1 00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:01,720 Yeah, we can put that in there too. 2 00:00:01,720 --> 00:00:03,840 Yeah. I messed up the last attempt at 3 00:00:03,840 --> 00:00:05,440 the intro. Hi, I'm Courtney. 4 00:00:05,440 --> 00:00:08,440 Welcome to Something Positive for Positive People, the podcast 5 00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:12,000 where I speak with individuals living with or who have 6 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:15,800 experiences with STD's about their personal experience. 7 00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:19,160 Today I am here with Teresa, who is, did you say, 61? 8 00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:23,080 I am. 60. One, you are 61 years old fine 9 00:00:23,080 --> 00:00:28,360 wine girl, fine wine. So you have HSV type one and 10 00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:32,200 type 2 and you were diagnosed at age 52. 11 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:38,840 You are a Caucasian female who lives in Charlotte, Salisbury. 12 00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:39,880 Oh, so close. Salisbury. 13 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:41,040 That's North Carolina, right? Right. 14 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:44,920 OK, got it. What am I missing? 15 00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:49,400 Caucasian 61. What is your career field? 16 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:52,040 I'm a. Registered nurse now. 17 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:54,240 Retired. Oh, you're retired nurse? 18 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:57,320 I thought retirement age was 65 to let you off early. 19 00:00:57,960 --> 00:00:59,400 I gotta go. On disability. 20 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:02,200 Oh, I'm sorry, it's OK. Is it, is it kind of like a 21 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:04,000 vacation for you or do you miss work? 22 00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:08,400 I. I it's like working with. 23 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:09,560 No coffee breaks? Yikes. 24 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:11,320 Wait, now you're working Still I. 25 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:13,840 I have 4 generations living in my. 26 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:15,240 House. Oh, OK. 27 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:18,280 And that's what parents, children, grandchildren. 28 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:21,200 Yep. Oldest to say one and the 29 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:23,440 youngest is five. Oh man, you got the whole 30 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:26,680 spectrum there. So you got like like smoothies 31 00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:28,240 and and and fruit snacks involves at. 32 00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:31,480 All. That's awesome. 33 00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:33,680 So you're staying active, safe to assume? 34 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:40,480 All right, now we talked about earlier, we talked a lot and I'm 35 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,520 very, very thankful that you were able to hop on here and 36 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,560 just get to recording because I would like to carry the momentum 37 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:50,160 from that conversation into this podcast episode. 38 00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:55,880 So first, let's start with your own personal story about how you 39 00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:59,040 were diagnosed, when you were diagnosed, and just everything 40 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:00,640 that was going on around that time. 41 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:09,120 OK, my ex and I were not having a great marriage and I found out 42 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:12,680 on my 52nd birthday as a matter of fact, that he had been 43 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:17,400 cheating on me. He left his e-mail open to an 44 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:23,480 alternate lifestyle website and it said safe sex and he said 45 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:28,560 sometimes and my eyes shot through the top of my head and 46 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:32,720 Long story short I decided to kick him out. 47 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:36,280 But unfortunately by that point he had given me herpes. 48 00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:41,280 I had all the blood tests done and they said, Yep, you're 49 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:42,800 negative for everything but herpes. 50 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:46,600 And of course, then I decided I was gonna fall apart briefly. 51 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:51,040 Geez, now I'm 52 and I'm single. Who's gonna want me now? 52 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:55,640 Mm Hmm. And I envisioned many years 53 00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:58,680 alone, and I said, you know, let's see what we can do. 54 00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:05,320 So I immediately jumped on my laptop and googled herpes dating 55 00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:08,800 sites. Don't ask me why I grab dating 56 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:12,160 instead of supporting. Well, and the thing about that 57 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:16,280 though is a lot of people who are diagnosed with something 58 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:20,000 immediately go to who's going to want me or because that that's 59 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,120 mostly what's impacted. What's mostly impacted when you 60 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:27,520 contract an STD is sex. I mean, I mean, you can have sex 61 00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:30,120 with yourself, but it's not near as fun as with other people. 62 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:33,880 So at that point is who's going to want to have sex with me? 63 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,800 And if no one's going to want to have sex with me, I'm going to 64 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:38,720 be alone because obviously that's all the opposite sex or 65 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:42,400 whatever interests you have is going to want from you. 66 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:46,720 Now, we skipped a few details about what was going on in terms 67 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:49,520 of your divorce and kicking your husband out. 68 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,480 Do you want to touch on that or should we leave that alone? 69 00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:54,960 OK, no. This is called the download. 70 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:57,600 OK, I'm bringing the download to the upfront. 71 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,400 Oh. There is. 72 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:07,360 My ex-husband was unhappy, but I had no idea how unhappy or why. 73 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:10,280 And it turned out that when he left his website, the 74 00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:14,400 alternative lifestyle website open, he also left his e-mail 75 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:18,120 open. And I got quite an education. 76 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:23,120 And basically there's a whole organization of married men who 77 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:27,600 live a homosexual lifestyle. And they don't, they go home to 78 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:32,880 their wives and their kids, and then they do whatever on Yeah. 79 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:35,600 And they go into, you know, different towns. 80 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,600 And he was only working part time. 81 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:38,840 And I said, why don't you get another job? 82 00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:42,640 Well, I found out why he was busy playing in his free time 83 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:48,000 while I was working full time. Yeah, so that was that was a 84 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:51,480 deal breaker for me. As it probably would be for most 85 00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:56,400 people and. I waited three months and I 86 00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,920 finally kicked him out. But yeah, I had to. 87 00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:04,480 It was really hard because I had been faithful all the all 32 88 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:07,120 years we've been together. You two were together for 32 89 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:11,160 years with WE. Were married 25 and together 32 90 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:12,440 years. Wow, OK. 91 00:05:13,840 --> 00:05:16,120 And I had to have a whole lifestyle change. 