1 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:10,880 All right, let's make sure we are in fact recording because I 2 00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:12,480 would be really upset if we weren't. 3 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:15,360 OK hello, welcome to something positive for positive people. 4 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:18,040 I'm Courtney Brain. Something positive for positive 5 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:21,560 people is A5O1C3 nonprofit organization supporting people 6 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:26,240 navigating her for stigma. And this is so real because this 7 00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:31,080 right here is my, I was, I was drinking something like a 8 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:35,880 beetroot juice powder thing and I was getting to the end of it 9 00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:38,080 and I tilted the glass all the way and I guess I ain't have my 10 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:42,240 mouth wide open enough because it's just shot down here. 11 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:44,760 So you, you see this little stain I got on my shirt. 12 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:50,080 But hey, you know what, it's kind of what is very 13 00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:54,880 representative of who I am and what something positive is, 14 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:58,320 right? Like it's not really, it's not 15 00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:01,720 perfect, it's unscripted and in real time. 16 00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:05,800 This is just how we do things. I got a little coffee right here 17 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:09,160 because after I finish this recording, I'm going to go and 18 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:14,000 do my workout, do my yoga. And yeah, it's it's, I'm off to 19 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:17,000 a late start. I'm working on not doing things 20 00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:21,640 work wise over the weekend. So if you submit things over the 21 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:27,160 weekend starting Friday after one PMI have a really, really 22 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:35,280 hard boundary for myself that I'm struggling to win for us by 23 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:39,560 not doing something positive for positive people. 24 00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:42,320 At least communication and work over the weekend. 25 00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:46,200 For now, as I get more into it and more used to it, I can let 26 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:49,680 my weekends be Forrest and for play. 27 00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:52,120 So I'm going to take a little sip of my coffee real quick and 28 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:57,240 we getting into this podcast episode now. 29 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:02,360 I'm feeling a lot more prepared to because I got a little 30 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:05,720 notepad here for what I wanted to talk about today. 31 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:10,000 And the title of this one is going to be you are entitled to 32 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:16,080 compensation. All right, if you received a 33 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:22,000 positive herpes diagnosis, you are entitled to compensation. 34 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:28,440 And if you remember back, I think episode 399, I got it 35 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,560 pulled up right here. Nope, It might have been 400. 36 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:36,720 Oh, oh, I I can only see what herpes taught me about that, 37 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:40,000 that that. So I think it was 399 hundred or 38 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:44,200 four O 1 where I talked about what herpes taught me about God. 39 00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:50,360 And a lot of what that really has come down to is 40 00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:57,240 understanding and learning the physical laws of the universe as 41 00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,520 a whole. So understanding the physics of 42 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:03,760 how atoms engage with one another, how we interact, right? 43 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:07,840 And one of the things that's been mentioned here is that law 44 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:12,760 of compensation. And the law of compensation is 45 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:16,640 it's funny because anime does a really, really good job of 46 00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:19,800 explaining physics to me. It speaks my language. 47 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:23,280 So in Full Metal Alchemist, I believe I mentioned this on 48 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:27,680 there, it was they they really talk about the law of equivalent 49 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:33,160 exchange and that in order to obtain something as a human 50 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:37,280 first, something of equal or greater value must be exchanged. 51 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:41,040 Now many of us when we get our herpes diagnosis, we begin 52 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:46,800 thinking about how something was taken away from us and we go 53 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:50,320 down this rabbit hole living as if something was stripped of us. 54 00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:52,920 Like we were stripped of our ability to get into a 55 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:55,040 relationship. We were stripped of our 56 00:03:55,040 --> 00:04:00,560 sexuality, our connectedness to our sexual selves, when the 57 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:04,040 reality is, OK, well, if something was taken from you, 58 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:09,280 right, you're entitled to something of equivalent or 59 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:11,920 greater value based on what you've given up. 60 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:17,920 And for myself, I'll use myself as an example. 61 00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:21,320 And I, I don't like this because I'm such an extreme example. 62 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:28,920 My sex life has changed. It hasn't been taken from me. 63 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:32,960 What was taken from you were actually things that at the time 64 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:37,400 seemed like everything. But in hindsight, it what was 65 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:41,000 taken was actually good for me because the kinds of people that 66 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,840 I was having sex with are the ways that I would go about 67 00:04:43,840 --> 00:04:47,040 having sex and the ways that I would go about connecting with 68 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:50,880 women and partners. These weren't the healthiest of 69 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:56,880 ways for me, and the more anime I watch, the more analogies I 70 00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,760 get. So I I'm going to try and keep 71 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:01,640 this censored and grounded in reality and based on my 72 00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:05,840 experience without going into the shows that articulate this 73 00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:09,000 so well. And I'm trying to use my own 74 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,280 words and my own language, so bear with me. 75 00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:13,800 If you've been listening to this podcast for a while, you 76 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:17,880 probably speak Courtney to some extent, but if you haven't, you 77 00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:19,360 probably don't think I'm a crazy person. 78 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:30,120 So my ability to have sneaky, like under the radar going about 79 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:34,120 it in a way that is like not direct. 80 00:05:34,280 --> 00:05:39,440 That's the word. Me getting sex in an indirect, 81 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:42,760 roundabout way that's done right. 82 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:48,400 There's no more like not directly communicating my 83 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:52,800 desires and what it is that I want from someone, right? 84 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:55,080 Like you'll hang out with somebody, you'll be around them 85 00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:57,040 a lot. You hope they get the hint. 86 00:05:57,040 --> 00:06:00,760 You hope they make a first move. Ain't no more of that. 87 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:06,080 Because now since my diagnosis, I had to initiate conversations 88 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:09,800 about sexual health before we got into a place where we were 89 00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:12,840 going to have our clothes off or what we're going to be making 90 00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:15,240 out, or we're going to have our hands all over each other. 91 00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:18,400 And if we're going to go out and be drinking or if there were 92 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:21,080 going to be any type of substances involved, you want to 93 00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:25,680 have that conversation sooner. Whereas prior to my diagnosis, a 94 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:27,280 lot of those conversations weren't had. 95 00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:29,840 The expense of it was do you want to wear a condom? 96 00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:34,680 And so this led to a lot of sexual experiences with people 97 00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:38,600 that were not in alignment with who I am and weren't in 98 00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:41,280 alignment with the kind of relationship structures that I 99 00:06:41,280 --> 00:06:43,560 wanted or the kinds of sex that I even wanted to have. 100 00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:46,360 I didn't even know what kind of sex I wanted to have. 101 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:53,400 So the universe took that away from me, my ability to get the 102 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:57,280 kind of connection and sex and relationships that I wanted at 103 00:06:57,280 --> 00:07:00,080 that time. Now this was a little bit over 104 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:02,680 13 years ago when I got my diagnosis right. 