Warning, the following program is not for the weak-hearted
those who are close minded when General, you're scared to learn.
What's behind closed doors here at sapphires are clay.
I want you to pour the wine. Grab somebody that you want to
hold onto or better yet. Get the vibration stimulated
through your body. Get ready for one, hell of an
eargasm in five, four, three, two, one, what is up?
All you sexy motherfuckers out there in radioland HD girls.
Sapphire. And first of all, I just want to
open up the show and say happy Mother's Day to all the mamas.
I don't care how you identify. But if you are a motherly figure
to someone special in your life, happy Mother's Day to you.
And please, I hope y'all get some peace and some rest and
make those motherfuckers work today.
Today is your day to be catered to and I am so excited to have
this. Very special guest, some make
All her Priestess. Some may call her goddess and
some may just call her. Anya, Anya, welcome sapphires
are play. You are part of the sisters
sanctum. The slut sister sink.
Mm, sanctum the Flaming Yoni podcast, which is fucking
amazing. Y'all.
Y'all have only been around for two years and I just killing it.
I'm so, so proud of you with you and what, you know, mistress
Carly. It have just done for the
community episode. After episode I know that you
guys we're doing some motherhood taking on your episodes as well.
Yes I highly suggest that you guys go check out.
I'm actually trying to play catch-up.
I'm about to three weeks behind so now I'm like okay gotta get
to it because there's just a lot of shit that I've been missing
out and some of them I might have to steal some of those
guests because I'm just like, just fucking phenomenal, I love
it, right. Oh my God, thank you so much,
it's so good. Be here.
When you brought up this concept of talking about motherhood and
kink I'm like, yeah, fucking in, I'm in, I'm in because I it just
doesn't happen often enough. That we talk about these things
being Blended, obviously, I'm not doing kinky shit in my role
as a mother, right? Like clearly keeping a good just
letting the audience know they agree.
They agree with it. Yeah.
Clearly there's always age-appropriate and whatever the
conversation maybe. But I just don't think we think
enough as women as Femmes about how all of these things go
together to make us who we are. We don't always have to
bifurcate them and put them in these tiny little containers and
never be full and whole and really integrated.
And I hate how, you know the more that I've stepped into this
world of being polyamorous going to swinger parties.
It's like they're all like Lots of moms that are showing up to
these swinger parties and I'm not talking about like, you
know, all I got my teens. I, you know, they're doing
god-knows-what. No, I'm talking like mothers who
had just given birth and they're just trying to read claim their
sexuality by going to a swingers party by going to Kink events
and just trying to find and get their sexy back.
But what are we doing? As a society of so-called
Sisterhood? When we're mom, shaming and
slut-shaming, these matters, I mean let's just go on and the
record and say there is no bound.
There is no end to how much we can shame Femmes in this world
in the society. So it doesn't matter whether
we're doing it from a king perspective, from a sex
perspective from a mothering perspective.
From any perspective, we pit women against each other.
We say what they can and can't do with their bodies.
We want to be in control of the women in our world.
And I'm just so proud of all the women who Step forward and say
no no I'm not here for that. I am here to reclaim myself.
I'm here to reclaim my wholeness by fullness.
That includes my sexuality. That doesn't preclude me from
being a good mother. It doesn't preclude me from
making other choices about motherhood.
If I choose not to go that route.
But all of it together, I think is, you know, you said, what are
we doing wrong? We're doing so much wrong, but I
also think that the conversation is starting to turn a little
bit, or at least It's opening up more and you see more people
stepping into these spaces and willing to put themselves out
there and say, yes, I am a sexual being.
I am also a mother. I am also a professional.
I am also all of these different things, and I can do it all and
it's not about like, can women have it all?
Like, that's not even what I'm talking about.
Like work and career and family and all of that stuff.
It's about, can I be a whole person?
Can I be a whole be, you know, and we cut That part of our
lives off. So much our sexuality, our our
heart, our like, our access to, who we are as a sensual being.
And really, to me the biggest crime when we're doing that, is
that we're cutting off our own life force energy, right?
And so, there's nothing generating inside of us to kind
of keep us moving. Keep us in going and keep us
engaged with our own bodies and knowing what's going on inside
of them and what were feeling and what we want, you know.
Oh, there's there's all sorts of directions.
We could take this, I've been having conversations about
embodiment. There are conversations.
We've been having in the slot sister sanctum.
It's our Discord group around. What do we share with our
children? Do we want to bring them into
our sex positivity? There's so many ways we can go
with all this, so I'm excited up and I found it, you know, first
of all, what sparked this conversation is wine?
I'm not good. I'm listen.
I was supposed to interview some other woman.
Unexpectedly, you know, things change within, you know, topics
in scheduling and whatnot. And we were going to talk about
just the censorship of being a sex positive woman on social
media. But this can also tie into
motherhood because we have been seeing an influx of women who
are mothers reclaiming, their sexuality reclaiming, their slut
uality through podcasting, one particular, we've all those are
Woods who are familiar with good moms bad choices.
They are a phenomenal podcast that has now been getting so
much recognition this week. I don't know if it's because of
Mother's Day or the fact that they just dropped a book.
Just recently, I want to say just on Tuesday of last week,
leading up to you mother saying going to very motherly type talk
shows like to do. They show and all that.
And talking about, you know, being Mom.
Who smoke weed, who have promiscuous sex, but all the
while being mothers, you know. So it's funny how now in 2023,
we're seeing more mom's talking about micro dosing talking about
going to swinger parties and then we have this other group,
you know, because we're having the Battle of our ovaries.
Every so often in the news, you know, you have these women who
are making these policies against our bodies saying.
Well, that's not what a mother does.
Well, What the fuck does a mom do?
What Mom does in in 2023? Just stay at home and Nick and
wait for the husband to get home from A Hard Day's Work.
I'm sorry. But we need to treat our moms
with the little bit more respect.
As far as the pay grade. I am full heartedly.
Supportive of saying that women who work from home, you know.
I think that being a mom is a full-time job.
