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Welcome to Something Positive 
for Positive People. 

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I'm Courtney Brain. 
Something Positive for Positive 

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People is a podcast featuring 
interviews with people or 

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couples where I sit with them 
and have a conversation with 

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them about their experiences 
with sexually transmitted 

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infection. 
Today I have Sean with me. 

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Sean is how old 30? 
7. 37 Damn dude you look like 

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like 30. 
I know, isn't it great? 

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That good jeans, my man, Good 
jeans. 

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And Sean, where you from? 
New York. 

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Oh, you're from New York? 
Yeah. 

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Like Western New York? 
OK, I thought you moved to New 

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York from somewhere. 
Did you live somewhere else? 

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I lived. 
In I moved out to North Carolina

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for a little. 
Bit. 

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Oh, OK. 
OK. 

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What were you in North Carolina 
for? 

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I'm from new. 
York. 

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I was in North Carolina for like
four months. 

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Oh. 
OK, you're just living out 

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there. 
And yeah. 

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It's just kind of bouncing 
around, checking out the world, 

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you know? 
Yeah, yeah, alright. 

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And your ethnicity, OK. 
And then your relationship 

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status, single sexual 
preference. 

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Divorce. 
Single. 

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Whatever. 
Alright, And then sexual 

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preference. 
Females. 

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OK, alright, I think that 
covered all the stuff. 

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I haven't done one of those 
episodes in a while. 

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Like I was just telling you 
earlier, cause a lot of the 

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episodes that I've done last 
month we're all sending around 

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like STUSTD Awareness month. 
So I spoke with a lot of like 

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health organizations and people 
who were like more so promoting 

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safer sex. 
So I, it's nice to be able to 

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have one of these just like 
conversations. 

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So if I get sidetracked or 
anything, apologize to the 

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listeners because it's just 
exciting to be able to have 

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these genuine conversations. 
And there's so much more to 

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these than just, I have herpes, 
I have HIV, whatever. 

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And then like going through the 
experiences around it because 

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there's so much that you can 
take away from listening to the 

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various guests. 
Everyone has their own unique 

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journey and we're using this as 
more so a platform for them to 

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express what their experiences 
were, to help guide people who 

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are living with the condition 
through their own journey, as 

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well as encourage people who may
not be living with an SEI to be 

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more open and accepting to those
who are. 

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So Sean, what is your condition?
I've HSB 2 genital herpes. 

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All right. 
And how long were you diagnosed?

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I was I. 
Was 19 I believe. 

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It's been about 18 years. 
Oh, damn. 

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And when you were diagnosed? 
When when you were diagnosed, 

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what? 
Tell us about what was going on 

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in that time? 
Were you in the relationship? 

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I was in a new relationship at 
the time. 

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I had moved in with a girl 
relatively quickly and you know,

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everything was the 2nd girl I 
had ever slept with. 

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You know, everything was all 
peachy. 

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I come out of my long term high 
school relationship and met this

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girl and you know, life just 
seemed great. 

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I was working in a restaurant. 
I was just kind of chilling in 

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life, you know, young 19 being 
stupid. 

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But the girl that I was dating 
was seeing other people that I 

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didn't know about. 
And you know, one day I just 

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woke up with this lovely gift on
me so. 

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You know, and let me ask you 
this, because people for some 

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reason seem to think that they 
can look at someone and tell 

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whether or not they have herpes 
or if they're nasty or whatever.

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She obviously didn't give off 
this vibe, but did she look like

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someone who had herpes? 
Whatever that means. 

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No, and it's you know what kills
me when people say that because,

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you know, there's, I actually 
just had this conversation a 

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couple weeks ago with somebody 
that, you know, somebody was 

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messing, one of my friends was 
messing around on Tinder and I 

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just, I made a joke and I was 
like, yo, you're going to end up

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with herpes. 
And and she's like, well, no, 

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the, the guy that I'm going to 
see doesn't look like the type 

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of person. 
And I said I was like, really? 

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So what does that type of person
look like? 

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She said, well, you know, you 
can just, you can just kind of 

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tell. 
And I'm like, can you really? 

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She's like, yeah, you're like, 
you know, you just kind of get 

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that sense from somebody like 
you. 

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He just, he doesn't seem like he
has it. 

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Tell me you told her. 
Please. 

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I didn't tell her at the time 
there was some extenuating 

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circumstances with another 
friend of mine. 

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So I didn't, I didn't help 
myself at that point. 

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But it was really a perfect 
learning opportunity that I wish

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I had because I've, I've outed 
myself so many times throughout 

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life and it doesn't bother me. 
But when it's going to affect 

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somebody else, I tend to stay 
away from it. 

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So yeah. 
But yeah, it's a, you know, I 

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was seeing, I was seeing someone
at the time for a little bit 

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that was a mutual friend of 
ours. 

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So I didn't want to put her out 
there like that. 

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I understand. 
Yeah. 

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So when you were diagnosed, you 
said you were seeing someone. 

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How did you? 
Well, you woke up with the gift.

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What was next? 
Yeah, obviously. 

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Brandon. 
Urgent Care. 

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What's? 
That did you run the urgent 

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care? 
No, no, I didn't. 

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You know, it was really weird. 
My initial outbreak was small. 

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I wasn't quite sure what it was.
I had a feeling what it was at 

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the time, you know, I tried 
telling myself, you know, it's 

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just maybe I just, you know, in 
the spot that it was, It wasn't 

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like I could have just caught 
myself on something. 

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But I tried telling myself, you 
know, maybe I just caught myself

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on something. 
Zipped it up or something? 

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Yeah, walk past the chainsaw, 
two blows or something. 

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But no, it was, you know, I get,
I see the spot and I'm like, 

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God, this is no big deal. 
You know, I'm, it could be her 

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because it could be anything. 
I'm like, I'm just going to go 

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to the doctor and get tested. 
The girl I was seeing at the 

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time didn't say anything about 
it. 

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She didn't seem to find it to be
a big deal whatsoever. 

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Thought, you know, I went and 
got tested, went to the doctor. 

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I, it was my first checkup ever.
You know, I was young and kind 

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of irresponsible. 
I didn't really, I guess not 

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irresponsible. 
I was my second girl I'd ever 

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been with. 
But you know, I I hadn't been 

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tested. 
For anything before that. 

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Oh, OK. 
And she which I, you know, we're

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throw this out there to be 
responsible in life, you 

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definitely should be getting 
tested regularly. 

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You know, there's a lot of 
people, a lot of the way people 

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live their lives in the world 
today. 

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It's definitely a good idea to 
get tested regularly. 

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But anyways, so I went to the 
doctor, I got tested and I got, 

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I'll never forget it was Tuesday
morning. 

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I got a call at about 8:00 in 
the morning. 

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I must have been lucky caller 
number one, that they reached 

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out to that day first thing in 
the morning. 

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And, you know, they just called 
me up and they said, hey, is 

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this shot? 
I said, yeah, there's so and so 

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from men's and Women's Health 
clinic. 

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And, you know, they said you 
tested positive for HSV 2, which

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is genital herpes. 
And they're like, if you want to

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come in and talk about it, you 
know, they were so nonchalant 

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about it. 
If you want to come in and talk 

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about it, you know, we have 
counselors here and we have 

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information for you. 
And I was just like, you know, I

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was still waking up. 
I'm like what? 

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Hang up the phone, go back to 
sleep, wake up. 

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Like, did I just have a dream? 
Yeah. 

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But, you know, they were, they 
explained it to me and my 

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initial reaction was anger. 
You know, I was pretty pissed. 

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And it's the second partner, 
too. 

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That's what really sucks. 
Yeah. 

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And. 
That's a crazy like I wasn't out

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sleeping around. 
I wasn't, you know, I wasn't 

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being a man whore or anything. 
I wasn't going out. 

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I didn't party at the time. 
I didn't drink, I didn't do any 

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drugs. 
You know, I was a 19 year old 

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tattooed punk kid. 
I loved concerts. 

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I loved going out and having fun
with my friends. 

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And, you know, I was pretty bit 
of a hopeless romantic, but you 

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know, I wasn't. 
If you put people in a 

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stereotype with people who have 
STD's and herpes and whatnot, 

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everybody thinks it's just these
dirty people that are out 

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sleeping around. 
It's not the case. 

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Yeah, You know, I was just a kid
that was with my second partner 

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that I was dating. 
Mm hmm. 

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And do you know if she knew that
she had it? 

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You know, she swore when I 
confronted her about it, she 

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swore that it didn't come from 
her. 

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Of course, naturally, you know, 
I had caught her cheating on me.

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I mean, basically, almost like 
actually caught her cheating on 

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me physically. 
Might as well have. 

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But it was a she didn't admit 
it, but at the same time she had

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no problem continuing to sleep 
with me even while I had the 

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outbreak. 
Yeah. 

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And that kind of tells me like, 
oh, well, I have it too. 

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Like that's what I would make 
the assumption. 

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She knows that I have it and has
no concern with sleeping with me

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while I have an active outbreak.
She knew she had it. 

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Yeah, so. 
You know. 

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And in hindsight, you know, I, I
had heard lots of things and, 

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you know, I didn't, for lack of 
better terms, maybe I should 

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have. 
I don't want to say listen to my

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friend because it's not that you
shouldn't give somebody a chance

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that has something like that. 
But I would have been a little 

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more careful and I would have 
talked to her about it first. 

