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Welcome, welcome, welcome. 
What a joy it is to see so many 

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of you here. 
I'm sure that if we open it up 

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for unlimited access, there 
would be more people here. 

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But the reason why we count that
at a certain number is because 

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if you've been here on Sundays, 
you know how crammed it can get.

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And so we wanted to make this 
day as comfortable as possible 

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while facilitating as many 
people as possible. 

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And I think we're doing OK so 
far. 

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We'd like for us to pray once 
more before we jump into the 

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Word of God. 
Lou, we thank you from the 

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bottom of our hearts that you've
allowed us to gather as a family

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to speak about very important 
truths. 

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Now we ask that the Holy Spirit 
would help us, that you would 

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uproot any distractions, 
objections, even emotional walls

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that might keep us from 
embracing all that you have to 

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say. 
Lou, we pray that not only would

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the substance be true, but that 
the delivery would be empowered 

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by the Holy Spirit. 
We need you every session, every

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step, even during our fellowship
time, we long for the Holy 

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Spirit to guide and we ask that 
He would have His way. 

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Lord, may this change us, may 
this renew us, May this motivate

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us, may this instill hope in us.
We need all of that. 

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And and above that, beyond that,
we need what you know we need, 

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so we ask for it together in 
Jesus name, Amen. 

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Amen. 
For many, unwanted singleness is

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like a persistent toothache. 
No matter what you do, who 

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you're with, or where you are, 
there is this throbbing pain 

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that never fails to sabotage 
your peace and make things less 

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enjoyable. 
That is more true for followers 

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of Jesus Christ because we 
engage and we interact with our 

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singleness much differently than
the world promotes it. 

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This culture endorses singleness
as a boundless and limitless 

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exploration of erotic pleasures 
without the commitments of the 

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covenant of marriage. 
Whereas the biblically grounded 

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Christian understands that there
is holy intentionality with your

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singleness, which includes many 
things, and that of sexual 

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abstinence, the consecration of 
our bodies to the glory of God, 

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and the preservation and the 
provision of our good. 

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And that's one of many 
challenges for the believer in 

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navigating singleness on the 
raging seas of a sexually 

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charged world littered with lies
and temptations that cater to 

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the flesh. 
But I personally am convinced 

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that the false fantasies of a 
sin advocating society is not 

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the only contribution to the 
difficulties of singleness for 

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the believer. 
I'm afraid that the way 

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believers, even church leaders, 
have addressed singleness has 

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caused unintentional harm, 
generally from making Christians

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feel less spiritual for having a
strong desire to be married to 

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very unwise advice and comments 
like God will give you a spouse 

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the moment you stop. 
Thinking about it. 

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It's no wonder why singleness 
feels like a prison sentence for

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many Christians. 
But contrary to over simplistic 

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sermons and unthoughtful 
comments, a careful study of 

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God's Word will reveal that our 
Heavenly Father has provided us 

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a genuinely fulfilling print for
singles for those who are not 

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married. 
Now, I'm aware that no matter 

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what I say about singleness, 
there will be some who will 

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object, who will protest, who 
offer some pushback. 

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But you just don't understand. 
And this is something that I can

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attest to from past comments and
remarks. 

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And so with this foreknowledge. 
Allow me to make. 

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A couple of comments before we 
continue. 

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Number one, it is my goal that 
anything that I have to say is 

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rooted and found in the 
Scriptures. 

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I'm not speaking with my own 
authority. 

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I'm appealing to the Bible. 
So everything that we're going 

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to point to is going to derive 
from the timeless principles, 

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insights, clear commands, 
warnings found in the Word of 

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God, particularly for those who 
are not married. 

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And so this is a hope for us. 
This is an encouragement for us 

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because we can trust in the 
wisdom of God. 

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This is where we're going to 
find true transformational 

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guidance. 
Not my personal experience, not 

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my anecdotes, but the Bible. 
That being said, if it does 

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supply any additional grace, you
are hearing from somebody who 

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lived single for most of his 
Christian walk. 

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It virtually defined my 20s and 
I can tell you from transparency

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and with transparency that you 
are hearing from somebody who 

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has been visited by the 
temptations. 

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Fears, doubts, yearnings, even 
the spiritual warfare concerning

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the future while serving and 
loving the Lord. 

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More importantly, you are also 
hearing from someone who can say

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with a clear conscience that 
looking back at my single years,

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I knew genuine contentment in 
Christ. 

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I enjoyed meaningful 
opportunities and relationships 

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with others, and so much of that
phase of my life has contributed

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to the molding of who I am 
today. 

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There's no doubt about it. 
And that being said, once again,

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I know that there can still be 
some resistance. 

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OK, you talk about being single 
in your 20s, but try managing it

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well into your 50s or 60s. 
It's one thing to be single as a

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young man. 
It's another thing to try to 

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beat the race against a 
biological clock. 

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Singleness tends to be a much 
more dreadful thing for women 

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than for men. 
Well, brother, you sound like 

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you're able to flourish in your 
singleness because you most 

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likely had a very wonderful 
support system. 

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Try. 
Managing the impulses of the 

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flesh, the fears of the future, 
with the pressures of parents 

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who are consistently inquiring 
of my singleness, or close 

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friends, even Christian friends 
who treat me as subhuman for 

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being single. 
So without. 

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Minimizing anyone's struggle, 
allow me to make a second 

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comment. 
I don't pretend that what I have

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to say today will permanently 
put an end to the difficulties 

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of singleness. 
I'm not going to pretend that it

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will no longer trouble you when 
you leave this place. 

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Instead, the goal of this 
message and this conference 

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really is to bring to your 
attention that both singleness 

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and marriage have their unique 
blessings and challenges. 

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Because here's what I've 
observed over the years, That 

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there are good hearted brothers 
and sisters in Christ who are so

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focused on what they feel 
deprived of as singles that 

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they're fixated on the mountain 
peaks of marriage while 

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overlooking the advantages of 
being single. 

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So they're just caught up by the
companionship, the intimacy, the

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memories, the the travels, the 
vacations, raising well behaved 

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children that you're missing 
something in the moment. 

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And I want to show you that 
there is actually something 

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about this singleness that is a 
gift. 

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I don't want you to overlook it,
and I don't also want you to 

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overlook the complexities of 
marriage. 

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What I'm trying to say is this, 
that there is a way to wrestle 

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with your singleness that is 
wasteful, and there's a way to 

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navigate your singleness that is
fruitful. 

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And I'm advocating for the 
latter. 

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So the way we're going to do 
this is by exploring certain 

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points for singles at any age to
become awakened to what God's 

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Providence has made available to
you at this moment. 

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But let me clarify certain 
things. 

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The focus of this message is not
for singles who are delaying 

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that marriage for selfish 
reasons. 

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That's a whole different 
message. 

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I'm speaking to those who are 
single, not by choice. 

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Moreover, please be merciful in 
this, that there is no way that 

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we can cover absolutely every 
single scenario of singleness in

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one message. 
And I say that now so that you 

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don't get distracted by what 
about or or what if throughout 

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this time. 
And that's what the Q&A is for 

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to hopefully unpack some of the 
nuances of this of the subject. 

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With that being said, I want to 
lay out before you four ways to 

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navigate singleness well, Four 
ways to navigate singleness, not

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just navigate singleness, 
navigate singleness well. 

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And the fourth point, we'll be 
providing general practical 

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counsel of how to transition 
from singleness into potential 

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marriage. 
And I'm sure a lot of people are

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like, can you just skip to #4 
we'll get there. 

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But first I want to deal with 
number one. 

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If you are single in this place 
and you are follower of Jesus 

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Christ, I admonish you to 
cultivate holy anxiety. 

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Cultivate holy anxiety. 
Turn with me to 1st Corinthians 

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Chapter 7. 
That may be a very predictable 

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chapter in the New Testament 
concerning this topic. 

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But let me remind you that this 
chapter is part of Paul's letter

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dealing with a church that had 
questions about relationships. 

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And the instructions that he 
provides in this chapter covers 

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a wide variety of relational 
questions and circumstances. 

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But you have to understand if 
you if you read first 

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Corinthians 7, you have to 
filter it through the lens of 

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verse 26, because verse 26 makes
known to us that Paul is 

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providing guidance in light of 
the potential uprising of 

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intense persecution. 
He calls it this present 

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distress. 
Now, there's debate about what 

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he means by that, but it's 
likely that he's speaking about 

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the church in Corinth being 
attacked, being surrounded, 

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being harassed for their faith. 
And so that will help regulate 

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how you counsel and how you 
understand Paul's line of 

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thought here. 
If not, then you can come to 

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very dangerous conclusions of 
what he believed about both 

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singles and singleness and 
married people and marriage, 

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right? 
He's writing this in light of 

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persecution that is on the 
horizon and how they should 

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prioritize things in life in 
light of this, especially how 

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they prioritize relationships. 
That being said, to listen to 

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this, this dawned on me for the 
first time when I was preparing 

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for this earlier in the week, 
that as this church is ready to 

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have their lives altered because
of their faith, because of the 

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danger that is looming, you had 
some believers who still were 

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thinking about marriage. 
Talk about a strong desire to be

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with someone. 
Your life is in danger and 

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you're still wondering how can I
get married? 

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So even then, you had believers 
who really, really wanted a wife

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or really, really wanted a 
husband. 

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And Paul at some point confirms 
that it's not sin if anyone 

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chooses to be married, even if 
there is intense persecution on 

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the way. 
But interestingly, he doesn't 

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offer that counsel immediately 
before he comes to that 

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conclusion, before he wraps 
things up in this chapter, he 

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actually provides an 
alternative. 

