1 00:00:01,200 --> 00:00:03,320 Hello folks. This is Princess. 2 00:00:03,360 --> 00:00:06,520 You are listening to the Millennial Mustard Seed Podcast. 3 00:00:06,560 --> 00:00:09,040 Thanks for listening. Don't forget to share with your 4 00:00:09,040 --> 00:00:11,640 friends. That's tough. 5 00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:15,120 We're in a very tough spot. I think that what we're doing 6 00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:19,520 right now is a great benefit and virtue because it's an end 7 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:23,720 around between this whole corrupt informational system, 8 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:27,080 media system. We claim to believe in a God who 9 00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:30,400 spoke the universe into existence and literally raised 10 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:34,760 himself from the dead, and yet we're not going to believe that 11 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:37,880 anything else exists in the spirit realm, even though His 12 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:41,520 word tells us that they do. Their bodies weren't permitted 13 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:45,800 to go to sleep like humans do, and they weren't permitted to go 14 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:48,160 to heaven, so they wander the earth. 15 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:52,120 You know, I've seen the. Eyes turn black to unknown 16 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:56,560 tongues being spoken. These giants would love way up 17 00:00:56,640 --> 00:01:00,080 in the island, the young Braves. The young men would hide up in 18 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:03,400 the trees and wait for one of these 12 footers to come walking 19 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:05,680 down the path. And they would jump on them and 20 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:08,640 kill them, drag them back to the village and the village would 21 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:09,760 feast on the body. Freedom. 22 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:17,000 Then people start to get weapons. 23 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,760 They start to get armor. They start to build cities. 24 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:20,080 They start to fortify their cities. 25 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:22,960 Now God looks. Down and there's violence 26 00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:26,320 everywhere. The battle, this war that we are 27 00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:29,320 at is not against each other. It's against these 28 00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:31,480 principalities and these rulers and these archons. 29 00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:34,760 In the high places, it's really worthwhile to read the Bible 30 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:37,760 yourself. Fear is one of the primary 31 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:42,120 drivers of mind control, because we have to take every thought 32 00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:49,000 captive and resist fear. You're going to have a testimony 33 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:53,480 that is a justice case against the Kingdom of Darkness. 34 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:12,160 Welcome back to the Millennial Mustard Seed. 35 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:15,760 I am your host Rod and thank you for being here with me for 36 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:20,440 another awesome episode. I'm joined by Carly Tebs for a 37 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:23,680 part 4. Carly talks about losing her 38 00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:27,400 father when she was younger and some of the dark things she 39 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:30,680 ended up finding herself involved in through seeking to 40 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:35,520 communicate with her dad by means of using a Ouija board, 41 00:02:35,640 --> 00:02:39,200 which we do not recommend. But the reality is a lot of 42 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:42,040 people out there have played with Ouija board. 43 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:46,240 What does that open you up to? Carly testifies on that and so 44 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:50,120 much more in this episode. And really, she has so many 45 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:53,280 different experiences that I know a lot of people can relate 46 00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:55,000 to. I've heard these kind of stories 47 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,440 in person and off air, and really there's a lot of 48 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:01,760 heartbreak in what people have experienced, even with church 49 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:03,360 hurt. And we're not just talking about 50 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:06,480 offense, but what about predatory pastors? 51 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:10,840 That's just highlighting a couple of the climactical and 52 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:14,920 emotional experiences that Carly shares with us here. 53 00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:18,240 And we get into so much more. And there's just a lot of power 54 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:22,440 in her story. And she is courageous and bold 55 00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:25,320 enough to say, hey, I am here to testify. 56 00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:28,680 Somebody else out there has experienced something similar, 57 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:32,240 and you do not have to keep that story a secret. 58 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:36,680 You don't have to wrestle in the background feeling alone, like, 59 00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:40,440 has this happened to anybody else and why do these kind of 60 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:43,760 things happen? I think it's really a great way 61 00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:47,760 to send the ripple effect out, to cause more people to be 62 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:52,120 willing to come forward and share their story as a justice 63 00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:55,800 case, as a testimony against what the Darkness has done. 64 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:59,000 Because there's a lot of people that are claiming to be of the 65 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:02,920 light and of the one true God who are doing very crooked and 66 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:05,000 perverse things. Well, the Bible says that those 67 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:09,080 things which are done in secret, will be shouted from the 68 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:12,360 rooftops. And we cover a bunch of cool 69 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:16,680 information about her testimony, how she's overcome, where she is 70 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:21,560 today, how God literally pulled her out of some of the deepest 71 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:27,200 and darkest things that take place in American Christianity. 72 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:30,640 So let me do some maintenance here real quick. 73 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:33,040 I need you guys to like the podcast. 74 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,000 Give me a five star rating and review. 75 00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:38,800 If you're on Apple podcast, write me a written review that 76 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:42,360 helps us find one more person just like me and you and you 77 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:45,920 guys share these episodes, send them out to your friends, your 78 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:48,920 family members, and literally get these kind of testimonies 79 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:51,840 into the church. One thing I've learned while 80 00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:55,920 doing this podcast is that we do not always understand how the 81 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:59,760 ripple effect works. How US stepping into the 82 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:03,560 formation and agreement that All Darkness will be exposed, that 83 00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:07,920 our words have power and that we are a walking testimony that 84 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:12,160 causes other people to see that to start to understand that. 85 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:15,320 And you know just by you sharing this, it could get, it could end 86 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:18,280 up in the hands of somebody who in a year from now has the 87 00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:22,280 courage to come forth and share their testimony and literally 88 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:27,640 that makes a difference. I think it's about time to jump 89 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:29,800 into this episode. I'm ready. 90 00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:32,320 Are you guys ready? Let's go. 91 00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:48,120 Let's go. My name is Carly Tebbs and 92 00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:51,080 welcome to the Millennial Mustard Seed Podcast. 93 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:58,320 Carly, it is an honor to have you back for a Part 4. 94 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:01,840 Yay. Yay is right. 95 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:07,400 We've had some powerful Foundation episodes laid over 96 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:11,120 these last couple months. And yeah, just the responses are 97 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:13,040 amazing. It's helping people. 98 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:17,320 And when your husband Prince was on, he said something very 99 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:19,960 profound. He said these are the end time 100 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:25,360 remnant voices that are rising up and I'm like, yeah, and it 101 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:29,440 was prophetic. Everything that God is doing is 102 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:32,960 just exciting and you have such a powerful testimony and we 103 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:36,440 never really dived like, fully into your testimony. 104 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:40,040 I think it would be really cool to spend some time with you just 105 00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:42,880 diving more into your story. And I know you have some things 106 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:45,360 to say that are definitely going to be helpful for listeners out 107 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:46,600 there. Amen. 108 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:51,240 That's my prayer is that it will be helpful and people will maybe 109 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:55,360 not feel alone on their own journey or identify with the 110 00:06:56,160 --> 00:07:00,240 kind of up and down of of life it can be helpful. 111 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:04,520 So that's my hope is that people can identify with with what I 112 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:07,080 went through and not feel like it's just them. 113 00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:09,360 Well, yeah, let's get right into it. 114 00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:12,520 So, I mean, I know we talked a little bit about like just a 115 00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:15,720 recap for people that may be coming in on this episode who 116 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:17,560 didn't hear the previous three parts. 117 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:20,680 We did. You talked a little bit about 118 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:24,320 like being able to spread lightning between your fingers, 119 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:28,640 right. And yeah, oh, let's just start 120 00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:30,200 there. Let's let's just go from there. 121 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:35,920 OK, yeah, so there was. So just a a slight recap. 122 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:39,200 I'm not sure which episode it was number wise that I was on, 123 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:43,080 but go go back and listen to it and give him a five star rating 124 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:47,600 on all the podcast platforms. So that was the foundation my 125 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:51,840 life started, and with some strange paranormal experiences 126 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:56,040 and being able to see in the spirit from a young age, 127 00:07:56,480 --> 00:08:02,880 intuitively knowing things before they happen and having 128 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,320 precognition or prophetic insight. 129 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:08,800 I guess I don't know exactly where that would land when I was 130 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:12,360 so young, what the correct word would be, but in dreams about 131 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:17,480 the future, as well as waking our intuition about things, and 132 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:22,000 as I grew up around 10, I think this is part that I kind of 133 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,520 didn't fill in. The rest of the information was 134 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:26,480 around. At the age of 10, my father 135 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:29,360 died. He was a airplane pilot, a 136 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:32,400 private airplane pilot, and he had crashed coming in for a 137 00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:35,440 landing. Nobody knew it what happened, 138 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:39,960 but I can say that it was the same experimental aircraft that 139 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:42,200 John Denver crashed in. Well, I don't know. 140 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:45,080 That was 1991. So did it have a history at that 141 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:45,920 time? I don't know. 142 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:49,800 But now it does that, OK, something goes wrong and these 143 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:54,240 tend to crash. So he crashed and passed away, 144 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:58,600 sadly. And of course, as any young 145 00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:00,640 child, that really rocked my world. 