1 00:00:01,680 --> 00:00:04,320 Hi, I'm Courtney, welcome to Something Positive for Positive 2 00:00:04,320 --> 00:00:06,840 people. Today I'm here with 26 year old 3 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:12,040 Fleur in Australia. She is in marketing Caucasian 4 00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:17,880 female who is heterosexual and just broke out of monogamy. 5 00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:22,920 Is that right? So wait, let's start there. 6 00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:27,280 So you said you used to be in monogamous relationship and now 7 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:31,360 you are what? So polyamorous. 8 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:34,920 OK, so Poly meaning many and amorous meaning loves. 9 00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:39,680 So basically multiple partners. I myself have one partner, a 10 00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:44,320 male partner, and he has another girlfriend, another female 11 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:48,000 partner, and yeah, she has another couple of male and 12 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,520 female partners as well. So I'm kind of part of a Poly 13 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:55,240 web, but I'm not exactly sure where I sit on the Poly 14 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:57,440 monogamous scale myself at the moment. 15 00:00:57,560 --> 00:01:01,000 It's all exploration. So that makes sense about the 16 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:04,640 Amor cause Amor means love in French. 17 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:07,800 Is it French or is that Spanish? I'm bad with languages. 18 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:10,600 I think so pretty for French MI Amor. 19 00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:14,200 Yeah it's gotta be French. I didn't know that that was what 20 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:15,920 it meant. I just thought polyamorous is 21 00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:19,560 like mini amorous. I never ever made the 22 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:22,160 association with it being the word love. 23 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:28,120 Yeah, so that only. That only started last year and 24 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:31,600 it's, it's been a really interesting experience, but I'm, 25 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:33,640 I'm, I'm really enjoying it so far. 26 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:41,040 Oh, what made you explore it? Pretty much I fell for a guy 27 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:47,480 who's polyamorous and I basically have done a lot of lot 28 00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:50,080 of learning and a lot of reading and had a lot of experience I 29 00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:53,160 suppose in the last year about what's involved with a 30 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:56,200 polyamorous dynamic widely 'cause it can involve many 31 00:01:56,200 --> 00:02:00,720 people. And I, I felt really comfortable 32 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:04,840 the people that I'm with in this Poly, my metamorse. 33 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:07,640 So the partners of my partners are very commutative, 34 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:10,680 commutative, very lovely, and very, very honest. 35 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:14,760 So yeah, it's been a good fit. And very fulfilling. 36 00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:20,240 So obvious question, do I guess they feel OK about you having 37 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:22,040 herpes but do they have it as well? 38 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:25,600 Or is it a mix of people who do and don't have it? 39 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:32,320 No, none of my current sexual partner. 40 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,360 So my male partner is my only partner. 41 00:02:35,640 --> 00:02:39,520 None of the others have any sexually transmitted diseases or 42 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:44,320 infections. But it was a consideration I was 43 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:49,600 told by by, yeah, my male partner and his other female 44 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:52,200 partner that it was a consideration that they 45 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:58,080 consulted everybody in the Poly or actually, I suppose going 46 00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:00,600 further with me if they were comfortable with the fact that I 47 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:05,000 had an STD, OK having having herpes and whether they were 48 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:08,560 basically OK with any risk that was involved with. 49 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:12,560 That and which type do you have and how long have you had it? 50 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:19,000 I have HSV 2 genital herpes and I've had it for just about six 51 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:23,400 years. Now, did you say 10 years, 606? 52 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:24,480 OK. I was like, damn. 53 00:03:24,640 --> 00:03:26,160 I didn't say you were 26. OK. 54 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:27,760 I would have sucked to get it at 16. 55 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:30,880 Yeah. Yeah. 56 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:34,120 So I will take us back to that point in time. 57 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:38,360 When you were diagnosed, how did you find out you had HSV 2? 58 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:48,000 I contracted HSV 2 from a sexual partner, male partner that I'd 59 00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:50,960 only been dating for about two to three months. 60 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:56,440 And really, he didn't disclose to me until something was very 61 00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:58,880 evidently wrong with me, basically that I was showing the 62 00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:02,160 physical symptoms of herpes. And we had that conversation, 63 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:06,120 and that didn't really go well. And that very shortly thereafter 64 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:11,440 led to the breakdown about our relationship and a pretty rough 65 00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:13,240 time. Yeah, so. 66 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:20,680 How did the conversation go? I can't remember very clearly, 67 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:22,560 but I remember it was a phone call. 68 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:26,400 You called him the way. In which it was a it was 69 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:29,040 delivered. I talked about feeling a bit 70 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:33,480 kind of unwell, you know, a bit thievery, you know, itching, I 71 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:36,040 suppose as well. And he's like, oh, by the way, 72 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:40,160 like you should know that I have this, but like, and I'm having 73 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:43,640 an outbreak right now. But you'll be fine. 74 00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:47,120 That's what he that's what he said to you. 75 00:04:48,280 --> 00:04:50,040 Yeah. So he didn't tell you until you 76 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:53,440 began to show visible signs. At this point, you hadn't gone 77 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:57,480 to the doctor yet, right? No, I hadn't gone to the doctor, 78 00:04:57,520 --> 00:05:01,920 and yes, he only told me when my physical symptoms were showing. 79 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:07,360 So really, he told me too late. So when you after you told him, 80 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:09,920 did you ever make it to the doctor or how long did it take 81 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:15,720 you to go if you did go? I can't remember too clearly, 82 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:20,720 but I was basically at that point points in and out of the 83 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:27,040 doctors virtually every week or few days kind of thing. 84 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:30,160 And then, you know, I had to have, you know, blood tests and 85 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:34,560 swab done and had to wait a week for the results. 