For asexuality people have such a Sheldon Cooper esque visual
image. They kind of assume like not
just your aesthetic or your like age or your race or whatever but
also your personality type. Dude I'm in a old girls school.
We get changed together. If I was a lesbian, I would have
known by now. I think that when you kind of
reach a social point of being like so anonymous and like
invisible, it kind of gives you a lot of leeway to do whatever
you want. You wouldn't guess someone's
entire personality, life history, childhood, future
aspirations, all those things based on them being a lesbian.
But you weren't about someone being like asexual, seeing the
rest of queer culture alike change and grow in conversations
like intersectionality and all these other things.
And asexuality has just been in this Groundhog Days for like 100
years. And I'm like, someone has to say
something else. So let me just do it.
Hello and welcome back to the Queerest podcast telling the
fiercest stories. This is Queer talker and I'm Ben
Shechetti. This week I sit down with
asexual activist and model Yasmin Benoit.
But before we get to that conversation, I've got a very
quick favour to ask. Wherever you are watching or
listening to this episode, hit that subscribe button.
It's one click and it's going to make a massive difference.
It's allowing me to grow this podcast and it's allow me to
bring you the best and the Queerest episodes every single
time. So in advance, thank you.
Now to my conversation with Yasmin.
Right, Yasmin, let's jump straight in and we're going to
jump to our Queer Panic round. And the first question is, what
was the first album you ever owned?
I am pretty sure that it was let go by Avril Lavigne like her
first album in like 2001. Amazing skater boy, all of that.
That's great. OK, well if you had to lip sync
for your life, what song would you choose?
I always like my karaoke song is usually Smells Like Teen Spirit
by Nirvana so I feel like that would have to be my lip sync for
my life. Song.
That would be epic. I'm not sure I've ever seen that
lip sync so I feel like that would.
Be really time to choose rock songs, but I feel like that
would be really fun Bring the. Vibe.
I can totally see it. So what is your favourite queer
movie or TV show? I mean, this is a very basic
choice, but just based on how many I've consumed, it probably
has to be RuPaul's track race in terms of hours I've put into
following the season. Yeah, the seasons, the different
countries. All Stars, All Stars, All Stars,
all of it. I feel it.
Who is your ultimate queer icon? It is a man who's actually on
the poster that's like to my left, which is Sir Ian McKellen,
because I grew up obsessed with X-Men and Lord of the Rings and
was very excited to realise who the actor was and like what he
actually stood for and like what he's done.
So he's been like my queer icon ever since.
Yeah, I feel that he's such an icon.
He's such a national treasure and kind of what he's done for
for the queer community, but also for bringing such
incredible mediums to life are X-Men and Lord of the Rings.
Who gets to be involved in two such iconic things?
It's amazing. And then maybe other than a
McKellen maybe, who is one person you would like to hear on
this podcast? I would probably have to go for
someone I'm sure you probably have crossed paths with before.
Like Charlie Craggs is so funny and every interview she gives is
so iconic. I feel like that was a really
fun person to hear from. Yeah, I agree totally.
Well, I will slide into the DMS and see if we can get them on
the podcast. And then finally, what is one
word you would use to describe your childhood?
I would say probably like sentimental.
I'm like very sentimentally attached to my childhood because
I feel like it was just really, it was good And and I'm one of
those people that's like just so nostalgia based because I enjoy
it. So I reflect on it fondly.
Yeah, I love that. Well, let's dig into that a
little bit more because as listeners know, I have this
theory about understanding someone as a young person to
understand them as an an adult. And we all like to consider
ourselves adults at this point, I guess, unfortunately.
So you say sentimental. So what do you know?
What should I know about you as a young person, child, teenager,
to understand the Yasmin that sits in front of me today?
Probably that. I mean, I was very, to be
honest, I was like a very odd kid.
I feel like I've had the same energy my whole life.
Like as a kid I was like a huge again, X-Men fan, Lord of the
Rings fan, WWE fan, like Rock and Metal fan.