It never stops, you know, on top of whatever you do.
But I've also feel that stay-at-home moms deserve a pain
time. I think, if you are a
stay-at-home mom, you definitely deserve to get some money being
paid for what you do day in and day out.
Being the chauffeur being the chef being the housekeeper, I
mean shape. All the things things and I'm
not even a mother, but it's like, I've been raised around
very powerful women in my family.
My mom just retired back in November as many of, you know,
from being a nurse, for over 45 years in both Pediatrics and
postpartum, she's an only child for me.
My mom and dad are still very much together, but my mom did a
lot especially when my dad was going out of town and traveling.
You know, my mom was the home base but then Would also have to
be someone else's mom and on the nurses home, Friday.
Yeah. Where are the athletes being
done for the moms to wear day in and day out sacrificing
themselves? And we're not talking about it
and then for moms that want to find this release in micro
dosing and free sex and free love, why are we not supporting
them? I hear you wholeheartedly.
You know, when I remember a conversation that came up when
my son was a baby and it was It was it was another generation of
women, you know, kind of making some judgment about the fact
that I was choosing to have a career as well as being a mother
right? And the comment that was made to
me is it's just so sad that he's not going to grow up.
Knowing what it's like to have a mother who is caring for him day
in and day out. And I was like, oh, that, that
that's the Assumption. So, if I choose to have a
career, I don't care about my child day in and day out.
Out. And if I choose to stay home,
then there's other judgments that come on of that, right?
Like, there's lack of recognition, lack of everything
that's happening. And so my face right now, I'm
just like go and provide for your damn child, but someone's
condescending. You saying you're not providing
for your child because you're not fucking there, right?
It's I mean, this is what we're talking about and I don't, I
don't want to say we're in a war against women in this world, but
come on. I mean, in a little way we are
because women are damned no matter what they do.
And so if we are choosing to take care of ourselves in
whatever way that looks like, I mean, I'm microdose, look, I've
got a freaking jar of capsules right here.
You know, I should have worn my mushroom sweatshirt.
So you know I'm taking my care of myself that way.
Did I have a time this after Earth and afternoon?
This past week, I did a big self-care afternoon and I
allowed myself to receive Pleasure.
I allowed myself to receive a massage.
I allowed myself to microdose. I had time for myself because
that is what makes me a better mother, right?
And every individual gets to choose for themselves, what that
looks like and there's always going to be judgment waiting for
you. No matter what your fucking
choice is. You know what's interesting too,
that I found out with that. It's only been 13 years since
2010, that the American Psychiatric association declared
that That is just them as well as BDSM is a wide umbrella for
of course, you know, bondage and discipline but also that it's no
longer to be a pathology and even further that before 2010
parents who were open about their kinky lifestyle were
susceptible in losing their jobs, let alone custody of their
own children. Absolutely, absolutely.
I mean look, is Priestess Anya my Real name.
No, no. Am I afraid that this part of me
that I am as a whole individual in being could disrupt my
child's life? If people know who I really am,
could it impact my professional career and licensure if people
found out? Sure.
So we have to protect some of these things because regardless
of whether the fact that BDSM is no longer considered a psychosis
or something, Line the fuck like in the fact that doesn't mean
the judgments not. There doesn't mean the safety
exists for you just because you're not labeled or
pathologized in a particular way, right?
And so we continue to have to protect who we are.
We have to continue to protect our children from the ways that
they will be judged and ridiculed and whatever.
You know, I was, I was at a little gathering last night of
girlfriends and afterwards. I left to go pick my son up and
I constantly Megan am walking this line of like, okay, you
know, this is the identity of me as mother as professional as
whatever. This is the identity of me as
Anya, working within the sex positive space, all of that, who
do I allow it? Who is safe?
Who can I talk about it with while I ended up picking my son
up? I was in a room full of three
other mothers and one of them knows me pretty well.
And has Access to that aspect of my life.
And the conversation comes up around sexuality and she looks
at me and she says, it's time. Wow.
And I was like, oh okay, well and I launched into talking
about the fact that I have this podcast and that I do sex
coaching and these other two women put their phones out in
front of my face and said, like I want your phone number, I want
a podcast. I want to know, and I want to
join and I want to start talking about this.
Because we have to be willing in safe spaces, to be able to have
these conversations and extend the table more because whilst
let sisters might be attracting a lot of people who are more
comfortable acknowledging, the fact that they're in more of a
non-normative space whether it be BDSM or Kink or lifestyle or
whatever, you know we might have a lot more women there.
But there are so many many many, many other women, many more like
per capita At home wishing that they had an outlet or release or
something like that. And so Bridging the Gap between
all of the communities that are trying all the things and the
people who wish they could, but are sitting on the sidelines and
don't know their access point. I don't know, that's kind of
where I'm at right now, trying to bridge all of this and bring
them more into the fold and normalize what it is.
They're experiencing even if they don't want to go to
non-monogamy, I don't care. Like, do you Riot?
But also Also, your pleasure still matters?
Do you think that a lot of it stems from the fact of look at
the generation before us. I mean I don't want to ask your
age but I excuse me but I'm very open about my age.
Okay. So you know how old are you on?
I'm 46. Okay.
So you are in that pre-post baby.
Boomer era. I'm 34 post post.
Yeah. And so you were raised what it
was. See, 70s, I was born in 76.
So in a very transitional part of America, where, you know, the
hip see the hippie movement was already on its way out disco and
drugs are at a heightened, you know sense.
But also, the women's Liberation movement is just about ending.
You are in that you were in boarding that transitional
period. We're in America Roe v-- Wade,
wasn't even really Lee a thought, right?
And then you have this mindset of women who were stemming from
the post-war of WWII into 1950s, housewife mentality, where it's
like. Okay, women barely in the 70s
were even allowed to like be seen as acceptable to go into
the workplace and have a full-blown career.
