1 00:00:00,640 --> 00:00:05,480 So we are moving our way week by week through the Lord's Prayer. 2 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:08,840 Today we are talking about forgiveness. 3 00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:13,080 And I should point out and note to you, this is actually Part 2 4 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:17,600 of of forgiveness. We began this sermon really last 5 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:22,560 week on Easter Sunday, and this is the second section of this. 6 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:26,280 So if you missed last week, a lot of the important groundwork 7 00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:29,880 for this week was laid then. And I would refer you back to 8 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:37,200 that sermon as a mode of review. We can see that we have talked 9 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:40,240 every week about this very important address. 10 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:44,480 We must not forget, as the week's go by, to whom we are 11 00:00:44,480 --> 00:00:47,240 praying. We are praying to our Heavenly 12 00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:50,840 Father. This Father, this tender term of 13 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:56,960 adoption and intimacy, means that He cares for us and he's 14 00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:01,000 willing to hear our prayers. But he is also our Heavenly 15 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:04,760 Father, a term of great power, authority, and of knowledge. 16 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:08,360 He's not only willing to hear our prayers, but He is able to 17 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:12,920 act in our behalf. We've noticed that the petitions 18 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:15,440 of the Lord's Prayer kind of come in two sets. 19 00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:20,120 There are three that are God oriented concerning His name and 20 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:23,520 His agenda, His Kingdom. And there are three that are 21 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:28,160 related to our needs. And it's important to have the 22 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:31,360 order right. Remember to whom we're praying, 23 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:35,600 think about God's will and glory 1st and then move into our 24 00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:39,400 petitions. We talked about Our Daily Bread, 25 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:42,520 and now we're talking about forgiveness, for we need 26 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:47,440 forgiveness in as much as or more than even our own physical 27 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:49,800 needs. Extremely important. 28 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:58,160 Talked about how also the Lord immediately in this context in 29 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:03,840 Matthew 6, riffs a little bit on this idea of forgiveness 30 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:06,520 immediately after the prayer. It says this For if you forgive 31 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:09,440 others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also 32 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:12,400 forgive you. But if you do not forgive others 33 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,920 their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your 34 00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:18,800 trespasses. And at first pass, it sounds 35 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:22,800 like our forgiveness is conditioned upon our forgiveness 36 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:25,600 of others. And we talked about this last 37 00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:27,920 week. Our forgiveness of others is not 38 00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:32,760 causing our our forgiveness with God, but rather our forgiveness 39 00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:36,760 of others is evidence that we have been forgiven. 40 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:41,520 And you can see this very clearly in Matthew 18 in the 41 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:44,320 parable of the unforgiving servants, which we went through 42 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:49,960 last week, that the servant who has been forgiven is willing to 43 00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:52,040 forgive. And if he isn't, then something 44 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:55,520 is wrong with his faith. And we talked about this last 45 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:59,240 week. So last week we spent quite a 46 00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:03,320 bit of time on the need and provision for forgiveness in the 47 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:06,480 Gospel. And this week is more about 48 00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:09,280 application. This week we want to talk about 49 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:14,160 the how of proper forgiveness, particularly in our 50 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:20,320 relationships, one with another. Everybody needs forgiveness. 51 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:25,200 Everyone knows what it's like to be shut out from forgiveness. 52 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:30,920 Deaf, sleepless nights related to a broken relationship, maybe 53 00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:35,880 a misunderstanding, maybe a heinous sin or crime. 54 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:39,600 We also know what it's like to be on the side of someone who's 55 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:43,320 been offended. The need to give forgiveness is 56 00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:45,640 hard. We'd rather sometimes bear a 57 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:49,160 grudge and to continue to punish. 58 00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:54,080 But unless the Lord do a great work in our lives and our hearts 59 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:57,720 and give us a miracle of forgiving love, we will live in 60 00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:04,600 a type of hellish prison. Someone has said to not forgive. 61 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:08,560 It's to like take poison expecting the other person to 62 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:12,480 die. So apartment, so apartment. 