146 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:08,560 And I started to try to find him again because I had this feeling 147 00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:12,800 like he wasn't very far. And I, my dad was the kind of 148 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:16,360 guy who was all fun. He was heavy on the fun and low 149 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:23,200 on the responsibility part. So we we would be driving fast 150 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:27,640 in fast cars and going to the beach and on 20 mile bike rides 151 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:32,120 on A1 speed Huffy. I mean I was on the 1 speed 152 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:33,480 Huffy. He was a not. 153 00:09:33,560 --> 00:09:35,680 He was on a nice, you know, Schwinn or whatever, but. 154 00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:38,160 I had one of those back then. Yes. 155 00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:40,280 Where you pedal the the the back pedal back. 156 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,640 Where's the stop? Yeah, it was bright orange. 157 00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:45,160 It was really good. So we, you know, we were always 158 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:48,720 outside doing things, skiing, we lived in superior, so skiing in 159 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:50,960 the winter, cross country, downhill, all of that. 160 00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:53,240 So he was all fun and he wanted to hang out with me. 161 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:58,760 He included me in what he was doing when he was home and so 162 00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:02,760 that was really meaningful to me as a child as it would be to 163 00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:06,880 every child. And so when he passed away, I 164 00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:11,440 was rightfully devastated. And and so I just started to 165 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:15,360 watch and study witchcraft, Wiccan in particular. 166 00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:18,720 And I remember one movie back in the day, I don't know when it 167 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:20,160 came out. Y'all could look it up, but 168 00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:24,680 called the craft. And I remember thinking when I 169 00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:28,880 watched that movie, oh, OK, wait, so you can access the 170 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,800 Other Realm. And I started to connect the 171 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:35,040 dots for me about what I'd been experiencing as a child. 172 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:37,520 I was like, oh, it's witchcraft. Oh, it's natural. 173 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:41,600 Oh oh, I should do this. Since it's already manifesting 174 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:42,640 in me. Why not pursue it? 175 00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:45,400 Maybe I can talk to my dad. And I don't remember who first 176 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:50,560 introduced the Ouija board to me, but I ended up buying one of 177 00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:52,520 those. Or someone gave me one, or I 178 00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:53,920 don't. I don't know how it got in my 179 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:58,720 hands, but so I started to play with that and trying to connect 180 00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:01,800 with my dad. He never came through. 181 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:04,360 So I remember. Of course we know that it's 182 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:06,880 demons, right? So, like, don't play with Ouija 183 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:08,320 boards people. It's not. 184 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:12,120 I do not recommend it, but this is how it started for me. 185 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:17,000 I started playing with it at a friend across the street from my 186 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:20,120 aunt's house and I had a sleepover and we started playing 187 00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:25,080 with it and it was so immediate rod like, I don't know what 188 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:29,920 other people's experiences with this thing is or or had been, 189 00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:32,840 whatever, but mine was so intense. 190 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,200 So me and this girl, we were maybe 12. 191 00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:39,720 We were playing with this and we could make or the entities we're 192 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:42,200 contacting. We're very willing to make 193 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:46,040 things happen in the room. For example, we were asking it 194 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:49,560 to make it really hot in the room and with like in a snap of 195 00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:51,960 a finger it was sweaty hot in her room. 196 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:56,080 We were asking it to move things around the room and it, you 197 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:57,520 know, things would move around the room. 198 00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:01,960 So the clock would stop, things would fall off the wall, things 199 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:06,440 would flip over. It was so bizarre and intriguing 200 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:11,720 at the same time, because I had no foundation to know that this 201 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:16,600 might not be a good idea. If somebody ever told me that 202 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:19,240 before, then I sure didn't listen, because I don't know. 203 00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:23,240 And so we were doing this, and then I got the good idea to OK, 204 00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:26,440 well, if these entities are here, then let's see what they 205 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:29,200 have to say. And I invited them into myself, 206 00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:31,920 into my body, to talk through my mouth. 207 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:40,600 And I can remember feeling very different. 208 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:44,360 Like you know you have that stream of consciousness in your 209 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:48,200 in your mind where you you have thoughts and those thoughts have 210 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:52,400 a certain voice. This was not my thoughts. 211 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:55,880 It sounded different. And I can remember 3 different 212 00:12:55,880 --> 00:13:00,880 entities cycling into my being and speaking through my mouth. 213 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:05,720 And it was so bizarre because everything about my demeanor 214 00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:09,760 changed. My mannerisms, my tone of voice, 215 00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:12,960 everything. I was freaking out the girl that 216 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:18,640 I was with and I couldn't. You know, when you're forming 217 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:22,040 sentences in your mind, you, you kind of think a little bit into 218 00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:23,640 what you're going to say and then you say it. 219 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:26,160 I had no idea what was going to come out of my mouth. 220 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:30,640 It was weird. And so we did that. 221 00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:34,120 And it never dawned on me that this might not be good. 222 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:40,320 So the next day I went home, and it was the day after that it 223 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,960 turned out that that girl that I was with her appendix ruptured. 224 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:50,080 And I'm, I can't say, OK, this caused that, but it's just odd, 225 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:55,160 looking back, how we were playing with demons, basically. 226 00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:58,280 And then this horrible thing happened to her. 227 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:03,840 Fast forward and I'm at a different friend's house and 228 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:08,000 we're playing at night and it's a evening in the summer and we 229 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:11,000 always were trying to I I eventually gave up on trying to 230 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,880 connect with my dad, 'cause I was like he's not coming 231 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:14,600 through. I never had dreams about him. 232 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:20,280 I I never was able to make those connections and that was that 233 00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:23,200 was what I was longing for. But it it never worked out. 234 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,360 So we would try to connect with people like Kurt Cobain, because 235 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:31,480 he had just died and we were at my, this girl's house, who I 236 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:33,800 didn't know very well, was the first time hanging out at her 237 00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:36,880 house. And so we were inviting whatever 238 00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:39,040 to come through, like just come through, hang out, let us see 239 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:42,920 you prove it, that you're here. And all of a sudden the 240 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:44,960 electricity went out in her house. 241 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:49,120 And so that was weird. We lit a bunch of candles 242 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:52,080 because naturally, why not get a flashlight? 243 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:56,560 I don't know. We lit a bunch of candles and it 244 00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:58,760 started getting really windy outside. 245 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,320 And so we look outside, we're like, OK, it's going to storm. 246 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:03,560 So you know, we're we're moving around. 247 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:05,520 It's all kind of weird. And we're sitting in this room 248 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:11,520 and we see these shadows, people passing by the because we're in 249 00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:17,720 one room and but they're passing by in the hallway and we're 250 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:20,080 like, well, who are you? And the Ouija board says, you 251 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:21,800 know, Cobain. It spells out Cobain. 252 00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:25,120 So we're like, oh cool, no, not cool. 253 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:29,320 And so I invite this entity to come into me again, not learning 254 00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:34,160 my lesson and oh Lord Jesus, help me, oh God almighty. 255 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:38,640 I had never when that thing came into me, I have never felt 256 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:44,120 depression like that. I I wanted I I was consumed with 257 00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:47,560 this desire to kill myself in an instant. 258 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:49,880 I went from having fun. Da da, da. 259 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:55,040 I mean, being spooky, scared, you know, but in a fun way to 260 00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:57,320 wanting to die. And like the snap of a finger, 261 00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:05,200 it just never dawned on me. It's so silly to look back on 262 00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:08,920 it, but but so we, a storm started outside and it was 263 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:11,520 pouring and raining and lightning and the candles, 264 00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:14,160 Everything was closed up in all the windows and the candles in 265 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:17,120 the room were going off and coming back on and going off. 266 00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:19,840 And I was. I was demanding that this thing 267 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:24,120 get out of me because I I felt like I was going to die and I 268 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:25,560 could at least draw the parallel. 269 00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:30,520 OK, I was cool. And now I'm not so that that all 270 00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:33,440 sorts of crazy things were happening at the house that were 271 00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:37,320 banging. And Needless to say, that person 272 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:39,800 never invited me back over again. 273 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,080 That person. Wow. 274 00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:47,080 Yes. So that friend ended. 275 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:50,120 Yeah. And so that was some of the 276 00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:54,040 weird stuff that I don't again, I don't recommend playing with 277 00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:57,160 the Ouija board because you just, well, period. 