1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,320 Hello, welcome to Something Positive for Positive People. 2 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:07,640 I'm Courtney Brain. Something Positive for Positive 3 00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:12,120 People is A5O1C3 nonprofit organization supporting people 4 00:00:12,120 --> 00:00:13,480 who are navigating herpes stigma. 5 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:17,720 A couple of quick announcements. Actually, the main 1 is just 6 00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:21,560 that, December 12th in New York City and Brooklyn specifically, 7 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:25,040 we're going to have a low karaoke event celebrating what 8 00:00:25,040 --> 00:00:29,600 will be the 400th Something Positive for Positive People 9 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:33,440 podcast episode release. If you're new here, we've been 10 00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:37,680 podcasting since 2017. We're going into 2026. 11 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:43,760 So yeah, we are really we really doing this. 12 00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:47,760 It's been almost a podcast episode a week average maybe a 13 00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:51,680 little bit more than 400 already, but like numerically 14 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:54,800 we're almost at 400. There's been some bonus episodes 15 00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:58,920 that I've posted over the years. Why I made them bonuses, I don't 16 00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:00,520 know. I probably shouldn't have done 17 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:03,360 that, but this is what we got. All right. 18 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:08,160 And for those who don't know, first and third Monday, 7:30 PM 19 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:11,520 Eastern Time are the Women's herpes support groups. 20 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:14,000 These meet virtually. In order to join, all you have 21 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:18,920 to do is make a donation to the women's support group find after 22 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:21,200 you and I have had a one-on-one support call. 23 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:23,800 So if you have not had a one-on-one support call, you 24 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:26,120 cannot join the groups. I have to vet people. 25 00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:28,040 We have to have a conversation first. 26 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:31,760 This is for the safety and integrity of the entirety of the 27 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:34,280 groups. For me to be able to just talk 28 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:36,880 to people and make sure that they're aware of what the 29 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:39,440 group's for and also for you to know what it is. 30 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:43,160 I don't know that I can really put on the Internet everything 31 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:45,520 that the group is made of and answer any of the questions that 32 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:47,920 you might have before joining. So it's best to just have a 33 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:51,360 conversation. The second and fourth Mondays 34 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:54,240 are for the men. These are the men's support 35 00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:56,600 groups. And then on the 5th Monday, this 36 00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:59,840 is a very new thing. I'm going to do something that's 37 00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:03,760 integrated so we don't have a fifth Monday every month of the 38 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:06,480 year. But for the ones that we do have 39 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:10,919 a fifth Monday, I'm going to try and do a blended thing. 40 00:02:10,919 --> 00:02:12,920 I don't know exactly what I'm thinking. 41 00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:18,000 Maybe a herpes discussion workshop where we can get 42 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:21,440 practice sharing our status and talking about sex and sexual 43 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:25,440 health with each other from I mean, either the groups or I can 44 00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:28,480 just open it up to the public. So we'll we'll see about that 45 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:34,120 and that's really it as far as announcements go at this point 46 00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:36,040 in time. If you've been listening for a 47 00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:38,760 while, thanks for being here at the end of the podcast episode. 48 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:42,000 If you liked it, please rate review it, subscribe to share 49 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:43,720 the podcast. That really helps us with 50 00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:46,600 visibility. And if you ever Google or search 51 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,320 for something herpes related, you see us pop up at the top. 52 00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:55,000 Don't click the ad, click the organic SEO one because then we 53 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:59,120 can save that marketing budget for people who maybe have not 54 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:01,240 heard of something positive for positive people. 55 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:04,520 All right, I believe that's it for my announcements. 56 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:08,680 Surprise. We have a guest today and I am 57 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:12,400 going to like I, I know for the past few weeks it's just been my 58 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:15,720 voice on the podcast. And I'm glad that you were 59 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:20,280 willing to be a guest on the show, especially because I have 60 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:23,600 been lately having trouble with people seeing the content on 61 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:27,400 social media, which is normally how I would get podcast guest or 62 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:31,360 posting on Reddit even. And I'm just not getting podcast 63 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:34,480 guests. So it's just been me trying to 64 00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:37,840 find topics that people maybe you're searching for, looking 65 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:41,000 for online for me to just try and cover to the best of my 66 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:44,800 ability. And yeah, hear you popped up and 67 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:47,240 you were ready to not just show your story, but also have your 68 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:49,560 face out out there, which I very much appreciate. 69 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:53,680 So I guess for starters, I'll just let you introduce yourself 70 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:56,520 and then just share how you and I connected and we'll just get 71 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:57,760 into the conversation from there. 72 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:01,320 Sure. So my name is Jade Renz and I'm 73 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,480 the founder of Essentially Prepped. 74 00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:08,080 Essentially Prepped actually started a long time ago and like 75 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,720 evolutionized over the several years. 76 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:14,440 It started out as essential oils and then it was meal prepping 77 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:17,600 and then it was being essentially prepped for life and 78 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:20,880 adventures. And then I came into getting 79 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:23,040 herpes. And now I've grown very 80 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:27,880 passionate about coaching and helping others with getting 81 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:30,520 their herpes diagnosis and walking through that and 82 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,160 support. I'm definitely newer to the 83 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:35,640 game. And I found you actually, you 84 00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:37,760 know, 'cause the first thing I did, I'm a researcher. 85 00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:41,160 So when I first got diagnosed, I'm just in the rabbit hole of 86 00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:45,160 online finding out everything. And definitely yours was one of 87 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,920 the first sites that had popped up. 88 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,440 So that's how I kind of got to know you. 89 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:52,040 I've definitely started following everyone that I could 90 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:54,760 related to the herpes realm on Instagram. 91 00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:57,880 So I've definitely seen lots of your information, been following 92 00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:00,680 you for a while and that's how it came to be. 93 00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:03,560 What made you want to be a podcast guest? 