63 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:17,440 So this morning I'm going to go quickly and I've decided and 64 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:19,920 when I was prepping this week that there's just too much for 65 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,440 you. There's going to be baptisms 66 00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:27,280 today and all of the you very studious note takers. 67 00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:31,600 I'm just going to give you a break today in your bulletin. 68 00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:33,840 My whole outline is printed for you. 69 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:37,240 You can copy it down later. You can copy down now. 70 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:38,720 I don't care. But you're not going to have to 71 00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:42,120 worry about not capturing something that you want to have. 72 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:46,440 It's all there because there was too much in too short a time 73 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:51,200 briefly to review. And I talked more about this 74 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:55,560 last week. So there's an important 75 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:58,240 relationship between forgiveness and justice. 76 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:03,040 It's no good to have a judge that just forgives everything 77 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:06,280 all the time. A society that had judges that 78 00:05:06,280 --> 00:05:09,560 just forgave everything all the time would descend into chaos. 79 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:14,080 There must be law and order. There must be justice. 80 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:18,320 And we talked last week about Romans 325 and 26 and we talked 81 00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:20,480 about the need and provision for forgiveness. 82 00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:24,680 It's because of the work of Jesus Christ the God. 83 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:28,080 The righteous judge is able to be both the just and the 84 00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:32,120 justifier of those who asked for forgiveness. 85 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:36,840 Our key text there's Romans 325 and 26. 86 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:41,880 Because of Jesus, God can be the just and the justifier of those 87 00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:46,880 who ask for forgiveness. Similarly, but maybe in a more 88 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,400 narrow focus, there's also a close relationship between 89 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:52,320 forgiveness and discipline. And with that word discipline, I 90 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:55,600 have in mind church discipline or the discipline in your home 91 00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:57,760 or the discipline in an institution. 92 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:04,600 And we know that forgiveness must go with discipline because 93 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:08,840 even in Matthew 18, where this amazing parable of the 94 00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:13,880 unforgiving servant is located, just before the parable, Jesus 95 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:19,320 gives a teaching on discipline. He gives a protocol for 96 00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:23,080 discipline before he gives the parable. 97 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:30,720 Peter asks then after that to teaching, Lord, how often will 98 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:32,960 my brother sin against me? And I forgive him as many as 99 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,000 seven times. He thinks he's being generous. 100 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:38,840 And Jesus said to him, I do not say to you 7 times, but 77 101 00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:40,560 times. In other words, just keep 102 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:44,760 forgiving him as many times as he asks and there's a tension 103 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:46,720 there. You worry, Wow, is Jesus saying 104 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:48,560 there should never be consequences or discipline of 105 00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:50,360 any kind? He's not. 106 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:52,360 He just got done teaching about discipline. 107 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:55,760 So whatever your theology of forgiveness is, it must fit with 108 00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:59,160 what the Lord has talked about in the larger picture of justice 109 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:06,320 and discipline. Sometimes there's forgiveness, 110 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:11,640 but there's still consequences. Following the parable, the 111 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:14,680 unforgiving servant, if you look down even as the next chapter, 112 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:16,920 Jesus going to give teaching about divorce. 113 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:24,080 Sometimes there's forgiveness and yet still hard consequences. 114 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:28,360 You have to be savvy and wise as we put these things together, as 115 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:32,120 we think about how we are going to be forgiveness agents in 116 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:35,440 God's broken world. Forgiveness must go with a 117 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:40,400 theology of discipline. Next, and I'm going to go too 118 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:42,000 fast and I'm not going to be able to show you all the 119 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:45,320 biblical bases for these applications that I'm going to 120 00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:47,040 give you today. I hope that you can forgive 121 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:50,640 this. Much of what I have to say to 122 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:54,160 you can be found in Timothy Lane and Paul David's trip. 123 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:58,200 Paul Paul David Tripp's book. It's a great title. 