1 00:00:02,760 --> 00:00:05,440 Hello, welcome to Something Positive for Positive People. 2 00:00:05,440 --> 00:00:07,800 I'm Courtney Brain. Something positive for positive 3 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:11,760 people is A5O1C3 nonprofit organization supporting people 4 00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:15,040 navigating herpes stigma. We do this in a variety of ways 5 00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:19,640 from support calls to support groups to yoga therapy. 6 00:00:20,080 --> 00:00:23,160 I'm a yoga therapist in training at this time. 7 00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:27,480 I should complete all of my certification requirements in 8 00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:33,720 2026 and that'll be what we do. And another thing we do is we 9 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:37,080 educate medical professionals, mental health professionals, 10 00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:42,840 public health people and as well as educators on herpes stigma 11 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:46,120 and the experiences of people living with herpes. 12 00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:50,840 And more recently, I'm actually getting into public speaking and 13 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:55,720 share my experience with SCIS and just using some real life 14 00:00:55,720 --> 00:01:00,480 examples and experiences to talk about how to navigate sexual 15 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:02,880 health conversations with romantic partners. 16 00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:08,760 Today's episode is going to be just explaining to y'all what 17 00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:11,400 the support groups are and giving you a little bit of 18 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:15,040 what's come out of them so far. So today I'm recording this on 19 00:01:15,320 --> 00:01:19,440 Saturday, November 8th and I've been doing such a good job of 20 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:23,360 not doing anything on the weekends for something positive 21 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:27,120 for positive people. I think my ideal world is I'll 22 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:32,480 work like 12 hours a day Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and 23 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:38,680 then Monday get a late start, Friday having early end and let 24 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:41,720 that be what the schedule is. So if you have not heard from me 25 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:44,440 over weekends, because I'm trying not to reply to stuff 26 00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:48,280 over the weekend and that's a good starting point, but for me 27 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:52,040 to remain consistent with the podcast episodes, that's 28 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:53,240 something that's important to me. 29 00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:56,520 And this weekend, I was supposed to be a Midwest love fest, but I 30 00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:59,360 decided not to go. I was going to go to Houston for 31 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:02,640 Halloween weekend and I had a delay. 32 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:07,280 And it was weird that the delay was about to take off in worse 33 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:11,720 weather than what it was originally. 34 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:16,360 And I I just didn't have a good like feeling about taking that 35 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:18,880 flight. So I went with my gut and 36 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:23,200 decided to cancel that. And now having an understanding 37 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:28,360 that like the government's been shut down and people are still 38 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:33,040 flying despite these whatever the flight air controller, 39 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:37,760 people are not getting paid that, that don't feel good to me 40 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:41,480 like I would, I would not. Feel good about. 41 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:45,160 Working, doing the job, people still patronizing the system 42 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:47,640 that has me under their thumb, that hasn't paid me. 43 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:52,040 And like now additional struggles are happening for me 44 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:59,120 outside of that that are like completely preventable if people 45 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:02,600 just got their checks. So I, I don't want to take part 46 00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:06,360 in that. I decided to just not fly until 47 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:09,200 this is resolved and people are getting paid again. 48 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:14,600 And it sucks because I just got the TSA, the lounge access for 49 00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:18,880 Chase Sapphire and I was really looking forward to that, to 50 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:23,000 being able to use the lounges. And now that I had to cancel my 51 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:27,200 flight to Midwest Lovefest, my flight to home for Thanksgiving 52 00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:30,280 to visit Saint Louis because I, I don't see this man resolved by 53 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:33,440 the end either. So I'm just, I'm just in here, 54 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:36,240 I'm chilling in New York. Fortunately I'm somewhere I want 55 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:40,880 to be. And yeah, this is, this is been 56 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:45,040 'cause now, like I, I can't go see partners that don't live 57 00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:47,320 here. And now when I think about it, 58 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:51,640 like most of my partners don't live here, so this is kind of 59 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:54,560 lighting a little bit of a fire under my ass to get out, be 60 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:57,640 social, meet people, make friends, build community, and 61 00:03:57,640 --> 00:04:00,320 also approach that cute girl that I want to talk to. 62 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:05,160 So there's all these things that are playing a role in me not 63 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:07,920 traveling that can work out for the better as well. 64 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:12,720 So Speaking of the support groups, alright, October was the 65 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:15,640 first month of that. I implemented the Something 66 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:18,360 Positive for Positive People support groups in a different 67 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:22,079 way. Over the years I've attempted to 68 00:04:22,079 --> 00:04:24,280 do these. I've tried to have a mental 69 00:04:24,280 --> 00:04:27,840 health professional host the support groups. 70 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:32,840 I've tried making people sign up for a a series of support 71 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:36,720 sessions. I've tried to keep everything 72 00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:39,760 together. I've tried to make it free and 73 00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:41,760 accessible. Like I've played around with so 74 00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:44,640 many things in order to get people to come show up 75 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:48,040 consistently or even just come get what they need and leave. 76 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:51,280 So what I've done this time is I, I created the screening 77 00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:55,280 process. Now if me and you have a support 78 00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:58,000 call, I've talked to you. I know what you're there for and 79 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:00,200 I know that I will be able to communicate with you. 80 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:03,080 Hey, here's what this is. Here's what it's about. 81 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:06,120 What questions do you have? And answer those rather than 82 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:11,000 just giving a general overview of what the support group is, 83 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:14,200 which is already on the website. But I need to confirm your 84 00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:17,360 understanding of what the support group is and make sure 85 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:18,720 that you're somebody who wants that. 86 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:21,800 Make sure you're someone who wants the community, that you 87 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:25,480 want the camaraderie, and that you are looking for something 88 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:29,120 beyond a place to just be able to come and be heard about your 89 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,640 experiences. While that is part of the 90 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:34,080 healing process, that's not all this is about. 91 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:43,760 And I find that even with the the barriers in place to get 92 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:47,600 people to show up and like make it, you have to make a donation 93 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:50,120 to the support group that you want to attend. 