All right, let me make sure this thing is in fact recording and
it looks like we are. Hello, welcome to something
positive about some people. I'm Courtney Bryan, and I'm in
this weird flight, right? Let me see what I can do.
Nope, can't do anything about it.
I'm at the airport right now in the lounge and I got a little
quiet space. So I wanted to go ahead and
create a podcast episode. Just not giving updates, but I
want to give you all some important dates to log in your
calendar. So we had our something positive
for positive. People heard the statement Expo
on March 24th this past two weekends ago and it was a
success. I want to do the something
similar again. This one will be themed around
integrating herpes. I'm sorry, integrating therapy,
yoga therapy, yoga therapy. And with some of the day.
So last time it was really long, it was 8 hours.
So what we're going to do is condense it and we're going to
make it 5 to 6 hours and we're going to start right on time.
I'm going to see if we can get the place from noon to five,
meaning hopefully we can open up the doors at 11, but we got to
start right on time at 12. This place will be in Manhattan,
close to Chinatown. I think it's the Lower East
Side, and we're looking at the tentative date of August 29th,
so there's plenty of time if people want to come out for the
event. August 29th, it's a Saturday and
it'll be about 5 hours. What you can expect is some yoga
integration. We'll be talking about managing
and handling rejection, and we'll do some more role plays of
communication around herpes and sexual health.
And depending how many people we get to come, we may also end up
doing food. So mark that date, put it in
your calendar. Another one is for mental health
professionals. If you are somebody who has
access to mental health professionals or if you are one
yourself and you would be interested in attending a
virtual seminar workshop on out therapist and mental health
professionals can better support people who are living with
herpes, please reach out. I believe that this will be
something very useful. I got somebody to help me with
this. I'll lock all the details in and
put that into the next newsletter for us, but that'll
be June. I got to check my calendar real
quick because I think we said the 17th June.
Nope, I got to check. It's either going to be the 15th
or the 16th. Oh wait of June.
That's why I was confused. All right, boom, Wednesday, June
17th. Let me go ahead and put that in
here now, SPFPP mental health workshop.
All right, and I don't have the time yet, but I'm putting that
in the calendar and that'll be in the newsletter.
So if you are not subscribed to the newsletter, this is where I
keep up with people and share, hey, here's where we're going to
be, here's what we're going to do.
We will also be in Atlanta August 30th through September
1st for the SCR Prevention Conference.
So I'm looking to see if we can get people together for a thing,
whether that be just having food, some type of an in person
support group meeting, something I don't I don't know.
But please don't be shy about joining the newsletter.
I send out on average 1.5 newsletters per month unless you
subscribe to something, then you'll get other correspondence
from me if you buy a ticket to an event or if you set up a call
or you want to join a support right now.
I had notes for this podcast episode, but I, I want to, I
want to speak a little bit about the recent experience that I had
because I think that this will be more helpful.
Now I, I had a partner reach out to me and mention that they had
recently tested positive for uroplasma.
And I don't know, I didn't know about that one.
I know Michael Mycoplasma microplasma and I didn't know
about this one. So I replied and was like, hey,
you know, I see this and I wanted to make sure to respond
from a place of being present because I was doing things at
the time. But it was interesting because
getting the text, I was like, okay, like what?
What's coming up for me right now?
I think that the initial emotions were fog, like, I gotta
tell other people about this, right?
And the first thing I wanted to do was make sure she was
alright. Like I asked, you know, how are
you? Is there anything I can do?
And I love the way that she cracked with the text.
I ain't going, you know, go into too much detail, but it the
overview of it was, hey, here's the information that I have.
I'm giving you this information so that you can do what you
would like to do with it, right? And it wasn't suggestive.
It wasn't like you gave me dot dot dot or any like blaming
language, which I really, really appreciate it.
I really love that. I really appreciated that.
And in getting that I was like, OK, like what do I do?
Because timing wise I had just just left the doctor's office.
I didn't just leave. Let me not say that I went to
the doctor that morning. I got the text at like 5:00 PM.
But that morning I went, I got tested for quote everything.
And I know that that wasn't included and I've been tested a
couple of times this year and I know that that's something that
wasn't on the STI panel. And so I was, I was thinking
about how it felt to be out of the Courtney, the communication
about sexual health guy. And then we coordinate a person
because it's so easy to tell people, hey, if this happens,
here's how to handle it versus actually being in the situation
and being able to manage it, the feelings and to be able to
communicate with people about what could be happening, about
the possibilities. And you start to think like, OK,
damn. Well, if this happened or if we
only did these things, it's impossible.