124 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:01,680 You're ready. Relationships a mess worth 125 00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:03,280 making. Hallelujah. 126 00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:07,320 Amen. Short book, chapter 10. 127 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:12,880 The chapter about forgiveness is worth the price of the book. 128 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:15,840 Change my thinking forever. Change the way I operate the 129 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:18,280 world. Change the way I parent and work 130 00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:23,440 in my marriage with Deidre. To be a wise and faithful 131 00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:27,720 forgiving Christian, much of what I have to say is tethered 132 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:30,000 to this. I've also included the reference 133 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:33,360 in the bulletin if you're wondering about where this is 134 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:38,320 and what that is. They argue, and I agree, that 135 00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:42,640 forgiveness has both a vertical and a horizontal dimension. 136 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:46,000 And in this case they are talking about our relationships 137 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:48,680 with one another. Somebody asks me every year, 138 00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:51,800 probably Pastor Dan, can I forgive somebody who doesn't ask 139 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:55,400 for it? I need to wait until they ask 140 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,280 for it in order to give forgiveness. 141 00:08:57,280 --> 00:09:02,200 And the answer to this according to Lane and Trip is yes and no. 142 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:06,720 There's a vertical aspect. Somebody, somebody has offended 143 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:07,960 you. There's a vertical aspect where 144 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:10,680 you can you can talk to God about that person, say Lord, 145 00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:12,600 this person is sinned against me, it's eating me up. 146 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,920 But I want to forgive that person they haven't asked for, 147 00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:16,200 but I want to forgive that person. 148 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:18,600 And in a sense you can forgive that person. 149 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:23,920 You sort of pre certified their forgiveness like your insurance 150 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:28,400 company. So should they ask, you're 151 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,520 already primed and ready to go. And in fact, you've already 152 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,520 released them in some sense before God. 153 00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:38,200 They're pre forgiven. Blaine and Tripp argue, and I 154 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:41,200 agree, that true reconciliation can't really happen until the 155 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:44,520 person asks for forgiveness, or until the attempt has been made 156 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:48,800 and reconciled. That horizontal relationship is 157 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:57,200 conditioned upon repentance. It's not always possible. 158 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:00,960 Sometimes someone dies before it can happen. 159 00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:03,400 It's something that we live with, has a chronic condition, a 160 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:08,320 type of limp in this world, and yet there is grace upon grace. 161 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:12,160 So these dimensions of forgiveness, you can pray before 162 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:14,880 God to pre certify someone's condition in the vertical 163 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:17,840 dimension and horizontally when they come and they ask, or when 164 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:21,520 you approach them and work to reconcile, you can then have 165 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:25,280 full and complete forgiveness in the horizontal plane as well. 166 00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:30,480 Next, we need to talk about the process of forgiveness, the 167 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:34,040 process of forgiveness. Now it's important to note that 168 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:38,520 forgiveness is both an event and a process. 169 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:42,000 Forgiveness is both an event and a process. 170 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:46,840 And our ceremony, our Christian rite of baptism helps us think 171 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:51,720 about this. For just as in the Gospel, we 172 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:56,600 receive forgiveness of sins in our pardon as an event when 173 00:10:56,600 --> 00:11:00,080 you're justified by grace through faith, there's an 174 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:02,800 ongoing process of sanctification whereby we are 175 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:06,960 made holy day by day by day, again by faith and grace in the 176 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:11,920 work of Jesus on the cross. Baptism kind of represents the 177 00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:15,320 events. It's a type of ritual. 178 00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:19,160 Bath symbolizes the death, burial and resurrection of 179 00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:22,280 Christ our Lord and your justification. 180 00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:27,160 It's the sign of initiation into the visible church and so we 181 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:29,880 don't repeat it over and over and over again. 