Hello, welcome to Something Positive for Positive People.
I'm Courtney Brain. Something Positive for Positive
People is A5O1C3 nonprofit organization supporting people
who are navigating herpes stigma.
A couple of quick announcements. Actually, the main 1 is just
that, December 12th in New York City and Brooklyn specifically,
we're going to have a low karaoke event celebrating what
will be the 400th Something Positive for Positive People
podcast episode release. If you're new here, we've been
podcasting since 2017. We're going into 2026.
So yeah, we are really we really doing this.
It's been almost a podcast episode a week average maybe a
little bit more than 400 already, but like numerically
we're almost at 400. There's been some bonus episodes
that I've posted over the years. Why I made them bonuses, I don't
know. I probably shouldn't have done
that, but this is what we got. All right.
And for those who don't know, first and third Monday, 7:30 PM
Eastern Time are the Women's herpes support groups.
These meet virtually. In order to join, all you have
to do is make a donation to the women's support group find after
you and I have had a one-on-one support call.
So if you have not had a one-on-one support call, you
cannot join the groups. I have to vet people.
We have to have a conversation first.
This is for the safety and integrity of the entirety of the
groups. For me to be able to just talk
to people and make sure that they're aware of what the
group's for and also for you to know what it is.
I don't know that I can really put on the Internet everything
that the group is made of and answer any of the questions that
you might have before joining. So it's best to just have a
conversation. The second and fourth Mondays
are for the men. These are the men's support
groups. And then on the 5th Monday, this
is a very new thing. I'm going to do something that's
integrated so we don't have a fifth Monday every month of the
year. But for the ones that we do have
a fifth Monday, I'm going to try and do a blended thing.
I don't know exactly what I'm thinking.
Maybe a herpes discussion workshop where we can get
practice sharing our status and talking about sex and sexual
health with each other from I mean, either the groups or I can
just open it up to the public. So we'll we'll see about that
and that's really it as far as announcements go at this point
in time. If you've been listening for a
while, thanks for being here at the end of the podcast episode.
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heard of something positive for positive people.
All right, I believe that's it for my announcements.
Surprise. We have a guest today and I am
going to like I, I know for the past few weeks it's just been my
voice on the podcast. And I'm glad that you were
willing to be a guest on the show, especially because I have
been lately having trouble with people seeing the content on
social media, which is normally how I would get podcast guest or
posting on Reddit even. And I'm just not getting podcast
guests. So it's just been me trying to
find topics that people maybe you're searching for, looking
for online for me to just try and cover to the best of my
ability. And yeah, hear you popped up and
you were ready to not just show your story, but also have your
face out out there, which I very much appreciate.
So I guess for starters, I'll just let you introduce yourself
and then just share how you and I connected and we'll just get
into the conversation from there.
Sure. So my name is Jade Renz and I'm
the founder of Essentially Prepped.
Essentially Prepped actually started a long time ago and like
evolutionized over the several years.
It started out as essential oils and then it was meal prepping
and then it was being essentially prepped for life and
adventures. And then I came into getting
herpes. And now I've grown very
passionate about coaching and helping others with getting
their herpes diagnosis and walking through that and
support. I'm definitely newer to the
game. And I found you actually, you
know, 'cause the first thing I did, I'm a researcher.
So when I first got diagnosed, I'm just in the rabbit hole of
online finding out everything. And definitely yours was one of
the first sites that had popped up.
So that's how I kind of got to know you.
I've definitely started following everyone that I could
related to the herpes realm on Instagram.
So I've definitely seen lots of your information, been following
you for a while and that's how it came to be.
What made you want to be a podcast guest?
Honestly, I just wanted to kind of talk to you and just, you
know, kind of just have the conversation 'cause you've been
in this realm for such a long time with being having this
diagnosis for 20 years. I'm only a year and a half into
my diagnosis. Wait, wait, wait, Ain't been 20
years, it's been 12. It's been 12.
I'm. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
My bad, my bad. You go have exes reaching out to
me like you motherfucker had this one.
