Welcome to garage sales Unhinged.
Where the characters are as quirky as the vines.
I'm Julie. And I'm Jake.
Join us as we dive into the wild world of garage sales, yard
sales, estate sales, and anywhere second hand sales are
happening from. Bizarre bargains to hilarious
haggles. You won't believe the stories
we've got lined up. Let's get unhinged.
So I think I told you I've been going to the gym and working
out, have personal trainer doing all the things that a
middle-aged lady is supposed to be doing to prolong my life for
forever. And you're looking fucking
jacked, Julie. Way to go.
Yeah, it's the steroids. So I'm I'm hurting in places
that I didn't know people could hurt.
Like my triceps are always on fire.
And grant, I knew that that could hurt, but like my neck
muscles hurt and I don't do any weights for my neck muscles.
Don't think you should I. Was.
Like people wear these weird head harness things that look
like they're out of Mad Max and Thunderdome and they got like
plates attached to a chain and they're just like moving their
head around. Like man, that does not look
like a good idea. Yeah, I call my personal trainer
a bunch of bad names all the time, and she seems to thrive in
that environment, so I feel like I'm just feeding a demon.
I don't. I don't know.
What are some bad names you could call your personal
trainer? Like Garrett and like Joffrey
and. Tabitha.
These are all bad names. No, I can't say all the bad
names because, because then I'd have to make this episode.
I'd have to put a little asterisk next to it to say that
we said a lot of bad words in there and I don't really want to
do that. So, but I don't think.
Of let's discuss like what what bad names are because I think
like Beatrice is not a good one. Dorothy is no longer.
Think of all the words that if you said them to our mother, you
would probably get your mouth washed out with soap.
Gotcha. But now that I'm stronger and
bigger than her, she ain't going to put soap in my mental.
The worst that she's going to do is remove me from the will and.
That's much worse. Well, now if you've seen their
stuff, but yeah, I'm, I just happened.
Like I go to bed at night and I'm so tired and then it there's
always at like 130 AMII like turn over in bed and like, why
does that hip flexor hurt? Like, who knows?
So. And now?
You you find like since you've been doing this, you have new
vocabulary for parts of your body 'cause you just said hip
flexor. Was that in your lexicon before
you became a gym rat? Yes because I'm smart and also I
was supposed to be a physical therapist early in my life and
decided not to do that. But I am pretty well versed in
the human anatomy and all the all the things, but no one tells
you no. Like anatomy map shows you where
all the muscles will hurt. So my, I told my trainer
whenever we started working together that I said, hey, for
the first, you know, couple months, I really want to focus
on form because I felt like I was doing the form wrong and I
was injuring myself a lot whenever I'd go to the gym and
work out on my own. And I was like, I don't think
I'm doing these things correctly.
So for the first several weeks, we really focused on form and
she helped me like show me how to do certain things.
Sure enough, like every single time I did a squat, I never had
my, my legs were never positioned correctly.
Since she's helped me with that, I can now do a squat.
Still don't like doing them, but I will do them and I don't
injure myself. And I told her, I said.
And then after like we figure out the form and everything next
I want a big ol ass. And so she laughed at that.
And then this past couple weeks we have been working on glute
exercises and she has created some exercises from the depths
of hell that have really targeted my glutes and they are
on fire. And the worst part is Jake and
I. And I get it, like guys may not
really understand this. For our female listeners who
have maybe, you know, taking a break for the from the gym or
like working out and they go back to it and they start doing
those squats. They start doing like all the
things that really make your booty pop.
Would you have to go to the bathroom and then get back up?
That is terrifying because you have to use those muscles to
lift you off the toilet seat. And I, yeah, there's so many
times where I'm like, I'm just going to get a bladder infection
because I don't want to go sit down to then have to use my
muscles to get back up. It's a different kind of
grunting sound you make in the stall just to ease yourself down
and get yourself up, yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's not pretty at
all. So anyway.
You know, being more physically active like that.
And then yeah, I feeling the muscle soreness does make you,
it's kind of like when you injure something like not just
through like muscle soreness or doing gym stuff, it's like you
smash your finger, you you cut something, you sprained
something. And it makes you better
appreciate like, wow, there's like a billion things in my body
that are working in concert perfectly for me to open this
can and would. If any little thing is wrong,
it's like I'm aware now because there's pain.
I'm aware how many intricate little systems have to work just
right for me to like, get to these Pinto beans.
Well, that's like right now, you and I, we're both healthy,
everything's good, and I'm not taking for granted that I can
breathe through my nose naturally.
The second I get a cold or a sinus infection and become a
mouth breather, Oh my God I'm like Lord.
