1
00:00:01,200 --> 00:00:04,560
Hello folks, this is Princess. 
You are listening to the 

2
00:00:04,560 --> 00:00:07,760
Millennial Mustard Seed podcast.
Thanks for listening. 

3
00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:09,640
Don't forget to share with your 
friends. 

4
00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:13,000
That's tough. 
We're in a very tough spot. 

5
00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,840
I think that what we're doing 
right now is a great benefit and

6
00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:21,360
virtue because it's an end 
around between this whole 

7
00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:24,560
corrupt informational system, 
media system. 

8
00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:28,080
We claim to believe in a God who
spoke the universe into 

9
00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:33,320
existence and literally raised 
himself from the dead, and yet 

10
00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:36,360
we're not going to believe that 
anything else exists in the 

11
00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:39,200
spirit realm, even though His 
word tells us that they do. 

12
00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:43,600
Their bodies weren't permitted 
to go to sleep like humans do, 

13
00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:47,760
and they weren't permitted to go
to heaven, so they wander the 

14
00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:50,560
earth. 
You know, I've seen the eyes 

15
00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:53,880
turn black to unknown tongues 
being spoken. 

16
00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:58,760
These giants would love way up 
in the island, the young Braves.

17
00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:01,800
The young men would hide up in 
the trees and wait for one of 

18
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:04,920
these 12 footers to come walking
down the path and they would 

19
00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:08,040
jump on them and kill them, drag
them back to the village, and 

20
00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:09,760
the village would feast on the 
body freedom. 

21
00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:17,480
Then people start to get 
weapons, they start to get 

22
00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:19,560
armor, they start to build 
cities, they start to fortify 

23
00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:22,360
their cities. 
Now God looks down and there's 

24
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:26,320
violence everywhere. 
The battle, this war that we are

25
00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:29,320
at, is not against each other. 
It's against these 

26
00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:31,880
principalities and these rulers 
and these archons in the high 

27
00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:34,360
places. 
It's really worthwhile to read 

28
00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:37,760
the Bible yourself. 
Fear is one of the primary 

29
00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:42,120
drivers of mind control because 
we have to take every thought 

30
00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:49,000
captive and resist fear. 
You're going to have a testimony

31
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:53,480
that is a justice case against 
the Kingdom of darkness. 

32
00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:19,240
Well, this week on the 
Millennial Muster Seed podcast, 

33
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:23,600
I'm interviewing Rod, which is 
such an honor and a blessing. 

34
00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:27,440
And he comes on today just to 
talk about his testimony. 

35
00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:31,360
He talks about how when he was 
younger, just he was in this 

36
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:35,360
experience having to testify in 
a court and how that impacted 

37
00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:38,800
his life, how it showed him that
maybe sometimes the outside 

38
00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:42,480
world isn't safe and but his 
inside world always is. 

39
00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:45,320
And he journeys farther into his
life and has a paranormal 

40
00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:47,960
experience where he finds 
himself outside of his body 

41
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:50,600
looking at himself. 
But it wasn't even scary. 

42
00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:54,000
He felt the warmth and the love 
of Christ without even 

43
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:58,080
recognizing it, you know? 
And there's so many times in his

44
00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:01,280
life where things were really 
hard and painful. 

45
00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:04,560
And because he knew so many 
stories about people going 

46
00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:07,280
through hard times, it just 
didn't seem like a big deal. 

47
00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:10,240
He didn't maybe even recognize 
that it was Christ in the midst 

48
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:12,720
of the storm. 
But as he grew up, he had to 

49
00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:16,240
face a massive pivotal moment 
where he had a near death 

50
00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:19,200
experience. 
And that was such a massive 

51
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:22,160
shift in his life. 
Not only did it make things 

52
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:27,160
harder, but it almost forced him
to make a choice for Christ. 

53
00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:31,360
Forced him to take a look inside
of himself and see if what he 

54
00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:36,000
had now in his life was enough. 
And as he journeyed through the 

55
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:39,680
effects of post traumatic stress
Disorder, he found himself, like

56
00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:43,040
so many of us who have 
experienced PTSD, thinking that 

57
00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,920
maybe another place would make 
the change inside of him that he

58
00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:48,600
needed. 
But when he got there, he just 

59
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:51,520
found that the change was not to
be found outside of him, but 

60
00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:56,200
inside of him. 
And in a moment of honesty and 

61
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:59,680
just the realness that Christ 
comes in, he cried out. 

62
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:03,560
And everything from that point 
changed in such a magnificent 

63
00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,960
way. 
And time and time again as he 

64
00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:09,800
moved forward from that point, 
he found the grace, the mercy, 

65
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:13,160
the favour, the love of 
fellowship and brothers in 

66
00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:17,360
Christ and it transformed his 
life to the rod that we know and

67
00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:20,240
love today. 
And even though I'm sure the 

68
00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:23,200
journey right now isn't perfect 
because it never is on the side 

69
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:26,720
of heaven, but he finds Christ 
in his day-to-day life. 

70
00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:30,120
He didn't just arrive there on 
some magical carpet. 

71
00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:34,640
He got there because of the 
faithfulness of God, the trials 

72
00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:38,440
of life that the Lord held him 
up through even when he didn't 

73
00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:42,760
know the name of Christ. 
So stick around and enjoy this 

74
00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:47,880
episode where Rod gets real Rod 
and shares his heart after part 

75
00:04:47,880 --> 00:05:10,800
one of his story. 
This is Rod from millennial 

76
00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:13,960
mustard seed pot. 
No, no, this is not Rod. 

77
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,440
This is Carly and I'm 
interviewing Rod. 

78
00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:21,280
So the tables have turned and we
are glad for it. 

79
00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:25,280
So today you're joining us to 
hear Rod's story as he tells it 

80
00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:29,040
from his heart, the testimony of
the Lord overcoming in his life.

81
00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:33,080
And it's truly an honor to have 
been asked to to play this role 

82
00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:37,680
in the Millennial Mustard Seed 
podcast ministry, home of 

83
00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:40,960
awesomeness and Excellency for 
all the world to partake. 

84
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:44,520
So I am so glad to have Rod here
with me today. 

85
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:48,320
So welcome, Rod. 
It's an honor to be here with 

86
00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:50,880
you, Carly. 
It's interesting being on the 

87
00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:54,640
other side of the pressure seed,
if I can say that. 

88
00:05:57,080 --> 00:06:00,200
Pressure seed. 
We're here to hear your story, 

89
00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:02,840
Rod. 
So wherever you want to start, 

90
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:08,120
however you want to tell it, we 
are here to just be along for 

91
00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:13,200
the ride, as you like to say. 
I think about just everything 

92
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:17,360
God has done through this 
podcast, the reflecting process 

93
00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:21,080
of going back and digging all 
these times, Carly, where it 

94
00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:24,520
would be like trauma would be 
triggered about stuff that was 

95
00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:26,960
way on the back burner and it's 
like, oh, let's not go there. 

96
00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,800
Forget about that. 
But then hearing all this other 

97
00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,960
stuff, it just compounds and 
compounds to the point where a 

98
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,920
lot of this I've been working 
out behind the scenes. 

99
00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:39,480
And as much as that has helped 
me in my personal life to 

100
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:42,240
realize, man, when we go down 
this journey and we're trusting 

101
00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:45,360
in the Lord, it looks crazy. 
It looks different. 

102
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:48,600
It's hard to put words to 
sometimes. 

103
00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:50,840
There's emotional roller 
coasters, all this stuff going 

104
00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:53,360
on. 
Maybe not extreme for everybody,

105
00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:56,360
but everybody has a testimony 
who's in Yeshua. 

106
00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:00,480
And as I realized that, you 
know, the fuel to just keep 

107
00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:03,760
going was like one more person 
get unlocked, one more person 

108
00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:06,960
out there needs to hear this. 
One more person needs to be 

109
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,440
comforted and, and, and to know 
that they're not alone. 

110
00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:12,680
And then here I am, this whole 
time doing everything I can do 

111
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:14,640
and and and I'm that one person 
also it's. 

112
00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:17,520
True. 
No difference at all between 

113
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:20,200
where I sit and what I do versus
people who listen. 

114
00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:24,520
And I say that in humility 
because the way that God worked 

115
00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:26,880
this out and showed me stuff 
over all this time, it's just 

116
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,320
that's the facts. 
That's what it is. 

117
00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:33,200
So just to dive into my story a 
little bit, you know, there's a 

118
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:36,440
lot of things that happened. 
You know, obviously you're 

119
00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:38,440
interviewing me. 
So you dig in, pry, ask 

120
00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:40,480
questions, do whatever you feel 
led to do as well. 

121
00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:44,760
But one of the big things that 
I've noticed with the enemy is 

122
00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:48,560
he's always tried to take my 
voice away from me, always tried

123
00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:51,680
to get me to white knuckle and 
just be quiet and and hide in 

124
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:54,360
the background. 
And I always felt I was 

125
00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:57,040
important and I had something 
important to say even as a kid. 

126
00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:00,040
But there would be these times 
where I just completely choke 

127
00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:02,800
and freeze up. 
And that was a common theme. 

128
00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:07,560
So five years old is this first 
thing of trauma where, you know,

129
00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:11,760
we have this event that happens 
where a male in the family who 

130
00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:15,720
was older, he was not blood, but
married into the family, tried 

131
00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,360
to take advantage of one of the 
women. 

132
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:21,880
And as a 5 year old kid, I so I 
have to testify now I'm being 

133
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:24,240
asked to come forward and 
testify in the courtroom at five

134
00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:26,440
years old. 
And I'll never forget like 

135
00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:28,320
there's like prosecutors, 
there's like people there. 

136
00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:30,480
My, you know, my mom and dad are
there trying to be like, it's 

137
00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:32,520
OK, Just tell them what you, you
know what everything. 

138
00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:35,919
But while they're asking me all 
these questions and just choke 

139
00:08:35,919 --> 00:08:38,880
up, just just choke up. 
There's so much pressure because

140
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:40,880
that was like a whole different 
world for me. 

141
00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:45,960
I was really animated and a big 
thinker and just had like tons 

142
00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:49,440
of heart and just tons of my 
head in the clouds, my feet 

143
00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:52,480
running through the field as I'm
growing up to be thrown into 

144
00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:56,280
that situation and and then 
learning like how wrong these 

145
00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:57,640
things are. 
Because when you're a kid, you 

146
00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:00,280
know stuff's wrong. 
You see it become a big deal. 

147
00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:03,680
It becomes this badge of I'm 
walking around with something on

148
00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:05,800
my chest that everybody knows 
this. 

149
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:07,720
It's like it's, it's all these 
emotions. 

150
00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:12,440
So really it's this first thing,
a trauma at five years old that 

151
00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:15,760
never left me, you know, always 
looking back on that and just 

152
00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:18,080
being like, man, nobody should 
ever feel like that. 

153
00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:21,240
It's been a lot of the driving 
force to just contest for other 

154
00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:24,800
kids, you know, other people who
don't have a voice or don't or 

155
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,960
that need protection just to be 
like, listen, nobody should go 

156
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:31,880
through that at a young age. 
So it sounds like, Rod, you felt

157
00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:34,560
kind of marked by that 
experience in some ways. 

158
00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:38,040
I mean, not just trauma wise, 
but almost like you felt like 

159
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:40,760
people were then looking at you 
and they knew. 

160
00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:42,480
Is that what you were trying to 
describe? 

161
00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:45,040
Yeah, absolutely. 
The enemy's trying to take my 

162
00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,920
voice away, and then everyone's 
watching me to make sure I don't

163
00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,160
talk. 
It's like this weird feeling. 

164
00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:52,160
I didn't really know at the time
that God was going to use my 

165
00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:55,280
voice, but clearly it's, it's 
2020. 

166
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:58,920
Looking back, I'm like, so much 
makes sense as I go on, but be 

167
00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:00,680
quiet. 
You're not good enough. 

168
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:04,320
All these feelings were being 
pressed on all this other stuff 

169
00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:06,320
in life. 
And then this trauma comes up. 

170
00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:10,520
I feel like I'm being watched by
a crowd. 

171
00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:14,640
Don't talk, but we're going to 
ask you questions like that. 

172
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:17,520
Like that's just this feeling. 
It was this mark to me with this

173
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:20,200
upset. 
So it was just a big upset and 

174
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,120
confusion at that young of an 
age. 

175
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:25,520
Really. 
It just compounded and and kept 

176
00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:27,600
rolling into other things that 
happened over the course of my 

177
00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:28,960
life. 
But that's really the the first 

178
00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:32,640
one that I can remember. 
Carly, that's the first ticket, 

179
00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:35,120
if you will. 
So what was the kind of belief 

180
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:37,720
system that was birthed in you 
from that moment? 

181
00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:42,040
Oh, like I'm not worthy. 
The world is crazy. 

182
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:46,600
It's only OK and fun when I'm 
living in my world because who I

183
00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:49,200
don't know what these people are
doing, what they're about, You 

184
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,520
know, this flailing of arms, 
there's yelling, there's there's

185
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:54,200
all this chaos. 
But in my little thing like I 

186
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:57,000
love dinosaurs and I'm checking 
through a field and I'm like 

187
00:10:57,000 --> 00:11:00,040
going to go on this great 
exploration into the woods and 

188
00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:03,720
my stick now just became, you 
know, this sniper rifle so I can

189
00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:06,120
kill a velociraptor. 
I was a big dinosaur nerd when I

190
00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:08,920
was a kid in Jurassic Park 
definitely did not help. 

191
00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:12,480
It kept me occupied was 
dinosaurs and just let you know.

192
00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:14,560
People said I had over 
imagination when I was a kid and

193
00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:18,480
I had a heavy stutter too. 
Somebody asks you a question and

194
00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:21,520
you're like like stuttering over
and over again is be quiet. 

195
00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:23,800
We really, we didn't want to ask
you that anymore. 

196
00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:28,720
I was content with me, myself 
and I growing up that like I 

197
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:31,760
just remember being even my mom 
would say, or my dad, like you 

198
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:33,880
would just sit there and play 
contently with your little toys 

199
00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:37,120
on the floor. 
I wasn't over emotional or over 

200
00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:39,760
dramatic as a kid. 
I was pretty mellow for the most

201
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:41,760
part, but I was always a 
watcher. 

202
00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:46,320
I always observed because I had 
reasons to, because I, I, I 

203
00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:50,120
wouldn't, I would realize life 
in a split second can change to 

204
00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:53,440
weeping or tragedy. 
So for me, I'm like always kind 

205
00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:56,120
of looking around like, well, 
and then you get a little 

206
00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:58,120
comfortable and then something 
happens again and then you get, 

207
00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:02,400
so I was an observer growing up.
Yeah, Yeah. 

