Happy start of the Olympics on the Good Girls podcast.
This is SJ. Here is my Co host Kay to have a
totally non scientific and irreverent take on things that
have happened in the Olympics over the past.
How many 1000 years I forever, Yeah, a long time, thousands of
years, a long time ago answer. And basically our thesis being
that. They've always been horny.
Have been super horny since they ran their first little race so.
Yeah, I was interested in the original Olympics in Greece.
And so I looked back at this because I'm like, I bet there
was a lot of sex there, too. I bet that there was whatever
the version back then was of handing out condoms and the beds
being tested for sex and all that.
Having cardboard beds to keep the ancient Greeks from.
The ancient Greek equivalent of cardboard was, so I save.
Money and be sustainable. Come on guys.
Though wonderful things were found out, so most important is
that the Ward gymnasium originates from the ancient
Greek Ward Gymnasium. That's not that's totally.
Sure, you're a scholar and any. Greek listener is like Oh my
gosh. And so Jim knows literally means
naked or nude and gymnaso means to train naked or to exercise.
And so in ancient Greece, male athletes trained and competed in
nude at public centers. And that's not even my.
Favorite part? I do just want to interject that
when you texted me that fun fact, this was shortly after Mr.
SJ was going to the gym with his friends that he has like a
little he totally. Does nude.
Workouts with and I was just like picturing them being like
ancient Greek and being like, come on guys, let's like strip
down and oil up and hit the gym. So I love that for them.
They were naked, but some of them would have Kaino Desme.
Please look up Kaino Desme KYNODESME.
It is a little string that you pie around your foreskin for the
uncircumcised penis, because showing the actual head of the
penis was considered to be vulgar.
I agree. That's tacky.
Yeah, the shaft fine, The ball's fine.
The uncircumcised shaft is totally appropriate in public,
but if I see that head of the penis I'm like, what do you want
me like Too much, too much. I would way rather you have a
side. I did look this up.
I found a website called We Neurology Sidebar.
We're gonna have to do a whole episode about things that I read
on We Neurology. And definitely much better word
than peenology. Yeah, it's.
A serious website though, it's about how basically art has been
super into phallic shapes since all of time and we all just you
know, are very focused on on the male genitalia in our or the men
are focused on it in their artistic expression.
Anyway, so I did read an article about it there.
It didn't have a video. I have yet to find a video of a
modern day person showing how that would go on.
I mean, I guess that would technically be NC 17 rated.
So I'm confused about would you want to?
Click and watch the video. I would watch K just for
research purposes. Like colors like an AI bodied
purple or something I would watch.
Honestly I might have to create one after this because I didn't
understand how it. Works yes and then the other
thing is that the average Greek citizen woman was not invited to
the Olympics. So if you imagine this, all the
men go to the stadium without their wives to watch these oiled
up naked men besides the head of their penis Gage and wrestling
and racist as long. As the head of their penises
covered, I think that it's very tasteful.
I did read a interview with the author Tony Paritat of the Naked
Olympics. And apparently sometimes the
daughters were there because there was some fathers who would
bring their daughters and in hopes of finding them a nice
muscular husband. So you couldn't come unless you
it's like touching a Unicorn. You know, you have to still be a
virgin. But wives definitely could not
come. Though a woman were allowed who
were strippers. Sorry, prostitutes, yes.
So I guess I should, I should change that up a little bit.
Yeah. It's not whether or not you had
sex. So not the same rules as
unicorns. Yes, quote UN quote barbarian
prostitutes were allowed who were exotically and scantily
attired. So this barbarian.
Prostitute is an amazing Halloween costume theme.
Listeners, please submit your barbarian prostitute costume.
You guys love to see them. So I just love the idea
combining so many things that men love.
They're basically going to a big strip club slash Vegas where
they're also engaging in animalistic style.
Yeah, competitions. The naked thing.
I, I feel like when you just need as a, as a society today to
be more open about male nudity and all that type of stuff
about. Male and female nudity.
This all fits something that a man would want to do today and
is not too different from the average.
Sport fucking some 16 year old boys.
Yeah, Pederasti, is that how you pronounce it?
Totally welcome there. What's another word that I've
mostly just read to add to that? I did read that some athletes
training regimens did include abstaining from sex and
masturbation because they thought that that increased
their focus. Which really just adds into your
theory, Kay, that not a lot has changed amongst the men Because
I feel like that's a total manos totally.
Something they would see today that they're like.
Oh yeah, just haven't touched my tick in 80 days because my mind
is so sharp and clear and I'm going to start a business now or
a podcast. I love the idea of all these
like sexually pent up men who haven't masturbated or had sex
then go in and be them all over and naked and oiled up another
muscular man. I know, just wrestling together.
