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Welcome to Under the Surface. 
This is where we slow down and 

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look at the patterns underneath 
the stories we tell ourselves. 

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Today's chapter is called 
Practicing Gratitude and 

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underneath gratitude is not 
perfection or positivity. 

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Most of the time it is survival.
It is the decision to notice 

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what is still holding you 
together when your mind keeps 

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pulling you toward everything 
that is broken. 

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Gratitude is not pretending life
is easy, it is learning how to 

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stand inside a hard life without
losing sight of what still 

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matters. 
Welcome to No One Is Normal, the

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podcast where real stories 
remind us that none of us are 

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alone. 
You can also visit the website 

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www.bradhhill.com or 
www.nooneisnormal.co for 

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resources, updates and future 
podcast episodes. 

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I am Brad H Hill and each week 
we talk about the messy, the 

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complicated, and the deeply 
human moments that shape us and 

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remain in our memories. 
I am not here to tell anyone how

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to live. 
I am here to offer the stories, 

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the insights that made me 
realize that no one is normal, 

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including me. 
Because healing starts when self

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honesty begins. 
Practicing gratitude used to 

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sound like a trendy slogan to 
me. 

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It felt like something people 
stitched on to pillows or hung 

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on the wall in nice homes, not 
something that had anything to 

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do with survival. 
It did not sound practical, like

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a tool, and it definitely did 
not sound like something that 

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could steady a life that had 
spent years swinging between the

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unknown, pressure, regret, and 
recovery. 

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For a long time, I thought 
gratitude belonged to people 

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whose lives were already calm, 
people who had enough distance 

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from pain to sit around 
appreciating things. 

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I did not understand yet that 
gratitude is not about 

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pretending everything is fine. 
It is about noticing what is 

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still good when everything is 
not. 

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I remember sitting in a 
leadership class at work and 

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hearing the instructor suggest 
taking one minute every morning 

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to think about what I was 
thankful for. 

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One minute. 
That was it. 

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No big spiritual performance. 
No journal full of perfect 

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thoughts, just 60 seconds of 
intentional attention. 

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At the time, I remember thinking
that it sounded nice, but also a

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little useless. 
I had spent so much of my life 

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focused on what I did not have, 
what I had lost, what I needed 

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to fix, and how far I still had 
to go, that the idea of stopping

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to appreciate anything felt 
almost foreign. 

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My mind had been trained to scan
for what was wrong, not what was

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right. 
When I finally tried it, it felt

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awkward at first. 
I sat there in the quiet and 

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started naming the obvious 
things. 

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My wife, my parents, my family, 
the house Bonnie and I built 

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with our own blood, sweat, and 
tears. 

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The people who believed in me 
when I could not quite believe 

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in myself yet. 
Even the difficult ones. 

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The people who taught me exactly
how I never wanted to lead or 

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treat someone else. 
Somewhere in that practice, 

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something shifted. 
Gratitude stopped feeling like a

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soft word and started feeling 
like a different way of seeing. 

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It became less about sentiment 
and more about perspective. 

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This episode is about that 
shift. 

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It is about learning to be 
grateful in the middle of real 

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life, not just when everything 
lines up. 

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It is about learning how to 
appreciate the people, 

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experiences, lessons, and quiet 
moments that hold us up when we 

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would otherwise spiral. 
It is also about learning to 

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offer some of that gratitude 
inward, because if I cannot 

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recognize my own progress and 
survival, I will keep chasing 

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validation from everywhere else 
and never feel full. 

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Gratitude did not fix my life, 
but it changed the way I stand 

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inside it. 
That matters more than I knew 

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when I first sat through that 
class. 

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For most of my life, gratitude 
sounded like something made for 

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other people. 
It was a word that looked good 

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in a quote or on a coffee mug, 
not something that had any real 

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use when life felt heavy. 
My default setting was not 

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appreciation. 
My default setting was scanning 

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for what was missing, what could
go wrong, or where the next hit 

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might come from. 
When your brain is built around 

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survival, stopping to say thank 
you can feel fake, almost 

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irresponsible. 
It can feel like letting your 

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guard down in a world that 
taught you not to. 

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That leadership class at work 
cracked something open for me. 

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The instructor said to take one 
minute every morning and think 

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about what I was thankful for. 
At the time, that sounded too 

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simple to matter. 
I remember thinking that a 

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minute was not going to change 
anything when I finally tried 

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it. 
The simplicity was part of what 

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made it work. 
It did not require me to become 

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a different person overnight. 
It just asked me to pause. 