278 00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:00,040 But mostly you, you just don't know what's going to come 279 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:02,240 through. And and I do think, looking 280 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:06,960 back, that this was where I gave entities permission to come in 281 00:17:07,079 --> 00:17:10,160 and possess my body. I don't know what else to say. 282 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:15,000 It's it wasn't me at that time in my life, in my teenage years. 283 00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:19,560 I just wanted to escape the feelings I had inside of myself, 284 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:23,400 the sorrow and the depression and the traumas I'd experienced 285 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:25,839 up to that point. So I was using a lot of drugs, 286 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:32,360 including hallucinogenics, acid and mushrooms and ecstasy and 287 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:34,400 whatever I could get my hands on. 288 00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:37,640 I drew the line at heroin and crack, because crack smells 289 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,520 really bad if you've never smelled it. 290 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:42,680 It's disgusting and heroin kills people for sure. 291 00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:45,320 And it was the 90s. So all the best musicians died 292 00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:49,880 of that at that time. So so that was that was those 293 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:53,720 years of my life. And there were times when I 294 00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:57,640 would get so heavy, laden with the burden of my sin and my 295 00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:05,480 sorrow and my trying to run away from my heart that I remember I 296 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:09,440 was 17 and I I had just tried to commit suicide at my friend's 297 00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:14,280 house and obviously that scared my mom pretty bad. 298 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:22,160 And by taking about what are all the pills in her cabinet, that 299 00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:26,600 friend saw the the empty bottles and and stuck her finger down my 300 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:31,400 throat and made me throw up. So my mom sent me to stay with 301 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:38,520 my step sister and I wanted to be relieved of the burden of all 302 00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:42,120 my sorrow. And so I went to the Catholic 303 00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:47,200 priest because I was some knowledge in me about that. 304 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:51,400 I did go to Catholic Church semi regularly Christmas and Easter 305 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:53,680 and Sundays once in a while, you know. 306 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,920 And so I went to this Catholic peace priest in this big 307 00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:01,760 beautiful cathedral in Superior right on the Main Street there 308 00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:05,360 Aunt Belknap. And I remember sitting in his 309 00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:08,680 office and I was just bawling my eyes out and I was telling him 310 00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:13,120 everything and he handed me a handkerchief out of the drawer 311 00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:17,120 of his desk and said, your sins have been forgiven and now your 312 00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:19,360 soul is as white as this handkerchief. 313 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,000 I bet I still have that handkerchief somewhere. 314 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:27,600 I felt better and I purposed in my heart to do better, but there 315 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,400 was no depth. I went right back to it. 316 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:34,680 When I went came back to the cities from Superior to start my 317 00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:37,200 senior year in high school, I just went right back to it, 318 00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:47,360 doing all the wrong things. And then I graduated high school 319 00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:52,480 and I started going to a Pentecostal church again because 320 00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:57,520 I I felt it's just it's crazy how sin accumulates into your 321 00:19:57,520 --> 00:19:59,880 soul and just starts weighing you down. 322 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:03,960 If you're experiencing that weight, it's It's definitely 323 00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:07,240 something the Lord can relieve. So I would go to this 324 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:10,080 Pentecostal church and sit in the church service and just sob. 325 00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:14,960 I would just sit there and cry so many tears. 326 00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:20,920 And this one lady tried to take me under her wing and I remember 327 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:25,240 going to her house and she was listening to Yolanda Adams and 328 00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:27,720 we just started talking. I don't remember how we got on 329 00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:31,040 the topic, but she was telling me how she really doesn't listen 330 00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:34,120 to secular music anymore and she doesn't really, you know, make a 331 00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:35,760 big deal out of things like her birthday. 332 00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:38,200 Not that she's Jehovah Witness. She wasn't that again. 333 00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:42,320 But but and I thought to myself as my 19 year old self at that 334 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:46,200 time, OK, if I can't listen to like, Snoop and Dre and Eminem, 335 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,600 I don't. I don't know. 336 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:53,800 I don't know if I can do this again with the lack of depth. 337 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:58,400 I just didn't understand the correlation between the sin and 338 00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:02,400 the weight and the trauma and the sorrow giving it to Jesus. 339 00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:05,960 And then what? Nobody explained that, right? 340 00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:09,160 I didn't know to ask. So I would go to church, I'd sob 341 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:11,120 my eyeballs out. I'd get in my car and I'd light 342 00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:14,000 up another joint. You'd go about my. 343 00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:18,080 I just never made the. I never drew the line between, 344 00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:21,360 hey, this is causing, this is perpetuating my inner heart 345 00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:27,840 issues. So Fast forward and I got, I got 346 00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:33,880 married and not not to the husband. 347 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:38,360 You interviewed to someone else and he gave me two wonderful 348 00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:44,480 boys a year apart. They're 12 months, 3 weeks and 349 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:48,200 five days apart. And that marriage ended. 350 00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:55,920 I started going to Catholic Church again and he was, he was 351 00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:57,440 not supportive because he was Muslim. 352 00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:03,520 So I was not equally yoked. And again, I I don't know that I 353 00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:07,920 was necessarily saved at that time, but I knew that I needed 354 00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:13,600 something outside of myself. And now looking back, I would 355 00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:17,520 language it like this. You have to change the well 356 00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:23,920 you're drawing from. And I kept drawing from the well 357 00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:28,960 inside of myself, which is the same well that I was drawing 358 00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:31,320 from when I was making poor life decisions. 359 00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:37,160 It was the well that was filled with bitter water and traumatic 360 00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:40,760 memories and struggles and regrets. 361 00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:49,440 And I know now that when Jesus met the woman at the well and he 362 00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:52,800 said I have water, but you'll drink it and you'll never get 363 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:55,320 thirsty again, I have water you'd know not of. 364 00:22:56,800 --> 00:23:04,480 He was inviting her to his well. And that's really where life 365 00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:07,440 changes is when you start drawing on the well of Jesus 366 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:10,360 instead of your own inner resources. 367 00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:17,240 Because if we could save ourselves, we wouldn't need him. 368 00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:20,160 But we can't. OK so that's where submission 369 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:24,640 comes in. And so I'm married and I have 370 00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:27,080 these two boys and I'm, I'm trying to live my life better. 371 00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:35,360 It's not going well. And that marriage ended it. 372 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:38,920 It ended with a bang. And I'm just, I'm going to leave 373 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:41,800 it at that just for the, you know, if my boys ever listen to 374 00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:45,400 this, I I don't want to say anything about their father. 375 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:50,560 But it it it wasn't, it wasn't great. 376 00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:55,840 And and that ended. And then I was a single mom 377 00:23:56,160 --> 00:24:00,040 going to college and it was really, really, really hard. 378 00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:04,000 I had family who came and would watch my boys while I went to 379 00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,040 school. They would bring me groceries, 380 00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:10,160 everybody, my aunts and uncles and my mom's friends, They 381 00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:13,400 rounded the wagons and they helped me the best they could. 382 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:17,560 It was really miraculous, but even at that, just the depth of 383 00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:22,440 sorrow that I carried inside of myself, no amount of help from 384 00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:25,400 people would rid me of that burden. 385 00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:33,160 And I remember one night I invited my life, life insurance 386 00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:35,040 guy over who I'd kind of befriended. 387 00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:39,240 He's such a nice guy. And so he came over and he was. 388 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:41,800 I didn't know at the time, but he was a strong believer and 389 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:44,000 still is to this day wonderful man of God. 390 00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:48,360 And he came over to cancel the policies like, well, let me come 391 00:24:48,360 --> 00:24:51,160 meet with you. And so he came over and he's 392 00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:54,680 like, you know, I just feel like I got to tell you, he started 393 00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:56,680 telling me about Jesus. And I was like, yeah, yeah, 394 00:24:56,680 --> 00:25:01,240 yeah, that's nice. But I couldn't receive it. 395 00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:04,520 I I like, heard him, but it didn't. 396 00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:13,040 It just bounced off my forehead. So I I had this roommate move in 397 00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:16,280 who was my Co worker and she was super witchcraft. 398 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:19,080 Y right? And one night we were sitting 399 00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:21,800 around, we're sitting in my room, in my living room, our 400 00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:23,440 living room, because we're living together. 401 00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:26,120 She was helping to pay rent because I was not making ends 402 00:25:26,120 --> 00:25:28,200 meet. And we're sitting there, we're 403 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:30,240 talking, and it's kind of dim because it's night and it's 404 00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:31,600 late. Whatever, We're talking and all 405 00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:36,640 of a sudden her, she's, I don't, I don't know how because it 406 00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:38,120 wasn't like we were doing anything. 407 00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:40,360 We were just, we were just hanging out. 408 00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:42,320 But all of a sudden her face changed. 409 00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:45,720 She went from looking like she usually does to looking 410 00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:51,520 completely different. And I was like, well, that's 411 00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:53,960 weird. And but I didn't say anything 412 00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:58,120 because it's so crazy to be like, yo girl, your face looks 413 00:25:58,120 --> 00:26:01,560 weird. I mean, I'm supposed to say. 414 00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:06,000 So I'm like, watching her and her face just starts switching. 