1
00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:14,840
Good morning, Jack. 
It's me. 

2
00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:19,880
It's June 3rd, 6O2. 
AMI woke up with one of those 

3
00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:23,120
headaches, the kind that makes 
your whole head feel sort of 

4
00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:26,280
occupied. 
It's not really sharp, and 

5
00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:30,120
thankfully it's not a migraine. 
It's just this awful splitting 

6
00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:33,440
pressure right through my 
forehead, sitting between my 

7
00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:36,440
eyes. 
It's like I slept with my jaw 

8
00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:39,880
clenched and all of my thoughts 
got trapped in there overnight 

9
00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:43,320
and swelled up. 
I'm going to ignore it today, 

10
00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:46,920
which sounds kind of brave when 
I say it like that, but it 

11
00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:50,280
really just means that I took 
two aspirin with my coffee 

12
00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:54,000
before I'd even properly opened 
the curtains, and now I'm 

13
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,360
pretending that it counts as 
resilience. 

14
00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:59,760
It's been raining since before I
woke up. 

15
00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:02,640
It's not storming or anything 
dramatic. 

16
00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:06,280
It's just this gross little 
rain, thin and steady. 

17
00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:09,080
It looks sort of mean in a lazy 
way. 

18
00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:13,000
The porch boards are dark with 
the rain, and the trees look 

19
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:16,000
darker, too. 
Everything else looks kind of 

20
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:19,160
slick and patient. 
The whole morning just feels 

21
00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:21,880
damp. 
I had a dream again, Jack. 

22
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:26,120
Not one I can tell properly. 
That's sort of the trouble with 

23
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,760
dreams, isn't it? 
They don't really stay in your 

24
00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:30,880
head as the full thing most of 
the time. 

25
00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:35,480
They just sort of linger in 
pieces and flashes, maybe a hand

26
00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:38,560
or a sound. 
I know I was someone else again,

27
00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:42,320
or maybe I was still me and just
in somebody else's body. 

28
00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:45,320
I don't know how to say that 
without sounding ridiculous, 

29
00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:49,200
Jack, but it was a dream, and 
dreams do tend to be pretty 

30
00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:52,120
ridiculous. 
They're allowed to be There was 

31
00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:55,080
bare feet moving too fast over 
the wet ground. 

32
00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:57,640
It was the kind of running that 
feels ugly. 

33
00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:02,120
It was all panic and no grace. 
I looked down in the dream and I

34
00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:05,680
knew right away again that those
feet weren't mine, even though 

35
00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:07,640
nothing was obviously wrong with
them. 

36
00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:09,360
It was just that awful 
certainty. 

37
00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:12,040
Again. 
Jack and the dress was there 

38
00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:15,840
again, that plum purple thing 
with the black lace at the hem. 

39
00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:19,480
The one I would never wear awake
in 1000 years because it was far

40
00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:23,200
too pretty and too thin and far 
too much like I would be asking 

41
00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:25,640
for trouble. 
I wasn't being dragged this 

42
00:02:25,640 --> 00:02:29,960
time, not at first at least. 
I was running, trying to get to 

43
00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:33,440
the clearing, I think. 
Which is strange, isn't it? 

44
00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:36,720
Most of the time in dreams like 
that you're trying to get away 

45
00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:39,280
from somewhere. 
But in this one I was trying to 

46
00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:41,320
reach it. 
Like I thought if I could just 

47
00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:44,400
get there first, everything 
would stop or something would 

48
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:47,040
make sense. 
But somebody was behind me, 

49
00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:49,480
Jack. 
I never saw who, and I never 

50
00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:51,440
turned around enough to catch a 
glimpse. 

51
00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:55,360
But I could feel it, that awful 
close, feeling another body 

52
00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:58,280
moving through the woods too 
fast and not caring what it 

53
00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,200
scraped itself on to keep up 
with me. 

54
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,680
And then I woke up with my head 
splitting open and the rain 

55
00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:06,360
dewing that little ticking sound
against the windows. 

