Hello, this week going to my family being bloody self, which
had expected me to curtail my podcasting duties for things
like going on holiday, plus some general scheduling malarkey.
I thought it would be a great opportunity to share a show
originally only available to members of the coveted and
highly elitist film club. That's the place where we scoff
behind our fans at the Common Herd, the Goon Pod, Lump and
proletariat. I don't mean it, folks.
I'm working to bring them down from the inside.
Anyway, I figured that as we'd covered the case of the
Muckney's battle horn a couple of weeks ago and discussed Dick
Emery's Goon credentials. And when I come to pen the
definitive history of the Goon Show, which will be a huge Lewis
and esque tome 18 years in the writing, Emery will be much more
than a footnote in their story. He'll get half a page at least
because we've done that, talked about Dick on that show.
I thought it would be a great opportunity to release the show.
I recorded with two chums, Jeremy Lim and Paul Litchfield
off the Trap, where we talked about Dick's 1972 grime caper,
Oh You Are Awful, in which a career conman pursues 4 women
hoping to catch a glimpse of their bums.
The 1970s. What were you like?
I think it's fair to say that Paul and Jeremy were rather
lukewarm towards the cinematic spectacle, but it was a highly
enjoyable edition and I had huge fun recording it with them.
And by the way, there are over 20 other films available if you
subscribe to Goon Pod Film Club for a mere measly 1 English
pound a month, so get on over. But before you do, sit back and
enjoy the chat about a film starring a man once described by
the Bristol Evening Post as a fugitive from the Goon Show.
Lord Dick of Emory show in Oh you are awful.
Oh, and I promise I won't enjoy a single moment of my holiday in
the sun. Oh, excuse.
Me mess. Oh hello, I wonder if you could
help me. I'm looking for the Queen's
picture collection. Oh, it's along there and it's
marvelous. Oh, you're interested in
painting? Are.
You. Yes, my boyfriend paints in
oils. Does he really?
I expect he's done you dozens of times in all kinds of positions.
Oh you are awful. But I like you.
Hello and welcome to Goon Pod Film Club.
This is the podcast in which we look at classic and not so
classic British comedy films with the one hard fast rule that
they mustn't feature a member of the Goons.
Those films are reserved for the other podcast and this month I
am joined by 2/3 of The Trap, it's Jeremy Lim and Paul
Litchfield. Good evening.
I mean, Dick Emery is almost a
member of the Goons, isn't he? I know he's not officially, but
he was, he was definitely on the on the reserve bench, wasn't he?
So Spike got ill, yeah, in in the early, early 53, I think.
And Dick Emery deputized with Graham Stark on alternate weeks
for about 10 weeks on the Goon Show Lizard Tony's and then he
was in the case of the muck in his battle horn, of course, of
course. And and he's done.
The odd Seekin was ill with something golden late late 58
and he stood in for Seekin but he didn't.
He never quite worked on the Goon show from what I've from
what I've heard. Where did he work, I wonder?
Yeah, this is something. Are we safe in saying that
there's a Dick Emery hole in our life that never needs to be
filled? I actually think I actually.
So in case listeners haven't seen the title of this month's
show, we are talking about Dick's 1972 classic.
Oh, you're awful. Yeah.
Brave title in retrospect. Absolutely, yeah.
It is a film that is actually reviewing itself.
Yeah, but it's not. It's got absolutely nothing to
do with the film technically has it.
Quite right pre credit sequence. Pre credit sequence only and The
thing is right. So you guys have been on goon
pod a few times. Oh yeah.
I think the last time you were on was the talk about was it
Paul? I know you've been, you've done
down to the best skills with John, but the two of you did.
Where does it hurt? I think it.
Was the last. Where does it hurt when that was
hurt? That was 1972 as well I think.
Seems now like a joyous run so suddenly up them compared to
your mouth which is being naked and cold in the rain and the.
Crags. Because I know films, some films
try and be funny and and Mr. Mark, I can't even see where
this is trying to be funny at any point.
I I've actually written down the precise moment where I laughed,
and it is once. Oh, he did.
Yeah, once in the film I actually went.
Yeah. Well, the last time I spoke to
you, you wanted to do this. I wanted to do this.
I I said, what do you want to talk about?
And you said, what about? It might be you, Jeremy.
It probably was. Yeah.
Jeremy's stinking mitts all over it.
It does, I'm afraid. But this is despite, this is
despite the fact that. So you watched it preparing for
this, of course, Yeah, of course.
But you've also watched it in the last 12 months.
Well weirdly, despite it not in my view being funny at all, it's
actually it's actually a better film than some of the Tashree
that's a sit through I I, I would contend.
Yeah, no, I, I I think you're right.
It's just not funny, is it? No.
It's forgotten to be funny because of because it's a
vehicle for him to just try out four tired old characters, but
he's a guy who happens to be able to do them, so he's not
Dick Emery. No, it doesn't make.
Sense man who can do these characters so much so that he
he'll really like when he's the roundy old woman kind of wants
to sleep with the port. I know it's.
That you? Yeah, you don't.
How does that kick into your plans of escaping trying?
To trying to avoid being killed. Stop trying to get off with
someone you don't want to get off with.
Exactly. Yeah, because also he's clearly
a heterosexual and why is he getting dragged up going?
I might just give a blowjob to this bloke now I'm on the run.
What's going on? It's, it's, it's, it's the fatal
flaw in this film, isn't it? Really, I wouldn't know.
Yeah, but I wouldn't know how they came up with the concept of
the the the plot because obviously, because The thing is,
it was made. So he's because right. 71 Was it
when the On the Buses film was? I think massive.
Yeah, and that spawned all that spawned all the TV big screen
spin offs. And then you had the nookie
films around this time, as I call them, the purses and you
and and whatnot. I thought I thought you meant,
you know, the Roger de Corsi nookie Bear trilogy race having
sex with Emu Emu Emu. With an emo emo emo.
Having sex with a very young emo.
He was a bit e-mail, wasn't he? It was.
Miserable silent bug. So he had, I'm sure he had
eyeshadow eye line around his eyes, didn't he?
No, that's that's JD Vance. Oh sorry, easily muddled up.
Yeah, but the point I was trying to make is to say what you like.
And Jeremy, you've already said this, more or less.
There's a bit more care and thought gone into this.
I mean, it may not be funny and I and I actually laughed a few
times, but did he? There's a bit more, I think.
I think there's a bit more care and thought and effort gone into
this. I don't I don't like the words
care and efforts being used. So.
It sort of makes sense as a plot.
It's sort of makes. Sense.
No it doesn't. No it doesn't though, does it?
Oh, it doesn't. It doesn't make sense.
You've changed your tune immediately.
Well, he's what he's done. So he's got he's got his two
writers from his TV show. Yeah, the two Johns right.
He's and he's, he said, he's obviously said something like
he's seen the success of On the Buses, he's seen the success of
things like Percy. And he said, can we bring the
two together? So we got a comedy with a bit of
gratuitous nudity. Oh yeah.
And it's, it's, it's completely devoid of boobies, which is an
old thing for him. It's a film made then it's it's
just all bare buttons. Lots of buttons.
The only boobies you see is his and Ronald raises those horrible
cold grey nipples. That's really grim.
Well, maybe. Maybe Dick was a bum man, Who
knows? Don't say all those words in
that order. Or in any order please.
Yeah, please. Maybe he was a bum man.
Yeah. But look, I want to, I want to
point out that you 2 watched this previously because you do
the you'll be doing some film commentaries, haven't you?
Well, kind of. We we all just go.
What? Yeah, about an hour and a half.
The problem is they always do them after we've done sketches
and chat and I think then we're a bit tired.
But also we we try and all watch a film that none of us have seen
before. In, in.
Yeah, in totality, certainly. So we're using them up,
hopefully I. Know you're doing some
recording, some new ones. You have mentioned to me that
you're covering the adventures, yes.
Films, no. I'm not sure if I can do any
more. Yeah, we did one.
And again, it's just one. It was.
Just horrible. It's bleak and boring when it
becomes boring, that's. Boring, I know.
That's that's the worst thing. Right, you should do rent a
Dick. Yes, we should.
You're quite. Aware of that coming, yes,
completely and I have seen it once, but.
Weeks ago. Oh.
OK, no, but when I was like when I was three or something.
Sat down. You were three.
Yeah. With Richard Beckinsale in
Richard Breyer's, Yeah, he was babysitting and putting Yeah,
Ronnie Fraser's in it. Why do you think he turned out
the way he has? Why do you?
Think the show the way he is. I do not like Ronnie Fraser at
all, I'm afraid. No, we'll come to that.
I've got Yeah, I've got I've. Got Yeah, I've got some serious
misgivings. This film has a pedigree in
terms of its production. Launder and Gilead.
Yeah, and also Cliff Irwin, Director.
Do you know Cliff Irwin? Is it?
No, I didn't know that, No. No, I see.
Bravo, Glen Owen. No, I don't think it's terrible.
OK. But no.
Remind me? He directed the wrong arm of the
law. Oh, that's.
Right, OK. Yeah, yeah, he directed a couple
of those Mocha and Wise movies. Yeah, we'll forgive him for
that. And he directed the first
Steptoe film, which isn't good Lord.
That's true, Ashley. So obviously, and I think maybe
he genuinely owed someone money or something like this and John
Warren, who who Co wrote this he he Co wrote two way stretch
Jeremy. Oh well, there you go.
Oh well, hang on now. It's got, I mean, it's got
certain things in common with, with both those Cellars, prison
commodities, isn't it? They're sort of disguises and
the I'm. I'm not sure that's enough.
Hitler was a lovely painter.
Exactly. Was he in this film or didn't
spot? It is he.
Is he in this is rubbing mitts all over it.
No, I'm sure Dick Eberry's probably done Hitler.
He's probably had a Hitler. God, Yeah, he probably gave
Freddie Starr the idea. But.
The the Is it Frank Londer and Sidney Gilead?
