Warning, the following program is not for the weak hearted,
those who are close minded or in general you're scared to learn
what's behind closed doors. Here at Sapphires Airplay.
I want you to pour the wine, grab somebody that you want to
hold on to, or better yet, get the vibration stimulated through
your body. Get ready for one Haloven orgasm
in 54321. What is up on my sexy
motherfuckers out there in Radioland?
It's your girl Sapphire. Another episode of Airplay.
Fresh at it and I am so excited. This fiery redhead.
You may have recognized her from the UK television show on
Channel 4. Great sex experiment if you
haven't. She's been featured on Mirror,
People magazine, Daily Mail, and so much more.
I'm talking about Doctor Laurie Beth Bisbee, a therapist, sex
and intimacy coach, author, speaker, and just all around bad
motherfucker on here and I am just so excited and truly
honored to have her on the show. You know what we got to do?
We got to welcome the rowdy frat boys to properly bring in Doctor
Lori Beth Bisbee. I bet you've never had an intro
like that before, have you? No.
So as you can tell Doctor Lori Beth, we are freely spoken here.
You could be yourself and I'm just truly honored to have you.
I, I feel like in my own journey into alternative relationships
and just getting to know, you know, my own self.
I have you to credit for as well as study Megatron 2 fiery
redheads of the alternative relationships and sex and dating
BDSM culture. I mean, I don't think there's a
piece of literature or any type of advice this column that
doesn't have you or her, if not together on, you know, talking
about these alternative relationships.
And I absolutely love it because, I mean, you're looking
at yourself. You are not the typical
therapist that we see. You know, you have this fiery
personality. You, you really just just shine
with it. And I got to say, over 30 years,
I believe you're now hitting almost 35, if not almost into
the 40s. 40 years of sex and information, just the evolution.
How do you do it? I mean, you know, I've been, I
just love what I do. That's how I do it.
I love what I do. I've been working with people
for 38 years now. And.
Yeah, I and I've done all sorts of different things and this is
a theme throughout the work that I've done in terms of working
with people to help them with sex and relationships.
At some points in my career less, at some points in my
career more. And now I spend a lot of my time
doing this and and I just have a fall.
I love what I do. I love it Now, being polyamorous
now, if I'm not mistaken, you kind of evolved into your
bisexuality because of polyamory, is that correct?
Nope. No, I was always bisexual.
Always bisexual? How did you just know?
Like right off the bat, you know, a lot of us kind of evolve
into a childhood. How did you discover your
bisexuality? I was just I because my
attractions really aren't about gender.
So I'm I'm using bisexual, but it's not really correct, a
correct use of the term. They're not about gender.
They have to do with the energy of the person and, and sexually
I, I like dominant people. So it's about that.
So, you know, I was attracted to the energy and then the, the
particular body they were in didn't really matter to me.
And that was always the case from the time I was small all
the way through. And so polyamorous was something
that it took me a little longer to figure out how to do.
I mean, actually, some of my early relationships, some of my
best early relationships were polyamorous.
Then I got monogamous for a while, a short while.
Oh wow. And then I was back to then I
was back to being open it. It just made the most sense for
me. It worked best for me.
It was most comfortable for me as long as it was all above
board. I.
Love that. So that was that was the
important bit to me. I I can't stand being lied to
and I don't like to lie so. You know, I think we, you know,
similarly, I'm the same way. Like, please don't lie to me.
Details are everything. And I feel like especially in
alternative relationships, you got to work for it.
And I love how you have used that.
You work for it. You have to be trustworthy.
You have to be open. And I think for me personally,
the biggest annoyance as I'm, you know, getting ready to get
married, the biggest question that I absolutely hate that
people ask me is, OK, so now that you're getting married,
does that mean polyamory just goes away?
And I'm like, why would it? Why would something that created
the relationship and bond that I'm in just simply disappear?
Because now by law, man and woman are getting married.
Have you ever felt that same feeling?
And I think people that what people don't understand, I think
where you get that question from is that people think that the
baseline is monogamy. So there are a lot of people out
there that would call themselves non monogamous that are actually
non monogamous until they meet what they figure is the one.
So they're not really non monogamous.
What they're really doing is dating, which is what we did.
You know, I'm, I'm older, I'm 62.
So, you know, in my day, you know, we were dating and then
eventually we met somebody and we settle down, right.
If you were going to be monogamous, and I think so, a
lot of the people who identify as non monogamous who are very
young, many of them, and I've watched this transition for so
many people suddenly meet someone, fall in love and become
monogamous. And so for me, I would query
whether they were really non monogamous to begin with, right,
or really polyamorous to begin with, because polyamory is
different. Polyamory is about
relationships, whereas non monogamy can be relationship
sex. You know, it's, it's, it's, it's
the umbrella term. And so I would question that.
But also, I think we're very, you know, we're indoctrinated
into the idea of monogamy. And so, you know, we can have, I
call it a monogamy hangover where you can, you know, you
suddenly find yourself thinking in very monogamous terms, even
though you you've not been monogamous for some time.
So like, people get really uncomfortable sometimes people
are like, oh, do I need to get married?
Do I need to live with somebody? What does it need to look like?
Because the expectations of society are still there.
They don't go away just because you decide to live in an
alternative lifestyle. I am so.
Happy expectations of society. I am so happy that you are
listening all this because literally this is the constant
conversation that I have with you know, folks is you know,
again, like you said, non monogamy is an umbrella term.
Then you have polyamory which is more involved in the
relationships. Now, I myself am trying to, I'm
a intimacy coordinator and one of the things that we talked
about were the relationship styles, breaking them down, you
know, in case for those who are on set may not understand.
And I think the biggest peeve, pet peeve for me in the industry
and especially working in media is how much we get polyamory,
polygamy, you know, non monogamy all into each other.
And it's like no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
There are separate entities of this.
