Warning the following program is not for the weak hearted.
Those who are close minded in general, you're scared to learn
what's behind closed doors. Here at Sapphire's Earplay, I
want you to pour the wine, grab somebody that you want to hold
onto, or better yet, get the vibration stimulated through
your body. Get ready for one halavan orgasm
in 54321. What is up all you sexy
motherfuckers out there in radioland it's your girls
sapphire and Oh my God y'all, I'm sorry I sound like a dying
gay man right now, but it was an all good injustice, OK?
It was just your girl went to a play party by herself for the
first time. Which is crazy because I had my
Poly girlfriend with their over there, but I was the social
butterfly and I just went a little bit too hard, you know,
knowing damn well I had to wake up the next morning and do this.
But I'm so excited to have Miss Gabriella Alexa in the building
with me. Technically, virtually.
But I'm so excited to have you on the show because Red table
talk. You may have seen her, of course
on Instagram at Gab, Alexa. And if you guys are in the
polyamorous lifestyle, I mean, Gab is probably one of the first
people that come to mind when you think about polyamory now.
So without further ado, Gab, thank you so much for joining us
today of. Course, just to make sure, my
name is Gabrielle. Alexa, not Gabriella.
Oh, I'm sorry. That was a typo on my end.
Let me fix that now. Gabrielle.
Alexa, I'm so sorry. My bad, My bad.
But again, I am so thrilled to have you.
You've written books, you've written articles, You've been
everywhere. Like I said, read table talk.
You were just telling me you did a podcast with The Bachelorette
girls. So my goodness, like, did you
ever think your lifestyle, just anything just like yourself in
what you've been doing? A lifestyle that many too many
people just now started coming out.
I feel like during quarantine we heard the word polyamory a lot
more than usual, and now it's everywhere.
TV, radio, movies, the whole 9. You can't escape it.
But this lifestyle's been around for a long time.
Yeah, I mean I'm in many ways. Pipe.
Because that means there's more people to date.
No, I don't have to be like, I guess I before there used to be
those like Tinder profiles and always be like no polyamorous
people, as if polyamorous people are specifically looking for,
like single monogamous people to like, force into this.
But now I feel like when I'm swiping on Tinder, I see more of
like a group and assortment. Of types of relationship styles
and the people I'm swiping on. So that's really cool.
You know, I like slowly. My friends are all like, I'm
probably down. Like you're welcome.
She flipped her hair. Y'all like the whole 9.
I love it. Thank you.
So. That's cool, too, because I it
means that there's more people who are willing to understand
where I'm coming from. Like I I even think when I
started doing like. More seriously identifying as
Polyam rather than like just dating polyamorous people.
Like once I like, told my friends this is how I plan to
date for the foreseeable future, there was a lot more acceptance
because they were also like, well, I know like Chad down the
block is doing the Polyam thing and then like, you know,
Matilda, like across the hall is also doing that.
So I guess you're just doing that thing that everyone's doing
rather than people being like, what the fuck now?
Now that you've been saying this, so you started out like,
let's go to the beginning, Let's talk about Gabrielle and what
made you decide like, okay, I'm going to dive into this because
I know, like, from my journey and I'll share later.
But I want to know, like, at what point did you know, like
monogamous dating or even if you weren't really dating
monogamously but just, you know, unmeaningful connections?
This is not cutting it. I don't know as many things.
It was like for many years I would date polyamorous people,
but I did not personally identify as polyamorous.
How was that, by the way? Like being someone who wasn't
fully in the lifestyle, but you were, you know, dating partners
who were fully in it. I mean, thank God I wasn't
dating like. Because I was.
I still considered myself an outsider.
I think it set people's expectations because I was
really confused on a lot of things.
Like, I remember, like, still not getting it, like feeling
like people were being deceitful when they were just like, they
were like, no, Like, my girlfriend knows that.
I'm like, no, she doesn't. And now I'm like, Oh my God,
that completely, like, removes this girl's agency.
And like, completely like, like, why would I not believe that
that would be a relationship style that she was into, you
know? Or like, I remember two people
flirting with me and I, but they were dating, right.
Flirting, obviously. And I kept thinking, wow, what a
time to make friends because I didn't because they were dating.
So I just completely like you almost like shut down.
And then I, the mask person in that partnership, I remember
like kind of like ignoring them because I didn't want the girl
to think I was like flirting or something.