208
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:07,840
It sounds like what you're 
describing is it almost birthed,

209
00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:11,440
this isolation and hyper 
vigilance because it's safe 

210
00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:14,320
inside your world, right? 
It's when the outside world 

211
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:16,440
invades your world that problems
come in. 

212
00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:19,240
So you're like, let me make my 
inside world as amusing as 

213
00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:22,080
possible, right? 
Because then I'll have all my 

214
00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:24,600
needs met. 
Woo Hoo in here with myself. 

215
00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:27,240
And the dinosaurs. 
Yeah, it's safe here. 

216
00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:28,920
Like I'm not trying to hurt 
myself, you know? 

217
00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:30,880
Yeah, that's a really good way 
of putting it together. 

218
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:35,640
That's a real good observation 
of what it looked like at 5, at 

219
00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:37,840
7 years old. 
I've talked about this quite a 

220
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:40,160
bit. 
The interest of people asking me

221
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:44,720
the supernatural end of things 
that have happened is when I had

222
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:48,200
this out of body experience or I
guess like whatever, I don't 

223
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:50,760
even know what to call it. 
I've literally listened to all 

224
00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:53,880
the fringe people and tried to 
like compartmentalize and find 

225
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:57,320
what was what happened. 
But the language doesn't matter 

226
00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:00,160
because I'm still dealing with 
the the reality of it. 

227
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:06,560
There was really only one person
in my family on my dad's side 

228
00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:09,320
that was Bible, and it was my 
aunt Condi. 

229
00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:12,560
And she would real surface, 
glance, talk about the 

230
00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:14,280
Scriptures. 
I remember she was on fire for 

231
00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:15,600
God. 
But everybody else in my life 

232
00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:17,960
was like really a Easter, 
Christmas Christian. 

233
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:19,520
They were all smoking and 
drinking. 

234
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:22,080
They used to say work hard, 
party hard. 

235
00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:26,000
So that's kind of how I grew up.
But my aunt is talking with 

236
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:30,360
somebody on the telephone, 
sharing, just talking about God,

237
00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:34,040
his brilliance, He's never 
ending, He's love, He's like 

238
00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:37,760
this language. 
And I'm sitting there on the 

239
00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:40,520
floor playing with my Batman 
toy, and I'm listening to what 

240
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,080
she's saying. 
And I have no idea. 

241
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:45,400
You know, I think it has 
something to do with some of the

242
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:48,160
discomforts that came along with
growing up in like this old 

243
00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:51,960
historical haunted house. 
I'm hearing my aunt talk about, 

244
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:53,520
oh, there's going to be no 
discomfort. 

245
00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:55,200
Like all this language. 
I'm sitting there and like, 

246
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:57,560
that's real. 
Really, what's what she's 

247
00:13:57,560 --> 00:14:00,480
talking about is reality and 
it's accessible. 

248
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:03,480
When I grow up, I'll serve a God
like that. 

249
00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:09,840
And then I'm up in the corner of
the room and I'm just watching 

250
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:16,640
myself play with the toy and I 
don't remember anything that I 

251
00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:18,600
heard or experienced up in the 
corner. 

252
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,680
I just knew it was warm. 
I knew it was comfort. 

253
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,800
And that, that's a hard one for 
me because I'm like, I know 

254
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:28,520
something. 
I knew something in that place. 

255
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:31,720
I wasn't allowed to know it 
coming back, but I was filled 

256
00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:35,120
with comfort and. 
That's the first time that you 

257
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:37,400
ever had anything like that 
happen, even in. 

258
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:42,040
Dreams, Yeah, yeah, like dreams 
like really picked up from like 

259
00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:45,360
10 to 14. 
I had some crazy dreams all, I 

260
00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:48,480
mean, even up until now, that 
was like the first supernatural 

261
00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,520
experience that I was involved 
in. 

262
00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:53,600
Now, the house I grew up in was 
really old. 

263
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:57,080
It was in our family for my 
dad's mother. 

264
00:14:57,240 --> 00:15:00,240
She had gotten it and then she 
had died when my dad was seven. 

265
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:04,240
And the house kind of like went 
and it kind of like fell apart a

266
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,000
little bit and needed some 
restoration. 

267
00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:10,360
When my dad gets older, he, he 
gets, he buys the place from my 

268
00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:12,120
grandfather. 
So it was left abandoned for 

269
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,320
like quite some time. 
But then all of a sudden my 

270
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:16,240
dad's like, oh, I'm going to 
move my family in here. 

271
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:18,320
I'm starting a family. 
And he was a hard worker. 

272
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:21,440
So he, he spent years and years 
getting this place fixed up. 

273
00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:24,320
So but this house was terribly 
haunted. 

274
00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:29,480
There was some major problems 
with this place, man, just 

275
00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:32,120
unique experiences. 
It's funny, like even my buddy 

276
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:34,520
Lindy Luciano that I grew up 
with, shout out to him because I

277
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:37,440
know him and his wife. 
Listen, we're riding the other 

278
00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:39,440
week and I'm like, what was your
experience? 

279
00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:42,880
Every every one of my friend has
an experience in my house. 

280
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:47,840
So he has this creepy one where 
I'm outside and he thinks that 

281
00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:50,040
it's me walking around 
downstairs and he's like, 

282
00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:51,480
upstairs. 
He went upstairs to use the 

283
00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:53,240
bathroom. 
So like, as I get older, like 

284
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:56,280
I'm 36 now, I talk with other 
friends intermittently, like, 

285
00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:58,480
over the years. 
And sometimes it'll come up and 

286
00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:01,000
they'll always be like, yeah, 
that one time this happens. 

287
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:04,680
So everybody has this thing or 
scenario, but I live there. 

288
00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:06,440
Like, I couldn't leave that 
place, you know? 

289
00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:11,440
It was like, even worse, like. 
What were some of the things 

290
00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:14,120
that you remember happening and 
how did that impact you? 

291
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:17,280
It, it definitely contributed to
the isolation. 

292
00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:21,200
The, the world is crazy and I 
don't know why it is the way it 

293
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:23,240
is. 
Because one of the scenarios 

294
00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:27,280
that was difficult is and we had
one bathroom at the time when 

295
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:29,440
I'm growing up. 
So I must have been maybe eight 

296
00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:33,200
or nine years old. 
And my parents would watch 

297
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:37,560
Sopranos on Sunday nights. 
And I'm the youngest, so I have 

298
00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:41,560
to get ready for bed first. 
So I have to go up and get ready

299
00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:42,840
for bed. 
And then 1/2 an hour later, 

300
00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:44,520
Stephanie would have to come up 
and then Amber. 

301
00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:47,120
And it was just that's what the 
way my parents did it. 

302
00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:51,240
So I was terrified to be like, 
oh, I don't want to go upstairs 

303
00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:54,440
and brush my teeth and wash my 
face and get ready for bed. 

304
00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:58,440
In the upstairs bathroom. 
There's this picture that my 

305
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:00,440
parents had. 
I don't know where this thing 

306
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:05,400
came from, but it it's an old 
picture of a lady advertising 

307
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:09,040
bath soap that look like it's 
from the late 1800s or early 

308
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:12,359
1900s, real European distinct 
look. 

309
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:15,920
And it was like bath soap in it.
In in the picture, it had a foot

310
00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:20,760
claw bathtub in the background. 
We're talking old advertisement 

311
00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:22,680
from like who knows where this 
thing's from, but for some 

312
00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:26,160
reason, old historical house, 
they liked old historical 

313
00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:29,200
paintings, I guess. 
Well, this thing would freak me 

314
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:30,080
out. 
I feel like this thing was 

315
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:33,720
watching me every single time I 
go to the bathroom, which is 

316
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,920
very uncomfortable way to live. 
Do not live like that in my 

317
00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:38,440
house. 
We don't do no such thing. 

318
00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:43,280
No creepy pictures on the wall. 
And, and I just remember going 

319
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:46,680
up and just feeling it. 
It was like something extra was 

320
00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:51,360
in the air. 
And when I get into the bathroom

321
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:53,360
and I flip the light on, I'm 
like, don't look at that 

322
00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:54,560
picture, don't look at that 
picture. 

323
00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:59,840
Just my eyes jump and I look at 
the picture and the eyes move 

324
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:12,370
and watch me. 
That stuff didn't happen all the

325
00:18:12,370 --> 00:18:15,810
time, but that stuff did happen 
throughout the course of my life

326
00:18:15,810 --> 00:18:18,130
growing up. 
The way that I feel about it 

327
00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:20,170
before it would happen. 
It's real to me. 

328
00:18:20,170 --> 00:18:21,770
Like I know that something's 
terribly wrong. 

329
00:18:21,770 --> 00:18:25,610
I know it's not my imagination 
because in my when I have 

330
00:18:25,610 --> 00:18:29,090
control, it's my imagination. 
It's like I'm creating like I 

331
00:18:29,090 --> 00:18:32,370
love this place, you know, it's 
the outside influences that 

332
00:18:32,370 --> 00:18:36,440
we're that were horrific, if you
will, for my young mind. 

333
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:40,480
And just, you know, Carly, as 
the years go on, more ghost 

334
00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:43,560
stories, you know, we had like 
cereal box that flew off the top

335
00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:46,040
of the fridge, just like weird 
random stuff like that. 

336
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:49,240
My parents, once again, they 
believed in what was called work

337
00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:53,200
hard and party hard. 
So they worked both of them full

338
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,640
time. 
My dad, you know, did body work 

339
00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:58,120
at the house and ran a concrete 
facility. 

340
00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:00,800
My mom, you know, she did 
waitressing stuff and then she 

341
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:04,400
worked at ACA, so Alternative 
Counseling Association and she 

342
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,240
was like assistant director 
there. 

343
00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:07,640
So they're, they're working a 
lot. 

344
00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:11,400
We had a lot of free and alone 
time to run and gun when I was 

345
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,920
growing up. 
And the parties that they would 

346
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:17,400
throw, there's always a story 
that will come out of it. 

347
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,520
Like somebody would, you know, 
and obviously they're drinking 

348
00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:22,320
and smoking and playing cards 
and all this stuff, but all the 

349
00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:24,840
kids would have to like 
everybody's kids would be in one

350
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:27,480
room all hanging out. 
We used to get in trouble 

351
00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:30,640
because we would, we have bunk 
beds and we would take sheets 

352
00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:34,200
and create hammocks underneath 
the bunk beds. 

353
00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:36,920
But we would sit in it and hang 
for so long you couldn't undo 

354
00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:41,320
the sheet then create hammocks. 
Just, you know, there's like 15 

355
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:42,960
kids in a room and all the 
parents are partying. 

356
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,600
The whole, the whole rule was 
everybody stay upstairs and the 

357
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,760
kids stay upstairs. 
Well, the parents will walk up 

358
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:50,480
to go past the bathroom and 
there was stories that came out 

359
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:54,640
of all their parties, a little 
ghost girl just like stuff over 

360
00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:56,000
the years. 
And then some of the 

361
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,320
conversations I remember, you 
know, I talked about this a 

362
00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:02,680
little bit when I was on 
rallying show, the the Business 

363
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,680
Christian Podcast where she was 
asking me about my testimony 

364
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:08,560
and. 
I was not a stranger at that age

365
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,720
to hearing about astral 
projection, to hearing about 

366
00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:14,080
aliens stuff in the outskirts in
the Philadelphia area. 

367
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:15,560
This was a big topic of 
conversation. 

368
00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:17,840
We had the nuclear power plant 
there. 

369
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:21,200
There was tons of people all 
over the place from all 

370
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,720
Montgomery County that would see
weird lights in the sky near the

371
00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:26,560
power plant. 
So I'm growing up and all of 

372
00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:30,600
this is like serious topic of 
conversation, but I started to 

373
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,760
realize when people would talk 
about it and when people 

374
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:35,960
wouldn't, I didn't go to church 
enough to like understand what 

375
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:38,440
church culture was like. 
And I did, I was not aware of 

376
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:41,960
denominations, but as an 
observer, you start to realize, 

377
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:44,200
oh, well, none of this stuff 
gets talked about a church ever.

378
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,680
Oh, it only gets talked about in
these certain environments with 

379
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:51,560
like the average people, you 
know, whatever the haunts of 

380
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:54,280
this house were just were kind 
of unreal. 

381
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:56,840
Now that I'm older and like my 
house is not haunted. 

382
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:59,480
It is anointed. 
Like there's a whole different 

383
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:04,880
spiritual environment here, but 
when I reflect and look back, 

384
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:08,600
I'm just like, man, I could 
literally probably fill a couple

385
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:12,960
hours with just minor stories, 
like just weird stuff that 

386
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:15,720
happened to me and people, 
what's up? 

387
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:21,400
If you roll those stories up and
reflect on them, yeah, like we 

388
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:25,800
know that that kind of made your
outer world feel unsafe and your

389
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:30,000
inner world world feel safe. 
And you talked about how when 

390
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,160
you were alone with your 
imaginations, they were 

391
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:36,000
positive, but when something 
would influence you from the 

392
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:38,160
outside, it was consistently 
negative. 

393
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:42,640
So it's interesting. 
I'm curious about if you roll up

394
00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:45,560
all of those paranormal 
experiences, and you said 

395
00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:49,040
there's a lot of minor ones, so 
maybe diving into all of them 

396
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:52,840
isn't what you want to do. 
But how did that affect your 

397
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:57,040
belief system, especially when 
you started to really look at 

398
00:21:57,040 --> 00:22:01,920
Christ as as God and king? 
When you talk about people in 

399
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:04,440
the church didn't talk about 
this, but it was people in the 

400
00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:08,440
back rooms or the house parties 
did, Like can you kind of dive 

401
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:11,960
into that space and talk about 
how that formed you? 

402
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:15,640
Yeah, I mean, that's a really 
great question. 

403
00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:19,560
And when these two worlds 
collide, it's funny because, you

404
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:22,760
know, you're kind of asking how 
did that develop my belief 

405
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:23,880
system? 
What did that look like? 

406
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,520
And then and coming to Christ 
like it, like what does this all

407
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:29,200
look like? 
But it was messy and long and 

408
00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:34,040
drawn out. 
I have this this idea of the 

409
00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:37,440
time slot that it really started
to become clearer. 

410
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:42,400
But I had some really terrible 
experiences with what quote UN 

411
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:45,520
quote, women and men of God look
like and in the church. 

412
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:48,520
So this one lady was a good 
friend of the I'm not going to 

413
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:50,960
say the name. 
Don't worry, don't if if you're 

414
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:53,080
out there listening, I'm not 
going to blow you up like that. 