There are people like myself and probably yourself who get
offended when it's not represented in the right way.
Not all couples, you know, want to be non monogamous.
There are people who might be in A1 sided polyamorous
relationship and all these different things and it's like
whenever the again, when it comes to the factor of marriage,
it doesn't just go away. It doesn't just go away.
Some people like myself, evolve into it, evolve into the idea of
marriage and have that one partner that they're like, you
know what, We can create a life together and still have our
other ABCD relationships. I mean, we started, my husband
and I, we started out non monogamous and we're still non
monogamous. But you're non monogamy does
change and things change. I mean, one of the things I
think people don't pay attention to is how much things change
with life, life stage, right? You know, I've spent a lot of
time recently talking about perimenopause and menopause and
post menopause and what that means and how that impacts
relationships. And so you know you can be
happily non monogamous and hit full blown menopause and
suddenly. Everything changes, yeah.
Everything changes. Everything changes because your
emotions are doing things. And so if you're emotionally up
and down and up and down, if you're really angry all the time
or you're, you know, you're really having trouble and you,
you and your partner are having more trouble communicating, you
may not want to be branching out at that point in time, or you
may not want your partner to be branching out at that point in
time. Another time that things can
often change is when you decide to have children.
It's not unusual for people to decide to nest for a period of
time. So they will become monogamous
for a period of time in order to set a foundation for a
particular task they're going to do, you know, building a life
together, raising children together.
And then once they are feeling comfortable and secure back in
their relationship again, they'll open up again.
So it's, you know, it's people think of it as a always think
about relationship styles as static.
And they're not static. Oh, just like we're not static.
Exactly, exactly. Oh my gosh, it's like you're
reading my mind because the only time that I could say that I was
partially monogamous was during quarantine, you know,
quarantining with my now fiance. I think it did help a little bit
as to getting the ring. We really did not think about
marriage, kids until we were actually nesting together and
still trying to balance out, you know, how do we date in this new
normal now that, you know, the pandemic is over?
And I put that in quotations because it's not over for
everybody. Yeah, it's not over for me.
I'm I'm immunosuppressed. So, you know, it's definitely
not over for me. Yeah, I and I put.
It it's over for some people, it's over for some.
People and I definitely put the emphasis on that because again,
I know like there are people like myself who are autoimmune
who do get sickly easily. I try to mask up myself and it's
like, I don't know about you coming out of the pandemic and,
you know, discovering this new normal, new energy to me is
still kind of like, I don't know.
I don't know if I can do it. I'm more careful.
I'm certainly more careful because also because of people's
attitudes towards things like masking and stuff like that.
I mean, for me, you know, in the Far East, they mask all the time
because they have this idea that they want to present themselves
getting diseases and they want to prevent other people from
being sick. And so it's not an unusual thing
if you ever travel, you know, and you see like Chinese and
Japanese people traveling, they are always masked from start to
finish, right? And that is been the normal for
them for I don't know how long, but like a long time, a long, I
don't ever remember it being different when I was aware of
them traveling. So but you know, masking became
a real political thing. And so people started being
really rebellious about it and rebellious about testing and
rebellious about being aware. We're in the situation in the UK
at the moment where we're going through a resurgence of COVID.
And there are two new strains that are they're really big here
that are more contagious. They don't appear to be more,
well, they don't appear to be more deadly.
Well, that's useful. It's a nice thing to know,
right? But they are more contagious,
right? And, like, people are so weird
when you're masking. I'll be sitting on a train full
of people, and there will be nobody else on the train with a
mask on their face. Yeah.
And I'm like, you're sitting six hours in close quarters with
people who are coughing and whatever and whatever.
Yeah. You must not care if you get
sick, right? It's great if you it's great if
you're young enough or you're healthy enough or both not to
care if you get sick. When I get sick, it's a big
deal. Exactly.
I'm fucking out for the count. I could be.
I mean, I can lose, you know, weeks trying to get myself back
together to be able to do my job, to be able to just be out.
So it definitely changed. I've, I had a surgery in in
April. I had a my foot and ankle
reconstructed because one of my autoimmune diseases screwed up
and my arch completely collapsed.
So wow. Do that or be in a wheelchair.
So I wasn't willing to be in a wheelchair.
So I've been recovering since April.
And because it's a, it's a long recovery, but I, I've spent a
lot of time, like not out and about.
Yeah, I went down to London for a week last last week and it's
like completely overwhelming to me, really the number of people,
the number just because I was, I was so, you know, I was so
separate, right, for that period of time.
And people's attitudes are just like, it's amazing.
I had somebody say to me, why are you wearing a mask?
I'm like, because I protecting myself.
I don't want to get sick. Right.
Oh my God. I can't believe somebody.
Oh my God. I mean, people, most people
don't say anything here because they don't.
That's the way they are. But occasionally somebody will.
And I'm like, first of all, why is it your fucking business,
right? Exactly.
I'm wearing a mask to protect me.
I could be wearing a mask to protect you.
I could have something really contagious, right?
And that's the thing. And I.
Could be wearing it. I'd rather you tell me that
you're sick so that I can prevent myself from getting
other people sick. Like I have to worry about a
parent who has, I have three family members at the moment who
are dealing with different stages of cancer.
So it's like I need to protect myself from them.
You know, if I'm sick, they can't see me and vice versa.
Then also, I have partners who are autoimmune or they have
small children, All these things.
It should matter, I feel like in this day and age in dating.
So I'm so glad that you're open about this, especially, you
know, being a sex therapist, being a public figure.
It's like people do need to understand that after the
pandemic, we do need to take even the littlest of colds a
little bit more seriously. The thing is, I lived through
the AIDS epidemic, right? And so, you know, there are a
lot of people alive today. Yeah, we have a resurgence of
HIV because people aren't paying attention.
And we're still, and I know people be like worse, but we're
still because we have effective ways of preventing HIV.