Meanwhile, they're both like, is this bitch not getting the hint?
Like we are trying to talk with her?
And then, like, told me I was like.
Oh, like how was I supposed to know y'all kiss?
Like I didn't know that was like, so I'm glad that I got to
get like my like little like confusion and like miss steps
out before claiming an identity publicly.
Because now I feel like I can claim it and feel like, oh, I
like know where I'm at with this.
I feel you. I like when I started getting
into the whole Poly dating I was I like to say that I am not a
hoe but I'm a pro like for the longest like I did not do the
relationship like the relationships thing at all.
So when I decided with my primary partner, which for many
people who don't understand the whole primary term, I personally
don't like to use it like in my real life cuz I feel like in my
relationships there's no hierarchy.
But you know some people may say you're main Boo and he's all
over my Instagram Mr. Suit and Tie.
But when we decided to move from being just like open to you
know, fucking around and everything and decided like
let's go heading to this polyamory lifestyle.
Like now I feel you like we are the type of couple where you
know he knows my type of check and how I vibe with.
And it's always like, no, we are both trying to like look, we're
both interested. We're both trying to date you.
We're both trying to like get with you.
It's that hidden. Like I love it.
I fucking love it. When you go out and you see
somebody and they're not sure like oh shit, are they both
hitting on me or is it just like ones baiting for the other.
But I love it. I absolutely love just, I don't
want to say options, but I feel like it gives you this new sense
of confidence being polyamorous then it would be when you're
monogamous or just, you know, fucking around on your solo
adventure. I feel like there's just this
new found like persona that comes over me being in this
lifestyle because it's like you have to be so transparent.
You have to be comfortable in your own, you know, dating
habits and then to share that with a whole unit.
It's just, you know, it's magical.
Yeah, I 100% agree. I think overall who I am as a
person has definitely come out more.
And I think about all of the relationships that I was in,
like, I mean, I almost like, I was like half engaged.
Oh shit. And I know thinking of like
monogamous partnership. So that's like something that
was for me when in reality, like I was just trying to, like,
ascribe to something that people had told me I was supposed to
want absolutely. And I also thought, I thought
for a long time that I was like too, that I had too much
discomfort with jealousy, I guess, to function in
nonmonogamy. And I find that that's.
I don't know why that is the story, because everyone, you get
jealous no matter what. Like you get jealous even if
you're monogamous. And your partner, just like like
jealousy is just like a common tool, a vehicle for
understanding deeper feelings. So I don't know why I thought
that, but that's, you know, that's the story.
Let's do talk about jealousy, cuz I feel like that comes out a
lot when people talk to us about Pete, You know, being
polyamorous. Like how do you not get jealous
if you're on these dates? Or, you know what if you do, if
your partner's out on a date and you're stuck at home?
Like I know for me, I tried to either set up a date of my own
when I'm like if my partner's out doing his thing, or if my
other girlfriend is doing her thing.
Like I try to keep myself as busy as possible.
I like to say I'm not a jealous person per se, which is weird.
You know, when people like, How do you?
What do you mean you don't get fucking jealous?
I say I get more jealous. You're just, like, not even
thinking about it. I'm like, oh, my bad.
I was sucking Dick, so I didn't exactly, exactly.
It's really that it's really that simple.
Or like, honestly, I really love TV and I really cherish my alone
time. So there have been a lot of time
for them. Like, Oh my God, I like really
want to watch this show. I know nobody else wants to
watch it. And like, I really wanted to
like a salt bath. And like, even that activity is
like really grounding and distracting.
And then later I'm like, oh shit, like, I didn't even
remember. Or like right now I'm studying
for a test at work, Like, I have to get a certification.
So I've been doing a lot of that.
Problem solved. I don't even think about it in
negotiation on a date. Didn't notice because it's 12
midnight and I just finished studying.
I feel it. So right now, what's your
dynamic looking like in your Poly tribe?
I like to call it a tribe. I don't know what you like to
call it, but. Yeah, so I have a girlfriend and
she's pop and she's sleeping in the next room.
She was like, you're doing an appearance.
Lit. Like I can finally go to bed.
Oh, she's adorable. She's a nap type of person.
And then so she has another partner and then I have someone
that I've been like on and off again, on and off again.
So I don't even know what to call her, but I really love her.
