1 00:00:16,540 --> 00:00:20,820 Hey, welcome to the Good Girls podcast, and today we're talking 2 00:00:20,820 --> 00:00:23,440 about love. Languages. 3 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:26,400 Usual disclaimer, if you are driving with your father-in-law, 4 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:29,040 you might want to turn it off because even those love 5 00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:31,880 languages and that sounds soft, we might accidentally say some 6 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:33,440 things that you're uncomfortable hearing. 7 00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:36,040 Some people's love language is a deep digging. 8 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:42,080 And if you have a daddy kink and you're driving with your 9 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:46,080 father-in-law to fulfill your daddy kink, then you know what? 10 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:47,920 Continue listening. Maybe you'll learn. 11 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:49,160 Wait. I'm sorry, good girls. 12 00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:52,600 Can I just take a quick deviation here that if you are 13 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:56,800 wondering why Kay always begins the podcast by warning you about 14 00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:59,760 your father-in-law being in the car. 15 00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:03,840 Not that she has a kink for her actual father-in-law, but she 16 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:05,960 does have a. Real life daddy kink. 17 00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:09,680 Figurative father-in-law kink because because this is the kind 18 00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:12,480 of relationship we have. She sent me one of her favorite 19 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:16,520 pornos and it is a daddy in law, a kind of situation where she 20 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:19,480 cheated. You've ever seen Stephen St. 21 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:23,280 Qua, a male porn star and his little boomerang Penny. 22 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:26,120 Then you understand that it's not really a father-in-law 23 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,280 thing, it's something about. Stephen St. 24 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:32,200 Yeah, he's just the way. That he runs the Yeah, he runs a 25 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:33,880 room. He's got little man boobies. 26 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:37,280 He's great. OK, you and you hyped up the Man 27 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,440 movies. I was picturing somebody with a 28 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:43,560 way more doughy physique. I mean his is a is a highly 29 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:47,080 curved penis, but other than that I think he's very 30 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:50,200 attractive for his age. He's got the nice like gruff, 31 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:53,720 like I'm in charge here and I'm going to show you what you're 32 00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:55,640 worth. Anyway, so that if that hasn't 33 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:58,880 significant, if that has not scared off everybody who was 34 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,720 listening to this with you, let's jump in and talk about 35 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:03,400 love languages. Woo Hoo. 36 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:08,400 So want to start off before we get heavily into love languages 37 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:11,000 with this amazing study by Heyman and colleagues. 38 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:15,840 Published in 2010, journal Family Psychology looked at 453 39 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:20,800 couples with a child aged 3 to 7 and surveyed them on the areas 40 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:22,560 of desired change in their partners. 41 00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:27,160 And they found women, compared with men, wanted greater 42 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:29,520 increases in their partners, emotional and compassionate 43 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:32,280 behaviors and, no surprise, instrumental support. 44 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:35,240 So support around the household and parenting involvement. 45 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:40,720 And men wanted more sex, more sex. 46 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:44,040 They wanted more attention to their sexual needs. 47 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:46,200 They wanted more sexual relationships. 48 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:49,240 You know, men, I just have a little cheat code here. 49 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:52,840 Maybe if you help the woman with those other things, then they 50 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,000 would want more sex with you. Yeah. 51 00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:59,440 This really so our favorite place to do research besides 52 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:02,800 scholarly articles is Reddit. And so I was skimming through 53 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:05,040 kind of people who had previously posted the question 54 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:08,920 of what is your love language and just the number of men who 55 00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:10,640 answered it. Blowjobs. 56 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:15,200 Yeah. And yeah, you're wondering why 57 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:17,480 your wife doesn't give you more blowjobs, man. 58 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:23,320 Here is a reason why. So SJ lead us into what are the 59 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:27,040 five love languages? All right, Well, actually I 60 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,800 would like to start with a little bit of background about 61 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:32,080 the book. This is an interesting one 62 00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:35,360 because I think that this has become such a pop culture 63 00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:39,600 phenomenon and the number of people who talk about love 64 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:42,680 languages, especially just like how much it's become a meme now, 65 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:43,840 right? Like people are like, my love 66 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:47,040 language is bagels, my love language is cat pictures. 67 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:50,400 Versus the number of people who have read this book. 68 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:54,040 In this case, I would actually say that that's probably a good 69 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:56,120 thing. The book is utter trash. 70 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:58,600 And I don't know. OK, Have you? 71 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:03,120 What is your experience with the love languages beyond Internet 72 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:05,680 memes? So I don't want to put up this 73 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:07,800 episode because I still think it's very, very worthwhile 74 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:10,720 discussing and it provides a nice framework to think about 75 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:14,320 things. But I think that the science of 76 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:17,440 the love languages and the idea that you only have one love 77 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:19,560 language and then you need to make sure your partner matches 78 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:22,000 up with you is da da, da, da trash. 79 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:25,560 And that's partially because Gary does trash, trash. 80 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:29,560 He is a PhD of adult education. So he does. 81 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:33,000 From like a seminary, and this is somebody with a seminary 82 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:37,400 degree like I do not, that does not make me qualified to be a 83 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:40,880 couples counselor. I think that the love languages 84 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:44,240 are still highly useful to explore because they kind of 85 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:47,400 provide a framework for talking about things that you're feeling 86 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:49,520 or lacking with your partner and all these different. 87 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:52,800 So I want to say that they're trash, but I also want to say 88 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:54,520 that I'm excited to talk about them. 89 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,520 You and I feel exactly the same way. 90 00:04:56,520 --> 00:05:01,080 So we can eliminate the debate portion of our of our agenda for 91 00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:03,400 today. I feel very much the same way. 92 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:06,000 I think that it sparks a helpful conversation. 93 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:09,160 We've even had this conversation in my own marriage. 94 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:13,440 I don't think that we have to be limited to Gary Chapman's 5 95 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:17,480 languages which we will get into are very arbitrary and also 96 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:21,400 somewhat overlapping. And also, yeah, if your if your 97 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:24,560 knowledge of it came from the book and not just random one 98 00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:28,520 line Internet posts, first of all, you wasted a lot of time 99 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:31,680 because you can learn basically all the concepts you need to. 100 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,000 And I would say like half a podcast. 