrew Tate.
I think when he first came onto the scene, I was listening to
him. I was like, he's actually right.
Like, you know, like I'd say I, I liken it to like when you like
a band, you don't like all their songs.
You think, oh, that song's a bit naff actually.
And it's sort of like with Andrew Tate, I was like, he
speaks a lot of sense and he actually motivated me to do
things. But I remember there, there was
a few things where I was like. Oh God, He.
He's, he. He.
He was changing how I I felt about certain things and I was
like, oh, I don't like this. So I gave him a rest for a bit,
like and. Do you have to agree with
everyone what they say though? No.
You don't agree with everything that I say, and I might not
agree with everything that you say, but I can still like you.
Yeah. I, I think we, we're in that
sort of black or white culture now, aren't we?
If you say one thing wrong, well, counsellor and stuff like
that and it's it, I don't think that's the case.
You can still, you know, Jimmy Savile had a few funny things as
well. That's a joke.
That's a joke like that.
But at the same time right now, like off that topic slightly of
Jimmy Savile, but like there's this thing right now, like
Jesus, let's say, like religious or not, Jesus went around curing
people, doing miracles, doing good things around the world.
People still hated him so and he died on the cross in order to
that. But who says, why do you think
you're so great that you can't get criticized even if you do
good? Like I'm going to get
criticized, but I'm, but I believe that we can still put
ourselves out there and promote whatever we're passionate about
and be OK that not everyone's going to like it.
And then once we realise that, like you'll do far greater with
whatever it is you've got, whatever skill set you've got,
you'll do far greater if you can accept that.
Yeah, I think if you, if it's an indicator of actually your
message getting out there, if you're receiving hate, it means
you're getting out there. It means more people are seeing
you, which is actually a positive thing because there's
going to be people that love you as well.
Let's have a look where we are here.
What's the difference between accountability and then just
being hard on yourself? Yeah, yeah, definitely.
It's like some people thrive in self pain.
They feel like you need to feel pain in order to achieve.
And I think that I felt that as well with with sports after
injuries and running around in aches and pains all the time and
like thinking this was a sign of success, but like it was not.
It was like self pain. I was creating my own pain.
But I think accountability is great.
You know, accountability, like, right, I want to achieve this.
Let's set a goal out and let's work our way backwards.
And I'm going to check in with Terry every so often to be like
where I'm at. Have I drifted?
Am I still on goal? That's great accountability.
But then like creating pain all the time is not great.
But this is contradicting again. But you need a level of pain to
build resilience, to build calluses like David Gottlins has
on his mind. Like you can't be going around
living in comfort all the time. You've got to be in discomfort,
which is pain to an extent. But like when you did this
cycle, there was a lot of pain that you had to endure, but you
wouldn't have done any more pain if you needed to.
Like you knew where the line was.
There's probably days where your hamstrings are in bits or your
arse is in bits on the seat or your calves are gone.
There was pain that you had to endure, but you knew at the end
of it when it ended. This done then I'm not going to
put myself in more pain. Not necessary I suppose, as soon
as it becomes at the detriment of what you're trying to
achieve, like needless pain. I see it all the time.
Like I've got a friend who does it all the time.
He's does these mega challenges and it's almost like he gets the
word from the challenge in how much It's like it's supposed to
be hard, I'm supposed to be in pain.
But then he quite often gets injured or suffers, maybe with
burnout mentally, and there is a line.
What does he, what does he get when?
What does he achieve out of it? When he gets all of these
things, does he get? What does he achieve?
He achieves injury. He achieves not being in his
mental well-being, not being in a good place and stuff like
that. But it's it's, I think he has
actually had to have a word of himself in recent times to sort
of rein it back in and understand that you don't have
to flog yourself in order for it to be valuable.
What about motivation? Motivation versus discipline.
Motivation is to start in. It is the excite.
Is that what it is? But what is the difference and
which one's better? Motivation feels good.
Discipline is not a feeling. Discipline is doing it when you
don't want to do it. Discipline is like showing up
when your mind and your body is like, I just don't want to be
here today. That's discipline.
And that's like massive for success, goals, achievement
things because that's when you're out of out of discomfort,
when you're out of that pain. But motivation is like, you
know, hey, let's, let's do a marathon.
Yeah. While we're sitting on the sofa
booking it, feeling comfy. Yeah.
Well, Terry, me and you, now we're going to train three times
a week when we're going to run. Yeah.
Hey, cool. I'm going to buy some new shoes.
I'm excited. The motivation's there.
And then week 3 comes and I'm tired.
I'm, I'm my calves are a bit tight.
I don't feel like running today, but I've got to show up.
That's discipline, but the motivation was just before that.
And motivation will never get you to your goal.
And it's you see, with so many people, I call them like the
sprinters of the season. They're like the sprinter
personalities. They're all in guys.
I'm all in at the moment. I'm eating better, I'm training
better. This aren't the other.
They've got that energy. They've just had that new year,
new me. PS come over them again.