105 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:07,560 I started having sex at age 16. And so between the ages of 16 106 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:15,800 and 2324 years old, that's about 8 years of sexual activity of me 107 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:18,040 going about it in this particular way. 108 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:22,920 So I heavily invested my consciousness, my effort, my 109 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:28,280 attention, my awareness into getting sex and having sexual 110 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:31,840 partners. And now that's where my 111 00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:34,760 attention and awareness was. I think a lot of what I did, as 112 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:39,000 most teenage boys was motivated by that. 113 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:42,760 Like, I started driving before I got a cell phone because I 114 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:45,880 wanted to be able to go see my girlfriend who lived a little 115 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:48,840 bit of ways away, and we would be able to have sex. 116 00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:55,080 So like, sex is such a driving force that in order to get this, 117 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:58,760 I learned how to drive. I bought a car and I'm 16 years 118 00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:01,120 old. How do you do that right? 119 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:03,800 How do you get the money? How do you get the money? 120 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:07,000 How do you convince somebody to teach you how to drive their car 121 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:10,680 as a 15 year old learning how to drive And then how do you have a 122 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:12,440 car before you have a cell phone, right. 123 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:20,800 So the the extent of which my sexual energy, my drive led me 124 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:26,080 to do all of this for the outcome of sex. 125 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:31,320 I think about the output of what I had to do in order to have my 126 00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:34,200 first sexual experience and in order to keep having that. 127 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:39,440 So the equivalent of what I invested into learning to drive, 128 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:43,919 earning the money to save up for a car, getting the money for 129 00:08:43,919 --> 00:08:47,560 gas, getting the money for insurance, making the repairs to 130 00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:50,760 the car, getting to the place that I needed to go. 131 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:55,120 We had cell phones that had like Google Maps on there. 132 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:58,120 We had MapQuest. I had to go somewhere, type in 133 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:02,520 my address, her address, print that off, keep it not get lost, 134 00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:07,040 had no kind of communication between leaving my house and 135 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:09,480 arriving to the destination. And if I needed to call, I would 136 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:11,560 have had to pull over and find a pay phone. 137 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:19,000 That's crazy to think about in hindsight, but that is how much 138 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:25,440 of myself that I put into the pursuit of sex, right? 139 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:31,080 So think about it like there's this Bank of your attention and 140 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:34,680 your awareness, right? I didn't care about, I was going 141 00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:36,280 to graduate high school, that was easy. 142 00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:38,680 I played football, that was easy. 143 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:40,520 I was going to college, so that was easy. 144 00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:45,200 But getting sex, Oh my goodness. There was so much of my 145 00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:49,120 attention, awareness, presence, consciousness that was invested 146 00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:56,360 into the outcome of a sexual experience and the the, the 147 00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:58,840 essence. Excuse me, I want you to think 148 00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:04,360 about grains of sand, right? So at this point, I've put the 149 00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:10,720 grains of sand of my awareness to create the form of what 150 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:17,160 became my girlfriend, right? And pouring into that 151 00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:21,040 relationship, like or pouring into my sexual relationship, 152 00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:24,560 like I'm putting my attention, awareness, life force energy 153 00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:26,880 into that. And you heard me say what all 154 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:28,600 went into that? I had to get the money, get the 155 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:30,800 car. I had the there were so many 156 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:32,840 things that went into that, right? 157 00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:38,200 And that was eight years of my life. 158 00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:42,640 Like that was the extent of which I would be willing to go 159 00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:50,840 in order to get sex. OK, so imagine, you know, if you 160 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:56,240 can every sexual partner that you've had and think about your 161 00:10:56,240 --> 00:11:00,840 life force energy being the equivalent of grains of sand 162 00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:05,280 that makes their form, right? That creates what that person 163 00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:07,680 looks like in the experiences that you have, right? 164 00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:11,560 You're you're pouring your sand into them. 165 00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:20,840 All right, so that was happening for eight years, 7-8 years until 166 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:26,880 I got my herpes diagnosis. So I get my herpes diagnosis and 167 00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:32,800 then it's almost like everything that I poured into them just 168 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:36,520 went away. Like there was going to be no 169 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:45,480 more of my ability to create the form of the sexual experiences 170 00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:49,320 that was gone. The universe took those forms 171 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:55,000 away from me now, because the universe snatched the forms for 172 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:59,680 me and created, you know, this for me. 173 00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:03,520 I created the idea that I would not have access to that again. 174 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:06,160 I would not be able to get the outcomes that I wanted. 175 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:09,880 But we forget about the output, the output being those 176 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:15,080 individual grains of sand that came from us into the form and 177 00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:20,280 the shape that has been taken in our romantic partners or the 178 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:22,800 experiences that we think that we no longer have access to, 179 00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:24,680 right? Because, yeah, I'm talking about 180 00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:29,360 the outcome being sex. But what about the ability to 181 00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:34,080 bring myself to engage with those people that I had sex with 182 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:36,920 and everything that led up to that, right? 183 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:42,680 So we are capable, right? I didn't lose anything when my 184 00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:46,760 herpes diagnosis came. The form and how I perceived 185 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:51,280 what that would look like for myself, all of that went away. 186 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,600 But what happens to the sand, right? 187 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:57,320 Like this is a sandbox. Like our reality is essentially 188 00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:02,280 A sandbox that we, what we give our attention to is what takes 189 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:05,480 form based on the sand that is available. 190 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:09,240 One of the laws of it, there's three laws of thermodynamics. 191 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:13,920 I'm, I'm learning this, I'm in, I'm in a group about quantum 192 00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:16,360 physics, which is exciting. We're at the early stages, but 193 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:20,840 I've already been like pondering on the Internet about how things 194 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,600 work. And there's three laws of 195 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,040 thermodynamics. When it comes to energy. 196 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:32,240 The first law, I believe is the law of that it, whatever it is, 197 00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:35,440 it says that energy cannot be created nor destroyed, but it 198 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:39,120 can be like transferred. And so when I talk about the 199 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:43,880 sand and like the forms of our energy, if we can picture it as 200 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:48,880 grains of sand, like we are so much of that and have the 201 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:54,400 ability to bring it into existence or bring it into 202 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:59,280 reality of what we give our attention to law #2 is that the 203 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:04,280 universe naturally gears toward chaos and disorder. 204 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:10,960 So motion and movement and these that are not stillness is 205 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:14,640 naturally going to occur. So kind of if we want to be 206 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:17,360 still, we have to force ourselves to sit still, right? 