92 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:19,720 I mean, everything I saw in my future went out the window. 93 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:24,160 And I was pretty. I was pretty devastated because 94 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:26,400 I don't even think about getting tested right away. 95 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:29,040 I was so shocked that I was cheated on. 96 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:32,680 And then friends of mine said, wait a minute, he's been having 97 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:36,320 sex, not with you. And without necessarily safe, 98 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:39,120 safe sex, girl, you need to get tested. 99 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:44,280 And immediately I went and I said run everything, don't leave 100 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:46,760 anything out. And that's the thing people 101 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:50,360 don't realize too. When you go to your doctor and 102 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:54,120 you say I want an SI want to be checked for STD's, unless you 103 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:58,320 specify a herpes panel. They do syphilis, they do 104 00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:01,920 gonorrhea, they do chlamydia, they do, they don't, they do 105 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:05,320 HIV. They don't do herpes unless you 106 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:09,960 specifically say I want you to also test me for herpes, right? 107 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:13,840 It's an expensive test and not every, but that's where a lot of 108 00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:17,200 people think, oh, I'm clean. I don't have anything because 109 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:20,440 they erroneously think because they weren't tested for herpes, 110 00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:23,280 which they didn't know that they're, you know, they've got 111 00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:26,120 nothing. In the meantime, herpes rolls on 112 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:30,200 and on. And so it's it's something that 113 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:32,760 needs to be known. When you go for a test, ask 114 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,520 specifically for it. Yeah. 115 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:38,160 Now as a registered nurse or I'm sorry, retired registered nurse, 116 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:42,440 you've you, you have a little bit of insight there. 117 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:46,520 So we've, I'm finding in my experience and talking to so 118 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:50,880 many different people that it's a little bit challenging to get 119 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:55,120 the test done that you want. There are cases where the doctor 120 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:57,280 says come back when you have an outbreak. 121 00:06:57,280 --> 00:06:59,920 There are instances where it said they say something along 122 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:03,640 the lines of, well, the test won't be accurate unless you are 123 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:05,720 having an outbreak. If you experience any symptoms, 124 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:07,800 come back to us. There's all kinds of things 125 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,720 across the entire spectrum of excuses. 126 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:15,600 So why exactly is it challenging for some people to get tested 127 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:17,080 unless they're just bullshitting me? 128 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:20,040 And here I am, like now, in front of a medical professional 129 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:23,640 asking this question. Well, if they're going to do a 130 00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:27,920 swab and test that way, then it's very hard to test if you 131 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:30,840 don't have something open to actually get cells from. 132 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:34,440 But I didn't have anything going on, and my doctor just did a 133 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:38,480 part of blood work, and that's how I found out I never got 134 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:40,880 swapped for anything. So there's no reason. 135 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:43,280 Oh, well, you haven't had an outbreak or you haven't done 136 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:44,760 this. Just give them an arm and they 137 00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:47,440 can take a tourniquet and get the blood, do the test, and 138 00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:48,280 you're on your way. Yeah. 139 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:51,640 So it it doesn't matter. You know, that's a cop out. 140 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:54,680 I think sometimes too, you know. Oh, we're not gonna do it. 141 00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:55,920 No, no, no, no. Yeah. 142 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:59,480 This is where people really have to be their own advocate. 143 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:03,800 They have to be assertive. And education is not a bad 144 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:06,720 thing. This is what you know, look and 145 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,720 see what can be done. Look what kind of tests are 146 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:14,360 done, herpes support sites, CDC, you've got Central disease 147 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:17,920 center, you've got local health department. 148 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:21,000 If you have questions, call these resources because these 149 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:24,120 are the ones who can tell you what you need to find out and 150 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:26,200 where to go for health questions. 151 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,880 If you're, if you're really devastated by it, call your 152 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:32,720 local health department. Mm hmm, to get mental mental 153 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:36,400 health department to get some, maybe some support on the phone. 154 00:08:37,039 --> 00:08:37,640 Got it. No. 155 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:40,520 One's never feel alone because of this. 156 00:08:40,799 --> 00:08:43,600 Yeah. And that's, that's a tough thing 157 00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:48,880 to say to someone who is in that state of loneliness and sadness 158 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:52,840 and anger, frustration, confusion, all of the negative 159 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:54,680 emotions that come with a diagnosis. 160 00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:58,960 So knowing that those resources are available and out there for 161 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:02,600 people, I think is tremendously helpful. 162 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:08,160 Just just it, it just takes the courage and effort to be able to 163 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:12,440 just reach out to any of those. So I've noticed that there are 164 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:16,520 people who live in denial about it or who would just prefer to, 165 00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:19,760 you know, be ignorant to it and be like, oh, no, I, I can't have 166 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,080 that. That can't be what it is. 167 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:24,040 It's just an ingrown hair or who have, you know, some sort of an 168 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:27,400 outbreak or have come into contact with it and just chosen 169 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,840 not to be tested. And you know what, I understand 170 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:31,640 it. It's scary, you know, and you 171 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:36,840 don't want to have to adjust to the lifestyle changes that come 172 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:40,640 with that diagnosis, but just just know that the resources are 173 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:43,960 out there. So back to you, Teresa. 