We still get that judgment but think about what it was like for
your parents. Your mother, a grandmother
During that transitional period where even barely a try to get a
fucking had two choices. And if they were going to work
outside the home, do you want to be a teacher or you want to be a
nurse? That's what, you might be able
to be a bank teller. You could maybe do that to like
or waitress like those are your options, right?
I remember in elementary school is in the 1980s when Sandra Day
O'Connor was appointed to the Supreme Court and that was the
day. I decided I was going to become
an attorney. Wow.
Because I I knew like at that time, I didn't know the
statistics in law school, but like the number of women coming
out of law school back then pretty low, right?
But by the time I graduated law school in 07, there was probably
depending on the year like a fluctuation but usually a little
more like 51 percent women and 49 percent.
Men coming out of law school at that age and and it.
So the pendulum swung so far in that way but the conversation
didn't when I came I talked about this in one of our
episodes and it's still just kind of gets me.
I'm sitting at my desk, I am nine months pregnant, I am
actually nine months and two weeks pregnant and a woman comes
into my office at the law firm and she says to me, I'm going to
go ahead and send you home but just know we're getting ready to
do Mass layoffs, you're safe, but you'll be back in a few
months. I also want to give you some
resources that I use when my children get sick because you
don't have to Stay home with them here.
Are some resources that you can use and you can call people in
to come take care of your children at home for you so that
you can still come to work. And I was like, okay, first of
all, you just saved me from getting you know, canned which
is great. I'll take it.
But also now the expectation is get your ass back to work.
Don't stay home with your kid when they're sick, and all of
these things and I'm like, okay, so has the pendulum swung, too
far, like, are we trying to now say that motherhood?
Just For have to have an inconvenience, like it's
zoellick choice that and I want to spend time with my child when
they're sick and it's caused me all sorts of interesting.
Kind of internal kerfuffle because I'm like, yes, I want
women to have all the opportunities that they deserve.
And also we shouldn't have to turn off our maternal instincts
and what makes us who we are. The new women may not care to
stay home with their kids when they're sick, no judgment, you
do you? But if I want to I'm not allowed
now because I've chosen this profession.
So I basically just have to act like I have a dick and walk into
work everyday and just like not, you know, like it's not my job
to take care of this child that I just brought into the world.
Like, it's very conflicting, right?
Like, you know, like what did feminism do for us?
Well, it did a lot, but it also has done a lot in other ways.
So, like hurt us, I think also, when you throw out and going
into now the kinky side of that, I, when we throw out Feminism, I
feel personally that people abuse the word feminism.
Now, when they use it in sexuality, being a feminist,
does it mean that you respect women?
Because you don't watch porn. Okay, let's get that out of your
head, too, but also being a feminist means you don't kink
shame, or Mom, shame, those who are exploring their sexuality,
the way that they want to, because I have seen that too.
Don't call yourself a feminist if you are not including all
Meaning energy in the spaces including your mother.
Thank you. Yeah so let's get into this at
what point or even before we would you say that you were a
kinky person before you stepped into motherhood or has
motherhood in fact enhance the kinky side of Anya.
Hmm. Well, I would say that the
kinkiness in me was always there, but it was not expressed
until I hit my 40s. So for me, that's basically when
my sexual Awakening occurred was as who's probably around the age
of like 39, 40, and it was not until well into motherhood.
That that part of me started to Rise and that I recognized it
and was willing to admit that it was there and it was not for it
was not easy to allow and to acknowledge kind of what was
coming in for me at that time. You know, we call it we talk
about sisters and we say that we are sexually, liberated
unchanged and transformed women. And the unchanging piece I would
say was the piece that took the longest and I would say still I
have residual moments. Where I have to work through
some of that, but my relationship to myself and kink
and knowing my own desires and pleasure.
I would say that it's actually really amped up a lot as my
child has like started converging into more of like the
Adolescent agent. Their sexuality is coming
online, their identity is coming online because we're able to
have conversations that are really Like holding space for
them as they try to figure out who they are and how they
identify and who they like and all of that.
And so I would say that seeing them go through their own coming
of age is helping me. Look at myself a little bit more
as well, and it's really cool. I was so I was going to ask you
if you feel like a sort of Envy of the world that your children
are able to as he is, Pressing their sexuality, the way that
they can. I do?
I I do get. I'm not like upset about it.
I'm just grateful, right? I'm so grateful that they have
the opportunity at this point, in our history of understanding.
That a lot of the things that we talk about are constructs.
Yes, we do have biology, we have all of these things and also the
inner and the outer are not always the same and they don't
always Match. And so you have a choice, you
get to explore who you are and it's not just a given you know,
my son came home from first grade and I said, tell me about
tell me about your class. Tell me about your new friends,
everything and he said to me all home, the coolest thing.
Do you remember so-and-so in kindergarten?
And it was two identical twin boys.
Yeah. I do and he goes, mom, their
Greece now and their names are blah and blah.
And I was like, no way. That's so cool.
I love. What do you think about that?
And he was like, well at one point today they wanted to go to
the girls bathroom and somebody said they couldn't but I don't
understand that because they're girls.
So why can't they go to the girls bathroom and a month end?
It wasn't even a conversation. All the kids were like Of
course, they're girls my shouldn't go to the girls
bathroom, they're not even worried about it, they are just
honoring, what is for other people and they don't think it's
their business to get in the way of those decisions.
Hey, Florida. Take note of this.
This part right here. Y'all need to listen the fuck
up, Texas. You too.
Y'all need to listen and take this out a lesson because the
end this also comes into all this.
I think, when people talk about Kink, they tend to forget that
this is a Tile. It's not the actions.
It's not jealous. Oh, you're having sex.
No. I think having a kink lifestyle
is that you are taking parts of the BDSM swinger lifestyle
protocol, you know, polyamorous lifestyle, and putting it into
your day-to-day life. That's why it's, you have a
lifestyle. And like you said, no, I'm not.
I'm a key mom, but it's not like I'm showing all my sex toys to
my kid, right? So actually go to Great Lengths
to keep that out of their hand, but has there ever been a point?