We've been really good lately. We've been like very on for some
time now. Like even my girlfriend is like,
yeah, y'all have been on for a while.
Like doing good. So I don't know.
It's called her, but there's her.
Yeah, and I'm. And then I'm dating this guy
who's really special and awesome as well.
Love it, love it, love it. So at any point, you know, I
know for me, like coming out of let's talk quarantine too,
because I don't know about you. It's been hard.
I know. I'm dreading.
I'm like it. It was so.
It was so fucking hard for me during quarantine.
I will say it was a blessing though, because it brought my
primary suit and tie and I together more in our
relationship. It also did we I suffered from a
breakup. He's still with her because he
has a girlfriend who's also married but her husband is more
swinger. We are no longer together.
And funny thing is she gave birth the day after we broke up.
And on top. Yeah.
And like on top of that my other girlfriend and her boyfriend, we
did not have any physical contact until this year.
You know once we decided like, hey, we're all that's we're all
ready to go. Let's do this.
We're going to go all out kind of thing.
So it was like it brought me closer in one relationship,
suffered A breakup from the other, and then being deprived
of another. I was just like, this is the
ultimate cock block or pussy block for Polly folks.
I will say it was rough because like everyone was getting into
like their like polypod, right, for the pandemic.
And I had like potted up with my girlfriend and like her
roommates. And then I had to like negotiate
like with other people I was dating like like what's your pod
like? When are you getting tested?
And like, at a certain point, I think it was really scary.
And it was really complicated. And I think I was just like, I'm
just gonna chill in this pot. Like, I'm not gonna like, it's
hard to get like multiple pods on the same page, honestly.
And like people have different levels of comfort and you can't.
Like, I was big on like, I'm not gonna shame anyone for what they
how are they, how they are managing this pandemic.
But I also have to make sure I'm taking care of like my pod and
like my group and my family and whatever.
Did you feel at any point? You almost went monogamous for a
little bit, in a sense. I did feel that.
And then when we stepped out of the pandemic and like, I have to
have a conversation with my girlfriend where I was like,
yeah, I'm so anxious because now like, it's been like nothing but
us, this whole pandemic that's like a year.
And as excited as I am, and I literally like, I spent the
whole pandemic thinking. I can't wait to just like have
the whole Poly cool outside and we could go to a party or like a
festival and go to a concert. Like I had all these dreams, the
whole pandemic. But then when I was met with the
reality of it, I was like, I'm so anxious.
Like I can't believe like, what if everything changes?
Like what if it? And like.
It it just took over me in such a way.
And then now we're like a couple months post vaccine.
Of course the pandemic is not over, but certainly like a lot
of things have changed in our ability to hang out with other
people. And I've found, Oh my God,
apparently like all of my anxieties for just things in my
head and not real situations that were going to happen.
Everything has been pretty nice. I feel fucking seen guys, girl.
I was going through it. I mean, even just like I'm
still, you know, processing. Like yesterday was the first
time I've never been to a swinger lifestyle party besides
with him. And you know, like I said, yes,
my girlfriend and her boyfriend were on site, but they came
together. I came alone.
I left alone. I had to process things alone
because he's in Puerto Rico, so I was, you know, I'm still like,
fuck, what happened, you know? And he's been going on more
dates than I have. But I had the same type of fear.
I was like, is this going to change us?
What if you start dating somebody?
Is that going to change our dynamic?
You know? And I don't know about you, but
I had a lot of selfdoubt of, like, the love factor because I
I genuinely love my partners. I'm in love with this man.
He's openly dating several different women.
My trust factor has kind of been like, I'm still trying to get
into that and trying to even just reopen myself and trying to
date around and tell people like, yo, I'm Poly and I'm
partnered. I think that's hard for folks to
like grasp. Yeah, I will say that as someone
who has a platform, I have a little bit of privilege in that
I already have a lot of Poly people who are in the community
with me. You know, there are a lot of
other accounts who like follows. Like, you know, when people hit
on me, very often they'll be like, hey, I already know the
context of how you're dating. I already know what you're going
to bring to this. I already know if you're already
dating and I'm interested. And that really I'm going to
say, makes it easy. I feel you because like, I'm not
seeing on Instagram, unfortunately.
Like the reflection of this podcast in the audience and the
people that reach out does not reflect.
Because Instagram does not like me.