174 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,520 So you kick your then husband out. 175 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:50,000 You go get tested. You find out that you have did 176 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:53,000 you find out you had HSV one and two with this one test? 177 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:56,480 OK, so now when you confronted. Him and I still kept the copy of 178 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:58,080 the blood test from all those years ago. 179 00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:02,200 When you confronted your husband, how did he take it? 180 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:09,160 Shocked I when I was busy telling him, when I was busy 181 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:11,720 handing him the separation agreement to sign and tell him 182 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:14,960 he had to leave. I said, oh by the way, you gave 183 00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:16,600 me herpes, go get yourself tested. 184 00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:20,720 And he and he looked at me like his mouth hung open and his he 185 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,800 was just in total shock. And that wasn't something he 186 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:25,920 could have faked. I knew that was a genuine, he 187 00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:29,600 had no concept that that, you know, had happened. 188 00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:32,480 But I never, but I never got an apology. 189 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:35,760 As a matter of fact, what he said to me was you got what you 190 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:38,880 deserved. Oh shit, yeah, that's 191 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:41,920 unexpected. But I mean, if you, if you got 192 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:45,640 it from him, like who really deserved it, you know, like 193 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:47,440 you're, you're cheating, you know? 194 00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:50,600 Yeah, it was my, it was everything was always my fault 195 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:52,880 so but. Good Ridge is. 196 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,880 It made it easier to get over, even though it was hard to get 197 00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:59,280 over losing my partner for so many years because I didn't have 198 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:01,960 the parts he wanted. So it wasn't a competition. 199 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:06,000 So that itself made it easier. I mean, you could go get him I 200 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:09,280 guess at the store. That was the same thing. 201 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:16,280 He was looking for. Oh man, So I he ends up leaving 202 00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:19,320 and do you think that him being the way that he was towards you, 203 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,680 that that's what made it easy for you to just kind of move on 204 00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:25,480 right it? Wasn't easy. 205 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:29,840 I went from 2, you know, been married for 25 years, having 206 00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:34,880 two, I had two children that were 18 and 20 and and 20. 207 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:41,840 And it was hard because what I had envisioned was a future. 208 00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:44,320 You know, when you're in your 50s especially, you start 209 00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:46,080 looking ahead to those senior years. 210 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:48,280 Right and. They were stretched out ahead of 211 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:53,800 me and I had no body. And if I followed along with the 212 00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:57,560 general thinking about herpes, I wasn't gonna get anybody either. 213 00:11:57,560 --> 00:12:02,480 Mm hmm. And being an older woman, the 214 00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:05,400 chances of getting someone are a little lessened. 215 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:08,920 You know, you, they don't want to come with baggage or anything 216 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:10,800 else. Well, you've got some baggage. 217 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,360 If you've got herpes, it's a little bit more you've got to 218 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,880 bring to the table. Yeah, 'cause you're past a point 219 00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:17,520 where it's like, oh, you have kids. 220 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:20,360 Like someone in my well, I don't want to say my age, but like 221 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:23,600 early 20s, if you have kids, that's kind of a that's baggage 222 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:27,920 when you're in your upper 40s, fifties and all your kids are 223 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:29,520 out of the house. I mean, that's irrelevant. 224 00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:34,600 But would you excuse me? Would you say that the reason 225 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:37,720 your marriage ended was for because of the herpes or because 226 00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:40,400 of the cheating? Like let's say you hadn't gotten 227 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:41,680 herpes from now, so it was a cheat. 228 00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:44,320 'Cause I had already decided to kick him out before I found out. 229 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:45,360 Oh. I only. 230 00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:49,560 Found out about two weeks after I told him. 231 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:55,560 After I found out I I went for testing 2 weeks later OK but 232 00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:59,600 then I kept it quiet for three months before I actually 233 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,360 confronted him and said I'm done. 234 00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:05,680 Yeah, So wait, you were already on the verge of being about to 235 00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:06,560 kick him out? Like what? 236 00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:08,320 What was that? Oh, we were. 237 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,600 Just we just had a miserable marriage. 238 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:13,320 And now? I know why he was so unhappy 239 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,960 and, and I, he was always critical and I could never do 240 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,320 anything right. He was a narcissistic, you know, 241 00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:20,640 verbally abusive, not physically abusive. 242 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:26,240 Yeah. And you, you know it probably if 243 00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:28,920 if I had continued down the road, I probably would have come 244 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:30,680 to some point where said, you know what I'm through. 245 00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:33,720 But this was a catalyst. It was like, OK, deal breaker. 246 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:35,880 I did not sign up for that. You've got to. 247 00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:39,360 Go Are you happier now? I am deliriously. 248 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:43,120 Happy. It is funny how, and I, I say 249 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,960 this with people I speak with about herpes who have gone 250 00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,640 through and made it to the other side, just about how much 251 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:51,640 happier they are now. Like at that point in time, 252 00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:53,760 herpes was the worst possible thing that could have happened 253 00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:55,960 to you. But would you say now that you 254 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,120 know, well, I know that you said this because we talked about it. 255 00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:00,680 You said that herpes was literally the best thing that 256 00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:03,600 ever happened to you. So can you talk to us about 257 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:05,360 that? Like why is herpes the best 258 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:06,400 thing that ever happened to you? Well. 259 00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:13,400 As soon as I found out that I was, I was diagnosed with it, 260 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:16,560 and that was November 2008. I immediately started looking 261 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:19,120 for things, you know, what do I deal with? 262 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:22,120 And dating was the first thing. And I came upon this site and it 263 00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:26,280 said, oh, OK. And it was support. 