Where do the kids have stumbled across something or maybe they
have heard you, you know, recording and they're like, mom,
talking about, like, do you ever like find yourself having to
censor the limitation of how sexually open, you're going to
have chats with your kids? And I find this very interesting
when I asked this question to people such like yourself,
Because you are the first person to say yes, to being interviewed
to talk about motherhood in their King.
A lot of the other moms that I had asked, they also dressed
like one in particular suggested you, but also they were like, I
love you. I just don't know if I
personally for me if I'm ready to talk about motherhood and
King Olaf. Yeah, I mean I said yes
immediately, but it's because of the conversations I have with my
son all the time. So yes, has it ever been
stumbled upon a lots of like non-existent?
I mean we could talk about this but we're not gonna but like
boundary issues, right? Like we are pretty open here in
this home and we you know walk around sometimes you know like
close yes sure we're covered. But like if it doesn't happen
it's not a big deal and like nobody's worried about it.
Well one time he walks into my bathroom.
Oh and there were an array of Of toys that had just been cleaned
out. And he's like, how many penises
do you need? That's a record scratch moment
right there. But seriously mom, how many
pieces do you need? There's different sizes.
There's different widths and leaf.
There's different textures and different.
Oh, I know. So that was pretty funny.
That was a good one and also I was just like So like you don't
have to walk into my bathroom unannounced without you know
like without asking first so like there is a separation here
so you don't get that's on me, right?
But like also on him that's so funny that you said that because
my mom is the same way like growing up.
I was, I was a snooper again, only child, you're only left to
the imagination, right? So it's like only children we're
gonna find some Shade. That's why were usually like the
go-to to spy. Why on your significant others?
Like, if I know my friend is dating, somebody honey.
I'm a find out everything about your significant other and tell
you this man, or this woman, or whoever is just not, right,
right. I'ma tell you, because I'm gonna
find some shit. And, as my mom used to say, you
find some shit, you know, you're not gonna like it.
So don't go into my room thinking in a find some shit and
like it, right. That's we have had that
conversation because I'm just, there's not anything I'm ever
going to lie about. I may not like disk Those
anything that's not appropriate for their age by like also you
know, be careful what you ask for because you're gonna get the
truth, you know? Exactly.
So I mean we've gotten to the point where like I have some
psychedelics that are under lock and key.
That goes with me, he does not have it, you know, like I gotta
make sure that he doesn't have access to some of that stuff in
terms of. Yeah, toys and playthings like
those are put away all of that sort of thing.
But we are very open in our conversation.
I will say this. He is aware that I am a
non-monogamous person. He is aware that I work in sex,
positive spaces. He knows about the podcast.
He doesn't know what it's called he doesn't he's blocked for my
Instagram and you would never think about Twitter.
I don't think so. Like not I say that that yeah
you know fans just words hold my beer but but I will figure that
out but anyway like they're like there's some things he knows.
Enough and he is cool with it. And I knew that I was coming on
the show, so I had to ask him. I just said, hey like does it
bother you that I'm in this space?
Does it? How do you feel about?
And he goes I don't really think about it a lot.
I think I'm probably a lot more sex positive because you are but
don't think about it a lot but my Yeah.
I feel like, yeah, I felt it too.
Honestly, it does make a difference.
I know I've said this in mon spaces, and I think you actually
were in the room when I had said this, if how you don't think
Phil? I am that, my mom was a nurse
and that my father, you know, works on computers, which goes
in hand in hand and sex, because I didn't know, you know, I'm a
very precocious person even still in my childhood.
I still just say in my adult. A hood.
But as a child, I mean, the human body always fascinated me.
I knew what masturbation was I was taught at a very young age
that if I do need to touch myself, we don't do it in public
places. We do it in a bathroom.
We do it, you know, in the comfort of your bedroom and you
don't Lao people to come in. You know, I was told at a young
age, don't walk around the house.
Like, I one point, I was a nudist as a baby, but as I
started developing breasts and hair, you know, there was a time
Mom. I have to say you can't be
walking around the house naked anymore, you know, especially
when your father's around and it's like, I understand that.
Now, you know, as I've gotten into adulthood, my dad's not a
Peta Tory man, but he's also still amen.
And unfortunately, you know, it can make someone uncomfortable
and my dad was uncomfortable seeing his daughter naked, which
is totally valid. But also, I love the fact that
my parents were very open and honest with the body with
Sexuality throughout my adulthood now seeing their
daughter you know talking about sex openly and you know going
into polyamory becoming bisexual and morally mostly queer.
Yeah. It's a little uncomfortable but
I'm glad that I'm able to have these conversations, even if my
parents don't fully understand, they rather me go out in the
world, educating the masses. And unfortunately, I try to get
my mom on the show and she was like, absolutely not, she's
like, I just She's like, I just don't know.
And I was like, well, Mom, it's gonna be for Mother's Day.
She's like that is too soon of a heads up.
No, no, I love you but I don't think we can do this, right?
What's your name is Hannibal? It's hard.
It's hard to talk about your sex life to talk about your
parenting Styles where especially parents are not 100%
fully on board Across America about talking to their kids
about sex. In fact, I found it really
interesting in a New York Post article from 2022.
They did a survey, and they were a survey of over 2,000 parents
ages 5 to 18. And they basically just said how
they talk or will they talk to their children's children about
sex? An alarming rate of nearly, what
was it? 21% of these adults said that,
they have no plan to bring it up at all and that they'd rather it
go into the hands of someone else.
Let alone they said and I quote and I think this is the death to
Parenting but said I will allow if someone else on social media
to do it for them. Yep.
With that said, Anya and you are part of this space of social
media. How do you feel about that?
Knowing that their appearance and again, 21% may seem Loba 21%
out of 2,000 people. That's an entire city, not an
entire city that's A small town, the town.
I grew up in, there you go. How does that mean?
I feel I feel really sad about it because, you know, I will say
for, you know, all I grew up in a very conservative place and I
can say a lot of things about that and how it has formed
myself and how all of the and shaming I needed to do in my own
sexuality, after my own coming-of-age at 40, which is
not normal. But I think that It it just
makes me really sad that that's what's happening still today
because I remember it being revolutionary for me at age.