Like I had Green Day pictures all over my room.
Like American Idiot was like my Bible.
I was just very much like marching to the beat of my own
drum, which my family very much let me do.
But it was not like, it didn't make me very popular at school,
but I was very like resistant to conformity and like amending
myself to make myself more popular and make friends.
I was very much just like, rebelliously, like lone wolfing
it to a counterproductive degree like well into college.
Like I started to think I was cool until like adulthood.
So what was it then? You know, we all talk about that
kind of nostalgic feeling. What was what kind of was the
nostalgia for you and kind of why do you have such a
sentimental attachment to kind of your your younger self?
I think just because, well, partially I think it's because
I've always like lived in the same place my whole life so I
can, which I feel like it's kind of unusual.
So I have like constant reminders of the past around me
all the time. And I also have a weirdly good
memory so I can remember like being in a buggy and being a
toddler. So I like constantly just have
like random memories come back to me and be like, oh, I
remember one else too. And this thing happened.
So I think that has something to do with it.
And then also because like I feel like my younger self would
be very impressed with me and I'm like always thinking like my
younger self think this was cool and she absolutely would like I
enjoy being able to satisfy my my inner child.
Yeah, I love that. I love the phrase be the person
you needed when you were younger.
So I kind of feel like you're doing that for yourself, which
is very, very cool. So if you take yourself back to
that time, then do you remember the first LGBTQ plus person you
kind of became aware of and how that felt in yourself?
You know what, it's weird because when I think about it,
and the only reason this came to me recently is because there's
been all that stuff about America's Next Top Model.
And now I think about it because I feel like that show didn't get
the credit for like the representation side of things.
I was thinking before a Drag Race.
It probably was actually not show because I used to watch
that as a kid, like seeing like Isis King and like Miss J and
like people like that. I think they were probably the
first like, black queer people that I actually saw on TV, like
before Paul's Jack race became popular.
Like I definitely saw like white queer people.
But yeah, that was like the first black ones I think that I
ever saw. Yeah.
It's so interesting and we will definitely get to kind of the
intersectionality of it because I think it's so interesting how
there are so many different components to our personalities
and obviously and our identities.
And obviously for you and I'm, I'm so curious to jump into this
because for our listeners who might not be familiar with it or
might have confusion around it or just haven't got as much
exposure. So I don't think it gets as much
mainstream representation. And you can obviously educate me
on this as well, like about the representation, but how do you
personally define asexuality? Yeah.
So asexuality just means when you experience little to no
sexual attraction towards anyone, regardless of their
gender. So it's a type of sexual
orientation, but kind of in the way that it isn't necessarily
oriented anywhere. So when some people kind of want
to be like, well, it's not actually a sexual orientation
then. And I'm like, well, in the same
way as black is the colour if you want to take it that way.
So, yeah, and I'm curious then for, you know, so for some of
our listeners who might be listening and might, I guess, be
wondering if they relate to what you're describing, how would you
explain the difference between asexuality and then things like
libido and sex drive that I feel like there's a lot of kind of
confusion and confusion around. Yeah, well, I mean, there are
people that are straight or gay or bi or whatever, and they
might go through a slump, they might have a dry spell, they
might have, I don't know, beyond medication that impacts their
libido. It doesn't stop them from being
gay. It doesn't stop them from being
straight and then vice versa. Like I'm doing experience sexual
attraction towards anyone. But I would say my libido was
like very average too high half the time.
So it doesn't necessarily have to be hide to anybody in order
to have a sexuality, if you think about it.
Yeah, I completely agree. And then I'm curious for you
like because we, as I just said and you let me know if I'm
incorrect in this, but it feels like asexuality just doesn't get
as much representation in mainstream press.
I know there has been some more recently and media and a lot of
us kind of learn to identify ourselves through things we see
when we're younger, through representation we see in TV or
movie or books or whatever it might be.
