Spike would write a description of the effect he wanted and it
was up to us to realise it in sound.
It may be right, the sound of two gorillas fighting.
If you can't get 2 gorillas, 2 lions will do.
And so my team would roll about on the floor on piles of
scrumped up newspaper, beating their breasts, grunting and
growling to get the right sound effect.
He called for two hippopotamuses or hippopotami.
Well having a happy time in mud. 2 paper bags half filled with
water thumped and splodged about on a BBC tray which was also
swimming in water. That did the tray.
Hello and welcome to Goon Pod. My name is Tyler Adams, and this
week I am joined by two of the leading panjandrums, I suppose
you would call them, of the Goon Show Preservation Society.
To my left, Mr. Chris Smith. Good evening.
Good evening, Chris. Good afternoon.
Come on. Good afternoon.
Well. We're not.
We're not running that late to to my right, Chris is a
returning guest. By the way, to my right is a is
a three time returning guest. I think perhaps my voice has
been really high. Then Graham, Lindsay Foote.
Good afternoon or good night, depending on when you're
listening to. This gentleman, thank you for
joining me. And it's a, it's, it's an
unusual but intriguing and Darius exciting topic that we're
going to be talking about today in wide-ranging.
And, and, and I think it's one of those topics that you could
probably, this could probably become and it won't, this could
probably become a three parter because you could, there's so
much that you could, you could talk about this particular
topic, but we are going to talk about the, the goon show sound
effects. But it was Chris's idea
initially and he was inspired by a news item that he heard on the
radio several years ago. And you thought this this might
prove to be a feckland topic. Oh.
Yes, this. Yes, we had a lot of feckin
topics on here. Yes, certain sounds that had
been taken for granted were beginning to fade away.
This particular project was seeking to collect them before
people forgot what the sounds sounded like.
For example, a modem, the dial up modem from the good old days
when computers were young and so was the Internet and not many
people had them and all that kind of thing.
All that kind of thing. You've you've still got one of
them, haven't you Graham? It would appear so this
afternoon, Absolutely. Yes, it's a shovel Coke into the
back of my computer, that new thing to work this afternoon.
In point of fact, yes, it's it was a, it was a, it was one of
timid Oldestley's. You got the upgrade then.
I got the upgrade yes with the other chimney yes yes, no, I I
know exactly what Chris means as far as the patching patching
noises of the old modem. I've seen a few, you know things
about this on the net myself In point of fact, you know, if you
recognise this sound sound, you're as old as dirt and well,
although I am old as dirt, that's not you know, it's not
it's neither here nor there. I think, I think the fact is
that yes, these sounds only disappeared 2025 years ago
really, you know, the dial up sound or whatever else.
So yes, back to you, Chris, you were saying?
Well, that is, that's exactly the back the the the point.
Those sounds are only 25 years old.
So what happens to the sound vocabulary that Spike was
relying on with the goon shows? If you're trying to get people
into enjoying a goon show, is he actually actually for some of
these? Has he actually got sounds in
there that are now obsolete and people listening to it for the
first time? Not so much the dyed in the wool
goon addict who would dig and dig and dig to find out what the
heck it was, but somebody his first impressions of this is a
is has several noises in it. They think, well what the heck
was going on there because some of the sounds do rely for the
spikes jokes to work effectively.
This is absolutely true. I I agree with this.
It's important, if I remember the, the last time we spoke time
we were talking about the nasty affair at the Burami Oasis.
And after a bit of rubbish at the beginning, you get a news
broadcast with the sound of the pips and you know, and, and you
remember that. Yeah.
And you know, you get 3 pips and then a couple of speed up ones
and then a quack at the end, which is great if you are the
sort of person who listens to Radio 4.
Most people don't, no. You know what, what are the pips
these days? You know who's, you know, if I
ran this past my teenage lads, they wouldn't have the first
idea. Well, one mind, because he's 18.
But, you know, the younger one certainly wouldn't be.
Absolutely. And what what is one of the most
famous sequences in Goon Show history that people always
quote? Eccles going for a audition to
become ABBC announcer. I'm wearing a Cambridge tie,
Right. That scene begins with the sound
of something that you don't hear anymore, which is a manual
typewriter. Good morning, Miss.
I'm Mr. W Greenslade. Oh yes, you'll come for the
vacant post of an answer. Yes, I have.
Do take a seat with the other applicants.
There's the there's the Rotary dial telephone in in the lost
Emperor Seagoon says I must call the police at a particular
particular issue point in Andy Goz spells you need the and the
Baker like telephones in the 1950s not only had the the the
Rotary to input the individual numbers, they also had letters
ABC next to 1D, EF next to two. Well, actually 121. 2 all the
way all the way around. And then he spells police POLIS
badly. But that doesn't make any sense
unless you know what the letters were on the dial.
Yes. Yes, I'm old enough to remember.
I remember them. I'm old enough to remember them
starting, you know, ABC on one and whatever else.
Absolutely. That's the reason why it was a
Whitehall 1212. You type, you know you dialed
WHI 1212. Because with something like
that, it's a, it's a, it's a fast gag and it relies on the
knowledge in order to get it across before they move on in
the story. They don't dwell on it, but it's
something. One of those things that gets
lost, a slightly different one and a great man might disagree
with on on this, is in the string robberies when at
Edinburgh station I was met by a platform there.
Should be a law against trains letting off steam when people
are wearing kilts. Well, obviously, you know, I'm
familiar with them because I like trains, but there we go.
And I've, you know, I've brought up my idiots in exactly the same
way. And now whether, but, ah, hold
on a moment, Harry Potter. That's a steam train.
And that was a phenomenon. Not the first time, Chris, I do
disagree with you. There we go.