86 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:39,080 And I got the results and I still remember that that moment 87 00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:43,360 so clearly. And I remember calling then 88 00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:49,880 partner after the appointment and I remember feeling bad that 89 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:53,960 he would feel bad. I didn't feel bad for myself or 90 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:57,720 I suppose any anger that I was lied to by him. 91 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:00,400 So it was a very strange experience. 92 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,720 Was it diagnosis that day? Did you kind of feel like, well, 93 00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:08,360 even though you knew it came from him, Like were you upset 94 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:11,040 that were you upset with yourself for contracting it? 95 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:20,560 I felt upset that I was giving bad news to him. 96 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:26,720 And I, I suppose at the time I, I really, really liked him and I 97 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:30,520 didn't want it to affect the relationship, but I, yeah, I, I 98 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:35,120 felt bad and like, oh, like, yeah, it, it, I felt like it was 99 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:41,000 my fault as well. But I, I I was where I was. 100 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,600 You know now that that was not your fault, right? 101 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:47,080 I know. That was not and. 102 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:52,680 It took me many months to actually get to that point of 103 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:57,120 anger, you know, realizing the feeling that I had not been 104 00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:01,520 politely or properly disclosed to or being given the dignity of 105 00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:07,200 honesty and openness. And that kind of not kind of it 106 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:11,000 fully spurned me in with every single guy I dated or sexual 107 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:16,960 partner I had after that, to be honest and to not be that guy 108 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:21,520 and what he did to me, I have never had sexual contact with 109 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:24,120 the person and not disclosed to them, right? 110 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:27,640 Regardless of whether that's, you know, whatever base or 111 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:32,320 whatever, whatever degree, I've always disclosed and I've never 112 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:34,800 wanted to be that person that he was to me. 113 00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:37,760 Yeah. Did you guys continue the 114 00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:40,800 relationship or was it ended after your diagnosis? 115 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:47,200 We continued for I think it was another few weeks. 116 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,600 Oh, that didn't last as long near as I thought it would. 117 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:56,240 Yeah. And what really turned the knife 118 00:07:56,920 --> 00:08:00,680 in that experience for me was he broke up with me. 119 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:05,480 He came to my house and broke up with me and said that the spark 120 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:10,680 had disappeared to him. And, you know, I, I was in a 121 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:13,120 very vulnerable state at that stage. 122 00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:17,920 And I remember bursting into tears and saying that, you know, 123 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:21,760 you, you've given me an STD, you've given me herpes. 124 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:23,840 You know, you've done this to me. 125 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:29,960 And now I'm single. Like, basically, like, get out 126 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:31,560 of my house. Fuck you and get out of my 127 00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:32,159 house. Yeah. 128 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,679 Wait, you can't. You can't curse on this podcast? 129 00:08:34,679 --> 00:08:37,200 I'm gonna have to edit that out. That's fine. 130 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:40,960 I'm kidding. No, I do it all the time. 131 00:08:42,799 --> 00:08:46,240 Yeah, alright. And then over the next few 132 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:51,320 months after that, 'cause he was a friend of a friend, he 133 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:55,200 basically then proceeded to still like text and try to call 134 00:08:55,200 --> 00:09:00,680 me just to talk or try be friends or whenever he was drunk 135 00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:02,960 and feeling sorry for himself or whatever it is. 136 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,280 Like it sucks that we can't be friends. 137 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:07,280 And I remember saying it sucks that you gave me. 138 00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:10,360 Yeah. So do you think that he did 139 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:12,600 that? Just do you think he did that 140 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:18,000 just to like keep you like from telling other people? 141 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:22,760 Did he just try and keep you as a friend and make sure oh 142 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:27,720 hopefully you don't tell anyone else or was it genuine? 143 00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:30,720 Well obviously if he's just doing it while he was drunk it 144 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:35,720 wasn't genuine then, right? Yeah, I think he just wanted to 145 00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:39,400 feel better about himself, like he wanted some kind of 146 00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:43,040 forgiveness or a pat on the back that, oh, you did this bad 147 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,240 thing, but it'll be alright, It'll be OK. 148 00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:48,880 But that that was so far from the truth. 149 00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:53,360 I was a wreck at the time and like, I was not going to shield 150 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:55,400 that. Yeah, now when you kicked him 151 00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:58,400 out, this was the last monogamous relationship you were 152 00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:01,400 in, correct? No, it wasn't. 153 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,800 Oh, OK, So what happened after you? 154 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:05,320 After this guy? You kicked him out. 155 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:07,080 Now you have herpes and you're single. 156 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:13,240 What's next for floor? So literally the next thing that 157 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:15,480 happened is I started seeing a psychologist. 158 00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:20,520 I basically had voice to a breakdown just because the whole 159 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:25,200 experience is so traumatic. So myself was damaged goods and 160 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:29,520 I didn't think myself worthy of anything from like a hug to a 161 00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:32,520 compliment to anything. Basically, I didn't feel worthy 162 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:35,960 of like sexual contact pretty much that I was dirty. 163 00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:42,960 So I went to a psychologist for at least six months and that 164 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:48,400 kind of helped me move from the stage of or so blaming so pity 165 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:51,800 through to anger and kind of starting to rebuild myself 166 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:58,160 relationship wise. I eventually started seeing and 167 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:06,880 dating other guys and so my diagnosis was 2012 and 2014. 168 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:10,920 I had my next sexual partner who I was open and honest with as 169 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,400 well. You didn't have sex for two 170 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:15,440 years. No, I didn't. 171 00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:20,560 I was, I was full of shame and fear and self pity. 172 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:22,960 So yeah, it was a little wild for me. 173 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:27,720 Or I got confident enough. It wasn't that I not so much 174 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,040 that I didn't trust other people, it was that I didn't 175 00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:33,800 trust myself. So I I got to a place where I 176 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:37,520 felt a bit more comfortable and was basically comfortable being 177 00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:39,600 emotionally and sexually intimate with someone. 