So I'm curious when you first became or came across the term
asexual and what that moment felt like you and did it kind of
immediately resonate or did it take time to kind of recognise
that in yourself? It was, it was kind of a
combination. So I as the one who was a
teenager in like the twenty 10s, it was kind of like, well, I say
it was the peak Tumblr era. People older than me say
actually it was not, but it was when Tumblr was still like
pretty popular and I went to like a very bi curious all girls
school where our school reunions are like at pride to this day.
OK, so it was kind of like people were like, it was pretty
cool to have like a niche orientation thing, especially in
my social circle, which was all of like the emo kids.
So everyone was pretty by coded anyway.
And yeah, so it was actually other people kind of suggesting
it to me because I just wasn't giving anything.
And it was very, very obvious. And it was like a popular hobby
in my like year group to kind of come up with theories as to like
what my deal was. And yeah, so someone kind of
suggested it to me. And then I went down like a
little Internet rabbit hole and I was like, terminology wise,
yes, it fits. Usefulness wise, not really
because no one knew what it meant outside of like a very
particular niche of people. So what's kind of a point in
having a term that you that it doesn't mean anything?
Everyone I saw on the Internet were white teenagers.
So I was like seemed very niche. Bit tuny I would say in terms of
like who was identifying as asexual?
And then I then couldn't use the word because then when I tried
to use it, people were like, well, you don't look asexual
because they're also thinking of blue haired white awkward
teenager cliche. So me being like a black girl,
it just wasn't fitting. So I was like, OK, I feel like
this is the right word, but also I can't really use it or embrace
it properly. And it was, again, it was so
niche. Like it was like, it's not in
the curriculum, It wasn't on TV, it wasn't in anything.
So I was kind of like, how do I even know this is legit?
How do I know that some kid on, on Tumblr didn't just make it
out? So I literally didn't really use
the word, even though I kind of knew that's what I was.
Yeah, that's interesting. And I'm curious to pick on
something you just said, which was, you mentioned that people
kind of it became a hobby of people to kind of try and quote
unquote, guess what your deal was?
How does that, how did that feel though?
Because you are obviously trying to explore yourself, you're
trying to identify your how you are feeling and how you identify
to have everyone kind of like quote unquote, trying to figure
out for you like it did. How did that feel?
And do you think that kind of slowed the process down?
Did it kind of speed the process up because you felt like this
pressure to figure out your deal?
I mean, I think it actually it speed it up.
So in hindsight, while it wasn't enjoyable, I'm like, I'm kind of
glad that people would just not get off my pack.
And we're like annoying because it did.
Like there are lots of people that don't realise or don't
discover these things until they're like in their 40s or 40s
or whatever. But because people were so
freaking obsessed, like wouldn't leave me alone, it meant that in
hindsight, I did kind of. It did speed up the process.
But yeah, it was annoying at the time because the assumptions
people were making were not positive assumptions.
And even after I found the word, they were not positive
assumptions. I mean, well, one of them that
wasn't necessarily negative was just like, oh, she's gay.
Like people just assumed I was like, gay and would like, there
was this song by this band who, I do not remember their name,
but they were like popular on YouTube at the time.
But they had this song that was like, oh that girl, she must be
a lesbian who would just sing that to me every freaking time.
I came into like my student area because I'm almost like
convinced I was a lesbian and I was like, dude, I'm in an old
girls school. We get changed together.
If I was a lesbian, I would have known by now.
Like come on, there's options everywhere.
Like, I would just be a lesbian if that's what this was like.
Yeah. So it was, it was, it was weird
because also, yeah, people would just like, oh, there must be
something kind of like wrong with her.
Like, is she traumatised? Did she get abused as a kid?
Is she stunted? Like those were kind of like the
overarching ones that people would just casually say to me.
And so even after I like, had the term, people still be like,
oh, no, you're not. You're probably just this.
And then I was like, you know what?
I'm just like never mentioning this again.
Which obviously I ended up mentioning it again, but I did
actually spend many years like dodging it.
