1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:03,720 I, I've lived in New York City for about 12 years, which is 2 00:00:03,720 --> 00:00:06,120 good. I, I, I get a lot of my material 3 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:10,280 just from existing there. Like I was on the train once. 4 00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:12,000 It's a true story. I was on the train. 5 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:13,600 There was a couple across from me. 6 00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:17,720 The man said to the woman, what do you want to do for dinner? 7 00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:19,960 And I swear to God, the woman said. 8 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:23,920 I think that lanky Jew is listening to our conversation. 9 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:41,960 I am Jewish. I don't make a big deal out of 10 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:44,440 it unless I'm losing an argument with a person of color. 11 00:00:54,400 --> 00:01:00,680 But I did one time have a German bartender and somehow it came up 12 00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:04,400 I was Jewish. And he was like, oh, I'm so 13 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:08,320 sorry for the Holocaust. Which really threw me off guard 14 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:11,040 because like, how am I supposed to respond to that? 15 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:16,320 No worries, don't let it happen again. 16 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:20,640 I didn't know. I was just like, could I get a 17 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:23,720 free beer? And he said, no, I can't do 18 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:24,720 that. I was like, what the fuck? 19 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:30,000 How many Holocaust does it take? And he said, no, no, no, I want 20 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:32,400 to, but my boss would get mad. I was like, I get it, you're 21 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:43,280 just following orders. Now I'm not going to talk about 22 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:46,240 COVID tonight. I, I, it's become so divisive. 23 00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:49,760 I mean, I, I had a good friend. He was so anti vaccine. 24 00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:51,560 I just stopped speaking to him because he died. 25 00:01:59,190 --> 00:02:02,550 But social distancing was hard for me because my father's 26 00:02:02,550 --> 00:02:04,870 Italian. And if you don't know Italians, 27 00:02:04,870 --> 00:02:07,870 we hug, we kiss, we get fired for it. 28 00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:15,720 Because it makes non Italians very uncomfortable. 29 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:20,080 Like my roommates, not Italian. I remember the first time my 30 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:23,760 roommates saw my Italian father and I kiss each other goodbye. 31 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:29,400 He was like, yeah, do you kiss your dad in public? 32 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:33,720 And I was like, yeah, yeah, you don't be weird. 33 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:42,600 If I only kissed him in private. I was like, hey, pops, let's get 34 00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:46,720 out of here for a private goodbye. 35 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:54,760 And I obviously was not born in Italy, but in the 1930s about my 36 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:58,120 my great grandpa Luigi, which is his real name, my great grandpa 37 00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:00,680 Luigi and my great grandma Donkey Kong immigrated to 38 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:05,320 America. When people ask me where in 39 00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:07,560 Italy is your family from, I'm like Nintendo. 40 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:18,830 No, to be honest, I don't know a lot about MyHeritage because I 41 00:03:18,830 --> 00:03:22,470 never even met my dad's dad, which is a tradition I hope to 42 00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:31,030 continue with my son. My parents got divorced when I 43 00:03:31,030 --> 00:03:35,360 was seven days old. So like most kids, my first word 44 00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:39,280 was Mama. But my next five word told me to 45 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:48,230 tell you real quick round of applause, if your parents are 46 00:03:48,230 --> 00:03:49,630 divorced, make some noise, clap it up. 47 00:03:51,070 --> 00:03:55,350 All right, All right, man, how old were you when your parents 48 00:03:55,350 --> 00:03:59,070 got divorced? 15 So it was your fault. 49 00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:07,240 The hardest part is watching your parents date. 50 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:11,640 Like I I just met my dad's new girlfriend and we have a lot in 51 00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:13,760 common. Like being born in 1988. 52 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,720 It's weird. He likes dating younger, I like 53 00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:19,839 dating older. One time we went on a double 54 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:21,519 date. It looked like the family dinner 55 00:04:21,519 --> 00:04:26,000 I never had but everyone in the restaurant was staring because I 56 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,760 thought my dad was playing Footsie with my sister and I was 57 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:32,320 getting handsy with my mom. And then my dad went to kiss me 58 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:34,400 and I was like, let's do this in private. 59 00:04:44,950 --> 00:04:50,870 I am pro-choice, which you knew, you knew that you knew that 60 00:04:50,870 --> 00:04:53,070 already because there's certain beliefs such as go together with 61 00:04:53,110 --> 00:04:56,190 other ones, right? Like there's no such thing as a 62 00:04:56,190 --> 00:05:00,750 sexist trans ally. I've never met anyone who's like 63 00:05:00,750 --> 00:05:03,510 trans women or women and they belong in the kitchen. 64 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:16,240 I was very upset when Roe V Wade got overturned because I have 3 65 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:17,920 little sisters who should have been aborted. 66 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:35,200 I'm trying to be a better ally. Like I live in this neighborhood 67 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:38,600 in New York called Harlem. And if you don't know Harlem, 68 00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:41,400 it's a historically black neighborhood. 69 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:47,160 I live across the new Whole Foods on Malcolm X Blvd. which 70 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:54,880 is what he would have wanted. And I was in Harlem for all of 71 00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:58,160 2020. I, I did several of the marches 72 00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:01,360 for Black Lives Matter and I, I remember 1:00 we, we were 73 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:04,680 marching down Malcolm X Blvd. and we were chanting, you know, 74 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:08,760 Black lives Matter and no justice, no peace. 75 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:14,440 Fuck these racist ass police. And then we got to the block 76 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:19,200 where I live and suddenly everyone started chanting hey 77 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:23,680 hey ho ho. These gentrifiers have got to 78 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:32,400 go. And I don't know if you've ever 79 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:39,720 had a March turn against you while you were in it, but I did 80 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:42,320 what a lot of white liberals do when we find out we're part of 81 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:44,960 the problem. I chanted harder. 82 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:50,040 The first white guy I saw coming out of Whole Foods, I was like, 83 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:52,920 you don't belong here. Which really confused him, 84 00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:56,000 'cause he was my roommate. And he was like, Jamarco, what 85 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:58,320 are you doing? I was like, Jamarco, Oh, do we 86 00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:03,040 all look the same to you? And then I marched right in the 87 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:05,720 face of a police officer and I was like, could you escort me 88 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:07,280 back to my apartment, please, officer?