182 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:36,320 Just once reminds you of the story of Jesus in the upper room 183 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:39,080 when he goes to wash his disciples feet. 184 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,920 Remember what Peter says. You're not going to wash my 185 00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:48,120 feet. I love Peter, don't you? 186 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:52,720 Jesus is like, well, if I don't wash your feet, then you can 187 00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:56,480 have nothing to do with me. Well, then in that case, watch 188 00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:59,200 all of me give me a bath. And once again, Jesus is like, 189 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,680 that's not necessary. You're already, you're already 190 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,960 clean. The events already happen. 191 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:08,000 We have this ongoing foot washing thing, this 192 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:11,320 sanctification, this process that is ongoing. 193 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:13,480 And similarly, when we come to the Lord's Prayer and we pray 194 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:16,120 for forgiveness, Christian, you've been forgiven. 195 00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:21,480 But there's ongoing process after the event. 196 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:24,560 And that's exactly how it works in our relationships with one 197 00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:27,080 another, too. There's an event, there's sort 198 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:30,160 of a transaction of forgiveness, but then there's an ongoing sort 199 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:31,960 of maintenance that is necessary. 200 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:34,760 And the greater the offense, the greater the crime, the harder 201 00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:38,800 that maintenance is. It's going to feel impossible. 202 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:41,840 It is impossible. And that's why it's in the 203 00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:45,480 Lord's Prayer. You have to cry out to God just 204 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:47,480 like you're asking for your daily bread, you're crying out 205 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:51,360 to God to ask you to for the forgiveness necessary to forgive 206 00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:56,560 the people that you sin against. That we need forgiveness in our 207 00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:58,400 relationship. So we're talking about process 208 00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:02,240 as an event and a process. So leading up to the event, 209 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:05,640 there is a series of stages. First, there's a confrontation. 210 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:09,080 Hopefully this is not an angry confrontation. 211 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:14,280 Perhaps better to talk about the initiation of a conversation and 212 00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:18,480 it can happen on either side. You have been offended and you 213 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:20,840 can go to the person who is offending you and say, Sir, 214 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:24,800 please listen, I need to talk to you about something. 215 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:28,560 So if you are the one who has been offended, you can initiate 216 00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:31,520 the conversation and a type of confrontation. 217 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:35,920 Or if you're the one that feels convicted that you have sinned 218 00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:39,200 against someone, you may go and initiate a conversation of 219 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:42,320 forgiveness. Look, I, I need to ask for your 220 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:45,760 forgiveness. I didn't tell you the truth back 221 00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:47,720 there. I lied. 222 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:53,320 So there is this initial phase, this beginning a confrontation, 223 00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:58,280 initiation of a conversation. But next there is a negotiation. 224 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:05,000 You in this beginning phase, even discovery phase of this 225 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,720 conversation, if you will. You want to find out if there's 226 00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:12,560 any mitigating circumstances or even if what you're offended by 227 00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:15,640 is a sin or not a sin. There's going to be a talk 228 00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:21,640 whereby you analyze the ethics of what happened and agree upon 229 00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:22,880 a judgement. Hopefully. 230 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:28,080 Maybe there was no sin and no forgiveness is necessary. 231 00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:30,160 A mistake has been made. Maybe there's a 232 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:35,240 misunderstanding. You want to talk that out with 233 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:39,760 lots of openness and clarity. Hopefully you're narrowing in on 234 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:42,280 the problem and you want to discover, yes, there is a sin 235 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:45,800 and this sin requires forgiveness from the treasury of 236 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:50,640 our Lord Jesus Christ who has given us forgiveness to extend 237 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:53,840 to others. After this negotiation, if 238 00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:56,960 there's a judgement, indeed, yes, there is a sin or sins, 239 00:14:56,960 --> 00:15:00,600 maybe on one side or on both sides, then now it's time for 240 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:03,960 the event, the judgement of repentance. 241 00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:08,600 The cost is absorbed by the cross of Jesus Christ and 242 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,760 forgiveness is granted, like a judge granting A pardon to one 243 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:15,720 or both of these who are seeking reconciliation, gospel 244 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:20,120 reconciliation. So now we have repentance and 245 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:24,320 because of this condition we can grant forgiveness and that's the 246 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:28,440 event. That's the event, the event of 247 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:31,240 forgiveness. Difficult. 