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But you know, given her nature, 
I don't think she was a very 

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honest person anyways, so. 
Yeah. 

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And in hindsight, you would say 
that she wasn't a very honest 

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person. 
But like at the moment, 

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obviously you don't necessarily 
know that. 

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Yeah, in the moment, yeah. 
You don't know. 

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You know, in the moment, most 
people in general in the world, 

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you want to see the good of 
people. 

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You know, you don't go out 
looking for the worst people you

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can find, right? 
You know, most people want to 

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find the good of people and they
want to trust the person they're

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with. 
And, you know, unfortunately, 

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herpes is a it's a tough topic 
to talk about for a lot of 

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people. 
And it shouldn't be because we 

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have sex, but we don't talk 
about sex often. 

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And then SC is are just like an 
inevitable possibility when you 

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get it, when you are having sex,
and even more likely when you 

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aren't necessarily communicating
about sexual health because I 

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mean, I said this in a number of
episodes. 

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I can't remember how many girls 
I've asked, do you have an STD? 

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When's the last time you were 
tested? 

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I can't remember. 
Like my method of testing prior 

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to getting herpes, actually, 
even after getting herpes was 

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didn't when my previous partner 
went in for her annual women's 

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exam, did she call me and say 
she had an STI? 

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Like that was how I use my like 
that was my radar for whether or

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not I had anything. 
And I know that that's been the 

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case with a lot of guys. 
Like, oh, she doesn't have 

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anything. 
I was the last person I slept 

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with, so I don't have anything. 
Because when I did go in to get 

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tested, they put that Q-tip in 
my Dick hole and I was like, 

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that is not pleasant at all. 
But. 

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It's it's just, I've never had 
that experience. 

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I did when I exit when I tested 
positive for herpes and I've 

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heard this is pretty common as 
well. 

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I actually tested positive for 
chlamydia at the same time. 

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So, you know, that was it. 
It was kind of a double whammy 

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at the time. 
But you know, back then it 

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wasn't any big deal. 
I know nowadays I think they 

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what they give you like a series
of antibiotics or whatever. 

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But back then they just gave you
like this horrible tasting 

227
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:35,120
powdered drink and you drink it 
and the chlamydia is supposed to

228
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:36,880
be gone within like 24 to 48 
hours. 

229
00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:41,040
But you know, it was, it was 
kind of a double whammy. 

230
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:43,720
But, you know, I just like I do 
with a lot of things in life, I 

231
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:47,320
took it in stride and I went 
through a bit of an angry 

232
00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:49,720
period. 
But it wasn't, you know, I know 

233
00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:52,000
a lot of people struggle with 
their initial diagnosis. 

234
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:54,080
Yeah. 
I've been in contact with a lot 

235
00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,000
of people, and I've helped 
counsel people through their 

236
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,960
initial diagnosis. 
And I know the struggle that 

237
00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:00,200
people go through. 
Yeah. 

238
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:05,720
You know, everything from anger 
to just pure rage to depression 

239
00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:10,600
to, you know, severe anxiety and
all kind of worlds together 

240
00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:14,120
sometimes. 
And, you know, I was fortunate 

241
00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:16,720
enough, I guess maybe because of
my outlook on life in general, I

242
00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:18,840
didn't experience a lot of that 
other than the anger. 

243
00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:23,960
But you know, I it was an 
interesting time period to say 

244
00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:26,240
the least. 
So when you I never. 

245
00:11:26,680 --> 00:11:29,200
Thought my dating life was over 
but I knew it was going to be 

246
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:33,200
challenging moving forward. 
Yeah, when you you. 

247
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:35,920
So you continued an intimate 
relationship with this girl 

248
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:42,000
after diagnosis, right? 
Yeah, which was, you know. 

249
00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:45,520
I mean, is it stupid or is it 
just easy and convenient? 

250
00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:47,600
Like it's convenient to not have
the talk. 

251
00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:51,120
It's convenient to well, you 
know, we don't not to say that 

252
00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:53,320
you didn't use condoms, but this
is just a thought that would 

253
00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:54,760
happen. 
Like, oh, well, now we don't 

254
00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:56,520
have to use condoms. 
As long as you're on birth 

255
00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:58,120
control, we don't have anything 
to worry about. 

256
00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:00,680
So we both have this. 
It is what it is. 

257
00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:02,760
Like we can get what we need 
from each other. 

258
00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:05,840
So what? 
So obviously that may be what 

259
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:09,480
continued the relationship, but 
ultimately what ended it. 

260
00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:13,960
What ultimately ended it was me 
finally taking a step back and 

261
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:16,000
realizing that I didn't want to 
be with someone that was going 

262
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:19,160
to be cheating constantly. 
You know, we had, you know, the,

263
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:23,920
the cheating more so than the 
herpes was the, the catalyst for

264
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:28,360
our relationship falling down. 
And, you know, it did take a 

265
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:31,480
while because, you know, like 
you said, I guess I've, I've 

266
00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:33,520
thought about it several times 
and we did stay together for a 

267
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:36,440
little while on and off and I 
mainly because I was convenient.

268
00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:38,280
You know, obviously we both had 
it. 

269
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,680
And she still to this day 
wouldn't admit having it, but 

270
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:45,440
she obviously had it. 
Yeah. 

271
00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:49,040
But you know, it's, it does feel
almost convenient. 

272
00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:53,320
And when you're when you're a 
decent person and you know, 

273
00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:55,520
you're going to have to move 
forward in life explaining this 

274
00:12:55,520 --> 00:13:01,400
to people and, you know, having 
this talk anytime you want to be

275
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:04,280
with somebody, whether it's 
anything from a fling to a 

276
00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:07,800
relationship to one night stand,
whatever, you know, you should 

277
00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:09,680
responsibly have this talk with 
people. 

278
00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:13,400
And I was like, shit, if I can 
just keep this girl, like I 

279
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:16,200
don't have to have this talk. 
Yeah, no matter. 

280
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:18,800
What misery I was going through 
at the time, but at at that 

281
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:20,880
point I hadn't had to talk with 
anybody. 

282
00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:25,800
So I didn't realize how many 
different aspects to having that

283
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:28,560
talk there are and how many 
different ways it can go. 

284
00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:33,320
And you know, so she was 
convenient for a while, I guess,

285
00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:37,480
to say the. 
So when you finally ended that, 

286
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,920
I mean, what else was happening 
around your life, too? 

287
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:43,080
So at this point, you were, 
we're gonna say early 20s when 

288
00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:46,760
you ended the relationship. 
Yeah, was, I mean it went on for

289
00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:49,760
I probably relationship probably
finally ended like within the 

290
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:52,160
next year. 
You know, we had, we had still 

291
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:55,160
hooked up a couple times after 
that, but the relationship 

292
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:57,080
officially ended like within the
next year. 

293
00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:59,280
So I was probably 20, 20 years 
old. 

294
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:03,200
So what gave you the courage to 
decide to end that relationship 

295
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:05,320
and just move on? 
So you got tired of the 

296
00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:06,720
cheating, you were fed up with 
it. 

297
00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:10,760
You leave that and now you go 
out into the world where now you

298
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:12,920
have to have that uncomfortable 
conversation. 

299
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:18,240
Yeah, You know, I didn't really 
think, honestly, I didn't think 

300
00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:20,920
much about it initially. 
You know, I knew I had to have 

301
00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:26,400
conversations, but I was also 
back then the resources aged 

302
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,560
myself here. 
The resources weren't quite as 

303
00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:31,920
available as far as online goes 
and whatnot. 

304
00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:34,600
And I, I took my doctor at the 
word when I went in and had my 

305
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:39,280
counseling done and they told me
that I couldn't pass on HSV if I

306
00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:43,480
didn't have an active outbreak, 
which is extremely wrong. 

307
00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:49,920
So I the first relationship 
after her, you know, I made the 

308
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:53,560
mistake of not disclosing and it
was, it was terrible. 

309
00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:56,880
It was a horrible experience in 
my life because I listening to 

310
00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:58,880
my doctor, we all want to 
believe that our doctors telling

311
00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:02,760
us, yeah, you know, I just I 
look forward with my life and I 

312
00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:04,480
was like, I don't have an 
outbreak so I don't have to tell

313
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:08,280
this girl. 
It sucked because I did end up 

314
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:13,880
passing on and it was absolutely
heart wrenching experience for 

315
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:17,080
me. 
The girl still to this day won't

316
00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:18,480
talk to me. 
And I, I wouldn't be able to 

317
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,320
talk. 
I wouldn't be able to explain it

318
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,240
to her even if I tried. 
You know, she just thought that 

319
00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:25,960
I was some guy with herpes that 
was out there spreading around, 

320
00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:28,360
and that wasn't the case. 
You know, I was just 

321
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:30,880
misinformed. 
And that experience led me to 

322
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:35,280
start educating myself. 
Yeah, in depths, from every 

323
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:38,240
possible angle I can imagine, 
educating myself about the 

324
00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:42,200
experience and the disease and 
the, you know, everything to do 

325
00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:45,000
with it. 
We want to we should be able to 

326
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,360
take our doctor's word. 
I mean, you didn't do anything 

327
00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:51,440
wrong from that perspective. 
It's like I'm informed now by an

328
00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:55,560
A well informed, educated source
more so than myself. 

329
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:58,520
And like you said, at that point
in time, resources were limited.