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He gives a different option, and
he actually promotes that 

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option. 
And within that advice, we have 

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timeless truths that apply to us
at any point in life. 

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So look at verse 32 quickly. 
He says, I want you to be free 

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from anxieties. 
The unmarried man is anxious 

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about the things of the Lord, 
how to please the Lord. 

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But the married man is anxious 
about worldly things, how to 

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please his wife, and his 
interests are divided. 

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And the unmarried or betrothed 
woman is anxious about the 

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things of the Lord, how to be 
holy and body and spirit. 

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But the married woman is anxious
about worldly things. 

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How to please her husband? 
I say this to your own benefit, 

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not to lay any restraint upon 
you, but to promote good order 

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and to secure your undivided 
devotion to the Lord. 

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It's very easy to misinterpret 
what Paul is saying here. 

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First, he is no way claiming 
that being single means. 

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You are more spiritual or 
faithful than those who are 

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married, even if you choose to 
be single for the sake of the 

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Kingdom of God. 
Nor is he suggesting that being 

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single is a breeze while being 
married is miserable. 

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The apostle is simply making a 
very realistic and honest 

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observation. 
Pay attention about the 

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difference between the 
simplicity of singleness and the

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complexities within marriage. 
And he highlights the unique 

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opportunities that come with the
flexibility of single life. 

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That is all that he's doing. 
Marriage is designed to be 

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demanding, and it's no great 
revelation to point out that the

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obligations of a married person 
are not the same as the 

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unmarried. 
Not that relational 

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responsibilities is carnal or 
sinful. 

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In fact, if you're married, to 
honor your spouses and to live 

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for their good and their 
well-being is to honor the Lord.

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You can't dismiss that. 
However, that level of 

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commitment requires energy, 
time, and selfless 

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considerations which divide. 
They divide your priorities and 

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in some cases they can become 
practical hindrances. 

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So there are many accounts and 
stories and testimonies, for 

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example, of brothers who want to
explore and pursue different 

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avenues of ministries but they 
can't. 

229
00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:42,040
Why? 
Because they are respecting the 

230
00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:43,880
fears or the wishes of their 
wives. 

231
00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:48,000
And that is just one. 
Idea of what Paul anticipates 

232
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for those who are married. 
It impacts your time. 

233
00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:57,720
It regulates your travel. 
It influences your expenses. 

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00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:01,200
It requires a re evaluation of 
your risks, even if those risks 

235
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:07,760
are in the name of honoring God.
I see then what Paul wants 

236
00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:11,760
singles to do is to slow down 
and not rush into a relationship

237
00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:15,640
because he wants you to as much 
as possible enjoy a less anxious

238
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:18,120
life. 
Actually, no. 

239
00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:22,600
That's not what Paul is saying. 
What Paul is saying through the 

240
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:27,240
Spirit is that he wants singles 
to take advantage of the 

241
00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:31,160
freedoms that come with 
singleness so that they can be 

242
00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:36,880
preoccupied with a different 
concern, a different anxiety. 

243
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:41,680
If you will look again at verse 
32, I want you to be free from 

244
00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:45,160
anxieties. 
The unmarried man is anxious 

245
00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:50,000
about the things of the Lord. 
How to please the Lord? 

246
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:54,880
I'm sure many of us in here have
counseled single people over the

247
00:16:54,880 --> 00:17:01,200
years, but how many can you say 
have challenged those anxieties 

248
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:05,839
of singleness and the future and
what ifs and what about and 

249
00:17:05,839 --> 00:17:10,920
when, with this eagerness to 
make the most of this time to 

250
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:18,319
invest in the work of the Lord? 
I'm not sure that we can say of 

251
00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:24,040
most Christians that this 
anxiety describes their 

252
00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:30,360
singleness, but Paul by the 
Spirit expects Christians to 

253
00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:34,480
live in it. 
I'll never forget the time when 

254
00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:36,880
I was thinking more seriously 
about marriage without any 

255
00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:39,200
prospects in mind, just the idea
of it. 

256
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:42,600
And it was on a Friday night 
making my way to one of our 

257
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:46,360
Bible studies, and I began to 
just ruminate and reflect on my 

258
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:53,280
past, my present, and my future.
And at some point this thought 

259
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:56,880
hit me and it actually sent 
chills down my spine. 

260
00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:59,600
Not that it was a fearful thing,
but it was just so sobering. 

261
00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:02,280
My hands are on the steering 
wheel. 

262
00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:04,120
I'm driving safely. 
I'm looking ahead. 

263
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:07,640
But here's what's dominating my 
thoughts now. 

264
00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:12,080
Once you get married, there is 
no turning back. 

265
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:18,000
Once you get married, there is 
no turning back. 

266
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:22,920
And that thought was followed by
self examination. 

267
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:26,040
And here's what I was asking 
myself. 

268
00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:31,720
Did you make the most of your 
singleness, or do you have 

269
00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:35,640
regrets? 
And I began to reflect on 

270
00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:37,760
specific monuments of my 
singleness. 

271
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:41,400
What I did when I got saved in 
college, what I did after 

272
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:43,880
college, what I've been doing 
since. 

273
00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:49,560
College did I really make the 
most of my single years? 

274
00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:54,440
Because no matter who you marry,
no matter how godly they are, 

275
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:58,680
it's not going to be the same 
anymore. 

276
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:05,000
I want you to see how the same 
apostle who is promoting this 

277
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:10,280
anxiety also criticize a certain
group of believers who went the 

278
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:13,960
opposite direction of what he 
had hoped for children of God, 

279
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:15,640
Because I want to tell you 
something. 

280
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:20,920
Being single does not guarantee 
what Paul calls undivided 

281
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,560
devotion to the Lord. 
It doesn't guarantee it. 

282
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:27,120
It doesn't secure it. 
You need to be strategic about 

283
00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:29,840
it. 
So let me show you a place in 

284
00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:34,600
First Timothy 5 where you have 
Paul here condemning the 

285
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:38,640
behavior of some younger widows 
who did not reflect the 

286
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:42,960
praiseworthy characteristics of 
a widow who is to receive 

287
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:44,960
financial support from the 
church. 

288
00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:49,040
Things like showing hospitality,
caring for the afflicted, being 

289
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:53,440
devoted to good works instead of
embracing such attitudes and 

290
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:56,920
such ambitions. 
These younger widows. 

291
00:19:57,440 --> 00:20:01,240
Paul was informed about spoiled 
their state of singleness. 

292
00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:04,920
Look at verse 13 of First 
Timothy 5. 

293
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:12,720
Besides that, they learned to be
idlers, going about from house 

294
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:15,640
to house. 
And not only idlers, but also 

295
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:20,360
gossips and busy bodies saying 
what they should not. 

296
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:25,600
So notice here that Paul is 
commenting on this group of 

297
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:28,600
younger widows. 
Who evidently didn't even have 

298
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,280
children yet. 
Their husbands died before they 

299
00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:33,920
were able to have kids. 
And with the free time that they

300
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:37,120
had, they were slandering 
instead of serving. 

301
00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:41,120
They were whispering instead of 
ministering. 

302
00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:46,400
Instead of being caught up and 
getting busy for the work of the

303
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:49,480
Lord, they were putting and 
sticking their nose in other 

304
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:53,720
people's businesses. 
Do you know what this teaches 

305
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:57,560
me? 
It teaches me that there is a 

306
00:20:57,560 --> 00:21:01,600
lingering temptation for 
Christians in their singleness 

307
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:06,800
to be self absorbed, to be self 
absorbed, and without realizing 

308
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:13,680
it, they can even be so deceived
as to pursue the will of Satan 

309
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:19,120
in their singleness, saying 
where are you getting that from?

310
00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:23,320
Look at verse 15. 
For some have already strayed 

311
00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:27,040
after Satan. 
And what does that mean? 

312
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:32,400
It means that in their state of 
being a widow without a spouse, 

313
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:39,520
their selfish desires, their 
sinful impulses, was a foothold 

314
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:42,920
for Satan to steer them away 
from the will of God in that 

315
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:45,880
phase of their life and to 
actually pursue destructive 

316
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:48,880
patterns for themselves and for 
others. 

317
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,120
So here's what Paul does, 
though. 

318
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:57,920
By the Spirit of God, he defines
singleness as an opportunity to 

319
00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:01,520
serve in a unique way, to live 
in a unique way. 

320
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:04,320
And I find it interesting that 
back in First Corinthians 7, 

321
00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:07,960
Paul does not refer to the stage
of life as a period of 

322
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:11,720
preparation for marriage. 
That's how Christians define 

323
00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:14,080
singleness. 
But Paul doesn't talk about 

324
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:16,000
singleness like that. 
Nor does. 

325
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:21,120
He speak about it as this 
agonizing waiting. 

326
00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:28,840
Paul speaks about singleness as 
a time of excellent 

327
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:34,080
opportunities, and he actually 
makes a comment near the end of 

328
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:37,200
First Corinthians 7 that I think
would stagger most Christians. 

329
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:40,560
Go back to First Corinthians 7 
and notice what he says in his 

330
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:44,240
final words in this section of 
instructions for singles, 

331
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:48,000
Engaged people, married people, 
divorce people. 

332
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:53,280
Remember, he's saying this in 
light of the present distress 

333
00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:55,760
that this church was ready to 
face. 

334
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:58,360
But look what he says here in 
verse 39 and verse 41st 

335
00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:01,240
Corinthians 7A. 
Wife is bound to her husband as 

336
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:04,960
long as he lives, but if her 
husband dies, she is free to be 

337
00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:07,920
married to whom she wishes only 
in the Lord. 

338
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:10,960
Verse 40. 
Yet in my judgement, she is 

339
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:14,400
happier if she remains as she 
is. 

