1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:03,200 The first really important event that I can't track back is my 2 00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:05,480 mom having cancer when I was six years old. 3 00:00:05,480 --> 00:00:08,360 I didn't know about it, but my nervous system felt it. 4 00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:12,320 I was scratching myself bloody throughout the night and I 5 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:15,200 didn't even notice. Every time my wife was emotional 6 00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:18,560 with me brought a concern. I'll take it personal, I'll blow 7 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:21,320 up, I'll yell around, I'll leave, I'll come back, 8 00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:24,240 everything will be fine with me. But she would still be feeling 9 00:00:24,240 --> 00:00:25,440 like shit. What does a healthy 10 00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:27,800 communication look like? What do healthy boundaries look 11 00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:30,200 like? Nobody has ever taught me what 12 00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:32,880 it means to be a husband, what it means to be a man, what it 13 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:37,560 means to be a father. So for a good two years I really 14 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:39,760 fucked up everything I could in our relationship. 15 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:43,400 In the following 16 months, I went on to the deepest deep dive 16 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:46,960 of human psychology of my own human psychology, rebuilt my 17 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:50,720 marriage and create and and and build a thriving marriage. 18 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,280 Well, Thomas, thank you very much for joining me on Success 19 00:00:57,280 --> 00:01:01,080 Matters We, you've had a very interesting life. 20 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:04,959 And let's start actually with your journey growing up in 21 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:10,120 Germany and how that affected you and what it made you become 22 00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:13,600 for a short while. I was born in a small town 23 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:18,560 called Borkin in Borkin in northern Westphalia, and I think 24 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:21,800 that the the first really important event that I can't 25 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:24,960 track back is my mom having cancer when I was six years old. 26 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:29,320 I didn't know about it, but my nervous system felt it, meaning 27 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:37,760 I developed a condition called neurodermatitis, which is 28 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:41,440 basically my skin inflaming itself through the stress that I 29 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:42,680 was feeling in my nervous system. 30 00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:46,840 And for anyone who doesn't know about it, I was scratching 31 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:51,040 myself bloody throughout the night and I didn't even notice. 32 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:55,520 And I woke up with like bloody insides of my arms and wrists 33 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:57,440 due to the stress that I was living through. 34 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:01,600 And yeah, that's, that's basically where, where the big 35 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:04,920 unfolding of who I am today started with my mom's cancer 36 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:10,680 and, and, and her being, yeah, her being diagnosed with cancer, 37 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:12,800 my, my parents moving through that together. 38 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:15,440 Right. So you were, you were six years 39 00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:17,000 old. I mean that's quite a lot for a 40 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:21,800 six year old to handle, right. And were you scared of losing 41 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:23,320 her? Was that really where that kind 42 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:26,560 of roots of that neuro dermatitis came from? 43 00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:30,240 Yeah, I, I believe so. I mean, at the end of the day, a 44 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:33,080 mother and a son are uniquely connected, right? 45 00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:37,240 I mean, the, the, the mother is, is basically the, the closest 46 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:40,200 person that that you could ever have as a boy or as a girl as 47 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:43,960 well. And my parents didn't tell me 48 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:46,600 with six years old. My parents disclosed that to me 49 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,720 when I was 12. So that happened a lot later, 50 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:52,760 six years later. But my nervous system, basically 51 00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:57,080 the nervous system is is is the system, is our operating system 52 00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:59,880 that runs our entire body from your breathing through your 53 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,960 sleep to how you navigate through your day, how you react, 54 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:06,520 how you respond, anything. Your nervous system is basically 55 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:10,400 the, the, the translator in between your brain and your 56 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:13,240 body. So what I believe is that 57 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:17,160 energetically I, I do believe that we emit a certain frequency 58 00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:20,000 energy around us and that when humans come together, their 59 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:24,080 nervous systems Co regulate, meaning they regulate together. 60 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:26,720 So when somebody's really dysregulated, my nervous system 61 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:28,560 tends to be more dysregulated as well. 62 00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:33,160 So with my mom and my dad moving through a time where my mom was 63 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:38,240 diagnosed with cancer, basically the doctor saying Miss Ebert's 64 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:42,720 get your will straight because 99.9% you're going to die. 65 00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:46,840 And my mom being like fuck you, I'm making my own statistics. 66 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:50,640 And my mom and dad just sitting outside smoking a whole pack of 67 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:52,880 cigarettes and just breaking down entirely. 68 00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:56,240 Like when you bring that energy home, my nervous system as a 69 00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:59,400 young boy is very sensitive, is not that strong yet. 70 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:03,200 So I did pick up on it energetically and I think that's 71 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:05,960 what affected the neurodermatitis as a condition 72 00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:07,880 itself, because I don't really have it anymore. 73 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:11,680 Yeah, I think you're right. Kids pick up on these things as 74 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:14,760 particularly kids, right? They're more receptive to it and 75 00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:18,200 they pick up on the the environment, the growing up in 76 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,560 the, the, the parental situation, whatever. 77 00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:23,200 So yeah, that's absolutely makes sense. 78 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:26,320 So you, you Benjamin, when we were preparing for this that you 79 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:30,240 entered like an emotional void and kind of went, went off the 80 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:34,160 rails in in many regards. Yeah, so, so that was Fast 81 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:36,640 forward six years. So we're six years old. 82 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:39,920 I think we're seven years old. I went into school and then in 83 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:44,840 second grade I was quote UN quote, diagnosed, very 84 00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:46,560 intelligent. I don't know how you call here 85 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:50,000 in the States, but but I had to take a test and they literally 86 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,240 told me I have an IQ of 142 or something. 87 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:57,160 So I had to jump a class, skip a class into third grade. 88 00:04:57,160 --> 00:05:01,400 So I was one year, I was one year younger than everyone else 89 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:04,000 in a time where went through puberty and the body started 90 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:06,520 changing so quickly. So I was behind with everything 91 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:09,360 on my development here in my body, in my physical vessel. 92 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:12,680 But up here I was so quick. So why that's important is Fast 93 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:14,240 forward to when I was 12 years old. 94 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:19,960 I was in 7th grade I believe, and my parents told me, I sat me 95 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:22,960 down and told me that my mom had cancer and that she could pass 96 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:25,680 away any day and that she has to go back to the hospital and it's 97 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:28,880 going to be gone for three weeks for surgery. 