330
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:02,160
Like you couldn't just Google. 
Is this doctor telling me the 

331
00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:04,880
truth about herpes, how it's 
spread and da, da, da. 

332
00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:08,840
So that was the most reliable 
resource that you had at that 

333
00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:11,280
point in time. 
And unfortunately, even to this 

334
00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:13,880
day, there are people who are 
still misinformed. 

335
00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:16,800
There are people who still get 
that kind of conversation. 

336
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:19,600
Oh, well, as long as I'm wearing
a condom, I can't spread it. 

337
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:23,680
And that's what, you know, one 
person that I was dating, we 

338
00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:25,720
talked about this and she was 
like, oh, well, if you wear a 

339
00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:29,040
condom, I can't get it right. 
It's like that's not. 

340
00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:30,680
There's a little bit more to it 
than that. 

341
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:33,840
I mean you wanna put on a full 
body condom make. 

342
00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:38,400
Yeah, we gotta like not touch 
physically it's yeah, if I if I 

343
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:40,960
were a. 
Condom and don't touch you at 

344
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:42,160
all then yeah, you're not gonna 
get it. 

345
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:45,760
Yeah, sit over in the corner 
with a condom on yourself, 

346
00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:47,160
alright? 
We just watch each other. 

347
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:52,240
Let's do that. 
But anyway, so moving on past 

348
00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:56,360
your what was the what was the 
next relationship like after 

349
00:16:56,360 --> 00:17:00,680
that? 
So you find out, oh now it is 

350
00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:03,640
possible to spread herpes even 
with condom use. 

351
00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:06,560
You begin to educate yourself 
using the resources that were 

352
00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:08,680
available. 
So at that point, like how did 

353
00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:13,319
it affect you moving forward 
knowing oh shit now I that was 

354
00:17:13,319 --> 00:17:15,480
wrong. 
Now I definitely have to tell 

355
00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:18,480
people. 
Moving forward was interesting 

356
00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:23,800
because I experienced my first 
and really my only rejection to 

357
00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:26,680
this debate. 
Man, good for you it. 

358
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,960
Was weird because I learned from
this, you know, I was very 

359
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:36,280
nonchalant in my in my 
disclosing I'd started seeing 

360
00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:39,280
this girl, we'd seen each other 
for about two weeks, which back 

361
00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:42,000
then seemed like a lifetime. 
You know, we've seen each other 

362
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:48,480
for like 2 weeks and she rumors 
I was very open when I found 

363
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,640
out. 
I mean, I was very, very open 

364
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:52,720
with all my friends and of 
course rumors started spreading 

365
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,560
around the town and came from a 
very small town. 

366
00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:57,560
So all of a sudden everybody 
around my town knew and you 

367
00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:00,280
know, my friends knew, you know,
quote friends. 

368
00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:06,480
And they ended up pulling this 
girl aside and one these two 

369
00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:09,840
girls that I was friends with 
pulled her aside at a party one 

370
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:11,720
night. 
I'd gone to the restroom or 

371
00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:13,320
something. 
They pulled her aside and they 

372
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:14,640
were like, hey, you don't want 
to be with him. 

373
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:19,160
He's dirty. 
And I found that out a couple 

374
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:22,720
days later, you know, the part I
came back out, I met up with her

375
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:24,600
and like, the party continued on
like, no big deal. 

376
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:26,440
You know, to that point, all we 
had really done was kids. 

377
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:31,760
We hadn't done anything else. 
And over a couple of weeks, you 

378
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:34,480
know, the I kept on hearing 
people talking about it or 

379
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:38,000
hearing about people talking 
about me and this girl. 

380
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:40,760
And someone was like one of my 
friends, we had a mutual friend,

381
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:42,560
one of my friends pulled me 
aside one night. 

382
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:44,680
He's like, hey, just so you 
know, like everybody's telling 

383
00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:48,280
her that you have this and 
they're like, so you, you have 

384
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:49,440
to have this conversation with 
her. 

385
00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:50,960
And I'm like, I know. 
And I'm like, that's like, we 

386
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:52,360
haven't slept together. 
Like I'm going to have this 

387
00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:54,320
conversation on my own time. 
People, I don't care what other 

388
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:55,480
people say. 
They can say what they want. 

389
00:18:55,640 --> 00:19:01,560
Yeah, you know, it's my own. 
I don't know if dignity is the 

390
00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:04,200
word I want to use. 
It's my it's my choice to tell 

391
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,640
people what I want to tell 
people and to be responsible 

392
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:10,960
about it. 
And she when we were at a party 

393
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,240
and I was like, hey, we need to 
go for a walk and let's, let's 

394
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:15,400
have a talk. 
So we go walking down the road. 

395
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,280
I lived out in the country and 
we're just walking, having this 

396
00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:19,240
nice conversation. 
I said, listen, I said, I know a

397
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,240
lot of people have been telling 
me a lot of stuff about me. 

398
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:24,160
And she's stopping right there. 
And she's like, oh, no, no, I 

399
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:25,560
know. 
And she's like, you know, I've, 

400
00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:28,240
I've had people tell me stuff 
that you have this, you already 

401
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:30,320
have that. 
And she's like, but I know it's 

402
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:31,880
not true. 
So, you know, I just kind of 

403
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:35,240
ignore it. 
And I was like, well, about 

404
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:38,040
that. 
Yeah, I'm like, so, so I 

405
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:40,640
disclosed her, you know, I told 
her I'm like, listen, I do have 

406
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:42,480
herpes. 
It's HSV 2. 

407
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:45,440
And I'm like, I completely 
understand if you don't want to 

408
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:48,160
continue this relationship. 
I said that's why I haven't 

409
00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,520
tried to pursue anything further
sexually with you. 

410
00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:53,960
But, you know, if you want to 
talk about it, I would love to 

411
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:55,560
talk about it. 
You know, if you want to just 

412
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,400
sit down and chat, we can chat. 
Or if you just want information 

413
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,200
and, you know, this ends here, 
then it ends here. 

414
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:03,240
You know, it's, you know, the 
the fact of the matter isn't 

415
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:06,480
disclosing is a lot of us that 
have it like we wouldn't have 

416
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:08,360
chosen to get this if we had the
choice. 

417
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,960
Yeah. 
And some of us do get it by 

418
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,640
choice. 
You know, we meet somebody that 

419
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:16,360
we absolutely fall in love with.
And, you know, this isn't a big 

420
00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:18,880
deal. 
So, you know, you kind of accept

421
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:22,200
that it comes along with it. 
But her way of dealing with it, 

422
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:25,240
you know, she was young as well.
I was, I think I was 20 still 

423
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:28,480
maybe 21. 
And she was, she was 18 or 19. 

424
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:32,560
After we finished out that 
night, we walked back to the 

425
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,200
party. 
We had a great night together. 

426
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:37,600
And she told me that she very 
much wanted to continue seeing 

427
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:38,760
me. 
She didn't have a problem with 

428
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:40,840
it. 
And then the next, from that 

429
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:44,800
next morning forward, I'd never 
heard from her again, Never 

430
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:47,440
heard a word, completely 
ghosted, as the cool kids would 

431
00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:53,120
say nowadays. 
But yeah, it was, it was an 

432
00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:55,400
interesting experience. 
It was hard to handle at the 

433
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:59,800
time because it was, it was a 
form of rejection. 

434
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,240
It was about as pleasant to 
rejection, I guess, as you can 

435
00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:04,240
get. 
I mean, aside from somebody 

436
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:06,720
who's saying, hey, I'm not cool 
with it, but I hope we can still

437
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:09,040
be friends. 
You know, she just chose to run 

438
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:11,760
from that, which, yeah, that's 
her choice. 

439
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,560
It is what it is. 
It wasn't like we were invested 

440
00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:17,120
in like a long relationship or 
anything, but it was an it was 

441
00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:19,840
an eye opener for me. 
And it also made me realize that

442
00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:22,320
it was pretty easy to tell 
people. 

443
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:26,560
I mean, it's it's difficult to 
build up the courage to do it. 

444
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:33,760
But once you get past that first
disclosure, you Start learning 

445
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:38,840
how to speak to people about it.
I learned that if you don't 

446
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,080
approach it like it's the end of
the world, people won't think 

447
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:43,480
it's the end of the world. 
Yeah, that's a that's an 

448
00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:44,680
important. 
End of the world. 

449
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:47,360
Like if you breakdown sobbing 
and you're like, I have this 

450
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:50,200
disease, you know, people are 
gonna, they're gonna look at me 

451
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,080
like, holy shit, this is what 
it's like to have herpes. 

452
00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:55,400
Yeah, like they don't. 
You can't make it seem like the 

453
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:57,280
end of the world because that's 
what people are going to think. 

454
00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:00,920
And often times how we feel 
about it for ourselves, we we 

455
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:04,880
want to disclose to other people
so much sooner than we want to 

456
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:07,880
disclose to ourselves. 
And until you can look yourself 

457
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:11,120
in the mirror and say I have 
herpes and see how you really 

458
00:22:11,120 --> 00:22:15,680
feel about it, You really can't 
expect someone else to feel the 

459
00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:17,200
way you want them to feel about 
it. 

460
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:19,960
If you don't feel that way. 
If you want someone to be warm 

461
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:23,000
and accepting and understanding 
about it, and you have to be 

462
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,880
warm and understanding to 
yourself and accepting of 

463
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:29,840
yourself as to how that feels, 
what that means. 