56
00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:12,240
So good morning to me, I guess. 
I'm standing in the kitchen now,

57
00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:15,440
in my nightgown. 
My coffee's gone cold and I have

58
00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:18,680
one sock on because I lost the 
other one sometime during the 

59
00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:21,880
night. 
It smells damp in here, Not 

60
00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:26,080
rotten, just cabin damp, wet 
wood and old air and a little 

61
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:29,960
bit like coffee grounds. 
Anca wasn't on the porch when I 

62
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,880
checked, and that bothered me 
more than it should have. 

63
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:37,200
Which is embarrassing because he
is, at the end of the day, just 

64
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:41,520
a cat with terrible manners and 
an inflated sense of mystery. 

65
00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:45,640
Still, I looked for him. 
The towel and the little bowl 

66
00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:48,800
are both out there, still 
getting damp again, and I should

67
00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:52,800
probably bring the towel in. 
Stop pretending I'm running some

68
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:55,600
respectable little lodge for 
stray little beasts. 

69
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:59,160
Maybe I will later. 
I probably won't. 

70
00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:02,680
I haven't gotten dressed yet, 
but I probably should because I 

71
00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:05,880
have the dinner shift and I 
can't spend all day skulking 

72
00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:08,080
around in my nightgown like a 
widow in a film. 

73
00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:11,040
Though honestly, this weather 
does make me want to drift 

74
00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:14,720
around the house in something 
thin and tragic and stare out at

75
00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:18,399
the trees like I'm waiting for a
telegram to tell me my long lost

76
00:04:18,399 --> 00:04:22,600
husband has died. 
OK, I know Jack, that's pretty 

77
00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,080
dramatic. 
I'm going to finally drink my 

78
00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:28,320
coffee now and maybe make some 
toast and eggs if I feel 

79
00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:31,280
ambitious enough. 
Something with enough substance 

80
00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:34,000
to soak up the headache and 
whatever parts of the dream are 

81
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:37,040
still trying to stick to me. 
I'll talk to you later, Jack. 

82
00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:50,800
Jack, it's 847 AMI was cracking 
eggs into the pan when I heard a

83
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:54,760
knock, and at first I thought 
maybe I imagined it because rain

84
00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:58,400
has a way of making every little
sound feel more personal than it

85
00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:01,360
really is. 
But then it came again. 3 

86
00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:03,920
knocks. 
It wasn't a hard, but it was 

87
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,040
persistent. 
I looked through the window 

88
00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:08,760
first, which is stupid of me 
because I couldn't really see 

89
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:12,040
who was standing in front of the
door, but I knew it was Dennis 

90
00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:15,320
before I opened it. 
I don't know how I knew, maybe 

91
00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:18,080
because there's only so many 
people who would knock on my 

92
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:19,960
door like that first thing in 
the morning. 

93
00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:23,000
He looked wet. 
He wasn't really soaked through,

94
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:26,080
just those dark little patches 
on the shoulders of his work 

95
00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:28,920
shirt where the rain caught him 
when he was coming up my 

96
00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:31,880
driveway. 
His hair was damp at the temples

97
00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:34,680
and he hadn't shaved yet, I 
don't think. 

98
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:38,000
Or maybe he had and I was just 
looking at him too hard. 

99
00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:41,920
He had the tired look around his
eyes that made a man seem either

100
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:45,240
far too honest or too dangerous,
depending on the day. 

101
00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:48,400
He said, Can I come in? 
Like he already knew? 

102
00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:53,280
I'd say yes, and I did say it. 
He stepped inside and wiped his 

103
00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:56,960
boots off on the mat without 
having me ask him to, which for 

104
00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:59,120
some reason made my chest ache a
little. 

105
00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,720
Just the tiny, ordinary 
politeness of it. 

106
00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:05,320
I asked him what he was doing 
here so early, and he sort of 

107
00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:08,920
looked past me and into the 
kitchen, at the eggs in the pan 

108
00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:12,040
and the coffee and all of my 
half attempt at a normal 

109
00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:14,320
morning. 
And then he said I wanted to 

110
00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:17,840
talk to you before work. 
Not my work, His. 