98 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:31,320 So she had brain cancer on her brain stem. 99 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:35,480 So they had to get into her brain again after so many times 100 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:38,000 already. And they told me, hey, it could 101 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,920 be possible that your mom is going to die. 102 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:44,680 I'm doing this. And So what my nervous system 103 00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:46,600 did in my entire body is shut down. 104 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:51,840 I completely shut down. I was because my, I think my, my 105 00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:54,920 system tried to protect itself from the potential outcome that 106 00:05:54,920 --> 00:06:00,280 my mom is going to die, right? And so this is, this is what I 107 00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:04,080 say, the emotional void because here mentally and like in in 108 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:07,520 this first layer of my mind, I shut down entirely and I didn't 109 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:10,080 allow myself to feel anymore. I didn't talk about feelings, I 110 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:12,400 didn't cry. I didn't do anything to protect 111 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:16,280 myself from the depths of feeling that I had about my mom 112 00:06:16,280 --> 00:06:21,560 potentially dying. So what that caused is that then 113 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:24,600 my nervous system had to take the toll, just like with the 114 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:26,520 neurodermatitis, it got even stronger. 115 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:29,240 So my immune system got weakened very strongly. 116 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:34,440 And then a virus entered through like one of these scratch marks 117 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:38,480 that I had on my skin and infiltrated my entire system. 118 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:42,960 And it got to the to the point where was able to pull the skin 119 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:48,560 off my face in batches like this underneath raw flesh. 120 00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:51,840 And that PE physical, physical exercise. 121 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:53,920 I say. I think you, you, you call him 122 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:57,760 in the States or in English. You know, I was running, I was 123 00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:01,720 sweating, I was burning in my face in the in, in the locker 124 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:04,320 room. My, my classmates will be 125 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:06,440 bullying me off like, hey, you don't need to look into the 126 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:07,640 mirror. You're not going to get any more 127 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:09,160 beautiful if you look into the mirror. 128 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:13,440 And I went through a really, really tough time because not 129 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:16,120 only do they have this condition that we didn't even know about, 130 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:19,320 but also my entire school started bullying me, started 131 00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:22,200 running away from me, started calling me a monster, kicked me 132 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:24,680 out in games at first, never chose me. 133 00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:27,760 So it was like I had to deal with so much. 134 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:31,600 I had to deal with my mom having cancer, me having this skin 135 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:34,240 condition that made me look and feel like a monster. 136 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:38,400 And then I had this reflected to me day in, day out. 137 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:45,120 So and that made me emotionally completely shut down of like, 138 00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:46,800 I'm not going to take in anything. 139 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,160 I'm not going to put out anything. 140 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:53,560 And yeah, to to expand on on one more thing here. 141 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:56,720 What, what happened then is then and one morning and I think that 142 00:07:56,720 --> 00:08:01,240 speaks to to how emotionally shut down I was. 1 morning, I 143 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:02,880 came down for the breakfast table. 144 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:06,120 I completely broke together and I told my mom and my dad, I 145 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:08,560 don't want to live anymore. I want to kill myself. 146 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:11,240 This experience is not what I want to live anymore. 147 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:14,440 I'm in so much pain physically, emotionally, I can't do this 148 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,240 anymore. I was breaking together 149 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:18,320 psychologically. I was just crying and crying and 150 00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:20,160 crying. So I'm not going to school. 151 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:24,640 I'm not going anywhere. And then my mom said, OK, let's 152 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:28,800 do one last attempt. And we were to the skin experts 153 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:32,480 3 or 4 times already. She took me again, they took 154 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:34,679 tests again. And then after an hour of 155 00:08:34,679 --> 00:08:37,400 waiting for the test, they said again, we don't know what's 156 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:40,600 wrong with you. And then we went back home. 157 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,919 I didn't go to school. My mom didn't go to work, stayed 158 00:08:42,919 --> 00:08:45,160 with me home. Obviously, you know, her son was 159 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:47,120 suicidal. Like, you know, I'm not going to 160 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:49,480 just go to work. And she was there with me. 161 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:53,520 And then 30 minutes after we came home, the expert gave us a 162 00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:56,760 call and said, like, pack the minimum things you can right 163 00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:58,480 now. You have to get in the car right 164 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:01,160 now and you have to go to this specific place in Germany, the 165 00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:03,160 only ones that can treat what you have. 166 00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:07,640 I found out what it is. So it was a herpes, herpes virus 167 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:12,040 that entered into my system and it was on the way to my brain. 168 00:09:13,560 --> 00:09:18,400 So I got into the clinic and the people, they're just walking 169 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:20,920 into the clinic, they were looking at me as if I was dead 170 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:22,320 already. That's how I was looking. 171 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:25,440 And I got into the elevator, The doctor pulled me in front of 172 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:28,680 everyone, pulled my blood and I passed out just on the floor. 173 00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:31,720 I fell from the stool, from from the chair onto the onto the 174 00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:33,760 floor. And I woke up hooked up to 175 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:36,080 machines and tubes and all of that stuff. 176 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:41,120 And I was in there for three weeks and after these three 177 00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:43,760 weeks, my, the, the, the skin issue was healed. 178 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:47,840 I went through torture, dude. Like they, they put like salves 179 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:50,800 and creams and shit on me like day and night. 180 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:54,320 And I was looking like a rat man because they put iodine on this 181 00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:57,320 and all of that stuff. But after three weeks I was 182 00:09:57,520 --> 00:10:00,720 quote UN quote healed. The skin condition left and and 183 00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:05,520 my mom told me dude, like if we would have been an hour later, 184 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:07,760 you might have died. How about this? 185 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:10,360 Wow. So I went back to school 186 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:14,120 thinking everything changed because I changed my I'm not 187 00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:16,480 looking like a monster anymore, so why would they run away from 188 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:18,800 me? Nothing changed in my school. 189 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:21,600 Everyone running away from me. I was still the monster. 190 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:25,200 And yeah, that's that's basically the emotional void 191 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:28,240 that I built because then I was broken even more. 192 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:31,120 I thought the problem was my skin, how I looked. 