1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:01,800 Welcome to the choose hard podcast. 2 00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:04,680 I'm your host Cody Mcbroom. I am a father, husband, coach 3 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,560 and entrepreneur whose life mission is to help individuals 4 00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:09,840 like yourself create the best life possible. 5 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:13,000 Step one in you creating your best life is learning how to 6 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,920 choose hard on a regular basis so that you can develop your 7 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:19,000 body and build your mind. Today's guest is Doctor Robbie 8 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:21,760 Sonneregger, I call him Doctor Robbie because that last name is 9 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:24,160 real difficult to pronounce, but this is one of the most 10 00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:26,680 impressive, intelligent, inspiring and honestly 11 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:29,360 interesting men I have ever met and been able to talk to. 12 00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:32,439 He travels the the world. He tours war zones in third 13 00:00:32,439 --> 00:00:35,400 world countries and places rehabilitating trauma from some 14 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:37,200 of the most tragic life experiences. 15 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:39,920 He is a pastor, he is a speaker, he is an author, he is an 16 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:42,640 educator, he is a father, a husband, I mean the list is 17 00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:45,160 endless. He is a clinical psychologist 18 00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:48,600 and psychiatrist that literally travels the world teaching 19 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:52,320 people and his practices in education is used in over 20 20 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:54,440 different nations in the entire world. 21 00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:56,400 He is a very, very influential figure. 22 00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:59,240 He has met some of the craziest people and the most influential 23 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:00,680 people in the world. I mean, he was telling a story 24 00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:03,840 about teaching Prince Harry how to snowboard on the podcast day 25 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:06,600 that gave my mind was almost blown when he mentioned that 26 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,000 because I was not expecting it. But more than anything, one of 27 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:12,760 the things that I really, really admire and was interested in 28 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:15,360 learning from him about and that he educates people on his 29 00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:17,400 parenting. So this is like the parent 30 00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:19,840 master class. This is the one stop shop, the 31 00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:23,280 podcast you need to listen to to get the most helpful and 32 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:26,760 influential advice to parent your child better and still core 33 00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:30,960 values that actually matter and last and create a life mission 34 00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:34,160 for you and your family that carries on for generations. 35 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:36,560 This is going to be a very powerful and impactful episode 36 00:01:36,560 --> 00:01:38,840 for any mother or father who listens to this. 37 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:41,040 It's going to be very eye opening for a lot of the dads 38 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:43,680 out there because as we know in today's world, especially in 39 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:47,240 America, there is a lot of dads who are not showing up, who are 40 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:50,080 not present and who are just not even in the family's home. 41 00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:51,960 And we're going to expose that. We're going to expose the hard 42 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:53,400 truths that come along with parenting. 43 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:54,840 And we're going to teach you exactly. 44 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:56,680 And by we, I mean him, he's the expert here. 45 00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:59,240 We're going to teach you exactly how to be the best parent and 46 00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:01,920 develop your child builds core values and vision for life and 47 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:04,320 purpose and identity more than any other podcast you've ever 48 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:05,520 listened to. I can guarantee that. 49 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:08,039 Without any further ado, let's talk to the one and only Doctor 50 00:02:08,039 --> 00:02:12,440 Robbie. The greatest things in life all 51 00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:16,040 start with a challenge. You must accept that everything 52 00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:19,800 is hard before it gets easy. Every, every, every, everything 53 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:21,960 you want in life begins with a hard path. 54 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:24,280 Begins with a hard path. Begins with a hard path. 55 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:33,920 All right, Doctor Robbie, I'm not going to pronounce your last 56 00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:35,680 name because I know that I will butcher it and I want to. 57 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:36,760 Respect. No one ever does. 58 00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:40,040 I, I, I figured you would, you would appreciate that. 59 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:44,840 And so I just want to, I want to give a quick intro as to what I 60 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:46,480 know of you. And then I'm going to let you 61 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:49,040 give a brief intro of, of who you are in a nutshell. 62 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:52,040 But you know, one of the things I thought of, and you'll get a 63 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:55,280 kick out of this is there's a popular Mexican beer. 64 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:59,360 I don't really drink much, but it is Dos Equis and their 65 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:02,520 advertising for years was the most interesting man. 66 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:04,840 And he was interesting because he could water ski and he could 67 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:06,160 do all these. It was just wild, right? 68 00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:09,880 Not for the the the meaningful things in life, but just for 69 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:12,000 funny skills. But that's what popped up in my 70 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,680 head because every time I hear you speak, every time I look at 71 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:17,080 your content, every time I hear about you from some of our close 72 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:20,120 friends, I'm just like, man, this, this guy is amazing. 73 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:22,360 This is one of the most interesting men in the entire 74 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:24,440 world, I believe. And it's just such an honor to 75 00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:27,680 have you on here. You are somebody holds many 76 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:30,000 titles, many roles. You have impacted so many 77 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:31,960 people. When I was texting with you to 78 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,200 set this up, you were traveling the world. 79 00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:36,440 I believe you went through a war zone at one point while you were 80 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:39,280 texting me. And I'm just, I'm in awe of 81 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:41,840 everything you do. And it's just such an honor and 82 00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:43,120 such a pleasure to have you on here. 83 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,360 I'm feel very blessed to be able to pick your brain and talk to 84 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:47,480 you about parenting today. And so I just want to say thank 85 00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:49,200 you for jumping on. Thank you for everything you do. 86 00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:52,960 And then with that said, fill the listeners in. 87 00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:56,440 In a nutshell, if you can of of who Doctor Robbie is. 88 00:03:57,280 --> 00:04:00,600 Well, it's certainly great to be hanging out with you and talking 89 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:05,080 parenting today, Cody, Thank you for getting me on your podcast. 90 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:07,680 And look, the truth of the matter is whether I'm in a war 91 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:13,200 zone in a far distant land or I'm at home and you know, I 92 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:16,279 listen in to the, you know, the walls of the, of the neighbors 93 00:04:16,279 --> 00:04:19,360 or the bedroom of the kids, it sometimes it sounds like a war 94 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:22,680 zone there too. And, and so I'm passionate about 95 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:25,720 taking psychology from the frontline and bringing it to the 96 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:30,360 home front because everyone needs life skills to be equipped 97 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:33,240 and empowered to know what to do when the going gets tough. 98 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:36,280 And the truth of the matter is we all experience some kind of 99 00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:38,760 travesty, some kind of set back, some kind of difficulty or the 100 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:40,880 challenges of parenting. It's like the hardest job in the 101 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:42,640 world. But my question is, well, how 102 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:46,360 can we make that hardest job in the world less stressful and 103 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:49,600 more fun? And, and that's why I'm so 104 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:52,360 excited to be joining you today. My area and background is 105 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:55,840 actually trauma rehabilitation. So yeah, I've been working in 106 00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:58,080 various different troubled hotspots around the world for 107 00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:02,520 for a good few decades now. But I am passionate about 108 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:06,480 family. I'm a dad of five kids ranging 109 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:10,600 from, you know, the ages of 21 down to 12 and so broad 110 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:12,120 spectrum. Yet please pray for me. 111 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:16,600 I need all the help I can get. But, but look, you know, strong 112 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:21,600 families with good solid identity and good core values at 113 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:25,000 the centre of, of who these young, amazing human beings are 114 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:29,720 set them up for an incredible life of great, not just success, 115 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:33,520 but but be able to, you know, do things that that the average 116 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:35,520 human being can't. And why average? 117 00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:39,840 Because the average human being comes from brokenness and from 118 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:43,120 despair. And, and when you have flawed 119 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:46,360 attachment with parents, well, let it pretty much, you know, 120 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:49,160 sets you up for a, for a negative trajectory thereafter. 121 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:52,280 So, so let's get this right. Love that you're prioritizing 122 00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:55,920 this. Yeah, you know, before we do, 123 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,600 just briefly. I I'm always curious about 124 00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:03,400 people's back story. What made you go into this world 125 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,480 or this realm or this career path? 126 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:07,520 And, and I'm, I'm sure it's more than just a career at this 127 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:11,880 point, but I, why, why this, why psychology? 128 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:14,720 Why did you become a pastor? Why did you become somebody who 129 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:17,240 is traveling the world and helping people and speaking and 130 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:19,960 coaching and, and leading? And like what really sent you 131 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:23,480 down that trajectory? You know, I I wish I had a good 132 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:26,440 story for this, Cody. Like I wish there was like 133 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:28,920 lightning bolts from heaven and you shall be. 134 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:33,640 But none of that happened. I actually grew up as a teenager 135 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:36,400 watching an American sitcom called Growing pains. 