No, no, All right. I just got to say.
That 12 years, 12 years. Sorry, that was my bad.
But yeah, just to have a conversation.
And I feel like one of the most important things about this
virus specifically is just the stigma around it and how
everyone is so, like, isolated and won't show their face and
doesn't want to talk about it. And the anonymity, even trying
to like, create a support group in the community, in your area,
around it, you know, people just don't want to talk.
So I was like, I'm gonna get my face out there and I'm gonna get
my name out there and I'm gonna chat with people about this and
have people know that they're not alone and they're supported
and we're all going through this.
Yeah, thank you for that. And I also wanna ask like the
putting your face out there thing.
I believe that when we do put our faces out there, it aims to
destigmatize this. I had an episode maybe a little
over a month ago. So it probably is like 5 to 8
episodes ago where I interviewed a couple.
And at first there was this guy that I interviewed who was one
of the very few men that I've had on the podcast.
And then let alone one of the few people that allow for me to
record the podcast and use the video for some of the social
media post. And he let me put that out
there. I put it out there.
And recently he had gotten into a relationship with somebody who
saw it, saw him slid in his DMS, was just like looking for a
friend. She says, I'm like, I don't
know, I think you would shoot your shot.
But it's it's it's nice to see that there's these kinds of
things that can happen. Not that that's to be expected,
right? There's a number of factors that
play a role in that between person's own self-confidence
about it, even their career field, I guess their social
circles, their support systems. And I, I, I talk about just how
how brave it was for him to be willing to like, he didn't have
to eat or anybody putting his face out there.
But it was also nice to just have another face out there,
another man out there, another black man out there too.
And this was one of the outcomes that happened.
And I hear more people who are concerned about the negatives or
the potentially bad things that can happen from them putting
their faces out there. Are you concerned about any of
the bad stuff that can happen from your face being out there?
Honestly, no, because I feel like I feel so-called to do this
and I felt very called to do this from a very early point and
I didn't talk about it. It's to the public at 1st.
And I was just like, and I kept feeling this calling to talk
about it. And I was like, OK, fine.
Like I hear you like OK, I'm going to talk about this like,
but I don't feel like there's going to be any repercussions.
I feel like it's just one of those avenues, like if people
are going to not hire me because of something that's happening to
my body, then obviously you don't value what I can bring to
the table anyway. So I'm like, I don't want to
work for you or whatever the case may be.
Yeah. Can you say more about that
calling and you not doing this the first time you felt called
to? Yeah, so I had wanted to start
coaching, so let me go back a little bit.
So I moved from Alabama to Orlando, FL.
I wondered what that accent was. It sounded southern.
I was like. Everyone thinks.
Georgia. I was thinking Mississippi,
Alabama, because my grandparents are from both of those states.
Yeah, it kind of sounded like that.
All right. Yep, Alabama girl here.
That's the country twang. But I don't like country music.
I just have to say it, But yeah, so I came from Alabama, You
know, I'd lived there for 25 years of my life, and I was
excited to get out of the small town vibes and felt like I had
just been held back for a very long time and had outgrown that
place a long time ago. So I was like, yes, I get to be
free and come out of this place. And I had done a lot of inner
work during that time as well. And so I finally, right before I
moved is when I got this diagnosis.
And I knew I wanted to coach and I just didn't know like what
that looked like, how what kind of coaching I wanted to do.
I've always been like the empath and the one that everybody comes
to for advice and talking through things.
So it's just been like an innate thing in my life like since I
was young. And so I just felt very called
to talk about the herpes specifically very early on, but
I was like, no, no, no, I don't want to do that.
I was like, I don't know if I want to put that out there for
everybody to know. Like, I'm not sure I'm, I'm just
gonna coach with like adventure and bringing adventure into your
life because that's how what I did.
That's how I was and it just never felt right, like I was in
a business program to try and help me with getting my name out
there and doing the whole coaching thing.
I'm sure tons of people have done that with hiring someone
in. We need mentors.
