Hey, how we doing yes. Oh thank you so much for taking
the time to put away your cell phones and enjoy live stand up
comedy. It's a big deal.
I know how it is. I'm addicted to my phone.
First thing I do in the morning, I take it, I open up Instagram
and I just see Britney Spears just.
I'm actually doing really well. I'm like damn if that's what
doing really well looks like, I too am also doing very well.
Thank you. Not going to lie, that bit gets
me winded up top. Full disclosure though, I I had
a baby four months ago and it was delicious.
Now I had a baby four months ago, got married six months ago.
Don't do the math. I just want to be very clear
though, my now husband and I, we were always planning on getting
married, but I got to say this pregnancy really forced the
issue. Well, I forced it.
I started entering every room he wasn't in, speaking to him as
though I was our unborn child. Daddy, am I going to be a
bastard? It worked, yes.
Not fun buying your wedding gown when you're 7 months pregnant
though. I will say I googled maternity
wedding dresses and it took me directly to the Planned
Parenthood website. Birth and pregnancy.
Obviously very uncomfortable. I don't have childbearing hips.
Very narrow frame. My grandmother used to remind me
of that every single day when I was a teenager.
She used to be like. You know, when you have kids
someday you'd better be with a man that's got a small head so
the baby doesn't break your vagina.
On its way out. Sounds crazy but she was a nurse
so I believed her. At the time I didn't realize
most nurses are drunk sluts right?
I miss my grandmother. She passed away a couple years
ago. It was weird what happened.
My grandfather passed away and then one month later my grandma
passed away. And every time I bring it up
people always give me the sympathetic head nod.
They're like. Yeah, that's usually how it
happens. They must have really been in
love. She must have died of a broken
heart and I'm like, no, I was there.
It was the excessive celebration of his death that killed her.
She broke her hip tap dancing on his grave.
I did end up marrying a man with a very small head.
He's also bald. Shout out to the bald kings in
the in the house tonight. I love how the light gleams off
your skull. My husband bald.
We got together after he lost his hair.
That's how you know I'm a good person.
I love how the first thing a man does when he loses his hair is
he grows a big old beard. Huh.
It's as if he's saying hey, my hair is down here now, don't
look up here, look down here. It slipped.
Brought my bald beard and boyfriend home to meet my family
a few years ago. My dad saw him.
He was like Angelica. Why your boyfriend?
How about this beard? You know a beard have.
More bacteria than an ass. And I was like, well.
Good thing I don't eat a lot of beard.
Then father, my dad's Italian, my mom's Irish.
Somehow I ended up looking like the girl that crawls out of the
whale in the ring. I think I look like one of
Charles Manson's girlfriends. Like I'm a I'm a little scary,
but still kind of hot. Like I look like Cher now.
I've got great cheeks though. And my mother, always.
Says the cheeks are the ass of the face.
My mom's Irish. It means I was culturally
obligated to pursue Irish dancing in my adolescence.
And I don't mean to brag, but I'm really good at Irish
dancing. And sadly, it's not a
monetizable skill in today's modern marketplace.
You know, I figured we're at just for laughs right now.
New faces. I'm going to do some Irish
dancing for you. I'm going to put it to use.
All right, I'll make it quick. I'm warning you, I'm a little
rusty, so I'm just going to show you the upper body.
Thank you. That was exhausting.
Yes, I am in therapy. I've got a Latina therapist.
You all need to get yourselves A Latina therapist because she
will justify all your actions. You won't have to change.
It's incredible. I went to this woman.
I said I'm having issues with conflict resolution and my
temper and she was like, I don't know honey.
These people you've been dealing with sounded like they had it
coming. Her homework is super fun too.
Other therapists would tell me to meditate or journal, but
she's like no no. You go fuck his brother.
That's it for me. I'm Angelica Skinura.
Thank you. Just for laughs.