193 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:35,400 But then I got back and they didn't change, my environment 194 00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:37,560 didn't change. So I started questioning myself. 195 00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:43,680 What is wrong with me as a human being that they are still 196 00:10:43,680 --> 00:10:46,920 running away from me after not looking like a monster anymore? 197 00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:52,440 Yeah. That's like where where do I 198 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:54,880 even begin? That's a very, very deep Thomas 199 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:57,200 and I, I think. Well, yeah. 200 00:10:57,200 --> 00:11:01,800 One of the things that kids are ready, kids are great, but kids 201 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:05,640 are also very cruel when they stick a label on you that you're 202 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:07,720 a monster. And then no matter whatever 203 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:09,640 happens, that label sticks with you, right? 204 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:12,960 It sticks with you for those kids that grew up because you 205 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,720 were in school for life, right. Oh, yeah. 206 00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:16,600 Do you remember Thomas? We called him the monster. 207 00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:19,720 Maybe they don't think the same way anymore, but that's that 208 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,840 cruelty. It really kind of came across 209 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:24,720 within that. So how did, because I know 210 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:28,000 that's affected also then you as you were going through through 211 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:31,080 your life and growing, you know, in your 20s and the like. 212 00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:35,000 But how did you come to a point where you actually had a moment 213 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:38,760 to to change, if you like here, you mentioned a speaker came to 214 00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:42,040 your school and that was a moment that kind of changed 215 00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:45,240 things for you. Yeah, yeah, it was a big moment 216 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:48,480 of of revelation for me. And leading up to it, I think I 217 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:52,240 want to I own a bridge like these three pivotal years. 218 00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:55,240 Sure of. So when that when when I was 219 00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:57,880 still being bullied in school, what then happened is my I told 220 00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:00,280 my parents about and they took me out of school and got me into 221 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:03,280 a different school. The first day of going to that 222 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:07,000 new school, I was absolutely perplexed because everyone 223 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:10,720 started waving at me, smiling at me, talking to me, making 224 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:13,640 compliments. And I was like, I was 225 00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:16,240 overwhelmed and my nervous system was like, I'm not fucking 226 00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:19,360 trusting anyone. I just can't be real. 227 00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:23,040 It's it's like day and night. Like before, my character and 228 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:25,520 who I was as a human being, my soul, my spirit was faulty and 229 00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:27,480 everyone was running away. And then I come to that new 230 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:30,040 school and everyone is like, hi, I thought everyone was fucking 231 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:33,280 fake. And so I went into a deep fear 232 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:35,680 mode of like, I don't want to experience again what I 233 00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:41,880 experienced before. So what I did is I went into the 234 00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:47,000 I started building a mask like the indestructible if you look 235 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,360 at The Dark Knight, for example, Batman, The Dark Knight. 236 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:52,600 So what I did is I started shaving my head. 237 00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:57,480 I started wearing clothing that was that was labeled like far 238 00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:00,880 right. I was going to MMA sports and 239 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:04,040 learning how to quote, UN quote, kill people through Wing Chun, 240 00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:09,000 which is a Chinese martial art. I started taking drugs. 241 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,840 I started dealing drugs. I started doing all of these 242 00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:14,800 things that would be labeled as, Oh my God, you want to stay as 243 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:18,520 far away as possible from this human being because that human 244 00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:22,520 being could be dangerous. And I built that mask 245 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:24,520 intentionally because I didn't want to be hurt. 246 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:27,200 It was not. It was not consciously, but my 247 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:32,880 other than conscious mind created this mask to protect me 248 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:37,840 from any further pain and be the one that nobody wants to hurt. 249 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:43,400 And then to speak to, to what you spoke of like the, the 250 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:47,120 speaker coming to our school. So what happened is that so 251 00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:51,120 that, that, so the, the, the criminal kind of like stuff in 252 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:56,760 MMA and all of that happened starting 14 until I was 17, 253 00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:59,680 until I was 18 and when I was 16. 254 00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:04,520 So in the middle of that is when the speaker came to our school. 255 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:08,480 And So what I wanted to do is just you know, not a tent and 256 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:11,880 just sit outside in the park, smoke a big fat as join and just 257 00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:14,000 sleep and not care about what anyone else is doing. 258 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:18,480 But my head of school made me attend and sign something. 259 00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:21,000 All was expelled from school so I had to go. 260 00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:25,200 So I was going. I smoked a joint before to just 261 00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:28,920 sleep in there and man I didn't want to listen to an idiot on 262 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:31,680 stage for four hours. Like talking about motivation, 263 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:37,840 like my life is shit basically. But I sat there and then this 7 264 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:42,760 feet tall guy, A2 meter, a tall guy comes on there with like a 265 00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:45,000 red headband that says follow your heart. 266 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:48,120 And I was like, Oh my God, we're in it for a good one. 267 00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:51,680 And then he started speaking. Within 20 minutes, he mentioned 268 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:54,720 something, I can't remember what it was, but it cracked my heart 269 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:58,960 open and I started crying. And I hadn't cried for years and 270 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:02,320 years and years because of the emotional void and shut down and 271 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:07,160 it just it just cracked open my heart where I was like I tears 272 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:08,880 came out rolling and rolling and rolling. 273 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:12,440 I could I was feeling all of these suppressed emotion and the 274 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:14,360 joint that. Was in a group of people. 275 00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:17,040 Right. Yeah, yeah. 276 00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:20,840 Can you imagine me having built that mask and me being high as 277 00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:23,320 fuck and getting in there and then this guy coming on there 278 00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:25,120 for 20 minutes? I'm just wailing. 279 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:32,240 It was, it was uncontrollable. So then I after I got on stage 280 00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:35,560 because he invited us on stage if we had questions, not on a 281 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:38,560 microphone or anything more in private, but I sat on stage and 282 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:42,520 I told him, so his name is Christian, Christian Bischoff. 283 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:45,200 So if you on Germany, it's Christian Bischoff. 