If you're willing to take lots of heavy meds.
I already take heavy meds. I wouldn't take Prep because I
couldn't add that to what I'm taking.
But so a lot of people are taking Prep, right?
And that's preventing. There's now going to be they're,
they're really close to a vaccine.
A lot of people are taking Prep, yeah.
That makes me very happy to know, very happy to.
Know very happy except that people forget that there's a
million other sexually transmitted infections that they
are like passing on because they're like oh I'm on Prep, I
don't need to use condoms anymore.
No, that's not the. I'm like.
Yeah. I'm sorry, this isn't how it
works. Yeah.
So it's there's there's this whole kind of, well, there seems
to be a lot of education out there.
It's really interesting to me how much education has been
lost. 1000%. Because the people aren't under
the pressure. Yeah.
And when you're not under the pressure, it's similar to when
people felt like society was more safe for this period of
time. They didn't raise their children
with certain awarenesses that they might need to have if they
were part of minority groups that they might need to have
because they felt safe. And all of a sudden it isn't
really all of a sudden, but all of a sudden people are feeling
unsafe again. And they're having to kind of
change the way that they interact with people, the way
they speak with people and also the way they raise their kids.
And so it's fascinating to me because the same thing happens
with disease trajectories as well.
It's, it's no different. People feel safe and they they
let their guard down and. Then it's.
Like, and I'm not and I'm in no way paranoid.
Like I'm, I'm, I'm somebody who's a balanced risk taker.
I like that. I mean, I've been different at
different levels of risk in my life.
When I was much younger, I was a crazy risk taker.
I stopped doing that, decided I wanted to live.
So I said, OK, we're not going to do that anymore.
And then for a little while, I took no risk.
That didn't last very long. And I got to this stage where I
balance risk and I, I risk assess all the time so that I
can relax and do what I want to do.
But we don't teach people how to risk assess when it comes to
relationships. We really don't.
They risk assess for work. They risk assess all over the
place. You know, if you're going out in
the city in the United States right now, before you walk out
your door, you're risk assessing what's going on.
Is there a protest going on? You know, are there police out
is ice out? What do I need to do in order to
make sure that I'm going to be safe?
But relationships, they don't fucking risk assess at all.
They do some stuff online, they go, they meet somebody, they
jump into bed with them. They know nothing about them.
Oh my God. And there it is.
And you know what? It's, it's such a witch hunt
because again, bringing all this, you know, full circle,
there's this trajectory that those who are part of
alternative relationships are disease carriers that we just
freely go out and, and infect everybody.
So let me let me tell you this. So this was on a very popular
black blog called The Shade Room and I'm sure it's been
circulating all over TikTok. But a middle-aged black woman, I
want to say she's probably in her later 20s or 30s, definitely
comes from a place to hurt. But she says that those who have
HIV, AIDS and herpes should be registered on the sex offenders
list. Jesus fuck.
Right. And so I was like, as soon as
you were just talking about, you know, everything that we're
talking about with risk management and assessment, I
don't think people understand the degree.
So Doctor Lori Beth, obviously you just reacted the way that I
hope. So what are your takes on that?
Because I know for me. I mean, I just think it's, it's
just disgusting. I mean, it's just disgusting on
the on the on the fucking sex offenders list.
Really. What offense are you committing
by having a disease? You know, The thing is when
people, when people knowingly transmit a disease without so
they go out, there have been people, there are people, a
small number of people who go out to infect other people,
right? They commit a crime by doing
that because they're deliberately trying to harm
somebody, right? But the vast majority of people,
when infection gets passed on, it's either because both parties
were careless or somebody didn't know.
It's very that's often the case. Very often.
It is, you know, it really sucks if somebody didn't tell you that
they had something and then you got it.
That really sucks. And yes, you can be mad about
it, but that's not a sex offense.
I agree. And we all have to take
something. We all have to take some
responsibility for ourselves. This is the part where I get
really annoyed because I my experience is that people don't
take responsibility for themselves.
They're really willing to point fingers at other people, but
they don't take responsibilities for themselves.
It isn't victim blaming to say that you need to take care of
yourself, right? I never understand.
Doesn't mean you won't. Yeah, you won't get hurt.
Doesn't mean you won't get hurt. Doesn't mean you won't get
victimized, but it makes it less likely.
I agree. I don't know, I it, it, it
confuses the hell out of me by asking to see someone's test
results. It's such a big thing.
It's like, don't you want to know somebody's history?
Like I, I don't even mess around with people that say, well, I've
been monogamous for, you know, 710 years.
You know, I've never had anything.
So you can trust me, but I need to see your papers because you
have, you know, 10 partners. I'm like, you do know that even
one partner, monogamous, non monogamous can give you
something? I mean, I have to tell you that,
you know, first of all, most non monogamous people don't have 10
partners right there, right? That's not that's not and and
only certain sections of the population.
If you're a swinger, you might have lots of partners, but
you're but you're also, if you're part of that community,
more likely to test more often. Exactly.
At least the modern form of that community, because everybody's
aware of what the what the issues are, right?
And because a lot of people in that community are married and
they're swinging together and they don't want to get each
other anything. So, you know, so there's a lot
more testing that goes on in that community than in the kind
of more general non monogamy communities where you get
different values and different things from people.
But as a, as a community, people who are non monogamous are much
more likely to go and test. And people who are monogamous
and stepping out on their partners or, or coming out of
monogamy and just starting to kind of dabble because you're,
you're hyper aware of the fact that that the, the likelihood of
getting a disease increases with the number of people you're
exposed to. That's simple math, right?
It's not about whether people are more likely to be carrying a
disease. It's just if you put more people
in my way, it's more likely that one of them will have something.
And what is it like One, it's like 3 out of five or one in
four people have herpes or some form of an STDSCI or will in
fact come across it in their lifetime.