415
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:56,960
I think I'm 1314 years old and 
I'm literally getting weed for 

416
00:22:56,960 --> 00:23:01,160
this lady, but she's involved in
the church so she's taking me to

417
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:04,040
youth groups on Wednesday. 
So I'm just thinking, well, 

418
00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:09,240
church is like I would go and 
all these kids are there and 

419
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:12,360
they being this kid activities. 
I mean, I got my first tattoo 

420
00:23:12,360 --> 00:23:14,880
when I was like 15. 
Like I was like a grown man 

421
00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:17,000
about 15. 
So 13 or 14. 

422
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:20,800
Like I'm like, I'm getting dime 
bags and quarters and eights for

423
00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:23,680
people, you know, I'm, I'm 
getting weed for, for older way 

424
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:26,480
people way older than me, 30-40 
years old even. 

425
00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:29,960
I was like a little plug in the 
neighborhood, like I just had 

426
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:31,840
access. 
It's just, it was just the way I

427
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:34,240
grew up. 
I didn't think it was wrong. 

428
00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:36,560
It's just what we did. 
I knew what I was taught. 

429
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:39,360
I knew what the environment that
I was in, but I didn't know how 

430
00:23:39,360 --> 00:23:42,800
different it was in, in other 
people's lives. 

431
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:45,760
So my introduction to church is 
like, Oh, it's cool. 

432
00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:49,000
Like you can get weed for 
somebody who goes to church. 

433
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:50,800
You just don't smoke weed at 
church. 

434
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:54,880
You don't talk about weed at 
church and you keep mince, you 

435
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:57,360
know, to pop and like, you don't
you don't smoke weed on the way 

436
00:23:57,360 --> 00:23:59,000
to church, but you can smoke 
weed on the way home. 

437
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:02,320
So it was just like that was 
even coming into like young 

438
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:04,360
manhood. 
I'm just like, Oh yeah, these 

439
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:07,000
church people are just whatever.
Like, I mean, I knew 

440
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:09,160
spirituality, but I'm like, OK, 
whatever. 

441
00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:11,400
I would go because they did 
pizza and there's like, you 

442
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:13,400
know, 25 kids that would show up
on a Wednesday. 

443
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:16,040
So I'm like, yeah, I'll go with 
this lady would pick me up, but 

444
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:17,320
most of the time it was just get
weak. 

445
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:21,280
But she's taking me to church. 
So like, this is a really bad. 

446
00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:25,880
This is like when I say my story
is long and drawn out. 

447
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:29,000
I had to figure out so much 
stuff the hard way, Carly. 

448
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:31,360
Like, there was no manual. 
There was no Dandeval. 

449
00:24:31,360 --> 00:24:34,480
There was no Brother Klaus or 
nobody to come knocking on my 

450
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:36,480
door and say let me pray with 
you and help you figure this 

451
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:38,520
out. 
I was lost and blown in the wind

452
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:43,200
for most of it. 
And it was just just really 

453
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:49,000
living life to the point where 
I, I seen Churchianity and then 

454
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:51,240
I knew there was so much bad 
intention out there. 

455
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:54,880
I literally just tried to, I 
partied a lot. 

456
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:58,080
And I was never into heavy drugs
or heavy drinking. 

457
00:24:58,080 --> 00:24:59,240
That's the strangest thing for 
me. 

458
00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:02,840
I always had a bag of weed and I
was like the smoke guy, you 

459
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:05,000
know, And I was never into the 
other stuff. 

460
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:08,760
I had friends that were dying at
18 years old from overdoses and 

461
00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:10,480
of all kinds of stuff, drinking 
and driving. 

462
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:13,920
But the Lord kind of always told
me like you need to have 

463
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:16,720
control. 
You can't be so altered in your 

464
00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:20,320
mind because of how unsafe it 
can be in in these environments.

465
00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:24,720
So the Lord spoke to you and 
said to to maintain control. 

466
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:27,720
What did did you recognize at 
that point that it was the Lord 

467
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:32,160
or or is that retrospective? 
Still, small voice. 

468
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:35,960
That's dangerous territory. 
If you blackout or if you lose 

469
00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:37,480
control like that lights is 
really bad. 

470
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:41,280
You always want to be able to 
move or just be alert. 

471
00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:43,440
So I was always a guy. 
I'm the youngest. 

472
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:46,080
I had two beautiful and super 
popular older sisters. 

473
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:49,560
So you know, big parties, you 
know, I was the cool brother who

474
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:52,120
would go go to all these 
different parties around the 

475
00:25:52,120 --> 00:25:55,240
area and I remember just they're
in their 20s. 

476
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:58,840
I'm a young teen and it would be
5:00 in the morning and I would 

477
00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:01,440
just be grabbing their marbles 
or Newports and just smoking 

478
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:04,840
them and watching everybody 
passed out and like seeing crazy

479
00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:06,480
stuff. 
And I'm just like, I'm, I'm 

480
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:08,520
good. 
Like I didn't drink at all, you 

481
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:13,440
know, And so a lot of that was 
my, my upbringing And so, but I 

482
00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:17,200
didn't know how bad that was for
my young mind. 

483
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:21,440
And for like, oh Lord, by the 
time I had gotten jumped Carly, 

484
00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:24,480
I went right from the world just
living, doing whatever I wanted 

485
00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:28,920
to do, no restrictions to having
my near death encounter like 19 

486
00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:31,080
or 20 years old. 
That shocked me. 

487
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:36,640
It, it was such a culture shock.
These guys tried to kill me. 

488
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:39,520
I didn't get a black guy. 
I got stomped into the ground, 

489
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:42,160
like brutally stomped into the 
ground. 

490
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:46,120
Like swollen from here all the 
way out to the tip of my nose, 

491
00:26:46,120 --> 00:26:49,640
my eyes swollen shut, my, my 
jaws locked up, my ribs, my 

492
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:51,560
back. 
That's what it took. 

493
00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:54,280
And in some weird way, like 
because I forgive these guys and

494
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:55,680
I pray for them. 
I know a couple of them are 

495
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:59,000
dead, but God was even moving me
on this recently where I'm like,

496
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:01,240
man, if I see them, I'm going to
preach the gospel to them. 

497
00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:04,240
I'm going to tell them the truth
because there's an eternal place

498
00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:07,840
where if you don't get this, 
there's a separation from God. 

499
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:11,560
And I'm like, I'm not the same 
creature I was when, when that 

500
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:13,080
happened. 
And if I seen these guys, I 

501
00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:17,040
literally would hug them and be 
like, you can get changed, you 

502
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:19,640
can get powered. 
God is chasing all of us, his 

503
00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:23,480
wills that none of us perish. 
But at the time, oh, when they 

504
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:27,240
did this to me, no, that was 
not, that was not, that was not 

505
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:29,120
where I was at. 
That's not who I was. 

506
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:36,120
But that was the shift where 
PTSD crept in and just rode on 

507
00:27:36,120 --> 00:27:38,040
all the other disturbing things 
in my life. 

508
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:41,280
Just rode on all these other, 
what do you call this traumas 

509
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:45,680
and just weirdness of life. 
I almost died. 

510
00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:48,240
I started to sit up out of my 
body. 

511
00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:51,920
I got questions and what would 
have happened if I really would 

512
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:54,320
have left my vessel? 
Where would I be? 

513
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:58,440
What really just happened? 
And I would take these questions

514
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:01,960
to people that are supposed to 
be somebody like a pastor or, 

515
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:05,000
you know, a counselor. 
And it's like the language 

516
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:07,320
they're using was so foreign to 
me. 

517
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:10,880
I got to hold this one in again.
I got to bite the bullet on this

518
00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:14,120
and, and, and, and hold it down 
and somehow keep, keep me from 

519
00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:17,000
at suicidal ideations. 
All kinds of stuff came out of 

520
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,200
that, 'cause I'm like, well, I 
just want to figure it out and 

521
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:20,840
just leave. 
Like there was, there was such a

522
00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:25,080
crazy time in my life, man. 
See, I didn't know. 

523
00:28:25,120 --> 00:28:28,760
I didn't know then what kind of 
stealing and how gracious he is 

524
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:32,360
and how much love he was showing
me and how much mercy he was 

525
00:28:32,360 --> 00:28:36,840
showing me because I should be 
dead, like so many times over. 

526
00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:41,040
But I'm curious how it felt, 
comparably speaking, when you 

527
00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:43,640
were seven and you found 
yourself up in the corner and 

528
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:46,040
then when you got jumped and you
found yourself rising out of 

529
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:50,640
your body is can you like 
compare and contrast those two? 

530
00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:52,120
Yeah, because they're so 
different. 

531
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:56,720
There's like no similarity to 
them, The best way to describe 

532
00:28:56,720 --> 00:29:00,320
it, What I can remember when I 
was seven is warmth and comfort,

533
00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:05,360
light, super bright light. 
And like, I wasn't questioning 

534
00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:08,040
why I was looking at myself. 
It wasn't like there was a 

535
00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:11,080
wrestling match taking place. 
It was warmth, comfort and 

536
00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:13,600
light. 
When I was 7, all that I was 

537
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:17,480
left with is being able to watch
myself from 15, whatever, 20 

538
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:20,000
feet away and having that 
memory. 

539
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:23,560
But when I got jumped, it's a 
wrestling match. 

540
00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:24,920
I don't want to come out of my 
body. 

541
00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:27,160
Come to find out, my brain was 
swelling up and tapping the 

542
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:30,280
inside of my skull. 
So I'm having the first stages 

543
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:32,440
of what you would call like 
anaphylactic shock or death or 

544
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:35,360
whatever. 
That was a stubborn feeling of I

545
00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:38,960
don't want to come out. 
Now to contrast them is I was 

546
00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:42,360
fighting not to come out of my 
body when I got jumped, but when

547
00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:46,440
I was seven, I just was there. 
I didn't like float and like get

548
00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:50,200
up like no, it was just I, I 
exactly like I said. 

549
00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:52,720
And my aunt is talking. 
She's on the long curly cord on 

550
00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:56,040
the phone and she's talking 
about this God of love, this God

551
00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:58,960
of never ending peace. 
Wipe away every tear, like just 

552
00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:00,520
all this language and I'm 
listening. 

553
00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:05,440
And I'm like, if that's real 
when I grow up, I serve a God 

554
00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:08,520
like that. 
And then boom, I'm just looking 

555
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:11,640
at myself engulfed. 
There's no transition. 

556
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:14,480
I don't remember going back. 
I don't remember coming out it. 

557
00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:17,680
It was just like that quick. 
Now the whole wrestling match 

558
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:20,280
where it felt like a long time, 
but it was a small window. 

559
00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:23,640
When I had gotten jumped, I was 
like aware of that. 

560
00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:25,880
Didn't come all the way to my 
body. 

561
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:30,720
It was, I was sitting up and 
like my hips to my knees and, 

562
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:32,640
and like the rest of my legs 
didn't come out. 

563
00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:35,880
So it was like I'm doing a sit 
up, but your body's your, your, 

564
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:38,960
your flesh is on the, the floor.
And that's kind of the feeling I

565
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:41,040
got. 
But it was like, I'm just trying

566
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:43,400
to roll and get out of the way 
'cause I'm still being hit. 

567
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:47,000
I'm like, oh man, I'm dying. 
But like it's silent. 

568
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:49,360
I don't hear anything when it's 
happening. 

569
00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:52,280
And then it was like, no, I'm 
not coming out of my body. 

570
00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:55,480
I want to stay in my body 'cause
I'm like, I'm dying, I'm going 

571
00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:59,000
to die. 
I mean, that's that's how it 

572
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:02,040
happened. 
So when did you realize what 

573
00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:03,920
Mercia was that you didn't 
depart? 

574
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:06,360
At that time, you had started to
talk about mercy. 

575
00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:09,200
Yeah, this this is when I find 
the Lord. 

576
00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:12,520
So I leave the Philadelphia area
and I, I moved to Jacksonville, 

577
00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:18,000
FL 1000 miles from home. 
We say I jump in my 95 Acura 

578
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:22,800
Integra and I hit Interstate 95 
and did 95 the whole way down. 

579
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:25,960
And we're like, we're so me and 
my, my twin, the mother and my 

580
00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:29,360
twins were like, let's, let's 
start fresh palm trees, 

581
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:30,600
different people, different 
location. 

582
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:34,520
Let's see if that works because 
I'm, I'm, I'm in a slump and we 

583
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:37,880
get down there and it's not 
working out. 

584
00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:41,040
We're young, we're mature. 
I'm PTSDI can't hold a job. 

585
00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:44,800
I can't really, I just want to 
like try to understand what 

586
00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:47,640
happened to me, but there's like
nowhere to go, no one to talk 

587
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:49,840
about it. 
And then everything's just like,

588
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:52,720
babe, be quiet. 
Like if you bring it up, almost 

589
00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:55,560
everybody gets beat up or this 
guy got shot or this or somebody

590
00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:57,760
always has this story or I was 
in a car accident. 

591
00:31:57,960 --> 00:31:59,960
So you're you got beat up. 
It doesn't matter. 

592
00:31:59,960 --> 00:32:01,680
But for me it was like a big 
deal. 

593
00:32:02,360 --> 00:32:04,120
But like everybody goes through 
something, right? 

594
00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:06,160
Like, oh, I broke my leg and 
lost my job. 

595
00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:08,320
Like it was so everybody has a 
sad story. 

596
00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:12,040
So keep yours to yourself. 
But like, I need somebody. 

597
00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:15,480
So we did the Florida thing 
thinking maybe reset the 

598
00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:18,360
environment, just reinvent 
myself in that way. 

599
00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:21,840
That doesn't work. 
Now the mercy comes in where I 

600
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:24,880
start to see it slowly start to 
come in. 

601
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:27,640
There's a big storm that blows 
through. 

602
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:33,120
I'm home alone at the time and I
just God, if you are who you say

603
00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:37,840
or if you're real, you got, you 
got to show up, you got to do 

604
00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:39,680
something. 
My life is riddled with sin, 

605
00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:45,200
uncertainty, lack of confidence,
just the lingering question of, 

606
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:49,320
like, death is real and you got 
a handshake from it, and someday

607
00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:51,600
it's going to body hug you and, 
like, all of that. 

608
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:53,760
Yeah. 
So like, all this stuff is in my

609
00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:57,000
mind, and I start beating the 
ground and crying out to God. 

610
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:59,560
And I'll never forget my front 
door is open and the banana 

611
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:02,760
trees are blown sideways and the
wind is whipping and it's 

612
00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:05,240
raining and I'm just beating the
ground. 