Yes, I think so. They're executive producers and
they, they, they wrote the lady vanishes.
So how do they, how do they get from that to this?
It's a strange, strange career projectory.
Career projectory, project career projectory.
That's the word. Yeah, they're not really.
There are. They're just fannying about in
pubs, occasionally going in, going keep up with good what and
the crime element in this. I'm thinking this doesn't it,
though? All films have to do this.
There has to be some sort of mob.
Yeah, because when you got around this time, you've got a
villain and get Carter. Yeah, of course they make The
Godfather or The Godfather's out the year this is out.
Exactly. It's it's always contemporaneous
with The Godfather. Yeah, so that so you've got this
crime element where he's his life's in danger by getting
mixed up with gangsters. But yet.
He's constantly being saved which I never understand why
they do that because they they're orders that begin to
kill him. Well, well, I mean they.
Spent the whole film saving him. No, the mafia.
The mafia is saving because they want to find out the money.
But Darren Nesbitt was to kill him for no very good reason.
No, no, not at all. He wanted to kill.
Darren Nesbitt. He wanted to kill Ronald Fraser,
which he did, thank God, but he was.
I think they want. To kill Emery, but that's
confusing as well because it looks like Ronald Fraser's like
luring Charlie into a trap but then gets killed himself.
Let's go stand next to this rickety wall while I tell you.
Yeah, because he. Looks pretty.
Shitty. He's like let's talk here.
Like he looks like he's complicit and then he ends up
dead, giving 2 fingers of course.
Of course for no, do you think? Again, no apparent reason.
Do you think Ronnie Fraser only took this role so he could show
off his fine physique? Oh.
God. Libby, my darling, come to my
bosom and drink deep. Put my lip.
Down. Oh no, I didn't.
Oh no, I've already had a couple of glasses of bubbly and if I
started drinking your lips I'd go for sick.
Oh. She'll have you on the mat in no
time. Oh, I would.
I would is that torso you see? Torso with all that right and on
it. Looks more like a wall of A.
Public loo than a body. Oh look at all them girls names
on there. Lucky Devils.
I've got a theory about Ronald Fraser in this film.
Go on. Yeah, He's a, he's a little
version of Leslie Phillips. Completely, yeah.
But he but but Leslie Phillips is already a sort of ALDI
version of Terry Thomas. He's like a, he's like a British
Home Source version of David Niven.
Do you know what I mean? It's just fractal.
Almost. Yeah.
And the whole film feels like falling over in Asda.
Basically. Yeah, I just run on Frazer's
face. It's horrible.
He looks like a fire damaged Victorian doll or something.
Then all the. So.
Creepy. The.
Pip, it's like a pip is still fat.
But he's supposed to be irresistible to all these.
Really. Yeah, he's supposed.
To be posh, glamorous ladies. Every woman that they speak to
is that. Oh, he was lovely.
I'll tell you. I'll tell you who he hasn't had.
Go on, Pat Coombs. No.
No way. No way.
Would Patty see?
No. But she was.
Everywhere near Roddy's D But she's Oh no, she loves him.
She loves her character. Adores.
Him, but her character just changes in whatever seeds and
sometimes she's angry, sometimes she's sad.
One minute she's a moral compass, the next minute she's
are the best friends in the business.
Pick a tone. She literally finds it funny
occasionally and then it's like crying in the next.
I've never liked Pat Coombs. Oh my.
What? Paul Patterson.
No, listen. No, you listen good.
I've only got 2 autographs in my life.
Terry Rogan and Pat Coombs. Did you?
So you actually met her to get her?
No, no, no, no. Someone gave me an autograph
because she, she happened to be speaking to someone, wrote a
note to someone called Paul. So someone got it for me for my
birthday. God it.
Was a job service jobs. You know.
Job Centre. Class she's she's actually
thanking the fan for sending an SAE so she didn't have to fork
out for postage and she goes not not a lot of people do that.
Is that what she said? Yeah, that's what that's what
she writes under her. But that's not her catch phrase.
I know that's Silla's. Why is Pat?
Why is Patty Coombs's? No, it's not.
That's Michael Caine's. Oh yeah, no, it's not Marty
Kane. It's the Kane.
I don't think she has a cat phrase, does she Patty?
See. She's too classy.
Yeah, no catch phrases 00. Probably.
Cat phrases. Oh, I'll do that too.
Yeah. Yeah.
How much is that? That's.
A yeah, How fucking much? That's a cat phrase.
Let me start talking about it, please.
Yes, That's not talking about it.
All right. OK, so what's the so the bit.
So we have to have Mandy at the beginning outside Buckingham
Palace. She's got a she's got a key
impression. I say she is Dick, but that's
Dick. That's.
But that's Charlie. That's Charlie.
That's the character of Charlie. Yeah, but where's he been, CC?
Tulley. Charlie Tulley, The best way to
get the impression of a key somehow is dressed as Mandy.
So he's been wandering around, I presume, going, oh, you're awful
and. It's really deep.
Into traffic. Really obvious.
That's 5:00 shadow and 5:00 shadow pushing pushing 60 if
he's a day. Yeah, and invariably every time
he has any sort of badonage. Oh, she's like she has any
badonage when someone has to walk out of shot, either
adjusting knickers or falling over.
I because. That's the way Dick Henry leaves
everyone of well, that's the trouble.
Isn't it? But he can't do that.
He can't do the come here the beckon to.
The exactly to. The photographer, man, No, that
wouldn't be, you know, wouldn't that's the that's the again,
right. It's the fundamental flaw of
it's. Fundamental flaw.
Well, Dick Henry's got a thing about Americans for this in this
film. Because Charlie or Charlie
Tulley has, because he's always trying to.
He's either hitting them or, yeah, swindling them.
I suppose they're, you know, dumb Americans, I suppose.
Yeah, gullible, dumb Americans. It's quite xenophobic, the film
generally. There's a very yeah, Japanese
tourists near the beginning. Shocking.
So yeah, we get, we get the
credits. The credits are just the cameras
locked in place and we're seeing cars driving past the palace.
There should have been something, some comedy business
going on. It was a waste.
There's some funky music there. There's some very funky music,
isn't it? Slightly.
It's pub band music isn't. It it's a Cabeza who later at
the theme to Poirot fairly. Is it?
I think so. Chris Gunning is his name.
Oh. My.
God. Also, I think he wrote the Yeah,
they think he wrote the martini sting for the martini.
Others Anytime, any place, anywhere.
That's Dick Emery. That's Dick Emery.
Emery Place. Emery Time.
Yeah. So he's got an impression of a
key, which, OK, sure. What's that for?
What's the key for I I don't know.
Because that's no, no, no. Because he has the door open for
him. Doesn't he buy that?
Or does he? He does, yeah.
The guard opens the door for him.
Oh, I see. He's dressed as a like a
Viscount. He's got this little goatee
thing. And.
Yeah. And what?
So he looks exactly like the Viscount that works there
because the guard immediately said, oh, hello, Sir.
He knows who he is. Just because he's talking in a
posh voice. Oh well, he obviously knows.
Oh, he's a monocle. Why doesn't he go?
Sorry, I don't know who you are. So this is the ruse is it's the
beginning ruse. So that's that's sort of the
point of the film is that he's supposed to be a gang, you know,
criminal genius, isn't he? But it's basically everyone else
is totally shit and thick, yes that he comes across because why
would you go along with anything?
It's roses, everyone. That's just fucking shit.
It's in. It's in the script.
It said the film wouldn't work otherwise.
So Canon. If everyone in the film was like
Frank Grimes and The Simpsons seeing through it all, then it'd
be a very short film indeed. But they're, yeah, they're
they're all, they're all unwitting dupes, aren't they?
They are, yeah. Because CC Tulley, he, he's very
much the shit. Fletch House Tulley.
Yeah, he's Fletch. Basically.
Yeah, he sort of is. I'm not the series of disguises
lovable rogue he gets. He gets access to the side room.
So it's the it's the Queen's Gallery art Gallery.
Yes. That's attached to Buckingham
Palace or something. Yes, and they're showing the
Dutch collection. I drove past it in a taxi only
yesterday. Oh, there you.
Go. This is.
What? You drove past this.
Film, Yeah, Two of us is now, well, it's now called the Kings
Gallery. You've driven past that.
Have you ever been in? No, never been in.
Yeah, I've been in. I've been in Waterloo station,
we see a lot of that. I've been there.
I've been there, yeah. See more than we bargained for,
don't we just? But yeah, so he goes in and then
puts a picture of the Queen down and his whole con is to con 2
Italian men in just thinking. They're.
Going to marry the. Son is going to marry Princess
Anne. Yeah.
But to do that, they need a deposit, half a million.
Pounds to to buy Princess Anne's, actually.
To buy Britain, it's a business where he has to do a telephone
call, but I presume he pretends he's talking to the Queen.
Yeah, and he's got the seven third wire.
And then he show, he shows the seven third wire.
But he doesn't even do a double take and hide it.
He. Just he just literally holds it
up to go look this isn't real. Well, maybe that's maybe that's
the criminal mastermind. Just, you know, it's.
Double black. Hiding in plain sight, yeah.
I I read a few newspaper reviews from the time right about this
film and you loved it. And the quite a few of them were
were it was actually quite well received.
Yeah, yeah, I'm going to come to one later.
But there's this scene went down well with this particular
reviewer. I'm going to use a derogatory
word here, but I have to use it. But it's in the context of a
1972 newspaper review. He talks about Charlie's schemes
and he says he says the 1st is a brilliant stroke collecting a
half million dowry from a gullible whop thinks his son is
going to marry Prince's Anne. Is this is?
This some of the Times of London.
Actually, he's completely exchanging Mark.
He's completely wrong. It's gullible.
What's that? True.
Yeah. I mean, come on.
Idiot. So this is the.
Young man who is going to marry our Princess Anne?
May I express the great joy of the Ferrucci family at this
tremendous honour. We are overwhelmed over our good
fortune. Well, Signor, the Foreign Office
feels the closer link with Italy is highly desirable in view of
our impending entry into the Common Market.
