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Yeah, that sounds about right. 
Thank you, Montreal, so much for

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coming to the show. 
Give it up for the band playing 

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for you tonight. 
That's a song I'll have stuck in

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my head. 
Never. 

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00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:23,480
Just to put you guys at ease. 
This is not the worst show I've 

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ever done. 
That would have been about six 

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00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:32,680
months ago. 
I performed at San Quentin State

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00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:37,200
Penitentiary in America. 
In America, prisons are 

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00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:41,160
different than they are in 
Canada and that we have way more

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00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:43,880
of them and we put everyone in 
them. 

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But San Quentin is just for 
murderers, basically. 

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You might be wondering, Anthony,
how did you get in that 

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00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:58,800
situation? 
Well, I drink and I'm friends 

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with a lot of musicians. 
So I'm doing a show and 

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00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:05,480
afterwards I'm drinking with a 
band, a band called Queens of 

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00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:10,600
the Stone Age, very famous, yes,
one of the best rock bands of 

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00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:12,880
all time. 
And I'm talking about their tour

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00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:14,560
and they say, oh, we're almost 
done. 

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00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:17,760
We just got to do a couple of a 
couple more shows and then we're

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00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:22,280
going and doing 1 show at San 
Quentin State Penitentiary and 

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I'm just drunk enough to say, do
you need an opener? 

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I'm like, yeah, that would be 
great. 

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00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:34,640
Please come and do the show with
us. 

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00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:37,520
I'm very excited. 
Couple weeks later, they get 

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back to me. 
They say, Anthony, the prison 

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00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:44,000
has approved you to open for us,
which I could not believe. 

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00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:50,040
And then I get a list of the 
rules of what I'm not allowed to

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00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:52,640
talk about on stage at San 
Quentin. 

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00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:59,360
And it says no swearing, no 
religion, no sex, no 

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00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:02,920
controversy, nothing that will 
rile up the inmates. 

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00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:11,200
Basically, it's my set list with
the word no written in front of 

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everything. 
So I call the band and I say, 

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guys, I don't think I can do 
this. 

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I can't follow these rules. 
I literally cannot follow these 

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rules. 
And they say it doesn't matter. 

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00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:26,920
Anthony, whatever you do is cool
with us. 

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00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:30,280
If you go on stage and they cut 
your mic immediately, that's 

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00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:32,120
even better. 
That's even cooler. 

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00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:34,960
We think it's a good story. 
That's all I need to hear. 

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00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:40,200
So I fly over to the prison with
the band. 

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00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:44,920
We drive into the prison, we get
out, and again, everyone is a 

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00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:46,880
murderer. 
And it's not a prison like 

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00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:51,040
everyone's behind bars. 
It's like a college campus where

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00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:55,320
murderers just walking around 
freely, as if they have 

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00:02:55,320 --> 00:03:00,080
somewhere to be. 
I'm trying not to pay any 

46
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:01,560
attention. 
I'm just hanging with the band 

47
00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:03,560
back in the corner. 
It's about 10 minutes before 

48
00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:07,720
Showtime, and all of a sudden I 
look up and there's four guys 

49
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:14,920
surrounding me holding shotguns.
They work there, but they're 

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00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:17,560
looking at me like I'm about to 
try to escape. 

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00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:21,360
And then another guy walks up 
and gets right in front of me 

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00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:25,080
goes Anthony, I'm the warden 
here at San Quentin State 

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00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:28,120
Penitentiary. 
And I say, nice to meet you. 

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00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:31,000
He doesn't look like it's nice 
to meet me. 

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00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:36,840
This is Anthony. 
Music is one thing, but comedy 

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00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:40,240
with prisoners like this, I 
don't know. 

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00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:42,320
We just watched some of your 
stuff on YouTube. 

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00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:45,320
It's offensive, which is what 
makes it funny. 

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00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:49,800
You're my favorite comedian, but
with these guys, I don't know, 

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00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:53,880
it could go sideways. 
And I realize he's trying to get

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00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:59,160
me to step down to say I'm not 
going to perform if it's going 

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00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:02,880
to be a problem, which would 
have been fine a couple hours 

63
00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:04,800
before I got in a fucking 
flight. 

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00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:11,080
So I say, Warden, listen, I've 
had things go sideways all the 

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00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:14,320
time. 
Not a problem for me. 

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00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:17,600
What do you want me to do? 
You want me to do less time? 

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00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:20,600
What should I not talk about? 
And he goes, ah, I just don't 

68
00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:22,440
know. 
I don't know that stuff on 

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00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:24,240
YouTube. 
And I feel like, you know what? 

