1 00:00:00,360 --> 00:00:03,560 Warning the following program is not for the weak hearted. 2 00:00:04,320 --> 00:00:07,840 Those who are close minded in general, you're scared to learn 3 00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:10,920 what's behind closed doors. Here at Sapphire's Earplay, I 4 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:14,080 want you to pour the wine, grab somebody that you want to hold 5 00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:17,920 onto, or better yet, get the vibration stimulated through 6 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:20,600 your body. Get ready for one halavan orgasm 7 00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:26,740 in 54321. What is up all you sexy 8 00:00:26,740 --> 00:00:29,060 motherfuckers out there in radioland it's your girls 9 00:00:29,060 --> 00:00:34,060 sapphire and Oh my God y'all, I'm sorry I sound like a dying 10 00:00:34,060 --> 00:00:38,260 gay man right now, but it was an all good injustice, OK? 11 00:00:38,260 --> 00:00:42,820 It was just your girl went to a play party by herself for the 12 00:00:42,820 --> 00:00:45,460 first time. Which is crazy because I had my 13 00:00:45,460 --> 00:00:49,260 Poly girlfriend with their over there, but I was the social 14 00:00:49,260 --> 00:00:53,250 butterfly and I just went a little bit too hard, you know, 15 00:00:53,250 --> 00:00:56,090 knowing damn well I had to wake up the next morning and do this. 16 00:00:56,370 --> 00:01:02,770 But I'm so excited to have Miss Gabriella Alexa in the building 17 00:01:02,770 --> 00:01:04,530 with me. Technically, virtually. 18 00:01:04,810 --> 00:01:09,690 But I'm so excited to have you on the show because Red table 19 00:01:09,690 --> 00:01:12,530 talk. You may have seen her, of course 20 00:01:12,530 --> 00:01:16,650 on Instagram at Gab, Alexa. And if you guys are in the 21 00:01:16,650 --> 00:01:20,530 polyamorous lifestyle, I mean, Gab is probably one of the first 22 00:01:20,530 --> 00:01:23,970 people that come to mind when you think about polyamory now. 23 00:01:24,290 --> 00:01:29,010 So without further ado, Gab, thank you so much for joining us 24 00:01:29,010 --> 00:01:32,610 today of. Course, just to make sure, my 25 00:01:32,610 --> 00:01:35,210 name is Gabrielle. Alexa, not Gabriella. 26 00:01:35,290 --> 00:01:37,690 Oh, I'm sorry. That was a typo on my end. 27 00:01:37,770 --> 00:01:40,370 Let me fix that now. Gabrielle. 28 00:01:40,410 --> 00:01:43,490 Alexa, I'm so sorry. My bad, My bad. 29 00:01:44,370 --> 00:01:48,020 But again, I am so thrilled to have you. 30 00:01:48,700 --> 00:01:51,500 You've written books, you've written articles, You've been 31 00:01:51,900 --> 00:01:54,060 everywhere. Like I said, read table talk. 32 00:01:54,420 --> 00:01:57,140 You were just telling me you did a podcast with The Bachelorette 33 00:01:57,140 --> 00:02:01,060 girls. So my goodness, like, did you 34 00:02:01,060 --> 00:02:05,660 ever think your lifestyle, just anything just like yourself in 35 00:02:05,980 --> 00:02:08,620 what you've been doing? A lifestyle that many too many 36 00:02:08,620 --> 00:02:11,020 people just now started coming out. 37 00:02:11,020 --> 00:02:15,160 I feel like during quarantine we heard the word polyamory a lot 38 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:19,000 more than usual, and now it's everywhere. 39 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:24,000 TV, radio, movies, the whole 9. You can't escape it. 40 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:27,720 But this lifestyle's been around for a long time. 41 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:31,950 Yeah, I mean I'm in many ways. Pipe. 42 00:02:32,150 --> 00:02:34,230 Because that means there's more people to date. 43 00:02:36,510 --> 00:02:39,870 No, I don't have to be like, I guess I before there used to be 44 00:02:39,870 --> 00:02:43,150 those like Tinder profiles and always be like no polyamorous 45 00:02:43,150 --> 00:02:45,990 people, as if polyamorous people are specifically looking for, 46 00:02:45,990 --> 00:02:49,030 like single monogamous people to like, force into this. 47 00:02:49,550 --> 00:02:53,430 But now I feel like when I'm swiping on Tinder, I see more of 48 00:02:53,430 --> 00:02:58,330 like a group and assortment. Of types of relationship styles 49 00:02:58,330 --> 00:03:00,530 and the people I'm swiping on. So that's really cool. 50 00:03:00,530 --> 00:03:03,250 You know, I like slowly. My friends are all like, I'm 51 00:03:03,250 --> 00:03:05,490 probably down. Like you're welcome. 52 00:03:07,450 --> 00:03:10,450 She flipped her hair. Y'all like the whole 9. 53 00:03:10,490 --> 00:03:11,770 I love it. Thank you. 54 00:03:11,770 --> 00:03:14,770 So. That's cool, too, because I it 55 00:03:14,930 --> 00:03:18,930 means that there's more people who are willing to understand 56 00:03:18,930 --> 00:03:22,370 where I'm coming from. Like I I even think when I 57 00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:25,660 started doing like. More seriously identifying as 58 00:03:25,660 --> 00:03:28,500 Polyam rather than like just dating polyamorous people. 59 00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:30,780 Like once I like, told my friends this is how I plan to 60 00:03:30,780 --> 00:03:34,180 date for the foreseeable future, there was a lot more acceptance 61 00:03:34,180 --> 00:03:36,820 because they were also like, well, I know like Chad down the 62 00:03:36,820 --> 00:03:40,340 block is doing the Polyam thing and then like, you know, 63 00:03:40,340 --> 00:03:43,380 Matilda, like across the hall is also doing that. 64 00:03:43,380 --> 00:03:45,500 So I guess you're just doing that thing that everyone's doing 65 00:03:45,780 --> 00:03:49,170 rather than people being like, what the fuck now? 66 00:03:49,170 --> 00:03:52,450 Now that you've been saying this, so you started out like, 67 00:03:52,490 --> 00:03:56,970 let's go to the beginning, Let's talk about Gabrielle and what 68 00:03:56,970 --> 00:04:01,650 made you decide like, okay, I'm going to dive into this because 69 00:04:01,650 --> 00:04:03,610 I know, like, from my journey and I'll share later. 70 00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:08,890 But I want to know, like, at what point did you know, like 71 00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:12,250 monogamous dating or even if you weren't really dating 72 00:04:12,250 --> 00:04:16,250 monogamously but just, you know, unmeaningful connections? 73 00:04:16,329 --> 00:04:21,019 This is not cutting it. I don't know as many things. 74 00:04:21,019 --> 00:04:24,060 It was like for many years I would date polyamorous people, 75 00:04:24,060 --> 00:04:26,340 but I did not personally identify as polyamorous. 76 00:04:28,300 --> 00:04:31,940 How was that, by the way? Like being someone who wasn't 77 00:04:32,220 --> 00:04:35,940 fully in the lifestyle, but you were, you know, dating partners 78 00:04:35,940 --> 00:04:39,100 who were fully in it. I mean, thank God I wasn't 79 00:04:39,100 --> 00:04:42,670 dating like. Because I was. 80 00:04:42,790 --> 00:04:44,670 I still considered myself an outsider. 81 00:04:44,670 --> 00:04:47,710 I think it set people's expectations because I was 82 00:04:47,710 --> 00:04:49,670 really confused on a lot of things. 83 00:04:49,670 --> 00:04:53,510 Like, I remember, like, still not getting it, like feeling 84 00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:55,950 like people were being deceitful when they were just like, they 85 00:04:55,950 --> 00:04:57,590 were like, no, Like, my girlfriend knows that. 86 00:04:57,590 --> 00:05:00,750 I'm like, no, she doesn't. And now I'm like, Oh my God, 87 00:05:00,750 --> 00:05:03,310 that completely, like, removes this girl's agency. 88 00:05:03,310 --> 00:05:06,510 And like, completely like, like, why would I not believe that 89 00:05:06,510 --> 00:05:08,830 that would be a relationship style that she was into, you 90 00:05:08,830 --> 00:05:12,210 know? Or like, I remember two people 91 00:05:12,210 --> 00:05:14,890 flirting with me and I, but they were dating, right. 92 00:05:15,730 --> 00:05:18,210 Flirting, obviously. And I kept thinking, wow, what a 93 00:05:18,210 --> 00:05:21,250 time to make friends because I didn't because they were dating. 94 00:05:21,250 --> 00:05:23,890 So I just completely like you almost like shut down. 95 00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:27,250 And then I, the mask person in that partnership, I remember 96 00:05:27,250 --> 00:05:29,570 like kind of like ignoring them because I didn't want the girl 97 00:05:29,570 --> 00:05:31,330 to think I was like flirting or something. 98 00:05:31,530 --> 00:05:34,050 Meanwhile, they're both like, is this bitch not getting the hint? 99 00:05:34,050 --> 00:05:35,930 Like we are trying to talk with her? 100 00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:38,290 And then, like, told me I was like. 101 00:05:39,030 --> 00:05:41,750 Oh, like how was I supposed to know y'all kiss? 102 00:05:41,750 --> 00:05:45,150 Like I didn't know that was like, so I'm glad that I got to 103 00:05:45,150 --> 00:05:49,070 get like my like little like confusion and like miss steps 104 00:05:49,110 --> 00:05:52,270 out before claiming an identity publicly. 