Social media does not like me. So I feel you when we have
platforms, it's easy to you know find that community.
That's why for me, I'm like I'm very thankful and grateful for
the bodies that I've come across.
Like people like yourself and other people in community.
I'm just like they get it. They honestly get it.
But when we're going on like, I hate to say it, fucking Tinder
and all these other and they may or may not know.
I'm just like the the lessons I have to teach folks.
It's like, Oh my God. Who are like because there's
this guy, he flirts with me all the time, and I thought he was
cute at one point. I mean, he's cute, I think he's
cute, but there's like a significant difference between
like, I just want to casually date and I'm polyamorous and I
don't think that he grasps that bully.
And it just, like, really puts me off from it because it's
like, I don't want to have to teach you.
Like things or like, especially guys who feel like,
overconfident, like, oh, I could totally date local people.
Like, I'm just like, do your little side thing, right?
And then like, I'm like, no, are you gonna communicate with me?
Cuz that's like mostly that's like all of it.
Really. Like, will you be communicative?
And the answer's probably no. So what's the point?
Yeah, I feel that's the problem too.
It's just like lately I've been finding out and it also shocked
some of the people that I'm in community with.
They were like, what do you mean, faux Polly folks?
And I'm like, there are folks walking around claiming that
they're Polly, but they understand this lifestyle and
they're clearly cheating on their partners, flat out
cheating on their partners. Or they're like, Oh yeah, I I,
I'm down for Polly. I'm all for open relationships.
And I'm like, hold up, that's not what this is, you know, like
my partners all will know about you, what you're about.
If something were to happen, like we're all going to be in
communication, like there's none of this like secretive shit.
I don't. Like you will be like, I could
play that role. Like it's not a role.
Like you just need to communicate and talk and like,
there's no role. Like you don't.
There's no secrets. Like, no.
Well, there's there's secrets in life, but there's not kept
secret from the other people I'm dating.
I feel like being Polly you, there is no room for secrecy
like you. You have to be clearer than
fucking Glass. Like that is my thing.
Like, transparency is a very big thing.
And, you know, I don't necessarily have to date who my
partners are dating, but I also need to know if I'm at risk of
anything, period. And I need to know.
Like, people need to understand there's a certain dynamic, like,
right now I'm kind of weary. Suit and tie started, you know,
messing around with this chick who's not necessarily
polyamorous. She claims to understand, you
know, this lifestyle. But I'm like, you can't help but
kind of be a little, you know, just kind of be like, all right,
Do you understand fully how this works?
Do you understand that it won't be a priority per se, Like, it's
that navigation. Like I've met her, We went
bowling. It was great.
I also think that I don't know how you feel about this, you
know, partners meeting other partners, even if it doesn't
mean anything sexual, but just, you know, almost like the
kitchen table Poly policy, it's just getting to know everybody.
I definitely love kitchen table. But I feel like when you say
like, oh, I enjoy kitchen table, that there is a certain image of
what kitchen table is that gets presented.
So I just, like, I'm also open to parallel polyamory.
Like if I don't, yeah, I don't want to force anything.
I don't want to force my belief system on anyone else.
Absolutely. I would say my birthday is
coming up. And I'm bringing all three of
the people I'm dating, and my girlfriend's bringing her
girlfriend and we're doing an escape room.
We're doing 2 escape rooms. So it's like like there's it's
plus my friends, right? So it's a group of five and a
group of five, and we've got two different rooms at the same
time. So we're going to see who does
it. And because of the way, like the
times that my friends were coming and stuff, it looks like
it's going to be me versus everyone I'm dating.
Plus my girlfriend's girlfriend and I'm like, okay.
Well now the stakes are high cuz I gotta beat literally the whole
Poly so it's so exhausting. Right.
It's like, it's not that you have to impress one person.
You now have to impress like. And I feel like people don't
understand that, like, this shit is hard because you want to make
that good impression, but you also don't want to insult
anybody. There's always that.
It's like, OK, am I being a little bit too overly
affectionate with one partner and not giving the other partner
attention? Or if I'm overstepping
boundaries because, you know, there's some partners out there
that don't like to see things to it because I've never had the
three people I'm dating in one place.
Like I've had two. And I just like, didn't touch
either of them. And I was like, problem solved.