The day that I can breathe through my nose again without
having to think about it will be the happiest day of my life.
I've never felt more. And I forget about it.
I've never felt more conflicted about how I feel about myself
then when one nostril is fine and the other has some problem
with me. Yes.
Yeah. Yeah, it's.
I mean, it's awesome that you're doing the gym thing and, and
taking care of your health and everything like that.
And yeah man, do do the the glute thing I guess.
Well because I also told her I wanted to learn how to twerk and
apparently that is not part of our gym session and she also
said she doesn't know how to twerk and I feel like why you
look like that if you don't know how to twerk.
Like God, this isn't what I signed up for.
False advertising. Yeah, so anyway, I'm middle-aged
white woman. I'm going to learn how to twerk
one of these days. Jake, I said all that because
that's not what we're talking about today.
That's the way we roll. And also, I have no research
about what we're going to talk about today, and I know you're
shocked by that. This is also how we roll.
So I I want to bring up a subject that is timely, that is
a real human emotion. It's a human activity.
And if we don't talk about it, people aren't going to be
prepared for when it happens to them because it will happen to
them. Man, it sounds like you're
prepping everybody for for us to give them the sex talk.
Not that, not not this episode. That's on a future episode about
second hand sales and the sex talk.
Yeah, that's that. That is a a Patreon exclusive.
It's garage sales, unhinged nights.
Yeah. There's no Patreon anyway, so
let's say that while you're out yard selling, having a grand old
time, it's a beautiful spring Saturday.
What do you do when nature calls and we're going to get the male
and the female version of this since you are male and I am
female, so there's a difference. Are you planning a garage sale,
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To walk me through it, where am I do what?
Paint. Paint the full picture.
OK, let's say that you are, let's say you're 7 miles away
from your house and you are at a local yard sale and they got
some good things and you need to go through all of it because it
is something you want to collect.
It's something that you have been looking for forever and
they don't know what they have and you have to get the things.
But then #1 comes a ring in. Yeah.
What do you do? OK, no, it's, it's, it's a fair
question. I think it's something that
everybody's run into at some point and now you're, you're
going to your lead up to this makes a lot more sense.
Like if, if if this hasn't been you, it means it will be you
soon. I think I've been in situations
like that, whether it's a garage sale or any other kind of public
space and you're really, you want to stay committed to what's
going on right here. But man, you've got a pressing
matter that's come up. Well, and but here's the thing
with the garage sale or yard sale, you're essentially at
someone's home. So do you leave?
Do you ask if you can use the facilities?
Do you go around the corner of their house?
Like what do you do, you heathen?
And it's tough because in that situation, you know, I've got a
solution 10 feet that way, but I'm, I can't go there.
It's the same kind of solution as what I got at home.
It's just, there's kind of an unspoken and understood rule
that, well, that's not for me. That's not for anybody but you.
And I think I'd like, I would, I mean, like in your hypothetical
situation, I'm not far from my house and there's places that do
have public restrooms not far from my house.
So I find the nearest one. I'd, you know, funny, walk back
to my car and drive to the Dairy Queen and do that.
And soon as I'm I'm done with things there, head back to the
sale and hope. Hey, look, you know, I'll this
is how it is. You know, fortune was not a did
not smile on me because, you know, I had to go tinkle when I
really wanted to get all these vinyls.
But I mean, that's my answer. I, I wouldn't even think I
wouldn't feel comfortable asking the homeowner.
Oh man, I'm really sorry. Can I, you know, as earnest and
genuine as I could try to appear that I need to use your
restroom? I know for them it's just look,
I need a place to do drugs. And it's like, and we totally
understand the them reacting, like responding like no.
And then just leave it at that. Like, OK, but that makes sense.
That's a good answer. What would you do?
So here's the thing, for some women that I've had children,
like holding it for a long time may not be feasible.
I, I would say like if I'm, if I, if I'm doing a garage sale,
yard sale, estate selling weekend and I know I'm going to
get my car to go to the next sale, if there is a place I
could stop along the way, even if I don't have to go to the
restroom at that time, I will stop and make myself go.
So I don't run into that situation.
Because if I have my hand on something that is a hard to find
thing that I really need for my house or a gift for someone, I
don't want to set it down If I cuz then I am if I set it down
the opportunity of me buying it later if I come back.
Right. Like that's the tough part.
It's. It's up to God at that point,
and your mother would be so proud of you going to the
bathroom before you get in the car.
It finally sunk Rim. You did it.
Thanks Ma. Thanks Ma.