136 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:39,440 I don't know if you remember that with teenage heartthrob 137 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:43,960 Kirk Cameron at the time. And the dad was Doctor Seaver 138 00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:48,040 and he was a psychologist and he worked from home and they lived 139 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:50,280 in a really nice home. And he was always hanging out 140 00:06:50,280 --> 00:06:52,840 with the kids. And I'm like, I want that job. 141 00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:55,120 It just didn't quite turn out the way in which it presented on 142 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:56,560 the TV. And now I'm never home and was 143 00:06:56,920 --> 00:07:01,760 traveling and and working in war zones and look, it actually, you 144 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:05,200 know, God used mysterious ways to to lure you into where it is 145 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:08,040 that he wants you to be. And I I'm just so grateful. 146 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:11,200 I'm so grateful because I'm fascinated by human beings. 147 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:16,400 I'm fascinated by the way in which we, we function, why we 148 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:19,160 think what we think, why we believe what we believe, why we 149 00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:22,000 do what we do. And sometimes the stuff we do 150 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:24,280 doesn't seem to make sense at face value. 151 00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:27,160 So I go looking for that sense to try and understand it, 152 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:30,440 whether it be to intervene and, and bring about, you know, 153 00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:34,040 resolution or reconciliation or maybe even better to prevent it 154 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,920 from, from the wheels falling off the wagon in the first 155 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:41,200 place. You know, an observation I just 156 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:46,080 just actually kind of came to one of the reasons I really 157 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:50,560 appreciate and respect you both you and Pastor Keith Craft is 158 00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:54,200 very, very strong families, very, very strong fathers, very 159 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:56,440 great leaders. You guys have a lot of intention 160 00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:59,680 with how you lead your family, how you guys operate, how you 161 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:04,800 teach and how you think. And you're also gone a lot, you 162 00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:08,720 travel a lot for what you do. And, and when I think of one of 163 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:12,240 the issues with being a male figure who's a father, who's a 164 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:15,080 husband, who's trying to also be a successful entrepreneur, it's 165 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:17,160 the balance of time and trying to make sure that I'm home 166 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:19,160 enough because I got to be present, but I also got to build 167 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:21,160 the company and I got to travel and impact people because that's 168 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:23,640 what I do. And that is always such a 169 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:26,960 dichotomy for a lot of people. Yet two men that I look to 170 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:29,880 immediately and think of who have, you know, you probably 171 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:34,039 will argue this, but I think mastered this ability travel a 172 00:08:34,039 --> 00:08:36,679 lot and are done a lot. And and I'm not going to assume 173 00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:38,720 what we're going to talk about today is going to kind of be how 174 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:41,720 you do so. Yeah, look, it's not without 175 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:44,960 consequence for sure. And and, you know, there are 176 00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:48,120 drawbacks. I I'm greatly convicted by, you 177 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:50,960 know, the greatest evangelist of our time, Billy Graham, who, you 178 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:53,960 know, before his passing was asked, you know, if you could 179 00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:56,680 change anything, would you do anything differently? 180 00:08:56,840 --> 00:09:00,120 And he said I would travel less and pray more. 181 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:04,280 And it is, it is convicting. But we have, you know, explored 182 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:06,440 because we've been doing this for, you know, 25 years. 183 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:11,800 We've explored various different ways to keep the family cohesive 184 00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:13,880 and functioning as best as we could. 185 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:17,720 We we traveled as a family for a number of years, homeschooling 186 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:19,480 the kids, taking a nanny with us on the road. 187 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:23,080 These days, the kids line up and take turns. 188 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:26,960 So from the age of five, the kids started travelling with me 189 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:30,840 and we just yank him out of school and give them the school 190 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:34,560 of life, a real life experience, whether it be in difficult 191 00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:36,920 hotspots of as just just as in South Sudan. 192 00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:40,160 And Chad, I was with my 17 year old son who's, you know, eyes 193 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:42,520 were popping out of his head, you know, meeting with kings and 194 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:44,360 dignitaries and vice presidents and generals. 195 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:48,400 And, and these are experiences of a lifetime that that deposits 196 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:51,120 seeds within him or his own future. 197 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:54,920 And so it's a it's a blessing to be able to go on the road with, 198 00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:58,480 with the kids, one-on-one to, to drill down and, and they 199 00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:00,760 recognize, OK, we're part of this ministry. 200 00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:04,480 We might not always be able to go with Dad, but we can pray for 201 00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:08,760 Dad and pray for the ministry and part of, of whatever project 202 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:12,040 he is is doing. And so we, yeah, we get to be 203 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:14,520 able to, well, we're doing the best we can. 204 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:17,960 Let's put it like that. Yeah, and you hit the nail on 205 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:20,200 that. Those are things that most 206 00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:23,040 people won't ever experience. So to bring your child with you 207 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:25,800 is, is an amazing experience for you, but also for them and it 208 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:27,880 shapes them in so many ways. That's that's phenomenal. 209 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:33,480 When I think of parenting and what you've taught and what I've 210 00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:36,200 heard, one of the things that was really, really cool of how 211 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:38,160 you broke it down, I think will be really valuable for the 212 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:41,320 listeners is the three pillars of mental health and emotional 213 00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:44,520 well-being that you cover and how those kind of translate into 214 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:46,760 how we parent, how we show up and, and how we influence our 215 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:49,760 children. So I'd love to start by breaking 216 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:51,400 down what those pillars are, if you can. 217 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,080 The three pillars of mental health and well-being. 218 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:57,680 Yeah, there's probably 7 pillars, but the three 219 00:10:57,680 --> 00:11:01,880 foundations that support the pillars are identity, purpose 220 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:05,080 and self worth. And look at the role of a father 221 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:09,720 is so integral in helping to shape, forge and form the 222 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:12,000 identity of a child. And the quality of the 223 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:16,480 attachment between dad and that child will help, you know, set 224 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:20,360 that child up for success or, or ultimately create Swiss cheese 225 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:24,400 in, in a, in a child's psyche where there's, there's holes in 226 00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:26,960 places where there shouldn't be, if you, if you catch my drift. 227 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:31,000 And so the idea of, of being intentional as a dad is so 228 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:34,040 crucial because we're forging and forming identity. 229 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:38,360 And if you know who you are and you therefore by default know 230 00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:41,080 who's you are, who you belong to, what you represent, then 231 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:44,560 when you make decisions, you're not just making decisions in the 232 00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:48,520 moment for you, for personal self gratification, oftentimes 233 00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:50,960 which have devastating consequences, not just for you, 234 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:54,200 but also for others. But you are making decisions 235 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:57,560 recognizing I'm representing something that's larger than me. 236 00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:01,960 And I'll often tell a story of I used to be a ski and snowboard 237 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:06,560 instructor back in a past life and I taught Prince, Prince 238 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:09,360 Harry and King Charles had a snowboard for the first time. 239 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:13,200 And, and it was, it was a funny experience because this young 240 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:16,720 boy, all of 11 years of age, Prince Harry, everyone called 241 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:19,320 him Sir. And, and I'm like, Sir, he's, 242 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:22,400 he's 11. And I'm like, I'm like, hey, 243 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:24,680 girl, this. I'm obviously an Australian, a 244 00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:27,840 rebellious Australian because, you know, they are our monarchy. 245 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,640 And, and so I'm like, Hey, what's going on here? 246 00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:36,080 But but because he know who he was and he was very cautious to 247 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:38,720 behave in a way that represented his family well. 248 00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:42,240 And I thought to myself, what 11 year old kid thinks like that? 249 00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:45,120 Imagine if all of our 11 year old kids, before they sprayed 250 00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,760 the graffiti, before they stole the candy from the store, before 251 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,640 they clicked on the Internet pornography. 252 00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:52,320 What if they stopped and asked the question, hang on, What I do 253 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:55,920 next will either bring honor or shame to my family because it's 254 00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:58,520 not just who I am. It's who's I am, who I belong 255 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:01,960 to, who I represent. Wouldn't that be a game changer 256 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:03,600 if our kids actually knew who they were? 257 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:07,640 Now, they might not belong to the royal family of England, but 258 00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:10,520 if they know their Heavenly Father, well, then they belong 259 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:13,200 to the most high royal family in the universe. 260 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:16,160 And so they get to represent something which is far greater 261 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:18,160 than themselves. And then they discover, well, 262 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:19,840 there's actually a reason for me being here. 263 00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:23,040 I'm not just some random goo that evolved, you know, over 264 00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:26,760 gazillions of years for no Rime or Reeves and no, no meaning, no 265 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:29,320 purpose. No, I'm actually placed here at 266 00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:33,880 this particular juncture in history for a specific purpose 267 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:38,480 and and if I discover the gifts, the calling, the the the 268 00:13:38,680 --> 00:13:42,560 tenacity on the inside to go after whatever it is that God 269 00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:46,200 has in store for my life, well then I'll discover value. 