105 00:05:52,270 --> 00:05:54,790 Because now I feel like I can claim it and feel like, oh, I 106 00:05:54,790 --> 00:05:56,270 like know where I'm at with this. 107 00:05:56,710 --> 00:05:59,510 I feel you. I like when I started getting 108 00:05:59,510 --> 00:06:05,110 into the whole Poly dating I was I like to say that I am not a 109 00:06:05,110 --> 00:06:08,490 hoe but I'm a pro like for the longest like I did not do the 110 00:06:08,490 --> 00:06:11,810 relationship like the relationships thing at all. 111 00:06:12,130 --> 00:06:16,730 So when I decided with my primary partner, which for many 112 00:06:16,730 --> 00:06:19,930 people who don't understand the whole primary term, I personally 113 00:06:19,930 --> 00:06:24,570 don't like to use it like in my real life cuz I feel like in my 114 00:06:24,570 --> 00:06:26,290 relationships there's no hierarchy. 115 00:06:26,290 --> 00:06:30,630 But you know some people may say you're main Boo and he's all 116 00:06:30,630 --> 00:06:32,750 over my Instagram Mr. Suit and Tie. 117 00:06:32,750 --> 00:06:39,670 But when we decided to move from being just like open to you 118 00:06:39,670 --> 00:06:42,030 know, fucking around and everything and decided like 119 00:06:42,030 --> 00:06:45,870 let's go heading to this polyamory lifestyle. 120 00:06:46,270 --> 00:06:50,070 Like now I feel you like we are the type of couple where you 121 00:06:50,070 --> 00:06:54,590 know he knows my type of check and how I vibe with. 122 00:06:54,670 --> 00:06:59,950 And it's always like, no, we are both trying to like look, we're 123 00:06:59,950 --> 00:07:02,510 both interested. We're both trying to date you. 124 00:07:02,510 --> 00:07:04,270 We're both trying to like get with you. 125 00:07:04,830 --> 00:07:07,030 It's that hidden. Like I love it. 126 00:07:07,070 --> 00:07:10,790 I fucking love it. When you go out and you see 127 00:07:10,790 --> 00:07:13,790 somebody and they're not sure like oh shit, are they both 128 00:07:13,790 --> 00:07:17,510 hitting on me or is it just like ones baiting for the other. 129 00:07:17,510 --> 00:07:22,720 But I love it. I absolutely love just, I don't 130 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:26,760 want to say options, but I feel like it gives you this new sense 131 00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:31,360 of confidence being polyamorous then it would be when you're 132 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:36,000 monogamous or just, you know, fucking around on your solo 133 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:38,400 adventure. I feel like there's just this 134 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:43,760 new found like persona that comes over me being in this 135 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:46,680 lifestyle because it's like you have to be so transparent. 136 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:50,420 You have to be comfortable in your own, you know, dating 137 00:07:50,420 --> 00:07:54,980 habits and then to share that with a whole unit. 138 00:07:55,060 --> 00:07:58,380 It's just, you know, it's magical. 139 00:07:59,180 --> 00:08:04,020 Yeah, I 100% agree. I think overall who I am as a 140 00:08:04,020 --> 00:08:06,700 person has definitely come out more. 141 00:08:07,100 --> 00:08:09,540 And I think about all of the relationships that I was in, 142 00:08:09,540 --> 00:08:12,620 like, I mean, I almost like, I was like half engaged. 143 00:08:13,140 --> 00:08:17,620 Oh shit. And I know thinking of like 144 00:08:17,620 --> 00:08:20,000 monogamous partnership. So that's like something that 145 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:23,600 was for me when in reality, like I was just trying to, like, 146 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:26,680 ascribe to something that people had told me I was supposed to 147 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:31,160 want absolutely. And I also thought, I thought 148 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:33,720 for a long time that I was like too, that I had too much 149 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:38,880 discomfort with jealousy, I guess, to function in 150 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:42,720 nonmonogamy. And I find that that's. 151 00:08:43,159 --> 00:08:45,840 I don't know why that is the story, because everyone, you get 152 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:47,640 jealous no matter what. Like you get jealous even if 153 00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:51,390 you're monogamous. And your partner, just like like 154 00:08:51,630 --> 00:08:54,990 jealousy is just like a common tool, a vehicle for 155 00:08:54,990 --> 00:08:59,390 understanding deeper feelings. So I don't know why I thought 156 00:08:59,630 --> 00:09:02,990 that, but that's, you know, that's the story. 157 00:09:03,270 --> 00:09:06,310 Let's do talk about jealousy, cuz I feel like that comes out a 158 00:09:06,310 --> 00:09:10,760 lot when people talk to us about Pete, You know, being 159 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:13,280 polyamorous. Like how do you not get jealous 160 00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:16,640 if you're on these dates? Or, you know what if you do, if 161 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:18,920 your partner's out on a date and you're stuck at home? 162 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:24,600 Like I know for me, I tried to either set up a date of my own 163 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:28,920 when I'm like if my partner's out doing his thing, or if my 164 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:30,760 other girlfriend is doing her thing. 165 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:34,200 Like I try to keep myself as busy as possible. 166 00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:38,620 I like to say I'm not a jealous person per se, which is weird. 167 00:09:38,660 --> 00:09:40,300 You know, when people like, How do you? 168 00:09:40,420 --> 00:09:42,060 What do you mean you don't get fucking jealous? 169 00:09:42,060 --> 00:09:45,740 I say I get more jealous. You're just, like, not even 170 00:09:45,740 --> 00:09:47,380 thinking about it. I'm like, oh, my bad. 171 00:09:47,380 --> 00:09:52,440 I was sucking Dick, so I didn't exactly, exactly. 172 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:54,200 It's really that it's really that simple. 173 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,760 Or like, honestly, I really love TV and I really cherish my alone 174 00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:58,480 time. So there have been a lot of time 175 00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:00,240 for them. Like, Oh my God, I like really 176 00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:02,280 want to watch this show. I know nobody else wants to 177 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:04,200 watch it. And like, I really wanted to 178 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:07,680 like a salt bath. And like, even that activity is 179 00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:11,320 like really grounding and distracting. 180 00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:13,920 And then later I'm like, oh shit, like, I didn't even 181 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:15,920 remember. Or like right now I'm studying 182 00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:18,320 for a test at work, Like, I have to get a certification. 183 00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:19,840 So I've been doing a lot of that. 184 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:22,480 Problem solved. I don't even think about it in 185 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:24,760 negotiation on a date. Didn't notice because it's 12 186 00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:26,480 midnight and I just finished studying. 187 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,800 I feel it. So right now, what's your 188 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:32,160 dynamic looking like in your Poly tribe? 189 00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:34,520 I like to call it a tribe. I don't know what you like to 190 00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:39,360 call it, but. Yeah, so I have a girlfriend and 191 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:41,240 she's pop and she's sleeping in the next room. 192 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:42,480 She was like, you're doing an appearance. 193 00:10:43,190 --> 00:10:44,590 Lit. Like I can finally go to bed. 194 00:10:44,710 --> 00:10:48,350 Oh, she's adorable. She's a nap type of person. 195 00:10:48,710 --> 00:10:54,310 And then so she has another partner and then I have someone 196 00:10:54,310 --> 00:10:56,670 that I've been like on and off again, on and off again. 