94 00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:56,240 Even that has somehow become like not the best filter for 95 00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:58,560 some people. And I'm gonna say it's for the 96 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:00,800 men. Like I, I, I hate to, you know, 97 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:05,040 throw y'all under the bus, but fuck, like I, I made, I make 98 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:09,160 support groups that are accessible for everybody and 99 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:12,960 nobody comes and then I make them have a couple hoops to jump 100 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:15,760 through. And now, you know, the women are 101 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:19,720 showing up to the women support groups that are making their, 102 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:22,520 they're following the process. They've had their support cause 103 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:24,600 they're making their donations, they're thinking about it or 104 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:27,720 whatever it is they need. And I'll talk about how those 105 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,160 are going. I think I want to talk about 106 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:31,680 those first because there's a lot more there. 107 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,680 And then for the men's group, like we had a strong start with 108 00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:38,760 interest from like 70 people because on the website now you 109 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:40,760 can just sign up if you're interested and you'll get 110 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:44,800 updates on the newsletter. I'm doing Mondays first and 111 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:48,280 third Mondays are for women, 2nd and 4th Mondays are for the men, 112 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:50,560 all starting at 7:30 PM Eastern Time. 113 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:54,720 And we go as long as we need to. And right now it's looking like 114 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:57,880 about 8 to 12 people. So that puts us in about 90 115 00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:00,880 minutes. If it gets to more than 1620, I 116 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:02,440 think that these will be to our groups. 117 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:05,200 And if we go beyond that, then we'll figure something out. 118 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:09,560 But yeah, I'm not wanting to prepare for what might not ever 119 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:11,880 happen. So I'm building this out as I 120 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:15,040 go. For the men. 121 00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:18,800 Yeah. Like now that I'm naming a men's 122 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:26,200 group, the men are more interested and just they showed 123 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:29,840 up for the first one and then we not had two since then and ain't 124 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:33,080 nobody came. So for the first one and nobody 125 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:36,000 came to, which was a it was 2 weeks ago. 126 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:44,000 That one was the last one in October and people signed up and 127 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,920 then just didn't show. I had one guy show up and that 128 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:48,440 was my friend. So we just shot this shit for 129 00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:51,400 about 20 minutes to see if anybody else will come and 130 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:54,800 nobody showed up and people did register for this one. 131 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:58,480 The one after that, I had a conversation and I take 132 00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:02,840 responsibility on my end for maybe not being so clear, but I 133 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:06,880 can't, I can't keep being super duper flexible with the 134 00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:09,200 boundaries. The process is you donate to the 135 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:11,480 support group that you want to be part of. 136 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:13,960 I even tell people I don't care what you donate. 137 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:18,680 This is what gets you in the on the e-mail list that I pull 138 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:21,000 from. I have a a lot of things that I 139 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:24,960 am managing with the something positive for positive people 140 00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:29,600 platform as a whole. And I'll have a part time job 141 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:32,159 outside of this. And there's a lot I'm not going 142 00:08:32,159 --> 00:08:34,480 to go into, you know, every individual thing that I got 143 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:36,600 going on. But these systems that are in 144 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,280 place, they're in place for a reason. 145 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:41,679 And I need the people who want to be a part of this to respect 146 00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:44,840 that process. And even with the one-on-one 147 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:48,960 support, cause like I've had people fill out the form and 148 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:52,520 I'll reach out to them and an e-mail will have a typo in it. 149 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:54,160 So I'll call. This is why I ask for phone 150 00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:56,360 numbers. I'll text or call, hey, I'll 151 00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:58,440 start your form. This is Courtney from Something 152 00:08:58,440 --> 00:08:59,880 Positive. And they're like, what's that? 153 00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:02,400 And I'm like, oh, here we go. So I tell them what it is and 154 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,040 they're like, Oh my God, ha ha, ha. 155 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:06,160 I didn't sign that. I didn't sign up for this. 156 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:10,040 And it's like, dude, and I've had people like snap on me and 157 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:12,040 be like, how did you get my information? 158 00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:15,200 It's like literally you filled out the form or maybe somebody 159 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:18,240 did it for you. I, I don't know, but I'm doing 160 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:21,000 my part in following up seeing if you want to call. 161 00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:26,320 That's it. So this, this, the processes 162 00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:29,600 that are in place make it easier for me to just navigate this 163 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:32,600 without burning out. I'm not saying I'm feeling like 164 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:35,760 I'm burning out by any means. And if I, I got more energy 165 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:38,720 because these processes are in place now I got more energy 166 00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:42,520 because more people are showing up to the support groups for the 167 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:45,520 very things that, you know, I would normally maybe post about 168 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:48,480 on social media and maybe get some engagement about. 169 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:53,760 And that's another thing I've definitely pulled away from 170 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:57,880 social media as much as I used to, compared to how I used to 171 00:09:57,880 --> 00:10:01,200 post and how much I used to be active and got involved on there 172 00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:05,720 because now the website is much more functional. 173 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:08,480 There were some changes that we made and not just I just 174 00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:13,040 invested in making the website a lot more functional and making 175 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:17,200 it a lot easier for people to navigate the website to find 176 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,560 what it is that they need. So all of that said, like I 177 00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:23,320 need, I need people to please just respect the process. 178 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:27,680 Sign up for the support call. It's donation optional, right? 179 00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:30,560 So you donate whatever it is, it makes you feel uncomfortable 180 00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:33,960 about missing the call. And even then, people still miss 181 00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:36,280 the calls. Like when, when this happens, 182 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:39,520 I'm not going to mess things up for Courtney. 183 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:41,920 I'm not going to mess things up for something positive for 184 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:43,400 positive people. I'm not going to mess things up 185 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:46,280 for other people that have been wanting a call. 186 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:50,720 I think the most calls I've had in a day has been 7 and then 187 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:53,800 like consistently there's been like 3. 188 00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:57,560 And I'm, I'm, I'm leaning away from doing weekends. 189 00:10:57,720 --> 00:11:02,600 I'm, I'm leaning away from that. And I don't know exactly how I'm 190 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,520 going to, you know, figure that out. 191 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:07,600 But right now it's very open-ended and flexible to work 192 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:11,720 around other people's schedules, which I'm, I'm so flexible for. 193 00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:14,880 But I I'm going to at some point. 