And when do you think you stopped kind of quote unquote
dodging it? So when did you start to feel
authentically yourself, authentically identify with
asexuality? And when then do you feel like
you could just bring it? Because obviously what you do
today is you're bringing that to the world and you're helping
educate, you're helping to kind of bring that kind of
representation so powerfully. When did you feel comfortable
doing that? It was pretty much when I was
out of school and like, no one could bother me anymore.
It was like, yeah, I feel like I was in uni at that point.
And at uni I was very much one of those kids that just did the
work and went home. I was not communicating with
people. I was not like that interactive.
So I was pretty anonymous. And I think that when you kind
of reach a social point of being like so anonymous and like
invisible, it kind of gives you a lot of leeway to do whatever
you want, like chaotic as it is, because it's like, well, what's
anybody going to do about it? So that's when I was like
modelling and I was building up my own like online platform
because I was like, no one in my personal life notices so I can
do whatever I want. And then that was when I was
like, oh, and let me just throw this in there because and the
algorithm just kept showing me a sexual related things as it does
because it always knows. And they were just really basic
and like it. I was like, this is exactly the
same stuff I saw when I was like 14.
How is this not progressed? Like I'm seeing the rest of
queer culture like change and grow conversations like
intersectionality, all these other things.
And asexuality has just been in this Groundhog Day for like 100
years and I'm like, someone has to say something else, so let me
just do it. Yeah, I love that.
And one of the things you have spoken about is kind of these
preconceived ideas that people have about how asexual people,
quote unquote, look or present. And I suspect even some of the
people listening to this podcast might have some of those own
assumptions in their heads. So what do you kind of wish
people listening truly understood about asexuality and
those kind of confusions and preconceived ideas that people
have? I think it all comes down to
people just like not taking it for what it is.
I think people don't see it as a sexual orientation in the same
way as they do the others. Like most people I would hope at
this point wouldn't be like, oh, you don't look like a gay man.
Or I mean that's what people probably still to say those kind
of things. But I feel like a lot of time
people would be a kind get able to clock that.
That's a weird thing to say. Like people wouldn't be like on
the basis of your race and be like you're gay.
I don't think so because you're black.
People wouldn't say that before a sexuality.
People have such a Sheldon Cooper S visual.
Yes, that's such a good way to put it.
They kind of assume like not just your aesthetic or you're
like age or your race or whatever, but also your
personality type. Like people kind of take it as
like and also because a lot of our reputation representation
kind of blaze into that of like the kind of awkward wallflower,
like bookish, like doesn't really understand sexuality and
it's like very uncomfortable and squeamish and like very like
twee about it. It's like that kind of like what
we get. So I think that also kind of
plays into it. But I'm just like, it's just a
sexual orientated. Like it's one aspect of a person
that people kind of incorporate like, oh, so your social views
must be like this and you must be like really chast and anti
sex and squeamish and all of these other things that people
encompass into it. Whereas I'm like, you wouldn't
guess someone's entire personality, life history,
childhood, future aspirations, all those things based on them
being a lesbian, but you went for about someone being like
asexual. So I'm just like, just take it
as an orientation. Yeah, and I think some of that
totally comes down to kind of the representation we talked
about. Like there is there has been
such a growth in representation of so many parts of the LGBTQ
plus community, but it feels like in many ways asexuality
hasn't come on that same journey.
Do you think awareness of asexuality is improving or are
we kind of still at the beginning of the journey?
I mean, I can say for myself, I remember seeing obviously
there's an asexual character now on Heart Stopper, and it felt
like for me that was one of one of, if not the first time I'd
seen asexuality represented kind of in a mainstream show.
Yeah, I mean, I think it's, I don't know, it's, it's hard to
say cuz I feel like we're, we're in a very fragmented media era
where things don't hit the way they used to hit.
I think just in terms of like what was the word for like
monoculture where like everyone was kind of tuned into the same
things where it's like, you know, like a billion people saw
the lesbian wedding on friends back in the day.
