1 00:00:14,130 --> 00:00:19,130 Hi, Holly, it's Jack. It's 1:28 AM on May 16th. 2 00:00:19,130 --> 00:00:21,770 It's pretty damn cold out, Holly. 3 00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:25,170 I'm looking up at the stars right now and some of them are 4 00:00:25,170 --> 00:00:28,650 flickering their lights, going out and coming back like short 5 00:00:28,650 --> 00:00:31,410 breaths. I can feel the pulsating of 6 00:00:31,410 --> 00:00:34,770 those lights in my teeth, down into the roof and even into my 7 00:00:34,770 --> 00:00:37,480 jaw. You know, Holly, I didn't plan 8 00:00:37,480 --> 00:00:41,480 on leaving you a note or a tape or anything, but when I came 9 00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:45,880 into the diner today, well, yesterday, I said goodbye like I 10 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:49,160 typically would have. It just didn't feel right. 11 00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:53,320 I know this feels right and you have no idea yet. 12 00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:57,320 I was, I was walking, trying to figure out what I was going to 13 00:00:57,320 --> 00:01:00,640 say to you, and I wound up in this clearing maybe about a mile 14 00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:03,160 into the woods, back behind the Steelhead Motel. 15 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:05,280 I never knew there was a clearing here. 16 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:08,840 We've gone through these woods too many times to count and we 17 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:12,800 never stumbled upon this place. Isn't it odd, Holly, how you can 18 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:15,840 spend your life somewhere, spend your life doing the same things 19 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:19,760 with the same people and the same goddamn thoughts, and still 20 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:21,440 managed to stumble into something new? 21 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:25,920 Actually, Holly, I'm shining my flashlight around this clearing, 22 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:29,120 and how odd that there's a shovel to the West, propped up 23 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:33,080 against the tree and something smells so damn wrong. 24 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:36,680 Like musky and wet. I think someone buried a dog 25 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,040 here. Or maybe it's not a dog. 26 00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:42,960 The smell keeps shifting. When the breeze dies down, it 27 00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:46,800 smells like pennies, like cold metal and fruit lifting the sun 28 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:48,880 too long. It makes the back of my throat 29 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:53,440 coat over it. Anyways, sorry I'm distracted, 30 00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:56,400 I'm tired. I'm not really sure how to piece 31 00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:58,480 the thoughts in my mind together. 32 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,840 I keep getting stuck in the same things, like a loop behind my 33 00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:04,680 eyes, and there's no way to say what I want to say without 34 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:09,840 sounding like I'm just leaving. I don't think that's what this 35 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:13,680 is. I hadn't yet already happened, 36 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:17,320 Holly. I think I'm very long gone, and 37 00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:19,840 I'm not sure if I mean that metaphorically. 38 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:23,760 I don't know if I feel entirely gone. 39 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:29,760 I feel maybe just misplaced or like something moved and I 40 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:32,040 didn't move with it. Does that make sense, Holly? 41 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:35,320 Honestly, you'll probably scrunch up your nose and call me 42 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:39,480 dramatic, and I don't blame you. It feels like something close to 43 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:41,440 therapeutic to say all this out loud. 44 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:45,680 Tonight's weird, Holly. My fingers feel numb. 45 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:49,800 Not from the chill in the air. It's deeper, I think. 46 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:55,800 I think my flashlight's delayed, like each path of the trees. 47 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:59,080 It's like the shadows lag or maybe the lights moving too 48 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:00,200 quickly and I can't. Fuck. 49 00:03:06,230 --> 00:03:10,350 I What was it? Right, Holly. 50 00:03:10,430 --> 00:03:11,350 Right. Sorry. 51 00:03:12,430 --> 00:03:13,510 The diner. Holly. 52 00:03:13,990 --> 00:03:17,990 When I came in to see you, I wonder if you knew, if you knew 53 00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:21,790 that that was going to be it. You look distracted. 54 00:03:22,430 --> 00:03:25,350 You look too lost. And I almost felt bad even 55 00:03:25,350 --> 00:03:28,120 trying to talk to you. I almost said something you 56 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:29,880 would have hated hearing out loud. 57 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:34,040 Not this. I wouldn't even have known where 58 00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:37,680 to start. But I almost started writing 59 00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:42,280 things down or recording them. Things slip, Holly, and they 60 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:48,920 slip faster than you think. My watch shows 1:28 AM and I 61 00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:52,560 know that's not right. The second hand keeps ticking 62 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:55,600 and the minute hasn't changed. I've been doing that for what 63 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,880 feels like an hour. There's no wind down here. 64 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:03,480 The air feels completely dead. Holly, it's stiff like this 65 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:06,760 clearing is a room and the trees offer too much structural 66 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:09,680 support. I think I'm going to turn off my 67 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:12,280 flashlight. It's not doing much but giving 68 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:15,440 me a headache at this point. And Holly, when you hear this 69 00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:17,680 tape, I need you to not come looking for me. 70 00:04:18,279 --> 00:04:21,160 I don't know where I'll be and maybe I'll still be right here. 71 00:04:21,399 --> 00:04:21,880 Or maybe.