But part of me is also like for those that are die hard, like
hardcore buyers, right? Are adult diapers a thing Also?
I should probably correct myself and call them adult briefs.
I have a friend that works with the elderly and they do not like
them being called adult diapers. It's demeaning.
So we'll we'll call it adult briefs and hopefully we've
educated everyone on. You can also call them adult
briefs, but is that also an option that like?
Those products are out there, Yeah.
I mean, like if, if, if you are, you know, you're going to be in
a situation where you don't want to disengage for whatever
reason. I mean, I, I, I think many of
our national heroes do that telling me like seal, SEAL
members aren't, you know, making use of the wets.
Are are we going to equate me going to a garage sale the same
thing as an astronaut going to space?
It is a matter of national security, yes.
Hell yeah it is. I think there's like I think I
kind of, I kind of picked up and, and I might be wrong, but I
picked up the the you might have been suggesting and I don't
disagree with you that there might be a bit of a gender
disparity when it comes to the available options in this
scenario. Well, for the most part, a man
can stand up to go #1 and you can do that fairly quickly.
Not that I would recommend it, but in the corner of a parking
lot, anything like that for a woman standing up, unless you
have, they make things that allow women to stand up to go #1
but for the most of us, we don't carry those with us all the
time. And so, like, it just requires a
little bit extra stuff to do. But yeah, it was one of those
things you mentioned earlier about you would go your local DQ
and use the restroom. Whenever I think about the local
DQ, I don't think of clean restrooms.
And here's the thing again. For a man, you don't have to sit
down. For a woman who is also doing
squats all the time, hovering over a toilet seat, Not great.
Yeah. I will say this though, like the
scenario you're describing, Hey, look man, any port in a storm,
you know, it's, it's like if not really thinking about the like
the last time this was cleaned, I haven't really inspected the
cleaning report that stapled onto the back of the door.
It's just there's you're open for business and I'm ready to do
business. Well, and like there's not a
Bucky's on every street corner. And if there was, that's called
heaven. So their bathrooms are magical
and they're clean and they're always functioning.
And I'm going to give people some advice.
Again, I travel a lot. Nature calls at the wrong time
sometimes. I will say places that have the
cleanest bathrooms, Home Depot and Lowe's because they have
everything in the store to clean it and to maintain it.
I think I, I mean, that's awesome.
And I think it's kind of honestly really a great service
to tell people where those kind of like fines are that probably
should that probably be a really great podcast on its own.
It's just like the clean bathroom report, like travel the
country and then like say, here's where they are and this
is a code. That's a code.
But I will say too, I think your experience might vary based on
your your local Lowe's or Home Depot.
Well also you have mentioned before like in high school, you
would go to the teacher's lounge because the bathroom was clean.
Right. But I would also say for most
places, the women's bathroom is going to be cleaner than the
men's bathroom because apparently men, even though you
don't have to sit down, men can't aim with it.
You know when you don't, when logistics isn't as a much a
concern for you. It this the spirit is liberated.
You know, you you like the fewer constraints mean more creative
space and. Like some guy would be in the
bathroom conducting an orchestra with it.
Like I feel so crazy. Yeah, it's the Hallelujah
chorus. You can tell from the splatter
pattern. Oh.
God. But yeah, it was one of those
things of like, you know, of all the things that could possibly
go wrong with like garage selling, yard selling.
I'm like, what do you do when nature calls?
And also if you were the host of a cell and if someone comes up
to you and goes, Oh my gosh, I really have to go to the
bathroom. Like for me, I wouldn't let them
in my house. For me, if it was if there was a
kid involved, like if somebody had their little kid in tow, be
like, yeah, come on. You know, and, and like, I, I
like, walk them through make, you know, make sure like, OK,
like this kid doesn't have like a lot of pockets sewn into their
shirt. So you can like, put all my, you
know, my, my jewels in there. But if you like, if there was a
little kid or something, or, you know, yeah, I think there's
probably some extenuating circumstances.
But by and large, like if I don't know, it might be mean.
But no, odds are if it's just some dude, no.
Why? And that'd be kind of upset.
Like, why are you even asking? You know the answer is no.
You qualify as a no for so many things, and rightly so.
Well, yeah, like, and that's the thing too, like little kids, you
know, do you help the parent out and say, yeah, you know, we
don't need to have a mess or anything like that.
I think it's also in that situation going to reiterate, if
someone is going to have a cell, they need to have help there.
So instead of just doing a sell, buy yourself solo.
And I'm not saying that that other person is going to be the
bathroom escort, but just for security reasons and other thing
like, hey, we need I need a refill on my water.
Jake, can you go get that for me?