207 00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:19,880 But naturally that's just going to be what it is. 208 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:24,160 And then the third law is absolute 0, which essentially is 209 00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:26,520 neutrality. And that's the thing that threw 210 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:28,360 something positive for positive people. 211 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:31,840 Yoga therapy that I try and teach people to do. 212 00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:35,000 I talk about stigma minimization over prevention because that's 213 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,440 like the language that people understand. 214 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:42,320 But when I talk about absolute 0, the idea is to be neutral and 215 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:47,320 remain neutral so that you are operating from a grounded place. 216 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:55,000 To be able to not expend your own sand grains of energy, but 217 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:58,480 to recognize that you are in fact a part of the infiniteness 218 00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:04,760 of the universe and allow for its energy to run through you. 219 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:08,160 Because when we're not at absolute 0 or parasympathetic, I 220 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:11,400 think it's the parasympathetic nervous system being at rest. 221 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:15,200 Then what happens is we generate heat and friction to where we're 222 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:19,240 not at absolute zero. I only like 0° temperature. 223 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:22,160 I mean absolute 0. Like there's no presence of, of 224 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:27,840 external heat, right? So then the it's like the sand 225 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:32,760 can just flow through us and we just decide what it is that we 226 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:35,400 want to take form and we allow for it to take form. 227 00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:41,280 So those three laws of thermodynamics govern the way 228 00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:46,440 that I'm speaking to the sandcastle thing, right? 229 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:55,000 So forcefully, because my body, my nervous system, my mind, my 230 00:15:55,000 --> 00:16:00,120 emotions, these things were never in alignment for those 231 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:02,440 eight years, right? Like how much effort I'm putting 232 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:04,520 into doing all these things, which it's great because I 233 00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:07,280 gained so many skills. I learned how to drive, which 234 00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:10,240 I've been able to drive and do other things, right? 235 00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:13,040 I learned how to get from point A to point BI, learned 236 00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:15,000 communication. I learned to set expectations. 237 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,640 I learned to be on time. All of these wonderful 238 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:23,280 byproducts of my pursuits of sex, and then I get my herpes 239 00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:27,520 diagnosis and it's like I forget about all of those other things. 240 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:32,840 All of those other aspects of myself and the kind of person 241 00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:37,440 that I had to grow into and become and all of the things 242 00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:40,800 that I needed to achieve and that I did achieve, all because 243 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:45,920 I get a herpes diagnosis. Does that sound familiar to you 244 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:49,320 if you're somebody who received the herpes diagnosis and you 245 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:52,080 think to yourself, I'll never have sex again, right. 246 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:55,760 We're focused on that outcome of I'm not going to get that. 247 00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:59,520 But we don't think about the output of what went into it. 248 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:02,600 Like just because we have herpes doesn't mean we are now no 249 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:07,680 longer going to be attractive. Be attracted to someone, 250 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:12,000 initiate a conversation, have some dancer laugh together, get 251 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:16,240 to know each other, maybe ask them out or be asked out. 252 00:17:16,599 --> 00:17:20,240 Go on the date, have the one-on-one time, learn about 253 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,280 each other, get to know each other. 254 00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:24,440 I'm running out of fingers here right? 255 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:30,240 All of these things that we actually have more control over, 256 00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:35,960 which is our output leading to the ideal outcome, right? 257 00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:42,480 We let herpes take away all of those things prior to getting to 258 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:46,600 a place of even needing to talk about having sex. 259 00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:51,400 And that was my experience, right? 260 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:59,480 So I let myself believe that herpes took away all of those 261 00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:03,880 other things leading up to the sexual experience before the 262 00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:07,120 sexual experience had even been talked about it on the table, 263 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:12,160 which prior to my diagnosis, again, I went about sex in a 264 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:15,840 very like back door way. It wasn't something that was 265 00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:18,040 direct. I was very indirect about it, 266 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:20,880 right? Partially because I wasn't 267 00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:23,480 taught how to talk about it or like how to get it. 268 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:27,880 But it was also just like, that was the that was what worked for 269 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:29,640 me. So I continued to just do what 270 00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:32,320 worked and allow what was happening to happen. 271 00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:38,960 And now with this understanding of the way that reality works, 272 00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:47,400 the laws of physics work, I recognize what's happened for me 273 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:50,280 as it relates to this law of compensation. 274 00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:56,240 So there is an entitlement that we have a lot of us may not even 275 00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:58,520 be aware of. So if herpes did in fact take 276 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:02,160 all of those things away from me, then I'm owed something 277 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:07,040 incredible. The value that I placed on my 278 00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:12,040 sexuality was it's very significant. 279 00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:16,440 I, I can't put it into metrics for everybody, but for myself, 280 00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:22,120 like that was who I was, that was my identity very heavily 281 00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:26,080 identified as a partner, a sexual partner, somebody who was 282 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:28,200 good at sex. Like I used to always say this 283 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,400 thing is like, I'm going to be in your top five. 284 00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:34,920 That was that was the attitude that I brought into sex. 285 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:40,200 And after my diagnosis, like I lost that the universe took away 286 00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:44,960 my confidence. It took away my outlet for 287 00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:47,640 pleasure, took away my ability to connect. 288 00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:53,280 It took away my future that I saw of being somebody who was 289 00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:55,840 going to have five kids, get married, have a house in Saint 290 00:19:55,840 --> 00:20:00,320 Louis about crazy, right, Thinking about having five kids 291 00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:03,840 like I, I'm again, I'm, you might heard this before, but I'm 292 00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:07,800 37 right now. When my dad was 37, he had me, 293 00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:12,080 which I was an 1819 year old and my two brothers who were 12 and 294 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:16,520 13, He had a wife in the house and I, I saw the struggles. 295 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:22,120 I can't imagine the life that I live right now having three kids 296 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:25,840 or one kid or a house even, or a wife even. 297 00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:28,560 Right. And you know, there was a point 298 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:31,000 where I did see this for myself and there were points in life 299 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,840 where, you know, you situationally, you're with the 300 00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:37,080 person, with people, you get together and then like you 301 00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:40,720 envision, you know, different outcomes for yourself. 302 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:45,560 But a lot of times we don't focus on the output and going 303 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:47,440 back to that absolute zero thing. 304 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:56,080 That's really what I've learned for myself in order to receive 305 00:20:56,080 --> 00:21:00,720 what I'm owed from the universe. Like you are entitled. 306 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:05,560 Something was taken from you that you had so much value in 307 00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:09,440 that you poured so much of those grains of sand of your energy 308 00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:13,200 into, and it took the form of the outcomes that you wanted. 