Isn't that serves the child? Oh absolutely, dear boy.
Bearing in mind that the Greeks and the Germans are already
pretty well represented in the royal family.
There is a good boy you are going to play for Italy.
Quite, which brings us to what one might call the transfer fee.
Common. The marriage settlement.
Oh, yes, yes. Seems a pity that solid
financially enter into a matter of this nature, but in view of
the difficulties of Her Majesty is having with her wage claim
and the expense of a royal wedding, I can assure you the
Archbishop of Canterbury does not come cheap.
You will understand. Please say no more, I'm only too
happy to oblige. The only the only time I've ever
seen Princess Anne, I was wearing slippers because I'd
locked myself. I'd through the door.
No, I'd locked myself out of the house.
He locked yourself out, and Princess Anne was in passing.
No, one of my flatmates was. I had to go to their work, and
then Princess Anne was visiting that day.
I was like hanging around outside of his slippers.
Mrs. Anne walks past he. Was new.
Nice. Slippers.
Not. Neff off.
I once got shoved off a dining
car because she wanted to have some ketchery.
Really. Yeah.
I was on a some of those long distance poem things about to
have like breakfast, and they went, oh, actually, can you all
fuck off? And we're like, why?
He said. Because Princess Anne's on board
and she wants a breaky, so we all had to leave the carriage
until she'd finished. You were riffraff.
Yeah. Of course.
Well, he still is. Still, the day I was born.
What was that? The one thing, the one thing
that happened on the day I was born, right, was that there was
an attempted kidnapping of Princess Anne.
Do you really? Oh, yes, I remember that.
Yeah. Well, I don't remember it, but I
remember it being on the Crown. She was hot stuff in her day, of
course. She was quite.
Tidy. It's like the. 1972 equivalent
of Taylor Taylor Swift. Well, she wasn't really, was
she? But she was a 70s equivalent of
Dennis Taylor. But the kidnapper there would be
kidnapper because it failed. It didn't.
He didn't pull it off.
Oh, you can't pull them all over Anti His, his.
His plan was that he was going to kidnap her and he was going
to. He was going to get a private
plane. Yeah, laid on.
And he wanted £2,000,000 in ransom money.
And the Queen has the Queen herself had to board the plane
with the suitcase full of money? Was this criminal Donald Trump?
That was his. That was his cunning plan.
To be honest, all you got to do to get president is good.
Do you want to see a horse? He's got there immediately.
Well, that's what. That's the joke in the film, of
course. Oh, that's a hilarious joke in
the film. Well, what do I say to him?
Don't I just talk about horses for two hours?
Tyler, has there been anything in the film that you've laughed
at yet? No, no, not yet.
I'll let you know. I'll let you know.
Please do, please do. Because you you just talk about
the horses, though there's a bit in this where the door opens and
you just see a corgi scamper in which is always, always
shorthand for the queen in these sorts of screens there.
And they both bow and then it cuts.
So I'd imagine basically met the queen.
She's going. Yeah, we're free.
She's not planning on marrying. Yes, they have to have that
conversation. Call it 6,000,000 and we'll
talk. Yes, we've got a.
Deal. You.
Can have Eddie as well. No, Yeah, Edward, for half the
price. And Andy for. 7D because that.
Was currently back level. And Andrew, or Joffrey as we
call him. We got we, we got Reggie.
It is Reggie. Ronald Fraser is called Reggie,
isn't it? And we see because they've got
to establish his character. So we see them on the street.
They've had, they've got this suitcase full of money, Yeah,
and, or bombs, whatever it is. And he, he spots, he spots a
couple of fabulous birds. He does.
He looks at their bottoms and goes.
And the camera zooms in, of course, just to.
Of course, yeah. Just to, you know, just to
verify what he's looking at. Yeah, yeah.
So he's he's basically sex mad Pat Coombs.
At first I thought Pat Coombs was Mrs. Dick Emery in this, but
no, she's just, no, she's just a landlady and her husband's in
chokey, isn't he? Yeah, she.
She's like she sort of helps out the local crim's because she's a
she mentioned she's a fence. She forges passports.
I thought, I thought they missed a bit.
He should have got out at the end.
Her husband and then Arthur Mullard or someone.
Yeah, exactly. Who?
Just, yeah, who basically goes BIFF and then punches the film
into another film or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Punches the credits. But no, no.
We don't get that he's he's off screen.
He's. An off screen character.
It's our two crim's sort of celebrating their con but also
establishing because they've ever had to take their shirt
off, which is repulsive. That's Ronald Fraser is sex mad
and collects trophies of every woman he sleeps with by having
their name tattooed. And everyone.
Has hearts on him and everyone thinks he's like pure love.
Charlie described it as looking like a toilet wall.
His chest, which I thought was quite.
I think that was quite. I think I titted it that.
Fair enough, I'll give you that. Like someone's pissed on a bag
for life. So but they but Pat Coombs eyes
him up when he's topless as. Well, she likes him.
Yeah, she likes him. Like he's Ryan Gosling.
Yeah, Reynolds. Anyway, they've got a plane to
Switzerland to catch. And you think it's going, it's
going fine. The plan's working well.
Yeah, so far so good. And you got these angry Italians
that the the angry Italians turn up at the airport and just
somehow miss Charlie and Reggie, who also turn up at the airport.
I thought there was going to be some.
Yeah, They both turn up at the airport separately, pretend not
to know each other. There's no reason for them to do
that. Yes, it's, but they sort of bash
bash into each other and say excuse me or something.
Yeah, there's no reason at all for any of this.
There you go. Yeah, as far as they know, no
one's looking with them. Yeah, no one's looking with them
at all. And do you remember the times
when you could leave your luggage on a seat in an airport
lounge? And.
And attach a dog to it. And attach it off to it.
You could set it on fire, you can write, you can write bomb on
it. And everyone would laugh.
But Charlie being like, he can't resist the perfect calm, can he?
No. He sees 2 dumb Americans and
there's a you know, dog and he somehow alludes that they can
buy the dog off him. Which is a very stupid thing to
do because as you know. Airports, quarantine issues,
like yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a nightmare to get that dog
to America. But also he's, he's not doing it
in any hurry, surely he's just run, you know, just popped to
get a pint. Exactly.
Or he's like sat sit next to it. It's like just just a thing.
Thank you. Nick I.
Think you pillock? That's.
A pillock. That's a pillock.
So she said oh darling, I'd love one of them.
And he keeps calling it a male name and then realizes it's a.
Female. Yeah.
But doesn't. But doesn't make a joke, just
goes. Yeah.
Husband got a car? Cool.
Yeah, we could have said bitch and she would have gone.
I beg your pardon? Near the dog.
You know, yeah. Then one thing I noted the very,
very poor people on tolerance in this when they're, when they're.
Terrible. They don't make any sense at
all. I know they try one occasionally
because they think it's, you know, it's got a bit saucy so
you need to make a double entendre.
It's sort of half done and then abandoned.
So. Give me an example, I can't
bring one to mind. Well, the when she's having a
bum taken photo of in the in the photo booth.
Yeah. Passport photo.
Oh well, we're going down under. Oh yeah.
What? How does that explain anything?
Yeah, we're going down a bum. Going down under a Australia's
an Uranus, didn't you know? This plane's going to go up in
the air, but immediately down a bum.
Anyway, the airport scene. It reminded me slightly of
Mission Impossible Dead Reckoning.
Yeah, really. If, well, you know.
If I haven't seen it so I'll take your word for that, but.
If you imagine Dick Emery is Hayley Atwell and Tom Chris.
Which you must do. Tom Chris is Ronald Fraser and
it's plays out exactly the same beats.
Yeah. But for all the beats.
Well, they needed they needed some way of getting Charlie sent
down for six months, Yes. Yeah.
So he just gets caught and there's no like he just, he's
on, he's on the steps. Someone pointed him, that's the
man. And there's a policeman.
He just sort of goes no. And that's that.
Seemed dumb. Then he gets sentenced.
There's a sort of weird courtroom scene where the judge
has got a hat on and she's got a little dog next to her.
Yeah, she looks like she's just come out of the office of the
lady. Yeah.
Or yeah, just like on the way to a hunt or something.
Yeah, it's like, no, you where's, where's your wig, love?
There's a lot he gets. Sentenced for six months.
Yeah, there's a lot of this will do.
And oh. So much this will do.
The Norman Bird as the prison guard.
That's his name, I. Couldn't remember his name.
Norman. He always plays, he always plays
the loser characters, doesn't he?
Hapless isn't. He hapless.
That's exactly it. Yeah, that's what I wrote.
Hapless man. He's a sort of slightly less
lowest status. David Lodge took character.
Isn't he? There you go.
Yeah, yeah. And he's also being conned as
well. Yeah.
Have you thought any? More about picking the crew for
the boat. Boat, Yeah.
We can't get to the island where Morgan buried the treasure
without the boat, can we? Oh, that boat.
Now don't you go running yourself about the minor
details, old son. You leave all that to me.
Yeah, but I can't stop thinking about it.
Three and a half, £1,000,000 in golden jewels, give or take.
100,000. Yeah.
Do you want me splitting it down the middle?
It can't be bad, eh? Keep your voice down.
Do you reckon the we're. I think I'll have a bit of
chicken for supper tonight. Yeah.
Or jolly with chips. I mean, how well this is this is
this is the where you genuinely would fall for this?
There's a treasure map. Oh yeah.
This is this is your man. Yeah, but this is your man.
What's the name? John Warren, who Co wrote Two
Way Stretch. Yeah, this is him basically
recycling that that idea of the prison guard.
Being enthralled to the. Yeah, being slavish towards the
prisoner, yeah, but you know. Well, so you get that very brief
bit of, oh, by the way, I talk, I say everything in my sleep, so
don't tell me anything and I'll never mention this again.
Oh. Yes, yeah, that that will never
be referenced, so don't worry. Yeah.