464
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:31,680
Because for everyone it means 
something different. 

465
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:35,200
Some people get outbreaks once a
month or have ongoing outbreaks.

466
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:42,320
Some people get outbreaks once 
and with obviously that affects 

467
00:22:42,360 --> 00:22:47,000
those two groups of people in 
various ways, completely 

468
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:48,880
different. 
But at the same time, you have 

469
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,560
to really develop an 
understanding for what having 

470
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:55,000
herpes means for yourself and 
then what it could potentially 

471
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:58,400
mean for the person you plan on 
disclosing to. 

472
00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:01,080
And then you have to also 
evaluate the relationship. 

473
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:03,600
You know, what is it that you 
possibly want out of this? 

474
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:05,520
What do you do? 
You know, what you want is going

475
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:07,480
to be a short term thing, long 
term thing. 

476
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:11,600
But regardless, like how just as
you said, how we presented to 

477
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:15,880
the other person is going to 
really influence the way that 

478
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:17,800
they feel about it. 
Now, they could have a strong 

479
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:21,280
opinion on it and have one of 
their core values, as I will not

480
00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:24,040
date someone with an STD. 
And if that's the case, and you 

481
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:27,600
know that that person isn't for 
you at all, because nine times 

482
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:31,600
out of 10, well, 10 times out of
10, the person or people you're 

483
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:35,760
supposed to be with or want to 
be with either also have it or 

484
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:38,520
they're accepting of it. 
So someone who's not accepting 

485
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:40,920
of it, you're just not supposed 
to be with. 

486
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,840
Yeah. 
It's very, it's extremely true. 

487
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:45,600
And you know, I can't drive 
home. 

488
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:47,680
You said something about looking
in the mirror there and it's 

489
00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:51,600
something that I've talked about
in support groups and you know, 

490
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,120
I've, I've brought it up 
multiple times. 

491
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:57,640
I highly encourage people that 
have been diagnosed to become 

492
00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:00,080
comfortable with the word 
herpes. 

493
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:03,720
You know, so many people shy 
away from even saying it, even 

494
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:06,120
when they get, even when they 
just closer, like, Oh, well, I 

495
00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:07,680
have, you know, they try to 
skirt around it. 

496
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:10,200
Well, I have HSV here. 
I have HSV too. 

497
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:11,400
And people like, well, what's 
that? 

498
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:14,360
And then you say the word herpes
and they're like, oh, like I've 

499
00:24:14,360 --> 00:24:17,000
talked to medical professionals 
before that didn't know what 

500
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:19,480
HSV. 
My last check up at the doctor, 

501
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:23,080
I went in and they're, they were
like, well, do you have anything

502
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:25,120
not on the list 'cause HSV 
wasn't on the list. 

503
00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:27,440
And I'm like, why have HSV too? 
And my doctor looked at me and 

504
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:31,240
she's like, what's that? 
I'm like, are you kidding me? 

505
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:35,760
I'm like, I, oh, it was, it was 
an interesting experience. 

506
00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:37,520
I like messing with people a 
little bit too. 

507
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:41,600
I, I have some fun with it. 
But but yeah, I encourage people

508
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:45,800
to sit down, take some time, you
know, lock yourself in a closet 

509
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:47,760
with a little tiny light in a 
mirror if you want to. 

510
00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:49,720
Yeah, kind of like this where 
I'm kind of like where I'm 

511
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:53,320
recording from, right? 
And it's, you know, I'm, I'm, 

512
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:54,920
I'm speaking very openly right 
now. 

513
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:59,400
I'm in a new apartment. 
It's, I was, I felt the 

514
00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:01,240
butterflies going through my 
stomach with the nervous 

515
00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:03,680
butterflies, 'cause I'm in like 
a studio apt. 

516
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:06,040
I know my neighbors can hear me.
I'm in a building with six other

517
00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:07,280
apartments. 
I know people can hear me in the

518
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:09,000
hallway. 
My windows are wide open to the 

519
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:10,520
street. 
I know people outside can hear 

520
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:13,120
me talking. 
And, you know, I'm still 18 

521
00:25:13,120 --> 00:25:15,800
years later, I go through my own
levels of comfort and working 

522
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:17,120
through my levels of comfort. 
Yeah. 

523
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:22,640
And but I encourage people to to
look in a mirror and say the 

524
00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:25,000
phrase, I have herpes. 
And you're going to sit there 

525
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:27,080
and you're going to laugh and 
you're going to cry and you're 

526
00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:31,480
going to get angry and you're 
just go run through the 

527
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:34,720
emotions. 
Because if you want someone else

528
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:36,680
to be comfortable with it, you 
have to be comfortable with it. 

529
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:40,000
You cannot expect someone to be 
comfortable with something that 

530
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:41,400
you're not comfortable with 
yourself. 

531
00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:44,400
Yeah. 
And that's, I mean, that's the 

532
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:48,920
key to disclosing, that's the 
key itself is developing an 

533
00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:50,600
understanding for how you feel 
about it. 

534
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:53,360
And that feeling is going to 
constantly change. 

535
00:25:53,360 --> 00:25:56,000
You're going to constantly grow 
until you get to a point of 

536
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:59,360
acceptance where you're just 
like, OK, you know this honestly

537
00:25:59,360 --> 00:26:01,960
in the grand scheme of things 
and everything that goes on in 

538
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:07,520
life is almost irrelevant. 
You know, outside of if you want

539
00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:10,000
to hook up now it's a little 
more challenging to hook up if 

540
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:12,680
you want a long term partner. 
And now you have to go through 

541
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:15,240
more of a filtering process and 
set up boundaries. 

542
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:19,160
But all of this really comes 
down to how you look at 

543
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,720
yourself, how you present 
yourself to the world. 

544
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:24,880
Like that's what I often talk 
about what herpes did for me. 

545
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:28,080
It was a fucking speed bump. 
Like it was a reason for me to 

546
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:30,920
slow down and evaluate other 
things that were going on in my 

547
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:33,440
life. 
OK, it didn't hit me right away 

548
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:38,200
upon diagnosis, but after almost
waking up a few years later and 

549
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:41,040
having to go back out into the 
dating world, it's like, OK, 

550
00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:44,120
well wait, why is dating a 
priority for me when I don't 

551
00:26:44,120 --> 00:26:46,160
have my shit together? 
How about we start getting our 

552
00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:48,880
shit together? 
And then as I began to get my 

553
00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:51,560
shit together, looking at 
different issues that I had to 

554
00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:54,480
work through and the things that
I've been ignoring that were 

555
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:58,800
easily, I could easily deflect 
them and point the finger at 

556
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:00,760
something else or point the 
finger at herpes. 

557
00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:03,240
But ultimately what herpes did 
was shine a light on those 

558
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:06,120
things that I needed to work on.
And then once those got things 

559
00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:11,000
got worked on, herpes purpose, I
guess kind of just diminished. 

560
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,800
And so now I know why these are 
the things that I need to 

561
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:15,760
constantly be working on about 
myself. 

562
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:19,200
And herpes is just kind of in 
the back burner now, yeah. 

563
00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:22,720
It's important to build up a 
confidence in other areas of 

564
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:25,440
your life because I mean, we can
all there. 

565
00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:29,560
I've seen people, you know, talk
about herpes and talk about how 

566
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:32,960
it doesn't bother them and this 
and I think, I think a lot of 

567
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:38,200
people put up this wall. 
You know, I to me, it's a little

568
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:41,800
alarming if somebody truly isn't
bothered by it because it is 

569
00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:44,720
something serious, that it's a 
serious part of your life. 

570
00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:46,600
It is a lifelong serious part of
your life. 

571
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:48,880
And it's something to be taken 
into consideration because you 

572
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:52,600
have to be respectful of other 
people, you know, But some 

573
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:55,240
people may not. 
Some people may not take it the 

574
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:57,600
same way. 
Like some people are literally 

575
00:27:57,600 --> 00:28:01,440
suicidal over it. 
Some people are just like, yeah,

576
00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:03,480
I mean, I got herpes and now I 
have to talk to people. 

577
00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:05,800
So. 
And some people like myself, use

578
00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:09,280
humor to I mean, I've, I've made
jokes in restaurants with 

579
00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:12,680
waitresses, you know, I've, I've
had some pretty funny 

580
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:16,640
experiences with disclosing to 
complete strangers, but. 

581
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:20,040
Yeah, I think one of the 
funniest things that's happened 

582
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:23,320
to me was like someone left a 
full drink at a table and I was 

583
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:25,280
talking to my friends. 
I was like, I should drink that.

584
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:28,600
I mean I already got herpes and 
everyone just dies laughing. 

585
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:33,360
I had, I was in a restaurant one
day and I, I dropped a French 

586
00:28:33,360 --> 00:28:36,680
fry on the floor. 
Now, I mean, I worked in 

587
00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:39,360
construction for years and I 
mean, I'm not afraid to put a 

588
00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:40,720
French fry from the floor in my 
mouth. 

589
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:45,080
And I've, I've probably had far 
worse in my mouth, but it's so I

590
00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:47,600
pick up this French fry, but the
waitress is walking back for a 

591
00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:49,720
table and the two friends I was 
sitting with at the time, they 

592
00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:52,280
knew that I had herpes. 
So the waitress is walking back 

593
00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:54,200
over to the table and I go to 
the fry in my mouth and she 

594
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:55,320
looks at me. 
She goes, oh, you're not going 

595
00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:57,560
to eat that, are you? 
And I looked at her and I said, 

596
00:28:57,560 --> 00:28:59,400
well, it depends. 
Does your restaurant floor have 

597
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:01,720
herpes? 
She goes, EW, I hope not. 