340
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:17,280
And I think I too have the 
Spirit of God. 

341
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,200
It's like you have to add that 
final point because it's like 

342
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:21,200
Paul, you're speaking out of 
your own head because no, no, 

343
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:22,480
no, I actually have the Spirit 
of God. 

344
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:27,040
Wait a minute. 
He says something that I think 

345
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:28,760
most people would think is 
inconceivable. 

346
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:33,320
What is it he's telling widows 
who have lost their spouse in 

347
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:36,080
the context, if you want to be 
married again, you're free to do

348
00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:37,880
that. 
Only they have to be in the 

349
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:40,480
Lord. 
But notice, she says, but I 

350
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:44,200
think that she would actually be
happier if she stays as she is. 

351
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:48,160
It's possible to be single and 
happy. 

352
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:55,760
Who would have thought? 
Not only that, he says, happier,

353
00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:00,440
happier. 
Now look at all the shocked 

354
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:01,720
faces. 
I wish you can see what I see up

355
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,040
here. 
Happier. 

356
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:07,920
Happier, yes, in terms of 
priority with the persecution 

357
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:11,440
that's around them. 
Happier, but, but remember, 

358
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:13,960
we're looking for underlying 
timeless principles. 

359
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:16,840
Paul believed You can be single 
and joyful. 

360
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:21,640
It doesn't have to be a 
drudgery, doesn't have to be 

361
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:26,840
this misery, doesn't have to be 
this dark cloud hovering over 

362
00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:29,360
your head. 
And only when you meet that 

363
00:24:29,360 --> 00:24:32,760
person, the rays of life will 
Pierce through and make your 

364
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:35,840
life meaningful. 
That's not how it works. 

365
00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:43,840
When was the last time you 
paused and you prayed, Lord, 

366
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:45,640
what would you have me do with 
this time? 

367
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:50,680
What would you have me do with 
these resources? 

368
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:55,600
Where would you have me go As I 
was putting this together? 

369
00:24:56,760 --> 00:25:00,200
A brother in Christ that doesn't
attend here, He visits here. 

370
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:01,640
I'm not going to name him 
because I don't think he would 

371
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:05,680
like it for me to name him. 
Some of you know him, a brother 

372
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:12,000
in Christ who is later in his 
20s as a single man, I believe 

373
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:15,440
is a wonderful model of what's 
possible in that season of life 

374
00:25:18,120 --> 00:25:21,200
because this man has done many 
things already. 

375
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:23,840
One of the things that he chose 
to do, and this is what his 

376
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:28,480
parents have told me, is that he
purchased a larger home for the 

377
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:31,840
goal of hosting missionary 
families whenever they're in 

378
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:36,080
town. 
And he, as a single man, has 

379
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:40,600
embraced foster children so that
he can in the best way possible 

380
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:43,480
with all the restrictions of 
that system, shine the light of 

381
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:51,000
Christ, lavish them with the 
beauties of the gospel and with 

382
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:54,800
a full time job and serving a 
church and doing that on in his 

383
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:58,080
own home with his own resources.
He recently, after our own 

384
00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:01,680
conference, sent out a letter, I
believe to more than one person.

385
00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:05,200
He sent one to me at least with 
prayer points because he was 

386
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:10,560
flying out overseas for many 
days to help a missionary 

387
00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:15,720
family. 
And whenever he comes to the 

388
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:19,800
town, we sit down for quite a 
bit of time to be able to 

389
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:23,200
discuss his life and just have 
friend friendly conversation. 

390
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:28,320
And I remember after hearing all
that he was doing, asking him a 

391
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:34,480
very straightforward question. 
Do you enjoy all of this? 

392
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:39,480
You know, some people could say,
well, you know, I'm single and 

393
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:41,960
this is just the best that I can
do with my singleness until I 

394
00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:44,320
get married. 
Just a wonderful distraction. 

395
00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:51,960
He smiled from ear to ear and 
with the most genuine tone of 

396
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:58,200
voice said, I love it. 
I love it. 

397
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:03,280
See the the happiness that Paul 
is speaking about here. 

398
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:06,840
The secret to knowing joy even 
in singleness, even in loss that

399
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:10,640
created your singleness is being
intentional, strategic with your

400
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:12,880
spiritual pursuits, with the 
freedoms you have. 

401
00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:18,240
If you are not goal entered, if 
you're not missional, if if 

402
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:22,080
you're not actually going to 
plan how you're going to manage 

403
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:27,560
this time and navigate this 
season, Satan is ready to tempt 

404
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:31,160
you. 
As much as God has wonderful 

405
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:33,560
opportunities, so does the enemy
of our souls. 

406
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:36,720
And the investments that I speak
of lead to many outcomes, 

407
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:41,480
including the alleviation of 
what is probably the most 

408
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:44,280
dreaded aspects of short term or
long term singleness, 

409
00:27:45,360 --> 00:27:55,320
loneliness, loneliness #2 you 
must invest in intimate 

410
00:27:55,320 --> 00:28:00,400
relationships. 
The piercing thought of 

411
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:02,800
loneliness is easily one of the 
main motivations that cause 

412
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:06,840
single people to squirm and to 
race into a relationship. 

413
00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:11,600
While husband or wife is the 
deepest human bond that one can 

414
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:17,200
know in this life, it doesn't 
mean that not having one ensures

415
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:20,880
devastating loneliness. 
Some people think it 

416
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:24,640
automatically equates that, and 
this point is so imperative 

417
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:27,840
because it's not just for those 
who have never been married. 

418
00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:32,760
This is important for those who 
might become single even in 

419
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:38,520
marriage. 
It's unlikely that people pass 

420
00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:43,440
into glory at the same time. 
And there are some who even 

421
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:46,760
experience early loss with a 
spouse and remain single for 

422
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:50,040
many, many, many years and 
choose to remain single until 

423
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:52,880
the end. 
So this applies beyond just 

424
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:55,040
those who are waiting to get 
married. 

425
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:58,720
It's even for those who 
involuntarily are slipped back 

426
00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:02,840
into that season. 
I want you to see a promise in 

427
00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:05,720
the Word of God that I think 
should be more referenced in 

428
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:07,560
this discussion. 
It's in the book of Psalms. 

429
00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:10,960
Turn with me to Psalm 68 and 
look at verse 6. 

430
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:18,760
Psalm 68, verse 6. 
God settles the solitary in a 

431
00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:21,840
home. 
He leads out the prisoners to 

432
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:26,000
prosperity, but the rebellious 
dwell in a parched land. 

433
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:30,040
Look at that first part of the 
verse the NASB renders in the 

434
00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:32,320
following. 
God makes a home for the lonely.

435
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:36,400
If you have the King James or 
the new King James, it will say 

436
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:39,920
God sets the solitary and 
families plural. 

437
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:44,640
Notice how precise the Bible is.
We learned that there is a 

438
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:47,320
remedy outside of marriage that 
brings comfort to the. 

439
00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:52,200
Lonely and I believe the way 
that this promise is realized, 

440
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:55,560
ultimately realized is in one of
the earthly rewards of the 

441
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:58,880
gospel of Jesus Christ. 
You remember when we studied 

442
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:02,480
Mark, how Jesus comforted his 
disciples who had given up 

443
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:07,200
everything to follow him, that 
there would not be one who is 

444
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:14,080
not left families, homes, 
property, land for his namesake 

445
00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:17,880
and the gospel sake that will 
not receive 100 times more in 

446
00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:21,600
this life. 100 times what? 
Houses and brothers and sisters 

447
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:26,840
and fathers, mothers, 100 times 
more in this life. 

448
00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:29,440
How can that be? 
I can assure you that Jesus is 

449
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:33,600
not promising an impressive real
estate investment. 

450
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:38,360
What Jesus is saying here is 
that. 

451
00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:44,200
This manifold, this bountiful 
access to living rooms, 

452
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:50,840
bedrooms, siblings, parents is 
realized in the Church of Jesus 

453
00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:54,240
Christ. 
That's where it's found. 

454
00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:59,040
And what the Lord Jesus promised
is so powerful because it 

455
00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:03,080
implies that if a local body is 
in alignment with the will of 

456
00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:06,640
God, right? 
If if those realities are only 

457
00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:09,840
and exclusively known with the 
experience of the church, and 

458
00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:13,360
that church is lined up with 
God's will, his mind empowered 

459
00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:17,280
by His Spirit, then there 
shouldn't be any lonely people 

460
00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:21,280
in the church. 
But like many of God's promises,

461
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:25,960
he requires our participation. 
Many of God's promises require 

462
00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:28,280
our participation for these kind
of things to be known. 

463
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:31,120
So I'm required to make 2 
comments at this point. 

464
00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:34,320
First, to singles, please. 
I say this from my heart. 

465
00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:37,480
I say this with deep love. 
I say this as somebody who was 

466
00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:39,520
single for most of his Christian
walk. 

467
00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:43,000
You can't expect to know deep 
and meaningful connections if 

468
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:47,640
you don't plug in. 
And the easiest way to get to 

469
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:51,400
know people, even if you're an 
introvert, is to serve. 

470
00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:57,000
You may find it absolutely 
horrifying after a service to 

471
00:31:57,000 --> 00:32:00,480
get up and to look at a stranger
face to face and extend your 

472
00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:02,480
hand and shake it and ask how 
they are. 

473
00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:07,560
But you know what you can do? 
Approach the leaders and say, 

474
00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:12,200
what can I do around here? 
And I can guarantee you that if 

475
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:16,960
you serve consistently, 
wholeheartedly, you will meet 

476
00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:21,880
people, people that will serve 
alongside you and the people 

477
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:24,720
that you will serve. 
It's one of the wonderful 

478
00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:27,760
byproducts of being a member of 
a church. 