178 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:42,760 That's that's big. Like that's really big of you to 179 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:45,800 be able to hold out and recognize why you're holding 180 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:47,640 out. Like you knew that you were in a 181 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:51,800 vulnerable state and that it was good for you to recover yourself 182 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:56,840 before bringing someone else into the the madness, so to 183 00:11:56,840 --> 00:12:02,440 speak. And in that time, I did a lot of 184 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:06,560 like proper research, you know, beyond good old doctor Google, 185 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:10,000 you know, I, I, I saw my doctor a couple of times after that and 186 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:12,960 just asked, you know, if they had any good resources. 187 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:16,800 And yeah, in that time I got to know other people in my wider 188 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:20,520 circle of friends that actually had herpes as well, the same 189 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:23,360 type as me or even, you know, HSV 1. 190 00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:25,880 And it wasn't until. How did you find that out? 191 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,080 Pardon. How did you find out your 192 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:32,080 friends at it? What did you eventually just 193 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:34,080 tell them and then they opened up to you about it? 194 00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:38,200 Yeah, it was kind of like that, yeah. 195 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:41,560 There were just situations where, you know, I, I in my 196 00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:46,000 vulnerable state in that year or two after where I would disclose 197 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:49,080 just a friends and be quite emotional. 198 00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:52,400 And then afterwards, one friend did come back to me privately 199 00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:56,680 and say said, you know, me too. And that that was when I really 200 00:12:56,680 --> 00:13:01,440 started to turn a corner because up until that point, I felt so 201 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:05,880 isolated. So, so isolated within myself 202 00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:08,360 and from the world. So yeah. 203 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:12,640 OK. And when you told your other 204 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:15,320 friends, now this is one that had it too, who came back to you 205 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:19,280 later and said me too. How did your other friends react 206 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:20,760 to it? Were they cool about it? 207 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:24,680 Were they judgmental? What did they step back from you 208 00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:29,440 or what? The important friends were fine 209 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:32,720 about it. I suppose it was just an element 210 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:36,200 of shock because I think the most people, I was the first 211 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:42,360 person to have and live with an STD and let alone disclose it. 212 00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:45,320 Yeah. So I, I think that was just, you 213 00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:48,240 know, I was, I was that first person for so many people. 214 00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:53,240 So quite a few people weren't sure exactly how to react, but 215 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:57,560 their first question was always are you OK or how how you were 216 00:13:57,560 --> 00:14:01,120 going so. Yeah, OK. 217 00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:03,640 Majority of people. Being very cool about it, 218 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:07,840 there's been the odd person that I've kind of grown apart from 219 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:11,440 that, yeah, Other reasons contributed to that as well, so 220 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:14,560 it's not a big deal. Yeah, and when people typically 221 00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:19,400 disclose their friends, I know that I've disclosed to, well, 222 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:24,440 shit like one by one, it always got easier to do. 223 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:27,360 Would you say that it was the same for you? 224 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:34,360 Yeah, definitely. Disclosing I think is a a big 225 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:39,040 deal and takes a lot of bravery, whether it's friends, family or 226 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:43,560 a partner really. So I, I admire everyone, whoever 227 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,960 ever thinks about disclosing, it's definitely the right thing 228 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:49,280 to do. But it got so much easier, you 229 00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:54,040 know, particularly with every single partner or boyfriend that 230 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:59,640 I had after that as well. So practice does help make it 231 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:01,080 easier. That is good. 232 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:05,000 That's good. Now in dating, did you get a lot 233 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:08,760 of rejections? You said you saw guys after your 234 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:14,200 diagnosis and you were dating. Did you date outside of the 235 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:18,320 herpes community? Yeah, I did. 236 00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:23,240 So I wasn't exactly aware there were, you know, platforms like 237 00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:27,760 positive singles and stuff until about two years ago. 238 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,720 So majority of the time I was, yeah, dating outside the 239 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:34,880 community. And yeah, I, I met some really 240 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:39,960 lovely guys and as, as always, like, you know, you just close 241 00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:43,320 to partners and it's a deal breaker for them in one way or 242 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:46,640 another. And as time has gone on, I I 243 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:51,240 understand that and respect it. And I greatly admire anyone who 244 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:54,400 sits and listens through that tough conversation or is willing 245 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:57,520 to listen. That is a very important step in 246 00:15:57,840 --> 00:16:01,640 a breaking stigma and be, you know, wedding out, you know, the 247 00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:03,960 good eggs from the bad eggs. Yeah. 248 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:06,960 How? How did you disclose? 249 00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:09,000 Like what was your formula for it? 250 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:18,320 You know, a couple of years ago, I was at a bit of a crossroads 251 00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:22,440 and bit kind of frustrated by, you know, I suppose being 252 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:25,720 rejected or it being a deal breaker certain partners. 253 00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:29,440 And I went and saw a sex therapist or a sexologist. 254 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:32,480 I don't know exactly what they called, but yeah. 255 00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:36,200 And I said, you know, I'm having trouble about the disclosing 256 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:38,160 thing. And she said, well, OK, talk to 257 00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:40,480 me like, you know, you would a partner. 