270 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:50,640 So who am I, why am I here, and what am I worth of the three 271 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:53,360 essential questions that kids need to be able to ask and 272 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:57,160 answer, to forge that and form that, that strong foundation 273 00:13:57,160 --> 00:14:00,800 upon which then the the pillars of mental health can be can be 274 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:04,760 well planted. So on that first one, the 275 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:10,080 identity what, what do we have to do? 276 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:12,680 I have two questions on this. One is what do you feel like are 277 00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:16,480 the most important things that we can practically apply to this 278 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,920 or do for our children to cultivate that identity? 279 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,040 I got to assume at first, it's like you, you have to figure out 280 00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:24,200 your own personal identity, right? 281 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,800 You have to lead yourself first. But what are the things that 282 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:29,400 parents should be doing? And then also a second to that, 283 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:32,600 why is the father such a pivotal role? 284 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:35,680 Not to diminish the mother's role in, in parenting, but 285 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:39,720 you've often said that the the father helps shape and create 286 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:41,960 the identity more so than anything else. 287 00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:45,040 So I'd love to learn more about why that isn't what we can do to 288 00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:48,320 start helping our children cultivate that identity 289 00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:50,920 themselves. Yeah, these are great questions 290 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:54,920 and I think they're timeless questions that neither I nor 291 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:58,160 anyone else really has the bottom line answer. 292 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:01,640 We, we can speculate and there's great research to, to show and 293 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:05,480 that their father in particular has the role of directing and 294 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:09,640 correcting and, and the mother is, is largely A nurturing and 295 00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:12,080 supportive role. And, and obviously there's 296 00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:15,000 cultural implications with that. There's overlap and, and, you 297 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,080 know, not all men are the same and not all women are the same, 298 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:20,840 but stereotypically we recognize that to be true. 299 00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:24,280 Why that's so, I don't think it's because we are some way, 300 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:25,920 you know, bravado and we've got it going on. 301 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:30,320 No, it's just innate in us that that is the that is the path for 302 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:33,800 us to to tread. And and as I, you know, embark 303 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:38,640 upon this journey with my own children, I'm not here to, you 304 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:43,320 know, scratch their back and say, I just want you to be happy 305 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:44,960 in life. Hell no. 306 00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:46,880 Happiness is absolutely not the goal. 307 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:49,400 I want you to be solid. I want you to be grounded. 308 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,920 I want you to be a person of character and integrity. 309 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:53,880 I want you to be a man on a mission. 310 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:59,360 And as I heard somebody once say, if, if a man doesn't have a 311 00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:02,920 mission, then there's nothing, you know, for anyone to, to 312 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,120 follow or, or, or come under. And so the idea of, of, you 313 00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:09,000 know, the word submission is, you know, this dirty word in the 314 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,680 world today, but it's just misunderstood. 315 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:15,640 Sub means to go under and mission is the mission. 316 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:16,920 So, So what are you coming under? 317 00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:19,400 Not sub man submission. You're coming under the mission. 318 00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:24,000 And and so if, if, if a man doesn't have a mission, well, 319 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:26,280 he's, he might turn into the Michelin man. 320 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:29,080 Not quite the same, sounds similar, but not quite the same, 321 00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:31,640 very, very different. And so let's be a man on a 322 00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:33,200 mission. And, and one of the greatest 323 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:37,360 missions that we have is to instill in our kids those those 324 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:40,680 core values that will be the compass for their life to guide 325 00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:44,280 them into an amazing future. But but more than just the 326 00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:47,040 teaching role of the father pointing the finger, saying you 327 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:54,920 need to XYZ, the real art of being a parent is to foster the 328 00:16:54,920 --> 00:17:00,360 quality of intimacy in the connection that in particular, 329 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:02,720 as we're talking about dads, a dad would have with their child. 330 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:08,720 Because that level of bonding, that attachment, if it's secure, 331 00:17:09,319 --> 00:17:11,160 then that's a foundation upon which you can build a 332 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:14,480 skyscraper. But if it's broken in some way, 333 00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:17,359 if it's anxious, if it's avoidant, if it's, you know, 334 00:17:17,359 --> 00:17:20,280 we've got all these labels and terms in psychology, but there 335 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:23,599 are serious consequences so that the role of the father with a 336 00:17:23,599 --> 00:17:27,040 child, especially a daughter, lays down the blueprint for that 337 00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:30,680 daughter's future marriage. And if she's not secure, then 338 00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:33,760 she will unfortunately may run the risk of going looking for 339 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:38,480 love in all the wrong places. You, you mentioned the core 340 00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:43,280 values aspect of this. What advice do you have for 341 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:47,440 fathers and, and parents together, Maybe a mom and a dad 342 00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:52,000 creating core values for the family together, even to make 343 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,680 sure that this is instilled so that the, the children. 344 00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:58,960 Because obviously, you know, like my daughter's 7 and I could 345 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:04,520 tell her, you know, in this family, we, we focus on honor is 346 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:06,760 one of our core values and it would maybe go right overhead. 347 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:08,960 So I have to show examples, I have to teach lessons, I have to 348 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:11,280 tell her stories about my past where I made mistakes and show 349 00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:14,040 her how it wasn't honoring my family or so on and so forth to 350 00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:16,880 get it to click. And I just love to hear you kind 351 00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:19,960 of break this part down because I think that is something that 352 00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:23,160 in some of the families I've observed and it, it really 353 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,880 helped me start practicing, practicing this in my own life 354 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:30,200 is they had family core values. And it was, it's, it's funny now 355 00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:32,720 to think about it, but even a year, two years ago, when I 356 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:38,200 first saw a family really, really instilling this and, and, 357 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:41,320 you know, being very, very focused on this, it was 358 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:43,080 something I've never seen before. 359 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,360 And then it dawned on me, like, how have I never seen this? 360 00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:48,000 Like, why aren't more families creating core values together? 361 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,360 This seems like something we should all be doing, but it's 362 00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:54,200 not, unfortunately, you know? Once again, it's such a great 363 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:59,520 question and a real practical way that you can develop this 364 00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:02,360 within your own family, especially if you haven't seen 365 00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:05,320 it before and it looks so foreign, but yet some way 366 00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:08,600 interesting and inspirational and you go, whatever they've 367 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:11,000 got. I want also, Well, it's to 368 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:14,400 simply sit down with your kids and ask them, OK, so who are 369 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:18,120 your favorite superheroes? You know, is it someone from 370 00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:20,880 Marvel or is it DC or is it, is it some other, you know, 371 00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:25,560 Japanese, you know, anime, who, who are the heroes that you look 372 00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:27,840 up to? And then, well, let's let's 373 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:30,920 dissect that hero. What is it about this hero 374 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:35,480 that's so appealing? And, and, and the idea of hero 375 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:41,040 is not just a person who has superpowers, you know, like in 376 00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:44,520 X-Men, because you can be a super villain with superpowers. 377 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:48,960 What is it that makes a hero? And, and so we'll often say 378 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:52,240 things like, you know, when, when Superman is sitting 379 00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:56,840 watching the game, it's the grand final and you know, and 380 00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:59,160 it's the winning, you know, kick about to take place. 381 00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:03,320 There's, there's, you know, 0.3 seconds on the clock and, and 382 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:06,880 it's a penalty and, and if they get this, his team wins. 383 00:20:07,120 --> 00:20:10,480 And so. As he runs up to take the kick 384 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:14,760 in slow motion, Superman he is. And there's a girl falling from 385 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:16,280 a bridge, you know, 6 miles away. 386 00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:17,760 And in this moment, he's got a dilemma. 387 00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:20,120 Like what do I do? Do I, do I watch the winning 388 00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:27,160 kick, which satisfies my desire? Or do I sacrifice myself and go 389 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:30,440 save the girl? And if he denies himself in that 390 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:34,160 moment, that's what makes him a hero, not because he can fly 391 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:38,400 super fast, but because he's able to deny himself for a 392 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,560 greater good. Now we have a value. 393 00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:44,960 And so when we sit down with our kids and we say, hey everyone, 394 00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:46,880 by the way, every kid wants to be a superhero. 395 00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:50,840 And there is a stage of life where every kid sees their dad 396 00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:53,440 as a superhero. And then I think it changes into 397 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:55,080 a villain. And then don't worry, it comes 398 00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:57,640 back full circle later on, but usually just before you're about 399 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:01,600 to die. So, and so let's sit down and 400 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:03,760 let's unpack this. What, what do we love about 401 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:07,560 these, these characters? And, and you know, Speaking of 402 00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:10,760 character, what are the characters within these people? 