479
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:32,480
It opens your world. 
And I've never seen this fail 

480
00:32:32,480 --> 00:32:34,200
being in ministry for over a 
decade. 

481
00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:38,840
You have to be willing to 
sacrifice, even what your 

482
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:44,720
inclinations might restrict you 
from, to experience God's 

483
00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:48,200
promises. 
Now let me turn to the couples. 

484
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:52,080
This is why I'm so glad that 
those who are married, engaged 

485
00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:55,200
have come to this session. 
Because knowing and learning 

486
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:57,000
about singles is not just for 
singles. 

487
00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:01,520
The temptation for us married 
folk is to gravitate towards 

488
00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:07,600
other married people, other 
couples in the church, and 

489
00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:10,240
listen unintentionally ostracize
singles. 

490
00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:13,280
And I get it. 
The reason is because you want 

491
00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:16,160
to surround yourself with people
who understand the struggles and

492
00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:17,960
the unique challenges of 
marriage. 

493
00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:24,960
But you have to understand that 
singles have something to offer 

494
00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:29,200
you and you have something to 
offer singles. 

495
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:32,400
So I want you to broaden your 
circles. 

496
00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:35,640
I want you to broaden your 
plans, broaden your investments 

497
00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:39,120
in relationship and include 
those who may not have a spouse 

498
00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:44,080
because a beautiful partnership 
can happen there and there's so 

499
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:46,200
much that you can glean from and
vice versa. 

500
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:49,560
And I won't get into the 
intricacies of it, but let me 

501
00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:51,600
tell you something. 
Those who have families here, 

502
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:56,000
you have the glorious 
opportunity fulfilling one of 

503
00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:59,680
Jesus promises to those who have
made great sacrifices to follow 

504
00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:02,720
Him. 
Let me speak from personal 

505
00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:05,320
experience. 
I can't count the number of 

506
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:09,000
homes I've been to. 
I can't tell you the number of 

507
00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:12,199
pillows I've laid this head on 
as I've traveled from ministry. 

508
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:15,639
I can't tell you the amount of 
people that have come up to me 

509
00:34:15,639 --> 00:34:18,000
and say whenever you're in town,
whenever you're in this country,

510
00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:20,520
you let me know. 
Or if you ever need to get get 

511
00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:21,920
away, I'll give you a copy of 
this key. 

512
00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:25,239
That's what Jesus meant in Mark 
10 houses and homes and brothers

513
00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:28,960
and fathers. 
And you have an opportunity not 

514
00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:31,000
just for those who serve in 
ministry, but those who serve in

515
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:33,840
the church and sacrifice so much
to love the Lord. 

516
00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:38,360
You have a chance of letting 
people taste something of a 

517
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:42,719
treasure in the gospel. 
Singleness does not mean you 

518
00:34:42,719 --> 00:34:47,960
have to miss out on intimacy, 
and marriage itself does not 

519
00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:51,719
promise it. 
Do you know how many lonely 

520
00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:52,960
married people there are out 
there? 

521
00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:58,760
Many. 
Let me show you an example that 

522
00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:00,360
confirms both of the statements 
I made. 

523
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:03,000
The statement that being single 
doesn't mean you can't have 

524
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:05,840
intimate relationships and being
married doesn't promise it. 

525
00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:10,120
Go to the Old Testament once 
again. 

526
00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:12,680
Look at Second Samuel chapter 
one, verse 26. 

527
00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:19,000
This is David's lament after 
hearing about the loss of Saul 

528
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:21,640
and Jonathan. 
And notice what he says here in 

529
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:27,600
verse 26 of Second Samuel 1. 
I am distressed for you, my 

530
00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:31,440
brother Jonathan. 
Very pleasant have you been to 

531
00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:33,520
me. 
Your love to me was 

532
00:35:33,520 --> 00:35:37,080
extraordinary, surpassing the 
love of woman. 

533
00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:44,160
This is astounding. 
You have a man who is admitting 

534
00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:48,760
that he had a deeper bond with a
brother than with his actual 

535
00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:50,120
wives. 
Plural. 

536
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:55,240
And this is not a verse that 
requires deep psychological 

537
00:35:55,240 --> 00:35:59,360
analysis. 
It actually confirms something 

538
00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:01,840
that is more common than you 
know. 

539
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:06,600
What is it that sex and 
marriage? 

540
00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:13,280
Does not guarantee intimacy. 
Sex and marriage does not 

541
00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:17,160
guarantee intimacy. 
If sex guaranteed intimacy, then

542
00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:19,320
there would be a lot more 
fulfilled people outside in the 

543
00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:22,120
world who are jumping from 
partner to partner to partner to

544
00:36:22,120 --> 00:36:27,120
partner and yet there is a 
growing vacuum in their soul. 

545
00:36:29,720 --> 00:36:32,000
And if marriage promised 
intimacy, there would be a lot 

546
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:37,640
less counseling sessions. 
You know what he shows here, 

547
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:41,320
though? 
The ideal is your spouse being 

548
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:44,200
the deepest connection you have 
in this life. 

549
00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:50,160
That's the ideal God desires. 
That doesn't guarantee it, but 

550
00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:54,680
you know what is available. 
We have David and Jonathan here 

551
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:59,960
demonstrating how significant 
satisfying companionship can be 

552
00:36:59,960 --> 00:37:03,760
known with someone who is not 
your spouse with somebody 

553
00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:10,880
outside of romance. 
That concept is so alien to our 

554
00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:13,800
culture that those who have 
stumbled upon this verse have 

555
00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:16,680
suspected that David and 
Jonathan must have had a secret 

556
00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:21,800
homosexual relationship. 
That is commentary from people 

557
00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:25,160
who don't have the mind of 
Christ and are clearly not 

558
00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:28,880
saved. 
Those who try to advocate LGBTQ.

559
00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:31,800
Plus I forgot the amount of 
letters are now in the name. 

560
00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:36,840
But those who advocate that and 
want to try to have God confirm 

561
00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:40,360
their lifestyle come to this 
verse and say, see David and 

562
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:44,280
Jonathan had this bond that 
David couldn't know with a woman

563
00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:50,720
That doesn't confirm your sin. 
What it confirms is the 

564
00:37:50,720 --> 00:37:52,680
shallowness of friendships in 
the world. 

565
00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:57,520
That's what that confirms that 
it's, it's very difficult for 

566
00:37:57,520 --> 00:38:01,280
people to conceive that it's 
possible to know a deep bond 

567
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:04,760
with another human being unless 
it's sexual or erotic. 

568
00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:11,440
But he's saying no. 
My, my brother Jonathan, there 

569
00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:14,360
was, there was this deep 
connection I had with him that I

570
00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:20,040
didn't have with my wives. 
Listen, as a Christian, you've 

571
00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:23,000
been granted the capacity to no 
incredible bonds with other 

572
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:28,920
believers because you have 
something that is more powerful 

573
00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:33,560
than blood itself, the Holy 
Spirit of God, the Holy Spirit 

574
00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:36,320
of God in US. 
And you don't have to miss out 

575
00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:40,880
on rich relationships because 
you are not married. 

576
00:38:44,320 --> 00:38:46,840
And as I was preparing for this,
I was reading Second Timothy, 

577
00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:50,760
just on my own time, my own 
devotions, and I stumbled upon a

578
00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:54,920
verse, just a little brief 
phrase that confirms. 

579
00:38:54,920 --> 00:39:00,840
This with a man who was single 
Paul, can I just quote to you 

580
00:39:00,840 --> 00:39:05,160
what Paul said to his spiritual 
son Timothy. 

581
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:08,360
This is This is why we have to 
read our Bible slowly and 

582
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:10,160
actually think about the 
implications. 

583
00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:14,080
Think about this was a man who 
wrote this to another man. 

584
00:39:14,960 --> 00:39:19,360
Second Timothy 1/4 as I remember
your tears pause. 

585
00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:25,360
So Timothy cried in front of 
Paul. 

586
00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:28,920
You men, would you be able to do
that? 

587
00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:33,520
He wept in front of Paul. 
He says, as I remember your 

588
00:39:33,520 --> 00:39:38,920
tears, I long to see you that I 
may be filled with joy. 

589
00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:42,640
You would think this is a love 
letter. 

590
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:46,280
I long to see you that I may be 
filled. 

591
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:50,320
I remember your tears. 
He's speaking to a fellow 

592
00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:53,600
pastor. 
He's speaking to a fellow 

593
00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:57,680
missionary. 
And it's totally genuine. 

594
00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:02,960
You know what I find so 
fascinating? 

595
00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:07,280
That as much as a godly marriage
offers a a unique human bond 

596
00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:10,440
unlike any other in this life, 
it is not going to continue in 

597
00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:14,200
eternity. 
You know what will carry on into

598
00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:16,360
eternity? 
This family. 

599
00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:19,800
Have you ever thought about 
that? 

600
00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:26,120
The family of faith will 
continue on in eternity, whereas

601
00:40:26,120 --> 00:40:31,520
your marriage will cease as you 
arrive on the shore of glory. 

602
00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:36,280
Invest in intimate 
relationships. 

603
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:39,280
That's not exclusive to finding 
somebody that you're in love 

604
00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:42,120
with. 
You can know it even with a 

605
00:40:42,120 --> 00:40:53,920
brother, even with a fellow 
sister point #3 after you 

606
00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:57,320
cultivate a holy anxiety and you
are intentional investing in 

607
00:40:57,320 --> 00:41:01,200
intimate relationships with 
God's providential provision of 

608
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:05,120
people in your life, you must 
never #3 lose sight of true 

609
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:08,760
contentment. 
Because what I'm saying here, it

610
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:13,000
may now provide a numbing agent 
to that toothache. 

