Did you look at the original Pink Panther film before you
wrote this one? No, I knew it intimately.
How different is Inspector Clouseau these days from what he
was in the original film? A little older, that's all.
No wiser. Clouseau is timeless because he
represents something in the US, in all of us, that that doesn't
change. Essentially.
Certain customs may change, but the the central man doesn't
change. Clouseau doesn't.
That the fallible, bumbling screw up, if you will.
His sense of humor is very much like mine.
He finds the same sort of thing as I do.
Funny little dogs and cats and birds and things and like that,
you know, animals in the rear, all kinds of things like that.
Funny situations. He spots him very quickly.
We both see The funny thing. He's also a great giggler.
It's really terrific. I'm allowed to laugh as much as
I like. I can, you know, corpse whenever
I want to. And that's, you know, very lucky
because if you're doing scenes with Peter, if I wouldn't have
been able to. Corpse.
I mean, it would have been up. The whole time.
How much? Faith do you have in his?
Judgement in in comedy timing complete faith you have to have
otherwise you question it. And sounds of French trucks
passing. No it's not his English
disguised as French truck thinly disguised too.
Taking a tree with it as it goes.
Timber. Here we are, welcome to Goon Pod
folks, and who better to pipe a board and help me launch this
new series, but my very good friend and fellow podcaster,
Gary Roger. Hello, thank you very much for
the invitation and for the welcome.
I did not realise until you just said that that I was actually
helping to, to, to open up a brand new series.
I, I, I did not realise that was your, your debut guest.
Oh. Yeah, it's been, it's listen,
it's been all of four months since the last proper episode as
a season podcaster. Gary, Can you imagine such a
gap? Yeah.
When was the last sitcom club? No.
When was Hang on Queen's Golden Jubilee?
When was? That yeah, so.
You are. Things get in the way, don't
they? Yeah.
They do and all that, Yeah. You always say that, though.
Oh yeah, that excuse is wearing a little bit.
Always spent that shilling, yes, Yeah.
So you were the Co host of the Sitcom Club and Jaffa Cakes for
Proust? Yes, indeed.
And hopefully we'll be seeing some activity from you and your
your. I am, I am hope so We, we, we
did, we did attempt to, to stage something over Christmas which
didn't quite come off. But we are very, very hopeful
that there will be 2026 editions of of those shows coming soon.
Very good, very good. We're recording this very late
at night listeners. There's no no reason for that
apart from the fact that I can guarantee I'm not going to be
interrupted by a delivery. Oh, damn it.
Just excuse me a minute. Gary,
wouldn't you believe it? I'm sorry about that.
It was a delivery for me. It's my new tracksuit that I've
ordered and, and plim sols because Gary, I must admit I've
drawn deep inspiration from yourself because I'm not
particularly someone who's athletic or given to, you know,
going outdoors really. And that's, I think it's fair to
say up until about a year ago, neither were you.
This, this is, this is so true. Yeah, I decided for for.
Well, shall I, shall I, shall I come up with a main event first?
Because that will then it also makes sense in a linear manner.
I am running the London Marathon at the end of April.
And this all came about because I watched the London Marathon
last year and I thought that looks like a bit of a lark.
So a couple of friends and I, we all applied at the same time.
My friends did not get in and I did.
And, and I, I, I'm presuming that you don't have like an R
rating on this podcast. So I cannot repeat what word I
typed out and, and messaged my friends with, with one
particular vowel, like repeated 12 times.
But yeah. And so as a result of that, I
thought, I suppose I better sort of do some training for this.
So I did Couch to 5K last summer and my first entry from my couch
to 5K diary was. This was bloody awful mistake.
I felt horrible for running for one minute.
I wish I hadn't done this, but I've committed to it.
I've done it. I, I, as you, as you know, I've
done couch to five KA couple of times.
Yeah, Yeah. Oh, it's the dark night of the
soul. Yeah, sometimes, isn't it?
It really is. Some days it's a breeze, but
other days it's it's an absolute torture.
I, I still, I still can't believe that.
So basically, yeah, I, I completed that.
I did AA10K at the end of November.
Then I've been into like the serious marathon training.
So the last one that I did was 17 miles.
And the idea of going from one minute to the end of June to 17
miles in March is astonishing. That's incredible.
The biggest challenge is actually boredom.
I find that after like an hour, I'm just sort of thinking when's
it's going to be over with. So I've listened to a ton of
podcasts and audiobooks in the last few months.
And yeah, I am played my way through the good post Good good
and POD back catalog. That's what it's called, yes.
Yes, yeah, and it is a very is a very good companion.
If anybody is marathon training, I highly recommend your back
catalog for company. Thank you very much.
Just one thing I want to back pedal.
So are you telling me that obviously you applied to run in
the London Marathon, but you could be?
Rejected. Oh, yeah, yeah, there's,
there's, there's about grounds because it's always
oversubscribed. So you, you put in for it and
you either get in or you don't. And I was lucky enough to get in
at that point because I'm fundraising for Alzheimer's
Society. At that point I contacted them
and said I have a place and I want to link it to yourselves.
So they're, that's my 'cause that's what I'm fundraising for.
Had I not got in through the, the regular ballot, then I could
have potentially have applied through Alzheimer's Society
because charities have their own places.
And but again, that's, that's, that's going to be sort of
limited spaces for that as well. So I was, I was fortunate to, to
get this and yeah, it's going to be an experience.
And I just hope the weather keeps fine.
And I've already been reading up about where all the little water
stops are and and and where all the the the urinals.
I presume they have the urinals. At some point and little Ben
running alongside with a bucket, no.
But this is the thing, there is a little van running alongside
because I was reading about the sale all day.
As long as that van is behind me, I'm happy that van is ahead
of me. I've got a problem because that
van have. Good aim.
You reminded me of a scene in a holiday on the buses now.
But no, because they can't shut the roads forever.
And so there is a point if you're still there after like a
good long while, when like the little sort of, you know,
latecomers van pops up and says, hey, you sort of need to get off
the road now, maybe run the pavement or something.
So I really want to avoid that if possible.
I want to finish on on them all and, you know, just go away and,
and be on like the iPlayer stream or whatever it is.
I'm not trying to, to, to, to reach any kind of targeted time.
I've got a funny feeling. I, I know how long it's going to
take and it's going to take a while, but yeah, it, it's, yeah,
it's, it's going to be a, a thing.
It's going to be an experience and.
Go on, I'm going. To regret it.
I'm going to. I make bloody sure I do.
I'll regret it if it's the last thing I do, and maybe it will
be. Your best John Laurie voice.
I am. I'm very impressed.
I'm very proud of you. In fact it is.
I think it's a great thing that that you're doing.
And if if listeners to this want to throw you a few shillings,
how can they do that? So if they go to and I'm, I'm
hoping you might stick a wee link in your your social media
there, but just just in case you prefer to hear URLs and rather
than click on them. If you go to
justgiving.com/page/gaddy Dash Roger, which is Rodger and my
fundraising pages there. Yeah, I'll stick all the show
notes as well, thank. You all donations very
gratefully received. Great.
So you've been on a few times and I think the last time was to
talk about what a whopper isn't it with Oh.
What a whopper. Yes, that was, that was, that
was good fun. That was, that was the kind of
film that that's the kind of film I just stick on like a
Saturday night talking pictures or something like that.
And it's sort of flimsy, harmless, silly fun.
You can recognise faces and so on.
I think what we're talking about today obviously is a bit more of
a big budget affair. Yeah, it is.
And you've been on previously talking about the the original
Pink Panther film and also in the the the Cluso franchise in
the round, if you like. But we're going to do a bit more
of a deep dive, as the kids say, Yeah.
I believe that that's the standard phrase in the
podcasting universe. I think it.
Is as well as put a pin in that and let's circle back I think
and we are talking about the return of the Pink Panther.
Good. Evening.
Monsieur Gai Gadbois got your sins.
How do you do? I'm Lady Lyt.
Yes, I'm here. I took the liberty of felling
out and that. Depends on your intentions.
Strictly honourable, like an asteroid, A man.
She's a beautiful chicken. He can't help but be
inquisitive. You know, Would you think it's
naughty of me if I have to buy a drink?
You. Already have.
How about I buy myself whenever we drink it together all.
Right. Weather another color and ginger
ale please. Well, if there is a lady litter,
it must be a lid lady litter. Oh yes, he's in.
Yes. Plastics Oh, the plastic in.
Yes, industrial plastics, very. Interesting.
Well, here is the looking at the UK.
Peter Sellers triumphant return in the sense of a success on the
on the big screen because it had a, well, a string of failures
basically leading up to this I. Was going to that was actually
going to be the first thing I was going to ask you was because
I I feel like a bit of sort of counterfactual was, was the
word. Folder role.
Yeah, exact effectual folder role.
How do you think, Peter? Sellers career would have then
evolved if this had not happened.