Everyone does. And it just never felt right to
me. And then as soon as I was like,
OK, I was like, I just keep feeling this.
So I was like, I'm gonna talk about it.
And as soon as I started talking about it, everything just kind
of felt right. Like I felt like I was in
alignment with my life again and where I was going and what I
needed to talk about and using my voice, because I didn't use
my voice before. I've been very, like, stifled in
my life and, like, not able to speak about things or, like, my
opinions and what I had to say didn't matter.
Didn't matter. Especially as a child, you know,
sometimes it's like, OK, yeah. Anyways, like we don't need to
talk about that or whatever it the case may be.
So yeah, that's kind of how that came to be with me speaking
about it. And that calling it was just
something that I innately felt inside of me.
All right, I didn't want to interrupt you.
I was going to hit the unmute button.
So I was like, Oh yeah, well, thank you.
How long have you done the coaching?
And is it geared towards people with herpes?
So I just, I would say I started with the coaching in I think it
was like February of this year, but I didn't switch over to
herpes until. When was that?
It might have been around like April or May maybe.
So it's very new on like very early on into it.
So I'm, I'm kind of like a newbie with it, if you, you
know, if you want to call it that or whatever you want to
say. But yeah.
Yeah, I'm not curious necessarily because I I talked
to so many people who do have herpes, but I want to give some
insight to what coaching looks like or what can be expected
with coaching. It's not something that ioffer,
but I feel like it's something that people tie into what you
know, our conversations maybe feel like.
So can you just kind of describe what if someone would have
worked with you for coaching? What does that look like?
So it would really be, it comes down to more of the stigmas
behind it and a lot of it for me is natural solutions.
I've been a very natural girl for a very long time.
I've done essential oils since I think it was like 2017.
So I was already very much on like a natural path.
And I just, I know what it's like to be on medication and
have side effects from it. So I know that a lot of the
times doctors kind of like shove a medication to you, they don't
really tell you much about it. They're just like, this is what
you do to prevent it, basically putting a Band-Aid on it.
And so my biggest thing is having natural solutions to
helping prevent outbreaks, what that looks like and those sorts
of things. But also it's about your mindset
and yourself. Love like that.
It definitely always comes down to that.
And I think that's anyone in life, honestly.
But it's just like a huge added layer when you get a herpes
diagnosis and have to deal with the emotional side of it as well
too. So just working through that,
having the support, even just someone to vent to and talk to.
And I do want to start forming more of a community as well
because that, you know, I feel we all need that.
Like we definitely need support and love in those areas, so.
Yeah, I recognize a humongous gap in the needs of people Who
start out looking for herpes support.
They look for community, they look for something, right?
And one of the questions that I have for people is usually if
they're looking for a support group, what do you hope to get
out of the support group? And you see people's will start
kind of turning. And I wonder often if there's
this, I just need to be around people who also have it.
Or if there's this, like you can tell people haven't maybe
thought about that before. They just think, oh, I need, I
need this. And it's comes down to do you
need this or do you think you need it because you feel like
you're supposed to? And so much of the
conversations, like, for example, if people are asking,
how do I tell someone that I have herpes because it's like so
ashamed. They're so ashamed that they're
embarrassed by it. What I on my end see is that in
talking it out, they kind of say out loud exactly what they need
to say to the person. And there's usually this fear of
vulnerability or fear of emotional connection.
And it's that like, people want the words, People want the
sequence of wording that's going to increase their chances of
getting a yes from somebody. But the reality is like, there's
nothing we can do about that. And people are needing to feel
people's emotion behind it and connect with that.
Otherwise it's just like an empty shell of the language
without any sort of life behind it.
And so from your end, I guess in the conversations or in your
experience, right, when people, when you find yourself like
being supportive to people or in finding the support for
yourself, like does that hold true for you or is there some
different, a different finding that you have?
No, I feel the same way. Yeah.
It just seems that people sometimes it's literally just
saying it out loud. They haven't been able to tell.