Until von Smallhausen. Oh, of course.
It is, yes. Yes, yes, you sell me.
That was written in capitals on my notes in brackets.
John Louie Mancy. Yeah.
Fantastic. Yeah, so basically he's, but
he's getting special treatment, isn't he?
Preferential treatment in prison because he's.
That's great. Promising the warden that he'll
give him first dibs on £3,000,000 worth of, I don't
know, Aztec gold or something. Such tosh.
It's. Yeah, the treasure of the Sierra
Madre, whatever it is. Yeah.
And he, he gets two extra packets of snow.
It's a Kit Kat and a doppy, Chris.
Oh, we forgot to mention though I've got to mention that the
two, the two Italian blokes that that they've ripped off.
Yeah, there's a quick scene in Rome where the the the dad is
talking to a mafia Don. It's very, it's very godfather
because they've got the children in the yeah.
Don Luigi and says we we need to get revenge and Don Luigi says
we will but let's get the money fast.
They must have seen the Godfather.
I mean, when did when did these? Was there time for them to have
seen The Godfather? Well, there was the book.
The book was out before the. Well, I guess it, but there's
all the the maybe they just the music and everything.
Yeah, that's what they did. They just watched the book.
I was going to say the music, but maybe the music's quite sort
of, you know, stock. Yeah, but you know.
Stock Italian and more than four did.
You say stock Aiken? Stock Yeah, stock Aiken and
Waterman. Music.
Yeah. Bringing the water board in,
Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, they did this much better in Cannibal Run 2 with
Don. Don Cannibal Run Two.
Yeah, of course they did. Yeah.
Untouchable, that film. Anyway, moving on.
But they're saying, they say to Donna, say they cannot kill him
or kill them because because Reggie's still alive at this
point, not for much longer. But we can't kill them until
we've until we've got the money. Yeah, the the mafia, surely they
could just torture him, Torture them.
Yeah, surely. Kid, kid, kid, kid.
Kidnap them. Which they, which they finally
do at the end of the film, cut off bits of.
Yeah, in front of them. She'd be up for that.
Exactly. Cut off her penny.
Yeah. Oh.
Your. Worst.
Yeah, your worst. I'm shit worse than you.
Are we sure about this script? I'm riffing, don't stop me.
That's why. That's why you book PC.
Where in the world fucking PC? Well, let's get on with it.
Up lunch, I'm on a roll. No, you fucking can.
Terrified during the. Shoot.
Basically they spent the whole film secretly protecting Dick
Henry like Hong Kong Phooey's dog, and then finally they
kidnapped him, which he could have done right at the
beginning. There's a lot of things they
could have done earlier. Oh, yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, they, they could not have made this film.
Well, while Charlie's. So Charlie's in prison.
Yeah. And he and he, he gets a visit
from his supposed solicitor, but it's it's Ronald Fraser.
Ronald Fraser. Last year of voices.
Yeah. Oh, wonderful.
He's Scottish, isn't he? I think he's really in real
life, Yeah. Permanent moist, wet lips.
Well, he's got no lips. He hasn't got lips.
He's got. He's got a Muppet mouth.
My. My my my sister used to say had
a mouth like you'd put a little cut in some plasticine.
Yes, yeah, right. I'll say this.
He's got a lovely damp slit. Thank you for saying that.
You're welcome. It's horrible.
And then actually coaching up Emery later, he's got horrible
cold dead shark eyes as. Well, I was going to say he's
got thuggish. Thuggish.
Like an Otter or or weasel or something.
Yeah, he's black. Darting eyes.
It's sort of natural voice. This is really like, yeah, do
it, you fucking. It's horrible.
He's got really horrible, nasty little clipped, evil little.
There's something something, you know, Very, it's dodgy about the
look of that Dick Emery. I appreciate what it is.
I don't know. Well, he in place.
If he'd lived a bit longer, he could have had he could have
taken on those roles of like the gangland boss.
That's true, he could have done. He would have been in that's a
some wine. That's that's true.
Having to dress up as a Mandy every episode.
Some fucking inexplicable reasons.
Compost trying to shag him, of course.
Yeah. Not as Mandy, just him.
Or is it Howard Howard and Howard Howard dumps Marina?
Yeah, that that favorite is Mandy.
Compo opens this matchbox and it's Dick Henry inside just as
Mandy. Somehow I.
Was I was thinking Dick Henry was sort of the BBC version of
Benny Hill in a way. Yes, completely.
Yeah, and as as Jeremy and I've spoken about at lengths on many
of the podcasts, he his, his shows are so appalling.
It's often a 9 minute sketch. That goes.
Nowhere, couple of box spots and then a 12 minute sketch.
And it's not, it's not. It's normally even doing lamp
Wick who's so boring as a character that's God especially
will a mate but without any. Yeah, Well, he plays that
character. One of the characters he plays
in Muckin, his battlehorn is is is that character basically.
Right. So.
Right. So Charlie's released and he
says to he says to Norman Byrd, like, like he's been in there
for six months. He's never asked him or never
found out. Never did find out.
What's your surname? Yeah.
Burke.
Prison Officer Burke. Oh, my surname.
It's hate this film. Oh, OK.
Yeah. It doesn't even say anything.
It just goes, yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, it doesn't. It doesn't even go thoughts.
So thanks for no nothing. Place hold the line.
He should have just glanced straight into the camera.
Yeah, punch the camera. But the camera, what are you
watching this ship for? He should have done, but he
didn't. Immediately meets Mr. Frazier.
He got this really boring walk, big big floppy hat and dark
glasses. Why is he dressed like?
That leads into a building site for no apparent.
Reason some horrible industrial waste building site.
It's because he's being followed by the human Thunderbird puppet.
Which is Darren Nesbitt, of course.
Yeah. Who's Who's Sid?
Sabbath? The Local.
Sid Sabbath, the local Ned the world.
Odd choice of surname. Sabbath 2.
That's different connotations. It should be Sid Punch or
something, yeah. Yeah, yeah, Sid Naughty.
Sid Slugger. Yeah, they perfect, Sid Slugger.
Yeah, Yeah. Perfect.
Yeah. Sid.
Sid was number 2 with the prisoner or something.
So and he's he's after Ronald Fraser because he's had a had it
away with his sister. He's had away with his sister.
This is the subplot. Yes.
Yeah. And and they've they've got all
this time. They're walking through this
building site and Reggie, all Reggie has to say the moment
he's out of the prison, all he has to say to him that the
account number's tattooed on their houses.
Yes. Yeah, He does not.
He does not. He doesn't get the chance, does
he? He's almost.
Yeah, he says on the back or something, which turns out to be
on the back of the door, which I don't think that's you wouldn't
start to send us like that on the back of the door.
I've put some photos of these. In the bed I got up from this
morning, yeah. What?
So yeah, they, they, he basically gets killed.
He he, he is trying to set up Charlie.
No, it looks. Like he is.
I think it's just very badly because first also how he.
Looks so shifty. It looks like he's sort of
waiting for it to happen, but. Obviously not, but how does the
how does the how's the gangsters know to be in a digger somehow?
Yeah, yeah. The key, the keys are left in
the the ticket. So so once they come out the
prison, we need 4000 men in every available vacation.
Just to lurk around the. Corner just in case they go
there but but these are these it's handy.
These are Sabbath, Sabbath men and you've got you've got the
London family, the chapter of the Mafia that's.
True. Watching them, yeah.
And since Sabbath does have a taste for the theatrical, as we
find out. Oh.
Yes, yeah, Afro he he's got on at the end of the.
Film. Oh, that's, that's part of it,
yeah. Yes, it looks very similar to
the hair that Liz and Anthony had in Without a Clue.
I think it's like the hair bare bunch.
Either either it works, yeah. Anyway, so runner face is dead
good. Good, yeah.
Good. But OK, this is good.
This is the major problem. This is the major problem I have
with this film. But it's fundamental plot.
Run. Run.
A phrase is gone. Plot element.
No, not, no, no. The fundamental plot element
that I have a problem with is this whole notion of if you had
a Swiss bank account and you wanted to make a note of the
number so that your partner could access it.
Yeah, there's easier ways. There are a.
Multitude of different ways to do it, isn't it?
I mean, you could fog up a window, write it there.
You write it on a piece of paper, put it.
I certainly wouldn't. I certainly wouldn't tattoo it
on four random women's buttocks. No, not at all.
And. And how much of an acquaintance
do you need to have with these women for them to agree to
allow? Well, it's Ronald Fraser.
I mean it's. Ronald Fraser and as you know,
every woman that Emery speaks to, they all think of it in a
very high regard, yes. He's a catch.
He's an absolute catch and a CAD.
Yeah. Oh, he's having a CAD.
Oh, he's a CAD, isn't he? But yeah, yeah, it's stupid,
isn't it? That's that's, yeah.
There you go. It's stupid.
It's. Stupid.
Even the way he tries to tell him it's convoluted when he
talked about the photo on the back of the door.
Why can't? Yeah, just say it.
Just don't fucking say. Something.
I'm the fucking just say things his character.
It's not, which is really surprised me.
It's not Randy and constantly looking at women going what at
all. Well, Dick Emery's Dick.
Yeah. No, he's not.
He's. He's just a mean bastard.
This thing is to dress up as women and be fucked by duckers.
That's his thing. Also, as is about to happen, he
dresses up obviously as hello, uncle talks.
How are you? But then, yeah, immediately cuts
it down. No, I'm not.
I'm not really like that. Oh, hang on, hang on, you missed
a bit. Did.
I oh the missed a bit. Oh, the grieving.
Was good. Let's keep missing a bit.
She was just missed the rest of it.
No, but you've got Neil's dad from the Young Ones as the
funeral girl of course of. Course.
Yeah, yeah. Well, that's an electric
sequence, isn't it? And Charlie's dressed up.
Is this well to do? Is it Lady is?
That a regular recovery character or is it just part?
Of no, no, This is a brand brand new for brand new for the fans.