598
00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:03,720
And I looked at her. 
I said, yeah, fuck it, I already

599
00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:05,160
do it. 
And I stuck the fries off. 

600
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:08,320
She just looks. 
She looks at me completely 

601
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:09,720
dumbfounded. 
Yeah. 

602
00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:12,920
And I just look at her. 
And I said I'm serious. 

603
00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:14,240
I really do. 
I'm like, can I get another 

604
00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:17,880
drink, please? 
She just walked away with this 

605
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:20,640
look on her face. 
And she comes back over and she 

606
00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:22,720
was like, were you serious about
that? 

607
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:24,120
And I'm like, yeah, I was 
serious. 

608
00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:27,480
She's like, she gave me a me 
too. 

609
00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:31,000
She's like, so do I And I was 
like, oh shit. 

610
00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:34,520
Which happens a lot more often 
than people would think. 

611
00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:38,880
And it's just like the 
everyone's so scared to tell 

612
00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:40,800
people. 
It's like if you were to pick 

613
00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:44,120
statistically speaking, I forget
what it is, it's one in six has 

614
00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:47,400
one type, one in five, another 
and one in four. 

615
00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:49,560
And the location that the 
statistics are all over the 

616
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:51,680
place. 
So I don't like the reference 

617
00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:53,880
that much. 
But if you, let's say to be 

618
00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:57,560
safe, say to seven people, I 
have herpes, at least one of 

619
00:29:57,560 --> 00:30:00,040
them is going to also have 
herpes, whether they know it or 

620
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:01,800
not. 
Had they gotten tested for 

621
00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:05,400
herpes, One of those seven 
people at least is going to be 

622
00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:07,600
able to come back to you and say
I have it too. 

623
00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:11,160
Yeah, it's, it's wild. 
And like you said, you know, the

624
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:12,800
statistics really are all over 
the place. 

625
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:17,320
But I can tell you in the last 
year alone, I have disclosed to 

626
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:22,080
three people that were just 
friends of mine, just a general 

627
00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:26,040
conversation, three of which 
came back with me too. 

628
00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:28,800
You know, there's the 
discrepancy, people, people 

629
00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:32,840
don't seem to believe that HSV 1
or oral herpes or cold sores or 

630
00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:35,120
whatever you want to call it is 
the same. 

631
00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:38,880
But you know, having herpes is 
having herpes. 

632
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:40,400
You know, you have herpes or you
don't. 

633
00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:45,720
But and I also disclosed to two 
partners that both came back 

634
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:49,880
with me toos. 
So it was interesting. 

635
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:53,480
I'm I'm basically batting 100 
for the last year with people 

636
00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:55,320
coming back with a me too story.
Yeah. 

637
00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:59,640
But and, you know, that also 
comes down to a lot of people 

638
00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:02,840
think that if we have herpes, we
have to find somebody else that 

639
00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:04,320
has it. 
There's some people that are 

640
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:07,240
very, very vehement about 
staying within the community, 

641
00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:10,320
dating and whatever else you 
choose to do sexually, staying 

642
00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:13,760
in the community. 
There's some people that almost 

643
00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:17,640
make it a crusade to only date 
people that don't have it 

644
00:31:17,640 --> 00:31:19,920
because they want to proved. 
Maybe they want to prove to 

645
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:22,240
themselves that they can still 
beat me somebody that Herbie 

646
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:24,760
isn't going to run their life. 
That's one that I haven't heard.

647
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:26,400
Can you talk a little bit more 
about that one? 

648
00:31:26,920 --> 00:31:29,760
I have, I've heard, I've heard 
several people that are very, 

649
00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:31,600
you know, I won't date in the 
community. 

650
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:35,920
I don't want somebody to accept 
me simply because I have herpes,

651
00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:38,200
because I have it as well. 
That that makes sense. 

652
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:42,400
So it's almost like I don't want
to settle for a just a pool of 

653
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:46,280
people who I know are only who 
accept me for this aspect and 

654
00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:48,480
may not look at the other parts 
of me. 

655
00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:50,000
Yeah. 
OK. 

656
00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:51,400
So I think that's exactly what 
it comes out. 

657
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:54,520
And I think some of it also is 
kind of like a conquest for some

658
00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:55,800
people. 
They want to. 

659
00:31:56,840 --> 00:32:00,320
Convert someone. 
Almost convert someone, they 

660
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:02,600
want somebody to be willing to 
convert for them. 

661
00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:04,920
You know, they want to feel that
worse yeah. 

662
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:08,560
And you know, that comes down to
a very important aspect of this 

663
00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:11,880
closing and trying to find 
somebody when you have herpes 

664
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:16,160
is, you know, we're we're so 
hell bent on looking for 

665
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:20,160
somebody that's going to accept 
us and we forget that we have to

666
00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:22,000
find somebody that we are going 
to accept. 

667
00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:25,160
Yes, I love that you said that. 
I love that you said that. 

668
00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:29,520
There's so many different 
aspects of life and yeah, herpes

669
00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:31,720
can be a controlling aspect in 
many ways. 

670
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:35,160
But you could meet somebody, you
can have herpes and you can meet

671
00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:37,920
somebody just close to them and 
you, they may accept you. 

672
00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:41,240
But like, say you're a female 
and you meet a guy and they 

673
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:43,800
accept you. 
They may use it as a control. 

674
00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:46,120
They might be the biggest piece 
of crap in the world. 

675
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:47,960
Yeah. 
Just because they accept you 

676
00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:49,520
doesn't mean that you're 
supposed to be with. 

677
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:53,400
Them and then, like you said, 
you have to realize that you're 

678
00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:56,840
accepting these people like 
you're putting up standards and 

679
00:32:56,840 --> 00:33:01,440
boundaries and expectations of 
others to meet your standards. 

680
00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:06,200
So if you can't you, you, you 
can't go into it with I hope 

681
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:08,360
this person expects me because 
then you give them the power 

682
00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:12,280
like you have the power of 
choice and the people that you 

683
00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:15,160
bring into your life, the people
you allow to come in deeper into

684
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:19,040
your life, you give them you 
know you, you're you're allowing

685
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:21,680
that to happen. 
So it's important for you to 

686
00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:23,960
understand like, OK, this is 
what I want, this is what I'm 

687
00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:27,880
looking for and this is what 
this is what's going to happen 

688
00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:33,720
going forward. 
And then just be be the person 

689
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:36,160
you should be for that. 
You know what I mean by that is 

690
00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:40,360
just like accepting yourself, 
like that's what it comes down 

691
00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:41,400
to. 
You know you have an 

692
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:44,160
understanding for what it means 
for you and then you project 

693
00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:48,520
that onto the other person do. 
You really you have to be 

694
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:51,480
confident who you are and what 
you deserve out of life. 

695
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:54,040
You can't just accept somebody 
because they accept you. 

696
00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:57,120
Yeah, and it's like. 
You know, you have to have 

697
00:33:57,120 --> 00:33:59,400
standards. 
You have to have expectations 

698
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:00,720
out of people you're looking 
for. 

699
00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:05,000
You know, there's any one of us 
could go probably find 100 

700
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:07,640
people. 
If you just walk the streets of 

701
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:09,880
New York City tomorrow and 
disclose to every single person,

702
00:34:09,880 --> 00:34:12,440
you can probably find 100 people
that that will accept you for 

703
00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:16,239
it, whether they have it or not.
But they could be the biggest 

704
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:19,040
pieces of garbage in the world. 
They could be horrible people, 

705
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:21,760
you know. 
So it's not about somebody just 

706
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:24,000
accepting you. 
You have to value your own 

707
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:25,960
worth. 
And you have to realize that 

708
00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:29,639
while this is a controlling 
aspect of life, it is, I mean, 

709
00:34:29,639 --> 00:34:30,880
it's it's a serious part of 
life. 

710
00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:32,000
It doesn't have to control your 
life. 

711
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,920
Mm Hmm. 
But it definitely dictates 

712
00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:36,840
certain aspects of life. 
Yeah. 

713
00:34:37,239 --> 00:34:41,239
And the way you live. 
But you have to, you have to 

714
00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:44,639
realize your own worth. 
And you can't just look for 

715
00:34:44,639 --> 00:34:47,760
somebody to accept you because 
you're worth so much more than 

716
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:49,239
that. 
You're worth so much more than 

717
00:34:49,239 --> 00:34:52,280
just some random person 
accepting you because you have 

718
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:54,199
herpes. 
And there's so many other 

719
00:34:54,199 --> 00:34:56,920
aspects of life, just like you 
said, like there's, you know, 

720
00:34:56,920 --> 00:35:03,000
herpes is just a small a, a part
of life And it's, there's so 

721
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:06,320
many other things to focus on 
when you're looking at a person.

722
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:09,720
Like, is there not more to you? 
This is something that I've 

723
00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:13,200
talked to someone about recently
because they were like, who's 

724
00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:15,640
going to accept me for this? 
And it's like, well, don't you 

725
00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:17,320
have other things to be accepted
for? 