A lot of the people that have come to me haven't told anyone
in their family even or there's someone that they're going to
date or whoever it is and they just want to like just being
able to even say it and talk to someone who understands is like
almost that like bottom line, kind of, Oh my gosh, I needed
that. Like, thank you so much for
listening. And just like holding a safe
space, especially because of the anonymity with, you know, that
people have with this and not wanting people to know whether
it's the small towns or the jobs, like you said, I've had
several that were like, I can't like say that and like my job
can't know, like it will hinder me in my job.
Yeah, and a lot of people think that without any kind of proof.
Like, I always ask people, OK, if your job fires you for having
herpes, I am positive you can sue them and then, like, not
work and maybe even move somewhere that you'd be happier
at, right. But it's not.
I guess it's like outside of my perspective, but that sounds a
lot like discrimination. I know there's lawyers that will
probably be on hand ready for that lawsuit.
But now let's let's get into your experience.
You are from Alabama, 25 years, 2425 years you said you spent in
Alabama. Yeah. 25 years, yeah.
And let's talk about, well, you weren't diagnosed in Alabama.
Is that correct? So it was right before I moved.
It was kind of crazy. So I literally was planning to
move to Orlando. I was like getting my house
ready to rent out. I was getting a property
manager. I was downsizing to a bedroom
because I was just tired of taking care of a house by myself
and it was my grandmother's like 90th birthday at the time, my
best friend's birthday. And then literally July 5th I
was like headed out with EU Haul and I had all of these symptoms.
I got tested July 3rd blood test like I had, you know, it was a
really bad breakout as well. And I ended up getting tested
and getting my results after I had moved.
So I'm literally like, OK, I'm having all these breakouts
trying to move like uproot my entire life, have all these
celebrations with family and friends in town and let me just
go take this trip and then bam in an e-mail.
It's like you have positive test.
What or whatever is that? Well, I didn't even know how to
read it. I had to, like, figure out how
to even read it and what it meant, you know, on my own
because it doesn't really explicitly tell you.
So, yeah, so technically I was in Florida when I found out it
was true, but I already kind of knew after all the research I
had done. So.
All right, so tell me about this boy that gave it to you.
What was that relationship like? How'd you come to acquire it or
be exposed? So actually I, you know, I was
like perpetually single for a while and I.
Had wait wait wait, we're perpetually single?
Cuz I've been hearing that a lot.
What does that mean? So I was single for like, I
think like almost like two or three years and I feel like I'm
just kind of like picky about who I date and like want to give
that time to. And I specifically, I think it
was 2022 that I like wanted to be single for that year.
I was like, I'm not going to date.
Like I still have fun obviously and still have sex sometimes
like, but I didn't want to be in a relationship.
I was concentrating on me. If I wanted to have the sex,
great. If I didn't, I'm not doing it.
If I wanted to have the sex. Yeah.
All right. So.
All right. So this was a casual
relationship. It wasn't a relationship.
What? What was it?
Yeah, I was super casual, like I had met him at the bar.
He was just fun to hang out with.
And he's super sweet, like hind soul.
And usually it's just crazy because I always normally had
these conversations with people before having sex.
Like, when were you tested last? What were your results like?
Main question, you know, things like that.
And with him I didn't, I was drinking a lot.
I was super stressed out at the time with everything that was
going on and everything I had to get done.
Oh, also I couldn't keep my job either.
So and I had nothing lined up for when I moved.
So I was like trying to wrap up like my corporate job that I had
been at for four years as well and train my replacement on top
of all the other stuff. What?
Kind of job, you don't have to say what it was, but like what
kind of what was the field? I was in public safety.
I was an executive assistant. So I was like the glue.
Yeah, I was the glue. It was a lot.
Yeah, it. Was a wonderful.
So yeah, I was just super casual, like, and I didn't have
that conversation. I had it the next day.
It was honestly like a drunken night, like I'm having fun,
whatever. And he mentioned that his ex had
tested positive for HSV 1, but he didn't have it.