Whereas unless you're a certain demographic, you're not watching
heart stopper realistically. So a lot of things kind of end
up preaching to the converted sort of.
So I feel like on one hand, it's like we do have media and stuff
aimed at very particular demographic.
So I think is becoming more inclusive, but I also don't feel
like it's gotten outside of a very particular bubble.
And I also feel like it's still stuck in a bit of a Groundhog
Day where it's still very introductory.
Like I think that for asexual representation where where
everyone else was in like the late 90s where we have to play
it so basic and so safe and in that like.
Our characters very much have to still kind of play into the
cliches for people to find them palatable.
Whereas for like every other community, it's like, hey, we
could have a trans girl who's black or who's a sex worker or
who's disabled or who's neuro domestic.
Like all we can put all these things in there and like, oh,
and she can be messy and she can be in the drama, she could be in
the storylines and she can be doing this.
Whereas for us, it's still very much like just drop an
introductory sentence, sit in the background, don't offend
anybody, keep it really, really basic, which I think is why I've
ended up being a controversial example of a sexual
representation just because people are like, I didn't see
that one coming because we're used to the Sheldon Cooper
thing. That's kind of like the safe
zone. And I think we're still kind of
stuck in that. So on one hand, I feel like we
do have, again, I think especially just like with the
Internet, information is more accessible.
There are more examples of characters and stuff, but most
of our asexual characters or books or anything that that has
that, it's very much the same archetype.
And I'm like, I think we should have moved beyond it, but we're
still very much stuck in that safe zone right now.
Yeah. And you said kind of can't, you
know, controversial representation.
What do you think it is about that yourself that people feel
is controversial? Well, based on the comments I
can do. OK.
That my appearance is #1 which is not even specifically my
clothing, it's my race as well. I've noticed just based on the
nature of the comments. Because I can be like covered
from like head to toe. And then it will be like, well,
her lips are a bit or her eyes are a bit.
Her her whole demeanour is giving.
And I'm like, is it my demeanour or is it your like, or is it on
you? You know?
So yeah, I think appearance is definitely one thing.
And I think also just thought like I, I kind of have a very
like, I guess just by virtue of what like my modelling was
separately, I was like, I'm kind of coming into this from a
perspective that reads is very sex positive, Like I am a sex
positive person in terms of my views.
But like it's cut. You can't really dodge it when
it's like, oh, she's also like a lingerie model.
So it's, I think that is also like just like an angle people
aren't really ready for because even like in documentaries and
things like that, like they try to represent asexual people as
being again, very squeamish. Like there's like this kind of
cliche scene that they did in a documentary I was part of like
years ago. And I've been to other countries
and seen that in there other countries documentaries, they
always have the same scene where they take an asexual person and
they put them in a sex shop just to try and get them to like, I
don't know, burst into ball of flames or something like like
thinking they'll be like vampires in the sun.
Like, just because they're like, assume that you're gonna be
against that kind of thing. So for me to kind of immediately
be like, no, I'll write an article for Playboy and yeah,
I'll go for this place and I'll do GQ and I'll do all these
things. People are kind of like, oh, I
don't know what to do with that. And there are even some asexual
people that are like, oh, we don't know what to do with that
either because we were kind of more comfortable with the more
like chast version of the representation.
So yeah, I feel like that's kind of the big part of why people
are like a bit perplexed by me. Yeah, it's so interesting
because I think you, you know, you said something a little bit
earlier on in that I think it's so feels so accurate, which is
this representation is kind of as like quote UN quote, gay
representation was in the 90s, right?
There was this representation that all gay men were incredibly
flamboyant, incredibly camp. And we've managed to kind of
push parts that and it feels like to what you've said
asexuality is still in that, you know, quote, UN quote.