197 00:10:57,030 --> 00:10:59,350 So I don't even know what to call her, but I really love her. 198 00:11:00,030 --> 00:11:03,630 We've been really good lately. We've been like very on for some 199 00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:06,510 time now. Like even my girlfriend is like, 200 00:11:06,510 --> 00:11:07,790 yeah, y'all have been on for a while. 201 00:11:07,790 --> 00:11:11,520 Like doing good. So I don't know. 202 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:12,520 It's called her, but there's her. 203 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,360 Yeah, and I'm. And then I'm dating this guy 204 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,280 who's really special and awesome as well. 205 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:23,320 Love it, love it, love it. So at any point, you know, I 206 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:26,280 know for me, like coming out of let's talk quarantine too, 207 00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:29,640 because I don't know about you. It's been hard. 208 00:11:29,680 --> 00:11:30,720 I know. I'm dreading. 209 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:34,040 I'm like it. It was so. 210 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:37,690 It was so fucking hard for me during quarantine. 211 00:11:38,050 --> 00:11:41,850 I will say it was a blessing though, because it brought my 212 00:11:41,850 --> 00:11:45,090 primary suit and tie and I together more in our 213 00:11:45,090 --> 00:11:48,410 relationship. It also did we I suffered from a 214 00:11:48,410 --> 00:11:51,650 breakup. He's still with her because he 215 00:11:51,650 --> 00:11:54,930 has a girlfriend who's also married but her husband is more 216 00:11:54,930 --> 00:11:58,090 swinger. We are no longer together. 217 00:11:58,290 --> 00:12:02,370 And funny thing is she gave birth the day after we broke up. 218 00:12:06,500 --> 00:12:07,700 And on top. Yeah. 219 00:12:07,780 --> 00:12:11,820 And like on top of that my other girlfriend and her boyfriend, we 220 00:12:11,820 --> 00:12:17,420 did not have any physical contact until this year. 221 00:12:17,940 --> 00:12:20,940 You know once we decided like, hey, we're all that's we're all 222 00:12:20,940 --> 00:12:23,260 ready to go. Let's do this. 223 00:12:23,260 --> 00:12:24,900 We're going to go all out kind of thing. 224 00:12:24,900 --> 00:12:29,940 So it was like it brought me closer in one relationship, 225 00:12:30,700 --> 00:12:34,180 suffered A breakup from the other, and then being deprived 226 00:12:34,220 --> 00:12:37,540 of another. I was just like, this is the 227 00:12:37,540 --> 00:12:40,900 ultimate cock block or pussy block for Polly folks. 228 00:12:41,940 --> 00:12:44,540 I will say it was rough because like everyone was getting into 229 00:12:44,540 --> 00:12:48,100 like their like polypod, right, for the pandemic. 230 00:12:48,620 --> 00:12:51,180 And I had like potted up with my girlfriend and like her 231 00:12:51,340 --> 00:12:55,020 roommates. And then I had to like negotiate 232 00:12:55,020 --> 00:12:57,580 like with other people I was dating like like what's your pod 233 00:12:57,580 --> 00:12:58,740 like? When are you getting tested? 234 00:12:58,740 --> 00:13:01,740 And like, at a certain point, I think it was really scary. 235 00:13:02,210 --> 00:13:03,970 And it was really complicated. And I think I was just like, I'm 236 00:13:03,970 --> 00:13:07,050 just gonna chill in this pot. Like, I'm not gonna like, it's 237 00:13:07,050 --> 00:13:10,170 hard to get like multiple pods on the same page, honestly. 238 00:13:10,170 --> 00:13:13,610 And like people have different levels of comfort and you can't. 239 00:13:13,730 --> 00:13:16,610 Like, I was big on like, I'm not gonna shame anyone for what they 240 00:13:16,610 --> 00:13:19,010 how are they, how they are managing this pandemic. 241 00:13:19,250 --> 00:13:22,330 But I also have to make sure I'm taking care of like my pod and 242 00:13:22,410 --> 00:13:24,930 like my group and my family and whatever. 243 00:13:25,530 --> 00:13:29,530 Did you feel at any point? You almost went monogamous for a 244 00:13:29,530 --> 00:13:32,890 little bit, in a sense. I did feel that. 245 00:13:32,890 --> 00:13:36,890 And then when we stepped out of the pandemic and like, I have to 246 00:13:36,890 --> 00:13:39,010 have a conversation with my girlfriend where I was like, 247 00:13:39,050 --> 00:13:42,690 yeah, I'm so anxious because now like, it's been like nothing but 248 00:13:42,690 --> 00:13:44,570 us, this whole pandemic that's like a year. 249 00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:48,170 And as excited as I am, and I literally like, I spent the 250 00:13:48,170 --> 00:13:51,160 whole pandemic thinking. I can't wait to just like have 251 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:55,880 the whole Poly cool outside and we could go to a party or like a 252 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:59,280 festival and go to a concert. Like I had all these dreams, the 253 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:01,400 whole pandemic. But then when I was met with the 254 00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:03,960 reality of it, I was like, I'm so anxious. 255 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:07,080 Like I can't believe like, what if everything changes? 256 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,320 Like what if it? And like. 257 00:14:09,330 --> 00:14:11,410 It it just took over me in such a way. 258 00:14:11,410 --> 00:14:13,450 And then now we're like a couple months post vaccine. 259 00:14:13,450 --> 00:14:15,770 Of course the pandemic is not over, but certainly like a lot 260 00:14:15,770 --> 00:14:18,010 of things have changed in our ability to hang out with other 261 00:14:18,010 --> 00:14:20,570 people. And I've found, Oh my God, 262 00:14:20,570 --> 00:14:23,490 apparently like all of my anxieties for just things in my 263 00:14:23,490 --> 00:14:26,010 head and not real situations that were going to happen. 264 00:14:26,370 --> 00:14:32,250 Everything has been pretty nice. I feel fucking seen guys, girl. 265 00:14:32,250 --> 00:14:36,170 I was going through it. I mean, even just like I'm 266 00:14:36,170 --> 00:14:39,650 still, you know, processing. Like yesterday was the first 267 00:14:39,650 --> 00:14:44,970 time I've never been to a swinger lifestyle party besides 268 00:14:44,970 --> 00:14:48,930 with him. And you know, like I said, yes, 269 00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:51,450 my girlfriend and her boyfriend were on site, but they came 270 00:14:51,450 --> 00:14:53,490 together. I came alone. 271 00:14:53,490 --> 00:14:56,770 I left alone. I had to process things alone 272 00:14:56,770 --> 00:15:00,930 because he's in Puerto Rico, so I was, you know, I'm still like, 273 00:15:01,290 --> 00:15:06,030 fuck, what happened, you know? And he's been going on more 274 00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:08,630 dates than I have. But I had the same type of fear. 275 00:15:08,630 --> 00:15:10,830 I was like, is this going to change us? 276 00:15:10,830 --> 00:15:13,150 What if you start dating somebody? 277 00:15:13,150 --> 00:15:15,470 Is that going to change our dynamic? 278 00:15:15,710 --> 00:15:18,190 You know? And I don't know about you, but 279 00:15:18,230 --> 00:15:22,270 I had a lot of selfdoubt of, like, the love factor because I 280 00:15:22,350 --> 00:15:26,750 I genuinely love my partners. I'm in love with this man. 281 00:15:26,830 --> 00:15:29,310 He's openly dating several different women. 282 00:15:29,310 --> 00:15:32,860 My trust factor has kind of been like, I'm still trying to get 283 00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:37,940 into that and trying to even just reopen myself and trying to 284 00:15:38,140 --> 00:15:42,180 date around and tell people like, yo, I'm Poly and I'm 285 00:15:42,220 --> 00:15:45,820 partnered. I think that's hard for folks to 286 00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:49,940 like grasp. Yeah, I will say that as someone 287 00:15:49,940 --> 00:15:52,340 who has a platform, I have a little bit of privilege in that 288 00:15:52,340 --> 00:15:55,540 I already have a lot of Poly people who are in the community 289 00:15:55,540 --> 00:15:57,070 with me. You know, there are a lot of 290 00:15:57,070 --> 00:15:59,950 other accounts who like follows. Like, you know, when people hit 291 00:15:59,950 --> 00:16:01,790 on me, very often they'll be like, hey, I already know the 292 00:16:01,790 --> 00:16:04,830 context of how you're dating. I already know what you're going 293 00:16:04,830 --> 00:16:06,270 to bring to this. I already know if you're already 294 00:16:06,270 --> 00:16:09,550 dating and I'm interested. And that really I'm going to 295 00:16:09,550 --> 00:16:13,430 say, makes it easy. I feel you because like, I'm not 296 00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:15,510 seeing on Instagram, unfortunately. 297 00:16:15,670 --> 00:16:20,270 Like the reflection of this podcast in the audience and the 298 00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:22,310 people that reach out does not reflect. 299 00:16:22,310 --> 00:16:23,870 Because Instagram does not like me. 300 00:16:24,180 --> 00:16:27,500 Social media does not like me. So I feel you when we have 301 00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:32,260 platforms, it's easy to you know find that community. 