And then a couple days later, I started breaking out like all
over, super painful, swollen, all of it.
I didn't even really have like time to process it or even
really feel it because I was drinking so much.
I was just like numbing myself all the time.
So I'm sure that didn't help. My immune system was probably
crap and all the stress. So yeah, I started breaking out.
I had the conversation with him. I even talked to like an ex that
I had slept with months prior. He was the only other person
I've had sex with in like a year.
So I was like, pretty sure it's you, buddy.
Like. And he was just like, OK, well,
he ended up getting tested and he did finally.
It was like, well, after I'd moved, but he did.
He was like, yeah, I tested positive.
I was like, yeah, well, like, so I don't think he knew.
He says he doesn't know. I don't know.
I, I think, I mean, with how many people are asymptomatic, I
totally like believe that he didn't know that.
But yeah, so here I am all. Right.
I was going to ask like, how did you feel about that?
Because you know where you got it from.
Did that change your reaction that you had?
Honestly, it's like, it's crazy because like I said, I had so
much happening that I didn't really fully process it because
I was just like, I have to move. I have to get this stuff, I have
to do that. I have to get my U-Haul, I have
to go make sure all this stuff is packed.
I have to make sure all this stuff sold on Facebook.
So I really didn't process it much until well after I moved
because I was just like a BLOB for a while too.
I was like, all right, now I get to recover from burnout on top
of everything. But I still talk to him.
I do believe that he didn't know, like, he passed it
unintentionally. So yeah.
Yeah, Do you? When you got the chance to
process right, was there a more intense reaction or I'm curious
what the processing process was? So you get this diagnosis, you
got all this stuff that you need to do.
You mentioned numbing. And over that period of time
when all of the stuff that needed to be taken care of got
taken care of with what was left, right?
What were your questions? What were your concerns about
herpes, if any at all? I literally my first thought
because I'm such a like sexual being.
I was like I'm never going to get aid out again and I was so
sad. I was like, damn it.
And it has that held to be true. No, I've definitely gotten aid
out all. Right.
So we're good here. All right, So what, what were
your concerns with that? Like was it the fear of passing
it on being asymptomatic? Like, and, and I'm curious about
how some of those conversations would have gone, because I know
that that's that's something that women have cried over, like
not being able to get eaten out again because now they have
herpes and that's not true. So what from your experience?
I don't know. I don't know how to ask this.
I'm trying to ask this in like a, I don't even know
professional way. I don't think I've been
professional necessarily on this podcast and I'll be forgetting
that like this podcast is for the people with herpes.
It's not for like the speaking opportunities or advocacy
efforts and things like that. So it's just like it's just girl
talk. Like I think at this point, like
in this conversation, I can be seen as gay best friend sort of
way. But how how do you like when you
talking to these men that still choose to go down on you?
How you approaching that like what what give give the girl
some notes on having this conversation.
You got genital herpes and you trying to get you trying to get
it out. So I've only had a couple
experiences with this so far, but the.
First rejections. Do what?
Have you had any rejections? No.
OK, go. On I have not.
So the first guy that I told it was very, very soon after I had
moved that I met him and we hung out several times and just and
didn't do anything, didn't kiss, nothing.
And I was just like, Oh my gosh, I have got to tell this guy.
I'm like, how am I going to tell him?
Like I don't know. We're like sitting in my car and
he's like thinking about possibly coming to stay with me.
And I'm just like, I have to tell him now.
Like I can't do it later. Like, I have to before we even,
like, get there because it's like a, you know, it was a
drive. And so I, I was sitting there
and I was just like, I was scared out of my mind.
I'm like sweating. My palms are wet.
I was just like, oh, my God. And I just like, blurted it out.
I was like, I have to tell you something.
Do you know what HSV is? And he was like, yeah, I think
so. But will you tell me just so I
can make sure that I'm thinking of the right thing?
And I was like, you know, herpes simplex virus.
I have herpes and it's the genital kind.
And he was just like, oh, like, so nonchalant.