284 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:50,520 So I went on there and said, Christian, this is what's going 285 00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:52,640 on. I told him everything, how do I 286 00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:55,240 get out of this? And was looking at me. 287 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:58,920 And so you probably expect a really complicated answer, but 288 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:02,400 it isn't complicated at all. What you got to do is you got to 289 00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:04,480 you got to create perspective in your life. 290 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:07,160 So you need to think about what do you want to achieve in the 291 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:10,760 next 10 years. And you need to write down three 292 00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:15,200 very specific things and you need to read them out loud every 293 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:19,720 morning, three times with confidence, every night before 294 00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:24,080 you go to sleep, three times with confidence, and your life 295 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:27,760 will change. I didn't believe shit of what he 296 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:33,720 said, but I did it. And I was so intrigued that for 297 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:36,960 the first time in my life, I spent my money not on drugs or 298 00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:39,000 anything else. I actually bought his freaking 299 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:42,320 book on Amazon. And I read that book, 15 300 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:44,720 Principles of Life, How to Live a Successful Life. 301 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:51,680 I read that book within two weeks, I, I inhaled that book 302 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:53,800 and I started living by these principles. 303 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:57,520 And over the next two years, what happened is I started going 304 00:16:57,520 --> 00:17:00,440 a completely different path within my circle of criminal 305 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:03,360 friends. So I stopped drinking, I stopped 306 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:05,520 smoking, I stopped smoking marijuana. 307 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:09,160 And while I did that, what they did is they started taking 308 00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:11,200 ecstasy, they started taking cocaine. 309 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:14,720 They started getting even worse, having guns, firing guns, 310 00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:17,760 getting more violent. And at some point, I said, like, 311 00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:21,480 yo, what are you all doing with your lives? 312 00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:24,680 I'm not going to do this. And that's when I made the 313 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:27,599 decision to move away from my hometown to get out of this 314 00:17:27,599 --> 00:17:31,720 circle, friends, and start my career as a real estate agent in 315 00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:33,840 the second largest firm in in Germany. 316 00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:37,080 Yeah. Right this this is quite a 317 00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:39,640 there's not even childhood, right teenage years. 318 00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:42,800 It's it's pretty pretty amazing. And as you were talking now, I 319 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,880 was reminded that we none of us knows what's going on in 320 00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:48,840 someone's life, right? And we often make judgements 321 00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:51,480 based on the appearance. As an example, right, You shaved 322 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:55,320 your head, you were dressing like a far right person, almost 323 00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:59,280 like a thug maybe in some regards and dealing. 100% as a 324 00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:02,000 thug, exactly like 100. Percent, yeah. 325 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,920 And looking, you know, I can't imagine you like, like a thug, 326 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:08,120 right? But yeah, as a teenager, I'm 327 00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:10,840 sure that's how you came across. So. 328 00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:14,840 So you moved on to have a very well, we would say successful 329 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:18,040 life when we think about some of the metrics that people measure 330 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:21,640 in terms of income and mouth. And you were a digital nomad. 331 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:24,240 You lived in 26 countries. You've got some great awards 332 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:25,800 behind you. Tell us a bit more about the 333 00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:29,800 awards and and what you were doing having kind of moved on 334 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:36,320 from that period of your life. Yeah, So my statement with with 335 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:40,240 with the real estate company was pretty bold because I only a 336 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:43,720 road to applications, a road 1 to the biggest and 1 to the 337 00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:47,440 second biggest. And the biggest didn't want me 338 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:50,120 because my because my grades were a little bit off. 339 00:18:50,120 --> 00:18:52,480 And the second biggest invited me and they asked me why I was 340 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,080 there and said because the biggest didn't take me. 341 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,120 So you have a chance right now. And they love that. 342 00:18:56,120 --> 00:19:00,520 They love that boldness. And within that year I was the 343 00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:03,040 best in school. I had a plus everywhere. 344 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:07,920 Like, I don't, I don't know if, if the UK has a similar ranking 345 00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:13,480 system, but Eins plus one plus. So I was, I was a straight A 346 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:14,720 student. I was so good. 347 00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:18,440 And then in, in, in the company, I was extremely good as well 348 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:20,880 because I would always go above and beyond because of what I 349 00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:25,800 learned in the book. But then after a year, I was in 350 00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:30,720 a department that was responsible for renovations and 351 00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:36,280 then making tenants move out so we can increase the rents. 352 00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:41,360 So I started making phone calls and had to let people and 353 00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:45,200 families with like 5 kids know like we just renovate it. 354 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:47,560 You won't be able to pay the rent because the government is 355 00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:49,960 taking taking care of your rent. You have to move out. 356 00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:51,840 And that didn't fly with my heart. 357 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:56,520 And so two or three months earlier, I wrote an e-mail to my 358 00:19:56,560 --> 00:20:02,200 HR and said I want to get into the Department of Law, marketing 359 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,000 and Sales. That's what I want to learn. 360 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,880 And they hadn't replied. So and then these two things 361 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:08,320 came together and I was like, fuck that. 362 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,320 I went into the office. I said, I'm quitting today. 363 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:12,800 She was like, Are you sure? I said, yes, I'm sure you 364 00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:15,720 haven't responded to my e-mail. And what this company does 365 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:18,640 frankly sucks. So I'm going to do my own thing 366 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:19,800 and I'm going to build my own business. 367 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:22,640 And it's when I wanted to go to to university. 368 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:26,640 And then while I was while I was applying for university, I found 369 00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:30,000 a digital nomad that was looking for somebody in marketing and I 370 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:33,880 started learning marketing on my own to build my, to build my own 371 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:35,520 business. Basically I started building 372 00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:38,600 niche publications online and do affiliate marketing, started 373 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,200 earning my first money online with like 20. 374 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,240 And then I got this position and that's when I started traveling 375 00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:48,640 the world. So you took me my first journey 376 00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:54,960 was from Berlin to Bali was like a 46 off light for 500 bucks and 377 00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:57,320 was wild. And then I arrived like in 378 00:20:57,320 --> 00:21:00,160 Indonesia on Bali men. It's like such a different 379 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:01,960 world. And then I really started 380 00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:05,320 understanding K, what is what is success online about, about 381 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:08,640 relationships, about value propositions, about how you 382 00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:11,440 market yourself, the content you produce, the way you speak to 383 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:15,120 your audience, etcetera. And then I went basically from 384 00:21:15,120 --> 00:21:20,560 20 until 27, I went for seven or eight years on a journey of like 385 00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:23,880 learning everything about online entrepreneurship, digital nomad. 