264 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:30,320 And they had, you know, the bulletin boards where you could 265 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:32,480 write like, you know, like, write something. 266 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:36,440 Yeah, like forms and blogs. Right, that's so I got in there 267 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:39,840 and I said, how do I tell my cheating, my cheating husband to 268 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:45,960 get out? And I got all these answers and 269 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:49,680 it was like, OK, there's support here. 270 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:53,560 So And I told them the story. I just, and I gave them the 271 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:57,440 story I just gave you. And they were like, oh, they had 272 00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:59,840 very uncomplimentary things to say about him. 273 00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:04,800 And they were supportive. And they confirmed that it 274 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:10,520 wasn't my fault and that I was worthy of being free of 275 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:15,640 something like that. And oppressed is what some of my 276 00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:20,600 friends who knew him said. But I went out and I started 277 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:22,720 going places. I went places with friends. 278 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:26,920 I do community theater and I do costuming and acting when I get 279 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:30,440 a chance to act. And so I, I had that to go with 280 00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:33,880 and, and work on and just get it. 281 00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:36,040 I didn't stay in the house and and whine. 282 00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:39,480 I got up and out and I immediately started looking for 283 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,880 dating. I said, I've got 25, I'm 25 284 00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:43,960 years behind. I gotta get heroin. 285 00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:47,600 Yeah. And one thing that a lot of 286 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:51,880 people do is they look at they, they invest a lot of energy. 287 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:54,920 I don't want to really say time, but a lot of energy is invested 288 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:59,240 in the wrong areas of time. So in your case, you could have 289 00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:02,720 invested that energy into moping, complaining, sitting 290 00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:05,960 around and just being miserable. Or you could have directed it 291 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,480 into going and doing things for yourself. 292 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:11,640 Like you said, you wanted to get into the theater stuff. 293 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:14,720 You wanted to go out and be with friends and start dating again. 294 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:19,280 And while you were behind 25 years, like I've, I've learned 295 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:22,960 to view time as more of a communication tool, whereas a 296 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:27,280 lot of people use time as a means of it. 297 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,720 It's it's interchangeable with the word experience. 298 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:32,440 So you've had all of this experience, all of these 299 00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:35,920 experiences with your husband and you never really got to know 300 00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:39,400 who he really was or what he really liked or anything like 301 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,960 that. So you didn't really miss out, 302 00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:45,080 you know, on too much in terms of time, but more so just 303 00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:47,880 different experiences. And I'm sure in that short 304 00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:52,440 amount of time that you've been with your now husband, it's been 305 00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:56,480 exponentially greater because of the experiences you've had more 306 00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:59,080 so than how much time you've spent with each other. 307 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:03,520 I can certainly approve and it was just it's, it's my second 308 00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:08,680 husband's, my husband now it's his second marriage as well. 309 00:17:09,119 --> 00:17:12,400 So we've both brought do's and don'ts. 310 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:17,079 I hear that the second marriage is always better than the 1st. 311 00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:20,240 Well, I can't say for everybody else, but I know the two of us 312 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:23,359 are very happy. We we have said it. 313 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:25,599 We're sorry it took us so long to find our soul mate. 314 00:17:25,599 --> 00:17:26,760 In the love. Of our life. 315 00:17:27,319 --> 00:17:30,440 So he proposed six weeks after we met. 316 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:33,440 Oh, wow, so when you know, you know, and like I said, that goes 317 00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:36,680 back to the time thing, like the experiences that you two had 318 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,240 have must have been just phenomenal together. 319 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:42,600 And then for him to be like, alright, I I know I want to 320 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:43,760 spend the rest of my life with you. 321 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:46,360 So let's get to it. And here's what we're going to 322 00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:47,360 do. Here's what we're not going to 323 00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:48,280 do. Where's your list? 324 00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:51,360 Well. The funny thing was is when we 325 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:55,800 met, we met online. And that's what I'm going to 326 00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:59,560 touch on too, is do not limit yourself if you're diagnosed 327 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,240 with herpes. It is not a hair shirt. 328 00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:04,240 You do not. It's not a scarlet letter. 329 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,880 Don't limit yourself. If you're more comfortable, 330 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:10,240 especially the beginning with the positive sites, that's fine. 331 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:13,400 Wet your feet, get out there. But if you're not. 332 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,560 But if you once you settle down, you think you know what? 333 00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:18,280 Don't label yourself. Yeah, get out there on Main 334 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:18,800 Street. Inside. 335 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,800 There are a lot who automatically announce on their 336 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:25,680 profile that they've got herpes, and there are a lot who don't 337 00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:28,040 say anything. But that doesn't mean don't go 338 00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:31,880 out there and see who's there. And there's really no reason, 339 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:35,000 unless you think that they're going to be an intimate 340 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:37,600 situation with them, there's no reason to disclose. 341 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:40,400 Yeah. And, and we did a previous 342 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:44,680 episode and the title of it was Dating with herpes is just like 343 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:47,760 dating, you know, with or without herpes. 344 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:49,240 You deal with the same kind of shit. 345 00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:54,000 So why limit yourself to the drama where herpes is removed 346 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:57,720 from it when you can deal with the drama, you know, and, and 347 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:01,640 herpes is either going to make it in faster or it's going to 348 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,400 get to where it's supposed to be sooner. 