Would he be really have just continued making films along the
lines of, you know, soft beds, hard battles of things like
that? Or would he have had a
renaissance elsewhere? I suspect the former rather than
the latter. Sadly, I think he certainly
wouldn't have got to make being there.
I, I, I don't, I think he really only got the financing for being
there off the back of yeah, regaining success, becoming
bankable again. This comes out in in 1975,
returned to Pink Panther for the previous five years.
He hasn't really had a hit film at all.
The last film that made any money really was which There's A
Girl in My Soup, and that was I think 1970.
And he's made, he's made films like Ghost and The Noonday Sun,
which doesn't get a proper release, The Block House, which
doesn't get a proper release, the worst film he's ever made.
Where does it hurt? Have we watched that before?
I. I certainly haven't seen that.
I'm also I'm intrigued as that is that actually the the the the
the strap line on the poster? The worst film that Peter
Sellers has ever made in the West End now.
It's just like he can't put a foot, right?
Yeah. And we get to to 1975 and Blake
Edwards needed a hit and, and he'd been, what's the word,
workshopping an outline for another Pink Panther film.
But nobody wanted to bankroll it because they felt that Edwards
and Sellers were kind of washed up, which I think is rather
unfair. But it looks like sort of Lou
Grade came to the rescue here. Would you?
Would you agree? Yes, that this, so this, it's
because the, OK, there's various sort of strands that let's sort
of tie together here and they all sort of in a manner of
speaking, they all sort of go through Lou grade ITC and so on.
A couple of things I'm sort of intrigued about because I do
like to plunder the newspaper archives, as you know.
And so I was going through a lot of newspaper clippings from 1974
at the weekend ahead of this. And first thing that I stumbled
across, which I was not at all expecting was Douglas Fairbanks
junior will be making his long-awaited return to films
with an appearance in Return of the Pink Panther.
And this does surrounds in a few different newspapers for a few
weeks. And then eventually in May of
74, Fairbanks junior says that commitments in America would
prevent him from joining the the the project.
And yeah, there was no information provided as to what
role he was going to play in this.
But other clippings which mention that Blake Edwards is
preparing for the film. I noticed here in the Clydebank
Press 1974 in June mentions news of a new musical film, a remake
of Charles Dickens, Great Expectations.
The stars will be Michael York and Sarah Miles.
This is just one of six films a year which Sir Lou Grade is
planning in a new £6,000,000 production program.
He's also to make the return of the Pink Panther with Peter
Sellers shooting in France, Morocco and Switzerland.
Other stars he has in mind are Sophia Loren and Peter O'Toole.
Now, the way that this is written in this article, I'm not
sure if that's actually saying he has Sophia Lauren and Peter
O'Toole in mind for Return of the Pink Panther or just he's
going to be working with them on on some sort of film project.
But yeah, at this point I think he he'd probably associate the
grades more with television, ATV and the theatre.
But this is this is part of a nice little set of films and a
fair bit of expenditure attached to them.
Well, I would have thought that Fairbanks junior would have
probably played Sir Charles Lytton.
I would imagine I could. I could see Peter O'Toole
playing the character as well. Yes, we.
We we talked about this when we were actually watching the film
and prepped for this. I find it difficult to imagine
somebody. I find it difficult to imagine
David Nevin himself reprising the role because the, there's a
lot of physicality in plumber's portrayal when he's in
Marrakech, for example, trying to evade the fat man and, and,
and, you know, breaking Graham Stark's hand and all those kind
of stuff. And there's a lot, there's a lot
going on there where you sort of think I can't, I can't quite see
somebody of Nivin's age playing this role.
And I think it would probably look a bit too obvious if you
had like sort of standards because we did also talk about
the what what were the benefits of HD streaming these days?
It's a little bit more obvious to spot when it isn't.
Peter Sellers is flying through the air in In Pursuit of Cato.
Yeah, that's Joe Dunn. That's his stunt double,
clearly. So David Niven, from what I can
find out, he was unavailable. He was filming Paper Tiger in
Malaysia right at the same time. But part of me thinks, would he
have wanted to reprise the role because the original film had
been stolen from him? Yeah, by Sellers, was it?
You know, possibly. There was a bit of sour grapes
on his part, do you think? But having said that, he
returned for the bloody grave robber.
Yes, exactly. Yeah, No, this this moves on to
another issue that we also spotted with, yes, the the
continuity and what we're taking, we're taking like the
whole continuity, all the films. Yep.
In, in, in context. So original film.
And I don't think that I don't think this is in any way a
concern in, in Shot in the Dark or Inspector Clouseau with Alan
Arkin. But in the original film, you've
become David Nevine, Sir Charles Lytton, you've got Sellers as
Jacques Clouseau, and he is married to Simone Clouseau
Cappucine. And of course we know spoilers
that Sir Charles and Simone are in cahoots and then we see them
together later on in the Trail of the Pink Panther.
So that implies that they're still together 20 odd years
later. And yet in The Return of the
Pink Panther, we have Christopher Plummer as Charles
Lytton and he is married to Lady Claudine Lytton, Catherine
Shell. So are we to presume that Lytton
and Simone didn't stay together? And got divorced, then he
remarried and he remarried. He he married Claudine.
And then after that he then divorced Claudine and then got
married again to Simone again. Well.
Richard Burton and Liz Taylor. Yes, yes, they did.
Yeah, there is. There is precedent for that sort
of, yeah, carry on. Yeah, what died, wasn't it?
Police today were conducting a house to house search of Lucas
for the thief who Monday night stole the fabled pink pamphlet
diamond from the Royal Museum here.
According to authorities, the only clue is a white monogrammed
man's glove with the initial P. Well, what do you think?
That you didn't spend your time just painting during my absence.
Oh, do you think I had something to do with the robbery?
Didn't. You, but you little beast.
Three, no. Four years ago, I swore to you
that I was retiring. Faithful to you ever since.
In your fashion. Now what the hell does that
mean? That you're being teased?
I believe you, darling. But you must admit it does sound
like the kind of job only the Phantom could have done.
I mean the Pink Panther. No clues except your well known
calling card. Yes, Sir, must admit the
imposter. Very clever.
Very clever indeed. I'm surprised that half the
police force of France hasn't descended on us by now.
In terms of this film, I think it's the second best in the in
the series. So for me, I don't know about
you, Gary. For me, it runs.
Shot in the Dark is the best Cluso film, followed by this.
Yeah. I think I actually my, my, my
own preference is that this is my favorite, OK.
Then the Pink Panther then strikes again, then revenge, and
then well to reveal over the others I.
Have I have a soft spot for revenge?
I know that it doesn't get really highly thought off, but
I'd like the fact that it's it's not as absurd as strikes again.
Straight again is fabulous. I used to have straights again
on Betamax a number of times I played that tape.
But yeah, it it it sort of gets a little it gets battled
slightly bit more to normality with the plot of it.
And I like the fact that it's a lot more back quake in revenge
compared to the to the old films as well now.
I saw this film on television on a Saturday night.
Remember, it was a big Saturday night film.
God, it must have been about. I think I just got into the
goon. So it would have been about 14.
So it would have been about 8889 maybe.
And it was pan and scan. Oh, yes, yes.
And you know what? I had a, I had probably a rental
tape copy of Return and that scene where for the first time
he's actually, you don't know who's behind the gun at that
point, but the first time he is evading.
Oh, gazum tight scene you mean? Yes.
Yes, yes, exactly. Because there's a very, there's
a wide different distance between himself, the police
chief and on that panel and scan.
It's like, yeah, it's, this is infuriating because I, this is
something that I read I think maybe 20 odd years ago and I've
looked for it since. I have never found it.
But I found an account of a film which one of the ITV regions was
showing. And I think this may have been
perhaps late 1970s and they had acquired a film and received
the, the, the, the, the print quite late in the day and had
ultimately attempted to do live pan and scan for its
transmission. And it wasn't a wild success.
And it got a few complaints from, from viewers.
And they sort of had to acknowledge, I think Leslie
Halliwell, I think it was the film buyer for ITV at the time,
had to acknowledge the the unique circumstances of it.
And it wasn't something that they plan to do on a regular
basis. But yeah, no, that, that's
that's something that's been utterly lost to the sands of
time. Now for For the Don for free
viewing modern age. Absolutely.
So I saw this film as a teenager and I absolutely adored it from
the off. I remember howling, I told you
tonight, loved the bits with his absurd little, what do you call
it, Van Thing repeatedly goes into the swimming pool.
I just loved it unconditionally. I still really, really enjoy it
now, but there's a few bits that drag for me these days.
But what was your first exposure to this?
So first time I ever seen this. Probably going to be would have
been one of the 1980s screenings on ITVI did look this up earlier
on to find out. I believe it's first screening
was on Sunday, September 14th, 1980, but it also, unusually, it
had a screening within a year, within about nine months or so,
because it also played the night before Charles and Diana's
wedding in July 81. I've always thought there was
something sort of sort of bittersweet about that.