403 00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:15,120 What are the values that they, that they exemplify, whether it 404 00:21:15,120 --> 00:21:19,360 be generosity or gratitude or, or honor or, or a spirit of 405 00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:23,200 excellence in what they do? And which one do you think would 406 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,840 be good for us to apply? And, and if you're making core 407 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:30,040 values in your family, the, the trick is don't make too many 408 00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:32,840 because sometimes we go, Oh yeah, I want that one and I want 409 00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:34,320 that one. And we're going to be this kind 410 00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:35,560 of family. We're going, we can make a 411 00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:40,000 Christmas wish list, but if there's, you know, more than 5 412 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:42,360 in your list, then it's going to be hard for the kids to grasp. 413 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:45,400 I just need anchor points to hold on to. 414 00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:49,040 And so we say no less than three, no more than 5 as a good 415 00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:51,680 way for kids to remember. And then whenever you're away or 416 00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:54,080 whenever it's a weekend or whenever you're in the car 417 00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:57,680 driving, you can just lean over momentarily and just say, hey, 418 00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:01,240 what are our family core values and get them to rattle them off. 419 00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:04,320 And then just pick one and say, Hey, what is what does gratitude 420 00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:06,800 actually mean? Like, you know, unpack that for 421 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:08,080 me. And, and can you give me an 422 00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:11,400 example of a time in the last day all week where you have 423 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:15,160 either seen somebody who has exemplified this super, this 424 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:19,520 superhero core value or that you yourself as have engaged? 425 00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:24,080 Or what do you think you could do even today that could 426 00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:27,160 activate this superhero core value in your life? 427 00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:31,960 Who could we be grateful to or what could we be grateful for? 428 00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:37,080 Just making it really practical. I love that it's such, it's such 429 00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:41,200 an easy and it's such a fun way to discuss it and implement it 430 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,800 with your kids. You know, one of the things 431 00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:48,360 that's interesting to me as well is that I've noticed as just a 432 00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:52,400 normal dad, I'm more accountable to living up to our values and 433 00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:55,600 standards. Now that I know my daughter is 434 00:22:55,600 --> 00:23:00,040 aware of what I said, that they will be with her, you know, and 435 00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:03,440 because, and now she catches me and like one of ours that's 436 00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:05,640 really big and that I talk about for me personally is just 437 00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:07,680 extreme ownership. And part of that was, is, is 438 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,840 also stewardship, you know, And so she, she caught me a few 439 00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:13,640 times picking up trash on our street and it's not in front of 440 00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:16,160 her house, but she's like, why are you doing that? 441 00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:17,920 And she would ask, and I was, you know, I'm being a good 442 00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:19,640 steward and I'm trying to take extreme ownership. 443 00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:22,000 I have the, the ability to bend over and pick this up. 444 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,240 So I'm going to do it because I can create a change. 445 00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:27,880 And if I don't do it, I'm not using my ability to do so. 446 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:31,520 But then it turned into we're driving to school, dad stop. 447 00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:33,000 But I like stopped the truck and I'm like, what? 448 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,920 She's like their garbage can fell over and she wants me to 449 00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:38,360 get out of the truck, walk down the driveway and, and I'm like, 450 00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:41,440 Oh my gosh, okay, I got to do it, you know, and so she would 451 00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:43,360 catch me doing these things and I love it. 452 00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:46,360 And it's, it's really, really powerful because now I'm 453 00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:51,360 constantly thinking about my actions have such a bigger role 454 00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:55,000 than just for me or my life. And I think that it's, it's, 455 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:58,120 it's really cool revolving kind of thing because we do this so 456 00:23:58,120 --> 00:24:01,280 that we shape them, but then it holds us accountable of being a 457 00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:03,000 better human and being a better steward. 458 00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:06,200 And in turn, they shape themselves because they're doing 459 00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:08,800 it for us, but in turn we're doing it for them. 460 00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:10,960 And it's like this, it's, it's really, really cool. 461 00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:13,280 It's like that age-old catch phrase. 462 00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:16,280 You don't worry so much about what you say, worry about what 463 00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:18,840 you do. Because children see children do 464 00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:23,320 they emulate their copy, They impersonate they, they will 465 00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:27,440 embody what you do so much more than what you say. 466 00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:30,960 So you can lecture until they have, you know, until the crows 467 00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:33,360 come home. But at the end of the day, it's 468 00:24:33,360 --> 00:24:36,360 what we do that matters. And yeah, our kids are watching 469 00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:37,640 and listening. Yeah. 470 00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:40,680 You know, even just around the dinner table, Like if you have a 471 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:44,320 problem that you faced that particular day and you come out, 472 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,360 you won't believe it. You know, this guy came up. 473 00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:49,040 He was outraged, and he was flying off the handle. 474 00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:52,240 And now the kids are all ears, like, So what did you do next? 475 00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:56,160 So you know what I did? I said to him, you better sit 476 00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:57,600 down and can I make you a coffee? 477 00:24:57,880 --> 00:25:00,920 And they're like, what? And then I brought him a coffee, 478 00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:02,320 and I said, so tell me what's going on. 479 00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:04,320 And he just came from the hospital, and his wife has got 480 00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:06,200 terminal cancer, and he's, like, really distressed. 481 00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,320 And so actually, the issue was not the issue. 482 00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:11,920 That was just the emotional overflow that he was not able to 483 00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:13,480 cope or handle what he was going through. 484 00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:15,240 And so I was able to not only disarm him. 485 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:19,000 So that's emotional Kung Fu, but I was able to, you know, bless 486 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:21,480 him and minister to him and help him and serve him. 487 00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:25,760 And now because of the story being told at the dinner table 488 00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:29,480 about what dad or mom actually did that day, the kids are like, 489 00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:32,240 lesson, got it. Feather in the cap, right? 490 00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:36,160 Save it for a rainy day. That's so good. 491 00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:39,080 You know, I think it's, it's so important that those 492 00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:42,480 conversations are being had with the kids too, because I, I sold 493 00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:45,160 this from somebody else, but they had talked about most dads 494 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:48,480 go off to work. And so when we tell our children 495 00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:50,200 we work hard, it's just our words. 496 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,200 They don't know what hard work looks like. 497 00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:54,880 And so my wife and I made a really big point to Start 498 00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:57,520 learning how to do everything around the house ourselves. 499 00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:00,000 And she's a great builder and, and I'm like, well, I got to 500 00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:01,640 learn landscaping. I got to learn all this stuff 501 00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:04,240 and we're doing anything and I want her in the gym with me so 502 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:07,280 she can see me working hard because dad suffers in the gym a 503 00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:08,720 little bit. And I want you to see what that 504 00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:11,760 looks like because me on my computer nowadays on the online 505 00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:15,240 business, she doesn't like translate that in her brain with 506 00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:16,040 hard work. So. 507 00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:18,920 But again, it just goes back to what you're saying, like they 508 00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:21,440 see what you're doing more than anything. 509 00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:23,560 And sometimes you have to force that, like try to get them in 510 00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:25,520 front of you to see that too, you know? 511 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:28,840 That's right. And and I think when it comes to 512 00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:33,960 instilling these core values, it's not just about being the 513 00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:38,480 role model, but us encouraging the kids to even role model. 514 00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:42,280 And and so when we set it up with our kids, you know, I'll 515 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:45,880 often by the way, you know, if ever my child is in trouble for 516 00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:50,560 something, it's not because of the action, it's always because 517 00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:53,640 of the intent. I don't you never punish the 518 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:57,240 outcome. You always address and teach the 519 00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:01,360 heart. And so if if there is a time 520 00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:05,120 where there is trouble and that happens from time to time, it's 521 00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:08,000 because the kids have let themselves down in one of their 522 00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:11,640 family core values. And so we get to role, role 523 00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:16,280 model that through or, or role play that through and have the 524 00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:20,160 kids even in advance, you know, say, hey, I want you to imagine 525 00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:22,160 a scenario where this is happening. 526 00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:23,680 You know, what would you likely do? 527 00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:27,800 Well, that probably wouldn't adhere to one of our family core 528 00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:29,160 values. So which one of our family core 529 00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:32,160 values could you take off the shelf and apply as a superhero 530 00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:36,760 power so that you can create an even more successful outcome? 531 00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:39,960 And so we're basically setting our kids up for success with 532 00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,760 practical tools. And just like any superhero, 533 00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:47,320 they have to go through a training season to learn how to 534 00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:50,160 employ and use these these new skills. 