415 00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:09,680 She looks like an old woman. She looks like a white lady. 416 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:13,200 She looks almost like a cat. She looks a little bit like a 417 00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:16,080 dog. She looks, it was this rapidly 418 00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:17,920 changing. And I'm looking at her going, Oh 419 00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:21,800 my God, am I losing my mind? Like, what is going on? 420 00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:25,960 And then and and I, I was trying cognitive dissonance. 421 00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:28,200 I was trying to just talk myself out of the experience like, 422 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:30,280 Nope, Nope. This is not what's happening 423 00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:31,560 right now. I don't know what's happening, 424 00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:33,680 but it's not that. Whatever. 425 00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:39,200 That is so. So she and I kind of dabbled in 426 00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:42,680 the in the witchcraft Y stuff and like, but just in the sense 427 00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:46,480 of talking about it. We worked at a new age publisher 428 00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:51,600 that published these meditation CDs and they were very into 429 00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:53,600 Thai. What's it called? 430 00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:55,200 Qigong. That's it. 431 00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:58,320 Don't practice it people. I don't recommend it. 432 00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:04,360 But so we were immersed in this world of of Eastern philosophy, 433 00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:08,120 studying it, listening to it, selling it, coaching people on 434 00:27:08,120 --> 00:27:10,560 it. And I think probably it just is 435 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:20,960 all accumulating from my past to that point And and so she stayed 436 00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:25,200 with me for a while and then she moved out and I I was like OK 437 00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:27,600 well that's good because I'm not sure about her. 438 00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:35,000 She seems a little off And and I was working in that place and 439 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:39,240 then going to school and and I met somebody at school who 440 00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:43,360 started talking to me and it was fun because I could say all my 441 00:27:43,360 --> 00:27:49,800 weird paranormal experiences to this person and it never he 442 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:54,520 never responded with disbelief or like wow that's weird. 443 00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:59,280 It seemed as though for him that was also normal or something he 444 00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:01,440 knew about. So I shared a lot of my weird 445 00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:05,320 experiences and at the time, since I wasn't saved, I was 446 00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:08,160 still having weird experiences. I was trying Transcendental 447 00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:10,920 Meditation. I was trying to do all of that 448 00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:13,880 Ascend kundalini, all that I was. 449 00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:18,120 I was trying to get myself out of this pit that I felt I was in 450 00:28:18,120 --> 00:28:21,720 and rightfully I was. So I was trying all the new age 451 00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:25,920 things, doing all of it. None of it was working, but I 452 00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:29,160 kept trying because when it doesn't work, try harder, right? 453 00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:32,800 So I was doing that and I was telling him all these stories 454 00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:35,520 and to him it was normal, it was great. 455 00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:38,840 So we we started talking, we were we would hang out on break. 456 00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:40,880 It was cool. It was good. 457 00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:43,840 And he was married and had old. He was older than me, had 458 00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:47,560 children, older than my own and and I was just happy to have 459 00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:49,320 someone to talk to once in a while. 460 00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:52,720 He would. He would help me out financially 461 00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:56,360 and the first time that happened I was highly dubious of his 462 00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:59,480 intentions. But and rightfully so because it 463 00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:02,200 was definitely ended up being an A crazy experience. 464 00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:08,280 But one night was particularly bad and I called him because I 465 00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:12,000 didn't know where else to turn. I I felt so depressed. 466 00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:14,680 Rod. I didn't want to live anymore. 467 00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:17,360 I was raising two boys by myself. 468 00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:19,640 Ends. We're not meeting. 469 00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:23,200 I was just steeping myself deeper and deeper and deeper 470 00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:26,640 into New age practices. I was angry. 471 00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:32,080 I was angry, mean mom and angry awful mean mom. 472 00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:37,120 And I just wanted to die. I was like, what is the point of 473 00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:38,440 this? I don't know where I'm going to 474 00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:42,120 go if I die, but Lord, it has to be better than this, this place, 475 00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:45,760 no. And so at in that depth of 476 00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:50,240 despair, I called this person and I said, I just can't do this 477 00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:51,600 anymore. I don't know. 478 00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:56,200 I. And then he asked me the most 479 00:29:56,800 --> 00:30:00,960 perfect question anybody could have said to me at that moment. 480 00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:04,600 He said, have you ever really given Jesus your all? 481 00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:07,200 No. We had never talked about Jesus. 482 00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:09,640 He he didn't bring it up. And I stopped. 483 00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:13,600 And I thought back on all the times I would go to the priest 484 00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:16,520 or went to that Pentecostal church or would even read the 485 00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:17,560 Bible. I was even read. 486 00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:19,880 Trying to read the Bible didn't make any sense, but I would try 487 00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:22,680 to read it. And I was like, you know what? 488 00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:27,520 I never did? I never gave Jesus my all. 489 00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:31,120 I'm A and and and I've tried everything else. 490 00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:34,640 I've done the drugs, I've had the relationships. 491 00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:37,080 I tried getting married. I tried being a mom. 492 00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:42,760 I tried the New Age. Nothing's working, and it's just 493 00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:44,760 worse. It's worse than I ever thought 494 00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:47,080 it could be. I thought, you know what, I'm 495 00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:50,000 going to try Jesus. I'm going to give him my 496 00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:55,040 everything. I said the sinner's prayer, and 497 00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:58,840 in that moment, something definitely changed. 498 00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:07,120 I could feel death leave my body and I could feel light and hope 499 00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:09,960 and love come in. It was so tangible. 500 00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:12,520 I can't compare it to anything else. 501 00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:20,520 It was my whole being. From my toes to my soul, to my 502 00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:24,960 mind, to my heart, everything. It all just changed. 503 00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:28,520 And I meant it. And I think that's the thing 504 00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:32,160 that made the difference, is I I wasn't just lamenting my 505 00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:36,600 sorrows. I was like Jesus, here you go. 506 00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:38,640 Take my death. You want my death? 507 00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:43,200 Here, take my death, but also take my life. 508 00:31:43,640 --> 00:31:46,800 I'm going to give you my everything. 509 00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:50,720 My now, my yesterday, my tomorrow, everything. 510 00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:52,920 You want it here. And I'm going to try. 511 00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:56,680 And I purposed in my heart from that moment to really, really 512 00:31:56,840 --> 00:32:00,680 try to really try to give, to really try to understand this 513 00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:02,800 Jesus. And I remember saying to him at 514 00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:08,280 that time, I don't care if you are God of the universe, who 515 00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:12,120 made all the stuff. If you are so big, you're such a 516 00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:14,280 big God, You did all this stuff. Cool. 517 00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:16,040 That's great. Congratulations. 518 00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:22,040 If you can't come into my heart and change me, like inside in 519 00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:24,480 here, in my heart, I don't really care. 520 00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:26,680 I don't really care if you made everything. 521 00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:31,880 Because when you're suffering under the weight of sin, it 522 00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:35,000 doesn't matter if God made the stars, you know? 523 00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:36,760 It's like when people are in crisis. 524 00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:41,440 The trivial things of life that were important yesterday, well, 525 00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:44,320 the things that were important to you yesterday become trivial. 526 00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:47,120 When you're in a crisis, none of that stuff matters anymore. 527 00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:49,440 And that's how I felt in that moment. 528 00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:53,160 It was like, I just need you to come in here and change me, like 529 00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:55,920 change me. I felt the death leave and all 530 00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:57,440 of that. But now I know I need to be 531 00:32:57,440 --> 00:33:01,000 different. And so I started going to church 532 00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:03,160 and I started going to prayer meeting, and I started going to 533 00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:05,640 Bible study and I joined the praise and worship team and I 534 00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:09,200 read my word every day. And that's when things started 535 00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:12,120 to get really weird. Really weird. 536 00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:14,240 So I'm gonna pause in case you have a question. 537 00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:20,760 I mean, I'm just enjoying hearing your story because 538 00:33:20,760 --> 00:33:25,800 there's certain parts that are relatable and I think a lot of 539 00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:31,240 people are going to be willing to go and venture into their own 540 00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:34,120 traumas and past cause. A lot of the times, Christianity 541 00:33:34,120 --> 00:33:36,960 as it sits, and we've talked about this, Carly, it seems like 542 00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:40,560 you have to come nice and clean and squeaky and neat and you 543 00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:42,640 have to do what they do and say what they say. 544 00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:48,520 And people take this mental jog into their past, even just a 545 00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:52,560 glimmer of one of the terrible things they've purposefully done 546 00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:55,640 or unwillingly done. And then they go, oh, I I can't, 547 00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:59,200 I can't be there. I just got reminded of this 548 00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:02,800 horror of my past, right? And I've seen that be like a 549 00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:05,600 frontline thing that I personally have dealt with. 550 00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:10,360 But by God's grace overcoming and the place of maturity now 551 00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:13,320 where I understand that process but you said some stuff that's 552 00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:16,080 just so provocative. I don't want to deter you from 553 00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:19,199 continuing the testimony. You're talking about this multi 554 00:34:19,199 --> 00:34:24,800 layered curse of your past and we're getting into a bit of it 555 00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:30,080 sounds like a transition where like things for me and and maybe 556 00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:32,360 for you Carly and and other people out there listening. 