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At first I started with the 
obvious things. 

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My wife, my parents, my family, 
the house Bonnie and I literally

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built together. 
Not just the building itself but

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everything. 
It represented. 2 people with 

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rough histories putting their 
hands to something solid and 

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creating a life that did not 
exist before. 

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Then my mind started drifting in
to other places. 

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I thought about the bosses and 
Co workers, pushed me, 

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challenged me and saw something 
in me that I did not always see 

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in myself. 
I even started thinking about 

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the difficult ones, the people 
who taught me exactly how. 

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I never want to lead, 
communicate or treat another 

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person. 
That was the first big shift. 

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I started seeing that people 
were either blessings or 

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lessons, and most of the time 
they were both. 

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Eventually, the spotlight turned
toward the person I had spent 

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the least amount of time 
appreciating, which was me. 

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That was a strange place to 
land. 

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I had spent years chasing 
approval and almost no time 

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acknowledging my own effort. 
When I finally took a real 

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inventory, it was jarring. 
I had gone back to school while 

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working more than full time. 
I had quit smoking after years 

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of convincing myself I probably 
never would. 

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I had fought through addiction, 
relapse, setbacks, burnout, and 

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a lot of self-inflicted pain. 
I had walked away from jobs that

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looked good on paper but were 
slowly killing me in real life. 

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None of that felt heroic in the 
moment. 

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Most of it felt like stumbling 
forward. 

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But gratitude forced me to zoom 
out and see that younger me 

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would not have believed I could 
survive half of what I have 

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survived, let alone build 
something meaningful afterward. 

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The longer I practice gratitude,
the more ordinary things started

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showing up on the list. 
Those are the ones that changed 

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me the most. 
A quiet night on the couch with 

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Bonnie and the animals. 
A warm meal we cooked together. 

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The routine of planning, 
shopping, seasoning, serving, 

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eating, and cleaning up 
afterward. 

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I used to treat those moments 
like background noise. 

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Gratitude slowed me down enough 
to see them as proof that I am 

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not living in crisis all the 
time anymore. 

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This is what love looks like in 
real life. 

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Someone to eat with, a kitchen 
that is ours. 

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Ordinary nights that younger 
versions of me would have taken 

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for granted. 
Gratitude also changed my 

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relationship with my past. 
For years I carried my mistakes 

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like a legal case against 
myself. 

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Every bad choice, missed 
opportunity, or painful 

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relationship became evidence 
that I had somehow failed too 

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deeply to deserve anything good.
Once gratitude became a real 

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practice, those questions 
started a shift. 

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Instead of only asking how I 
screwed something up, I started 

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asking what that season taught 
me. 

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What did that relationship teach
me about boundaries? 

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What did that relapse show me 
about where I was still in pain?

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What did that job make clear 
about? 

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What I will never accept again? 
I still wish I had done some 

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things differently, but I am not
using those memories as weapons 

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against myself the way I used 
to. 

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They are still painful in 
places, but now they also carry 

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information. 
One of the deepest layers of 

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gratitude in my life is Bonnie's
story. 

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Everything she survived could 
have ended very differently. 

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There are versions of her life 
where she does not make it out. 

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There are versions where our 
paths never crossed. 

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I still catch myself wishing she
could have escaped sooner. 

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And then I must remind myself 
that we do not get to change the

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past. 
Gratitude helps me stop mentally

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rewriting the story and start 
honoring the reality in front of

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me. 
She is here, she is safe. 

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We get to build a life together.
That is not something I will 

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ever treat as ordinary. 
Practicing gratitude has not 

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turned my life into some 
polished inspirational montage. 

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I still have days where 
everything feels heavy, where 

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old patterns try to drag me 
back, and where nothing seems to

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move the way I hoped it would. 
The difference now is that I 

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have something to reach for. 
Instead of automatically 

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reaching for a bottle, a spiral,
or a shutdown. 

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Before I grab my phone or let my
thoughts run wild, I try to 

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ground myself in what is still 
good. 

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Some days it is big things like 
my marriage, my health, and the 

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fact that I am still sober. 
Some days it is embarrassingly 

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small, things like hot coffee, a
dog leaning against my leg, or 

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five quiet minutes in the car 
where my brain finally stops 

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screaming. 
Gratitude does not erase the 

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hard stuff, it just gives me a 
steadier place to stand while I 

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face it. 
Taking a quick pause here. 