726
00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:21,480
Like, is this where all your 
value is and yourself as a 

727
00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:24,320
confident sexual being? 
Like, what about your 

728
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:26,400
intelligence? 
What about the other things that

729
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:29,080
you have going on? 
What about your values, your 

730
00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:32,120
goals? 
What about your contributions to

731
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:34,320
the world? 
You know, these are the things 

732
00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:38,960
that we should focus on in 
determining who a person is or 

733
00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:41,320
who we are presenting ourselves 
to be. 

734
00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:44,880
More so than I have herpes. 
Oh, OK. 

735
00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:47,480
You're OK with that. 
Now let me bring you. 

736
00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:49,680
Let me present to you everything
else that I am. 

737
00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:52,280
Yeah. 
You know, it's interesting. 

738
00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:56,320
I had, you know, I have, well, I
will say obviously because we 

739
00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:58,440
haven't even talked about this 
yet, but you know, I moved on. 

740
00:35:58,440 --> 00:36:01,000
I moved forward in life after, 
you know, the dating 

741
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:02,840
experiences, whatnot. 
And I eventually ended up 

742
00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:07,680
meeting who is now my ex-wife. 
And you know, she was very 

743
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:09,840
accepting of it. 
She was completely accepting of 

744
00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:14,320
it and that was a huge thing. 
It was, it was big to me. 

745
00:36:14,480 --> 00:36:19,440
My dogs scratched it making some
weird, but she, you know, she 

746
00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:21,920
was super accepting of it and I 
thought that was awesome. 

747
00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:24,520
And we had a great relationship 
for a couple of years. 

748
00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:28,320
But, you know, we ended up 
getting divorced due to, you 

749
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:31,360
know, she was unfaithful. 
And so it turns out, you know, 

750
00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:34,960
I, I was so excited to be 
accepted by this person who I, 

751
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:37,200
you know, I eventually fell in 
love with. 

752
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:43,560
But again, she turned out to be 
not, not a very good person. 

753
00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:49,880
And I got thrown back into the 
dating world at the age of what 

754
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:53,280
was I, 3433 or 34. 
You know, very unexpectedly, 

755
00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:55,880
when you get married, you don't 
expect to get divorced, right? 

756
00:36:56,120 --> 00:37:01,920
So getting thrown back out into 
the dating world and looking for

757
00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:05,240
someone, it was, it was almost 
like starting over for me. 

758
00:37:05,240 --> 00:37:06,640
It was a new, it was a learning 
experience. 

759
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:09,800
I'd gone, you know, seven years 
without having to worry about 

760
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:13,320
disclosing to anybody or talking
to anybody about this unless I 

761
00:37:13,320 --> 00:37:15,080
chose to because I was 
educating. 

762
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:18,240
I didn't have to worry about the
romantic aspect of it and 

763
00:37:18,240 --> 00:37:22,160
finding a partner. 
And I had to learn how to accept

764
00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:25,880
myself all over again. 
And I went through, you know, 

765
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:27,800
obviously, a tough time in life 
with the divorce. 

766
00:37:27,800 --> 00:37:31,200
But I started, like we talked 
about earlier, you start 

767
00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:34,760
building your confidence in 
other areas of life and 

768
00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:39,160
realizing that we have so much 
more to offer. 

769
00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:42,400
And we have sometimes we have to
come to a realization as to what

770
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:45,240
we have to offer. 
But I started taking care of 

771
00:37:45,240 --> 00:37:50,760
myself very almost religiously, 
physically, you know, fitness 

772
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:55,320
and nutrition and which I have 
noticed has helps diminish the 

773
00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:57,160
outbreaks a tremendous amount 
for me. 

774
00:37:57,320 --> 00:37:59,840
Start eating broccoli. 
What's that broccoli, that 

775
00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:03,720
broccoli, some super greens, 
those kale shakes. 

776
00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:09,520
But anyways, you know, and then 
I briefly dated somebody 

777
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:14,240
probably two years ago now. 
I've been divorced for just over

778
00:38:14,240 --> 00:38:15,440
three. 
And I tried getting back into 

779
00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:17,320
the dating game. 
And the 1st girl that I tried 

780
00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:20,120
getting serious with, I went out
on a date with and I disclosed 

781
00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:23,000
for the first night. 
We just went out for coffee and 

782
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:25,880
I disclosed to her and she had 
no idea what it was, what I was 

783
00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:29,800
talking about, but she was very 
interested to learn more. 

784
00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:34,080
You know, she didn't reject it. 
She didn't. 

785
00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:39,320
We ended up dating for a couple 
of months, but this is another 

786
00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:43,080
part here where what I'm getting
at is learning your worth and 

787
00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:44,520
what you're willing to accept in
life. 

788
00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:47,680
Because she struggled with me 
having it, she was constantly 

789
00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:50,160
worried about getting it. 
It was almost this like 

790
00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:54,760
emotional back and forth, this 
game back and forth. 

791
00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:56,400
Not that she was meaning to play
one. 

792
00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:58,000
I'm sure she was very 
conflicted. 

793
00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:01,200
Like we would sleep together and
then a couple days later, she'd 

794
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:03,400
be worried like, Oh my God, am I
going to have this now? 

795
00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:07,000
And then the next day she'd calm
down and she's like, oh, you 

796
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:08,080
know, I like you for who you 
are. 

797
00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:09,920
It's not a big deal. 
And then, you know, we'd sleep 

798
00:39:09,920 --> 00:39:13,080
together again. 
And, you know, a couple weeks 

799
00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:16,320
later, she'd freak out again. 
And after a couple of months of 

800
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:18,160
this back and forth, I finally 
sat her down. 

801
00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:20,800
And I was like, listen, you 
know, I can't do this. 

802
00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:24,960
Like, if we're going to date, 
you have to be OK with the fact 

803
00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:29,280
that this could happen. 
This could become a part of your

804
00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:32,960
life. 
And this back and forth, like I 

805
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:36,080
like you, but I can't handle 
this emotional back and forth 

806
00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:39,040
like constantly. 
I mean, I'm gonna, I'm gonna 

807
00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:41,600
feel terrible now if you end up 
with it and you're not 

808
00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:47,440
emotionally prepared for this. 
And essentially what you had to 

809
00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:51,440
ask her is are you OK with 
getting herpes and she's not 

810
00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:53,720
able to say yes or no. 
And the. 

811
00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:56,080
Thing and sometimes you can tell
people too. 

812
00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:59,720
Like, even if they say yes, you 
can tell if they really are OK 

813
00:39:59,720 --> 00:40:02,080
with it. 
And it did take me, you know, we

814
00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:04,960
dated for a little while and we,
the back and forth made me 

815
00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:06,320
realize that she wasn't OK with 
it. 

816
00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:08,840
She was not prepared. 
She was not ready mentally for 

817
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:11,680
it. 
And, you know, I had to end that

818
00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:14,080
relationship before it got to 
that point. 

819
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:16,240
Yeah. 
And, you know, she went and got 

820
00:40:16,240 --> 00:40:18,800
tested after we got done with 
the relationship and she didn't.

821
00:40:19,280 --> 00:40:21,720
She did not test positive for 
it, which I was thankful for. 

822
00:40:21,720 --> 00:40:23,720
She was thankful for it. 
We remain good friends to the 

823
00:40:23,720 --> 00:40:24,240
state. 
Good. 

824
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:29,920
But it was, you know, it was a 
tumultuous time, and it was part

825
00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:31,120
of my learning to accept it 
again. 

826
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:35,200
That's such a that's such an 
important point too, because you

827
00:40:35,240 --> 00:40:38,480
know, there's, there's so many 
responses to that as well, 

828
00:40:38,480 --> 00:40:42,360
someone being accepting and 
then, you know, you know, on an 

829
00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:45,440
intuitive level, like you can 
sense that they're not OK with 

830
00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:48,040
it, but then been like, OK, 
well, they said they were OK 

831
00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:49,680
with it. 
So that's what I'm going with. 

832
00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:52,680
And then just clinging on to 
that relationship, as unhealthy 

833
00:40:52,680 --> 00:40:55,640
as it can be, because had you 
guys been in the relationship, 

834
00:40:55,920 --> 00:41:00,560
how much of yourself would you 
be losing or sacrificing as a 

835
00:41:00,560 --> 00:41:03,840
result of that mental drain that
she's putting on you by being so

836
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:07,120
back and forth about it? 
Having to constantly console her

837
00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:10,960
about it or reassure her or like
provide her with something 

838
00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:14,760
that's not true, which is she 
wants to know that she can't get

839
00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:16,760
it. 
And you're not willing to 

840
00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:21,560
compromise your and tell your 
intelligence, your integrity as 

841
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:24,360
a decent human being to tell her
like you're not going to lie to 

842
00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:26,520
her and be like, well, you know,
we're going to do these things 

843
00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:30,000
and you're not going to get it. 
So it's important for people to 

844
00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:33,720
understand and realize that when
you have that feeling, 9 times 

845
00:41:33,720 --> 00:41:37,320
out of 10, you really should go 
with it, that that person may 

846
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:39,240
not be OK with it. 
And sometimes we have to make 

847
00:41:39,240 --> 00:41:42,800
the hard decision. 
We have to be selfless in being 

848
00:41:42,800 --> 00:41:46,160
willing to end an intimate 
relationship and giving up on 

849
00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:48,880
one of our needs or something 
that it is that we want. 

850
00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:52,920
In order to protect someone 
else's, you know, their mental 

851
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:55,200
state, their emotional state and
their their health. 