70
00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:28,960
I'm a professional comedian. 
I can defuse this with my sense 

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00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:34,040
of humor. 
So I say, Warden, if the problem

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00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:36,520
is the stuff you saw on YouTube,
don't worry. 

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00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:39,560
This is going to be all new 
material. 

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00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:48,200
They don't laugh at all. 
One of the guys cocks his 

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00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:53,600
shotgun. 
So the warden says, all right, 

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00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:55,840
let me take give you a tour. 
Let me walk you around. 

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00:04:56,480 --> 00:05:01,080
And this beautiful 27 year old 
redhead girl comes and joins us 

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00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:04,040
on the tour. 
The warden turns to us proudly 

79
00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:08,280
and says, this is my daughter. 
This place is so safe because of

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00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:10,760
me. 
I can bring my daughter to come 

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00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:13,680
watch the show. 
I'm thinking you can bring your 

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00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:17,120
daughter but I can't tell a 
joke. 

83
00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:23,600
So I pull the warden the side 
and I say listen, the show 

84
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,440
starts in 5 minutes, let me be a
part of this evening. 

85
00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:31,040
Let me just go on stage and 
introduce the band and then I'll

86
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,520
leave. 
The warden shakes my hand and 

87
00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:34,880
says thank you, I'd appreciate 
it. 

88
00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:38,560
Keep in mind that is not what 
I'm going to do. 

89
00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:46,760
So the show's about to start. 
I'm standing in the wings with 

90
00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:48,800
the band, and the band's trying 
to reassure me that, like, 

91
00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:53,160
Anthony, don't worry, do 
whatever you want, We're cool, 

92
00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:58,680
OK? 
This old lady gets on stage. 

93
00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:02,440
She works for the prison. 
And she says, I want to thank 

94
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:04,040
everyone. 
I want to thank the crew for 

95
00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:08,560
putting this together. 
And now she turns and looks me 

96
00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:17,000
right in the eyes, says and now 
a very nice young man, Anthony. 

97
00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:22,400
Now, I don't know if you've ever
performed in a prison before, 

98
00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:26,840
but that is the worst way you 
can be introduced. 

99
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:33,760
I walk onto the stage with 200 
murderers whistling at me. 

100
00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:41,920
I take the microphone and I say,
listen, my name is Anthony 

101
00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:45,520
Jeselnik. 
I've been doing this for 17 

102
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:48,640
years. 
I'm a famous comedian, so if you

103
00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:52,080
haven't heard of me, you must 
have done something pretty 

104
00:06:52,080 --> 00:07:00,200
fucked up. 
The place goes crazy. 

105
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:03,720
That's exactly the joke they 
wanted to hear. 

106
00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:13,280
My mic gets cut off immediately.
I dropped the mic to the ground.

107
00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:16,720
I'm about to introduce the band 
and then I look out into the 

108
00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:20,640
audience and I see the warden 
standing in the back with his 

109
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,880
arms crossed and his daughter 
standing next to him. 

110
00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:31,120
And I can't resist. 
So I say, and I want to thank 

111
00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:35,560
the warden for bringing us his 
daughter. 

112
00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:43,840
At this point, you could hear a 
pin drop. 

113
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:51,240
Even the prisoners are like, we 
killed the guy, but we're not 

114
00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:56,000
crazy. 
Thank God he's leaving. 

115
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:59,880
After this, I introduced the 
band. 

116
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,240
The band walks on stage. 
Like, we should not have told 

117
00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:07,560
you to do whatever you want. 
They go up, they start playing. 

118
00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:10,600
They're amazing. 
Someone taps me in the shoulder,

119
00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:14,080
I turn around, they go. 
Anthony, the warden wants to 

120
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:16,400
know if you'd like to go watch 
the show with him. 

121
00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:22,400
I'm not falling for that. 
I say I'm good right here. 

122
00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:27,760
The show ends, the band gets off
stage, they go, let's get the 

123
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,880
hell out of here right now. 
I agree. 

124
00:08:32,039 --> 00:08:35,480
We're going to run into the van 
and someone grabs my arm. 

125
00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:38,000
I turn around and it's the 
warden. 

126
00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:41,240
It's very seriously goes 
Anthony. 

127
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:46,200
I just want to say the next time
you come to town, my wife and I 

128
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:47,480
are going to have to come out 
and see you. 

129
00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:53,000
And I said, Warden, the next 
time you see me, I'll be 

130
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,080
humiliating you on television.