535 00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:52,240 You know, Peter Parker had to figure out how do I climb a 536 00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:53,880 wall? How do I shoot the string out of 537 00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:55,680 my hand? How do I, you know, swing from 538 00:27:55,680 --> 00:27:57,400 building to building because there would have been a few 539 00:27:57,400 --> 00:27:59,840 crashes at the beginning. And, but it is through that 540 00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:03,480 training process that is so important. 541 00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:06,920 I just had this thought that came to mind, Cody. 542 00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:11,920 And, and that is, I wonder why all of the superheroes seem to 543 00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:15,080 have one thing in common and that is they don't have dads. 544 00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:22,760 And that to me is, is the exact opposite of the way in reality 545 00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:26,120 in which reality works. So not to say that if you don't 546 00:28:26,120 --> 00:28:28,120 have a dad, you can't go on to become a superhero. 547 00:28:28,120 --> 00:28:30,640 And, and certainly, once again, like I said before, not to say 548 00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:33,000 that if you've had a broken relationship with your dad, 549 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,440 you're going to go on to look for love in all the wrong 550 00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:38,840 places, but to say you need healing in order for that to 551 00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:42,080 take place to, to bring wholeness and health to your 552 00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:44,440 relationships again. But, but the truth of the matter 553 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:47,040 is, Peter Parker had no dad. Superman had no dad like all 554 00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:49,320 these, all these superheroes, Batman had no dad. 555 00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:53,040 All the dads get killed in action somehow, but they often 556 00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:57,200 looked up to their dad as, as, as, as a hero in some way. 557 00:28:57,240 --> 00:28:59,280 All the values were passed on in some way. 558 00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:03,760 But, but the truth of the matter is great dads, present dads, 559 00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:11,240 make for great superhero kids. You know that that brings me to 560 00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:13,240 something I wanted to ask you about with regards to 561 00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:15,920 cultivating identity in in our children. 562 00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:20,440 And that was just some of the, I believe it was, maybe it was a 563 00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:21,760 Hallmark experiment or something. 564 00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:25,120 But I heard you talk about this where it was like the Mother's 565 00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:27,480 Day and Father's Day cards. But there was quite a few things 566 00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:30,280 that you had to say just about that I think really helped 567 00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:34,960 provide context and proof, I should say, as to why the father 568 00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:38,360 being in the child's life and being a part of their life and, 569 00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:40,360 and really trying to help with these core values and being 570 00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:42,000 present, all these things is so important. 571 00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:45,840 And to your point to to develop a superhero kid like the dad's 572 00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:48,240 got to be there. Could you break down some of 573 00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:50,680 that, that, let's say, proof of research that you've you've 574 00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:53,720 broken down before in the past that I think just really kind of 575 00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:55,360 solidifies how important this is? 576 00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:58,680 Yeah, they're perhaps more anecdotal observations. 577 00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:01,560 And I believe the one with the Hallmark greeting cards was that 578 00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:04,760 Hallmark, you know, gave inmates in prison an opportunity to 579 00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:06,840 write a card to their mom on Mother's Day. 580 00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:11,520 And the the project was so successful that they literally 581 00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:14,960 had to truckload semi trailer loads full more of these 582 00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:17,400 greeting cards to meet the demand. 583 00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:19,520 And then they thought, this is this is amazing. 584 00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:21,880 This is really great. Let's repeat the exercise on 585 00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:24,440 Father's Day. And apparently less than 2% of 586 00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:26,640 inmates came forward to write their down, add a card on 587 00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:32,040 Father's Day, which speaks volumes of the relationships 588 00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:34,440 between criminals and their dads. 589 00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:39,960 And, and so, you know, it goes to goes to show what we, we've 590 00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:42,520 got a we've got a job to do and we need to be doing better. 591 00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:46,640 And, and I look at the, the research on the flip side with, 592 00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:50,080 with single parent households. And it's just, I mean, the 593 00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:52,920 statistics are so strong, they're undeniable that that if 594 00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:57,520 you are raising a kid on your own, As for example as a single 595 00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:01,800 mum, the trajectory is horrendous in terms of the 596 00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:05,360 outcomes for the kids. Academic performance goes into 597 00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:10,880 decline, drug use, sexual promiscuity, criminality all go 598 00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:13,400 through the roof. And so the statistics are 599 00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:17,600 horrendous, except when you look at the role of a single dad. 600 00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:22,080 The statistics of a single dad raising their kids is no 601 00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:25,640 different to a nuclear family with both mom and dad raising 602 00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:27,480 their kids. And it's not to say that well, 603 00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:29,400 that goes to show dads are better because this is a 604 00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:32,760 statistic that no one in our contemporary society wants to 605 00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:36,480 hear or even talk about it. But I think it's an indictment 606 00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:39,680 on dads, not a celebration to be able to say, well, then where 607 00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:42,760 are the dads? Why is it that the United States 608 00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:47,760 has more single mother households than any other nation 609 00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:51,680 on the planet? And when you look at the drug 610 00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:54,920 use and we look at the mental health issues, when we look at 611 00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:58,120 youth suicide, when we look at gun crime, we look at it doesn't 612 00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:00,560 matter what we look at the United States is off the Richter 613 00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:02,240 scale. And, and, and if only we were to 614 00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:05,120 come back and prioritize and say, hang on, the role of the 615 00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:08,600 father is so critical, so important to be able to have the 616 00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:11,120 a wake up and a shake up in the in the court system, in the 617 00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:13,400 family court system that prioritizes like send the kids 618 00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:14,840 to my wait a minute, What are we doing? 619 00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:17,520 Is this based on science? If it were going to be science 620 00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:21,200 based, then we need to actually have a rethink, a whole rethink 621 00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:25,680 as to how we invest in community, invest in strong 622 00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:28,600 families and, and, and I'd love to say invest in strong 623 00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:31,120 relationships between mum and dad so that there's no break up 624 00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:33,480 in the 1st place. But in actual fact, that's 625 00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:35,880 already too late. We, we need to start with 626 00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:40,040 fathers to be great dads to their children so their children 627 00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:42,360 can grow up and have great marriages. 628 00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:45,520 So it's all good and well to do marriage counseling for the 629 00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:47,400 people who are in difficulty, but it's almost too late. 630 00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:51,160 You got to go back to the start and start at the foundations to 631 00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:53,320 say quick, we got to get good identity. 632 00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:55,320 We got to get good purpose and good self worth. 633 00:32:55,320 --> 00:32:57,600 Who am I, why am I here? What am I worth? 634 00:32:57,600 --> 00:33:01,640 What am I, what's my value? And if a child knows who they 635 00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:04,600 are and why they're here and what they're worth, they have a 636 00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:06,480 solid foundation. If they've got a solid 637 00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:10,680 attachment with dad, they have the capacity to go on and have a 638 00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:13,280 solid relationship with their spouse. 639 00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:15,760 And if that's followed relationship with their spouse 640 00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:21,560 is intact and in place, then now we have a foundation to raise 641 00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:25,680 the next generation where we can change the landscape, the 642 00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:27,840 landscape of statistics, negative statistics in the 643 00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:29,600 United States. I think it's possible. 644 00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:32,840 I just think I just wonder whether or not we've got the the 645 00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:36,480 courage to actually talk about this research and do it as 646 00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:39,080 opposed to just being virtue signaling and Oh no, that's 647 00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:40,240 terrible. We can't talk about that. 648 00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:42,040 You are. So you're such a bigoted, 649 00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:45,480 racist, kind of, you know, misogynistic, whatever names 650 00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:48,640 people might be throwing at me right now for even mentioning 651 00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:52,000 this research. Well, yeah, we can just be name 652 00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:55,400 calling and label throwing until the cows come home. 653 00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:57,040 But, but, but it doesn't change anything. 654 00:33:57,520 --> 00:34:00,840 If we want change, we want sustainable change in, in, in 655 00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:04,480 this great nation of, of, of America, then it's time we had a 656 00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:07,920 look at parenting, which is why I love what you're doing. 657 00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:10,800 It's probably the most important podcast people can do. 658 00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:13,679 I agree so much and I appreciate that. 659 00:34:13,679 --> 00:34:17,520 I think that, you know, this, this started as a fitness, 660 00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:20,159 strictly fitness and nutrition podcast because that's the 661 00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:23,080 industry that I've built my businesses in. 662 00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:27,960 And after 1000 episodes, we kind of rebranded and I was like, I 663 00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:31,679 just want to talk about more because there's so much more 664 00:34:31,679 --> 00:34:34,159 left on the table when it comes to the development of a human 665 00:34:34,159 --> 00:34:37,040 being. And I think that it is like I, 666 00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:39,320 it's part of the reason why the podcast is called Choose Hard is 667 00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:41,639 because sometimes it is hard for people to talk about this stuff 668 00:34:41,639 --> 00:34:43,239 publicly. And at a certain point I said, I 669 00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:44,880 just don't care. I want people to get better. 