557 00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:36,840 But when I came to the Lord it felt like things were breaking 558 00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:41,120 off in stages through testing, through trials like nothing got 559 00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:44,000 pretty and clean overnight. When I came to the Lord actually 560 00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:48,120 got worse in some ways and I think that's kind of where we're 561 00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:52,000 at with your testimony. I I I don't know I'm excited. 562 00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:53,760 I'm going to shut up. You continue to talk. 563 00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:57,440 This is good. OK, Yep, that's exactly right. 564 00:34:57,520 --> 00:35:01,280 So I had that moment of of justification and the death left 565 00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:05,360 in the life came in and then things started to get really 566 00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:11,040 weird. And so the the the guy who I was 567 00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:15,640 talking to said welcome to this address on Sunday and at 10:00. 568 00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:18,560 So I was like OK, so I went to that address on Sunday morning. 569 00:35:19,720 --> 00:35:23,640 Lo and behold that self sane person, I'd been telling all my 570 00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:27,680 crazy stories too and talking about seeing auras and all this 571 00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:31,360 stuff. He was the pastor and I was. 572 00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:35,880 I was like, what that what is going on? 573 00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:38,720 I had no idea. And good thing because had I 574 00:35:38,720 --> 00:35:43,480 known my preconceived notions of of churchy pastor is priest. 575 00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:46,560 Catholic priest, right. So I would have had any of that. 576 00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:48,360 I would not have said any of that. 577 00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:51,400 I wouldn't have shared nothing. I would have kept that man at a 578 00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:56,000 distance and been like pat, Pat that's nice go ahead with your 579 00:35:56,680 --> 00:35:57,840 Jesus self. So. 580 00:35:57,840 --> 00:36:00,000 But I didn't know. So I went there and I'm like, 581 00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:03,560 whoa, and is a Liberian church, so West Africa. 582 00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:05,360 My husband, you know, he talked about that. 583 00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:14,480 And this was different, these people, they meant it. 584 00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:21,320 And now I was in a place that it had me almost, it almost started 585 00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:23,520 to have meaning. And I didn't have enough 586 00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:25,520 knowledge of the word to understand really. 587 00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:30,960 But for some reason at that, it was starting to work inside of 588 00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:35,200 me, that surrender was starting to kind of grow. 589 00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:38,480 And I could see that these people really love the Lord. 590 00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:42,080 And what the pastor was talking about, I don't remember now, but 591 00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:46,160 I remember thinking, oh, this is exactly what I was just thinking 592 00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:47,840 about, you know, was that kind of. 593 00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:54,520 I started to see that the things I worry about, think about and 594 00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:58,160 feel alone in myself with myself, he's really there with 595 00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:00,880 me. The Lord is with me because when 596 00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:04,840 I went to church, I remember noticing that he was talking 597 00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:07,720 about things I had been worrying about and thinking about that I 598 00:37:07,720 --> 00:37:10,400 never said to him. So I was like this man's talking 599 00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:13,440 for Jesus. Oh my gosh, woah, right. 600 00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:17,560 So I kept going and I got, like I said, I got involved in 601 00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:21,440 everything I could because if I'm look if I purpose to do 602 00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:25,320 something, I really do it. I do it so hard. 603 00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:29,800 I go so hard, I get hyper fixated and there's nothing can 604 00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:32,440 take me off of it. And that's exactly what happened 605 00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:37,880 when I got some Jesus wow. But then things started to get 606 00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:41,520 weird. So I I started to have 607 00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:48,800 manifestations in my House of I would go to bed at night and I'm 608 00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:52,240 alone, totally alone. My kids have their own room. 609 00:37:53,240 --> 00:37:57,400 I when I go to sleep, I sleep in one spot and I wake up in that 610 00:37:57,400 --> 00:37:58,600 same spot. I don't. 611 00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:01,000 I don't roll around. At least at that point in time. 612 00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:02,320 I don't know. You'd have to ask my husband if 613 00:38:02,320 --> 00:38:04,000 I do. Now I'm busy sleeping, so I 614 00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:08,240 don't know, but I would. I would lay down and wake up and 615 00:38:08,240 --> 00:38:11,560 I could for most of my early, you know, mid, mid 20s, 616 00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:13,080 whatever. I'd get up and just fold the 617 00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:15,600 blanket back and it would look like I was never in my bed. 618 00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:18,520 That's all I had to do. And all that to say, I would go 619 00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:21,080 to bed reading books and listening to worship music. 620 00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:24,880 But when I would wake up in the morning the opposite side of my 621 00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:29,200 king size bed, it would look like somebody had gotten out of 622 00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:33,560 that side of the bed and it would freak. 623 00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:37,760 So I'm like what? So I'd go look at my boys and 624 00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:41,240 they're not awake they're in their beds. 625 00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:45,440 What is happening? And and or like, I would go to 626 00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:49,120 bed with worship on, with my laptop on my bed and my books 627 00:38:49,120 --> 00:38:52,680 and my Bible open, and I would wake up and my laptop would be 628 00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:54,640 shut, put somewhere else in my room. 629 00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:56,960 The books would be strewn all over the place in the side of 630 00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:58,680 the bed. Other side of the bed would be 631 00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:05,200 dishevelled or I'd be in my room and I would hear toys. 632 00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:09,240 My kids again are sleeping. I would hear toys going off. 633 00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:14,600 My doors would open and close. And thankfully this pastor was 634 00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:16,840 in Africa. And well, it's Liberia. 635 00:39:16,840 --> 00:39:19,280 I'm sure it's all Africa. They don't. 636 00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:23,520 They don't hide witchcraft like here in America, the witchcraft 637 00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:28,120 is more covert. It's not so in your face, right? 638 00:39:28,840 --> 00:39:31,400 But there. It's very in your face. 639 00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:35,000 So at least when I would tell him these things, he'd be like, 640 00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:38,640 oh, that's demonic manifestations that we know how 641 00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:39,840 to deal with that. Right. 642 00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:44,240 And so I started a process of of deliverance. 643 00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:49,880 And I remember one night in particular, this is, I had gone 644 00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:55,040 to work and then gone to school. And I came home and my aunt was 645 00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:57,920 there putting my boys to bed. So I went in my room just to not 646 00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:00,600 disturb, 'cause you know how kids are with their moms. 647 00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:03,320 And everything's wrong. And they have lots of emotions 648 00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:07,360 and words. And so they were like 3:00 and 649 00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:10,120 4:00 at the time. And so I went in my room and my 650 00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:11,520 aunt came and said, oh, you're home. 651 00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:14,400 And then she laughed. And and I'm laying there and all 652 00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:17,920 of a sudden I hear this like banging and toys going off in 653 00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:20,640 the living room. My kids are in their room, so I 654 00:40:20,920 --> 00:40:23,480 and then I see my door to my bedroom open. 655 00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:28,120 I was like, oh, not again. So I know now to say the blood 656 00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:30,840 of Jesus, the blood of Jesus, the name of Jesus Christ. 657 00:40:30,840 --> 00:40:33,680 I'm like saying what I know I'm supposed to say. 658 00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:41,600 And it stops and I go to to my mirror in my bathroom to start 659 00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:45,080 to pray for myself because I'm I'm aware that I'm getting 660 00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:48,200 attacked in my sleep. Like I would have dreams where 661 00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:53,520 somebody was trying to break my ankles and wake up and my ankles 662 00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:58,600 be swollen and be limping. And for some reason it was 663 00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:02,200 always my ankles. I don't know why so weird, but I 664 00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:05,200 would have dreams that then had physical manifestations. 665 00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:07,360 So I go and I'm going to go to bed. 666 00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:09,440 So I'm standing in front of the mirror and I'm praying for 667 00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:13,680 myself and I knew Jezebel was an issue for me based on what I had 668 00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:15,200 learned from going to this church. 669 00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:18,920 This is a couple months into it and and having some a few 670 00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:22,400 deliverance sessions which are so bizarre, but in a good way. 671 00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:27,000 Exhausting, but good, right? So I'm standing in front of the 672 00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:28,920 mirror and I'm praying for myself and I'm addressing 673 00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:31,120 Jezebel. And I'm like, I don't want you. 674 00:41:31,400 --> 00:41:34,320 I get out of me. So I'm praying for myself. 675 00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:36,160 I'm pleading the blood of Jesus over myself. 676 00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:40,640 And I look and I look at myself in the mirror and my eye color 677 00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:44,720 changed like a snap of a finger. My eyes are like a Hazel brown. 678 00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:47,880 And they changed to green. And I was like, oh, that is 679 00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:50,120 weird, right? So I'm looking at my eyeballs 680 00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:54,720 and I'm pleading the blood of Jesus and all of a sudden I get 681 00:41:54,720 --> 00:41:58,280 slammed to the ground. I I cannot stop the force of 682 00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:01,120 what hit me. Whatever it was, it hit me and 683 00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:07,400 it slammed me to the ground and it felt like I was being pulled 684 00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:11,000 into the carpet, into the concrete, under the carpet from 685 00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:14,320 underneath, like, and it it hurt. 686 00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:17,400 It hurt my back, it hurt my body. 687 00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:20,760 I had right before this had happened, I had called the 688 00:42:20,760 --> 00:42:23,480 pastor to be like, I'm going to pray for myself, Can you please 689 00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:25,560 be on the line with me? Because sometimes things would 690 00:42:25,560 --> 00:42:28,240 go left. So I had fallen and the phone 691 00:42:28,240 --> 00:42:32,760 fell and I was able to grab it and I'm being pushed into the 692 00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:36,880 ground and it feels like my back is going to break and I can't. 693 00:42:36,880 --> 00:42:42,160 And my head starts getting slammed into the carpet and I 694 00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:44,280 can't. I can't stop it and I can't see 695 00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:47,000 what's doing it. It was so terrifying. 