And then they're like motivations wore off.
Now those shoes ain't that nice anymore.
I'll tell you what, I'm just going to going to do this
instead. Discipline is like seeing the
goal and being able to being able to do it without feeling
like doing it. How do you become discipline
then? Is it is it more of a mindset
thing or is it more of something in the real world with we talked
about sort of creating less friction?
Can you make discipline easier? What is it and how do you get
discipline? There's a great book by James
Cleo's Really easiest for BLOB's Atomic Habits.
So Building Habits is really good, but it's like building
blocks. It's like really breaking it
down. Like, OK, I want to, I'm not
going to be able to run a marathon right now, but if I
start to incorporate low levels of training to build that, build
those blocks, I can start to build, you know, consistency
again, start to see some change physically, mentally, and I'm
just building more confidence as I go along.
Yeah, it's just consistency over a long, long time, long, long
period of time instead of just trying to get a quick fix, quick
thing, just building discipline is small habits and slowly
increasing them over time and taking bad habits off your plate
as you go along. Don't, don't put everything on
at once. It'll fall off.
I agree with that totally because I think people can
change their whole lives around, can't they?
When they're trying to achieve it, right?
I'm going to do that, do everything.
And then again, it's not sustainable.
But if you, if you're just changing little things, talk
about the James Clear habits, then what did you get from that
book? Well, like it's like just like
little things. I laugh about it every day was
like in front of my laptop working and like every day I've
been amazing at drinking water, but I'm like I didn't have my
1.5 liter bottle next to me. So the the the thought of me
going to go buy one at the shop was friction.
So I didn't bother to get the water and I didn't drink a lot
of water that day, which annoyed me because I know how important
hydration was, right? So James Gear talks about how
like, you know, for instance, if you want to start implement new
habits, you've got to put them everywhere around you.
It's like put a bottle of water in every room and fill up a
water. And every time you look at it,
you subconsciously go, ah, water drink, bang.
OK, I want to start to go to the gym.
OK, well, the night before I go to the gym, I'm going to just
put the shoes and the clothes on the floor, the ready.
So then when I get out of bed, I kind of trip up over the running
shoes. They go, oh, gym kit shoes, put
it on. And it's the same concept.
Then with life Business, like every day, if I need to get in
front of five new clients every day, OK for me, I have to, I
either put in my calendar or I've got like a white board on
my wall, but I have to write down it won't happen.
And I'm like, remind him, take it off every day.
I'm building habits in my business.
I'm building habits in my personal life.
I'm building habits for my partner date nights, whatever it
is. But like if I literally put it
in front of my face, it's just it's there all the time until
this habit becomes like brushing your teeth.
Like you don't even you don't remember brushing your teeth or
you don't remember driving the car to the wherever you went one
day because it's autopilot if you was normalized.
That's what we instill the habits, but it's don't.
My advice would be don't do 1000 at one.
Just do one habit at a time and then another habit, and then
you'll just slowly get there. That's what I found because I, I
don't think I'm a very disciplined person, especially
when it's hard things. But what I can do is remove the
friction to do those things that I want to be disciplined.
And it is like putting your gym kit out or something like that.
Or, you know, if it, if it's eating healthy food, it's making
sure I eat meal prep and stuff like that.
So I'm not disciplined. I know I'm not, I'm, I'm very
quick to be pulling out the ice cream from the freezer.
But if I don't have that ice cream, then I'm not going to be
doing it. Or it's I found I can make
myself better at discipline by making discipline easy.
And I think that there's a preconceived notion about
discipline. It's, it's about almost your
mental toughness in order to get out there and do it.
And it's like, no, it's nothing to do with mental toughness.
It's about making the task you've got to do so easy, so
easy that it's really easy to do.
That's what I found. Reduce, reduce the friction like
you just said. Yeah, it's really funny, right?
There's another one. People says, oh, you don't
understand, I've got ADHD and like, oh, so you diagnosed and
like, no, no, but I think I've got ADHD.
This is the buzzwords at the moment, isn't it?
And like TikTok told, yeah, like someone on TikTok told me this.
And then they just forget. Like they're like, that's the
reason they forget things or that's the reason.
But like literally put things on a calendar, put things, set
reminders on your phone, like set your whiteboard up and even
like down to like one thing that I was bad at was, and this is
literally reducing the friction was So if you said Ollie, like,
let's go for a coffee on Friday and I will yeah, no worries.
And then I'd leave uncle. Oh, fuck, when Friday comes,
like I can't be asked. Oh, actually, I've actually got
plans on that day. But I don't want to tell him
because I don't want to upset him because I want to be I'm a
people pleaser. Well, I got into the habit doing
reducing the friction was going to be if you said that to me,
let's have a coffee on Friday. I'd be like, OK, two cents.
Let me just look at my calendar, RIP my calendar out.
And then I'd have something on that day and I'd be like, oh,
look, I'm busy, sorry. So if I struggle to say no to
you, I've got a reason I can say no instead of just saying it
because I'm it's too confronting at the moment.
