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The 
so Prince and I went on a 30 day

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fast over the month of March, 
which is our anniversary month 

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at the end, on the 30th, 12th 
year. 

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Woop woop. 
And my understanding of the fast

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was that we were fasting for the
foundation of our marriage. 

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If you go back and listen to 
part four of my interview with 

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Rod, you'll hear more of my 
testimony around my marriage. 

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And it was a really difficult 
fast, not just digestively, if 

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you will, because I was doing 
only juice, tea and coffee, no 

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eating at all for 30 days. 
I didn't chew anything but 

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Communion and Prince on the 
other hand, was was had 

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incorporated nuts. 
But that's besides the point. 

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It it as we were going through 
the fast every night we would 

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have these conflicts. 
And now 12 years into the 

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marriage we have decided upon 
the truth that God is always 

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dealing with our hearts in 
conflict. 

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In the beginning of marriage we 
often saw conflict as God. 

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If you would just fix my spouse,
everything would be great. 

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But as we matured and after our 
our marriage nearly fell apart, 

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it became rather clear that no 
matter how much I pointed my 

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finger at my husband as the 
source of my issues, God's 

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response to me was consistently 
Carly, let's look at your heart.

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And the Bible does say the 
issues of life flow from the 

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heart. 
At the end of this life, it's 

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you and him. 
It's me and him. 

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It's not me and Prince and 
Jesus, right? 

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And so as we journeyed through 
this and we kept having to work 

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on these serious and unresolved 
conflicts in our marriage, we 

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became abundantly aware that we 
had bitterness and resentment in

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our heart towards one another 
individually. 

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And we went into this time of 
lamenting and mourning. 

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Prince said, four or five days 
we are going to read the book of

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Lamentations. 
And the objective is to lament 

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the state of our hearts towards 
one another. 

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And that rang really true 
because because of what we'd 

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been through in the last four 
years, which was like I said, 

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really God being like, stop 
telling me to fix your spouse 

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and let's look at your heart, 
right? 

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So we went into this time of 
mourning and one of the pivotal 

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moments for me was God let me 
know that I had an idol in my 

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heart. 
I have a teacher named Todd 

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Edwards who teaches the Bible 
studies out of Bride Ministries 

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and he had said a few weeks ago 
that defensiveness and offence 

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are the fruit of us protecting 
wrong identity and protecting 

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idols. 
So when you are offended by 

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something, if you become 
defensive over something, that's

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the fruit of an idol, that's the
fruit of a wrong identity. 

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And I lived that out because 
what God pointed out to me one 

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morning is he said, Carly, you 
continually indict me on charges

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of not being good because your 
idol in your heart says, until 

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my marriage is perfect, God's 
goodness is called into 

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question. 
His intent for my marriage is 

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questionable. 
And that was a really hard thing

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to deal with because while he's 
right, he was right. 

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That's exactly what was 
happening. 

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And I ended up just telling the 
Lord I was even questioning my 

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theology as I was saying this to
him. 

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But in in the throes of 
lamenting, I, I just let it rip.

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But I had said to him, Lord, I 
don't, I don't want to be 

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married to Prince anymore. 
You be married to Prince through

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me. 
Let this be your marriage to 

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Prince, because when I'm, when 
I'm the one married to Prince, 

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I'm so selfish. 
I'm, I'm selfish. 

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It's, you know, I, I expect too 
much. 

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I, I, I expect him to always 
meet my needs. 

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And it's just unrealistic. 
As as much as he may want to do 

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that, it's unrealistic really to
expect that our spouse is going 

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to always show up perfect for 
us, be in the perfect mood, 

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respond to the secret things in 
our mind, intuit our our 

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expectations. 
Just it's not realistic, you 

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know, And by the end of of the 
fast, we came to a a little 

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cottage in Wisconsin and we were
just hanging out. 

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You know, we're going to break 
our fast at midnight. 

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I was so excited to choose 
something Boy ended up having a 

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really important heart to heart 
where we were able to talk 

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through some of the things we'd 
we'd wanted to say to each other

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over the years, but never really
did. 

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And I've talked in the past 
about the importance of 

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vulnerability and the the depth 
of the truth of the value of 

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being willing to be vulnerable. 
Is it hit me in a new way 

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because when we withhold 
ourselves from our spouses now 

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I'm not talking about the kind 
of relationships that are 

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clearly abusive. 
That's, you know, I'm talking 

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about just standard dysfunction.
When we withhold ourselves from 

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our spouses, when we we we don't
share our inner thoughts and 

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feelings. 
When we we manipulate situations

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instead of being forthright 
about what we're seeing and what

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we're experiencing. 
When we when we take it upon 

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ourselves to put up a wall so 
that we don't have to be seen or

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heard or understood and we don't
have to really see, hear or 

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understand our spouse. 
We are actually becoming a 

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stumbling block for their walk 
with Christ because he said two 

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become one. 
Now it doesn't mean that I no 

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longer have my own mind. 
It just means that me as a 

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person, I benefit his walk with 
the Lord. 

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And if I withhold myself from 
him emotionally, mentally, 

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spiritually, physically, I am 
inhibiting his walk with the 

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Lord because who I am benefits 
who he is because Christ in me, 

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right? 
It's Christ in me. 

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And so I just want to encourage,
I just want to encourage you 

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that that self reflecting with 
the Lord and in the areas of our

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heart that are hard to look at 
is a is very fruitful. 

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It is good. 
It's good for your marriage, 

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it's good for your family, it's 
good for you, it's good for your

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walk with the Lord. 
It's not easy because when we 

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deal with idols, it's not a 
quick process. 

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There's a lot of grief that 
comes out when we realize we've 

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put something above the King of 
glory in our hearts. 

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But he reveals to redeem. 
He chastens those he loves. 

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He's a good father. 
He prunes the vine, and it's 

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necessary the.