I think it's such an interesting way to put it, quote, UN quote
Sheldon Cooper kind of stage of they're just trying to put
everyone in a single bucket, a single way of representing
yourselves. And I think that's why it's so
important that we do have and you have become such a powerful
voice across the asexual community, but across the LGBTQ
plus community as a whole. When did you, when did you
realise advocacy was something that you had within you that you
had a passion for and also you had a talent for?
Because you can have a passion for something and then not have
a talent for it, but you've got such a keen and clear talent for
it. When did all of that come
together? It was, I mean, it was a
surprise to me. I didn't really know.
I didn't because I mean, like I was like at university, I was
studying crime science. I was assuming I was going to be
like doing something else. Like it wasn't, I wasn't like
setting out for advocacy. I didn't even know anything
about any of this. Like I wasn't again, like I was
the kind of person that just like did the work and went home.
Like I wasn't really on any kind of scene.
I, my friends were not influencers.
I was not, I didn't live in London.
Like I was so like not in the bubble.
I learned everything as I like went.
And it was kind of one of those things where I was like, I kind
of went from just like riding the waves to kind of realising
like, let me steer it in different directions Because I
think a lot of the interest in me initially was kind of shocked
about you. Like the media was kind of just
like, oh, here's the lingerie model that doesn't want to have
sex. Like that was kind of like the
angle that they always went for. And I was like, well, while I've
kind of got your attention, which is very unusual for
anything asexuality related, like let me just see if we can
poke it in a human rights direction or in like a kind of
different way. So it was kind of something that
I just sort of fell into about really knowing anything about
it. Like I didn't know that there
were like LGBT award shows and like all these magazines and
like this whole like sphere. I think especially like in
London, like I don't need been to London Pride once before.
I was like doing things in it, like, like it was all like very
kind of fresh for me. But yeah, after a while I was
like, I can't deny that I've got a knack for it because I'm
managing to kind of make things happen that other people haven't
really been able to do before. But I was, I was surprised.
I was like, this is what I saw coming but I'm into it.
Yeah, and we're all loving it. Like shout out you won the
British LGBT Awards when I was there last year.
It was an incredible moment. I thought it was such a cool
thing and you obviously have mentioned a few times and I'm
low key a little bit obsessed with modelling at the moment
because I did watch the American Next Top Model documentary not
that long ago. You mentioned your modelling
career. I'm super curious how you got
started in modelling and kind of your career journey there.
Yeah, that was another one of those things that was kind of
like a bit of a fluke, I think, and also kind of connected to
just me being again, like, I was like a very inconspicuous,
invisible kid. I did as I was not popular.
I didn't have a lot of friends to hang out with, so I just had
a lot of hobbies. And I'm also an only child.
So I was definitely like from childhood, just always doing
like martial arts and gymnastics or football, like whatever it
was. And then I think, I know, I
think someone just like all my picture on my mom's desk and was
like, oh, does she want to do like Kitty modelling and stuff?
Like when I was younger. But then I kind of aged out of
it kind of quickly because I was like already like hitting like
16 ish. But I was like, Oh well, I kind
of was like that kind of made me intrigued by though like I
hadn't thought about it before. And also as someone that was
very into like and still is into like alternative fashion and
like alternative subculture and like heavy metal and stuff,
there was a big gap in terms of black models in that, which had
kind of made my life harder because people prior to being
like you don't look asexual. It would always see people like
judging my style like on that basis.
So I kind of like was more interested in that area.
So all my early work is still a lot of my work now as a brand
like Kill Star and Disturbia and Cyber Dog and like all of that.
And then because they had like double DS more appropriate for
lingerie than catwalk. So I wouldn't have been against
a catwalk, but that's just not my body shape.
So kind of also started doing all that.
And then, yeah. And then kind of the activism
kind of came into it. But yeah, it was just another
one of those things where I actually sort of approached it
from like a, like all of the original articles that I wrote
were all about like representation in fashion and
about alternative subculture and like blackness and like Gothic
settings and all those kind of things.
Like that was like what my early writing was about, like before
the asexuality stuff. So I think that was probably
like an example of my early interest in this without it
manifesting the same way. It was like same energy for
sure. Yeah.