101 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:37,480 So we'll spend less than half of the podcast today talking about 102 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:40,120 what they're actually about and then spend the rest of the 103 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:44,320 podcast either trashing the book or talking about how we apply 104 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:47,600 this in our own lives. The basic take away is to just 105 00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:52,280 communicate and pay attention to the way that other people 106 00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:54,440 receive love. And I think that that's one 107 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:58,000 helpful take away from the book is that the book is really about 108 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:01,320 paying attention to what your partner's love language is. 109 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:04,960 Where is like the Internet mimification version is people 110 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:09,360 saying like my love language is like you bringing me breakfast 111 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:13,480 and things like that. So yeah, the original book. 112 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,000 So there's two versions of the book. 113 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:18,880 There's the original published in 1992, and that was when 114 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:25,120 Jerry, Jerry Gary Chapman was Gerber was talking to a largely 115 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:28,160 Christian audience. This is this really resonates 116 00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:31,120 with the podcast because this is a great like Christian 117 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:32,880 communications thing. Like, if you grew up in the 118 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:35,680 Christian world, this is probably the sort of thing that 119 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:38,440 your parents were reading. And I think people get it in pre 120 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,520 Cana, that's where they hear about the. 121 00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,400 Law. Yeah, yeah, that's, I think it's 122 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:46,080 a popular one to hand out for that, which I will remind you is 123 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:48,760 just like I was saying, like seminary does not qualify you to 124 00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:53,200 be a couples counselor. At best in the Protestant world, 125 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:57,120 you are getting marriage counseling from a vaguely non 126 00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:01,120 certified layperson in the context of psychology. 127 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:05,960 In the Catholic version, you are getting marital advice from a 128 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:11,400 celibate person, right? Yes, who also is likely biased 129 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:16,040 towards whichever person's family is belonging to that 130 00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:18,840 church. And so they're like, you are so 131 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:22,120 lucky to marry Adam. You know, Adam is a member of 132 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:23,440 all that. So I'm gonna ask you all these 133 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:26,200 questions and then meanwhile, Adam's over there and doesn't 134 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:28,560 get any questions. I'm not speaking for any 135 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:31,360 personal stories, obviously. Obviously. 136 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:34,080 So, yeah. So he originally publishes for 137 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:38,280 this very like norm core trad core kind of audience. 138 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:42,200 And then it's republished in 2014 and that's the version 139 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,120 probably most people know and have seen. 140 00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:48,000 But it is still he is just largely talking to hetero trad 141 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:51,200 couples. There's basically no mention of 142 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:55,200 non hetero couples seems like from other things that he's 143 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:57,280 written. And believe me, he had 144 00:07:57,280 --> 00:08:01,480 opportunities because this is a whole like he just got on the 145 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:03,520 love languages gravy train with this book. 146 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:07,800 There is love languages for children, for teenagers, for 147 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,720 parents, for parents of kids with disabilities, love 148 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:14,000 languages for men, not love languages for women, which we'll 149 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:17,440 get into that just like everything under the sun. 150 00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:21,520 So if he wanted to speak to like how it would be maybe adjusted 151 00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:24,760 for LGBT couples, he could have, but he's kind of more in the 152 00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:29,760 like, don't ask, don't tell. But basically this original 153 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:33,200 version, I think that they had him like clean up a little bit 154 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:37,840 of his like gender norm language and in. 155 00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:41,520 Yeah, exactly. So we have like these like 156 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:44,440 checklist kind of things of like how to do the different love 157 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:47,800 languages. And it would be very like men, 158 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:50,440 if your love, like if your wife's love language is acts of 159 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:54,520 service, then you can like help her with the laundry. 160 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:57,200 And then women, it's like if your man likes acts of service, 161 00:08:57,240 --> 00:09:00,880 you can do his laundry, things like that. 162 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:04,720 And also I will say, Kay, you would be very disappointed. 163 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:09,160 This book was first certified good girls trademark only the 164 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:13,120 wifeys do not care for sex. And so really this whole book 165 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:17,240 came off to me as like a manual for dumb fucking husbands who 166 00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:21,240 like, can't figure out for shit why they're wisely basically 167 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:22,560 what you were saying in the beginning. 168 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:24,960 Why doesn't my wife want to have sex with me? 169 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:27,640 I don't do any housework and I don't help with my kids and and 170 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:29,800 all that and that is not my there's like a. 171 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:32,440 Story in there that's like he has all these like advice 172 00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:35,440 columns which I think that he like writes it seems like he 173 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:38,000 writes them himself. They're not like actual letters 174 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:41,000 to him of like a guy that like went and played softball while 175 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:44,840 his wife was having a baby. And then he's like, why is my 176 00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:48,360 wife so Moby all the time? So really, I think that his core 177 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:52,480 audience and why there's a love languages for men book but not a 178 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:54,960 love languages for women book is certainly. 179 00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:58,800 We're starting from the bottom. We are like. 180 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:01,640 The women are so socialized to just be attuned to this shit 181 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:04,080 already that we didn't really need a book doing it. 182 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:07,160 But I think that he assumes that like all of the dumb husbands 183 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:12,200 out there are like husbands. If your wife does not think that 184 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:16,240 like a deep digging is her love language, then buy her some. 185 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,280 Flowers, Is it not your love language? 186 00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:22,000 So gender normative that he does not allow for the possibility 187 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:25,160 that maybe a deep digging is your wife's love language. 188 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:28,200 So there's very like with the physical touch one, it's very 189 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:32,240 masculine gendered. And the examples of women who go 190 00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:36,400 for the physical touch is like she maybe she wants to cuddle. 191 00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:41,360 And yeah, on the other side it's like maybe your wife should blow 192 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:43,240 you. But he doesn't say that because 193 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:46,440 he's Christian. So just like a funny kind of 194 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:49,840 side note is that I was looking into the physical touch element, 195 00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:52,360 which obviously there's a lot of research to support that 196 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:56,480 physical touch is a great love language, for lack of a better 197 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:59,240 word, but just a way to increase a feeling between you and your 198 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:00,520 partner. Oxytocin. 199 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:03,240 Yeah, yeah, it lowers. Your heart rate, your blood 200 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:06,440 pressure, like when you touch your partner, your eyes are on 201 00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:09,560 the same wavelength. But a funny thing is that I saw 202 00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:13,480 Masters and Johnson, pioneers of the modern sex therapy movement, 203 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:17,440 used to encourage their couples to do non sexual touches more 204 00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:20,080 often and that would lead them to be more sexually interested. 205 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:24,120 And I was like Masters and Johnson somewhat rings the bell, 206 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,000 but I can't really think of it. But if they're leaders of the 207 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,680 modern sex therapy movement, obviously I want to look into 208 00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:30,000 them. And it turns out, and you 209 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:32,760 probably already know this from your page, they're like the 210 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:35,080 conversion therapy people they're. 211 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:38,240 Like friendly? People who are gay and I can 212 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:41,920 just have them touch their their the other sex and then they're 213 00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:44,600 going to be changed. And we already know because we 214 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:46,760 are stuck in our straight relationships, that is not 215 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,880 possible. Again, if I could be with a 216 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:52,480 woman, I would. That sounds delightful to me. 217 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:56,240 Yeah, disappointing. Yes. 218 00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:58,680 OK. So the five level languages. 