386 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:25,800 And that's where I got these awards. 387 00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:28,960 One award is missing. So I got featured by Forbes next 388 00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:31,520 to Jordan Belfort about how emotional intelligence is 389 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:36,280 closing more deals. And then the the award to my 390 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:46,800 right is a Click Funnels award, which I got in 2020 or 2019 for 391 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:48,840 making $1,000,000 with a single sales funnel. 392 00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:51,840 So webinar structure with paid advertising that we set up for 393 00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:55,000 one of our clients and then won another word a little bit 394 00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:58,000 earlier for making the $1,000,000 within 48 hours with 395 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,160 the company that's called online training. 396 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:04,360 Lead sense was over Black Friday and we just absolutely kicked 397 00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:07,320 it, knocked it out of the park. And I was basically building on 398 00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:10,920 that success. Then I had build a very good 399 00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:16,800 crypto portfolio in 2020 that really lifted off, made a good 400 00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:21,080 six figures in in returns and invested those six figures then 401 00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:25,080 with an investment fund fund of my friends, crypto hatch 402 00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:29,200 investing fund and they paid me massive interest. 403 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:32,600 I was like, yeah, I was I was living off my interest. 404 00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:35,800 And then I was able to really travel the world and study with 405 00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:41,200 indigenous cultures in the Brazilian Amazon and in Mexico 406 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:44,840 and, and really learn about life from a completely different 407 00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:46,720 perspective. Yeah. 408 00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:49,440 And that's, that's basically, you know, that's the transition 409 00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:52,040 period and what what I've done since then. 410 00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:54,800 Yeah. And that's what I was about, 411 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:56,280 yeah. Oh, that. 412 00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:58,000 I mean, that's that's really, really cool. 413 00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:01,320 But then life changed for you in 2024. 414 00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:09,920 Yeah, so life actually changed drastically in 2022 and 2023 415 00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:16,720 because 2022-2023 I came to the States and because I was on a 416 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:19,360 visitor visa, I couldn't work, so I had to stop working. 417 00:23:19,360 --> 00:23:26,040 And I met my wife here. We fell in love online, as funny 418 00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:28,240 as that sounds, but we had a very strong connection. 419 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:31,320 When I heard a voice for the first time, my heart felt at 420 00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:34,320 home with her instead of crying. So I knew I had to get to know 421 00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:36,760 this woman. And I invited her everywhere, to 422 00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:39,840 Costa Rica, where I was working, to Mexico, where I was working. 423 00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:41,720 Like all of these magnificent places. 424 00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:45,480 She could never come anywhere. So on Christmas in 2022, I was 425 00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:47,560 like, fuck it. I'm a go fly over there and I'm 426 00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:50,280 a go get to know her. I want to get to know this lady. 427 00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:51,520 There's something important there. 428 00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:56,720 And so 2023 we got pregnant very, very quickly, within three 429 00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,520 months of us being together. We married because we wanted to 430 00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:01,400 do things right. We loved each other. 431 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:04,480 So we wanted to build that relationship and and marriage on 432 00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,720 a good foundation, having children on a good foundation. 433 00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:12,560 But nobody has ever taught me what it means to be a husband, 434 00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:15,400 what it means to be a man, what it means to be a father. 435 00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:22,120 So for a good two years, I really fucked up everything I 436 00:24:22,120 --> 00:24:25,240 could in our relationship of like being emotionally 437 00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:29,440 defensive, reactive of, you know, in arguments, being like 438 00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:32,960 being the one that is fighting back and was like stupid shit. 439 00:24:33,360 --> 00:24:38,040 Like stuff that is sometimes it's hard, but stuff that you 440 00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:40,880 can learn that that would have like prevented that from 441 00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:46,040 happening. And so September 2024 came and 442 00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:49,120 my wife sat me down and said, like Thomas, the only way 443 00:24:49,120 --> 00:24:52,880 forward I see for us is a separated 1A divorce. 444 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:56,680 And we already had daughter that was almost a year old by that 445 00:24:56,680 --> 00:25:01,440 time. And then that shook me to my 446 00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:05,840 bones because yes, I knew we were not good, but I didn't 447 00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:08,720 expect us to be at the point where she wanted to divorce. 448 00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:12,800 And so, you know, I love my family, I love my daughter, I 449 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:16,240 love my wife. And that love within my heart 450 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:21,280 just kicked my ass so strongly that I turned around everything 451 00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:24,880 in the in the following 16 months, I went on to the deepest 452 00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:28,560 deep dive of human psychology, of my own human psychology and 453 00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:32,080 understanding what it takes for me to actually rebuild my 454 00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:36,240 marriage and create and, and and build a thriving marriage where 455 00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:39,640 my wife can find more happiness when my children feel safe, when 456 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,960 she feels safe. Where emotional Co regulation, 457 00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:46,680 nervous system Co regulation is a is, is a, is a strong factor 458 00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:50,080 where I'm able to lead the relationship through masculine 459 00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:54,720 leadership where she knows she can just like melt into my arms 460 00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,960 and knows that I have her and our family's best interest in 461 00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:01,640 mind with everything that I do. Recreating physical and 462 00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:05,040 emotional intimacy again after destroying that for such a big 463 00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:07,360 part. So I was like huge undertaking, 464 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:09,320 but I got it done within 60 months. 465 00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:12,720 And then we got, and then my son was born this year in January, 466 00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:15,440 some other age. He was born this year in 467 00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:18,280 January. And our marriage has never been 468 00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:19,720 better. Our relationship has never been 469 00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:21,920 better. And the connection and and and, 470 00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:24,360 and my connection with my children and, and how I'm living 471 00:26:24,360 --> 00:26:26,000 my life. It's, it's never been better. 