There's like increased rates. Sexual and then presumably after
the competition you can just go to town some boys or barbarian
prostitutes. So I guess that's why they're
there. You choose what's more
problematic, you know, a 10 year old boy or a barbarian
prostitute. I might have to cut that.
I don't even know if I'm. OK, so I did.
We are anti both things. Well, Mr. SJ was a a a
philosophy major and. I thought you were able to say
he was a child prostitute. Not that I know of, but I don't
know if there was like a hands on part of any of the philosophy
classes. But he he focused on the ancient
Greek stuff. So he did ask him about this,
and he said that by boys it typically meant more like young
men, although I don't know, you know, with some of them, I'm
sure that their tastes varied a little bit, but they're maybe
more like teenagers. So there's that.
You're right, when you're 15, you're totally willing and able
to consent. Oh, I'm not saying that they
were all if you're mad. I do sound like Megyn Kelly
here. I did just want to clarify that
a little bit that they were unlikely to be like 10 years
old. But I do sound like Megyn Kelly
defending some pedophiles there when I.
Say that consenting. Yeah, totally.
Their driver's license. In today's world they could
definitely ride a 40 year old man all smelly and like.
It was the equivalent of a driver's license riding a smelly
old man. The second thing that I asked
him about is totally unrelated to ancient Greeks, and that was
the logistics of running around for a woman.
I'm just picturing just running around with no sports bra that
that would just be hugely uncomfortable.
I mean, I don't know what they did because there were women in
ancient Greece who. You're right, they would like
want a cop or something. According am I apparently the
cop is more like the protection and a lot of of them are just
out there jogging in boxers and shorts or I've I've known some
men who mentioned that they don't like to wear any
undergarments under their shorts because they find that
constrictive. So I guess I was told that we're
really picturing it wrong on if we're trying to falsely equate
your titties swinging around with your male cock and balls
swinging around. It's just not the same thing,
especially because this is a flaccid penis we're talking
about. So I guess unless you're being
incredibly generous and you're really more of a shower than a
grower, there's not a lot of a lot of excess tissue flapping
around down there. I guess I just wonder for the
competitions like wrestling and such like, wouldn't you feel
even more exposed going with like your most sensitive part
not. Even that is true.
I wonder. I mean, maybe there were just
rules against this, but what's to stop you from just like
reaching over and like giving the guy a little testicle
twister or? Something.
Yeah, not a nice one. Yeah, just like a little bit,
like they might not even notice exactly to just knock them down.
I feel like there are cases where I would want the
protective cup, and it's not to keep my Dick from swinging
around and slapping me in the leg while I'm running and more.
Yeah, imaginary Dick prevent. Yeah, my imaginary Dick and more
to prevent somebody from punching me in the crotch.
I understand, I did. Just want to throw in KA fun
fact that I learned that there were women's Olympic Games in
ancient Greece and they were very clearly second tier.
But it also took place in Olympia, devoted to Tara.
Yeah. Really not different from today,
a little less so. I feel like they had fun outfits
for the women too. The this was also from the Naked
Olympics. The women ran in short tunics
with their right breast exposed as an homage to the Amazon
warrior women, and they were believed to have cauterized
their right breast so as not to impede their javelin throwing,
according to myth, which sounds very painful.
So the right boob was just exposed.
Yeah, I think that they just more symbolically had their
right titty out in the wind as a nod to the Amazons without
actually taking it off, because then they needed to go back to
their regular lives after this. Huh.
But again, I just really wonder about women athletes before the
advent of the sports bra and how they were doing any of this
shit. I guess you could kind of just
like bind your chest up a little bit and that's about as close.
As we got findings. Yeah, because there were also
the women, Mulan being the most famous.
But in all militaries, there were typically, like, some women
in there who were passing as men or just like women passing as
men in society in general. And they were doing that by just
binding their chests really tightly with strips of cloth.
So I guess they must have been doing that.
God bless the inventor of the sports bra.
Thank you Inventor birth bra a person who should be recognized
more. One of my rowers that I coached
when I used to coach this adult recreational team, I coached
this really awesome woman who was in her 70s and still rowing.
And she gave me this book called Game Face that was just a
collection of photos of women doing games and athletics and
sports all over recreational games, hopscotch, Olympians, all
kinds of things. And it had some interesting
stuff in it. And one was about the invention
of the sports bra. So I do remember reading about
it and just the women talking about how monumental it was when
they started creating athletic wear for women.
This is in the past 50 years though, so just really feel like
that was a huge issue before then.