I can build blocks again, I suppose discipline to get that
answer out and and then be like, however, I'm free this date if
you want to grab which is more is better for me.
So I'm not shutting you down. I'm just an alternative.
And it just reduces the friction of people pleasing prioritizing
yourself. Rather than just saying yes, I
think we're all guilty of that, just say yes and then it's like,
oh shit. Yeah, say yes to this.
It's so much easier to say yes and no.
It's like wow, because. You're not disappointing someone
and there's a feeling inside you don't want to let people down, I
guess, but then you're getting yourself in a pickle.
What's something you used to believe about success that you
no longer agree with? I thought money would make me
feel successful. And there was a, it's like that
saying, you know, you climb up the ladder of a building only to
realise the lookout from the top wasn't what you expected.
And I think you realise the success can come in many ways.
But you said it earlier, the success of children, the success
of a beautiful partner, having a roof over your head, that's
success. Having gratitude every day,
that's success. And it sounds a bit hokey pokey
or tree huggerish, but having a drive for success in a in a
business or in a career is amazing.
But I think being a being a good person is a far greater one.
Like if you've got success financially, but you're a prick
to everyone and you've chopped everyone's legs down on the way
up, like you're you're probably a piece of shit.
Yeah, no, exactly. I think, I think that's bang on.
Like it's as I said on your deathbed, no one's going to
remember if you made director at the finance firm or anything
like that. It's about the people and the
relationships and the family that you have round with you.
And that's, that's the real wealth of life, in my opinion.
What's one small change that would improve most people's
lives immediately that they could make right now?
Write things. Write three things down you're
grateful for every day, every morning when you wake up, just
write three things down. And I know that's, again, you
probably want the magic pill number thing.
Then write that down. That'll be like the simple thing
I tell someone to do. Send a text message to your
friend. Tell them why.
Tell them that you know something that you notice about
them. They're doing really well.
Let them know, because selfless acts bring selfish measures.
So doing something such amazing like that to someone else,
making their day start better, will bring so much joy to your
life. Journaling is big.
I think having a purpose, finding out what your purpose
is, yeah, that would probably be like the most simplest act to
do. Or even easier, just get around
good people. Get on good people, get around
people. When you leave an area, an
environment that you feel, feel like, wow, that was an impactful
conversation. Wow, that wow, like, that's,
that's awesome. Not around the people who shame
you for, like being open or being capable to express
emotions and express who you are in a authentic way.
Don't shame you for that. Or like, yeah, I'm rabbiting
now, but yeah, no. You know who those people are as
well. You know the people that when
you hang around with them, you leave feeling bigger than you
were before. You know, you know exactly and
you know who the people that you hang around with that suck the
life out of you. And it's so important.
I like the one about the text as well.
And I urge everyone listening to this now, please exercise that
text me how much value you get from myself.
Like you'll feel so much. Better for it.
That's good. Definitely do that.
It's yeah, like honestly, like if if anyone's listening this
now and I said to them, think of one person who drags you down,
their face will pop in front of their head.
The thought of no The Who they are would come straight to their
mind who it is. They know exactly who it is.
Ben, Ben, Ben. Get rid of them.
Ollie. What's how do people, if people
want to get your services because you said you're a
mindset coach, if they want to follow you, you've got a podcast
as well. Really cool podcast.
Where do people find you? No that, darling, no.
Yeah, for first of all, man, I want to say thank you.
For, for, for, for asking me to come on.
This is amazing. Like a night.
I've been watching your podcasts and seeing your reels and
they're awesome. I'm even amazed that I didn't
know about the world's largest GPS cock and ball, but frankly.
I'm amazed you didn't know about it as well.
Like, come on, it was everywhere.
But I like you more as a person too.
There we are. See, that makes me feel proud.
They're so good. And then but yeah, how define me
is just I think it's all the under score old one on
Instagram. And we actually I love you to
come. If available.
We have our first mastermind event of this year on the 13th
of Feb, which is 1/2 a day event on how to build more freedom,
energy and income without losing this shit.
That's the the event. Yeah.
Just Ollie Olds, man. Ollie Olds.
Yeah, and. If.
They want to work with me. You can go on my website and ask
to jump on a clarity calling me, but puff man man, I'm blessed to
be honest with you. Thank you very much.
We'll be following you. I'll have I'll check in my diary
as we recommend it. I'll go in my diary.
Oh, I'm sorry I'm busy that day. But no, I'll have a little look.
I'll have a look. Definitely.
No, I'll have a look. I loved you.
There's a seat available for you is in Bridgend.
It's in Bridgend Harrison Hotel, 13th of Feb from 8:00 AM till
12:00 PM and we got guest Josh Navidi there as well.
Our big Josh, Yeah, I know big Josh as well there.
Cool. Awesome.
I'll see you then. And yeah, get on following guys.
Thank you very much. Cheers all please.
Cheers. Congratulations, you made it to
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