302 00:16:32,380 --> 00:16:35,780 That's why for me, I'm like I'm very thankful and grateful for 303 00:16:35,780 --> 00:16:37,140 the bodies that I've come across. 304 00:16:37,140 --> 00:16:40,660 Like people like yourself and other people in community. 305 00:16:40,660 --> 00:16:43,060 I'm just like they get it. They honestly get it. 306 00:16:43,340 --> 00:16:46,900 But when we're going on like, I hate to say it, fucking Tinder 307 00:16:46,900 --> 00:16:50,980 and all these other and they may or may not know. 308 00:16:50,980 --> 00:16:57,580 I'm just like the the lessons I have to teach folks. 309 00:16:57,660 --> 00:17:01,860 It's like, Oh my God. Who are like because there's 310 00:17:01,860 --> 00:17:03,940 this guy, he flirts with me all the time, and I thought he was 311 00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:05,900 cute at one point. I mean, he's cute, I think he's 312 00:17:07,579 --> 00:17:10,300 cute, but there's like a significant difference between 313 00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:12,700 like, I just want to casually date and I'm polyamorous and I 314 00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:14,540 don't think that he grasps that bully. 315 00:17:14,780 --> 00:17:17,099 And it just, like, really puts me off from it because it's 316 00:17:17,099 --> 00:17:18,500 like, I don't want to have to teach you. 317 00:17:19,470 --> 00:17:21,750 Like things or like, especially guys who feel like, 318 00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:23,670 overconfident, like, oh, I could totally date local people. 319 00:17:23,670 --> 00:17:25,510 Like, I'm just like, do your little side thing, right? 320 00:17:25,790 --> 00:17:28,510 And then like, I'm like, no, are you gonna communicate with me? 321 00:17:28,510 --> 00:17:30,190 Cuz that's like mostly that's like all of it. 322 00:17:30,230 --> 00:17:31,710 Really. Like, will you be communicative? 323 00:17:31,710 --> 00:17:33,550 And the answer's probably no. So what's the point? 324 00:17:33,910 --> 00:17:35,670 Yeah, I feel that's the problem too. 325 00:17:35,670 --> 00:17:39,710 It's just like lately I've been finding out and it also shocked 326 00:17:39,790 --> 00:17:41,390 some of the people that I'm in community with. 327 00:17:41,390 --> 00:17:44,190 They were like, what do you mean, faux Polly folks? 328 00:17:44,190 --> 00:17:47,790 And I'm like, there are folks walking around claiming that 329 00:17:47,790 --> 00:17:51,110 they're Polly, but they understand this lifestyle and 330 00:17:51,110 --> 00:17:56,270 they're clearly cheating on their partners, flat out 331 00:17:56,270 --> 00:17:59,230 cheating on their partners. Or they're like, Oh yeah, I I, 332 00:17:59,350 --> 00:18:02,150 I'm down for Polly. I'm all for open relationships. 333 00:18:02,150 --> 00:18:06,190 And I'm like, hold up, that's not what this is, you know, like 334 00:18:06,190 --> 00:18:09,950 my partners all will know about you, what you're about. 335 00:18:10,030 --> 00:18:14,350 If something were to happen, like we're all going to be in 336 00:18:14,350 --> 00:18:18,880 communication, like there's none of this like secretive shit. 337 00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:21,480 I don't. Like you will be like, I could 338 00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:22,960 play that role. Like it's not a role. 339 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,800 Like you just need to communicate and talk and like, 340 00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:27,440 there's no role. Like you don't. 341 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,480 There's no secrets. Like, no. 342 00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:31,720 Well, there's there's secrets in life, but there's not kept 343 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:33,320 secret from the other people I'm dating. 344 00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:37,040 I feel like being Polly you, there is no room for secrecy 345 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:40,160 like you. You have to be clearer than 346 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:43,200 fucking Glass. Like that is my thing. 347 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:45,440 Like, transparency is a very big thing. 348 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:49,330 And, you know, I don't necessarily have to date who my 349 00:18:49,330 --> 00:18:53,650 partners are dating, but I also need to know if I'm at risk of 350 00:18:53,650 --> 00:18:57,050 anything, period. And I need to know. 351 00:18:57,050 --> 00:19:02,090 Like, people need to understand there's a certain dynamic, like, 352 00:19:02,090 --> 00:19:05,010 right now I'm kind of weary. Suit and tie started, you know, 353 00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:07,650 messing around with this chick who's not necessarily 354 00:19:07,850 --> 00:19:12,130 polyamorous. She claims to understand, you 355 00:19:12,130 --> 00:19:17,970 know, this lifestyle. But I'm like, you can't help but 356 00:19:17,970 --> 00:19:21,770 kind of be a little, you know, just kind of be like, all right, 357 00:19:22,050 --> 00:19:24,770 Do you understand fully how this works? 358 00:19:25,410 --> 00:19:31,730 Do you understand that it won't be a priority per se, Like, it's 359 00:19:31,730 --> 00:19:33,730 that navigation. Like I've met her, We went 360 00:19:33,730 --> 00:19:35,210 bowling. It was great. 361 00:19:35,530 --> 00:19:38,970 I also think that I don't know how you feel about this, you 362 00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:41,810 know, partners meeting other partners, even if it doesn't 363 00:19:41,810 --> 00:19:44,930 mean anything sexual, but just, you know, almost like the 364 00:19:44,930 --> 00:19:49,820 kitchen table Poly policy, it's just getting to know everybody. 365 00:19:50,460 --> 00:19:53,940 I definitely love kitchen table. But I feel like when you say 366 00:19:53,940 --> 00:19:57,100 like, oh, I enjoy kitchen table, that there is a certain image of 367 00:19:57,100 --> 00:19:58,780 what kitchen table is that gets presented. 368 00:19:59,060 --> 00:20:02,140 So I just, like, I'm also open to parallel polyamory. 369 00:20:02,220 --> 00:20:05,340 Like if I don't, yeah, I don't want to force anything. 370 00:20:05,340 --> 00:20:07,460 I don't want to force my belief system on anyone else. 371 00:20:07,780 --> 00:20:10,460 Absolutely. I would say my birthday is 372 00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:12,750 coming up. And I'm bringing all three of 373 00:20:12,750 --> 00:20:15,710 the people I'm dating, and my girlfriend's bringing her 374 00:20:15,710 --> 00:20:17,870 girlfriend and we're doing an escape room. 375 00:20:19,950 --> 00:20:24,590 We're doing 2 escape rooms. So it's like like there's it's 376 00:20:24,910 --> 00:20:26,670 plus my friends, right? So it's a group of five and a 377 00:20:26,670 --> 00:20:28,750 group of five, and we've got two different rooms at the same 378 00:20:28,750 --> 00:20:31,390 time. So we're going to see who does 379 00:20:31,390 --> 00:20:33,550 it. And because of the way, like the 380 00:20:33,550 --> 00:20:35,710 times that my friends were coming and stuff, it looks like 381 00:20:35,710 --> 00:20:39,270 it's going to be me versus everyone I'm dating. 382 00:20:40,110 --> 00:20:45,080 Plus my girlfriend's girlfriend and I'm like, okay. 383 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:48,200 Well now the stakes are high cuz I gotta beat literally the whole 384 00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,760 Poly so it's so exhausting. Right. 385 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:54,920 It's like, it's not that you have to impress one person. 386 00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:59,740 You now have to impress like. And I feel like people don't 387 00:20:59,740 --> 00:21:03,340 understand that, like, this shit is hard because you want to make 388 00:21:03,340 --> 00:21:05,820 that good impression, but you also don't want to insult 389 00:21:05,820 --> 00:21:07,140 anybody. There's always that. 390 00:21:07,140 --> 00:21:10,860 It's like, OK, am I being a little bit too overly 391 00:21:10,860 --> 00:21:14,580 affectionate with one partner and not giving the other partner 392 00:21:14,580 --> 00:21:17,180 attention? Or if I'm overstepping 393 00:21:17,180 --> 00:21:19,500 boundaries because, you know, there's some partners out there 394 00:21:19,860 --> 00:21:24,270 that don't like to see things to it because I've never had the 395 00:21:24,270 --> 00:21:25,950 three people I'm dating in one place. 396 00:21:25,950 --> 00:21:27,910 Like I've had two. And I just like, didn't touch 397 00:21:27,910 --> 00:21:29,350 either of them. And I was like, problem solved. 398 00:21:29,350 --> 00:21:31,630 I don't know if that solved anything, but I was like, this 399 00:21:31,670 --> 00:21:36,270 works now. I'm, you know, one of them was 400 00:21:36,270 --> 00:21:39,030 like, hey, how do you feel about kissing on the mouth when we see 401 00:21:39,030 --> 00:21:40,190 each other? And I was like, oh, yeah, we can 402 00:21:40,190 --> 00:21:41,510 do that. And then one person was like, 403 00:21:41,510 --> 00:21:42,830 you can be affectionate with other partners. 