I don't know, 13 or 14. When I started my period and my
mom talking to me about sex and just, honestly, being pretty
open with me because I knew that my friends weren't getting that
conversation and here we are. How many years later and I was
on vacation with my girlfriend's a couple weeks ago and Like the
consensus was will let you talk to our kids about sex.
And here's another thing because they know, they know, yeah,
what's the next? The next is that 26 percent said
they would pass the buck to the other parent.
The male parent which could or could not be a good thing,
couldn't could not keep her things would not be you know,
but also 35% of P of these parents that were surveyed said
that they would leave you know sex education up to the school's
school which is but the It's about the level of sex education
happening in our schools today. I mean don't get me started.
Honestly they sent a curriculum home to me for my for my son's
Middle School, sixth education and I sent it on to one of my
girlfriends. Also a friend of yours, mistress
K, and she was like, like we pick apart what's happening in
our schools because it's just so not sufficient, right?
It's you. I want efficient.
Do you find it hard to bring it up?
Maybe at those Those PTA meetings in person PTA and
decided my son get sex education at home.
That is just what it is. So we are talking about it here
and I have promised him like Foundry wise like I'm not going
to tell stories about him on social media or publicly because
that's just a boundary we put in place, but he does know about
masturbation and he does know about self pleasure and he does
have, you know, I've given him some things that can help him.
Body a little bit better and things like that.
That are appropriate. That I deem appropriate, but we
are having those conversations here and we even just this week,
we had a conversation about birth control because obviously
he's not talking about taking it, but he was talking about
some friends of his who their parents just kind of like
through birth control at them and just said like don't get
pregnant and he was like I'm 14. Like how is this happening right
when I was like well, sex is happening in the population of
Age group. Absolutely.
The fact that you're not having it.
I think that's great. Because let's talk, I'm sex
positive, but it does come with a motions and feelings that you
have to be prepared to receive due process.
To be able to work through and you've got to know when you're
ready for that, you know? And so just because I'm
sex-positive doesn't mean I think my 14 year old should be
out there, having sex makes, you know that's there's a
difference, right? Just because I'm slut, positive
doesn't mean that I think that everybody should be.
Like going out and spreading their trauma everywhere and
trying to heal through like re-traumatizing themselves.
Right? There's so many things that we
could talk about there but no, I am really sad.
That that is where the vast majority of kids are going to be
getting their sex education. Either at school in the
classroom or with their friends. That's where it's going to
happen, which is going to lead them to porn, which I don't have
a problem with porn, but I don't think that's where children
should be getting their sex education.
And it's definitely not going to teach them about how to please.
Himself how to please a partner, it's going to give them all
these fake ideas about what pleasure actually looks like or
they're going to be getting it from social media.
And that unfortunately is just the reality and that's what
scares me the most because of the fact that look at the war on
social media, that is happening. Thank you, again, sex positive
people. Oh, okay, gosh.
It's like day in and day out, you know, we know that mistress
K who will be on an episode next week.
Y'all just lost her Instagram. For the third fourth time, and
I'm just like left and right. I've been threatened a few
times, it's like now I'm pulling back, completely and being weary
of the words, I'm putting out, it's like this end.
This episode is called kinky as a kinky like a mother but it's
like if someone going to flag this because we are literally
talking about the education in the, the importance of why you
need to incorporate. If you are, in fact, a leader in
the Kink or sex, positive way. World that you need to prove
this information down to your kids, right?
I mean the answer is probably yes.
Unfortunately I think somehow I have largely i-i've been really
Shadow band pretty badly on Twitter.
Yeah, I don't even put anything risque really out there.
I'm pretty, I'm pretty vanilla on Twitter as far as it goes.
And in terms of Instagram, and Tick-Tock, I'm very vanilla.
And yet I have just this week, I've gotten two strikes on
Tick-Tock and one more and I'm I'm and it was because I posted
we're hosting a sweat, sister event soon, right slutbag
roulette, and we're going to have some content creators on
there. Nobody's going to be naked.
We're not doing anything sexy. We're just talking, it's a
conversation. And the first time it was banned
was because of illegal we were promoting illegal activity.
Well, it's because it had the word Roulette in it and they
said it was promoting gambling and then, which there's
literally no gambling in this and then I peeled it again.
And they said, oh, okay, you're right, it's not gambling but it
is promoting sex, and that's worse.
Make it make sense. And I mean like everybody's like
well why don't we just band together and make our own sex,
social media? We've seen how this happens.
Okay, the minute that a social media Outlet is, you know,
becoming popularized in one way or another, there are companies
that want to buy into it and then they're going to have their
say and say this doesn't make the money so therefore we have
to get rid of it but when you are getting literally Banning
education because that's what the fuck it is.
There's a difference brain. And yes, the only fan girls
selling the pussys on tape talking whatnot.
But when someone is literally showing an anatomy of what a
vulva, fucking water. Yeah.
Right. Any of it, or a penis?
If a man could show his nipples, stop shaming, the mom who was
showing other moms a better way of propping their bosom to feed
their child. Yeah I it is really nice.
Not only is it difficult to kind of get the word out, right?
But it's difficult than to spread.
Well I mean I guess that's one of the same but it's so hard to
spread education and to get people in community with one
another it is which that's really all we are trying to do
and it is just left and right block, block block, and it is
just we're having to like call sex sags, you know, segs and I'm
like, okay, here we go. I feel like I need Fucking
decoder every day of the week because there's a figure out a
new way to say the word. That's not going to get picked
up at Paris. No band.
I ate it. I absolutely hate it.
And again, it brings us back to why.
Why is it such a big fucking deal?
What people do behind closed doors because when we can't
control the narrative, we can't control the people.
And when we can't control the people, then our system doesn't
work consumerism and patriarchy. He and all of those things is we
got to control the masses. Absolutely have to keep
everything, you know. Really as we wrap up, have you
heard of a BDSM family dynamic? Or a BDSM family.