248 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:34,920 You may actually need help negotiating those things. 249 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:38,200 You may need to do what Matthew 18 describes. 250 00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:42,160 We're one-on-one, then two on one. 251 00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:45,080 We're three on one where there's a growing amount of discernment 252 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:49,400 needed in order to reconcile. But once this forgiveness is 253 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:54,440 granted, now we go move into the process of ongoing forgiveness. 254 00:15:55,160 --> 00:16:02,960 I call this maintenance. Maintenance Lane and Tripp argue 255 00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:08,200 that in this ongoing process of forgiveness, this maintenance 256 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:12,160 that you're giving, you're extending A threefold promise. 257 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:14,680 You're extending A threefold promise. 258 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:22,360 This promise is to not bring up this incident in the future to 259 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:26,400 gain leverage. To not bring up this incident in 260 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:31,960 the future to gain leverage. Something else happened. 261 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:34,360 You're like bring just dredging up the past. 262 00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:42,480 No forgiveness means you promise not to weaponize the past. 1st 263 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:46,760 to the person themselves. If you live with this person, 264 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:48,920 you engage them in an ongoing basis. 265 00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:50,120 You're not going to hold a grudge. 266 00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:51,680 You're not going to keep bringing it back up. 267 00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:57,280 You're going to let it go. You're also making a pledge, a 268 00:16:57,280 --> 00:17:00,600 type of promise to not bring up this incident to the community 269 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:03,200 around you. Sometimes this is disappointing 270 00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:07,720 because we want to tell somebody, Can you believe what 271 00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:10,599 he did to me? Oh, no, he didn't. 272 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:16,440 We want the community to know. We want the the feeling of 273 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:21,760 empathy. Maybe we want to punish them 274 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,800 still. So there's a promise not to 275 00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:26,560 bring it up to the person for leverage or to the community. 276 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:30,120 It's a form of slander or gossip. 277 00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:33,640 But we're also making a promise to try, And this is the hardest 278 00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:39,280 one, to try to not continue to rehearse our hurts over and over 279 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:41,720 and over again in our own minds and hearts. 280 00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:48,320 That, my friends, is the toxic road to bitterness. 281 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:52,840 And by this we punish ourselves far more than we punish the 282 00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:55,280 person we are seeking to have a grudge against. 283 00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:59,920 And this is where the most needed prayer, and the medicine 284 00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:03,280 of prayer in this particular petition is needed daily. 285 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:09,520 Forgive me, help me, forgive him, forgive her. 286 00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:14,240 This should not be made light of. 287 00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:19,680 And if a person is weaponizing this unconditional sort of 288 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:23,720 radical obedience, perhaps boundary is needed. 289 00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:26,800 And these are hard conversations that you may need to seek wise 290 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:31,360 counsel for, But this is how it's supposed to work. 291 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:34,960 We promise not to bring it up as leverage. 292 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:38,880 You know, the Bible says, we think the Bible says forgive and 293 00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:41,800 forget. You know, there isn't actually a 294 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:43,640 Bible verse that has a command for you. 295 00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:45,360 And oh, Christian, forgive and forget. 296 00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:46,680 It's not in there. You can keep looking. 297 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:50,320 It's not in there. Now there is a Bible verse that 298 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:53,320 talks about the Lord's dealing with our sins as a type of 299 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:56,320 forgetfulness. He will remember our sins no 300 00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:57,960 more, the Bible says in Jeremiah. 301 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:02,560 Now, that does not mean that the Lord forgets something. 302 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:04,800 He's omniscient. He can't forget something. 303 00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:08,200 Forget in that verse means he doesn't hold it against us 304 00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:09,720 anymore. He has issued A pardon. 305 00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:12,120 Some of us have thought that we need to, in order to forgive 306 00:19:12,120 --> 00:19:17,160 somebody, to work to sort of somehow erase our memories. 