94 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:10,520 Honestly, I just wanted to kind of talk to you and just, you 95 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:13,720 know, kind of just have the conversation 'cause you've been 96 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:16,720 in this realm for such a long time with being having this 97 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:19,400 diagnosis for 20 years. I'm only a year and a half into 98 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:23,760 my diagnosis. Wait, wait, wait, Ain't been 20 99 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:25,480 years, it's been 12. It's been 12. 100 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:26,720 I'm. Sorry, sorry, sorry. 101 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:31,600 My bad, my bad. You go have exes reaching out to 102 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:32,800 me like you motherfucker had this one. 103 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:35,600 No, no, All right. I just got to say. 104 00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:40,160 That 12 years, 12 years. Sorry, that was my bad. 105 00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:43,000 But yeah, just to have a conversation. 106 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:46,440 And I feel like one of the most important things about this 107 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:49,920 virus specifically is just the stigma around it and how 108 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:53,640 everyone is so, like, isolated and won't show their face and 109 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:57,320 doesn't want to talk about it. And the anonymity, even trying 110 00:05:57,320 --> 00:06:01,320 to like, create a support group in the community, in your area, 111 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,200 around it, you know, people just don't want to talk. 112 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:05,520 So I was like, I'm gonna get my face out there and I'm gonna get 113 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:08,800 my name out there and I'm gonna chat with people about this and 114 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:11,880 have people know that they're not alone and they're supported 115 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:13,440 and we're all going through this. 116 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:20,880 Yeah, thank you for that. And I also wanna ask like the 117 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,320 putting your face out there thing. 118 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:26,280 I believe that when we do put our faces out there, it aims to 119 00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:31,040 destigmatize this. I had an episode maybe a little 120 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:34,120 over a month ago. So it probably is like 5 to 8 121 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:37,400 episodes ago where I interviewed a couple. 122 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:42,040 And at first there was this guy that I interviewed who was one 123 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:44,520 of the very few men that I've had on the podcast. 124 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:48,920 And then let alone one of the few people that allow for me to 125 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:53,920 record the podcast and use the video for some of the social 126 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:56,160 media post. And he let me put that out 127 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:57,200 there. I put it out there. 128 00:06:57,200 --> 00:07:02,480 And recently he had gotten into a relationship with somebody who 129 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:06,280 saw it, saw him slid in his DMS, was just like looking for a 130 00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:08,560 friend. She says, I'm like, I don't 131 00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:10,320 know, I think you would shoot your shot. 132 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:15,520 But it's it's it's nice to see that there's these kinds of 133 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:17,840 things that can happen. Not that that's to be expected, 134 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:19,200 right? There's a number of factors that 135 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:23,200 play a role in that between person's own self-confidence 136 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:28,160 about it, even their career field, I guess their social 137 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:33,520 circles, their support systems. And I, I, I talk about just how 138 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:37,800 how brave it was for him to be willing to like, he didn't have 139 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:39,880 to eat or anybody putting his face out there. 140 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:43,480 But it was also nice to just have another face out there, 141 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:46,360 another man out there, another black man out there too. 142 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:49,920 And this was one of the outcomes that happened. 143 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:54,600 And I hear more people who are concerned about the negatives or 144 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:57,800 the potentially bad things that can happen from them putting 145 00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:00,320 their faces out there. Are you concerned about any of 146 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:04,000 the bad stuff that can happen from your face being out there? 147 00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:09,400 Honestly, no, because I feel like I feel so-called to do this 148 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:13,520 and I felt very called to do this from a very early point and 149 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:16,680 I didn't talk about it. It's to the public at 1st. 150 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:19,440 And I was just like, and I kept feeling this calling to talk 151 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:21,160 about it. And I was like, OK, fine. 152 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:25,120 Like I hear you like OK, I'm going to talk about this like, 153 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:28,080 but I don't feel like there's going to be any repercussions. 154 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:30,800 I feel like it's just one of those avenues, like if people 155 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:34,559 are going to not hire me because of something that's happening to 156 00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:37,640 my body, then obviously you don't value what I can bring to 157 00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:40,480 the table anyway. So I'm like, I don't want to 158 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:42,880 work for you or whatever the case may be. 159 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:45,040 Yeah. Can you say more about that 160 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:47,880 calling and you not doing this the first time you felt called 161 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:50,520 to? Yeah, so I had wanted to start 162 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:52,720 coaching, so let me go back a little bit. 163 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:56,000 So I moved from Alabama to Orlando, FL. 164 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:59,280 I wondered what that accent was. It sounded southern. 165 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:00,720 I was like. Everyone thinks. 166 00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:03,440 Georgia. I was thinking Mississippi, 167 00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:07,040 Alabama, because my grandparents are from both of those states. 168 00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:09,320 Yeah, it kind of sounded like that. 169 00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:11,480 All right. Yep, Alabama girl here. 170 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:15,920 That's the country twang. But I don't like country music. 171 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:22,600 I just have to say it, But yeah, so I came from Alabama, You 172 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:25,920 know, I'd lived there for 25 years of my life, and I was 173 00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:29,360 excited to get out of the small town vibes and felt like I had 174 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:33,680 just been held back for a very long time and had outgrown that 175 00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:37,120 place a long time ago. So I was like, yes, I get to be 176 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:40,760 free and come out of this place. And I had done a lot of inner 177 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:45,720 work during that time as well. And so I finally, right before I 178 00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:47,720 moved is when I got this diagnosis. 179 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:50,920 And I knew I wanted to coach and I just didn't know like what 180 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:54,520 that looked like, how what kind of coaching I wanted to do. 181 00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:57,720 I've always been like the empath and the one that everybody comes 182 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:00,600 to for advice and talking through things. 183 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:04,200 So it's just been like an innate thing in my life like since I 184 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:08,720 was young. And so I just felt very called 185 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:13,560 to talk about the herpes specifically very early on, but 186 00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:16,200 I was like, no, no, no, I don't want to do that. 187 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,680 I was like, I don't know if I want to put that out there for 188 00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:22,320 everybody to know. Like, I'm not sure I'm, I'm just 189 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:25,840 gonna coach with like adventure and bringing adventure into your 190 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:27,400 life because that's how what I did. 191 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:32,080 That's how I was and it just never felt right, like I was in 192 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:35,880 a business program to try and help me with getting my name out 193 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:38,240 there and doing the whole coaching thing. 