309 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:16,840 And when you receive your herpes diagnosis, it's almost like they 310 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:19,480 just collapsed. But when it collapses, because 311 00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:22,520 of the first law of thermodynamics, energy cannot be 312 00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:25,280 created or destroyed. It's just moved. 313 00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:30,840 It's your core energy was put into those forms and now it's 314 00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:34,040 collapsed. It's not gone. 315 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:36,080 It's just collapsed. And it's like, well, now what 316 00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:38,840 are you going to pour? Your intention or your attention 317 00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:44,080 and your awareness and your presence into because the 318 00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:48,360 universe owes you new forms of that based on the laws of 319 00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:52,160 thermodynamics, laws of physics. Please, like challenge me. 320 00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,360 Look this up. If you think I'm lying or if I'm 321 00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:57,280 bullshitting you tell me. Tell me I'm wrong. 322 00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,560 Don't nobody tell me I'm wrong. People just believe me. 323 00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:02,960 Somebody told me a long time ago she was like, what do you make a 324 00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:04,800 great cult leader? And I didn't know if that was a 325 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:13,040 compliment or that was like a jab, but I was like, because I 326 00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:17,080 thought about the the TV show the following with Kevin Bacon 327 00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:21,280 and the dude who like legit had a cult and that I, I don't, I 328 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:24,360 don't want to be seen like that. Like if I'm inspirational or 329 00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:28,600 influential, cool, but I don't want to be seen as like somebody 330 00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:30,920 manipulative, taking advantage of people, right? 331 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:34,200 Like I think that that's that's not cool. 332 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:39,480 But anyway, the point of absolute 0, I think that when 333 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:44,080 people say to work on yourself, that's what it means. 334 00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:50,960 And I'll talk about this, the 8 limbs of yoga, which are OK. 335 00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:52,760 I'm trying to remember these off the top of my head. 336 00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:58,520 Essentially what this is, is it's a framework for how to get 337 00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:03,800 your state of being, body, mind, emotion, spirit into that 338 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:08,880 absolute 0 state so that you can in fact like not waste your 339 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:12,440 energy, but to allow yourself to remain in neutral state. 340 00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:15,800 For the body to naturally do what it does. 341 00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,080 For the universe to naturally do what it does. 342 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:22,840 And for your ability to create and have the experiences and 343 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:27,200 autonomy and choice to almost be able to flow through you as you 344 00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:33,040 access or essentially how the universe accesses itself through 345 00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:35,880 you or God or whatever higher power of force that you believe 346 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:41,240 in that we are all connected to. OK, so the creation of like the 347 00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:47,000 essences, the essence of your grains of sand that are your 348 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:50,680 awareness that you put into the form of the outcomes that you 349 00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:52,880 want. Collapsing after the herpes 350 00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:56,440 diagnosis. If we align ourselves according 351 00:23:56,440 --> 00:24:00,440 to the 8 limbs of yoga, which are the yamas and the yamas 352 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:03,920 which are how you engage with the world and how you engage 353 00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:06,720 internally. Panayama, which is control of 354 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:11,080 the breath, Asana, which is alignment of the body. 355 00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:15,000 Like to be able to be comfortable to meditate. 356 00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:20,160 I know there's Bianna Dharma. I don't want to mess him up. 357 00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:27,840 And the meditation part, the sense sensory withdrawal, being 358 00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:31,600 able to pull your awareness away. 359 00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:36,480 So just like how herpes came in and it took away our idea of the 360 00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:40,720 outcomes that we want, right? Being able to take consciously 361 00:24:41,120 --> 00:24:46,760 the awareness that we give to things and be able to retreat 362 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:51,800 into that sandbox, so to speak. So our awareness is not on our 363 00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:54,400 job, on our kids, on our partners, our friends, our 364 00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:55,840 family, our hobbies, our interest. 365 00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:58,280 It's just being pulled away from those things. 366 00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:01,520 It's like we are consciously bringing our awareness, those 367 00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:06,200 grains of sand into the sandbox and then deep focus to where 368 00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:09,680 we're almost constructing. Like I think about a sandcastle, 369 00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:15,400 the deep focus, I forget the word for it, but to be able to 370 00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:19,160 focus on that one thing at a time that you're doing, right? 371 00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:22,040 Like this is 1 of the 8 limbs. Because now what we're able to 372 00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:25,160 do with that focus is we're building whatever it is that we 373 00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:28,600 want, the outcome that we are working toward, we are 374 00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:33,400 consciously putting the energy into creating that thing, right? 375 00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:36,120 And this, again, this is like how we're aligning ourselves. 376 00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:40,840 And then after that, man, what is what comes after the focus, I 377 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:45,280 want to say is somebody, but I got to look it up real quick. 378 00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:49,480 Hold on, hold on. 8 lambs of yoga. 379 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:53,920 Almost had it. Almost had it. 380 00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:58,360 OK, so wait, it was the yama, which is how you behave with the 381 00:25:58,360 --> 00:26:02,160 world, how you behave in yourself, the physical postures, 382 00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:05,120 breath control, taking away the senses, which is pratyahara. 383 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:08,760 And then dharna is concentration, Deanna is 384 00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,280 meditation. So I had it a little bit out of 385 00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:13,440 order. And then samadhi is the final 386 00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:17,920 stage where we have that again, we're aligned right. 387 00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:23,120 So once we're in that neutral state of absolute 0, this is 388 00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:27,320 this is how we achieve that state. 389 00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:30,720 It's not an outcome, it's a state that we have to what will 390 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:34,080 fluctuate back and forth from and we have to align ourselves 391 00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:35,720 with. All right. 392 00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:41,680 So all of that said, as we practice those things, and 393 00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,280 again, this is what I'm, I'm working on this in yoga therapy. 394 00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:46,400 This is why I've been inconsistent with the podcast 395 00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:48,800 episode. I've been learning for the past 396 00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:54,960 year about this like application of yoga therapy to the nervous 397 00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:57,800 system, to our emotions, especially to support people 398 00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:02,000 navigating stigma, because having herpes and navigating 399 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:07,600 stigma myself, yoga was the by far the most useful thing to me. 400 00:27:08,120 --> 00:27:10,960 And if somebody would have came at me and been like, well, have 401 00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:13,480 you tried yoga for that, I'd have been ready to slap the shit 402 00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:16,960 out of them. And mind you, I'm talking about 403 00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:19,960 232324 year old. All right. 404 00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:24,480 I mean, now, now I'm, I'm more curious about it, but at the 405 00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:26,040 time that would have been my response. 406 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:27,880 I would have been like, you fucking kidding me? 407 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:31,320 What do you mean? So I, I, I don't wish this on to 408 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:32,960 people. We have a conversation and if 409 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:36,200 people want to get to this place, let's talk about it. 410 00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:41,680 And I tried my best to put my own experiences out here in 411 00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:46,800 order to be able to get people to see its application in 412 00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:52,280 someone's real experience. I haven't been having, I haven't 413 00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:56,600 had any podcast guests in a minute and I was struggling for 414 00:27:56,600 --> 00:28:00,520 a while to give them. But I think that maybe this is 415 00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:05,440 just my little nudge of I've been working to stay in 416 00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:08,400 alignment, and so much of it is in the Yamas. 