613
00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:08,200
And I remember thinking, I can 
scream like a crazy person now 

614
00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:11,320
and the neighbors won't call the
cops because it's storming and 

615
00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:12,680
it's so loud. 
So I'm like, this is the 

616
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:15,200
opportunity. 
I'm I'm crying out to God like a

617
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:19,200
crazy person. 
Everything I have crying veins 

618
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:20,920
popping out. 
Just my hands hurt. 

619
00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:23,800
The next I'm beating the ground.
If you're real, show up. 

620
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:26,800
I can't do this. 
I don't want to be alone. 

621
00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:29,240
Nothing makes sense. 
Just spilling my heart to them, 

622
00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:33,600
raw and just crazy and as real 
as I possibly could. 

623
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:41,080
Is that the first time you 
really showed him that 

624
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:48,760
vulnerable side of yourself? 
Yeah, it's a pivotal moment. 

625
00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:56,080
He uses my daughter to answer 
me, but within a window. 

626
00:33:56,080 --> 00:33:59,840
After this experience, my 
daughter Sienna, she's like 2 

627
00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:04,160
1/2 or three years old and she 
has an angelic encounter. 

628
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:08,800
And this is where I started to 
understand, like God, your mercy

629
00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:11,000
has kept me here because I 
shouldn't be here. 

630
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:17,520
I'm a walk in case of grace 
because I wrecked it. 

631
00:34:17,679 --> 00:34:22,600
This is bad. 
My daughter when she spoke to me

632
00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:25,560
about this angelic encounter, 
one of the first things she said

633
00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:29,400
is, is God heard your prayer? 
Then it's going to be OK. 

634
00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:32,760
And that like punched me in the 
gut and I fall down to my knees 

635
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:36,600
and look at her because I I've 
told this story before and I 

636
00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:40,239
know I might be jumping around 
as it's not as thorough as it's 

637
00:34:40,239 --> 00:34:44,159
kind of difficult. 
You're doing great. 

638
00:34:44,159 --> 00:34:46,760
She has this angelic encounter. 
She comes to me in the middle of

639
00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:48,520
the night. 
She's lit up like a light bulb. 

640
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:52,679
They're route my son Riley and 
Sienna's room, that which are 

641
00:34:52,679 --> 00:34:54,440
fraternal twins that look 
nothing alike. 

642
00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:56,560
It's it's miraculous what got to
there. 

643
00:34:57,120 --> 00:34:58,640
They're they're down the 
hallway. 

644
00:34:58,640 --> 00:35:03,840
So she comes and wakes me up and
my first thing is, why do you 

645
00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:05,280
look like you're wide awake? 
What happened? 

646
00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:06,880
She said, dad, they're 
beautiful, Dad, they're 

647
00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:08,360
beautiful. 
I'm like, what's going on? 

648
00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:11,280
They're so bright. 
She's saying she wants to twirl 

649
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:14,000
around and dance. 
And I'm like, what is going on, 

650
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:15,400
kid? 
Like, why do you look like 

651
00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:18,080
you're wide awake? 
And then she says, dad, it's 

652
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:20,640
going to be OK, God heard your 
prayer. 

653
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:25,120
And now I'm like, because I, I 
was in the mood prior to her 

654
00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:27,640
saying that. 
Check the doors, check the 

655
00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:29,160
windows. 
What is going on? 

656
00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:32,400
We were living in Duval County, 
north side of Jacksonville, FL. 

657
00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:34,440
Not the best neighborhood. 
It wasn't a bad, bad 

658
00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:36,440
neighborhood. 
But it's like, yeah, you know, 

659
00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:41,320
yeah, let's check the doors. 
So she hits me with it. 

660
00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:47,360
And now, and now I'm like this, 
this is you can't make this up. 

661
00:35:48,240 --> 00:35:51,000
We're not going to church. 
She's like 2 1/2 or three years 

662
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:53,560
old. 
I mean, I was reading the Bible 

663
00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:55,920
a little bit because I'd call 
back home the pastor in 

664
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:57,920
Norristown or to my mom and 
they'd be like, you need to get 

665
00:35:57,920 --> 00:36:00,040
into the Bible. 
You need God's word in your 

666
00:36:00,040 --> 00:36:05,080
life. 
And I'm like, This is why not 

667
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:06,720
right? 
All this craziness. 

668
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:12,680
But my daughter is how God 
showed me, listen, you came to 

669
00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:14,560
me correct? 
You came honestly, you poured 

670
00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:16,040
your heart out. 
You cried to me. 

671
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:19,680
It it wasn't a 12 magic this, 
that or the third. 

672
00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:25,240
It was just, I need to know if 
you love me and if you have a 

673
00:36:25,240 --> 00:36:27,720
plan for me and if you are who 
you say you were. 

674
00:36:27,720 --> 00:36:31,040
Because I don't want to do it 
unless there's something so pure

675
00:36:31,240 --> 00:36:34,320
and something so worth fighting 
for if it does. 

676
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:36,240
If you don't exist. 
God, I don't, I don't. 

677
00:36:37,680 --> 00:36:39,160
This is mundane, This is 
nonsense. 

678
00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:41,120
This is torment. 
This nonsense. 

679
00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:43,240
This whole life is just, it's 
nonsense. 

680
00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:47,000
My daughter's the one. 
So that's because if somebody 

681
00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:49,280
would have came up to me on the 
street and so and told me 

682
00:36:49,280 --> 00:36:51,480
something or somebody in the 
church, I would have been like, 

683
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:55,080
I bought weed for people like 
you on the way to church before,

684
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:57,880
like I don't trust you. 
So God like uses the babe. 

685
00:36:58,600 --> 00:37:02,440
And this wrecked me because now 
I'm like, I don't want to die. 

686
00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:11,360
I want to live. 
God, you, you can't make this 

687
00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:13,200
up. 
She's too little. 

688
00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:14,920
We don't go to church. 
It's not like she's been 

689
00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:17,960
brainwashed in church to be able
to just recite some Bible 

690
00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:19,560
stories here. 
All this stuff is going through 

691
00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:23,880
my mind to justify God is 
answering me and and he's real. 

692
00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:26,800
And now I'm like look flooding 
back in the rest of my life. 

693
00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:33,480
You protected me so many times, 
but I still felt the pain. 

694
00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:36,240
I still went through dark and 
shadowy places. 

695
00:37:36,240 --> 00:37:38,880
I still went through things that
are hard to explain. 

696
00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:42,120
I still felt like I was being 
ripped open at times. 

697
00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:45,520
Stabbed in the back, lied to, 
cheated on, just everything that

698
00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:48,280
you could possibly go through. 
Bottles, throwing bottles in, 

699
00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:51,760
throwing weed in the party 
lifestyle, trying to figure out 

700
00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:53,640
what I'm going to do with my 
life, trying to copycat other 

701
00:37:53,640 --> 00:37:54,600
people. 
Maybe I should go into the 

702
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:57,200
military. 
I go and take the ASVAT past and

703
00:37:57,200 --> 00:37:59,800
then I can't make my decision 
what I want to do, you know, 

704
00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:01,240
because they're like, oh, you 
got a good score. 

705
00:38:01,240 --> 00:38:04,560
You can go do anything you want 
and and all this stuff I'm like 

706
00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:07,360
always trying to fill in this 
pocket of is that going to make 

707
00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:09,120
sense? 
Is that going to give me value? 

708
00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:11,400
Where do I belong? 
What is my purpose? 

709
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:15,760
But but God uses this sweet 
little child and all of my 

710
00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:23,560
frustration and all of my trauma
and all of my tears to to get me

711
00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:28,800
in correct thinking. 
Said something so important 

712
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:32,520
there when you said, I realized 
he's been protecting me the 

713
00:38:32,520 --> 00:38:35,040
whole time, but I still felt the
pain. 

714
00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:42,000
And that is something that at 
times when people look back over

715
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:44,760
their lives and they found their
fists on the ground and they 

716
00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:48,840
say, God, where were you? 
And the answer is always, I was 

717
00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:51,840
right there. 
We think because we still 

718
00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:54,240
experience the pain that he's 
absent. 

719
00:38:55,520 --> 00:38:59,600
But your testimony is that I 
felt the pain and he was right 

720
00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:03,040
there in the pain with me, 
keeping me alive, keeping me 

721
00:39:03,040 --> 00:39:05,320
going, keeping me from 
judgement. 

722
00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:09,520
And using the one voice you 
could actually hear, which was 

723
00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:13,400
the innocent, pure, perfect 
voice of your daughter who was 

724
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:18,160
completely uncorrupted, who had 
no association with hypocrisy in

725
00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:20,440
the church. 
No, go to church sober, but 

726
00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:23,800
leave stoned. 
Like how beautiful was that? 

727
00:39:23,800 --> 00:39:28,280
That she was the body that Jesus
walked in your bedroom in and 

728
00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:32,000
said it's going to be OK because
the word truly became flesh in 

729
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:36,120
that moment. 
He walked in your room in her 

730
00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:39,960
body. 
That's so powerful and so 

731
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:42,120
beautiful. 
And your family was telling you 

732
00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:45,800
pick up the word, read the word 
and the Lord was like, I got 

733
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:48,560
something better for you. 
I'm going to come in your room 

734
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:52,480
in the middle of the night and 
speak through the one person you

735
00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:56,640
can trust is real and that's his
love. 

736
00:39:57,440 --> 00:39:59,640
That is his love through and 
through. 

737
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:05,200
I love that rod that is so you 
know, you've said a couple times

738
00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:07,480
like everybody's gone through 
trauma, everybody that it is 

739
00:40:07,480 --> 00:40:10,320
minimizing what you experience 
like it's of no substance. 

740
00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:16,360
But but he was in all of it and 
his breakthrough moment was 

741
00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:23,920
perfect, perfectly executed one 
wise God, Lord Jesus, only you. 

742
00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:38,800
It's beautiful. 
Yeah, that's how God worked out 

743
00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:43,240
my my life until I was about 23 
or 24 years old. 

744
00:40:43,240 --> 00:40:44,840
That's kind of what it was 
looking like. 

745
00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:50,840
I left a lot out, but you know, 
I included in this part one just

746
00:40:50,840 --> 00:40:56,800
some of the climaxes and, and we
can unpack more of it too, as 

747
00:40:56,800 --> 00:40:59,200
we, as we go along. 
However many parts of this needs

748
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:03,160
to be 1-2 or three, whatever. 
I was trying to figure like the 

749
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:05,480
bigger things because there's a 
lot of smaller stuff that 

750
00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:09,160
happened along the way. 
It's so funny when God speaks to

751
00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:14,800
you, the enemy comes right side 
by side to try to try to Jack it

752
00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:17,880
up, try to mix it up, try to 
steal it from you, try to take 

753
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:20,240
that feeling away from you 
almost as quick as you can. 

754
00:41:20,240 --> 00:41:24,200
Because I remember called to 
tell my mom about Sienna's 

755
00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:27,240
Angelica encounter, her 
experience with these three 

756
00:41:27,240 --> 00:41:31,440
beings. 
My mom's like, you know, six 

757
00:41:31,440 --> 00:41:34,160
police officer. 
They came to the house at 5:30 

758
00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:35,280
in the morning, surrounded the 
house. 

759
00:41:35,280 --> 00:41:36,400
They're here. 
You got a warrant for your 

760
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:40,160
arrest. 
Oh, man, I'm excited to try to 

761
00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:44,560
tell you something. 
And now I'm like, Yup, can't get

762
00:41:44,560 --> 00:41:46,720
out of this one. 
This is not good. 

763
00:41:47,400 --> 00:41:50,480
And it's just so funny how the 
enemy tries to do that too, like

764
00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:54,160
he wants to steal your joy and 
and steal the basking of that. 

765
00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:59,760
Because I I have a now I have a 
very peculiar thought as to a 

766
00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:03,240
lot of how this stuff goes 
Carly, where this manifested 

767
00:42:03,240 --> 00:42:08,040
world that we're living in this 
shadow of a large reality, the 

768
00:42:08,040 --> 00:42:11,120
the the eternal things that 
can't be seen or actually what 

769
00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:13,600
what stays forever. 
This this temporary stuff is 

770
00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:15,280
we're in the voting booth right 
now. 

771
00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:19,280
But but I have a interesting 
thought as to and when we really

772
00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:23,120
start serving God and and 
acknowledging God in our ways, 

773
00:42:23,880 --> 00:42:28,400
he can make stuff look however 
he wants to somebody else. 

774
00:42:28,400 --> 00:42:31,960
But it still looks simple and 
like whatever to you, like he, 

775
00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:34,840
he, you know, he can make it 
look like you have angels there 

776
00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:37,560
with you when you're alone. 
You're just walking down the 

777
00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:40,200
road, Nick, And so he he can do 
whatever he wants. 

778
00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:41,680
Literally. 
I was talking with your husband,

779
00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:43,800
Prince, I don't know, two weeks 
ago and he said something that 

780
00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:46,000
knocked me out the park. 
He's like, did you know that God

781
00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:48,680
is powerful enough just to erase
a name in a person right off the

782
00:42:48,680 --> 00:42:51,680
face of the earth and and nobody
else could even remember that 

783
00:42:51,680 --> 00:42:54,000
they existed. 
I'm like, oh Lord, with fear and

784
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:56,920
troubling, we work our selfish 
and I'm like, that is the that's

785
00:42:56,920 --> 00:42:59,400
the God who I'm talking about 
now, like he doesn't do that 

786
00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:02,240
because his will is that none of
us perish and he's the suffering

787
00:43:02,240 --> 00:43:06,560
servant that he's possible of 
doing that at the end of the age

788
00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:08,280
when he says death, where's your
sting? 

789
00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:11,280
All that stuff was swallowed up.
All those evil participants who 

790
00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:14,760
rejected God and said, Nope, 
we're not choosing that they get

791
00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:17,320
swallowed up that that the whole
library of their existence is 

792
00:43:17,320 --> 00:43:20,400
gone. 
So the reason I bring all that 

793
00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:23,720
up is because this is the enemy 
who is chasing my tails my whole

794
00:43:23,720 --> 00:43:25,760
life, you know, he's been 
chasing through our generations,

795
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:28,960
each one of us. 
It's like a target on your back 

796
00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:32,360
and nobody ever tells you that 
it's there, you know, because 

797
00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:34,480
because they're not looking out 
for you, they're looking out for

798
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:35,880
themselves. 
Everybody's walking around with 

799
00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:39,200
a target on their back, but 
nobody can stop and say, hey, be

800
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:45,320
careful, look out for this. 
And so I realize this enemy is 

801
00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:47,560
not going to play nice. 
He's not going to play fair. 