Because it's so well developed as a character.
So brilliantly developed. He's like a dodgery.
I'm the mother of the distinct and I would really like to take
my son's body with me. Call.
Yourself, dear lady, let me assure you.
That when you. Place him in the hands of M
Sinfield, Limited. Nothing is of too much trouble.
He will receive every possible care and attention before he
ascends to his heavenly reward. I'm so pleased.
That means he's been well looked after during the past week.
Phil, I don't quite understand. Well, you've had him here since
last Monday. That's what they told me down at
the public Mortuary. What are you?
Referring to that lousy council job we got Lombard with.
But it's taken you long enough to turn up.
I must say I have a good mind to charge you rent for him.
What do you think this is, a left luggage office?
Oh, will you see? I was scuba diving in the
Bahamas when the tragic news came through.
It'd been a wonderful season for scuba.
That actor, Brian Alton, you know who plays the funeral
director? Yeah.
What have we seen him every? Apart from the young ones.
Every role he's ever taken on, he's required at some point to
look startled. Because yeah, he's, he's, he
must. He's didn't carry on films.
He's in, he's in. I'm a right Jack.
I think he's in, he's in, he's in every black and white British
comedy film from 1954. Is he about?
I just, I just assumed that John Lamezzi was busy that day.
Yes, that would have been him, wouldn't it?
Is it? It would have been.
Was he the was he the boss of the the shop where?
Carry on camping? Where?
Oh, he might read me on this gentleman kept touching things.
Yeah. Yeah, he might be.
He might be I. Think he might be that?
Yeah, he probably is. Oh, now you're talking about,
you're talking about a much better British comedy film.
Now we're going to get. I just got one thing to say to
you, a pound. Thank you.
Yes.
Thank you. Oh, that, that.
That'll go a long way. That'll get through the next few
scenes. OK, so, yeah, so he goes to the
but anyway, so he's beat. So.
Oh, bloody old Reggie's been cremated.
That's torn it. Yeah.
So there's no way now he can find out the information.
And he then he he has he has all these epiphanies, doesn't he,
Charlie and he he visits, he visits Reggie's local tattooist.
Yeah, that's yeah. Like to do some gay banter, but
it doesn't go anywhere. It's not funny.
No. Well, why doesn't he dress up?
Because Clarence is his gay character in the TV series, so
he does all he does all the other characters.
Yeah, but that's it. That's all he does.
Why doesn't he have a sequence where he's dressed up as that
character? Because he didn't doing the full
because because I think he's secretly, well, not secretly, I
think he probably didn't want to be associated with that
character in a real do you know what I mean beyond just a a
brief lewd gag. Really.
I don't think he even thought. That do you know what I.
Just no. I just think they went
afterwards. Oh yeah, we could have done
that. Oh well.
It's. Probably.
More likely, by the way, by the way, the tattooist, I recognise
him, so he looked about and he was in El Dorado.
Brilliant. But we have to put we he, this
tattooist gives him the information that Reggie had been
in four times with four different birds.
Yeah. And.
And the name, name of the bank and account numbers tattooed
across them. Yeah, yeah.
And there's an attempt at a joke where he says to the gentleman
who is tattooing, oh, I've written mother with two TS.
And then he goes, oh, I'll do a butterfly.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, OK.
Yeah, well, I quite like him. His character actually.
His tattoo is. Tattoo is.
Yeah, yeah, compared to everyone.
Else do you? I love him this.
Is your favorite character, Isn't.
It so far I think he is. Yeah, that's fair enough.
There's nothing wrong with that proposal.
Next. Next.
You see, You see Charlie back at the flat with Pat.
Yeah. And Pat's.
Pat's vacillating between being enraged and distressed,
grieving, upset and grieving. And he says about the the the
urn with with Reggie's ashes. And I knocked him over
yesterday. He's in the Hoover.
Oh yeah. That's.
That's all right. Actually, no, you're right.
A joke? Yeah.
Gallows humour. It's got dark.
Yeah. And yeah, and he finds, he finds
pinned to the back of the bog door the photograph with the
names, names and numbers of the forecasts on Reggie's arm
anyway. And then Waterloo, Waterloo
station. Now.
Now he has to find the four ladies, the first one.
I mean, is this how they this isn't how they used to do
announcements, is it? I don't know, but because I I.
I really hope it was. I use Waterloo a lot.
Whenever I go fast, I look for that little capsule in the sky
that she was giving the announcement from I.
Don't think I mean. Did it really exist?
I really hope it did, but I'm not sure it does.
No, but. The boots.
She's there. Boots on platform 12 that's
still there. Oh yeah, that's still there.
Yeah. Although the Drum restaurant
seems to have gone by the way, I.
Know you told me to wait outside though last week.
The Drum Restaurant. Yeah.
You know where Michael Shravall Martin is?
Yeah. What other, what other shops did
you had? Did you get in railway stations
that you don't see anymore? Like was it the John Menzies?
You would have had a Wendy, probably.
Or golden egg. Yeah, Rumblows.
Probably Rumblows, yeah. Rumblows you buy a washing
machine on the way over. Dave Hill's ice cream on the way
out. Bee jam, bee jams yeah, yeah,
but she yeah, so she she's she's this kind of common.
I hate to use the word common young lady who does a posh voice
when she gives the train announcements she does so she's
trying to give train announcements whilst talking to
Charlie who's previously rung her up pretending to be.
But it's got his false teeth in, so it's his.
False. He goes false teeth in, Yeah.
False teeth character. Yeah, Mr. Teeth.
And he's like, I'm, I'm here to speak to you about someone's
win. Yeah, who are you?
I'm Mr. Teeth. What alone?
Mr. Incisor, Tooth man. You have to talk.
You have to talk to me over a loud 10 I that's the only way
I'm going to. Talk to you you mentioned the
Waterloo and I don't tell you what I look like, where I'll
work and what I'll do I'll see you later and he he mentions
Reggie and she starts crying as she's announcing the train
delay. That's the only thing that.
She oh, is it? See, they do.
Care tell you that the thing that's true, that and then she
goes see, they do care. I thought that's the only bit I
laughed at the whole film. I laughed her nothing do with
fucking Emory. I laughed at the bit after 30
seconds later when she when she announces over the turn away.
You want me to show you my bum? No, she also doesn't think about
a boy but she does it like giving no shits because she's
angry. She turns on time and goes.
Oh yeah, there's some missing kid or something.
Oh, that's right, yeah. That's the only funny thing.
The film is No2 Lives no. You're quite right, I must have
been in a foul mood when I watched it for some for some
reason I don't know what. Well, we'd had a few drinks, you
see. I'd never.
I can do if we hadn't had a few. Drinks the 10:15 non-stop to
Portsmouth. Will depart on Platform 14.
A certain tattoo mark if I know if I could just give you the
peek you. Want me to show you?
Also, she's got a very short shift because she he rings her
up when she's on her way to work.
Yeah. And she's announcing trains at
10:15. And then suddenly she's relieved
immediately by the. Yeah.
Sorry, haven't I true? That's true.
An hour? Probably had to work for 53
minutes. So she basically goes how did
you know he had a detector in the bone?
Because get in a plastic booth and just show your bum.
I know I've never met you before, but get your bum out and
we'll take. Get your bum out.
Yeah. And where all the public could
just look through because that will.
Happen. And she goes, all right, I
suppose I should. So this she does.
And this is presumably this is the only because, because Sam
Sabbath, what's his name? Stan, Sid Sabbath.
It's it's. Only after Ronald Fraser because
of. Yeah, he's got no bones with
Charlie. Until he see he happens to open
the fucking curtain. Yeah, he he just independently
happens to be there. What's what's what's the chances
eh? I know, thinking I should
probably get a passport photo done.
And because. No me, my sister goes there
whether there are so. So right now I'm going to kill.
You because I'm going to. Kill you I'm.
Going to kill you because my sister's got their ass out.
Yeah, even though it could be nothing to do with Dick Emery.
Yeah. What he sees is his sister, but
also also it's it's Dick Henry disguised as Mr. Teeth.
So how does he know? How does he know?
How do you know it's anything? I know.
He could have just legs. Yeah.
And we could have got away with it.
Oh, the train. Told her to do it or something
and. Run off.
The thing is, we're about to get into a sequence of very badly
murky day for night filming. You can't see what the Hell's
going on. I know.
They get they're going to he's going to become one of the main
supports of a new fly over. Yeah, there.
There was attempt at a joke, but they don't bother.
I didn't make a note of that. Yeah.
And he's he's going to be knocked off and put into the
into the foundations by Sid Sabbath's men, lads.
But then the Italians save him. Yes.
With a with a with a swinging hook.
It's really. Difficult.
It's pretty difficult to see what's going on.
But yeah. From what happens later, that's
what I gather as well. And there's a bit where just
Henry just pleads This is certainly depressing and
miserable and just, oh, God. Now do you?
Do you? Do you ever cheer when you're
watching a film when the characters give the the film's
title in the dialogues? Yeah.
Yeah, Star Wars. Yeah, or I mean, the worst one
is, is you guys are all on some sort of Star Trek.
Yeah, that's terrible in fast, in Fast Contact.
Was upon this time in the West. In this in this film.
Carry on, Henry. Oh, how Stella got her groove
back. Sorry.
In this film, it's got because so.
So it's got. Obviously the film's title was
right at the beginning. Mandy says, oh, you are awful.
Yeah. We at this point in the film
that we're up to now. Sid Sabbath, furious.
Yeah, very angry. Just says, just says get Charlie
Tully. Oh.
That's true, yeah. And that's the American title of
the film. Oh, is.
It yeah, it's called. They thought, oh, you're awful.
Probably confuse Americans, so they called it.
Get Charlie Tully. Get Charlie Tully.
It's just suppose he's got echoes of Get Carter.
I suppose it has. Also Tully, by the way, I found
out when I was vaguely Wikipedia surfing.
So you know, Dick Henry was married about 6 times.