And is there a moment from kind of your modelling work you look
back on as like such a proud moment or a particular moment
you kind of feel such pride about?
I think for me it's just being able to work with the kind of
places that I really liked when I was younger, like I remember
as a kid. So he like didn't live in
London. Like I went to Camden Market to
get my prom clothes. So yeah, like, yeah, the corset,
the Tutu, the big boots. I remember seeing like fibre dog
and being like, Oh my God, that's the coolest thing I've
ever seen in my life. Like, but I never would have
thought like, oh, I could like shoot for them someday or
something. So when I actually did get to do
that and I could go on their website and see myself on there
like in the clothes, I'm like, oh, my younger self would never
believe that. Like I have pictures of my like
16 year old self outside the cyber dog like, and even the
same for like Anne Summers. Like there's a picture of my
teenage self because I thought Anne Summers was so pretty and
mysterious for some reason as a kid.
And there's a picture of me like outside of one of their shops
when I was like 15. And then I got to like model for
them like as an adult. And I'm like those kind of
things. Like very much ties back to me
satisfying the inner child would never believe it.
Yeah, I love that. That's so cool.
And it's so nice that you kind of, you know, it's for your
inner child. But there'll be so many young
people out there who can kind of see themselves reflected.
And that's how I can achieve these things.
And I think because we touched on insectionality so much, I am
curious, and it comes up a lot on this podcast because so many
of us have so many different dimensions to our personalities
and our identities. How How is the intersection of
being a Black asexual woman shaped your experience today?
I mean, I think it's made a big difference because it's kind of
one of those like minority within a minority experiences.
Because I kind of realised like right at the beginning, like,
oh, being black is going to make a different not just like in
life, but also in terms of like the asexuality part.
Like my peers in like such a kind of bi curious, queer
friendly old girls school. They, it wasn't that they didn't
believe in asexuality. They didn't believe in it for me
in particular. So I kind of already caused the
distinction there. And then also again online, like
I'm seeing all this stuff, but I'm like, there must be a reason
why I'm not seeing any black people talking about this, why
it's only like white kids. And then when I kind of started
doing this work, like I remember like the first kind of
documentary I did, they only wanted to put white people in it
and like the one that was on asexuality.
And then I did like another one that we were intentionally
aiming to make it more diverse and like it was me and three
other white people. But when it came to the
televised version, they cut me out of it.
And like, I'm understanding this now.
Like, I'm getting it. Yeah, I was still on the online
version. And the comments I got compared
to the comments that, like, the white asexual people and it got
was like, drastically different. Like mine were so like, sexually
aggressive, like, weird and violent.
And like, everyone else's was just like, I don't understand
that term. And then for me, it was like,
hope she gets raped and deported.
And I'm like, OK, different energy again, it's just been a
different energy like ever since.
Like people just do not interpret it the same way.
Like even. And also I think just like in
terms of activism, like in the scene, as I'm sure you've seen,
it's a very, I don't think this is just a UK thing, but it's a
very like like white gay seen when it comes down to it, like
in London and beyond. Like if you're talking about who
runs the platforms or who has the who's like in control of
anything, it is kind of one particular demographic, which
means that people kind of have that subconscious thing where
they're more just inclusive of people that look like them.
So even just like getting in the room is harder because I'm like,
I'm only going to be one of a couple of black women in there
and Lady Phil's going to be the other one.
So like there's only so many, there's only so much space.
Like it's, I think intersectionality is not really
a conversation. The career scenes got a hold of
very well yet. So even if I'm just trying to
get asexuality in there, I've got the additional hurdle of
that I don't fit just as like a black woman.
So even getting in proximity to people to tell them about
asexuality is hard. And then even trying to organise
things like within the asexual community because there's like
racism there as well. It's a predominantly white
community. So it's just like, it's just
like an extra layer on top of all of the layers really.