611
00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:17,400
But you know yourself well 
enough that the shooting pain 

612
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:19,800
will return maybe in a few days 
or weeks. 

613
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:24,520
And for every single person, 
that pain may be different. 

614
00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:30,320
But I think the most common pain
that is shared is that of worry,

615
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:36,400
of fear for the future. 
Because this is how strong this 

616
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:38,880
flesh is. 
No matter if you cultivate this 

617
00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:42,040
whole anxiety and you begin to 
leaving this place, think and 

618
00:41:42,040 --> 00:41:44,400
pray. 
I want to actually create bonds 

619
00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:46,400
in this life. 
Whatever is available to me, I 

620
00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:48,520
want to know it. 
Lord open doors for it. 

621
00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:54,600
It's very likely that you will 
be visited by thoughts that will

622
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:58,240
interrupt thoughts like what if 
I never get married? 

623
00:42:01,360 --> 00:42:06,600
What if I never experienced the 
gift of sex the way God intended

624
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:11,160
it? 
What if I am destined to grow 

625
00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:18,040
old and die alone? 
What? 

626
00:42:18,240 --> 00:42:22,440
What if people now think there 
has to be something wrong with 

627
00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:27,480
me because I never got married? 
Thoughts like that. 

628
00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:31,880
And when those questions seek to
invade your peace, you have to 

629
00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:35,240
remember that getting married 
doesn't settle your worries. 

630
00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:38,080
It just opens you up to new 
ones. 

631
00:42:40,720 --> 00:42:43,480
New ones that also need to be 
taken captive to the obedience 

632
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:45,720
of Christ. 
Single people, you want to know 

633
00:42:45,720 --> 00:42:47,040
some of the thoughts married 
people think. 

634
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:52,200
What if I or my spouse dies 
early? 

635
00:42:55,600 --> 00:42:58,040
What will happen to my wife if I
have to leave her behind? 

636
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:01,960
What? 
What do we do if we can't have 

637
00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:03,960
children? 
Because that happens to 

638
00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:06,480
Christian couples, They can't 
produce children. 

639
00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:10,280
What do we do now? 
What if we do have kids and they

640
00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:16,400
grow up never to serve the Lord?
So getting married doesn't solve

641
00:43:16,520 --> 00:43:22,640
your concerns necessarily. 
Such thoughts, whether you're 

642
00:43:22,640 --> 00:43:25,840
single or married, are startling
reminders that both singles and 

643
00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:30,880
couples must find their true 
rest, their true satisfaction, 

644
00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:36,440
their true security in Christ, 
in Christ alone. 

645
00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:41,640
Because the aches of singleness 
are not final, and marriage is 

646
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:46,360
not the ultimate end. 
They all point to something 

647
00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:49,560
greater to come, and you can 
taste it today. 

648
00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:54,400
Your identity is not wrapped up 
in you being a single soldier 

649
00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:58,400
for Christ or you being a 
married person with a fellow 

650
00:43:58,400 --> 00:44:01,400
servant of Christ. 
Your identity is caught up in 

651
00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:03,880
this one thing. 
I have a covenant with God. 

652
00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:10,440
I walk with my Maker, and if I'm
single, I walk with him solo, 

653
00:44:10,880 --> 00:44:13,240
but with the church. 
And if I'm married, I have one 

654
00:44:13,240 --> 00:44:15,040
person from the church that's 
just a little bit closer than 

655
00:44:15,040 --> 00:44:17,080
the others, and we're doing this
together. 

656
00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:24,280
Your ultimate goal in any season
is worshipping him, loving him, 

657
00:44:24,280 --> 00:44:28,440
serving him, and pleasing him. 
That will change the way you 

658
00:44:28,440 --> 00:44:30,000
view singleness. 
That will change the way you 

659
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:32,600
view marriage. 
And if you don't have that as 

660
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:35,200
your preoccupation, everything 
goes out of whack. 

661
00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:40,040
Everything goes out of whack. 
I'm reminded, actually, of a 

662
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:42,440
verse. 
That Paul gave back in First 

663
00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:46,960
Corinthians 7 to Christian 
couples that I believe redirects

664
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:50,320
them in an indirect way, 
redirects their priorities and 

665
00:44:50,320 --> 00:44:54,600
what they ought to do as. 
Couples on a regular basis go to

666
00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:58,920
1st Corinthians 7, verse 5. 
Earlier in this chapter, Paul 

667
00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:01,760
says do not deprive one another,
except perhaps by agreement for 

668
00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:06,960
a limited time, that you may 
devote yourselves to prayer, but

669
00:45:06,960 --> 00:45:09,600
then come together again so that
Satan may not tempt you because 

670
00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:11,640
of your lack of self-control. 
Did you notice a little phrase 

671
00:45:11,640 --> 00:45:16,360
in between in the middle there 
that you may devote yourselves 

672
00:45:16,360 --> 00:45:18,680
to prayer? 
You know what Paul expects 

673
00:45:18,680 --> 00:45:23,480
married couples to do? 
To take time from each other and

674
00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:30,720
to spend time with God. 
Don't don't separate too long 

675
00:45:30,720 --> 00:45:33,040
because Satan will take 
advantage of that and and seek 

676
00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:34,760
to tempt you for those 
especially who lack 

677
00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:38,560
self-control. 
But he actually anticipates that

678
00:45:38,560 --> 00:45:43,280
Christian couples will not lose 
sight of their personal devotion

679
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:46,440
to God. 
You know what happens to many 

680
00:45:46,440 --> 00:45:47,840
Christian couples the moment 
they get married? 

681
00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:51,120
They disappear. 
They disappear from serving 

682
00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:52,560
church. 
They disappear from coming to 

683
00:45:52,560 --> 00:45:55,840
church. 
That's not God's will for you. 

684
00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:58,400
And I know Mark is going to 
elaborate on on married couples 

685
00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:00,520
in our second session, but I 
just want to say this now. 

686
00:46:02,120 --> 00:46:04,520
If you're going to come together
with a different follower of 

687
00:46:04,520 --> 00:46:07,440
Christ, your devotion to Christ 
should become stronger. 

688
00:46:09,280 --> 00:46:11,840
See, again, going back to that 
contrast between singleness, the

689
00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:13,920
simplicity of singleness and the
complexities within marriage. 

690
00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:16,120
We're not talking about you 
being single means you're more 

691
00:46:16,120 --> 00:46:17,560
fruit, more fruitful 
necessarily. 

692
00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:19,480
It's a different kind of 
fruitfulness. 

693
00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:23,040
Marriage is a different kind of 
fruitfulness. 

694
00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:27,320
And yes, though there is a 
division of priorities, it 

695
00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:30,520
doesn't mean that you neglect 
your walk with the Lord. 

696
00:46:32,640 --> 00:46:37,120
So never forget where true 
contentment comes from. 

697
00:46:38,240 --> 00:46:41,200
And even as you long for 
marriage, you're not going to 

698
00:46:41,200 --> 00:46:43,160
find ultimate satisfaction in 
it. 

699
00:46:44,720 --> 00:46:48,160
It's only in the one who made 
you and who died for you and 

700
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:50,280
who's going to redeem you unto 
himself. 

701
00:46:50,800 --> 00:46:57,280
And that relationship with God 
is going to put an end to that 

702
00:46:57,280 --> 00:46:59,040
relationship that you had on 
earth with that spouse. 

703
00:46:59,040 --> 00:47:04,000
As wonderful as marriage is, 
it's not heaven. 

704
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:06,000
It's going to end when you get 
to heaven. 

705
00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:10,520
So again, we have to, we have to
re evaluate our understanding of

706
00:47:10,520 --> 00:47:15,800
the temporary nature of marriage
and the goal of marriage and the

707
00:47:15,800 --> 00:47:21,240
advantages of singleness. 
There's so much more that I can 

708
00:47:21,240 --> 00:47:23,920
say, but I want to leave some 
room for the Q&A. 

709
00:47:24,600 --> 00:47:27,320
But I will say this for my 4th 
point and that's transitioning 

710
00:47:27,320 --> 00:47:30,920
from singleness to marriage. 
Allow me to make some general 

711
00:47:30,920 --> 00:47:35,000
comments, general comments. 
I just want to speak to you 

712
00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:39,280
heart to heart. 
Just really candidly, let me 

713
00:47:39,280 --> 00:47:41,480
give you just a few points. 
And again, I'm not going to 

714
00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:43,920
touch on every point because 
we're going to sit down together

715
00:47:44,680 --> 00:47:47,040
in an informal setting to 
discuss these matters. 

716
00:47:47,200 --> 00:47:51,440
But let me, let me talk to now 
singles who feel ready, who, who

717
00:47:51,440 --> 00:47:55,280
are looking for some kind of 
council of how to transition 

718
00:47:55,280 --> 00:47:57,760
from this phase to the next 
phase to a potential candidate. 

719
00:47:58,560 --> 00:48:02,840
You ready for this sub point #1 
to point #4 sub point number 

720
00:48:02,840 --> 00:48:07,200
one, you ready? 
OK, You have to marry a human 

721
00:48:07,200 --> 00:48:12,000
being. 
Why do I say that? 

722
00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:14,600
Can I tell you why I say that? 
Because for some people who are 

723
00:48:14,600 --> 00:48:16,960
single, it's not because of 
God's Providence. 

724
00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:21,280
It's more because of your 
pickiness, your pickiness. 