Yeah, one of his previous wives maiden names was Tully.
So I don't know if it's, I don't know if that's a tribute or.
Susan Tully from yes, of course. House Tully from Game of
Thrones? Yes.
Yeah, you know, it's Caitlin Tully.
Yeah. Ned.
Stark's. Widow.
Ned Stark's widow, Yeah. That's what it was.
No so so if Dick Henry played his cards right, he could have
been thrown out of the Sky Palace.
Whatever. It's fucking God I'd love to
have seen. Dick Henry in Game of Thrones,
basically. Yeah, Basically, yeah, yeah.
That's that's what we're doing. Which he which he wouldn't have
done because he was dead so. Yeah, fine.
Ronnie Ronnie Fraser would have been good in Game of Thrones,
because lots. Of Oh yeah, it's.
Only in the time Swank about it's just been punty by.
A dragon. And killed at the Red Wedding.
Hopefully. Good luck.
That would be great. We're in danger of casting Carry
on Game of Thrones any second. Now we're not, we're not doing
it. No, we're not already thinking
about it. So stop.
Stop, stop, stop. Stop it.
Now, back to the film. We've got a fake milkman with
exploding milk. Don't.
Forget there's a very good piss off from the paperboy.
What's? Wrong with the letterbox.
That is my favorite bit of the film because one of the one of
the things in a relentless troll through the detritus of 70s
British comedy films, there's almost always a piss off from
someone. Yeah, someone, yeah.
Yeah, there was a there was a black Rolls Royce.
There's always depressing breakfast scene, there's always
someone going piss off. I hope at one point they're
allowed to on the. Yeah, but also, I hope at one
point there's going to be a film you see where the queen will say
it, you know? Piss off.
Yeah, yeah, something like that. Yeah, the paperboy does what
every paperboy does, just throws the paper on the steps and for
some reason outcomes Charlie goes, you could have put it into
a letterbox. So everybody goes piss off.
And I like to think he was really aiming that at Dick Henry
and not the character. To this day, there's there's a
65 year old man living somewhere who is still living off, who
still talks about I, I was, you know, I was just pissed off.
I told Dick, if I don't know Dick Henry to piss off.
No, now he's like that. And of course I was.
The one who said piss off. The Master Emery.
Well, in the film. No, no.
Probably, yeah. Yeah.
So that's so that happens. But you're right, we get the
exploding milk buffle. Why?
Convoluted way of doing it? Sabbath, Just get your men in.
Just smack down the door and just go up the little cock.
No, we need to pay for very convoluted, but not that.
You see, she will not. She'll take them on.
She'll be like rat. You shits.
But then weirdly after that, when they get involved with the
next two bottoms, the sort of the gangster plot gets slightly
forgotten. They sort of.
Completely. Well, the next, the next bit,
the next woman go because by the way, he's saved by the Italians
again, isn't he? Oh yeah, yeah, because they put
the milk bottle back in the milk float.
And then you you see an explosion, but you don't see it.
No, of course you don't. Yeah, it's quite, it's quite an
effective explosion off screen, yeah.
You get and you get some loads of yoghurt on his face, of
course. Comedy yoghurt, Yeah, but the
next scene where he goes to the society wedding of the.
Of fuck this is so cheaply filmed it's like a tent.
He's he's ruined a woman's. Life.
He's basically. Yes, really.
Yeah. He's probably caused deep
psychological damage, but it's OK because she's Lady
Poshington. Rah rah.
So smite. Yeah, Smite he.
Cuts a hole in the back of the dress but he also I I'm sure he
mentions knickers so he actually cuts her knickers off.
He takes her knickers off. Also, she thinks it's her
husband doing it. She's.
Oh, later. Well, yeah, later, yeah.
Yeah, later on, later on, please cut up all my clothes.
Later on have two extra hands and cut off my.
The back of my dress. Honestly, this tattoo on the bum
thing I mean. If we, if we, if we.
Turned gently towards the the magic of Ned Sherry and you
watch up the front a far better plot about the Nazi Allied war
plans tattooed on Frankie Howard's arse.
Not better. There's something in the air
about tattoos on private parts. Is this the fiddler as well?
And was it carry on something? The Fiddler.
Yes, Fiddler, yeah. That's a birth.
He's a birth mark, but that's on his cock.
Yeah, yeah. Did Frankie only agree to up the
front so that he could get his bum out?
Well, yeah, but not I don't think he would like to do it
that on film. That was his little little
sneaky. Way of I I saw his bum alive I.
Saw, Yeah. Oh, were you there at the Oxford
thing? Yeah, I saw his lithe, wrinkly
sagal. That lithe as an LITHE or Liv.
Neither really, but but it was there it.
Was Stephanie. Stephanie right in front of me.
Liver spots, dear listeners, Liver spots in his eyes.
I was in my slippers as well. Because you were with Prince
Azam, she took you to the show look like.
This look at this. Bottom This bottom looks like a
horse, a nest one. Honestly, if you want to see
tattoos on Obama as a major plot line, do seek out Frankie
Fallon. It's quite a funny film.
No, it's. Is it a genre of its own now?
Because there's more than one film.
There's three at least we can think of.
Yeah, there's Pompeii up Trustee.
Better not. No, no, you mean tattoos?
Films where film tattoos or marks on Yes it has mysterious
it's started some sixty 70s trope, isn't it?
Because actually Person and the statue are quite similar.
Pretty much the same, yeah. But anyway, you know.
But in, up, in, up the front, Bill Fraser does say, Frankie
Howard, as far as you're concerned, the sun shines out on
my ass. And then Frankie turns to the
camera and goes, what a short summer.
And that's a joke. Don't talk about funny films.
Over. Sorry.
All right. Yeah.
Don't talk about funny film so he ruins he ruins a woman's
wedding in life there's. A possible there's a vicar there
just to go oh at the pear button?
Yeah, which? Which he could have done as
well. He could have put some teeth in
and gone. And then we have the only
actress in this film who actually in real life has an
actual wing of a museum dedicated to it.
Is she? Yeah.
The Paki Combs.
No, I know I. Know.
No, it's. Not no.
You're thinking of someone else. Got a ridiculous idea?
Lisa Goddard is a there's a, there's a some, there's a
there's a museum somewhere in Norfolk or somewhere where
there's A at least part of a room that's dedicated to her,
really. Elijah got that bum.
Wing. Because she was, she was married
to Colin Baker. Maybe at the time, I'm not sure.
Yeah, definitely, definitely at some point during the 70s.
Why does this secrets go up as a fucking long?
Because lamp wick's in it and everyone loves lamp Wick who
walks up and down table at the table and it's.
And again, why? If you're in disguise, why be
shitted like? Yeah, exactly.
Why risk getting tired? If the thing you want to do is
get you? Why do that?
Why are you shaking on the ladder?
And I think you're by yourself as well as you've done no one
fucking looking at you. I I'm saying character.
Calm down. I listen to your commentary
about this. Oh yeah, And I'm sure you said
you made the very one of you made the very good was probably
Dan made the very good point that wise he's why is he dressed
taking the trouble to dress up as lamp.
We can get a job there because he basically at night, yeah,
puts a ladder outside up so we can look through a window from
the outside. He couldn't have done that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then he can't do that
because he's in character, so he has to shake the camera and go.
Just in case the badger's looking and might give them away
or something. Anyway, yeah, I, I spent about
15 minutes trying to find the name for that, that exercise
thing. Belt thing.
Oh yes, the belt. Uses is.
Do you think that is Lisa or is it a body devil because you
don't see her? Face I don't think Goddard, I
think that would have been in the contract.
Beneath her not get. To see my positive world.
But literally, what are those things called though?
Those those bum belts? Bum belts.
Maybe that's in the museum, who knows?
Yeah, the the very one. Well, could you?
Do you should go dirty Bum Bell Museum?
What else would you put in Eliza Goddard Museum?
Well, Colin. Baker all all her blankie blank
work. Wasn't she married to Alvin
Stardust as well? Oh.
What put him in there? But he's let's.
Not mention him. He's all right.
You think you're he all right? I think he's all right.
I think so, yeah. There's a, there's a recurring
gag. It's not really a gag.
It's just a a recurring thing. It's not a recurring where he
keeps he Dick Emery, Charlie Tulley keeps burning his hands
in the sense of rope burn would burn from ladders, but that
never pays off. No, no it does.
He never talks in his sleep. Again, he never puts his hand in
like a bucket and it's like that.
All that ridiculous amount of steam comes off and he sort of
looks like I'm. Like.
Yeah, none of that. Anyway, we get William Franklin
as the. Oh yes.
The the young he's described as young, which is.
Which is hilarious, yeah. But anyway, he's doing.
He looks like someone planned down Roald Dahl.
And he's doing a dodgy American accent which foxed us when we
watched it on the commentary. I remember I.
Remember thinking what really did?
We just thought he was shit, which to be fair given the rest
of the film was a fair guess, but he is.
But also why is he? Because he's he's doing the same
dodge, he's. Doing he's doing the treasure
map Kong but. Why is it?
Why is it like a script? He's a grifter, isn't he?
Yeah. No, no, Jeremy's absolutely
right because I wrote that down. Is he repeating it?
But beat him like that's the only way it can be said.
Yeah, so, so, so much so that Lambert could sort of like chime
in. Oh.
Come on. And then and then RIP a chicken
in half in anger so so that the audience can associate it with
because the audience is. The audience is stupid.
But he could have just gone back on or stopped anything.
Oh, who knows why anyone's doing anything at this point.
I'm so sorry, Arnold. Now you were telling me about
Captain Morgan's treasure. Surely my husband didn't believe
in its existence. No, not at first like my pappy,
but I think it was the map that finally convinced them.
The man. Showing the exact location of
the island. But how do they know it was
genuine? That's the very question I asked
myself. Well, my pappy submitted it to
the National Physical Laboratory and they gave it the carbon test
1665. Within a year or two, they found
that the ink was 40% oak gal on parchment from the Capretto
Goat. Exactly what you'd expect, of
course. Well, let's not kid ourselves
with three and a half million pounds of steak.