258 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:43,760 And I, I, I, I started, you know, the word vomit. 259 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:48,720 And she's like, my only bit of feedback is you're the person 260 00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:54,600 you tell will be your mirror. So if you are stressed or 261 00:16:54,640 --> 00:17:00,440 worried or, I don't know, sad or have very high emotions, then 262 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:03,040 you know, they'll, they'll sense that and they'll mirror that. 263 00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:07,480 So she said, you know, just practice, maybe write it out 264 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:11,720 beforehand, like one or two things that you wanna cover, but 265 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:14,640 keep it casual, like a coffee conversation. 266 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:18,800 And she said, you know, if you're relaxed, the person you 267 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:22,359 tell will be a bit more relaxed as well 'cause they'll be that 268 00:17:22,359 --> 00:17:23,920 you're a bit more at ease with it. 269 00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:29,240 So I think that is the best bit of advice that I could pass on 270 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:33,760 is the person you tell will be your mirror. 271 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:41,320 So it's just like what, what when you say mirror, just to 272 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:44,240 clear up any confusion that there could be with the 273 00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:47,640 listeners, what you're saying is you're looking at yourself 274 00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:51,200 essentially when you're disclosing to someone, the look 275 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:54,880 on your face, the energy that you're putting off, that is what 276 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:57,120 is on the other side of that disclosure. 277 00:17:57,360 --> 00:17:59,800 So if you're looking at yourself and you're, you've got this 278 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:04,600 grimace to you and there's a shakiness to your voice and 279 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:08,600 your, your posture is not good. What you're putting off is, is a 280 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:12,840 lack of confidence, a little bit of shame in there, a little bit 281 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:16,040 of guilt, and that other person's going to feel those 282 00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:19,840 negative emotions and then want to distance themselves because 283 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:25,840 no one likes to feel ashamed, embarrassed or guilty or any of 284 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:30,720 those negative emotions. Yeah, that's pretty much it. 285 00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:35,960 But in telling someone yes, say I have in certain situations, I 286 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,520 have been quite emotional. So you know, crying and a shaky 287 00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:44,560 voice when I have disclosed and I suppose to those partners that 288 00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:48,000 things haven't progressed with. What I've learned from that is 289 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:52,880 basically if I was crying and shaky voice and very like 290 00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:57,360 showing a lot of sad or negative emotions, then I suppose that 291 00:18:57,360 --> 00:19:01,200 magnifies maybe. Oh, that they have something to 292 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:05,520 really be worried about and that kind of stirs negative emotions 293 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,600 in them. That's just what I've learned. 294 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:08,860 Mm hmm. Mm. 295 00:19:08,860 --> 00:19:12,080 Hmm. So now when you go into it, what 296 00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:13,840 do you go into it? Calm. 297 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:17,720 Do you go into it happy? Like hey, I have herpes and this 298 00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:23,320 is awesome. I try to be as calm as possible 299 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:29,360 really, you know, know, the, the way in which I did it with my, 300 00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:34,200 my current partner was, you know, I can't remember exactly 301 00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:38,240 what I said, but it was along the lines of I really like how 302 00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:41,960 this relationship or seeing you has been progressing. 303 00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:46,240 I'm, you know, I'm keen to take things to the next level. 304 00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:50,480 And, you know, I'm, I'm keen to take things to the next level. 305 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:53,880 But before we do, I think you should know or I think I would 306 00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:59,200 like to share with you this herpes, you know, and it is it 307 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:04,280 is a communicable disease and medicate much smaller risks. 308 00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:08,240 You know, if you as a male wear condoms and stuff and just a few 309 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:11,440 short sharp backs. I don't really kind of lay on 310 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:14,760 the big medicals. Yeah, like coffee talk. 311 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:17,640 You gave him the coffee version. OK, pretty. 312 00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:20,280 Much and. What was his response? 313 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,360 What was that sorry? And what was his response being 314 00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:28,480 that he's polyamorous and this is the first polyamorous person 315 00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:32,560 that you've been involved with? You know, I, I just imagine in 316 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:36,160 that community, communication and honesty is very, very 317 00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:38,520 critical. And it's it there's a higher 318 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:43,840 value on being polyamorous with your partners, given the nature 319 00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:51,400 of the sexuality, sexual health. What did he hit you with the oh, 320 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:52,800 let me get back to my other partners. 321 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:56,280 I'll be I'll be back. Or did he ask questions or what? 322 00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:04,000 So it was face to face and he just kind of said, OK, and, you 323 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:08,240 know, nodded his head a few times and asked some questions 324 00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:11,640 and anything to me for sharing that with him. 325 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:14,840 And I I was really grateful for that. 326 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:19,920 So for me, just having that thank you for sharing with me is 327 00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:24,800 just so valuable. So whatever had happened after 328 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:26,880 that point, you can hear me getting emotional just talking 329 00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:31,840 about this, whatever had happened after that point, like, 330 00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:33,760 you know, I got that. Thank you. 331 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:35,440 And I didn't have a negative reaction. 332 00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:41,600 So yeah, it, it was, he did, he didn't say to me explicitly, you 333 00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:44,440 know, like hang on, I'll just check with everybody else. 334 00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:47,600 But he did let me know later that after we started dating a 335 00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:51,760 little longer that yes, you know, he had mentioned it to 336 00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:55,600 his, his partner and other partners and they, they did talk 337 00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:58,680 about it and discussed whether they were comfortable with it. 338 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:03,760 I'd also like to put in there that sexual hygiene and sexual 339 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:07,640 health, it's also a very big focus of the Poly that I'm part 340 00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:11,360 of as well. We all get blood tests virtually 341 00:22:11,360 --> 00:22:15,960 every six months. So we are, they're very prudent 342 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:18,880 about all that. I mean, as you should be, 343 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:23,040 especially if everyone's engaging in sexual activities 344 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:26,040 with, you know, multiple partners and everyone has their 345 00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:30,200 own lives. So I mean, I'm just imagining 346 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:34,360 that there's an agreement between everyone before moving 347 00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:39,160 on to or before bringing anyone into the circle new that there's 348 00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:41,240 a process. It's like a screening process. 