417 00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:11,920 And the Yamas, one of the things that comes up is discipline and 418 00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:14,520 energy management. These are the two things that 419 00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:17,280 I've been focused on. I have been withdrawing my 420 00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:21,560 senses from a lot of external things, polyamory being one of 421 00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:24,520 them. I'm not a polyamorous person, am 422 00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:26,720 I not a monogamist? Yeah, I am. 423 00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:30,800 And that's like where I'm at and where I'm, I would say more so 424 00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:34,440 aligns with me where I am right now, but who knows what can 425 00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:38,800 happen over time, how that changes based on, you know, what 426 00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:43,560 aligns and what's supposed to work or happen or be for me and 427 00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:47,280 work through me. And another one of those is like 428 00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:52,240 in reading them, right, non violence, truthfulness, non 429 00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:58,920 stealing, energy management and then non attachment, right? 430 00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:02,720 So these are the ways that we engage with the world, right? 431 00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:08,400 And the application is, I'll do separate episodes in more detail 432 00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:12,920 if this is something that naturally comes up, but without 433 00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:16,200 overwhelming people, I want to make sure that I conclude the 434 00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:20,040 you're entitled to compensation. If you received the herpes 435 00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:22,120 diagnosis and you're still alive, you're entitled to 436 00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:25,200 compensation by the universe. I'm not going to say financial 437 00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:27,480 compensation. I know people who I've gone 438 00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:30,800 through the legal process of suing, trying to sue, and you 439 00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:34,440 know, it's worth hope for some people, actually, and for others 440 00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:36,000 it's just not. It's not worth it. 441 00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:39,960 And it goes back to the amount of energy and awareness and 442 00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:44,040 attention and presence that we give to the form of the thing, 443 00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:46,920 rather than being able to fall back a little bit and just be 444 00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:49,080 like, you know what? I'm going to, I'm going to 445 00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:52,400 detach from those things. I'm going to remove my 446 00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:55,920 awareness, my energy, my presence, my attention from 447 00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:58,600 these things. Let it fall into the sandbox. 448 00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:03,480 And the sandbox is essentially like the quantum field of 449 00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:06,000 infinite energy and intelligence, right? 450 00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:11,400 And what we, when we're like viewing ourselves is broken. 451 00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:14,080 We can't let that energy run through as it gets stuck, it 452 00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:19,440 gets caught, right? And the way that we can view a 453 00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:24,400 herpes diagnosis is as sort of a redirection of where that energy 454 00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:27,120 needs to go. It's really just saying, hey, 455 00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:32,440 your energy and attention is here in this place, which is 456 00:30:32,800 --> 00:30:36,800 scattering into all these other directions, like, let's plug 457 00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:39,600 this leak here. And then it goes and chills. 458 00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:42,040 It sends the message. And then it just chills. 459 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:46,200 And it's like, all right, as long as you get the message, I'm 460 00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:49,600 a chill here, but I'm always going to be here as a reminder. 461 00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:53,320 And that's kind of been what it is for me. 462 00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:57,240 It was a huge redirect for me, and I didn't realize this when I 463 00:30:57,240 --> 00:31:00,760 was practicing yoga, but I just felt better and I didn't have a 464 00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:03,240 lot of outbreaks. I have my first one. 465 00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:06,960 I have one after having a ton of sugar in a short period of time, 466 00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:08,720 and I have one after getting fired from the job. 467 00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:15,040 I had no business at that job. And now because I worked on 468 00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:18,280 alignment, even if it was unconscious, like practicing 469 00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:21,280 yoga and getting all of these things, I remember one day I 470 00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:23,200 just took a class. I was mad. 471 00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:26,440 I had a terrible day at work and I went, I went to the class, 472 00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:28,400 everything. And it was like, I don't need to 473 00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:30,320 be in this class. But I went and I just felt 474 00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:33,520 better. And looking at the 8 limbs of 475 00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:36,680 yoga, like that's what made me feel better. 476 00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:40,640 That's why I felt better. I was out of alignment. 477 00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:44,960 And then I got into alignment and it, it's very like short 478 00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:48,360 term temporary. You get glimpses of peace and 479 00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:51,760 what it looks like to have things just fall into place for 480 00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:57,840 you when you're in that state. But if you're still doing the 481 00:31:57,840 --> 00:32:00,760 thing that got you, that get you out of that state. 482 00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:04,600 Like for me, it was the job, the field and the jobs that I had. 483 00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:08,120 I'm not a person that can go into a place every day, Monday 484 00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:09,960 through Friday from 8:00 to 5:00. 485 00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:16,080 I'm not. And it took for my herpes 486 00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:18,400 diagnosis. And like I said, I got fired 487 00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:21,200 from a job and that triggered an outbreak as I was looking to get 488 00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:24,120 back into the same career field. I went to college for 489 00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:25,920 advertising and public relations. 490 00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:28,960 I minored in creative writing and communication studies. 491 00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:35,120 Double major, double minor, I'm kind of using those things, but 492 00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:42,920 I ain't using that shit podcast, which is technically media, but 493 00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:47,440 my it it's been the yoga, the yoga, learning to teach yoga, 494 00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:50,120 learning to it. It's not even been learning to 495 00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:53,920 teach, but learning to learning. Learning yoga for myself has 496 00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:57,000 made me the kind of person who can now offer the kind of 497 00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:00,440 support that I offered. And stumbling into this like 498 00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:03,720 this is what the universe owed me. 499 00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:10,160 And I, I can say this from a place of mom used to always call 500 00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:14,960 me arrogant and I've been fighting that for years of like, 501 00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:18,400 no, no, I'm not arrogant. And in that, like I've been 502 00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:20,800 overly humble, which is something I know that I've 503 00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:23,840 talked about on past episodes. Like when you podcast for 504 00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:27,400 fucking 8-9 years, you repeat some things. 505 00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:30,240 So if you've been here this whole time, like you're going to 506 00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:32,320 hear some stuff again. But if you're new here, hi, I'm 507 00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:35,480 Courtney, don't listen to old podcast. 508 00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:43,440 And I, I, I think that that arrogance is actually important 509 00:33:43,440 --> 00:33:47,760 here because I am in fact living proof of that. 510 00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:52,560 I'm living proof of the law of compensation in action. 511 00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:55,960 I told y'all what was taken away from me and I told you my 512 00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:58,360 perception of what was taken from me. 513 00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:05,280 And a very important analogy here is giving, right, If you 514 00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:09,239 have a dollar, that dollar might be your last dollar. 