It's not to say that it's not incurable either.
The thing about herpes though, is this that people don't
realize that, that you're more likely to run into a person with
oral herpes that then passes that on to your genitals because
they had the beginning of a cold sore and didn't think it was a
problem to have oral sex, right? So it's like, you know, if the
incidence of, of oral herpes is about 98% of the population.
So, you know, if you've got the beginning tingling of a cold
sore, you shouldn't be kissing anybody.
Can we please repeat that please?
Like, you know, I'm serious. The number of times people do
that, they're like, oh, don't worry about it.
I'm like, that's fucking contagious.
You do understand that's contagious?
The other people don't really think.
People don't realize is that herpes is a virus that stays in
the body. Exactly.
So and, and is all is related to chicken pox and shingles.
That's why all of us, once you hit the age of 50, they're
vaccinating you for shingles, right?
Because it's dormant. And sometimes it becomes
undormant. And shingles can be just painful
or it can be horrific. So, you know, these things are
really important where herpes is really dangerous.
It's like if you have herpes and you give birth to a baby
vaginally and the child can get herpes in their eyes, right?
It can be really bad scenes. So you need to know about these
things. But it isn't always genital
herpes that is the thing, like oral herpes in some ways I
think, I think feel like people with genital herpes are more
likely to come out and say, well, I have genital herpes,
right? And then everybody's like
careful around them and they're careful.
But people with oral herpes never say anything.
Never do. Your assumption.
Your assumption should be that the person you're talking to has
oral herpes. Absolutely, that should be your
assumption because the likelihood is they do.
And then you have to say, OK, if you're going to have oral sex
without a barrier, because you don't always know when it's the
infection is beginning, you're taking a risk.
And then if you, if you, if they, they transmit it to you
and you now have it on your penis or your vagina or your
vulva, then you can transmit it to somebody else's genitals.
You're not transmitting genital herpes.
You're still transmitting simplex 1, but it's on the
genitals. So it doesn't matter, right?
And and it that's how it goes. I you know what, I have to just.
Y'all, I've only been telling you this for years.
I hope that this fiery redhead finally got into your head to
explain because I am so sick and tired.
Especially, you know, being a black person of color.
It like being a person of color in general and just being a
black woman. It is annoying to me that I have
to continuously reeducate my own folks in my own community who
are so ignorant to the simplest and simplest infections,
diseases, risks. It's like you the saying that
you want to put these people who are on the sex offenders list.
I guarantee you most of the folks who will have an STD or an
STI like myself. I have genital herpes.
And do I tell every partner? Absolutely.
Are my partners, you know, comfortable with it?
The ones that stay are, and the ones who aren't, they've been
vetted. That's fine.
I don't need to be with them. They don't need to be with me.
But I'm not stupid. I'm not ignorant.
I'm not going to put my body at risk like I'm not going to put
your body at risk. The other thing is, this is not
only things like herpes, it's, it's simple stuff, right?
Things like watching people pass BV back and forth, bacterial
vaginosis back and forth. Bacterial vaginosis is not a
sexually transmitted infection. It is an infection that arises
for women. We're not sure exactly how.
I don't, right? I don't know what the latest is,
right? But last I looked, they weren't
sure exactly how it managed to arise, but it does.
But The thing is, is if you have sexual partners in common, you
can pass that back and forth. Just like yeast infections,
people try to say oh it's at least females.
Like no. You know, so, so it's all sorts
of things that are that like you just need to be aware of where
you need to be aware of hygiene, you need to be aware of the
state of your body. And it's just about being a
grown up. But because sex still remains
taboo no matter what anybody says, right?
Because sex for the most part in the population in the US and the
UK and various other countries still remains taboo.
People don't deal with this like grown-ups because they're still,
it's still all hush hush and we're not really going to talk
about this. Now with you being in the UK and
I have to say, I love, I love television in the UK and the way
that sex is approached because unlike America, it's less
censored, at least in my opinion.
I feel like it's very less censored.
It is less censored. It is definitely less censored
than it is in the US, but the attitudes, the actual attitudes
towards stuff are not. Oh, let's get into that, please.
So it's less censored in that like you know, we did Open
house, the great sex experiment I did the first two seasons.
I'm not in the current season. I can't talk about that.
I haven't. I haven't watched it.
I have not either, I've only watched the seasons with you.
Thank you. But that was a big deal, right?
That we did this, this show, we did this show where I do the
therapy part, I'm not involved in the sex part, right?
It's got nothing to do with me. But like one of the one of the
episodes they decided to have an orgy.
So it was a 15 person orgy. Now they are not showing hard
penises, they're not showing open legs, right?
They still, they blur, they do camera so that you're not seeing
it, but you are certainly seeing more of the sex when you're not
seeing. Yeah, way more than you would in
the US But like when that came out, I was accused of of single
handedly trying to bring down the institution of marriage,
right. No.
And wait, if I'm not mistaken, I think in this particular orgy,
because there's see there are a couple episodes where orgies are
involved, but I think with this one, wasn't it, it was either
the husband or the wife. Somebody weighs like a teacher,
you know, one of them like somebody worked with children in
particular. Because I think I do remember
this episode very well where I think the husband kind of left
the scene and left his wife to her own pleasure, which is fine
because that happens over stimulation and whatnot.
But I think I do remember that episode in particular was
getting criticize for what you said, you know, breaking the
sanctity of marriage or why are we letting people freely fuck on
camera like it's called the great sex experiments.
Right. So I mean so even though I mean
so. And yet we have a we have a show
called Naked Attractions. Right.
Where you know, for those people who don't know what this show
is, basically you start seeing from the bottom of the of the
body up before you choose a date.
So you don't get to see their face until you choose them or
you or you or you eliminate them.
Right, right. So you see people's naked
genitals long before you see their face.
And to me like that. And so that's that's auk show to
me. I'm like, but why?