404 00:21:42,830 --> 00:21:44,230 And I was like, OK. And then other person was like, 405 00:21:44,230 --> 00:21:46,230 you could be affectionate with your other partners. 406 00:21:46,230 --> 00:21:52,150 And I'm like seems like a trap. Oh my God, no. 407 00:21:52,150 --> 00:21:55,560 It really dies. It's like the escape room before 408 00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,400 the escape room. That's what it is. 409 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:01,200 Well, I have an icebreaker. I hope they don't do this 410 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:02,560 because I don't want it's a surprise. 411 00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:04,280 But I have like an icebreaker planned. 412 00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:07,440 That's going to be it's like Gabby bingo, gabb bingo. 413 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:10,600 In fact I like coded an Ave. and everything. 414 00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:13,520 I'm such a dork. And then so it's to encourage 415 00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:15,120 people to like get to know each other. 416 00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:17,440 Like it'll be like fine the person I've known the longest 417 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:18,960 you know and then you have to get 5 and wrong. 418 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:21,600 Like that I might have something. 419 00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:24,400 I might have to, you know, steal a little bit of this. 420 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:28,000 I don't know. Like that sounds cab. 421 00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:29,600 I just want to like, be your friend. 422 00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:31,960 I'm sorry. Like, I know we communicate on 423 00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:35,160 and off on Instagram, but, like, I feel like you need to come to 424 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:38,360 Lai need to come to NYC. You show me your city. 425 00:22:38,360 --> 00:22:39,680 I saw you mine. It's just. 426 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:42,360 I feel like we would have a good time because I went to read 427 00:22:42,360 --> 00:22:44,080 table talk, but I don't know if it counts because I was in 428 00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:46,640 Calabasas and everyone I told they were like that does not 429 00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:47,440 count. And I don't know. 430 00:22:48,490 --> 00:22:51,090 No, I'm borderline like, where that's at. 431 00:22:51,170 --> 00:22:54,650 But Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah. Yeah, I was like, why is this 432 00:22:54,690 --> 00:22:59,770 all highway? Yeah, it's it's the hidden. 433 00:22:59,770 --> 00:23:03,250 Yeah, it's the hidden. Beverly Hills of the Valley, as 434 00:23:03,250 --> 00:23:05,610 we like to call it. That's really what it is. 435 00:23:06,210 --> 00:23:10,810 Very nice little acres of mansions and whatnot. 436 00:23:10,810 --> 00:23:17,170 But going on, it's just like I feel, honestly, people overly 437 00:23:17,170 --> 00:23:19,380 hype. The Poly life and just think 438 00:23:19,380 --> 00:23:24,140 that it's guaranteed threesomes, guaranteed orgies all the time 439 00:23:24,140 --> 00:23:27,620 and they forget about it's people that are working on 440 00:23:27,620 --> 00:23:29,620 relationships. It's not just. 441 00:23:29,900 --> 00:23:33,380 I mean, don't get me wrong. Yes, the sex is great. 442 00:23:33,700 --> 00:23:36,980 Honestly, I feel like I'm in. I'm living my best. 443 00:23:37,340 --> 00:23:39,580 She's doing the dance. She's agreeing. 444 00:23:39,700 --> 00:23:45,220 I please tell me this is not your best sexual peak right now. 445 00:23:47,610 --> 00:23:52,890 I just woke up. This is my sexual peak. 446 00:23:53,410 --> 00:23:54,930 Maybe. I don't know. 447 00:23:54,970 --> 00:23:59,130 I do feel like like I could probably. 448 00:23:59,330 --> 00:24:02,810 You know what's a peak? It's a flexible, like limit. 449 00:24:02,810 --> 00:24:05,530 So like I could. Let me, let me, I guess, 450 00:24:05,530 --> 00:24:07,410 redefine. I think that there is. 451 00:24:09,010 --> 00:24:11,610 I don't know. I feel like in my 20s, yes, I 452 00:24:11,610 --> 00:24:14,290 was a hoe. I did a lot of things. 453 00:24:14,290 --> 00:24:16,970 I experienced a lot of people, you know, in beings. 454 00:24:17,570 --> 00:24:22,770 But then, like now, as I'm 32 and you know, I'm in my my 455 00:24:22,770 --> 00:24:29,170 career more, I really value who I'm giving my sexuality to. 456 00:24:29,210 --> 00:24:33,050 Like who is worthy of my sex at this point, Who's worthy of my 457 00:24:33,050 --> 00:24:37,610 attention? And I feel like now I'm at this, 458 00:24:37,610 --> 00:24:41,090 like I feel like my stamina edge is everything. 459 00:24:41,090 --> 00:24:44,610 My openness is a lot better than it was. 460 00:24:44,610 --> 00:24:46,170 Like, I thought I knew some things. 461 00:24:46,740 --> 00:24:49,180 And then I was taught some things, and then I experienced. 462 00:24:49,180 --> 00:24:51,500 And now I was like, holy shit, what? 463 00:24:51,620 --> 00:24:53,620 What the fuck was I doing five years ago? 464 00:24:54,060 --> 00:24:57,420 Because it wasn't this, yeah, I mean I will agree. 465 00:24:57,460 --> 00:25:00,620 I I also, because I'm a lot older, feel a lot more competent 466 00:25:00,620 --> 00:25:02,900 saying like, oh actually I don't want to do that or actually this 467 00:25:02,900 --> 00:25:05,300 is what I want to do. Or actually here is what like 468 00:25:05,980 --> 00:25:08,700 what I'm more into. But also, I'm more open to 469 00:25:08,700 --> 00:25:13,490 people teaching me new things. Like no matter what anyone says 470 00:25:13,490 --> 00:25:15,810 like no matter their level of sexual experience no matter how 471 00:25:15,810 --> 00:25:19,250 long they've been with a partner being with multiple partners 472 00:25:19,250 --> 00:25:23,130 will teach you different ways of sexual being all the time. 473 00:25:23,130 --> 00:25:27,130 And like your own sexual like identity persona will like 474 00:25:27,130 --> 00:25:29,730 fluctuate regardless. I especially because of the 475 00:25:29,730 --> 00:25:32,890 pandemic I went through like oh I love penetration to like I 476 00:25:33,090 --> 00:25:35,610 fucking hate penetration to like oh I need penetration. 477 00:25:35,610 --> 00:25:37,890 I cannot come without penetration to like, please 478 00:25:37,890 --> 00:25:40,730 don't touch the inside of my vagina again like. 479 00:25:40,770 --> 00:25:43,450 And then I like it was like, it was like, what am I? 480 00:25:43,450 --> 00:25:45,730 And then I went for like, ooh, I really want like really fast and 481 00:25:45,730 --> 00:25:48,010 really intense. Like, OK, I only want slow sex. 482 00:25:48,010 --> 00:25:50,970 Like who you are as a person is just like always up in the OR 483 00:25:51,090 --> 00:25:52,930 who I am at least is always up in the air. 484 00:25:53,330 --> 00:25:56,980 So like, dating so many people has definitely opened me up to 485 00:25:56,980 --> 00:26:00,020 just like going with the flow with like, what am I wanting 486 00:26:00,020 --> 00:26:01,620 now? Like I don't have to follow a 487 00:26:01,620 --> 00:26:03,460 script. I don't have to listen to what 488 00:26:03,460 --> 00:26:04,980 people tell me sex is supposed to be like. 489 00:26:04,980 --> 00:26:07,420 So what am I looking for today? What is passion for me today? 490 00:26:07,420 --> 00:26:10,100 What's intimacy for me today? Absolutely. 491 00:26:10,580 --> 00:26:13,780 What are some misconceptions that you wish that people would 492 00:26:13,780 --> 00:26:17,140 just stop putting on with polyamory? 493 00:26:17,780 --> 00:26:20,340 Like, I love asking other Poly folks this all the time. 494 00:26:20,340 --> 00:26:23,420 Because, you know. We all have some common, but 495 00:26:23,420 --> 00:26:26,900 there are some things I feel out there where I'm just like, what? 496 00:26:27,620 --> 00:26:31,380 Who told you this shit? I'm gonna be honest, I've had a 497 00:26:31,380 --> 00:26:34,860 very blessed, pelyamorous life so far. 498 00:26:35,180 --> 00:26:37,380 Like, I've been around so many sex positive folks. 499 00:26:37,380 --> 00:26:39,500 I don't really have to explain what I'm doing to a lot of 500 00:26:39,500 --> 00:26:41,260 people. And my friends all follow me on 501 00:26:41,260 --> 00:26:43,500 Instagram and also, like, are willing to do their own research 502 00:26:43,500 --> 00:26:45,340 now. And like, we're kind of just 503 00:26:45,340 --> 00:26:46,860 like, OK, you're probably now anyway. 504 00:26:47,100 --> 00:26:51,580 Like, so I can't say that there's, like, I run into a lot 505 00:26:51,580 --> 00:26:54,180 of people who are giving me, like, the misconceptions. 