515 00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:14,840 The value of that dollar to you can be significantly different 516 00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:17,280 than the value of that dollar to someone else. 517 00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:20,120 So your $1.00 can be $1000 to somebody else. 518 00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:22,239 Oh, here's $1000 and I ain't worried about it. 519 00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:25,199 Whereas it's like, man, isn't my last dollar. 520 00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:31,280 This is all I have here. The value is significantly 521 00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:32,960 different. So the value that I placed on my 522 00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:38,280 sexuality or my ability to get sex was significantly different 523 00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:43,080 than my value of being able to work and, and make money, right? 524 00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:47,560 I place way more value on getting sex versus getting a 525 00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:49,440 job. There's always going to be jobs 526 00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:53,719 out there you can do. Another example of this is I was 527 00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:56,440 giving up something for my Socalpa, which is like my 528 00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:59,840 lifelong intention basically. And when I was thinking about 529 00:34:59,840 --> 00:35:02,760 the thing to give up, it was like, oh, certain foods, 530 00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:06,120 drinking, I'm already not doing that. 531 00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:08,080 Watching porn. I can't tell you the last time I 532 00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:11,560 watched porn, these were the things I was thinking about 533 00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:13,760 giving up. And I thought sex and I didn't 534 00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:16,240 really have a reaction because it would have just been like, 535 00:35:16,240 --> 00:35:18,240 I'm not giving up sex forever. I know that. 536 00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:21,160 But giving it up for a certain amount of time or setting 537 00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:24,280 conditions around it, right? None of that moved me. 538 00:35:24,720 --> 00:35:28,600 But the minute I thought to myself, Instagram, my heart 539 00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:31,280 drop, it didn't now. But the first time I thought 540 00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:33,360 giving up Instagram, my heart drop. 541 00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:35,720 And I was like, oh shit, that's the thing. 542 00:35:37,240 --> 00:35:39,840 That's the thing that I need to give up for my son Cobra. 543 00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:46,600 And the way that I decided to do it was I just removed Instagram 544 00:35:46,720 --> 00:35:48,400 and all social media from my phone. 545 00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:53,680 I have the messaging app just to have for Facebook and WhatsApp, 546 00:35:55,040 --> 00:35:57,560 but everything else is gone off my phone. 547 00:35:58,080 --> 00:36:00,480 So I'm posting significantly less on Instagram. 548 00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:03,040 It makes me way more intentional because I have to come to my 549 00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:08,160 computer now to do it. And I I like that. 550 00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:10,000 I like that adjustment that I made. 551 00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:14,520 So I didn't realize how much of my awareness and attention that 552 00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:20,440 I was giving to social media until I took it away. 553 00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:24,880 And like my phone usage has significant, can't be dropped 554 00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:27,280 even. But I say that to say like the 555 00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:32,760 value of Instagram and social media and I I'll be fully 556 00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:35,040 transparent. Y'all like the outside of, you 557 00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:37,880 know, the something positive, the herpes stuff like Instagram 558 00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:41,040 was a dating app for me. So I guess it was in fact 559 00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:45,480 connected to my ability to get into relationships or have sex. 560 00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:49,560 Like it was in fact a dating app for me in the time that I was on 561 00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:51,320 it as well. Like I meet people who were 562 00:36:51,320 --> 00:36:53,640 like, Hey, I like what you know what your work is. 563 00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:55,320 I like what you do, I like what you're about. 564 00:36:55,320 --> 00:37:02,840 I like you, right? And that's gotten me into some 565 00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:06,320 very healthy and loving relationships and it got me into 566 00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:08,240 what I thought would be my last relationship. 567 00:37:08,240 --> 00:37:11,320 So like I'm not against that. Like, of course, you know, 568 00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:14,720 there's the ethics and the boundaries that you need to have 569 00:37:14,720 --> 00:37:18,320 around that, especially like between the here, I'm supporting 570 00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:21,560 people in these vulnerable populations and, and identities 571 00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:25,400 versus personal use. So I decided to just give up the 572 00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:29,600 personal use of it and just make it about herpes and herpes 573 00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:32,840 stigma. So in me, I'm not letting the 574 00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:36,480 universe take that from me. I'm giving that. 575 00:37:36,720 --> 00:37:39,680 And because I had that intense emotional reaction when I 576 00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:43,480 thought about removing social media from my phone, I know that 577 00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:47,680 that carries significant weight to me, whereas it might not for 578 00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:49,880 somebody else. It would be like if I were 579 00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:54,240 giving up $1000 because that's the value that I place on this 580 00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:59,640 versus if I were to just be like, what if I like, give up, 581 00:38:01,240 --> 00:38:02,640 give up. What else? 582 00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:05,160 Like something I already care about like dating apps Like, oh, 583 00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:09,280 I just won't get on dating apps. That's like a dollar worth of 584 00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:13,800 attention and awareness versus it being $1000 of social media, 585 00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:19,760 Instagram. So now the universe, because I 586 00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:25,520 voluntarily offered up $1000 quality of my awareness, 587 00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:28,200 attention, the grains of sand, right? 588 00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:32,880 I removed it from the form of my dating experiences. 589 00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:38,480 Now the universe owes me something of equal or greater 590 00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:43,080 value, so maybe it'll be something aligned where it's 591 00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:48,640 somebody who does watch anime and enjoys the kind of things 592 00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:51,840 that I like to do. That is more of a fit that is 593 00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:56,920 more compatible than what I've received in the past, right? 594 00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:00,360 So I'm voluntarily offering that up. 595 00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:05,160 Whereas my sexuality was taken from me or I perceived it to 596 00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:08,080 have been taken from me, along with all of those other things 597 00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:11,960 that the grains of sand of my awareness gave form to. 598 00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:15,440 Now it's all back into the sandbox in the sandcastle. 599 00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:22,120 So the involuntary entitlement, like what? 600 00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:26,760 I'm old has been given and now it's just a matter of sustaining 601 00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:30,840 it and sustaining it really just looks like practicing the 8 lens 602 00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:35,200 of yoga and living that shit right? 603 00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:39,680 Like the Yamas and the Yamas I it's 10 adults. 604 00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:41,800 So the yamas are five and then the Yamas are five. 605 00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:46,040 And these are like your own internal observances and your 606 00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:48,760 external ways of engaging with the world. 607 00:39:49,080 --> 00:39:53,320 And I'm, you know, in hindsight, like I'm so grateful for like my 608 00:39:53,720 --> 00:39:56,680 most recent relationship, it ended over a year ago at this 609 00:39:56,680 --> 00:40:00,320 point. And without using this language, 610 00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:03,000 I think that This is why the relationship ended because I 611 00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:05,760 didn't have this, I didn't have this grounded state. 612 00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:09,040 I didn't have this code that I live by. 613 00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:14,080 And I was living in the way that was very like externally driven, 614 00:40:14,440 --> 00:40:19,800 unintentional, no boundaries. So I I can say that now like I'm 615 00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:24,000 I'm very grateful for. What I learned after that 616 00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:27,960 relationship ended because it did teach me this because when 617 00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:29,760 done this was some of the shit she was saying. 618 00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:31,440 She was like, what's your intention? 