349 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:44,640 So like I did, did they all have to meet you? 350 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:47,480 Was there like a initiation or something? 351 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:51,440 No. OK, I. 352 00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,600 Think that was a conversation that they just had amongst 353 00:22:54,840 --> 00:23:00,320 themselves. And one thing I said when I was 354 00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:04,880 when I disclosed to my current party is that I was happy to 355 00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:09,000 answer any of his questions. And if any of the others, any of 356 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:13,440 my metamores had any questions that I was happy to answer them 357 00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:14,560 to. Sorry. 358 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:17,640 I just wanted to finish on a note of openness. 359 00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:19,880 Yeah. And comfort about it. 360 00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:25,400 And I think that helped the person I disclosed to be more 361 00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:29,480 comfortable seeing that I was, you know, I had the knowledge I 362 00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:32,680 was appearing to be at peace with it. 363 00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:37,200 So yeah, yeah, I think that's an important thing to include as 364 00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,520 well. It's it's been over a year, is 365 00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:43,920 that right? Yeah, with my current party. 366 00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:46,960 Yeah. And I, I get, I'm just curious 367 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:50,960 how this conversation went because like you disclose you 368 00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:55,160 have herpes, you've disclosed to this person who to our knowledge 369 00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:59,960 doesn't have herpes and he's relaying this information. 370 00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:03,560 He's not the carrier, so he knows what you've told him and 371 00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:05,440 what additional research he's done. 372 00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:10,160 And then he was able to bring that to another group of people, 373 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:15,280 you know, com comfortably, confidently and say, hey guys, 374 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:18,080 this is the risk. So I guess what I'm trying to 375 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:21,440 figure out, which you have no way of knowing what he said, but 376 00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:26,600 just like the, the, that's how easy it is to have this 377 00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:29,640 conversation. I mean, it's not easy for 378 00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:34,720 everyone, but the level of communication among partners, I 379 00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:39,040 imagine, is what made that so easy for him to receive that 380 00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:43,400 message from you and then relay that to a whole other group of 381 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:47,320 people in a way that they were all comfortable with 382 00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:49,560 understanding what the risks are. 383 00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:56,440 Yeah, and my my current partner still doesn't have herpes, Yeah. 384 00:24:56,560 --> 00:25:00,880 So yeah, yeah, I, I, I consider that a great success. 385 00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:05,240 Oh yeah. Every everyone in my, I suppose 386 00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:11,080 my immediate circle is aware of the risks, but I, I myself 387 00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:15,040 medicate daily and we always, you know, practice safe sex. 388 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:18,400 And I think that's been a great preventative. 389 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:20,880 Mm hmm. Now safe sex. 390 00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:26,360 So I have a thing I say now that it's more so about safer sex. 391 00:25:26,360 --> 00:25:30,920 And I think that the safer sex really comes from the open and 392 00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:36,080 honest communication. I mean, on top of any other risk 393 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:40,800 reducing measures such as using condoms or dental dams and 394 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:45,320 things like that. Now, you guys, you, you're on 395 00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:48,360 the daily suppressive meds. Is that right? 396 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:52,680 And you've been intimate with him and only him. 397 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:58,480 Yeah, for over a year now and he hasn't contracted the virus. 398 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:02,200 So that's, I mean, and how's his health, if you don't mind me 399 00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:05,000 asking? Is he doing anything to stay on 400 00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,280 top of his health or anything extra? 401 00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:10,080 Is he like super into fitness or? 402 00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:16,640 Does what everybody else does, you know, you know, tries to get 403 00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:22,480 88 to 9 hours of sleep is, is active and just eats well, 404 00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:25,920 really. We all try not to get to run 405 00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:27,760 down. And there have been instances 406 00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:32,640 where I've either been sick with anything from a, a winter flu or 407 00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:38,560 just stressed or overtired where I've just settled, you know, 408 00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:43,920 like maybe not just in case, not tonight, like just give me a few 409 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,360 days. And just as a precaution in some 410 00:26:46,360 --> 00:26:49,640 cases, I've just doubled my medication for a few days, 411 00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:52,560 right. And that hasn't hasn't been a 412 00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:54,840 big deal because I've communicated that. 413 00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:59,680 Good, so he and his partners understand the risk and they are 414 00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:04,600 all OK with the possibility of contracting herpes. 