I was like, so surprised. He was just like, oh, yeah.
He was like, one of my exes had it.
That's fine. I was, like, blown away.
I was like, I was stressing out for no reason, like.
Get that a lot. 01 of my exes had it.
Yeah. But that's how you got it,
right? Well.
He didn't have it, though. He didn't.
Have it. OK, Yeah, yeah.
Well, it's, it's just an interesting response.
Like that's something that I I don't know how often that's come
up where someone has been met with.
Yeah, maybe in like the non monogamy polyamory world.
And are you monogamous? Yes.
And in dating, do you only date one person at a time?
Yes. OK, so the reason I ask that is
because I don't, I think that it does look different for people
who maybe are non monogamous versus people who are dating in
the monogamous world. Because it's also kind of rare
that the conversation about sex and sexual health even comes up
because I think that there's often the assumption that people
who are dating in the monogamous sense are clean, so to speak.
I use air quotes for anybody who's just listening in.
And I don't know that the conversation.
I don't know that there's a lot of skillful navigation of the
conversation, if the conversations even had.
So that's why I was, I was just curious about that to see like
what you're dating style was to be able to speak to that a
little bit. Yeah.
So yeah, definitely monogamous. I don't know how to say.
I get like I've been with like sexually like a different story.
Like I've definitely like been with multiple people, been with
some women. Like I'm definitely like freer
and open with that. But relationship wise, I usually
am like I when I want to do that, I just date one person.
I only want to be with one person kind of aspect, but I
don't feel that just because I'm like a monogamous person that
like makes it cleaner in a way because I'm just like it's
everywhere, you know, like it's, it's not easy to get, but it
kind of is, you know what I mean?
Like I'm like, it's you're not careful and you're not asking
the questions. Like I said before, like I
always usually ask those questions before I ever had sex.
And anyone should be having that, even if you don't have
this. And especially if you do have
it, you should be asking them too so they don't give you
something else too when you're already dealing with it like.
Are you telling people, yeah, go ahead?
I was gonna say just because they ask you or you tell them
like when you're just closing to them, I'm like, you should ask
them that back. Like definitely like make sure
like have they been tested? Like what's there?
Like, you know, where are they at with all of that?
So. Yeah.
And being from the South, so you've mentioned I got to, I got
to ask about this. So you mentioned having been
with women and you're from the South.
Like do you do you identify as not straight at all in any way,
shape or form? I don't because I don't, I think
only because I've only had like sexual experiences.
So I guess for me, I'm just like, that doesn't necessarily
make me like buy or whatever it would be.
It's like the first time I heard that.
That's why I'm a little bit curious, like because I have
friends who would have talked about that.
Like they love men, been with men, but they've been in sexual
relationships with women. And I think it's interesting
because what you do doesn't make up who you are so identifying
as. And there's people who there's
someone I know who I follow on Instagram, like she goes in on
download men or men who identify as straight, even though they
have sex with men Two. And it's interesting the stigma,
even in my internal reaction of hearing that like, oh, like
you've been with women a few times.
Like I didn't have a Oh my God, you're on the download reaction.
Whereas I think about what's on the Internet about like men who
will be with women, but then like have a, you know, sexual
relationship with a man on the side.
Do you feel any of that stigma or there any thoughts or
feelings that you have about being straight and having been
with women? And is that even something that
you're still into or interested in or curious?
I'm just a very, like, open and curious person, especially when
it comes to sex. I feel like society, especially
in the South, oh, my God. Like when you said the South,
I'm just like, yeah, like you don't talk about those things.
But you'd be surprised in some of those communities just how
much there's, like, swinging going on or like, whatever the
relationships are like, yeah, there is so much going on behind
closed doors. And I think now that we're just
in this time of like an era where everything is online,
everyone knows everything about everything.
So I feel like it's a little bit more open.
But in the South, it's still not.