349 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:06,640 You know, as a result of that, like, you know, if someone's 350 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:09,320 with you regardless and you're not, you know, really wasting 351 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:12,280 any time. But I, I, and I used to be like 352 00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:17,280 that too, Like I was, I thought that dating other people who 353 00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:20,920 only had herpes was it was safe. It was emotionally safe. 354 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:24,800 And of course it's physically responsible because now you're 355 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:28,080 not spreading the virus. And I use air quotes when I say 356 00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:32,200 that. But in it would have limited me 357 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:36,560 because my current girlfriend had I not, you know, been brave 358 00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:39,520 enough to disclose to her. Like we met in real life and 359 00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:42,160 talked for a while, went on a date. 360 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:45,400 I decided, all right, you know, I think I should tell her, yeah, 361 00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:46,920 I plan on being intimate with her. 362 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,440 So I told her I was like, hey, you know, here's the situation. 363 00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:51,880 I have herpes. I have genital HSV 2. 364 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,440 This is what it means for me. Here's how I manage it. 365 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:57,120 This is what it means to you, should we decide to be intimate. 366 00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:01,640 And left it at that. And then all out of nowhere, you 367 00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:04,400 know, several minutes later, I get a response back from her. 368 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:07,760 It's like, there's never really right time to say this. dot, 369 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:11,040 dot, dot me, too. And I was like, oh shit, you 370 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:14,680 know, now had I stayed on? The dating sites, I may have 371 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:18,200 never met her and it's, you know, it's not been long. 372 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,080 I think we've been together, yeah, it's been about four 373 00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:23,080 months now, but things are going really, really well. 374 00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:26,960 And I, I wouldn't have met this phenomenal person that I'm with 375 00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:30,760 had I not had I limited myself, let's say that. 376 00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:36,080 Well, I asked for Joe, my my husband now and you'll I may 377 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:39,720 refer to my to Joe and more than one both of my husband's names 378 00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:41,560 Joe. You have a type. 379 00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:45,840 No, not necessarily. It's just happened that way. 380 00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:49,880 Makes conversation confusing sometimes, but. 381 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:53,760 We can call him Joe too. I'm sorry, we can call him Joe 382 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:58,520 too. But when I'm when I met him and 383 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:04,520 it looked like it was going to go more than just friends, we I 384 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:09,040 made him go ticket tested. I said, and I told him I sat him 385 00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:13,040 down and I said this is what it is. 386 00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:15,320 I sat next to him in the sofa and I said I have something to 387 00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:17,040 tell you before we go any further. 388 00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:23,840 And I said through no fault of my own, I contracted herpes. 389 00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:29,240 It is an inconvenient skin disease and it is non curable. 390 00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:34,000 It is a virus but it does not affect me except every once in a 391 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:36,160 while I'll maybe have an outbreak. 392 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:40,920 I guess I can transmit it. It is not my fluids, it is by 393 00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:46,640 skin to skin contact. I you know, and I was, I was not 394 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:49,560 ashamed. I came, I did not come across 395 00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:51,440 ashamed. Are we still? 396 00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:56,120 We're we're here, yeah. OK, I did not come across 397 00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:59,440 apologetic. I just said facts to facts. 398 00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:03,640 I said here's a couple of websites if you want to go take 399 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,040 a look at it before you give me an answer, if you want to 400 00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:10,560 continue. But I wanted to let you know at 401 00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:14,080 this point so you we don't go any further 'cause I really like 402 00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:17,200 you and I think we could really make this work. 403 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:23,040 And he looked and he got the blood test and he was free of 404 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:28,840 anything and he looked, he said I don't need to go on and look 405 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:29,640 at it up. Anything. 406 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:33,800 He goes, I'm not going anywhere. This doesn't make you who you 407 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:35,160 are. I don't care. 408 00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:40,720 Yeah. And that was three weeks, 4 409 00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:42,480 weeks before he proposed. Yeah, so. 410 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:48,240 So he was certain, he was sure of himself and absolute certain 411 00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:52,240 in in dating. And I only can speak from my own 412 00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:55,840 personal experience and the experiences of other people who 413 00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:59,680 shared their experience with me. But like when I was out dating 414 00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:02,840 after my diagnosis, like I was very indecisive. 415 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:04,760 I thought I wanted one thing. I thought I wanted something 416 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:07,640 else. I tried something new and I 417 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:13,320 realize a lot of those relationships or a lot of those 418 00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:17,320 encounters, let's call them that didn't last or work out because 419 00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:20,040 I was indecisive about what it was that I wanted. 420 00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:23,800 And I never really cat tail. There's a cat walking by the 421 00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:24,760 screen. That was just funny. 422 00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:26,520 That was like 1. Of my cats, yeah. 423 00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:30,560 So I, I had just never taken the time to really sit down and go 424 00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:34,640 over what it was that I wanted. And I tell a lot of people now, 425 00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:37,400 you know, you really want to look for decisiveness in a 426 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:40,800 partner because that indecisiveness is like that, 427 00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:46,120 that, that hesitance is really it's, it's a lot of people still 428 00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:50,480 wonder what's on the other side. Like does the grass look greener 429 00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:53,400 on the other side? And like, would you say that 430 00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:58,320 him, Joe, too, being as decisive as he was about you was one of 431 00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:01,960 the things that more so made you feel like I made the right 432 00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:05,080 decision in opening up, disclosing to this person? 