I don't know if that solved anything, but I was like, this
works now. I'm, you know, one of them was
like, hey, how do you feel about kissing on the mouth when we see
each other? And I was like, oh, yeah, we can
do that. And then one person was like,
you can be affectionate with other partners.
And I was like, OK. And then other person was like,
you could be affectionate with your other partners.
And I'm like seems like a trap. Oh my God, no.
It really dies. It's like the escape room before
the escape room. That's what it is.
Well, I have an icebreaker. I hope they don't do this
because I don't want it's a surprise.
But I have like an icebreaker planned.
That's going to be it's like Gabby bingo, gabb bingo.
In fact I like coded an Ave. and everything.
I'm such a dork. And then so it's to encourage
people to like get to know each other.
Like it'll be like fine the person I've known the longest
you know and then you have to get 5 and wrong.
Like that I might have something.
I might have to, you know, steal a little bit of this.
I don't know. Like that sounds cab.
I just want to like, be your friend.
I'm sorry. Like, I know we communicate on
and off on Instagram, but, like, I feel like you need to come to
Lai need to come to NYC. You show me your city.
I saw you mine. It's just.
I feel like we would have a good time because I went to read
table talk, but I don't know if it counts because I was in
Calabasas and everyone I told they were like that does not
count. And I don't know.
No, I'm borderline like, where that's at.
But Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah. Yeah, I was like, why is this
all highway? Yeah, it's it's the hidden.
Yeah, it's the hidden. Beverly Hills of the Valley, as
we like to call it. That's really what it is.
Very nice little acres of mansions and whatnot.
But going on, it's just like I feel, honestly, people overly
hype. The Poly life and just think
that it's guaranteed threesomes, guaranteed orgies all the time
and they forget about it's people that are working on
relationships. It's not just.
I mean, don't get me wrong. Yes, the sex is great.
Honestly, I feel like I'm in. I'm living my best.
She's doing the dance. She's agreeing.
I please tell me this is not your best sexual peak right now.
I just woke up. This is my sexual peak.
Maybe. I don't know.
I do feel like like I could probably.
You know what's a peak? It's a flexible, like limit.
So like I could. Let me, let me, I guess,
redefine. I think that there is.
I don't know. I feel like in my 20s, yes, I
was a hoe. I did a lot of things.
I experienced a lot of people, you know, in beings.
But then, like now, as I'm 32 and you know, I'm in my my
career more, I really value who I'm giving my sexuality to.
Like who is worthy of my sex at this point, Who's worthy of my
attention? And I feel like now I'm at this,
like I feel like my stamina edge is everything.
My openness is a lot better than it was.
Like, I thought I knew some things.
And then I was taught some things, and then I experienced.
And now I was like, holy shit, what?
What the fuck was I doing five years ago?
Because it wasn't this, yeah, I mean I will agree.
I I also, because I'm a lot older, feel a lot more competent
saying like, oh actually I don't want to do that or actually this
is what I want to do. Or actually here is what like
what I'm more into. But also, I'm more open to
people teaching me new things. Like no matter what anyone says
like no matter their level of sexual experience no matter how
long they've been with a partner being with multiple partners
will teach you different ways of sexual being all the time.
And like your own sexual like identity persona will like
fluctuate regardless. I especially because of the
pandemic I went through like oh I love penetration to like I
fucking hate penetration to like oh I need penetration.
I cannot come without penetration to like, please
don't touch the inside of my vagina again like.
And then I like it was like, it was like, what am I?
And then I went for like, ooh, I really want like really fast and
really intense. Like, OK, I only want slow sex.
Like who you are as a person is just like always up in the OR
who I am at least is always up in the air.
So like, dating so many people has definitely opened me up to
just like going with the flow with like, what am I wanting
now? Like I don't have to follow a
script. I don't have to listen to what
people tell me sex is supposed to be like.
So what am I looking for today? What is passion for me today?
What's intimacy for me today? Absolutely.
What are some misconceptions that you wish that people would
just stop putting on with polyamory?
Like, I love asking other Poly folks this all the time.
Because, you know. We all have some common, but
there are some things I feel out there where I'm just like, what?
Who told you this shit? I'm gonna be honest, I've had a
very blessed, pelyamorous life so far.
Like, I've been around so many sex positive folks.
I don't really have to explain what I'm doing to a lot of
people. And my friends all follow me on
Instagram and also, like, are willing to do their own research
now. And like, we're kind of just
like, OK, you're probably now anyway.