So it's not something I would have, like, talked about super
openly. They're like all the people that
know me, like, no, they're like, Oh yeah, she's very like, sexual
and we'll do stuff. But now I feel like it's just
interesting navigating relationships and sex, period
with having herpes. So now it's like, OK, especially
with me doing things naturally. So I'm like, if I have a
breakout, like I don't even really want to go talk to
somebody because I'm like, that can't happen right now.
And I literally just had this conversation with my roommate
yesterday. I was like, but I can still
like, talk to them and get to know them.
I was like, it doesn't have to be about sex, you know?
I was like, I need to get out of that mindset.
Like why am I thinking like that?
But let's talk about that. I have felt that way too, not
like, so I, I end up having to tell people I have herpes way
earlier than I'm ready to because typically they'll ask
what do you do, right? I might be in yoga therapy
training. I might have a yoga teacher
certification. I might teach medical students.
I might public speak. I do all of those things.
But I think that all of these are arms or extensions of
running something positive for positive people.
So in short, I'm just like, I run this nonprofit.
Oh, what's it about? I run a nonprofit and supporting
people with herpes. And more often than not, I met
with genuine like surprise, I guess, because that's such a
specific thing. And I usually hear from people
that they also have herpes, which is so surprising to me.
Like it's very surprising that I'm also I'm hearing, you know,
from these people who too have it in this way that I don't know
that I would have ever seen coming.
Like the let me see, I'm I'm I'm kind of I think I just like
drifted a little bit from what I was trying to say.
But the point being that having the outcome dependency on this
leading to a specific result, since realizing that that's
something that I've been doing, I think I've been dialing back
and just trying to make it a point to even just say hi to
people, right? Just let the goal be to just see
what's there. And you free yourself from the
expectations and the pressure of that.
And you allow yourself to be a lot more present when you can do
that, when you can just. Oh, hi, I'm Courtney.
And then like, maybe they don't want to be fucked with and
they're like, oh, fuck off. Or like they accept the
invitation and we have a nice little conversation and then,
you know, it, it goes where it goes.
So, yeah, I, I thought that was cool that you, you know, they
had mentioned that. Yeah, for sure in the.
I forgot what you said because I wanted to ask you more about it
to just kind of speak a little bit more to it.
Because I think that there is something there for people who
maybe are stuck in, Oh my God, I'm eventually going to have to
tell this person I have herpes. How am I going to tell them?
What am I going to tell them? What if, what are they going to
think of me? And we, we give so much power to
this other person that we don't even know if we're going to get
to a point of telling them that we have herpes.
So how do you go about just staying present when meeting
people? Yeah, I try to look at
everything is like we're only on this earth for like a short,
finite amount of time. And there's so many people that
are come in and out of your life and like, you know, the I can't
remember who it is, but it's like the the thing about the
being on the bus and you have your people that are like in the
back that are going to be there for the long haul.
And then you have your people in the middle that like come
through but don't stay on for a super long time.
And then you have your people in the front that are like, they
get on and off like real quickly, you know, and the the
ones that you pass through. And I'm like, there's so many
different people and aspects and things that you can learn and
connect and put you into another place of alignment through
people. So I try to look at it and say
present and like meeting a friend, like these are just
meeting new people, friends. Like it doesn't have to be a
possible sexual partner. It doesn't have to be someone
that you're going to be in a relationship with.
It doesn't have to be someone that's like a specific work,
connect or whatever it is. It's just meeting people and
hearing their stories and like having that connection, whatever
that may be between two people because we're humans and we need
that. We need people and connections
and we want that. So even if it is only a 5 minute
conversation, that brightens your day.
I muted myself. I thought I was muted already.
Yeah, this, this is 100 percent, 100%.
And there's some freedom in that there.
It's a lot more freedom in that because 2 now having herpes and
please tell me if this is true for you.
But have you gotten to a point where you've almost been able to
let go a little bit more of expectations and talking to
dating, meeting people because, well, it's possible that maybe
they won't be OK with you having herpes and you just kind of can
leave it as open-ended as possible in your engagements
with people? Yeah, definitely.