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If this episode is resonating, I
would love for you to follow the

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Known as Normal podcast on 
whatever platform you listen on.

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Every follow helps this show 
reach people who might need 

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these stories. 
Now let's jump back in. 

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At its core, this episode is not
about forced positivity. 

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It is not about pretending 
everything happens for a reason 

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or that pain should be tied up 
in a bow. 

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It is about training my mind to 
see the full picture instead of 

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only the damage. 
Practicing gratitude is really 

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me admitting that I spent most 
of my life staring at what was 

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broken and missing what was 
holding me up. 

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This practice became one of the 
quiet anchors that keeps me from

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getting pulled under. 
In the rest of this episode, I 

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want to zoom out into how 
gratitude actually shifts the 

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brain and body and then come 
back to the practical side of 

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what it looks like to build this
habit. 

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Honestly, one minute at a time. 
One of the reasons I take 

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gratitude seriously now is 
because it is not just a feel 

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good idea. 
It has real effects on how the 

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brain and body function. 
When someone intentionally looks

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for things to appreciate, the 
nervous system starts to shift. 

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The body moves a little further 
away from constant fight or 

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flight and a little closer to 
regulation. 

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The mind stops scanning only for
danger and begins noticing 

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support, connection, and moments
of safety. 

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That does not mean life becomes 
easy, it means the brain stops 

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treating every waking second 
like a threat. 

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Assessment. 
Most people carry a negativity 

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bias that is not a character 
flaw, it is an old survival 

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pattern. 
The brain naturally pays more 

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attention to what is wrong than 
what is right because 

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historically missing danger had 
bigger consequences than missing

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comfort. 
The problem is that in modern 

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life, this bias can trap people 
in fear, comparison, resentment 

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and scarcity. 
Gratitude interrupts that 

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pattern. 
It pulls attention back towards 

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what is actually working, even 
if it is small. 

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It teaches the mind that the 
story is not only about loss, 

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stress or disappointment. 
People practice gratitude in 

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different ways. 
Some keep journals and write 

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down a few things each night 
before bed. 

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Some say it out loud first thing
in the morning. 

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Some build it into family 
dinners or bedtime routines. 

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The form is less important than 
the practice itself. 

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What matters is the intentional 
pause. 

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It is the moment where you say, 
here is one thing that did not 

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collapse today, here's one 
person who showed up. 

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Here's one part of my life I do 
not want to overlook that does 

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something to the mind. 
Over time, it builds A 

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counterweight to despair. 
There are countless real world 

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examples of people leaning on 
gratitude in dark seasons. 

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Someone sitting in a hospital 
room might be grateful for a 

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kind nurse, a working machine, 
or a family member who keeps 

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showing up. 
A person walking through a 

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divorce may be grateful for the 
one friend who keeps calling, or

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for the apartment that is not 
much but is at least theirs. 

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A person in recovery may be 
deeply grateful for one sober 

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day after a week or month of 
hell. 

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None of those things erase pain.
That is not the point. 

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The point is that pain no longer
gets to be the only thing 

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visible in the frame. 
Gratitude can also change 

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relationships. 
When someone starts noticing and

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acknowledging what their 
partner, friend or Co worker 

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does instead of only focusing on
what they missed, the tone 

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shifts. 
Appreciation can soften 

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resentment. 
Saying something as simple as I 

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saw the effort that took, thank 
you for handling that, or I 

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appreciate how you showed up can
build a different foundation 

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over time. 
People do better when they feel 

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seen. 
That is true in marriages, 

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friendships, families, and 
workplaces. 

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Teams work better when people 
feel appreciated, not just used.

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There is an important boundary 
here though. 

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Gratitude should never be 
weaponized. 

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It should not be used to 
gaslight someone into accepting 

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abuse, staying in harm, or 
pretending A wound was OK just 

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because they learned something 
from it. 

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Being grateful for a lesson does
not mean pretending the pain was

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acceptable. 
Gratitude is not saying it could

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be worse so I should shut up and
take it. 

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It is saying this is painful and
real and at the same time 

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there's still something worth 
holding on to. 

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Both truths can exist together. 
Both need space. 

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When gratitude is practiced in a
healthy way, it becomes a daily 

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recalibration. 
It does not fix everything, but 

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it gently turns the mind away 
from only what is broken. 

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It reminds me that even when I 
am exhausted, there are still 

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people, moments, and experiences
that give my life meaning. 