506 00:26:54,180 --> 00:26:56,620 Like, I always know what the traditional misconceptions are 507 00:26:56,620 --> 00:26:57,980 because I hear from other people. 508 00:26:57,980 --> 00:27:01,740 And like, I know maybe what a stranger has asked me. 509 00:27:01,940 --> 00:27:03,540 But especially now that it's trendy. 510 00:27:03,540 --> 00:27:05,420 Like, I was out at a bar and this guy was, like, flirting 511 00:27:05,420 --> 00:27:07,860 with me. And then he saw my Instagram and 512 00:27:07,860 --> 00:27:09,940 was like, oh, red table talk. I saw that episode. 513 00:27:09,940 --> 00:27:12,020 Oh my God, that was you. So there's always this entry 514 00:27:12,020 --> 00:27:14,020 point of like, Oh yeah, I've heard of that polyamory shit. 515 00:27:14,020 --> 00:27:16,580 Like, I could do it. Or like, there's a lot less of 516 00:27:16,580 --> 00:27:24,560 the, like, stupid questions. And again, I'm like insulated by 517 00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:26,360 the fact that like everyone following me knows I'm 518 00:27:26,360 --> 00:27:27,960 polyamorous. So I don't have to do a lot of 519 00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:30,720 education at this point in my polyamorous life. 520 00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:33,920 But I can imagine, like, I mean of course, like someone has 521 00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:35,840 asked me like how do you deal with jealousy and I think that's 522 00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:39,000 so annoying. It's like, I don't I well, I do 523 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:40,560 actually that you always have to deal with jealousy. 524 00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:43,080 Not that I just like I think when they ask deal with it, they 525 00:27:43,360 --> 00:27:46,320 imply that you just like, throw your jealousy somewhere in a 526 00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:47,720 corner and you never have to see it. 527 00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:50,840 And I'm just saying, I, like deal with it like you would in 528 00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:52,800 any other scenario. Like if you're at work and 529 00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:54,720 someone gets a raise and you're a little jealous, like, Oh my 530 00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:57,960 God, I like I deserve that raise and then you manage it. 531 00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:00,320 Absolutely. I'm glad you said that because 532 00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:04,560 honestly it's like for me, same thing. 533 00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:07,560 It's, you know, people know who I am as a person. 534 00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:10,120 People know what I do, how I get down. 535 00:28:10,360 --> 00:28:11,960 They have questions, they're curious. 536 00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:14,560 My friends are very accepting for the most part. 537 00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:17,480 You know, and the ones that haven't, I had to give him the 538 00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:20,440 Boo. You know, and of course again 539 00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:23,720 quarantine. I feel help that in a way too, 540 00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:28,320 where I got to tap into more of my Poly side and really take the 541 00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:32,720 time and be like OK, am I solo like non monogamous? 542 00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:37,720 Am I doing this together with my partners or am I just Polly and 543 00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:40,040 I don't need any other fucking label to it? 544 00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:42,640 Am I just navigating the way that I want to? 545 00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:46,920 And what makes me happy? What makes my partners happy and 546 00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:49,510 just all around? What are the benefits that I'm 547 00:28:49,510 --> 00:28:54,510 getting out of it? Because I feel, again, as this 548 00:28:54,510 --> 00:28:58,630 is becoming more popularized, there's a lot of, you know, 549 00:28:58,630 --> 00:29:00,550 misinformation. But like you said, people have 550 00:29:00,550 --> 00:29:02,230 to take the time and do the research. 551 00:29:02,470 --> 00:29:03,830 They have to do the fucking work. 552 00:29:04,070 --> 00:29:08,750 Just like anybody who's in any form of sexuality, whether you 553 00:29:08,750 --> 00:29:13,550 know it's BDSM or just, you know, figuring out what the fuck 554 00:29:13,550 --> 00:29:15,990 their vulva wants or their Dick wants. 555 00:29:16,850 --> 00:29:18,690 You have to do the fucking research. 556 00:29:18,690 --> 00:29:21,090 You can't be sitting down and being lazy about it and just 557 00:29:21,290 --> 00:29:23,250 waiting for someone to just do it for you. 558 00:29:23,930 --> 00:29:27,370 I feel like when people ask me like, well, how do you find the 559 00:29:27,370 --> 00:29:30,410 community? I'm like, I just met people. 560 00:29:31,330 --> 00:29:35,610 I went out. I ventured out yeah saying I 561 00:29:35,610 --> 00:29:38,130 will say like if I can say that I was introduced to any 562 00:29:38,130 --> 00:29:40,530 misconceptions my time on read table talk. 563 00:29:40,530 --> 00:29:42,770 Of course they were asking the very like the bare basic 564 00:29:43,250 --> 00:29:47,240 questions, like someone who is. I I have to say, I wanted more 565 00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:49,960 of you. That's why, like, I reached out 566 00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:53,360 to you because I was like, I wanted to hear more of your 567 00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:54,800 story. I felt like it. 568 00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:58,920 It was kind of rushed. Like I like I watched it with my 569 00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:01,440 partner and we felt like okay cool. 570 00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:04,360 They're into the married aspect of polyamory. 571 00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:08,280 But here's Gab. You know you were a newbie at 572 00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:12,800 the point I I don't actually identify as a newbie. 573 00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:14,780 Right. I was what I was telling them 574 00:30:14,780 --> 00:30:17,780 when they were like talking to me in the pre like I guess 575 00:30:17,820 --> 00:30:20,380 interview for this, right. They were like, I was like, 576 00:30:20,380 --> 00:30:22,740 well, I feel like I've been doing this for a while but 577 00:30:22,740 --> 00:30:25,260 because of the pandemic I still feel very new to it. 578 00:30:25,260 --> 00:30:29,180 Like only because like that's a whole year of of like just 579 00:30:29,180 --> 00:30:30,940 dating not just dating one person. 580 00:30:30,940 --> 00:30:32,900 I dated other people. So that's like almost not 581 00:30:32,900 --> 00:30:34,300 factual but like it was just a lot. 582 00:30:34,340 --> 00:30:37,420 It was hindered by the fact that there was a global pandemic. 583 00:30:37,980 --> 00:30:41,450 And I just wanted that to be clear that like, I'm still 584 00:30:41,450 --> 00:30:45,210 learning a lot of the, like managing the emotions that I'm 585 00:30:45,210 --> 00:30:47,490 used to displaying in a monogamous partnership. 586 00:30:47,530 --> 00:30:49,850 Like, some things are almost, like, instinctual and then you 587 00:30:49,850 --> 00:30:51,930 have to be like, wait, but like, intellectually, I know this and 588 00:30:51,930 --> 00:30:54,690 then you're good, right? Like, I'm still working on those 589 00:30:54,690 --> 00:30:57,650 things and I feel like more. So like, I've done more work on 590 00:30:57,650 --> 00:31:00,090 that in the past, like two months than I have in that whole 591 00:31:00,090 --> 00:31:02,410 year of the pandemic. So that was all I was trying to 592 00:31:02,410 --> 00:31:03,890 express. And they were like, ooh, we like 593 00:31:03,890 --> 00:31:09,070 that newbie aspect. I was like, oh, hey, like, you 594 00:31:09,070 --> 00:31:11,310 know, it's, it is television, right? 595 00:31:11,310 --> 00:31:15,510 Like, as much as as we think that it's 100% real And a while 596 00:31:15,510 --> 00:31:17,510 I was 100% real about everything. 