433 00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:10,800 Yes. The funny thing is when we both 434 00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:13,640 met, we said, well, we neither one of us had any intention of 435 00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:17,680 ever getting married again. So and he kept saying, well, I 436 00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:19,720 want to move to the next level. We'll want to move to the next 437 00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:22,000 level. And I'm thinking there's no more 438 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:26,480 levels after this, you know, You know what, what more can we do? 439 00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:28,080 And I'm thinking, we've already said we don't want to get 440 00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:30,280 married again. But he was, he was very 441 00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:32,520 decisive. He was very sure of who he 442 00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:37,240 wanted, what he wanted. And The funny thing is he had 443 00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:39,160 talked to his, he stayed friends with his ex-wife. 444 00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:42,520 And he said, oh, by the way, he says, my ex-wife wants to meet 445 00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:44,720 you. I've talked about you. 446 00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:45,760 And she says, well, bring her over. 447 00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:49,880 Let's meet her already. That is fucking weird, I'm not 448 00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:51,120 gonna lie. That is weird it. 449 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:54,440 Was and it was supposed to be like the day we went on an 450 00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:57,720 actual first date but we spent the weeks that took the second 451 00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:02,720 was the 2nd date and she was engaged and he brought me in and 452 00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:07,080 we got introduced and we became fast friends. 453 00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:11,400 She passed away a couple years after we got together and I was 454 00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:15,520 very sorry to see her, but she got cancer and she passed away 455 00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:18,280 and we were good friends. She was a lovely lady and so 456 00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:25,760 accepting and just it also the fact that he brought me into his 457 00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:28,120 family. He has two grown children and 458 00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:30,400 one in heaven and I have two grown children. 459 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:36,160 So the fact that he brought me into his family so quickly made 460 00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:39,040 me real, you know, made me understand that he accepted me 461 00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:41,840 as I was. He wanted to share me that I 462 00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,800 wasn't something to keep behind closed doors. 463 00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:48,080 Yeah. And that's to me, that's very 464 00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:52,080 sexy that somebody want is so happy with you and so proud of 465 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,160 you. And they want you to say, hey, 466 00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:57,160 she's mine. Mm, hmm. 467 00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:01,760 And especially I think it's hard cause a lot of us when we first 468 00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:04,240 find out about herpes, we feel like we're damaged goods. 469 00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:10,120 And when somebody doesn't treat you that way, that is like, wow, 470 00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:14,600 this is great. Yeah, it it can give you a false 471 00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:18,920 perception of what being treated amazing is because like when you 472 00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:21,560 feel like you're damaged goods, anything that comes along and 473 00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:25,520 treats you otherwise, it just feels so much better. 474 00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:29,440 And it's like when you do finally get to a point where 475 00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:33,320 you're accept, you've accepted yourself and then someone comes 476 00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:35,920 along with that average shit, like you don't want any parts of 477 00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:37,480 it. You're more dismissive towards 478 00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:39,400 them. You'll start to tell people I 479 00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:41,440 have herpes in hopes that they just go away. 480 00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:43,600 And then at that point you're it's been very. 481 00:26:44,120 --> 00:26:46,000 Handy a couple of times for me, yeah, but. 482 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:51,840 But it's just you. You have higher standards when 483 00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:53,040 you get to that place. Herpes is, you know. 484 00:26:54,360 --> 00:26:56,640 You can go out and do a lot of dating and seeing a lot of 485 00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:58,080 people. Let's see how this turns out and 486 00:26:58,120 --> 00:27:01,200 you make stay in the relationship longer just because 487 00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:04,080 you've got nothing else to do. You know, you get to look with 488 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:07,560 herpes since it's such an well, if I'm going to become intimate 489 00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:11,240 with this person, is there a chance is there that attraction 490 00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:13,280 and do I see the potential for long term? 491 00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:16,640 Yeah, if you. Know it's a lot easier to cut it 492 00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:20,600 off a lot sooner because when you decide what you want, you 493 00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:24,320 say, Gee, you know, I don't see this going anywhere. 494 00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:28,640 Let's just end it rather than you know, so that saves you also 495 00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:35,800 having that very, very nerve wracking talk the talk with 496 00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:39,200 someone about it. And like I said, once you feel 497 00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:41,640 like you're gonna be intimate, there's no reason for them to 498 00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:42,960 know. That's none of you know that's a 499 00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:46,840 nunya. Nunya, I haven't heard that in 500 00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:53,560 such a long time. Oh, so you're you're happy now? 501 00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:56,720 You've gone through the you've gone through the divorce that's 502 00:27:56,720 --> 00:27:58,520 taken care of. You're in your second marriage. 503 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:03,680 You 2 been together for did you say 7 years, almost seven years. 504 00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:06,600 Congratulations again. Like that's that's phenomenal 505 00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:09,760 for you to have found love, you know, at at an age where a lot 506 00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:11,880 of people just say, oh, I'm damaged goods, I'm old. 507 00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:14,320 No one's gonna want me. Like you've you've pushed 508 00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:14,960 through. Get out there. 509 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:18,120 I think it takes more for women. To be honest. 510 00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:21,480 To get out there not, you know, not that we're so much more 511 00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:26,240 special than men, but I think something like this makes just 512 00:28:26,360 --> 00:28:29,120 that more, much more vulnerable. Yes. 513 00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:33,720 Especially if we've been hurt by someone, we'll kind of go. 514 00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:36,160 Maybe I don't want to take a chance. 