But you, you'll have me on there, right?
OK, well. Can I just, can I just, can I
just interject because something's, something's just
occurred to me. There's another sound.
There's a there's a whole show centred around tram cars, of
course. Yes.
And yes. The last tram, yes.
But even in 1954, they were talking about it being kind of
an obsolete sound or becoming obsolete.
Yes, absolutely. Some of them.
I mean, you've got obviously got the whole the gunshot, the last
tram, which is what you're you're thinking at thinking at
And in that set in that one, obviously it must be about trams
because that's the title of the show.
But they still throw the sound effect in unexplained in other
places that the Ting Ting Ting without explanation.
It's assumed that people will know what it is even if they
hadn't actually seen the trams, because they're beginning to
switch over from tram to the the trolley cars, trolley buses.
That's it, Yes. Trolley bus.
If they were switching over to trolley buses, Rams would still
be in the popular memory and not everybody got rid of them at the
same time anyways. You lose them in London, the
last trolley around the rest of the country.
That's right. The last trolley buses ran in
this country in the early 1970s. I think somewhere in Bradford.
I think it might have been somewhere up north.
What what makes me think about this is if somebody is listening
to a gun show for the first time and it is about trams.
What 1 wonders how idiotic this the listener may well be to
actually not get that. Well, that's true.
I I noticed on the one of the wonderful Goon Show compendiums,
volume 10 to be precise, among the extras, there's a whole
bunch of original Goon Show sound effects isolated.
OK. Did you know about this, Graham?
I did not know about this. No, I missed this one.
I've I've got all the compendia, but that's what I pissed for the
moment. Well, what I did was there's,
there's about 20-30, maybe 2530. What I did was I went through
and I listened to the the they're not given any names.
So I went through and I just wrote down what my description
of what they are, what these sound effects are OK, and, and
all of these are familiar sound effects from goon shows that we
all know and love. And I just want to run through
quickly run through the list. It's it's interesting just
because some of these are, are quite obscure today.
I think these sounds, some of them would still be recognised
today by, yeah, your average 12 year old, maybe, I don't know.
So the the the first one is I described it as an old car
backfiring, sounding like it's a wind up clockwork car popping,
popping, then dies. Isn't that from Dishonoured?
Again, I think it is. Yes, I think it is.
May well be, you know, all type. I mean, how did they take me?
They're doing 3 miles. I know that one.
Then the Wick in the engine's gone out at the end of it.
You know, that's it. Yes, yes.
That's a lovely one. Then we've got various whooshes.
Now there's a sound effect. If you grew up watching Hanna
Barbera cartoons and things like that, or or cartoons of a
certain vintage, you'd understand what the whoosh
sounds signifies. It's the sound of a character
entering the scene at at speed. Would would young people today,
would they be able to process what that means, do you think?
I don't know because I'm not au fait with modern cartoons.
I certainly haven't been for a good decade at least.
I can't I I think they probably would be.
And I'd I'd say, you know, I'd say yes, I would probably say
that you know, that that the woosh thing is not an unknown, I
don't think, but you know it. It's obviously far more relevant
to those who have grown up, as you say, with the Hannah
Barbearers and the Warner Brothers cartoons and whatever
else I'm sure. I I wonder if The Goon Show was
the first British comedy series to introduce that as a as a
sound effect, because Spike would and Benton, I suppose.
And well, all of them would have, I guess, taken it from
Warner Brothers cartoons that they loved and Tom and Jerry
cartoons. They used to spend the afternoon
and, you know, seeing, watching them on reels, didn't they?
Absolutely. That sound effect I think is I
would almost say an onomatopaic sound effect.
How about return? A phrase is self defining in
terms of pace. Whatever it is, it's something
going to happen really quickly because it's the whoosh is all
about speed. So I think they'd figure it out.
It would it would you wouldn't have to wouldn't pass you by.
I'm sure I read somewhere heard. Somewhere pass you by very
quickly. Yes, I read somewhere hopefully
that the sound was achieved by dragging something along a floor
and then speeding it up. I'm not sure what the object
was, but something being dragged I.
Have a funny feeling Karen. Why is something in the back of
my head saying it was a it was a piece of rope going through a
piece of canvas. Oh right, it could have been
there. Something, something in my dim
distant memory is saying that to me.
OK, OK, yes, it'll be that. OK.
The next sound effect is is very obvious, a coin being dropped.
OK, money. Yeah, just a single coin, single
suit. Then we have what I describe as
coughing horrendously, which is as heard in the The Last Smoking
Sea goon. My one of my all time favourites
as well. In point of fact, this is it's a
strange thing you're saying. All of these things are on The
Gunshot Companion Volume 10. The these have been around for a
long time. I had a recording of the
offbeaten comedy sound effects from the BBC many, many years
ago and I've still got it somewhere.
And that that that is called 7 Men Coughing.
It's, it's actually is, it is a proper BBC sound effect which
was actually released to the public, you know, properly on a,
on a commercial disk along with a whole bunch of the other ones,
the offbeaten comedy ones. It was a wonderful thing.
It had a photograph of a, a wine glass being smashed on the front
with a hammer. And I think the whooshes are in
there as well. Seven men coughing is in there
and and it's full glory if if you hear it from end to end, not
just a little bit that you actually hear in the last
smoking sea goon, it just goes on and arm.
It's fabulous. It's the sound of ATB wards mid
1950s. It's.
Fabulous. If you listen carefully, you can
hear Galton and Simpson there in the background.
Exactly. I, I, Let's go on.
I remember looking it up. I didn't look it up for this,
but I remember looking up ages ago because on the wonderful
Encyclopedia Gunicus, which is available to all GSPS members
for a modest fee. I remember looking up the script
for the last smoking secret to see how Spike had described
that, how he wanted that sound effect, if you know what I mean,
of the, the, the, the coughing. And I seem to remember it.
