1 00:00:01,400 --> 00:00:04,920 I'm Devontre. Yeah, I'm real awkward. 2 00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:09,720 It means it's hard for me to make friends. 3 00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:12,680 I want to meet new people. I'm on all the apps trying to 4 00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:16,880 get all the matches. I recently downloaded Grinder 5 00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:21,240 because I thought it was an app for *** with work ethic. 6 00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:43,030 I mean it is, but it ain't. I am on dating apps. 7 00:00:43,030 --> 00:00:44,830 My favorite dating app is Tinder. 8 00:00:45,430 --> 00:00:47,510 Y'all like Tinder because they get on there. 9 00:00:48,990 --> 00:00:51,590 Tinder is dangerous though. Like the worst part about Tinder 10 00:00:51,590 --> 00:00:54,270 is that it gives you more opportunities to be robbed. 11 00:00:58,510 --> 00:01:04,800 I lost 6 hoodies last year. Only had sex five times. 12 00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:09,920 That's all right, though. I've been getting my revenge. 13 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:13,760 I started stealing back. Yeah. 14 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:16,200 I take ownership of whatever is left in my apartment. 15 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:19,720 Don't text me talking about hey, I think I left something on your 16 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:22,760 dresser. These are my eyelashes now. 17 00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:34,440 I recently learned about this thing called a whole phase. 18 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:42,160 Any hoes out there? Hoes make some noise and shit 19 00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:49,540 don't ever work. If you're unfamiliar, a whole 20 00:01:49,540 --> 00:01:52,300 phase is a term our society created that judges women for 21 00:01:52,300 --> 00:01:55,780 exploring their sexual freedom. It's a pretty tough term because 22 00:01:55,780 --> 00:01:58,900 it only applies to women. Like if a man got up here and he 23 00:01:58,900 --> 00:02:01,340 was like yeah I'm finished, start my whole phase. 24 00:02:02,140 --> 00:02:05,400 We don't have the same response. Good luck. 25 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:11,480 I used to be afraid of the term hoe because I have sisters. 26 00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:14,440 I didn't want anybody calling my sister's hoes. 27 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,760 I found out my sisters aren't built to be hoes because they 28 00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:21,160 had kids very early. They wouldn't make it through a 29 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:25,480 whole phase. They couldn't even survive the 30 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:34,040 whole weekend. You can probably tell about my 31 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:35,760 vibes. I'm a young uncle. 32 00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:39,760 I like having nephews. I'm watching them get older. 33 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,920 They're starting to do adult things like talk. 34 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:46,480 Right now, they're in this phase where they tell everybody that 35 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:49,080 they love them. So whenever they hang out with 36 00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:50,560 me, they tell me that they love me. 37 00:02:51,440 --> 00:03:01,440 But I never say it back because I don't know those *** It's 38 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:03,560 like, bro, we just mad. You can switch up on me at any 39 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:07,120 moment. I don't know if you've been 40 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,480 around children lately, but it is dangerous. 41 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:12,800 Like one of my nephews, he has superpowers. 42 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,320 Yeah. His superpower is that he can 43 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:20,160 make anything weird. Yeah. 44 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:22,400 He doesn't tell you what you're doing is weird. 45 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:26,800 He just asks you questions that make you think, whoa, is that 46 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:30,320 weird? Like, the one time I was driving 47 00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:32,080 around with my nephew, we got through a stoplight. 48 00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:33,320 The music in the car stopped playing. 49 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:36,000 He looks over me. He says, you sure do like 50 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:44,640 humming, don't you? I don't know the correct answer. 51 00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:49,320 Sometimes you ask me questions that make me reevaluate how I've 52 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:52,680 been living my entire life. Like one time I took my nephew 53 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:55,520 with me to go get a haircut. And as we were leaving the 54 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:59,360 barbershop, he looks up at me. He goes, hey, why you let them 55 00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:10,040 spin you around like that? Which is a great question. 56 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:14,080 That's a very vulnerable position to be in. 57 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:17,120 It's actually affected how I get my hair cut now. 58 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:23,320 Nowadays when I get my hair cut, I stand in the spot and I make 59 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:30,840 my Barber orbit around me. I don't know why my sister 60 00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:32,480 decided to be parents. That's not something I want to 61 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:34,480 do. I'm afraid of being a dad. 62 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:36,320 I don't know if I can do the cool bad things. 63 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:39,960 Like, if I'm being honest with you, I'm afraid I might not be 64 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:41,920 strong enough to throw a toddler in the air. 65 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:47,760 And I know I'm not coordinated enough to catch it. 66 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:53,920 And this isn't something you can practice. 67 00:04:53,920 --> 00:05:00,280 No one 's going to let you borrow their kid. 68 00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:04,840 I don't know why my sister decided to be parents. 69 00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:06,920 I'm afraid of being a dad. I don't know what dads do. 70 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:10,080 I never met my dad. It's not the joke yet. 71 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:18,880 I hate telling people that never met my dad though. 72 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,520 Because every time I tell someone I never met my dad, they 73 00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:24,240 always ask the same stupid question they ask me. 74 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,320 What was life like growing up without a dad? 75 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:28,680 I don't know. Normal. 76 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:32,680 To me, that's like asking what was life like growing up without 77 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:38,280 a Tesla because like, I heard about the features. 78 00:05:43,570 --> 00:05:48,490 It sounds like it'd be cool to have one, but I also heard they 79 00:05:48,490 --> 00:05:59,870 might randomly hit your mom. I, I got to get out of here. 80 00:05:59,870 --> 00:06:01,270 I do want to leave you with some good news. 81 00:06:01,270 --> 00:06:04,550 I, I recently moved to Los Angeles. 82 00:06:05,510 --> 00:06:09,070 You know, I got to hire movers. I was hyped about that because 83 00:06:09,070 --> 00:06:11,110 that's as close as I'm to get the owner of slaves. 84 00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:21,880 I just feel like it's my turn. I think we should bring slavery 85 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:24,000 back because I'm tired of having to clean my own apartment. 86 00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:27,680 Like I know slavery was fucked up but I do get it. 87 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:31,560 Of course I don't think the black people should be the 88 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:39,580 slaves. We served our time and I won't 89 00:06:39,580 --> 00:06:46,160 say who should be the slaves, but I will say I enjoy having 90 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:51,720 white Uber drivers. Sometimes I open up Uber and 91 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:54,280 Lyft, have myself a little auction. 92 00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:57,960 I've been there from Tacoma. I've been a lot of fun.