I have not. So I hadn't either until last
night, when I was doing some research, and I found this very
interesting, so, of course, a BDSM family Dynamic will consist
of a couple or more people engaging in a BDSM relationship
where they can be open about it, with other family members.
These groups of people will be living together as they engage
in different kinds of relationships structures.
Like Mommy, Daddy master-servant roles.
But on top of that, the couple, May have kids that are wrapped
into it. Of course, as we said, the norm.
If you have a little cage, you should keep it away.
You know, all sex toys away from them.
However, they accidentally find it, you should discuss it with
them and then take it away in this way.
You can make them understand your relationship without hiding
it. Therefore, you can introduce
your BDSM relationship with them without any awkward moments.
This process is also important for them to understand in their
own personal sex, life and journey.
Ladies and gentlemen, is there a problem with that with
parenting? I don't think so because you are
having, yeah, I have no problem with it and I know that people
will say, like, they will continue to come back and
they'll say like but bts's BDSM like their power dynamics, there
could be, you know, say sadism, masochism in all of the things
like, yes, but age-appropriate and keeping things that are not
for children, not for them. The different than like in a
public you'll when people are having, you know, our family
looks different than other families, there's no problem
with this. We just have to educate our
children age appropriately and then they're coming into the
world with a different awareness.
Right? I have, I have a really good
friend, couple friends, who are in a 24/7 power exchange and
their children, know that Daddy calls mommy goddess and that
Mommy is in charge. All the time.
And that that's their Dynamic. That's BDSM Dynamic.
Absolutely that's not broader one.
But like who cares we've lived in communes forever.
We've raised children communally forever like why is this any
different? So yeah I mean I think obviously
with the caveats of like the right education at the right
time when they're developmentally able to have it,
I don't get it. It's none of my business.
Go for it. Do you like I am a woman?
Yeah. I mean honestly I don't see.
Any harm or foul and it's something that I have definitely
talked about with my primary partner Benjamin, you know, we
have entertained the fact that we do want kids and what
polyamory life will look for a, you know, look for us as we may
be Venture into the wharf marriage and babies and all
that, but it's not like we're gonna hide it, we will, you
know, let them know like, Mommy and Daddy love each other very
much, but also mommy has a girlfriend dad.
He has a girlfriend. Who are your aunties?
You may see us kiss, auntie and we all love you, you know?
But we could be fucking on the kitchen table in front of them.
Right. You know, and all that and so be
it. So I love the whole concept of
BDSM family. When I first saw her I was like,
wait, totally because first of all it was a little alarming
that I saw like a little girl holding literally a flogger in
between her mom and dad and I was like, hold up y'all.
Wait a second, this is not Littles.
This is literally a child holding up the flogger.
But then as they explain their like, yes, we are trying to
normalize that. Yes, they may see, they may find
because again no matter how hard you try to hide Christmas
presents, ladies and ladies and gentlemen, your kids are going
to find it, right? And it's no different than like
Mila. I mean, maybe some people might
argue it is I would argue it's not much different than me
letting my child have a sip of wine to see what it tastes like
now. And talking about alcohol
responsibly and the consumption of that sort of thing or when he
knows that I'm going on a plant medicine, ceremony weekend.
And that, yeah, that doesn't mean that I'm, you know,
constantly when you are in my presence and under my charge
doing psychedelics know, right? Like there is a difference and
we can talk about things responsibly and I think that's
what creates our children to be more open-minded and more sex
positive and all of those things 1000%.
Yeah and I will say this what I'm curious about Because this
is a conversation that came up in our sanctum.
Somewhat recently one of our members has a daughter who's
pretty old like 17. 18 still living at home and not really
planning to leave the home anytime soon.
And they are really trying to figure out how to continue to be
a little bit more open in their, in their sexual Dynamic with the
daughter under the roof all this time, because she's completely
unaware of all of it, right? So when you start out Children,
very young in these types of whether it be a poly cool, or a
BDSM family, or whatever communal situation you're
talking about the younger, they are the easier it's going to be
for them to have that frame of reference the same way.
My child could come home from first grade and say, hey, there
were boys last year and they're girls this year.
Wow. Like I didn't even know that was
a thing, you know? So when they're very young, it
can be something that kind of grows with them and it's not
something that has to blow their mind at H, like 14 or 15 when
it's got 0 frame of reference for them.
So I do have some curiosity about like, you know, if you
aren't raising your children that way from a very young age,
how do you introduce it to them when they're at a more crucial
adolescent Turning Point? Like could be different, I don't
know. But on the whole I think when
things are done with love and respect and mutuality and
consent and all of those things, I just think there are, there's
pretty much a way to work through anything with children
with other. And it seems to me like, That's
their intent from what you're telling me and it needs to be
something that continuously evolved as the child gets older.
The questions get more mature or immature.
Totally, you know. Absolutely.
I think at various different stages parents, I would only
hope that parents need to understand that we no longer can
just say, I'll tell you when you're older, that's no longer a
resource or a no longer an excuse Because your kids right
have smartphones, I don't know kids who don't have smartphones
at the age of five which is terrible, which is fucking
terrible. Because I'm just like y'all are
just said you are just setting them up for failure but I'm not
a parent. That's just me in my observation
and saltiness because I can get a cell phone.
I didn't get a cell phone until I was in going into high school.
I had just graduated from eighth grade and I remember the first
time I got her cell phone and that thing only He turned on and
I could text. That's it.
Okay, uh-huh. I wasn't my mom and dad said oh
you want an iPhone you got iPhone money.
You got black man. I think it was like iPhone was
just barely a thought. No it's I want a Blackberry.
You got Blackberry money. I want a psychic.
Do you got sidekick money then know as long as we're paying our
plant you're under our plan? Totally that's it.
You know and so I didn't get a smartphone until I was like
He'll graduating from college because I was broke.