415 00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:09,160 Yeah, I. Suppose or they they wouldn't 416 00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:15,320 have, I suppose accepted me and. Yeah, well, I guess I'm just 417 00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:19,280 wondering like, 'cause there are instances where people don't 418 00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:25,440 fully understand or, you know, it's, it's kind of downplayed, I 419 00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:29,480 guess by a person within the group, like, oh, it's not that 420 00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:30,840 bad. I know somebody with it. 421 00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:35,360 It's it, it has crossed my mind. Yeah. 422 00:27:35,360 --> 00:27:40,040 You know, the what if my partner does end up with it and I, I 423 00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:44,720 still, I, I wouldn't be totally like nonchalant or totally OK 424 00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:46,960 with that. I would do really bad and I 425 00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:53,280 would do shame over that. But I, I don't have any control 426 00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:56,040 over that other than, you know what I already do. 427 00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:59,080 Yeah. So and I know that we together 428 00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:04,000 are doing the maximum amount that we possibly can, you know, 429 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:09,240 prevent transmission. And I, I don't like say that to 430 00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:10,920 just put you on the spot, but there are people who 431 00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:14,400 legitimately get anxiety about this. 432 00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:19,480 And my philosophy is OK, you know, you've done your part and 433 00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:24,000 you've shared your own personal experience, your knowledge, and 434 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:26,840 you've provided them with necessary resources to do 435 00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:28,640 additional research if they want to. 436 00:28:29,120 --> 00:28:33,640 Now, if you've done your part in communicating and you're holding 437 00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:37,520 up your end of the deal as far as taking the necessary risk 438 00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:42,320 reducing measures, then I for other people out there, just 439 00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:45,280 this is important to understand, you know, if your partner is OK 440 00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:48,640 with the risk, you know, let them be OK with the risk after 441 00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:51,640 you've done everything that you can on your end as far as 442 00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:57,120 informing and educating them on anything that's important, you 443 00:28:57,120 --> 00:29:01,320 know, your personal health, like how often you get outbreaks or 444 00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:04,760 how you manage your condition and how they can go about it. 445 00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:08,000 And then just do your best to prepare them for it as well. 446 00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:11,640 Because there are people who, you know, live in that state of 447 00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:16,320 anxiety, just not even wanting to be with anyone who doesn't 448 00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:22,360 have it or thinks that a person who accepts the risk, like, like 449 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:26,920 as if we're less than a person almost. 450 00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:31,760 Because we're more so concerned in the beginning about a person 451 00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:37,760 accepting herpes and then us more so than we are about them 452 00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:40,120 accepting us as people and then herpes. 453 00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:42,080 Does that make sense? I hope I said that the way that 454 00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:46,800 I I think I said it. Yeah, so herpes is this really 455 00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:49,160 strange thing. It's a significant yet 456 00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:55,280 insignificant facts about me, about you, about anyone. 457 00:29:55,280 --> 00:30:00,040 I mean, with herpes, you know, it's only significant to say us 458 00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:03,680 who live with it and maybe the partners that we've disclosed 459 00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:07,040 to. But it's also an insignificant 460 00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:10,440 fact at the same time. You know, having herpes doesn't 461 00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:13,320 stop me doing my job, doesn't stop me traveling. 462 00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:17,160 It doesn't stop me exercising. It doesn't stop me getting up in 463 00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:21,000 the morning. At least now it doesn't, you 464 00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:27,000 know, so it's you can still very much mute with herpes. 465 00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:28,920 And I don't mean just going through the motions. 466 00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:30,960 You can still like. Really Blue Yeah, you can. 467 00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:33,360 Yeah, you can have a really fulfilling life. 468 00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:36,160 And I mean, think about all the people we don't hear from, like 469 00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:37,880 just the people that we had on this podcast. 470 00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:41,360 There's no way we would have heard from the majority of these 471 00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:44,600 people because I speak with people who have come to terms 472 00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:48,640 with it, accepted it and are living their lives that just may 473 00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:52,560 so happen to be in a support group, you know, and see a post 474 00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:54,560 every now and then about me looking for guests. 475 00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:58,320 But it's, it's, that's how insignificant it is. 476 00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:00,440 And in the grand scheme of things, a lot of the people who 477 00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:04,440 come on here have come to that terms of acceptance and have 478 00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:08,200 just been able to go on with their lives as if this doesn't 479 00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:12,720 have anything like, as if this is such a minimum part of their 480 00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:18,880 existence. Yeah, pretty much, yeah. 481 00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:21,760 I, I fully agree with all of that. 482 00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:25,320 And I suppose if anybody is listening and they are 483 00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:28,720 struggling with that is I want to say that you do get there and 484 00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:31,880 there is hope. I had really dark moments and 485 00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:33,960 I'm sure you had really dark moments, Courtney. 486 00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:40,280 But it does get better. And don't focus on somebody else 487 00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:44,720 so much loving you is you've got to take the step and like really 488 00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:47,680 love yourself. As stupid and cliche as that 489 00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:52,840 sounds like, that is how you kind of take the steps towards 490 00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:55,120 peace. And I really recommend 491 00:31:55,200 --> 00:31:58,720 connecting with other people that you know, support groups, 492 00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:02,760 anyone living with it. And that helps so much. 493 00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:07,080 You when you don't feel isolated anymore, that really helps. 494 00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:11,320 Yeah, and I was telling people I was just thanking the local 495 00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:15,880 support group here. We had gone on like a flow trip. 496 00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:20,440 And that was one of the that was like one of the first times that 497 00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:24,160 I really got out there after having her because I've had it 498 00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:26,040 for six years. You and I didn't really talk too 499 00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:29,040 much about my own experience, but I've had it for six years 500 00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:33,680 and up until a little bit over a year ago, that was when I found 501 00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:36,200 like positive singles. And that's when I found all 502 00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:38,640 these local support groups And it was like, wow, this is out 503 00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:40,880 here. And I didn't realize how much of 504 00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:45,120 an inhibited life I was living until I was able to get out 505 00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:48,840 there and be around other people who I didn't have to worry about 506 00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:50,960 that thought in the back of my mind. 507 00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:54,440 So I agree, it does take that help and support, and it does 508 00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:58,320 take connecting with others and being able to really connect 509 00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:00,240 with yourself. And in your case, I think that 510 00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:04,840 seeing a therapist really helps you get that process going to 511 00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:07,160 understand. All right, it starts with me. 512 00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:10,520 And then you were able to go out into the world even after two 513 00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:16,840 years of forced celibacy. Yeah, So what I saw my therapist 514 00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:20,280 for in the end was the cognitive behavioral therapy. 