194 00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:16,960 Need to be like, hey listen. Here's your windows. 195 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:19,840 But I don't want to give too many instructions and be too 196 00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:22,120 rigid because I recognize it. You know? 197 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:26,160 Things do need to be flexible, especially for other people. 198 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:30,120 So with that all said, like let's let's stop that there. 199 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:35,000 Like all right, that's my gripes and disgruntledness. 200 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:38,360 Men, if y'all come into the groups, there's a process. 201 00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:41,560 Sign up for support call, make your donation to the men's 202 00:11:41,560 --> 00:11:43,600 support group and then you have to put it in your calendar the 203 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:47,800 2nd and 4th Monday, 7:30 PM Eastern Time virtual. 204 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:52,360 If you make your donation, I'll see the date that you made the 205 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:54,200 donation. I'll see your e-mail address and 206 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:58,560 it tells me what support group to add you to and it tells me 207 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,280 and it tells me who to send the e-mail to. 208 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:05,280 That's it. All right, from the women's 209 00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:15,680 support groups. I enjoy how I enjoy the 210 00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:19,320 transparency. I enjoy the openness and how it 211 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:21,600 one of the things that stood out to me was I asked people to 212 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:24,880 introduce themselves just your name, where you're located and 213 00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:27,200 what you like. What, what, what do you hope to 214 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:31,000 get out of today? And the first time I asked this, 215 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:34,600 it seemed like nobody heard that everybody gave their name. 216 00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:37,600 And then they were like, I'm here. 217 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:41,760 I was diagnosed this long ago. And I'm like that that wasn't a 218 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:43,440 question. And so I let it ride. 219 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:46,120 And at the end I was just like, hey, so ain't nobody answered 220 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:49,200 the question. Everybody, like I know that this 221 00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:53,080 is a herpes support group, but part of what this healing 222 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:57,400 process from stigma looks like is seeing yourself behind your 223 00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:01,240 herpes status, seeing yourself as a person first, like you're a 224 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:04,320 person, you have a location that you are in. 225 00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:06,960 You're maybe looking forward to something, excited about 226 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,600 something. If you're in this support group, 227 00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:11,440 yeah, you're looking to get something out of it. 228 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:15,280 But that, that, that it was an interesting observation that 229 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:21,360 everybody either responded to the first person who said that 230 00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:24,640 and that changed everything or everybody was just so locked 231 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:28,080 into the, the herpes stigma part of it. 232 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:32,880 But after, you know, kind of addressing that, some of the 233 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:37,720 things that we did was we went into just sort of setting the, 234 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:40,720 the foundation. I recognize that I'm a man and 235 00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:43,160 I'm facilitating A herpes support group for women. 236 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:46,040 And that's actually been something that has been 237 00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:49,040 expressed to me privately as appreciated, which is that's 238 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:50,040 cool. I like that. 239 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:55,560 And something that I recognize too, is that all my support 240 00:13:55,560 --> 00:14:00,280 groups have been women support groups except for, you know, 241 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:06,280 the, I did a, a thing where I had men come and just like talk 242 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,720 about their experience so I could find out what it is that 243 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:12,040 we need collectively. Because while I am a man, my 244 00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:15,800 experience is significantly different than a lot of the men 245 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:19,720 that I talked to about herpes or who do have herpes because I'm 246 00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:22,120 hoping about it. And there's what, three of us, I 247 00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:26,080 believe there's Chris Pickering and there was Adriel Dale. 248 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:28,480 I don't think he's very active anymore. 249 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:31,440 And then there's Rich Mancuso, who I don't know if you know the 250 00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:35,720 algorithms just like shadow band him or what? 251 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:37,880 But I haven't seen anything from him lately either. 252 00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:40,880 The only person I've seen consistently that's a man is 253 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,520 Chris Pickering. Shout out to him as well. 254 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:49,400 And yeah, they, the women have appreciated that. 255 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:54,800 And what's come up is we talk about disclosing. 256 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:59,800 Now I, I will continue to use the language of disclosing 257 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:04,720 initially for the sake of this being language that everybody 258 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,480 has access to and this is what people know. 259 00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:11,960 But I really am working to get people out of using that word 260 00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:15,000 disclose 'cause we ain't signing legal documents. 261 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:19,720 We're not, it's not, it's nothing like that. 262 00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:26,640 We're having a discussion, and as we talked through disclosing 263 00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:30,680 our herpes status, what we see is that this really is more than 264 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:34,160 a herpes conversation. It's a conversation about sexual 265 00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:36,800 health, and it's not a conversation of exclusively 266 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:41,480 about your sexual health. Is this thing still on? 267 00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:43,560 OK, I got to make sure this mic was on, this new. 268 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:46,480 I got these new microphones because I lost my other ones and 269 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:48,200 I didn't see that the light was on. 270 00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:54,160 We're not just confessing that we have herpes to somebody. 271 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:58,200 We are discussing sexual health with somebody. 272 00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:03,120 And that can be as simple as, hey, so we, we getting to a 273 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:07,280 point where I see things moving forward, you know, sexually and 274 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:10,280 I take myself, my sexual health very seriously, especially 275 00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:12,640 before, you know, I start to have too much fun with somebody. 276 00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:16,440 So I want to add, just share that I got tested for these 277 00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:20,440 things this long ago and this was what the results are. 278 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,720 What about you? What about you? 279 00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:28,120 That's it, right? And you, you, you see that so 280 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:31,360 quickly. People are ready to start 281 00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:35,440 explaining or justifying what we want to share stats or we want 282 00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:39,680 to explain how we got it so that they don't think about you just 283 00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:41,720 as whatever you think they might think. 284 00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:43,960 About a hurt. Person with herpes and the 285 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:48,040 reality is everybody does have a sexual health status and it's 286 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,080 just a matter of do you know what that is? 287 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:53,520 And then you communicate that and let them ask questions. 