His his direction was something along the lines of loud and loud
animals, coughing animals. Coughing right animals.
Yeah, I'll have to look it up again.
Something like that. And of course the sound.
I'm sure the same sound is in the Spike sketch.
Coffer Royal from Milligan preserved.
Milligan Preserved LP. Yeah, I think it is.
You're absolutely right.
Blimey. Yeah, absolutely.
And the next one is manic drumming of pots and pans.
Yeah, one of my favorite. The next one is one of my
favourites. It happens in quite a number of
good shows. Loud explosion with cutlery
falling. So yes, all the various crashes
is you've got the metal and glass crash, you've got the one,
the famous glass crash is on this, which you hear quite a lot
and they've used it forever. I think it was Dirk Mags in
point of fact, who actually said at one point the resonance isn't
that a wonderful that it's actually something you know,
that something that's actually been transferred from the
recording, probably through the recording head into the
amplifier at the time is, you know, this weird fabulous
resonances about it. And because of that, it sounds
exactly like a dirty great rock coming through a window.
You know, it's it's beautiful and glorious.
That's. The one that was a favorite of
mine. Yeah.
From these the the string robberies when Blue Bottle being
threatened by Moriarty. Let's fly with catapult.
My spectacles, but the first one that they actually come out with
on this on offbeaten comedy sound effects is that was a nice
little twinging noise, wasn't it?
Was my microphone stand going twin.
Surgical support. It's Hell yes.
Sorry is the first one is a minute and 30 seconds of musical
bubbling. Oh, yes, which I don't know
whether you know the story of. It's a fabulous thing, the Mary
Haberfield Glug Glug Glub or whatever it's called.
You intrigued me strangely. Oh, this is nice.
Oh, you like this? This is nice.
OK, right man in the white suit. Oh yes.
You'll hear all the way through that the sound of sort of like,
you know, laboratorial gurgling is the best way I can describe
it, which is in 4/4 time in the key of C major.
It actually has this noises, you know, and it was put together in
about 1951 by a lady called Mary Haberfield who was, I think she
was working for Ealing Studios or something like that, or she
was some sort of sound recordist.
And this, it's a lovely sound and it goes on like a minute and
a minute, 30 seconds on, you know, on the commercial release.
And yes, Spike used it. Silver the blooms.
Yes, which we discussed, didn't we, Graham?
We did, absolutely. You know when he is, you know
yes to You know when Moriarty and Grip Hyper first discovered
and you hear this noise. Oh, delicious kale.
Delicious. What is that excruciating brew
you're sipping with that boot? Mariotti.
Taste, taste. Gad, what is it?
Your laundry. Love that bit.
But yes, this sound effect was then used in a record called The
White Suit Samba by Jack Parnell and his orchestra.
It's a it's a cute little samba from 1951, and I think it's the
first, if not the first recording made at EMI by George
Martin. Ain't that nice?
So there we go. There's these.
It loops all back to George Martin in the end.
You know folks. We needed, we needed some
Beatles reference because there's always a Beatles
reference and Goombot. Absolutely, yeah.
But yes, indeed. So there we go.
White suit Samba on coral. I think I might have a, a 78 of
it somewhere, but it's it's out there on the net.
Thank you know you've. Got.
I know, I know you know I know. OK, fine.
I know that you know that I know that he knows.
Indeed, indeed. But yeah, no, it's out there on
the net. It's white suit samba by Jack
Partnell and his orchestra, and it's actually got to the, you
know, the Mary Haberfield blood blood glub noise mentioned on
the label. Which is sweet.
Brilliant. Let me just run through a few
more from the from this Goonche Compendium.
Some some pretty straightforward ones, like footsteps upstairs.
Yeah, hammering and soaring, duck quacking, and then of
course, the famous one from Shifting Sands.
Wine or Brandy being poured at length.
Endlessly, yeah. Just a cheddar pint, yes?
Stuff falling out of a cupboard and then general clutter.
This one I could only describe as Tin bucket being knocked over
plus twang. Comedy snoring plus lip
smacking. And then there's the sound that
they used a lot. The Goon Show crowd screaming
and running. And now I would like to sing.
Yes, absolutely. There's there's one I'm going to
come back to. I'm not going to mention at this
stage. I'm going to come back to.
A. Couple actually there cup the
simple sound of a like a cup smashing glass being cracked and
then here's here's one that the the young folks won't pick up
on. I don't think I guess is this is
from the call call of the West invading Indians plus gunfire.
Yes, the wall whoops of the Naka Taka Indians.
Yes, yes. Yes, yes.
You don't get the engines on the TV now, do you?
None of that. Well, you still got this.
They still show Carrot Carry on Cowboy on bank holiday holidays.
Are they good thinking? Yes they do.
But that authentic looking Indian chief Charles Hawtry.
Oh. Hello.
Yes, did he whoop. Oh, did he?
Hell. Then there's a there's a there's
a couple more static, then Thunder, then heavy rain plus
wind sound of a Tempest. I've written OK.
And then blood Knock says manners.
Manners. Manners.
Absolutely. Yep, Yep.
It's a blood knock. It's, it's a blood knock.
Say explosion, then machine gunfire and distant air raid
siren. That's something that will be
got these days, I'm sure, yes. That's true.
The last one I've written down here.
Old car Aruga type. Now there's a sound that Aruga.
Yeah, absolutely. The the ancient, you know, ones
that you press down on the top like that, you know, So it
sounds rather like Margaret Rutherford being goosed.