I've thought it's actually, it's quite a nice touch that you sort
of know that he would have been there, he would have been at
Saint Paul's the day after, had he lived.
That's interesting. Yeah, I've.
Always. I've always, yeah, I've always
seen the scheduling of that in that context.
I've always just bought it just. Yeah, it just works perfectly
well. Do you know do?
You know the story about Prince Charles in this film?
No. Do you know about this?
So Prince Charles was on a official visit to Canada in
1975, and he went to see this movie in Montreal, OK.
And he wrote a he actually wrote a letter to Sellers and told him
he'd be to see the film. And he said he'd laughed so much
he wet the dress of the woman in front of him.
Yeah. Was he not have a particularly
good aim? Was he?
Was he in the stalls? I think the implication was he
cried with laughter, right? But.
There you go. But I did a bit of digging
because I was intrigued by this. So he'd been to see it in early
June 75 at the York Theatre and he was accompanied by a young
lady called Janet Jenkins, who was a receptionist at the
British Consulate General. And they arrived at the 7:00 PM
showing and the cinema manager hadn't been forewarned they were
coming. And he later said that they were
laughing a lot. So I guess they had a good time.
Marvellous time was was had by all.
Now, Janet Jenkins, Gary, this will interest you.
She's related to Roy Jenkins. Oh, really?
And in later years, she claimed that she maintained an affair
with Charles for over 20 years, including during the sort of
Camilla years. So there you go.
Yeah, but but she and Charles apparently bonded over Return of
the Pink Panther in. Montreal.
That's amazing. But I've still got this this
listing in front of me. By the way, how is this for an
evening entertainment? OK, go on, turn on the Pink
Panther 715 the Professionals at 9:15 and then the celebrated one
off piece of Cook and Company with Better Read and Paula
Wilcox clays and so on. Yeah, that that's a bloody good
evening entertainment right there.
And. What?
Sorry was this 1980? Did you see this is?
September 1980, but. You would have been, what,
three? Yeah.
Wouldn't you? I said.
It would have been. It wouldn't be that screening or
even the 81 one. I would remember.
I'm going to have seen it probably about 8384, something
like that idiot I was. Like to know he was the bank
manager? How are you to know the bank was
being robbed? That is correct.
What is correct? I did not know the bank was
being robbed because I was engaged in my swan duty as a
police officer. You didn't even arrest the old
beggar. There was some question as to
whether the beggar or his minkey was bracking Delir Minky.
But you said minkey. That is correct.
Yes. Chimpanzee minkey.
So I left them both off with a warning.
The. Beggar was the lookout man for
the gang that is impossible why he was blind how can a blind man
be a lookout how can an. Idiot.
Be a policeman. Answer me that it's.
Very simple. All he has to do is enlist.
Shut up. One of the, I had a lot of
clippings in front of me. One of them that particularly
caught my eye because of two things that really stand out in
it. There is an interview with Peter
Sellers for the Sunday Mirror in August of 74.
And we'll come on to the other item later on because we can
have, we can have fun with this. But yeah, this this article
mentions the four sellers is going to work on his next
proposed picture. He is to make six or eight one
hour television adventures featuring sellers
characterization of the French Detective Inspector Clouseau.
And he's also winding up the baton of the Pink Panther
filming. So I'm really intrigued about
this now because obviously we know this is not something that
happened, but at the same time, but we were discussing this the
other day and we were talking about, you know, it's because
Sellers also mentions as well and in a lot of interviews that
that Blake Edwards had been ringing them up for years,
suggesting bits and pieces for clues, what to do and so on.
And it may be that that the television series was talked
about and then became the film or whatever it may be.
But the fact that this article is actually referencing both of
them at the same time, I think it's quite interesting.
And it's now got me thinking about how this series could have
worked. Because we did chat briefly with
Tilt from said sitcom club the other day.
He was envisaging this as being a sort of an old film series
because of course at that time ATVITC were making these
transatlantic series that they had hits with like Tom Jones and
Des O'Connor and so on. And they had of course their,
their their dramas such as, you know, persuaders during the
Serie. So, yeah, Lou Grade liked his
glossy locations. He liked big guest stars,
spending a good deal of coin on colour shows and, and, and, and
making them really look the part and they can look sort of
cinematic. So this this got me thinking
then, OK, how would this be done?
Would it be, first of all, would it be a film series or would
this be videotape? I'll hold on to the videotape
idea because I've got I've got somewhere that might end up
going. But if it was, say, film series,
I'm thinking, OK, it's going to be then a little self-contained
story each week and. I'm.
Now sort of thinking about some of the people who might have
been in it, who could feasibly have been in it in the mid 70s
and using that sort of great doctrine of the going to be
stars who are known on both sides of the Atlantic.
So what is this? Plenty of people you could think
of the the, you know, the sort of pretty shatters and so on who
who would work well with sellers.
I'm thinking it's got to be somebody with a bit of sort of
box office so. So, OK, so sellers is obviously
cluso in this. Yep.
Are we recasting like everyone including Dreyfus and so?
I, I was, I was sort of imagining that in order to give
Clueso a bit of sort of elbow room in terms of where he's
going, what he's doing and so on.
I was thinking it was going to be an inspected Clueso series
rather than a Pink Panther series.
And I didn't necessarily envisage maybe Cato or Dreyfus
being in more than maybe one or two episodes, maybe like in the
first and last one or something of that ilk.
But otherwise, he's, he's, you know, close, is going to have a
bit of free reign to go when he plays he's and so on and so on.
Yeah. So I'm not thinking of recasting
either of those two roles. But bizarrely, the first name
that actually came to mind. And I just thought, yes, yes,
he'd be absolutely perfect in it.
Donald Pleasence Well. Yes.
I don't know. I have not, I'm not like, I'm
not sitting here scoping like, you know, scoping out like plots
or anything like that. But I'm, I'm sort of imagining
him as being some sort of perhaps he's like the was and
Mrs. Columbo, was he an art dealer?
Is that his role? He was in the first episode?
No, he. Wasn't No, he wasn't.
He wasn't an art dealer at all. He was.
He's a crime writer, wasn't he? He's, I don't remember, I've
only seen it the once, Yeah. Yes, he was, he was talking, I
think he was giving a demonstration on self defence
and I think he was a was he a crime writer?
But I'm sort of I'm imagining him as as some some sort of
hooky art dealer and he's up to no good.
He's maybe planning some sort of heist or something like that.
He's got some sort of, you know, little sort of switcheroo
planned and you know, maybe he's got, you know, Johnny Vivian on
the inside. He's a security guard inside the
like the something like that. Well, he's.
Johnny Vivian is famous on both sides of the Atlantic, isn't he?
Yeah, absolutely. It's funny you.
Say it's funny you say antique dealer because I was thinking
someone who's known on both sides of the Atlantic, but who's
up and coming, who could play like a villain in an episode.
I'm thinking Ian McShane. Oh.
Yes, yes, indeed. Yeah, because he.
Could do the menacing, he could do the light stuff as well.
Yeah, OK. I think that's safe.
I think we've got, we've got there's episode 1-2 sorted, I
think. I think is, is it a fair, I'm
presuming this is going to be Blake Edwards that that's going
to be directing, that's going to be involved in it, Probably a
fair assumption that Julie Andrews might be involved in
some way or not. And yes, and of course, because
Sellers is involved, Graham Stark and David Lodge, Oh.
Exactly, of course, yes. So I was thinking also Raquel
Welch. Oh yes, Yep.
I'm. Always thinking Raquel.
And then I'm then I'm starting to get maybe a bit sort of, I
don't know, Trey or whatever, but I'm sort of thinking John
Cleese perhaps. Yeah.
And now I'm trying to think, what was it?
We was it, was it The Avengers? We saw John Cleese in it.
Was yes, yes. And one of them later episode A.
Colour episode, yes. Yeah.
And so, yeah, now this is just no, my head's gone bonkers with
all these ideas about who could have like potentially have
turned up I. Think Sellers would have
resisted And well, Sellers did resist the whole notion of a
television series. I think Sellers didn't want to
do TV. Yeah, really.
Or certainly not be committed to.
ATV series. I was also thinking, by the way,
could we go potentially meta on this?
Could we have, say, Peter Ustinov?
Can we have Alan Arkin? Peter Yushchnoff with a with a
knowing wink at the. Camera, Yes, yes, yeah.
And Alan Arkin. Yeah, I, I'm because I think
Pete Sellers actually does say in some of the publicity for
return, he said, yeah, they did it on Alan Arkin didn't work.
And yeah, he he sort of started saying like, yeah, this is, this
is, I don't think he's, you know, saying in these precise
words, but he's sort of saying, I know how to play this role.
It it doesn't want people in the role.
Just just. To quickly talk about a scene in
the film with the, the actual introduction of Clueso in this
film, I think it's masterful what Sellers does or Blake
Edwards and Sellers do in the sense that.