288 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:57,120 You want to be prepared with all this information when you might 289 00:16:57,120 --> 00:17:01,360 not even need to, you might be ready to know the to share the 290 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:06,640 transmission rates and with the medications and barrier uses and 291 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:09,119 all these preventive preventive measures. 292 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:15,079 And the reality is that we don't want to just overload a personal 293 00:17:15,079 --> 00:17:16,480 information. We want to give them what they 294 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:19,599 need to know, which is that, you know, we have herpes and they 295 00:17:19,599 --> 00:17:24,079 might possibly be exposed to it. And at that point you're giving 296 00:17:24,079 --> 00:17:28,240 them a choice. When I talk about the power of 297 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:31,040 choice, right? Like a lot of us, we got herpes 298 00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:34,600 and we don't know who gave it to us, or maybe we weren't given 299 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:38,840 that option of being able to consent to exposure. 300 00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:43,760 But the idea is that while our power may have been taken away 301 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:47,560 from us, our power of choice, the way that we get that power 302 00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:52,040 back is by continuing to give people the option. 303 00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:56,040 When you give other people the option to make a choice, they 304 00:17:56,040 --> 00:18:01,440 now have the ability to choose, whereas if you hadn't done that, 305 00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:03,480 they wouldn't have had the ability to choose. 306 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:07,960 So we reclaim our power by allowing for other people to 307 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:12,640 have the power of choice. And that also empowers us 308 00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:16,200 because now we choose who we wanted to share this information 309 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:19,160 with, right? And so this is something that 310 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:22,440 has come up not just in the support groups, but also in yoga 311 00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:26,880 therapy conversations that I've had with clients. 312 00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:29,360 You know, initially, like everybody comes in for herpes, 313 00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:33,920 but then eventually we get to write like we'll get into 314 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:37,360 something about relationships. We'll start talking about sex, 315 00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:40,800 We'll start talking about even relationships with family and 316 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:43,160 friends. And, you know, it get to a point 317 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:46,640 where I'm like, I need to do a little bit more reading because, 318 00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:49,440 and I'm glad I'm still in yoga therapy training because it's 319 00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:51,960 not like I'm just giving all the tools. 320 00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:54,480 And now I got to like orchestrate them. 321 00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:57,560 I'm still learning. And so I'll be in a class and 322 00:18:57,560 --> 00:19:00,360 I'm like, oh, this applies. Let me ask about this. 323 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,560 So I'm able to bring that into my yoga therapy sessions as 324 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:06,600 well, which has been super helpful for me. 325 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:11,000 Another thing that we talked about in the women's support 326 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:19,400 groups was they wanted to hear from someone who had had success 327 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:23,320 disclosing their status. And so I reached out to 328 00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:26,400 somebody, a friend of mine, like a real good friend of mine. 329 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:32,720 We met in 2020 and shortly after she had gotten her diagnosis, 330 00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:34,800 she found me and we have become friends. 331 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:39,040 She's from Saint Louis as well. And she eventually ended up 332 00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:42,960 disclosing to her now partner of four years. 333 00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:46,040 And so I reached out to, I was like, hey, would you be willing 334 00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:48,120 to? And she was like, yes. 335 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:51,920 And she showed up like this was at the request of one of the 336 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:55,200 group members who just so happened to not show up to this 337 00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:58,400 meeting after making the request for it. 338 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:03,040 But yeah, I brought her in and the ladies had access to her for 339 00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:06,040 about 30-40 minutes of the support group to be able to ask 340 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:09,680 questions and hear about her experience and to to have these 341 00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:12,040 questions answered that they had. 342 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:16,080 One of the big things that there were like 3 big takeaways if I 343 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:19,480 can remember, I know 1 was defining what a successful 344 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:23,920 disclosure is. A successful disclosure is not 345 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:26,800 one that ends in a sexual relationship. 346 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:30,440 It doesn't end in having sex. It doesn't end with the other 347 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:34,480 person saying that they're OK with you having herpes. 348 00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:39,240 The success is more internally motivated. 349 00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:44,720 It is a successful disclosure because you made the decision to 350 00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:48,160 be vulnerable and extend that piece of information about 351 00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:52,680 yourself to someone You found someone who you deemed to be 352 00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:55,880 someone worth giving that information to. 353 00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,760 That's what makes a disclosure successful. 354 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,760 And so you, you got to see the wheels turning for a lot of the 355 00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:05,640 ladies who were there and they were like, okay. 356 00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:08,720 And then you know that this was some of the feedback that we had 357 00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:13,400 talked about too at the end about how much of A perspective 358 00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:16,320 shift that was for some, for some of the ladies. 359 00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:19,360 Another thing was sharing statistics. 360 00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:22,440 So we'd be so ready to share statistics in order to increase 361 00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:26,840 our chances of not being told no or rejected. 362 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:32,480 And what our guest said was I, I don't do that because I don't 363 00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:34,960 want to be reduced to a statistic. 364 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:43,960 If the, the, if the your choice comes down to the risk factor or 365 00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:47,880 a number on a sheet of paper, then that's not the kind of 366 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:49,480 relationship that I want to have. 367 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:53,840 And I, I commended the hell out of her for that one because I 368 00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:57,000 don't talk about statistics. I don't talk about transmission 369 00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:00,320 rates. I just need to know that you 370 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:04,680 like me or want to have sex with me more than you do not want to 371 00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:07,440 get herpes. That's all I need to know. 372 00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:14,080 And I mean, that's really what it comes down to because any of 373 00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:16,480 the information that's out there, someone's asking for 374 00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:20,400 statistics, the main thing that they want to know is how do I 375 00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:22,720 prevent myself from getting herpes? 376 00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:25,040 That's really what this comes down to. 377 00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:27,960 People want to know what can I do to prevent myself from 378 00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:30,960 getting herpes? And the word prevention does not 379 00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:33,760 apply here. We're minimizing the 380 00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:36,120 possibility. We're minimizing the risk by 381 00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:39,600 communicating, you know, and some people choose to wear 382 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:42,160 condoms, some people don't wear condoms. 