802
00:43:49,160 --> 00:43:52,880
God gives me a breakthrough, 
innocent lips of a babe making 

803
00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:55,240
declaration to me. 
I'm crying and now I'm reading 

804
00:43:55,240 --> 00:43:56,880
the Bible. 
Now I'm feeling like I don't 

805
00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:59,920
want to die, but I don't know 
what to do with myself. 

806
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:01,840
And now it's like, oh, well, you
have. 

807
00:44:01,840 --> 00:44:05,440
You have to literally come 1000 
miles from where you're living 

808
00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:08,840
and turn yourself in. 
So they're like, we're going to 

809
00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:11,520
give you an amnesty period. 
Do you want to turn yourself in 

810
00:44:12,480 --> 00:44:14,160
at the time? 
Coolest guy ever, Corey 

811
00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:15,400
Peterson, I'm giving a shout 
out. 

812
00:44:15,680 --> 00:44:19,400
He's a big musician now. 
He really took off still talk 

813
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:23,160
with him, but he was my boss at 
the time and this guy like loved

814
00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:25,040
me. 
He not even a Christian, but he 

815
00:44:25,040 --> 00:44:27,440
was just like man, whatever you 
need, like I got your back. 

816
00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:29,680
I'm I'm a row with you. 
I tell him what's going on. 

817
00:44:29,680 --> 00:44:31,040
He's like, well, let's take a 
road trip. 

818
00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:34,320
If you go back to the amnesty, 
you won't go to jail. 

819
00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:38,480
We jump in his what did he have?
I think it was a minivan that we

820
00:44:39,880 --> 00:44:43,440
used for word. 
I was working at ADT at the 

821
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:46,760
time, American District 
Telegraph security, fire and 

822
00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:49,640
medical stuff, right. 
And, and he's the, what do you 

823
00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:51,160
call this? 
Like the team leader and just 

824
00:44:51,160 --> 00:44:53,080
took a liking to me. 
It was, it was good to have a 

825
00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:56,000
friend during this. 
He, he stepped in and was like, 

826
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:58,040
man, I'm going to drive. 
So we drive literally all the 

827
00:44:58,040 --> 00:45:00,760
way from Jacksonville, FL to 
Norristown, PA. 

828
00:45:01,400 --> 00:45:02,800
And I got caught during the 
week. 

829
00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:05,760
So it takes us like 20 hours, 21
hours to get there. 

830
00:45:06,240 --> 00:45:09,720
We grab a hotel in Norristown. 
I got court the next morning. 

831
00:45:09,720 --> 00:45:11,880
We get there in the evening. 
I'm able to meet up with some of

832
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:13,960
my family members. 
They they order pizzas and 

833
00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:15,200
stuff. 
We go to the church, right, 

834
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:17,560
Norristown where we're, we're 
fellowshipping and hanging out 

835
00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:18,720
there like you're going to be 
fine. 

836
00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:21,600
It's all going to work out. 
God is working it together. 

837
00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:23,840
Go to court. 
It's on an amnesty. 

838
00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:26,480
So it's a guarantee. 
I don't go to jail, but I have 

839
00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:29,960
to abide by what the court says.
So the courts like, listen, your

840
00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:33,040
license is frozen. 
We drained your bank account. 

841
00:45:33,240 --> 00:45:36,160
Until you pay us this much 
money, you actually can't leave 

842
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:40,000
the state of Pennsylvania. 
You got a child support case, 

843
00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:41,920
you got traffic violations, you 
have all this stuff. 

844
00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:45,960
So you have you have to now be 
in Montgomery County, 

845
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:47,360
Pennsylvania. 
You're not actually allowed to 

846
00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:49,480
live outside of the county 
because my address was 

847
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:52,520
Montgomery County, Pennsylvania.
So all these cases are open 

848
00:45:52,520 --> 00:45:55,760
against my my Pennsylvania 
address and they make these 

849
00:45:55,760 --> 00:45:57,480
stipulations. 
They want this payment and I'm 

850
00:45:57,480 --> 00:45:58,720
supposed to be back in two 
weeks. 

851
00:45:58,720 --> 00:46:02,200
Well, I leave and Corey's like 
everything good, everything. 

852
00:46:02,200 --> 00:46:03,320
I'm like, Yep, everything's 
fine. 

853
00:46:03,320 --> 00:46:07,040
Let's go back to Florida. 
That's fine because I have no 

854
00:46:07,040 --> 00:46:10,040
place to live. 
I have my two kids being babysat

855
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:12,800
in Florida and then I have my at
the time I think it was my 

856
00:46:12,800 --> 00:46:14,720
broken street bike. 
And I'm like, I can't just 

857
00:46:14,720 --> 00:46:16,560
leave. 
I'm like, Nope, we're staying in

858
00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:19,840
Florida. 
I'm not going to be homeless up 

859
00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:21,840
here for this. 
And, and honestly, I can't. 

860
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:25,720
I couldn't afford to pay all 
their fines if I would have 

861
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:27,600
stayed because I would have lost
my job. 

862
00:46:27,600 --> 00:46:30,920
So I'm like, I'm going to jail 
if I stay here, I'm going back 

863
00:46:30,920 --> 00:46:32,040
to Florida. 
So I do that. 

864
00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:35,400
That lasted a little while. 
I finally get to come to the 

865
00:46:35,400 --> 00:46:37,840
conclusion the only way I'm 
going to be a normal person. 

866
00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:40,120
Because now I'm trying to really
think this through. 

867
00:46:40,720 --> 00:46:43,720
How do I become normal? 
What does a normal person look 

868
00:46:43,720 --> 00:46:45,240
like? 
How do I model my game after 

869
00:46:45,240 --> 00:46:46,960
them? 
Like, how do I get a decent job?

870
00:46:46,960 --> 00:46:49,080
Like all the stuff's going 
through my mind, you know, I 

871
00:46:49,080 --> 00:46:51,360
don't want to be on the run. 
I don't want to be nervous if 

872
00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:54,480
I'm driving in Florida. 
And what if they expedite me? 

873
00:46:54,560 --> 00:46:56,280
You know, that's like super 
expensive. 

874
00:46:57,480 --> 00:47:00,040
So I realized I have to come 
back and I have to just face, I 

875
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:02,480
just got to face it all like 
everything, the old 

876
00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:05,560
neighborhood, like the people 
that tried to kill me, court, 

877
00:47:05,560 --> 00:47:08,480
like just betrayals. 
I just got to come back and I 

878
00:47:08,480 --> 00:47:12,480
got to stake myself in God's 
word, plant myself in the region

879
00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:17,120
that is my home and not back 
down and not bow down. 

880
00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:19,880
That's just what I got to do. 
And it took me, it took me like 

881
00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:23,200
8 months to get to that point to
muster up like, like, like 

882
00:47:23,320 --> 00:47:25,880
Canada wasn't like super 
confident. 

883
00:47:26,160 --> 00:47:34,440
It was kind of like people have 
died for less, but here I am. 

884
00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:37,640
And you know what? 
And God taught me so much 

885
00:47:37,640 --> 00:47:40,760
through that, you know, brought 
me back to southeastern 

886
00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:42,760
Pennsylvania. 
I get locked up, I get a purge 

887
00:47:42,760 --> 00:47:46,200
release agreement. 
I find just enough favor with 

888
00:47:46,200 --> 00:47:48,800
the judge the second time around
where she says I'm not going to 

889
00:47:48,800 --> 00:47:51,120
lock you up. 
I see that you're really trying.

890
00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:53,480
You know, you're moving across 
halfway across the country. 

891
00:47:53,480 --> 00:47:55,880
You're trying to get established
and we're trying to do the right

892
00:47:55,880 --> 00:47:57,880
thing. 
So I found some favor in places 

893
00:47:57,880 --> 00:48:00,200
where it was like before, no 
black look like, you know, 

894
00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:02,280
you're just a statistic. 
I got a little bit of favor. 

895
00:48:02,280 --> 00:48:04,760
God would show me. 
I'd be up praying all night 

896
00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:08,000
long. 
Like God, I can't do anything if

897
00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:11,600
if I'm in a cell, you know, I 
can't do anything. 

898
00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:13,520
And he was like, well, what if I
tell you, I want you to preach 

899
00:48:13,520 --> 00:48:15,760
the people in prison? 
I'm like, God have mercy on me. 

900
00:48:15,800 --> 00:48:18,600
I don't want that for my life. 
I'm like, nobody can argue with 

901
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:19,680
you. 
You know everything. 

902
00:48:19,680 --> 00:48:22,000
But I go in the judge, she's 
looking at me and say, Mr. 

903
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:24,520
Smith, something has changed 
with you, hasn't it? 

904
00:48:24,520 --> 00:48:26,840
And I said, yes, ma'am. 
And she says, I feel like you're

905
00:48:26,840 --> 00:48:30,280
going to do the right thing. 
This judge locked up like eight 

906
00:48:30,280 --> 00:48:32,920
people in front of me and the 
other eleven people behind me. 

907
00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:35,200
So I would notice. 
I would look up and like, God. 

908
00:48:35,920 --> 00:48:39,680
So I came down garlic. 
I came down the steps to the 

909
00:48:39,680 --> 00:48:42,680
courthouse in Norristown, PA. 
And anybody from my area, you 

910
00:48:42,680 --> 00:48:46,160
guys know, it's like, it's like 
the steps that Rocky Balboa runs

911
00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:52,440
up in Philadelphia. 
I came running down, yes, Lord, 

912
00:48:52,520 --> 00:48:54,880
like, what is next? 
What, what are we doing? 

913
00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:58,120
God, if I'm a friend of the King
and you can Get Me Out of this, 

914
00:48:58,120 --> 00:49:00,360
we can do anything. 
You know, I'm like, I'm happy 

915
00:49:00,360 --> 00:49:03,800
now. 
It still was long and gruesome 

916
00:49:03,800 --> 00:49:07,680
and drawn out because I still 
was learning so much along the 

917
00:49:07,680 --> 00:49:09,080
way. 
It was like all the stuff I 

918
00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:10,440
should have learned as a young 
man. 

919
00:49:11,560 --> 00:49:15,400
I'm getting boot camp. 
I'm getting God's boot camp, you

920
00:49:15,400 --> 00:49:18,880
know, spiritually, like dealing 
with demonic stuff and you know,

921
00:49:18,960 --> 00:49:22,360
and weird stuff like people, 
especially people that a new 

922
00:49:22,360 --> 00:49:26,160
world heavy on drugs because I 
would, I would live it like in 

923
00:49:26,920 --> 00:49:29,200
I've, I've lived everywhere. 
I've lived in nice houses, I've 

924
00:49:29,200 --> 00:49:31,840
lived in like the hood. 
I've just everywhere in between.

925
00:49:32,360 --> 00:49:35,720
But there would be people that I
knew were like, like had demonic

926
00:49:35,720 --> 00:49:38,080
stuff going on with them and 
they were on drugs and they 

927
00:49:38,080 --> 00:49:40,120
would, they would look at me 
different. 

928
00:49:40,480 --> 00:49:42,040
I would feel it when they looked
at me. 

929
00:49:42,040 --> 00:49:44,520
And then in just the way that 
they would communicate with me 

930
00:49:44,520 --> 00:49:46,240
was different. 
And I'd be like, what do you? 

931
00:49:46,600 --> 00:49:49,280
And I'm like, this reminds me of
when I'm a kid with the whole 

932
00:49:49,280 --> 00:49:51,480
courtroom thing where it's like,
I feel like everyone's watching 

933
00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:53,800
me and it's like I'm being 
evaluated. 

934
00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:56,640
But but there was stuff that 
would follow up that I'm like, 

935
00:49:56,640 --> 00:49:59,280
it's not just in my head. 
There's something going on. 

936
00:49:59,280 --> 00:50:01,160
Well, a lot of that. 
What did it, what it turned out 

937
00:50:01,160 --> 00:50:04,120
to end up being Carly's people 
will come to me, you know, this 

938
00:50:04,120 --> 00:50:06,320
development and tell me they're 
supernatural stuff that they've 

939
00:50:06,320 --> 00:50:09,720
been through. 
And then I'm like, OK, but I 

940
00:50:09,720 --> 00:50:12,520
didn't really know. 
I'm a pray or I'm going to cast 

941
00:50:12,520 --> 00:50:15,080
it out or we're going to go to 
Dan Deval's prayer portal and 

942
00:50:15,080 --> 00:50:17,320
bride ministries and we're going
to lock some stuff down. 

943
00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:19,200
I didn't know it, you know, any 
of that at the time. 

944
00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:23,600
So I'm like, but I would listen 
and then I would start to 

945
00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:26,600
realize, like, man, there's 
trauma out here in this world. 

946
00:50:26,600 --> 00:50:29,040
People are hurt. 
I don't care if it's a soccer 

947
00:50:29,040 --> 00:50:31,920
mom, it looks like her life is 
fine or if it's somebody who's 

948
00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:33,720
standing on the corner with one 
pant leg rolled up. 

949
00:50:33,720 --> 00:50:35,280
Everybody's going through 
something. 

950
00:50:35,680 --> 00:50:39,080
And so, you know, I'm wrestling 
through like how to even express

951
00:50:39,080 --> 00:50:42,000
and, and live and I'm going to 
the word. 

952
00:50:42,320 --> 00:50:44,840
I'm just finding myself in this 
situation, Carly, where I'm up 

953
00:50:44,840 --> 00:50:47,880
till 3:00 in the morning, waking
up at 3:00 in the morning, just 

954
00:50:47,880 --> 00:50:51,280
praying and reading the word and
the word just washing over me 

955
00:50:51,280 --> 00:50:55,200
and just washing over me. 
And this season of just like 

956
00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:58,400
complete celibacy, because now 
I'm separated from the my kids 

957
00:50:58,400 --> 00:51:01,240
mom, who, you know, put me 
through a lot. 

958
00:51:01,240 --> 00:51:02,720
And I'm finally back in 
Pennsylvania. 

959
00:51:02,720 --> 00:51:05,840
I faced all these giants. 
But now I'm like, I need to 

960
00:51:05,840 --> 00:51:08,600
think, right, I'm getting the 
Bible, I'm getting in the word. 

961
00:51:09,440 --> 00:51:11,120
I trusted pastors. 
There's some men of God I 

962
00:51:11,120 --> 00:51:14,960
respect, but there was also like
places I couldn't go because I 

963
00:51:14,960 --> 00:51:17,120
would test the boundaries, ask 
questions or like, how do we 

964
00:51:17,120 --> 00:51:18,960
deal with this? 
Why don't we actually minister 

965
00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:21,000
outside of the church? 
Like why did why do we just kind

966
00:51:21,000 --> 00:51:22,840
of come here? 
And a lot of this stuff was like

967
00:51:22,840 --> 00:51:25,960
softly kind of dismissed and 
it's like, oh, well, you know, 

968
00:51:26,200 --> 00:51:28,360
you're a new believer, just 
focus on this right now. 