696 00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:51,680 And so I'm like, the blood, the blood, the blood, the blood of 697 00:42:51,720 --> 00:42:53,440 Jesus, the blood of Jesus, the blood of Jesus. 698 00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:55,880 And I hear the pastor on the other line, like, are you OK? 699 00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:58,360 What's going on? And he's, he's praying. 700 00:42:59,120 --> 00:43:05,080 And then in a split second my eyes were open and I see this 701 00:43:05,080 --> 00:43:09,080 gnarled face demon. It almost looked like Fast 702 00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:10,880 forward. When The Hobbit movies came out 703 00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:15,720 in the orcs, it was kind of like that, but the skin was dark and 704 00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:20,240 the eyes were bloodshot and just gross. 705 00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:24,720 And this thing is leaning over me and trying to pry my legs 706 00:43:24,720 --> 00:43:27,120 apart. And I don't know if I told you 707 00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:29,600 about the dream in the first podcast, but I when I was 708 00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:32,840 younger and in teenage years, I had a dream that I was sexually 709 00:43:32,840 --> 00:43:36,120 assaulted in my sleep and I woke up feeling the effects on my 710 00:43:36,120 --> 00:43:37,800 person. Yes, I do think I said that. 711 00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:43,400 And it was such a similar voice, 'cause this thing said to me, I 712 00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:45,960 could hear it. It said I'm going to effing rape 713 00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:50,240 you like this. I'm like my legs are being pride 714 00:43:50,240 --> 00:43:53,120 apart and I'm being pressed into the ground and I can't move. 715 00:43:53,120 --> 00:43:56,800 And I'm just trying to plead the blood of Jesus, but I'm crying 716 00:43:56,800 --> 00:44:00,320 and I'm hurting. And it was horrible for I don't 717 00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:03,040 know how long. 30 minutes or so it kept going on. 718 00:44:03,040 --> 00:44:04,480 I felt like it was never going to end. 719 00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:06,920 I hear the pastor on the other line praying. 720 00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:14,520 I hear his wife praying and then I hear he said hang up. 721 00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:16,360 I'm here and I'm like, what does that mean? 722 00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:18,720 So I'm like trying to fumble with my phone. 723 00:44:18,720 --> 00:44:22,160 I managed to hang up the phone. It calls back, it's the door and 724 00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:25,960 he's at my apartment and he come, you know, I buzz him in 725 00:44:25,960 --> 00:44:29,080 with the little phone on my phone keypad and he comes down 726 00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:32,400 and I like claw. I don't know if angels came to 727 00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:35,600 give me reprieve, for I don't know what happened in the 728 00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:40,080 spirit, but I was able to, like, claw my way to my front door and 729 00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:42,480 unlock it. And he came in and he started 730 00:44:42,480 --> 00:44:44,760 praying with me. Because usually when you're 731 00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:48,520 dealing with demonic entities, you say the blood of Jesus, you 732 00:44:48,720 --> 00:44:52,160 you say the name of Jesus. They rapidly start to lose their 733 00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:56,200 power, their strategies inside of that moment, right? 734 00:44:56,200 --> 00:45:01,840 But but we weren't dealing with demonic entities alone. 735 00:45:02,080 --> 00:45:05,440 Because the blood of Jesus, they were not relenting. 736 00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:10,240 And that's how I knew it was human spirits. 737 00:45:10,240 --> 00:45:14,080 I'm like I human and human astral projectors, human souls 738 00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:18,000 partnering with demons to go out of body and and assault me. 739 00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:22,000 Because when you're dealing with demons, like I said, they don't 740 00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:25,120 have as much resistance, but the will of man. 741 00:45:25,960 --> 00:45:29,320 You can't supersede the will of man by just saying the blood of 742 00:45:29,360 --> 00:45:32,200 Jesus, the name of Jesus, because he's given us free will, 743 00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:36,520 for better or worse. And they were not relenting and 744 00:45:36,520 --> 00:45:41,320 it was so terrifying. So he comes in and I don't even 745 00:45:41,360 --> 00:45:46,240 remember what he said. But once we realized once he was 746 00:45:46,240 --> 00:45:51,680 there and we were addressing what was going on as human 747 00:45:53,600 --> 00:45:58,240 humans going out of body, astral projecting to assault me, then 748 00:45:58,600 --> 00:46:03,240 he took a different strategy and the thing started to subside. 749 00:46:04,200 --> 00:46:08,200 And after all these weird occurrences and then this 750 00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:12,160 massive manifestation, he's like, you need to be filled with 751 00:46:12,160 --> 00:46:15,840 the Holy Spirit. So things had calmed down. 752 00:46:16,120 --> 00:46:19,320 We got the stuff to leave. Leave me alone. 753 00:46:19,320 --> 00:46:22,280 It was back calm. I was exhausted. 754 00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:27,800 I was bruised. It was so he said I'm going to 755 00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:31,160 baptize you in the Holy Spirit. So you have the power. 756 00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:34,880 You have the power. And I said, OK, I don't. 757 00:46:35,280 --> 00:46:37,560 I have some foundation of what that means because I had been 758 00:46:37,560 --> 00:46:40,640 going to church and reading the Bible and listening to the Word. 759 00:46:41,400 --> 00:46:47,880 And when I felt the Holy Spirit come in me, it was almost like a 760 00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:52,200 percolating, like a bubbling coming up from my gut, up 761 00:46:52,200 --> 00:46:57,560 through my chest, through my heart, up into my throat. 762 00:46:58,720 --> 00:47:02,440 And I could feel language that I didn't recognize starting to 763 00:47:02,440 --> 00:47:05,680 form in my brain. And he was like, are you getting 764 00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:08,440 your heavenly language? I said, I think so. 765 00:47:08,440 --> 00:47:10,680 He's like, just start saying it. Just start. 766 00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:13,320 Don't judge it. Just start saying what you're 767 00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:15,640 hearing. So I started speaking in 768 00:47:15,640 --> 00:47:19,240 tongues. It was very simple at first. 769 00:47:19,280 --> 00:47:23,440 But as I was speaking in tongues, that percolating 770 00:47:23,440 --> 00:47:28,480 sensation was filling my body and my mind. 771 00:47:28,480 --> 00:47:32,800 It was effervescent, which was new. 772 00:47:33,240 --> 00:47:36,080 And so his wife was on the phone praying. 773 00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:39,960 He was there with me. He had to help me to lay down in 774 00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:44,320 my bed, and I laid down in my bed and he left. 775 00:47:44,880 --> 00:47:49,560 And I went to sleep that night, speaking in tongues, and I never 776 00:47:49,560 --> 00:47:52,920 had another attack like that again. 777 00:47:54,720 --> 00:47:59,440 I went through more deliverance after that, which if nobody's 778 00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:02,800 ever seen it, I'll just give you a picture of what that looks 779 00:48:02,800 --> 00:48:04,360 like. So when you're casting demons 780 00:48:04,360 --> 00:48:07,480 out of somebody, when when he was, let me just speak for 781 00:48:07,480 --> 00:48:09,680 myself. When he was casting demons out 782 00:48:09,680 --> 00:48:14,800 of me, it was a it was so similar to way back when I was 783 00:48:14,800 --> 00:48:16,600 12. And I was asking entities to 784 00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:19,560 come in and speak through me was such a similar feeling. 785 00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:23,960 Because what was manifesting in my mind was not my voice. 786 00:48:24,880 --> 00:48:28,120 I would have the most heinous, horrible pictures in my 787 00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:31,520 imagination. And voices that just hated me 788 00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:37,040 were seething with hate and murder and lust. 789 00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:41,520 And I would be drooling and coughing and writhing on the 790 00:48:41,520 --> 00:48:45,000 floor. And I and the pastor was, would 791 00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:47,400 tell me, tell me what you're seeing, tell me what you're 792 00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:51,080 experiencing inside so that he would have some aid in 793 00:48:51,080 --> 00:48:53,880 discerning what was going on and what was manifesting. 794 00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:57,520 So I would try to communicate what was going on, but there was 795 00:48:57,520 --> 00:49:03,160 so much sexual perversion that would come up that came with a 796 00:49:03,160 --> 00:49:12,000 lot of coughing and drooling and just feeling perversion in my 797 00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:15,000 body is like a lustful feeling, but sick. 798 00:49:15,400 --> 00:49:19,960 Not like the pure love that you now know with your spouse, but 799 00:49:21,240 --> 00:49:26,120 something, some dirty. And I went through that many, 800 00:49:26,120 --> 00:49:29,320 many times. And in that season of my walk 801 00:49:29,320 --> 00:49:35,720 with the Lord, the more I got of him, the more I wanted. 802 00:49:36,200 --> 00:49:40,480 And I knew that the only thing that was standing in my way was 803 00:49:40,480 --> 00:49:45,760 my confession and my repentance. So I didn't care what people 804 00:49:45,760 --> 00:49:49,360 thought of me. If I was at a church service, 805 00:49:49,360 --> 00:49:52,640 and I always was. If there was a church service, I 806 00:49:52,640 --> 00:49:55,920 was at it in our church. Or are the other churches that 807 00:49:55,920 --> 00:49:58,120 we we did work with? I didn't care. 808 00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:01,600 If I had to go up there and confess my most hideous sins in 809 00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:04,600 front of people, if it meant I would be set free, I would do 810 00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:06,720 it. I would embarrass myself 811 00:50:06,720 --> 00:50:08,520 publicly if it meant I would be set free. 812 00:50:08,520 --> 00:50:12,920 I was like, at any cost, I don't care what it cost me, it can 813 00:50:12,920 --> 00:50:16,760 cost me the way people think. People could think I'm a crazy 814 00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:18,360 person. I don't care. 815 00:50:18,600 --> 00:50:21,760 I just don't want to live this life of death anymore. 816 00:50:21,760 --> 00:50:24,880 I don't want this bondage. All of these entities that I was 817 00:50:24,880 --> 00:50:27,200 like, yeah, come party inside my body. 818 00:50:27,200 --> 00:50:30,280 No, no, all of it. Bye. 819 00:50:32,160 --> 00:50:34,160 I was so done. And so I did it. 820 00:50:34,200 --> 00:50:36,720 And sometimes I'd have manifestations in church 821 00:50:36,720 --> 00:50:42,880 services with other people, and it got weird and I didn't care 822 00:50:43,560 --> 00:50:47,240 because I just wanted Jesus. I was like, I get it now, I get 823 00:50:47,240 --> 00:50:50,520 it. I I understand that I had to be 824 00:50:50,520 --> 00:50:55,520 willing to lay things down. And so that's what I did. 825 00:50:55,920 --> 00:50:58,560 And little by little he set me free. 826 00:51:00,520 --> 00:51:02,960 And it didn't get better in a really smooth way. 827 00:51:03,360 --> 00:51:06,800 In the midst of this, I ended up getting a boyfriend and falling 828 00:51:06,800 --> 00:51:09,360 into sin again. But I I For the first time in my 829 00:51:09,360 --> 00:51:12,640 life, I hated it. I hated what I was doing. 830 00:51:12,640 --> 00:51:15,280 I truly hated it. I I could tell that it was 831 00:51:15,280 --> 00:51:17,720 harder to pray. It was harder to read the word. 832 00:51:18,840 --> 00:51:21,800 And I longed for Jesus. But there was this thing in my 833 00:51:21,800 --> 00:51:26,280 way and so I broke up with him. I was like, I can't do this. 834 00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:29,080 I, I don't know if we're, you know, meant to be. 835 00:51:29,080 --> 00:51:32,280 I I don't know what I just want. Jesus, I'm this is all out of 836 00:51:32,280 --> 00:51:35,760 season for me. So I just went hard for the 837 00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:40,640 Lord, and that was my life. And I was very close to the 838 00:51:40,640 --> 00:51:42,480 pastor and I worked in that church. 839 00:51:42,840 --> 00:51:45,800 I quit my job since when I got saved, I was still working at 840 00:51:45,800 --> 00:51:48,040 that New Age place, but I started to hate it there. 841 00:51:48,040 --> 00:51:50,480 I would walk around that place, just speaking in tongues all the 842 00:51:50,480 --> 00:51:52,120 time. I didn't care if anybody heard 843 00:51:52,120 --> 00:51:53,360 me. I would just be praying in 844 00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:55,720 tongues all the time. Even if it was all three of the 845 00:51:55,720 --> 00:51:59,160 little words, I knew I would just walk around and pray 846 00:52:00,040 --> 00:52:03,560 because it was so, so witchcraft in that place. 847 00:52:03,920 --> 00:52:06,080 And I knew it now. And I remembered learning. 848 00:52:06,080 --> 00:52:08,600 I think it was in Deuteronomy, where it's like, don't touch 849 00:52:08,600 --> 00:52:11,120 defiled things, don't do that. And everything there was 850 00:52:11,120 --> 00:52:14,080 defiled, everything we were selling witchcraft, 851 00:52:14,080 --> 00:52:18,440 paraphernalia. So man, And then the Lord spoke 852 00:52:18,440 --> 00:52:20,240 to me one day was like, I want you to quit your job. 853 00:52:21,240 --> 00:52:23,440 I said, OK did I have another plan? 854 00:52:23,640 --> 00:52:25,280 No. No, I did not. 855 00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:27,800 I was a single mom, and I was going to trust the Lord. 856 00:52:28,080 --> 00:52:30,720 So I quit the job and the church. 