Wait, I'm over here like that would never fly in the Americas
because already people are going to say you're objective find the
body. This is wrong.
Like come. On and yet I mean, and even and
in this one you do see penises, right?
Because often you don't see penises, but in this show you
do. See penises, and they're mostly
because you're not. Seeing erections, Right, Because
you're not seeing erections, the erection is the problem.
Problematic bit, right? You're not seeing erections,
you're just seeing penises. Crazy.
But I just find it like so, so on that on those, when you think
about those sorts of things and these sorts of shows this year,
this year's new show was Virgin Island where they took, you
know, they took these, these people in their 20s who were
virgins and they had a sex coach and A and a surrogate and some
other stuff. And then they, you know, tried
to get them to have sex. I've seen it.
I've seen some of that. I've seen some of that.
I was asked to comment about the professionals and which was an
interesting situation because like there were some things that
I was like, I don't care what kind of professional you are,
you wouldn't do that, right? But there are other things where
I had to. I was going to say, do you
think, pardon, I was going to ask you, were lines of consent
kind of drawn? Because when I think of Virgin
Island, I feel like that's like anything that surrounds virgins
trying to deflower them on public television.
Always wonder about the consent basis.
So for your standpoint. I mean, I, I mean, I think, you
know, I think the people who came on the show really did want
to lose their virginity. And, and, and, and there were
just as many guys as there were, there were more guys than there
were girls, right, that were losing their virginity,
obviously, right. But I think I think that some of
the the stuff with the surrogate was really cool really because a
certain because it was, but because it was explaining what a
surrogate's job is and a surrogacy is not is something
that is frowned on in this country.
Yes. Whereas surrogacy in the US is
more regulated and less frowned on.
I think it's really sad that it's frowned on.
I think there's there's real value in sex surrogates for
certain people who who find it impossible to have a partner in
cells would do well to meet a sex surrogate, right To go see a
sex surrogate as therapist. I agree of what they instead of
what they do, which is all kinds of maxing to try and get
privilege that they're not getting because they can't get a
partner. I mean, there's a lot of things
that that surrogates can do that are that when they're regulated,
that's great. I agree, where I had the issue
was with one of the coaches, not the surrogate because I felt
that the bound the boundaries was from the bit that I saw the
boundaries were really blurry. Gotcha.
I was like. You know, but yeah, so we have a
show. You know, we have this just the
new big show is the Virgin Island, right?
So we're having a show where we're showing virgins losing
their virginity. And you know, and, and I mean,
you could never have something like that in the US It's just
not, no. So in that way, in that way, one
would think that we're more open, but we're really not.
I mean, the attitudes aren't. It's it's just very interesting
how sex on the UK spectrum versus, you know, the US.
One thing I always have forever quoted is the difference of the
show Skins versus when the Americas MTV bought the rights
and said they were going to launch their own version of
skins and skins. If you are not familiar guys,
you can look at it on the UK version, at least on Hulu last
time I checked. But it used underage actors, you
know, portraying real sexual situations.
And I mean everything from drugs, sex, alcohol, addiction,
death. These kids lived it all.
And later on, some of the famous stars, Jack O'Connell from
Sinners. And then we have Nicholas Holt.
He's from the X-Men movies. They have all spoken out and
said, I wish that we had an intimacy coordinator.
I wish that my parents maybe, you know, tighten the grip when
it came to the fact that we were enacting in simulated sex scenes
as teenagers. The consent culture was kind of
blurred with that show. But at the same time, I was
watching it, saying, finally there was a show that portrayed
the dangers of being a teenager. And it didn't matter where you
came from. We all related to these
characters, but we didn't think about the psyche of those adult,
you know, those young actors and as they go into their adulthood,
what it could have done. So it's very interesting how sex
culture it is kind of different, you know, that we portray it on
screen or, you know, we throw in child actors and whatnot.
So it's very interesting how the culture in the UK is a little
bit loosening to that. Not as much anymore.
I don't think I've seen such a controversial show sense skins
after it ended, but you know, still we talk about it in 2025 S
because of the impact it made. I mean, I, I, you know, it's,
it's everybody is, is, is, is more, is tighter now, you know,
and, and unfortunately what happens is that people like to
rewrite history with their own lens and which is problematic.
You know, it's really problematic the way that we,
when we talk about pedophilia and when we talk about grooming
and things like this, like the number of times I see people
online talking about grooming and oh, she was groomed because
she was, you know, 18 and he was 22.
I'm like, no, no, they're peers. They're peers, right?
He was 60 and she was 18. Yeah.
OK, you know, yeah, but they're peers, right?
And, and this whole infantilizing of young people
that happened, which I find fascinating.
I grew up in the 70s and you know, I hit 18 in 1981.
Oh wow. OK, so, yeah, so I remember when
I was like, and I, you know, I can tell you the the situations
from my growing up years that where adults took advantage and
I can also tell you the situations where I took
advantage. Wow.
You know, teenagers do not have no knowledge, no desires and no
ability. They don't make good decisions.
That's why we protect them, right?
Because they don't make good decisions.
Absolutely. But they don't go.
They don't suddenly blossom into having all these skills in their
20s. It doesn't work that way.
So unfortunately, we don't have a lot of nuance in our culture
right now. And so people either basically
allow talk about it as though adults should, you know,
children should be able to consent and adults should be
able to do what they like on the one hand, which is 1.
And on the other hand, it's like, oh, you know, any more
than two years between age of between a relationship makes
for, you know, something that ought to be on the sex offenders
register. And it's like, OK, like there is
actually nuance here. It's so it may, there's just so
much that you've, you know, said in so little time.
It's like I, I have to ask this because this is the biggest
thing now, you know, the active, the culture of consent and the
fact that, you know, we're hearing that Gen.