472 00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:33,600 So as you went through that self discovery exercise, was it kind 473 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:36,200 of, was it obvious to you that things that happened in your 474 00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:39,800 childhood then we're manifesting themselves in a similar way here 475 00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:43,000 or did it take a bit of time to kind of come to that? 476 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:46,360 I'm making assumption here that was the kind of realization 477 00:26:46,360 --> 00:26:50,480 point of of how it was affecting your relationship now. 478 00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:55,240 Yes, entirely. I think the the biggest 479 00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:57,120 realization was my motherhood wound. 480 00:26:57,120 --> 00:27:00,360 My mother wound because my mother had cancer since she was 481 00:27:00,360 --> 00:27:02,640 6, my parents told me when she was 12. 482 00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:06,400 So I always was. My nervous system was built and 483 00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:09,760 feared to lose my mother, and the closest thing to my mother 484 00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:11,280 is going to be always my partner. 485 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:15,360 Yeah. So the fear of losing my partner 486 00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:19,160 would make me do things from my nervous system, from my 487 00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:21,560 operating system would make me do things quote UN quote. 488 00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:24,800 I don't want to make myself a victim, but unless you are aware 489 00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:27,600 of your behaviors, it your nervous system does make you do 490 00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:32,000 things. So yeah, I would replicate like 491 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:35,160 these patterns of like fear of losing and doing anything to not 492 00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:39,080 lose her. But at the same time I would, I 493 00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:42,480 would see how I, how I had assimilated the patterns of my 494 00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:47,760 father, who was a very negligent husband and where. 495 00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:51,200 So basically whenever there was conflict, my father would blow 496 00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:57,600 up, yell around, slam doors, leave, come back and be OK. 497 00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:02,600 Every single time I was the exact replica. 498 00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:06,560 Every time my wife was emotional with me brought a concern. 499 00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:10,080 I'll take it personal, I'll blow up, I'll yell around, I'll 500 00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:12,920 leave, I'll come back, everything will be fine with me. 501 00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:17,320 But she would still be feeling like shit and I had no idea how 502 00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:18,960 to navigate this. I had no idea. 503 00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:20,960 What does a healthy communication look like? 504 00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:22,760 What do healthy boundaries look like? 505 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,360 What does How does repair look like? 506 00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:28,960 Hell no, No idea about these things. 507 00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:32,720 So yes, I did. I did a because at the end of 508 00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:38,600 the day, once we become men, husbands and fathers, we take 509 00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:43,040 over the operating system that we observed as a child, right? 510 00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:45,880 So it's, it's an operating system that we learn by 511 00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:50,040 observation and we learn by seeing how through body 512 00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:54,920 language, like our language, I was spoken, verbal language and 513 00:28:54,920 --> 00:29:00,600 then emotional language, we learn how to operate, not 514 00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:03,800 successfully, but we learn how to operate in a marriage, right? 515 00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:08,080 Or as a father, right. And yeah, I, I took these things 516 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:12,200 from, from both of my parents and absolutely messed up my, my, 517 00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:14,520 my marriage in the first two years. 518 00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:20,160 Yeah. Yeah, but I mean, it's, it's 519 00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:22,800 great to hear that things are back on track and as they should 520 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:24,360 be. You've got a son there. 521 00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:27,160 You, you're welcomed into this world just a few months ago, so 522 00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:31,920 congratulations on that. I have a tradition in my podcast 523 00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:35,800 to ask a previous guest a question for my next guest, and 524 00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:39,880 1 of this will be interesting because it's a little bit 525 00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:42,120 different. The previous guest asked, and I 526 00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:43,520 thought this was a good time to ask it. 527 00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:46,360 If you could do anything else other than what you're doing 528 00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:53,520 now, what would that be? Homesteading. 529 00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:57,720 I would be homesteading. I would build my farm. 530 00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:01,160 I would. I would build my home with 531 00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:03,240 natural materials that I can get on that land. 532 00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:05,600 I would not go outside. I would I would. 533 00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:07,680 I would build with everything that I have on that piece of 534 00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:09,760 land. I would start growing food. 535 00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:14,240 I would start getting animals on the farm, meaning chickens, 536 00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:23,960 cattle, and then I would Start learning hunting and basically 537 00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:28,960 make sure that I'm completely off grid with electricity, water 538 00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:33,480 and food and have enough land for all of my family and friends 539 00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:35,920 to come over and be there and build with me. 540 00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:39,680 Yeah, that's what I would do if I couldn't be doing what I'm 541 00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:42,760 doing right now. OK, why is that? 542 00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:46,160 What's the attraction of that? Yeah. 543 00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:51,400 So in 2020, when the world shut down, I went into a very deep 544 00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:54,960 research of our monetary system and everything else connected to 545 00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:58,640 it. And there's a deep sickness 546 00:30:58,640 --> 00:31:03,000 within our monetary system that will make the monetary system 547 00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:06,280 that we have right now crash in one way or another. 548 00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:10,080 If we look at the war that's going on right now in multiple 549 00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:12,720 areas of the world, it's just setting us up for World War. 550 00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:17,200 So with every World War, there was a shift in power and a shift 551 00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:19,960 in the leading currency and a shift in economic power. 552 00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:23,440 And with the shift in economic power and currency, etcetera, 553 00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:26,360 what what changes the monetary system as well. 554 00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:31,400 So now this being very parallel to everything happening with 555 00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:39,880 crypto and, and blockchain and central bank digital coins and 556 00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:43,320 digital currency and, and things like that, I do have a very 557 00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:47,480 dystopian outlook on, on what the future holds beyond 2030. 558 00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:53,800 So what motivates this is to, until 2030, be absolutely 559 00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:59,960 self-sufficient and not dependent on a system that I'm 560 00:31:59,960 --> 00:32:03,000 seeing is going to break rather sooner than later. 561 00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:09,480 Right, OK, All right. I mean that I had a proofs guest 562 00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:14,440 on who has a similar view and he's he talks about the monetary 563 00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:18,360 system being kind of on the brink of collapse and, and, and 564 00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:20,200 the like. Now I'm, I'm no expert in this, 565 00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:22,760 so I kind of have to take your kind of view on it. 566 00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:27,440 So as you know, this is called success matters and you've been 567 00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:30,640 on a real journey. You've been on a like the, the 568 00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:33,280 highs and lows might make a highs and lows. 569 00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:35,320 What does success mean to you now? 570 00:32:44,180 --> 00:32:46,780 Success means to me now to be at peace within my heart. 