725
00:48:24,880 --> 00:48:27,400
It doesn't help that we live in 
a culture that photo shops 

726
00:48:27,400 --> 00:48:34,600
people all around you. 
And for you movie lovers and 

727
00:48:35,160 --> 00:48:39,000
show watchers, you have to 
understand that those people 

728
00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:41,160
that are on the screen are not 
real. 

729
00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:47,920
Those are people that work out 
for a living and have expert 

730
00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:50,680
dietitians and trainers that 
make them look like that. 

731
00:48:50,880 --> 00:48:53,560
And maybe you've seen this 
online that once a movie is over

732
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:58,040
or something, or a show and 
they, you know, snag a picture 

733
00:48:58,040 --> 00:49:00,560
of somebody just on their lawn 
or walking downtown or 

734
00:49:00,560 --> 00:49:02,400
something, they don't look like 
the movie, do they? 

735
00:49:03,600 --> 00:49:07,080
There's a reason for that. 
Now, I'm going to get to this in

736
00:49:07,080 --> 00:49:09,120
a moment. 
I think attraction is important,

737
00:49:09,120 --> 00:49:15,240
but there are some who are 
unbelievably able to nitpick on 

738
00:49:15,720 --> 00:49:19,440
every blemish. 
And what you need to know is 

739
00:49:19,880 --> 00:49:24,280
that the beauty of the inner 
person is able to erase those 

740
00:49:24,280 --> 00:49:30,160
blemishes. 
And you need to be open to 

741
00:49:30,160 --> 00:49:33,760
getting to know somebody, not 
just their physical, but their 

742
00:49:34,120 --> 00:49:39,680
personality for that to blossom 
and for that to become apparent 

743
00:49:39,680 --> 00:49:44,880
to you. 
And I want to speak on that more

744
00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:47,280
in a moment. 
But as much as attraction is 

745
00:49:47,280 --> 00:49:52,320
important, what will make a more
joyful, peaceful, fruitful, 

746
00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:56,120
harmonious marriage is having 
two people who are first given 

747
00:49:56,120 --> 00:49:59,800
over completely to the Lord. 
Now I, I came across this verse 

748
00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:02,720
that I don't think I've ever 
heard in a marriage context or 

749
00:50:02,720 --> 00:50:05,760
in pursuing a marriage or a 
candidate for marriage. 

750
00:50:05,760 --> 00:50:10,400
But look at Second Corinthians 
85 and Paul speaking about these

751
00:50:10,400 --> 00:50:13,480
Macedonians who are extremely 
generous for this cause of 

752
00:50:13,480 --> 00:50:15,800
raising funds for the believers 
in Jerusalem. 

753
00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:19,280
And he says in 2nd Corinthians 
85 and this not as we expected, 

754
00:50:19,280 --> 00:50:22,800
but they gave themselves first 
to the Lord and then by the will

755
00:50:22,800 --> 00:50:25,800
of God to us. 
Here's what he's saying, that 

756
00:50:25,800 --> 00:50:28,600
because of the submission of 
these Corinthians or these 

757
00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:32,120
Macedonians rather to God 
himself, they were able then to 

758
00:50:32,120 --> 00:50:36,400
support and to surrender to 
these spiritual leaders. 

759
00:50:38,600 --> 00:50:41,920
And So what you, you find here 
is that there's a rule that when

760
00:50:41,920 --> 00:50:46,960
a person is submitted completely
to the Lord first, you will know

761
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:49,680
a better person in terms of 
submission, mutual submission in

762
00:50:49,680 --> 00:50:53,040
the place of marriage or any 
kind of mutual relationship. 

763
00:50:53,840 --> 00:50:56,640
Everything has to be grounded 
and founded upon somebody living

764
00:50:56,640 --> 00:50:58,840
completely and holistically for 
the Lord. 

765
00:50:58,840 --> 00:51:01,160
And that's what you want to look
for in a candidate. 

766
00:51:01,720 --> 00:51:05,600
So you want to find that kind of
character in a person. 

767
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:08,040
Don't get so caught up with the 
external. 

768
00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:10,680
The external will only take you 
so far. 

769
00:51:10,680 --> 00:51:11,920
When to make a covenant with 
someone? 

770
00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:15,600
Once you live in the same house 
as someone else, what's going to

771
00:51:15,600 --> 00:51:19,640
matter the most is that person's
convictions, that person's 

772
00:51:19,640 --> 00:51:23,960
attitude and arguments, that 
person's humility, that person's

773
00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:27,920
fear of God. 
That's going to mean so much 

774
00:51:27,960 --> 00:51:34,760
more than if the guy's hairline 
is here instead of here, or if 

775
00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:36,640
the girl is that height or this 
height. 

776
00:51:39,160 --> 00:51:43,240
We get so caught up in those 
things, and they don't supply 

777
00:51:43,240 --> 00:51:46,880
the grace for an enduring, 
thriving marriage. 

778
00:51:48,880 --> 00:51:56,000
So learn to evaluate biblically 
and allow the Holy Spirit to 

779
00:51:56,000 --> 00:52:01,800
change your taste and to train 
you into what to look for. 

780
00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:06,440
I'm not against attraction, but 
I think so many people are not 

781
00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:11,440
even giving some people a chance
because not everything from head

782
00:52:11,440 --> 00:52:13,880
to toe is in alignment with what
you have conjured up in your 

783
00:52:13,880 --> 00:52:17,120
mind. 
You might have seen a beautiful 

784
00:52:17,120 --> 00:52:20,280
woman or or a man, and the more 
you get to know them, the uglier

785
00:52:20,280 --> 00:52:24,280
they get. 
And there might be somebody else

786
00:52:24,280 --> 00:52:28,000
who might not be a model, who 
might not turn heads every time 

787
00:52:28,000 --> 00:52:30,240
they walk into a room. 
But the more you get to know 

788
00:52:30,240 --> 00:52:31,840
them, the more beautiful they 
become. 

789
00:52:34,840 --> 00:52:43,040
So expand your understanding. 
Of a potential candidate #2 sub 

790
00:52:43,040 --> 00:52:50,840
point to #4 be presentable, to 
pursue or to be pursued. 

791
00:52:53,360 --> 00:52:55,280
So I want you to go to the book 
of Ruth quickly and look at 

792
00:52:55,280 --> 00:52:59,080
chapter 3. 
This is when Naomi realized that

793
00:52:59,080 --> 00:53:04,880
Boaz was a relative and that 
Ruth might have found herself a 

794
00:53:04,880 --> 00:53:08,120
husband. 
And look at verse one to verse 

795
00:53:08,120 --> 00:53:13,240
3. 
It says here that Naomi, her 

796
00:53:13,240 --> 00:53:16,000
mother-in-law, said to her, My 
daughter, should I not seek rest

797
00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:18,200
for you, that I may be well with
you? 

798
00:53:18,480 --> 00:53:22,800
Is not Boaz our relative with 
whose young woman you were? 

799
00:53:23,240 --> 00:53:26,720
See his winnowing barley tonight
at the threshing floor. 

800
00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:30,520
Wash therefore, and anoint 
yourself and put on your cloak 

801
00:53:30,520 --> 00:53:32,280
and go down to the threshing 
floor. 

802
00:53:32,400 --> 00:53:35,000
But do not make yourself known 
to the man until he has finished

803
00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:38,080
eating and drinking. 
You know what stands out to me? 

804
00:53:38,080 --> 00:53:42,000
This in this passage that when 
Naomi learned that Boaz could be

805
00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:45,720
a potential spouse based on the 
law, right, he could have been a

806
00:53:45,760 --> 00:53:48,920
kinsman Redeemer to Ruth. 
He tells Ruth. 

807
00:53:48,920 --> 00:53:55,720
Before you go meet him, take a 
shower, anoint yourself, put on 

808
00:53:55,720 --> 00:54:00,160
a cloak. 
So I I spoke about appearances 

809
00:54:00,160 --> 00:54:04,120
not being everything and not 
being so picky that you might 

810
00:54:04,120 --> 00:54:06,400
miss out on somebody who might 
be more beautiful than you 

811
00:54:06,400 --> 00:54:10,000
thought. 
At the same time, it's good. 

812
00:54:10,520 --> 00:54:15,600
It's good to be presentable, to 
be pursued and to pursue. 

813
00:54:18,080 --> 00:54:24,880
Wash yourself, take care of your
hygiene, smell good, put on 

814
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:27,240
something. 
And I love what Naomi says here 

815
00:54:27,240 --> 00:54:28,560
on top of it. 
She goes, don't talk to him when

816
00:54:28,560 --> 00:54:32,720
he's hungry. 
You know, man, how they get when

817
00:54:32,720 --> 00:54:36,000
they're hungry, right? 
So wait till he has a full belly

818
00:54:36,160 --> 00:54:38,240
and then talk to him about all 
this legal stuff about, you 

819
00:54:38,240 --> 00:54:40,360
know, the law about, hey, it 
might be your wife, right? 

820
00:54:40,640 --> 00:54:46,680
Wait till he has a full stomach.
So I would say, look, there is 

821
00:54:46,680 --> 00:54:51,400
something here, I think for us, 
that you have an older woman 

822
00:54:51,560 --> 00:54:58,400
helping a younger woman in this 
area of her life, and Christians

823
00:54:58,400 --> 00:55:01,880
come up with very clever ideas 
for how to approach practical 

824
00:55:01,880 --> 00:55:03,200
things in life. 
Here's one of them. 

825
00:55:04,080 --> 00:55:09,240
God sees what's in the heart, 
not what's outside, right? 