515 00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:22,560 So CBT. So I was basically kind of just 516 00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:28,280 treated for anxiety and yeah, just kind of that kind of an 517 00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:31,520 adjustment disorder really. I think my doctor very loosely 518 00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:38,760 labeled it just to be able to get out there and be more open. 519 00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:41,560 And I say getting out there. I don't mean sexually. 520 00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:43,120 I mean. Just getting. 521 00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:44,640 Out the front door. Yeah, some. 522 00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:48,320 Days, you know, and I think the community groups that you've 523 00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:51,560 talked about sound really great. Oh yeah, they are. 524 00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:53,840 They're very supportive, very good people. 525 00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:57,080 And I've come to find, like, you don't even need the support half 526 00:33:57,080 --> 00:33:58,480 the time. It's just a matter of knowing 527 00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:02,040 that there are people there and like, a lot of times we'll hit 528 00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:05,280 each other up for, like, I just asked a group, like, who knows 529 00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:07,720 an accountant, 'cause I have to get my taxes done. 530 00:34:08,159 --> 00:34:10,280 And it's like a little little things like that. 531 00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:13,639 Like it's completely irrelevant to herpes, but yeah. 532 00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:18,400 So the way I've kind of communicated it to friends or 533 00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:22,400 talked about it casually with friends, my diagnosis is that, 534 00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:27,440 you know, depending on where you read, you could be one in five 535 00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:31,679 or one in eight or whatever. I think it's in the US or 536 00:34:31,679 --> 00:34:35,480 Australia anyway, one in five or one in eight people live with 537 00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:38,760 HSV 2. And when you think about that, 538 00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:42,760 it's like, oh, like, you know, that that seems so high and so 539 00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:45,560 scary. But like then I say, think about 540 00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:48,800 that in relation to the bus or train you catch to work every 541 00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:51,159 morning. The nightclub will buy you go to 542 00:34:51,159 --> 00:34:54,880 on Friday night or like the big building you work in or, you 543 00:34:54,880 --> 00:34:57,440 know, just walking down the street, you know, like one in 544 00:34:57,440 --> 00:35:00,400 eight people and really not that. 545 00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:05,160 Alone, not at all that context. Is quite amazing, yeah. 546 00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:10,960 Yeah, Yeah. So this is a good place to stop. 547 00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:13,920 I think we covered everything unless there was something else 548 00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:17,600 that you wanted to touch on. I think that the love yourself 549 00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:21,400 and you got to tell us about, you know, your experience and 550 00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:26,000 going from monogamist to Poly and disclosing to a disclosure, 551 00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:30,120 a disclosure and that is having that success. 552 00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:36,280 Sorry, I had a really lovely moment last year where a friend 553 00:35:36,280 --> 00:35:42,520 of mine who who knew that I lived with herpes, they ended up 554 00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:46,000 with the same diagnosis. They ended up with herpes as 555 00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:50,280 well. And they rang me and asked for 556 00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:52,720 support. And I was just in a shop changer 557 00:35:52,720 --> 00:35:59,680 at the time, you know, and I was able to sit down and just, you 558 00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:02,840 know, ask the questions, you know, are you OK? 559 00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:07,560 How this happened? You know, have you taken these 560 00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:11,640 steps or this, that and the other year and I was able to go 561 00:36:11,640 --> 00:36:15,600 really full circle in that moment five years later. 562 00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:23,000 And basically I was able to be the person that I needed five 563 00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:26,000 years before. And that was a really, really 564 00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:30,120 nice moment to be there and support that person through 565 00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:34,200 that. So yeah, I'm, I'm really at 566 00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:36,320 peace. My diagnosis now. 567 00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:39,520 Mm hmm. And you you'd say that that 568 00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:42,200 moment is really what made you understand that you were at 569 00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:46,240 peace when you were able to take your experience and help someone 570 00:36:46,240 --> 00:36:48,000 else get through their experience. 571 00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:51,800 Yep, absolutely. But and you wouldn't have been 572 00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:55,320 able to have that opportunity had you not been open about your 573 00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:58,880 condition with this particular group of people or this person 574 00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:04,280 in particular, right? No, I wouldn't have. 575 00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:08,960 And one of the things my current partner has said to me was the 576 00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:13,880 fact that I was, was open and disclosed was, you know, half 577 00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:15,520 the reason that he kept dating me. 578 00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:18,440 He admired my honesty. Mm hmm. 579 00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:21,680 So, yeah, you never know who. Yeah, I'm. 580 00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:24,720 I'm really grateful for both those experiences. 581 00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:28,120 And, you know, you can hear my voice cracking again, and it's 582 00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:31,240 just reflecting on the vulnerability at that moment. 583 00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:33,640 But I'm happy I took the leap and I'm happy I was brave. 584 00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:37,160 The vulnerability, there's such strength in there and there's so 585 00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:41,520 much like that's what we're drawn to as human beings. 586 00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:45,120 We're drawn to the authenticity of a person and regardless of 587 00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:51,120 how challenging it may be to share a very, very vulnerable, 588 00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:55,120 you know, sometimes shameful negative emotion about yourself 589 00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:58,360 with somebody else, Like that's, that's a very powerful moment 590 00:37:58,360 --> 00:38:04,080 and it, it extends the opportunity to really connect. 