Anyway, Long story short from the Naked Olympian, my take away
is that ancient Greek athletes were basically stars of a
similar level That would set them up for life successfully
competing in the games, except in lieu of having like an
endorsement deal with Nike, they would get large fats of olive
oil. Other than that, basically the
exact same thing. So really nothing has changed.
Yeah, what I appreciated was that they've like always been
horny, even when it was just men in attendance, pretty much so
men. And barbarian prostitutes.
Yeah, it's like it's not OK how much, you know, the young female
gymnasts are sexualized and all that, but it was also happening
to the oiled up men with the little tie around their, you
know, uncircumcised foreskin hiding their head.
So I don't know some. Of them decorated a little bit
just to have a little like male equivalent of a jazz on their
foreskin string. That's so string.
Yeah, put some trolls on it. Oh my gosh, that's like so
disturbing. Like the least sexy thought you
could possibly have. Especially if your little charms
get caught on something and then you just get accidentally
circumcised again. I don't really understand how
this string works. So I'm not sure if they're
getting caught on something accidentally circumcises you or
not. I I really need the the my?
Husband's also Jewish, so I don't even have, like, a good
picture of like, how that all works.
Yeah. Is a foreskin.
We need to know how could it be? Tied.
You know, I haven't spent a lot of intimate time with the
foreskin before. I guess I never well in my life.
Unless, you know, the husband dies on the earlier side.
We'll see. Or he grants you a hall pass,
but it's just for scientific reasons.
It's just. For an uncircumcised man,
you're. Like Craigslist one ad man with
sizeable foreskin for experiments.
You know what I will ask for a hall pass for maybe.
My for science reasons. And I'll just show him what I
wanted to post on Craigslist and he'll understand that's.
Not about. You're like, obviously not for a
reason. It's.
Just for an uncircumcised penis. We all know that you're a
reason. Yeah, I heard that permeates.
All aspects of your life involved.
So moving into modern day and different funny things with
modern day Olympics. I just want to jump right in
with the Norwegian ski jumper crotch padding scandal because I
feel like this is kind of unrelated to general talk about
people being horny. If he was he padding.
It to like look like he had a bigger penny.
Or no. So apparently this is a big deal
in ski jumping world and that the extra material there.
So the more material you have on there just fins the plane of
your body as you're jumping and makes you more aerodynamic and
also gives you a little bit of stability.
Even an additional centimeter of material thickness can result in
an extra 3 meters, which is huge in.
Obviously sometimes people are winning by inches in the sport.
So in the World Championships last year in March, the people
who were responsible for the uniforms for two of the
Norwegian ski jumpers, they were caught red handed on tape sewing
in the middle of the night, adding extra crotch padding to
the uniform. It's so.
Surprising for Norway. I didn't know.
Nothing of Norway. Well and people, I saw this
guy's 45 minute video. I did not watch the whole thing
but this guy went on 45 minute rant in the video because yes,
Norway is very high profile Anyway.
So they were caught on tape. It was submitted to the media,
the people responsible were banned from the sport for 18
months and the two skiers claimed they didn't know
anything so they only got a three month ban.
Oh yeah, sure. They had no idea they couldn't
feel all the extra padding in their crotch.
Yeah, I know. They were just like, oh wow, I
must have just grown a little bit due to all of this,
abstaining from sex to prepare myself and increase my focus.
I just have a lot of pent up animus down there now though.
They are really ramping up crotch security for the Milan
Olympics. So this is a fun thing for you
to look out for. I guess They've like put
microchips in the suits. They are doing like 3D body
scans in advance to get their measurements.
Crotch I I-1 can assume this is just an amazing level of
technology being used on what I feel like is a very silly thing,
but go off. Skis.
Rule enthusiasts, so not only are they padding up their suits
a little bit, which sure, go for it.
The latest scandal, obviously they're calling it penis gait,
is that they measure your body and stuff and they measure your
suit in advance. So they're like, what if we just
made our penises bigger before we did the 3D body scans?
So that I guess it both pushes your suit out a little bit,
increasing the surface area, and because it makes you have to
have a bigger suit to encompass your girthier penis.
So the news story is that you're just looking at me with this
completely incredulous expression, K.
So they how much girth are they adding to their penis?
This. Is this is debatable, right?
And that was when I was reading some articles and they were like
interviewing some, you know, urologists and stuff.
And yeah, they were like, you'd have to put a lot.
So it's hyaluronic acid is what they're using.
They're injecting it in. And that is something that is
already like commonly injected and, and used in fillers and
things like that. Apparently, according to my
research, it's used in like penis enlargement in general,
like people doing it for non Olympic reasons.
So there is some, you know, something to draw.