It's a marvellous. The payoff on the policy Goon
show relies on knowing what a phonograph looks like, because C
Goon is hiding inside, ha safe at last, and somebody, somebody
delivers a record to him. He puts it on the record play,
which is one of these horned phonographs, which is looking up
at him and his big pipe and throat.
Moriarty are on the rate on the record and it's like they can
see him through the horn of the phonograph.
There he is, grid pipe, hang on and they start shooting at him.
Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. They're shooting from inside the
horn of the record play. And then he dashes outside where
Blood Knock and all the rest of them are lined up because both
sides have got him heavily insured on this policy.
So Blood Knock shoots at him. Bang, there he is, man fire.
He runs back inside again and the phonograph says hi, he's
come back inside again. Great bye.
Quick bang, bang, bang, bang. That's right.
Just carries on backwards and forwards and backwards and
forwards. But if you don't know the shape
of the sound the the the the the mechanics of that record player,
I'm not sure that you figure out what the gag is.
Well, exactly the same with the beginning of Whistle, your
Kerzerweb, one of the Goon songs or the record.
The first noise you hear is Eccles shouting.
Who stuck that needle in my nut? Yes, that's.
Right, there's a there's a number of goon shows where
insurance the the subject of Ned being insured or somebody being
insured is is is the storyline spike.
May have had the idea that, you know, people are worth more
alive than dead and stuff like this, or, you know, insurance
companies may have thought the opposite.
Well, the the the the reason go on.
The reason I mention it, It's not I'm not just like going on
to a whole different tack here. But what I did, Chris and
Graham, I decided to choose a random goon show episode and
just pull out all the spot FX and grams effects, OK, And just
run through them having consulted Spike's original
script. So these are, these are, in
Spike's words, the description of these sound effects.
OK. And the show that I chose purely
out of yeah, by by random was the Pam's Paper Insurance policy
Series 9. And I, I just want to run
through these sound effects. There's quite a few, as you can
imagine, right? Just want to run through, but
just see what you think because some of these are quite
interesting. So the first FX we hear, so
we've got FX. Which do you do you want to
describe for the folks the difference between grams and FX,
Chris? Grams is sounds being used in a
show that a run off a recording or pre recorded disc that's been
cut for the purpose and spot FX is items done live on the sound
stage in behind, usually behind the performers or to the to the
side. Yes.
Which led to a lot of visual gags as well as they they played
up to the sound effects guys and did things that they weren't
supposed to do at sometimes during the course of the seasons
of the gun show. Could either?
Have you mentioned any notable people that worked on these?
Ian Cook. We both remember John P
Hamilton, don't we, mate? Oh, yes.
Jim Pope. Jim Pope now.
Jim. Jim Pope.
I remember very well indeed. Yeah, he was like Series 9,
Series 10, quite late on. And anybody who lived in the
northwest of England will know the name Jim Pope because he was
a continuity announcer for Granada for 1000 years.
A very nice chap, I believe and you know, well remembered God,
God rest him. But yes, but his I think one of
his first jobs, you see him, you know, blowing a duck collar and
firing a gun, a ground of a gun show.
So yes, you know Jimmy Pope as he was called in those days.
Absolutely. And you mentioned Jon Hamilton,
Chris, he worked with John Browell.
Of course, he went on to become good show producer.
Barry Wilson was on Grams. You mentioned Ian Cook and I'm
just looking actually we mentioned.
Harry Morris. That's another one.
That's that's right, Harry Morris.
That's right from series 10. I think that he was quite late.
I just want to mention Ian Cook because we, we mentioned him a
couple of shows ago. We, we covered the Goon Show
episode, the histories of plenty of the Elder where Ian Cook
actually gets credited at the end of that show.
And, and I and I, and as do Bobby Jay and Ron Belcher.
And yeah, and I was able to talk about the latter 2 gentlemen to
some extent because there's, there's stuff out there about
them, but there's very little I could find about Ian Cook until
researching for this show today. I read the interview with the JP
Hamilton, John John P Hamilton from when he was interviewed by
the GSPS, what, 20-30 years ago. And he, he just meant, I just
want to mention this purely because we, we, we mentioned Ian
Cook couple of shows ago. Jon Hamilton says, sadly, Ian
Cook was killed while cycling home from the studios by a hit
and run driver, who I don't think was ever caught.
He said Ian was a nice gentle soul and a very good operator.
So I just wanted to mention that because obviously we hadn't had
a chance to really talk about Ian previously.
But yeah, so as I was saying, so I've taken this this random goon
show the Pam's paper insurance policy and I just want to run
you through these spot effects and grams effects, OK?
And just see what you think. You know, it might, it might be
the springboard for some interesting conversation, or we
might just sit here and embarrass silence, you know?
It's to do with the goon chair. We'll probably laugh, I promise.
OK. OK.
So we've got spot FX thud and cracking of neck.
This is these are spikes carefully written instructions,
by the way, OK, that's that's introducing the home neck
breaking kit at the beginning of the show.
OK, then we then we have grams storms of applause, I guess,
because somebody's had their neck broken FX plate and FX
plate and spoon and that's Moriarty and grip pipe eating
frugal meal. OK, then it says.
Then it says FX rattle piece of stick between 2 temple blocks
brackets 3 different sizes if possible.
What do you think that is to indicate?
Either knees knocking or knocking of heads together.
I should imagine knees. Knees.
Absolutely. Knees Moriarty's Moriarty's
pitiful knees knocking together. Listen to these knees.
Then we have FX hammering out a horseshoe on an anvil, ending
with a flourish and and that is that.
That is Ned Segun straightening out his legs, apparently.
They're such fun, aren't they? The late shame.
Then we have grams lawnmower brackets hand propelled.
What do you think that could be a sound effect for?
Haircut. Close.
Shaving. William shaving behind a Bush.