You're not going to leave your valuables out on the front lawn
to be taken care, you know, taken away without money
exchange. Batman, my score does seem like
the kind of the intern entry level position in the yard sale
hierarchy. You know you're starting off
with PP patrol. You know you do a good job.
You might make your way up to Hagler You.
Know PP patrol, I'm going to get you a shirt that says that now.
P Patrol. No, it's just going to be PP
patrol intern. Yeah, yeah, Assistant to the PP
Patroller. But yeah, you know, it's it's
one of those things like, oh, man, I've been in that situation
before. I have left a cell to go to a
public restroom and part of us going, you know, do I really
need to get this dish for a dollar and wet myself?
Or it might. And I tell the person like, hey,
I'd really like to have this. I need to like, I need to go run
to the restroom. I will be right back.
Can you hold it for me for 10 minutes?
But here's the question. So what would be the item or
what would be your perceived value of the item that would
make you go? I'm not I'd rather risk an
accident then losing this deal. And odds are like, so you're
saying let's stick with your hypothetical.
You're at a sale that's seven mile, you know, within a 7 mile
radius of your home. Odds are out of this is not your
immediate neighborhood necessarily.
Right. You're probably not gonna see
any of these people again. You might at the grocery store
or something. Will they remember, you know,
would you care? And so these are the states.
The thing I don't care if someone sees me pee myself
because let's, let's talk about the logistics of this.
OK? Let's say that I bought
something. I knew in my heart of heart that
this thing is worth $5000 and they're selling it for $5.
Like I look at them going, oh man, if I buy this and I resell
it, that is some quick cash, right?
Yeah. None of that I care about
because when I look at that, if I spent $5 and I'm able to sell
something for $5000, So what I'm saying for $4995, I'm OK with my
car smelling like piss. I don't want that in my life.
So that's the part that I'm like, I don't think there would
be any money for me to be like, I'm OK driving around in a pee
pee car in my like soiled pants. And then it's like, OK, well,
Julie, you just take off your pants.
I'm like don't really want to drive around commando either so
unless I could buy it like a moo moo there and then just wear the
moo moo. That's the thing, you can
MacGyver your way out of this. And I think I mean, $5000 is a
really great. I mean, no, I would have gone
for like 500, you know? I mean, there's, there's,
there's, there's people online. They're doing that for a lot
less, you know? I was just thinking like, could
we get Mr. Beast to, like, sponsor a thing of like, OK, you
have to pee yourself at this garage sale and now you have to
figure out how to get home. So I guess what I'm asking you,
Julian, is at what price would you urinate in front of people?
This is for austerity and not for weird website purposes.
Oh, I pay $20 there. You go that's.
What I was like, if he's in the middle of explaining like the
rules and everything, I'm just over there peeing on myself like
done lower, lower doing it. Yeah.
Do I lose my negotiating power? Yeah, but but no, it's a.
It happens, definitely happens. I also think like if you're the
host of a cell having some grace, if someone says, hey, I
need to go run a quick errand, I'll be back.
I think also putting a time limit on it, like, hey, if
you're not back in 10 minutes, 15, like whatever that limit is,
it goes back out to where someone else could purchase it.
I think that's fair, especially if it's an item that people go,
oh, I really want that. And again, if if something's not
out for 10 minutes and then that person doesn't come back and
have a line of people waiting to buy it, some of them have
already wet their pants. Like I'll go to the next buyer.
Yeah, that is the more qualified buyer.
Look, look, I know you say you want up this thing, but you
could look at him, look at he wanted it more.
He clearly wanted it more. I'm worried how much he wanted
it more. It's killing my grass how much
he wants this thing. But yeah, anyway, and
interesting also, there's like no research I could do for this.
So it was just kind of like, Jake, what would you do?
So, but yeah, something to consider.
And also like, do your Mama proud.
If you're going between cells and you find and you come across
a public restroom at a gas station, ADQA, Home Depot, stop,
use the restroom. Make sure that you don't have to
pee on yourself to get the thing you want.
Shout out to the moms for for trying to set us all right early
on. Yeah, and you know, you got to
start somewhere. So PP patrol intern, it's a good
place to start. It's not not the worst place.
What is the worst place? I you're hypothetical I'll deal
with #1. So I think PP patrol is above
due to deputy so. Oh, that is, I would probably
put that above government employee.
So because I've done government work before, I wouldn't
recommend doing that again. But well, that's what I got for
this week. So when nature calls hope, hope
you can actually put the thing down and go take care of the
nature. Oh boy.
Well, on that scatological note, thanks Jordan.
Bye. Bye.