571 00:32:48,500 --> 00:32:52,880 And when I say to be at peace within my heart, I mean that 572 00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:58,120 everything I'm doing in my life feels aligned, feels like 573 00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:02,400 nothing really needs to change in order for me to live a happy 574 00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:05,360 and fulfilled life. Of course with ups and downs, 575 00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:09,000 but the ability to navigate them in a way that feels constructive 576 00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:13,840 and strong. Success means to me to take 577 00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:17,840 money out of the center of my life and put family and God back 578 00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:22,600 into the center of my life. Success means to me seeing my 579 00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:28,080 children grow in an environment that enables them to become who 580 00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:32,400 they are destined to be. Success means to me for my wife 581 00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:35,160 to be able to find more happiness within an environment. 582 00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:39,800 Success means to me to leave the world a better place. 583 00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:46,400 Success means to me to do what I love and love what I do. 584 00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:48,840 Yeah, that's what success means to me. 585 00:33:50,520 --> 00:33:53,880 Well, that's that's quite a lot of facets to that. 586 00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:56,920 But ultimately there's what what's in your heart, I think 587 00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:58,600 right is what was speaking there. 588 00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:03,880 And that's how how far do you feel you are down that journey 589 00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:05,840 or be all of these things being aligned? 590 00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:15,239 I would say I'm, I'm, I'm about 70% there. 591 00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:19,199 The the last piece that really just needs to fall into place is 592 00:34:19,199 --> 00:34:21,639 the homestead is the farm. And being completely off grid, 593 00:34:21,639 --> 00:34:25,080 I'm in preparation. I'm on the last step of it. 594 00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:29,120 And once I'm there, of course, there's a whole other world of 595 00:34:29,120 --> 00:34:31,760 things that will open up and that I need to learn. 596 00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:35,679 But I'm a fast learner. I, I have very good, I have a 597 00:34:35,679 --> 00:34:40,199 very good sense for, for, for understanding patterns and 598 00:34:40,199 --> 00:34:43,440 learning patterns and, and modeling patterns and hence 599 00:34:43,440 --> 00:34:46,440 learning new skills. But yes, I would say I'm, I'm 600 00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:48,719 70% there. And the last, last piece that 601 00:34:48,719 --> 00:34:52,440 really needs to fall into place. Actually, two things, one is the 602 00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:56,520 is the homestead is the off grid farm and then schooling and 603 00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:59,800 homeschooling because we're building our own homeschool 604 00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:01,520 homeschooling curriculum right now. 605 00:35:02,040 --> 00:35:07,840 I'm inspired by Waldorf, Rudolf Steiner, extremely amazing human 606 00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:09,200 being. So yeah. 607 00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:12,520 So these are the 2 two biggest things that, that, that need to 608 00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:16,680 fall in place for me right now in order in order to say, OK, 609 00:35:16,680 --> 00:35:19,280 I'm, I'm pretty close to success, but I will never be 610 00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:22,160 100%. So my mind and, and my spirit 611 00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:25,920 will always find another thing that, that will add on top of, 612 00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:28,600 of what it needs to be fully successful, right? 613 00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:30,480 We always strive for the growth, but. 614 00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:32,800 That's right. We're always growing, right? 615 00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:36,120 And I think, you know, particularly you strike me as 616 00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:39,720 someone who will always be looking to expand, right? 617 00:35:39,720 --> 00:35:42,400 Expanding in whatever fashion that may be. 618 00:35:42,720 --> 00:35:44,600 So yeah, I don't think you'll ever be a point where you'll 619 00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:48,040 think, OK, that's it, right? My teacher in the Amazon. 620 00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:51,960 Yeah, my teacher in the Amazon, he always in the mornings we 621 00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:54,320 study with him all night long underneath the stars. 622 00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:57,800 And then in the mornings, you know, when people get sleepy, he 623 00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:01,240 always says don't get lazy or that they will get you. 624 00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:04,120 And then that's typically when the sun comes out, we go out and 625 00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:05,760 plant trees. And he has planted over 626 00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:10,400 3,000,000 trees in the past ten years on his on, on his land. 627 00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:14,440 Yeah, with, with all of his, like, disciples. 628 00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:18,680 And yeah, he always says don't get lazy, Don't get lazy. 629 00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:20,680 The other day is going to get you, Yeah. 630 00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:23,440 Absolutely. So, Thomas, do you have a 631 00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:31,720 question for my next guest? Are your Are your guests 632 00:36:31,720 --> 00:36:36,760 predominantly men or women? 64% of my guests are women. 633 00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:40,200 OK. Do you know your next guest? 634 00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:42,040 My next guest is off the top of my head. 635 00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:44,560 I can't tell you who my next guest is. 636 00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:48,200 OK, so let me find a good question. 637 00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:54,000 Does it make a difference if they're male or female for your 638 00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:57,000 question? Yeah, for for male I would have 639 00:36:57,120 --> 00:36:59,360 asked a different question, but now I'm I'm going to take a 640 00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:01,080 unisex question. OK. 641 00:37:05,240 --> 00:37:09,560 Oh yeah, that's a good one. What would the world need to 642 00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:19,880 look like for your children to grow up and be able to unfold 643 00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:23,400 their full potential? What would the world need to 644 00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:25,600 look like? What would the world need to 645 00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:29,000 look like for your children to grow up and unfold their full 646 00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:31,720 potential? Yeah, to be enabled to to. 647 00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:34,720 Be enabled. Yeah, to be enabled to unfold 648 00:37:34,720 --> 00:37:39,320 their full potential, Yeah. I like that word unfold their 649 00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:44,520 potential because that's like suggested, it's kind of there 650 00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:49,560 and then you can unfurl it, you know, like, I don't know, just a 651 00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:53,320 bit of I've got this image in my mind, but I can't describe any 652 00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:55,880 words. Yeah, it's easy to describe when 653 00:37:55,880 --> 00:38:01,400 when you know the opposite. Destroying the potentials, 654 00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:04,560 putting a human being in a box, putting a label on top of the 655 00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:07,480 head and say this is exactly who you are, what you're going to 656 00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:11,520 do, who you will be. And the opposite is to let the 657 00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:15,280 like, like if you look at like a very complex origami and you 658 00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:18,560 unfold the origami and you find new pieces and new pieces and 659 00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:21,520 new pieces and new pieces until you get to the core or like, or 660 00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:25,640 like an onion, for example. And yeah, So that's yeah, yeah. 661 00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:30,080 So you've already kind of given a description, the homestead, 662 00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:33,240 the homeschooling. What other things do you think 663 00:38:33,240 --> 00:38:36,720 would need to be right in the world for your children to be 664 00:38:36,720 --> 00:38:39,520 able to unfill their full potential? 665 00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:48,040 So base I, I think basically we need to the system of governance 666 00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:51,840 on our planet is really rigged, is really rigged is is really 667 00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:55,800 captured by an intent that is not pro human. 