And we talked about how great the, the heist sequence was
right at the beginning, particularly because basically
you've got no laughs, no comedy until 15 minutes into the actual
film. Yeah, the, the credits are in,
in, in between the, the beginning, sort of the the pre
credit sequence. Then you've got the credits,
which are brilliant, the the cartoon credits, which, which
kind of license things. And then you've got this really
well shot heist scene, robbery scene, and it's really dramatic
and thrilling. But then it cuts to Sellers as
Clouseau, who's back on the beat.
He's a beat cop basically and within the 1st 2 seconds 3
seconds he's hit himself in the eye with his function.
Yes, yeah, in a. In a, and in a way that only
Sellers could have done it. And it's and it just basically
says, if you've never seen a Cluso film or Pink Panther film,
this is all you need to know. This is this is the character,
Yeah. And it did.
The whole section with John Bluthall is is is superb.
What do you think about that? I was thinking about this as
well. So the last film as Clouseau
that Sellers made was Shot in the Dark, which was, what, 10-11
years earlier? Yeah.
He's admonishing Bluthall, who's busking with a monkey, a minky.
And he's he's he's demanding to know whether he has he has a
license or a permit and all that sort of thing.
Think about shot the dark Clouseau's increasingly
inventive disguises to keep an eye on Maria Gambrelli.
He keeps being arrested for not having a permit or a license.
And I'm wondering if that's like a little knowing nod to that.
Probably not, but I'd like to think so.
You have. A Lessons City Ordinance 47-B
prohibits the playing of any musical instrument in a public
place for the purpose of commercial enterprise without a
license. I don't understand.
It is against the law for you to play your musical instrument.
The law? What you say is against the law.
Yes, unless you have a proper license.
What kind of license? A license that permits the
playing of any musical instrument in a public place for
the purpose of commercial enterprise.
Commercial enterprise, Yes. You play that thing and people
give you the money. People give the monkey the
money. It is a Sam.
Oh, and not at all, Monsieur. I am a.
Musician and the monkey is a businessman.
He doesn't tell me what to play and I don't tell him what to do
with his money. Just returning to the the TV
series for a moment because this is my other little piece of
nonsense that that sort of entered in my head.
I was thinking, OK, instead of it being a film series, what if
it is videotape and it's made at Elstree?
So it's a lower budget, but it still has the same sort of
transatlantic appeal. And then I started thinking,
hang on a minute, 1975, this probably would have been, yeah,
this could fit very nicely into the ATV universe.
Let's say that they do this, it's on videotape, you've got
your guest stars and so on. But it's also a bit more sort of
early evening family sort of centric.
Maybe maybe the, the ping pan fur is more to the fore and
maybe they're even sort of, you know, elements of the storyline
which, which involve the cartoon Pink Panther.
So I've thrown in there for for for giggles and so on.
Because of course, by this point they do mention that the cartoon
series has been going for many years and this is running on
television all over the world. And this thing got me thinking,
OK, Sellers, if he did this at all, he'd probably only want to
do 1 Series. I can't see him doing more than
one, but they've got like this this this space, they've got
this time boot and they've got this sort of candle of an idea
of can you do something which is sort of extraordinary that that
could that could appeal to UK and American audiences.
And we've got a different guest star every.
Can you see where this is going? We've got a different guest star
every week. Are we talking Muppets?
Yeah. I don't think it could this
appeal like a prototype in its own bizarre way.
And it's like could if he had like, sort of some sort of
absurd haunted house episode and it was full of creations from
Jim Henson, for example. And this sense sort of becomes
like, oh, yeah, that's right. That it never.
Yeah. It never.
You never see in syndication. You never, never see repeated.
But this is what it started. And then before you know it, the
next year, Kuzo's not there anymore, but it's them's there.
Yeah. Yeah.
And of course, though, you'd have to then erase the Sellers
episode of The Muppet Show because that would not work
properly, would it? Well.
Would it as long as as long as they weren't making reference to
the previous, well, they they could do it.
You know, like in when Berquoke is in the the opening scene of
Fu Manchu. Yes.
And Sellers says you look familiar.
Yes, just something. Something like that.
Just some little sort of a little side.
And by the way, on on Speaking of that, for whatever reason in
my head, that opening scene with Bert Kraig in the fetish pot of
Fu Manchu, quite often I actually get him mixed up for
Derek Deadman in the Apple, which we just bought the trailer
for the other day. And apparently we have actually
seen the whole entire film, although I remember nothing of
it apart from Derek Deadman. Wow, We've we've got to Derek
Deppen early. Yeah, earlier than we expected.
We got there. We got there eventually, yes,
Yeah, yeah. I always think that that scene
with Bert Qualke at the beginning of Fu Manchu, he
should have, you know, because there's there's the whole elixir
of life. Yes thing.
Yeah, That Fu Manchu should have gone to his fridge in his
kitchen to get the Elixir of Life, and Bert Qualke should
have jumped out and attacked him.
It's a nice little call back. So some of the cast in here that
we haven't really talked about, we, we cheered, didn't we, when
we saw Lodge and Stark's names flash up in the Oh yes.
In the credit. Sequence Dave Lodge, He's got a
bit of a thankless role in this, I suppose, but he had a nice
payday, I suppose for it. But he he plays the driver, the
chauffeur of Lord Lytton. Doing this kind of nondescript
Northern accent would. You would you you mention
yourself is this accent sort of wanders a bit?
It does wander the course of it, yeah.
Yeah. Starks got a little bit more to
do and, and he's kind of until mentioned when we're watching
it, he I didn't realise that he's basically playing a Peter
Lorre character and he's 1,000,000 miles away from
Hercule from Shot the Dark, which yeah, was the was the last
Cluso film that he wasn't in Inspector Cluso, was he?
No, I don't think he was, but I was going to say actually that
that how many other Pink Panther films is Dave Lodge in?
Because I don't he's not in as many as Graham *.
He's in Shot in the Dark as George, who gets stabbed in the
in the greenhouse. Right.
I think is he in strikes again in revenge?
I can't I. Can't play, I can't play.
I'm sure he's not in revenge. I don't.
I can't place him in In Strikes Again because Stark is the the
the one of the hotel in Strikes Again where he's got the guest
of disguise and the dentist with.
The with the famous marijuana pipe and.
Of course, then he is August Balls in revenge with Diane
Cannon. And August balls of nice gets
referenced in this film just like a throwaway name.
Now we before we recorded this, I messaged Julia and said, are
we going to are we going to refer to the fact that Graham
Stark famously had a, a flat up Peter Sellers ass and or would
that be unseemly And you said no.
I, I think I said no, you, you must, you must made reference to
this. And of course, it was John the
measure who I think was the the the offer of that phrase.
But I think, I think to be fair to him and he gets a lot of
stick and rightly so, because then, you know, let's not, let's
not talk about the private life. Unpleasantness, but.
But he, he's pretty good generally, isn't he?
He's pretty dependable. Graham Star I.
I when I was when I was, I was not a kid, I actually really
liked Graham Stark when he whenever we would turn up and
things I remember in particular he had a role in.
I may or may not have seen this yourself, a Granada popular
music show for children's ITV called Hold Tight, which one
series of which had this absurd subplot with John Gorman sort of
playing like this sort of Squire.
I was wandering around his estate and and game star.
I've interviewed. Hey, Butler.
Oh, yes, of course you did, didn't you?
Yes. And yeah, I went over, I saw him
like turning up on bits and pieces.
And then I remember seeing him turning up on Wogan, I think in
the late 80s, and he was talking about Peter Sellers.
And I remember my dad actually saying something like, yeah,
yeah, of course, of course he is because he was always, you know,
following him around. And so I guess it must have
been, like, fairly well known even, you know, back in the 70s
and 80s and what have you. It's like, whatever sellers
goes, you know, stock will be a few paces behind them.
Yeah. Yeah, a few other people that
are in the film, Barely in the case of Victor Spinetti, much to
his chagrin because a lot of his sequences just got cut.
So Victor Spinetti plays the hotel concierge.
He he did like a one man show in the 80s which was recorded and
put out on cassette. And I had it years ago and he
talked about this film and how he was so pissed off that he'd
be cut from most of it. Or his bits have been cut most
of his bits. And because he was such a, you
know, a friend to the stars, a star himself, of course, but he
was very good friends with Richard Burton and Liz Taylor,
who were back to them again, who, who were in town.
And there was the after, well, what would you call it?
The, the party afterwards, after the premiere at which Peter
Sellers was holding court and all the great and the good were
there and the the press and whatnot, and Victor Spinetti
and, well, he turns up with Richard Burton and Liz Taylor,
who were uninvited. But they're such huge stars.
Peter Sellers can't turn them away.
And it's, it's deliberately designed to basically annoy
Peter Sellers, which it which it does.
But yeah, so he, he, he, he, I mean, he's he's fine.
We don't see much of him in this film.
Mike Grady gets more screen time.