Okay, Jake. I was a boring boring person
with my phone's but I'm kind of happy that my parents kind of
limited that and maybe they were, you know, foreshadowing
the things that come, you know, and protecting me about sexting
and, you know, every bit of danger that comes across with
social media now. And I hate to say it, right?
They knew if they knew Yeah. Yeah.
We gotta watch out for our young people for sure.
You know we have we you know as a mother like that's the one
thing that I'm always wanting to make sure that like anything
that I'm bringing into his life. It is something that is either,
you know, additive for him, that is not about me, you know, that
it that it's making it so that he is able to learn more openly
about how to navigate all of these things.
I always want to have open lines of communication.
Occation with him and he has asked me for, you know, a couple
of things within the space where I've just said, you know what, I
don't think that's the right age yet.
Like I don't think we're there and I've had like, and I'm I
don't say no often like one of the things that my mom passed
onto me and we just talked about this again recently, she was out
for a visit is that her dad told her?
Say, yes, every chance you get because there's always an
opportunity for no, but like if you don't have to use it, do And
so I kind of operate under that with my, with my kiddo, but
also, like, there are times that I'm, like, I'm not saying, no,
but I am saying that yet. Not now, and there will come
times. I'll say no, like, I'm like that
time. Yeah, I like that approach
didn't. I was going to ask you because a
friend of mine reached out to me.
And it's funny because of literally happened this week and
he was just like, I just don't know what to do with my kid.
This Is a step kid. I guess you could say, he has a
baby on the way, like, literally babies dropping any time at this
moment, and his girlfriend's son is, I believe he said was 13 or
14, and recently said that he is none nine black non-binary but
also you know, identifies as he but he also expressed to my
friend and his girlfriend that he To explore with dresses and
nail polish and all that. He's like, I just feel that I
can't relate with my kid and I don't know what to do, anymore.
What would you say to him right now?
And I know there's probably some parents out there listening that
are probably in the same boat because, again, it's all falling
into Kink motherhood. This is a lifestyle.
Yeah. So, what was your?
Yeah, we give advice for the parents out there.
That might be struggling with the identity of their kids.
I've had some friends reach out to me who have asked me some
similar questions. And I have always said the first
and foremost, the first thing that you can do is make them
feel safe and comfortable and just say, like, first of all,
I'm really proud of you for really like opening up and
talking to me about this because it's not easy, some of these
things are not easy, so thank you.
And I feel really grateful that you can come and talk to me
about this. I can't necessarily say that.
I understand it's not an experience that Have gone
through, but I want to support you and I want to know what that
looks like for you. You know, so how, how can we
help support this in a way that is safe for you and that feels
right for you and you know, really just hearing from them
more, you know, getting more information.
You know do you want to start with this at home?
Do you want to start in the home here?
Like with this, you know type of exploration and curiosity here?
Do you want? Are you wanting to do this at
school? Like an end.
Do you understand what that might come with?
I'm Not telling you, you shouldn't do it.
And no I just want to make sure you understand and that we
talked about how you're going to be able to respond to people if
you end up getting a hard time because some people aren't going
to understand and I don't want you to ever hide who you are.
But I also want you to know that like some of this is going to
have some hard conversations, and we need to make sure we're
talking about those I've sent so many resources to friends who
are having children kind of coming into the conversation
right now around Pro. Owns and around identity, gender
identity, and sexual identity and sexual preference.
You know, when I was in college, it was the really popular thing
to explore whether or not you're like a lesbian or bisexual.
Girl. And now it's happening at 13 and
12 and younger and maybe a little older too.
But like, regardless, like every generation is exploring things
that the generation before did earlier and earlier in.
So just not burying your head in the sand as parents and really
getting curious. With them and saying are you
having these conversations at school?
Like see the conversation with them?
If they're not bringing it home to you because they're learning
about pronouns in elementary school now.
So get curious with them and have the conversations to so
that they're not just hearing it at school.
But yeah, I love that. I love that, that friend of
yours reached out to you to say. I don't exactly know how to
identify with this, I don't know.
And, of course, it's not necessarily going to feel
comfortable. That's not the mark of a good
parent as to whether or not. As comfortable?
It's are you willing to have the conversation?
Are you willing to allow them to be curious and safe with you?
So that they can see how far they can go in the world with
their curiosity and safety to. That was something similar to
what I said to him, because he was even like, man, I wish we
can just go back to the simpler times.
I was like, well, really about anyone simpler for kids, growing
up questioning, I said I was raising my Catholic school
system for 12 years from 1st to 12th grade by choice.
By the way, I was too scared. And about a public school when I
was able to graduate out of Middle School in, eighth, grade
and good would completely new high school and I was like, no,
I'm gonna stick with Catholic Catholicism fucking crazy but
that was, my, that was my comfort, don't, you know, it was
my choice but I also, you know, did grow up a little confused.
You know, why was I getting sexually aroused?
Not just by the music of Janet Jackson, but by her body, you
know, why was I? She's she's a fuck.
I'm so excited but he was just like, you know, growing up you
know, Catholic, I won't you thought anything?
I did in my sexuality kissing, a boy getting fingered.
I literally prayed every single interaction with sex I ever had
up until I got into college. I do.
Yeah, it was praying. I thought I had to marry the
person that I let touch me. Yeah.
It's crazy. And it was funny because I was
also so scared for a girl who was able to ask her parents,
anything about sex, but I was too scared to ask them about my
own sexual experiences until much later.
You know, really I'd I was the same way.
Now you ask me when I got kinky. You did not ask me when I got
horny. Yes, that was a very young age
and I was the first of my peer group having sex and had nobody
to talk to you. Only conservative environment.
I definitely would have been like shunned by my friends and
things like that. And I didn't know what to do
with the emotions because I did I thought I had to marry this
person and I knew I didn't want to you know, so all of that
stuff just like no outlet for it.
But my mom again like to her credit.
You know, she she was able to Intuit like kind of some things
that we're going on and she approached me about it and so I
was really lucky or than most to have somebody.
Would be able to talk to you about that stuff.
Don't fast forward, you know, a good 30 years later.