Grams exalted birdsong from a very twittering bird right then
straight away FX pistol shot. Then Graham's bird squawks and
goes altered pot. I seem to remember it's that's
echoes. They shoot echoes who's sitting
up a tree or something. Then Graham's Queen Mary's
hooter. That was the an extraordinarily
resonant foghorn that really was the Queen Mary's.
They used that an awful lot. They used it in the sailor's
farewell in World War One. Speed up.
That's right. Yeah.
Speeding up. So so but that that Queen Mary's
hooter was used to indicate Max Scald raised nose rather than
kindly. They were, they were.
Mean to each other hold. Then we have FX starter's pistol
and then grams 50 pairs, hop nail boots, run away like mad,
start normal then speed up and then.
Spike Spike was very specific on the fact that it would have to
be 50% boots. Do you think?
Do you think you would have actually complained if they'd
only managed to find 48? Then Graham's boots stop in mid
air. OK, And then there's a there's a
sound effect in the script that isn't actually in the finished
show. And Spike's got down here,
Graham's mule. Mule record.
Now I'm wondering, is that Fred the Oyster perhaps?
He called. He called the mules.
I remember, you know, he was interviewed by this, you know,
in the sound of Goons, that old thing, the early 1980s, that the
Frank Muir thing. I remember him saying they were
mules, you know, that used to blow their lips, to keep
themselves in, to cool their lips sort of thing.
And they came out with this wonderful Bronx Raspberry Bronx
cheer that that was the noise that they made.
So yes, the chances are it will be Mule record.
It'll be Fred the Oyster. But how did they come?
Come it was. There was obviously some jiggery
pokery with the actual recording to make it sound so unique.
It's a very good question. I mean, it's an old old disc.
I think I've mentioned this before in in the show that you
know, it, it was released Columbia Matrix YB 28 or catalog
of YB 28. And I know somebody who's got a
copy of it isn't me this time. I'm quite cross.
I've been looking for it for 40 years.
But you know, Jim, if you if you if you die, please leave it to
me. Yeah, no, it's banned 3 on just
in a bunch of ordinary things like, you know, a baby crying
and whatever else. And it just says donkey on the
label. And it's that, it's that Fred
the. It's Fred the Oyster.
Completely Fred the oyster. It's, you know, from beginning
to end it it it sounds like a very angry donkey donkey to
start off with. And then he's just blowing his
lips to keep himself cool. It just so happens that it's the
most as Wilma said, it's possibly the most obscene noise
known to man. It's it's come to people have
come to as a as as I found on Facebook, a lot of people think
that it's a donkey farting. It ain't no no it it, it is.
I think it is just a genuine recording that you know that
that just serendipitously managed to somebody out in a
field with an electric microphone one day has managed
to get this incredible racket. All in the mind, you know, All
in the mind. What people think of it, it may
well be the case, it may well be the case, absolutely.
I, I just think it's, it's just a very happy accident that
that's the note that that particular donkey got resting
wherever he is made that. Fairly that that donkey
unwittingly has given more joy to people in the world than any
other donkey who's ever lived. If you think about.
It I have a friend who actually owns some donkeys and they
occasionally make noises close to that from time to time.
I will be honest, I must have popped up the with the with the
microphone one day and see if I can do a retread that's.
What I record your donkeys? Yes, she'd say.
Yes, of course you'd be delighted, you know, feed them
in ginger. Not been more than happy.
Yes, absolutely. Pop Quiz.
What Peter Sellers film of the 1960s features Fred the Oyster
Magic Christian. Well done.
Thank you. OK, back to Pam's paper.
So we we have Graham's whoosh as we discussed whoosh earlier,
Graham's lift, ascending lift stops and that is to usher in
grip Piper Moriarty who have been down the jam mines
apparently, which wasn't that a Ken Dodd thing jam?
Wines Jambutti mines not 4 miles away from my front door.
Absolutely yes, And I know, I know them well.
FX pistol shot and that's when Greenslade shot and then and
then grams. Fast disappearing running boots.
Long pause. Moriarty sings very softly in
background. It's my kind of thing for boots
than they love boots. I probably.
Listened to so many. Six years in the Army, we'll do
that for you. Yes.
Well, yeah, yes, FX cash register.
And there is your Jam Miners ticket.
There's another sound. Yes, cash register, I don't.
Know what I did mention? It before.
Yeah, yeah, Grams explosion, short and sharp.
Now what do you think that is to signify or indicate because it's
been used a couple of times in the Goon show, a very short and
sharp explosion. Any ideas?
Some some gastric incident. No, it's a taxi pulling up non
sequitur. Yeah, then, then we have
Graham's horses clip clop away, lone horse well shod to give the
impression of inertia. And that is the progress of the
taxi. OK, now.
This one might. This one might stump you both.
What do you think this is indicating?
Grams. Series of series of terrible
explosions followed by a gas stove made of iron hitting a
concrete floor from a height of 30 feet.
Somebody feeding the cat? I can't imagine.
Oh, open a window, will you? I want to talk about the
bloodmarket entrance later if I'm here.
Absolutely. Then FX, great thud on head
brackets, chair bottom, body falls.
That's that's my reality. Being hit on the nut by a
sledgehammer. Graham's crowd of people outside
all talking. Then Graham's one pace forward,
military FX, wallop, wallop, brackets, slapstick or wallop on
chair back. And then Spike's written here.
Graham's mad rushing away of boots, 5 pairs, hobnails,
brackets. The ones used in the last series
for just this occasion. Yeah, very specific, yes.
Then we have FX great slapping and wallops, thuds and yells and
then FX fresh wallops and slaps. That's morality being clubbed by
grip pipe and then and then and then.