Yeah, and then I'm so, you know, social media can be such a
positive thing in that it allows us to have a platform and to
tell our stories. But obviously, as you've just
alluded to, the comments section and what can come through can be
horrific and really damaging and obviously have a massive impact
on people's mental health. How do you protect yourself from
that? How do you continue to be such a
positive force for change whilst kind of like knowing that that's
the backdrop of it all? I think, and I mean, this always
sounds bad and I'm not advocating for it, but I do
think it was somewhat beneficial that I got bullied in school.
And I'm not saying we should bully kids, but I do think that
it built so, you know, some resistance for me.
And that was kind of one of the early things when I, when you
were like, oh, when did you kind of realise that you had like a
knack for it? I was like this like a lot of
other people I know that have tried this.
Once that part starts or once it kind of starts getting hard,
they're just like immediately burned out immediately over it.
Like I don't get burned out for whatever reason.
I don't know why I don't like it just like it's irritating, but
it's not like destructive for me.
I'm, it kind of rolls off me very easily, I think because I'm
also like, I'm pretty good at like separating it.
Like I think outside of like people knowing my work in terms
of asexuality and modelling and stuff, most people don't know
anything else about me. And I'm not against that.
Like I'm not one of those. Like people don't even know
where I live half the time. Like people just assume I'm just
in London all the time. Yeah, who don't know what I do
outside of this. So what my interests are
anything or who my friends are or, and I'm so I kind of feel
like I have like a Hannah Montana like alter ego sort of
where I can just like I can literally just go back to like
being totally invisible and like conspicuous like in my town.
And then I go back to like the glamour and confusion of London.
And then I head back out. And I think it's kind of the
same with the Internet. Like, I'm kind of good at being
like just drifting off into my own alternate reality and yeah,
just like going into my own imagination.
So I don't know what it is that makes it easier for me to do
that, but it kind of makes it more manageable.
And then also I feel like I can kind of use myself as a case
study because a lot of people don't understand what hatred
towards asexual people looks like.
I got happy to be like, well, how could anyone be mad at that?
What would they even say? And I'm like, here you go.
I have many example. I'm like, I've noticed people
have literally used me in like essays and stuff as an example,
like as a case study of these things.
So I feel like it can kind of make it useful in terms of like
raising awareness of what like ace phobia looks like.
So it's not an entirely like futile experience.
Yeah, And look, you, we've come up a lot on this podcast.
It's this idea of your younger self and this idea of being the
person you needed when you were younger.
The person is going to think it's so cool that you're
achieving all these things. So as we end the podcast, I want
to revisit your younger self. If you could give your younger
self one piece of advice, what would it be?
And would it be different if I said, what advice would you just
give to a young LGBTQIA plus person today?
I think you would be the same actually, because like what I
would say to my younger self would just be like, stay weird
because there's a lot, a lot of pressure not to be like, it was
very counterproductive for many years, but I never conformed.
And I feel like if I had done, it would have taken me way
longer to get to this stage. And also it's like it did work
out in the end, which it can be kind of hard to think that far
ahead when your brain still like developing.
But like literally like I can say that my school bullies
follow me on Instagram now and they think I'm awesome.
Like it's literally that like, like I never changed my style,
my interests. I didn't pretend to be anything
else and people just got over it and got into it.
So and I feel like that is kind of how it once you just get out
of that intensity of school, you there are so many more like like
minded people out there, you just gotta get through that bit.
So yeah, that would be my advice.
Yeah, I think that's great advice.
What you know, when you're younger, what you feel makes you
different is actually what makes you unique, and it's going to
what's going to be kind of a superpower for you going
forward. So I think that's fantastic
advice. Yasmin, thank you so much for
being on Queer Talk with me. There's been such an interesting
conversation and I just think the work you're doing is so
important. And the more that we can raise
awareness and just normalise so many different representations
of all parts of the LGBTQ plus community, I think is really,
really important. So thank you so much for your
work and thank you so much for being on Queer Talk with me
today. Thank you.
Thanks for having me.