Does she feel super comfortable with what I'm doing today, dude?
This is Sara Lee Jones to talk about I'm living with no, not
really, but she was a sex, positive figure for me when I
was coming around at that point. And I was I was young and I was,
I was a horny little girl. What we all?
And I think that's why we gravity so much to each other
because I feel like you and I had similar up.
Bringing surrounding sex and exploring our bodies.
Because again, because, you know, I lost my virginity when I
was 16, I'll never forget it. And then, in closing and
rapping, I'll never forget it because I lost it on a trip to
Europe. And, and then I went to, I went
on a senior Retreat, which we called Kairos, and it broke me
completely. Like, I've returned Turn that
day going to my parents crying mind.
You it's the day before. I'm about to take my SATs on top
of that, and I just cried to them and I was like, I'm not a
virgin. And you know, my dad like had to
leave the room because he was like oh my God.
Like he'll look at my baby girl right now.
Like I wasn't ready for this. My mom was just like did you use
condoms at least? Did you use protection?
But yeah, I also need to like, I need a minute, it's a lie.
It's just like, you know, there's never been anything
subtle in my life about me and God bless my parents because I
feel like I could have sent them at an Early grave, no matter
what like when I do things, when I fuck up, I fuck up.
Majorly in big ways. Phenomenal ways where I'm just
like God damn how am I still alive?
But it was nice to know that afterwards after my parents like
calm down after my dad, had to kind of ignore me.
Taking me to my ESET on the longest head minute.
Drive to put it was My dad is never ignoring me and I, my dad
is like my world. I am such a daddy's girl, my
mom. And I were like oil and vinegar
at times. We're getting better in my
adulthood but younger. Oh, God.
That was like my sister. We fought a lot, but again, it
was just nice diet. After the SE, TS, my dad was
able to talk to me and give me his Insight from a male's
perspective and he's like, you know, I am disappointed, but I
can't say that we didn't raise. In to know better.
So, as long as you are, okay, you know, we can't fault you for
exploring something, but we just hope that in the future, maybe
you do it in a sense where it's not just curiosity, but maybe
you do it in a smarter way and aspect.
And that was, when I started on birth control, I think I went on
birth control a week later and, you know, my call To send off
was a very big large box of Costco, condoms.
Didn't you were giving condoms out to people in English?
Yes, I did. This is the whole reason why
Sapphire is your place started was because we would have Sunday
night call ins to my mom about sex.
I remember this, I remember this from when you were on my show,
this is what spine sapphires your plate formerly known as
Erotic City radio. So it's like a Of this.
I do have to thank my mom for it, but it makes sense why she
does not want to talk about this whole journey of the sexual
deviant. She, oh my gosh, I just so
appreciate that story. I will say, we don't have to go
into it, but just like, also another, like, losing virginity
Story the day after I lost my virginity, I got baptized and I
thought for sure I was going to hell and I I'm sitting there
like everybody for sure knows that I had sex last night in the
winter. I knew like The Scarlet Letter
was like coming and I like and I just remember I had this like
Silk suit on and the water got on the silk suit and then I
smelled like fish and I'm like, this is what I get church and I
smell like fish and I had sex. That's name.
Everybody knows. Oh, how we doing?
Oh, how much we have grown from our excursions, right in our
experience. That religious guilt y'all.
It'd be cool. Yeah, well on that beat out, I
just have to say thank you so much for just being the badass,
just badass female. I hate to say the bad bitch cuz
like not every woman should be called a bitch.
I'm sorry that's just just how I roll but thank you for just
being the Amazing Priestess goddess friend from own that I
cherish, so so much happy fucking Mother's Day to you.
Where can people get in touch with you?
And just, you know, just dive into the sanctum and whatnot.
Oh my God, I would love for everybody to find us at the
Flaming younits.com is our website.
There is a page there for slut, sisters and membership and you
can do that. I am on Twitter at Priestess.
Anya, I am. On Instagram at Priestess, Anya.
And as of today, I'm still in Tick Tock as at a priestess
Anya. We will see where it all goes.
Anya is AI n e. So perfect.
And of course, I'm going to be linking your link tree to this
episode so you can get all the links all in one spot.
Follow that as listen to The Flaming Yoni, it is ear Place
certified because honey, I don't push a lot of podcasts because
the producer are starts churning.
And I'm like, nah, I can't do this.
Well, I mean, And I love love listening to you, ladies on, and
off moan into the Flaming Yoni. I just feel that I am just
sitting in sipping on wine with my weed.
Pain. And just enjoying early, good
wholesome Horsham horse immersed.
Horsham, not wholesome. More sacred to the yes.
Okay. I adore you so so much.
So thank you just for everything that she keeps doing in this
community. We need more Mama's out there
like You so thank you. Of course you can find me y'all
at Miz radio, Sapphire on Instagram.
No Twitter. I am seeking a break.
Personally, from the mon app for at least a month, we will see,
just gotta do what I gotta do, but sapphires, your play will be
continuing on some episodes. Like I said, my girl man is just
K. The headstrong housewife herself
is going to be coming on next week for a really good episode.
We're talking about sex like older sex.
Let's talk about the mature insects and why did you stop
shutting folks for being older and freaky into their own.
So there's a pattern going on.you.
Anya and now we got mistress cake coming up so you guys don't
want to miss that Atmos radio Sapphire.com at sapphires are
play, every podcast outlet that you need and of course, I'll
catch you guys next time. Remember that's safe.
Sex is the best. Hot sex till next week, good
night. That was the show.
All you sexy motherfuckers out there.
Remember to follow at Miz radio, Sapphire and sapphires are play
on Instagram. One Samir guys, wounds of the
past and future. Make sure to follow on Apple
podcasts, anchor Spotify, iHeartRadio and all streaming
platforms. Remember to follow at Miz radio,
Sapphire and sapphires are play on Instagram.
One Samir guys, wounds of the past and future.
Make sure to follow on Apple podcasts, anchor Spotify,
iHeartRadio and all streaming platforms.