619 00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:35,560 What are your boundaries right. And I that question didn't make 620 00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:41,920 sense to me in that way. But after a year of shit, and 621 00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:45,000 I'll probably speak about this a little bit more, but after a 622 00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:51,160 year of just like being able to process that internal heat, that 623 00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:56,440 internal friction and recognize like, oh, now that I'm in a much 624 00:40:56,440 --> 00:41:02,200 more grounded state and aligned based on the 8 limbs of yoga, 625 00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:06,760 I've been able to have that clarity that she wanted from me 626 00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:08,880 that I shit didn't have for myself. 627 00:41:08,880 --> 00:41:14,080 So, yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm very grateful for that because it's 628 00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:20,240 those obstacles that become opportunities for us to get to 629 00:41:20,240 --> 00:41:22,360 this place. Like it was an adjustment, just 630 00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:25,000 like my herpes diagnosis was like that breakup was like a 631 00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:30,880 readjustment for me. And so that's, that's, that's a 632 00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:35,600 very critical piece of how we got here and how we got to this 633 00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:41,480 place. So voluntarily now my sun culpa 634 00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:49,320 is to nurture my nature. And part of that was recognizing 635 00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:55,320 that I am a being, that at baseline, I am nurtured, right? 636 00:41:55,320 --> 00:42:00,280 I see myself beyond my physical form, my body, what it does, and 637 00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:02,760 more so about those invisible parts of myself. 638 00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:07,640 Nurturing those, being able to be creative, curious, someone 639 00:42:07,640 --> 00:42:09,840 who values choice, challenge myself. 640 00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:12,920 I value completion, someone who's consistent. 641 00:42:14,960 --> 00:42:17,680 I enjoy connection. I think that's seven, that's 642 00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:20,160 seven series. I forgot what the 81 is. 643 00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:24,120 The 81 is community leader. I think no, it might be 644 00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:27,640 something else. But anyways, that that's, that's 645 00:42:27,640 --> 00:42:34,120 very important to me and being able to live that in a way where 646 00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:38,600 I'm, I'm learning out loud and in me learning out loud. 647 00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:43,800 I believe that this is one of the more honest and accurate 648 00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:47,640 ways of being able to educate or to teach. 649 00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:54,640 So as a yoga instructor and yoga therapist and training, once I 650 00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:57,360 get the yoga therapist stuff done, I got that's going to be 651 00:42:57,360 --> 00:43:00,120 the title that we went with this. 652 00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:05,680 This is where things align. I'm not, I'm teaching herpes 653 00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:12,160 stigma minimization like that's the the work, but the purpose is 654 00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:15,920 getting people to a neutral state, that absolute 0 state, 655 00:43:15,920 --> 00:43:20,200 being able to neutralize our own internalized herpes stigma so we 656 00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:21,840 can go out into the world and do that. 657 00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:26,760 And when we do, that's where we begin to see the world through 658 00:43:26,760 --> 00:43:32,560 this the other side. But you got to know. 659 00:43:32,720 --> 00:43:35,800 You got to know and trust and believe that you are entitled. 660 00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:37,600 I'm so surprised this ain't dried up yet. 661 00:43:37,920 --> 00:43:40,360 Must be the beat in it. Like the beat. 662 00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:42,400 Yep. The beetroot juice. 663 00:43:42,840 --> 00:43:46,000 Man, this ain't going nowhere. And I have to watch this. 664 00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:50,680 Yeah, Get. We're entitled. 665 00:43:51,560 --> 00:43:54,600 Act like it. What do you want now? 666 00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:56,680 And this is one of the questions I ask people on our support 667 00:43:56,680 --> 00:43:59,080 calls and the support groups. Well, what do you want now? 668 00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:04,880 You are entitled. You're entitled to compensation 669 00:44:05,720 --> 00:44:10,560 because of what was taken from you and the laws that govern the 670 00:44:10,560 --> 00:44:12,760 reality that we live in. You owed something. 671 00:44:13,320 --> 00:44:17,640 Now what do you want to be owed? What was the value of your 672 00:44:17,640 --> 00:44:20,680 sexuality previously? Right. 673 00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:25,320 And since that's been quote taken from you, you get you got 674 00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:27,920 options. You get to choose infinitely 675 00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:31,880 something of equal or greater value, and you tell God, you 676 00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:34,680 tell the universe, you tell the divine, you tell source. 677 00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:36,240 Whatever language you use, you tell. 678 00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:40,960 AI want this now, but know that it has to be of equal or greater 679 00:44:40,960 --> 00:44:46,120 value. All right, I got something 680 00:44:46,120 --> 00:44:51,360 positive for positive people. This thing validates all of 681 00:44:51,360 --> 00:44:53,400 those intangible aspects of myself. 682 00:44:53,840 --> 00:44:56,520 I get connection out of this. I get to be curious. 683 00:44:56,520 --> 00:45:01,080 I get to be creative. I get to choose to show up and 684 00:45:01,080 --> 00:45:03,600 do this shit everyday and it's challenging. 685 00:45:03,600 --> 00:45:10,000 I'm very much value challenge. I have a sense of community. 686 00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:17,360 I'm seen as a community leader. I'm demonstrating consistency. 687 00:45:18,720 --> 00:45:20,680 I complete things on a regular basis. 688 00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:23,560 These taxes, y'all bookkeeping for a non profit. 689 00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:31,240 This shit is hard, but it it, it very much is fulfilling and I 690 00:45:31,240 --> 00:45:35,640 would much rather have this trade off of not being able to 691 00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:39,880 just have roundabout indirect relationships and casual sex. 692 00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:44,320 If that's, if that's what I had to give up to get to this place, 693 00:45:44,360 --> 00:45:48,200 I'm fine with it. But we got to get to a place 694 00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:51,800 where we can see, see it for what it is, see what was 695 00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:55,920 actually taken from us and receive it as a gift. 696 00:45:56,000 --> 00:46:01,680 Because now, like, there's a fucking box with a bow on it of 697 00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:05,920 something that you want, that you feel like, oh, because it's 698 00:46:05,920 --> 00:46:09,440 not in the form of what it looked like before. 699 00:46:11,240 --> 00:46:14,640 It's not mine, it's not for me, I don't deserve it or whatever. 700 00:46:14,640 --> 00:46:17,240 Whatever the fuck we think. I'm just try not to curse. 701 00:46:17,760 --> 00:46:19,200 That's going to be in the transcript now. 702 00:46:19,200 --> 00:46:24,200 Dang. But the thing that we get in 703 00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:29,440 return, if that's, if we, we got to choose though, we got to 704 00:46:29,520 --> 00:46:32,480 commit to it. We got to be honest. 705 00:46:32,480 --> 00:46:33,760 We got to be real with ourselves. 706 00:46:33,760 --> 00:46:37,320 If this is what I this is what I'm choosing because we weren't 707 00:46:37,320 --> 00:46:40,520 choosing before. We didn't choose consciously to 708 00:46:40,520 --> 00:46:44,280 trade this, to have this taken from us, right? 709 00:46:44,280 --> 00:46:47,760 It's a trade. So now you know what? 710 00:46:47,760 --> 00:46:50,760 However we viewed ourselves, the identity that we cared about 711 00:46:50,760 --> 00:46:58,880 ourselves pre diagnosis. Now we're entitled to something 712 00:47:00,240 --> 00:47:05,640 that is going to make us that's that's more aligned, let's call 713 00:47:05,640 --> 00:47:10,080 it that, that's more aligned, but we're entitled to that, act 714 00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:13,400 like it. And for so long over the years, 715 00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:14,560 like I've never seen it that way. 716 00:47:14,560 --> 00:47:17,120 I've never like I, Courtney couldn't do this. 717 00:47:17,560 --> 00:47:19,680 Courtney out of alignment couldn't do this. 718 00:47:19,680 --> 00:47:21,720 There have been so many times I've been ready to give this 719 00:47:21,720 --> 00:47:27,360 shit up and somehow, someway there was something that would 720 00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:33,040 happen to just realign my ass back into that zero, the 721 00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:36,600 absolute 0 neutral state. This ain't me. 722 00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:39,240 This is what people mean when they say like God speaks through 723 00:47:39,240 --> 00:47:41,600 them or talks through them or operates through them. 724 00:47:41,600 --> 00:47:44,960 It's those podcast episodes where I'm like, I don't know if 725 00:47:44,960 --> 00:47:46,440 anybody going to really fuck with this. 726 00:47:46,960 --> 00:47:51,080 And then bam, because it's coming from this neutral and 727 00:47:51,080 --> 00:47:57,640 grounded state that is the quantum realm energy of Infinity 728 00:47:57,640 --> 00:48:00,240 working through me. And it's going to connect with 729 00:48:00,240 --> 00:48:01,760 the people that are aligned to it. 730 00:48:04,600 --> 00:48:10,440 And so this isn't real time like me living in this way in real 731 00:48:10,440 --> 00:48:13,920 time, like showing you that, hey, you can do this shit too. 732 00:48:14,720 --> 00:48:20,960 I ain't special. I got herpes just like you and 733 00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:27,040 in aligning my way of being, this is what came out of it. 734 00:48:27,360 --> 00:48:29,680 And there's a constant readjustment, realignment. 735 00:48:30,080 --> 00:48:33,200 I I need these reminders. I have my morning routine, I get 736 00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:39,040 my my hot water drink, I do my workout, do my yoga. 737 00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:42,080 I try to make the first and last 20 minutes of the day my time, 738 00:48:42,080 --> 00:48:51,480 my journal and I not as much as I should do my breath control. 