And you start playing with all these scenarios in your head,
you start to replay. Well, the last time we were
together, we didn't really. And and you, you, you, you think
about those kinds of things. And with Mike Urea, urea plasma
actually here I got got my computer up.
Let me go ahead and look it up because I spelled it and it auto
corrected to Europeans. So you know, I wasn't spelling
it right. All right, boom.
So here we got urea plasma and hold on one second.
Urea plasma urea plasma urea plasma UREAPLA SMAI can't spell
all right, here we go all right I'm going to do the where the
the results at because that was what I had at first all right,
boom. So it's a bacteria that can
present without symptoms by high levels can cause gender burning,
unusual discharge, pelvic pain and infertility, infertility in
women and prostatitis in men. It can also cause complications
in the kidney like kidney stones, pregnancy issues
including preterm labor and oh, here we go, the symptoms painful
urination, discharge, pelvic pain, genital irritation,
prostatitis and then reproductive issues.
This, I ain't gonna say I became like an expert at it, but in
just reading about it, it, it felt very similar to learning
about herpes, right? Like you don't really learn
about a thing or know about a thing until you have a reason
to. And in my case, like being told,
hey, I might, there might have been an exposure here.
It made me start looking at this and I was like, I didn't even
know that this was a thing. So it says here.
A person can acquire urea plasma through sexual contact.
They can also pass newborns during pregnancy.
However, the prevalence of urea plasma varies widely depending
on geographical location and socio economic background.
The transmissions through intimate sexual contact,
including vaginal, oral and anal sex and is often considered a
sexually transmitted infection. Though it can also exist as
normal flora. It is spread via body fluids
like sperm and vaginal secretions.
Additionally, it can be passed from mother to child during
pregnancy. So it's asymptomatic.
Many people carry it without symptoms allowing it to be
passed and knowingly on this treated with antibiotics and
just using condoms can help reduce the risk.
I see that language that they put there now and they prevent.
But yeah, that that's, that's new.
This is new for me. This is new to me.
Let me say that. So the, the, the feelings of
having to tell people, right? Because it's been a minute since
I had to like say to somebody, hey, you know, someone told me
that they tested positive. I'm getting tested now and I'm
just keeping you in the loop about it.
Do what you want with the information.
I think that that was really a good way of going about it.
And for me, there were two other people that I needed to tell.
So I told them that one had a very like engaged, neutral
response and was just like, oh, like, thanks for telling me.
I looked it up. Here's what I read.
Here's what it looks like. Like these things happen.
And then the other one was just, it was neutral.
She was just like, all right, I'll get tested today.
And I was like, oh, I don't know what it was, but I think that
maybe I was expecting like the same kind of feeling that you
would like if you're thinking about HSV herpes disclosure or
having to tell somebody about that, like, hey, this might
happen. And I guess maybe it's the fact
that it's curable. Maybe it's the fact that it's
not only seeing that it's an STII don't know that there was
any stigma. I don't know if it's me, maybe
it's just me, but yeah, the, the process of telling somebody
about something that's that's different, that's outside the,
the norm of what we know or what we've already had.
And it is, it's, it's different. It's very different.
And I think it seems very similar to, to like the COVID,
right? Because a lot of times you're
wondering, damn, I'm OK. Did I give this to this person?
Did they give it to me? What else did we give it to?
Am I going to have to not work for the 14 days?
And I think the biggest thing for me is that I leave today.
So it takes a week to get the results back.
So I don't, I don't know. I just, I don't know.
I had no symptoms and like, what is it?
No ureaplasma. OK, here it is.
It's showing both the next to each other, ureaplasma and
mycoplasma test mystery vaginal symptoms.
And somebody asked her like, can you even get tested in men?
And I was like, well, I hope so because I went to the urgent
care this morning and when I went in, this was interesting.
The doctor didn't want to say the word penis, which was
interesting. So the doctor was like he asked
who brought me in. I told him he gave me the cup
and like a little swab. He's like swab the swab the like
he didn't want to say the word. I was like oh shit come on bro.
I got the wrong doctor for this. But I went and I did it like
because he got everyone like a clean swab.
So I had to wipe the head of my penis with the wipe that he gave
me and then pee in the cup. And then he came back in and he,
I guess I don't know if he looked up the symptoms and
everything he got AI while I was peeing in the cup, but he came
back out and he seemed very knowledgeable.