969
00:51:28,360 --> 00:51:31,040
So a lot of my things were kind 
of thrown to the wayside that 

970
00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:32,960
kind of bothered me. 
But I'm like, I respect these 

971
00:51:32,960 --> 00:51:34,000
guys. 
They're men of God. 

972
00:51:34,240 --> 00:51:36,680
They've opened up the building. 
A lot of these people were 

973
00:51:36,680 --> 00:51:38,960
helping me in certain ways. 
And I'm like, I know, I know 

974
00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:43,480
love, but there's all this other
cyclone of experience and 

975
00:51:43,480 --> 00:51:48,120
questions that are reflected in 
the world around me that I need 

976
00:51:48,120 --> 00:51:51,000
to know about. 
But that kind of launched me 

977
00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:54,520
into discovering Canary Cry in 
2017. 

978
00:51:55,160 --> 00:51:58,480
And when I heard them talking 
about like the the personal 

979
00:51:58,480 --> 00:52:01,040
stuff going on in my life, but 
they're having like this public 

980
00:52:01,040 --> 00:52:03,200
discussion about it and they're 
Christians. 

981
00:52:03,200 --> 00:52:07,040
I'm like, OK, there you go, 
somebody else is out there. 

982
00:52:07,360 --> 00:52:09,920
Well, I'm already doing that in 
person because people are coming

983
00:52:09,920 --> 00:52:12,520
to me and telling me stuff. 
And I'm kind of like undertoning

984
00:52:12,520 --> 00:52:15,480
and challenging the narrative of
churches, respecting them, not 

985
00:52:15,480 --> 00:52:18,440
stepping on toes. 
You were completely genuine and 

986
00:52:18,440 --> 00:52:21,640
you're not asking me to think. 
You're kind of trying to get me 

987
00:52:21,640 --> 00:52:24,360
to recite what you recite and to
act the way you act. 

988
00:52:24,520 --> 00:52:26,280
But I'm like, that's not really 
going to work with me. 

989
00:52:26,280 --> 00:52:30,560
So Canary Cry, I find LA 
Marzulli, Dr. Chuck Messer, all 

990
00:52:30,560 --> 00:52:32,840
these different people and I 
find out there's a whole world 

991
00:52:33,360 --> 00:52:38,000
outside of the Bermuda Triangle 
of, of Pennsylvania that I live 

992
00:52:38,040 --> 00:52:44,440
in that literally they're, they 
talk about this and not only 

993
00:52:44,440 --> 00:52:47,240
that, but they do ancient 
Semitic language deep dives. 

994
00:52:47,280 --> 00:52:49,480
They're there's biblical 
scholars, there's armchair 

995
00:52:49,480 --> 00:52:53,520
researchers that can spin your 
head on the facts that you can 

996
00:52:53,520 --> 00:52:56,280
just go into all these heights 
and details and start to learn 

997
00:52:56,280 --> 00:52:57,880
all the, and I'm like, this is 
crazy. 

998
00:52:58,000 --> 00:53:05,760
OK, now Lord, do I fit in here? 
Will they be my friend? 

999
00:53:07,040 --> 00:53:09,840
Yeah, yeah. 
It's like this is my tribe. 

1000
00:53:10,000 --> 00:53:15,000
Jesus, will they accept me? 
Well, yeah, I mean, still a long

1001
00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:17,360
journey. 
OK, so I started this first 

1002
00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:19,720
podcast. 
It was actually this wild event 

1003
00:53:19,720 --> 00:53:22,560
I had. 
I had given up all of my friends

1004
00:53:22,960 --> 00:53:24,920
and the music and all this 
different stuff. 

1005
00:53:24,920 --> 00:53:28,480
Like through this transition of 
coming to the Lord Yeshua, there

1006
00:53:28,480 --> 00:53:30,600
was one friend who who came into
my life. 

1007
00:53:30,800 --> 00:53:32,520
I won't get into the whole 
details of it because he's 

1008
00:53:32,520 --> 00:53:34,960
actually going to come on, we're
going to testify about some 

1009
00:53:34,960 --> 00:53:36,640
stuff. 
But Nick Long, he, he actually 

1010
00:53:36,640 --> 00:53:39,320
was on some of the symposiums we
did. 

1011
00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:42,320
He's been on over the years. 
He's holistic nutritionist and 

1012
00:53:42,320 --> 00:53:44,040
he's a personal trainer for like
15 years. 

1013
00:53:44,040 --> 00:53:46,840
He's a real deal. 
I minister with him in and out 

1014
00:53:46,840 --> 00:53:49,000
all the time. 
He lives like 7 minutes from 

1015
00:53:49,000 --> 00:53:51,120
miles. 
Well, he shows up in my life. 

1016
00:53:51,120 --> 00:53:55,200
So I finally get one friend. 
Eventually everyone wants me to 

1017
00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:58,320
go to church because I'm glowing
like a light bulb, but I'm not 

1018
00:53:58,320 --> 00:54:00,840
like churchified. 
So it's like weird. 

1019
00:54:00,840 --> 00:54:03,240
I'm going all the places that 
like the church won't go. 

1020
00:54:03,480 --> 00:54:06,640
And then bringing people to the 
church, pastors like you line 

1021
00:54:06,640 --> 00:54:08,880
them up, I'll knock them down. 
I remember they said that to me,

1022
00:54:08,880 --> 00:54:11,920
like you bring people in and 
we'll get them saved, you know? 

1023
00:54:11,920 --> 00:54:13,360
And I'm like, oh, this is 
interesting, right? 

1024
00:54:13,600 --> 00:54:17,320
So I'm just being me going about
this new chapter, trust in God 

1025
00:54:17,320 --> 00:54:19,600
and all the storm and all the 
pain and blah, blah, blah. 

1026
00:54:20,320 --> 00:54:24,560
And I find Nick, we're talking 
in this church up here. 

1027
00:54:24,560 --> 00:54:26,720
We're close to where I live now 
in Berks County. 

1028
00:54:27,200 --> 00:54:29,960
We want to do this Men of Iron 
program or something where we're

1029
00:54:29,960 --> 00:54:33,080
going to pair up you young 
radical men with an older man 

1030
00:54:33,080 --> 00:54:35,240
who's a little more disciplined.
And you guys are going to do a 

1031
00:54:35,240 --> 00:54:38,800
study for like 4 weeks where 
like you, they come to your 

1032
00:54:38,800 --> 00:54:40,480
house, you go to their house, 
you do like this hour long. 

1033
00:54:40,800 --> 00:54:42,360
I wrecked it in the first like 
week and a half. 

1034
00:54:42,600 --> 00:54:44,080
They paired me with some old 
guy. 

1035
00:54:44,720 --> 00:54:47,840
He was like you were 3 minutes 
late when the first time I went 

1036
00:54:47,840 --> 00:54:49,800
to his house is like 3 minutes 
late for the study. 

1037
00:54:50,240 --> 00:54:51,920
This is not going to work. 
So I just sat down. 

1038
00:54:52,120 --> 00:54:54,800
Why are you in this? 
You don't know anything about 

1039
00:54:54,800 --> 00:54:57,240
me, so I just hammer this out 
with this guy and it becomes 

1040
00:54:57,240 --> 00:55:00,080
this big old fence. 
So like I crashed this like men 

1041
00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:05,480
and Nick sides with me. 
Bro, you're legit like I spend 

1042
00:55:05,480 --> 00:55:07,360
time with you like I know your 
heart. 

1043
00:55:07,360 --> 00:55:09,080
I know what you're about. 
I'm rocking with you. 

1044
00:55:09,400 --> 00:55:13,360
Nobody needs a cardboard cut out
accusation while you were 3 

1045
00:55:13,360 --> 00:55:15,760
minutes late because you're so 
strict and sit up straight when 

1046
00:55:15,760 --> 00:55:17,720
you're reading, you know, 
reading like what is going. 

1047
00:55:18,000 --> 00:55:19,240
So I'm like, I don't want them 
to do it. 

1048
00:55:19,280 --> 00:55:22,120
But out of this, me and Nick get
birthed into this relationship 

1049
00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:25,400
where we start talking more, he 
comes over, we start doing 

1050
00:55:25,400 --> 00:55:28,080
outdoor church is what we called
it, which is we would take a 

1051
00:55:28,080 --> 00:55:30,560
Bible, we go for a hike and we 
would just read scriptures and 

1052
00:55:30,800 --> 00:55:34,080
and just hammer ideas back and 
forth and sharpen and just talk 

1053
00:55:34,080 --> 00:55:37,480
real raw conversations about 
what we're going through. 

1054
00:55:38,240 --> 00:55:43,080
I start bringing up some stuff 
and Nick says to me, he's like, 

1055
00:55:43,120 --> 00:55:44,680
it sounded like something that 
that guy. 

1056
00:55:44,680 --> 00:55:46,560
Have you ever heard of Steve 
Quayle that he talks about? 

1057
00:55:46,560 --> 00:55:49,640
And I'm like, yeah, I know who 
he is. 

1058
00:55:50,000 --> 00:55:52,920
I was afraid to bring it up 
because I thought if you knew I 

1059
00:55:52,920 --> 00:55:56,280
was weird and fringe because, 
you know, he was like, we're 

1060
00:55:56,280 --> 00:55:59,240
talking like really deep weird, 
like stuff that we've kind of 

1061
00:55:59,320 --> 00:56:01,160
have been figuring out by the 
grace of God now. 

1062
00:56:01,160 --> 00:56:04,200
But back then it was a brand 
new, like, are people truly 

1063
00:56:04,200 --> 00:56:07,600
programmed to not be able to 
understand what's going on 

1064
00:56:07,600 --> 00:56:10,000
around them? 
But at the time, we're like 

1065
00:56:10,000 --> 00:56:12,120
testing the waters. 
Whether Steve's quayle and 

1066
00:56:12,280 --> 00:56:14,800
what's his name the other guy 
from Sky Watch TV. 

1067
00:56:15,360 --> 00:56:15,920
Yeah. 
Tom Horn. 

1068
00:56:15,920 --> 00:56:17,520
There you go. 
They're they're talking about 

1069
00:56:17,520 --> 00:56:21,200
stuff that me and Nick find out 
we're about to hammer out these 

1070
00:56:21,200 --> 00:56:24,480
conversations in persons. 
Now I got Canary cry on and I 

1071
00:56:24,480 --> 00:56:27,080
got one friend who's willing to 
be like you're not nuts. 

1072
00:56:27,080 --> 00:56:28,760
And I'll I'll talk with you 
about anything. 

1073
00:56:28,760 --> 00:56:33,240
We can pray through anything. 
And that developed into Nick was

1074
00:56:33,240 --> 00:56:37,080
the inspiration for me to start 
not of this world because we go 

1075
00:56:37,080 --> 00:56:39,680
to a men's retreat in Allentown,
PA. 

1076
00:56:39,960 --> 00:56:42,400
This men's retreat, it's like a 
one day thing is they have all 

1077
00:56:42,400 --> 00:56:44,600
these men coming out. 
This is masculinity. 

1078
00:56:44,600 --> 00:56:46,520
This is really the gospel. 
So we're like, oh, let's go 

1079
00:56:46,520 --> 00:56:48,760
because we're in the fitness. 
I was big in the bodybuilding, 

1080
00:56:48,920 --> 00:56:50,400
Nick's big in the bodybuilding 
and fitness. 

1081
00:56:50,560 --> 00:56:53,880
We go into a just push up 
challenge and Nick does like 114

1082
00:56:53,880 --> 00:56:57,520
push ups in the time frame and 
everybody else there did like 60

1083
00:56:57,520 --> 00:57:01,560
or 70 at best, like the elites. 
So he was like super encouraged.

1084
00:57:01,760 --> 00:57:04,400
He goes home, we go home, we're 
talking on the phone after the 

1085
00:57:04,400 --> 00:57:05,600
event. 
He's like, man, I feel like I 

1086
00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:07,600
can do anything if God is for 
us. 

1087
00:57:07,800 --> 00:57:13,520
Well, this is how crazy Nick is.
He wakes up then at 3:00 AM and 

1088
00:57:13,520 --> 00:57:16,200
decides to do what's called a 
Jacob ladder challenge. 

1089
00:57:17,760 --> 00:57:21,800
So it's the the height of Mount 
Everest on this literally like 

1090
00:57:21,800 --> 00:57:25,320
wooden stair piece of equipment 
that's on this like sharp angle 

1091
00:57:25,520 --> 00:57:28,840
that you like, hands and feet 
are kind of like monkey crawling

1092
00:57:28,840 --> 00:57:31,320
up. 
I'm going to do this Jacob's 

1093
00:57:31,320 --> 00:57:33,560
Ladder challenge. 
I don't know. 

1094
00:57:33,560 --> 00:57:37,240
It was 8000, some feet, whatever
the distance, and I'm not going 

1095
00:57:37,240 --> 00:57:39,800
to stop until till it's done. 
I'm not taking a break. 

1096
00:57:40,400 --> 00:57:43,640
Well, he goes and does this and 
ends up like getting on the 

1097
00:57:43,640 --> 00:57:45,040
news. 
He's getting interviewed by 

1098
00:57:45,040 --> 00:57:46,680
people's hands are all bloody 
and ripped up. 

1099
00:57:46,680 --> 00:57:50,240
He's on there for like 8 1/2 
hours and he has this shirt on. 

1100
00:57:50,240 --> 00:57:52,360
Yeah, like the owner of the gym,
All these people come out 

1101
00:57:52,360 --> 00:57:55,400
because they realize like people
show up at like 5:00 AM to start

1102
00:57:55,400 --> 00:57:58,240
working out. 
He's already there coming up on 

1103
00:57:58,240 --> 00:58:00,240
like 12-1, you know, in the 
afternoon. 

1104
00:58:00,240 --> 00:58:02,000
He's still there. 
People are like, he's doing 

1105
00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:05,360
something amazing. 
It's like turns into this local 

1106
00:58:05,640 --> 00:58:07,920
thing where everybody's talking 
about his hands are all bloody. 

1107
00:58:07,920 --> 00:58:11,360
He gets off, he has his shirt on
that says give God the glory. 

1108
00:58:11,960 --> 00:58:15,280
And he goes, I'm giving God the 
glory in my insanity. 

1109
00:58:15,280 --> 00:58:18,920
I have a opportunity now to 
declare His Majesty because all 

1110
00:58:18,920 --> 00:58:21,480
of you are around me asking me 
what I'm doing. 