111
00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:21,720
He sounded serious enough that 
my stomach did that little drop.

112
00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:25,600
I thought maybe he would say 
something bad had happened, or 

113
00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:28,720
maybe he'd come to tell me to 
stop calling him, to stop 

114
00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:31,640
asking, and to stop making 
myself a part of whatever mess 

115
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:34,960
he'd already been living in 
before I ever put my hands on 

116
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:37,000
him. 
But that wasn't it. 

117
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:40,760
He apologized properly. 
I mean, Jack, he really 

118
00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:43,800
apologized. 
Not in that half joking way 

119
00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:47,200
where people apologize when what
they really want is to move on 

120
00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:50,360
without feeling too bad. 
He looked at me and he said he 

121
00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:53,880
was sorry for not telling me 
Lila had left and that he wasn't

122
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,080
trying to do anything against 
me. 

123
00:06:56,720 --> 00:07:00,280
I asked him what it was, then he
leaned one hand on the back of 

124
00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:04,440
the couch and said I just wanted
to make sure she was really gone

125
00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:07,160
this time. 
I don't know what I think about 

126
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:10,720
that Jack, Not yet. 
It's a sad thing to say. 

127
00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:14,800
Maybe it was a hopeful thing, 
really gone this time. 

128
00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:18,080
It sounds like a man who's tired
of being left. 

129
00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:20,280
It sounds like a man who's been 
waiting. 

130
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,600
I didn't press for more right 
away because the eggs were 

131
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:26,800
starting to overcook and 
suddenly there we were, having a

132
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:30,520
conversation that felt far too 
large for an empty stomach and I

133
00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:33,880
couldn't stand there holding the
spatula like an idiot while his 

134
00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:36,960
whole marriage sat dripping 
rainwater into my cabin. 

135
00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:40,280
So I turned back to the kitchen 
and I told him he might as well 

136
00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:43,520
sit down if he was going to be 
saying heavy things before 7:00 

137
00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:45,760
in the morning. 
He laughed a little. 

138
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:48,800
It wasn't a big laugh, but just 
enough to make him sound like 

139
00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:51,880
himself again. 
And so then he was sitting at my

140
00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:55,560
kitchen table and I was making 
breakfast for a semi married man

141
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,360
while I was still in my 
nightgown. 

142
00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:00,760
Which is maybe not the sort of 
thing that one should narrate 

143
00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:04,160
out loud if one wants to sound 
like a decent person, but it's 

144
00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:07,000
true. 
I made eggs and toast and then I

145
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:10,080
sliced up the last little bit of
potatoes because it felt stupid 

146
00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,600
not to if he was going to stay 
long enough to talk. 

147
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:15,880
He offered to help and I told 
him no, because I didn't want 

148
00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:19,480
him moving around my kitchen all
familiar and making me feel 

149
00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:22,320
things that I can't afford to 
feel this early in the day. 

150
00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:25,800
That sounds wise, but I promise 
it was not wisdom. 

151
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:27,600
It was cowardice. 
Jack. 

152
00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:32,559
He looked tired, not frightened 
or secretive or anything 

153
00:08:32,559 --> 00:08:35,200
malicious, just tired. 
Jack. 

154
00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:39,240
My headache's still there, but 
quieter, or maybe just moved 

155
00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:41,840
somewhere less noticeable 
because somebody else was in the

156
00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:44,920
room and my body likes to 
reshuffle its little miseries 

157
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,640
when it's being perceived. 
He's gone now. 

158
00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:51,400
He left for the shop maybe 10 
minutes ago, and now I'm out on 

159
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:54,400
the porch with my coffee, trying
not to replay the whole morning 

160
00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:58,120
over and over again. 
Breakfast was nice, and I know 

161
00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,080
this sounds dangerous, but it 
was. 