Yes, he does, isn't he? Yes, and he's.
Great Mike Grady, he. Is he's he's really good.
I've actually just been watching.
So on that's TV, it's on the the repeats of Citizen Smith, which
I think is actually bizarrely getting a Blu-ray release.
Yes, yeah, that's weird. Yeah, he's really good at that.
And of course, I guess nobody's he's he's probably most
associated with Last of Summer Wine.
I also remember him being regular in Did you wash up the
garden path? Melda Staunton.
Aware of it, but yeah. Yeah, he was a regular on that
as well, which I think it was originally a Radio 4 series.
I'm just going to briefly mention a bit.
Vito Spinetti, by the way. Oh, yeah, it does.
It does tie in with this very film.
Years ago, I read Chris Donald's book about the the origin of of
fizz. Yeah.
And he talked at one point about finding himself at an award
ceremony, I think, at the same table as Catherine Zeta Jones
when she was the sort of like the initial sort of height of
her early theme, having been in Darling.
But it's me and Victor Spinetti was effectively her sort of
chaperone for the evening. And when when Chris Donald was
introduced to Victor Spinetti, he he'd written in the book that
he looked at me in the same way as he looked at close or when
close asked him, do you have a room?
I don't know how participantity would have would have reacted if
he actually just roughed up to him and said go on, do the face,
go on. I'll give you the line.
Give me, give me the face. Come on, you're a professional.
Come on. We miss you.
Do you have a limb? A.
Limb what? You said do I have a limb?
I know perfectly well what I said.
I said do you have a room? You mean do I have a room?
It is what I I have been saying if.
Do you? Have a reservation.
I am Inspector Cruiser of the Certe and I'm here on the
official police business. Whether you're here on the
official police business or not, this is the height of the season
and the hotel is full. Listen, my friend, this is a
matter of national importance and if you continue to be
difficult with me, I shall have no alternative.
But I have speaks with my superiors.
That case was here. We do have room.
I thought this match. I get the feeling it's it's
never been made clear, but the inferences that Sellers asked
for Mike Grady to be cast in this film.
He said he saw him that it wasn't an advert, it was an.
Advert on TV, Mike Grady, I think it was for Pepsi, I think.
And Sellers told the entire crew that this particular advert that
Mike was in was the funniest thing on TV and as a result, it
helped Mike Grady settle in on set.
Sellers could be very generous sometimes, and of course Carol
Cleveland is in this film. But although you don't really,
well, you do see it, but you don't really see it, do you?
She she actually appears in some of the the the newspaper
publicity for return. And yeah, like you, you
mentioned or fair that that she yeah, originally she'd been
intended to have a a much sort of bigger role in this.
But yeah, I'm I'm not sure that the I've lost kind of how many
times I've actually seen this film.
And it wasn't until a few years ago, actually, that was Kyle
Cleveland, than that one brief scene.
Cluso sat on the edge of the what?
The swimming pool perched on the edge.
And she, she dives in, you don't see her face.
And he he obviously falls backwards into the bull.
And yeah, it's just the synchronisation is is parallel.
Speaking of which, Speaking of like, noticing things in the
film, I'm ashamed to say. Again, spoilers.
Sorry about this. I'm ashamed to say that this is
actually the very first time that I had spotted at the
Catherine shell in our disguise is visible in the opening
sequence. Me too, me too.
We said that, didn't we? Because if you blink and you
miss it. But yeah, I also asked when we
were watching. I said, is Dreyfus overreacting
to Cluso here? See, because, yeah, I did wonder
about this and I'm, I'm sort of thinking that a modern
expression microaggressions, although they're not really
supposed to say micro transgressions in this case
because they're not really intentional clues.
Those not trying to to wind up Dreyfus, but I think that the
the yeah, what it's like, I mean, just like certain people,
for whatever reason, if you just don't gel with somebody and then
and if anything that they do is everything on your nerves?
Yes. And I'm thinking that's, that's,
that's the situation with Dreyfus.
I don't know if it's, I don't know if it's a bit sort of, you
know, improper to use this, this word.
So I apologise if you want to beep this, this is fine.
But I was introduced some months ago.
I think it was actually tilt again, who introduced me to
this, to the, the phrase. I think it's actually, it's sort
of, it's probably dated now, but it was in common use on on the
Internet previously. Bitch eating crackers, which I
understand to mean if you have such an utterly irrational
dislike of somebody, then if you actually just saw that person
eating crackers, you'd you'd say something about look at God,
look at that. I was telling a friend about
this a little while ago and the the analogy that we actually
drew was the infamous shot of Sean Murphy using mini Cheddar's
in his dressing room. Is that, Yeah, it's oh God, that
bloody Sean Murphy. Look, look at I'm just wolfing
those bloody things. Then I bet you end up with the
Branson pickle flavour of Noel Git.
So. But no, I think, I think, yeah,
it's, that's what it is with Dreyfus is it's just that it's I
think there's probably there's going to be an element of.
He knows that Clouseau has managed to lock his way into
being known as the famed detective who recovered the pink
pan for the last time and so on. And on top of that, then, yeah,
I guess it's just one of those things where they're they're
never going to jail. And.
Yeah. Cluso fails upwards yes I think
Catherine Shell is is very good in this for what she's given to
two because I don't believe that's actually I don't believe
that's her actually carrying out the heist yeah I.
Wondered about that because, you know, I'd never really made that
connection before because I'd like I say, I hadn't spotted
that she was in the opening scene.
And obviously I, you know, could work out then late later on.
But I, I for whatever reason, I always looked at that opening
scene entirely disconnected from the reveal later on that she's
behind the heist. Seeing her in the first scene
and then seeing that the whole scene play out.
It it plays sort of differently because it's quite a physical
scene. And it's yeah, there's a there's
a lot going on there and evading all like the the guards and the
big shootout and so on. I don't know.
It doesn't, it doesn't quite sit well.
Then I. Never noticed the plot as a kid,
in fact I don't think it's until this viewing perhaps and I must
have seen this film 8 times, maybe more.
Yeah. That I actually sort of started
taking notice of the non Clouseau bits, you know, with
with Christopher Plummer digging about and what and what not.
You know, I didn't. Yeah, because it is it is a
comedy film, but there's a lot of action sequences and drama,
isn't there? Yeah, I.
Actually find that those sequences, they're the kind of
things that that wouldn't, they would have bored me if I've
been, if I'd gone back to my like, I don't know, 8 year old
self watching this in the mid 80s or something.
I actually really like those sequences now.
I find some of them the the most engaging sequences of the of the
film. I like the fact that it's got
the, the confidence to to to let the film breathe, to say, OK,
we're not going to have any laughs for a few minutes.
We're just going to we're going to have a bit of a sort of
subplot going on. I suppose there's also going to
be an element with, with anything else, like we talked
about the the ITC, the great thing of, you know, make it look
bloody good, you know, have the have the persuasion to go
somewhere glamorous. And so you get to see a lot of
of, you know, very sort of stylish sets and, and, and
visuals and so on. But I think it it gives it gives
a film a bit of of depth, but. Then the subsequent films like
strikes again it it very much gluesy heavy.
There wasn't a lot of non cluesive content.
A bit like, you know, when when Poochie's not in a scene, have
the other character say, where's Poochie?
Where's? That kind of mentality.
Yeah, and, and I actually think it's I think it's actually, it's
one, it's a critique that you often hear about modern
comedies. And by modern, I mean within
like last, you know, 25 years. And I'm mainly thinking of
television, a role in the film. But you you do get now a a lot
of, of, of comedies which have very long sequences without any
obvious sort of gags. And, and quite often, yeah, the
drama seems to be sort of weighing the comedy down.
And it'd be nice if it sort of reverse it a little bit more to,
you know, a comedy being a comedy.
But yeah, I think, I think it works.
I think that the balance worked perfectly in this.
It never goes too far in in One Direction or the other.
Yeah. Yeah, a few other names in this
that we haven't mentioned so far.
Andre Moran, who plays Francois, which is Dreyfus's number 2,
basically his assistant. Yes, we we saw him most recently
in what was the film we watched that really obscure B movie from
the 50s, Rogue's Yarn. That was it, yes.
Yes, that's right. Yes, where?
Where? Where bizarrely, Andre Moran,
who played uncredited fisherman, I think was was the only face we
recognised in the whole country. Yes.
I've actually been apart from apart from being Panther,
probably the the thing that he's he's most remembered for would
be Gourmet Day episode of 40s hours.
Yes, as. As Andre, Yes.
The restaurateur. That's right.
Yeah, He's he's great in this. He he doesn't do much.
He does get to be in the final scene with the fortune cookie.
I like the fact he he seems he and Cluso seem to get on just
fine, don't they? Yes.
There, there was some the trouble.
Oh God, which film is it? No.