194 00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:42,680 I'm sure tons of people have done that with hiring someone 195 00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:43,920 in. We need mentors. 196 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:47,600 Everyone does. And it just never felt right to 197 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:49,880 me. And then as soon as I was like, 198 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:52,160 OK, I was like, I just keep feeling this. 199 00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:54,520 So I was like, I'm gonna talk about it. 200 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:57,200 And as soon as I started talking about it, everything just kind 201 00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:59,720 of felt right. Like I felt like I was in 202 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:02,400 alignment with my life again and where I was going and what I 203 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:06,280 needed to talk about and using my voice, because I didn't use 204 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:08,640 my voice before. I've been very, like, stifled in 205 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:13,280 my life and, like, not able to speak about things or, like, my 206 00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:17,080 opinions and what I had to say didn't matter. 207 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:19,240 Didn't matter. Especially as a child, you know, 208 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:22,720 sometimes it's like, OK, yeah. Anyways, like we don't need to 209 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:25,720 talk about that or whatever it the case may be. 210 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:30,000 So yeah, that's kind of how that came to be with me speaking 211 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,520 about it. And that calling it was just 212 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:33,840 something that I innately felt inside of me. 213 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:37,200 All right, I didn't want to interrupt you. 214 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:38,320 I was going to hit the unmute button. 215 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:42,720 So I was like, Oh yeah, well, thank you. 216 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:46,680 How long have you done the coaching? 217 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:50,240 And is it geared towards people with herpes? 218 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:56,480 So I just, I would say I started with the coaching in I think it 219 00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:59,800 was like February of this year, but I didn't switch over to 220 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:03,800 herpes until. When was that? 221 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:09,920 It might have been around like April or May maybe. 222 00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:14,200 So it's very new on like very early on into it. 223 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:17,960 So I'm, I'm kind of like a newbie with it, if you, you 224 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:19,800 know, if you want to call it that or whatever you want to 225 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:20,840 say. But yeah. 226 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:26,120 Yeah, I'm not curious necessarily because I I talked 227 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:30,440 to so many people who do have herpes, but I want to give some 228 00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:34,760 insight to what coaching looks like or what can be expected 229 00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:39,840 with coaching. It's not something that ioffer, 230 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:44,800 but I feel like it's something that people tie into what you 231 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:47,000 know, our conversations maybe feel like. 232 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:51,280 So can you just kind of describe what if someone would have 233 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:53,960 worked with you for coaching? What does that look like? 234 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:58,800 So it would really be, it comes down to more of the stigmas 235 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:02,760 behind it and a lot of it for me is natural solutions. 236 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:06,240 I've been a very natural girl for a very long time. 237 00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:10,920 I've done essential oils since I think it was like 2017. 238 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:13,960 So I was already very much on like a natural path. 239 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:18,800 And I just, I know what it's like to be on medication and 240 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:21,720 have side effects from it. So I know that a lot of the 241 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:25,240 times doctors kind of like shove a medication to you, they don't 242 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:27,880 really tell you much about it. They're just like, this is what 243 00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:30,960 you do to prevent it, basically putting a Band-Aid on it. 244 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:36,320 And so my biggest thing is having natural solutions to 245 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:41,360 helping prevent outbreaks, what that looks like and those sorts 246 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:44,200 of things. But also it's about your mindset 247 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:45,840 and yourself. Love like that. 248 00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:47,680 It definitely always comes down to that. 249 00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:49,800 And I think that's anyone in life, honestly. 250 00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:53,640 But it's just like a huge added layer when you get a herpes 251 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:56,760 diagnosis and have to deal with the emotional side of it as well 252 00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:58,560 too. So just working through that, 253 00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:02,400 having the support, even just someone to vent to and talk to. 254 00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:06,640 And I do want to start forming more of a community as well 255 00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:09,720 because that, you know, I feel we all need that. 256 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:14,280 Like we definitely need support and love in those areas, so. 257 00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:26,880 Yeah, I recognize a humongous gap in the needs of people Who 258 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:29,960 start out looking for herpes support. 259 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:33,160 They look for community, they look for something, right? 260 00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:37,680 And one of the questions that I have for people is usually if 261 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:40,160 they're looking for a support group, what do you hope to get 262 00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:45,040 out of the support group? And you see people's will start 263 00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:47,720 kind of turning. And I wonder often if there's 264 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:54,560 this, I just need to be around people who also have it. 265 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:58,800 Or if there's this, like you can tell people haven't maybe 266 00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:01,880 thought about that before. They just think, oh, I need, I 267 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:05,720 need this. And it's comes down to do you 268 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:08,920 need this or do you think you need it because you feel like 269 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:10,920 you're supposed to? And so much of the 270 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:14,520 conversations, like, for example, if people are asking, 271 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:17,880 how do I tell someone that I have herpes because it's like so 272 00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:20,000 ashamed. They're so ashamed that they're 273 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:27,160 embarrassed by it. What I on my end see is that in 274 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:32,000 talking it out, they kind of say out loud exactly what they need 275 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:35,000 to say to the person. And there's usually this fear of 276 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:39,600 vulnerability or fear of emotional connection. 