670 00:34:44,880 --> 00:34:46,159 And I know this is what they need. 671 00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:50,239 That's what I need. It's, you know, I come from a 672 00:34:50,239 --> 00:34:53,080 home that I've had multiple stepparents on both sides. 673 00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:56,800 And so I didn't have an example of, of how to do things right, 674 00:34:57,240 --> 00:35:00,800 which means that, and I love my parents, but they divorced and 675 00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:03,880 they both had, I had stepmom, stepdad and then another stepdad 676 00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:08,440 like, so I had to go out of my way to find people like you and 677 00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:10,840 find mentors and find churches and find books. 678 00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:14,440 And the more I could learn, the better I could be for my 679 00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:16,360 daughter. And I'm trying to figure it out 680 00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:19,000 myself to do it right for the exact reasons you're talking 681 00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:20,800 about. And I think there's so many, I 682 00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:24,720 mean, you proved this point. There's so many guys out there 683 00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:27,480 that are in the same position that are in their 30s, forties, 684 00:35:27,480 --> 00:35:29,040 50s. And they're, they didn't have 685 00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:30,840 the example. And so they're, they're raising 686 00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:32,240 kids and they have to do it the right way. 687 00:35:32,240 --> 00:35:34,320 So I'm very, very grateful for this. 688 00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:38,240 And, and that's why I want to get out there, but to kind of 689 00:35:38,240 --> 00:35:40,880 bring us back to these pillars. I want to move from identity 690 00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:44,520 into purpose and, and really kind of give people an idea of 691 00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:47,880 how we discover that. I think that when somebody has a 692 00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:51,960 more biblical point of view or way of living, it is a little 693 00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:54,680 bit easier in the sense that we know that we are here to build 694 00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:57,000 the Kingdom. However, for people who maybe 695 00:35:57,000 --> 00:36:00,240 don't like what do they do? And even for people who do are 696 00:36:00,240 --> 00:36:03,640 like, and I went through this, well, what about my talent and 697 00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:05,640 skill and career? What does this have to do with 698 00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:07,440 building Kingdom? How am I helping and serving? 699 00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:08,920 And it took me a while to figure that out. 700 00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:14,360 But how do we cultivate and and discover our purpose slash help 701 00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:16,200 our children? Because obviously it starts with 702 00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:17,480 us. But how do you help people 703 00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:21,160 figure that part out? I don't know if you ever saw the 704 00:36:21,240 --> 00:36:25,440 age-old film City slickers, I think from the 1990s or 705 00:36:25,440 --> 00:36:27,320 something like that, like wait, a bygone era. 706 00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:30,760 And, and there's a scene where they're, they're asking or 707 00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:34,440 talking about the meaning and of life and, and, and the, the 708 00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:39,400 cowboy who is mysterious and you know, the, the wise sage says 709 00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:42,280 the purpose of life is this. And he holds up his little 710 00:36:42,280 --> 00:36:45,440 finger and it's this, but doesn't actually give any 711 00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:47,320 explanation. He just says it's, it's like a 712 00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:49,560 mystery and no one really understands or crafts. 713 00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:54,320 And I think that's a great characterization of our 714 00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:58,720 contemporary day and age society where people are going off in 715 00:36:58,720 --> 00:37:02,720 search of purpose a little bit like we go off in search of a 716 00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:05,520 relationship or what could be my purpose? 717 00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:08,280 Like, is it the thing? Is there one thing that I was 718 00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:12,760 put on this planet to do? And I would go so far as to 719 00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:17,960 debunk that myth and say, actually every day there's an 720 00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:21,320 opportunity for you to activate your purpose, which is not some 721 00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:25,280 far-flung thing in the distant future, but it's the here and 722 00:37:25,280 --> 00:37:28,360 now. And So what is it that we have 723 00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:31,440 the opportunity to do? So I break it down like this. 724 00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:35,800 So say, if you're going to do an appraisal of yourself and try 725 00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:39,760 and figure out who you are, because why you're here is 726 00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:41,520 inextricably linked with who you are. 727 00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:43,480 So identity and purpose go hand in hand. 728 00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:46,360 And so if we were to break down who are you, you know, you could 729 00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:49,800 make a list of your gifts, your skills, your talents and well, 730 00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:51,960 hang on, they sound very similar to one another. 731 00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:54,760 So need to break those apart. So a gift is something that I'm 732 00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:57,640 innately born with. It's my ability. 733 00:37:57,640 --> 00:37:59,600 I didn't earn it, didn't don't deserve it. 734 00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:03,200 I just have it. And then secondly, I can develop 735 00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:05,160 skills. So I might have a gifting for 736 00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:07,320 music, but I might need to learn how to pick up and hold the 737 00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:10,240 guitar and where the chords are and learn this thing. 738 00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:15,680 And if I really practice and dedicate myself to this craft, I 739 00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:19,400 might become talented. So everyone has gifts, everyone 740 00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:22,040 has the capacity for skill, but not everyone is talented because 741 00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:24,160 that takes a little bit of elbow grease. 742 00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:26,240 Got to get into it and practice and be disciplined. 743 00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:30,840 But if I am talented, if I am a master at my craft, if I'm 744 00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:33,040 better than most, well, I can monetize it. 745 00:38:33,240 --> 00:38:35,560 Why? Because now it is of great 746 00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:37,920 value. So that third element of the 747 00:38:37,920 --> 00:38:40,760 equation, identity, purpose and value comes into it or 748 00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:42,840 automatically. And then I can ask what are my 749 00:38:42,840 --> 00:38:45,000 interests and what am I passionate about? 750 00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:47,520 An interest is something that you know, stimulates me 751 00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:51,120 academically or intellectually, but passion is something that 752 00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:56,120 grabs hold of my heart and, and I'm so emotionally captivated by 753 00:38:56,120 --> 00:38:58,920 it. But it's so easy to say these 754 00:38:58,920 --> 00:39:01,200 are my gifts, my skills, my talents, my interests, my 755 00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:03,280 passions, because it's all about me. 756 00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:06,640 But the moment it comes to purpose, it's no longer about 757 00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:10,760 me, but rather it's me taking my gifts, my skills, investing them 758 00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:13,160 wisely to become talented and of great value. 759 00:39:13,280 --> 00:39:15,920 And then combining my interests and passion, these things that 760 00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:19,720 I've developed or that God has given me so that now I can make 761 00:39:19,720 --> 00:39:23,920 an effective and valuable contribution to the world around 762 00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:25,920 me. And wait, if I'm making a 763 00:39:26,320 --> 00:39:29,560 valuable contribution, will value is the same as worth? 764 00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:32,760 Self worth is the same as the term self esteem. 765 00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:34,880 Self esteem is the pathway to self-confidence. 766 00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:36,640 Where did I get all this courage from? 767 00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:38,560 Because I'm no longer looking at me. 768 00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:41,000 The spotlight is not on my face, which makes me. 769 00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:44,040 Blinded by the. No, now I'm turning that 770 00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:46,680 spotlight around now and I'm shining in the direction that 771 00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:50,000 I'm going so I can walk with boldness, courage and confidence 772 00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:53,920 in the direction of my calling. So what am I called to do? 773 00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:58,080 It's not some outlandish great thing, it's not the the wise 774 00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:02,960 cowboy, but rather my call today is to be the best human that I 775 00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:05,040 can be. Who is it that I want to be 776 00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:07,720 today? What characters core values do I 777 00:40:07,720 --> 00:40:10,920 want to embody? Why am I showing up today? 778 00:40:11,400 --> 00:40:12,760 What's the what's the reason I'm here? 779 00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:15,640 What valuable contribution can I make? 780 00:40:16,120 --> 00:40:19,320 What's already working for me that that that I can capitalize 781 00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:21,040 on? And what's just one more thing I 782 00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:24,360 could do today to put a smile on somebody's face or to make a 783 00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:28,320 valuable contribution? Because if I'm depositing value 784 00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:30,760 in their life, it actually boomerangs back. 785 00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:34,400 I'm cultivating a treasure on the inside that no moth can eat, 786 00:40:34,400 --> 00:40:37,680 no rust can destroy, no thief can steal it's timeless 787 00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:41,120 treasure. No ideology, no identity 788 00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:43,000 politics can steal this away from me. 789 00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:45,720 Because I know who I am. So you can't manipulate me 790 00:40:45,720 --> 00:40:47,680 anymore. I know why I'm here. 791 00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:50,960 I am a man on a mission or a woman on a mission. 792 00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:52,880 I've got, I've got vision and direction. 793 00:40:53,120 --> 00:40:56,440 And lastly, I am making a valuable contribution to the 794 00:40:56,440 --> 00:40:59,720 world around me. And as I do that, as I deposit 795 00:40:59,720 --> 00:41:03,480 value, I discover action value at the same time as being 796 00:41:03,480 --> 00:41:06,400 deposited in me. And lastly, if I could say, if 797 00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:09,040 we were to ask God, you know, well, what are what are we 798 00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:11,160 worth? He would say, well, to me, 799 00:41:11,160 --> 00:41:14,960 you're worth dying for. That's how valuable you are to 800 00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:18,040 me, that I would give my only son the most precious thing to 801 00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:24,280 me of all, just for one chance to be in relationship with you. 802 00:41:24,720 --> 00:41:27,320 God is not a God of rules any more than a parent should be 803 00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:29,760 about rules. It you know, as the age-old 804 00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:32,480 saying goes, rules before relationship just results in 805 00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:35,800 resentment and rebellion. But relationship before the 806 00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:39,280 rules results in respect. And respect is both the Holy 807 00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:43,160 Grail of parenting and for a well lived life. 808 00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:47,280 It's. It's so interesting too, that 809 00:41:48,240 --> 00:41:53,440 it's, it's the selfless selfishness kind of idea because 810 00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:56,440 you can be selfish and try to do everything you want for you and 811 00:41:56,440 --> 00:41:58,400 make yourself happy and successful, all these things, 812 00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:01,480 but you'll be empty and, and you won't actually be happy like you 813 00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:03,000 think you are. And then if you start being 814 00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:06,640 selfless and you do things to create value in others, it 815 00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:09,600 actually brings you more happiness and joy than you would 816 00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:11,640 have achieved if you were being selfish, you know? 817 00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:15,160 So it's, it's, it's, it's a very funny dichotomy, but it's so 818 00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:16,560 true. And one of the things you 819 00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:19,960 mentioned there that really that stands out to me a lot and I 820 00:42:19,960 --> 00:42:22,320 wanted to ask you about today, too, is the, the, the 821 00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:27,640 relationships before rules. Just to explain how this this is 822 00:42:27,640 --> 00:42:29,400 'cause you just briefly touched on it, but I think it's such a 823 00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:31,920 important thing. And I think of situations in my 824 00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:37,560 life where I was in trouble or ridiculed for what I did, but 825 00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:41,160 there was never a moment looking back of are you OK, Cody? 826 00:42:41,160 --> 00:42:44,600 Is every like, you know, what happened or was it an accident 827 00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:46,800 or anything like that? It was just, I did something 828 00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:49,320 wrong. There's no context provided. 