And like, it wasn't like some guy one day was like, holy shit,
what if I put some hyaluronic acid in my Dick?
However, they did say that, yeah, probably you'd have to do
quite a lot, put up quite a lot of hyaluronic acid in there to
see any effects. And I guess again, you know,
you're in an Olympic sport, so you're talking about anything
that could maybe gain you an. Injury .1 Second, yeah.
Of ski length, not of penis girth.
Would you know? Would help you get a little bit
closer, but there are quite a lot of risks associated with it,
especially if it's not done correctly.
I would also imagine, imagine at the quantities that we're
talking about, you know, it's more than just a little plump up
to get you ready for Valentine's Day.
Then they're also looking good for the Olympic Village.
That's true. And as we discussed in this
episode, it's really important to be sexy in the Olympic
Village and take full just really take fully in that
opportunity. Well, I hope that you have the
best of luck with your slightly bigger penises skiers, and I
hope it was worth it and maybe that you just continue doing it
afterwards and I. Mean, honestly, it can't be that
much worse the side effects of what it's doing to your body
than the people who are like doing steroids like that really
messes up the male, the male business end of things.
So, you know, I guess they're just, you know, a little
cosmetic filler, just pumping it up.
It's just funny to think like you do all that and then like
something happens like an unexpected fall or trip and
you're like, I changed my penis dimensions for this, but.
Oh yeah, and then you just like fell or something, or you were
just like thrown off balance because you weren't, you had not
practiced with such a girthy penis enough.
So you just like tip over at the start?
No way. I just I refuse to believe that
that much girth is being added. There like tip, I don't know, I
don't know. And anyway, so it's, it's last
like 6 to 12 months before it starts to kind of decline.
So I guess the idea is that you do it before you get your 3D
body scan in which they're doing that to check out to make sure
that then later you're not like adding any padding and things
like that and that your, your suit is all correct.
So I guess you just kind of need it to get through your body scan
and then your your competitions and then you can just kind of
let it fade away unless it becomes a lifestyle that you
really just start to enjoy. Yeah.
And you want to keep that bigger penis?
Well, that's super interesting. Yeah.
So Speaking of crotch padding, condoms being handed out in
Olympic Village is a big thing. It like my favorite kind of
crotch. Padding.
Two per athlete? Like how much?
How many condoms are needed per athlete?
I guess so, but I did see one figure, the Paris Olympics that
it was that they're like 14,000 total, like athletes and staff.
So I'm not sure how much the free condoms are being accessed
by not just the athletes themselves.
Yeah, because if you thought of it, it ended up being 20,000
total condoms. There was originally 10,000 and
then they had to do an emergency condom order, which made a lot
of people titter in the news, but still 20,000 total condoms.
I don't know how much of that is distributed amongst 14,000 total
people or the athletes, which is a much.
Smaller and maybe, I don't know, like how many condoms are on
average use per night in any context?
I guess it depends a lot on what you're doing, doesn't it?
And I also don't. I mean, I do wonder how much of
it is just like when there are freebies, people just take that
shit. I.
Heard the hotels were cute. They said little things like
consult first and everything leave.
It to the French yeah well and I just think how often people like
steal the little bottles of hotel shampoo and I'm like are
you really going to use all those bottles of hotel shampoo
that's like. I would totally take some
condoms. I would take some free condoms.
I used to teach at a GED school and we had a free box of condoms
and people, we're just coming. Some of the guys were coming and
taking handfuls all the time. And I'm like, do you have a side
business reselling these condoms?
Like what is going on? I don't think that you're
getting laid that much. Maybe they were.
Maybe it was a side business. So dental dams as well.
And I do wonder, how often do you think dental dams are used
in real life? I think that that depends.
I think that's a question of who is hooking up with whom.
I think that they did that as a measure to be more inclusive.
I wonder if it's something that is more common among my
prostitutes and hired people than than I was going to say.
Amongst like women having sex with women.
OK. Yes, that's very fair.
When like you're more likely to be.
Yeah, that's like your main encounter with the other
person's sexual fluids. So that helps.
Yeah. I'm especially because the way
that it was reported at the time was in a measure of inclusivity.
Although I was watching some daytime talk show that was doing
a session on this before the Paris Olympics.
I guess like with the news that they had or done a 10,000
emergency condom order and one of with them mentioned that they
were noted for more inclusivity this year because they had also
included dental dams in the distribution.
And one of the host of the show was seriously like, what's a
dental dam? And I was like, girl, go to sex
Ed. Oh come on, you need to at least
know. I know like it's kind of you
haven't used one before, but you don't know what that is.
Seriously, I think I knew what that was in high school.
Maybe they need to be rebranded? Yeah, I do agree.