668 00:38:56,240 --> 00:39:01,920 So if we look at if we look at how our planet is governed, is 669 00:39:01,920 --> 00:39:05,880 governed in in in the thinking of how can I exploit more and 670 00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:09,120 make more money? How can I make more, gain more, 671 00:39:09,120 --> 00:39:12,560 get more, be more, have more influence, more power. 672 00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:16,560 And I think the governance of our planet needs to change from 673 00:39:16,840 --> 00:39:20,360 how can I benefit to how can I make everyone else benefit? 674 00:39:21,480 --> 00:39:28,240 Because if we do that, we will basically change the way we 675 00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:31,880 operate on our day-to-day and everything that we do. 676 00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:35,880 And if we do that collectively as a human race, I do think that 677 00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:38,440 all of the problems we have as a human race right now, we will be 678 00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:41,600 able to, we will be able to eradicate very quickly. 679 00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:46,920 And to, to elaborate about something that my mom told me 680 00:39:46,920 --> 00:39:50,360 when I was 14, she said, Thomas, there is going to be a moment in 681 00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:56,120 time when the planet is when, when the planet is reaching its 682 00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:59,160 tipping point of consciousness. There's a, there's a specific 683 00:39:59,520 --> 00:40:03,000 percentage of people that need to be conscious and aware in 684 00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:04,960 order for the tipping point to come. 685 00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:08,000 And what will happen is that the human race will split into two, 686 00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:13,440 and the one part of this race will die out very violently, and 687 00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:17,800 the other part of the race will thrive and rebuild what was long 688 00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:21,360 forgotten. My mom was wild. 689 00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:24,000 Like, she has read so many books. 690 00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:28,120 You can only, you know, you can only imagine if you if you're 691 00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:31,080 battling cancer for 16 years and you were diagnosed to live for 692 00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:33,880 three months, like that Lady had to do something, right. 693 00:40:33,880 --> 00:40:39,280 But yeah, so she said that. And I do strongly believe that 694 00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:44,080 in order for my children and children to grow up and be able 695 00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:48,920 to unfold their full potential, this change of governance need 696 00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:51,360 to happen. And I'm making it happen within 697 00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:53,680 my community, within the people around me. 698 00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:56,920 And whenever I encounter, how can I get more? 699 00:40:56,920 --> 00:41:00,480 How can I make more? I'm very strongly. 700 00:41:01,280 --> 00:41:03,000 I'm confronting that very clearly. 701 00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:06,160 And it's like, hey, let's look at the other side of the 702 00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:08,040 spectrum. How can we make each other win? 703 00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:12,320 Because that way we'll give and multiply rather than take and 704 00:41:12,320 --> 00:41:14,640 deplete. That makes sense. 705 00:41:14,720 --> 00:41:16,680 Yeah. It made it makes perfect sense 706 00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:20,280 to me, the multiply effects of US winning together versus me 707 00:41:20,280 --> 00:41:23,760 winning ill and you losing because that often is how it's, 708 00:41:24,040 --> 00:41:26,880 you know, done it. The multiplied rates of win win 709 00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:29,880 is is vast. So I understand what you're 710 00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:32,240 saying there, Thomas. We're at the top of our time 711 00:41:32,240 --> 00:41:34,200 now. It's been a really fascinating 712 00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:37,880 conversation and thank you so much for sharing the journey you 713 00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:40,720 went through, especially in your your younger years. 714 00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:44,880 Yeah, that must have been very difficult at that age to handle. 715 00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:48,040 And you've had that moment to be able to reflect, which many 716 00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:49,840 people don't. And let's face it, they carry 717 00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:52,840 this through with them. So it's been been great if 718 00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:55,720 people want to get in touch with you to find out more about the 719 00:41:55,720 --> 00:41:58,960 work you're doing now or just to, you know, get add to their 720 00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:01,200 network and sense of of the things you do. 721 00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:03,720 What's the best way for them to get in contact with you? 722 00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:07,360 There's two ways. The way that's more like 723 00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:09,800 consuming information of like, hey, how do you fix your 724 00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:11,320 marriage? How did you rebuild your 725 00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:13,360 marriage? Like what was the step by step, 726 00:42:13,360 --> 00:42:15,560 etcetera. I'm writing a weekly newsletter 727 00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:19,240 that comes out every Monday, sent straight into your inbox 728 00:42:19,240 --> 00:42:22,120 every Monday evening. They can go to 729 00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:26,200 thedashintegrated-father.com and sign up for that newsletter and 730 00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:28,160 get it every Monday for free into the inbox. 731 00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:31,680 That's number one. And then so that's most like the 732 00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:34,360 consuming part. But obviously everyone can reply 733 00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:37,680 and and get into a chat with me. But then the more interactive 734 00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:39,720 part is following me on sub stack. 735 00:42:39,920 --> 00:42:44,000 I just recently started a sub stack and I'm writing by week, 736 00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:48,000 twice a week there. And this is a little bit more of 737 00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:51,520 an engaging platform where there's the ability to ask me 738 00:42:51,520 --> 00:42:54,600 questions and get answers. And they're different forms of 739 00:42:54,600 --> 00:42:58,000 articles where go where write essays about specific topics 740 00:42:58,000 --> 00:42:59,640 like what we just discussed today. 741 00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:03,360 Yeah. And and a lot more in depth 742 00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:05,320 content. So newsletter is consumed within 743 00:43:05,320 --> 00:43:09,320 5 minutes every Monday and gives you 1 one take away to do 744 00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:12,120 different from now on that will better your marriage, rebuild 745 00:43:12,120 --> 00:43:14,920 your marriage, build a thriving marriage in an environment where 746 00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:17,960 where you find happiness and joy and fulfill fulfillment in your 747 00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:20,000 marriage. And then the Subs that goes a 748 00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:24,840 little bit deeper on, on, on, on, on a lot of different topics 749 00:43:25,120 --> 00:43:28,960 that are related to how to show up as a man in the world. 750 00:43:29,240 --> 00:43:32,480 What are the skill sets? What, what, what are the values 751 00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:35,920 to principles I need to embody as a as a man in order to lead 752 00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:39,840 my life, lead my lead my, my family's life. 753 00:43:39,840 --> 00:43:43,440 And, and, and what is important for a man in, in the modern 754 00:43:43,440 --> 00:43:44,560 times? Yeah. 755 00:43:45,080 --> 00:43:47,640 OK, how would people access that sub stack? 756 00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:54,040 It's thomasebits.substack.com. If there's a link in the show 757 00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:56,320 notes, that's good too. Yeah. 758 00:43:56,600 --> 00:43:59,680 So either way, it's I have a look for Thomas ebits on sub 759 00:43:59,680 --> 00:44:02,080 stack. If you are not on sub stack yet, 760 00:44:02,080 --> 00:44:05,160 you can just go to thomasebits.substack.com or the 761 00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:07,800 newsletter is the Dash integrated-father.com. 762 00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:11,800 OK, we'll put the links into the show notes for for this episode. 763 00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:14,240 So thank you once again, Thomas, for taking part in Success 764 00:44:14,240 --> 00:44:16,080 Matters. Yeah, it was. 765 00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:18,200 It was a great pleasure talking to you, Sanjay. 766 00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:19,720 You're very gifted in what you do. 767 00:44:19,720 --> 00:44:21,720 I appreciate you. No, thank you. 768 00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:25,280 To find your success, contact me at 769 00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:28,680 info@successmatterscoaching.com. That's 770 00:44:28,680 --> 00:44:31,720 info@successmatterscoaching.com.