You guys, I have prepared some wonderful jokes tonight with
which I hope to astound and delight each and everyone of
you. I'm so happy to be here.
It's it's really an honor. I got to confess, I'm also
excited for the part when it's over and we all head home, think
about what we've done. I like to walk home because it
makes my friends worry and that makes me feel loved.
That's how the math goes. People hear me say that, then
I'm going to walk home. They tell me get home safe, see
how I dress. Get home safe.
You guys know about that? Get home safe.
It's an interesting thing to say, is it not?
It's polite. Get home safe.
It's nice, very nice. Get get home safe, Get home
safe. It's just it's not up to me
necessarily. I'm going to do my part.
Doop da doop da doop. When someone says get home safe,
what I hear is hey listen slut, you're going to need a lot of
luck out there. Tonight might be your very last
one. So put up a good fight out
there. We're going to miss you slut
girl. Bye bye now slut.
Fight in your miniskirt fight. I wrote that joke because I was
walking through the park one day and I thought I saw a wolf, but
no, it was a man. One way or another, I'm going to
have to tell you about my life. Is that OK?
Yes. OK, here's my life.
I'm Joe. Yes.
Check. I'm from Ghana in West Africa,
and I moved to the US when I was three years old.
So it's like I'm an immigrant, but I did not help pack a little
bit of stolen valor on that one. So I'm chill about it, right.
Immigrant, not like Mr. Lin, Manuel Miranda, Hungry, Bobby
Aisle. You know how that guy is.
Drama, drama with him. For me, it's more that if
there's a scholarship, I will apply.
I've been learning more about Ghana lately.
I've realized a lot of things I thought were facts about Ghana
are actually just facts about my uncle Eugene.
OK, this can happen in We're going kids.
I feel like we all say the same stuff.
What do we say? Oh, I come from a culture that's
so intense, OK, and so success oriented my culture.
And I wonder, you know, is that the truth about your culture or
is that the truth about your parents?
The country's top 2 narcs who left that culture due to their
friends and family did not like them there.
Let's really wake this up because immigrating is hard.
Immigrating is for serious people who like to fill forms.
And this is when I've learned the relaxed people are actually
going to stay back in the village and relax.
How about that? People don't talk about this.
Immigrating is moving. Have you guys ever moved?
Yes. Nobody's born in Santroville,
Montreal. It wouldn't be natural.
Here's another Ghana fact. Ghana's very religious and I can
tell because of the way that we name our stores in the US.
We call our stores normal clear stuff.
In the US, we have Chick-fil-A, clear as day.
What they sell chicken. New York, we have this store
called Key Foods. I love that one.
What do they sell? The Key Foods that you need?
Awesome, awesome. Clear as day.
In Ghana, every store is called like Gloria, Gloria, Aunty,
Glorious, rise and above, lift his name to the sky, trust and
obey you to the Lord Almighty. Snack shop, they sell snacks.
Awesome. Awesome.
OK, so Ghana's so religious. Yeah.
And with that comes homophobia. So my family, very religious,
very homophobic. Here's what I need to say.
If you guys saw the kind of gay sex I'm having, as well as the
fervor with which I'm having it, you wouldn't know I'm actually
in a a lot of trouble back at home.
Poof. It is a dire situation.
I was wondering, have you been liking my jokes or have you been
laughing as more like political action?
OK, OK, that sounds different. That's info.
I'll. I'll tell you another story from
my life. The other day I was in the train
station. The man came up to me and asked
me for directions. OK, so I give him the wrong
directions. Everything's good.
Do I look like I'm not the Sacagawea?
Hey. Hey, I'm Joe.
And then as we're parting ways, he asked me, of course, on a
date. You guys know the problem.
I'm so busy. So I had to tell him, look, it's
just that I could not date a low value man such as you, Sir,
because here's the thing, I don't date men.
But I do think about, well, if I did well, it's not going to be
the one who is lost, is it? I'm looking for a leader.
If I if I had to date him, oh, my God.
But if I had to, if I had to date a man, I want somebody.
I want maybe like Dwayne the Rock Johnson.
Yeah, somebody strong, macho, a man who is lost in the train
station. Well, that is a woman.
What a relief. I'm finished.
Thank you guys.