515 00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:36,760 Mm. Hmm. 516 00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:39,120 It. It does take us a certain amount 517 00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:41,720 of bravery to get out there at night. 518 00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:45,080 And the age. Plus a diagnosis of herpes. 519 00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:47,880 Yeah. So, and like, I think that it 520 00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:51,440 just takes the experiences to the, the, the negative 521 00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:55,400 experiences more so equip you with what you need so that 522 00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:59,040 you're ready for the positive experiences so that you can 523 00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:01,440 recognize and move forward accordingly. 524 00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:03,520 Because a friend of mine always say, you know, if you get 525 00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:05,880 something too soon before you're ready for it, all you do is fuck 526 00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:09,480 it up. So yeah, you got to just learn 527 00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:11,040 to appreciate the bad experiences. 528 00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:15,040 Like I've learned to appreciate my herpes and appreciate all of 529 00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:19,520 the missed opportunities and things that I've had because I 530 00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:21,640 wouldn't have been ready to be where I am now. 531 00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:24,960 I wouldn't have been ready to launch this podcast or be the 532 00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:28,400 way that I am with it, or for it to be as successful as it is at 533 00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:31,400 this point, or even be where I am in my relationship with my 534 00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:34,200 friendships and my career. All of these things. 535 00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:38,320 And it just it it you, you have to really appreciate those bad 536 00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:43,680 experiences because they are the what you need in order to move 537 00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:46,280 on and experience the positive ones. 538 00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:50,400 They're your reference points what you will accept what you 539 00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:52,720 won't accept, what your ideal is. 540 00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:56,040 And just before you said ask me, but, you know, I told you that 541 00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:58,920 herpes is probably one of the best things that ever happened 542 00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:01,960 to me. And people are gonna go, Oh, no, 543 00:30:02,080 --> 00:30:03,560 she doesn't mean that. Yes, I do. 544 00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:10,120 Because having this to share, to find out information to, you 545 00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:14,040 know, contact other people to exchange stories, it brought me 546 00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:16,360 into a whole different world. Yeah. 547 00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:16,920 And. A and a. 548 00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:19,160 You know, it's all walks of life. 549 00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:22,520 It's all financial resources. It's all religions. 550 00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:26,960 Let me tell you, herpes gets rid of a lot of divisiveness. 551 00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:31,600 Yeah, because you've got this common goal. 552 00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:34,240 You know, it's like, how do I deal with this? 553 00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:40,400 And I have so many friends now online in real life, and I have 554 00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:43,880 met them because of herpes. I would never have met them 555 00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:46,200 otherwise. I have traveled to other states. 556 00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:51,160 I have gone and met people, shared a house in the mountains 557 00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:54,080 for a weekend. I would never have done any of 558 00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:56,120 this. You shared you shared toilet 559 00:30:56,120 --> 00:31:00,640 seats and drinks. Drinks, you know, bottle of 560 00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:04,920 wine, swinging it around the room, you know, it's and it's 561 00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:07,960 been so much fun. It's been so much more positive 562 00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:10,040 part of the expression, the negatives. 563 00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:15,760 So it was, it really was a life changer for the good. 564 00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:19,080 Yeah. And but you gotta reach a 565 00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:22,840 certain mindset, acceptance, you've gotta say basically is 566 00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:27,480 this is not what defines me. This is not a big portion of who 567 00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:29,080 I am. It's just something I got. 568 00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:31,600 Yeah. And it's controllable for the 569 00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:34,120 most part. You won't die from it. 570 00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:38,600 You may get a little uncomfortable at times, but that 571 00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:40,160 could be taken care of and treated too. 572 00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:43,800 The most uncomfortable part of it, I think is, is, is how you 573 00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:46,080 think about it. Yeah, yeah. 574 00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:50,520 It's just a constant battle that can go on inside your mind 575 00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:54,240 unless you decide to just end the war. 576 00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:57,200 Like the the best way to do that is just come to terms with it, 577 00:31:57,200 --> 00:32:00,320 be accepting of it. And the only power that it has 578 00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:03,680 over you is really what you think other people are gonna 579 00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:05,800 think about you because you have it. 580 00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:10,520 And once you're able to let go of that, like there's there's 581 00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:13,760 nothing there. There's the freedom to recognize 582 00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:17,160 what you need to do, the self reflection and being able to 583 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:19,280 just go on and live your life. So and. 584 00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:22,520 There's no and there shouldn't be any shame or guilt behind it, 585 00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:26,800 aside from those people who haven't know it and then go out 586 00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:30,880 and act irresponsibly, which is a shameful thing if you have no 587 00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:33,880 integrity like that. None of us got it by choice. 588 00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:36,440 All trust of the person we were with. 589 00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:40,080 And for what other reason? If they didn't know, well, they 590 00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:41,440 can't help it. If they didn't know. 591 00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:43,760 Mm, Hmm. Sometimes it just happens like 592 00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:47,240 that. But if they know, that's on 593 00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:50,080 them. But you have, you have to have 594 00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:53,160 the integrity to tell them. It's only fair. 595 00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:54,040 Yeah. You know. 596 00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:57,120 Be straight up. Yeah, the talk is rough and 597 00:32:57,120 --> 00:33:00,040 sometimes people leave skid marks going out the door. 598 00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:02,600 But. A lot of them stay. 599 00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:06,640 It's like any relationship. Relationships end all the time. 600 00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:10,120 Even those who people of herpes and not because of herpes. 601 00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:13,080 Yeah. Just normal relationship stuff. 602 00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:16,720 Now we're. Not aliens. 