Like I felt it was weird cuz I went through like a phase where
I was like, I feel like I have to tell them like right off the
bat. Like immediately I'm always like
why do I need to do that? I was like, it's not who I am
like at all. I'm like it's just something
that I like have and like struggle with every now and then
when I have breakouts. So I don't feel the need to like
tell people off the bat and upfront as much anymore cuz I am
more of a like bold open person. It's just who I've always been
and how I've always operated. Like I've always said, I'm kind
of like honest to a fault because I don't know how to like
not like even like say like white lies.
I'm like, I don't know how to do that.
So but now it's kind of like, OK, like why don't you like talk
to someone and like let them get to know you as a human being
1st? And then like if you feel the
need to or something kind of comes up or you start talking or
like whatever it may be, that kind of leads to it.
And I feel like you kind of just innately know like it.
You'll feel inside of you like whether you want to talk about
it or not. And like that's up to you as a
person if you want to or not. So yeah, that's kind of how I
look at it now. I was like, I don't need to say
it immediately because it's not who I am.
Yeah, that's that's it right there.
I want for people to get to that place and just recognize that
the power of choice comes from us.
You know, a lot of us weren't given the choice and whether or
not we expose ourselves to this. So I think that us being able to
give that power of choice to other people is how we reclaim
our power rather than trying to take it back from other people
by trying to maybe not telling them or maybe trying to
manipulate the situation or just being on daily antivirals and
doing the right thing by and I use air quotes when I say right
thing by not exposing other people to herpes.
And I think all that is bullshit, man.
Like we do the best with what we have.
The information that we have is, you know, we talk to partners
because we can't assume what their risks are based on what we
would prefer for ourselves or what we would have preferred on
the other side of this because we haven't met ourselves.
And a lot of us in that case, like having not met ourselves,
we don't know how another person might perceive us because it
always comes down to do I like this person more than I don't
want herpes. That's really it.
And a lot of us. Just maybe don't like ourselves
because of now having gotten this infection, we see that
there's limitations to our ability to be sexual or to have
relationships and that's just not true.
So we got to challenge that. So yeah, I think that's that's a
good place to kind of close us out.
Do you have anything that you want to add?
I don't think so. Just more of I was going to,
it's just a conversation. That's what I was going to say.
It's just communication. It's a conversation.
And I think before you look at it like that, the easier it
becomes. It's just a conversation.
Whatever happens, happens. You're not going to literally be
like bombed off this earth if something happens, you know,
they say no or whatever it may be.
So yeah. All right, And then how can
people find you if they want to connect with you, follow you on
social media, or work with you? Yeah, so I'm on Instagram at
essentially Prepped, PREPPED, and you can also e-mail me at
essentiallyprepped@gmail.com. And I've got everything on
there. So easy.
Make it easy. All right, that sounds good.
Well, I appreciate your time. Thanks for being here and thanks
for bringing your face and your presence and that the Alabama
Southern accent as well. But yeah, we'll stay on for a
little bit so I can check in with you about how everything
went. We're going to post this episode
right after it uploads. So yeah.
Anything else? Thank you for having me.
I appreciate you having me on the podcast and just always
wanting to shed a bright light so.
All right, that concludes this episode of Something Positive
for positive people. Again, please like Ray, review,
share, subscribe to this podcast.
And if you are interested in support in any way, shape or
form, just start with a support call, reach out about that.
Everything is donation based or free.
And then if you're interested in the support groups, just know
that the 1st and 3rd Wednesdays are for women and the second and
fourth Mondays are for men. Sometimes the dates need to
change just depending on what I got going on.
Like next week is Thanksgiving, so I'm going to be doing some
traveling around this. So things are going to look a
little different for Monday the 20.
Wow. What day is that going to be for
the next the next support group, the 24th.
Thank you. But yeah, come check us out and
if you enjoyed this episode, let me know.
I'm curious because I ain't interviewed a person in a while
if you can't tell. Like I was getting stuck and
shit and I'm like, what I what was I saying?
All right, but till next time say present.