383 00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:45,200 Some people, and these are things that, you know, partners 384 00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:48,760 can mutually agree on and still not pass it on. 385 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:51,360 You can be with somebody with herpes and not get herpes. 386 00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:55,560 And that's a statistic that if there was one at all that was 387 00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:58,520 highlighted and supported, we have that on something positive 388 00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:02,240 for positive people. I think it was 72% of people who 389 00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:06,080 said that they've not passed herpes on to a partner, at least 390 00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:10,080 to their knowledge. So that's something that I think 391 00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:15,040 really needs to be studied more. But yeah, I had to be reduced 392 00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:18,880 down to a statistic. That's not something that we 393 00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:22,280 should be striving for. So, yeah, if you, if it helps 394 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:24,520 you to have that information, All right, cool habit. 395 00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:28,000 But if you. I don't want to keep giving all 396 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:29,680 this shit away, I come to a support group. 397 00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:34,600 Yeah, come to a support group. But yeah, this is how they go. 398 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:38,760 Like I, we, we come in and I like to ask people, what do you 399 00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:43,040 need today? Not only that, but it, it's just 400 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:46,080 what do you want to get out of today's support group? 401 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:49,440 And then what do you have to give to today's support group? 402 00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:51,920 Because sometimes you might just want to listen to it. 403 00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:53,640 You might be having a rough time. 404 00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:58,600 You could have not had a conversation go well with the 405 00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:01,480 potential partner. But it is, it's a discussion, 406 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:03,400 not a disclosure. It's a conversation. 407 00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:06,920 It's not a confession. Like let these things replay in 408 00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:14,560 your mind because this this is not nearly as. 409 00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:20,080 Negatively impactful is what we think and that I'm using 410 00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:23,440 negative incorrectly. When I speak about the word 411 00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:25,400 negative, I mean infinite potential. 412 00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:28,480 When I talk about positive, I mean presence. 413 00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:31,760 I'm just by the one of the definitions of Google, like 414 00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:35,560 positive means presence, negative means absence is simple 415 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:39,200 as that. And with the absence, right, 416 00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:42,800 there's the possibility of potential and Speaking of 417 00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:47,160 potential, So I was going to talk about this today about the 418 00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:49,640 raw, the raw material of potential. 419 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:52,520 I ended up making that a self podcast episode because it felt 420 00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:55,720 too like spiritual. But I think that I should go and 421 00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:58,960 talk about the raw material that makes up a rejection, that makes 422 00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:04,200 up the that that fear, that fear of being rejected. 423 00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:17,200 And yeah, speak more to that, but this, the support groups, I 424 00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:22,920 can't give you one-on-one what is to be received from the 425 00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:26,320 support groups. I can't give you community. 426 00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,840 I can tell you it's out there. I can tell you it exists. 427 00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:35,240 But I mean, I'm, I'm really just facilitating this space and I 428 00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:37,960 might, you know, answer a question or ask a question, but 429 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:42,080 I'm, I'm giving people what they ask for in these settings and 430 00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:45,080 environments. And you know, what you put into 431 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:49,240 a thing, that thing takes form, like what you pour into, you 432 00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:52,240 know, if you're pouring you, you, you want to get something 433 00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:54,520 out of this, but there's always an exchange, there's always a 434 00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:57,200 trade off. Your money, your energy, your 435 00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:01,640 time, your awareness, right? Whatever it is that you give to 436 00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:08,000 this platform is going to help mold what it is that you are 437 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:11,680 able to become in terms of your identity in order to be able to, 438 00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:16,120 you know, let go of that. And as you begin to change and 439 00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:21,240 and evolve and grow, what happens is you let go of that 440 00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:24,560 fear, that intense emotion that you maybe have here because a 441 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:26,160 lot of people come here because they're scared. 442 00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:29,880 A lot of people get scared shitless and they think they're 443 00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:31,880 going to be alone forever. And then you have those 444 00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:34,920 feelings, those intense emotions that are fear based. 445 00:26:35,120 --> 00:26:37,280 You're scared of rejection. You're scared you're never going 446 00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:40,120 to have a relationship, scared you might not have kids, you're 447 00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:43,160 scared that you're so young that it's going to mess up dating for 448 00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:45,600 you and you have to date somebody that's old and already 449 00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:49,560 has herpes, right? Like all of these fear and shame 450 00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:56,520 based beliefs are the raw material of what it is that we 451 00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:59,240 believe to be true about ourselves now that we have 452 00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:01,480 herpes. And as soon as you come into 453 00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:03,800 these spaces and you hear from other people, you get a little 454 00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:08,920 hope and inspiration, you start to release the container of what 455 00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:12,520 that raw material is that makes up the label of rejection or 456 00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:16,400 fear or shame or what your life has to look like now. 457 00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:20,400 And that identity can be released so that the energy of 458 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:24,600 all that accumulated raw material can now take form into 459 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:28,880 something that is more aligned. Because as you get hope and as 460 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:32,600 you show up and as you repeat that pattern of behavior of 461 00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:36,360 consistently being here, you demonstrating to yourself like, 462 00:27:36,360 --> 00:27:40,960 hey, this is who I am now. This is what my nervous system, 463 00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:45,320 my body, my mind, my emotions, my spirit, this is what aligns 464 00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:50,360 for them. And therefore what you have to 465 00:27:50,360 --> 00:27:55,520 give begins to accumulate and take form, perhaps in the form 466 00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:57,200 of healing. Maybe in the? 467 00:27:57,200 --> 00:28:01,200 Form of a partner, maybe in the form of situations where you got 468 00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:05,560 people coming at you who out the woodworks, right? 