597 00:31:17,790 --> 00:31:21,590 But in terms of me being like brand new again, like I'm maybe 598 00:31:21,590 --> 00:31:24,230 new to labeling myself polyamorous, like that was like 599 00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:27,800 maybe a year before the pandemic, but before that I was 600 00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:31,280 dating polyamorous people. I went to hedonism the sectors 601 00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:34,160 or and I remember looking at all the couples and like being like, 602 00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:36,400 wow, I've never seen people who love each other more than these 603 00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:39,040 non anonymous couples. And that was part of what pushed 604 00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:41,520 me to be like, hey, I want to start like labeling myself as 605 00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:44,080 what I am doing, labeling myself by what I am. 606 00:31:44,620 --> 00:31:46,940 And I feel like it's very like like when a lot of bi people are 607 00:31:46,940 --> 00:31:49,300 like, oh, I'm bi curious before they actually claim perhaps 608 00:31:49,300 --> 00:31:52,660 bisexual or pansexual or queer because they feel like, oh, I 609 00:31:52,660 --> 00:31:54,820 need a certain amount of experience before I can claim 610 00:31:54,820 --> 00:31:56,980 this label. I feel like I was at that with 611 00:31:56,980 --> 00:32:00,100 polyamorous, but I don't actually identify as a newbie 612 00:32:00,180 --> 00:32:05,220 because that would take the like 4 years plus of experience in 613 00:32:05,260 --> 00:32:09,060 this lifestyle out of my life. And that's not true either. 614 00:32:09,180 --> 00:32:13,380 I am so glad you clarified that. So thank you because again I. 615 00:32:14,020 --> 00:32:16,500 That's why I reached out cuz I was like I feel like there was 616 00:32:16,500 --> 00:32:20,580 more to the story than again that we were led and that's why 617 00:32:21,260 --> 00:32:24,980 I kinda hate TV. It's like we get the saturated 618 00:32:24,980 --> 00:32:30,100 version of people's lifestyles, like what is consumable in 1/2 619 00:32:30,100 --> 00:32:32,300 hour to an hour. And I respect it, like that is 620 00:32:32,580 --> 00:32:37,020 how you make things palatable for a massive go off. 621 00:32:38,050 --> 00:32:40,330 I definitely got like more personal, but I don't think that 622 00:32:40,330 --> 00:32:41,170 that's what they were looking for. 623 00:32:41,170 --> 00:32:44,210 They were more interested in the aspects of polyamory that relate 624 00:32:44,210 --> 00:32:46,290 to married couples. And like, how do we see this as 625 00:32:46,290 --> 00:32:48,010 a longterm thing? They were like, how can we take 626 00:32:48,010 --> 00:32:51,130 polyamory and fit it into like our vision of monogamy 627 00:32:51,330 --> 00:32:53,610 basically. And I think I gave that for, you 628 00:32:53,650 --> 00:32:55,450 know, if that was what they wanted, I gave it to them. 629 00:32:55,570 --> 00:32:58,890 But I have more thoughts on polyamory and a lot more of a 630 00:32:58,890 --> 00:33:00,810 polyamorous lifestyle to share than just that. 631 00:33:01,290 --> 00:33:03,570 Absolutely. And I'm glad that you do this, 632 00:33:03,770 --> 00:33:06,320 not just. A weekly basis. 633 00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:08,760 You do this on a daily, you do the work daily. 634 00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:13,920 And again, the only way people are ever going to change their 635 00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:17,640 perspective or go out and do the work is look at people like 636 00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:23,880 yourself who try to give this a normal view because I, I, I 637 00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:26,440 don't know about you. I get annoyed where they think 638 00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:30,280 that this is just like we said, a fad, something that changes 639 00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:32,640 temporarily. Like, I hate when people, you 640 00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:34,600 know, when I came out as bisexual. 641 00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:38,240 It was like, oh, you'll, you'll stick to men. 642 00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:40,560 You'll always be with men. And I'm like, actually, that's 643 00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:43,800 not the case. We if something were to happen 644 00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:47,200 with the guy and I, I will never go back to men. 645 00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:52,800 That's like how I feel. I am attracted to one man and 646 00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:56,040 that's it. To be honest, it's like men are 647 00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:58,720 work. Like I will work as a woman 648 00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:00,560 work. I think the way that gender is 649 00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:05,360 like set up is like it fosters disconnect between like men and 650 00:34:05,360 --> 00:34:06,880 women, and that's so unfortunate. 651 00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:10,280 I do find that like, I can connect with men like I have in 652 00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:13,000 the past that I still do. But it's a lot harder because I 653 00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:16,679 feel like there's a level of privilege there they have to be 654 00:34:16,679 --> 00:34:20,400 aware of and constantly like managing. 655 00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:22,320 They have to do like, okay. I'm privileged in this way, so 656 00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:26,280 how can I speak to her with that awareness? 657 00:34:27,030 --> 00:34:29,790 And I literally like, I can date a lot of people, but I don't 658 00:34:29,790 --> 00:34:32,750 think I can date a man who's not aware of his privilege or even 659 00:34:32,750 --> 00:34:34,710 like there's someone who are kind of like new to talking 660 00:34:34,710 --> 00:34:39,790 about like privilege as men who are kind of like, yeah, I know, 661 00:34:39,790 --> 00:34:42,469 like, this is how I'm privileged, but also what about 662 00:34:42,469 --> 00:34:44,389 this issue? And it's, like, never a real 663 00:34:44,389 --> 00:34:46,670 issue. Like, I don't want to date a man 664 00:34:46,670 --> 00:34:50,110 who's like, oh, like, I know, like consent is important, but, 665 00:34:50,110 --> 00:34:52,870 like, when you're upfront with women, then they don't want to 666 00:34:52,870 --> 00:34:54,350 fuck you. I'm not going to date a man like 667 00:34:54,350 --> 00:34:55,909 that. No, I'm not going to date a man 668 00:34:55,909 --> 00:34:57,630 who's not aware of queerness in a way that will. 669 00:34:57,630 --> 00:35:00,390 Like, I used to date a lot of men when I was younger who'd be 670 00:35:00,390 --> 00:35:02,670 like, oh, like, what's your body counting? 671 00:35:02,670 --> 00:35:05,070 Because, like, they'd be like, not the women that don't count. 672 00:35:05,070 --> 00:35:06,830 Like, they only mean penetrative sex with men. 673 00:35:06,830 --> 00:35:09,950 I'm like, OK, so I don't want to talk to you anymore or like or 674 00:35:09,950 --> 00:35:12,430 like I, you know, dating men who are like, oh, I don't really eat 675 00:35:12,430 --> 00:35:14,420 pussy. I used to date a lot of men who 676 00:35:14,420 --> 00:35:16,940 are like, oh, like your relationships with women. 677 00:35:16,940 --> 00:35:18,380 You can go do that. Cuz that's fake. 678 00:35:18,380 --> 00:35:20,620 Like, but you, I'm the only penis. 679 00:35:20,620 --> 00:35:25,460 And I was like, I need someone who I can like, express the full 680 00:35:25,460 --> 00:35:30,380 breadth of my queerness with and who will still feel confident in 681 00:35:30,380 --> 00:35:33,660 their relationship with me. And that's a hard thing to find. 682 00:35:33,660 --> 00:35:35,940 So it almost feels like, yeah, I stick to dating for people. 683 00:35:36,180 --> 00:35:38,940 Absolutely. That's how I feel now, because 684 00:35:39,380 --> 00:35:41,500 again with him, he understands it all. 685 00:35:42,140 --> 00:35:45,540 He's understanding. He understands, you know, I am 686 00:35:45,540 --> 00:35:49,620 more attracted to fem beings. I'm more attracted in my 687 00:35:49,940 --> 00:35:53,500 insecure, my own queerness. You know, I can go out and date 688 00:35:53,500 --> 00:35:58,500 women, trans folks, anybody, and he will not feel like he's being 689 00:35:58,540 --> 00:36:00,940 replaced or you know what? Not. 690 00:36:00,980 --> 00:36:05,620 And he's had his experiences too, in straight male queer 691 00:36:05,620 --> 00:36:08,500 them, as some people like to say, I'm like, fuck it. 692 00:36:09,330 --> 00:36:11,090 You want to be sexually liberated, Be sexually 693 00:36:11,090 --> 00:36:12,610 liberated. Do whatever the fuck you want. 694 00:36:12,970 --> 00:36:15,690 It shouldn't matter. It what matters is that how you 695 00:36:15,690 --> 00:36:18,770 are as a person, if you are genuine as a person. 