277 00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:43,760 And it's that like, people want the words, People want the 278 00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:47,840 sequence of wording that's going to increase their chances of 279 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:53,800 getting a yes from somebody. But the reality is like, there's 280 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:58,120 nothing we can do about that. And people are needing to feel 281 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:02,720 people's emotion behind it and connect with that. 282 00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:05,440 Otherwise it's just like an empty shell of the language 283 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:08,480 without any sort of life behind it. 284 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:14,120 And so from your end, I guess in the conversations or in your 285 00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:19,120 experience, right, when people, when you find yourself like 286 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:21,520 being supportive to people or in finding the support for 287 00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:24,520 yourself, like does that hold true for you or is there some 288 00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:29,120 different, a different finding that you have? 289 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:31,920 No, I feel the same way. Yeah. 290 00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:34,320 It just seems that people sometimes it's literally just 291 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:37,720 saying it out loud. They haven't been able to tell. 292 00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:41,040 A lot of the people that have come to me haven't told anyone 293 00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:45,720 in their family even or there's someone that they're going to 294 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:50,680 date or whoever it is and they just want to like just being 295 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:54,520 able to even say it and talk to someone who understands is like 296 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:58,640 almost that like bottom line, kind of, Oh my gosh, I needed 297 00:16:58,640 --> 00:16:59,920 that. Like, thank you so much for 298 00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:02,080 listening. And just like holding a safe 299 00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:06,160 space, especially because of the anonymity with, you know, that 300 00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:09,160 people have with this and not wanting people to know whether 301 00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:11,520 it's the small towns or the jobs, like you said, I've had 302 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:15,520 several that were like, I can't like say that and like my job 303 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:17,800 can't know, like it will hinder me in my job. 304 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:22,280 Yeah, and a lot of people think that without any kind of proof. 305 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:25,160 Like, I always ask people, OK, if your job fires you for having 306 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:30,360 herpes, I am positive you can sue them and then, like, not 307 00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:32,880 work and maybe even move somewhere that you'd be happier 308 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:35,480 at, right. But it's not. 309 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:42,000 I guess it's like outside of my perspective, but that sounds a 310 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,440 lot like discrimination. I know there's lawyers that will 311 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:47,120 probably be on hand ready for that lawsuit. 312 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:50,600 But now let's let's get into your experience. 313 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:55,040 You are from Alabama, 25 years, 2425 years you said you spent in 314 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,080 Alabama. Yeah. 25 years, yeah. 315 00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:02,320 And let's talk about, well, you weren't diagnosed in Alabama. 316 00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:05,000 Is that correct? So it was right before I moved. 317 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:08,200 It was kind of crazy. So I literally was planning to 318 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,960 move to Orlando. I was like getting my house 319 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:14,200 ready to rent out. I was getting a property 320 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:17,040 manager. I was downsizing to a bedroom 321 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:19,960 because I was just tired of taking care of a house by myself 322 00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:25,440 and it was my grandmother's like 90th birthday at the time, my 323 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:28,800 best friend's birthday. And then literally July 5th I 324 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:32,600 was like headed out with EU Haul and I had all of these symptoms. 325 00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:37,880 I got tested July 3rd blood test like I had, you know, it was a 326 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:42,680 really bad breakout as well. And I ended up getting tested 327 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:45,080 and getting my results after I had moved. 328 00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:48,200 So I'm literally like, OK, I'm having all these breakouts 329 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:51,440 trying to move like uproot my entire life, have all these 330 00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:55,320 celebrations with family and friends in town and let me just 331 00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:58,760 go take this trip and then bam in an e-mail. 332 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:01,240 It's like you have positive test. 333 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,200 What or whatever is that? Well, I didn't even know how to 334 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,600 read it. I had to, like, figure out how 335 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:08,240 to even read it and what it meant, you know, on my own 336 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:11,400 because it doesn't really explicitly tell you. 337 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:15,320 So, yeah, so technically I was in Florida when I found out it 338 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:18,440 was true, but I already kind of knew after all the research I 339 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:19,400 had done. So. 340 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,280 All right, so tell me about this boy that gave it to you. 341 00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:28,080 What was that relationship like? How'd you come to acquire it or 342 00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:31,680 be exposed? So actually I, you know, I was 343 00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:36,200 like perpetually single for a while and I. 344 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,000 Had wait wait wait, we're perpetually single? 345 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,440 Cuz I've been hearing that a lot. 346 00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:44,120 What does that mean? So I was single for like, I 347 00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:49,680 think like almost like two or three years and I feel like I'm 348 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:53,000 just kind of like picky about who I date and like want to give 349 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,240 that time to. And I specifically, I think it 350 00:19:55,240 --> 00:20:00,640 was 2022 that I like wanted to be single for that year. 351 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:01,960 I was like, I'm not going to date. 352 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:04,880 Like I still have fun obviously and still have sex sometimes 353 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,960 like, but I didn't want to be in a relationship. 354 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:10,640 I was concentrating on me. If I wanted to have the sex, 355 00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:12,280 great. If I didn't, I'm not doing it. 356 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:14,840 If I wanted to have the sex. Yeah. 357 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:17,360 All right. So. 358 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:20,360 All right. So this was a casual 359 00:20:20,360 --> 00:20:22,200 relationship. It wasn't a relationship. 360 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:23,080 What? What was it? 361 00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:26,560 Yeah, I was super casual, like I had met him at the bar. 362 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:28,160 He was just fun to hang out with. 363 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,320 And he's super sweet, like hind soul. 364 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:34,280 And usually it's just crazy because I always normally had 365 00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:36,800 these conversations with people before having sex. 366 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,760 Like, when were you tested last? What were your results like? 367 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:42,920 Main question, you know, things like that. 368 00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:45,200 And with him I didn't, I was drinking a lot. 369 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:48,520 I was super stressed out at the time with everything that was 370 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:50,680 going on and everything I had to get done. 371 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:53,040 Oh, also I couldn't keep my job either. 372 00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:56,080 So and I had nothing lined up for when I moved. 373 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:59,000 So I was like trying to wrap up like my corporate job that I had 374 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:03,480 been at for four years as well and train my replacement on top 375 00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:04,960 of all the other stuff. What? 376 00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:07,000 Kind of job, you don't have to say what it was, but like what 377 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:11,560 kind of what was the field? I was in public safety. 378 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:14,240 I was an executive assistant. So I was like the glue. 379 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:18,400 Yeah, I was the glue. It was a lot. 380 00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:21,240 Yeah, it. Was a wonderful. 