219 00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:01,480 So with that disclaimer, we will get. 220 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:03,080 Jason Johnson had to make an appearance. 221 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:06,320 Yeah, yeah. With that disclaimer, we will 222 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:09,720 get into naming what they are just because I feel like it's 223 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:13,480 helpful to hear. And yeah, as you hear them, you 224 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:16,680 might be like, isn't this one kind of similar to the other 225 00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:17,320 one? And the answer? 226 00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:18,800 Is don't ask questions, Yeah, first. 227 00:12:19,680 --> 00:12:24,000 Of all, don't ask questions. Gerber has made millions, if not 228 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:27,160 more, off of the judge. It's based up of how much money 229 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:28,560 Gary has made. Yeah, exactly. 230 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:31,440 That's how we are in the year of our Lord 2025. 231 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:34,760 This is how all things are judged is would Elon Musk want 232 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:37,240 to invest in it? Great. 233 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:41,400 So, Kay, you were going to jump in with some examples of where 234 00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:45,360 each of these love languages. So there's words of affirmation, 235 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:48,880 acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch. 236 00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:52,040 Now we're going to go back and start off with examples, words 237 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:55,200 of affirmation. SJ, you look great today in your 238 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:56,960 overalls. Have I told you that? 239 00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:00,760 And you are such a good Co host. That is an example of awards of 240 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:03,280 affirmation. And there's studies showing that 241 00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:05,360 in case you don't have a partner, you can also just tell 242 00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:08,440 these to yourself. And as long as it's coming from 243 00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:11,240 somewhere and you feel like you believe it, it really does help 244 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:14,240 yourself esteem your confidence, all those things. 245 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:17,000 Yeah, I look at my partner. I try to tell him you are a good 246 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:21,920 man, be a good boy, yeah. Go touch me. 247 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,080 You're a. Very, very good boy and. 248 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:27,120 Then you walk him like a dog, like. 249 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,520 Sabrina Carpenter Yeah. I pet his head a little bit, and 250 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,400 that's when I get into my physical touch. 251 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:36,080 Also, just a quick side note that I actually love that 252 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:39,280 Sabrina Carpenter picture of her with a guy because you know what 253 00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:41,760 she said about it? She said that the important 254 00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:45,360 thing about the picture, and for those of you who haven't seen 255 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:48,560 it, it's her album cover. And the guy is standing up and 256 00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:50,680 she's kind of looking like she might go down on him and he's 257 00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:53,640 tugging her hair. Is that she's like, I am very 258 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:55,720 clearly. And there's no doubt of anybody 259 00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:58,200 looking in that that picture that I am in control of the 260 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:02,920 situation and I'm enjoying it. I'm like, Sabrina, Yeah, acts of 261 00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:05,240 service, who? This is just where guys seem to 262 00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:08,200 get in trouble because. And I feel like an act of 263 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:11,800 service doesn't even have to be there if they're just happening, 264 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:12,680 right? I don't know. 265 00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:14,440 Yeah. And I feel like so a lot of 266 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:17,200 times when people think of examples of this, I'm also like 267 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:21,840 doing the bare minimum is not acts of service like just 268 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:24,320 participating in the household because. 269 00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:26,160 I put the shoes on my daughter this morning. 270 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:28,280 Was that an active service? Yeah, exactly. 271 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:31,560 And this kind of feels like. So we recently for one of my 272 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:35,760 kids introduced the concept of allowance and, and that quickly 273 00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:39,440 turned into and we tried to just have it be like a general like 274 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:42,240 this is something that you get at a certain age so you can have 275 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:46,800 spending money of your own. And in order to and part of this 276 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:49,200 is that we have this social contract that you will be 277 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,600 participating as a member of this household and doing certain 278 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,440 chores that's. What you said here. 279 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,080 I did. We talked about social 280 00:14:57,080 --> 00:15:00,760 contracts, but then she like pretty much immediately wanted 281 00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:05,240 to turn it into like, I just picked up the wrapper, my cheese 282 00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:08,280 stick and put it in the trash. Pay me $1.00, please. 283 00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:11,440 And that's kind of what this sounds like for men that then 284 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:13,720 they'll like get this and they're like, oh, like acts of 285 00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:15,400 service. Like I'm going to put my plate 286 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:18,000 in the dishwasher. Where's my blowjob? 287 00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:22,880 Deep Throat me now, please. But but greater perceived 288 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:25,400 sharing of household tasks is associated with higher 289 00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:28,800 relationship satisfaction and increased liking of 1's partner. 290 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,960 Did we even need studies? Apparently? 291 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:34,000 We did though, just the same as we needed this dumb fucking book 292 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:37,760 for some people just. Do things and then you might get 293 00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:39,760 more sex. You know, if you take the load 294 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:42,680 off your wife and so she's not super, super tired, she might be 295 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,880 more interested in getting right down there. 296 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:46,400 Who knows? Or not, because it might just 297 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:48,000 not be your thing or maybe you don't clean enough. 298 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:50,440 I don't know. Yeah, there may be so many other 299 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:53,840 reasons which we'll get into on other episodes as well, yes. 300 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:58,880 And then gifts, you know, not just for birthdays, you can gift 301 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:00,360 somebody a lot of different things. 302 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:04,000 You can go to a gas station and come out with a Gatorade that 303 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,280 might lead you to a road blowjob. 304 00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:10,400 Just think about it right flavor of Gatorade. 305 00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:14,480 Well, I think when that first of all, I feel like as much as if 306 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:17,120 we want to adhere to the five love languages, I feel like 307 00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:20,280 gifts gets the like worst cuz it is just like, oh, you're like 308 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:24,200 this materialistic person who like requires their partner to 309 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,720 buy them designer handbags and diamonds or something. 310 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:29,680 But I think it really is more supposed to be kind of about 311 00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:33,560 like the, Oh, I was thinking of you and I, I also feel like this 312 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:37,080 is a hard one to do if it doesn't come to you naturally 313 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:40,320 like some of the other ones. It's like words of affirmation. 314 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:42,720 Like you can just like kind of practice it till you get good at 315 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:44,120 it. But when you know the people in 316 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:47,320 your life, and I'm not just talking relation like romantic 317 00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:50,160 relationships, the people who are really thoughtful gift 318 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:53,360 givers, it's always just like a very like that is impressive. 