Isn't this the? Isn't this the, I'm sorry, grid
pipe? Yes, that's it.
That's it. I've not included because there
there is a Grams recording of Moriarty being speed up.
I've not included that. But yeah, then Grams cannon
explosion, that's when Moriarty's fired.
And then we have Grams sea sounds and Seagulls FX hammering
and tapping and then FX. And this is Hardy old perennial
sound effect. This the door opening, then FX
pistol shop Grams fog Hooters on the river, Grams mournful
foghorn on the Thames, and then grams distant foghorn, then
grams distant explosion on the river as limpet mine explodes.
And then we we, we, we, we climax with the door opening,
Grams bring up lapping of water and then three splashes and the
end. That's all the sound effects in
that episode of The Goon Show. Very violent, much of it.
I was, yes, I was just thinking that.
I mean, I was things that the things that the youngsters,
youngsters listen to me don't get exposed to that sort of
violence unless it's a particular kind of video game.
It doesn't appear in TV. It's.
Not for humour. Is it violence for humour's
sake, Yes. That's, you know, it's funny
violence. That's a highly amusing thought.
One thing that strikes you listening to that long list,
that's just one show and, you know, there's a few dozen there.
It's busy. There's a lot of FX actually go
into this. Everybody remembers the
dialogue. Everybody remembers the
characters, of course, but there's a huge amount of FX
going on in that. I mean, Patton's paper is a good
show. Doesn't get talked about that.
There's so much going on, you sometimes get talked about.
You you think you know? Yeah, Carry.
On there was a there was a Just About You talk about the shared
number of sound effects and one goon show I I saw in the there
was a radio review from November 1954 in the Liverpool Echo of
all places and it just talks talks about the goon show.
It's it's it's implying it's implying this is from 54 late 54
that the goons are are considering trying to get a
goons cartoon off the ground. OK, which never came to pass,
but but it it's I won't read the whole thing, but it just it ends
the the the little article ends with the reviewer saying while
you listen, because he's talking about the goon show that week,
which actually, funny enough, looking at it was the last tram,
right? And he says while you listen,
spare a thought for the sound effects man.
Barry Wilson, one of the Goon shows, needed 80 records to be
played, so. Within precise split second
timing, they could get some of it back off by editing for
errors a little bit later on. But yeah, that's a lot of
precision and a lot of expertise to.
Yeah, they went, they went to, when did they go to tape?
Was it 50? I mean, you know, 5354.
Yes, yes. When they actually started to
get editable rather than going 60 inch disc stuff.
Yeah, So about 80 in one show. Yikes.
I said yeah, a couple of dozen though, you know, that's a busy
show. No, it ain't in comparison.
Yeah, yeah. And what I as you know, Graham,
because you've contributed yourself, but I on social media,
I asked listeners, Goon pod listeners, what they considered
to be the single greatest sound effect in the Goon Show's
history and had a really good. I mean, I think 100 odd people
replied in the air sound ridiculous.
And there was a lot of repetition and as you would
expect, but I just I I pulled together a few here that I think
would be interesting talking points for us to discuss as
well. So Roger, Roger Stevenson,
former guest, friend of the show.
He said Neddy riding on a wall. Which is from the Hastings
flyer, isn't it? That's right.
You know, they ask, they ask him to pedal him away on on, you
know, on a bike which is leaning against the wall.
Yes. Well, pedal me.
Yes. Oh, no, the wall's mine, not the
bike. Well, pedal me away on that.
And. That is a beautiful sound of a
wall speeding up and going away at speed.
It, it's an incredible sound. You know, rocks and boulders and
stuff like this. I don't think it's a brick wall.
I actually think it's a Stonewall thinking about it.
Well, that's the that's the mental picture it's given me
anyway. It's glorious.
Yeah, he also mentioned, in fact, I think he was the only
one that I saw who mentioned the, which is amazing if you
think about it. The clock's chiming and chickens
clucking at the start of what time is.
It echoes that, that elaborate sound collage.
Chickens need to be things. Chickens are just funny
inherently. What time is it tickle?
Walter Dunlop, he nominated Fred the oyster, but although he said
I've never been sure which end of the donkey had actually
erupted from, well, we think we've established that John
Dredge had a number, but he he specified blood, knock stomach.
And also the Mak Reiki Rising Jelly Splosh, which I don't
listen to that show very often, so I can't, I can't bring that
one to mind particularly, Graham Newnham said.
The sound of a world that said travelling at speed, which of
course is a that's got to be up there as well as the greatest.
Yes. They're glorious.
The fact that it changes gears, yes, and actually goes up in
sound, in in, in, in tone, in in pitch as it changes gear is
fabulous. How did they achieve that sound,
do you know? Quite simply, just a a recording
of a whirlitzer organ being played, you know, jolly little
tune, the sound of a crash box being edited in, you know, a non
synchromesh gearbox, you know, like an old car or an old bus or
something like that. And then just you know, reading,
you know, and speeding the recording up a little bit each
time. I think that's how they did it.
And of course Min screaming all over as well helps so.
That must have been fun doing that, but Spike would have been
there observing this or consulting.
They would need him, yeah. They'd need him for that.
Yeah, yeah. Charles Fenn said the Iridium
tipped drill for non porous surfaces from the Scarlet
capsule. Yes.
John X or John 9? If it's Roman numerals, I'm not
sure who's at Frog a la Peche at on police guy, he said the
grammar phone record is 7000 lbs in shillings from the
international Christmas pudding. I think that is.
And then now here, here's we we mentioned, I mentioned there was
a sound effect on the Green Shake compendium that I'd wanted
to come to later. I'll come to it now.
Duncan Gray. This is a brilliant 1.