381 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:27,320 So yeah, I was just super casual, like, and I didn't have 382 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:29,680 that conversation. I had it the next day. 383 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:32,800 It was honestly like a drunken night, like I'm having fun, 384 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:38,280 whatever. And he mentioned that his ex had 385 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:41,960 tested positive for HSV 1, but he didn't have it. 386 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:46,080 And then a couple days later, I started breaking out like all 387 00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:50,240 over, super painful, swollen, all of it. 388 00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:54,200 I didn't even really have like time to process it or even 389 00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:56,160 really feel it because I was drinking so much. 390 00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:58,080 I was just like numbing myself all the time. 391 00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:03,040 So I'm sure that didn't help. My immune system was probably 392 00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:06,760 crap and all the stress. So yeah, I started breaking out. 393 00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:10,400 I had the conversation with him. I even talked to like an ex that 394 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,360 I had slept with months prior. He was the only other person 395 00:22:13,360 --> 00:22:15,080 I've had sex with in like a year. 396 00:22:15,360 --> 00:22:18,000 So I was like, pretty sure it's you, buddy. 397 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:21,680 Like. And he was just like, OK, well, 398 00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:24,320 he ended up getting tested and he did finally. 399 00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:26,760 It was like, well, after I'd moved, but he did. 400 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:28,400 He was like, yeah, I tested positive. 401 00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:33,520 I was like, yeah, well, like, so I don't think he knew. 402 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,720 He says he doesn't know. I don't know. 403 00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:38,720 I, I think, I mean, with how many people are asymptomatic, I 404 00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:41,960 totally like believe that he didn't know that. 405 00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:44,920 But yeah, so here I am all. Right. 406 00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:47,600 I was going to ask like, how did you feel about that? 407 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:49,840 Because you know where you got it from. 408 00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:52,400 Did that change your reaction that you had? 409 00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:56,760 Honestly, it's like, it's crazy because like I said, I had so 410 00:22:56,760 --> 00:23:01,040 much happening that I didn't really fully process it because 411 00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:03,480 I was just like, I have to move. I have to get this stuff, I have 412 00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:06,080 to do that. I have to get my U-Haul, I have 413 00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:08,360 to go make sure all this stuff is packed. 414 00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:10,360 I have to make sure all this stuff sold on Facebook. 415 00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:15,720 So I really didn't process it much until well after I moved 416 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:18,080 because I was just like a BLOB for a while too. 417 00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:21,640 I was like, all right, now I get to recover from burnout on top 418 00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:25,280 of everything. But I still talk to him. 419 00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:29,560 I do believe that he didn't know, like, he passed it 420 00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:33,920 unintentionally. So yeah. 421 00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:39,880 Yeah, Do you? When you got the chance to 422 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:49,840 process right, was there a more intense reaction or I'm curious 423 00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:53,480 what the processing process was? So you get this diagnosis, you 424 00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:55,120 got all this stuff that you need to do. 425 00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:59,320 You mentioned numbing. And over that period of time 426 00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:03,400 when all of the stuff that needed to be taken care of got 427 00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:07,320 taken care of with what was left, right? 428 00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:11,720 What were your questions? What were your concerns about 429 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:16,920 herpes, if any at all? I literally my first thought 430 00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:19,280 because I'm such a like sexual being. 431 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:22,720 I was like I'm never going to get aid out again and I was so 432 00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:26,080 sad. I was like, damn it. 433 00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:31,840 And it has that held to be true. No, I've definitely gotten aid 434 00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:32,880 out all. Right. 435 00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:37,560 So we're good here. All right, So what, what were 436 00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:42,880 your concerns with that? Like was it the fear of passing 437 00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:47,360 it on being asymptomatic? Like, and, and I'm curious about 438 00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:49,840 how some of those conversations would have gone, because I know 439 00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:54,400 that that's that's something that women have cried over, like 440 00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:57,960 not being able to get eaten out again because now they have 441 00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:04,640 herpes and that's not true. So what from your experience? 442 00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:05,840 I don't know. I don't know how to ask this. 443 00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:09,880 I'm trying to ask this in like a, I don't even know 444 00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:13,280 professional way. I don't think I've been 445 00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:16,160 professional necessarily on this podcast and I'll be forgetting 446 00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:19,200 that like this podcast is for the people with herpes. 447 00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:23,160 It's not for like the speaking opportunities or advocacy 448 00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:26,080 efforts and things like that. So it's just like it's just girl 449 00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:28,040 talk. Like I think at this point, like 450 00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:32,720 in this conversation, I can be seen as gay best friend sort of 451 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:37,960 way. But how how do you like when you 452 00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:42,400 talking to these men that still choose to go down on you? 453 00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:45,840 How you approaching that like what what give give the girl 454 00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:49,600 some notes on having this conversation. 455 00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:52,760 You got genital herpes and you trying to get you trying to get 456 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:56,160 it out. So I've only had a couple 457 00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:58,920 experiences with this so far, but the. 458 00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:01,160 First rejections. Do what? 459 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:03,600 Have you had any rejections? No. 460 00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:07,560 OK, go. On I have not. 461 00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:13,720 So the first guy that I told it was very, very soon after I had 462 00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:20,720 moved that I met him and we hung out several times and just and 463 00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:22,520 didn't do anything, didn't kiss, nothing. 464 00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:26,000 And I was just like, Oh my gosh, I have got to tell this guy. 465 00:26:26,360 --> 00:26:27,960 I'm like, how am I going to tell him? 466 00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:31,280 Like I don't know. We're like sitting in my car and 467 00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:34,040 he's like thinking about possibly coming to stay with me. 468 00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:35,360 And I'm just like, I have to tell him now. 469 00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:38,920 Like I can't do it later. Like, I have to before we even, 470 00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:41,600 like, get there because it's like a, you know, it was a 471 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:44,160 drive. And so I, I was sitting there 472 00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:46,320 and I was just like, I was scared out of my mind. 473 00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:48,080 I'm like sweating. My palms are wet. 474 00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:51,440 I was just like, oh, my God. And I just like, blurted it out. 475 00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:52,800 I was like, I have to tell you something. 476 00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:57,840 Do you know what HSV is? And he was like, yeah, I think 477 00:26:57,840 --> 00:26:59,920 so. But will you tell me just so I 478 00:26:59,920 --> 00:27:02,480 can make sure that I'm thinking of the right thing? 