319 00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:55,760 They just like pick up little things, whether it's for 320 00:16:55,760 --> 00:17:00,000 birthdays or non particular occasions that it's just like 321 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:01,760 this like, oh, I was thinking of you. 322 00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:03,520 I saw this. I thought you would want it like 323 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:06,160 something small. I type Divora just get stuck in 324 00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:08,160 my head. I'm like, I think that person 325 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:09,480 would like that, but maybe they don't. 326 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:11,240 Maybe they would have already bought it for themselves. 327 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,480 Maybe. And then I did tell them and all 328 00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:16,880 of my like difficult relationship with stuff because 329 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:19,359 then I'm like, well, if they don't want this, then it's just 330 00:17:19,359 --> 00:17:21,880 like one more thing for them to have to like figure out and get 331 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:24,119 rid of. And I do really feel like that, 332 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:26,359 like with the gift giving language, like when it is just 333 00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:28,800 this obligatory thing, especially around birthdays. 334 00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:30,240 And you get that with kids birthdays. 335 00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:33,960 But some families too just have this like very obligatory, like 336 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:37,240 every year on your birthday, like we have to get you a gift. 337 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:40,120 Like you have to get everyone Christmas gifts, like everyone, 338 00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:42,840 you know, Christmas gifts. It does just really result in 339 00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:46,800 this like it's like the opposite of the intended thing. 340 00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:50,160 Because then you get this thing that's like thoughtless or just 341 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:52,480 kind of like you're like, I don't know. 342 00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:55,000 And then that makes you feel like the person maybe even knows 343 00:17:55,000 --> 00:18:00,360 you less than you thought. I get great gifts to my partner 344 00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:02,680 so I feel like I do like gifty but I don't like. 345 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:05,640 I don't need gifts though. I just see it as one more way 346 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:09,080 that I'm like, you are such a sweetheart and you get me and 347 00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:13,120 you look out for little things, but that's not I'm I will yes, 348 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,040 they were not good gift givers that I I. 349 00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:18,240 This is totally true for my for my marriage. 350 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:21,680 I am an excellent gift giver. I will just own that about 351 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:24,400 myself because. Words of self affirmation. 352 00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:29,280 Words of self affirmation I am a great gift giver and I. 353 00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:32,480 Am a lousy gift giver. Well one of my hacks is that I 354 00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:36,880 just keep a note on my phone. This works especially well for 355 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:40,560 my husband, who is very forgetful and like, not very 356 00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:43,360 thinks about stuff. So he'll tell me in in like, you 357 00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:46,360 know, July that he's like, I really want this cookbook. 358 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:48,560 And then like Christmas rolls around and I give him the 359 00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:50,440 cookbook. He totally forgot that he asked 360 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:53,800 for it. So I mean, it works for anyone 361 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,640 to, like keep track of things that they mentioned that they 362 00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:58,040 would like, but it works especially well for people who 363 00:18:58,040 --> 00:18:59,520 forgot that they mentioned that thing. 364 00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:02,520 And then he's like, this looks like such a cool cookbook. 365 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:06,200 Where did you find this? You told me, but you forgot and 366 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:08,240 I'm like you. Know you really well, and I 367 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:10,520 thought that you would be interested in it, but I do just, 368 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:13,480 like, keep track of things that people mentioned to me that they 369 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:15,440 want or need. And I just try to like, take 370 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:18,160 note of that. But it works. 371 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:19,560 Yeah. It'll really works on, like, 372 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:21,480 people that you spend a lot of time with. 373 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:26,200 But my husband, gift giving is not his love language. 374 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:28,520 And I think that that's one that we figured out. 375 00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:30,800 Yeah. That like, it's, it's kind of a 376 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:33,600 hard one to, like, fake it because he would try to, like, 377 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:35,280 buy me nice things. But then it's like, you know, 378 00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:38,120 somebody buys you jewelry who doesn't really know your taste. 379 00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:40,080 I don't. Want to wear that this? 380 00:19:40,120 --> 00:19:42,680 Is why like gift giving is about the thoughtfulness and not the 381 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:45,440 amount of money spent because then you could like buy a really 382 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:48,480 expensive piece of jewelry. I don't think he's really done 383 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:52,600 that, but like he, I could see that having happened and then 384 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:55,960 you're like, oh cool, like a heart-shaped necklace. 385 00:19:56,360 --> 00:20:00,120 And so I think that he's realized that it's a better act 386 00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:03,920 of I don't know what kind of love language this is, but just 387 00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:06,720 realizing that I would be much happier if you were like. 388 00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:10,080 You should just go pick yourself out some jewelry that you really 389 00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:12,720 like. And feel free go crazy with it 390 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,760 or you should take your daughter to Disney World with your 391 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:16,880 friends. We also did that. 392 00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:19,720 That was a great one. Myself there, but I don't know. 393 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,360 Yeah, so. Quality time. 394 00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:25,640 I'm here to report an extremely groundbreaking study. 395 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:28,880 But first, just a basic description of quality time, you 396 00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:31,360 know, not just sitting and watching Netflix while you're 397 00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:34,160 both on each other's, like, not each other's phones, but your 398 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:36,240 own individual phones. But actually, you know, the 399 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:38,080 solidly hanging out, maybe going on a hike. 400 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:42,880 But I just love the study that I found, which is in Contemporary 401 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:46,920 Family Therapy by Hogan in 2022. And they looked at 49 couples. 402 00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:50,560 And I'm so happy that they did this because they found that 403 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:54,120 couples that spent more time arguing per day were less 404 00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:58,600 satisfied in their relationships and couples who found a greater 405 00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:02,640 time having positive conversations. 406 00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:05,200 It's like, did that, did that have to be a study you? 407 00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:10,480 Know again though, I I am. Learning that maybe it did a 408 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:13,680 reminder to men out there that if you are fighting, you might 409 00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:18,000 have a low satisfaction in in your relationship and that leads 410 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:24,080 to other things, physical touch. Oh, I do want to say something 411 00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:26,440 about quality time. This one was also a little bit 412 00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:30,280 like, I was like, who who is like, this is not my love 413 00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:32,800 language, right? Like who is in a relationship 414 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:34,760 with somebody? And then it's like, oh, but I 415 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:37,800 don't actually like any value from quality time until I was 416 00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:41,160 doing my Reddit research and there were some people who 417 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:44,000 answered, there's a question that was like, what is your like 418 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:46,520 non traditional love language? You know, like not one of the 419 00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:50,120 Gary Chapman 5 love languages. And there were at least a couple 420 00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:53,480 of people on there who were like being left alone, giving me my 421 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:57,440 space. I guess so I was thinking about 422 00:21:57,440 --> 00:22:01,680 this and before my partner and I lived with each other, I would 423 00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:06,400 have said quality time like 1000%, you know, time just the 424 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,800 two of us to hang out. We're either with groups of 425 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:10,800 friends, we're working, all these different things. 