X is a little bit more awaken to sexual desires or just in
general sexuality. They're a lot more open than we
were. I mean, I couldn't imagine being
11-12 years old and coming out and saying I'm trans.
That was remotely I, I could not even think about sexuality the
way I don't even think I sexually peaked.
Like I knew about masturbation. I knew about, you know, my, the
consent culture of like, if somebody approached me and
touched me inappropriately, say no, call somebody, say
something. But now you have, you know,
teens that are growing up in society now they're wondering
about their orientation, their relationship styles, they're,
you know, talking about gender dysmorphia or, you know, just
not feeling like themselves. And then how dare we?
In the US, kind of govern that and say, well, it's an act of
perversion or they'll change out of it.
Where do you stand if you know? We have some.
I have. Some I have real issues with
identity politics, which sometimes people are really
surprised, surprised about. I'm not.
Huge issues with identity. I'm not huge issues with
identity politics because it locks people into into something
and doesn't allow for evolving. And people do evolve.
Some people know they're trans when they're young and they,
they, they, they know they're trans, they stay trans, they
continue to grow and they're still trans.
Just like some people know they're non monogamous, some
people know they're bisexual, some people know they're gay.
But there's also a lot of experimentation that happens
when you're a teenager and into your 20s.
And, you know, people have to figure out how their bodies
work. They have to figure out what
they like, what they don't like. And so if you identify into a
group and that becomes your friend group and that becomes
your reason for being, then if you decide that that's not for
you, you don't just give up that sexuality.
You give up your entire set of identities if you come out as
trans, we can use that because it's the more obvious one at the
moment. But if you come out of trans,
say at 11 years old, and you get hooked into a system, and I'm
not talking about getting medicalized or anything, leave
all of that aside. I'm just talking about the
identity politics. You get hooked into a system.
All of your friends are part of the LGBTQIA, right?
Everybody is talking the same things, They agree with the same
things. All the social media that you
see, your whole feed is exactly the same.
Your politics are decided by that.
Everything is decided by these identities.
So you're 11 there. By the time you're 18, you don't
feel the same way, right? Let's say maybe by the time
you're 18, you're like, maybe I'm gender fluid, right?
I don't really want to change. I don't really need a label.
I kind of like my body now. That's how it is.
But if you stand up and say that you're walking against
everything that's gone before now, what happens if you decide
that actually you're male or you're female now and that you
don't want a gender? Like to to have one of the
gender identity labels, right. A box to put yourself in.
Or you decide that actually you're straight.
You're no longer part of an LGBTQIA community because you're
straight now. What?
Yeah. And so, you know, I have huge
issues with it because we've made identity everything.
We really have. And so, at least in my day,
although the negatives of that were that people weren't
recognized, they didn't get the help they needed, they didn't
feel free to be who they were in various places.
But the reality is, is that we we did have a freedom, which was
the freedom to explore and the freedom to take our time and
with more information that would have been great.
We didn't have enough information.
But what we've got now, I don't think is the be all and end all.
I actually, it really, I see so many people, so many young
people caught in this thing where they're like when, when
politics started to amalgamate and, and bigger identity started
to amalgamate. Now we've got people who are
like, but this is my sexual identity and my gender identity,
but my politics are here and my ethnicity is over here.
And now I'm not allowed to be part of any group.
So now they're isolated, right? It's like that makes no sense.
It's it's a little scary. It's a little scary.
I was talking with a friend of mine from the Netherlands and
it's, you know, we agree. It's like, why do we force
people to come out straight? People don't have to come out.
Why is there's this like force culture that I got to know your
identity right then and there? It doesn't matter if we're
sexually involved. I have to know to, you know, to
protect myself. And it's like, wait a second,
what are you protecting yourself from?
What did that person do? Think about, there's a thing
about if I want to be loud and proud, then I should be loud and
proud. But there are people who don't
want to be. It's just like, it's just like I
do these this talk called the Psychology of Finnish and Kink,
which I've been traveling the UK and Ireland with.
I did it, you know, for a couple of years.
I've taken a break now, but I'll go back to it.
I love doing it. It's a lot of fun.
And I'm like, there are people who are kinky that don't, that
don't belong to any group. Yeah.
You don't have to be part of the community.
Just because you discover you're kinky does not mean you have to
join a community and adopt lots of ideas that go with that
community. You can be quietly kinky all you
want, right? You can be quietly kinky with
your partner. You can never go to a club,
never go to an event, never go, you know, to A to a parade and
and be kinky. You can be non monogamous and
your group can never go to any of these things and nobody would
ever know. And there's nothing wrong with
that. It doesn't have to come with a
public identity and this kind of pressure on people to say to to
pick a side. It's always about pick a side.
I. Hate it?
You must pick a You must pick a side.
There's a thing going on in the therapy community at the moment.
You must pick a side so I know if I'm safe with you.
You should be able to tell if you're safe with me by talking
with me. My God.
Right, like I'm not going to declare you every identity I
have, right. And, and, and part of that is
about not wanting, you know, wanting to be an example if you
don't have to list all your identities, I'll tell you who I
am if you ask me, but I don't feel like it's, it should be
necessary for somebody to kind of list all these things.
Now maybe you want to see a therapist who's like you that I
get that makes sense. But I work with people who are
not like me all the time. And it should be that way.
It should be that way I. Work with people.
I work with people with every ethnicity, every race, every
creed, every nationality, every sexuality, all the time.
And you're not. I'm happy to work.
I was going to say, you're not. You're not pushing anybody with
your practices to say like, you must be this.
And I think that's also the problem.
Like people think because we identify a little differently,
because we see relationships a little differently, we're just
going to impose it. Like I don't expect any family
members, any friends of mine to be polyamorous, to understand
me. That is just a small factor to
who I am as a person, as an individual.
I was, I was found it interesting that, you know, like
when, when I was doing the show, 1 of the big questions that was
asked in the media and, and just like I would be asked, you know,
do you think this is best for all people?