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That awareness does not erase 
the hard chapters, it just keeps

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them from being the only 
chapters I read. 

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Gratitude has become one of the 
quiet anchors in my life. 

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But I did not arrive there in 
some peaceful, enlightened way. 

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I arrived there by slamming into
enough walls that I finally had 

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to find something that steadied 
me for years. 

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I woke up and immediately jumped
into worry. 

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What did I screw up yesterday? 
What is waiting for me at work? 

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Who am I disappointing now? 
My mind never asked what was 

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going right. 
It only wanted to know what was 

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wrong and what needed fixing. 
When I first started naming what

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I was thankful for, it felt 
small, almost stupid. 

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I remember thinking that naming 
my wife, my family or the roof 

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over my head was not really 
going to change anything. 

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But over time I noticed that 
those few moments in the morning

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became the only part of my day 
that did not feel like I was 

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already running. 
In those moments I was not 

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chasing achievement, I was not 
out running. 

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Shame. 
I was just acknowledging that I 

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had made it this far and that 
alone meant something. 

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I have spent so much of my life 
wishing I had done things 

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differently, that I forgot to be
grateful I survived long enough 

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to even have regrets. 
That shift hit me harder than I 

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expected. 
I am learning to treat my life 

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less like a list of failures and
more like a long, messy, hard 

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earned privilege. 
I get to wake up next to someone

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I love. 
I get to cook in a kitchen I 

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00:17:04,599 --> 00:17:07,599
helped build. 
I get to tell these stories even

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when my voice shakes. 
None of that was guaranteed. 

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Gratitude does not erase grief, 
anger, or exhaustion. 

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00:17:15,359 --> 00:17:19,000
It does not remove the hard 
chapters or rewrite the ones I 

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wish had gone differently. 
What it does is remind me that 

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00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:24,760
those feelings are not the 
entire story. 

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On the days when my mind wants 
to drag me back into old 

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patterns, gratitude is the thing
that quietly says, look again. 

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There's still something here 
worth staying for if practicing 

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00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:42,120
gratitude sounds cheesy or 
unrealistic to you. 

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00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:46,600
I understand that when someone 
is in the middle of real pain, 

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being told to just be grateful 
can feel insulting. 

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00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:52,600
That is not what I am talking 
about here. 

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00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:55,960
I am not asking anyone to 
pretend trauma, loss, 

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00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:58,920
exhaustion, or heartbreak do not
hurt. 

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00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:02,480
I am not asking anyone to throw 
a positive label on something 

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00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:06,200
that almost broke them. 
What I am inviting is a shift in

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00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:10,440
what gets your full attention. 
Think about the last few days of

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00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:13,160
your life. 
There were probably things that 

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00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:16,880
went wrong. 
Maybe money is tight, maybe 

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00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:20,320
health is shaky. 
Maybe your relationships feel 

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00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,760
fragile. 
Those things matter. 

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00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:26,800
They are real. 
At the same time, there were 

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00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,680
probably also moments that did 
not completely fall apart. 

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00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:31,720
A text from someone who checked 
in. 

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00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:35,840
A pet curling up next to you, a 
song that hit at the right time,

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00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:39,400
a joke that broke the tension 
for a second, a quiet drive 

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00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,480
where your thoughts finally 
slowed down. 

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00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:45,240
Gratitude is about naming those 
moments on purpose so they do 

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00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:47,920
not disappear under the noise of
everything else. 

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00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:51,320
You might also be someone who 
gives a lot to other people. 

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00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:57,240
Cooking, caregiving, listening, 
working extra hours, answering 

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00:18:57,240 --> 00:19:00,920
the phone, holding space when 
someone else is falling apart, 

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00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:04,680
Those things can become so 
automatic that they stop feeling

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00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:07,400
meaningful. 
I want to invite you to look at 

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00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:11,040
them differently. 
Every meal prepared, every ride 

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00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:14,360
given, every time you showed up 
when someone needed you. 

327
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:18,560
Those are acts of love. 
What would it feel like to 

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00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:21,640
actually notice that instead of 
dismissing it as nothing? 

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00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:24,480
Gratitude is not just for huge 
wins. 

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00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:28,960
It is also for those small, 
steady ways you keep showing up 

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00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:31,840
when you're tired. 
If the idea of starting a 

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00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:35,280
gratitude practice feels 
overwhelming, keep it simple. 