829 00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:52,560 But I'm in trouble and I feel very guilty and shamed because 830 00:42:52,560 --> 00:42:55,760 of it. Versus starting with, first and 831 00:42:55,760 --> 00:42:59,040 foremost, are you OK? And like checking on the human 832 00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:00,960 because that is who I have a relationship with. 833 00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:04,240 And that's what pops up in my head initially. 834 00:43:04,240 --> 00:43:06,080 And and then I start going through this track record of 835 00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:07,160 like, am I doing that to my child? 836 00:43:07,160 --> 00:43:08,880 Like I got to make sure that I'm doing that the right way? 837 00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:13,400 Is that kind of an easy, applicable way to explain it 838 00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:18,960 though to people listening? Yeah, and, and, and, but I think 839 00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:22,400 we need to dig a little deeper to understand why a parent might 840 00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:24,720 name and shame their child in the 1st place. 841 00:43:24,720 --> 00:43:28,640 And oftentimes it's because we can't regulate our own emotions 842 00:43:29,080 --> 00:43:32,520 if we forget who we are. So it doesn't just apply to, you 843 00:43:32,520 --> 00:43:35,480 know, you know, instilling identity in the in, in our kids, 844 00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:40,240 but if, if we if we lose out, if we lose our cool and we raise 845 00:43:40,240 --> 00:43:42,280 our voice, you've just forgotten who you are. 846 00:43:42,680 --> 00:43:46,480 And if you forgotten who you are, you in that moment lose 847 00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:49,800 your authority. And it's a little bit like, you 848 00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:54,320 know, saying with Prince Harry, before all those years ago, we 849 00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:56,960 were out in the snow and there were so many photographers. 850 00:43:56,960 --> 00:43:58,640 It was ridiculous. Like, there was more 851 00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:02,720 photographers than I'd ever seen before, like all the paparazzi 852 00:44:02,720 --> 00:44:04,720 taking photos of us. And it got so bad we couldn't 853 00:44:04,720 --> 00:44:07,760 snowboard. And so Prince Harry, without 854 00:44:07,760 --> 00:44:10,680 getting frustrated, without having a tantrum, without, you 855 00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:15,560 know, shouting, he just says, I need a space. 856 00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:20,040 And within seconds, the bodyguards that were surrounding 857 00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:24,720 him like pushed everyone back to clear an area for us to 858 00:44:24,720 --> 00:44:27,280 snowboard on. And I thought that was amazing 859 00:44:27,520 --> 00:44:32,320 because he knows who he is. He can speak with authority, not 860 00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:36,760 with emotion. And as a result of knowing who 861 00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:41,000 he is, it it directly, you know, has a, has a, has a application 862 00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:42,520 in, in his behavior, in his conduct. 863 00:44:42,520 --> 00:44:46,120 And, and if we parents were to embody that and know this is who 864 00:44:46,120 --> 00:44:47,480 I am. And so I'm not going to get 865 00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:48,720 upset. I'm not going to, you know, 866 00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:51,600 point the finger. I have to understand there's a 867 00:44:51,600 --> 00:44:54,720 purpose. So identity now, purpose as to 868 00:44:54,720 --> 00:44:57,720 why I'm going to intervene in this particular situation 869 00:44:57,720 --> 00:45:01,120 because I want the embediment and the improvement of the 870 00:45:01,120 --> 00:45:02,720 child. I want the child to learn a 871 00:45:02,720 --> 00:45:06,240 valuable life lesson. So rather than me being angry 872 00:45:06,240 --> 00:45:08,960 because what they did was so upsetting, you know, spilling 873 00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:11,880 the glass of water off the table and, you know, splashing all of 874 00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:17,120 my important documents, No, rather, I want to not parent the 875 00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:20,800 outcome, but parent the intent. And if it was an accident, well, 876 00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:23,360 I'm not going to parent that. There might be some lessons to 877 00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:26,800 be learned about wisdom and situational awareness and making 878 00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:29,280 sure that we take care and prioritize other people's 879 00:45:29,840 --> 00:45:31,800 belongings. But but if there's 880 00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:35,160 intentionality in spilling that glass, well, they don't even 881 00:45:35,160 --> 00:45:37,280 need to spill it. And I will parent that child 882 00:45:37,920 --> 00:45:40,600 because I'm parenting the heart, not the behaviour, not the 883 00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:43,720 outcome. And so every time I sit a child 884 00:45:43,720 --> 00:45:46,560 down because of something that's gone wrong, as I mentioned 885 00:45:46,560 --> 00:45:50,600 before, I'll be asking them which one of our family core 886 00:45:50,600 --> 00:45:52,400 values did you let yourself down on? 887 00:45:52,400 --> 00:45:55,840 And, and they have to articulate it and, and I'll say, OK, So 888 00:45:55,840 --> 00:46:00,480 what could be done in that situation if it was to ever 889 00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:02,480 occur again? You know which, how can you 890 00:46:02,560 --> 00:46:05,280 embody or engage this core value? 891 00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:08,360 And, and the reason why I'm asking questions as opposed to 892 00:46:08,360 --> 00:46:13,720 lecturing is because kids learn best when they do the teaching. 893 00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:16,320 And so we're extracting the information out of them. 894 00:46:16,720 --> 00:46:19,000 Now, there might be an incentive for them to do the teaching 895 00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:21,600 because there might be consequences attached to this. 896 00:46:21,800 --> 00:46:24,480 And so, for example, they might be, you know, on a responsible 897 00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:29,160 thinking chair where they can earn their way out in back into 898 00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:33,000 the, the field of play by teaching the appropriate lesson. 899 00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:38,120 And that lesson has to articulate, you know, the, the, 900 00:46:38,240 --> 00:46:41,360 the core of what we're doing. And then and then in our family, 901 00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:45,480 we embrace something that I adopted from Pastor Keith Craft, 902 00:46:45,480 --> 00:46:49,120 who you mentioned before, who is a a maestro when it comes to 903 00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:53,520 parenting and looking at the fruit of his family and his kids 904 00:46:53,520 --> 00:46:56,600 and and his kids kids. Now I'm like, OK, so whatever 905 00:46:56,600 --> 00:47:00,240 they got, I want some of and and what he required his children to 906 00:47:00,240 --> 00:47:02,800 say is what I do it. Maybe you do it as well. 907 00:47:03,040 --> 00:47:06,680 And that is at the very end of trouble time, if you will. 908 00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:10,280 I'm not looking for an apology because apologies don't fix the 909 00:47:10,280 --> 00:47:14,120 papers that are now wet, don't fix the glass that was Apologies 910 00:47:14,120 --> 00:47:18,080 don't heal me either. I'm not looking for an apology. 911 00:47:18,200 --> 00:47:21,280 I'm looking for a statement that goes something along the lines 912 00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:24,760 of thank you for correcting me and helping me to be better, 913 00:47:24,960 --> 00:47:28,480 which embodies the core value of gratitude, which articulates 914 00:47:28,480 --> 00:47:30,880 this is the reason why we're parenting. 915 00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:33,280 I'm, I'm not parenting because I'm upset with you. 916 00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:36,840 I'm parenting because I want you to be better. 917 00:47:37,160 --> 00:47:40,840 And so when their child embodies that and and appreciates it and 918 00:47:40,840 --> 00:47:44,320 says thank you for correcting me for the purpose of helping me to 919 00:47:44,320 --> 00:47:49,360 be better, we just hit a home run because that that those core 920 00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:52,280 values are being reinforced. That's so good. 921 00:47:52,320 --> 00:47:56,600 I, I, I agree completely. I think that something else I 922 00:47:56,600 --> 00:47:59,360 heard, I believe it was Garrett that I initially heard say this 923 00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:01,920 and I've adopted because it's one of those things. 924 00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:05,520 Once you hear you start going, every time you begin to say 925 00:48:05,520 --> 00:48:07,440 these words, you stop yourself because you're like, I don't 926 00:48:07,440 --> 00:48:11,080 want to be that dad. But because I said so, it's just 927 00:48:11,080 --> 00:48:13,840 not an acceptable response because one, it's not going to 928 00:48:13,840 --> 00:48:17,080 teach them anything. But that becomes more of like a 929 00:48:17,080 --> 00:48:18,760 dictatorship. I'm just telling you things 930 00:48:18,760 --> 00:48:21,040 because I'm the boss and that doesn't do anything. 931 00:48:21,040 --> 00:48:24,720 And so beginning to remove that at an early stage because I 932 00:48:24,720 --> 00:48:27,160 heard him say that multiple years ago now, it was such a 933 00:48:27,160 --> 00:48:29,600 powerful thing because it's very similar to where now there's a 934 00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:33,080 purpose and there's something they can correlate the reason 935 00:48:33,080 --> 00:48:34,760 for me telling them to do this with. 936 00:48:34,760 --> 00:48:38,720 And that teaches them more much like, you know, not saying 937 00:48:38,720 --> 00:48:41,680 sorry, but rather saying that thank you for correcting me and 938 00:48:41,680 --> 00:48:43,760 making me better because now, you know, like I'm not just 939 00:48:43,760 --> 00:48:45,680 trying to get you in trouble, I'm trying to make you better. 940 00:48:47,160 --> 00:48:51,680 And one thing that I, I, I actually gave advice to a, a 941 00:48:51,680 --> 00:48:56,480 friend who asked me and it wasn't I, I gave him the caveat 942 00:48:56,480 --> 00:49:00,000 at first of like, I am not a parenting coach or guide or 943 00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:03,560 anything, but this is like what I do 'cause he, the question was 944 00:49:03,560 --> 00:49:05,360 basically, how do you keep your cool in those situations 'cause 945 00:49:05,640 --> 00:49:08,160 that's a common question that follows up what you were talking 946 00:49:08,160 --> 00:49:09,560 about. It's like, OK, that makes sense 947 00:49:09,560 --> 00:49:11,640 in theory, but how do I make sure that I don't blow up first? 948 00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:14,360 And I actually ask the questions and I teach them this way. 949 00:49:14,880 --> 00:49:18,120 And I think the answer, and I'd love your thoughts on it, is 950 00:49:18,320 --> 00:49:21,360 having those core values or that family mission on the forefront 951 00:49:21,360 --> 00:49:24,160 of your mind constantly. Because I can go into any 952 00:49:24,160 --> 00:49:29,240 scenario going, I emotionally want to react. 953 00:49:29,640 --> 00:49:33,200 Does that align with our core values and help fulfill our 954 00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:35,120 family mission? No easy answer. 955 00:49:35,360 --> 00:49:38,440 OK, I can lose my ego. I can calm down and just do what 956 00:49:38,440 --> 00:49:41,160 is aligned with the best interests of US winning as a 957 00:49:41,160 --> 00:49:42,840 family. And that's what I ultimately 958 00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:45,280 want more than anything. And it makes it really easy to 959 00:49:45,280 --> 00:49:48,480 remove the emotional for a second, go to the logical, and 960 00:49:48,480 --> 00:49:51,160 then fulfill the mission and the values. 961 00:49:51,160 --> 00:49:54,200 Does that make sense? Absolutely. 962 00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:57,040 If you can't lead yourself, why would you think that you could 963 00:49:57,040 --> 00:49:59,440 lead anyone else? And so we need to learn how to 964 00:49:59,440 --> 00:50:03,240 self regulate and, and, and manage our emotions and, and 965 00:50:03,240 --> 00:50:07,080 master our mind and not get carried away by the rash of 966 00:50:07,080 --> 00:50:08,720 feelings. Because when we scratch the 967 00:50:08,720 --> 00:50:10,520 rash, it doesn't make the rash go away. 968 00:50:10,520 --> 00:50:15,040 It just makes it more angry. And so let's exercise wisdom. 