857 00:52:31,640 --> 00:52:34,560 The church hired me on. Not for very much money, but I 858 00:52:34,560 --> 00:52:37,000 was. I was the assistant, the 859 00:52:37,560 --> 00:52:42,320 executive assistant to the pastor, and I started to see a 860 00:52:42,320 --> 00:52:47,640 different side of the pastor. He was telling me that in order 861 00:52:47,640 --> 00:52:51,880 for me to get free, I needed to tell him everything I ever did 862 00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:55,120 so that he would know what he's dealing with. 863 00:52:56,440 --> 00:52:59,240 And like I said, I didn't care. I was just wanted to be free. 864 00:52:59,840 --> 00:53:01,960 And so I did. I told him everything and it was 865 00:53:02,680 --> 00:53:08,920 he wanted sorted details of my past rendezvous, if you will, to 866 00:53:08,920 --> 00:53:11,640 use kind words. And I was like, well, that's 867 00:53:11,640 --> 00:53:13,720 kind of weird, but whatever, I don't care. 868 00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:18,920 I just want to be free. I told him everything, every 869 00:53:19,600 --> 00:53:23,080 detail of every encounter and everything I ever did. 870 00:53:25,040 --> 00:53:33,960 And one day he was at my house and he he came on to me and I I 871 00:53:34,080 --> 00:53:40,360 I snapped because I had been sexually traumatized and I had 872 00:53:40,360 --> 00:53:43,440 started looking at this person like almost like a father 873 00:53:43,440 --> 00:53:46,880 figure. And so when he made aggressive 874 00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:52,400 advances at me, I snapped and I started screaming and throwing 875 00:53:52,400 --> 00:53:56,280 things around my apartment. I I completely lost it because I 876 00:53:56,280 --> 00:54:01,920 felt so scared and just it was wrong and I knew it and I was, 877 00:54:02,040 --> 00:54:05,920 and he was aggressive about it, you know. 878 00:54:06,240 --> 00:54:08,920 And so I snapped and I demanded that he leave. 879 00:54:09,280 --> 00:54:13,520 And then I was sobbing. I was broken. 880 00:54:14,240 --> 00:54:18,640 I couldn't believe it. I here I am trying to trust the 881 00:54:18,640 --> 00:54:24,120 Lord and take me into freedom and he and and here's this 882 00:54:24,120 --> 00:54:28,800 person who in in one way is just I look up to him so much. 883 00:54:28,880 --> 00:54:34,200 I trust I trusted him. All of that every I went to the 884 00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:38,120 church, I served and I could not make it make sense. 885 00:54:38,120 --> 00:54:41,280 And he called me later. He's like, I'm so sorry I 886 00:54:41,280 --> 00:54:43,080 forgave him. I was like, OK, well, we all 887 00:54:43,080 --> 00:54:44,120 sin. I sin. 888 00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:45,240 You sin. We all sin. 889 00:54:45,840 --> 00:54:47,360 OK, It's fine. It's fine. 890 00:54:47,360 --> 00:54:51,480 So I kept working at the church because we work so close 891 00:54:51,480 --> 00:54:54,840 together. He kept getting closer and 892 00:54:54,840 --> 00:55:00,440 closer and closer to me emotionally, mentally, as a 893 00:55:00,440 --> 00:55:06,480 friend, as a father, telling me never overtly, like, oh, you're 894 00:55:06,480 --> 00:55:10,920 so cute, not nothing like that. But he he massaged the parts of 895 00:55:10,920 --> 00:55:16,040 my soul that really needed love, but his intentions were not pure 896 00:55:16,040 --> 00:55:21,080 and I couldn't see it. I could not see it because of 897 00:55:21,080 --> 00:55:25,440 the trauma I had been through in my past, because of my deep 898 00:55:25,440 --> 00:55:30,080 daddy issues, because of having given myself over to sexual 899 00:55:30,320 --> 00:55:35,680 perversion and just drugs and all of that. 900 00:55:35,840 --> 00:55:42,080 The being raped, being molested, that part of me that wants to be 901 00:55:42,080 --> 00:55:47,120 loved was so broken and I couldn't see what he was doing. 902 00:55:47,960 --> 00:55:50,680 And when I look back at it now, I really had to work through a 903 00:55:50,680 --> 00:55:54,360 lot of shame because I was an adult. 904 00:55:54,760 --> 00:55:58,400 You know, I'm just 29 or whatever, 30 or I don't know. 905 00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:07,520 And how could I be so naive? But it progressed and it 906 00:56:07,520 --> 00:56:13,200 progressed until one day he came on to me and all my defenses had 907 00:56:13,200 --> 00:56:22,360 been worn down and I capitulated to my biggest regret and I hated 908 00:56:22,360 --> 00:56:26,800 myself for it. And it it went on and off for a 909 00:56:26,800 --> 00:56:30,400 year or two, I don't remember anymore. 910 00:56:30,480 --> 00:56:33,440 It's it's such a difficult time to look back on. 911 00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:37,040 But here I was in the church, serving the church, genuinely 912 00:56:37,040 --> 00:56:40,480 wanting Jesus. And again, again, I found myself 913 00:56:40,480 --> 00:56:47,800 living a double life. And it would happen. 914 00:56:48,120 --> 00:56:50,320 There would be these rendezvous that would happen. 915 00:56:50,320 --> 00:56:51,760 And then it'd be like, Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope. 916 00:56:51,760 --> 00:56:52,560 Nope. We can't do it. 917 00:56:52,560 --> 00:56:53,880 I can't do it. I can't do it. 918 00:56:53,880 --> 00:56:55,800 I can't do it. I hate this. 919 00:56:56,800 --> 00:56:59,280 And there would be repentance and then it would happen again. 920 00:57:01,240 --> 00:57:02,920 This is going to get really personal. 921 00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:06,640 I'm sorry everybody, if if you if you have made it this far. 922 00:57:07,480 --> 00:57:10,280 But I want to share this because I don't think it only happened 923 00:57:10,280 --> 00:57:15,280 to me. And maybe if I say it, you don't 924 00:57:15,280 --> 00:57:19,720 have to carry the shame I carried for so long because it's 925 00:57:19,880 --> 00:57:23,760 it's it's suffocating. And it came a point where I got 926 00:57:23,760 --> 00:57:28,440 pregnant and he insisted that I get an abortion and that Sunday 927 00:57:28,440 --> 00:57:37,800 service I went to church and I was, I was, I was so broken. 928 00:57:38,960 --> 00:57:42,600 And I just asked the Lord, I was like, please, God, I don't want 929 00:57:42,600 --> 00:57:44,240 to do this. I don't want to do this. 930 00:57:44,240 --> 00:57:45,560 But I don't know what else to do. 931 00:57:45,560 --> 00:57:47,840 And there's nowhere to turn. And all I have is you. 932 00:57:49,360 --> 00:57:53,760 And that night, I went back to my apartment and I had a 933 00:57:53,760 --> 00:58:01,920 miscarriage. And every woman who's had that 934 00:58:01,920 --> 00:58:04,760 happen knows it's it's not a tidy process. 935 00:58:06,120 --> 00:58:11,640 It's a gruesome process. And I named that baby Mercy, 936 00:58:12,480 --> 00:58:16,040 because that's exactly what the Lord showed me. 937 00:58:20,160 --> 00:58:29,400 And and after that happened, I was like, I can not, I cannot do 938 00:58:29,400 --> 00:58:35,320 this anymore. And I forgave him and I kept 939 00:58:35,320 --> 00:58:39,200 going to the church because one way that this pastor would 940 00:58:39,200 --> 00:58:42,800 manipulate the congregation was to say things like if you 941 00:58:42,800 --> 00:58:47,560 weren't part of this ministry, you will not fulfill your 942 00:58:47,560 --> 00:58:51,480 destiny. If you speak anything about this 943 00:58:51,480 --> 00:58:55,920 ministry negatively. You are working for Satan 944 00:58:55,920 --> 00:59:01,120 himself. If you expose anything about 945 00:59:01,120 --> 00:59:05,920 this ministry, you are a sleeper agent who has held hands with 946 00:59:05,920 --> 00:59:08,520 demon for the destruction of the Kingdom of God. 947 00:59:08,640 --> 00:59:14,040 And I believed. So I shoved that stuff deep down 948 00:59:14,040 --> 00:59:16,960 inside of me. And I said, I'm gonna never talk 949 00:59:16,960 --> 00:59:21,200 about this. I don't care if it kills me. 950 00:59:21,360 --> 00:59:28,240 I'm never talking about this because I didn't want to destroy 951 00:59:28,240 --> 00:59:30,760 anybody's life. I didn't want to be the person 952 00:59:30,760 --> 00:59:33,320 who ruined people's destinies. Because certainly if I told 953 00:59:33,320 --> 00:59:36,120 anybody about it, everybody would leave the church and then 954 00:59:36,120 --> 00:59:38,000 everybody's destiny would be destroyed. 955 00:59:38,880 --> 00:59:42,800 And then if I told anybody, I'd be holding hands with demon for 956 00:59:42,800 --> 00:59:44,840 the destruction of the Kingdom of God. 957 00:59:44,840 --> 00:59:47,920 And I worked so hard to get out of holding hands with demons. 958 00:59:51,160 --> 00:59:55,320 And so I purposed in my heart to never ever, ever talk about it. 959 00:59:55,760 --> 00:59:59,160 And I just forgave him. And I said, Lord, if you can 960 00:59:59,160 --> 01:00:03,400 forgive and forget as far as the East is from the West, then so 961 01:00:03,400 --> 01:00:07,760 can I. But Rod, it started to kill me. 962 01:00:09,920 --> 01:00:15,720 It started to kill me. Let me just jump in and say this 963 01:00:15,720 --> 01:00:19,360 real quick because what you're talking about is so important. 964 01:00:20,280 --> 01:00:24,400 One of the highlights Carly, is how many other people out there 965 01:00:24,400 --> 01:00:27,880 have experienced something similar to this and it's killing 966 01:00:27,880 --> 01:00:35,920 them like a deep manipulation. Like I'm the Enemy studies us to 967 01:00:35,920 --> 01:00:43,120 the point where it's it's unreal and I see this mental psyops 968 01:00:44,200 --> 01:00:47,960 where the layers of deception and and people that are naive 969 01:00:47,960 --> 01:00:51,000 and trust the church. I mean, there's a reason the 970 01:00:51,000 --> 01:00:54,640 word says study to show yourself well approved. 971 01:00:55,360 --> 01:00:58,480 I'm not against the body because I'm a part of the body. 972 01:01:00,120 --> 01:01:04,880 But there is a whole entire long list of things I'm not going to 973 01:01:04,880 --> 01:01:08,920 get too crazy on it that I think can be pieced together quite 974 01:01:08,920 --> 01:01:13,080 well to explain these false reality. 975 01:01:14,680 --> 01:01:18,920 Satanic phase one, phase two, phase three that that all of us 976 01:01:18,920 --> 01:01:23,260 have experienced to some extent. And a lot of these quote UN 977 01:01:23,260 --> 01:01:26,480 quote men of God. I won't say names, it's not my 978 01:01:26,480 --> 01:01:29,800 position, but they're out there. There's churches on every corner 979 01:01:30,840 --> 01:01:33,280 and people got stories and they're just starting to build 980 01:01:33,280 --> 01:01:36,160 up the momentum to want to come out and release this stuff and 981 01:01:36,160 --> 01:01:40,320 to testify and to fully heal from it and what you're talking 982 01:01:40,320 --> 01:01:42,480 about. It just brings me to like this 983 01:01:42,480 --> 01:01:45,920 crooked and perverse spirit that's in a lot of these 984 01:01:45,920 --> 01:01:48,640 buildings around the world, and specifically here in our 985 01:01:48,640 --> 01:01:53,720 country, where they mentally infiltrate you, find out all of 986 01:01:53,720 --> 01:01:55,680 your weaknesses, use that stuff against. 987 01:01:55,680 --> 01:01:59,400 It was almost like the enemy themselves, like the unseen Ones 988 01:01:59,400 --> 01:02:04,200 are working with the physical ones to tailor such an attack 989 01:02:04,960 --> 01:02:08,680 that almost nobody would believe it if you believed you were 990 01:02:08,680 --> 01:02:11,680 alone. But you're not. 991 01:02:13,160 --> 01:02:16,640 And that's why this is powerful and important and I don't want 992 01:02:16,640 --> 01:02:19,800 to take you off track from where you were, but I just see this 993 01:02:19,800 --> 01:02:25,360 multi layered attack over your life and there's a lot of other 994 01:02:25,360 --> 01:02:29,000 people out there that need the license to say, you know what, 995 01:02:29,000 --> 01:02:34,320 I'm going to go there. I got to get it off my chest, I 996 01:02:34,320 --> 01:02:38,840 got to be transparent and it's not a pretty process. 997 01:02:38,840 --> 01:02:44,400 It takes time. Yeah, it was not a pretty 998 01:02:44,440 --> 01:02:47,800 process. I had met my husband in that 999 01:02:47,800 --> 01:02:51,480 church and we were just friends. We were on the praise and 1000 01:02:51,480 --> 01:02:53,840 worship team. You know, we had kids the same 1001 01:02:53,840 --> 01:02:55,680 age, so we would take them to the park together. 1002 01:02:55,680 --> 01:02:58,480 Whatever. There was nothing between Prince 1003 01:02:58,480 --> 01:03:00,680 and I at that time. I mean, I thought he was cute, 1004 01:03:00,680 --> 01:03:04,360 but that was it. OK, So I had to have to admit 1005 01:03:04,360 --> 01:03:05,800 that. But I was we weren't. 1006 01:03:05,800 --> 01:03:11,320 There was nothing happening between US and and the Lord had 1007 01:03:11,320 --> 01:03:14,880 spoken to me and said this is your husband and I was like 1008 01:03:14,880 --> 01:03:17,560 Lord, God almighty. Are you serious? 1009 01:03:17,560 --> 01:03:21,600 Because do you you know what happened here because the pastor 1010 01:03:21,600 --> 01:03:27,760 of that church is prince's relative and I was like I don't 1011 01:03:27,760 --> 01:03:31,560 know how that's even possible. God, I don't know what what you 1012 01:03:31,640 --> 01:03:35,440 you can't be serious right now. But you know I put it in my back 1013 01:03:35,440 --> 01:03:40,440 pocket and I just kept journeying on and a couple a 1014 01:03:40,440 --> 01:03:45,080 year whatever went by and and the Lord had spoken to Princess 1015 01:03:45,080 --> 01:03:46,800 Heart too. And we went out on our first 1016 01:03:46,800 --> 01:03:48,600 date. And I never told him. 1017 01:03:50,400 --> 01:03:55,680 I never told him before we got married what had happened 1018 01:03:55,720 --> 01:03:58,200 because like I said I had purposed to die with it. 1019 01:03:58,320 --> 01:04:04,000 Truly. But it started to eat my soul 1020 01:04:05,960 --> 01:04:07,560 and we were still going to the church. 1021 01:04:07,560 --> 01:04:10,480 We got married by him. Yep. 1022 01:04:10,520 --> 01:04:16,640 I allowed that to happen, and so I don't want to share all these 1023 01:04:16,640 --> 01:04:21,360 sordid details just for fun. This is not fun. 1024 01:04:21,360 --> 01:04:24,920 I'm. I'm trying not to cry, but I do 1025 01:04:24,920 --> 01:04:29,760 want to put it out there because I know I'm not the only person I 1026 01:04:29,760 --> 01:04:32,440 know. I'm not the only person who was 1027 01:04:32,440 --> 01:04:36,360 an adult and should have known better and fell for just 1028 01:04:36,880 --> 01:04:44,320 scheming manipulation. And you know, the thing about 1029 01:04:44,520 --> 01:04:48,440 predators is they're they don't come wearing a black cloak in 1030 01:04:48,440 --> 01:04:53,240 devil horns and with a shirt that says I'm a bad guy who's 1031 01:04:53,240 --> 01:04:57,680 going to try to ruin your life. No, no, they're both and. 1032 01:04:58,880 --> 01:05:00,880 Exactly. And that's what he was. 1033 01:05:00,880 --> 01:05:03,160 And I learned a lot of great things in that church. 1034 01:05:03,760 --> 01:05:05,400 I learned. I learned how to pray. 1035 01:05:05,400 --> 01:05:07,840 I learned how to tarry. I learned how to pray the word 1036 01:05:07,840 --> 01:05:10,680 Terry meaning stay up all night praying and seeking the Lord's 1037 01:05:10,680 --> 01:05:12,360 face. I learned the Word. 1038 01:05:12,360 --> 01:05:14,240 I learned how to do spiritual warfare. 1039 01:05:14,240 --> 01:05:16,960 I learned deliverance. I learned praise and worship. 1040 01:05:16,960 --> 01:05:18,480 I learned how to be a worshipper. 1041 01:05:19,280 --> 01:05:21,160 I learned how to play in the band. 1042 01:05:21,160 --> 01:05:23,280 Like I I got a lot of good things from it. 1043 01:05:23,280 --> 01:05:25,600 And that's just the thing. So if you've been through 1044 01:05:25,600 --> 01:05:28,600 something with the church where it wasn't all bad, but a bad 1045 01:05:28,600 --> 01:05:34,480 thing happened, it's OK to to say this terrible thing happened 1046 01:05:36,280 --> 01:05:39,640 and it was wrong and it affected me and it's unjust. 