469 00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:08,840 Just wanting to be in a relationship with you on the 470 00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:14,080 date you want to take you out. I believe in shit because I'm 471 00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:17,880 living it and I'm being a lot more conscious and mindful of it 472 00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:24,240 now to examine with a lot more intentionality what it is and 473 00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:27,480 I'm letting go of what it is I'm attaching to. 474 00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:32,640 Because you can unconsciously be attaching to the raw materials 475 00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:39,080 that make up your surrounding environment and form an identity 476 00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:43,360 around that, but you can always consciously let go. 477 00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:45,840 I'm I'm ready for the time where I unconsciously let go. 478 00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:49,040 I think that's happening in my dreams now because things 479 00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:51,960 happening in my dreams, I wake up and I'm like, what was that? 480 00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:57,120 But that's my own thing. Keeping this tied to the support 481 00:28:57,120 --> 00:29:00,240 group, right? Like I think that we coming 482 00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:06,800 together, we cumulatively invest our money, our energy, our time 483 00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:14,600 and our attention awareness into healing and that mutual 484 00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:16,920 investment. Napoleon Hill talks about this 485 00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:20,120 in how within the devil how 2 minds are greater than one and 486 00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:25,200 there's a statement in the Bible that's like should any minds two 487 00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:28,520 or more come together and gather in my name, then whatever it is 488 00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:30,960 that ask for will be given. You show up in these 489 00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:32,520 communities. I'm not going to say you going 490 00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:36,160 to like meet Prince Charming or Princess Charming and you know 491 00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:40,280 you're going to walk out of here and go outside and somebody's 492 00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:42,440 tired going to be pop and it's going to be like somebody 493 00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:45,840 attractive that you can help and you you have a love story. 494 00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:49,520 I'm not saying that. I'm saying that you may feel a 495 00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:53,360 little bit more inspired for that to happen. 496 00:29:55,400 --> 00:30:01,080 You might be a little bit more capable of removing that, again, 497 00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:04,840 that raw material from the labels that we now subscribe to 498 00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:09,440 because of our diagnosis. And to do that with other 499 00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:16,000 people, to see it done, to have them see it done by you, I think 500 00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:18,320 that expedites the process. That's why I always say 501 00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:25,480 community is a cure for stigma. Herpes stigma is a byproduct of 502 00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:28,600 the stigma that people in general that society has about 503 00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:32,280 sex, everybody having it, but don't nobody want to talk about 504 00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:34,280 it. Don't nobody know how to 505 00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:39,560 communicate about it. How strange is it that you want 506 00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:41,680 to talk about your health when it comes to something that's 507 00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:44,040 supposed to feel good? You know what else feel good? 508 00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:48,600 Adrenaline, jumping out of a plane for some people, 509 00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:55,200 skydiving, mountain biking down a steep hill, almost dying, 510 00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:59,520 right. And those are pleasurable things 511 00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:02,120 for people. Sex is a pleasurable thing for 512 00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:03,600 people. So we should be able to talk 513 00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:10,000 about what what we need in order to have positive health outcomes 514 00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:15,120 or set ourselves up to have as positive of a health outcome as 515 00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:19,600 possible. So yeah, I think that that's 516 00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:21,160 what people are getting out of it. 517 00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:24,080 I had a couple of people write to me, especially after that 518 00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:26,920 last support group unexpectedly. I didn't ask for anything. 519 00:31:26,920 --> 00:31:29,960 So I was very blessed to be able to read that. 520 00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:34,960 But yeah, I feel like I'm locked in. 521 00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:39,360 I'm aligned to giving people what they asking for. 522 00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:42,880 The yoga therapy clients, things are going great there. 523 00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:48,120 I got, I got people who doing what I'm asking them to do and 524 00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:51,240 I'll be able to put together some case studies about their 525 00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:56,240 progression and like how useful things have been or have not 526 00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:57,800 been even. Like I ain't got no problem 527 00:31:57,800 --> 00:32:00,440 being transparent. I know it's people that, you 528 00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:04,080 know, we, we might talk just because they like talking and 529 00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:07,120 who have no intention. They might have no intention of, 530 00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:10,760 of, of doing what I'm asking them to do when we get off these 531 00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:14,440 calls in between. But yeah, I find that that 532 00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:18,120 community support is the kind of support that I wish that I had 533 00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:20,680 when I was diagnosed. So I believe that people are 534 00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:24,640 getting through this a lot quicker and easier than they 535 00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:28,360 would if this resource wasn't available to them. 536 00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:31,840 And there's still support groups, there's still people 537 00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:40,480 living with herpes who are facilitating and organizing the 538 00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:45,160 spaces for people to just convene. 539 00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:54,280 And those, those are good for where a person might be at that 540 00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:56,920 time. But I, I know that this one is 541 00:32:56,920 --> 00:33:01,120 different in the sense of one, there's a bigger cause behind 542 00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:04,480 this, right? While I'm not in politics, I'm 543 00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:08,320 damn sure in the medical field, I'm at these conferences like 544 00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:14,240 I'm invested in this and this year I have not been able to pay 545 00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:17,000 myself this year. And I'm not, I'm not saying that 546 00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:19,200 to complain. I'm saying that to speak to how 547 00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:22,680 invested I am. I'm very fortunate to have been 548 00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:25,920 able to, you know, have my insurance money from when I lost 549 00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:29,480 my home in the tornado. I'm very fortunate to have a 550 00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:33,160 part time job where I get paid very well for working like 2 to 551 00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:37,240 three days a month and I'm able to support myself off of that 552 00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:40,680 because a lot of the shit that I do has not been paid. 553 00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:42,840 And I've been throwing some opportunities too for public 554 00:33:42,840 --> 00:33:46,280 speaking and that's been a new Ave. as well. 555 00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:48,760 So the money that comes in really been going to me 556 00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:51,920 traveling to these things and being able to do a lot of the 557 00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:53,520 free things that I've been able to do. 558 00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:57,200 And then I, I love the book Outwitting the Devil by Napoleon 559 00:33:57,200 --> 00:34:01,080 Hill, because in the book, another thing he talks about is 560 00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:06,080 one of the laws of the universe. It's a lot of compensation, 561 00:34:06,080 --> 00:34:09,120 right? So he says be ready to give, 562 00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:15,280 render a service before getting anything in return. 