I'm like, no, this is best for me, right.
I don't know what's best for you until we work together.
Then we can, you can figure it out.
I'll, I'll help you figure it out by asking you the right
questions, but I won't tell you what those answers are because
I'm not you. Exactly.
For some people, non monogamy is the most amazing thing.
For some people, non monogamy is help.
It's not better. It's not worse than monogamy.
They're a pros to monogamy and they're a pros to non monogamy.
They're a cons to both as well. And it really is about learning
how to explore yourself and make decisions for yourself.
And then you can find the group of people that you're more
comfortable with. Do I socialize with people more
like me? Absolutely.
You know, I have a, these days, a rather small Group, A rather
small, tight group of people around me.
And we share some, some crucial characteristics about the way
that we live. And we like being around each
other because we don't have to explain as much.
We're comfortable. But there are still people
within my group of people I'm close to that don't live like I
do. I know there are people that are
non, that are monogamous, you know, there are people you know,
but it's the more confident in who you are, the easier it is to
branch out in that way. But it also gets tiresome.
I get tired of answering the same questions over and over
again. I bet, I bet.
That's why I mean. It's like.
I wanted to make sure I was like, I'm not going to ask her
all the same things, you know, like if you want to know people.
Have to be 1 of the things we talked about before before we
came on was about. I've been talking recently about
having separate spaces, living in separate spaces.
Yes, when you're married. And so my husband and I have
separate bedrooms. I would have had from the
beginning, I say this, I say I would have lived in separate
houses if I could have afforded it and that now I'm quite happy
living in the same house. But I love having separate
bedrooms. I have my own bedroom, my own
bathroom, that's his own bedroom and his own bathroom.
And it doesn't. Mean if you're a woman and.
It doesn't mean you don't love yourself.
You're less right. No, no.
I mean, you know, I'm going to be sexist for a minute.
I, I would be hard pressed to find a woman who wouldn't say
that she would prefer that she had a bathroom that was separate
from any male partner, right? I say, I have my own bedroom.
People don't necessarily jump up and down.
I say, I have my own bathroom. They're like oh damn, I'm so
jealous. Honestly that is I I love having
now 2 bathrooms because it can be for a second his and hers.
Even though in our master we have a his and her side, it's
nice to to know that he can go to 1 and I can go to the other
and I don't have to see it all the time.
We all know what we're talking. About I really like, I really
like, yeah, but it's not negative for our relationship.
It's positive and it can be. You have to make more effort to
have more intimacy. When I haven't been, well, it's
been harder because I'm not downstairs in the common area
sitting and interacting. I'm in my own space.
And so it becomes harder to spend as much time together.
But but you, you can easily do it there.
There are ways of doing it. And then when you do want to
have sex in any way, shape or form, you come together for
that. You don't just jump up and go to
separate spaces. You know, you cuddle for
whatever long you're going to cuddle.
And then you do go to separate spaces.
There you go. I when we were when we had the
same bedroom, I don't sleep well anyway for variety of reasons.
And he snores. It doesn't work out that way.
You know, there were there were times where he went and slept on
a on a couch. I because he loves me, right?
He did that. I wouldn't have told him to do
that because the couch is fucking uncomfortable, but
because he was like, you're working in the morning, you need
to get some sleep. So we don't have that problem
anymore. I also now keep my own schedule.
We have vastly different schedules.
He's up at 7:30 in the morning. Give me the option.
I'll sleep until noon. I'm up at 3:00 AM, right?
And he's in bed. And he's in bed.
And so, you know, it's just, but there's also the thing of when
you have your own space, it's a place you can retreat to, to
gather yourself. And that's so much more
important in a long term relationship than people think.
And I'm, I'm seeing more and more of this of, you know,
couples that are together, but they're living separately,
whether it's sleeping in a different home altogether,
sleeping in separate bedrooms. I don't find it weird.
I think it's like, hey guys, sleep is important, sanity is
important. Maybe, just maybe, separation
makes the heart grow a little bit more fonder.
It doesn't mean that your relationship is is doomed
because you want separation. You just don't need to live on
top of each other. I like that idea.
I totally agree with it. We did.
We evolved into living in the same rooms because because
people weren't, we weren't rich. People weren't rich, right?
If you look at wealthy people in the centuries going back, they
all have separate spaces. Oh my.
God, yes, and nobody called their own bedroom and nobody
questioned it. I mean, perfect example, gone
with the wind. You know, for years as a child
it didn't. I did not put it two to two
together because unless if you're like a die hard watching
it over and over again, you don't really realize that Rhett
and Scarlett did not live. They did not sleep together
until they, you know, the night of passion or sexual assault.
However you want to view it in that lens.
That's a whole different topic. But again, in the South, that
was a tradition. You see it in English culture
too, that there were separate quarters when the Royals we get
together. If you had money though, right?
Only if you had money. Only if you had money.
The Royals? They never always slept together
either. No, no.
So I so. It, it, there's, there's
something about having that space when you can and it is a
luxury. It is, you know, I mean, the
first two houses that we live together in, we didn't have that
luxury. We didn't have the extra space
when we moved in this house. We did.
We didn't originally plan it this way when we moved.
It just evolved this way pretty quickly.
And then and then I said to him, listen, I would like to keep it
this way. Are you OK with that?
And he was like, and he thought about it.
And in the beginning, I don't think he liked it very much, but
he very much understood that for me, for my sanity, in order for
me to have the physical energy that I needed, that I was
sleeping better when he wasn't next to me.
And it wasn't him. It was anyone.
I don't sleep well with anyone ever have?
Only in the first six months of a relationship.
Right. The first six months of a
relationship, yeah, I manage. But after that, I never sleep.
I'm the first person to go. OK, thanks for the cuddle.
I'm moving over. Go away.