1047 01:05:39,640 --> 01:05:42,240 And in through going through all of that with that pastor, I 1048 01:05:42,240 --> 01:05:45,680 thought I was the only one. I thought I was the only one he 1049 01:05:45,680 --> 01:05:49,520 had ever done this to. And it wasn't until almost 15 1050 01:05:49,520 --> 01:05:52,480 years later that I learned to know this is a pattern. 1051 01:05:52,480 --> 01:05:56,480 He did it with many people. And when I learned that, I felt 1052 01:05:56,480 --> 01:05:59,480 such relief because I didn't realize all those years I was 1053 01:05:59,480 --> 01:06:05,800 blaming myself. And so I just want to speak to 1054 01:06:05,880 --> 01:06:10,960 somebody out there that if you've gone through some abuse 1055 01:06:10,960 --> 01:06:18,720 in the church, you don't don't agree with the devil, that it 1056 01:06:18,720 --> 01:06:22,520 was your fault, that there's something intrinsically wrong 1057 01:06:22,520 --> 01:06:29,920 with you that would that could cause you to be the Jezebel in 1058 01:06:29,920 --> 01:06:31,960 the situation. I wasn't a Jezebel. 1059 01:06:32,320 --> 01:06:39,600 I was a broken young woman who who was too naive to understand. 1060 01:06:39,600 --> 01:06:42,720 And I had no good counsel about it, no, none. 1061 01:06:43,000 --> 01:06:44,960 All I had was this pastor who was grooming me. 1062 01:06:45,400 --> 01:06:48,680 That's all I had. He tried to keep me away from 1063 01:06:48,680 --> 01:06:50,960 talking to other people in the church because he's like, they 1064 01:06:50,960 --> 01:06:52,880 won't understand you. They'll think you're a witch. 1065 01:06:53,280 --> 01:06:58,840 So I didn't talk to other people in the church, and I just want 1066 01:06:58,840 --> 01:07:03,080 to give other people out there permission to admit that what 1067 01:07:03,080 --> 01:07:07,480 happened to them was not their fault. 1068 01:07:08,480 --> 01:07:12,280 Because yes, I did capitulate. It's not like he raped me. 1069 01:07:13,560 --> 01:07:16,440 But there were so many factors at play, and there's no doubt 1070 01:07:16,440 --> 01:07:19,440 that there were so many factors at play for other people too. 1071 01:07:20,760 --> 01:07:27,240 And and that you, you are not the culmination of your worst 1072 01:07:27,240 --> 01:07:30,440 mistakes. You are not. 1073 01:07:31,640 --> 01:07:36,160 You are his beloved, and that's what defines you. 1074 01:07:36,160 --> 01:07:39,000 Not the mistakes you made, not the ways you've been duped. 1075 01:07:39,000 --> 01:07:41,000 None of that. None of that defines you. 1076 01:07:44,160 --> 01:07:52,440 And I just want to prophetically release an impartation of joy 1077 01:07:54,640 --> 01:08:00,880 and gladness instead of the shame and regret. 1078 01:08:03,000 --> 01:08:05,240 It's OK to let it go and lay it down. 1079 01:08:07,160 --> 01:08:12,520 The last thing I want to say about it is that person did not 1080 01:08:12,520 --> 01:08:18,479 represent God well. People will behave wickedly and 1081 01:08:18,479 --> 01:08:22,600 they are not representing God. They may call themselves men of 1082 01:08:22,600 --> 01:08:24,880 God. They may say Jesus, Jesus, 1083 01:08:24,880 --> 01:08:26,760 Jesus. They may even teach the Word 1084 01:08:26,760 --> 01:08:29,880 with signs and wonders. They might even make manifest 1085 01:08:30,319 --> 01:08:33,720 glory happen in the church. You fall on your face, You're 1086 01:08:33,840 --> 01:08:38,520 slain in the spirit, all that. But there is a difference 1087 01:08:38,640 --> 01:08:43,800 between man and God. And at the end of that journey 1088 01:08:43,960 --> 01:08:46,920 through hell and then having to go through it with my husband, I 1089 01:08:46,920 --> 01:08:50,880 knew very little. I said, Lord, I know two things. 1090 01:08:51,560 --> 01:08:55,160 Jesus is Lord and God is good, and you're going to have to 1091 01:08:55,160 --> 01:08:58,880 remake everything else. And he did. 1092 01:08:59,520 --> 01:09:04,840 It took a long time, but he did. But the most critical thing for 1093 01:09:04,840 --> 01:09:09,200 people to keep in the front of their heart is that God is not 1094 01:09:09,200 --> 01:09:11,399 like that person who did that to you. 1095 01:09:11,399 --> 01:09:15,000 God is not like that. That is not who he is. 1096 01:09:15,080 --> 01:09:18,680 Somebody is misrepresenting him. And yes, it's a muddled mess. 1097 01:09:18,920 --> 01:09:22,040 Yes, that person is both a little good and terrible, 1098 01:09:23,160 --> 01:09:27,960 helpful and destructive. But God is none of those things. 1099 01:09:27,960 --> 01:09:34,359 He's all good all the time. This is the This is why giving 1100 01:09:34,359 --> 01:09:37,359 people free will was such a risky, risky business when he 1101 01:09:37,359 --> 01:09:41,240 did it. But here we are and we can make 1102 01:09:41,240 --> 01:09:44,560 it through. And I can tell you people there, 1103 01:09:44,560 --> 01:09:47,640 I have lived. I have lived in the darkness. 1104 01:09:47,760 --> 01:09:51,960 I have lived in it, drank it, ate it, washed myself in it. 1105 01:09:52,160 --> 01:09:56,040 And he still, he still has come through for me. 1106 01:09:57,880 --> 01:10:01,800 There's nothing you could you could never do anything to 1107 01:10:01,800 --> 01:10:04,840 disqualify yourself from him turning around and embracing and 1108 01:10:04,840 --> 01:10:07,280 loving you. Absolutely nothing. 1109 01:10:09,000 --> 01:10:10,760 And I think that's where I'll leave this one. 1110 01:10:12,760 --> 01:10:18,320 I realized that if God is calling you to deep waters, 1111 01:10:18,320 --> 01:10:21,920 revealing how the multi layered attack has been against your 1112 01:10:21,920 --> 01:10:25,920 life and your past, and he's calling you to confess to just 1113 01:10:25,920 --> 01:10:29,680 be made new in him. To actually accept the armor 1114 01:10:29,680 --> 01:10:32,120 that we have access to because of Him. 1115 01:10:32,920 --> 01:10:38,120 Because he personally carried in his body on the cross, willingly 1116 01:10:38,120 --> 01:10:42,920 offering himself as a sacrifice that that we could die to sin 1117 01:10:44,080 --> 01:10:47,040 and become immune to the penalty of sin and death. 1118 01:10:48,000 --> 01:10:53,120 God may be calling some of you out there to start the ministry 1119 01:10:53,120 --> 01:10:57,320 in your household first. Because I'm not endorsing and 1120 01:10:57,320 --> 01:10:59,760 saying you can trust the ministries that you can see out 1121 01:10:59,760 --> 01:11:03,320 there with your eyes. And as these stories come out 1122 01:11:03,320 --> 01:11:07,480 more and more, you know God is going to deal with His body 1123 01:11:07,480 --> 01:11:10,880 first. So that means if you've been 1124 01:11:11,240 --> 01:11:14,000 claim it and name it. If your prosperity, if you're 1125 01:11:14,320 --> 01:11:17,800 you know any of these different ministries we've seen, 1126 01:11:17,800 --> 01:11:24,520 publicized, Lord have mercy. Because what's coming down the 1127 01:11:24,520 --> 01:11:29,800 pipeline is we are either in a relationship with him and he is 1128 01:11:29,800 --> 01:11:34,680 doing what it is that only he can do, or we're not and is 1129 01:11:34,680 --> 01:11:36,600 gonna be exposed one way or the other. 1130 01:11:38,640 --> 01:11:41,640 And it's not a joyful thing. It's not something I celebrate 1131 01:11:42,760 --> 01:11:47,600 as I reflect, even on my own deep reflection on my own past 1132 01:11:47,600 --> 01:11:52,440 and choices, with fear and trembling. 1133 01:11:53,080 --> 01:11:59,520 Work out your own salvation before a holy God and Carly. 1134 01:11:59,520 --> 01:12:03,840 Your vulnerability here is superlative. 1135 01:12:03,840 --> 01:12:08,560 It it, it's amazing because what you said you nailed it when you 1136 01:12:08,560 --> 01:12:13,320 said this is going to release other people from holding on to 1137 01:12:13,320 --> 01:12:16,720 what they've experienced and they went to how many fake ones 1138 01:12:16,720 --> 01:12:19,200 out there are being protected by the silence. 1139 01:12:21,520 --> 01:12:27,920 Like Dan Duvall says, you are going to have a testimony that 1140 01:12:27,920 --> 01:12:32,480 is a justice case against the Kingdom of darkness. 1141 01:12:34,960 --> 01:12:36,840 And there's gross darkness right now, people. 1142 01:12:36,840 --> 01:12:43,240 It kind of reminds me of Isaiah 60, but the difference is, is 1143 01:12:43,240 --> 01:12:49,480 God says arise and shine, for his glory is risen upon you in 1144 01:12:49,480 --> 01:12:52,080 the midst of gross darkness. That means he brings it. 1145 01:12:52,080 --> 01:12:55,320 It's his timing. It's his business. 1146 01:12:55,800 --> 01:13:00,800 This is his cosmic chess patch. But oh, can we be partakers 1147 01:13:01,760 --> 01:13:03,600 through one tight and narrow path? 1148 01:13:04,000 --> 01:13:08,600 Carly, as we wind down here, really the last thing I want you 1149 01:13:08,600 --> 01:13:14,080 to bring up and talk about because prophetically, and I 1150 01:13:14,080 --> 01:13:16,200 didn't know any of this, you know, for the listener's sake, 1151 01:13:16,200 --> 01:13:18,600 for you guys that are clinging on to every single word in every 1152 01:13:18,600 --> 01:13:23,280 episode that gets released. You know, Prince came on your 1153 01:13:23,280 --> 01:13:26,920 husband and he talked about it was prophetic for him to come on 1154 01:13:26,920 --> 01:13:30,320 to the Mustard Seed and that eventually the two of you would 1155 01:13:30,320 --> 01:13:33,320 be on together. And he talked about how you guys 1156 01:13:33,320 --> 01:13:37,440 sharing your testimony will literally help save marriages 1157 01:13:37,440 --> 01:13:42,400 out there. I believe that I'm not normally 1158 01:13:43,040 --> 01:13:45,360 too sequacious, easy to just go with the flow. 1159 01:13:45,360 --> 01:13:47,960 I'm like, oh, that sounds right, but but this one sounds right. 1160 01:13:48,600 --> 01:13:51,680 So just talk a little bit about how God stirred you up 1161 01:13:51,680 --> 01:13:55,320 prophetically, like you originally reached out to me, 1162 01:13:55,320 --> 01:13:58,600 like did when did you know this stuff that it would morph into, 1163 01:13:58,640 --> 01:14:02,280 like people being healed and you sharing your testament and all 1164 01:14:02,280 --> 01:14:04,280 of this? Just help us kind of wind down 1165 01:14:04,280 --> 01:14:08,720 with a big recap over these last four parts with this prophetic 1166 01:14:08,720 --> 01:14:14,160 nudging. I listened to the episode where 1167 01:14:14,160 --> 01:14:17,720 the woman had brother had died. You know, it was such a moving 1168 01:14:17,720 --> 01:14:19,000 episode. And she told her life. 1169 01:14:19,000 --> 01:14:20,680 Anita. Anita. 1170 01:14:20,680 --> 01:14:22,560 Yes. Bless her, oh God, bless her 1171 01:14:22,560 --> 01:14:24,200 heart. Lord Jesus, just bless her 1172 01:14:24,200 --> 01:14:27,880 heart. And that's when the Lord said to 1173 01:14:27,880 --> 01:14:32,640 me, send in your testimony, you're going to share it on his 1174 01:14:32,640 --> 01:14:35,600 show. I was like, oh, OK. 1175 01:14:35,600 --> 01:14:37,920 I've never done anything like that before. 1176 01:14:38,080 --> 01:14:44,480 So I did it. And when you responded, that's 1177 01:14:44,480 --> 01:14:48,040 when the Lord said, and Prince will be on it too, and you will 1178 01:14:48,040 --> 01:14:53,600 be on it together. And when he speaks to me, it's 1179 01:14:53,600 --> 01:14:57,600 in a place inside of myself that there is no other voice. 1180 01:14:59,200 --> 01:15:04,520 And that's how I know it's him. So I agreed. 1181 01:15:04,960 --> 01:15:12,000 OK, Lord, right? And I wrestled a bit with just 1182 01:15:12,000 --> 01:15:16,200 how vulnerable he was asking me to be, because Part 2 and three, 1183 01:15:16,240 --> 01:15:18,320 you guys were hearing from my spirit. 1184 01:15:19,200 --> 01:15:22,760 Part 4, now you're you're hearing from my soul. 1185 01:15:23,680 --> 01:15:27,000 And it's it's scary for my soul to share these things. 1186 01:15:28,960 --> 01:15:31,800 But you know what? I'm going to do it anyway, 1187 01:15:31,800 --> 01:15:36,520 because that's what the Lord told me to do, and I'd rather 1188 01:15:36,520 --> 01:15:40,160 obey and be afraid, then disobey and regret. 1189 01:15:41,120 --> 01:15:44,840 So wherever this lands with people, and however it ends up 1190 01:15:44,840 --> 01:15:47,680 sounding, if I listen back to it, if I even have the courage 1191 01:15:47,680 --> 01:15:51,880 to, then I cringe the whole way. I know that the Lord has said to 1192 01:15:51,880 --> 01:15:56,320 me what He said to me, and He doesn't tell us to do things for 1193 01:15:56,320 --> 01:16:00,680 no reason. And another thing is the Lord 1194 01:16:00,680 --> 01:16:05,000 never, never, never, never wastes our suffering. 1195 01:16:05,760 --> 01:16:11,680 He never wastes your suffering. It's so precious to him because 1196 01:16:11,680 --> 01:16:16,320 he knows he lived it. He took on the weight of sin, 1197 01:16:16,720 --> 01:16:21,200 transgression, and iniquity for the entire cosmos and everybody, 1198 01:16:21,200 --> 01:16:27,240 whoever was, is and is to come. And if he could do all of that 1199 01:16:27,240 --> 01:16:31,120 and it not kill him, tell me again how awful your sin is, 1200 01:16:32,120 --> 01:16:35,920 because it's not that bad. And even that didn't kill him. 1201 01:16:35,920 --> 01:16:38,360 And you know what he was there with through through all of it, 1202 01:16:38,360 --> 01:16:40,040 he was there with me through all of it. 1203 01:16:40,040 --> 01:16:44,200 None of it surprises him when I confess it, and none of it's 1204 01:16:44,200 --> 01:16:46,160 going to surprise him when you say it to him. 1205 01:16:46,160 --> 01:16:54,280 So let it go, and let it go again and again and again until 1206 01:16:54,280 --> 01:17:01,040 the burden starts to lift. Carly, I am deeply humbled and 1207 01:17:01,040 --> 01:17:04,800 encouraged by you having the courage to share all this here 1208 01:17:04,800 --> 01:17:07,480 today. And the ripple effect does go 1209 01:17:07,480 --> 01:17:09,440 out. That's a guarantee. 1210 01:17:09,440 --> 01:17:13,640 We've seen. We've seen the proof of that and 1211 01:17:13,640 --> 01:17:15,240 it continues on. Yeah. 1212 01:17:17,000 --> 01:17:22,720 So thank you for being here for part four and using 1213 01:17:23,160 --> 01:17:28,360 vulnerability as a weapon to slay the enemy's deception and 1214 01:17:28,360 --> 01:17:32,520 secrecy of all these other things that will come to the 1215 01:17:32,520 --> 01:17:35,200 light with other people listening. 1216 01:17:35,760 --> 01:17:42,240 My words are the sword that is breaking your bondage, because 1217 01:17:42,240 --> 01:17:46,400 they're his words. This is the testimony of Yeshua 1218 01:17:46,400 --> 01:17:51,640 in me, and His greatness far surpasses my own experiences. 1219 01:17:51,640 --> 01:17:56,520 And so I released the sword of the Lord to destroy the yoke of 1220 01:17:56,520 --> 01:17:58,760 shame that's been on the necks of His people. 1221 01:18:00,320 --> 01:18:03,920 That is this episode, this part four with Carly. 1222 01:18:03,920 --> 01:18:06,680 I'm going to ask you guys to share this one if you know 1223 01:18:06,680 --> 01:18:10,960 somebody who needs to hear this due diligence and pass it along. 1224 01:18:11,440 --> 01:18:16,800 Coming to you from Southeastern PA God bless and goodbye 1225 01:18:53,200 --> 01:19:20,840 the I shed my skin. 1226 01:19:22,000 --> 01:19:34,240 I'm starting again with you for my eyes And so rude. 1227 01:19:39,560 --> 01:19:52,720 I got what I wanted. I'm so far from you the.