Give or take 100,000. Give or take 100,000, you got to
investigate every little thing. By the way, Liza got us.
It's very dodgy what happens to her.
Oh God, yeah, extremely dog. Well, it's bloody Charlie's plan
as well. It's horrible.
Yeah, because he's not got the
picture of a bum because it was vibrating.
And so was he therefore. Yeah, I think there's only he,
he, he he sort of reveals himself to the to the guy,
doesn't he, That he knows a con artist when he sees one, then
reveals that he's the great CC. The other comments are oh,
you're in, I'll be blood, stories about you, etcetera.
Yeah, trying to sell a dog. Yeah, therefore getting caught
after one. Second, I mean Princess Anne.
Yeah. So they planned, so he goes, I'm
not going to dub you and you carry on with the con if you
help me. And this is my amazing because
remember, Kelly is the master con.
Yeah, he's he's. And his plan is get a pissed and
sexually assault her. Yeah.
Yes, because you're the you know who man.
I think you're the perfect person to do it.
Oh yeah. Why'd they get in the wardrobe?
Why are they getting the? Wardrobe.
Why in the wardrobe? We can't have sex in the
wardrobe adequately so we don't get to see her bum, do we?
Absolutely. That's OK.
That and you don't. Oh, Dick.
Henry does. Yeah, exactly.
Rare moment, lack of prurience. And also, she just basically
goes, here's your photo of my bum.
I hope you like it. Yeah.
So you could have just asked her just can I take a picture of
your bum's really going. Yeah, Yeah.
All right. If you want.
But she sobers up the next morning, realises what's
happened. She's again, she's, she's going
to be damaged by that. Yeah, of course.
Yeah, probably. Yeah.
So there's. One of wedding's ruined.
Yeah. And Sid, Saba's sister, he's put
her into a convent, isn't he? Yeah, because.
That's true, of course. Her life's ruined a litany of
broken women. Exactly.
The detritus that he leaves behind, yeah.
Unbelievable. Does he care a jot?
No. Of course he doesn't.
There's one more tattoo. I know this is so.
So tedious, this whole. Let's make this sequence even
longer and Pat Coon's husband, who's we find out he's a master
forger. Of course he is, and he's come
up with the documentation that I.
Forgot you got involved. Charlie needs.
Yeah, to go to the police training school because a
mysterious woman called Jane. That's what he knows.
Jane. Jane.
And he's. Mandy done it.
He has to do Mandy, doesn't he? That's the best.
And he done it, right? Yeah, He.
Looks so unwell in this whole sequence, I really worry if I
didn't know that's another 12 years I would have.
Been looking like sellers pre post heart attacks.
That's. Really great.
Well, they're looking like sellers as Fume and Chew.
Also when he yes, but when he goes into the Academy he's got
when he first turns up, he's got a proper pair of false booby
doos on, and then he spends the rest of the time with just two
socks. Yes, and there's a really long
frilly, elaborate night dress and again he's like shaved 2
days ago something. He's got blue chin.
God. Yeah, anyway.
Hasn't shaved his arms either. And and yeah, every other girl
in the dormitory is called Jane. Yeah, it's a really tedious
scene. So long, he says.
How do I get to see their bums? I know.
Why is it so hot? Did did I miss something Because
it's. Yeah, he turned all the
radiators up. Oh, cranks the heaters.
But they have to reveal their bums.
Of course, what's easy, I've got to get my bum out.
But what happens is he checks 3 bums and doesn't find the
information and goes Oh well I'll stop now.
So he does. I write, yeah, I write in block,
block capitals. He can't find the right arse.
He just checked. He just checks 3.
And. Just goes, oh that'll do.
I'll probably find it tomorrow. For the next sequence.
Yeah. And this next sequence is
straight out of Benny Hill's It. Really is.
Pretty much is, yeah. Also, it looks like it's going
to be Monty Python as well. How do you defend yourself
against a banana? Yes.
Oh. Yeah, of.
Course gym class. Yeah.
And he he vaults Mandy vaults the what is it horse?
Yeah, No, it is it is called the vault.
Yeah. Bruises his plums also, but he's
he's dressed up as Mandy. But at no point we'll do the
Mandy stuff. It's just then don't do it if
that's all you do is that I like.
But you, you know, then then you got to do it.
It doesn't. So you go, it doesn't work.
Did it? Did it take you out the film?
The fact that he's not true to the character, but.
I really had I think. I would rather I would rather do
your taxes. Watch this fucking film again.
There's. Probably a lot more hot twists
than that. But it turns out if we find out
because we get another, we get some more gratuitous shots of.
Bums. Ample bums the teacher, The gym
teacher is Jane. Yeah, it is.
And she does. She does some rat gales.
Let's do some this. And he gets beaten up a bit, but
it's not funny. No, it's not funny.
I mean, it's not. Remotely funny.
Also, why does he have to go collapse onto her bum?
Can't he? Because we, yeah, you can see
it. You can see it when she goes up
the road. Yeah, exactly.
But no. No, he needs to fight her and
then collapse on her bum. We can bring her a bum.
He's about 65. His eyesight isn't that.
That's, that's very true, yeah. Notice how I'm locking on with
my feet while my hands reach up for another pull?
Naughty old Reggie, he was having it off with Teacher.
He should have got tracing paper out maybe, or like, you know,
did a charcoal edging, edging and trash rubbing, grass
rubbing. And that was rubbing.
Yeah, that was rubbing, which would have been funnier.
And somebody doesn't notice that as well.
Anyway, we're we're near the end.
Nearly done it, nearly done it. So he's got everything he needs.
He's got everything he needs. Bank of Zurich and he's got the
code. Amazing.
And Pat Coobs is what he was thinking about.
Poor those poor girls. And he doesn't give a shit.
He's just though he's he's on his way to Zurich.
What's his 500,000 does? He what's his passing?
Repost to Pat Coobs, is he? Just like you.
Essentially, yeah, it. Is Yeah, basically is It's
something like Terrell. No, he's dressed as her, isn't
he? Don't make another series of
Don't drink the water. No, he's dressed up as that one
that. Hetty.
Yeah, Hetty. He's dressed up as Hetty and he
goes Terry. Yeah.
And that's it. Yeah, so he's in character, so
he can't. Again in character.
Ish. But hasn't even, hasn't even
left the house, is in the taxi. Takes the wig off.
Takes the wig off immediately. Yeah, immediately.
Yeah. What?
Now does does Sabbath watch him leaving as Hetty?
Does he know? One of his one of his goons.
Goons. The Italians do.
Because. It's something that's ever
faithful protectors. So that's how they're suddenly
all in women's clothing because that's, again, I yeah, wasn't
concentrating and they're all in drag.
No, no. But you're right because at one
point when he's at the train station, he says to the Porter,
I need to be in a women's only. Go and hear that.
No. But they just naturally go,
well, take a wig off. Yeah, that's all just as old
lady. Probably our best bet now is all
to get dressed up as women. And immediately know what
trainees are, even though we have no safe information to that
point. I'll have the hair bear bunch
wig please. They've managed here, they've
managed to get fitted out as women in.
Yeah, in like 4 minutes since he bought the ticket.
Yeah, brilliant. So they go to Switzerland or the
South Bank centre. Yeah, but first of all, he does
say I'd like to suck off a Porter.
Always. Remember that he wants to do
that because he when the Porter goes, oh, it runs away.
He goes damn. And you're like, what do you
mean? You've forgotten you're not
doing your sketch show, Dick. Running away with money to
another country, not tossing off men.
Jesus. So anyway, yeah, he gets they
all go ha ha ha. We're also on the train.
They go, they go through a tunnel and of course all the
lights when. We go through a tunnel, we're
going to throw you out and that's where you can move toss
you out and tos you out. They don't they even say toss
you out. No, because they could have done
that. They should have done joke, they
should have done. We're going to toss you off when
he could have come, you know. But Italians turn up dressed as
nuns, as nuns join them in the compartment, even though there's
no. Room because Catholic.
Because it's Catholic now, Yeah. And I've seen this in other
films where it goes through a tunnel, it's all dark.
And then. Yeah.
And then someone's missing. And you hear, you hear.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, this trains famously
didn't have lights in the 1970s. No, no, yes.
But then they used glow worms, didn't they?
So yeah, it comes out the tunnel and it's just, it's just hit.
Emery's by himself. They've all gone happy days.
They've been killed by the nuns who walk away like we've saved
this a lady. Don't you see a bit, don't you
see a bit of Darren Nesbitt's? Costume Darren Nesbitt's wig.
Just the wig. Wig.
Somehow that's managed to to be sort of catch in the window.
Exactly. Yeah.
Because that's for stupid people who don't work out that he's
been thrown out, I suppose. Yes.
So Charlie gets the juror, gets the suitcase, gets the suitcase,
and then he and that's when the family grabs.
South Bank Centre, Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And that's where they go. We should probably get him now,
I think. Yes.
Yeah, We hang on. We didn't need to go to London
at all, didn't we? We could have saved ourselves a
lot of trouble. And they trip, they hit him, and
then he falls, falls conveniently into a crate marked
Rome. Mafia as well isn't.
It. Yeah, yeah, the Mafia.
Rome. This is to be delivered to the
Mafia in Rome. Yes, exactly.
Take this to the criminal organization, the Mafia in Rome.
Yeah. And then the next week, again,
just bleeding and it's really miserable.
Is that please don't care. We are but.
Then thing is, I'm a criminal genius.
Yeah. And I can, I can.
Make you a meme. And he's like, oh, you see the
my characters then? Yeah, you see the my characters,
they'll work in Rome. I guess it probably would.
Actually, well, the the British. Berlusconi TV show type.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, they probably loved
Dick Henry. Yeah, that absolutely.
Well, they loved the the Spanish, loved the Portuguese,
loved Georgia Mildred, you know that.
I didn't know that. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely
loved it. I know it was huge.