307 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:20,240 We ever tried to do that. That's not possible, and that's 308 00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:26,840 not what the Bible is saying. It is rather to grant oneself to 309 00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:30,600 the other person this threefold promise, to not hold it against 310 00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:33,600 them, to bring it up into the future against their person, or 311 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:38,280 take it to the community, or to keep rehearsing it to yourself. 312 00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:43,240 That's helpful. And the last thing that we'll 313 00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:46,560 share in this brief sermon this morning is the script of 314 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,400 forgiveness. And this is where the book 315 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:52,240 really helped me change the way I interact, change the way I 316 00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:55,120 teach my children to engage with one another, to give them a 317 00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:58,640 better script for forgiveness. Now script sounds a little 318 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:02,400 inauthentic. I don't mean inauthentic 319 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,360 forgiveness. We want forgiveness from the 320 00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:06,040 heart. But sometimes we need to learn 321 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:10,960 the words of forgiveness before we can feel the feelings of 322 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,840 forgiveness. Sometimes those feelings lag 323 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:17,960 long behind and we have to front load and grant forgiveness, even 324 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:22,160 if we don't yet feel it. So what is the script of 325 00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:23,680 forgiveness? Well, first of all, and I'm not 326 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:27,840 laying down hardcore rules, there are not Bible verses that 327 00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:33,200 you know, tie you to a certain like really strict script of 328 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,400 forgiveness. This is wise counsel given by 329 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,480 godly counselors in lane and trip. 330 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:46,000 First, it's helpful to reserve. I'm sorry for non sin categories 331 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:49,840 like mistakes, errors and accidents. 332 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:55,000 The word I'm sorry, I'm sorry comes from the word sorrow. 333 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:58,360 I have sorrow for something sad circumstantially that has 334 00:20:58,360 --> 00:21:03,280 happened and say I trip over my feet and spill my water all over 335 00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:04,360 you. I'm sorry. 336 00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:10,040 I'm I'm sorry that happened. And as long as I wasn't being 337 00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:13,480 negligent, there was not a sin category related to my stumbling 338 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:17,600 fall. And you're soaking, so you're no 339 00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:22,600 good demanding that I beg you for forgiveness when there's no 340 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:28,640 sin. But I would be a real jerk if I 341 00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:32,600 didn't say I'm so sorry. I have sorrow for this. 342 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:36,000 Children, by the way, can't really tell the difference. 343 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,680 They sort of feel internally the same way whether they've spilled 344 00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:40,760 their water or whether they've punched their sister. 345 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:46,520 So they need clarity, parents from you to know when they need 346 00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:49,800 to go through a liturgy of forgiveness or whether they need 347 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:56,120 to apologize for a mistake or an error or an accident. 348 00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,040 And the siblings will need help knowing if they should be 349 00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:03,160 demanding of this. No, you're not owed an apology. 350 00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:06,120 This is something sad that has happened. 351 00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:08,440 And you can say you're sorry. You should say you're sorry with 352 00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:12,040 kindness. This is not a forgiveness 353 00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:15,600 scenario. So that clarity is very helpful, 354 00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:18,680 very helpful not only for grown-ups, but for children as 355 00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:24,640 well. I'm sorry I have sorrow for 356 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:27,960 these things. Forgiveness is a little more 357 00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:30,440 narrow. Forgiveness has to do with sin. 358 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,520 Use the words forgive me for sins. 359 00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:41,840 And it's important, friends, that we are honest about our 360 00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:45,600 sins and we don't try to justify them and call them all mistakes, 361 00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:48,560 which we desperately want to do, by the way. 362 00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:53,080 All of us have an inner lawyer that wants to blame shift and 363 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,840 make excuses and call our sins our mistakes. 364 00:22:56,760 --> 00:23:00,040 Fire them. Get out of here, buddy. 365 00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:05,600 I'm going to own this with the type of biblical repentance that 366 00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:07,240 we see in the heroes of Scripture. 