He says I like the dreaded piano club, a crashing piano, mainly
because of Jon P Hamilton's description of how it was
produced. Do you remember this, Chris or
Graham? Yes they would.
They took up upright piano to the top of the flight of stairs
and loosened all the panels on the piano and then pushed it
down the stairs in the airline hall.
That's right. Put a couple of chunks out of
the stair, the marble staircase in the process.
I don't know where the piano was much used for anything by the
time they got to the bottom of the stairs.
But apparently Spike and Peter Eaton were delighted.
So that's that's the main thing. Citro man.
Hello, Citro, he said. He's got a few here, he says.
The Penguin pianist in insurance.
The white Man's Burden. Go on, play.
Lovely, lovely. Is that Tom the.
Penguin, Tom. Yes.
That's glorious, Tom. Yes.
You'll know this one, Graham, of course.
Knock. Quack, quack, quack, quack,
quack, quack, quack, quack, quack.
It's me knocking on the door with a duck.
That's it, Molly Mcdade says. The sound of a piece of string.
Yes. What is the sound of a piece of
string? I can't bring it to mind.
I think, I think it was silence. I'm not sure I'd have been
actually. It's sort of in silence does
that I know what a piece of I know a piece of missing.
I know what AI know what a piece of missing string looks like.
Most definitely. That's the gap between the two
pieces. That's that's what it looks
like, but I can't remember what it actually sounds like.
I remember. I remember George Chisholm's
wonderful reaction to that Harry Gringler's He's Right Fish too.
Like he's in the room. Yes, George from beyond the
grave. Here's one from Dave Webb, which
is which is a pretty straightforward sound effect,
but performed so brilliantly. I mean, it's, he says the
strange request doors and footsteps sequence in tales of
Old Dartmoor do. You mind if I have a strange
request? It's this.
Of course I will do it at once. What was it you asked for?
Never mind, I'll smoke one of my own.
Isn't that wonderful, though? I mean, it was, it was perfectly
executed that yeah, it's beautiful, isn't it?
Peter Binkley says the solid minute of unfolding the
life-size map of Paris. It's from Napoleon's piano,
isn't it? Your left your your end down a
bit, left hand hold, fold it up, fold it over.
Yep, Yep, Yep. The voice is getting further and
further back that usually that way of using the microphone
technique, receding from it and creating the sense of distance
and depth. Dave Reed says the the greatest
sound effect is the one that leads into a great joke.
I love the sound of many racing down about 50 flights of stairs
only for Henry to say I can't understand it.
We live in a bungalow. Yes, I don't remember that one.
I do remember that one, but I I've got a feeling it's slightly
different perhaps, but I'm not sure.
Does is it going upstairs or downstairs?
I'm not sure. Phil Shoebridge The effect used
when Henry Crunn claims he's invented the whoopee cushion.
Phil Phil Tarrant Neddy's plane falling apart in Wings over
Dagenham. Hello Horace again with George
Chisholm in attendance. Anthony Munch Anthony Munch says
anything that goes on way, way longer than it has than it has
any right and still has the audience in tears of laughter.
Endless steps before a doors opened or vast sums of money
being counted out in pennies with with with bonus points when
they're spilt and it has to start all over again.
Yes, this is the sheer nerve of it.
It's. Incredible.
And here's one. Here's a classic one that we
haven't thought about. Colleen Dawson says Neddy's
nickel plated bagpipe's been being flattened by a steamroller
in the case of the missing CD plates.
That's that's magic. That one is, that is true magic.
The great thing about it, you get the lookout, you get Neddy's
scream, you get the chugging of this thing and then the bagpipes
just winding down to a flat stop.
You know that's beautiful. Dear listener, the sound that
you've just heard was that of 100 tons steamroller passing
slowly over Neddy Segun and his nickel plated bagpipes.
Of course, to record this sound, the BBC naturally did not
actually run over Neddy Segun with a steamroller.
Instead the steamroller was driven over Echols.
Thank you. Richard Mills likes the sound of
Henry Crun's car and dishonoured again as it comes to a stop over
Neddy Segun. What have we got here?
Here's one a lot of people mentioned.
Which is it? Yeah, it is a sound effect.
It's when whenever Sir Patrick Elm says without a doubt the
bagpipes, he says bagpipes behind William Mcgonigal.
But Scotsman in general, Whenever there's a Scotsman
talking, there's always bagpipes.
Accompanying them. Treasure in the lake.
Wonderful moment. You know when he's talking to
Lord McGill. You know only when you die I and
you get 3 notes on the bagpipe and it stops dead.
Here's Here's one that I'm surprised no one mentioned apart
from, as it turns out, Graham Sprouse and the doeing of the
flea in the Flea. Steady, steady.
Save your energy, boy. Save it.
Steady, steady. Whoa.
I'm going to have to dredge this from me brain.
What they're actually called. It is actually a small like
device with a sort of like a bowl on it, you know, wooden
bowl. It's like it actually does make
a toying noise. All right, OK.
And finally I left him to the last did the great Ted Kendall
weighed in. OK, and he said he thinks his
favorite sort of sound effect or or sound collage from the Goon
show, he says not particularly funny, maybe, but the effects
sequence, which introduces blood knock in the spectre of
Tintaggio, a church bell, a siren, howling dogs spot
rustling, some straw and Sellers panting.
A few death strokes and the illusion is complete.
Yes. Beautiful.
Yes, and he's still got the arrows on his suit to prove
where he's just come from. Now, of course, there's a,
there's a sound effect that people always talk about, which
didn't, which I think didn't actually end up happening.
You know, the people always going about, oh, Spike wanted
the sound of someone being hit with a sock full of custard or
whatever. Or was it, was it the batter
pudding hurler sound effect he wanted where he went down to the
canteen and they filled a sock with custard and then he threw
it against the wall and wasn't satisfied.