Like, so I can't say that there's, like, I run into a lot
of people who are giving me, like, the misconceptions.
Like, I always know what the traditional misconceptions are
because I hear from other people.
And like, I know maybe what a stranger has asked me.
But especially now that it's trendy.
Like, I was out at a bar and this guy was, like, flirting
with me. And then he saw my Instagram and
was like, oh, red table talk. I saw that episode.
Oh my God, that was you. So there's always this entry
point of like, Oh yeah, I've heard of that polyamory shit.
Like, I could do it. Or like, there's a lot less of
the, like, stupid questions. And again, I'm like insulated by
the fact that like everyone following me knows I'm
polyamorous. So I don't have to do a lot of
education at this point in my polyamorous life.
But I can imagine, like, I mean of course, like someone has
asked me like how do you deal with jealousy and I think that's
so annoying. It's like, I don't I well, I do
actually that you always have to deal with jealousy.
Not that I just like I think when they ask deal with it, they
imply that you just like, throw your jealousy somewhere in a
corner and you never have to see it.
And I'm just saying, I, like deal with it like you would in
any other scenario. Like if you're at work and
someone gets a raise and you're a little jealous, like, Oh my
God, I like I deserve that raise and then you manage it.
Absolutely. I'm glad you said that because
honestly it's like for me, same thing.
It's, you know, people know who I am as a person.
People know what I do, how I get down.
They have questions, they're curious.
My friends are very accepting for the most part.
You know, and the ones that haven't, I had to give him the
Boo. You know, and of course again
quarantine. I feel help that in a way too,
where I got to tap into more of my Poly side and really take the
time and be like OK, am I solo like non monogamous?
Am I doing this together with my partners or am I just Polly and
I don't need any other fucking label to it?
Am I just navigating the way that I want to?
And what makes me happy? What makes my partners happy and
just all around? What are the benefits that I'm
getting out of it? Because I feel, again, as this
is becoming more popularized, there's a lot of, you know,
misinformation. But like you said, people have
to take the time and do the research.
They have to do the fucking work.
Just like anybody who's in any form of sexuality, whether you
know it's BDSM or just, you know, figuring out what the fuck
their vulva wants or their Dick wants.
You have to do the fucking research.
You can't be sitting down and being lazy about it and just
waiting for someone to just do it for you.
I feel like when people ask me like, well, how do you find the
community? I'm like, I just met people.
I went out. I ventured out yeah saying I
will say like if I can say that I was introduced to any
misconceptions my time on read table talk.
Of course they were asking the very like the bare basic
questions, like someone who is. I I have to say, I wanted more
of you. That's why, like, I reached out
to you because I was like, I wanted to hear more of your
story. I felt like it.
It was kind of rushed. Like I like I watched it with my
partner and we felt like okay cool.
They're into the married aspect of polyamory.
But here's Gab. You know you were a newbie at
the point I I don't actually identify as a newbie.
Right. I was what I was telling them
when they were like talking to me in the pre like I guess
interview for this, right. They were like, I was like,
well, I feel like I've been doing this for a while but
because of the pandemic I still feel very new to it.
Like only because like that's a whole year of of like just
dating not just dating one person.
I dated other people. So that's like almost not
factual but like it was just a lot.
It was hindered by the fact that there was a global pandemic.
And I just wanted that to be clear that like, I'm still
learning a lot of the, like managing the emotions that I'm
used to displaying in a monogamous partnership.
Like, some things are almost, like, instinctual and then you
have to be like, wait, but like, intellectually, I know this and
then you're good, right? Like, I'm still working on those
things and I feel like more. So like, I've done more work on
that in the past, like two months than I have in that whole
year of the pandemic. So that was all I was trying to
express. And they were like, ooh, we like
that newbie aspect. I was like, oh, hey, like, you
know, it's, it is television, right?
Like, as much as as we think that it's 100% real And a while
I was 100% real about everything.
But in terms of me being like brand new again, like I'm maybe
new to labeling myself polyamorous, like that was like
maybe a year before the pandemic, but before that I was
dating polyamorous people. I went to hedonism the sectors
or and I remember looking at all the couples and like being like,
wow, I've never seen people who love each other more than these
non anonymous couples. And that was part of what pushed
me to be like, hey, I want to start like labeling myself as
what I am doing, labeling myself by what I am.