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00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:39,480
Pick one time during the day, 
maybe when you wake up or before

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00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:42,120
bed. 
Name one thing you are thankful 

335
00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:45,000
for. 
Not ten things, just one. 

336
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:47,560
Say it out loud or write it 
down. 

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00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:52,360
Over time, your mind will start 
noticing more without being 

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00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:55,680
forced. 
You may still have bad days. 

339
00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:58,560
You may still doubt whether 
anything is really changing. 

340
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,840
That is human. 
Gratitude does not demand 

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00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:04,040
perfection. 
It just keeps nudging your 

342
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:07,560
attention back toward what is 
still holding you up. 

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00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:12,560
Most of all, I want to say this.
If life has been hard, if you 

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00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:17,040
have walked through loss, 
addiction, illness, betrayal, or

345
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:20,640
heartbreak, and you are still 
here, there is already something

346
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:22,680
to be grateful for. 
You kept going. 

347
00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:26,960
You kept breathing. 
You kept finding a way, even if 

348
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:29,840
it was ugly and messy. 
That effort deserves 

349
00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:33,080
acknowledgement. 
Gratitude can be the way you 

350
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:36,520
finally give yourself credit for
surviving your own story. 

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00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:40,720
Practicing gratitude has not 
made my life simple, but it has 

352
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:44,080
made it more honest. 
It has forced me to look at what

353
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:47,080
is actually in front of me 
instead of only staring at what 

354
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:50,640
is missing. 
Some days the list of things I 

355
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:54,840
am thankful for feels long. 
Other days it feels like I am 

356
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:58,920
clinging to one thin thread. 
Either way, I have learned that 

357
00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:01,760
there is almost always something
there if I am willing to look 

358
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:05,080
closely enough. 
A person who stayed a lesson I 

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00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:08,280
do not want to relearn. 
A quiet moment that made the 

360
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:11,520
noise more bearable. 
Gratitude is not a finish line. 

361
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:15,120
It is a practice. 
It is a choice made repeatedly, 

362
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:19,120
especially when it would be 
easier to shut down, spiral, or 

363
00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:22,760
go numb. 
When I wake up and ask myself 

364
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:26,480
what I am thankful for before I 
do anything else, I am not 

365
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:28,120
ignoring the hard parts of my 
life. 

366
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:32,400
I am trying to face them from a 
steadier place that is available

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00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:35,560
to anyone listening. 
It does not require perfect 

368
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:38,640
mental health, perfect faith, or
a perfect life. 

369
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:42,440
It only requires A willingness 
to pause and notice what has not

370
00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:46,920
left you, even when so much has.
Wherever you are right now, 

371
00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:50,200
there's at least one thing in 
your life that is still worth 

372
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:53,600
appreciating. 
Maybe it is a person, a second 

373
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,960
chance, or it is simply the fact
that you are still here. 

374
00:21:57,320 --> 00:22:00,400
Hold on to that. 
Let gratitude wrap around it. 

375
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,960
Let it remind you that even in 
the middle of everything you 

376
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:07,000
have survived, there is still 
something in your world that 

377
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:11,520
matters, and so do you. 
That's under the surface. 

378
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:16,240
Not to ignore the pain. 
Not to force optimism, but to 

379
00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:19,200
understand the patterns that 
shape what we focus on every 

380
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,800
day. 
If this chapter brought up 

381
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:25,280
grief, exhaustion, or the 
feeling that life has been 

382
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:29,480
harder than most people realize,
take a breath and look again. 

383
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:33,720
There's always something in your
life worth holding on to. 

384
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,000
Gratitude does not erase the 
difficult chapters. 

385
00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:40,000
It reminds us they are not the 
only chapters in the story. 

386
00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:46,320
Just a reminder, the stories and
conversations in this podcast 

387
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:49,080
are for informational and 
personal reflection only. 

388
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:52,960
Nothing shared here should be 
taken as medical, legal, or 

389
00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:55,960
professional advice. 
Always speak with a qualified 

390
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:58,720
professional about your own 
personal situation. 

391
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:04,240
Thank you for listening to No 
One Is Normal. 

392
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:08,040
If today's message resonated 
with you, you can find the book 

393
00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:12,080
No One Is Normal on Amazon and 
Kindle and explore more 

394
00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:20,800
resources at www.bradhill.com or
www.nooneisnormal.co. 

395
00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:24,680
Remember, you weren't meant to 
be normal, you were meant to be 

396
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:24,920
you.