Is it Silo strikes again revenge where you just get a little sort
of hidden into his potential because Dreyfus mentioned
Simmons says yes, he was, you know, he's a promising officer
with a career ahead of him. And then he was assigned to
Clueso. And it's almost sort of like
saying that Clueso sort of, you know, held him back in some
ways. Because I suppose if, if you
were assigned to Clueso, then you'd end up, you know, having
to, you know, troubleshoot a lot of stuff, yes, going on around
you, which is not necessarily going to boost your own career
advancement. Mark my words, Francois, before
the week is out, I will definitely approve that.
So Charles Litton is a phantom. Did you enjoy your food?
Oh, yes, yes, Sir. Very nice.
You'll probably guess that with the passion for the Oriental
food, keto usually does some cooking for me, but recently
it's taken to attacking me at every chance.
It's very bad for the digestion. That is very strange, Francois.
I don't ever recall receiving the fortune cookie in a Japanese
restaurant. What?
Does it say? Which I've seen farewell of
Japanese wet dress bearing fortune cookies.
Japanese. What's this?
No, you idiot. We were talking about recast or
not recasting, but casting for this proposed television series
of the, Yeah, Return of the Pink Panther or whatever.
Obviously Mike Grady went on to be a fixture of Last of the
Summer Wine and in In His Late Years.
Bert Kwok turns up on that as a character as well, doesn't he?
Who else from this film do you think could have been a
character in Last of the Summer Wine?
OK, do we know for sure that David Lodge was never in last of
the Summer Wine? Oh, I.
Don't know, he probably should have been.
Yeah, I would have thought so. OK, hang on, God, let me think
now. I'm not.
I'm not deliberately not looking it up.
OK? Christopher Plummer?
Probably not. No.
No, I mean was was Fitz Spinetti ever in losses all way I.
I can't see him. I mean, he was in Boston, wasn't
he? One episode, Yes, indeed.
Yeah. OK, I'll see.
I'm thinking. I'm thinking because of, you
know, he'd, he'd made, he'd been in Vicar Dibley.
So he's used to sitcoms. He's been in loads of sitcoms.
I was thinking John Bluth or maybe as a, as an Australian
OAP. Yeah, who?
Who moves to Holmfirth and causes all sorts of ruckus?
OK, to to to switch around then who from last Summer Wine could
have been in ton of the Pink Panther.
Peter Salas just to confuse things.
Steven Lewis. I would have liked to have seen
Inspector Blake somehow work his way into the Pink Panther
universe. Stephen Lewis as Dreyfuss's
superior who's who's very supportive of Cluso and hates
Dreyfus. He hate you, Dreyfus.
Yeah, I, I, I like the, I like this.
OK but who else who could bellowin play in the ton of the
Pink Panther? Well, he'd he'd have been the
greatest style character. He'd have been Pepe, wouldn't
he? No, you're not buying it.
I'm, I'm seeing him with a bit more of an edge, seeing him a
bit more perhaps, maybe maybe one of the fat man's associates
or something like that. Not not heavy as such, but but
somebody who's, yeah, I don't see him as being a weedy
character like. Brian Wilde would have been the
analyst, you know, the the role that Peter Jones played, yes,
Dreyfus's analyst that have been that have been foggy, yeah.
Yeah, of course, Peter Jeffrey is is in this, isn't he, he.
Is briefly yes, briefly. Yes, yeah.
Yeah, and diving into the pool. Kathy staff, do you think?
It, it, it, it makes this, the scene memorable in a different
way. Is, is is 1 where I would, I
would sort of put that I'm going to apologise a little bit
because I'm, I'm shocked at myself.
I apologise. I've been mispronouncing his son
name here. I'm going to say Peter ARN.
I'm not sure. But yeah, he he's got tremendous
presence. I really like him in this film,
especially that last scene with like, yes, the shootout and what
have you. Yeah.
And he's somebody that for whatever reason, I I've not
really seen him in a lot of other things.
Like I don't think he he's because I'm, I'm mainly, I'm
sort of, you know, a comedy film fan.
Yes. Ever watched films?
So I think generally speaking, he was he was more often in like
dramas, war films. A lot of war films I've seen him
in. Yeah, yeah.
But I'm just I'm just looking up his details here just now and I
think he may have been in more than one of the Pink Panther
films. I'm just going to quickly check
this. OK, I'll go.
Wait. Yeah.
OK. So he's he's technically he's in
Trail and Curse. OK.
Yeah, I was. I was thinking.
I don't actually remember him being in any of the other.
Oh my God. What?
Hang on a minute. No, hey.
You know what All film, all film he's in.
Go on 19. 55. They've lodged it, yes.
Cocker Shell heroes, everybody. 'S in Cocker shell heroes
everyone. Just a quick nod to Catherine
Shell, who famously corpsed at everything Peter Sellers did on
set. And it was left in the film,
most of it because I think she charmed Blake Edwards.
I think he he was charmed by her corpsing, giggling.
So OK, corpsing on film and having it left in Gary. 10
minutes go. Yeah, we, we are, we are going
to not only are we are we going to to discuss on on your on your
spinoff show at some point we're going to discuss come play with
me. But I have already committed and
I've done it yet, but I have committed to to making a, I
don't know, PG version of of come play with me.
They see. Babies, Yeah.
They could, they could be, they could be seen without.
I mean, I was going to say it could be seen without
embarrassment. No, that's not true.
There was, there was no edit of come play with me that could be
seen without embarrassment. But I'm, I'm going to remove all
the unity from it and just leave you with like a sort of 10
minute cut of what's left. But oh, of course, Hey, and
that's, oh, hang on a minute, right.
Start off with 10. Who's in?
I mean, there's probably lots of people, but who's in?
Come play with me. And also in a Pink Panther film.
Oh, come on. Alfie Bass, who then comes up in
Revenge of the Pink Panther, of course.
He does, yes. A.
Salty old sea dog. But yeah, this corpse scene
that's in Come Play with me, that's quite special.
Yeah, tell from Thomas. We won't say anymore at this
point. For you, what what, what is the
stand out? What is the strongest or the
funniest sequence? What, what is it you think of
when you think of this film? What?
What bit? I, I really like that, that
sequence where he's assessing the, the crime scene, first of
all, just the length of time it takes and to actually get in
there in the first place. And once he's there, sort of
going through his motions of trying to sort of analyze Prince
and so on. And just, he'll see he sort of
fleets back and forward between he, he makes a good point about
like you need to identify where the wax came from for for
instance. And then he'll just put his hand
on a piece of evidence and then drops the ornament off the wall.
He was just he was sort of he every once in a while he he he
actually he does or says something, which gives him a
little bit more depth than this is going to say absurd, but
gives him more depth than an impersonators version of Peter
Sellers playing Clueso would do. Because obviously, of course,
every impressionist always did Clueso as as a buffoon, and for
the most part he is, but he's not an entire buffoon.
He, he is occasionally capable of coming up with little
observations, bits and pieces and so on.
Which sort of underlined that you could not be an absolute
utter walking calamity and expect to to have such a senior
rank you you, you must at least have some sort of semblance of
of common sense. Yes, yeah, Moments of clarity, I
suppose. That scene, I love that scene
because it shows Sellers, even though he was becoming quite ill
and he would get progressively more I'll as the years went on,
you know, only five years left to live, really.
But I think he's at the height of his comic powers and some of
the scenes in this film, particularly that that scene in
the museum when he's got the metal claw arm thing, whatever
you want to call it. And it just it hits him in the
spuds and he just because his his calling card.
It's just it's not overdone. It's just perfect delivery.
Yeah, he pulled himself across the floor.
He did. How?
Else could he avoid the radar field?
Yes, how else? Of course, you would need a very
slippery floor to do that. Therefore, the wax the.
Wax, are you? All right, course.
I am all right in examining the wax.
Have you taken a sample of this wax?
Wax is wax. Oh.
This is where you are wrong. Wax is not just wax.
In this case it is a clue. English wax, French wax,
domestic wax. The inspector is right.
Have the wax tested immediately. It's my guess that you will find
it is English wax. Why?
Because your thief is an Englishman.
How do you know that? It is my business to know that
he is a Charles Phantom, the notorious Litton.
The Phantom. Yes, one and the same.
Is. Calling card.
I found away something when I was going through my clippings.
I found away something that I had the temerity, nay, the
audacity to think that this might have been something that
that you yourself were not aware of.
But I'm also concerned that I might have slightly broken the
Internet and doing so because when I found this clipping, it's
from the same Sunday Mirror article that I mentioned before
August 74. And I found this.
I thought, oh, I've got to find out more.
But this, this sounds intriguing.
And when I googled it, it was nothing.
And I don't know what the the modern slang is for Googling
something and getting zero hits, because I presume it's not all
that common an instance these days.
But I'm disappointed to say that in Googling it now, there's
actually one hits come back, and it appears to be in a
Czechoslovakian cinema journal from 1975.
Right. So there was this this this this
piece here the the principal framing of this article was the
headlines. Settlers scares him.
Peter's new role gives Hollywood the jitters.