I asked questions. I was like, can it be passed
through kissing and oral sex? Is that a risk?
And he very confidently said no. But like, I looked on the
Internet and you don't know, I talked to some other medical
professionals. As you know, Evelyne, I have
medical professionals on my board of directors.
So I had questions for them. And we ended up talking about
we, we, we got some contradicting information, but
we'll, we'll just see because he said he gave me the option of I
can get on the medication now, but he recommended just waiting
until the test came back to see like what happened.
And I was just curious. I was like, OK, well, do condoms
prevent transmission? Like is it passed on from
genital fluid exchange? Is it like, it's not a skin to
skin contact, It's a bacterial thing.
You may not know you have it. He said that people have it in
them and it's other things that might trigger the overgrowth, I
think, he said. But leaving from the doctor's
appointment, I did feel better than when he came in and didn't
want to say the word penis. As I left that appointment, I
felt a lot better than how I felt, you know, when, when we
started the appointment for sure.
So with that being said, it's a waiting game.
So I got tested this morning. So we'll know in a week what the
results are. And I'm very curious because if
like I've not had sex without condoms and shit, wait a minute.
But also like, could I have had it for longer than that?
Could I have just had it and it not been present that I give
this to a person, right? Like you start thinking about
all of these things and you begin to you, you can, you know,
speak for y'all. But like, I can blame myself.
And I think that I went back to that place that I was at when I
got my herpes diagnosis of damn, who else would you like to give
this to? Did I give this to somebody
else, right? And the people that I talked to
about it were very just good and like, not what I would have
expected to experience 13 years ago when I had gotten herpes or
when I got chlamydia in 2021, Right.
Yeah. I think that we we should let
people surprise us. And I was telling somebody that
asked me they were like, well, do you feel like the human part
of you took over or like the real you?
And I was like, yo, I'm. I am human.
I thought to myself, I was like, well, maybe if I just get tested
and find out. And I was like, Courtney, no,
that's not that's not an alignment.
That's not who you are. And that's not what you do,
right? I got the information.
Take the information and take it through the avenues in which to
express and communicate the information.
So partners who might have been at risk, future partners that
might, you know, be at risk, I think we can look the
information up together and decide, like, how we want to
move forward or what the risks are and everything like that.
But yeah, this was a, this was a good exercise for me because
it's just not something I had to do.
She says 20/21/2021. No, Yeah.
I think it might have been 2122 because I remember that a
partner of mine had said that she tested positive for trick
and night. Trick and night is a trick and
when she tested positive for trig I went and got tested.
I was living in Portland at the time and the doctor was like
don't know. She gave me the antibiotic, she
gave me the medication for it and they told me that the test
had came back negative and I was like dude I took this medicine
for nothing. So I'm down to just play the
weight game and sit my ass down for a minute and just did it be
what it be. So that's the route that I'm
going, but that's another just scenario that I'm thinking about
putting in place. Oh, we got a couple of more
scenarios. I'm waiting on the final edits
to be able to put up on the website of how to talk about
your sexual health. I do a role play of another
disclosure on 1st date at the bar.
Things are going well and about the hook up, so that'll be up on
the website as soon as we get that edits from it.
And yeah, I think we'll be doing this one too.
This will be a good like scene and for educational purposes,
right? Like being able to say, hey, I
tested positive for this. I'm letting you know you do what
you want with the information. Let me know what questions you
have right and it was so smooth. It wasn't like over the top
scripted. It wasn't extra.
It was just like very matter of fact.
So I'm like real like happy with how this turned out.
I'm, I'm happy that that was the, the, the route of
information. So, yeah, with that, I went to
the doctor, got tested. We'll see what happens over the
course of the next week. Let me see what time is it?
I got how much time I got about an hour, 20 minutes before I
need to board my plane. So what this is going on.
So I had to, it's funny. God, about to say, yeah.
So I haven't been dating and it's it's very interesting
because I'm not seeing anyone, right.
I think that yeah, the last yeah, I'm not.
I ain't seeing anybody. And these were just like, I
don't even know what to call them.
Like it ain't like casual things.
These might have just been one time things.
I don't I don't know. I don't know because there's no
like I, I, I realize like I'm not polyamorous and there have
been people that will tell me, go you are.
And it's like, no, I'm not. Don't tell me what I am.
A lot of people try to tell me what I am.
That's what got me in trouble the last few times.
And that's not, that's not the case.
Like I think I'm learning the language of what it is and I'm
looking for as I live in a way where I'm not with someone who I
let their perception of me dictate who I am.