826
00:55:09,240 --> 00:55:12,520
They quote first Samuel. 
That has nothing to do with 

827
00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:16,080
hygiene. 
That has nothing to do with how 

828
00:55:16,080 --> 00:55:19,000
you carry yourself. 
That has nothing to do with any 

829
00:55:19,000 --> 00:55:21,360
of that. 
So to apply that so that you can

830
00:55:21,360 --> 00:55:26,640
be sloppy and you don't care 
about your appearance or how you

831
00:55:26,640 --> 00:55:31,120
carry yourself is very unwise. 
It's very unwise. 

832
00:55:32,200 --> 00:55:34,960
Women should be feminine, and if
they don't know how to be 

833
00:55:34,960 --> 00:55:36,600
feminine, they should be trained
to be feminine. 

834
00:55:37,320 --> 00:55:41,720
Men should be clean, Men should 
take care of their physique. 

835
00:55:42,680 --> 00:55:44,840
There's nothing unspiritual 
about that. 

836
00:55:46,800 --> 00:55:50,360
And again, if we don't have that
kind of knowledge, then those 

837
00:55:50,360 --> 00:55:52,920
who are single here, especially 
maybe you didn't grow up with a 

838
00:55:52,920 --> 00:55:54,880
father who invested in you in 
that way or a mother who 

839
00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:58,360
invested in you in that way. 
Then look around the church and 

840
00:55:58,360 --> 00:56:02,200
humble yourself and ask 
questions, particularly those 

841
00:56:02,200 --> 00:56:04,880
who are married and look at some
of that you admire. 

842
00:56:05,120 --> 00:56:08,000
Look at somebody that is 
presentable and and ask them. 

843
00:56:09,400 --> 00:56:12,480
Ask them some things and we 
should be who those who are 

844
00:56:12,480 --> 00:56:16,440
willing to receive that kind of 
questioning be willing and 

845
00:56:16,440 --> 00:56:18,840
kindness and gentleness to 
speak, speak into people's 

846
00:56:18,840 --> 00:56:21,280
lives. 
I don't have any children. 

847
00:56:21,280 --> 00:56:25,920
I hope to have children soon. 
And if God were to give me a son

848
00:56:25,920 --> 00:56:29,080
or a daughter, give us children 
at at a right stage of life, I 

849
00:56:29,080 --> 00:56:31,480
will tell them among many 
things, not as a priority, but 

850
00:56:31,480 --> 00:56:34,520
among many things, I would say, 
son, the way you carry yourself 

851
00:56:34,520 --> 00:56:36,880
in public will either work for 
you or against you. 

852
00:56:39,120 --> 00:56:40,760
That's just the way people are. 
That's just the way people 

853
00:56:40,760 --> 00:56:42,440
think. 
So let it work for you. 

854
00:56:42,440 --> 00:56:43,960
That's not a call to be 
extravagant. 

855
00:56:44,080 --> 00:56:46,840
That's not a call to do surgical
stuff. 

856
00:56:47,640 --> 00:56:52,720
Just basic, basic approaches to 
being somebody who is 

857
00:56:52,720 --> 00:56:56,440
presentable. 
But it's not just about physical

858
00:56:56,440 --> 00:56:57,840
appearance. 
It's not just about what you 

859
00:56:57,840 --> 00:57:00,160
wear. 
It's about even your skills 

860
00:57:00,160 --> 00:57:03,880
socially. 
So I think there are two extreme

861
00:57:03,880 --> 00:57:05,800
approaches when it comes to 
pursuing. 

862
00:57:08,080 --> 00:57:12,720
I call one the hermit approach 
and I call the other the hyper 

863
00:57:12,720 --> 00:57:15,880
approach. 
So hermit is somebody who lives 

864
00:57:15,880 --> 00:57:18,760
in solitude for the sake of 
religious disciplines, right? 

865
00:57:18,800 --> 00:57:23,120
We're not hermits as Christians,
we live in community. 

866
00:57:23,520 --> 00:57:25,240
But there are those who have 
maybe it's personality. 

867
00:57:25,240 --> 00:57:26,240
That's why I want to be gentle 
here. 

868
00:57:26,240 --> 00:57:27,800
You have maybe just it's your 
personality. 

869
00:57:27,800 --> 00:57:30,560
And this may be shocking to you.
I'm an introvert by nature. 

870
00:57:31,440 --> 00:57:34,440
I love to be alone. 
I get my energy from being alone

871
00:57:34,800 --> 00:57:36,960
and reading books. 
That's just the way I am. 

872
00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:41,120
I love people, but I also love 
to be by myself. 

873
00:57:42,240 --> 00:57:43,680
And there are some people on the
spectrum. 

874
00:57:43,680 --> 00:57:45,160
It's, it's a different 
intensity. 

875
00:57:45,160 --> 00:57:47,800
Some people are like, I love 
people because God told me to 

876
00:57:47,800 --> 00:57:50,280
love people, but I, I just, I'd 
love to really be alone. 

877
00:57:50,280 --> 00:57:51,920
I just, I don't like to interact
with people. 

878
00:57:53,240 --> 00:57:57,560
Listen again, going back to what
I said in the message, you, you 

879
00:57:57,560 --> 00:58:03,600
have to be somebody who's 
willing to talk and carry on a 

880
00:58:03,600 --> 00:58:07,400
conversation. 
So if a gentleman approaches you

881
00:58:07,800 --> 00:58:10,200
in the church or any other 
spiritual setting or any setting

882
00:58:10,200 --> 00:58:14,400
for that matter, it's not 
ungodly or unspiritual to 

883
00:58:14,640 --> 00:58:17,000
converse, right? 
So, hey, how are you? 

884
00:58:17,200 --> 00:58:19,080
Good. 
All right. 

885
00:58:20,520 --> 00:58:21,800
How long you become of the 
church? 

886
00:58:21,960 --> 00:58:25,640
Quite a bit. 
What's your testimony? 

887
00:58:25,640 --> 00:58:27,320
God save me. 
I'm a Sinner saved by grace. 

888
00:58:28,280 --> 00:58:32,160
All right, you can talk, ladies.
You can. 

889
00:58:32,880 --> 00:58:33,360
Good. 
How are? 

890
00:58:33,360 --> 00:58:35,360
You. 
How long you been coming here? 

891
00:58:35,360 --> 00:58:36,320
Are you a member here? 
No. 

892
00:58:36,320 --> 00:58:37,520
What do you do? 
What's your testimony? 

893
00:58:37,520 --> 00:58:40,960
That's OK. 
Open up talk. 

894
00:58:41,440 --> 00:58:44,280
It's fine. 
And gentlemen, can I tell you 

895
00:58:44,280 --> 00:58:47,120
something? 
Just because a lady says what 

896
00:58:47,120 --> 00:58:51,960
did you do this weekend doesn't 
mean she's into you necessarily.

897
00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:54,800
You know why? 
The cashier at Mariano's asked 

898
00:58:54,800 --> 00:58:56,320
the same question. 
And you don't think that, did 

899
00:58:56,320 --> 00:58:58,880
you? 
So don't leave. 

900
00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:02,240
You're saying she asked me what 
I did and she asked me my 

901
00:59:02,240 --> 00:59:04,720
testimony and now you're texting
your buddies. 

902
00:59:04,720 --> 00:59:07,200
I found the one. 
Just relax. 

903
00:59:07,680 --> 00:59:10,320
Just relax. 
Have a conversation, right? 

904
00:59:11,600 --> 00:59:13,200
So. 
The hermit approach. 

905
00:59:14,000 --> 00:59:15,560
You just want to live in your 
own world. 

906
00:59:15,560 --> 00:59:16,720
You don't want to talk to 
anybody. 

907
00:59:16,720 --> 00:59:18,160
You don't want to carry on 
conversation. 

908
00:59:18,160 --> 00:59:20,480
Well, your singleness might be 
longer than you had planned for.

909
00:59:22,640 --> 00:59:25,680
OK, there's more that I can say.
Again, leave it for the Q&A. 

910
00:59:26,400 --> 00:59:29,040
The hyper approach, and we're 
running out of time here. 

911
00:59:29,040 --> 00:59:31,480
So I got to Fast forward the 
hyper approach, This is the 

912
00:59:31,480 --> 00:59:34,600
opposite of the hermit approach.
And this is the person that 

913
00:59:35,920 --> 00:59:40,080
holds nothing back, all right? 
And everybody knows that this 

914
00:59:40,080 --> 00:59:43,840
person is after a spouse. 
And that could be true for a guy

915
00:59:43,840 --> 00:59:46,600
or for a woman. 
That is not helpful for your 

916
00:59:46,600 --> 00:59:51,040
case. 
So the hyper approach can look 

917
00:59:51,040 --> 00:59:53,880
like many things. 
It can look like going back to a

918
00:59:53,880 --> 00:59:56,800
conversational example. 
How are you, sister? 

919
00:59:57,400 --> 00:59:58,920
Wonderful. 
Do you enjoy the service? 

920
00:59:59,040 --> 01:00:00,520
Yeah. 
You know the one point that 

921
01:00:00,920 --> 01:00:01,800
pastor made? 
Really. 

922
01:00:01,800 --> 01:00:02,920
Minister to me. 
That's great. 

923
01:00:02,920 --> 01:00:05,120
That's great. 
How many kids do you want to 

924
01:00:05,120 --> 01:00:09,600
have? 
You think that's funny, But 

925
01:00:09,600 --> 01:00:12,800
there's some people, they don't 
even know the person's last 

926
01:00:12,800 --> 01:00:13,840
name. 
They're already asking for a 

927
01:00:13,840 --> 01:00:18,040
number. 
They want them to just gush out 

928
01:00:18,080 --> 01:00:20,360
absolutely everything they have 
in mind concerning marriage, 

929
01:00:20,360 --> 01:00:22,480
spouse, family, where to live, 
what kind of fence they want to 

930
01:00:22,480 --> 01:00:26,080
have, all that kind of stuff. 
Relax. 