It is also just that the name is kind of funny.
Dental dam no more make it you know, like a.
Some, some, yeah, exactly. Some marketing person can come
up with a way better name for them.
I have seen preliminary reports already, Phoebe Becker, who's an
ice dancer from Great Britain and has been doing a lot of tik
toking from the Olympic Village. And she confirmed that the beds
are not cardboard this year and indeed they have real mattresses
on them. Seems really nice.
I guess after Tokyo, we're really on the on the upward
trajectory for. Bed quality was so sweet though.
It was so very, very sweet. Part of Japanese culture that
they're like it can accommodate 3 people's jumping on them after
an exciting win. Oh, thank you, Tokyo.
You know, that actually to me does affect how likely.
I don't know, let me just change that.
In fact, if you're in like a sturdy relationship where you
can have sex in a lot of different places, if your bed
sucks, you really might not have sex in that bed.
A bed can actually be a nice preventive measure to sex Times
Square Hilton Inn in New York City I'm looking at you.
That was a nice little preventive.
Like, okay, I'm too uncomfortable to want to have
sex in this situation. The days.
Oh yes, I also saw that a lot of the American athletes were
confused about the bidets and I'm like come on Americans,
again, you're making us look bad.
You know what a bidets are, don't use them again.
Like maybe they're not part of your common usage.
I would argue it's just because you haven't tried a bidet yet
and you're still just like scraping your butt hole clean
with dry wads of paper. I I still think that it does not
make sense that we have Americans like, if we're going
to insist no bidet, can we at least move over to wet wipes?
Like toilet paper is very very hard for some situations.
Exactly. We're not going to go into
details, but you all know the situation.
I understand the sustainability concerns, which is why the bidet
is probably better, but I do think the bidet takes some like
lifelong skill of like knowing exactly how to work it that
it's. I guess so.
I feel like they've made it a lot simpler now that they've
made those ones that you can just pro retrofit in an existing
toilet with a bidet. Because I do agree that having a
whole separate appliance in this day and age when we have the
technology, I mean, if you've been to Japan and you've sat on
those toilets, like we are just really living in the like Stone
Age over here in the US that you went to experience a toilet with
like a heated seat, just like built in cleansing features.
It plays a little song for you. That shit's nice.
The toilet bowl lights up just a little bit at night so that you
can go in and I. Do love it when the toilet bowls
light up? I like that too.
Yeah, exactly. Better cleaning technology
anyway. I'm just saying America's not as
civilized as we make ourselves out to be.
Our toilets really need to step it up.
The days should not be a surprise, but we feel bad for
people when they come to America that they have to use our.
Yeah, find out more on my upcoming episode that's just
about toilets. There was some athletes that are
particularly amazing and worth shouting out.
Lindsey Vonn, She's 41 and she's still competing and she still
looks so awesome. She's still so hot.
And also related because we've talked about hockey recently and
how hockey is a predominantly white sport, possibly one of
like the more problematic reasons why it's so popular
among romance writers and such. And she is married to one of the
few black NHL players. They make about 3 to 4% of the
NHL and she's retired. Now they have children because
they're. Totally a babe and so I'm I
feel. You have, like, beautiful
athletic children, very attractive winter sport
children. Yeah, exactly.
They're just going to be good at everything.
Speaking of, I also want to shout out to the women who have
a kid and then go back to being freaking Olympic athletes.
I felt like it was a real feat for me to be able to run a mile
again or something after giving birth, and so some of these moms
are really impressive. Alison, Felix.
Yeah, she had an emergency C-section, right?
So and she's just so powerful looking and so graceful.
Elian Fraser Price is another one.
I feel like the track and field athletes are really impressive
ones, especially because that is great athleticism.
She gave birth a day after the women's 100m finals at the 27
Worlds in London. She had an emergency C-section
and then makes it back to the 2019 World Championships at age
32 and made history by becoming the first mother and the oldest
woman to win the 100 meter Sprint those.
Kellyanne Victory. For motherhood, yeah, 2 that are
Winter Olympians are Kelly Humphreys and Kendall Coyne.
Show field I know will be competing.
She's on the women's US hockey team, she's a four time Olympian
and she will be at the 2026 Winter Games.
So very. Badass.
Yay, inspiring us all to go just a little bit harder.
I love watching the Olympics because I love watching people's
like sess stories and I love seeing like the sappy stories
about how I started at this point and then the set back
happened and they overcame. I cry every single time I watch
the Olympics, and it doesn't matter which country or which
sport, but there is something sexy about it besides that one
where you're like, I mean, the little ball, you know what I'm
talking about. Curling, I've always appreciated
the Sports Illustrated. Does the bodies issue.