479 00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:05,320 And I was like, you know, herpes simplex virus. 480 00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:08,000 I have herpes and it's the genital kind. 481 00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:11,360 And he was just like, oh, like, so nonchalant. 482 00:27:11,360 --> 00:27:13,440 I was like, so surprised. He was just like, oh, yeah. 483 00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:15,320 He was like, one of my exes had it. 484 00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:19,000 That's fine. I was, like, blown away. 485 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:22,800 I was like, I was stressing out for no reason, like. 486 00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:25,720 Get that a lot. 01 of my exes had it. 487 00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:28,680 Yeah. But that's how you got it, 488 00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:30,160 right? Well. 489 00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:31,680 He didn't have it, though. He didn't. 490 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:33,480 Have it. OK, Yeah, yeah. 491 00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:35,560 Well, it's, it's just an interesting response. 492 00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:40,200 Like that's something that I I don't know how often that's come 493 00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:43,480 up where someone has been met with. 494 00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:46,600 Yeah, maybe in like the non monogamy polyamory world. 495 00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:49,840 And are you monogamous? Yes. 496 00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:54,160 And in dating, do you only date one person at a time? 497 00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:57,640 Yes. OK, so the reason I ask that is 498 00:27:57,640 --> 00:28:00,760 because I don't, I think that it does look different for people 499 00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:05,440 who maybe are non monogamous versus people who are dating in 500 00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:08,320 the monogamous world. Because it's also kind of rare 501 00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:11,680 that the conversation about sex and sexual health even comes up 502 00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:16,560 because I think that there's often the assumption that people 503 00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:22,040 who are dating in the monogamous sense are clean, so to speak. 504 00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:24,280 I use air quotes for anybody who's just listening in. 505 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,920 And I don't know that the conversation. 506 00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:32,240 I don't know that there's a lot of skillful navigation of the 507 00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:34,320 conversation, if the conversations even had. 508 00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:37,600 So that's why I was, I was just curious about that to see like 509 00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:41,440 what you're dating style was to be able to speak to that a 510 00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:43,400 little bit. Yeah. 511 00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:49,640 So yeah, definitely monogamous. I don't know how to say. 512 00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:54,400 I get like I've been with like sexually like a different story. 513 00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:57,560 Like I've definitely like been with multiple people, been with 514 00:28:57,560 --> 00:29:00,160 some women. Like I'm definitely like freer 515 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:03,520 and open with that. But relationship wise, I usually 516 00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:06,840 am like I when I want to do that, I just date one person. 517 00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:11,160 I only want to be with one person kind of aspect, but I 518 00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:15,720 don't feel that just because I'm like a monogamous person that 519 00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:18,720 like makes it cleaner in a way because I'm just like it's 520 00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:24,360 everywhere, you know, like it's, it's not easy to get, but it 521 00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:25,680 kind of is, you know what I mean? 522 00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:28,720 Like I'm like, it's you're not careful and you're not asking 523 00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:30,720 the questions. Like I said before, like I 524 00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:33,360 always usually ask those questions before I ever had sex. 525 00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:36,240 And anyone should be having that, even if you don't have 526 00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:39,280 this. And especially if you do have 527 00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:41,640 it, you should be asking them too so they don't give you 528 00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:44,640 something else too when you're already dealing with it like. 529 00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:50,000 Are you telling people, yeah, go ahead? 530 00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:54,360 I was gonna say just because they ask you or you tell them 531 00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:57,000 like when you're just closing to them, I'm like, you should ask 532 00:29:57,000 --> 00:30:00,320 them that back. Like definitely like make sure 533 00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:03,160 like have they been tested? Like what's there? 534 00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:06,760 Like, you know, where are they at with all of that? 535 00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:08,800 So. Yeah. 536 00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:13,200 And being from the South, so you've mentioned I got to, I got 537 00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:14,840 to ask about this. So you mentioned having been 538 00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:17,080 with women and you're from the South. 539 00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:22,400 Like do you do you identify as not straight at all in any way, 540 00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:26,680 shape or form? I don't because I don't, I think 541 00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:29,200 only because I've only had like sexual experiences. 542 00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:34,600 So I guess for me, I'm just like, that doesn't necessarily 543 00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:38,680 make me like buy or whatever it would be. 544 00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:41,800 It's like the first time I heard that. 545 00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:44,680 That's why I'm a little bit curious, like because I have 546 00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:46,800 friends who would have talked about that. 547 00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:51,240 Like they love men, been with men, but they've been in sexual 548 00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:54,680 relationships with women. And I think it's interesting 549 00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:59,040 because what you do doesn't make up who you are so identifying 550 00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:01,600 as. And there's people who there's 551 00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:05,520 someone I know who I follow on Instagram, like she goes in on 552 00:31:05,520 --> 00:31:09,240 download men or men who identify as straight, even though they 553 00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:14,800 have sex with men Two. And it's interesting the stigma, 554 00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:18,880 even in my internal reaction of hearing that like, oh, like 555 00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:20,320 you've been with women a few times. 556 00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:23,160 Like I didn't have a Oh my God, you're on the download reaction. 557 00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:27,560 Whereas I think about what's on the Internet about like men who 558 00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:31,560 will be with women, but then like have a, you know, sexual 559 00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:32,960 relationship with a man on the side. 560 00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:37,120 Do you feel any of that stigma or there any thoughts or 561 00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:40,600 feelings that you have about being straight and having been 562 00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:42,280 with women? And is that even something that 563 00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:45,280 you're still into or interested in or curious? 564 00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:51,920 I'm just a very, like, open and curious person, especially when 565 00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:56,920 it comes to sex. I feel like society, especially 566 00:31:56,920 --> 00:31:59,200 in the South, oh, my God. Like when you said the South, 567 00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:03,560 I'm just like, yeah, like you don't talk about those things. 568 00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:06,720 But you'd be surprised in some of those communities just how 569 00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:10,000 much there's, like, swinging going on or like, whatever the 570 00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:13,400 relationships are like, yeah, there is so much going on behind 571 00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:16,200 closed doors. And I think now that we're just 572 00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:20,440 in this time of like an era where everything is online, 573 00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:22,640 everyone knows everything about everything. 