The film isn't even made yet, but already Hollywood has got
the jitters. Its villain, played by Peter
Sellers, is the Hollywood agent, traditionally a money grabbing
Mr. 10%. Also in the line of fire are
American politics and a future President of the United States.
Already there are mutterings of the film called Zwam.
Zwa Double M will be so anti American that Hollywood may
sabotage it. But Peter Sellers remains
unworried. My astrologer tells me that I am
in for a good spell from a queer point of view.
He told me in Zwam he is to play two different roles, as a
visitor from outer space and as the agent.
The agent wheels and deals and ends up running everybody on the
American scene. Does he have a particular age in
mind? Yes, he said.
I will do his voice, of course, but I will not be made-up to
look like him. That would be going too far.
How much Mickey will be taken out of the office of the
president. The character will be an honest
man to the point of being boring.
Zwam, in case you wonder, is the name of the spaceship in which
settlers and the fellow visitor arrive on Earth.
And I'm going to pause at that point.
That's as much as it has this article has to say, but the
film's one swam. There's key, one key piece of
information that I've held back here.
But suffice to say, I'm not finding any reference to to Swam
on IMDb or on the Netflix, you know, recommended for you Rail
or anywhere else. At all.
I'm I'm glad of that because we did an episode of films Peter
Sellers never made and Zwam was not mentioned because I'm, I'm
totally unaware of that. Do you say he's plays an alien
and a film agent or something? So.
Yeah, he was going to play an alien and that Zwam is that.
Yeah. So that's that's the name of
spaceship. And he's also going to play this
agent and he doesn't name and the article doesn't name who the
agent is based upon. OK.
Because. Because there was a film rooted
in development hell for years called The Alien, which was
going to be directed by the Indian director Satija Ray.
Apologies for pronunciation there folks.
And Salas was going to be in that as I think the the alien or
an alien. So that's, I don't know if
there's any connection. Probably no, no connection
whatsoever. But that's that's intriguing.
Do you? Want to hazard a guess as to who
was going to play his fellow visitor from the the spaceship?
Is it a Britisher? It's not a Britisher, no.
So a comedy actor? Yeah.
One of one of the greats, yeah. One of the greats, yes.
OK, Phil Silvers. No, not Phil Silvers.
He's got an association. I mentioned the Persuaders
earlier on. He has an association with Tony
Curtis. Jack Lemmon?
Jack Lemmon. Yes.
Wow. Jack Lemmon and Sellers working
together. Could you imagine that?
Do you think they would have gone on?
I, I don't know, it's hard to say Sellers.
I mean, Jack Lemmon is such a wonderful comic actor and, and,
and straight actor. He can do everything really
well. I suspect Sellers may have may
have been some jealousy creeping in there and sell his part.
I mean I. Get, I certainly it sounds less
fanciful than some of the, the sort of the sort of novelty
casting that you get when you see like, you know, like the,
the newspaper, the the, the Hollywood press where they're
sort of talking about this person could do that, they can
do this and so on. Because Jack Lemmon I think did,
he did work with Blake Edwards and Julie Andrews on a film
called That's Life, I think in the mid 80s.
So it's not as if he's got no association.
That's all with Blake Edwards. It's not like.
It's just no, you can pull that. Thin air, yeah.
But yeah, it's very difficult to say, isn't it?
Because he knows in a parallel universe, settlers and Orson
Welles could have been best buddies.
Yes. He knows, absolutely.
Yeah. That's intriguing.
So Zwam. Yes, I have to.
I have. To look that up, although I
won't find anything about it. I've got a little challenge for
you, actually, Gary. Yeah.
Right. OK, I.
Didn't warn you about this. Oh, good, good.
So obviously. So the the Return of the Pink
Panther was was one of the most popular films of its year of 75.
The film performed extraordinarily well in what
was, you know, a fairly unremarkable year for For film
comedies, Yeah, but there were some There were some notable
comedy films. Monty Python and the Holy Grail,
yes. The Adventures of Sherlock
Holmes's Marty, brother Woody Allen's Love and death carry on
behind, of course, which was. Probably.
Probably the last half decent Carry on film, do you?
Reckon. How about if you don't If you
don't include England? Absolutely not.
Including England. The Sunshine Boys.
Oh, yes, yes, yes. Confessions of a pop performer,
yeah. Exactly.
Yeah. Pop Tart.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Gary, I have seven other
comedies here. All all were released in 1975,
right? Oh my God, Six of these are
genuine and one of made-up, right?
And your job is to pick out the phony ringer, Right?
All right. OK, OK, so the first, first film
is called The Blackbird. OK.
And it's a humorous twist on The Maltese Falcon.
And it has George Siegel playing Sam Spade's son.
And when Sam Spade, the private Dick, dies, his son inherits his
detective agency. And at one point, he comes up
against a bold Nazi dwarf who's surrounded by a group of
menacing Hawaiian thugs. I can, I can picture all of that
because George Sequel made a hell of a lot of films and I can
absolutely imagine them just doing that.
And then, yeah, that's that. OK, so make a note on your pad
there. OK, that's the first one.
But the the Blackbird is that. Is that real or or I'm?
I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say real from
that. Yep.
OK. Next film side by side.
I've I've heard of that film. Oh, that one's.
Real. Yeah.
OK, well, I'll just for the for the.
That one's a funny one that I'm doing what the hell I'm thinking
of. But yeah, definitely remember
that title. Yeah.
It's a pop comedy film directed by Aussie director Bruce
Beresford, who his two previous films, by the way, were the
Barry McKenzie movies But But but But.
Despite that, Beresford described this film as the worst
script you've ever read, and the film is about two rival
nightclubs in a in a town, one of which is run by Terry Thomas
and Barry Humphreys. And a local magistrate rules
that only one nightclub license will be renewed, so the two so
the two clubs compete to attract the top acts, including Mud and
the Rubeats. Do you know what?
I'm actually going to be genuinely disappointed if this
turns out to be the funny one, because I really want to see
this one now. Can you make it?
Terry Thomas twitching a hip to the roubettes?
Oh, I've been interested. Comes.
Yeah, I mean. You know, some of the stuff that
they ended up doing in the mid 70s, for God's sake, the biggest
names in in acting, didn't you? These are not even the films
that had like the, you know, the Continental versions.
Irene Handle. Right.
So that's that's, that's side by side now is that could that be
true? Or I'm absolutely, I'm I'm sure
I've actually seen that that that name, that title before.
So I'm going to say. OK, OK, I'm also.
I'm also. Going to throw in as well, I'm
going to say both Mike Berry and Frank Ford will be in that film.
I haven't got the cast listen in front of me, but OK, next film
is called It's Me or the Crocodile.
It's an Italian film. I'll give you it's.
Me or the crocodile? Come on, choose.
I've got the Italian title here, which is O Me O Illinois
Cocodrillo. Apparently it's an Italian
action comedy starring Terence Hill as a zoologist who collects
rare and exotic animals from around the world.
And one day his wife demands he get rid of his entire menagerie.
So he he decides to leave her. He buys an old bus and sets off
travelling across the country with his animals on board.
But following an unfortunate incident with a mob boss and a
chamois he has, he has to stay one step ahead of some dangerous
gangsters. I I can't really imagine that
you could have made that up. It's got to be real, OK?
Next film. I wonder who's killing her now?
A man named Oliver, played by Bob Dishy.
Now, does Bob Dishy mean anything to you?
Oh. It really doesn't, no.
No, he played Sergeant Wilson in two episodes of Colombo.
I thought you would have seen in two episodes of Dad's Army.
I thought, I don't remember any of this.
What like say part will be played tonight by Bob Dishy.
Even we don't know who Bob Dishy is.
But for the sake of the show, would you just audience please
just go along with it, will you? It's easier.
Don't panic. A man named Oliver, played by
Bob Dishy, is desperate for money so high as a hitman to
take out his wealthy wife. The assassin subcontracts the
job out to another hitman, who in turn subcontracts it out, and
so on and so on until a hitman agrees to do the job for $7.00.
And when Oliver is told his wife's insurance is invalid, he
must rescue her before she's murdered.
That sounds like a lousy movie. Really.
It really does. And I'm at the moment that
someone give me that title again.
It's called Who's Killing on Now?
Who's Killing? Who's killing her now?
Yes. OK, I'm that at the moment,
that's my my front runner. Yeah.
OK, all right. Next next one White House
Madness, which is a satire on the at this time very recent
Watergate scandal and it has someone called Steve Friedman
playing Nixon, Rusty Blitz as John Ehrlichman and the guy who
played grandpa in the Monsters, Al Lewis as as Judge Cirrhosis.
Nixon finds his administration crumbling around him, and an
exorcist is summoned to drive out the demon from inside him,
with hilarious results. But yeah, that that's got to be
100% true, yeah. Yeah, OK.
The next one, Gary, pretend you haven't heard a bit about this
film, OK? The Spanish will.