696 00:36:20,610 --> 00:36:24,170 So I am glad you know that you and I have both been able to 697 00:36:24,170 --> 00:36:27,810 find communities that have made us feel, seen, recognized, 698 00:36:27,890 --> 00:36:32,250 respected, because especially I think that is so important in 699 00:36:32,250 --> 00:36:35,970 being Polly and just being a queer force to be reckoned with. 700 00:36:35,970 --> 00:36:41,140 I think nowadays it's just. It's I feel like it's the solid 701 00:36:41,140 --> 00:36:45,620 foundation that people ride to like breakdown and it's like 702 00:36:45,980 --> 00:36:48,540 it's not going anywhere. It's just going to be ever so 703 00:36:48,540 --> 00:36:52,220 evolving at this point. Yeah, 100%. 704 00:36:52,380 --> 00:36:55,820 Absolutely. So as we wrap up, I want to say 705 00:36:55,820 --> 00:36:58,780 to the audience, you know, first of all, where can people find 706 00:36:58,780 --> 00:37:00,260 you? What's coming up for you? 707 00:37:00,260 --> 00:37:03,100 Like what do you. I know you've been doing things 708 00:37:03,100 --> 00:37:08,030 so give us what's coming up. So I actually what is coming up 709 00:37:08,030 --> 00:37:10,910 is I want to relax. Pride was so exhausting. 710 00:37:11,190 --> 00:37:14,310 I had too many brand deals. Even my assistant was probably 711 00:37:14,310 --> 00:37:18,430 like, I was like busy. Like I want July is my birthday 712 00:37:18,430 --> 00:37:20,470 month. I just want to lie down. 713 00:37:20,590 --> 00:37:23,180 Yes, that's what's coming up for me. 714 00:37:23,180 --> 00:37:26,260 However, you can always support me by buying my book, How to 715 00:37:26,260 --> 00:37:28,100 Live with the Internet and Not Let It Run Your Life. 716 00:37:28,100 --> 00:37:30,940 I do mention polyamory very briefly, in that the Internet 717 00:37:30,940 --> 00:37:34,140 allows polyamorous folks to find such a breadth of community, and 718 00:37:34,140 --> 00:37:35,300 I think that that's really important. 719 00:37:35,940 --> 00:37:37,900 And I talk, of course, about queerness as well. 720 00:37:38,260 --> 00:37:40,540 So if you want to learn about the Internet but through the 721 00:37:40,540 --> 00:37:43,820 perspective of a queer polyamorous person with that 722 00:37:43,820 --> 00:37:46,800 lens just simply sprinkled around here and there, great 723 00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:50,320 book everyone in July. Other than that, you know, I 724 00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:52,560 have. I still have my writing. 725 00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:55,120 I you can even see my foray into polyamory. 726 00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:57,480 Cuz first I was like interviewing other polyamory 727 00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:00,640 folks and then I was like, OK, I'm a polyam newbie. 728 00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:04,720 And then I was like, OK, here's how I have three people on beta. 729 00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:07,320 Like it was like, you can see the full trajectory from like 730 00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:12,180 baby straight to like baby bye to like baby Polyam, Princess. 731 00:38:12,300 --> 00:38:14,580 So I love the evolution. Yay. 732 00:38:15,420 --> 00:38:19,900 So I mean, it's actually very scary to imagine that my history 733 00:38:19,900 --> 00:38:22,340 is on the Internet. In that way, you can also see my 734 00:38:22,340 --> 00:38:24,940 politics change. Like I went from like the police 735 00:38:24,940 --> 00:38:27,500 don't really work to like ACAP the police. 736 00:38:27,740 --> 00:38:30,020 So like, I I'm also nervous about the fact that you can see 737 00:38:30,020 --> 00:38:33,220 such a like transition in my beliefs, my views, everything. 738 00:38:33,260 --> 00:38:35,780 But it's also very vulnerable, honest place to be. 739 00:38:35,780 --> 00:38:38,580 So you can check me out. All of my work is on my website 740 00:38:38,580 --> 00:38:42,180 at Gabrielle alexa.com and you can follow me on all social 741 00:38:42,180 --> 00:38:45,660 platforms at gabalexa. And of course, that will be in 742 00:38:45,660 --> 00:38:49,020 the bio of this episode, so you guys can have a quick, quick 743 00:38:49,540 --> 00:38:51,340 peek. But I have to say, I got a 744 00:38:51,340 --> 00:38:54,460 comment on that. Don't ever be afraid about the 745 00:38:54,460 --> 00:38:57,060 evolution being seen on the on the Internet. 746 00:38:57,500 --> 00:38:58,980 Own it. Fucking own it. 747 00:38:58,980 --> 00:39:02,220 Because girl, like I said, you're a fucking goddess for 748 00:39:02,220 --> 00:39:03,820 some foremost. Flip that hair. 749 00:39:04,100 --> 00:39:09,260 Yes, again, I I feel you like we all have sent things. 750 00:39:10,170 --> 00:39:13,450 In our younger years and as we transition, even with this show 751 00:39:13,450 --> 00:39:15,970 it's been on, been doing it for almost 10 years. 752 00:39:15,970 --> 00:39:21,050 And like you, I always said fuck relationships, Fuck this, fuck 753 00:39:21,050 --> 00:39:23,410 that, fuck love. And what happens? 754 00:39:23,530 --> 00:39:25,730 I fell in love. I got fucked up into this Poly 755 00:39:25,730 --> 00:39:27,890 shit and I love it and I'm not going back. 756 00:39:28,130 --> 00:39:30,370 So fucking own it. Because you know what it gives 757 00:39:30,370 --> 00:39:33,810 your audience, it gives people who are trying to discover 758 00:39:33,810 --> 00:39:36,450 themselves through you, They're like, you know what? 759 00:39:36,450 --> 00:39:38,810 I feel seen. This person owns it. 760 00:39:38,850 --> 00:39:40,650 I need to own up on my on my truth. 761 00:39:41,050 --> 00:39:43,650 And for me, like I said, transparency is a big thing. 762 00:39:43,690 --> 00:39:47,570 You're transparent in your truth, and we need that more. 763 00:39:47,690 --> 00:39:52,210 We need more forces like that. Thank you. 764 00:39:52,210 --> 00:39:53,810 Thank you. Yes, yes, yes. 765 00:39:53,850 --> 00:39:57,850 So I hope everybody enjoyed this episode because like I said, I 766 00:39:57,850 --> 00:40:01,850 feel like I can just talk to you hours on end about this. 767 00:40:03,130 --> 00:40:05,890 Do you have any closing words, anything last words that you 768 00:40:05,890 --> 00:40:08,260 want to tell anybody you know? Or. 769 00:40:08,820 --> 00:40:10,660 Anything. One thing coming up later this 770 00:40:10,660 --> 00:40:13,340 week for anyone following me is there's a new platform called 771 00:40:13,420 --> 00:40:14,900 ERUPT. It's a good debate based 772 00:40:14,900 --> 00:40:19,940 platform and we're doing it like polyamory versus monogamy debate 773 00:40:20,020 --> 00:40:25,940 moderated by my friend Sid who is like on the team for erupt I 774 00:40:25,940 --> 00:40:29,620 believe So it was supposed to be on Sunday, but then Sid got six. 775 00:40:29,620 --> 00:40:31,740 We're tentatively rescheduling for like Tuesday. 776 00:40:32,150 --> 00:40:34,310 I'll have more details as they come, but I just wanted to say 777 00:40:34,310 --> 00:40:37,550 like you don't watch the space cuz I would love to have a good 778 00:40:38,070 --> 00:40:42,830 Polyam mono debate. Oh my God, yes. 779 00:40:42,870 --> 00:40:46,630 Finally, finally, cuz. Again, like I said, I wanted you 780 00:40:46,630 --> 00:40:49,870 to come up on here because there's a lot of misinformation 781 00:40:49,870 --> 00:40:52,030 going on. There's a lot of people, you 782 00:40:52,030 --> 00:40:57,310 know to talk shit about this. And I hope that the earbuds out 783 00:40:57,310 --> 00:41:00,930 there really, you know, take a listen to this and just realize 784 00:41:00,930 --> 00:41:04,250 that this is just a beautiful lifestyle, an alternative 785 00:41:04,250 --> 00:41:07,050 lifestyle that's been around. It's not going anywhere. 786 00:41:07,050 --> 00:41:11,450 It's not a trend. Please stop chasing folks and 787 00:41:12,290 --> 00:41:15,810 assuming that you know what they're all about, being Poly. 788 00:41:16,370 --> 00:41:18,970 Just no. Take a listen. 789 00:41:18,970 --> 00:41:23,090 Do your research and just come correct, come correct, come 790 00:41:23,090 --> 00:41:25,850 correct when you approach folks like us in the community. 791 00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:29,280 So once again, earbuds next Sunday, it's going to be a 792 00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:32,400 special episode. I actually have a listener that 793 00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:36,960 wanted to share her little kinks and tricks and all that and 794 00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:39,240 share her experiences. I've never done this before. 795 00:41:39,240 --> 00:41:42,720 It's the first time ever having like a listener take over. 796 00:41:42,720 --> 00:41:45,240 So this is going to be exciting next Sunday. 797 00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:47,760 And of course, you can follow me at Miss Radio Sapphire. 798 00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:52,920 That's MSRADIOSAPPHIRE and of course at Sapphire's earplay. 799 00:41:53,590 --> 00:41:56,430 And remember that safe sex is the best hot sex. 800 00:41:56,550 --> 00:42:01,670 Till next week, good nights. That was the show while you sexy 801 00:42:01,710 --> 00:42:02,870 motherfuckers. Out there now. 802 00:42:02,910 --> 00:42:05,910 Remember Ms. Radio? SAP on Instagram, Twitter. 803 00:42:05,950 --> 00:42:08,150 For more earplay fun, go to iTunes. 804 00:42:08,230 --> 00:42:09,990 All podcasting platforms.