574 00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:25,920 So I feel like it's a little bit more open. 575 00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:27,440 But in the South, it's still not. 576 00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:30,640 So it's not something I would have, like, talked about super 577 00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:32,280 openly. They're like all the people that 578 00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:36,080 know me, like, no, they're like, Oh yeah, she's very like, sexual 579 00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:39,880 and we'll do stuff. But now I feel like it's just 580 00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:43,640 interesting navigating relationships and sex, period 581 00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:47,440 with having herpes. So now it's like, OK, especially 582 00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:50,320 with me doing things naturally. So I'm like, if I have a 583 00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:52,400 breakout, like I don't even really want to go talk to 584 00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:55,080 somebody because I'm like, that can't happen right now. 585 00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:57,440 And I literally just had this conversation with my roommate 586 00:32:57,440 --> 00:32:59,320 yesterday. I was like, but I can still 587 00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:00,920 like, talk to them and get to know them. 588 00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:03,400 I was like, it doesn't have to be about sex, you know? 589 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:06,320 I was like, I need to get out of that mindset. 590 00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:07,800 Like why am I thinking like that? 591 00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:14,560 But let's talk about that. I have felt that way too, not 592 00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:18,280 like, so I, I end up having to tell people I have herpes way 593 00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:20,840 earlier than I'm ready to because typically they'll ask 594 00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:24,880 what do you do, right? I might be in yoga therapy 595 00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:27,440 training. I might have a yoga teacher 596 00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:30,080 certification. I might teach medical students. 597 00:33:30,080 --> 00:33:32,400 I might public speak. I do all of those things. 598 00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:36,600 But I think that all of these are arms or extensions of 599 00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:38,680 running something positive for positive people. 600 00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:41,720 So in short, I'm just like, I run this nonprofit. 601 00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:44,240 Oh, what's it about? I run a nonprofit and supporting 602 00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:49,600 people with herpes. And more often than not, I met 603 00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:54,640 with genuine like surprise, I guess, because that's such a 604 00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:59,000 specific thing. And I usually hear from people 605 00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:04,000 that they also have herpes, which is so surprising to me. 606 00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:07,240 Like it's very surprising that I'm also I'm hearing, you know, 607 00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:12,960 from these people who too have it in this way that I don't know 608 00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:16,000 that I would have ever seen coming. 609 00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:24,159 Like the let me see, I'm I'm I'm kind of I think I just like 610 00:34:24,199 --> 00:34:25,920 drifted a little bit from what I was trying to say. 611 00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:30,840 But the point being that having the outcome dependency on this 612 00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:37,719 leading to a specific result, since realizing that that's 613 00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:39,719 something that I've been doing, I think I've been dialing back 614 00:34:39,719 --> 00:34:41,840 and just trying to make it a point to even just say hi to 615 00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:46,440 people, right? Just let the goal be to just see 616 00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:48,960 what's there. And you free yourself from the 617 00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:50,760 expectations and the pressure of that. 618 00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:53,520 And you allow yourself to be a lot more present when you can do 619 00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:55,760 that, when you can just. Oh, hi, I'm Courtney. 620 00:34:56,239 --> 00:34:59,320 And then like, maybe they don't want to be fucked with and 621 00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:02,400 they're like, oh, fuck off. Or like they accept the 622 00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:05,080 invitation and we have a nice little conversation and then, 623 00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:07,120 you know, it, it goes where it goes. 624 00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:10,560 So, yeah, I, I thought that was cool that you, you know, they 625 00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:17,200 had mentioned that. Yeah, for sure in the. 626 00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:21,200 I forgot what you said because I wanted to ask you more about it 627 00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:24,520 to just kind of speak a little bit more to it. 628 00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:28,000 Because I think that there is something there for people who 629 00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:31,160 maybe are stuck in, Oh my God, I'm eventually going to have to 630 00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:32,840 tell this person I have herpes. How am I going to tell them? 631 00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:34,480 What am I going to tell them? What if, what are they going to 632 00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:37,320 think of me? And we, we give so much power to 633 00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:40,440 this other person that we don't even know if we're going to get 634 00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:42,960 to a point of telling them that we have herpes. 635 00:35:43,240 --> 00:35:46,440 So how do you go about just staying present when meeting 636 00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:49,080 people? Yeah, I try to look at 637 00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:53,160 everything is like we're only on this earth for like a short, 638 00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:57,640 finite amount of time. And there's so many people that 639 00:35:57,640 --> 00:36:01,720 are come in and out of your life and like, you know, the I can't 640 00:36:01,720 --> 00:36:04,520 remember who it is, but it's like the the thing about the 641 00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:06,960 being on the bus and you have your people that are like in the 642 00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:08,760 back that are going to be there for the long haul. 643 00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:10,680 And then you have your people in the middle that like come 644 00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:12,960 through but don't stay on for a super long time. 645 00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:15,520 And then you have your people in the front that are like, they 646 00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:18,000 get on and off like real quickly, you know, and the the 647 00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:20,360 ones that you pass through. And I'm like, there's so many 648 00:36:20,360 --> 00:36:25,960 different people and aspects and things that you can learn and 649 00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:30,520 connect and put you into another place of alignment through 650 00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:32,840 people. So I try to look at it and say 651 00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:35,600 present and like meeting a friend, like these are just 652 00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:39,240 meeting new people, friends. Like it doesn't have to be a 653 00:36:39,240 --> 00:36:42,160 possible sexual partner. It doesn't have to be someone 654 00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:44,000 that you're going to be in a relationship with. 655 00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:47,320 It doesn't have to be someone that's like a specific work, 656 00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:50,040 connect or whatever it is. It's just meeting people and 657 00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:53,160 hearing their stories and like having that connection, whatever 658 00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:56,680 that may be between two people because we're humans and we need 659 00:36:56,680 --> 00:36:58,720 that. We need people and connections 660 00:36:58,720 --> 00:37:01,600 and we want that. So even if it is only a 5 minute 661 00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:03,400 conversation, that brightens your day. 662 00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:09,440 I muted myself. I thought I was muted already. 663 00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:13,720 Yeah, this, this is 100 percent, 100%. 664 00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:16,760 And there's some freedom in that there. 665 00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:23,240 It's a lot more freedom in that because 2 now having herpes and 666 00:37:23,240 --> 00:37:25,360 please tell me if this is true for you. 667 00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:29,960 But have you gotten to a point where you've almost been able to 668 00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:35,000 let go a little bit more of expectations and talking to 669 00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:38,680 dating, meeting people because, well, it's possible that maybe 670 00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:43,280 they won't be OK with you having herpes and you just kind of can 671 00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:48,480 leave it as open-ended as possible in your engagements 672 00:37:48,480 --> 00:37:51,080 with people? Yeah, definitely. 