It is kind of like a man and women's bodies kinds of things.
It's impressive from the perspective of they're usually
scantily clad, but obviously there are a lot of people
looking at it and being like, this is sexy, I'm going to jerk
off to this, but they're trying to present it.
You just. Jerked off to a Sports
Illustrated. Before.
That's cool. Only the swimsuit edition, but I
feel like it's presented in this way that is just supposed to be
The human body is so amazing. And I feel like that's more when
I'm watching this, I'm just like, Oh my gosh, these people
are so impressive. Like I am enamored of their
bodies, but just in the sense of.
Like how you're able to do you? Get your body to do that.
Yeah. And especially these women who
have had babies and go back, it's just so impressive with the
human body can do so. I have enjoyed those issues in
the past more from the perspective of a lot of your
limits on what you can do are actually like much more mental
than physical if you just keep training yourself.
OK, so you're 17, you have no idea who your future husband is
or anything, and somebody comes up and they tell you that when
you're a 30, you're going to be married to Winter Olympic
athlete. What sport do you think that he
plays? Oh.
Curling definitely, because let's be honest, that's that's
you're going to take a bit of the bag.
No, I didn't say I'd pick. I'm just saying that's probably
you didn't say you're up with. OK, this is like supposed to
pick a dream. Like, OK, you're already.
Past thirty, I thought, yeah, I thought that it was like asking
what's most realistic for you. OK, well, I'm not sure that I
after our heated rivalry episode, I went and looked up a
bunch of pictures of hockey players and I don't think that
they're on average as hot as you're saying.
And then there is the whole issue with like, they get their
teeth knocked out, but I feel like a lot of them are just kind
of like, I don't know. They just don't give you cello
vibes. They yeah, they don't look like
they would play the cello, so they're out.
I'm. Going to choose one of the like
sledding kind of sports like bobsled or luge.
Is that because you find it most attractive or is that just going
on with your feeling that you're going to let yourself think that
you like couldn't get with? No, it is not.
It is not due to my own self esteem.
It is I feel like, well, first of all, bobsledding with a team
sport, I feel like I'd be attracted to somebody who has to
like work together on a team. They still have to be in really
good shape. So I feel like most of the
skiers are out because guys that I have no known that have been
into skiing, it's their whole personality and that just sounds
annoying. Like all of our vacations would
just have to be a skiing related stuff.
And I mean skiing is fine but I'm just not that into it.
So I feel like all the schemes. Out letters would not be that
way. But I mean, any athlete is going
to be like really intensely. I'm just saying like skiing is
not just a sport, it's also just like a whole lifestyle kind of
thing. And I associate it with guys
that are just like a little bit douchey, not that they're all
douchey. And then the finger skaters, I
don't know are there. There are probably straight
Figure skaters, but I feel like. So actually they're.
Probably mostly hooking up book this past year with other lady
Figure skaters. OK, I mean, yeah, totally.
But I feel like they're probably all kind of incestuous and the
straight ones are hooking up with all the girl Figure
skaters, so I don't need to get into that whole tangle.
The straight ones get their say and let girls, yeah.
The straight ones are absolutely just cleaning up amongst the
like the straight. Male skaters, I say as I've.
Yeah. And then I thought, like, speed
skating sounds kind of cool, but I don't know if it's anything
like the bicyclist. I feel like ones that are so
heavy on a particular muscle group, those are people who look
kind of insane in real life. Like their quads and stuff are
probably so incredibly huge and bursting out versus they don't
have to work their upper bodies quite as much.
So I feel like they would just be sort of like weirdly
disproportionate, like the Olympic bicyclist.
And that would actually not be that hot.
So you don't want some guy with some massive quads and tushy?
I mean, I would be fine as long as it were sort of in the
correct balance and proportion to his upper body muscularness.
But I just feel like sports where you unnaturally sort of
overemphasize 1/2 of the body ends up with people who look a
little bit topsy turvy. That's fair.
I mean, that's just me being really judgmental as I sit here
and like Cheetos, but yeah. And how about UK?
I'm just going to go ahead and guess hockey player for you.
Maybe a freestyle skier, I think would be a lot of fun to watch
yeah and everything and it's just like seems like a fun
personality. I'm just saying cuz I I'm
posting myself the question the same way whereas this is more
like I'm 17 or 18 and we. Have your whole lifeout of you.
Do I think, I guess actually at that age I thought hockey was
the sexiest thing in the entire. I was going to say, at that age,
I probably would have been into snowboarders because I feel like
the whole surfer dude aesthetic was in and I would have thought
that snowboarders were super hot.
And I always had like never crash on the snowboard guys.