Like there there is no person, there is no mirror that I'm
intimately connected to or somebody can have that kind of
influence over me anymore. And in doing so, I'm able to
just experience myself and perceive myself as well.
And I like this. Like I, I was talking to a
friend of mine and I was like, yo, I'm kind of scared at how OK
this single shit is. And the quantity I I need to
make this just like the quantity of sex that I've been having is
significantly lower than it's ever been as an adult, whereas
the quality way fewer times has significantly increased, right.
So not I'm I'm not actively dating and I'm I'm not like
looking to get. My once met, I'm, I'm saying
once versus needs because I, I think I finally got the language
for this. I've spent a lot of time and
energy trying to get my once met rather than my needs met and
thinking that oh, because you meet my once, you could meet my
knees. And that ain't the case.
Like I've been doing this shit backwards, right?
Needs first, right? So in looking at what it is I
need, like I need, I need presents, I need somebody that
can sit their ass down for a minute, right?
I can't, I can't be the source of 1's entertainment 100% of the
time. Because it is important to me
that I'm able to do what it is that I do.
And I'm learning the importance of that.
Like my life goal has been dedicated to neutralizing the
Herpes stadium and whatever actions, decisions that I make
from there. Like it's important that that be
supported and not be taken away from.
And as I'm going through my yoga therapy and certification and
training and living in a way where it's, it's just me very
much condensing my energy to be able to lock into that
intention. A lot of opportunities have been
presenting themselves. A lot of challenges have been
presenting themselves, but that that true north and trajectory
of this is what I'm doing Like I'm I'm neutralizing Herbie
stick. I'm given the opportunity to do
so and life is meeting me with the the whetstone.
Whetstone is is a real good analogy for it to mold me and
shape me into the person that I say I want to be.
And I even look at this situation where the partner that
I had recently told me about the, the you're, you're, that's
right, you're your plasma, right?
And how I handle that, right? Because it's really easy to
revert to old shit or to to default programming of all
right, Dan, this is a shameful thing.
This is a stigmatizing thing. I got to tell somebody I got an
SCI or am I having an SCI or am I gating one, right?
And to be able to take that and turn it into something that
hopefully becomes useful to other people and a lesson as
well for myself to be that I'm, it's validating to me that I'm
picking like good people. Like I'm picking good people
because she didn't have to tell me that.
And to me that communication is sexy.
Even if you tell her like, it don't matter, like most people
might be like, oh, but she told you she got an STD and like,
it's possible that I gave it to her.
It's possible that it is. It's a lot of possibilities,
right? And so to be able to normalize
this kind of a conversation is another piece of the puzzle of
me working towards that trajectory.
Now, what about to say I need to eat?
How much time I got wasted that time?
I got a call scheduled in like 12 minutes though.
But yeah, your boy has been work.
Speaking of videographer, hold on.
Alright, You just like my message.
Oh, wait, wait, what else you say?
Send me the logos. I can't wait to post these
videos. So what else was I saying?
I don't even remember. Oh yeah, like just I'm
recognizing the importance of what I need.
I need presents. I need, I need like I wrote this
down. It was like I need whoever it is
and I'm with, I carry a big ass. Well, I don't like asking for
help. I don't, but I have the women
who are on my board. They do a damn good job of
keeping me in line, but not necessarily like sharing globe.
They got their own shit going on right, and I don't want to give
them my personal stuff as well. So it it it.
But they're they're still like friends too, like they're
friends and board members. So they they get all of that.
But I recognize how in even in relationships, the importance of
what people want from me is to be able to share that load to an
extent. My problem is I get to my all
bet you want to help here you go.
And there's no like rationing it out is more like, I bet I'll
take this off for a little bit and then I stretch my legs and
then before I know it, they crushed by the low.
And I think that that's probably what that might be why into this
year in that sense is is a challenge for me.
So and yeah, I'm I'm also learning myself not in
connection to other people. It is the first time that I've
been single. Like not even with the people
who think we're in a relationship or working towards
a relationship or going on dates.
Like it's, it's just Courtney and I am learning especially
just through like I'm still taking Brazilian zoo classes.
I went to Dominican Independence Day, the child class, which was
funny. I'm, I'm doing the things that I
want to do. And then I think the most
important thing here is that I'm saying no to stuff.
I'm saying no to 1 doesn't align.
Like I had an interview with Chelsea Peers for teaching yoga
and I'm like, I'm a little bit on the fence because on one
hand, yeah, I get to teach yoga and I get like to teach yoga to
this demographic of people that I otherwise would never have
access to. But then on the other hand, it's
like, how is this pulling me away from neutralizing herpes?