673 00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:53,640 Like I felt it was weird cuz I went through like a phase where 674 00:37:53,640 --> 00:37:55,840 I was like, I feel like I have to tell them like right off the 675 00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:57,760 bat. Like immediately I'm always like 676 00:37:57,760 --> 00:38:01,200 why do I need to do that? I was like, it's not who I am 677 00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:03,400 like at all. I'm like it's just something 678 00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:06,480 that I like have and like struggle with every now and then 679 00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:09,440 when I have breakouts. So I don't feel the need to like 680 00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:13,880 tell people off the bat and upfront as much anymore cuz I am 681 00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:17,560 more of a like bold open person. It's just who I've always been 682 00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:20,240 and how I've always operated. Like I've always said, I'm kind 683 00:38:20,240 --> 00:38:23,120 of like honest to a fault because I don't know how to like 684 00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:26,240 not like even like say like white lies. 685 00:38:26,240 --> 00:38:27,360 I'm like, I don't know how to do that. 686 00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:32,520 So but now it's kind of like, OK, like why don't you like talk 687 00:38:32,520 --> 00:38:36,000 to someone and like let them get to know you as a human being 688 00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:41,000 1st? And then like if you feel the 689 00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:44,600 need to or something kind of comes up or you start talking or 690 00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:46,880 like whatever it may be, that kind of leads to it. 691 00:38:46,880 --> 00:38:50,040 And I feel like you kind of just innately know like it. 692 00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:53,360 You'll feel inside of you like whether you want to talk about 693 00:38:53,360 --> 00:38:55,400 it or not. And like that's up to you as a 694 00:38:55,400 --> 00:39:00,040 person if you want to or not. So yeah, that's kind of how I 695 00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:01,880 look at it now. I was like, I don't need to say 696 00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:03,800 it immediately because it's not who I am. 697 00:39:05,240 --> 00:39:06,960 Yeah, that's that's it right there. 698 00:39:08,240 --> 00:39:13,760 I want for people to get to that place and just recognize that 699 00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:17,080 the power of choice comes from us. 700 00:39:17,120 --> 00:39:20,160 You know, a lot of us weren't given the choice and whether or 701 00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:23,320 not we expose ourselves to this. So I think that us being able to 702 00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:27,880 give that power of choice to other people is how we reclaim 703 00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:31,520 our power rather than trying to take it back from other people 704 00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:35,160 by trying to maybe not telling them or maybe trying to 705 00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:39,640 manipulate the situation or just being on daily antivirals and 706 00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:43,040 doing the right thing by and I use air quotes when I say right 707 00:39:43,040 --> 00:39:47,360 thing by not exposing other people to herpes. 708 00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:49,800 And I think all that is bullshit, man. 709 00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:52,720 Like we do the best with what we have. 710 00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:57,600 The information that we have is, you know, we talk to partners 711 00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:01,120 because we can't assume what their risks are based on what we 712 00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:03,920 would prefer for ourselves or what we would have preferred on 713 00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:06,000 the other side of this because we haven't met ourselves. 714 00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:09,880 And a lot of us in that case, like having not met ourselves, 715 00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:13,840 we don't know how another person might perceive us because it 716 00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:17,440 always comes down to do I like this person more than I don't 717 00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:19,520 want herpes. That's really it. 718 00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:22,400 And a lot of us. Just maybe don't like ourselves 719 00:40:22,400 --> 00:40:27,000 because of now having gotten this infection, we see that 720 00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:30,280 there's limitations to our ability to be sexual or to have 721 00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:32,720 relationships and that's just not true. 722 00:40:32,720 --> 00:40:37,960 So we got to challenge that. So yeah, I think that's that's a 723 00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:40,400 good place to kind of close us out. 724 00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:42,160 Do you have anything that you want to add? 725 00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:47,400 I don't think so. Just more of I was going to, 726 00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:49,440 it's just a conversation. That's what I was going to say. 727 00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:51,560 It's just communication. It's a conversation. 728 00:40:51,960 --> 00:40:55,360 And I think before you look at it like that, the easier it 729 00:40:55,360 --> 00:40:58,680 becomes. It's just a conversation. 730 00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:03,400 Whatever happens, happens. You're not going to literally be 731 00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:06,520 like bombed off this earth if something happens, you know, 732 00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:09,360 they say no or whatever it may be. 733 00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:14,000 So yeah. All right, And then how can 734 00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:16,440 people find you if they want to connect with you, follow you on 735 00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:21,120 social media, or work with you? Yeah, so I'm on Instagram at 736 00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:27,280 essentially Prepped, PREPPED, and you can also e-mail me at 737 00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:31,640 essentiallyprepped@gmail.com. And I've got everything on 738 00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:33,280 there. So easy. 739 00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:36,680 Make it easy. All right, that sounds good. 740 00:41:36,680 --> 00:41:40,440 Well, I appreciate your time. Thanks for being here and thanks 741 00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:45,360 for bringing your face and your presence and that the Alabama 742 00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:49,880 Southern accent as well. But yeah, we'll stay on for a 743 00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:52,200 little bit so I can check in with you about how everything 744 00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:55,440 went. We're going to post this episode 745 00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:59,560 right after it uploads. So yeah. 746 00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:02,000 Anything else? Thank you for having me. 747 00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:06,160 I appreciate you having me on the podcast and just always 748 00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:08,360 wanting to shed a bright light so. 749 00:42:09,040 --> 00:42:12,400 All right, that concludes this episode of Something Positive 750 00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:14,760 for positive people. Again, please like Ray, review, 751 00:42:14,760 --> 00:42:16,760 share, subscribe to this podcast. 752 00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:21,720 And if you are interested in support in any way, shape or 753 00:42:21,720 --> 00:42:24,160 form, just start with a support call, reach out about that. 754 00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:26,120 Everything is donation based or free. 755 00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:29,160 And then if you're interested in the support groups, just know 756 00:42:29,160 --> 00:42:32,000 that the 1st and 3rd Wednesdays are for women and the second and 757 00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:35,160 fourth Mondays are for men. Sometimes the dates need to 758 00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:38,000 change just depending on what I got going on. 759 00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:42,200 Like next week is Thanksgiving, so I'm going to be doing some 760 00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:44,160 traveling around this. So things are going to look a 761 00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:49,560 little different for Monday the 20. 762 00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:51,880 Wow. What day is that going to be for 763 00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:53,920 the next the next support group, the 24th. 764 00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:57,920 Thank you. But yeah, come check us out and 765 00:42:57,920 --> 00:42:59,800 if you enjoyed this episode, let me know. 766 00:42:59,880 --> 00:43:02,880 I'm curious because I ain't interviewed a person in a while 767 00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:04,440 if you can't tell. Like I was getting stuck and 768 00:43:04,440 --> 00:43:06,920 shit and I'm like, what I what was I saying? 769 00:43:07,400 --> 00:43:09,680 All right, but till next time say present.