603 00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:20,800 We're, we're at a point now where we can start to wrap this 604 00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:24,040 up. Teresa, last question I have is 605 00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:27,920 one that I already know the answer to, but being that you're 606 00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:34,200 61 and you've had HSV one and two for the last nine years, are 607 00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:38,840 you open about your status? Yes, since day one. 608 00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:42,240 Since day one, you've been open. I'll be honest, I was so 609 00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:45,680 devastated that, you know, I said not only did my husband 610 00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:50,640 cheat on me, he gave me herpes. And some people were stunned 611 00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:52,240 that I would come out and say it. 612 00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:53,960 And some were like, oh, you know what? 613 00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:57,560 I have it too. And like I said, you know, I 614 00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:00,480 tell people about it and if they have any questions, I use it as 615 00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:03,200 a teachable moment. And hopefully they'll pass it on 616 00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:08,320 to somebody else, the information on the herpes so 617 00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:11,639 that somebody else will be educated and eventually it'll be 618 00:34:11,639 --> 00:34:13,960 just like a cold. Oh, I have a cold. 619 00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:16,280 Oh, I have herpes. It's a virus. 620 00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:18,520 And there's no stigma attached. Yeah. 621 00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:23,719 Yeah. Well, I personally thank you so 622 00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:26,960 much for taking the time to speak with me and Share your 623 00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:31,760 story and really shed some light on anyone who just may been 624 00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:36,480 maybe can relate to you. Whether it be age wise, 625 00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:40,480 personality wise, career wise, or something in this story is 626 00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:44,159 able to really help someone cope with their own diagnosis or even 627 00:34:44,159 --> 00:34:47,000 help them with getting through the way that they feel about it 628 00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:50,080 'cause I mean, I will say that coming out about my own 629 00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:53,440 condition and talking about my experiences and talking to other 630 00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:57,760 people who had similar experiences has really it's, 631 00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:04,320 it's disintegrated the barriers between us that are created, 632 00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:10,560 such as race, different cultures or income, career fields, 633 00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:12,400 religious beliefs, just like you said. 634 00:35:12,720 --> 00:35:16,680 So like coming together on this has really brought a lot of 635 00:35:16,680 --> 00:35:20,000 people together. And I think that it's awesome 636 00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:23,320 when we're able to talk to one another about our personal 637 00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:26,720 experiences and connect and relate in being so vulnerable 638 00:35:26,720 --> 00:35:30,680 because there's such strength in that vulnerability. 639 00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:34,720 And if I, I just feel like more of us should be able to 640 00:35:34,720 --> 00:35:37,040 experience it. So if nothing else, I mean, I 641 00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:40,480 and I always, I say this pretty often for someone to just find 642 00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:43,280 someone that they trust and that they really feel that they can 643 00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:45,880 trust and just start telling that person. 644 00:35:46,120 --> 00:35:49,240 And it gets easier and easier with experience really. 645 00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:53,320 Gets a lot easier. Yeah, one step, first person you 646 00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:56,080 tell the next person isn't as difficult. 647 00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:58,760 Yeah, and so on. It it it gets addicting I. 648 00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:01,440 Would put on a bulletin board, you know, 'cause there are 649 00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:03,080 people who just don't need to know. 650 00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:05,040 Yeah. But you're right now, and I'm 651 00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:08,680 happy to help it anyway. I know how hard it is to go 652 00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:11,600 through those early days and this help. 653 00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:14,000 This helps anyone in any way that I'm so glad. 654 00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:17,440 That's awesome. Alright, so we're gonna, I don't 655 00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:20,880 think we need to edit anything so I can just post this up like 656 00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:22,240 now. Honestly. 657 00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:25,560 I appreciate you again taking the time to speak with me. 658 00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:27,240 Is there anything else that you want to leave us with? 659 00:36:27,240 --> 00:36:28,960 You've already left us with a lot of gems. 660 00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:30,960 Yeah, I think I pretty much said plenty. 661 00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:33,880 OK, awesome. Well, you can go on and say bye 662 00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:34,560 to everyone. Goodbye. 663 00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:38,760 Alright guys and. And be happy. 664 00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:41,360 Be happy. Yeah, that's important. 665 00:36:42,240 --> 00:36:44,360 Alright, guys, this concludes this episode of Something 666 00:36:44,360 --> 00:36:46,760 Positive for Positive People with Teresa. 667 00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:50,600 I can be found on Instagram, Twitter and Tumblr at H on my 668 00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:53,960 chest or you can follow, you know, add me on Facebook. 669 00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:57,440 I've found that a few people have been doing that lately. 670 00:36:57,720 --> 00:37:01,080 I'm just Courtney brain. I'm wearing a given 100 T-shirt 671 00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:04,040 in my profile picture and I it I think it's in black and white 672 00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:05,720 and I'm looking off to the left or something. 673 00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:08,800 It's real poetic. Like it's probably one of my 674 00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:12,000 favorite pictures, so you can find me on any of those. 675 00:37:12,240 --> 00:37:15,120 If you or someone wants to share their personal story about their 676 00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:19,160 own experience with an SCD or dating someone with one, or if 677 00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:22,240 you have any questions at all or want to be connected to any 678 00:37:22,280 --> 00:37:26,080 local groups or communities in your area, please don't hesitate 679 00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:28,160 to reach out. And just remember, you're not 680 00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:30,160 alone in this. There are plenty of people out 681 00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:32,920 there who feel the same way you do or going through what you're 682 00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:34,640 going through, who have been through what you're going 683 00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:36,600 through and have made it to the other side. 684 00:37:36,960 --> 00:37:39,680 And it just takes, I don't want to say time, it takes 685 00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:43,520 experiences before you get to a point where you're able to come 686 00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:46,040 to terms with it. And we all have our different 687 00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:49,920 paths of experiences and different collections of 688 00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:53,320 experiences that get us to where where you've come to terms with 689 00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:57,480 it and accept ourselves. So till next time, stay 690 00:37:57,480 --> 00:37:58,960 positive. Peace.