1111
00:58:22,080 --> 00:58:23,920
And so we laughed so hard about 
that. 

1112
00:58:23,920 --> 00:58:25,520
And we're like, this is so 
radical. 

1113
00:58:25,520 --> 00:58:27,680
Let's start, let's start not of 
this world. 

1114
00:58:27,680 --> 00:58:29,840
And just because me and him 
would do like missions together,

1115
00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:32,080
we wouldn't even realize. 
We'd just go out to do something

1116
00:58:32,080 --> 00:58:34,760
and encounter a situation. 
Oh yeah, I'm dealing with 

1117
00:58:34,920 --> 00:58:36,880
somebody's attacking me, an 
astral projection. 

1118
00:58:36,880 --> 00:58:38,960
And at the time we're like 
learning the language and we're 

1119
00:58:38,960 --> 00:58:40,480
like, we can bind it in Jesus 
name. 

1120
00:58:40,480 --> 00:58:42,640
So we're always going through 
like finding crazy stuff to get 

1121
00:58:42,640 --> 00:58:44,200
ourselves into. 
So we're like, let's start a 

1122
00:58:44,200 --> 00:58:47,000
podcast and talk about it. 
So I remember I ordered this 

1123
00:58:47,280 --> 00:58:53,800
like $10 microphone on Amazon 
and it plugged into my cell 

1124
00:58:53,800 --> 00:58:56,560
phone and not in this world. 
Episode one, we called it 

1125
00:58:56,560 --> 00:58:59,640
Jacob's Ladder. 
And like no introduction, just 

1126
00:58:59,640 --> 00:59:01,720
like terrible audio. 
Just me and Nick talking for 

1127
00:59:01,720 --> 00:59:06,000
like 2 hours about the craziness
of our lives and how we're not 

1128
00:59:06,000 --> 00:59:09,360
going to be boxed in by these 
weird religious people that are 

1129
00:59:09,360 --> 00:59:11,360
mad because you're 2 minutes 
late at that. 

1130
00:59:11,680 --> 00:59:14,440
And, and so that's, that started
the podcasting journey for me. 

1131
00:59:14,440 --> 00:59:16,800
And I mean, I don't know if you 
have any questions, Carly, but 

1132
00:59:16,800 --> 00:59:20,480
that that kind of lands us into 
this last like 5 1/2 year window

1133
00:59:21,240 --> 00:59:24,280
in a nutshell. 
That's it's so amazing to hear 

1134
00:59:24,280 --> 00:59:28,040
this story because I'm just like
watching the threads go by. 

1135
00:59:28,040 --> 00:59:32,240
It's like, you know how the the 
priests, Ephad or Ephod or 

1136
00:59:32,240 --> 00:59:35,840
however you call it, it's 
described as being sewn together

1137
00:59:35,840 --> 00:59:38,840
with this red thread, right? 
It's like as I'm listening to 

1138
00:59:38,840 --> 00:59:41,880
you talk, it's like I feel like 
I'm watching in the spirit, this

1139
00:59:41,880 --> 00:59:45,520
red thread of the Lord just 
weaving all these beautiful 

1140
00:59:45,520 --> 00:59:49,360
pieces together, but in the 
moments you can't see them as 

1141
00:59:49,360 --> 00:59:52,720
beautiful. 
And it's, it's just so profound 

1142
00:59:52,720 --> 00:59:59,240
because especially the parts 
about how you were poised at a 

1143
00:59:59,240 --> 01:00:03,920
young age to question if what's 
outside of you is safe or not. 

1144
01:00:04,600 --> 01:00:08,200
And and what does it mean when 
people watch you and return? 

1145
01:00:08,200 --> 01:00:11,920
And like how then after you got 
saved, you are still asking that

1146
01:00:11,920 --> 01:00:14,680
same question of the church, 
which is a really hard question 

1147
01:00:14,680 --> 01:00:17,760
to ask the church. 
It's like I understand you want 

1148
01:00:17,760 --> 01:00:23,680
me to recite these things. 
These whatever proclamations of 

1149
01:00:23,680 --> 01:00:27,520
the Lord, and you want me to be 
this person, but is the person 

1150
01:00:27,520 --> 01:00:31,200
you want me to be who I am? 
And is it working in reality? 

1151
01:00:31,200 --> 01:00:33,680
Right. 
And then there's the whole part 

1152
01:00:33,680 --> 01:00:36,840
about when you had that 
breakdown and you cried out to 

1153
01:00:36,840 --> 01:00:41,120
the Lord, and you were so real, 
you faced it like you faced what

1154
01:00:41,120 --> 01:00:43,480
was inside of you instead of 
running away from it. 

1155
01:00:44,400 --> 01:00:47,200
And then immediately on the back
of that, you described it as the

1156
01:00:47,200 --> 01:00:49,880
enemy coming to steal from you. 
But when you said that, I 

1157
01:00:49,880 --> 01:00:53,640
thought to myself, this was the 
Lord making you walk out that 

1158
01:00:53,640 --> 01:00:57,280
moment. 
Because when you had to face 

1159
01:00:57,280 --> 01:01:01,520
that judge, you had to get real 
with your choices, right? 

1160
01:01:01,520 --> 01:01:04,760
So it was almost like a mirror 
of what you just did in the 

1161
01:01:04,760 --> 01:01:07,440
spirit and in your soul and in 
your heart, right. 

1162
01:01:08,360 --> 01:01:12,360
And it's another opportunity to 
choose the right path. 

1163
01:01:12,360 --> 01:01:19,320
Like when you get really real 
with God, things change and, and

1164
01:01:19,320 --> 01:01:22,560
that's what he wants from us. 
And so you had to do that in the

1165
01:01:22,560 --> 01:01:24,120
spirit and then you had to do 
that. 

1166
01:01:24,520 --> 01:01:27,280
And you, you did that runaway 
for a minute to recalibrate. 

1167
01:01:27,280 --> 01:01:29,240
And I think you said you were 
gone for eight months or 

1168
01:01:29,880 --> 01:01:32,160
whatever and you went back and 
then you had favor. 

1169
01:01:32,160 --> 01:01:35,640
But in that time you were like 
facing stuff and, and setting 

1170
01:01:35,640 --> 01:01:40,280
yourself up to even though you 
didn't even know the word or was

1171
01:01:40,280 --> 01:01:43,480
really having the right counsel 
or whatever, he was just with 

1172
01:01:43,480 --> 01:01:46,280
you. 
I mean, it's so profound how he 

1173
01:01:46,280 --> 01:01:50,720
just gets in there and makes the
path and you don't even see it 

1174
01:01:50,720 --> 01:01:52,880
happening. 
You're just following it right 

1175
01:01:52,880 --> 01:01:54,520
along. 
And then there's that whole 

1176
01:01:54,520 --> 01:01:57,480
question again that comes up 
where you start seeing Canary 

1177
01:01:57,480 --> 01:02:00,840
cry and you start listening to 
Steve Quayle and you're like, Oh

1178
01:02:00,840 --> 01:02:04,720
my gosh, what is outside of me 
can be safe and it can be. 

1179
01:02:04,920 --> 01:02:08,520
I do fit, right. 
So then there's that kind of 

1180
01:02:08,520 --> 01:02:11,240
plugging in like you had said to
yourself before, but like, how 

1181
01:02:11,240 --> 01:02:14,040
do I plug myself in to the 
external world? 

1182
01:02:14,040 --> 01:02:20,360
And and you found it and like 
it's just this epic journey and 

1183
01:02:20,360 --> 01:02:22,920
you could just see his hand. 
And I'm sorry to go on so long 

1184
01:02:22,920 --> 01:02:26,040
because this is your interview, 
but it's just so it's so 

1185
01:02:26,040 --> 01:02:30,720
beautiful and how often in those
pivotal moments in life we see 

1186
01:02:31,040 --> 01:02:33,600
we we can see it as a problem, 
right. 

1187
01:02:33,600 --> 01:02:38,720
But he's like, I'm in the 
problem, OK, I am in the problem

1188
01:02:38,840 --> 01:02:41,160
you. 
I don't I don't come as a shiny 

1189
01:02:41,160 --> 01:02:43,920
something all the time. 
Sometimes I'm the one in the 

1190
01:02:43,920 --> 01:02:47,320
darkness with you, right? 
Exactly. 

1191
01:02:47,880 --> 01:02:51,160
And you found it over and over 
again in these weird places, 

1192
01:02:51,160 --> 01:02:53,560
which is where he is and where 
he loves to be. 

1193
01:02:55,000 --> 01:02:59,320
Jesus is a weirdo. 
I mean, think about his, the 

1194
01:02:59,320 --> 01:03:01,640
testimony in the Bible. 
Like his life. 

1195
01:03:01,680 --> 01:03:04,880
He was a weirdo. 
He bucked the system, he asked 

1196
01:03:04,880 --> 01:03:08,160
the hard questions, he was in 
the places nobody wanted to be, 

1197
01:03:08,440 --> 01:03:11,360
and right when you got saved 
there you were being just like 

1198
01:03:11,360 --> 01:03:14,520
him in the places that nobody 
thought a Christian should be, 

1199
01:03:14,520 --> 01:03:16,800
talking to the people nobody 
wanted to talk to and 

1200
01:03:16,800 --> 01:03:19,080
questioning authority. 
Like dude. 

1201
01:03:19,920 --> 01:03:24,000
Amen. 
This is so awesome, wow. 

1202
01:03:24,880 --> 01:03:27,480
Wow. 
I mean, I love hearing what 

1203
01:03:27,480 --> 01:03:30,160
you're getting from this because
like, you're even highlighting 

1204
01:03:30,160 --> 01:03:32,520
stuff that I haven't even 
thought about quite like that. 

1205
01:03:33,160 --> 01:03:35,320
And I know the scriptures say 
God works all things together 

1206
01:03:35,320 --> 01:03:37,600
for his good. 
But the reality of it is, is 

1207
01:03:37,600 --> 01:03:42,040
when you're in those situations,
it feels so distant and it feels

1208
01:03:42,040 --> 01:03:45,640
so heavy and it's such a burden 
that there is no connection to 

1209
01:03:45,640 --> 01:03:48,400
like, oh, for the glory of God, 
I suffer and go through. 

1210
01:03:48,600 --> 01:03:50,600
No, you're just like, I need to 
make it through this. 

1211
01:03:50,600 --> 01:03:52,800
I won't be destroyed. 
God, are you really there? 

1212
01:03:52,880 --> 01:03:54,320
These people are not going to 
take me down. 

1213
01:03:54,480 --> 01:03:56,480
Like you're just like in 
survival mode. 

1214
01:03:56,480 --> 01:04:02,320
And it's like, not until later. 
It was kind of weirded out by 

1215
01:04:02,320 --> 01:04:05,000
being interviewed, but but it's 
a little uncomfortable. 

1216
01:04:05,000 --> 01:04:07,400
But I've been the shifts just 
don't stop happening. 

1217
01:04:08,440 --> 01:04:10,200
Whatever. 
We could just go there and talk 

1218
01:04:10,200 --> 01:04:11,440
about it. 
I don't even care. 

1219
01:04:11,960 --> 01:04:15,760
Amen. 
Because I get to reflect and see

1220
01:04:15,760 --> 01:04:19,680
the beauty. 
Nobody can take your testimony 

1221
01:04:19,680 --> 01:04:22,400
away from you. 
And when you spend time to go 

1222
01:04:22,400 --> 01:04:27,480
back and look at it and be like,
man, all the times that I should

1223
01:04:27,480 --> 01:04:34,080
have been taken out, all the bad
choices, all the times where I 

1224
01:04:34,080 --> 01:04:41,080
never, I was living like I 
wouldn't be alive next week, the

1225
01:04:41,080 --> 01:04:44,160
whole time he's like watching 
and he's there and he's present.

1226
01:04:44,160 --> 01:04:48,000
And that's what's wild to think 
about because it's like, Jesus, 

1227
01:04:48,000 --> 01:04:49,720
you've really been through some 
stuff. 

1228
01:04:49,720 --> 01:04:51,960
Like the cross wasn't enough, 
man. 

1229
01:04:51,960 --> 01:04:54,760
Like seriously, you had to. 
You had to. 

1230
01:04:55,320 --> 01:04:58,760
Because now I hear other 
people's testimonies, Carly and 

1231
01:04:58,760 --> 01:05:01,960
I hear other things the satanic 
ritual abuse people go through. 

1232
01:05:02,120 --> 01:05:04,720
Some of them can't even 
understand that that's what they

1233
01:05:04,760 --> 01:05:07,360
went through, yet they're still 
wrestling like, whoa, no. 

1234
01:05:07,880 --> 01:05:09,920
Well, I kind of am wrestling 
with that too. 

1235
01:05:10,360 --> 01:05:13,480
So I got Grace and Mercy for you
because we're kind of all 

1236
01:05:13,480 --> 01:05:15,680
finding this out together. 
Yeah. 

1237
01:05:16,040 --> 01:05:17,680
You, you sure was been there the
whole time. 

1238
01:05:17,880 --> 01:05:22,200
Yeah, and what's so beautiful 
about it is now it's like you're

1239
01:05:22,200 --> 01:05:26,640
letting your inside world out, 
you know, and. 

1240
01:05:26,640 --> 01:05:30,000
And that's where the that's 
where the gold is, right, 

1241
01:05:30,000 --> 01:05:32,520
Because that's where he finds us
and that's where he abides. 

1242
01:05:32,520 --> 01:05:35,520
So all those years you question,
is it safe to let the outside 

1243
01:05:35,520 --> 01:05:38,160
world in? 
He's like, no, but it's real 

1244
01:05:38,160 --> 01:05:41,440
good for you to let the inside 
world out, especially when he's 

1245
01:05:41,440 --> 01:05:44,640
abiding in you, right, Because 
people can start to learn as 

1246
01:05:44,640 --> 01:05:47,720
you're talking about is in the 
moments it's hard to understand 

1247
01:05:47,720 --> 01:05:51,560
that he's in the chaos. 
It's he's in the chaos. 

1248
01:05:51,560 --> 01:05:54,160
And I think that's a discipline 
to learn right There is in the 

1249
01:05:54,160 --> 01:05:58,400
day-to-day when there's chaos. 
Lord, you're with me. 

1250
01:05:59,120 --> 01:06:01,480
I know you're with me. 
Look at my heart. 

1251
01:06:03,440 --> 01:06:06,920
And the reality that that that 
I'm learning with all of this 

1252
01:06:07,520 --> 01:06:11,040
and it's not everybody, I guess 
has this much of bad things that

1253
01:06:11,040 --> 01:06:13,520
like there's some people that 
their life is like really pretty

1254
01:06:13,520 --> 01:06:15,240
good. 
Like everything just seems to 

1255
01:06:15,240 --> 01:06:19,600
work out and they don't really 
understand why, why I am the way

1256
01:06:19,600 --> 01:06:21,960
I am, although they seem to be 
fascinated with it. 