162
00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:03,400
It was really nice. 
The rain kept going the whole 

163
00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:05,840
time. 
Soft little hissing rain, not 

164
00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:08,680
enough to make the windows 
rattle or anything, just enough 

165
00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:11,280
to make the world outside seem 
further away. 

166
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:13,760
And the kitchen felt smaller in 
a good way. 

167
00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:17,000
Safer, maybe. 
We ate at the table. 

168
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,840
There was nothing romantic about
it. 

169
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:20,840
Not in the obvious sense, at 
least. 

170
00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:24,560
It was just eggs and toast and 
potatoes and coffee with him 

171
00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:27,760
sitting there in his work shirt 
and me finally changed into a 

172
00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:30,600
sweater because I could not bear
the idea of frying potatoes in 

173
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,440
front of him in my nightgown any
longer than I already had. 

174
00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:37,120
He said I looked tired. 
I told him that was of rude 

175
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:39,920
comment and he said you always 
look nice tired. 

176
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:43,640
I smiled like an idiot. 
He talked more than I expected 

177
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:46,320
him to. 
Not about anything huge, just 

178
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:49,200
the little things. 
He told me about a truck up on 

179
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:52,360
the lift giving him trouble and 
somebody coming in twice this 

180
00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:55,120
week because they swore they 
heard the same noise coming back

181
00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:58,600
even after he fixed it. 
The rain making customers trek 

182
00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:02,440
mud into the shop and little 
ordinary things shop things. 

183
00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:05,240
Just the kind of details people 
only offer when they're either 

184
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:07,800
comfortable or trying very hard 
to seem comfortable. 

185
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:11,160
I asked him if he slept, and 
then he looked at his coffee for

186
00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:13,480
a second before saying I slept 
some. 

187
00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:16,640
I hate that word lately, Jack. 
Some. 

188
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:20,600
But I let it go, and he said he 
should have told me sooner about

189
00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:24,040
Lila, and that he knew that, and
that it wasn't fair to leave me 

190
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,160
feeling like I'd been asking 
after a ghost in the next room. 

191
00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:29,840
That's not exactly how he put 
it, but that's how my head 

192
00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:32,400
twisted it. 
He said he didn't know how to 

193
00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:35,560
talk about her with me. 
He said that part quietly, like 

194
00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:38,800
it embarrassed him more than the
rest of it, and I believed him. 

195
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:40,840
Jack. 
Or at least I want to. 

196
00:10:41,560 --> 00:10:43,080
Those are not always the same 
thing. 

197
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:46,880
I asked if he was all right, and
he gave me that tired little 

198
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:50,760
shrug that men do when they'd 
rather sand down their bones and

199
00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:53,080
answer a direct question 
honestly. 

200
00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:55,200
And then he said I'm standing, 
aren't I? 

201
00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:58,000
Which mentally I thought was 
pretty ironic since he was 

202
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,960
sitting down at my table, but I 
didn't say any of that out loud.

203
00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:04,960
I told him that didn't count, 
and for a second he smiled in 

204
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,360
that real way again. 
The one that makes him look 

205
00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:09,960
younger than he is. 
It wasn't really an innocent 

206
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:12,800
smile, just less heavy. 
And we talked about other things

207
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,960
after that. 
Somehow Anca got brought up and 

208
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:19,000
I told him the cat still acts 
like I'm inconveniencing him by 

209
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,080
feeding him. 
And Dennis said that sounds 

210
00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:24,000
about right for a creature who 
knows he'll be worshipped no 

211
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:26,680
matter what. 
And then he asked if Anca had 

212
00:11:26,680 --> 00:11:29,480
come inside again. 
I said no, not since that 

213
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,480
morning. 
And I don't know why that made 

214
00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:34,520
me feel protective all of a 
sudden, as if I had let too many

215
00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:38,280
people know that the cat had 
crossed the threshold once he 

216
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:40,800
stayed long enough to finish a 
second cup of coffee. 