426 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:15,440 But now that I feel like we are together all the time, I still 427 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:19,080 want to be with him. I still like, love our time 428 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:21,320 together. But if I were to think about 429 00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:25,120 like what I'm craving, it is not, I don't know, OK? 430 00:22:25,120 --> 00:22:26,400 It's not at this with me. I'm not really. 431 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:28,600 Everything's working fine. Yeah. 432 00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:31,400 And I think that after the pandemic when especially those 433 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:34,560 of us who are used to like our jobs, it we're mostly out of the 434 00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:36,040 house. And I think that there are a lot 435 00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:38,920 of us that since the pandemic we're just like home more. 436 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:40,960 That's definitely true for my husband and me. 437 00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:45,440 And I guess I wouldn't say that it's my love language, but I do 438 00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:47,760 crave. I don't get to watch stupid ROM 439 00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:50,960 coms on Netflix. I don't I I watch YouTube videos 440 00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:53,600 of Warren Buffett at night sitting alongside my husband. 441 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:57,840 You should put headphones on and then I suppose that is also a 442 00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:00,120 love language is watching 2 separate things on your phone 443 00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:02,640 sitting side by side wearing headphones because sometimes you 444 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:03,800 that. Your hand out. 445 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:06,480 Yeah, exactly. You can still be holding hands, 446 00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:09,120 get that physical touch. I also think that there's maybe 447 00:23:09,120 --> 00:23:12,200 a difference between like healthy boundary stuff where you 448 00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:16,200 need for yourself to exist as a human being within any kind of 449 00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:19,160 relationship that's not actually a love language. 450 00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:21,360 And I was a little worried for people that they were asked that 451 00:23:21,360 --> 00:23:23,360 question and that was literally the first thing that came to 452 00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:26,080 their mind. But reach out. 453 00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:30,240 If that was you, we'd love to. Hear maybe it was B who knows I 454 00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:35,680 I love spending time maybe it was your husband I just want to 455 00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:38,080 be by myself with my old white man videos I'm. 456 00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:41,520 Gonna watch Warren buffeting without any fucking 457 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:43,560 interruptions. I need to hear someone with a 458 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:47,200 lot of wrinkles who is male listen talk about finance 459 00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:49,960 without my wife saying that this is boring, can she please leave 460 00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:53,680 me alone? So physical touch, hugs, 461 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:57,920 cuddles, you know, groping, make it a little grab grab in there. 462 00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:03,160 So another super fun study that I thought I I don't want to do 463 00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:04,880 this too much because I have a feeling it was probably done by 464 00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:08,200 a student. It came out of UVA in 2024 but 465 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:11,880 it looked at 5 total couples and then it recruited 5 strangers 466 00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:16,480 and they found this is crazy that people like touches with 467 00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:19,000 their person where they're in a relationship more than the 468 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:21,720 strangers. Can I know more about this 469 00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:23,520 study? It was there like a secret hand 470 00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:26,400 box and you like stick your hand in the box and can't see who's 471 00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:28,320 on the other side of this like hand glory hole. 472 00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:31,080 Like they could see you're being like. 473 00:24:31,120 --> 00:24:33,560 Touched by like a hand through the glory hole and you have to 474 00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:37,520 guess if it's your partner. Can I do that? 475 00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:39,560 Study it. Was like a very basic like non 476 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:42,720 sexual wrist touch but they felt like well the partners touch the 477 00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:45,880 wrist in different ways and like covered more surface area. 478 00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:49,320 And I'm like did you only do 5 couples because you realized 479 00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:51,520 after 5 couples what on earth am I doing? 480 00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:55,680 I didn't have. To do this, but thank you for 481 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:57,640 keeping our podcast grounded in research. 482 00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:00,520 K this is important. Yeah, now you know those five 483 00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:02,520 couples. There's also kind of like super 484 00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:06,360 fun, cool ones that show how like your brave your brain 485 00:25:06,360 --> 00:25:09,080 wavelength like matches up with your partners. 486 00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:11,560 When you guys touch each other, it kind of like sings and 487 00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:14,240 becomes calm together. OK, yeah, I have heard a little 488 00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:16,520 about this where if you touch a stranger. 489 00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:23,360 Oh, so I also learned in my, you know, good girls research 490 00:25:23,360 --> 00:25:26,880 division, the part time lab. Coat. 491 00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:30,760 So French and colleagues published a paper in 2019 on 492 00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:35,080 sociosexuality. Now you might be wondering at 493 00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:37,520 home, what does sociosexuality mean? 494 00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:41,320 It turns out this is a scientific word for swinging, 495 00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:46,040 which I just love. And it found that overall. 496 00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:49,400 So looked at 204 newlywed couples and it found that among 497 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:54,200 those who swang or were sociosexual, that overall was 498 00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:58,640 there was a greater like decrease in satisfaction over 499 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:03,840 time, but except for those who are having more frequent sex and 500 00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:06,440 higher sexual satisfaction and low stress. 501 00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:08,680 So I just feel like, OK, so there's a portion of these 502 00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:12,320 people who are like super, super like cool sex animals. 503 00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:14,400 And they're like, yeah, whatever, We're both having sex 504 00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:16,440 with other people. But I'm like low stress and I 505 00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:18,720 mean, awesome. I feel like there might be some 506 00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:21,640 drugs involved in that equation and they were able to keep up 507 00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:23,200 their happiness, but. Yeah. 508 00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:27,200 Is this like you are having more sex overall or unless you're 509 00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:33,240 having frequent sex with each other as well, more sex? 510 00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:34,520 Oh. That's interesting. 511 00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:37,240 They just said more frequent sex, but they did not. 512 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:38,600 Yeah, you're right. They could have just been 513 00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:42,720 increased if you just swing all the time, but then you're so 514 00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:44,880 happy. Yeah, if every single day you're 515 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:46,040 having sex with a different person. 516 00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:48,520 Especially if physical touch is your love life. 517 00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:51,480 If you are one of the people on Reddit whose love language is 518 00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:56,520 just blowjobs, then it does seem like you should just have as 519 00:26:56,520 --> 00:27:00,800 many possible opportunities for blowjobs and it say as you can. 520 00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:03,080 Yeah. I mean, this is one that I've 521 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:06,520 heard in general about the swinging culture and some of 522 00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:07,920 the, like, the parties and stuff. 523 00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:11,520 Is that like how it's portrayed on TV versus like, how it is in 524 00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:13,280 real life. And it's all like one of those 525 00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:16,560 reality shows that's like people that are into doing interesting 526 00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:18,520 things. I forget what show it was, but 527 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:21,080 basically that it was this younger couple that, like, 528 00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:23,520 wanted to try going to a sex party and they did. 529 00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:26,880 And it was all just like. Older you people, yeah, you 530 00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:29,760 know, they're like, they're just like, sexually. 531 00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:31,320 Freer. Yeah, yeah, exactly. 