739 00:48:52,720 --> 00:48:57,320 I constantly try and take away my senses away from distractions 740 00:48:58,320 --> 00:49:01,600 while still remaining present. Try and do one thing at a time 741 00:49:02,480 --> 00:49:05,520 and that's really all we can do. We try until we get to a place 742 00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:15,760 where trying becomes effortless. And you're entitled to that. 743 00:49:16,040 --> 00:49:19,920 So if if this is something that interests you and you want 744 00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:23,120 supporting that, like that's what this community is about. 745 00:49:23,120 --> 00:49:27,480 That's what this space is about. And actually, yeah. 746 00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:32,040 June. Oh, I want to say June 17/18/19 747 00:49:32,200 --> 00:49:34,920 or 16/17/18. Damn, where is it at? 748 00:49:34,920 --> 00:49:36,360 Hold on. I got it pulled up here. 749 00:49:37,400 --> 00:49:41,040 OK. June 18th, around lunchtime I am 750 00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:46,320 going to do a presentation on this very thing, the 8 lens of 751 00:49:46,320 --> 00:49:52,200 yoga applied to herpes stigma. If that interests you, then go 752 00:49:52,200 --> 00:49:54,600 to the website, you'll be able to register for it. 753 00:49:56,680 --> 00:49:59,680 Excuse me and I'll be talking about that in a lot more 754 00:49:59,680 --> 00:50:05,040 specific details. But yeah, for those of you that, 755 00:50:05,200 --> 00:50:08,680 you know, this resonates with, tell me like let me know that 756 00:50:08,680 --> 00:50:12,440 this resonates because I at this point, it's like yoga therapy 757 00:50:12,440 --> 00:50:16,520 for herpes is like the thing that we're working towards. 758 00:50:16,520 --> 00:50:20,200 And I'm working towards being able to support people through 759 00:50:20,200 --> 00:50:24,000 the stigma and getting to that ground state of absolute 0 so 760 00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:28,480 that you can receive your compensation, right? 761 00:50:28,480 --> 00:50:32,120 Like prep yourself, get yourself ready for what what's coming to 762 00:50:32,120 --> 00:50:35,800 you, but you got to choose that shit. 763 00:50:35,960 --> 00:50:40,040 And I challenge you to do so. I challenge you to decide for 764 00:50:40,040 --> 00:50:46,400 yourself a OK, this is the value that I place on what was taken 765 00:50:46,400 --> 00:50:47,760 from me. And now that I don't have it 766 00:50:47,760 --> 00:50:53,520 anymore, that space needs to be filled, will be filled with 767 00:50:53,520 --> 00:50:57,720 something of my choosing rather than that space being filled for 768 00:50:57,720 --> 00:51:02,360 you. The same way that herpes, how we 769 00:51:02,360 --> 00:51:05,520 perceive our herpes diagnosis having taken things from us in 770 00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:09,880 the past. All right, so that's all I got 771 00:51:09,880 --> 00:51:11,560 for y'all for this podcast episode. 772 00:51:11,560 --> 00:51:13,960 I think I, I stayed on topic for the most part. 773 00:51:14,720 --> 00:51:19,040 If y'all wondering about that the, the, the STI situation. 774 00:51:19,040 --> 00:51:21,760 It ain't been a week yet. So once my doctor gets back to 775 00:51:21,760 --> 00:51:24,960 me, I'll be able to know and I'll tell you how things went 776 00:51:24,960 --> 00:51:27,240 from there. But I'm in communication with 777 00:51:27,240 --> 00:51:31,600 everybody and I let them know and yeah, we'll, we'll see what 778 00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:35,320 ends up happening. I'm at a friend's house and dog 779 00:51:35,320 --> 00:51:38,560 is just barking. Y'all probably can't hear that 780 00:51:38,560 --> 00:51:44,320 because I got my microphone. But yeah, that really does 781 00:51:44,320 --> 00:51:47,440 conclude this episode of something positive for positive 782 00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:49,240 people. Please like rate, review, share, 783 00:51:49,240 --> 00:51:52,040 subscribe to the podcast. Couple announcements. 784 00:51:52,680 --> 00:51:55,000 I know it's the end of the podcast, but if you don't 785 00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:57,240 subscribe to the newsletter, like please do. 786 00:51:57,240 --> 00:52:03,560 I send 1.5 newsletters average per month and they really have 787 00:52:03,560 --> 00:52:05,760 everything that you need to know. 788 00:52:05,760 --> 00:52:09,880 Like I would talk about what happened last month, what's 789 00:52:09,880 --> 00:52:13,200 happening, there you go reducing noise because the dog barking, 790 00:52:13,360 --> 00:52:16,560 there it is. It talks about what we've done, 791 00:52:16,880 --> 00:52:19,480 it's talked about what we're doing and it's talking about 792 00:52:19,680 --> 00:52:22,920 what's coming up next. So you'll be able to see the 793 00:52:22,920 --> 00:52:26,160 events and people have requested in person stuff, but it's like 794 00:52:26,600 --> 00:52:31,760 I'll get 100 requests to do a thing in a city over the course 795 00:52:31,760 --> 00:52:36,960 of five years and like 6 of the people are still on the 796 00:52:36,960 --> 00:52:41,440 newsletter or subscribe to where I would be able to do the thing 797 00:52:41,440 --> 00:52:45,000 in that place if we were all still in contact. 798 00:52:45,280 --> 00:52:48,760 So don't have any other way to stand in contact with y'all. 799 00:52:49,320 --> 00:52:51,480 So please subscribe to the newsletter. 800 00:52:51,480 --> 00:52:56,040 And as travels are coming up and as interest develops for things, 801 00:52:57,200 --> 00:53:00,960 I'll be able to go to the people who are in this particular city 802 00:53:00,960 --> 00:53:02,920 and say, hey, we're going to do a thing. 803 00:53:02,920 --> 00:53:05,200 Let's organize it. Let's make it happen to where we 804 00:53:05,200 --> 00:53:09,000 can have some aspect of community in person with one 805 00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:10,800 another. I'm big on that. 806 00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:16,120 And I very much enjoy being able to connect with people in person 807 00:53:16,120 --> 00:53:18,200 and have that like feeling of community. 808 00:53:18,200 --> 00:53:23,720 We did it in Brooklyn for the Herpes Stigma Expo a couple of 809 00:53:23,720 --> 00:53:26,120 weeks ago and we had about 30 people show up. 810 00:53:26,120 --> 00:53:28,720 It was awesome. We had a support group, we did 811 00:53:28,720 --> 00:53:33,560 some meditation, we had a dating and disclosure practice 812 00:53:33,560 --> 00:53:38,120 workshop, and then we also show the No Shame in This Game 813 00:53:38,120 --> 00:53:40,240 documentary. And we had Lauren Keene come do 814 00:53:40,240 --> 00:53:44,280 her one woman show on the death of her The One Night Stand 815 00:53:44,800 --> 00:53:47,560 because of her herpes diagnosis, which was really funny. 816 00:53:47,840 --> 00:53:51,160 So I want to be able to do more of that, but I need people, you 817 00:53:51,160 --> 00:53:53,440 know, to show up and I need to know where people are. 818 00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:58,640 And yeah, time wise, another thing that I've been working on 819 00:53:58,640 --> 00:54:03,760 is boundaries around time. Things that have times are going 820 00:54:03,760 --> 00:54:08,960 to be those times. So if you schedule a 30 minutes 821 00:54:08,960 --> 00:54:12,840 of work, all people been getting 2 hours, 90 minutes a hour, I 822 00:54:12,840 --> 00:54:19,320 can't keep doing that. And part of that is my alignment 823 00:54:19,320 --> 00:54:23,400 for my own aliens of yoga, like the the time thing and energy 824 00:54:23,400 --> 00:54:27,200 management. We got to be intentional with 825 00:54:27,200 --> 00:54:30,560 the time that we have together, and 30 minutes is plenty of time 826 00:54:30,560 --> 00:54:34,240 for people to come and get what it is that they need before 827 00:54:34,240 --> 00:54:38,760 being directed to a thing that might be more specific, whether 828 00:54:38,760 --> 00:54:41,080 that be the support group or yoga therapy. 829 00:54:41,440 --> 00:54:44,280 All right. And I'm not responding to 830 00:54:44,280 --> 00:54:47,560 emails. I respond to everybody, but I've 831 00:54:47,560 --> 00:54:53,360 been getting like 80 ish 7080 support call request per month. 832 00:54:53,720 --> 00:54:57,840 Not everybody shows up. So I would say maybe between 65 833 00:54:57,840 --> 00:55:01,840 and 75% of those are real and I do those. 834 00:55:01,840 --> 00:55:05,720 But I get a lot of people that this has been happening lately 835 00:55:05,720 --> 00:55:08,280 with somebody I'll e-mail and they're like, I didn't fill this 836 00:55:08,280 --> 00:55:11,400 out, lose my e-mail. I have a stalker that put my 837 00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:16,360 e-mail in here and I'm like, listen, I, I asked for all of 838 00:55:16,360 --> 00:55:18,440 that. I'm just replying to the e-mail 839 00:55:18,440 --> 00:55:20,040 that I got. But these are typically people 840 00:55:20,040 --> 00:55:24,480 who don't make a donation. So I'm not responding to emails 841 00:55:24,480 --> 00:55:26,040 where people don't make a donation. 842 00:55:26,040 --> 00:55:30,440 All right, That that's really what you know, this comes down 843 00:55:30,440 --> 00:55:34,760 to is like this discerns who's serious and going back to the 844 00:55:34,760 --> 00:55:38,640 whole exchange thing, right? I think that one of the reasons 845 00:55:38,640 --> 00:55:41,520 that something positive for positive people has been stuck 846 00:55:41,840 --> 00:55:45,520 is that there were no mutual investments, right? 847 00:55:45,520 --> 00:55:50,400 Like I let myself be exposed to a lot of taking and now that 848 00:55:50,400 --> 00:55:53,160 ain't the case. So no donation, no e-mail. 849 00:55:53,160 --> 00:55:55,040 All right? I don't. 850 00:55:55,080 --> 00:55:58,640 And I tell you, I don't care how much you donate, but to take the 851 00:55:58,640 --> 00:56:01,560 intentional steps of making a donation ensures that you are 852 00:56:01,560 --> 00:56:04,160 more likely to show up. There are people who made a 853 00:56:04,160 --> 00:56:08,880 donation and then not come to the 'cause I mean, I show up, I, 854 00:56:08,880 --> 00:56:11,720 I give the information and that's really all I can do. 855 00:56:11,840 --> 00:56:16,120 All right, But I'm just sharing this and saying this because I 856 00:56:16,120 --> 00:56:18,160 have some honor boundaries. So I want to hear from y'all 857 00:56:18,160 --> 00:56:20,960 know, five months after you filled out a support call form 858 00:56:21,160 --> 00:56:23,040 and you're like, why you ain't e-mail me back? 859 00:56:24,000 --> 00:56:27,960 No, you fill out the support call form, make a donation and 860 00:56:27,960 --> 00:56:31,160 you will hear from me. Unless your information is wrong 861 00:56:31,160 --> 00:56:33,520 and I have no way of getting in contact with you, which if that 862 00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:36,960 does happen, e-mail me. But I already updated the 863 00:56:36,960 --> 00:56:41,800 website to reflect that, right? So for my medical professionals, 864 00:56:41,800 --> 00:56:44,360 mental health professionals, June 16th and 17th, we have 865 00:56:44,360 --> 00:56:46,600 something for y'all during the lunch hour that you need to 866 00:56:46,600 --> 00:56:50,760 register for. And then August 29th is when 867 00:56:50,760 --> 00:56:54,200 we're looking to have the next something positive for positive 868 00:56:54,200 --> 00:56:56,160 people, Herpes Stigma Expo. And this one will be in 869 00:56:56,160 --> 00:56:59,640 Manhattan in lower Manhattan Chinatown area. 870 00:56:59,920 --> 00:57:01,880 But look out for more details on that. 871 00:57:01,880 --> 00:57:03,560 Subscribe to the newsletter if you are not. 872 00:57:03,880 --> 00:57:06,280 And until next time, stay present. 873 00:57:06,320 --> 00:57:07,880 Y'all Stay present.