And I feel like it's very like like when a lot of bi people are
like, oh, I'm bi curious before they actually claim perhaps
bisexual or pansexual or queer because they feel like, oh, I
need a certain amount of experience before I can claim
this label. I feel like I was at that with
polyamorous, but I don't actually identify as a newbie
because that would take the like 4 years plus of experience in
this lifestyle out of my life. And that's not true either.
I am so glad you clarified that. So thank you because again I.
That's why I reached out cuz I was like I feel like there was
more to the story than again that we were led and that's why
I kinda hate TV. It's like we get the saturated
version of people's lifestyles, like what is consumable in 1/2
hour to an hour. And I respect it, like that is
how you make things palatable for a massive go off.
I definitely got like more personal, but I don't think that
that's what they were looking for.
They were more interested in the aspects of polyamory that relate
to married couples. And like, how do we see this as
a longterm thing? They were like, how can we take
polyamory and fit it into like our vision of monogamy
basically. And I think I gave that for, you
know, if that was what they wanted, I gave it to them.
But I have more thoughts on polyamory and a lot more of a
polyamorous lifestyle to share than just that.
Absolutely. And I'm glad that you do this,
not just. A weekly basis.
You do this on a daily, you do the work daily.
And again, the only way people are ever going to change their
perspective or go out and do the work is look at people like
yourself who try to give this a normal view because I, I, I
don't know about you. I get annoyed where they think
that this is just like we said, a fad, something that changes
temporarily. Like, I hate when people, you
know, when I came out as bisexual.
It was like, oh, you'll, you'll stick to men.
You'll always be with men. And I'm like, actually, that's
not the case. We if something were to happen
with the guy and I, I will never go back to men.
That's like how I feel. I am attracted to one man and
that's it. To be honest, it's like men are
work. Like I will work as a woman
work. I think the way that gender is
like set up is like it fosters disconnect between like men and
women, and that's so unfortunate.
I do find that like, I can connect with men like I have in
the past that I still do. But it's a lot harder because I
feel like there's a level of privilege there they have to be
aware of and constantly like managing.
They have to do like, okay. I'm privileged in this way, so
how can I speak to her with that awareness?
And I literally like, I can date a lot of people, but I don't
think I can date a man who's not aware of his privilege or even
like there's someone who are kind of like new to talking
about like privilege as men who are kind of like, yeah, I know,
like, this is how I'm privileged, but also what about
this issue? And it's, like, never a real
issue. Like, I don't want to date a man
who's like, oh, like, I know, like consent is important, but,
like, when you're upfront with women, then they don't want to
fuck you. I'm not going to date a man like
that. No, I'm not going to date a man
who's not aware of queerness in a way that will.
Like, I used to date a lot of men when I was younger who'd be
like, oh, like, what's your body counting?
Because, like, they'd be like, not the women that don't count.
Like, they only mean penetrative sex with men.
I'm like, OK, so I don't want to talk to you anymore or like or
like I, you know, dating men who are like, oh, I don't really eat
pussy. I used to date a lot of men who
are like, oh, like your relationships with women.
You can go do that. Cuz that's fake.
Like, but you, I'm the only penis.
And I was like, I need someone who I can like, express the full
breadth of my queerness with and who will still feel confident in
their relationship with me. And that's a hard thing to find.
So it almost feels like, yeah, I stick to dating for people.
Absolutely. That's how I feel now, because
again with him, he understands it all.
He's understanding. He understands, you know, I am
more attracted to fem beings. I'm more attracted in my
insecure, my own queerness. You know, I can go out and date
women, trans folks, anybody, and he will not feel like he's being
replaced or you know what? Not.
And he's had his experiences too, in straight male queer
them, as some people like to say, I'm like, fuck it.
You want to be sexually liberated, Be sexually
liberated. Do whatever the fuck you want.
It shouldn't matter. It what matters is that how you
are as a person, if you are genuine as a person.
So I am glad you know that you and I have both been able to
find communities that have made us feel, seen, recognized,
respected, because especially I think that is so important in
being Polly and just being a queer force to be reckoned with.
I think nowadays it's just. It's I feel like it's the solid
foundation that people ride to like breakdown and it's like
it's not going anywhere. It's just going to be ever so
evolving at this point. Yeah, 100%.