1257
01:06:22,560 --> 01:06:25,800
The people who really go through
this stuff and they really live 

1258
01:06:25,800 --> 01:06:28,720
this stuff out when we preach 
the gospel to him. 

1259
01:06:28,720 --> 01:06:32,200
I think there should be some 
really serious you have been 

1260
01:06:32,200 --> 01:06:34,080
fighting. 
You can't give up. 

1261
01:06:34,080 --> 01:06:37,920
The fight is about to change in 
the long term of your favor 

1262
01:06:38,000 --> 01:06:40,320
because God wants to restore and
bring you out of this. 

1263
01:06:40,520 --> 01:06:43,480
Because a lot of times I feel 
like it's presented as come and 

1264
01:06:43,480 --> 01:06:46,760
get baptized and come to church 
and then all of a sudden your 

1265
01:06:46,760 --> 01:06:49,320
life is going to be butterflies 
and and flower fields. 

1266
01:06:49,920 --> 01:06:54,120
That's not reality. 
Almost all the time when I see 

1267
01:06:54,120 --> 01:06:57,440
somebody who's like a a true 
soldier in the Lord, people who 

1268
01:06:57,440 --> 01:07:01,280
live this life like I, I just 
was with 20 people that are from

1269
01:07:01,280 --> 01:07:05,680
the gutter and we are out here 
and 20 people get baptized and 

1270
01:07:05,680 --> 01:07:08,280
you know, things are being 
broken off with love in the 

1271
01:07:08,280 --> 01:07:12,000
streets. 
We're doing this and each person

1272
01:07:12,000 --> 01:07:14,160
will tell you when you sit and 
build relationship with him and 

1273
01:07:14,160 --> 01:07:16,400
you talk with him. 
Man, I came to the Lord, my 

1274
01:07:16,400 --> 01:07:19,360
whole life fell apart for the 
people that really want it and 

1275
01:07:19,360 --> 01:07:21,920
really fight for it. 
And I'm not saying this is for 

1276
01:07:21,920 --> 01:07:24,040
everybody. 
So don't try to act like what 

1277
01:07:24,040 --> 01:07:26,160
I'm saying is, is, is for the 
entire body of Christ. 

1278
01:07:26,160 --> 01:07:29,320
This is localized to the level 
of trauma that people have not 

1279
01:07:29,320 --> 01:07:32,560
dealt with that is now on the 
table because God is here to 

1280
01:07:32,560 --> 01:07:34,480
heal it and he's here to do a 
new thing. 

1281
01:07:34,760 --> 01:07:36,320
So we have to get real with each
other. 

1282
01:07:36,720 --> 01:07:40,800
But a lot of the times people 
will get told it's flower fields

1283
01:07:40,800 --> 01:07:42,040
and butterflies when you come to
the Lord. 

1284
01:07:42,040 --> 01:07:43,960
But that's not accurate. 
So we need actually real 

1285
01:07:43,960 --> 01:07:46,800
soldiers who got those scars, 
who's been through it to say, 

1286
01:07:46,800 --> 01:07:50,080
listen, you've been fighting 
your whole life, but now you're 

1287
01:07:50,080 --> 01:07:52,840
about to fight with the backup 
of heaven on your side. 

1288
01:07:53,000 --> 01:07:54,760
He's about to work it together 
for good. 

1289
01:07:55,040 --> 01:07:56,880
And yes, you got to keep 
fighting. 

1290
01:07:56,880 --> 01:07:59,280
You don't get to lay back and 
just relax now all of a sudden, 

1291
01:07:59,280 --> 01:08:02,480
because you came to the Lord and
actually give him the identity 

1292
01:08:02,480 --> 01:08:04,880
of who they are fighting in this
eternal war. 

1293
01:08:05,160 --> 01:08:08,760
It having this position, all of 
it, all of it. 

1294
01:08:08,760 --> 01:08:13,240
Like, so I start to make sense 
of it now seeing a little bits, 

1295
01:08:13,240 --> 01:08:15,600
but like there's so much I'm 
still missing and probably still

1296
01:08:15,600 --> 01:08:18,120
a lot that I have wrong. 
But there's certain things that 

1297
01:08:18,120 --> 01:08:22,399
I know that I know that I know 
God has allowed me to go through

1298
01:08:22,399 --> 01:08:24,040
this. 
God has allowed me to literally 

1299
01:08:24,040 --> 01:08:27,000
go along, collect these 
experiences, collect these 

1300
01:08:27,000 --> 01:08:30,760
locations and collect all this 
different stuff in the library 

1301
01:08:30,760 --> 01:08:35,000
of who I am as as a testimony 
to, to speak on behalf of the 

1302
01:08:35,000 --> 01:08:37,160
glory of how he did not let me 
die. 

1303
01:08:37,359 --> 01:08:39,479
He didn't leave me there. 
And now he's sending me back 

1304
01:08:39,479 --> 01:08:40,760
into those places. 
That's. 

1305
01:08:41,600 --> 01:08:43,920
Right. 
This is for somebody out there 

1306
01:08:43,920 --> 01:08:44,600
right now. 
Who? 

1307
01:08:44,600 --> 01:08:49,640
Who is on the teeter totter? 
Listen, you're going to have to 

1308
01:08:49,640 --> 01:08:52,359
keep fighting whether you're 
with the Lord or not with the 

1309
01:08:52,479 --> 01:08:55,560
Lord. 
But the difference of coming to 

1310
01:08:55,560 --> 01:08:59,319
the Lord is is he starts to take
the brunt of it. 

1311
01:08:59,359 --> 01:09:02,640
He actually keeps you together 
through the whole thing. 

1312
01:09:02,640 --> 01:09:05,960
You may feel it, but the Bible 
says these light and momentary 

1313
01:09:05,960 --> 01:09:10,399
afflictions that we feel now are
nothing compared to what is 

1314
01:09:10,399 --> 01:09:13,000
coming. 
And that's hope. 

1315
01:09:13,680 --> 01:09:16,960
That's something I cling on to. 
And then I hold on to this 

1316
01:09:16,960 --> 01:09:19,279
choice. 
I want you guys to know that 

1317
01:09:19,279 --> 01:09:20,920
when you make it that you're not
alone. 

1318
01:09:21,319 --> 01:09:24,160
There's real ones out here who 
will do life with you. 

1319
01:09:24,160 --> 01:09:26,479
We will cry with you, laugh with
you and go through this with 

1320
01:09:26,479 --> 01:09:27,760
you. 
You're not alone. 

1321
01:09:28,399 --> 01:09:31,040
Somebody needed to hear that 
because that was me. 

1322
01:09:31,040 --> 01:09:34,840
I was just some guy didn't know 
how all this stuff works out. 

1323
01:09:34,840 --> 01:09:39,399
So hopefully that can plant the 
seed for you just to to rise up 

1324
01:09:39,399 --> 01:09:42,720
on the wings of the Almighty and
speak life, the power of life 

1325
01:09:42,720 --> 01:09:45,760
and death is in our tongues. 
That's that's what I felt to 

1326
01:09:45,760 --> 01:09:48,359
say, being moved here by the 
Spirit. 

1327
01:09:48,840 --> 01:09:53,000
It's a beautiful way to wrap up 
part one of your testimony with 

1328
01:09:53,000 --> 01:09:54,680
that word. 
I didn't even have to prompt you

1329
01:09:54,680 --> 01:09:56,240
to leave the word with the 
people. 

1330
01:09:56,240 --> 01:09:59,280
It's right there on your lip. 
Amen. 

1331
01:09:59,880 --> 01:10:02,280
That's so good. 
Oh yes, that's so good. 

1332
01:10:02,280 --> 01:10:03,760
It's like you're going to fight 
either way. 

1333
01:10:03,760 --> 01:10:06,400
So you're the going to fight 
with the army of heaven at your 

1334
01:10:06,400 --> 01:10:09,960
back or you're not. 
Life is hard. 

1335
01:10:10,240 --> 01:10:13,480
So you're either going to go 
through it and get to the good 

1336
01:10:13,480 --> 01:10:15,400
and get to the glory, or you're 
going to go through it and 

1337
01:10:15,400 --> 01:10:20,000
you're not. 
So, so choose right, choose this

1338
01:10:20,000 --> 01:10:22,440
day whom you will serve. 
And that's that's a beautiful. 

1339
01:10:22,640 --> 01:10:24,440
And you know, there are seasons 
of loneliness. 

1340
01:10:24,440 --> 01:10:27,320
You lived it. 
I've lived it and now you're 

1341
01:10:27,320 --> 01:10:29,240
here. 
And so these seasons are exactly

1342
01:10:29,240 --> 01:10:30,080
that. 
They're seasons. 

1343
01:10:30,080 --> 01:10:31,840
They don't last forever. 
And that's the enemy. 

1344
01:10:31,840 --> 01:10:33,320
That's like, this is never going
to end. 

1345
01:10:33,320 --> 01:10:35,720
And you're like, you know what? 
Shut up, fool. 

1346
01:10:36,560 --> 01:10:39,280
Seriously. 
Yeah, because it doesn't, it 

1347
01:10:39,280 --> 01:10:41,120
changes. 
It always changes. 

1348
01:10:41,280 --> 01:10:43,560
He's the constant. 
Everything else is changing. 

1349
01:10:43,560 --> 01:10:47,280
So really great. 
Thank you so much for opening up

1350
01:10:47,280 --> 01:10:50,320
and sharing your thoughts and 
your feelings, your experiences 

1351
01:10:50,320 --> 01:10:53,680
and those vulnerable moments of 
of honesty. 

1352
01:10:53,680 --> 01:10:57,480
And and there's something really
beautiful about honesty. 

1353
01:10:57,760 --> 01:11:01,080
Even when it's painful, It it's 
moves mountains. 

1354
01:11:01,760 --> 01:11:06,520
I I hand chose you to be the 
interviewer because you led in 

1355
01:11:07,280 --> 01:11:10,920
vulnerability being a weapon. 
Appreciate that so much. 

1356
01:11:11,000 --> 01:11:14,760
It's it's been a blessing just 
following the Lord in these epic

1357
01:11:14,760 --> 01:11:18,320
adventures. 
So I'm glad to reunite with you 

1358
01:11:18,320 --> 01:11:20,800
on this side of heaven. 
Well, that's it. 

1359
01:11:21,080 --> 01:11:24,600
That's the interview part one 
today with Rod Smith. 

1360
01:11:24,600 --> 01:11:28,160
Dunk, dunk Dern. 
Like share, subscribe, share 

1361
01:11:28,160 --> 01:11:30,240
with your friends. 
You know you got friends out 

1362
01:11:30,240 --> 01:11:32,160
there that need this. 
Stop lying. 

1363
01:11:32,240 --> 01:11:34,240
Look, stop what you're doing 
right now and hit share. 

1364
01:11:34,480 --> 01:11:36,480
Don't pretend like you're going 
to remember later because you're

1365
01:11:36,480 --> 01:11:38,280
not you're not. 
Do it now. 

1366
01:11:38,600 --> 01:11:42,720
Pause me and do it now. 
So coming to you from Minnesota,

1367
01:11:45,200 --> 01:11:49,600
the middle of the Arctic N 
cheers to all of you and love 

1368
01:11:49,600 --> 01:11:52,520
and abundance and blessings. 
Bye, bye, Ciao. 

1369
01:11:58,040 --> 01:12:01,880
I've heard you do interviews 
with other people, so I have a 

1370
01:12:02,200 --> 01:12:04,880
gist of the story as you've told
it thus far. 

1371
01:12:05,200 --> 01:12:09,560
And so I'm just hoping that when
you go to tell your story this 

1372
01:12:09,560 --> 01:12:12,040
time, you tear down your walls a
bit. 

1373
01:12:12,400 --> 01:12:16,080
Because I think it's the parts 
that you're guarding against 

1374
01:12:16,080 --> 01:12:18,360
that are the parts that really 
touch people's hearts. 

1375
01:12:18,400 --> 01:12:22,280
And that was the word of the 
Lord about this interview today.

1376
01:12:27,800 --> 01:12:29,600
I was on my dead bed. 
On my dead bed. 

1377
01:12:30,160 --> 01:12:35,240
I was really stressing. 
I was stressing 

1378
01:12:53,480 --> 01:13:44,240
all alone. 
Where would I be if I didn't? 

1379
01:13:44,240 --> 01:13:46,240
Have you thought I was on my 
dead end? 

1380
01:13:46,480 --> 01:13:51,720
On my dead end. 
I was really stressing. 

1381
01:13:51,760 --> 01:13:57,960
I was stressing all that 
stressing needed to depression 

1382
01:14:00,400 --> 01:14:01,800
thought the Lord don't want me 
like you. 

1383
01:14:01,800 --> 01:14:07,120
Gonna learn this lesson now. 
I'm on my way up. 

1384
01:14:29,800 --> 01:14:32,040
Holy Ghost fire filling me down 
to smoking. 

1385
01:14:32,240 --> 01:14:33,800
If you want it, you can get a 
year. 

1386
01:14:33,800 --> 01:14:36,120
I'm overflowing. 
Got that power inside of me and 

1387
01:14:36,120 --> 01:14:39,800
you're really potent. 
Every captain will be free. 

1388
01:14:40,960 --> 01:14:46,720
Every devil got a flee, and not 
because of me, but they got 

1389
01:14:46,720 --> 01:14:48,280
inside of me. 
Sometimes I think about. 

1390
01:14:49,760 --> 01:14:53,120
Sometimes I think about. 
Without you, what would I be 

1391
01:14:53,120 --> 01:14:56,440
about? 
Where would I be if I didn't 

1392
01:14:56,480 --> 01:14:58,560
have you? 
Sometimes I think about, 

1393
01:15:00,080 --> 01:15:02,080
sometimes I think I better live 
without you. 

1394
01:15:02,680 --> 01:15:07,160
What would I be about? 
What would I be if I didn't have

1395
01:15:07,160 --> 01:15:08,880
you? 
Who thought I was on my dead bed

1396
01:15:09,120 --> 01:15:14,280
or my dead bed? 
I was really stressing. 

1397
01:15:14,320 --> 01:15:19,040
I was stressing all that 
stressing. 

1398
01:15:19,040 --> 01:15:23,080
It didn't turn depression, 
thought. 

1399
01:15:23,080 --> 01:15:25,640
The Lord don't want me like you 
gonna learn this lesson.