852
00:41:55,520 --> 00:41:57,240
We also have to be mindful of 
that. 

853
00:41:58,000 --> 00:41:58,800
Yeah. 
Yeah, we do. 

854
00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:00,400
We have to be very mindful of 
that. 

855
00:42:00,480 --> 00:42:03,360
And, you know, we used the 
phrase earlier, you know, being 

856
00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:06,640
about a decent human being and 
you have to, you know, any 

857
00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:08,720
decent human being is going to 
look at it that way. 

858
00:42:08,720 --> 00:42:10,720
And it's, it can be tough. 
I mean, I'm not saying someone's

859
00:42:10,720 --> 00:42:12,560
not decent because they don't 
approach it like that. 

860
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:15,360
You know, what I'm saying is you
really have to look within 

861
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:19,240
yourself and you like passing it
on to somebody. 

862
00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:23,160
You know, you have to live with 
that as well for the rest of 

863
00:42:23,160 --> 00:42:25,760
your life. 
Like whether your relationship 

864
00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:30,040
works out or not, it's something
you have to be prepared for. 

865
00:42:30,040 --> 00:42:32,400
I don't mean you have to live 
with it like it's some horrible,

866
00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:34,640
horrible thing, but you, you 
have to be prepared for that 

867
00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:37,760
because you we all remember how 
we feel when we first got 

868
00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:42,640
diagnosed or when we found out. 
And chances are that other, 

869
00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:47,360
someone else is feeling that 
exact same way, maybe worse, you

870
00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:49,160
know, maybe better, depends on 
how they take it. 

871
00:42:49,160 --> 00:42:52,400
But you know, when there are 
people in this world that just 

872
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:56,360
don't see it as a big deal at 
all, they just don't care, which

873
00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:58,960
again, that that kind of 
frightens me in a way, but 

874
00:42:59,240 --> 00:43:01,080
that's me. 
That's my experience with it. 

875
00:43:01,080 --> 00:43:04,360
That's my take on it. 
So. 

876
00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:09,560
Yeah, Well, man, dude, we've 
been surprisingly, it's been 43 

877
00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:12,560
minutes now, we've been talking.
So this is great. 

878
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:16,560
This is great. 
Seriously, I'd like to leave us 

879
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:20,120
with, I'd like to leave the 
listeners with maybe one take 

880
00:43:20,120 --> 00:43:22,680
away for you. 
In your experience, what has 

881
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:27,880
been the most useful tool in 
your recovery through the 

882
00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:31,320
emotional process? 
Like what's helped you become 

883
00:43:31,760 --> 00:43:34,240
accepting and get to the place 
where you are right now About 

884
00:43:34,360 --> 00:43:36,040
you're openly talking to others 
about it. 

885
00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:38,480
You're counseling people who are
newly diagnosed and giving them 

886
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:41,040
advice. 
So, you know, I know what you're

887
00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:43,920
saying because we both talked to
newly diagnosed people. 

888
00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:48,040
So for a newly diagnosed person,
like, what do you encourage them

889
00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:52,800
to do more than anything in 
order to get to the place where 

890
00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:56,640
you are now, being as open and 
accepting of it and being able 

891
00:43:56,640 --> 00:43:57,840
to talk about it to other 
people? 

892
00:43:58,440 --> 00:44:00,840
Yeah. 
When by say it, when I say it I 

893
00:44:00,840 --> 00:44:01,520
mean herpes. 
You. 

894
00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:06,720
Know my my biggest piece of 
voice that I would give anybody 

895
00:44:06,720 --> 00:44:08,960
and it's something that I just 
recently experienced in the last

896
00:44:08,960 --> 00:44:12,520
couple years myself is reach out
to your resources. 

897
00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:16,600
You know, there are there's 
support communities available 

898
00:44:16,600 --> 00:44:19,800
and I'm sure Courtney, you're 
going to touch on that and you 

899
00:44:19,800 --> 00:44:21,480
have touched on that in the past
many times. 

900
00:44:21,480 --> 00:44:25,960
But you know, I lived for 16 
years going at this on my own, 

901
00:44:25,960 --> 00:44:27,680
seven of which I was in a 
relationship. 

902
00:44:27,680 --> 00:44:33,840
But until I found these sport 
communities, which inspired me 

903
00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:36,640
and empowered me to be able to 
speak about it the way that I do

904
00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:39,040
now. 
You know, up until then, I had 

905
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:44,080
always used humor, always used 
humor to talk with people about 

906
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:47,160
it, which is kind of my that's 
my thing in life. 

907
00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:48,480
That's what I do with everything
in life. 

908
00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:52,240
I turn everything into humor, 
sometimes for deflection, 

909
00:44:52,240 --> 00:44:58,760
sometimes for because, but I'll 
reach out to resources, find 

910
00:44:58,760 --> 00:45:02,480
other people like Courtney and 
myself that have herpes that 

911
00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:06,040
have experience with it. 
You know, you don't. 

912
00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:08,600
I'm, I would never tell 
somebody, don't go to your 

913
00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:13,640
doctor, but talk speaking with 
people that are experiencing and

914
00:45:13,640 --> 00:45:17,080
living the experience is so much
different than sitting in a 

915
00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:20,680
doctor's office or, you know, 
reading information on Google. 

916
00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:26,320
Please don't direct people to 
Google for God's sake, because 

917
00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:29,960
it's you just don't want to be 
like, hey, go, go look at Google

918
00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:31,400
herpes and you'll find out what 
it's all about. 

919
00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:35,000
That's a bad choice, terrible. 
Talk with people, find the 

920
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:37,920
support communities. 
There's so many people like us 

921
00:45:37,920 --> 00:45:42,200
that are willing to speak with 
you, that are willing to give 

922
00:45:42,200 --> 00:45:45,320
you our experiences and help you
through your own experiences and

923
00:45:45,320 --> 00:45:49,640
help you realize that this is 
not, it's not the end of life. 

924
00:45:49,640 --> 00:45:51,520
It's not the end of dating. 
It's not. 

925
00:45:52,520 --> 00:45:54,720
You can still have a family, you
can still get married. 

926
00:45:54,720 --> 00:45:58,720
You can still have kids. 
You can, you know, you can still

927
00:45:58,720 --> 00:46:01,920
live. 
Yeah, you're going to live 

928
00:46:02,080 --> 00:46:03,440
through this. 
First of all, you're going to. 

929
00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:04,400
Live through this. 
Yeah. 

930
00:46:05,120 --> 00:46:06,720
You know, some people feel like 
they're not going to. 

931
00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:12,880
And you know, it's I, I will say
that I was very thankful to be 

932
00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:15,520
as open as I was about this, 
even from the early stages, 

933
00:46:15,520 --> 00:46:18,600
because somebody very close to 
me got diagnosed as well. 

934
00:46:19,240 --> 00:46:23,240
And she was borderline suicidal 
over it. 

935
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:28,240
And I was so very thankful that 
she knew that I had it because 

936
00:46:28,240 --> 00:46:31,000
she came to me. 
And think about how many people 

937
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:34,880
are not you know who? 
How many people are so close yet

938
00:46:34,880 --> 00:46:38,160
don't know this one thing? 
And it's also a barrier for a 

939
00:46:38,160 --> 00:46:41,600
deeper connection as well. 
So you 2 have more than likely 

940
00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:44,800
gotten very close since being 
able to share that intimate, 

941
00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:46,840
vulnerable detail about your 
life. 

942
00:46:47,360 --> 00:46:50,240
Yeah, it's, it's brought me 
closer to a lot of my friends. 

943
00:46:50,240 --> 00:46:54,120
It's also made me feel, I don't 
know, I'm not accepted. 

944
00:46:54,120 --> 00:46:57,520
It's made me feel just a lot 
more accepting of myself. 

945
00:46:57,520 --> 00:47:00,440
I've been able to be myself 
around people because, you know,

946
00:47:00,440 --> 00:47:03,160
we all know walking around with 
this, we always wonder, you 

947
00:47:03,160 --> 00:47:05,240
know, like if I'm walking down 
the street and I'm like, oh man,

948
00:47:05,240 --> 00:47:08,280
that girl over there is smoking 
hot, but she probably doesn't 

949
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:09,480
want herpes. 
So. 

950
00:47:10,200 --> 00:47:12,600
So, you know, and that is, it's 
still my first thought in my 

951
00:47:12,640 --> 00:47:13,720
head. 
But then I said, I think about 

952
00:47:13,720 --> 00:47:16,000
it and I'm like, wait a minute. 
Like she might already have it 

953
00:47:16,440 --> 00:47:18,200
or maybe she would be cool with 
it, who knows? 

954
00:47:18,200 --> 00:47:21,320
You know, it's made me realize 
that so many people are 

955
00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:23,360
accepting of it. 
So many people just don't care, 

956
00:47:23,360 --> 00:47:27,040
from friends to family to, you 
know, and you'll have those 

957
00:47:27,040 --> 00:47:29,720
people that you don't want in 
your life because they do care, 

958
00:47:29,720 --> 00:47:31,680
not because they do care, but 
because they're just mean about 

959
00:47:31,680 --> 00:47:33,080
it. 
It's going to happen. 

960
00:47:33,880 --> 00:47:36,080
People that like to be mean 
about everything in life. 