Absolutely. So as we wrap up, I want to say
to the audience, you know, first of all, where can people find
you? What's coming up for you?
Like what do you. I know you've been doing things
so give us what's coming up. So I actually what is coming up
is I want to relax. Pride was so exhausting.
I had too many brand deals. Even my assistant was probably
like, I was like busy. Like I want July is my birthday
month. I just want to lie down.
Yes, that's what's coming up for me.
However, you can always support me by buying my book, How to
Live with the Internet and Not Let It Run Your Life.
I do mention polyamory very briefly, in that the Internet
allows polyamorous folks to find such a breadth of community, and
I think that that's really important.
And I talk, of course, about queerness as well.
So if you want to learn about the Internet but through the
perspective of a queer polyamorous person with that
lens just simply sprinkled around here and there, great
book everyone in July. Other than that, you know, I
have. I still have my writing.
I you can even see my foray into polyamory.
Cuz first I was like interviewing other polyamory
folks and then I was like, OK, I'm a polyam newbie.
And then I was like, OK, here's how I have three people on beta.
Like it was like, you can see the full trajectory from like
baby straight to like baby bye to like baby Polyam, Princess.
So I love the evolution. Yay.
So I mean, it's actually very scary to imagine that my history
is on the Internet. In that way, you can also see my
politics change. Like I went from like the police
don't really work to like ACAP the police.
So like, I I'm also nervous about the fact that you can see
such a like transition in my beliefs, my views, everything.
But it's also very vulnerable, honest place to be.
So you can check me out. All of my work is on my website
at Gabrielle alexa.com and you can follow me on all social
platforms at gabalexa. And of course, that will be in
the bio of this episode, so you guys can have a quick, quick
peek. But I have to say, I got a
comment on that. Don't ever be afraid about the
evolution being seen on the on the Internet.
Own it. Fucking own it.
Because girl, like I said, you're a fucking goddess for
some foremost. Flip that hair.
Yes, again, I I feel you like we all have sent things.
In our younger years and as we transition, even with this show
it's been on, been doing it for almost 10 years.
And like you, I always said fuck relationships, Fuck this, fuck
that, fuck love. And what happens?
I fell in love. I got fucked up into this Poly
shit and I love it and I'm not going back.
So fucking own it. Because you know what it gives
your audience, it gives people who are trying to discover
themselves through you, They're like, you know what?
I feel seen. This person owns it.
I need to own up on my on my truth.
And for me, like I said, transparency is a big thing.
You're transparent in your truth, and we need that more.
We need more forces like that. Thank you.
Yes, yes, yes.
So I hope everybody enjoyed this episode because like I said, I
feel like I can just talk to you hours on end about this.
Do you have any closing words, anything last words that you
want to tell anybody you know? Or.
Anything. One thing coming up later this
week for anyone following me is there's a new platform called
ERUPT. It's a good debate based
platform and we're doing it like polyamory versus monogamy debate
moderated by my friend Sid who is like on the team for erupt I
believe So it was supposed to be on Sunday, but then Sid got six.
We're tentatively rescheduling for like Tuesday.
I'll have more details as they come, but I just wanted to say
like you don't watch the space cuz I would love to have a good
Polyam mono debate. Oh my God, yes.
Finally, finally, cuz. Again, like I said, I wanted you
to come up on here because there's a lot of misinformation
going on. There's a lot of people, you
know to talk shit about this. And I hope that the earbuds out
there really, you know, take a listen to this and just realize
that this is just a beautiful lifestyle, an alternative
lifestyle that's been around. It's not going anywhere.
It's not a trend. Please stop chasing folks and
assuming that you know what they're all about, being Poly.
Just no. Take a listen.
Do your research and just come correct, come correct, come
correct when you approach folks like us in the community.
So once again, earbuds next Sunday, it's going to be a
special episode. I actually have a listener that
wanted to share her little kinks and tricks and all that and
share her experiences. I've never done this before.
It's the first time ever having like a listener take over.
So this is going to be exciting next Sunday.
And of course, you can follow me at Miss Radio Sapphire.
That's MSRADIOSAPPHIRE and of course at Sapphire's earplay.
And remember that safe sex is the best hot sex.
Till next week, good nights. That was the show while you sexy
motherfuckers. Out there now.
Remember Ms. Radio? SAP on Instagram, Twitter.
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