532 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:33,640 But it wasn't like, you know, one of these like, Basque 533 00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,600 parties from like, the sexy shows where like, everybody is 534 00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:41,080 rich and hot, totally rich. And like, yeah. 25 years old and 535 00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:43,120 things like that. So they, I think that they like 536 00:27:43,120 --> 00:27:45,880 went to the party for a little bit and then they were like, OK. 537 00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:48,560 Yeah, maybe I only wanted to be with you. 538 00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:55,320 I don't know, I I feel like I picture Kristen and Sandy on the 539 00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:58,120 OC if anybody ever watch into the later scene. 540 00:27:58,120 --> 00:28:02,240 Yeah, with like the nice expensive watches on the table. 541 00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:05,040 Yeah, I'm like, I would go to that swing aim party seems very 542 00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:06,840 clean. Yeah, yeah. 543 00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:10,000 I don't think that we live in the right zip code for that K. 544 00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:16,480 Shucks, just kidding. Please don't contact. 545 00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:18,800 Too many of our leaders for. Watching them. 546 00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:20,680 Please do not. I'm not. 547 00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:23,240 Interested. Not actually interested in 548 00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:25,520 joining your watch party? You can never live up to my 549 00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:26,720 partner. Gentlemen. 550 00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:31,080 So there was another just funny story and this really doesn't 551 00:28:31,360 --> 00:28:33,360 belong anywhere but I wanted to share it. 552 00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:37,080 So I looked at 169 marriages over the 1st 18 months of 553 00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:40,200 marriage and they showed that there are significant changes in 554 00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:44,800 personality over those 18 months where men become slightly less 555 00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:48,400 agreeable and women become less like extroverted and there's 556 00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:54,040 declines and and openness. And that made me kind of sad. 557 00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:55,840 Yeah. Yeah. 558 00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:57,640 So maybe, yeah. Maybe that's why we have to be 559 00:28:57,640 --> 00:28:59,200 sociosexual. I don't know. 560 00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:03,960 I also think this reminds me of the study that it was like men 561 00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:08,440 who are married live longer but like women who are single are 562 00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:11,880 happier or something like that. But basically the theory being 563 00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:16,000 that, like, women hound their husbands into, like, doing basic 564 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,360 kinds of self-care, like scheduling doctor's appointments 565 00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:21,440 until those men live longer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 566 00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:25,840 All the women in Jerry, in Jerry Bear's books are just, like, 567 00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:27,800 running around after their husbands, picking up for them. 568 00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:30,480 And they're like acts of service is my love language. 569 00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:34,680 They're actually, and they're also much more likely to stay 570 00:29:34,680 --> 00:29:37,720 when the partner gets a serious diagnosis and all that. 571 00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:40,560 But again, you know, we're trapped being straight. 572 00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:43,640 So we will accept our male partners and love them all the 573 00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:45,160 way. And this does not apply to our 574 00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:48,280 own male partners, but in general, just, you know, across 575 00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:50,600 the. Gender, yeah. 576 00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:56,520 So I guess the question is, does it matter if love languages 577 00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:59,520 aren't real if they help us? Then. 578 00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:03,400 Clearly need them. And I think that it still comes 579 00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:07,320 up in like legitimate therapy contexts outside of the church, 580 00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:12,040 and not because anybody is recommending the book to people, 581 00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:14,760 but just again, this kind of like conversation starter. 582 00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:19,000 The only thing is I just wish that acts of service, even 583 00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:22,080 though I do get that there's a difference, I wish that there 584 00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:26,040 was a way to like, just make it clear, like first make sure that 585 00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:29,960 household tasks are equal and then we can start talking about 586 00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:32,480 acts of service. But if your acts of service are 587 00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:36,680 just you getting up to like 40% when your wife currently does 588 00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:40,040 like 70% and that's not. Yeah, yeah. 589 00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:42,360 Or just things around that are just sort of shared household 590 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:45,320 tasks to begin with. Like I think one that is nice is 591 00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:48,400 that I'm not a morning person and my husband is. 592 00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:52,000 And like that he will like make coffee and sometimes even bring 593 00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:55,720 me coffee upstairs if I'm particularly slow moving. 594 00:30:56,040 --> 00:30:58,200 And I feel like that is something that's not like part 595 00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:00,080 of the. Regular every single morning. 596 00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:03,480 No, I don't yell, but I'm like, I'm like, why can't you wake up 597 00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:06,960 at 7:00? So you're the morning person in 598 00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:09,520 your house. I'm the morning person and then 599 00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:12,880 being up in the morning just naturally leads to you doing 600 00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:17,760 more in the morning and so you know I'm a fighter you will get 601 00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:19,880 up for. Now I can be trying to get out 602 00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:22,360 of doing things in the morning, but having two kids has made 603 00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:27,360 that difficult for me and I am forced to live in a world born, 604 00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:31,960 born to be rolling around in bed still at 10 AM, forced to be 605 00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:34,800 packing lunches. Have you seen the slither 606 00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:38,360 method? No, go on, you lie. 607 00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:41,360 Down in bed and then when it's like time to get up, like 608 00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:44,080 instead of thinking, oh wow, I have to like raise my head and 609 00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:45,840 get up and open my eyes, you just flop out. 610 00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:49,440 You literally like rise out of bed and you like crawl. 611 00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:51,040 I think it's like her name's Mel. 612 00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:53,400 She's an Instagram. She's like a six year old woman 613 00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:56,600 who helps you think about life. And there's a video and she's 614 00:31:56,600 --> 00:32:00,120 like a very well put together, like beautiful PJS, all that 6 615 00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:01,880 year old woman and she's just like. 616 00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:06,880 And now I rise. Yeah I know I haven't tried this 617 00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:12,040 open really to trying anything. Currently my method is picking 618 00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:15,080 up my phone immediately, which I hear the experts tell you is 619 00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:18,920 great and just immediately starting to scroll things. 620 00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:22,800 The experts say that if you go to any therapist, they'll be 621 00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:24,280 like just. Yeah, use your phone. 622 00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:27,120 Do. Yeah, and use your phone more 623 00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:31,240 and start earlier and then go later and do it till you fall 624 00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:32,400 asleep. And then when you wake up in the 625 00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:34,160 middle of the night, then pick up your phone again. 626 00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:37,200 That's what they say. Think about how excited you are 627 00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:40,680 to see your kids and just hop right up. 628 00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:47,600 OK, so I asked my partner what he thought that my love language 629 00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:50,000 was and he said, oh, you like gifting? 630 00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:52,400 And I said, no, that's like not even the case because I don't 631 00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:54,360 care at all that my parents don't give to me. 632 00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:56,680 I just like it that you gift because this is part of your 633 00:32:56,680 --> 00:33:00,720 curious, sweet personality. And he's like, he looks at me 634 00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:03,040 and he goes, You like the physical? 