Own this film on Blue. It's probably in the machine
now. Spanish fly, OH.
God, Oh no that, that can't, no, that can't possibly be real.
God, who could that be? That?
That would be what We've already had Terry Thomas, so he couldn't
be in this one as well, could he not?
2 bloody awful films in the same year, Terry.
Frank Thornton. Hey.
Leslie Phillips The premise being Leslie Phillips plays an
impotent fashion designer who travels to Spain for a photo
shoot and encounters an old school rival played by who else?
Terry Thomas and Terry Thomas. He has inadvertently, I'm not
sure how this happened, but he's added an aphrodisiac to the
local vino. Apparently, yes.
Could you imagine? Imagine such a film.
OK, I've got full, Full disclosure, I don't think I've
actually got that recorded in my current skybox, but I definitely
did have it recorded at one time on a skybox I had.
And it must have been from either Talking Pictures or
together TV or Film 24 or certainly wasn't Sky Cinema
Classics, that's for sure. But yeah, no, I, yeah.
So yeah, 100% rule that. One out OK last film.
Can hear the sound of the listeners cheering.
The last film is called. It seemed a good idea at the
time. A bit like this game.
Anthony Ewley. It's a playwright whose career
is flatlining. He spends much of his time
wheedling money in beer out of his artistic friend Moriarty,
played by Isaac Hayes. His rapidly escalating, chaotic
life culminates in a fake kidnapping scam.
This arouses the attention of two inept police officers, one
of whom is played by young John Candy.
Oh Blimey, no. Any information as to to where
that film was made but but. Canada, I think, right.
OK, I'm going to say that's that's true actually, because
was it called Find the Lady, a film from 76 That's good.
John Candy and Dick Henry which we which we watched.
Yes. So I I've got no qualms about
saying that that one's going to be true.
There's not one that I'm familiar with, but I'm going to
say yes. Well the the character that John
Kennedy plays in this film is span off into find the lady.
Oh, OK, right there we go. So you've ruled out a couple
there, a handful there, yes. But the question is which is the
the odd one out? OK.
I'm sure side by side is real, so I'm going to eliminate that
one, going to say that one that one's and I also want to see it
as well. I also yeah, Spanish fly.
Yeah, I'm going to say it seems a good idea at time.
Sounds absolutely legit, Blackbird.
I'm going to say. I'm going to say that one's
actually sounds pretty real. Yeah.
George Seagal, I can visualise that.
Yeah, I'm going to say I wonder who's killing on that is the
phony? With Clive Dunn, Yes, Sergey, he
tries to kill his wife. That one is true.
Oh, exists. Oh my goodness.
The The ringer, the false film is it's me or the.
The one that I said was so absurd that you couldn't
possibly have made it all. That's that's brilliant.
Now, is this, is this like some sort of pet project of yours
that wasn't a pun? Is this like, like this is a
film that you've had in your mind for years and you, you
actually, you want you can visualize it.
You can see it. Yeah.
Well, probably. You probably dreamt the entire
thing like scene by scene. I grew up on a on a diet of
Terence Hill with Bud Spencer films when I was a kid.
Are you aware of that pairing? I know those names, don't think
I've ever seen them in anything but.
They they were like comedy duo Italian films dubbed into
English badly action comedies in the 70s and 80s really.
So I just thought, you know, I'll just I'll just I'll make up
11 Terence Hill and some some mountain goats and see see how
we get on and the crocodile I've.
Just looked up side by side. Oh yeah.
KISS, isn't it? Go on.
Find Thornton and it's also available.
It's available on Amazon Prime Video.
Oh, we'll have to watch that. Frank Thornton, of course, was
in last of Summer Wine. Well, wasn't he?
Oh yeah, of course. Yeah, truly of the art.
Yes, we've come. Full circle, really, yeah.
And we've we've we've kind of talked about Return of the Pink
Panther, more or less, yeah. Listeners who tuned in, tuned
in. What do I sound like who who
downloaded this hoping to hear a sort of scene by scene breakdown
of the film would be very disappointed.
But hopefully you know what this show's like by now.
So so Gary, is there anything you want to talk about mention
about the film that you know before we wrap up?
Is there anything that you haven't thrown into the the
conversation? I think the only.
The only thing I would, I would, I would mention is that it just,
it's so nice when the stars align and things just come
together. And it was obvious that it was
something that the Peter Sellers needed and it was something
that, you know, to an extent Blake Edwards needed as well.
And Le Grade wanted wanted a hit.
And it just, everything just seemed to work.
There's so many films that we've watched and discussed over the
years. We just mentioned find the lady.
I remember as saying when we were watching that, that if you
just looked at it on the page, it's got all the components, but
there's it's nothing that when you when you're watching it,
it's just like, you know, porridge.
No, I don't mean money park. I mean just like you're just
waiting your way through through porridge.
You haven't even got any milk in it.
Be a dash of salt or something. But it's just like it's just is
as plain as that. Hello.
Riley. Hello.
This is Riley. Oh, is Sergeant Broome there,
please? Who launched him?
It's Officer Kopec, Sir. Kopec.
Yeah. He's not here.
I'll see if he's outside. No, Sir.
You don't have Sir. Hello.
There you are. Kopeck.
Oh, Sergeant Broom. I was just looking for.
I was trying to get you on the phone.
Sergeant Riley's looking for you.
I'll. Go find him and tell him I found
you. All right.
Sergeant Broom's not here. This is Broom speaking.
Your buddy is looking for you. Here he is.
Sergeant. I It's OK, Sir.
Hello. Hello.
Who is this?
This is Officer Kopac speaking. Kopac.
This is brew. We have an assignment all the
pratfalls and what have you has got all the elements that you'd
think would would would make it sort of, you know, a box office
success and it just it it goes absolutely nowhere just when you
don't remember a thing about it afterwards.
No, that's not going to happen with a Peter Sellers film.
Obviously he's never going to put a performance that that
that's like that, but there's just something about that, the
circumstances, the timing of this, where it's the, the pink
pan from Spiticluso. They've been away long enough
that people miss them. And but there's not been a way
so long because we've, again, we've spoken before about how
there's a, there's a right time to, to have a renaissance of
interest in something. And then if you leave it too
long and then you get like, you know, when suddenly it's like
children need this year, they can say, hey, look, remember
that sitcoms on 40 years ago, We're going, hey, we're going to
bring everybody back and everybody looks utterly ancient.
And it's just drab. And so listen, what I mean, the,
the the timing of this is just spot on.
Everything, all the pieces come together.
Christopher Plummer is superb in it.
Also, Sellers was on his best behaviour because he needed a
hit, so yeah, that. Helped, Yeah.
So yeah, no, it's right. And strangely enough, and
somebody will know better than I would about this, but strangely
enough, this one, for whatever reason, was was frequently
missing from box sets of the years of the Pink Punk.
The Pink Punk boxes would have everything except return.
It was. Because of the rights issues
with Lew Grade, wasn't it? I I presume, I presume it was
going to be something along those lines, but it was, it was
such an admission. It was like the you've got box
set and it's got trail in it and hasn't got return.
What is this? But yeah, I think, I think
that's been ironed out now. And in the same way as you get
like if you if you get a package of Bond films, no, it's also got
like Casino Royale and, and never seen ever again sort of
woven into them now, I think yeah, anytime you you would get
a full set now it's going to be there.
So. Absolutely.
Yeah. So folks.
And Gary, thank you. Nay.
Ball, thank you very much for for the invitation.
It's lovely to be back and I presume you have all manner of
delights lined up. Yeah.
Well, next week, Next week it will be.
No, I'm going to keep that secret because it's a bit of a
surprise. Not that much of a surprise.
You're discussing is why I'm on you and and how how sellers and
Jack Lemmon got on or otherwise. You should do that.
You should do that in the future.
In a few years time, you should do that as an April Fools
edition. Well, I'm this is going out on
April Fools Day this episode. Yes, yes, I'm going to I'm going
to put it into ChatGPT and let that come up with the entire
script of a podcast. I'll just read it out.
I've actually, amongst all the things I've asked ChatGPT to
come up with the the plot and also the public's reaction to a
disgusting single comedy pilot starring Bob Grant from On the
Buses. And it's yeah, it really I was.
I was so impressed with what it came back with relatively little
prompting for myself the the terms of phrase and the general
public outrage was. Discussed.
Yeah, one day the the technology will will exist that I can
actually make that program and put it out on Amazon Prime
Video. Maybe, maybe it will sell
alongside, side by side. Well, until then you've got
bigger fish to fry because in a couple of weeks you will be
running the London Marathon. Oh God, I yes.
So that isn't an April fuel, by the way, that that no, it's
absolutely legit. Yes.
No. So all the very best with that,
Gary. And and obviously, as I say, if
people want to show their support, the link will be in the
show notes. And as I say, next week's
episode is an interesting curio. So that's all I'm going to say
Until then. Thanks for listening and I will
see you next time.