563 00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:20,840 And I think that over the last eight years, there's been a lot 564 00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:24,840 of I used to make an identity around giving away free shit. 565 00:34:25,679 --> 00:34:27,159 I really was. I really had an. 566 00:34:27,159 --> 00:34:31,280 Identity around that. And it took me until this year, 567 00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:35,040 it took me until this year to come out with the clarity of 568 00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:41,480 people don't value that. People just don't value free 569 00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:47,159 shit. And yeah, like this last 60 570 00:34:47,159 --> 00:34:51,440 days, the last 30 to 60 days, you know, people have been 571 00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:53,679 registering for support calls. They've been showing up to the 572 00:34:53,679 --> 00:34:55,639 support calls. People can come into the support 573 00:34:55,639 --> 00:35:02,600 groups and yeah, like all that shit that I've been trying to do 574 00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:06,920 before, I think maybe I was just doing too much and not giving 575 00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:10,800 people the opportunity to decide for themselves how much value a 576 00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:12,640 thing has. Because I'm inherently telling 577 00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:14,240 y'all, hey, this ain't got no value. 578 00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:16,600 I'm showing up. I'm doing this thing. 579 00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:19,920 And if you want to give, you can. 580 00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:21,320 But if you don't, you don't have to. 581 00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:25,400 So now, I mean, there's recommended amounts, but it's 582 00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:28,720 like if you, if you want something like, come on, you got 583 00:35:28,720 --> 00:35:30,720 to donate. And there's still people who 584 00:35:30,720 --> 00:35:34,440 give $0.00 for things, not a problem. 585 00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:37,600 But that's not the process for getting into the support groups. 586 00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:42,040 And then for the support calls, what I'm saying is that the 587 00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:47,320 people who who have given no money, these are the people who 588 00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:51,080 missed the calls more often. Like let me see if I can pull up 589 00:35:51,320 --> 00:35:53,320 real quick. I want to see how many support 590 00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:56,640 calls I've had because it's been a lot. 591 00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:03,440 Here we go. Support calls, sign ups for 592 00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:09,000 perspective. OK, so this year before I moved 593 00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:12,920 from New Jersey, I had 14. When I was living in in New 594 00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:18,800 Jersey, I had 14 support calls right when I moved to Saint 595 00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:29,400 Louis, I had 34567891011121314151617181920 596 00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:37,200 support calls. After the tornado I had between 597 00:36:37,240 --> 00:36:40,200 then and then I found a place alright. 598 00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:45,680 I had 12345678 support calls before I found my home in New 599 00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:52,200 York. OK, so since then there have 600 00:36:52,200 --> 00:37:08,560 been what's 340? I've had 9797 support calls 601 00:37:08,880 --> 00:37:16,800 since moving to New York City and I, I know I said 97, but 602 00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:34,200 between between September, yeah, there were 971234567891011121384 603 00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:38,600 of those were between September and now. 604 00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:44,240 So that's, that's about an average of 2, 230 minutes 605 00:37:44,240 --> 00:37:48,280 support calls a day of people who sign up, right. 606 00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:59,960 And of those like 1234, somebody gave one dollar 5678910 yeah, 607 00:37:59,960 --> 00:38:04,320 it's been maybe like 10 people. Wait, yeah, 10 people who just 608 00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:07,960 didn't, who didn't donate. And I don't know how many came 609 00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:10,720 next year. I think I want to keep up with, 610 00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:16,720 I wish I could find a way to know who did what or who signed 611 00:38:16,720 --> 00:38:20,240 up and like, I want to be able to check in with people later 612 00:38:20,240 --> 00:38:22,240 down the road and see if they use the guidance. 613 00:38:22,240 --> 00:38:25,200 But I always suspect that, you know, I heard from a person once 614 00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:27,800 and I really don't need to hear from them again because I'd give 615 00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:30,160 them the answers to the question that they would spend a lot of 616 00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:31,640 time on the Internet looking for. 617 00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:37,560 So the support, y'all just just check it out. 618 00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:39,640 If you don't like it, you ain't got to keep coming. 619 00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:42,440 You know, I want people to continue to show up. 620 00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:45,360 I want people to get value from being in the space. 621 00:38:45,360 --> 00:38:46,800 But that may not always be the case. 622 00:38:47,240 --> 00:38:49,760 It might not, I might not be the best support option for you. 623 00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:52,560 But on the website, you'll see that there are other options 624 00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:56,560 that I am aware of that exist. And yeah, please check those 625 00:38:56,560 --> 00:39:00,720 out. Now, closing out this 626 00:39:00,720 --> 00:39:03,280 conversation about support groups for the men, the men's 627 00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:05,640 group, we started out so strong. I love that. 628 00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:09,080 You know, people came in, they were real open about what it is 629 00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:11,680 that they needed and what they were hoping to get out of it. 630 00:39:11,680 --> 00:39:15,200 There was a little bit of the the oversharing dumping, but I 631 00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:18,480 allowed that because often times we don't have the opportunity or 632 00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:21,160 the space to really be able to speak as freely as we do. 633 00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:24,080 In the men's group. We defined what support looks 634 00:39:24,080 --> 00:39:27,960 like, we defined what community looks like and we decided what 635 00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:33,760 we Co created a definition of what stigma was and. 636 00:39:34,120 --> 00:39:37,560 I was so ready. For the second and third support 637 00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:40,840 groups to be able to just add on and build from that, but now it 638 00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:44,560 just feels like. I got to start. 639 00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:47,760 Over again. Or, you know, just keep the 640 00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:50,680 momentum going from what the ladies are showing. 641 00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:53,520 And I really don't want to make this into any kind of a 642 00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:56,680 competition, but the women are showing up and like even asking 643 00:39:56,680 --> 00:39:59,920 where the men at people asking me about like matchmaking 644 00:39:59,920 --> 00:40:02,040 services and dating and stuff like that. 645 00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:06,040 And it's like, y'all, I can't, I can't endorse anybody that's not 646 00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:08,320 consistent. That's one thing I've learned, 647 00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:11,720 not just in. You know, my personal life, but 648 00:40:11,720 --> 00:40:14,440 also in my work life, I don't work with people who have not 649 00:40:14,440 --> 00:40:17,440 proven to be consistent in some capacity. 650 00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:21,080 Like even, you know, people who open up about having herpes, 651 00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:23,240 they might make a post or something and I look to see what 652 00:40:23,240 --> 00:40:25,360 they do. Like, I'll watch you on social 653 00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:28,080 media for a bit and see how consistent you are before I 654 00:40:28,360 --> 00:40:32,160 invite you into this space because I've had people show up, 655 00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:35,160 be real enthusiastic and passionate about, you know, what 656 00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:36,680 this is, and then just disappear. 657 00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:38,960 And now these links on my website that I got to go back 658 00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:43,280 and get off the website, that's messing up my SEO rankings. 659 00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:46,000 And I had to do that. I had to go through and do a lot 660 00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:47,320 of cleanup. And I think that that's why 661 00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:50,360 people are so much more easily able to find us. 662 00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:55,280 So that consistency is key. And I think that maybe that 663 00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:57,480 needs to be one of the screening questions for the men's group, 664 00:40:57,480 --> 00:41:00,840 especially because like the women have already signed up for 665 00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:07,400 the next support group on November 17th and like the we a 666 00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:08,960 week out. We a little bit more than a week 667 00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:10,760 out. But the process is simple. 668 00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:13,320 I outlined it, I put it in screenshots in the newsletter. 