The more I'm doing stuff for other organizations and people,
the less that I'm convincing into something positive for
positive people. So that's the thing that I'm
working through, working on and trying to sort out and situate
for myself as well. Because I don't know.
I don't know, but let me fix that.
I do know. I do know, and I got to stop to
understand where I act like I don't and also be the example,
right? It's important that I be the
example that I want to set for this community, for the people
who come here. Still at 403 podcast episodes
now. Shout out to you all, but I
appreciate y'all for making this space safe for me to be able to
share my experience. Like I recognize that this is
another need of mine. I need to be able to not know.
I need to be able to say I don't know.
That's a very vulnerable thing. I need to be able to not have it
all figured out. I need to be able to not be
super Courtney and I need to be able to just be human.
These are needs. The wants of sex.
Somebody that looks good, somebody that makes me
physically feel good. Like that shit cool, but that
that's everywhere. Hell you pay for that.
I want that shit you can't pay for.
Like I want what can only be Co created with presents and a
sense of self certainty. So for me to be able to like,
have and welcome that in, I got invited that shit my damn self.
And I think that that's what's happening.
The more that I'm detaching myself from a lot of things that
are pulling Courtney and my awareness and attention and all
these different directions. I'm condensing down like all
this travelling and shit that I've been doing.
After my granddad's birthday is in July, I think I'm going to go
home for his 80th, his 80th son birthday.
I go home for that, and then I'm sitting my ass down until the
conference in Atlanta. But I it's going to take a lot
to move me. I I need a lot more to move me
now than what it was before. And I'm, I'm becoming more of a
dense person in the sense of condensing my energy and
plugging up these leaks. I don't want to.
Yeah, I don't want to. What's the phrase?
I want to use it. Yeah.
I don't want to overextend myself.
I recognize my capacity and I'll never, never need to be at that
capacity again. And that looks like a lot more
firm boundaries. And I understand boundaries now.
Boundaries are just like plugs of leaking energy, the shit that
exhausts me and keeps me, that deviates me from like the
trajectory of transformation and being able to neutralize herpes,
Steady. And the core intention that I
have for myself and my son culpa is to nurture my nature.
And that's what I've been doing. I've been able to do that by
myself and anything, anyone that doesn't nurture my nature, it's
it's I just politely remove myself and I'm not as close, I'm
not as engaged and step away. And that's something that in
order for me to teach it, I got to I got to embody it.
So I look forward to being able to continue to do that.
I hope that my experience recently is something that will
be helpful to whoever is listening to this in the process
of working on. Man, do I want to say my book or
books? There's definitely one book that
I'm working on and it's applying yoga to herpes and herpes stigma
and what it is that we can learn from that in order to get to a
place where we can live a life in a way that we're supposed to.
One of my biggest, one of my most aligned learning tools as
anime. I'll be watching the anime, and
anime teaches us exactly how to live.
Like I've been using my AI to have the conversation that draws
the parallels between anime and quantum physics as well as the
agents of yoga. And I think I'll come up with
something that's really good and I want to put that in the
workshop that's going to be on August 29th, assuming that we
can lock in the date in New York City and let this be a teaching
tool. I'll be able to also present
this at the Black Yoga Teachers Alliance if I ever get the
e-mail to solidify the date and when I'm presenting and
everything. So that's, that's it.
That's where we at. That's where we, I think after
listening to this point. Yeah.
Thanks for listening to something positive for positive
people. Please like rate review,
subscribe to the podcast, take our survey.
The survey is still up and it does not have a lot of
responses. I I recognize that Instagram
really don't like me no more. It was a great run to get the
10,000 followers on Instagram, but I got to use the podcast a
lot more strategically, especially for the promotion of
events and trying to get people on this newsletter so we can
build community. Most of the people who I hear
from for the support group calls and the one on ones are in New
York. People, if y'all stay subscribed
to the newsletter and give me a reason to like be able to
collect information or collect y'all's like locations and know
this is where we need to go to do a support.
This is where we need to bring an Expo to because that's
something that we can do instead of people having to always come
out to New York to find community.
All right, I can't think of anything else.
But yeah, if you have any questions about anything or if
you're curious about the experience of like having to
tell a partner about the new SEI or a partner telling you like,
let me know. Reach out.
That's what we that's what we do.
That's what I'm here for. Right.
Till next time, stay present.