1 00:00:00,360 --> 00:00:06,640 Hey, how we doing yes. Oh thank you so much for taking 2 00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:10,600 the time to put away your cell phones and enjoy live stand up 3 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:13,120 comedy. It's a big deal. 4 00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:16,560 I know how it is. I'm addicted to my phone. 5 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:19,440 First thing I do in the morning, I take it, I open up Instagram 6 00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:22,000 and I just see Britney Spears just. 7 00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:58,360 I'm actually doing really well. I'm like damn if that's what 8 00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:02,320 doing really well looks like, I too am also doing very well. 9 00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:05,640 Thank you. Not going to lie, that bit gets 10 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:10,640 me winded up top. Full disclosure though, I I had 11 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:17,440 a baby four months ago and it was delicious. 12 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:23,040 Now I had a baby four months ago, got married six months ago. 13 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:26,040 Don't do the math. I just want to be very clear 14 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:29,000 though, my now husband and I, we were always planning on getting 15 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:33,120 married, but I got to say this pregnancy really forced the 16 00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:35,720 issue. Well, I forced it. 17 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:38,400 I started entering every room he wasn't in, speaking to him as 18 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:46,200 though I was our unborn child. Daddy, am I going to be a 19 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:52,680 bastard? It worked, yes. 20 00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:56,200 Not fun buying your wedding gown when you're 7 months pregnant 21 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,960 though. I will say I googled maternity 22 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,440 wedding dresses and it took me directly to the Planned 23 00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:05,920 Parenthood website. Birth and pregnancy. 24 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:09,360 Obviously very uncomfortable. I don't have childbearing hips. 25 00:02:09,759 --> 00:02:12,880 Very narrow frame. My grandmother used to remind me 26 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:15,200 of that every single day when I was a teenager. 27 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:18,160 She used to be like. You know, when you have kids 28 00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:23,320 someday you'd better be with a man that's got a small head so 29 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:25,400 the baby doesn't break your vagina. 30 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:29,360 On its way out. Sounds crazy but she was a nurse 31 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:32,520 so I believed her. At the time I didn't realize 32 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:38,280 most nurses are drunk sluts right? 33 00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:43,480 I miss my grandmother. She passed away a couple years 34 00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:44,920 ago. It was weird what happened. 35 00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:48,680 My grandfather passed away and then one month later my grandma 36 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:50,320 passed away. And every time I bring it up 37 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:52,760 people always give me the sympathetic head nod. 38 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:54,880 They're like. Yeah, that's usually how it 39 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:56,480 happens. They must have really been in 40 00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:58,680 love. She must have died of a broken 41 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:04,000 heart and I'm like, no, I was there. 42 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:07,520 It was the excessive celebration of his death that killed her. 43 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:12,120 She broke her hip tap dancing on his grave. 44 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:16,280 I did end up marrying a man with a very small head. 45 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,720 He's also bald. Shout out to the bald kings in 46 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:21,480 the in the house tonight. I love how the light gleams off 47 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:25,440 your skull. My husband bald. 48 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:27,560 We got together after he lost his hair. 49 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:29,840 That's how you know I'm a good person. 50 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:34,720 I love how the first thing a man does when he loses his hair is 51 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:36,600 he grows a big old beard. Huh. 52 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:42,440 It's as if he's saying hey, my hair is down here now, don't 53 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:44,920 look up here, look down here. It slipped. 54 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:50,360 Brought my bald beard and boyfriend home to meet my family 55 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,200 a few years ago. My dad saw him. 56 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:54,880 He was like Angelica. Why your boyfriend? 57 00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:57,200 How about this beard? You know a beard have. 58 00:03:57,200 --> 00:04:04,000 More bacteria than an ass. And I was like, well. 59 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:06,480 Good thing I don't eat a lot of beard. 60 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:16,190 Then father, my dad's Italian, my mom's Irish. 61 00:04:16,190 --> 00:04:18,670 Somehow I ended up looking like the girl that crawls out of the 62 00:04:18,670 --> 00:04:23,150 whale in the ring. I think I look like one of 63 00:04:23,150 --> 00:04:26,870 Charles Manson's girlfriends. Like I'm a I'm a little scary, 64 00:04:26,870 --> 00:04:34,790 but still kind of hot. Like I look like Cher now. 65 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,200 I've got great cheeks though. And my mother, always. 66 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:42,400 Says the cheeks are the ass of the face. 67 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:47,920 My mom's Irish. It means I was culturally 68 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:50,720 obligated to pursue Irish dancing in my adolescence. 69 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:52,720 And I don't mean to brag, but I'm really good at Irish 70 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:54,920 dancing. And sadly, it's not a 71 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:57,960 monetizable skill in today's modern marketplace. 72 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:01,720 You know, I figured we're at just for laughs right now. 73 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:04,160 New faces. I'm going to do some Irish 74 00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:06,240 dancing for you. I'm going to put it to use. 75 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:12,760 All right, I'll make it quick. I'm warning you, I'm a little 76 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:16,440 rusty, so I'm just going to show you the upper body. 77 00:05:26,570 --> 00:05:28,410 Thank you. That was exhausting. 78 00:05:29,570 --> 00:05:35,240 Yes, I am in therapy. I've got a Latina therapist. 79 00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:38,880 You all need to get yourselves A Latina therapist because she 80 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:44,520 will justify all your actions. You won't have to change. 81 00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:46,080 It's incredible. I went to this woman. 82 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:49,000 I said I'm having issues with conflict resolution and my 83 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:52,440 temper and she was like, I don't know honey. 84 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,840 These people you've been dealing with sounded like they had it 85 00:05:54,840 --> 00:06:02,080 coming. Her homework is super fun too. 86 00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:05,040 Other therapists would tell me to meditate or journal, but 87 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:08,760 she's like no no. You go fuck his brother. 88 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:12,480 That's it for me. I'm Angelica Skinura. 89 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:13,800 Thank you. Just for laughs.