What's the what's the actual story behind that?
Did that happen or was that just a fiction?
Do we know? Peter Eaton story, I think so
that there may be more than a grain of truth in it or not, I'm
not sure. I'd taken it to be that he did
actually go down and ask for the for the salt, for the Jelly, for
the custard, but it the one that actually they came back with was
like a Jelly splash. I'm not quite sure what how they
actually managed to get the kind of splatty sound that he wanted,
but that occurred then occurred two or three times in the in the
sock Jelly murders. Yeah, that the one that springs
to mind for that one is when Blue Bottle is hit with a sock
full of spaghetti is that I'll met by Goon Light.
You know, Eccles has, you know, kept his spaghetti warm by
wearing the sock full of spaghetti in and you hear that
that wonderful. It's a it's a whoosh followed by
a wonderful splotching noise. You see them warm worms.
I bet, he said playtime nutters Eric Twill, Jim Burke in the
core of the West the I'm sort of a love loved and disliked and
then like decided I like it again the the electronic pistol
shocks in Call of the West. One of those evidences of when
the radiophonic workshop was starting to be mined by Spike
for its possibilities. Because the core of the West is
relatively late on, isn't it? Toward the end of series 9, so
didn't have much time to get at the radiophonic workshop as much
as he might have wanted to. But they they as distance shots
rather than the short, impactful close up pistol shot you get
from the spot effects guys. They actually they actually work
quite well, but they give you a sort of a flavour that the goon
show sort of stepping into a different kind of technology.
Yes, to get get its sounds. I'm not sure if you'd had the
chance whether they would become more.
I don't know what mechanical mechanistic sounding if he'd got
more from the radiophonic workshop.
Maybe, yeah, because the scarlet captures around that time as
well, of course, isn't it? And that was that was yeah as
well. The the wonderful noises that
you get in that straight out of Quasimas and the pit.
You know, the this what I think it's it's it's it's named in the
in the script as electronics. I think it is electronic sounds.
Yeah, yes, some collage that always makes me hell is the
right of World War One. I suppose.
I said I'd come back to it. It's the one preceding,
preceding blood knocks arrival in World War One.
You know, you normally get, you know, a bit of an explosion or
some chickens or something like that.
You know, I've never had them as bad.
They pull out. You know, you get the blood
knock theme, then you get an explosion, rushing water, the
sound of angry natives, Fred the Oyster ripping linen, a speed up
foghorn, an ancient car starting an explosion, and a metal and
glass crash, all with blood knock howling more frantically
as it goes on and on and on. This you know, and it's great.
You know, the audience are laughing.
And then he just hits the killer line.
Sergeant take them out and shoot them.
And you, you find it from the next line what he's talking
about. It's talking about socks.
But until that point, you have no idea.
And whatever hell blood not has gone through on that occasion
might well have been the worst one ever.
I think it's a it never never ceases to make me cry laughing.
It's it just starts off this, this low, low grade explosion
and by the end of the scream, yeah, that on top of you like
3035 seconds of just miscellaneous BBC sound effect
noise. I think that sums it up for me.
That works. Do you think, do you think Spike
took those lads out for a large drink following that recording?
I don't know. There was a lot going on in that
recording. There's the, you know, and now a
sailor's farewell, Queen Mary Foghorn goes up, you know, in
pitch and all that sort of thing.
Possibly so final one, if you don't mind saying anybody can
work this one out. It's a strange one.
You you get it in later shows it.
It's also in World War One very quickly.
There's that that you know the sound of if the flea, you know
that noise. You get that being used for
things opening or things springing from a place.
You know Neddy springs from a bed twang and you get Peter
going ha strings. So this weird twing you get a
few of those, you know, open this, you know a tin of
suspicion. I don't know why there's that at
the end of it just brings a glorious silly noise.
Yes. It brings it down to earth.
That's something that for me, it doesn't matter, silly.
The the last smoking sea goons and Ben Nettie is saying I can't
come out. I'm I'm behind this.
Kept waiting for a medical inspection and he goes into the
bloodmark stomach and right the whole, the whole, the sequence.
And then we'll just, oh, reckon you need one, mate?
Yes, that was the first screenshot I ever heard.
Actually, I think I've said that before once or twice.
Maybe listen? Yeah, yeah.
Start at the end. Yeah, start at the end.
I did have this idea of maybe giving you a sequence, a famous
sequence from a from a Goon show, but only giving you the FX
and grams indications to see if you could identify which show it
was from. I haven't had time to do that.
So maybe we could come, you could come back sometime and we
could do that. That would be jolly.
We'll.
Sit down. But we'll sit down and listen to
100 Goon shows before you invite me back.
What do you mean? As the GSPS acolyte as you are,
you know you don't do that every day.
Don't give me away, please. OK, So yeah, it's been, it's
been, it's been a, we've covered lots of ground.
We've talked about lots of sound effects.
We there will be lots of people listening to this if shouting at
us saying you didn't mention such and such you forgot about
whatever it was, please don't write to me.
We we may return again and and talk about other other areas
that we couldn't didn't have the time to touch on today.
But gentlemen, Chris and Graham, I want to thank you so much for
for your time today. And is is there is there
anything I've had a had a wonderful.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
No, but no. Yeah.
No. And and, and Graham, we had a
few, few little technical issues here and there, but we got there
in the end. It was probably nothing to do
with my computer. It's everything to do with me.
It's probably me. Somebody put him back together
again quick. Don't take him out and shoot
him. Excellent chaps.
It's been, it's been, it's been real.
It's been a pleasure. Thank you so much and we will
talk again. Thank you very much.
Tyler, thank you, Tyler.