When I was in the ski club I had a crush on the snowboard guys
and they're winter surfer vibes. I like the vibe, I like the idea
of people who do freestyle skiing, but I'm probably.
Telling you you'd have to go on a lot of ski vacations.
I've had the most lifelong crushes on NHL hockey players.
I would like for you to present your top 10 to me of hottest
hockey athletes and I will give my feedback on them.
OK, so Patrick Sharp played for the Blackhawks.
OK, I'm seeing a picture of him in a suit.
I like it. Yes, and remember, he's 44 now,
but he's been playing. He was very.
For me, OK. Yes.
So Patrick Sharp is 1 and then Sidney Crosby is like
automatically it has to be mentioned.
You don't think that Sidney Crosby's hot?
I I don't see the kid is like objectively an attractive
person. This is 1 where I actually like
him better. All sweaty in his hockey gear
and giving intense looks across the ice.
That is very hot. I feel like his little team
photo headshot things. He just looks kind of dorky.
He doesn't. Nobody gave him coaching on like
how to his selfie appropriate. You know how to.
Well, he was off, his look too busy.
Being amazing on the ice, isn't that Jeremy or Jaeger is hot.
Jeremy Jaeger? Yeah, Yeah, I can never
pronounce it right. His wife is very hot, I said.
Oh, I'm gonna get instructed by his mullet.
Oh yeah, he definitely has a mullet.
OK, hold on. Sorry.
I'm trying to hold my fingers over in this.
In this particular picture that I'm looking at, he's skating, so
his mullet is flowing behind him and I can kind of block it.
Yeah, he's hot. Yes, and he just say it's a hot
attitude. Of him at 45 where he like
transitioned from the mullet to just like longer hair that's
hot. He has shorter hair now OK his
his wife is like an Eastern European model.
She is naturally Florida State beautiful.
Oh yeah, she is. Yes, yeah, we can just have a
crush. Yeah, we can have a crush on her
wife. We were.
Oh, I wasn't saying compete. Yeah, I do have a crush on her
for sure. And I would marry her.
I mean, I don't know, I can like name other people, but I would
say that the top 2 are Sidney Crosby and Patrick Sharp, who
have always seemed very attractive to.
Me. OK, that's fair.
I mean, I'm going to go ahead and say too, that like the top
ten hottest people in any sport are going to be objectively hot.
I guess my better test of this would be if you just took a
random sampling of players and you just randomly spit out a
player. I would like to do a follow up
episode where we just are randomly generating players from
different sports and we see which one has the hottest
players on average. I think that if you were to do
the equivalent of shooting out NHL hockey captains or NFLQBS,
which I would say that quarterbacks are captain role,
whether or not they are the captain, that the quarterbacks
are hotter than the captains are.
Which is why it doesn't make sense to me that there isn't
more of ball romance and stuff means.
Think about it. Yeah, as you know, Joe Burrow,
Jalen Hurts. I mean, I can just go on and on
naming. I'll just see Jay Stroud.
I found I found you I found you fanfic on this Ki won't hear
that there is not good writing if I hear about Joe Burrow's
gentle, slender tight. It's my tight end.
He had strong and capable hands, yet gentle.
Speaking of finding and marrying the love of your life via winter
sports, there are obviously a lot of couples that are of
Olympic athletes that met hooked up at the Olympic village.
There are also people that met or married I think like Megan
Rapinoe and her wife Sue Bird are the 2 are the ones that they
actually met in the lead up to being on Team USA together at
the photo shoot and then later got engaged.
Rodger Federer and Mirka Vavrinek I don't know how to say
her last name. They did meet in the athletes
village and later got married, then I think another.
That should be a story. That I think why why are we not
just like using these as like real life basis for just doing
an excellent book or movie. Another one that would make an
adorable movie or book is Kate and Hallard Kate and Helen
Richardson Walsh, which was the first same sex married couple to
compete at the Olympics together.
But they didn't meet at the Olympics because they were on
Team Great Britain together. But they did lead it to a gold
medal victory in 2016. So I feel like that would make a
super cute movie. I have seen videos that they
still do video interviews together and stuff, But my
favorite story was Diana Yorghova and Nikola Prodanov.
These are two Bulgarian athletes who met before the Olympics.
So they were both from Bulgaria. She was a long jumper and he was
a gymnast. And so they met and were already
dating going into the 1964 Olympics.
They were engaged and planning to get married like a year or so
after the Games. This is just totally unhinged.
So they're like at the Games. They're in the Olympic Village.
The Bulgarian ambassador to Japan is hanging out there.