669 00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:16,840 Everybody got the e-mail, who signed up for the e-mail or who 670 00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:19,480 is signed up for a support call. They got it. 671 00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:22,400 You got it. All I ask is that you put this 672 00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:23,920 in your calendar yourself. Just don't. 673 00:41:24,120 --> 00:41:26,480 Don't make me do more work. I cannot. 674 00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:29,720 I do not want to burnout. I have a really solid flow. 675 00:41:29,720 --> 00:41:33,000 Going right now. Everything is is smooth. 676 00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:35,840 The process is understood by. People. 677 00:41:36,720 --> 00:41:39,360 And I'm able to now integrate a few more things. 678 00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:42,480 One of the things that I'm going to be working on here now is I'm 679 00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:46,720 looking for people who want to have like a play date and 680 00:41:46,720 --> 00:41:48,800 overall play of disclosing and talking. 681 00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:51,240 About our sexual health status with one another so that people. 682 00:41:51,240 --> 00:41:54,400 Have like a real example of what this can look like me sitting 683 00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:57,360 across to somebody. We just finished dinner and you 684 00:41:57,360 --> 00:41:59,560 know, we might be touching each other's leg under the table or 685 00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:01,520 whatever, little eye contact. And. 686 00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:04,040 Hey, you know. Let's go upstairs. 687 00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:07,120 All right, but wait, wait, wait before you know, we going to 688 00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:10,800 talk about condoms like, oh, that's what you wanted to do 689 00:42:10,800 --> 00:42:11,840 all. Right. 690 00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:13,200 Yeah, let's do that. Let's do that right? 691 00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:16,760 I'm looking forward to that. I'm most excited about that 692 00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:19,240 because I think that that's going to be really valuable and 693 00:42:19,240 --> 00:42:23,000 fine. I'm watching One Piece right now 694 00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:29,120 and I don't see myself being able to do anything extra until 695 00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:31,960 I I get to like I got to get through this. 696 00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:33,560 I'm watching the anime one piece. 697 00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:37,760 I've never seen it before and it's really fucking good. 698 00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:42,440 I'm at episode like 70 right now just started season 2 and I'm on 699 00:42:42,520 --> 00:42:45,360 episode 63. I'm trying to get through 10 a 700 00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:48,280 day and over the weekends I want to get through 20. 701 00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:55,080 So yeah, my, my days are packed. My days are packed now, but the 702 00:42:55,080 --> 00:43:01,880 reason that I'm the reason that I'm so like hype about that, 703 00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:06,920 that demo, that role play is because we don't have that. 704 00:43:07,240 --> 00:43:10,240 We don't. We don't see the the role plays 705 00:43:10,240 --> 00:43:15,400 of disclosure and discussing our health, our sexual health status 706 00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:17,200 without it looking like a fucking confession. 707 00:43:17,560 --> 00:43:19,600 So we can do some do's and don'ts. 708 00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:22,160 Maybe I just need to run out like a studio space and that'll 709 00:43:22,160 --> 00:43:27,040 be the content that I make for TikTok and Instagram. 710 00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:29,560 And I just got to find some people that are comfortable with 711 00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:32,200 that because I had that's the hardest part, right? 712 00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:34,160 Like people ain't even got to say they got hurt because I 713 00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:37,600 think they just make the connection of knowing me or 714 00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:39,440 being connected to me or whatever. 715 00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:41,760 And then like that's, that's that. 716 00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:45,400 So I'm going to ask around and see if there's people around me 717 00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:47,920 who would be down to do that. I can set the ring camera up. 718 00:43:48,720 --> 00:43:50,640 Ring camera. I don't have a ring camera. 719 00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:53,600 The ring light up, throw these little bitty microphones on 720 00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:54,640 them. You can barely see this. 721 00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:56,960 No, you you can see it. You can see it very well. 722 00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:00,720 And yeah, that that's going to be one of the next things coming 723 00:44:00,720 --> 00:44:02,000 up. So if you somebody who wants to 724 00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:05,040 support this, if you want to get involved, if you want to donate 725 00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:07,760 to this particular thing, you can just donate to the general 726 00:44:07,760 --> 00:44:09,440 fine. Because I I think I'm going to 727 00:44:09,440 --> 00:44:12,400 have to rent out a space and shit. 728 00:44:13,280 --> 00:44:16,480 People buying tickets to the New York City event, December 12th 729 00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:20,200 from 5:00 PM to 9:00 PM. The karaoke event, I just 730 00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:22,480 revised it to where now it's karaoke. 731 00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:26,000 That's what we're doing. We're doing karaoke, $20 entry 732 00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:27,760 minimum. And if you want to help support 733 00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:30,320 at a higher level, you got the options to be able to do that. 734 00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:34,280 But yeah, people buying tickets. So we've been to have fun a 735 00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:35,880 little bit over a month from now. 736 00:44:36,360 --> 00:44:40,080 It's a Friday night, 5:00 PM and 9:00 PM in Brooklyn. 737 00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:44,800 Zip code is 112 O 6. If you listen to this, like I'm 738 00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:47,400 not going to tell you where it is because I don't think I can, 739 00:44:47,720 --> 00:44:50,960 But when you register, you'll see where it is and I'll send 740 00:44:50,960 --> 00:44:53,600 out the newsletter to explain that to the people who are 741 00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:55,920 registered. So looking forward to it. 742 00:44:55,920 --> 00:44:58,160 I know we got people coming in from out of town for this, 743 00:44:58,480 --> 00:45:04,000 people coming in from out of town for this 400 episode party. 744 00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:07,920 So I look forward to it. And yeah, that concludes this 745 00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:09,840 episode of Something Positive for Positive People. 746 00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:13,400 Again, I just wanted to share the what the support groups have 747 00:45:13,400 --> 00:45:16,040 been so far. What they've been about the 748 00:45:16,040 --> 00:45:18,400 process is you make a donation based support call. 749 00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:20,240 We talked about what you need to talk about. 750 00:45:20,520 --> 00:45:24,680 I, I, I, I've had people come in and say, I'm just doing this to 751 00:45:24,680 --> 00:45:27,120 get into the support group. That's cool. 752 00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:31,120 But if you you're you're wanting a support group because you need 753 00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:34,080 support, what is the thing that you need support with? 754 00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:36,800 Like, let's be ready to talk about that. 755 00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:40,480 All right, this angels, like I'm asking you questions to find out 756 00:45:41,320 --> 00:45:42,760 if I can send you the link or not. 757 00:45:42,760 --> 00:45:45,320 And you not finding out if you qualify to get into the cool 758 00:45:45,320 --> 00:45:47,040 kids club. That's not what this is. 759 00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:50,080 It's giving you the support that you need initially. 760 00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:55,400 And so now when we come into here, you aren't exclusively 761 00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:57,440 here for that, to get that out of the group. 762 00:45:57,440 --> 00:45:59,120 Like now you're here because you want to be in, you want the 763 00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:01,200 community and that's part of your story. 764 00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:03,720 And you're able to say this out loud in another way without 765 00:46:03,720 --> 00:46:06,880 saying it for the first time and maybe not breaking down crying 766 00:46:06,880 --> 00:46:11,120 and everything. OK All right, y'all, oh, my 767 00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:13,520 birthday Monday. So yeah, if y'all want to make 768 00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:15,600 some donations something. Positive for positive. 769 00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:18,760 People to help me make that Little Dream come true. 770 00:46:18,760 --> 00:46:21,600 That'd be cool. I'm going to go see Katrinata 771 00:46:22,120 --> 00:46:26,880 tomorrow night or tomorrow night being November 9th and on 772 00:46:26,880 --> 00:46:30,880 November 10th I'm a probably just be answering my phone calls 773 00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:34,800 all day from family and friends and getting caught up with 774 00:46:34,800 --> 00:46:36,360 people so I look forward to that. 775 00:46:36,840 --> 00:46:39,160 Till next time, stay present.