217
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:44,120
And that alone felt dangerous. 
I kept catching these little 

218
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:47,400
domestic flashes of it all, and 
I tried very hard not to hold on

219
00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:48,040
to it. 
Jack. 

220
00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:51,640
His plate at my table and his 
hand around my mug for a second 

221
00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:53,440
because he picked it up by 
mistake. 

222
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:55,600
Stupid things. 
Just small things. 

223
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:58,920
The kinds of things that women 
build false futures out of if 

224
00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:02,040
they're not careful. 
I'm trying to be careful, Jack. 

225
00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:05,400
I don't know if I'm succeeding. 
Before he left, he stood in the 

226
00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:08,800
doorway with the rain behind him
and said, I didn't want you 

227
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:12,080
thinking I was keeping things 
from you because of you. 

228
00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:14,400
I said that's a strange 
sentence. 

229
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:17,320
And he laughed and said, you 
know what I mean. 

230
00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:20,560
And I did know what he meant, at
least I think I did. 

231
00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:24,080
And then he pressed a kiss to my
hairline like a punctuation. 

232
00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:27,040
And then he was gone, down the 
path and back to his truck, out 

233
00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:30,080
of the rain, back to all the 
parts of his life that don't fit

234
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:33,360
neatly into my kitchen, and I 
should probably feel worse about

235
00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:36,120
how nice all of it was. 
Maybe I will later. 

236
00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:38,720
Oh, Jack, Anka's coming up the 
driveway. 

237
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:42,120
I could hear his little crunch 
of the gravel under his paws and

238
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:44,120
he looks ridiculous damp along 
the back. 

239
00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:47,440
His tail's up like some tiny 
self important official arriving

240
00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:49,600
late to inspect the property. 
Oh, hold on. 

241
00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:52,240
Jackie's coming right up the 
steps like he owns this place. 

242
00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:54,800
Of course he is. 
It's ridiculous how he's shaking

243
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:57,560
himself like a dog, which I 
didn't know cats could do with 

244
00:12:57,560 --> 00:12:59,240
that much insult in the 
movement. 

245
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,800
Now he's just sitting there, 
looking at me like I'd arranged 

246
00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:08,880
the weather badly on purpose. 
He's in my lap now, Jack, 

247
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:11,640
staring out at the yard with 
that little flat face of his, 

248
00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:14,280
like he's waiting for some deep,
important forest secret to make 

249
00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:16,520
an appointment with his little 
official self. 

250
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:18,880
Maybe we're becoming something 
like friends. 

251
00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:21,720
I don't know if that's 
comforting or just one more 

252
00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:24,080
strange thing that happened 
slowly enough for me not to 

253
00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:27,040
notice. 
Everything smells green and wet 

254
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:30,600
and tired and I should probably 
shower and change into my work 

255
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:33,400
clothes and stop sitting out 
here like a woman in a cigarette

256
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,560
ad for a sad life she chose 
herself. 

257
00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:38,040
But it feels nice out here. 
It's just quiet. 

258
00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:51,200
I'll talk to you later, Jack. 
Jack, it's 3:11 PM and I'm in my

259
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:53,720
car. 
I left a little earlier than I 

260
00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:56,480
needed to because I didn't want 
to sit in the cabin all 

261
00:13:56,480 --> 00:14:00,080
afternoon alone with my mind. 
There's a particular kind of 

262
00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:02,680
misery in killing time before an
evening shift. 

263
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:06,160
You can't settle into the day 
because a part of you is already

264
00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:08,200
gone and putting on an apron 
somewhere. 

265
00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:10,560
The rain hasn't really stopped 
yet. 

266
00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:14,320
It eased up once around noon, 
and I thought maybe that was it.

267
00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:17,560
Maybe the clouds had finally 
rung themselves out enough to 

268
00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:20,040
leave us alone. 
But then it came back. 

269
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,720
Not really harder, just 
stubborn. 

270
00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:26,200
That's the word for it. 
Stubborn little rain. 

271
00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:28,640
I took the old church road 
again. 