Benny obviously was huge in Europe.
As we know, the French love Benny.
And Japan. And America?
Yeah, cool America. Yeah, Jordan, anyway, Yeah.
So basically he persuades Don Luigi, don't kill me, employ me,
I can make you a lot of money. And we cut to a new.
Brand new. Amazing character.
He's Cardinal. Yes.
Reverend Father, we sure were lucky meeting up with you like
this, otherwise we might never have known that they're
rebuilding. Saint Peter's.
Yes, and it is only because of the rebuilding that we are able
even to contemplate parting with the Sistina Chapel.
Well, Reverend Father, all I can say.
Is we'd give it a good. Home standing right beside
London Bridge in Arizona, USA. Oh yes, but you do understand
that the transaction that cannot be completed, but until we
receive a sign from above. It is agreed.
Congratulations, congratulations.
Now, I believe the figure invention was somewhere in the
region of $20 million. What's your what's your
character? I've got a slightly Italian
accent. Brilliant.
We'll go with that. And what and what is it he's
selling? The Sistine, the Vatican
flogging the Vatican to the American, the Americans and.
And in front. Of you, if we have a sign so
that the Pope waves it, yeah. Does that mean, does that mean
he knew the Pope was going to do that?
Is that what the Pope does? Well, does that mean the Pope's
complicit in this? That's not the.
Mafia. Interesting.
And then the film immediately ends.
The Pope's giving his blessing, I think.
Yeah, I love with the crime. There's no one else in the
squares. The Pope literally just go on
the balcony. Oh, no one's blessed today.
Oh, hang on. There's Dick Emery.
All right. There you go, Dick.
There you go. And then immediately, it's like
Finn. Quick, Finn.
Quickly finish. And it's a very unconvincing
backdrop as well, because they obviously haven't gone anywhere
except the South Bank Centre for Switzerland, of course.
My question. Is do you do you do?
You think that Charlie will be happy in Rome?
Do you think he'll? Be a fish out of any happier?
Yeah. Is he going to be a fish out of
water? Is he going to have a happy
life? I don't.
Think he will. I think I think the main point
is that we don't care. He's probably got a gun trained
on his head from a distance the entire time, you know, But by
the the Don Luigi's men, you know.
Wow, you played by my rules. So no, no, it wasn't.
No, it wasn't. Are we going to say No, it
wasn't? The Observer said that it was
the best British comedy film in many years.
Now, who do you think wrote that?
It wasn't a nobody, it was a somebody.
Harry Novan. Harry McGuigan.
No. Harry Evans.
No George Malley. No.
No, not George. Malley, he's like, he's
horrible. The lovely baba's on view.
Five stars. No, not George Malley.
He's he used to be on woken all the time, festooned in silk and
he'd always be singing. Songs like.
It's just, it's just beaming his fork around the stage, sweating.
Andre. Andre Mele was in the radio
series. Yeah.
And Roger Mele. Yeah.
All right. What?
What?
What did the colossal prick say? He said, He said, I won't read
it all. He said It's he said.
Instead of instead of throwing together the usual limp,
arbitrary framework, they've constructed a really tight plot.
The jokes of running gags are very funny.
And if something of Joe Orton's black humor.
Oh, come on. I wish I had a cup of tea to
spit out while you're doing this.
My next George Miley. What do you do?
Jazz. Oh, I see.
Yeah, my only regret is that a newly and enviably slim Ronald
Fraser, excellent as Emery's lecherous partner, was killed
off too early. It's.
Like that's taking the piss. So.
He's perfect over Ronald Fraser. Yeah, someone has to.
Oh, it's every. Everyone.
George Malley George Malley George Malley No business during
reviews No. George Smelly.
Yeah, thank. You.
So I could do that. Ford Mellie that that would cut
him to the quick it. Really would.
I saw him once, actually, he was doing a talk in a He's wearing
slippers. Probably it was a very, very
small. Room.
He was doing the magic slipper. This small room and he was doing
a talk on Mob Mart and they started telling filthy jokes,
started telling filthy jokes and they were like children of seven
in there. It was really small, but
everyone was really awkward. In the awkward.
Balloon humour. And he didn't.
Care at all he was. Just continuing with all this.
Auto clitoris on a zip. As long as I asked for 12/12
inch penis. That one.
Oh, God, no. Yeah.
Exactly. Thank you, George, By the way,
watch you. Oh, you are awful.
Thanks. Now I interviewed Nick Emery,
whose Dick's son and he told me that his dad was upset that this
film flighted America when he insulted them.
Yes son are going wrong again is what he said.
As I said earlier, think of him as the BBC version of Benny Hill
and Benny Hill never really had his own starring feature film,
did he? He was in Guest and Italian Job
and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Was he?
Yeah. But yes, he never had his own
vehicle, which seems weird in retrospect because he seems
stranger than him, bigger than anyone in a way.
I mean, Bernie Breslow's in Crow, for fuck's sake.
But it doesn't style Bernie Breslow.
That does it. Well, no, no.
He's not. His name's not above the title.
He's a cyclops. He's a cyclops and he won nine
Oscars for it. Has Bernie Breslow ever starred
in a film, Crow? No, there he is.
What about I only asked I only is that.
Film. Is there a film of that?
There's a film called. I know there's a song of that I.
Didn't know there's a film. Is he?
Is he top billing? He must be.
Surely must be, because that's his catch.
There you go, He. Probably is.
He's probably halfway down the cast.
Bloody hell. Another British comedy film with
a with a catch phrase is for a title.
Yeah. Thank God.
Yeah. You're being served movie.
I'm surprised I didn't call it I'm free or No, I would have
been you. You've all done very well.
Oh yes. Great Grangers on a train.
Yeah, crumbs and list. Yeah, crumbs and pest.
Yeah. Greasy Spooner.
Arthur English is English. No sex please, we're Arthur
English. Yeah, constant fucking please.
We're. Arthur English.
We're all Arthur English. We're all Edwards Arthur English
in the film. It's like being John Arkwich,
but Arthur English. Yeah, being Arthur English.
Terrifying idea. It's a horrible thought.
Now he's got a mouth. You talk about Ronnie Fraser's
mouth. Arthur Rinks has got like a
duck's mouth, isn't? It I don't think you could ever.
Probably close his mouth. It looks like a Simpsons
animated mouth. Yes.
Yeah, sorry. The ghost of Arthur English
would besmirching you were parents.
Oh dare you. Anyway, Anyway, so so if people
want to listen to to you 2 where can they go?
What should they do? Well, we.
We got we got a Patreon page under the name of Potom, which
is our sketch and commentary format.
Yeah. So every every every two weeks I
think we do a new one. It's either a commentary or us
talking balls and. And some sketches and.
Some sketches as well. And Sketch, We're doing that for
a while now. Yes, but I was going to say is
because we were talking about, you were talking about the
interminable sketches that Dick Emery used to do.
Sometimes our sketches do run into.
The they do. Double digits but.
They do. But they're.
Brilliant. But they're full of conceit.
Thank you so much. Oh, thanks.
I think it's again, well, my pleasure.
I think this is the third time the three of us have because we
did Fu Manchu, we did of. Course happy, happy days.
We've we've talked about 3 dreadful films.
Are there are there any good films still to be?
Chosen. Or sellers films?
You mean or? Well, any films.
Well, there's plenty of decent British comedy films.
Oh. Yeah, that's true.
That is true. It's in a way.
So you end up just saying how good they are rather than.
Yeah, yes, yes, you want to. I mean, The thing is your, your
what? Your for your commentaries.
Every single film you've watched, pretty much you've
disliked or at least panned well.
That's that's why we didn't go. You've got, you've got.
There's the odd decent British comedy film from the 70s, like
the Porridge Film. But the.
Thing is, I think we probably have all seen that and like
Rising Damp as well, which is an OK film, you know?
The idea is we we haven't seen it and it's sort of funnier when
we, I think it's always slightly funnier when you hate something
anyway. If you just listen to endless
gushing, it's like, OK. We'll say if you really, because
a lot of especially I think it was Percy, but a lot of it would
just go what the why is he doing that?
What the hell is going? On inspiration.
Yeah. And just yeah, not following the
weird twist of the plot. Whereas if you know what's going
to happen. Yeah, you're anticipating your
favorite bit and then isn't this brilliant?
Yeah, Yes, I suppose it has. Its has its place, but not for
us. Not for us.
No, no, I hate him. Nope.
Us they film commentaries if I do, if I if I listened occasion
to a film commentary on DVD or whatever, It's the ones where
the ones I dislike the most are when they get the like the Carry
on. Have you seen those DVDs or the
Carry On films where you've got people like Jim Dale and and
and? What's the name?
Dillis, Leigh. Married to married to Kenneth
Moore, what's the name? Angela Douglas.
And people like that doing commentaries and and they've got
that comedy historian Robert Ross with him as well, right.
Just to keep it on track. But what happens is all they do
is he'll say, do you remember doing this scene?
I don't remember doing that. No, no, they never remember
anything. And and and they end up just
watching the film and going, oh, that's funny, that's funny.
You know, that's all it is. And then you did never really
great. You, yes.
Yeah. But the pay was terrible.
Wasn't it all terrible? Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yes, it was very cold when we filmed that.
Whereas what you'd want is Ken. You want Ken in his pomp?
Yeah, doing the commentaries, hanging it off that.
Would have been great. It was just it was too, too
early, wasn't it? He could have done a laserdisc
commentary for Crow. What's Bernie?
Now, oh, absolute disgrace. Look at him with his one eye.
Oh Crowl, One eye and A10 ear. That's what you should do.
You should do film commentaries. Williams, Williams, Someone
should do it. But yeah, so it was a bit more
energy. Brilliant.
Yeah, we'll definitely meet up again at some point and that
would be brilliant. It's always, it's always good
fun to do this. It's really good fun.
Yeah. I really love it.
Cheers, guys. Speak to you soon.
See you later. Bye.
Bye.
None.