931
01:00:26,480 --> 01:00:30,360
Pump the brakes. 
You can talk to somebody more 

932
01:00:30,360 --> 01:00:33,600
than once, twice, five times and
not give off the vibe that 

933
01:00:33,600 --> 01:00:36,720
you're ready to take them and 
put a ring on the finger without

934
01:00:36,720 --> 01:00:39,360
their choice. 
And it's not good. 

935
01:00:39,360 --> 01:00:41,200
Listen, gentlemen, listen very 
carefully. 

936
01:00:41,200 --> 01:00:42,840
It's not good. 
And this is true for women, but 

937
01:00:42,840 --> 01:00:48,800
it's more for men to jump from 
woman to woman to woman, making 

938
01:00:48,800 --> 01:00:51,680
known right away that you're 
looking to get married because a

939
01:00:51,680 --> 01:00:53,120
woman's not going to feel like 
you're pursuing them. 

940
01:00:53,120 --> 01:00:56,080
They're going to feel like 
you're pursuing marriage and 

941
01:00:56,080 --> 01:01:00,120
you're just willing. 
To go after anybody, so just be 

942
01:01:00,680 --> 01:01:06,520
a brother, be friendly, be kind,
be patient and just let things 

943
01:01:06,520 --> 01:01:09,440
flow naturally and read body 
language. 

944
01:01:10,640 --> 01:01:16,000
Read body language. 
So maybe the person doesn't have

945
01:01:16,000 --> 01:01:20,400
the the hermit tendencies but 
they just don't want to after 

946
01:01:20,400 --> 01:01:22,480
the 3rd or 4th time carry on in 
conversation. 

947
01:01:22,480 --> 01:01:23,440
Get to know you on a deeper 
level. 

948
01:01:23,440 --> 01:01:27,720
OK then leave it alone. 
Stop harassing them man when you

949
01:01:27,720 --> 01:01:28,840
see them around. 
Hi, how are you? 

950
01:01:28,840 --> 01:01:31,440
Good, good, good small talk. 
But you don't have to hound them

951
01:01:31,440 --> 01:01:33,200
and you don't have to ask what's
wrong with me. 

952
01:01:33,200 --> 01:01:35,520
Why don't you talk to me more? 
Just they're not interested. 

953
01:01:35,520 --> 01:01:38,840
It's OK. 
Just move on, right? 

954
01:01:40,040 --> 01:01:42,320
And let me bring this last point
to you. 

955
01:01:43,280 --> 01:01:45,200
Be open to God's providential 
leading. 

956
01:01:46,880 --> 01:01:49,680
So there are some who not only 
reject prospects because of a 

957
01:01:49,680 --> 01:01:53,360
standard of perfection that is 
not realistic, but because the 

958
01:01:53,360 --> 01:01:57,920
opportunity does not line up 
with their narrative, their 

959
01:01:57,920 --> 01:02:01,320
personalized idea of how they're
going to come together with a 

960
01:02:01,320 --> 01:02:03,480
person that God planned for 
them. 

961
01:02:04,160 --> 01:02:08,760
There are people like that. 
How this is going does not fit 

962
01:02:08,760 --> 01:02:11,880
with the script that I've 
created or that I've even prayed

963
01:02:11,880 --> 01:02:13,680
for. 
And so I'm never no longer going

964
01:02:13,680 --> 01:02:20,000
to entertain it. 
God can have somebody for you 

965
01:02:20,040 --> 01:02:22,440
and that person was in love at 
first sight. 

966
01:02:24,040 --> 01:02:26,920
God can have somebody for you 
and they don't share the same 

967
01:02:26,920 --> 01:02:31,240
cultural background. 
God can have somebody for you 

968
01:02:31,240 --> 01:02:34,840
that you never expected was to 
be for you. 

969
01:02:36,440 --> 01:02:38,080
And that's not to give you 
something less than what you 

970
01:02:38,080 --> 01:02:39,480
hope, it's to give you something
better. 

971
01:02:41,320 --> 01:02:44,520
There is a excerpt that I want 
to read to you from the book The

972
01:02:44,520 --> 01:02:48,720
Mystery of Providence, written 
by Puritan John Flavell, and I 

973
01:02:48,720 --> 01:02:51,440
want to read to you in the 
chapter that speaks on family 

974
01:02:51,440 --> 01:02:53,520
affairs. 
So I'm just going to read this 

975
01:02:53,960 --> 01:02:57,840
as a closing statement. 
He writes quote. 

976
01:02:57,840 --> 01:03:01,320
That Providence has a special 
hand in our marriage is evident 

977
01:03:01,320 --> 01:03:04,800
both from Scripture assertions 
and the acknowledgements of holy

978
01:03:04,800 --> 01:03:09,320
men who in that great event of 
their lives have still owned and

979
01:03:09,320 --> 01:03:11,800
acknowledged the directing hand 
of Providence. 

980
01:03:12,080 --> 01:03:16,720
Take an instance of both. 
The Scripture plainly asserts 

981
01:03:16,720 --> 01:03:19,280
the dominion of Providence over 
this affair. 

982
01:03:19,840 --> 01:03:23,800
A prudent wife is from the Lord.
Proverbs 1914. 

983
01:03:24,320 --> 01:03:27,960
Whosoever findeth wife findeth a
good thing, and obtaineth favor 

984
01:03:28,000 --> 01:03:30,720
of the Lord. 
Proverbs 1822. 

985
01:03:31,280 --> 01:03:34,760
So for children, lo, children 
are a heritage from the Lord, 

986
01:03:34,960 --> 01:03:36,760
and the fruit of the womb is His
reward. 

987
01:03:36,760 --> 01:03:39,200
Psalm 127. 
Three, pay attention to this 

988
01:03:39,200 --> 01:03:43,280
part. 
There is very much of Providence

989
01:03:43,280 --> 01:03:45,560
seen in appointing the parties 
for each other. 

990
01:03:46,160 --> 01:03:50,120
In this, the Lord often goes 
beyond our thoughts and plans. 

991
01:03:50,360 --> 01:03:54,080
Yeah, and often crosses men's 
desires and designs. 

992
01:03:54,320 --> 01:03:58,600
To their great advantage, not 
what they expect, but what His 

993
01:03:58,640 --> 01:04:02,880
infinite wisdom judges best and 
most beneficial for them, takes 

994
01:04:02,880 --> 01:04:05,920
place. 
Hence it is that probabilities 

995
01:04:05,920 --> 01:04:09,960
are so often dashed. 
And things remote and utterly 

996
01:04:09,960 --> 01:04:14,560
improbable are brought about and
very strange and unaccountable 

997
01:04:14,760 --> 01:04:18,320
methods of Providence. 
That's profound. 

998
01:04:20,160 --> 01:04:24,640
So I hope that your appetite has
been excited for what we have in

999
01:04:24,640 --> 01:04:27,680
store for the rest of this day. 
But let me conclude by just 

1000
01:04:27,680 --> 01:04:31,040
revising some of these points 
singles, I hope that you have 

1001
01:04:31,040 --> 01:04:34,560
fresh fuel to cultivate a holy 
anxiety, be strategic with your 

1002
01:04:34,560 --> 01:04:37,320
singleness and see how God will 
use it and actually make you 

1003
01:04:37,320 --> 01:04:40,480
happy. 
A happiness that can that can 

1004
01:04:40,480 --> 01:04:44,480
challenge the anxieties you have
for marriage to invest in 

1005
01:04:44,480 --> 01:04:47,240
intimate relationships. 
There is a possibility for 

1006
01:04:47,240 --> 01:04:49,760
meaningful connections outside 
and beyond marriage. 

1007
01:04:50,120 --> 01:04:52,800
Third, remember, remember, 
remember where your true 

1008
01:04:52,800 --> 01:04:54,960
satisfaction comes from. 
You're not going to find 

1009
01:04:54,960 --> 01:04:57,000
ultimately marriage. 
You're only going to find in the

1010
01:04:57,000 --> 01:05:01,040
one who made you. 
And lastly, take those general 

1011
01:05:01,040 --> 01:05:03,480
guidelines and see if they apply
to you, and hopefully they'll 

1012
01:05:03,480 --> 01:05:06,120
open your mind to more specific 
questions for our Q&A. 

1013
01:05:06,360 --> 01:05:15,050
Shall we pray? 
Lord, we thank you for this 

1014
01:05:15,050 --> 01:05:19,130
time, and we ask that you help 
us retain these truths. 

1015
01:05:20,090 --> 01:05:22,690
Lord, we pray that more than 
anything else, this would 

1016
01:05:22,930 --> 01:05:27,120
encourage our hearts as we rest 
in your Providence that no 

1017
01:05:27,120 --> 01:05:30,520
matter what we do like Ruth, as 
we seek to obey You in the 

1018
01:05:30,520 --> 01:05:33,600
circumstances that are set 
before us, we can trust that you

1019
01:05:33,600 --> 01:05:36,320
will take care of the other 
areas in our lives. 

1020
01:05:36,720 --> 01:05:39,560
So Lord, we ask them that you 
would bless this food as we 

1021
01:05:39,560 --> 01:05:42,000
fellowship. 
We pray that you bless the next 

1022
01:05:42,000 --> 01:05:44,200
session and the Q&A and 
everything in between. 

1023
01:05:44,640 --> 01:05:47,800
Lord, we give you glory for this
time in Jesus name, Amen. 

1024
01:05:48,120 --> 01:05:48,400
Amen.