367 00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:13,960 Forgive me, but before we say forgive me, we have to name the 368 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,440 sin in as much as we can with the clarity the Lord has given 369 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:21,920 us. I identify a sin, Name it. 370 00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:33,120 Please forgive me for name it. And now comes the request for 371 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:35,240 forgiveness. And we put the word humbly on 372 00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:37,680 there for a very important reason, because Christians are 373 00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:41,360 awfully good about weaponizing this into a demand. 374 00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:43,760 Now, you know, you're a Christian. 375 00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:45,360 That means Jesus said you have to forgive me. 376 00:23:45,360 --> 00:23:46,840 I ask you for forgiveness, you have to forgive me. 377 00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:57,080 That is not a humble approach. That is not a repentant frame. 378 00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:02,600 The request for forgiveness always comes in a beggarly way. 379 00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:08,360 Please forgive me. Acknowledging the sin, 380 00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:13,440 acknowledging that you were indebted, putting out a plea in 381 00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:16,920 a humble way. And it's hard parents to teach 382 00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:22,240 kids to get this right because they say things like sorry. 383 00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:26,800 All right, let's try that again. We're going to start at the top. 384 00:24:28,120 --> 00:24:34,680 You can't say sorry and you help them. 385 00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:39,240 And it's amazing how that liturgy of forgiveness, when 386 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:42,120 you're trying to teach siblings how to respond to one another, 387 00:24:42,120 --> 00:24:44,400 how that can, that can work on you too. 388 00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:46,720 And if you don't want to have kids, that's fine. 389 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:50,080 There's lots of opportunities to practice in all of life. 390 00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:57,120 Please forgive me now, the one that has to extend the 391 00:24:57,120 --> 00:24:59,000 forgiveness. This sometimes is the hardest 392 00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:03,120 part because we might want to retain the grievance. 393 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,360 We may want to keep rehearsing it and holding it. 394 00:25:06,360 --> 00:25:08,560 And the Lord does teach us because of what he's done on the 395 00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:13,440 cross to let it go, let it go. And it's amazing how being so 396 00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:20,640 explicit with the words, I forgive you, how powerful those 397 00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:23,480 are. This is different, friends, than 398 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:31,840 just saying it's fine, no worries, it's not fine. 399 00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:36,000 Even small sins are not considered small and Holy 400 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,040 Scripture. These are things for which 401 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:42,400 Christ gave his life and shed his blood costly. 402 00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:47,800 Now you may want to act nonchalant, but it's probably 403 00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:51,880 just better to use the words and say I forgive you. 404 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:53,800 You don't have to make it a big deal. 405 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:57,800 What a pomp and circumstance. Make the person grovel. 406 00:25:57,800 --> 00:26:01,560 No, you just generously and briefly grant the pardon. 407 00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:05,480 I forgive you. And then begins the work on your 408 00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:08,760 knees before God, the maintenance to refuse to bring 409 00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,120 it up again to them, to the community. 410 00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:14,680 And the hardest one of all 2 ones self. 411 00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:19,920 This is the script of forgiveness. 412 00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:24,160 Hopefully you'll forgive the brevity and look it up more 413 00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:26,280 deeply. I promise this is biblical and 414 00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:33,120 wise counsel. We're going to conclude where we 415 00:26:33,120 --> 00:26:36,240 started, remembering that our sin is what produces this 416 00:26:36,360 --> 00:26:43,160 hostility. But praise be to God, because of 417 00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:48,600 the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ, forgiveness is possible 418 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,880 as an event and as an ongoing process so that we may be 419 00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:58,720 reconciled one with another. We've been concluding by praying 420 00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:02,080 the Lord's Prayer together. If you don't know it, that's OK. 421 00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:04,440 We're going to say it together if you if you'd like to. 422 00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:05,680 If you don't know it, you just listen. 423 00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:09,280 When we get to the line about sins or deaths or trespasses, 424 00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:13,040 we'll say trespasses. Will you pray with me, our 425 00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:18,320 Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, Thy 426 00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:23,520 Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. 427 00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:28,080 Give us this day Our Daily Bread, and forgive us our 428 00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:32,680 trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. 429 00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:38,280 Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, for thine 430 00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:42,240 is the Kingdom, the power, and the glory forever. 431 00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:43,360 Amen.