591 00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:07,000 And that's what you did. And, you know, when doing that, 592 00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:11,600 you got, you got a partner and it's been going for a year. 593 00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:15,040 You got a new lifestyle you're exploring and it's just, it 594 00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:17,280 seems to be a lot of good that just came from it. 595 00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:21,880 Yeah, and the most important thing over the top of all that, 596 00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:28,200 you know, like partner or no partner, I, I accept myself and 597 00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:29,800 that is the most important thing. 598 00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:33,080 Partners come and go. You know, even a little while 599 00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:37,920 back I offered with one partner to actually take him to my GP, 600 00:38:37,920 --> 00:38:41,160 my General practitioner, and just have a conversation about 601 00:38:41,160 --> 00:38:43,160 it. But that particular partner 602 00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:48,560 wasn't willing to do that. So, you know, I've, I've had no 603 00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:51,040 acceptance and I've had acceptance. 604 00:38:51,240 --> 00:38:55,400 And the first person, the first guy I ever disclosed to, he 605 00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:59,240 fainted, which was horrible. But in hindsight, it's 606 00:38:59,240 --> 00:39:03,800 hilarious. So it's been a real mix of funny 607 00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:05,760 moments. Talk about setting the tone 608 00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:08,320 some. Vulnerable moments and some not 609 00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:11,400 so great moments but altogether like. 610 00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:16,120 Yeah, that would have a. Character building experience. 611 00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:18,160 That's good. That would have frightened me 612 00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:19,600 though. Like disclosing to the first 613 00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:22,040 person they just pass out like shit. 614 00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:24,200 Is this what I had to look forward to going forward? 615 00:39:26,840 --> 00:39:28,240 It it. Was. 616 00:39:30,240 --> 00:39:34,520 Awful taken, you know, the time to get up the guts for disposing 617 00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:37,360 this person and they've just gotten woozy and, you know, had 618 00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:39,480 to lay them down and get them a glass of water and. 619 00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:41,400 Then make. Sure they were OK and then 620 00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:43,920 excuse myself. So it was horrible at the time. 621 00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:46,760 I'm pretty sure I cried walking back to my car, but it's funny 622 00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:49,160 now. Yeah, Well, I mean, I always 623 00:39:49,160 --> 00:39:51,160 say, like what? It's not about what happens to 624 00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:52,800 us, it's about what happens through US. 625 00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:56,320 You know, that person fainted. You have that experience and 626 00:39:56,320 --> 00:40:00,880 that experience equipped you to be able to handle and accept 627 00:40:01,040 --> 00:40:02,800 what's going on in your life now. 628 00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:05,840 And look at us here now like your story is going to help 629 00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:07,960 someone else because that happened. 630 00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:09,280 You know, someone's going to laugh at that. 631 00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:12,840 Someone's going to say me too. And then someone's going to, you 632 00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:15,760 know, get the whole overall message. 633 00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:20,240 And you know, you are that mirror to somebody else, you 634 00:40:20,240 --> 00:40:22,240 know, later on down their diagnosis. 635 00:40:22,240 --> 00:40:27,480 So I thank you so much for your time here and coming on to 636 00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:30,200 share. I appreciate you getting out of 637 00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:35,680 bed a little bit earlier today. No, that's all good. 638 00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:37,640 Courtney. Thank you so much for having me. 639 00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:41,520 I yeah, it's being really therapeutic for me to share my 640 00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:44,040 story so publicly and I hope that it helps someone. 641 00:40:44,600 --> 00:40:45,520 Yeah, it will. Nobody. 642 00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:49,400 Thanks When someone is. Close. 643 00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:53,000 Thank you again, Floor. I appreciate you being on here. 644 00:40:54,200 --> 00:40:55,960 You're welcome, Courtney. Take care, my friend. 645 00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:57,720 Alright, you could say bye to the audience. 646 00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:00,960 Bye guys, take care of yourselves. 647 00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:04,680 That's it, That's all you got. Yeah. 648 00:41:05,080 --> 00:41:08,920 Oh yeah, I guess we we dehydrated stand. 649 00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:11,200 That's good advice. Alright, Wash your hands after 650 00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:12,680 you pee. That's it. 651 00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:16,160 No, this concludes this episode of something positive for 652 00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:20,720 positive people with floor. When you listen to this episode, 653 00:41:20,720 --> 00:41:24,720 if you haven't already, please take the time to like rate, 654 00:41:25,040 --> 00:41:27,120 subscribe, review to the podcast. 655 00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:29,640 Please let us know what you think in the review section. 656 00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:34,960 This is really, really helping people to get connected with the 657 00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:37,840 resources and support that they need to get through their 658 00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:42,480 diagnosis. And we're at 5000 downloads as 659 00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:48,080 of today, March 11th, 2018. I think it's the 11th. 660 00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:50,400 It's about to be the 11th. By the time y'all here there is 661 00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:53,680 the 11th will have passed. But right now we're at 5000 662 00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:55,800 downloads. So that is incredible. 663 00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:59,080 And that is all as a result of you guys doing what you're 664 00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:01,280 doing. I'm going to continue to get 665 00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:03,800 this content up and rolling as long as people are willing to 666 00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:06,120 talk to me. And like I said before, this 667 00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:11,000 podcast has evolved and is evolving into a very useful tool 668 00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:14,240 for people who are newly diagnosed, for people who 669 00:42:14,240 --> 00:42:16,960 haven't had a chance to talk about their experience and 670 00:42:16,960 --> 00:42:20,840 really have a therapeutic experience, getting this message 671 00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:23,520 off their chest and being able to someone else. 672 00:42:23,520 --> 00:42:27,080 Just like Flora said, you know, it was a full circle experience 673 00:42:27,200 --> 00:42:30,480 where she realized how far she came when she was able to look 674 00:42:30,480 --> 00:42:34,640 back and see, well, when she was able to help someone through 675 00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:38,520 their diagnosis and look back and see herself in that person, 676 00:42:38,880 --> 00:42:42,000 in that person's position. So please continue to help us 677 00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:45,280 get this out to the world as we get more reviews and 678 00:42:45,280 --> 00:42:47,840 interactions and engagements on the podcast. 679 00:42:48,080 --> 00:42:51,680 The podcast players promote us, so as long as we keep that 680 00:42:51,680 --> 00:42:55,160 going, we're golden and people are going to always find this 681 00:42:55,160 --> 00:42:57,440 and get access to the resources they need. 682 00:42:57,880 --> 00:42:59,800 Until next time, stay positive.