Oh my God you and my girlfriend are very similar.
She's the same way, like when she's sleeping, if we're in the
same bed, it's like she's on her side and she just stays on her
side and I'm over here like somebody cuddle me, bleed.
Yeah, I know. Like I like don't touch me once
I'm asleep. Yeah.
So whenever we go on holiday, it's always an adjustment for
me. Oh man.
When we're on holiday, we're we're in the same bed, right?
But it's always a readjustment for me.
But but I think, you know, I think after a while he actually
got used to it. And I was like, actually, I like
having my own space. I like being able to have
whatever I want on in the background on the television or
noise or music and not having to have whatever you have on to
deal with your tinnitus, right? I like being able to have my
space be orderly in the way I want it and not have to, you
know, and, and so, you know, I recognize it as a privilege that
we have enough space to do so space to do this.
So I recognize it as a privilege, but it's also one
that adds positivity to the relationship.
Now we're not raising a young child anymore.
There you go, right? Which is part of the reason that
we have the extra space because the bedroom in the house that
was his, which is now the guest room because he's living in the
Casita Outback, right? So when he was living in the
house with us when we first moved here, that meant that we
wouldn't have a guest room if my husband slept in the other.
Room, right? But now, because my sons moved
to the casino, we've got a guest room and we've got you.
Have your space. You're just like, I'm over here
like this sounds so ideal because I feel like as much as I
love my fiance and you were talking about perimenopausal and
I'm over here taking folic acid, trying to prepare my body for a
baby. I get hot so easily.
There are days where I'm like, maybe we should just sleep
separately. But then I'm just like, no, no,
no, I miss his body. He misses my body.
But who knows? As we, you know, grow to grow
all together, things may happen, things may change.
Wait till you're pregnant. Doctor Lori Beth, I might have
to like call you and be like. Hell, I did not miss and I was
pregnant with my a different person, but I did not miss.
I told him if he came near me I would kill him.
So that was really easy. Oh, I didn't touch me.
I found that whole process really difficult.
Oh my goodness. It was just like just you just
stay over that. You want to do something?
Rub my feet, they hurt. Other than that, go away.
Don't touch me. I hope they were.
I hope they were a service sub and, you know, just glad you're
like, willingly like, yes, Oh, no.
No. No.
No, no, I know it was. I mean, it wasn't, it wasn't a
good relationship. I mean, pregnancy was OK, We got
through that, right? We had the baby, but it wasn't
it wasn't a great relationship. And he's like the baby's grown,
he's 23 and he's amazing. Oh see, you do not look like you
gave birth to a 23 year old, Blake.
Come on. I gave birth to a 23 year old
when I was 39 years old so. Goals.
Come on. 62. And looking fine as ever.
Looking like fine wine with that red hair.
Doctor Lori Beth. Oh my goodness.
I feel like I can talk to you for hours, as I always tell my
guests. But you guys make it so easy.
Now you have a couple things coming up.
In fact, I think we were briefly talking about it, but you're
going to be on court TV dealing with a very interesting case.
I'm going to be on supposedly tonight, so I'm going to be on
court TV tonight dealing with the case of the Only Fans model
Who had a DDSM session with a with a client and and he died
and she's been charged with second degree murder.
So. Crazy.
I'm, I'm gonna, yeah. So I'm gonna be on, I'm gonna be
doing that other stuff that's going on.
I'll probably be doing some more online stuff, some more online
lectures. I am revamping my podcast.
We'll see. I'm record.
I'm recording somebody else's podcast.
It's a video podcast, but it's not my episodes aren't out yet,
so I'll just keep I have to keep stomach about that.
Hopefully I'll be doing some more television soon.
I really had a lot of fun with open house yes self seeing
clients and traveling. I love it a bit.
And you can. So I mean, I had a bunch of time
where I was, I was, you know, much more low key because the
recovery from this thing kept me in one place for a very long
time. I'm only just out back doing
things physically again because it's taken quite a long.
Time. So now we got to get you back,
as the kids say, outside, outside.
We got to get you outside well. Yeah, I'm, I mean, I'm starting
doing that. I'll start touring again in the
new year. It won't start until February
'cause I'm gonna be away in January and the beginning of
February. Let's all start touring again in
the new year and hopefully end up doing some West Coast dates
these days soon. Definitely be keeping tabs on
you and people can follow you at Doctor Bisbee on IG correct?
It's Doctor. On IG it's at Doctor Bisbee.
OK, and then it that's at Doctor Bisbee on X and then on TikTok
it's at Lori Beth UK. Perfect.
And we'll make sure to put that in the bio of this episode so
you guys can reach out to her, check out all her glorious works
and keep tabs on that nice, nice podcast.
Doctor Lori Beth, I have to say thank you.
Thank you so, so much. Got to bring you back,
especially after this case. I mean, I'm already like the
wheels are turning and I would love to, you know, get your take
on some of that that's going on right now.
But it has been such a pleasure and an honor, truly.
Thank you. Thank you so much for having me,
it's been great. Oh yes, and remember everyone,
that safe sex is the best hot sex.
We will be going on hiatus, but be on the lookout for a very
special horny for horror episode.
We're going to be dissecting Sinners versus quick the Oh my
gosh, I'm blanking on the name Horny for horror will be doing
Sinners versus Oh my God, I'm blanking out on the name.
Well, let's just say it's another movie that people have
put in comparison and I'm blanking out on the name
Tarantino, Robert Rodriguez film.
But you know what I'm saying? It's coming up soon, so be on
the lookout. Remember that safe sex is the
best hot sex. Follow me at Miz Radio Sapphire
that's MSRADIOSAPPH, ire.com and on Instagram.
Until next time, good night. That was the show all you sexy
motherfuckers out there. Remember to follow at Miz Radio
Sapphire and Sapphire's earplay on Instagram.
Want some ear gasms of the past and future?
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