And he's like, guys, you know what would be an amazing PR
thing is if the two of you just had your wedding now here in
Tokyo in the Olympic Village. And I guess they were kind of
like, what the fuck? But then said, yes, And this was
like, I mean, this was the 60s. So it wasn't even that easy to
fly people out or just text your parents or something.
So she said that her parents didn't even know and they didn't
have a chance to contact them. They're just.
Weird from the Bulgarian ambassador.
Yeah, totally. But I mean, I guess if you're
the Bulgarian ambassador to Japan, there's not a lot of
opportunities in life that you're going to get to really,
like, make the headlines, And this absolutely did.
So yeah, they got married at the Olympic Village.
Look go Bulgarian ambassador. Yeah, very creative.
So yes, my my closing question to UK.
So we live in an alternate universe where everybody has to
compete in the Olympics this year.
You can choose summer, Winter Olympics, you can pick a sport
from either. So it's not like you're just
competing against the elite Olympians, but you're just
competing against everybody who is all choosing the sport that
they think they have the best chance.
What sport do you pick to compete against your general
peers that you would have the best chance of meddling?
I know mine because I was a rower in college, so mine's
super easy. I'd be on the crew team.
We kill. OK, I was going to say curling
this is. Just our default answer for
everybody. It just feels like nobody knows
what's going on. If you're bad at it, you
wouldn't necessarily, you know, embarrass yourself or anything.
That's true. I do feel like a lot more people
are just going to pick whatever sport they played in high school
and so you would do best picking something that's not at most, I
don't know, in Canada or where is it from?
Scotland, Canada. Do they have that on their high
school teams? I also think I could fence, sure
not well, but similarly again, unless you went to a.
Really expensive prep school where I imagine they're all like
having arguments over fencing. All the time.
I don't think most people even know what it is.
Yeah, exactly whatever that camp was.
Yeah, whatever that camp was, I feel like, you know, I could at
least leave without being a meme of, you know, the break dancing
horridness on either of them. I don't want to be notably bad
in a way that the untrained eye can see how bad I am, OK?
I like the strategy. Yeah, so curling or fencing?
I feel like you could also just compete in track and field like
if you're just going up against the average person your age.
I think that we might have a skewed view of the average
person or age as we disproportionately hang out with
moms. People who haven't had a kid and
instead just kept on working out all the way through their mid
30s can probably do like 7 minute miles and everything.
Yeah, well, I guess it's a question.
It's also like if you're more of a distance runner, sprinter or
something. Yes, that's correct.
I could also do distance. Running also by the time you get
to our age a lot of women have had a kid so or have just like
not been going to the gym this whole time.
So I think you are disproportionately calculating
the percentage of women in their You're right, you neither have a
kid and are have been consistently going to the gym
and training themselves in running for this entire time.
This is definitely fair. Yes.
I could also be overestimating how fit the average American.
Woman is this does just fit into one, one of the favorite things
that I ever read was was that somebody's like you don't
recognize how elite and amazing these Olympic athletes are
because they're competing against other people who are the
best of the best. So the absolute way to enjoy the
Olympics would be that in every event, you know, there's like
there's just one person, 5 Olympic athletes and then
there's just a pacer that's in that 6th lane that is just a
regular ass person. Just run in the 100m.
Just in nowhere How? Fucking amazing these athletes
are. Yeah, as I'm just as you're.
We need that for curling so we can all appreciate.
Yeah, that they are actually. They've been working really hard
and the fencers, they're not just flailing at each other and
they resent. I volunteer, I will be that
person. So if I can understand your
expertise. Really quick on our segment of
revisiting issues from previous episodes, I did hear a
correction from a male listener about the mention of Rate My
Rack and I did just want to clarify.
Apparently, I did not make that known, although I am aware
because I did end up seeing Rate My Rack on several occasions
during its heyday when I was in college.
Did you rack? I think I did definitely rate
some racks. Yeah.
They were always pictures from the neck down, so there's no
face on them. And I feel like that apparently
I did not mention that. So that was not clear to you.
But that would also be why there would be no benefit in
submitting somebody else's rack to like, get up votes for
yourself because it didn't matter.
It was all like theoretically anonymous or why you wouldn't
like submit somebody else's. So anyway, all of the Rape My
Rack aficionados from the past, I guess we need a fact checker
who was like a man Ready Rack. A man who was a filthy teenager
in the heyday of stupid websites like Rape My Rack so that we
could not make such terrible mistakes in the future.
Yes, we apologize, Horny. On behalf of all our Horny
Adolescence of 2007 listeners. Adolescent listener, because you
probably knew that we were wrong.
You can go back to masturbating to Internet porn now.
Well. Thank you for listening and
Happy Olympics. Watching Stay safe, we're a
condom.