969 00:50:15,040 --> 00:50:17,840 And yeah, we all fall into the, you know, the the domain of 970 00:50:17,840 --> 00:50:20,600 making a mistake from time to time where emotions do get the 971 00:50:20,600 --> 00:50:22,320 better of us. You know, no one's, no one's 972 00:50:22,320 --> 00:50:23,520 perfect. And there's no such thing as the 973 00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:26,960 perfect parent by any means. But to have the humility to own 974 00:50:26,960 --> 00:50:29,880 it, to be able to say, you know what, kids, that was probably 975 00:50:29,880 --> 00:50:33,240 not the wisest way for me to react. 976 00:50:33,240 --> 00:50:36,840 I let myself down because I wasn't honoring. 977 00:50:37,360 --> 00:50:39,480 Because I'm not just honoring up, I'm honoring down and 978 00:50:39,480 --> 00:50:42,520 honoring all the way around. And I wasn't leading myself. 979 00:50:42,520 --> 00:50:45,240 I wasn't leading my emotions. I was following my feelings. 980 00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:47,640 From now on, I'm going to inform my feelings. 981 00:50:47,680 --> 00:50:49,080 I'm in charge here, and I'm the boss. 982 00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:52,240 And I'm not going to allow you to, you know, usurp my 983 00:50:52,240 --> 00:50:55,000 authority. And so I made a mistake. 984 00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:57,120 I lost my call. And I want to apologize. 985 00:50:57,120 --> 00:51:00,680 And so thank you for helping me be better. 986 00:51:00,680 --> 00:51:05,920 And so when we take that humble position, kids are like, what? 987 00:51:06,160 --> 00:51:08,800 OK, I said, dad doesn't have it all together. 988 00:51:08,800 --> 00:51:10,920 He's not perfect. He's not some kind of narcissist 989 00:51:10,920 --> 00:51:14,160 who, you know, thinks he's like, God, No, he's just normal human 990 00:51:14,160 --> 00:51:16,240 being. And he modeled to me, this is 991 00:51:16,240 --> 00:51:18,760 what ownership looks like. This is what taking extreme 992 00:51:18,760 --> 00:51:21,520 responsibility looks like for myself. 993 00:51:21,760 --> 00:51:25,240 And now we've modelled how to do that to the next generation. 994 00:51:26,040 --> 00:51:29,040 Yeah, and that's, and obviously that's exactly how you earn 995 00:51:29,040 --> 00:51:31,040 respect from your children too. Like you said earlier. 996 00:51:32,040 --> 00:51:36,080 I have one more thing I would love to ask you just because I 997 00:51:36,080 --> 00:51:41,160 do think that I don't think there's a a best or a wrong 998 00:51:41,160 --> 00:51:43,520 place within this podcast to place this. 999 00:51:43,520 --> 00:51:45,360 But it's just a piece of information that I heard you 1000 00:51:45,360 --> 00:51:48,640 talk about that I think helps people because it creates a 1001 00:51:48,640 --> 00:51:52,320 timeline of importance to instill these things in your 1002 00:51:52,320 --> 00:51:54,840 parenting. And you mentioned about, I 1003 00:51:54,840 --> 00:51:57,600 believe it was around the age of seven, and then it was again at 1004 00:51:57,600 --> 00:52:01,680 the age of prepubescent, I believe, where the brain is kind 1005 00:52:01,680 --> 00:52:03,960 of changing and kids are learning different things in 1006 00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:05,920 different ways and picking up on things from you. 1007 00:52:05,920 --> 00:52:10,000 And the way you framed it when I heard you talk about this was 1008 00:52:10,200 --> 00:52:11,720 great because it's, it's science. 1009 00:52:11,720 --> 00:52:13,280 So it's proof and we can't deny it. 1010 00:52:13,280 --> 00:52:16,840 But also it made me stop and go at the time when I heard it, I 1011 00:52:16,840 --> 00:52:20,400 was like, Oh my gosh, my daughter's going to be 7 in a 1012 00:52:20,400 --> 00:52:22,640 year. I need to, we need to get these 1013 00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:24,840 things dialed in and it helped me take it more seriously. 1014 00:52:24,840 --> 00:52:27,120 So my hope is that people listening will do the same. 1015 00:52:27,120 --> 00:52:28,880 So can you break that down real quick for us? 1016 00:52:29,640 --> 00:52:32,840 Yeah, sure. Look, neuroscience has lent us a 1017 00:52:32,840 --> 00:52:36,560 lot of insight in recent years. We used to say, give me the 1018 00:52:36,560 --> 00:52:39,080 child until they're 7 and I'll give you the man. 1019 00:52:39,080 --> 00:52:42,320 That's the old Jesuit saying. But then developmental 1020 00:52:42,320 --> 00:52:44,640 psychologists came along and said, actually, no, it's not the 1021 00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:47,240 first seven years of life. It's the first three years of 1022 00:52:47,240 --> 00:52:50,800 life that has the biggest impact in childhood development. 1023 00:52:51,120 --> 00:52:54,840 And then clinical neuropsychologists came along 1024 00:52:54,840 --> 00:52:57,360 and said, actually, no, it's not the first three years of life, 1025 00:52:57,360 --> 00:53:00,320 it's the last three months of pregnancy, it's the last 1026 00:53:00,320 --> 00:53:03,520 trimester. So what happens in mums world 1027 00:53:04,240 --> 00:53:07,600 has direct bearing on the child's ability to cope with 1028 00:53:07,600 --> 00:53:10,200 difficult situations in the amount of cortisol that is 1029 00:53:10,200 --> 00:53:14,680 released and how brains develop. And so we've got hardware. 1030 00:53:14,840 --> 00:53:16,000 This is what we're talking about. 1031 00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:19,880 But then there's software. And so we've got to talk about 1032 00:53:19,880 --> 00:53:21,440 both of them. We can talk about all of the 1033 00:53:21,440 --> 00:53:23,520 principles and all the parenting strategies, which is all 1034 00:53:23,520 --> 00:53:26,080 software. But we should also concentrate 1035 00:53:26,080 --> 00:53:30,080 on making sure that we've got good hardware in our kids brains 1036 00:53:30,080 --> 00:53:33,680 as well so that they can have the iOS update, if you will, for 1037 00:53:33,680 --> 00:53:36,080 what we're talking about. But I think specifically what 1038 00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:38,960 you're referring to is that there is a shift around about 1039 00:53:38,960 --> 00:53:44,080 the age of 678 that takes place in a child's brain where they go 1040 00:53:44,080 --> 00:53:47,240 from concrete thinking, where everything is very black and 1041 00:53:47,240 --> 00:53:51,360 white, to more abstract thinking where they can start to reason, 1042 00:53:51,360 --> 00:53:54,640 start to engage in understanding at a deeper level. 1043 00:53:55,040 --> 00:53:57,720 And there are various different milestones along the way. 1044 00:53:58,000 --> 00:54:00,960 Even in Pediatrics, even at the age of nine months, there's 1045 00:54:01,040 --> 00:54:04,520 shifts that take place where I get to see that not everything 1046 00:54:04,520 --> 00:54:06,680 that happens in the world is only from my perspective that I 1047 00:54:06,680 --> 00:54:09,640 can actually see things from another person's perspective as 1048 00:54:09,640 --> 00:54:12,400 well. So for example, you can say I'm 1049 00:54:12,400 --> 00:54:16,600 going to put this toy into the ice cream box and put the ice 1050 00:54:16,600 --> 00:54:19,840 cream box into the fridge, but the toy usually belongs on the 1051 00:54:19,840 --> 00:54:21,400 shelf. Where do you think the child 1052 00:54:21,400 --> 00:54:24,320 will look for the toy and they'll say, well, they'll look 1053 00:54:24,320 --> 00:54:26,920 for the toy in the fridge because that's where we put it, 1054 00:54:26,920 --> 00:54:29,800 or in the freezer, not understanding that we'll know. 1055 00:54:29,800 --> 00:54:32,880 The child doesn't know that we've put it in the box. 1056 00:54:32,880 --> 00:54:35,960 And so there's no insight yet that somebody has a different 1057 00:54:36,160 --> 00:54:39,240 understanding to what I do. I know the information, but 1058 00:54:39,280 --> 00:54:41,080 others don't necessarily know the information. 1059 00:54:41,360 --> 00:54:45,360 That's a significant shift that happens in early childhood, but 1060 00:54:45,360 --> 00:54:49,120 at age 7, I'm able to reason and understand. 1061 00:54:49,120 --> 00:54:51,840 So if you're going to instill core values in the family, this 1062 00:54:51,840 --> 00:54:53,480 is the time where you get to talk about it. 1063 00:54:53,760 --> 00:54:55,840 Prior to that time, you just got to do it. 1064 00:54:56,280 --> 00:55:01,520 And children work very good with sensations and experiences. 1065 00:55:01,840 --> 00:55:03,880 And so I like it or I don't like it. 1066 00:55:03,960 --> 00:55:05,440 And that will govern everything I do. 1067 00:55:05,440 --> 00:55:07,920 I will, I will taste ice cream and I like it and I want more of 1068 00:55:07,920 --> 00:55:09,600 it. And then I'll try a broccoli or 1069 00:55:09,600 --> 00:55:12,320 a Brussels sprout, whatever this thing is, I don't want to eat. 1070 00:55:12,320 --> 00:55:14,360 I don't like it. I will sit at the table for 1071 00:55:14,360 --> 00:55:16,840 three hours and refuse to eat it rather than actually put this 1072 00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:18,960 thing in my mouth. And so if you understand that 1073 00:55:18,960 --> 00:55:22,560 that's the way a sub 7 year old operates, hey, parent 1074 00:55:22,560 --> 00:55:25,440 accordingly. But at the age of 7 or 8, 1075 00:55:25,640 --> 00:55:27,280 there's a shift where you get to reason. 1076 00:55:27,280 --> 00:55:29,920 This is a beautiful phase of life because you get to actually 1077 00:55:30,200 --> 00:55:34,400 talk through intimacy and principles and reality and see 1078 00:55:34,400 --> 00:55:35,760 things from other people's perspective. 1079 00:55:35,840 --> 00:55:38,120 Effective. A great strategy is to slow down 1080 00:55:38,120 --> 00:55:41,000 when there's a car accident or an incident and look at the 1081 00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:43,920 accident and then consider and ask questions like, what do you 1082 00:55:43,920 --> 00:55:46,520 think must be going on in the minds of the people who are at 1083 00:55:46,520 --> 00:55:49,160 home? Who who that person hasn't come 1084 00:55:49,160 --> 00:55:50,520 home yet? Like what do you think they're 1085 00:55:50,520 --> 00:55:52,680 thinking? You know, So when we start to 1086 00:55:52,680 --> 00:55:57,320 think outside the square, using abstract reasoning helps develop 1087 00:55:57,320 --> 00:55:59,160 empathy. And that's a really important 1088 00:55:59,160 --> 00:56:01,920 skill. Oh I love it. 1089 00:56:01,920 --> 00:56:05,480 That's so good. Gosh, I could probably ask you 1090 00:56:05,480 --> 00:56:07,000 100 more questions and just keep going. 1091 00:56:07,000 --> 00:56:09,160 It's just so great. But I want to respect your time 1092 00:56:09,200 --> 00:56:11,680 and I'm really, really grateful for the time that I have had 1093 00:56:11,680 --> 00:56:14,320 with you. I have one final question that I 1094 00:56:14,320 --> 00:56:18,640 ask all my all my guests and that is what does choose hard 1095 00:56:18,640 --> 00:56:24,280 mean to you? Well choose hard to me is 1096 00:56:24,400 --> 00:56:29,880 whenever I hear it I hear Keith Crafts rant that went 1097 00:56:29,880 --> 00:56:33,240 anonymously around the world that everything is hard. 1098 00:56:33,240 --> 00:56:35,360 So choose your hard. You know marriage is hard, 1099 00:56:35,560 --> 00:56:38,000 divorce is hard, choose choose your hard. 1100 00:56:38,400 --> 00:56:42,840 And you know being being overweight and unfit is hard but 1101 00:56:42,920 --> 00:56:45,560 training to get into fitness is hard. 1102 00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:49,680 Choose your hard that actually was authored by Keith Craft. 1103 00:56:50,120 --> 00:56:52,760 Not many people know that it went viral around the world. 1104 00:56:52,760 --> 00:56:59,240 But when I think personally of choose hard, I want to ask the 1105 00:56:59,240 --> 00:57:05,720 question of my God, what is it that he wants me to do, not what 1106 00:57:05,760 --> 00:57:09,240 I want to do. I want to live my life based on 1107 00:57:09,240 --> 00:57:14,720 principles, not based on emotions or feelings or a peace 1108 00:57:14,720 --> 00:57:17,800 that I have some wishy washy Christian statement that we 1109 00:57:17,800 --> 00:57:20,640 might make in order to justify behaviors that we know are 1110 00:57:20,640 --> 00:57:22,960 absolutely wrong because Scripture says so. 1111 00:57:23,480 --> 00:57:28,080 And so I have to surrender that to him And that's hard. 1112 00:57:28,440 --> 00:57:31,240 And so, you know, there's a temptation to stand in church 1113 00:57:31,240 --> 00:57:37,440 and sing I surrender almost, but it's hard to fully give it all 1114 00:57:37,440 --> 00:57:42,800 over to him and say not my will be done, but your will be done, 1115 00:57:42,880 --> 00:57:47,560 not my way, but your way. So let me stand on your word as 1116 00:57:47,560 --> 00:57:49,200 the governing principle for my life. 1117 00:57:49,280 --> 00:57:53,640 That's the hard I choose. Beautiful. 1118 00:57:53,640 --> 00:57:57,200 I love it. Such a great way to wrap up the 1119 00:57:57,200 --> 00:58:01,160 podcast. I know that you are very busy 1120 00:58:01,160 --> 00:58:03,960 doing a lot of things, so I don't know if you have anything 1121 00:58:03,960 --> 00:58:05,960 that you want to plug or anything I can link. 1122 00:58:05,960 --> 00:58:07,920 I'm going to link everything I can find from you in the show 1123 00:58:07,920 --> 00:58:09,400 notes. But if there's anything you want 1124 00:58:09,400 --> 00:58:12,680 people to go check out or watch or see from yours that you'd 1125 00:58:12,680 --> 00:58:15,040 like to shout out real quick, I would love to be able to tell 1126 00:58:15,040 --> 00:58:17,480 them what that is before. We, yeah, if any parents are 1127 00:58:17,480 --> 00:58:21,600 listening and really want some great practical skills and tools 1128 00:58:22,480 --> 00:58:26,600 for parenting, look, we've got a series of parenting programs 1129 00:58:26,600 --> 00:58:29,560 called the Parenting Revolution. The last thing that parents need 1130 00:58:29,560 --> 00:58:32,400 is more advice. No, we need a revolution. 1131 00:58:32,880 --> 00:58:35,560 And so we've got -1 to plus one kids. 1132 00:58:35,960 --> 00:58:38,840 So getting ready, planning, conceiving, delivering and 1133 00:58:38,840 --> 00:58:40,320 surviving the first year of life. 1134 00:58:40,320 --> 00:58:43,880 Then we've got toddler programs, children programs from 4:00 to 1135 00:58:43,880 --> 00:58:46,880 11:00, and then even parenting teenager programs. 1136 00:58:46,880 --> 00:58:50,080 It's all on doctorrobbie.com. We're where you can get access 1137 00:58:50,080 --> 00:58:53,880 to those programs and I hope it it's a real blessing for those 1138 00:58:53,880 --> 00:58:55,120 who might take advantage of that. 1139 00:58:56,520 --> 00:58:57,640 Me too. I'm going to link those in the 1140 00:58:57,640 --> 00:59:00,360 show notes of this podcast. Once again, Doctor Robbie, thank 1141 00:59:00,360 --> 00:59:01,920 you so much for spending time with me. 1142 00:59:01,920 --> 00:59:04,240 This has been a phenomenal podcast and I think it's going 1143 00:59:04,240 --> 00:59:06,400 to provide a lot of value to the listeners. 1144 00:59:06,600 --> 00:59:07,960 It's been great hanging out with you, Cody. 1145 00:59:08,040 --> 00:59:09,520 We should do it again sometime. God bless.