272
00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:31,960
I don't know why I keep doing 
that when I know perfectly well 

273
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:34,760
what's been out there lately. 
Maybe because it feels like a 

274
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:37,840
dare if I don't. 
Maybe because some part of me 

275
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:41,160
wants to keep proving that roads
stay roads even when your mind 

276
00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:42,880
has gotten all theatrical about 
them. 

277
00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:46,640
I'm pulled over on the shoulder 
now, right where that deer had 

278
00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:50,120
been, and it's just God. 
The deer, I mean, and the 

279
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:53,280
flowers, all of it. 
There's no body in the grass. 

280
00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:56,680
There's no upside down little 
garden, no pedal stuck in the 

281
00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:59,080
cracks of the road. 
And you would think that would 

282
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,840
feel like a relief. 
And maybe it is, Jack. 

283
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,280
Maybe some county truck came 
through and took the poor thing 

284
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,480
away. 
Maybe whoever put the flowers 

285
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:10,480
there got bored with whatever 
ugly little ritual they were 

286
00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:13,640
making and moved on. 
Maybe the rain flattened it all 

287
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:16,480
out into mud. 
And I'm giving the weather too 

288
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:19,200
little credit. 
Still, it looks so empty out 

289
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:21,080
here. 
It feels almost staged, like 

290
00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:23,560
somebody came through and 
cleaned up the scene too well. 

291
00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:26,640
The rain looks like threaded 
silver in my headlights, even 

292
00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:29,600
though it's barely afternoon. 
There's something about rainy 

293
00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:33,400
days in Cedar Bend that makes 
time feel spoiled, Jack, like 

294
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:36,480
morning and evening bleed into 
each other too early and never 

295
00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:39,480
really get to separate. 
I still got some time before I 

296
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:42,360
need to be at the diner, and I 
should probably get going. 

297
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:45,680
Hold on, Jack. 
There's something up ahead. 

298
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:50,000
I didn't notice it at first 
because the rope bends a little 

299
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:54,160
here and the trees crowd in and 
the rain blurs everything if you

300
00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:57,360
don't keep your eyes sharp. 
But there's, I think there are 

301
00:15:57,360 --> 00:16:00,240
cars up there. 
More than one, definitely. 

302
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:02,400
I'm going to pull back into the 
road. 

303
00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:13,800
Just hang on, Jack. 
OK? 

304
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:17,160
Yeah, there's there's a 
sheriff's car off to the side of

305
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:19,880
the road and another police car 
behind it. 

306
00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:23,120
And Jack, there's a white van 
too, Not an ambulance? 

307
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:25,600
I don't think so. 
It doesn't look like one from 

308
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,160
here. 
There are people standing near a

309
00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:30,560
few of them, not many 3 or 4. 
Maybe. 

310
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:33,840
They're all facing towards the 
Riverside of the road and I'm 

311
00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:36,160
slowing down. 
I know I shouldn't rubberneck. 

312
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,560
I know that's ugly. 
But everybody in a small town 

313
00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:41,040
gets a little ugly around police
flights, don't they? 

314
00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:44,320
Everybody wants to know whose 
day just got split open. 

315
00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,920
Maybe it's nothing, Jack. 
Maybe somebody slid off the road

316
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,960
into the rain. 
Maybe some fisherman found 

317
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:53,480
something he wasn't meant to, 
and now everybody's standing 

318
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:57,240
around being solemn over old 
bones or stolen tools or 

319
00:16:57,240 --> 00:17:00,280
whatever people end up finding 
near water when the town gets 

320
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:03,400
too quiet. 
I can't really see past the cars

321
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:04,040
yet. 
Hang on. 

322
00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,400
Somebody's coming up from the 
bank. 

323
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:10,680
It's two men, No 3 Jack. 
They're Jack. 

324
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:14,599
They're carrying a body bag. 
Oh God, they're carrying a body 

325
00:17:14,599 --> 00:17:16,319
bag from down by the river and.