635 00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:08,400 And I asked would not approve but go on. 636 00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:15,040 He, he said that his favorite thing that I do is that when I 637 00:33:15,040 --> 00:33:18,400 walk up to him and I give him like a hug and I say that I love 638 00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:21,840 him and I kiss him. I do, you know, one or two times 639 00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:24,480 a day Cuz he's like, it's just that like natural, like you 640 00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:26,920 really genuinely mean it and you really do love me. 641 00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:29,720 So I guess that would mean it's like words of affirmation plus 642 00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:31,720 physical touch. Yeah, this is what they're, 643 00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:35,920 they're very overlapping. So and that's why I also feel 644 00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:39,600 like it's just maybe more of a starting point because yeah, 645 00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:42,720 they're very overlapping. Some of these are very vague and 646 00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:45,160 like things like acts of service, like changing an 647 00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:47,200 occasional diaper or not an act of service. 648 00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:50,760 So I think the word that you use genuine is a big part of it 649 00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:54,600 because it's also just kind of like whatever it is, if it's 650 00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:57,120 coming from a genuine place and not, I mean, even look like 651 00:33:57,120 --> 00:34:00,800 words of affirmation, like if you were just like you are so 652 00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:03,920 special. Well, that and like to me the 653 00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:07,320 ultimate thing of love and it's nice that all the the rest of 654 00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:10,280 the things happen too, but it's like the other person seeing you 655 00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:15,239 for who you are and like loving and embracing that whole self, 656 00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:18,040 if that makes sense. And I think that, you know, when 657 00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:22,960 my partner is like, oh, like you used to narrate porn and I love 658 00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:25,159 that about you. And I also think it's impressive 659 00:34:25,159 --> 00:34:27,400 that you do that. It just makes me feel like they 660 00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:31,480 see me and that does it for me. That's a really good point and 661 00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:33,880 that's why this whole subcategory of the Internet with 662 00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:38,360 people making jokes, we pulled some from from our Internet 663 00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:41,560 research lab. There are such examples as cat 664 00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:46,159 photos, head scratches, inside jokes, shit talking head. 665 00:34:46,159 --> 00:34:48,080 Scratches. Do you like head scratches? 666 00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:50,960 My gosh, I am like such a slut for them. 667 00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:56,040 I am miss mad. This is why I am part cat dog. 668 00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:58,000 I don't know. Check with Sabrina Carpenter. 669 00:34:59,040 --> 00:34:59,640 I don't. Yeah. 670 00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:00,960 OK. I didn't interrupt you, no. 671 00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:05,080 I find it very relaxing and if that is your kink or your love 672 00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:08,880 language, if you haven't been to a Japanese head spa, you should 673 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:11,880 totally go because it's just like that for two hours. 674 00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:14,640 I don't even get massages because I do not like people 675 00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:17,720 touching me, which is. Interesting that physical touch 676 00:35:17,720 --> 00:35:20,600 and see this is what I mean is that the broad 5 categories are 677 00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:24,200 trash because like for you that means very specific things. 678 00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:26,880 I only want my partner. Yeah, you have them. 679 00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:30,880 From right, exactly and like under what context and things 680 00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:33,200 like that. And so it's more that like 681 00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:37,120 intimacy of knowing exactly from the other person what that is, 682 00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:41,880 that's acceptable, whether it's like head scratches, blowjobs, 683 00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:45,040 commenting and porn together, you know, any of those kinds of 684 00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:48,360 things. That that that is very 685 00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:51,960 important. One that I really liked was, and 686 00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:55,880 I do do this for my husband, is remembering the names of people 687 00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:58,680 that I forgot and like whispering them when they're 688 00:35:58,680 --> 00:36:02,640 walking up or I do a lot of like, oh, hey, you know my 689 00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:05,600 friend Samantha, right, Samantha? 690 00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:09,400 Because you know him well enough to know that he wishes that he 691 00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:11,960 knew the name, that he didn't remember it because of some 692 00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:14,480 reason that has nothing to do with his respect to the person. 693 00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:17,400 And so you're able to read that part of their personality. 694 00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:18,880 I know that they that they need that. 695 00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:22,600 It's like my partner sometimes knows that I'm on a roll and I'm 696 00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:24,160 doing well. I don't really need that much 697 00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:25,320 help. But he knows that like on 698 00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:28,240 Saturday mornings, if I don't get my like, workout in, then I 699 00:36:28,240 --> 00:36:30,480 get frazzled. And so that's where the active 700 00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:33,440 service comes in of taking the kids away for as long as 701 00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:35,720 possible. Yeah, yeah, exactly. 702 00:36:35,720 --> 00:36:39,000 So like, whatever you want to call it is the important thing. 703 00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:42,360 The last one on here was singing karaoke. 704 00:36:42,720 --> 00:36:46,240 This is one of my love languages and it is one it. 705 00:36:46,240 --> 00:36:49,000 Is not what I'm on. Do not get from my partner. 706 00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:53,520 Any compatible it would make us. Love each other less if he did 707 00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:56,760 try to sing karaoke because singing is not one of his 708 00:36:56,760 --> 00:36:59,040 skills. So this is where I will also put 709 00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:02,440 in a plug for and this is something that I think is kind 710 00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:05,520 of not talked about a lot in the whole like Christian 711 00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:07,920 relationship advice mode of things. 712 00:37:08,160 --> 00:37:11,080 There's so much in that Christian dating advice kind of 713 00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:13,800 stuff about like your partner being your everything and that 714 00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:17,520 they like fulfill your every need and that like all of these 715 00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:20,720 love languages that you require have to be spoken by your 716 00:37:20,720 --> 00:37:22,800 partner. So it's a very good example of 717 00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:26,760 like, I love to sing karaoke. Would never ask my partner to do 718 00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:29,920 it, would be uncomfortable if he offered. 719 00:37:30,240 --> 00:37:33,880 And yeah, there are plenty of other people in my life that 720 00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:35,440 can. He could be a beautiful. 721 00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:37,160 Other hobbies, no. I've heard him sing. 722 00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:40,840 No, OK, no. My partner is not a bad singer 723 00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:43,560 and he plays the guitar and I feel bad but I don't appreciate 724 00:37:43,560 --> 00:37:46,800 those parts at all. He is well hung however. 725 00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:50,920 Woo Hoo. Huge alpha males like a tree 726 00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:51,720 trunk. Yes. 727 00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:54,520 We want to make sure that all of our listeners know. 728 00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:58,640 So there's no, there's no, you know, you see him on the 729 00:37:58,640 --> 00:37:59,480 streets. Just no. 730 00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:00,800 Wow. Huge. 731 00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:04,160 And there was this very cute story. 732 00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:06,920 A lot of the answers that I saw were just like 2 words. 733 00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:11,000 This one was this story from I think an older man that he was 734 00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:15,240 talking about how his wife had been a tango dancer for like had 735 00:38:15,240 --> 00:38:17,640 been into dancing for years and years and loved to go out 736 00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:20,200 dancing. So his expression of love to her 737 00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:25,280 was that he took lessons and learned how to tango dance and 738 00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:27,200 now they go out together all the time. 739 00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:30,480 But he was just saying how it was this great opportunity for 740 00:38:30,480 --> 00:38:32,200 them both to appreciate each other. 741 00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:34,640 And I think that that's what I hear in a lot of these stories 742 00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:37,840 that like she appreciates him having taken the time to learn 743 00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:39,640 this thing just cuz it matters to her. 744 00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:42,520 But he was like, I love to go with her because she's so 745 00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:46,960 beautiful and she gets all dressed to the nines and I get 746 00:38:46,960 --> 00:38:49,440 to see her in her element. But he's like, but then I also 747 00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:52,880 feel like a really great partner and he's like, and I'll go dance 748 00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:56,160 like I get to like, you know, dance and enjoy myself. 