961
00:47:36,160 --> 00:47:39,440
And you know what? 
Even if it's a close family 

962
00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:41,800
member or friend, you. 
One of the most important 

963
00:47:41,800 --> 00:47:44,520
phrases I learned from another 
aspect of my life was learn to 

964
00:47:44,680 --> 00:47:45,800
you. 
It's OK to love people. 

965
00:47:45,800 --> 00:47:47,440
With some people, you have to 
love at a distance. 

966
00:47:47,440 --> 00:47:49,680
Yeah, I like that. 
I like that a lot. 

967
00:47:49,680 --> 00:47:51,720
You. 
Know you keep them not even in 

968
00:47:51,720 --> 00:47:53,200
arm's length. 
Some people you need to love 

969
00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:56,920
from another state. 
But you know it's it's OK to 

970
00:47:56,920 --> 00:47:58,680
love someone. 
Sometimes you just have to love 

971
00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:00,480
at a distance. 
Love them over e-mail they love.

972
00:48:01,080 --> 00:48:02,040
Them over. 
E-mail. 

973
00:48:02,720 --> 00:48:05,800
Yeah. 
Well, that's all I got for you, 

974
00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:07,280
man. 
Are there any closing remarks 

975
00:48:07,280 --> 00:48:10,360
that you have or anything that 
you want to cover that we didn't

976
00:48:10,360 --> 00:48:12,760
get to speak on? 
Not really. 

977
00:48:12,800 --> 00:48:15,200
Not that I can think of off 
offhand, I just want people to 

978
00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:19,560
know that this is, you know, 
it's, it's, it's part of life, 

979
00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:23,400
you know, something that just 
become comfortable with it. 

980
00:48:23,800 --> 00:48:27,040
Reach out to people and do your 
best and you know, grieve, allow

981
00:48:27,040 --> 00:48:29,560
yourself to grieve and allow 
yourself to learn and educate 

982
00:48:29,560 --> 00:48:32,680
yourself. 
And you know, you can become, 

983
00:48:33,720 --> 00:48:36,640
you may not become like Courtney
or I sit here being able to talk

984
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:41,600
about it as openly and maybe you
will, but educate yourself is 

985
00:48:41,600 --> 00:48:44,200
the most important thing and 
surround yourself with people 

986
00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:47,840
that do understand because it's 
it's not the end of the world. 

987
00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:50,920
It's well, for me, it's become 
actually kind of a beautiful 

988
00:48:50,920 --> 00:48:51,920
part of life. 
So. 

989
00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:54,680
Yeah, I'm sitting here. 
Talking with Courtney right now 

990
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:57,760
and I wouldn't be, and any of 
you listening right now wouldn't

991
00:48:57,760 --> 00:49:00,120
be listening to me if I didn't 
have herpes. 

992
00:49:00,760 --> 00:49:06,960
So it's a pleasure to be 
speaking and I, I truly 

993
00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:08,520
appreciate Courtney asking me to
be on this. 

994
00:49:08,560 --> 00:49:10,120
So I appreciate you brother. 
I really do. 

995
00:49:10,320 --> 00:49:11,880
I appreciate you taking the 
time, man. 

996
00:49:11,880 --> 00:49:14,880
I've seen like a lot of your 
like positive pose and the 

997
00:49:14,880 --> 00:49:17,440
positivity. 
And one of the reasons that I'm 

998
00:49:17,840 --> 00:49:20,960
continuing to do this podcast is
because a lot of people get to 

999
00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:25,720
the point where you're at and 
having been so accepting of it, 

1000
00:49:25,720 --> 00:49:27,880
go on. 
You know, you living your life, 

1001
00:49:27,880 --> 00:49:31,040
you've got your business going, 
you've got, you know, you're 

1002
00:49:31,040 --> 00:49:33,120
dating, relationships are in 
order. 

1003
00:49:33,560 --> 00:49:36,920
And we just don't hear from 
those people like you're living 

1004
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:38,600
life. 
You're at the place where 

1005
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:42,920
someone who's newly diagnosed is
struggling to get to. 

1006
00:49:43,160 --> 00:49:46,000
And that's the story that they 
need to hear. 

1007
00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:49,360
And everyone who's been on this 
podcast so far, it's a journey. 

1008
00:49:49,680 --> 00:49:53,000
And they can either be directed 
to and guided to these 

1009
00:49:53,520 --> 00:49:57,880
experiences that give them hope.
And they see that there's 

1010
00:49:57,880 --> 00:50:02,040
someone like them out there 
living a life that they possibly

1011
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:05,600
had, they possibly would be 
going for, or that they didn't 

1012
00:50:05,600 --> 00:50:08,520
even know was a possibility. 
Because all we see are the 

1013
00:50:09,080 --> 00:50:11,720
terrible pictures. 
When you Google, you see the 

1014
00:50:11,720 --> 00:50:15,360
statistics you see, you just see
the worst of everything. 

1015
00:50:15,560 --> 00:50:18,520
And we don't necessarily hear 
from the people who've gone on 

1016
00:50:18,520 --> 00:50:22,120
in life to be at the positive 
place that they are. 

1017
00:50:22,360 --> 00:50:26,040
And so thank you for doing what 
you're doing and posting that 

1018
00:50:26,040 --> 00:50:29,560
positivity to a lot of the 
support groups and just being a 

1019
00:50:29,560 --> 00:50:34,360
resource for people to connect 
with and just being a resource 

1020
00:50:34,360 --> 00:50:35,600
in general, man. 
So thank you. 

1021
00:50:35,600 --> 00:50:37,120
Yeah. 
Certainly not. 

1022
00:50:37,680 --> 00:50:39,720
I'm happy to do it. 
I'm more than happy to do it. 

1023
00:50:39,920 --> 00:50:41,440
One last little piece of voice I
would use. 

1024
00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:44,120
If you're if you go to a doctor 
that shames you for this, find a

1025
00:50:44,120 --> 00:50:49,080
new Doctor. 
Oh yes, I've heard that story a 

1026
00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:51,160
number of times. 
Two doctors shaming patients for

1027
00:50:51,160 --> 00:50:54,560
this and just, you know, we, we 
don't deserve that kind of 

1028
00:50:54,560 --> 00:50:57,480
treatment. 
For people, I don't need this 

1029
00:50:57,480 --> 00:50:58,000
shit. 
Bye. 

1030
00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:01,120
I'll take I'll take my health 
insurance elsewhere. 

1031
00:51:02,840 --> 00:51:05,560
All right guys, this concludes 
this episode of Something 

1032
00:51:05,560 --> 00:51:09,000
Positive for Positive people. 
I can be found on social media 

1033
00:51:09,000 --> 00:51:11,520
at H on my chest. 
That's Instagram, Twitter, 

1034
00:51:11,520 --> 00:51:13,960
Tumblr and Reddit. 
If you want to be on the 

1035
00:51:13,960 --> 00:51:15,680
podcast, I encourage you to 
reach out. 

1036
00:51:15,680 --> 00:51:18,160
Just shoot me a message. 
We can do this anonymously. 

1037
00:51:18,400 --> 00:51:20,080
All I do is call you via 
Facebook. 

1038
00:51:20,080 --> 00:51:22,440
We look at each other. 
I record the audio only. 

1039
00:51:22,440 --> 00:51:26,200
It's a very easy process. 
I'm finding it to be rather 

1040
00:51:26,200 --> 00:51:30,080
therapeutic to some people who 
come on and share they Some 

1041
00:51:30,080 --> 00:51:32,000
people this has been the first 
time that they've been able to 

1042
00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:34,400
talk about this. 
Others have gotten to a place 

1043
00:51:34,400 --> 00:51:36,200
where they feel like they just 
needed to get it off of their 

1044
00:51:36,200 --> 00:51:37,720
chest. 
There have been episodes I 

1045
00:51:37,720 --> 00:51:40,440
haven't even posted from people 
who just, you know, needed to 

1046
00:51:40,440 --> 00:51:42,480
talk about it. 
They heard it and they got what 

1047
00:51:42,480 --> 00:51:45,480
they needed out of it. 
So I want to continue to make 

1048
00:51:45,480 --> 00:51:47,840
this an ongoing positive 
resource for people who are 

1049
00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:50,640
newly diagnosed to use, for 
people who are struggling with 

1050
00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:54,680
their diagnosis and for people 
who have not been diagnosed just

1051
00:51:54,680 --> 00:51:57,760
as an education tool to learn 
what it's like to have herpes, 

1052
00:51:57,880 --> 00:52:00,360
if they're considering dating 
someone who has it or if they 

1053
00:52:00,360 --> 00:52:02,120
just want to become more 
informed about it. 

1054
00:52:02,360 --> 00:52:06,320
So thank you all for continuing 
to grow this podcast and make it

1055
00:52:06,320 --> 00:52:08,160
what it's becoming. 
Thank, thank you for leaving the

1056
00:52:08,160 --> 00:52:11,520
likes of the shares, the 
comments, the reviews, all of 

1057
00:52:11,520 --> 00:52:14,200
that is helping this podcast get
into the ears of the people who 

1058
00:52:14,200 --> 00:52:17,280
need it most and connected to 
the resources that they need in 

1059
00:52:17,280 --> 00:52:19,760
order to move through the 
emotional stages of their 

1060
00:52:19,760 --> 00:52:22,200
diagnosis. 
So thank you all for listening. 

1061
00:52:22,200 --> 00:52:24,000
Till next time, stay positive.