749 00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:58,440 And he's like, also I feel like she walks away. 750 00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:02,000 He's like, cuz the men there are so so and I'm the best looking 751 00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:05,520 man there and then she. I love the self-confidence. 752 00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:09,480 Yes, positive self affirmation. You go Reddit guy. 753 00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:15,760 Woo Hoo what was I going to say? I feel like if you go back to 754 00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:19,280 even high school, how many high school girls have you are 755 00:39:19,280 --> 00:39:22,360 friends with any high school girls, then you might know that 756 00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:25,120 how they're asked to dances is a big deal. 757 00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:28,640 And even if they have long standing boyfriends and it's 758 00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:31,560 very obvious they're going to go to the dance, they need that 759 00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:35,880 kind of extra act that says, hey, I'm really interested in 760 00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:40,040 you and you're worth making this elaborate sign or poster for. 761 00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:43,040 And you're going to get that little sign that I'd love, and 762 00:39:43,040 --> 00:39:45,080 I'm into you. Yeah, yeah. 763 00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:47,760 At the end of the day, I feel like, yeah, it's all about just 764 00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:51,600 saying like I see you and I get you and I really appreciate you 765 00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:56,200 for who you are. So if at the end of the day that 766 00:39:56,200 --> 00:40:00,280 is what Gare bear, what conversation he sparked for us, 767 00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:03,920 then blessings to him and his multi book empire. 768 00:40:05,560 --> 00:40:09,520 Go Gare bear. Yeah, women do like sex. 769 00:40:09,720 --> 00:40:12,520 My my partner would literally say that that's like my love 770 00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:13,920 language. And actually, I have a distinct 771 00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:16,600 memory that when we were early on in our first months dating, 772 00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:20,600 he dropped me off after a movie. And I was like, will you come 773 00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:23,760 into the house with me? No, I really need to go back and 774 00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:25,440 do some work. And I was like, we might be 775 00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:27,200 incompatible as partners. He's. 776 00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:31,800 Like I need to go back into my bed and listen to Warren Buffett 777 00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:34,680 videos. I I have some Warren studying to 778 00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:37,160 do tonight. It's like you can't sit next to 779 00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:41,200 me in a movie theater and like lightly touch me for two hours. 780 00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:43,280 And I not think that we're going to have some hanky panky 781 00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:46,800 afterwards, but that's that's just the way that he. 782 00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:50,320 Is love language for the ladies? Listen up, Gare Bare. 783 00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:53,520 Yeah, we also, my partner and I probably have the reverse 784 00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:56,200 relationship on that, that I'd be like, oh, what can I do to 785 00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:58,120 get my partner to have some more sex with me? 786 00:40:58,120 --> 00:40:59,560 How do I know? He loves getting. 787 00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:06,680 He hasn't boomed me in a while. It's been 3 hours so to go back 788 00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:11,080 we always revisit some things discussed in our prior episodes 789 00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:16,320 before ending and Sex appeal was an episode that generated a lot 790 00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:21,160 of conversation afterwards about what is your thing that you see 791 00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:24,400 and you're like Yep that guy is hot, that guy fucks. 792 00:41:24,680 --> 00:41:29,400 And we found out from a listener that hers is when a guy shuffles 793 00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:32,680 cards, which I can see like when they really know how to do like 794 00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:36,200 the cool like card shuffling. I, I see this one and I think 795 00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:39,640 that it really fits the criteria of what we were asking that it's 796 00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:44,840 like not an inherently like associated with hot guy thing on 797 00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:49,000 its surface, but it's like something that just like raises 798 00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:52,080 a, a green flag sexually speaking. 799 00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:55,040 Although I will say potential overlap between really good at 800 00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:58,080 shuffling cards and magicians, but I've never been with a 801 00:41:58,080 --> 00:42:02,360 magician. Well magicians might be a 802 00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:05,320 smaller percentage of the population, so you might have a 803 00:42:05,320 --> 00:42:09,160 smaller chance of getting with a magician than a guy who knows 804 00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:11,560 how to shuffle cards. And I have not looked into the 805 00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:15,520 numbers recently. I just thinking about Joel from 806 00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:17,920 Arrested Development. Joke. 807 00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:20,360 Yes. There's obviously a hot 808 00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:22,840 magician. I've seen them on America's Got 809 00:42:22,840 --> 00:42:24,720 Talent. Yeah, yeah, there are. 810 00:42:24,720 --> 00:42:28,960 There are hot magicians. I don't know that I want to be 811 00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:31,880 with a magician, though. I would say that for me, that is 812 00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:35,720 probably something that if I saw you doing magic, I would be less 813 00:42:35,720 --> 00:42:39,120 interested in sex just because I don't want that kind of I don't 814 00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:43,040 want somebody doing magical numbers on me when we are 815 00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:45,240 together. I think that most magicians 816 00:42:45,240 --> 00:42:47,680 would tell you that they're not going to bust out their magic 817 00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:51,320 tricks during slacks. You don't know that you've never 818 00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:53,520 been with one either have. You. 819 00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:56,120 Yeah, I was having sex with 1 and then also now I was just 820 00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:57,640 under the bed and I wasn't sure how. 821 00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:03,200 Exactly. Oh, I did hear a story about 822 00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:04,960 that one. So something this was son 823 00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:07,200 another great podcast, normal gossip. 824 00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:10,360 But there was one about that where he wasn't a magician, but 825 00:43:10,360 --> 00:43:12,560 they were like somehow in the apartment of like he was friends 826 00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:14,080 with her brothers, with someone who was a magician. 827 00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:15,840 And there was like a magic trick bed. 828 00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:18,720 I won't give away the ending, but you should listen to that 829 00:43:18,720 --> 00:43:22,320 podcast. I also like calling out other 830 00:43:22,320 --> 00:43:28,480 podcasts and then also on hottest biblical characters Kane 831 00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:31,080 we overlooked Kane a. Classic. 832 00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:33,760 Bad boy. Yeah, it's classic bad boy. 833 00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:37,880 And the person said I think I can change him, you know, also 834 00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:41,240 older brother, apparently older brothers are hot, which is not 835 00:43:41,240 --> 00:43:44,200 personally a thing for me. I think being from a big family, 836 00:43:44,200 --> 00:43:48,440 just like any brothers, I mean, I'm not interested in any of my 837 00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:50,160 brothers, but in terms of order, order. 838 00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:52,960 Yeah, birth order. Oh, that should be a study that 839 00:43:52,960 --> 00:43:55,600 somebody should do. Impact on hotness. 840 00:43:55,960 --> 00:43:59,520 Birth order and sex appeal. I think that middle children are 841 00:43:59,520 --> 00:44:03,080 more likely to be comedians. And so that would probably be 842 00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:06,280 like the guys middle. Yeah, 4 out of seven, Yeah. 843 00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:08,520 I mean, I guess when you have 7 kids in your family, there's a 844 00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:10,320 pretty good shot at being a middle child, so. 845 00:44:10,400 --> 00:44:12,680 I could also be considered the younger or the older of 846 00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:15,200 different bashes of kids depending on how you look at it. 847 00:44:15,400 --> 00:44:20,840 Yeah. So to kind of go and conclude up 848 00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:26,000 this episode, love languages scientifically based, I would 849 00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:30,080 say each individual element of this love languages is but the 850 00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:34,640 actual like science, as Garriger put it out not, but that doesn't 851 00:44:34,640 --> 00:44:37,560 mean that you shouldn't show some words of affirmation and 852 00:44:37,560 --> 00:44:39,720 leave us to. Yourself to us. 853 00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:42,640 Yes, but only. Only if we're great though. 854 00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:45,720 We can't take words of criticism right now, unfortunately. 855 00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:49,960 Thank you so much. I do not need negative 856 00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:54,120 affirmation, but I thank you for listening and I hope you have a 857 00:44:54,120 --> 00:44:54,720 great day.